All language subtitles for In Like Flint 1967

[ Typewriter Clicking ]

LISA, PARIS IS ON THE PHONE.

ABOUT THE HEMLINE AGAIN ?
I'LL TAKE IT.
MM-HMM.

HELLO ? PLEASE, PARIS.
IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.

MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
THAT'S CORRECT.

LISA, HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS ?
IT'S VERY NICE.
JUST FINE.

PUT IT THROUGH IMMEDIATELY.
THANK YOU.

LOVELY.

[ Roaring Sound ]

[ Woman ]
THE COLOR, THE DRAMA !

IT IS FANTASTIC !
IT'S GLORIOUS !

BLAST OFF.
[ Continues Indistinct ]

WHY NOT ?

COME ALONG, LADIES.

LADIES. LADIES !

WILL YOU LEAVE US, PLEASE ?
THANK YOU.
INDICATES A PERFECT ORBIT.

RIGHT NOW
WE'RE WAITING FOR THE COMPUTERS
TO ANSWER THE QUESTION.

AND THEN, PERHAPS,
WE'LL HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM ONE OF THE MEN RESPONSIBLE.

YES, THAT'S IT.
WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
LLOYD C. CRAMDEN.

THANK YOU.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE'VE DONE IT.

THE FIRST MANNED SPACE PLATFORM
IN HISTORY IS MOVING
INTO A PERFECT ORBIT !

[ Applause, Cheering ]

AND THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.
IN THE WEEKS TO COME,

OTHER ROCKETS CONTAINING
WEATHER INSTRUMENTS,

CAMERAS, MAPPING
AND SURVEYING EQUIPMENT...

WILL JOIN UP
WITH OUR PLATFORM...

MAKING IT THE FIRST SCIENTIFIC
LABORATORY IN OUTER SPACE.

THINK OF IT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WE'VE DONE IT. WE'VE DONE IT !

NOBODY CAN STOP US NOW !
LADIES, PLEASE !

AND THIS ACCOMPLISHMENT
WILL ADD IMMEASURABLY
TO OUR SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE...

AND WILL USHER IN A NEW ERA
OF GOODWILL...

AS THE PLATFORM PASSES ACROSS
ALL NATIONAL BOUNDARIES--

[ Phone Ringing ]
OH, UH, EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THAT'S THE PRESIDENT CALLING
MR. CRAMDEN.

I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU
ON YOUR PART IN THIS MAGNIFICENT
ACHIEVEMENT, LLOYD.

THANK YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU.

I MUST SAY,
NOW THAT IT'S OVER,
I CAN USE A LITTLE RELAXATION.

RIGHT. NOW YOUCANRELAX.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT A LITTLE
ROUND OF G-O-L-F.

VERY GOOD.
WHEN DO YOU SUGGEST, SIR ?

TOMORROW.
THANK YOU, SIR.

UH-HUH. GOOD ENOUGH.
SEE YOU THEN.

NEXT WEEK, SAME TIME,
SAME STATION.

AND NOW LET'S RETURN
TO OUR ON-THE-SPOT COVERAGE--
UH, COLONEL.

UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS COLONEL--
UH, CARTER, COLONEL CARTER.

COLONEL CARTER. RIGHT.
YOU MUST BE AN OLD BALL PLAYER,
COLONEL.

WELL, FOR A MOMENT THERE,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAKING
SIGNALS LIKE A THIRD-BASE COACH.

WHAT ? OH, THIS.
[ Chuckles ]

HABIT, I GUESS. BUT THIS
SPACE SHOT DOES PUT US BACK
IN THE BALL GAME, DOESN'T IT ?

THIS IS QUITE A DAY.
"DOES PUT US BACK IN THE
BALL GAME, DOESN'T IT ?"

[ Laughing ]
MEN.

BUT HE'S RIGHT
ABOUT ONE THING:
THIS IS QUITE A DAY.

THAT IS, HELENA, IF--
OH, FORGIVE ME, DEAR.

I MUST HAVE MY MOMENT OF DRAMA.
I WILL BRING HIM RIGHT IN.

PLEASE, SIR.
COME WITH ME.

NOW YOU WILL SEE THE FINAL
RESULTS OF 37 OPERATIONS.

SIT DOWN HERE.

NOW.

VOILA !
MY GOD !

HE'S, HE'S PERFECT !

[ Helena ]
YOU SEE ? IT IS POSSIBLE.
YES, IT CAN BE DONE.

LADIES, I HAVE DONE
WHAT I PROMISED.

THE NEXT STEP
IS UP TO YOU.
HE'S WONDERFUL.

REMARKABLE.

NOW JUST SIT TIGHT UP THERE.

TOMORROW WE BEGIN.

OPERATION DUFFER.
[ Women Together ]
OPERATION DUFFER !

DUFFER ! DUFFER !

DUFFER !

[ Chuckling ]

[ Speaking Russian ]

[ Speaks Russian ]
OPERATION DUFFER !

DUFFER !

WATCH ME VERY CAREFULLY, LLOYD.
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO KILL
THE BALL.

BRUTE POWER
IS NOT THE ANSWER.

GOLF AND LIFE ITSELF
HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON:
SUCCESS IS BASED ON TIMING.

I'M ONLY DOWN THREE HOLES, SIR.
WELL, THAT'S ALL
WE'VE PLAYED.

NOW, LLOYD, I'M GOING
TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE LESSON
ON THAT SWING OF YOURS.

YOU GOT YOUR STOPWATCH ?
OH, YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT NOW.
WATCH ME VERY CAREFULLY,
AND REMEMBER,

IT'S ALL IN THE TIMING.

START YOUR WATCH.
HOLD IT, MR. PRESIDENT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

NOTHING TO BE ALARMED ABOUT.

WELL, BOYS, IT'S THE PRESIDENT.
MY APOLOGIES, SIR.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR.
HELLO, BOYS.

HI.
HOW DO YOU DO ?

ASK HIM FOR HIS AUTOGRAPH.

GOSH, MR. PRESIDENT, IF YOU'D
AUTOGRAPH YOUR GOLF BALL FOR ME,

I'D PUT IT RIGHT NEXT
TO MY PICTURE OF BATMAN.

MARTIN, COMPARING
THE PRESIDENT--
PERFECTLY NORMAL, SIR.

WHEN I WAS HIS AGE,
THE PRESIDENT RAN A POOR
SECOND TO BABE RUTH.

LLOYD, LET'S HAVE YOURS.
YES, SIR.

THERE YOU ARE, SONNY.
COME OVER HERE.
THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

AND HERE IS ONE FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU VERY-- OH.

HERE'S ONE FOR YOU,
MR. PRESIDENT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH AGAIN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
THAT WAS VERY KIND OF YOU, SIR.

MY PLEASURE, SIR.

TIME ME, LLOYD,
WITH YOUR STOPWATCH.
YES, SIR.

[ Gas Hissing ]

[ Helicopter Blades Whirring ]

LLOYD ?
HUH ?

DID YOU GET THAT ?
YES, SIR.

WHAT WAS IT ?

THREE--
THREE MIN--

NOW, IF THIS WATCH IS RIGHT,
SOMETHING ELSE
IS TERRIBLY WRONG.

BUT YOU COULD BE MISTAKEN, SIR.
I WISH I WERE, AVERY,

BUT THREE MINUTES WENT BY
THAT I CAN'T ACCOUNT FOR.

THREE MINUTES
IN THE LIFE OF THE PRESIDENT.

IT'S NOT JUST IRREGULAR,
IT'S IRRATIONAL.

[ Avery On Speaker ]
IRRATIONAL. EXACTLY
LIKE THE PROBLEM, SIR.

YOU'RE RIGHT, DAMN IT.

GET ME THAT BOOK ON DOGS.

ON WHAT, SIR ?
DOGS. I'M GONNA SEE FLINT.

UH-HUH. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT. OUR MAN'S
IN THE WHITE HOUSE, BUT CRAMDEN
HAS TURNED TO FLINT FOR HELP.

YOU SEE HOW PREDICTABLE, THIS
CHILDISH MASCULINE LOYALTY ?

THE FLINT FILE.
IT'S QUITE A DOSSIER.

IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.
YES, YES. I KNOW.

WEAKNESSES ?
YES. THREE OF THEM.

I'LL LEAVE FOR NEW YORK.

"AVOID TENSION.

"A DOG CAN SENSE FEAR.

SHOW HIM YOU'RE HIS FRIEND.
OFFER HIM FOOD."

[ Dog Growling ]

[ Growls ]

AND, LADIES, AT FABULOUS FACE,
WE OFFER COMPLETELY INDIVIDUAL
BEAUTY TREATMENTS.

FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOU HAPPEN
TO ENJOY A FULL BODY MASSAGE,
WE CAN--

I'M SURE IT'S VERY NICE,
MISS NORTON,

BUT I DON'T THINK
WE REALLY NEED TO LEAVE TOWN
FOR A MASSAGE.

[ Laughing ]
AND, BESIDES, I DON'T THINK
WE'VE GOT THE TIME.

AS SOON AS DEREK GETS BACK,
WE LEAVE FOR RIO.

[ Miss Norton ]
WELL, THAT'S JUST PERFECT.

OUR PLACE FABULOUS FACE
IS RIGHT IN THE ISLANDS,

JUST A SHORT FLIGHT
FROM RIO, RIGHT ON YOUR WAY.

PLEASE, SAY YOU'LL COME.

DEREK CAN PICK US UP
ON THE WAY BACK FROM THE DESERT.

THAT'S JUST MARVELOUS.
GREAT. I'LL TELL HIM.

- OH, IS HE HERE ?
-WHY, YES.

[ Dog Growling ]

PARDON ME.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SMILE, SIR.
THEN HE'LL LET GO.

OH.

YOU MUST BE MR. CRAMDEN,
RIGHT ?

UH, YES,

BUT I DON'T REMEMBER
OUR MEETING BEFORE.

NO, WE'RE NEW.
ALL OF US.

ALL OF YOU ?
EXCUSE US.
WE WON'T BE LONG.

THIS WAY, MR. CRAMDEN.
YES.

DEREK IS OUT AT THE POOL.
HE SAID TO BRING YOU ALONG.

[ Man Imitating
Dolphin Chatter ]

THANK YOU.

[ Dolphin Chatter Continues ]

SIMPLE.
[ Chatters ]
I'M HUNGRY.

I'M HUNGRY.

OH, MR. CRAMDEN.

UH--
MAY I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE,
A DRINK ?

A CIGAR--
ANY ONE OF HIS FAVORITE CIGARS.
THANK YOU.

HUH ?
NO, NO, NO. I GAVE THEM UP.
I HAD TO, UH--

THANK YOU, YOUNG LADY.
THANK YOU, DARLING.

ISN'T SHE LOVELY ?
AND-- YEAH.

BY THE WAY, W-WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE OLD GIRLS ?

I MEAN, THE OTHER ONE.

OH, THEY'RE MARRIED.
AH, HAPPILY, I EXPECT.

OH.
OH, NATURALLY.
WHY WOULDN'T THEY BE ?

THEY CERTAINLY WERE WELL--
WELL, UM--

PREPARED ?
OH, NATURALLY.

BUT, UH, TELL ME.

DIDN'T THERE
USED TO BE FOUR ?

WELL, THERE WERE FIVE
AT ONE TIME, SIR, BUT THAT GOT
TO BE A LITTLE TOO MUCH.

SEE, I'M TRYING TO CUT DOWN.
[ Dolphin Chattering ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

COME ON, ERIC.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR LUNCH.

[ Dolphin Chatter ]

[ Chattering ]

NOW, SIR,
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND ?

THAT, THAT FISH OUT THERE.
YOU DON'T--

NO. SIR, A DOLPHIN
IS A MAMMAL.

ACTUALLY, A MEMBER
OF THE CETACEAN GROUP.

WHALES, SIR.

WHALES.
VERY INTELLIGENT ANIMALS.

RIGHT. OH, GOOD.
WHAT'S ONE MORE MAMMAL
IN THIS HOUSEHOLD, EH ?

BUT HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE.
HE'S JUST STAYING A FEW WEEKS...

WHILE I COMPILE A DICTIONARY
ON DOLPHIN SOUNDS.

A DICTIONARY
ON DOLPHIN S--

WELL, NOT WORDS, SIR.
SEE, WE COMMUNICATE
BY SONIC WAVES.

IT'S PART OF AN EXPERIMENT
IN ISOMERISM.

TERRY.
ISOMERISM.

ISOMERISM, SIR.
ISOME-- ISOME--

ISOMERISM.
[ Whispering ]

YES, ISOMERISM, SIR--

THE RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN TWO OR MORE NUCLEI
TO THE SAME MASS NUMBERS.

LET'S GO TO THE LIBRARY.
ACTUALLY, THEY HAVE THE SAME
MASS AND ATOMIC NUMBERS.

IT'S JUST, THERE ARE
DIFFERENT STATES OF ENERGY
AND RADIOACTIVE DECAY.

IF IT WERE NOT IMPORTANT, I--

IT'S SIMPLY RADIANT ENERGY
TRANSMITTED BY PRESSURE WAVES
AT THE SPEED OF SOUND.

THAT'S VERY INTERESTING,
BUT MY REASON FOR BEING HERE--

NOW, BY CONTROLLING
THE FREQUENCY OF THE SOUND WAVE,
WE CAN PRODUCE A MUSICAL TONE.

FOR INSTANCE--
FLINT, THIS IS IMPORTANT.

[ High-Pitched Beeping ]

YET, ALL SOLID OBJECTS CAN BE
DESTROYED BY THE PROPER PITCH.

[ Higher Pitched Beeping ]

THAT'S EXTRAORDINARY.
AH, IT'S A TOY.

HOWEVER, WE ARE MAKING
SUCH SCIENTIFIC STRIDES...

THAT LAST YEAR'S BOOK
IS ALREADY OUTDATED.

HOWDOYOU FIND TIME
TO READ ?

NO, NO. I WROTE THAT.
ALREADY OBSOLETE.

FLINT, I'VE GOT TO TALK
TO YOU IN PRIVATE.

OH, YES.
EXCUSE ME, SIR. TERRY ?

WOULD YOU MIND--
NOT AT ALL.

THANK YOU, BABY.

MMM.

OH.

NOW, FLINT,

SOMETHING HAPPENED
WHEN I WAS PLAYING GOLF
WITH THE PRESIDENT.

OH, THE PRESIDENT ! WELL--

OH, YES.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.
I-IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM
TO MAKE SENSE.

WELL, I'M SURE IT WILL, SIR.
JUST, UM--

WELL, YOU KNOW
I HAVEN'T BEEN PLAYING
UP TO MY GAME.

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
WELL--

SO THE PRESIDENT FELT
MY TIMING WAS OFF.

SO HE ASKED ME TO TIME HIS SWING
WITH THIS STOPWATCH. WELL--

OH, I SEE.
SO, UH-- YES, UH-HUH.
YEAH.

FLINT, IT TOOK THREE MINUTES.
NOW THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE, IS IT ?

UH, NO, SIR. IT'S NOT.
NO.

THE, UH, THE WATCH--
NOW YOU'VE HAD IT CHECKED,
OF COURSE.

OH, OF COURSE.

THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO LOOK
INTO THIS ?

THAT'S WHAT I WAS HOPING.

I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT
IN ABOUT A WEEK, SIR.

A WEEK ?
WELL, WHY ?
IS IT URGENT ?

WELL, NO, I GUESS--
OH, FINE THEN, SIR.

I'LL CONTACT YOU
AS SOON AS I GET BACK
FROM DEATH VALLEY.

DEATH VALLEY ?
YES, A SURVIVAL TEST.

DEREK ?
YEAH, BABY.

MISS NORTON HAS INVITED US TO BE
HER GUESTS AT FABULOUS FACE
WHILE YOU'RE AWAY.

[ Laughing ]
FABULOUS FACE ?
WHAT'S THAT ?

IT'S THAT GREAT NEW HEALTH
RESORT IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S JUST A COUPLE OF HOURS
TO RIO.

I'LL CHECK THE AIRLINES.
YEAH.

FABULOUS FACE ?
BESIDES, YOU'LL BE GONE
THAT WEEK ANYWAY.

HMM.

YOU'RE VERY CONVINCING,
MISS NORTON. THE RESORT
MUST BE QUITE A PLACE.

BELIEVE ME, MR. FLINT,
IT IS.

I, UH, DO HOPE
YOU'LL ALLOW THEM TO COME.

[ Flint ] WHY NOT ?
LADIES, PERHAPS YOU OUGHT
TO START PACKING.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MISS NORTON.
THANK YOU.

OH, SIR.
WHERE WAS I ?

THE DESERT. THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY
TOO DIFFICULT TO KNOW
WHERE TO FIND FOOD.

FOOD IN THE DE--
THANK YOU.
IN THE DESERT ?

OH, YES, SIR.
IT'S ALL AROUND YOU,
IF YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT.

SNAKES, LIZARDS,
CHIEFLY EDIBLE GRUBS.
OH !

GRUBS ?
YES, THEY'RE FOUND
IN DECAYING WOOD,

UNDER ROCKS, SHRUBS.

GRUBS ?
GRUBS, SIR.

YES. LARVAE, PUPAE.
ANGLICIZED FROM LATIN
VERMICULUS.

ONE OF THE MOST EDIBLE WORMS
THAT WE HAVE
IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE.

HAVE THE APPEARANCE
OF MACARONI.

UH, IF YOU'D LIKE SOME
MORE CONVENTIONAL FOOD,

HOW ABOUT DINNER WITH ME
TONIGHT AT LUIGI'S ?

OH, I'M SORRY, SIR.
I HAVE SOME PACKING TO DO.

AH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'LL LET MYSELF OUT.

OH, WELL, THEN.
ALL RIGHT, SIR.
GIVE MY BEST TO LUIGI.

OH, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING
REALLY SPECIAL, TRY HIS
VERMICELLI A LA DEREK FLINT.

VERMICELLI A LA FLINT.
I'LL SEE YOU AS SOON
AS I GET BACK.

GOOD-BYE, MISS NORTON.
GOOD-BYE, MR. FLINT.

GRUBS. EW !

[ Cramden ]
UH, GRUBS.

TABLE, MISS ?
YES, PLEASE.
THAT TABLE RIGHT THERE.

OH, CERTAINLY.

GOOD EVENING.
WOULD YOU CARE FOR A COCKTAIL ?

YES, PLEASE.
OH, I'LL HAVE A MARTINI.

MM-HMM.
VERY DRY.

YES, MA'AM.

OH !
OH, DEAR.

ALLOW ME.
OH, THANK YOU.
HOW AWFUL OF ME.

OH, NO.
HOW TERRIBLY CLUMSY.

NOT AT ALL.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I-- UM, I'M AFRAID
THIS WILL SOUND QUITE FAMILIAR,

SORT OF A LINE, AS IT WERE,
BUT... HAVEN'T WE MET ?

OH, NO.
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE SO.

YOU SEE, THIS IS MY FIRST TRIP
HERE TO NEW YORK.

OH, WELL--
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
WOULD THE GENTLEMAN
CARE FOR A DRINK ALSO ?

WELL, I'M--
UH--

I'M NOT EXPECTING ANYONE.
THAT ISN'T A LINE EITHER.

WON'T YOU JOIN ME ?

WELL, I-I'D,
I'D LOVE TO, I'D LOVE TO--

I'LL HAVE A COGNAC, PLEASE.
YES, SIR.

UH, MAY I INTRODUCE MYSELF ?

I'M LLOYD CRAMDEN.

AND I'M NORMA BENSON.

OH.

UM... WOULD YOU PLEASE
GIVE ME A LIGHT ?

WELL--

THANK YOU.

HERE.

THANK YOU.

MY TRIP HERE
HAS TO BE A VERY SHORT ONE.

SCHOOLTEACHERS
ARE NOT IN THE HIGHER
INCOME BRACKETS.

OH.

I NEVER HAD A TEACHER
AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU.

PERHAPS IT WAS JUST AS WELL.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN
TOO DISTRACTING.

OH, YOU'RE VERY FLATTERING,
MR. CRAMDEN.

TRUTHFUL
WOULD BE MORE ACCURATE.

[ Sighs ]
JUST... WHERE DO YOU TEACH ?

I TEACH AT THE
JOHN C. CALHOUN
HIGH SCHOOL...

IN ROANOKE, VIRGINIA.

ROANOKE, VIRGINIA.

BUT LET'S NOT TALK
ABOUT ME.

IT'S, UH... QUITE EVIDENT
THAT YOU'RE IN A MUCH MORE
IMPORTANT POSITION.

HMM. NO. WELL, I--

I'M JUST ONE
OF THE MANY THOUSANDS
OF GOVERNMENT WORKERS.

OH, HOW NICE.
UH, TO THE SCHOOL SYSTEM.

[ Whispering ]
ESPECIALLY ROANOKE, VIRGINIA.

AND TO A VERY CHARMING
REPRESENTATIVE
OF OUR GOVERNMENT.

[ Laughs ]

UH, WHAT ?
I'M SURE YOU CAN EXPLAIN THIS,
SIR.

WHO IS-- WAIT !
PARDON ME, DEARIE.

- I DON'T KNOW.
- I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOU
INTO CUSTODY.

WHAT ?
I'LL ARRANGE FOR AN AUDIENCE
WITH THE PRESIDENT...

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
AND ANY DECISION WILL BE MADE
BY HIM.

[ Grumbling ]
COOPER, YOU AND AUSTIN
TAKE MR. CRAMDEN TO THE CAR.

I'LL QUESTION THE WOMAN.
I NEVER--

THIS WAY.
THERE'S A MISTAKE.

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
[ Stammering ]

I DON'T EVEN
REMEMBER REGISTERING.

SO, YOU MET THIS WOMAN
FOR THE FIRST TIME,

HAD A COUPLE OF DRINKS WITH HER,
AND YOU CAN'T RECALL ANYTHING
THAT HAPPENED AFTERWARD ?

I CAN ONLY CONCLUDE, SIR,
THAT THE DRINK MUST HAVE BEEN
DRUGGED.

WHAT DOES YOUR REPORT SHOW,
GENERAL CARTER ?

THE WAITER IN THE RESTAURANT
DIDN'T GET A GOOD LOOK
AT THE WOMAN, SIR.

AS FOR THE GLASSES THEY DRANK
FROM, THE LAB REPORTS SHOW
NO TRACE OF A DRUG, SIR.

AND THE SCHOOLTEACHER ?
NO CRIMINAL RECORD, SIR.

THE JOHN C. CALHOUN HIGH SCHOOL
OF ROANOKE, VIRGINIA.

OH, YES, SIR.
WE CHECKED IT OUT.

THE JOHN C. CALHOUN HIGH SCHOOL
WAS VACATED QUITE
A FEW YEARS AGO,

AT OUR REQUEST.

I'M AFRAID THERE'S A SECURITY
ANGLE INVOLVED, MR. PRESIDENT.

WELL, GO ON, GENERAL CARTER.
LET'S HAVE THE WHOLE STORY.

WELL, THAT SCHOOL BECAME
ONE OF OUR TOP SECRET
INSTALLATIONS--

TRAINING CENTER
FOR SPECIAL FORCES PROJECT K-14.

LLOYD, CAN YOU SHED
ANY LIGHT AT ALL ON THIS ?

NO, SIR.
AND THE WOMAN
IN THE HOTEL ROOM ?

SKID ROW, SIR.
I'M SORRY, MR. CRAMDEN.

LLOYD,

I KNOW WHAT A DEDICATED SERVANT
YOU'VE BEEN TO ME...

AND TO THE COUNTRY
WE BOTH LOVE SO DEARLY.

I'M SURE YOU'LL BE VINDICATED
AT YOUR HEARING.

UNTIL THEN,
YOU'RE UNDER SUSPENSION.

HOWEVER, YOU MAY CONTINUE TO USE
YOUR OFFICE AND THE ASSISTANCE
OF LIEUTENANT AVERY.

WE'LL TRY TO KEEP THIS OUT
OF THE NEWSPAPERS.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.

YOU CAN BE SURE
OF ONE THING, THOUGH, LLOYD.

I'LL NEVER TURN MY BACK ON YOU.
GENERAL CARTER.

YES, SIR.
THERE'S A COUPLE OF SECURITY
ISSUES WE BETTER DISCUSS NOW.

OH, YES, MR. PRESIDENT.
I'VE OUTLINED SOME OF
THE MAJOR ISSUES IN THIS--

SIR, THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THE MISSING THREE MINUTES.

I'M CERTAIN FLINT CAN HELP.
FLINT ?

WHAT A FIELD DAY
HE COULD HAVE AT MY EXPENSE.

OH.

SHE WAS UGLY, SIR.

HMM ?

OH.

WELL, YOU CAN FORGET
ABOUT FLINT. HE'S GOING TO BE
LEAVING VERY SHORTLY.

THEN WE HAVE NO TIME TO LOSE.
MAY I HAVE YOUR PERMISSION ?

WELL, FINE.

THANK YOU, SIR.

[ Tires Screeching ]

- HEY, BILL.
- HI, MR. FLINT.

EMPTY ALL THE ASH TRAYS ?
NO, I GOT YOU A NEW PLANE.

AH, BEAUTIFUL. LET'S GO.

SO, DAMN IT, FLINT,
YOU KNOW I'M NO DON JUAN.

YES, I'M SURE OF THAT, SIR.
THE QUESTION IS,

SINCE RAW
ANIMAL PASSION IS RULED OUT,
WHAT WAS THE WOMAN'S MOTIVE ?

RAW ANIMAL--
SEE HERE, FLINT--

IT IS RULED OUT, I ASSUME.
YEAH, WELL, YEAH, NO.
OF COURSE IT'S RULED OUT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER
WITHOUT HER MAKEUP.
I'M SURE IT WAS TRAUMATIC.

YEAH.

[ Flint ]
NOW JUST TAKE YOUR TIME,
SIR.

RELAX.

BREATHE... DEEPLY.

NOW... TRY TO REMEMBER.

YOU'RE IN LUIGI'S.

WHAT ?

YOU'RE IN LUIGI'S.

WHAT HAPPENED ?

SHE, UH, DROPPED HER PURSE.

YES ?

AND I, UH,
TRIED TO HELP HER.

AND THEN WE, UH,
INTRODUCED OURSELVES.

AND SHE WANTED A CIGARETTE,

SO I LIT A COUPLE
OF CIGARETTES, AND--

HMM ?

CIGARETTES. MATCHES.

WHAT ABOUT IT ?
PAPER, PLEASE.

HUH ?
PAPER... PLEASE.

UH--
HOLD STILL ONE MOMENT,
SIR.

YES.
HUH ?

PAPER.

HMM.

[ Flint ]
HMM. INTERESTING.
SINGED, OF COURSE.

SINGED ?

THERE'S SOME STYRAX, YLANG,
MIMOSA, HYACINTH AND...

CANNABIS.

OH.
THERE'S A COMBINATION
OF RARE OILS,

EXOTIC FLOWERS, HERBS
AND MACEDONIAN BRAWLEY...

[ Sniffs ]
COMBINED WITH--
THE ASH, OF COURSE.

AH.
THE RESIDUE.
EUPHORIC ACID.

EUPHORIC ACID.
YES.

YEAH.
CENTURIES OLD,

DISCOVERED BY THE ASSYRIANS
DURING THE REIGN OF HAMMURABI.

WHAT IS IT ?
IT'S A PSYCHIC
DEINHIBITOR--

A TRANQUILIZER WHICH CONVERSELY
STIMULATES THE LIBIDO WHILE
GIVING THE FEELING OF EUPHORIA.

COMBINED WITH ALCOHOL,
IT BECOMES A SOPORIFIC.

IT'S OBVIOUS THAT SOMEONE'S
TRYING TO DISCREDIT YOU--
TO EMBARRASS YOU.

FIRST THE MISSING THREE MINUTES,
AND NOW THIS.

YEAH.

BUT WHO ?
SOMEONE IN YOUR OWN
ORGANIZATION.

YEAH, BUT WHY ?
THAT WE'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT.

HOW CAN I FIND OUT
WHEN MY OWN ORGANIZATION
IS OFF-LIMITS TO ME ?

IT'S NOT OFF-LIMITS
TO ME, SIR.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
A TOP-SECURITY COMPLEX.
IF YOU GET CAUGHT--

[ Laughs ]
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT
TONIGHT, SIR.

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

COOPER ?
YES, SIR.

GENERAL CARTER.

I BELIEVE WE CAN EXPECT
A VISIT FROM MR. FLINT TONIGHT.

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

OKAY.

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

I'LL NEED YOUR
IDENTIFICATION PAPERS, SIR.

MAY I SEE THOSE, PLEASE ?

I'M SORRY, SIR.
THIS DOESN'T PERMIT YOU
IN THIS AREA.

[ Grunting ]

[ Computer Beeping ]

EIGHTY HEARTBEATS PER MINUTE.

MUST BE RUSSIAN COSMONAUTS.

[ Beeping Continues ]

THAT'S 80.

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Yells ]

[ Grunting Continues ]

[ Yelling ]

LET'S PAY OUR RESPECTS.

MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY, SIR.

YOUR FRIEND FLINT.

I'M SORRY.
THE DOCUMENT DISINTEGRATOR.

YOU KILLED HIM.

MR. CRAMDEN,
I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.

HE BROKE INTO A TOP-SECRET
SECURITY COMPLEX.

THERE WAS NO CHOICE.

HE DID IT BECAUSE I--

I'M SORRY,
BUT YOU KNOW THE RULES, SIR.

FLINT.

HE WAS OBSTINATE.
[ Sighs ]

A LONER.

BUT THE GREATEST.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

SORRY, SIR.

[ Intermittent Ringing ]

YES, SIR ?

HUH ? WHO'S THIS ? FLINT !

FLINT ! WHERE ARE YOU ?

HUH ? DON'T TRUST ANYONE.
I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

FLINT, I GOTTA SEE YOU.

W-WHERE ? MOSCOW ?

WHY MOSCOW ?

FLINT !

HE HUNG UP.

HE'S ALIVE !
HE'S GOING TO MOSCOW !

WELL, IF HE'S ALIVE, SIR,
WHO'S THIS ?

OH, WHO CARES ?
I'VE GOTTA GET THE PRESIDENT.

WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE ?

I WAS AFRAID YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT
I CRACKED UP. WHO COULD EXPLAIN
THOSE MISSING THREE MINUTES ?

AND YOU FELT THAT FLINT
COULD HELP UNRAVEL THE PROBLEM.

HE SEEMED MY LAST HOPE, SIR.

AND AFTER HE BROKE INTO SECURITY
LAST NIGHT, HE TOLD YOU THAT WE
WERE INFILTRATED WITH TRAITORS ?

YES, SIR.

DID HE MENTION ANY NAMES ?

NO, SIR,
BUT I BELIEVE HIM.

THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT
YOU SHOULD KNOW, SIR.

I WANNA THANK YOU, LLOYD.

I WANT TO CONFESS
THAT I MISJUDGED FLINT.

WHERE IS HE NOW ?
UH, MOSCOW.

WHAT'S HE DOING IN MOSCOW ?

DEREK, DARLING,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING INMOSKOVA?

THE USUAL THING, MY LOVE.

WHEN CAN I SEE YOU ?

TONIGHT.

WHERE ?

THE USUAL PLACE.

[ Audience Applauding ]

???? [ Rock 'N' Roll ]

???? [ Music Stops ]
[ Gasps ]

DEREK, DARLING.
YES.

YOUR AMERICAN MUSIC
IS SO DECADENT.

YEAH.
MMM, BUT IT'S SO EXCITING.

WELL, THAT'S
WHERE IT'S AT, HONEY.

[ Sighs ]
CHAMPAGNE.

MMM, CHAMPAGNE.
PAZHALSTA.

A GOOD YEAR, HUH ?

I'VE BEEN SAVING IT
FOR YOUR REGULAR VISIT.

MMM !

TONIGHT.

DEREK, DARLING,
[ Moaning ]

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME
WHY YOU ARE HERE.

IT HAS TO DO WITH A COUPLE
OF LADY COSMONAUTS.

LADY COSMONAUTS ?

NOW, HOW WOULD I KNOW
ABOUT LADY COSMONAUTS ?

I READ THE CARDIOGRAPHS
FROM THE SPACE PLATFORM.

AND, UH, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
THESE ARE WOMEN ?

THE MALE HEART BEATS
72 TIMES PER MINUTE.

THE FEMALE, 80.

AND THESE WERE 80 ?
YES.

DEREK,

YOU ARE RIGHT.

THERE ARE TWO MISSING.

THIS IS IMPORTANT, NATASHA.
CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT ?

I WILL TELL YOU ALL I KNOW.

OH, NATASHA--

DON'T YOU MOVE.

IT'S THE SAME INGREDIENTS.

OF COURSE.
IT WAS IN THE PAPER !

AGAVE AMERICANA.
IT'S INDIGENOUS
TO THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.

VIRGIN ISLANDS ?

VIRGIN ISLANDS.

FABULOUS FACE ?

IT'S IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS,
RIGHT ?

THE MISSING COSMONAUTS--

WHAT IS IT, NATASHA ?
WHAT ARE YOU INTO ?
WHAT IS IT ?

DEREK, DARLING,
I AM NOT YOUR ENEMY.

I AM YOUR FRIEND.
I CAN'T TELL YOU NOW
BECAUSE IT'S TOO LATE.

WELL, TELL ME ANYWAY.
YOU WILL BE VERY HAPPY,

BUT FIRST, DARLING,
YOU MUST MAKE ME HAPPY.

[ Door Opens ]

WHO ARE YOU ?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

MY APOLOGIES,
COMRADE NATASHA,

BUT THE ORDER COMES
FROM THE PRIME MINISTER HIMSELF.

HE WISHES TO SEE MR. FLINT.

AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING ?

HE COULDN'T SLEEP.
YOUR PERFORMANCE
WAS SO MAGNIFICENT.

HE WISHES TO CONFER UPON YOU
THE NIJINKSY MEDAL.

OH.
[ Chuckling ]

IS THIS YOUR COAT ?
YES.

IVAN, HELP MR. FLINT
ON WITH HIS COAT.

SOON.

NO, NO !

NOW ! YOU TOO !

HOO-HOO.

HOO-HOO !

HI, THERE !

[ Screams ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Russian Premier ]
MR. PRESIDENT--

MELVIN, LISTEN !

IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT
OUR TWO LADY COSMONAUTS,

WHO HAS ?

MELVIN, I'VE GOT TO FIND
THOSE GIRLS.

BE REASONABLE.

THEY COULD BE WHERE ?

MELVIN, BITE YOUR TONGUE.
THEY COULDN'T LIVE THERE
THREE DAYS. THEY HATE RICE.

MELVIN.

MELVIN, YOU
GIVE ME THE GIRLS.

MELVIN,

I WILL MAKE
A DEAL WITH YOU.

ALL RIGHT. YOU SAY
YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE GIRLS.

BUT JUST IN CASE,
WE GOT FLINT.

"WHO ?" FLINT !

YES, FLINT !

WHAT ? KILL HIM ?

BUT HE'S YOUR
NUMBER ONE HERO.

WELL, MELVIN,
I WAS EXAGGERATING.

WE DON'T
ACTUALLY HAVE HIM,

BUT WE KNOW
WHERE HE IS GOING.

THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.

MELVIN, YOU KNOW
WE GOT NO FLIGHTS THERE.
ONLY TO CUBA.

MELVIN, WHAT WOULD FLINT
WANT IN CUBA ?

[ Groans ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Beeping Continues ]

[ Chickens Clucking ]

SENORA, PARA USTED.

[ Speaking Russian ]

PARA LOS PILOTOS.

[ Russian ]
GRACIAS. GRACIAS.

¿¿ COMO ESTA, PILOTOS ?

PARA USTED Y USTED.

i QUE BUENO !

ES DE HAVANA.
MMM, MUY BUENO.

WHAT'S GOING ON ?
I MENTION FLINT IS IN MOSCOW,

THE PRESIDENT CAN HARDLY
WAIT TO GET RID OF ME.

PEOPLE I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF
ARE PLACED IN KEY POSITIONS,
NEW FACES EVERYWHERE.

EVEN THE DATE OF MY HEARING
POSTPONED.

I TELL YOU,
IF FLINT IS RIGHT...

AND WE'VE BEEN
INFILTRATED,

WE'RE IN REAL DANGER.

I'M BEING ELECTROCUTED.
[ Muttering ]

IF YOU'LL STOP TALKING, SIR,
I BELIEVE I CAN PRY IT OUT.

TAKE IT EASY.
I THINK
I'VE GOT IT, SIR.

A TRANSMITTER.

THEY'VE KNOWN
EVERY MOVE WE'VE MADE.

[ Whispering ]
BUT WHO'S DOING IT, SIR ?

I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I WAS RIGHT,
AND SO WAS FLINT.

HOW DO WE TRACE THEM ?

I THINK I CAN FIND
A WAY, SIR.

THIS DEVICE OPERATES
ON THE SAME PRINCIPLE
AS A WALKIE-TALKIE.

THE SYSTEM
CAN BE REVERSED.
PAPER CLIP, SIR.

THIS TRANSMITTING DEVICE
CAN BECOME A RECEIVER.

JUST A FEW MOMENTS, SIR.

YEAH.

I THINK THIS
SHOULD DO IT.

[ Man On Speaker ]
GENERAL CARTER ?

GENERAL CARTER ?

GENERAL CARTER ?
GENERAL CARTER ?

GENERAL CARTER HERE.
WHAT IS IT, LIEUTENANT ?

SIR, THIS ORDERS ME
TO LOAD THE ROCKET
WITH NUCLEAR BOMBS...

INSTEAD OF A WEATHER
LABORATORY.

NUCLEAR BOMBS, SIR ?

THAT'S RIGHT, LIEUTENANT.
PROJECT DAMOCLES.
PROJECT DAMOCLES ?

ARMING THE SPACE
LABORATORY, SIR ?
THAT'S CORRECT.

THE CODE NAME IS DAMOCLES.
NEW ORDERS DIRECTLY
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.

THIS IS TOP SECURITY.
YOU UNDERSTAND, LIEUTENANT ?

YES, SIR.

[ General Carter ]
PROCEED WITH ARMING IMMEDIATELY.

ARMING THE SPACE PLATFORM.
YOU REALIZE THE CONSEQUENCES,
AVERY ?

YES, SIR. A NUCLEAR
THREAT TO THE WORLD.

AND HE SAID THE ORDERS
CAME FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.

WE KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.

GENERAL CARTER
IS THE TRAITOR.

WE'VE GOT TO STOP HIM.

[ Avery ]
GENERAL CARTER'S GOT
THE PRESIDENT BRAINWASHED.

IF WE COULD JUST
GET TO FLINT.

YEAH.

WHY, WE CAN !
HE WAS GONNA MEET HIS GIRLS.

THAT'S IT, AVERY !
SOME BEAUTY RESORT...

WITH A SILLY NAME
IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.

"FABULOUS FACE."
VIRGIN ISLANDS ?

BUT THAT'S WHERE--

THE MISSILE SITE.

COINCIDENCE ?

AVERY, YOU GET DOWN
TO THE MISSILE SITE.
YES, SIR.

AND YOU, SIR ?

I'M GOING TO FABULOUS FACE.

I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN
A DESK-BOUND COMMANDO.

[ Razor Humming ]

AND FLINT-- HE'S NOT
THE ONLY MASTER OF DISGUISE.

TOVARISCH. TOVARISCH.

DO-SVIDANYA.

???? [ Singing ]

ADIOS.

YOU'RE DOING FINE, DEARIE.

I'D BETTER
TAKE THESE UPSTAIRS.
WHY ?

THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THESE GIRLS.

WELL, NOT MUCH
THAT I CAN SEE.

HMM, YES. WELL, MAYBE
THE MACHINES ARE OUT OF WHACK.

JUST THESE THREE ?
UH-UH.

THESE GIRLS HAVE GOT RESISTANCE.
WE'RE JUST NOT REACHING THEM.

YOU KNOW THAT FLINT, HE MUST
MAKE QUITE AN IMPRESSION.

HMM.

WELL, I'D BETTER
TAKE THESE UPSTAIRS.
THEY'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

MIND THE STORE ?
OKAY.

WHAT'S THE TROUBLE ?
I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.

THESE GIRLS HAVE REJECTED
ALL OUR PROGRAMMING.

THIS MR. FLINT OF THEIRS--

YES. YES,
HE'S QUITE AN INFLUENCE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE'S
ON HIS WAY HERE RIGHT NOW,

AND WE MUST GET THEM
OUT OF SIGHT.

[ Women Chattering ]

WELCOME TO FABULOUS FACE,
MRS. HILLER.

OH, I'LL TAKE THE BAGS.
THANK YOU.

YOUR ROOM IS READY.
WILL YOU FOLLOW ME, PLEASE ?

I'M SURE YOU'LL ENJOY YOUR STAY
HERE AT FABULOUS FACE.

COME ALONG NOW, DEAR.
JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.

THAT'S JUST FINE.

UH, THIS WAY, DEAR.

GET A LOAD OF THIS ONE.

OH.

WHAT'S THAT ?

THAT'S WHAT I CALL
AMBITION.

GOOD MORNING.

MR. PRESIDENT.
YES, MADAM ?

M-- OH !

LLOYD !

OF COURSE.

THE GOLF COURSE.
THE MISSING THREE MINUTES.

LLOYD, WHAT'S GOING ON ?
WHY AM I HERE ?

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
THERE. ISN'T THAT BETTER ?

JUST ONE MORE SESSION,
AND WE'RE THROUGH FOR THE DAY.

WELL, I HOPE AT LEAST
THIS ONE WILL BE COOL.

OH, YOU'LL JUST LOVE IT.
MM-HMM.

THAT'S A CRYOBIOLOGY LAB !

OH, NO ! YOU'RE NOT
PUTTING ME IN THERE !
[ Women Yelling ]

LET ME GO !
NO ! LET ME GO !
OH, PLEASE, NO !

YOU'RE NOT PUTTING
ME IN THERE !
OH, YES, DEAR.

I HATED TO DO THAT.
THEY'RE NICE.

WHAT A PITY THEY'RE
SO HARD TO CONVINCE.

IT'S THAT FLINT OF THEIRS.
HE MUST BE A HYPNOTIST
OR SOMETHING.

DOES IT EVER MAKE YOU WONDER
WHEN YOU SEE HOW GIRLS
LIKE THAT FEEL ?

FORGET IT.

[ Dolphin Chattering ]

[ Dolphin Chattering ]

PENTHOUSE, PLEASE.

HELLO, MR. FLINT.

MISS NORTON.

I IMAGINE YOU FIND IT ALL
A BIT... GOTHIC ?

IT'S LOVELY.

WHAT YOU MUST THINK OF US...
TO COME IN THIS WAY,
UNANNOUNCED.

BUT NOT UNEXPECTED,
I GATHER.

NO. IS THIS REAL ?

CRYOBIOLOGY ?
YES.

OH, YES.
YES, IT'S QUITE REAL.

WE CALL IT OUR
"SAVE FOR LATER" PROGRAM.

[ Chuckles ]
NO !
YES.

HERE, PEOPLE WORTH KEEPING
CAN BE SAVED FOR A TIME
MORE WORTH LIVING IN.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT'S REALLY
QUITE THE ULTIMATE LUXURY.

HMM.
JUST IMAGINE.

JUST IMAGINE.

HERE WE CAN SUSPEND TIME
FOR AS LONG AS WE WISH...

TO RETURN 50
OR A HUNDRED YEARS LATER.

WELL...

TO BE FROZEN
IN NITROGEN GAS...

AND THEN THAWED OUT
AT SOME TIME LATER
LIKE A SUPERMARKET PIZZA...

IS NOT EXACTLY THE CLASSICAL
IDEA OF IMMORTALITY, BUT--

NOW, THOSE-- OCCUPIED ?

OH, YES.
WHO ?

BUT-BUT COME ALONG,
MR. FLINT.

THIS, UH, REALLY ISN'T
MUCH OF A WELCOME.

I'D LIKE
TO GIVE YOU A TOUR.

I'M SURE OUR LADIES...

WOULD LIKE TO GET A GOOD LOOK
AT THE FAMOUS DEREK FLINT.

[ Chuckles ]
OH, YOU'RE VERY FLATTERING.

????

???? [ Vocalizing ]

GOOD EVENING, MR. FLINT.

GOOD EVENING,
MR. FLINT.

MAY I ?
THANK YOU.

OH, SORRY.

THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU'RE QUITE ACCUSTOMED
TO BEING ADMIRED BY WOMEN,
AREN'T YOU ?

HMM.
ALL THOSE, UH,
RIDICULOUS--

SIGHS ?
YES, YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT.
THEY ARE RIDICULOUS.

I MUST SAY IT'S REFRESHING
TO BE WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
WHO'S ABOVE THAT SORT OF THING.

WHY, I NEVER SAID I WAS ABOVE
THAT SORT OF THING.

WHAT I MEANT WAS, UH--

YES ?

YOU REALLY ARE
GOOD AT IT, MR. FLINT.

[ Chuckling ]
TELL ME SOMETHING.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU THAT
MAKES YOU SO IRRESISTIBLE
TO WOMEN ?

IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
I DON'T COMPETE WITH THEM.

NOW THAT ENDS THE SUSPENSE.

YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT.
I WAS CURIOUS.

WELL, NOW YOU'VE HAD THE TOUR,
AND SO HAVE I.

IT'S GETTING LATE,
MR. FLINT.

SHALL I HAVE THEM TAKE YOU
TO THE AIRPORT NOW ?

NO. I WANT
TO SEE THE GIRLS.
THE GIRLS ?

WHERE ARE THEY ?
THEY LEFT THIS MORNING.

LOOK, I JUST CAME
FROM MOSCOW.

I HAD A TALK WITH A LITTLE
BALLERINA NAMED NATASHA.

THERE ARE
TWO COSMONAUTS UP THERE,
AND MY GIRLS ARE HERE.

THERE'S A CONNECTION.
WHAT IS IT ?

COSMONAUTS ?
MM-HMM.

BALLERINAS ?
[ Laughs ]

I THINK WE SHOULD
TAKE HIM TO THE OFFICE.

LEAD ON, LADIES.

NOW, LET'S NOT HAVE
THAT MEDIA DISCUSSION
ALL OVER AGAIN.

THE ANNOUNCEMENT
HAS TO BE ON TELEVISION
THE SAME TIME EVERYWHERE.

- UNDERSTOOD ?
- [ Chattering ]

DO YOU MIND ?

COME ALONG, MR. FLINT.

LADIES, THIS, OF COURSE,
IS DEREK FLINT.

MISS ELISABETH.
MISS ELISABETH.

MISS SIMONE.
MISS SIMONE.

AND MISS HELENA.
MISS HELENA.

I KNOW ALL OF YOU LADIES.

FASHIONS, COSMETICS,
PUBLICATIONS, COMMUNICATIONS.

YOU'RE ALL
VERY FAMOUS LADIES.

WHAT YOU DON'T MANAGE,
YOU CONTROL.

WHAT YOU DON'T CONTROL,
YOU INFLUENCE.

WHAT YOU DON'T INFLUENCE,
YOU PROBABLY ONE DAY
WILL INHERIT, HMM ?

THAT'S VERY WELL PUT,
MR. FLYNN-- UH, MR. FLINT.

DON'T YOU AGREE, LADIES ?
[ Together ]
INDEED.

[ Man On Speaker ]
ALL SILO PERSONNEL STAND BY.
READY FOR MISSILE LOADING.

EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT.

WELL, I MUST SAY THAT
THIS IS QUITE A SIGHT
FOR A MERE MAN...

TO BE PRESENT HERE
AMONG ALL OF YOU.

THIS, UH, SUMMIT CONFERENCE
OF BRAINS AND BEAUTY,

ALL SITTING HERE WATCHING
A ROCKET BEING PREPARED.

NOW, WHAT COULD THAT MEAN ?

UH...

THOSE RUSSIAN LADIES
FLYING AROU--

YOU'RE IN CONTROL
OF THE SPACE PLATFORM ?

HE'S REALLY VERY CLEVER.

MR. FLINT, YOU'RE REALLY
QUITE INTELLIGENT FOR A MAN.

YES, YES. BUT IT'S GETTING
LATE, AND THERE'S STILL
A GREAT DEAL TO BE DONE.

RUN ALONG, MR. FLINT.
ALL YOUR QUESTIONS
WILL BE ANSWERED TOMORROW.

AS SOON AS PROJECT DAMOCLES
IS COMPLETE, WE SHALL RETURN.

PROJECT DAMOCLES ?
PROJECT DAMOCLES.

THE PROJECT DAMOCLES THAT
CALLS FOR NUCLEAR ENERGY
TO BE USED AS A THREAT ?

CORRECT.

THAT'S A TOTALLY
DISCREDITED IDEA. NO ONE
IN HIS RIGHT MIND COULD--

MISS ELISABETH, WE CAN'T
LET HIM LEAVE HERE NOW.

NO, MY DEAR.
YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT.

DON'T BE SO NERVOUS,
MR. FLINT.

THERE'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

BY THIS TIME TOMORROW,
WOMEN WILL BE RUNNING
THE WORLD.

AND THEN YOU WILL SEE
HOW QUICKLY EVERYTHING
WILL SETTLE DOWN.

WOMEN RUNNING THE WORLD ?

[ Laughing ]

OH, YOU CAN'T--
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

WHY NOT, MR. FLINT ?
YES, WHY NOT ?

OH, COME NOW, MR. FLINT.
HOW MANY BUSINESSES...

ARE ACTUALLY BEING RUN
BY SECRETARIES,
MISTRESSES, WIVES ?

IF THE BOSS GOES AWAY
FOR A FEW DAYS,
DOES THE WORK STOP ?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE,
BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE--

YOU CAN'T IMAGINE
HOW WE POOR, DEAR LADIES
CAN COPE WITH IT ALL ?

FACE IT, MR. FLINT.
WE WOMEN ARE OUTLIVING YOU.

THE WEALTH OF THIS COUNTRY,
OF THE WORLD,

IS CONCENTRATED
IN OUR DISHPAN HANDS.

IN THE LABORATORIES, OUR
REFLEXES ARE QUICKER THAN YOURS,

OUR MANUAL DEXTERITY
20 PERCENT HIGHER...

AND OUR PATIENCE
A DAMN SIGHT LONGER.

ALL RIGHT.
GRANTED ALL OF THAT.

NOW, WHAT'S YOUR HURRY ?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST WAIT ?

IT'LL ALL FALL
RIGHT INTO YOUR LAPS.

UH, YOU WILL STILL HAVE LAPS
WHEN YOU'RE ALL WEARING
THE PANTS, I ASSUME.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MILLIONS
OF WOMEN THROUGHOUT THE WORLD...

WHO MAY NOT SEE YOUR LITTLE
PLAN JUST THE WAY YOU DO ?

DID YOU SAY
MILLIONS ?
MILLIONS, YES.

MY DEAR,
SHOW MR. FLINT HOW
THE HAIR DRYER WORKS.

GO AHEAD, MR. FLINT.
I THINK YOU'LL BE
QUITE INTERESTED.

HAIR DRYER ?

I SUPPOSE WHEN THE HAIR IS WET,
THE CURRENT IS CONDUCTED
AND THE PROGRAMMING RECEIVED.

BRAIN AND HAIR WASHING
AT THE SAME TIME.

EXACTLY.

[ Sighs ]
YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN
GET AWAY WITH THIS ?

GET AWAY WITH IT ?

OH, MR. FLINT,
THINK A MINUTE. THINK.

NOW THEN, HAIR DRYERS
LIKE THESE HAVE BEEN IN USE
FOR SOME TIME, CORRECT ?

YES, CORRECT.

VERY WELL.
FOR MANY YEARS NOW,

EVERY TIME A WOMAN
WENT INTO A BEAUTY SHOP,

SHE CAME OUT A LITTLE BIT MORE
DISSATISFIED WITH A MAN'S WORLD.

WE'VE BEEN BUSY, MR. FLINT.

I THINK YOU'LL FIND
THE CONTENTED HOUSEWIFE...

IS A THING OF THE PAST.

LADIES.

FORGET IT !

[ Ladies Together ]
FORGET IT ?

[ Door Opens ]
[ Ladies Murmuring ]

GENERAL CARTER, WHAT
IS THE MEANING OF THIS ?

WHY AREN'T YOU AND SEBASTIAN
GETTING THE FLIGHT READY ?
YOU KNOW YOUR ORDERS.

SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN,
YOUR HIGHNESS.
PLAYTIME IS OVER.

SIT. MAJOR.

WELL, MR. FLINT, I BET
YOU'VE BEEN GETTING AN EARFUL
OF THIS NONSENSE TOO.

WELL--
WELL, FORGET IT.
THE SITUATION IS WELL IN HAND.

MY HAND.

DID YOU REALLY THINK WE WERE
GONNA GO THROUGH ALL THAT
JUST FOR YOU OLD BROADS ?

BROADS ?
COME ON NOW, DID YOU ?

BUT SEBASTIAN BELIEVED IN US.
AND SO DID YOU AND THE GIRLS
ON THE PLATFORM.

SEBASTIAN, THE ACTOR ?
[ Carter ]
THE BEST.

WHAT'S HE PLAYING ?
THE PRESIDENT.

THE PRESIDENT ?
YES. HE TOOK YOU
ALL IN, DIDN'T HE ?

YOU KNOW SOMETHING ?
HE'S REALLY ENJOYING
THE ROLE.

SO MUCH SO, WE'RE GOING
TO MAKE THE WHOLE THING
PERMANENT.

[ Elisabeth ]
ALL THIS TIME, THE YEARS
WE SPENT IN PLANNING--

HE COULDN'T HAVE FOOLED US.
HE WAS SO SINCERE
ABOUT OUR CAUSE.

OH, YES, HE WAS SINCERE.

BUT THAT'S BEFORE WE SAW
THE VIEW FROM THE TOP.

AN ACTOR AS PRESIDENT ?

OH, WE WERE FOOLS
TO TRUST ANY MAN !

I HATE TO BREAK THIS UP,
BUT I'VE GOT TO BE THERE
WHEN THE BALLOON GOES UP.

YES, OF COURSE.
MAJOR, ESCORT MR. FLINT
PERSONALLY TO THE COOLER.

THE COOLER ?
YES. YOU'LL SEE YOUR
FRIENDS THERE IN A MINUTE.

TAKE THE LADIES DOWN.

[ Women Screaming ]

[ Yells ]

[ Screaming,
Shouting Continue ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Women Scream ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Man Yells, Grunts ]

SHALL WE TRY DIPLOMACY ?

YOU'VE KEPT EVERYONE
WAITING, MR. FLINT.

[ Elisabeth ]
TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME,
YOU MONSTER ! HOW DARE YOU !

[ Gas Hissing ]

SINCE THERE AREN'T ENOUGH
FREEZERS TO GO AROUND, YOU TWO
WILL JUST HAVE TO DOUBLE UP.

I'VE SEEN TO IT
THAT YOU HAVE A LOVELY
COMPANION, MR. FLINT.

YOU'RE SO KIND.

[ Gas Hissing ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Beeping Intensifies ]

[ Beeping Continues ]

HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE ?

WE HAVE LESS THAN AN HOUR.

[ Whistles ]
SIR, A CALL FROM YOU ?
THERE'S AN AIR BASE CLOSE BY.

WHO'D BELIEVE ME ?

WELL, I SAW A LOT OF FLOATING
STUFF UP THERE, AND YOUR STAFF,
I UNDERSTAND, IS QUITE ATHLETIC.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
I DO.

LOOK, MISS ELISABETH,
OUR WAY JUST DIDN'T WORK.

I'LL GET THE REST OF THE GIRLS,
AND I'LL MEET YOU AT THE BEACH.

BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO
WHEN YOU GET THERE ?
OPERATION SMOOCH.

OPERATION SMOOCH ?

OPERATION SMOOCH ?

SMOOCH.

[ Women Chattering ]

[ Men Grunting ]

[ Women Yelling ]

I'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU, SIR.

MR. PRESIDENT, MR. FLINT,
IF YOU'LL FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.

COME THIS WAY, LADIES.

GENTLEMEN. GENTLEMEN,
WE ARE RAPIDLY APPROACHING...

WHAT WE HOPE WILL BE THE MOST
MOMENTOUS LAUNCH OF THE CENTURY.

I'M SURE YOU'LL JOIN WITH ME IN
WISHING BOTH OF OUR ASTRONAUTS--

WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON HERE ?
I DON'T KNOW.

GUARDS !

-[ Man ] IT'S THE PRESIDENT !
- NO, THAT'S THE PRESIDENT.

NOW, YOU ALL KNOW ME.
YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOR YEARS !

THAT MAN IS AN IMPOSTOR.

HE'S RIGHT.
I WAS NOT ELECTED
TO THIS OFFICE.

HOWEVER, THERE ARE CERTAIN
COMPELLING REASONS WHY I FEEL
I SHOULD CONTINUE IN IT.

AND I'M SURE THAT
GENERAL CARTER AGREES WITH ME.
OH, YES, SIR.

YOU TAKE CHARGE HERE, SIR.
I'LL SEE THE BIRD FLIES RIGHT.

COUNTDOWN WILL CONTINUE.

PICK UP THE COUNT, SOLDIER.

T: 11 MINUTES.

DON'T BE DISTURBED,
GENTLEMEN.

I ASSURE YOU THAT OUR RELATIONS
WITH YOUR GOVERNMENTS
WILL CONTINUE AS BEFORE.

IN FACT, WITH POSSIBLY
FEWER DISAGREEMENTS.
[ Man On Speaker, Indistinct ]

VERIFY THAT MISSILE CHECKS
ARE COMPLETE...

AND AUXILIARY CHECKOUT KIT
READOUT IS COMPATIBLE.

WELL, DOCTOR,
HOW ARE THEY ?

THEY'RE IN EXCELLENT
CONDITION, GENERAL.

EXCELLENT.
GOOD.

THE PRESIDENT ASKED ME
PERSONALLY TO OFFER HIS BEST.

THANK YOU, SIR.
GOOD LUCK.

THANK YOU, SIR.
HAVE A GOOD TRIP.

[ Man On Speaker ]
T: EIGHT MINUTES. MARK.

[ Men Grunting ]

[ Man On Speaker ]
VERIFY THAT MOD III GUIDANCE
DATA LINK TEST IS COMPLETE.

VERIFY FLIGHT
DYNAMICS AUXILIARY SUSTAINER
CUTOFF TEST IS COMPLETE.

T: SEVEN MINUTES.

LADIES.
MARK.

HELLO, BABY.
YOU DON'T NEED
YOUR GUN, HONEY.

[ Chattering Continues ]

BUT I CAN'T.
I'M MARRIED.

I'M MARRIED.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ?
SADIE HAWKINS DAY ?

CUT IT OUT.
CUT IT OUT !

I--

CUT IT OUT.
THAT IS A PRESIDENTIAL ORDER.

I ORDER YOU TO-- YOU !
I ORDER YOU ALL TO CUT IT OUT !

STOP THE COUNTDOWN !

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID ?
YOU CANNOT MANHANDLE ME.
THAT IS A TREASONABLE OFFENSE.

GET CARTER
DOWN HERE, QUICK !

DON'T TOUCH ME !
MR. PRESIDENT--

DON'T TOUCH ME !

CALLING GENERAL CARTER.

CALLING GENERAL CARTER.

CALLING GENERAL CARTER.

CALLING GENERAL CARTER.

CALLING GENERAL CARTER.

CALLING GENERAL CARTER.

[ Alarm Buzzing ]

NUCLEAR ALERT !

THIS IS GENERAL CARTER.

AS YOU KNOW, THIS LEVER CONTROLS
THE ARMING OF TEN MEGATONS.

ENOUGH POWER TO DESTROY
THE ENTIRE CARIBBEAN AREA,

WITH A RADIATION FALLOUT
THAT COULD COVER HALF THE WORLD.

I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO DO THAT, SO THINK ABOUT IT.

BUT DON'T TAKE TOO LONG.
SIR, WE'VE GOT TO GET
THE PEOPLE OUT OF HERE.

IF WE DELAY--
STALL HIM !
I'LL GO AFTER HIM.

FLINT, WA--

BUT, SIR, YOU
BETTER STOP HIM.

LLOYD, YOU'VE
GOTTA STOP CARTER.

THIS IS LLOYD CRAMDEN.
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT ?

[ Carter On Speaker ]
START THE COUNTDOWN IMMEDIATELY.

YOU'RE NOT
GONNA PULL THAT LEVER.
YOU'D GO UP WITH THE REST OF US.

THAT'S RIGHT.

CARTER, WAIT ! WE CAN MAKE
A DEAL. WE'VE GOT TRENT.

CONGRATULATIONS.
NOW HE'S YOUR PROBLEM.

CARTER !
CARTER, LISTEN TO ME !

[ Carter ]
COME ON, CRAMDEN.
YOU'RE STALLING.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP HIM.

GENERAL CARTER, THIS IS
YOUR ACTING COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF.

I ORDER YOU TO LEAVE
THAT CAPSULE AT ONCE !

"ACTING" IS RIGHT.
BUT YOU'RE OUT OF THE CAST NOW.

YOUR UNDERSTUDY HAS TAKEN OVER.
STOP STALLING, CRAMDEN.

GET GOING. DON'T WASTE
ANY MORE TIME ON THAT CLOWN.

CLOWN ? DO YOU REALIZE
WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO ?

I AM THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF
OF THE ARMY, THE NAVY,
THE AIR FORCE !

I CALL ON ALL LOYAL
AMERICANS TO PICKET
THE WHITE HOUSE !

WRITE TO YOUR CONGRESSMEN !
DON'T LET THEM FLUORIDATE
YOUR WATER !

I AM DEPOSED !

"OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE,
LET US SIT UPON THE GROUND...

"AND TELL SAD STORIES
OF THE DEATH OF KINGS.

"ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH,
DEAR FRIENDS.

ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH."

CARTER, THE COUNTDOWN
WILL BEGIN.

GOOD.

JUST REMEMBER.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE...

ANY DELIBERATE MALFUNCTIONS
APPEAR ON THESE INSTRUMENTS.

SO BE REASONABLE.

START THE COUNTDOWN.

[ Yelling, Grunting ]

UH, GET ME MISSION CONTROL.
I'M GONNA NEED THAT SUIT.

MISSION CONTROL,
GIVE ME CRAMDEN.

MR. CRAMDEN, IT'S
THE READY ROOM, SIR.
MR. FLINT.

FLINT ? YES ?

LLOYD, GET ME THREE MINUTES,
ANY WAY YOU CAN. THREE MINUTES.

RIGHT.

HE'S IN THE READY ROOM.
GET HIM THREE MINUTES
ANY WAY YOU CAN.

YES, SIR. YOU, YOU'VE GOT
A MALFUNCTION IN THE TANK
PRESSURE STABILIZATION.

MOVE !

[ Man On Speaker ]
REPORTING MALFUNCTION IN
TANK PRESSURIZATION STABILIZER.

WE'RE CHECKING IT OUT.

GOOD LUCK, SIR.
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.

[ Man On Speaker ]
PROPULSION OFFICER CHECKING OUT
TANK PRESSURIZATION MALFUNCTION.

YOU'RE STALLING !
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG.

I'LL GIVE YOU TEN MORE SECONDS.

THERE'S NO OTHER CHOICE.

YES, SIR.

RESUME THE COUNTDOWN.

YES, SIR.

T: MINUS TEN SECONDS.

NINE, EIGHT--

[ Man On Speaker ]
HATCH OPEN, AND ALL SYSTEMS
ARE GO. PRE-IGNITION.

FIVE--

WHY, IT'S MR. FLINT.

THAT'S FLINT !

IGNITION !
ZERO.

SEE YA !

WHAT ABOUT
THE INTERCEPTOR MISSILES ?

IF WE DETONATE IN THE
ATMOSPHERE, WE'VE HAD IT--
THE WHOLE HEMISPHERE.

WE CAN'T LET THEM ARM
THAT SPACE PLATFORM.

THE TIMING
WILL BE CRITICAL.

WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT
TILL THE LAST SECOND.

ALL RIGHT, HAVE
THE MISSILES READIED.
YES, SIR.

WHAT ABOUT FLINT ?

WE'RE COMMITTED.

SEND THEM UP.
YES, SIR.

[ Man On Speaker ]
FIRE ONE.

CONFIRMING VISUAL
OBSERVATION OF LIFTOFF.

REPORT TIME OF LAUNCH
VEHICLE LIFTOFF.

SECOND STAGE
SEPARATED AND CLEAR.

CAPSULE ENTERING
ORBITAL PATH.

UNABLE TO REGAIN MONITOR
CONTACT. WE CAN'T COMMUNICATE
WITH THE CAPSULE.

WE CAN'T REACH HIM, SIR.

SIR, THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THE CAPSULE.

THE GUIDANCE CONTROL SYSTEM
HAS MALFUNCTIONED, AND
THE CAPSULE IS OFF COURSE.

IT'S HEADING
INTO DEEP SPACE.

HOLD THOSE INTERCEPTORS.

IT'S TOO LATE, SIR.

[ Beeping ]

[ Beeping Continues ]

TWO SECONDS.

HE'LL NOT BE FORGOTTEN,
LLOYD.

THERE WILL BE A NATIONAL--
NO, AN INTERNATIONAL DAY
OF MOURNING FOR HIM.

I'LL ISSUE A PROCLAMATION.

[ Intercom Buzzing ]

[ Flint On Intercom ]
MISSION CONTROL.
CONTROL CENTER.

CONTROL CENTER,
AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS.

IT'S FLINT !

HE'S ALIVE !

[ All Cheering ]

HOORAY ! HOORAY !

HE MUST BE
ON THE PLATFORM !
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE !

OF COURSE IT IS !
THAT'S WHY HE'S FLINT !

[ Laughing ]
CONGRATULATIONS, FLINT.

YOU MADE IT ! WE'LL
GET YOU BACK HERE SAFELY.

WE'VE GOT A RECOVERY TEAM IN
THE AREA OF THE CANARY ISLANDS.

SORRY, SIR, BUT
THE CANARY ISLANDS SEEMS
A BIT FAR OUT TO ME.

I... WOULD APPRECIATE
SPLASHDOWN INSTRUCTIONS...

FOR, SAY, CENTRAL PARK.

[ Laughs ]
CENTRAL--

GET THE COORDINATES
OF CENTRAL PARK.

[ Speaking Russian ]

FLINT, WHAT'S
GOING ON UP THERE ?

I'M WITH A COUPLE OF FRIENDS.

NOW, FLINT, LISTEN TO ME !
YOU'RE NO ASTRONAUT.
YOU'RE IN DANGER !

[ Women Laughing ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

WELL, LADIES,
IT WAS TOUCH AND GO,

BUT I HOPE
YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON.

THE WORLD IS BETTER OFF
IN OUR HANDS.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, SIR.

MM-HMM.

[ Cramden On Speaker ]
FLINT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
SAY SOMETHING !

FLINT, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
SAY SOMETHING !

[ Laughing, Moaning ]

???? [ Indistinct Singing ]

?? IF YOU'RE NOT SINGLE
OR COURTING ??

?? WHEN OUR HEARTS MINGLE
IN SPACE ??

?? THAT FACE
I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS GRACE ??

?? COMBINED WITH EVIL
IN SUCH A ZOWIE WAY ??

?? I'LL MAYBE STEAL
A LITTLE GUILE FROM YOU ??

?? I SHOULD RUN A MILE FROM YOU
??

?? BUT I'D SOONER STAY ??

?? IF WE COULD ONLY
BE LEFT ALONE ??

?? IN A LONELY PLACE ??

?? IT WOULD BE DREAMY
AND IF I'M DISGRACED ??

?? I COULD KNOW
YOUR ZOWIE-ZOWIE FACE ????