Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:16,760
You see this house here?
3
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,160
There?
4
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,600
The bloke that used to live in there,
right,
5
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,480
kept hearing strange noises
coming out of his attic at night.
6
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,840
And he'd go to the fridge
7
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,000
and find that food was missing
from the fridge.
8
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,080
So he thought, "I'm just going to go up to
the attic and check this out."
9
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,480
And he found an entire family
of Peruvian panpipe buskers
10
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,880
just living up there.
11
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,120
And he thought,
"I'm just going to leave them to it,
12
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,920
"cos they're not really
doing me any harm."
13
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,160
And then, a few years later,
he thought,
14
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,520
"Well, I'll just go up to the attic
to check on them.
15
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,400
"See if they're all right."
16
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,880
And it turned out they'd all died
of asbestos poisoning.
17
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,080
Yeah, he doesn't live
here any more.
18
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,560
He lives in Stroud,
cos it's closer to his work.
19
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,400
- Loads has happened
20
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:06,520
- since you've last been here.
- You missed so much.
21
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,560
- You missed the duck race.
- The duck race.
22
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,800
- Absolutely fucked it.
23
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,080
Fucking hell.
24
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,960
Kurtan's got a new girlfriend,
ain't you?
25
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,400
Yeah, I have, actually.
26
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,440
Called Sophie Elizabeth Huxley.
27
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,160
But I call her Soph.
28
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,520
Yeah, and she also lets me call her Soph
as well, doesn't she?
29
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,800
Yeah, she does.
30
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,600
Well, I was on Tinder for a bit.
31
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,680
But I wasn't getting any matches, so...
32
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,040
You didn't get one match.
33
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:32,520
- Yeah.
- Not one match.
34
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,760
That's only cos no-one
round here is on Tinder,
35
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,520
so, you know, I had to keep setting
my radius further and further and further,
36
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,160
then the radius got to France,
37
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,440
and it just got silly by the end,
you know?
38
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,840
I can't afford to be going back
and forth on the Chunnel
39
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,400
every other weekend to take
some French frog out bowling.
40
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,120
- No way.
41
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:53,480
So, then, one evening,
I was on Facebook and it popped up,
42
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,000
"People you might know."
43
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,400
Yeah, so he messaged every girl on there,
saying,
44
00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,600
"Hey, what is your spirit animal?"
45
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,080
Icebreaker.
46
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,600
Icebreaker.
47
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,000
And then Soph was actually
the first one to reply,
48
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,080
saying, "Giraffe. What about you?"
49
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:11,280
And I said, "Whatever animal
has sex with a giraffe."
50
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,600
- And she found it a laugh.
- Yeah.
51
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:16,120
A lot of girls don't find that a laugh,
though,
52
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,800
especially if their spirit animal
53
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,920
- was a hamster or their dead nan.
- Yeah.
54
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,240
I just decided to sack off college
altogether in the end,
55
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,640
especially now I got Soph.
To be honest,
56
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,160
didn't really want to go
in the first place,
57
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,000
but the vicar was just trying
to push me into it.
58
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,560
Basically, just trying
to live his dream through me.
59
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,800
Anyway, he's latched onto Kerry now,
60
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,520
and he's leeching the life out of her.
61
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,280
She can't see how toxic he is.
62
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,560
So, the trick is to just
get the trowel in like that.
63
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,000
It's been an interesting few months,
actually.
64
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,160
I've been spending a lot more time
with Kerry,
65
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,720
which is great.
66
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,920
She's come on leaps and bounds,
with regard to her outlook on life.
67
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,920
Who been nicking
after them runners?
68
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,280
They're absolutely fucked.
69
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,120
- Sorry for saying...
- Kerry...
70
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,960
Cos I've changed massively
since you've been here last.
71
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,920
Cos I've reformed myself.
72
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,280
Cos I've been hanging out
with the vicar, and that,
73
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,160
and he's sort of taught me
the way of the world.
74
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,800
Like, how to be kind to others
75
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,960
and treat people
the way I always want to be treated.
76
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,080
- This is marvellous.
77
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,840
Some people will always
be scared of me,
78
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,720
and I can't change that,
no matter how nice I am.
79
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,480
But there's a balance to be had between
being nice and being feared.
80
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,840
Like, Dr Barnardo, he was
just too nice and not feared,
81
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:34,080
so he just got overrun by orphans,
and everyone just took the piss.
82
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,280
Yes! Yes!
83
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,120
That's what I'm talking about!
84
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,640
- Just a bit less power now.
- Well, exactly.
85
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,320
If I meet it in the middle,
then I'll get there.
86
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:46,760
Yes.
87
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,240
All right?
88
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,440
- I was just playing a bit of golf.
89
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,120
Cos it's fun.
90
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,600
That was very good indeed.
91
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,560
Kurtan, it's so good to see you!
92
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,760
Erm, Vicar, Sophie. Sophie, Vicar.
93
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,080
Hi, Sophie,
lovely to meet you at last.
94
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,680
It's lovely to meet you, too, Vicar.
95
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,880
Good.
96
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,120
Yeah, pretty good. Probably the best
I've been in a long time...
97
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,240
- Look at that! Look at that!
- That's brilliant.
98
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,880
I'm so happy for you both.
99
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,720
Kurtan's all was going on
about you, Vicar.
100
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,080
Is he?
- Yeah.
101
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,400
That's not...
102
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,120
You know, Kurtan,
you can pop in any time
103
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,440
to see me for a cup of tea
and a catch-up.
104
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,080
Don't really like tea.
105
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,120
Well, just a catch up, then.
106
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,640
Don't really like catching up.
It's not my thing.
107
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,080
Well, I'm running Secret Cinema Club
on Thursday,
108
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,200
if you two wanted to come.
109
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,080
We're doing Grease. It should be fun.
110
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,280
I love Grease.
111
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,120
- So do I.
- That's my favourite... We'd love to.
112
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,160
Would you? That would be great.
Well, you should definitely come.
113
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,680
- Yeah, we will.
- Yeah, fine. Whatever.
114
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,080
- Great!
- All right. Yeah.
115
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,200
- So nice to meet you.
- And you, Sophie. That's great.
116
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,400
But if you want to pop in before then,
117
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,040
- Kurtan, you know where I am.
- Yeah.
118
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,400
Sticking your nose
in everyone's business...
119
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,160
Yeah, but he seems really nice!
120
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,240
Yeah, cos he's a sociopath.
That's what they all want you to think.
121
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,960
It's all just an act.
122
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,080
I just watched this video
123
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,600
of this girl doing a random
act of kindness on YouTube.
124
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,640
She basically paid for this
old man's shopping at the till.
125
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,520
And this old man was, like,
about 90 years old.
126
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,600
And he's so fucking old, like,
you could see through his skin.
127
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,760
And he just starts
bawling his eyes out.
128
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,800
He's like, "You're fucking joking me,
this ain't fucking real life."
129
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:34,560
I just thought... I want to
make someone feel like that.
130
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,520
Cos that's... I really...
That's what I want to do.
131
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,120
What?
132
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:40,560
What?!
133
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,840
As a random act of kindness.
134
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,400
As a random act of kindness!
135
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,360
I don't know what she's talking about,
cos I do wipe my arse properly.
136
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:05,560
OK?
137
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:16,000
No, listen. Right, if I turn my phone off,
right, Soph,
138
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,160
that means I don't want to talk to anyone,
not just you.
139
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,360
Yeah, I just want a bit
of Kurtan time.
140
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,200
You know
141
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,200
Yeah, OK, fine, then.
142
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,840
Whatever.
143
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,400
Yeah. Bye.
144
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:32,840
Fucking hell.
145
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,560
Cannot believe that.
146
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,440
So I turned my phone off, right,
for literally, like, two days.
147
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,720
She's going absolutely
mental about it,
148
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,760
going, "I thought you were dead.
I was going to call the police."
149
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,920
I'm not dead. Just can't be arsed to
text her sometimes.
150
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,600
You know
151
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,080
Problem is, when we first started
dating, I set the bar too high,
152
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,120
cos I was just texting her
the whole time,
153
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,040
but that was because I wanted
to reel her in.
154
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,400
But now the fish is in the net,
155
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,320
I ain't going to keep throwing
worms at it.
156
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,080
Cos that's a waste of worms.
157
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,080
You know, correct me if I'm wrong,
158
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,760
but four texts a day
is complete madness.
159
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,280
No-one can keep up with that.
160
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,760
Not even Giffgaff.
161
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,680
So, Slugs updated his Facebook
status this morning,
162
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,000
saying how his PlayStation broke
and how gutted he was, and that.
163
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,480
So I thought I'd do my very own
random act of kindness for him,
164
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:29,080
because perhaps I have been quite
harsh to him in the past, you know?
165
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,480
I mean, he's not that annoying,
it's just...
166
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,440
He just needs to learn not
to breathe out of his mouth,
167
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,040
cos that just winds everyone up.
168
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,360
Hello!
169
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,880
Erm...
170
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,560
Sorry, is Slugs in?
171
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:50,840
Michael.
172
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,520
Me and Michael have been going out
for nearly a year.
173
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,120
It's going well.
174
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,480
Really well.
175
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,240
- Hello.
- Hi.
176
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,640
- So, I heard your PlayStation broke.
- Yeah.
177
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,520
- It's really sad.
- It sucks, man.
178
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,400
Really sucks.
179
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,880
But I've got a little surprise for you,
180
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,560
because I know how harsh life
has been to you.
181
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,680
Cos it has been really harsh,
you know,
182
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,320
and you deserve happiness just as much as
the next man, don't you?
183
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,040
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
184
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,480
Which is why, as a random
act of kindness,
185
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,800
I am giving you my PlayStation.
186
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:30,920
Thanks.
187
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,840
Hello. You happy with that
188
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,040
- Yeah.
189
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,600
- Yeah, thanks.
190
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:50,760
Yeah?
191
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,200
Hello.
192
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,880
Sorry, Slugs...
193
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,080
Can I speak to Slugs, please?
194
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,400
Michael?
195
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,560
Is he coming?
196
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,600
- Yeah.
197
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:33,000
He is coming? Right. OK.
198
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,280
Hello?
199
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,040
Hello.
200
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,520
Is there a problem here?
201
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,680
With what?
202
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,720
Well, I've just given you a PlayStation
203
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,600
and it just doesn't feel like
you're that grateful for it.
204
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,960
- I am.
205
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,120
- Yeah.
206
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,960
Because it doesn't really feel like that,
that's the thing. At all.
207
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,400
It's a PS3.
208
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,320
Yeah. Because... I get...
209
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:03,240
That's way I've given you my PS3,
because it was broke,
210
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,160
that's the whole point
of this whole thing.
211
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,360
No...
212
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,120
My PS4 is broken.
213
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,960
My PS3 is in the garage.
214
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,000
I just... I'll just have it back.
215
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,280
Sorry, Kayleigh, can you just pass me
my PlayStation back?
216
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,640
That would be absolutely great.
Thank you very much.
217
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,160
- No, you can't keep the controllers,
218
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,320
because, you know,
it was a whole thing...
219
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,440
- That's the whole point in...
220
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,240
Yeah, whatever. Fine.
221
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,200
Just eat your toast and breathe
at the same time,
222
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,600
like you usually do,
because that is disgusting,
223
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,360
and, you know, you have no manners. Fine.
224
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,320
The fact is, you did
something nice for someone.
225
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,160
Am I doing something nice
for someone?
226
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,520
Because it doesn't really feel like it,
227
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,720
because I'm not getting
great feedback from it.
228
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,240
But, Kerry, look, doing kind
gestures for people
229
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,120
is not about getting recognition.
230
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,360
It's about doing
kind things selflessly.
231
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,480
- I am doing kind things selfishly.
- No - self-less-ly.
232
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,840
What does "selflessly" mean?
233
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,120
Well, it means you don't need
people to be grateful
234
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,080
for the kind things you do -
235
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,920
you do it anyway,
because it's the right thing to do.
236
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:16,960
Right...
237
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,120
So, like, when you're at Tesco's
and using the self-service checkouts,
238
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,240
and the machine gives
you your change,
239
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,400
and it says,
"Please take your change,"
240
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,800
and you say, "Thank you,"
241
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,200
and you know it can't hear you
say thank you, cos it's a robot,
242
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,640
but you say thank you anyway,
because it's the nice thing to do...
243
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:36,640
Um... Yes, well, sort of.
244
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,400
- Yeah.
- Yep.
245
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,000
I get it. I get it,
I get it, I get it, I get it.
246
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,840
Cheers, thanks for that, Vics.
247
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,040
- No problem.
- Thank you.
248
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:45,240
Thank you, Kerry, bye.
249
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,400
That will be £4, please. There we go.
250
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,480
Talking to the vicar really helped,
251
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,360
so, I decided,
as a random act of kindness,
252
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,880
I'm going to do security
for him at his Grease cinema night.
253
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,720
OK. You're all good.
254
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,360
If you'd like to go on through,
just up and on the right, OK?
255
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,920
- Checking for knives and shit.
256
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,680
I really don't think
that's necessary.
257
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,640
It is, if my enemies know I'm here.
258
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,560
I was at midnight Mass one year,
right,
259
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:26,920
someone got tipped off I was there.
260
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,200
As I was coming out the church,
261
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,400
someone tries to shoot
me with a crossbow.
262
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,160
OK, Kerry. Right.
263
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,000
- Another thing.
264
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,040
Just to let you know,
265
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,040
I changed all the light bulbs
in the toilet to UV,
266
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,440
so if we get any smack-heads
tonight,
267
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,480
they won't be able to see their veins
when they're shooting up.
268
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,040
Super. Right, um...
269
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,720
Just... Sorry about that.
Just the one ticket?
270
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,360
All right?
271
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,200
Why are you not dressed up?
272
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,000
- I thought you were joking.
- No.
273
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,120
That's the whole point
of Grease cinema night -
274
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,120
you dress up as, like,
the people from the film.
275
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,720
Well, I haven't seen the film, have I?
276
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,720
That's why I came here -
to watch the fucking film
277
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,240
- like a normal human being.
- All right! Just go inside, then.
278
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,640
Come on.
279
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,160
My God. Is that Slugs?
280
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,120
- She looks great.
281
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,360
She can't walk in those shoes!
Fucking 'ell.
282
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,560
- Bambi on ice.
283
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,840
- Hey, guys.
284
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,160
Doing good.
285
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,080
- Yeah.
286
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,200
- Am I glad to see you!
287
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,280
Why?
288
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,760
This
289
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,800
- This whole...
290
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,400
It's embarrassing.
291
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,400
- Yeah.
292
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,280
Don't know what party you're at,
this one's banging, mate.
293
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:18,840
Look at everyone, look at them.
294
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,440
- You ain't dressed up.
- You ain't dressed up.
295
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,480
Yeah, I am. I'm security.
296
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,760
You look like Andy Fordham.
297
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,400
Who's that?
298
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,320
Fat darts player, basically.
299
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,280
Well, I don't care,
cos I'm enjoying myself.
300
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,240
I do miss spending time
with Kurtan, actually.
301
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,440
I suppose that's a bit selfish of me,
really,
302
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,400
cos he's got his own life to live, but...
303
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:47,080
..you know, it's just so good
to see him so happy with Sophie.
304
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,280
I don't even know
why you're getting so upset.
305
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,640
I di...
306
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,000
I've made an effort by coming here
tonight. I didn't want to come.
307
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,680
Do you understand that?
But I still did.
308
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,480
You don't give a shit about me.
309
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,480
I make such an effort,
and now you don't give a shit.
310
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,600
When I look at Slugs and Kayleigh,
I think that's all that I want.
311
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,000
That is insane.
312
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,600
It's not. He was dancing,
he was making an effort.
313
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,960
- Yeah, like a fucking Boohbah.
- And you still haven't let me know
314
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,000
if you're coming to my parents'
barbecue on Sunday.
315
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,840
I've asked you, like, three times...
316
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,200
Hey, hey, hey!
This is Mr Belding.
317
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,760
What have I told you kids
about loitering in the corridors?
318
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,840
Sorry, mate, who are you?
319
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,200
Ian.
320
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,680
Ian, right, I'm just having
a very serious chat
321
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,400
with my girlfriend right here,
322
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,360
and what you've just done is really
inappropriate, mate, all right?
323
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,280
- Sorry, mate.
324
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,080
Fuck!
325
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,200
Do you not wanna be with me?
326
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:01,240
Mr Belding, that... That's
Saved By The Bell, that's not Grease.
327
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,120
He's got that totally wrong.
328
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,240
Sorry...
329
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,400
What did you say?
330
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,120
Fucking prick.
331
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,480
Fuck.
332
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,160
Mr Belding!
333
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,080
Pfft.
334
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,080
He's... He's gonna be embarrassed
about that in the morning.
335
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:41,000
Sophie dumped Kurtan last night,
so he's in a bit of a state.
336
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,520
I had to wheel him here
from his house in an Asda trolley,
337
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,320
cos he was just too
heartbroken to move.
338
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,440
It's a shame, cos I'd just finished
writing my best man speech.
339
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,840
But...
340
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,640
"When I first saw Sophie
341
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,800
"I thought, 'Wow, Kurtan's really
punching above his weight.
342
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,360
"'He'll never be able
to hang on to her!'
343
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,400
"But he has,
and I've never seen him happier."
344
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:31,640
You all right?
345
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,480
Kurtan?
346
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,120
Kurtan, mate?
347
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,440
Yeah, I...
348
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,040
I just need to sort my shit out.
349
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,000
And try and fix things.
350
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,120
Yeah, it is hard seeing
Kurtan like this,
351
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,120
but when someone's down,
there's nothing better
352
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,840
than a little random
act of kindness,
353
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,200
and I know exactly
how to fix things.
354
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,040
Sometimes you don't know what you got
until you ain't got it any more.
355
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,680
Like Blockbuster's.
356
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,560
I just took 'em for granted -
and then, one day, gone,
357
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,520
and you spend ages trying to figure out
what went wrong,
358
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,320
and then you realise
it was your fault all along.
359
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,680
It's all right, Kurtan.
360
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,520
Not Blockbuster's,
that... that was online piracy,
361
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:33,160
and lack of vision upstairs,
in the boardroom.
362
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,840
It's just... like...
363
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,880
..after not going to
Swindon College and that...
364
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:44,240
...when I ducked out, I just thought
that I'd let you down.
365
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,320
Of course you didn't.
366
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:50,800
Is...
367
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,640
Is that why you've not
been coming to see me?
368
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,320
- Yeah.
- Kurtan.
369
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,600
Well, that and...
370
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,800
...the cress that we sowed together
in the village hall kitchen,
371
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,560
I've actually been having
nightmares about it,
372
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,640
because I haven't watered it in so long,
373
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,520
and in my dreams,
the cress is so thirsty,
374
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,640
it's dying like a starving dog,
and it's just going,
375
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,560
"Kurtan just left me to die."
376
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,480
Kurtan, don't... Don't worry, it's fine.
377
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,760
I've been watering it.
378
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,360
- Yes.
379
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,800
- Yes.
380
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,600
That's...
381
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,200
That's amazing.
382
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,480
I'm sorry you've been worrying so much
about it.
383
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,880
- I really am.
- I have.
384
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,160
It's just so stupid.
385
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,520
- I just know it's so stupid...
- You mustn't feel stupid.
386
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,840
I wish you'd come and told me
all this earlier.
387
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:49,040
Yeah, just had a great chat
with the vicar and, honestly,
388
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,040
I feel so much better now
everything's sorted.
389
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,480
I feel bad for slagging him off,
because that was bang out of order...
390
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,160
...and for posting a picture of him
on that German porn site, but...
391
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,320
I can probably take that down, I think.
392
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,120
I feel like a prat about the cress,
as well, but...
393
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,320
You don't need to feel
silly about that.
394
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,360
You don't believe how much I stress...
395
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,440
I've been stressing
about it so much.
396
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:18,520
Yes, it's great having Kurtan back,
I've really missed him. Um...
397
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:24,040
...but just between you and me,
his cress... did die, um,
398
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,640
but I don't think he's quite
ready to hear that just yet.
399
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,160
I just think I was in denial about
a lot of shit, even Soph,
400
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,960
and I was taking it out on the vicar,
even though it weren't his fault.
401
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,280
Thinking about it now, me and Soph
just weren't right for each other.
402
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,960
I'm just going round Kerry's house.
403
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,120
She really wants me to come over.
404
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,720
Yeah, probably be nice to hang out
with her again, just us two.
405
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,680
Like the old days, really.
406
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,040
Hi.
407
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,600
What are you... doing here?
408
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,320
- Well, Ker called me...
- I called her.
409
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,640
Right.
410
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,120
OK.
411
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,640
So, do you wanna talk? Cos this is just...
This is so silly.
412
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,640
- It is so silly.
- Yeah, it's just...
413
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,040
It is what it is, though, really.
414
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,280
So...
415
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,480
Do you wanna go outside?
416
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,800
- Give her a kiss!
417
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,280
What for?
418
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,760
I thought you said you wanted
to fix things.
419
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:38,720
- I... don't... remember saying that.
- You did.
420
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,200
You told me you wanted to fix things.
421
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,560
He did.
422
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,320
I did, yeah, but...
423
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:46,640
...with... with the vicar.
424
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:59,040
So, you definitely don't wanna
fix things with... her?
425
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,600
Nah.
426
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:01,840
Sorry.
427
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,200
Um...
428
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,080
Yeah.
429
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,520
Probably should go now.
430
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,080
OK, see ya.
431
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,280
Sorry, can I just get round you?
432
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,760
Thanks.
433
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,800
I'm so sorry...
434
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,280
...but...
435
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,560
...is it all right if you leave my house?
436
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,440
It's just I only kind of know you
through Kurtan.
437
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,520
Is that OK?
438
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:47,960
Yeah?
439
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,560
So sorry about that.
440
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,040
Ooh...
441
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,520
- See ya.
- Bye.
442
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,160
I'm not quite sure what...
443
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,800
Cos I must have read that
completely wrong there.
444
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,800
It's her own fault, actually,
445
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,000
cos she led me down this path.
446
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:26,960
You know?
447
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,280
I...
448
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,840
She was sort of doing it to me,
that's the thing.
449
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:36,640
She was going to me, "Oh," you know,
"you get us back together."
450
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,640
It is not really my fault, is it?
451
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,520
I think she's just
living in a dream world.
452
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,440
She wanted it to go that way,
453
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,680
and it just wasn't gonna
go that way.
454
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,080
She even got me thinking
that they'd get back together...
455
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:55,240
..but that's manipula....
manipulative people... do that.
456
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,200
And he's better off without her.
457
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:02,960
Yeah.
458
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,440
- Kurtan, not bad. Bit more power.
- Yeah.
459
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,440
Your go, Kerry.
460
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,920
- Rubbish.
- Er, Kurtan, please.
461
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,960
That wasn't rubbish,
that was a good effort.
462
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,400
See?
463
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,240
- That wasn't much to write home about.
464
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,640
- She just kicked it!
- No, I didn't.
465
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,400
- Kerry...
- I saw you kick it!
466
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,120
- Just a minute. Kerry...
- You can't kick...!
467
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,480
Kerry, don't be silly, look.
468
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,200
- Play fair, or you can sit out.
- No, honestly, cos...
469
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,160
- Come on.
- Don't...
470
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,440
I'll just tell him about the cress, then,
shall I?
471
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,160
Kerry, please.
472
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,200
What about the cress?
473
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,040
Nothing, Kurtan. It's fine.
474
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,440
- I'm just gonna take this shot.
475
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,600
It's fucking dead, isn't it?
475
00:24:48,305 --> 00:25:48,574
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/6ycxa
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
35695
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.