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[ Music playing ]
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[ Seabirds calling ]
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[ Bird calling ]
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00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:29,254
[ Typewriter dings ]
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[ Applause ]
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[ Band playing jazz ]
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In the early 1950s, the nation
recognized in its midst
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a social movement
called the Beat Generation.
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A novel titled "On the Road"
became a best seller,
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00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,015
and its author, Jack Kerouac,
became a celebrity,
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partly because he'd written a
powerful and successful book,
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00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:04,556
but partly because
he, uh, seemed to be
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00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:07,926
the embodiment
of this new generation.
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00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,028
So here he is, Jack Kerouac.
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00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,030
[ Applause ]
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[ Applause fades,
music playing ]
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[ Typewriter dings ]
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00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:39,591
[ Crickets chirping ]
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[ Seabirds calling ]
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[ Snorts ]
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00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:05,410
3,000 miles from Long Island.
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00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:09,081
It's the first trip I've taken
away from my mother's house
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since the publication
of "Road" three years ago.
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00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:16,888
All over America,
high school and college kids
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00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,524
thinking Jack Kerouac
is 26 years old
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00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,194
and on the road
all the time hitchhiking,
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00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:25,864
while there I am almost 40
years old, bored and jaded.
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00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,102
The book that made me famous
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and, in fact, so much so,
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I've been driven mad
for three years
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by endless telegrams,
phone calls, requests,
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00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:41,546
mail, visitors,
reporters, snoopers.
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00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:44,483
I was surrounded
and outnumbered...
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00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:49,354
and had to get away
to solitude again or die.
35
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,392
So Lawrence Ferlinghetti
wrote and said,
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00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,893
"Come to my cabin in Big Sur.
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00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,762
No one'll know."
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00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:09,241
Although Lawrence and I
exchanged huge letters
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outlining how I would sneak in
quietly into the West Coast,
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00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:17,816
I'd ruined my secret return to San
Francisco by getting silly drunk
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and marching forth into North
Beach to see everybody.
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00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,055
Everyone recognized me.
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I'm telling you.
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[ Jazz playing,
overlapping conversations ]
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Hey, everybody,
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the bloody king of the
beatniks is back in town.
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00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,754
Two days of that,
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including Sunday,
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the day Lawrence Ferlinghetti
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00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:02,427
is supposed to pick me up
at my secret skid row hotel
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00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,463
and drive me to Big Sur woods.
52
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,465
[ Sirens passing ]
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00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,839
[ Man coughs]
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[ Distant shouting ]
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One fast move,
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or I'm gone.
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[ Birds chirping ]
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You say I'm alone,
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and the cabin is suddenly home
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00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,197
only because you made one meal
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00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:46,398
and washed
your first meal dishes.
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00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:49,935
Then nightfall.
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00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,403
The flies retreat
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00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:53,371
like polite
Emily Dickenson flies,
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00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:56,908
and when it's dark, they're
all asleep in the trees.
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00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:00,579
Maybe the bees got
a message to come and see me,
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00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:03,014
all 2,000 of 'em,
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00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:06,918
which seems to happen like
a big party once a week.
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00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:29,474
No booze, no drugs, no binges,
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00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,676
no bouts with beatniks
and drunks
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00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,912
and junkies and everybody.
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[ Mouse squeaks ]
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[ Grunts ]
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[ Chuckles ]
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...forehead.
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00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,191
No better.
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00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,860
What I do now next?
Chop wood?
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00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,000
Long nights simply thinking
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00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,903
about the usefulness
of that little wire scour,
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00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,404
those little
yellow copper things
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you buy in supermarkets
for 10 cents,
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all to me
infinitely more interesting
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00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,077
than the stupid and senseless
84
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"Steppenwolf" novel
in the shack,
85
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,513
which I read with a shrug,
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00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,781
this old fart reflecting
on conformity of today,
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00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,783
and all the while, he thought
he was a big Nietzsche.
88
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,390
Because on the fourth day,
I began to get bored
89
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,726
and noted it in my diary
with amazement,
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00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:28,827
"Already bored?"
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00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,562
Even though the handsome
words of Emerson
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00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,564
would shake me out of that,
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00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,766
where he says in one of those
little red leather books
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00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,301
and is relieved and gay
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00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,470
when he has put
his heart into his work
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00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:39,971
and done his best.
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00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,007
Yet I went crazy
inside three weeks.
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00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,441
In me and in everyone,
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00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,011
I felt completely nude of all
poor protective devices,
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00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,446
like thoughts about life
or meditations under trees
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00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,281
and the ultimate
and all that shit.
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00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,218
In fact, the other pitiful
devices of making supper
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00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,587
or saying, "What I do
now next? Chop wood?"
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00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,656
I see myself as just doomed,
105
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:01,059
an awful realization that I have
been fooling myself all my life
106
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,662
thinking there was a next thing
to do to keep the show going,
107
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,296
and actually
I'm just a sick clown,
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00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,465
not even really
any kind of common sense,
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00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,367
animate effort to ease the soul
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00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:12,837
in this horrible, sinister
condition of mortal hopelessness.
111
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,773
I hate to write.
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00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,441
All my tricks laid bare,
even the realization
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00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:20,178
that they're laid bare itself
laid bare is a lot of bunk.
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00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,980
The sea seems to yell to me,
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"Go to your desire.
Don't hang around here.
116
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,084
"Why not live for fun
and joy and love
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00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,253
"or some sort of girl
by a fireside?
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00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,055
Why not go to your desire
and laugh?"
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00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,923
But I ran away
from that seashore
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and never came back again
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00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,126
without that secret knowledge
that it didn't want me there,
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00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,328
that I was a fool to sit there
in the first place.
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00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,830
The sea has its waves.
124
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,099
The man has
his fireside, period.
125
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,801
It's time to leave.
126
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,437
I'm so scared by that
iodine blast by the sea
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00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:46,838
and by the boredom
of the cabin.
128
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,673
I'm tired of my food,
forgot to bring Jell-O.
129
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:51,976
You need Jell-O after all that bacon
fat and cornmeal in the woods.
130
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,546
Every woodsman needs Jell-O
or Cokes or something.
131
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:01,019
But before I go, I realize
this isn't my own cabin.
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00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:03,555
Here's the second signpost
of my madness.
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00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,857
I have no right to hide
Ferlinghetti's rat poison
134
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,026
as I'd been doing,
feeding the mouse instead,
135
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,028
so like a dutiful guest
in another man's cabin,
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00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,996
I take the cover
off the rat poison,
137
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:15,700
but compromise by simply leaving
the box on the top shelf.
138
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:24,109
I go dancing off like a fool
from my sweet retreat,
139
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,678
rucksack on back,
after only three weeks
140
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,214
and really after only
three or four days of boredom
141
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,783
and go hankering back
for the city.
142
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,419
I figure I'll get a ride
to Monterey real easy
143
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,155
and take the bus there
and be in Frisco by nightfall
144
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,524
for a big ball of wino yelling
with the gang.
145
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,327
I feel, in fact, Lew Welch
ought to be back by now,
146
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,395
or Neal Cassady
will be ready for a ball,
147
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,798
and there'll be girls
and such and such,
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00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,567
forgetting entirely
that only three weeks previous,
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00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,437
I'd been sent fleeing
from that city by the horrors.
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00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,339
This is the first time
I've hitchhiked in years,
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00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,809
and soon I begin to see that
things have changed in America.
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00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,778
You can't get a ride
anymore, but, of course,
153
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:02,247
especially on a strictly
tourist road like this
154
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,783
or coast highway
with no trucks or business.
155
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,451
But the tourists,
bless their hearts,
156
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,453
after all, they couldn't know,
157
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,289
only think I'm having a big,
happy hike with my rucksack,
158
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,390
and they drive on.
159
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,127
[ Cars honking ]
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00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,729
[ Telephone rings ]
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00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,669
[ Cable car bell rings ]
162
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,210
If you should ever
stop using that smile,
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how could the world go on?
164
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,546
[ Chuckles ]
165
00:13:34,548 --> 00:13:36,714
We were gonna come down
to see you this weekend.
166
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,249
You should have waited.
Your mom wrote.
167
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,951
She said your cat died.
168
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:44,823
I'll go get the letter.
169
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:48,626
My relationship with my cats
has always been dotty.
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00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,729
Some kind of psychological
identification of the cats
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00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,531
with my dead brother Gerard,
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00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,367
who taught me to love cats
when I was three and four
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00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,937
and we used to lie
on the floor on our bellies,
174
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,706
then watch them lap up milk.
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00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,142
The death of a cat
means little to most men,
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00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,645
but to me, it was exactly--
and no lie and sincerely--
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00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,348
like the death
of my little brother.
178
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,084
What the hell?
179
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,220
Why bother grown-up men
and poets at that
180
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,454
with your own troubles?
181
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,656
Maybe you should
go back to the cabin
182
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,658
for a couple of weeks, huh?
183
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,761
Or are you just
gonna get drunk again?
184
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,430
I'm gonna get drunk, yes.
185
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,866
You can go back soon, huh?
186
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:30,101
Okay, Lorry.
187
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,103
Did you write anything?
188
00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:38,977
We can drink to that.
189
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,382
It's still a cat.
190
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,919
I know he meant a lot to you.
191
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,202
You know that's
the way of things.
192
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:55,226
Hey, so by City Lights
bookstore the other day,
193
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,162
there was a workman out
in the front, you know,
194
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,565
hammering away with a
jackhammer really loud.
195
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,287
"Yahh."
Right in the street.
196
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:06,404
And the psychic above the
studio leans out the window,
197
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,506
and he says,
"When are you gonna stop
198
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,642
making all that racket
down there?"
199
00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:12,844
And the guy looks up,
and he says,
200
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,545
"You're the psychic,
buddy. You tell me."
201
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,546
Did you write that?
202
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,683
No, I--I read it
in the paper.
203
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,925
Herb Caen wrote it.
204
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:24,803
Here's to Tyke.
205
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,942
I'll go give Lew a call.
206
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,070
Yeah, Lew, this is Phil.
207
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,539
Listen, I'm down
with Jack at the bar.
208
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:42,874
Why don't you come down?
209
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,939
Old Jack!
210
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,214
On the rocks, right?
211
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,777
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
212
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:54,752
Drinking any less?
213
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,020
Unless we're drinking.
That we are.
214
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,355
Can I get one of what
he's having, please?
215
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,691
Hey, go play a record
or something.
216
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:00,959
Right.
217
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,460
Who's the kid?
218
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,861
Kid I met named Paul Smith.
219
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,897
He's a little scared
of you, I think.
220
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,732
He's a little starstruck.
221
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,233
Yeah, apparently.
222
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,234
Janie.
Yeah, you know.
223
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:11,269
Cheers.
224
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,271
Didn't know you
were gonna be here.
225
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,039
Good to see you.
Welcome back.
226
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,708
I'm glad to be back.
We missed you.
227
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:18,643
I'm back.
228
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,411
So what are you doing back?
What are you doing here?
229
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,747
I been hanging out at Big Sur.
230
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:23,748
Really?
Yeah.
231
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,416
Lawrence sent me down there.
232
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,085
You know where in Big Sur?
233
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,247
How was that?
234
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:30,588
Paradise.
235
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:31,589
Wow.
236
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,432
[ Glass clinks ] Thank you.
237
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:37,562
[ Narrating ] I realized the
unbearable anguish of insanity.
238
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:40,531
Big ministers of states,
239
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,101
bishops walking around
with a dirty behind.
240
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:46,971
[ Narrating ] How uninformed people can
be thinking insane people are happy.
241
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,506
[ Echoing ] In America,
they have these racks
242
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,608
of dry-cleaned clothes,
like you see on trips.
243
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,777
And advertising firms with
their neckties and their...
244
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:56,080
Dinner.
245
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,752
[ Indistinct conversations ]
246
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,494
[ Jazz playing ]
247
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:14,499
A regular nuthouse actually
and just exactly the image
248
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,968
of what the journalists want to
say about the Beat Generation.
249
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:20,605
Nevertheless, a harmless and pleasant
arrangement for young bachelors
250
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,340
and a good idea
in the long run,
251
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,375
because you can rush
into any room
252
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,410
and find the expert,
253
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:26,878
like, say,
Philip's room, and ask...
254
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,279
He said go fuck yourself.
255
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,881
Make your mind like a wall.
256
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,783
Don't pant over
outside activities,
257
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,451
and don't bug me
with your outside plans.
258
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,119
Or you go running
into Lew Welch's room,
259
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:37,588
and there he is sitting
cross-legged on his mattress
260
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,123
on the floor
reading Jane Austen.
261
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,425
Ain't nothing but a well-cooked
beef and onion stew
262
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:41,726
that you let cool afterwards.
263
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,528
Then you throw in mushrooms
and lots of sour cream.
264
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,830
I'll come down and show you as
soon as I finish a chapter.
265
00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,331
Or you go into Johnson's room
266
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:48,332
and ask if you can borrow
his tape recorder
267
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,367
because at the moment,
some funny things
268
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,568
are being said in the kitchen
269
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,703
by Michael McClure
and Lawrence Ferlinghetti.
270
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,073
There was Zen, jazz, booze,
pot and all the works,
271
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:58,476
but it was somehow obviated
as a supposedly degenerate idea
272
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,344
by the sight of a beatnik
273
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,013
carefully painting
the wall of his room
274
00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,981
in clean white
with nice little red borders
275
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,349
around the door
and window frames.
276
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:06,351
Yeah?
277
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:10,288
WOMAN:
Come on down, pal.
278
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,359
Let's go see Neal.
279
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,872
My God, what the hell
has happened?
280
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,707
There's nothing but
construction in the Valley now.
281
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,008
Looks like Los Angeles.
Yeah.
282
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,043
Population explosion's
gonna cover
283
00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:33,911
every bit of backyard
dirt in America.
284
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,046
In fact, someday
they'll have to start
285
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:36,881
piling frigging levels
of houses and others...
286
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,684
I think I see a flying saucer
in the sky over Los Gatos.
287
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,052
It's five miles away.
288
00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:43,921
Yeah. It's just the top
of a radio tower.
289
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,161
[ Narrating ] We're anxious
to see great Neal Cassady,
290
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,530
who was always
the major part of my reason
291
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,031
for journeying
to the West Coast.
292
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,666
I haven't seen Neal
for several years,
293
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,902
because mainly he just
spent two years in San Quentin
294
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,304
on a stupid charge
of possession of marijuana.
295
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:03,975
Neal actually loves his home,
296
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,010
paid for by rail road insurance
297
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:09,080
when he broke his leg trying to
stop a boxcar from crashing.
298
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,848
Loves his kids and especially
his little son,
299
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,750
Timmy John,
partly named after me.
300
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,485
And then there's Caroline.
301
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,053
She's got her mind
on other things
302
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,755
than taking care
of the children,
303
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:20,958
though all she really wants is to be alone
with me and talk about Neal Cassady,
304
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,094
which includes the fact
of Billie, his mistress,
305
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:25,496
who has threatened to take
Neal Cassady away completely.
306
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,098
In fact, I can see it now,
307
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,733
a great big
four-way marriage
308
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,101
with Neal and Caroline.
309
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:31,636
It is--[ grunts ]
310
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,275
Hi, Caroline.
311
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,609
Hey, Jack.
312
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,046
All right, you guys
come by around 1:00
313
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,781
when the boss leaves,
and watch me work,
314
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,283
and keep me company
a while, all right,
315
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,051
before you go back to the city?
316
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,886
Okay?!
317
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:49,987
Yeah.
318
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:52,656
[ Horn honks ]
319
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,685
Neal doesn't like me drinking.
320
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:03,601
Yeah.
321
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,838
I don't like some of the
things Neal does either.
322
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,426
We all have our something.
323
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:22,520
Neal's little something
lives in San Francisco.
324
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,782
She might as well move in.
325
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,219
I'll be your something.
326
00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:59,490
Yeah.
327
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,493
I always said
I had two husbands.
328
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:04,415
You could have picked me.
329
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:09,033
You're nobody's fool, Jack.
330
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,407
I can see in Neal's eyes
331
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,743
that he can see in my own
eyes the regret we both feel
332
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:21,312
that recently we haven't
had chances to talk
333
00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:24,515
like we used to do
driving across America.
334
00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:27,685
Oh. Incoming!
335
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:28,986
Whoo!
336
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,389
[ Narrating ]
Lew Welch now realizes
337
00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:33,257
why I've always
loved Neal Cassady.
338
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:34,592
Expecting to see
a bitter ex-con,
339
00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:37,795
he sees instead a martyr
of the American night in goggles
340
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,664
in some dreary tire shop
at 2 A.M.
341
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:43,501
making fellows laugh with joy
with his funny explanations,
342
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,269
yet at the same time, to a T
343
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:47,772
performing every bit of the
work he's being paid for.
344
00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:50,241
And then had been reenlisted
in the Army Reserves
345
00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:52,743
in active duty for the
remainder of the war.
346
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:53,744
Retread.
347
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:55,012
My God, he can do all that,
348
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:57,255
then even explain it
while he's doing it.
349
00:21:57,883 --> 00:21:58,883
[ laughs ]
350
00:21:58,885 --> 00:22:00,251
Who wants to give it a try?
351
00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:01,585
I'm good.
352
00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:03,220
Come on, Jack.
We know both know
353
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:04,422
a little something
about retreading.
354
00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:05,690
No, no, no.
I'm fine where I am.
355
00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,726
[ Grunts ] Done!
356
00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:09,860
Paul.
357
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,731
[ Narrating ] Neal really
loves me like a brother.
358
00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:16,701
And more than that, he gets
annoyed at me sometimes,
359
00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:20,571
especially when I fumble and
bumble like with a bottle.
360
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:29,847
Far from my clean cot
on the porch in Big Sur,
361
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:32,016
no blue jays yakking
for me to wake up anymore,
362
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:34,051
no gurgling creek.
363
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:39,990
Waking up the next morning,
groaning, of course,
364
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:42,927
but this is the big day
where we're going to visit
365
00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:46,597
poor Albert Saijo at the
TB hospital in the Valley.
366
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,566
Lew perks me up right away
367
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:50,901
bringing coffee
or wine, optional.
368
00:22:50,903 --> 00:22:54,038
Any drinker knows
how the process works.
369
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,407
The first day when you
get drunk is okay.
370
00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:57,808
The morning after
means a big head,
371
00:22:57,810 --> 00:22:59,010
but you can kill that easy
372
00:22:59,011 --> 00:23:00,611
with a few more drinks
and a meal.
373
00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:02,012
But if you pass up the meal
374
00:23:02,014 --> 00:23:03,414
and go on
to another night's drunk
375
00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:05,049
and wake up
to keep the toot going
376
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:06,784
and then continue on
the fourth day,
377
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:09,120
there will come a day when
drinks won't take effect,
378
00:23:09,122 --> 00:23:10,654
because you're
chemically overloaded,
379
00:23:10,656 --> 00:23:13,357
and you'll have to sleep it off,
but you can't sleep anymore,
380
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:14,959
because it was
the alcohol itself
381
00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,461
that made you sleep
those last five nights.
382
00:23:17,463 --> 00:23:20,264
So delirium sets in,
383
00:23:20,266 --> 00:23:22,800
sleeplessness, sweats,
trembling,
384
00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:24,034
a groaning feeling of weakness
385
00:23:24,036 --> 00:23:26,137
where your arms
are numb and useless,
386
00:23:26,139 --> 00:23:29,607
nightmares,
nightmares of death.
387
00:23:29,609 --> 00:23:30,808
She's a nudist,
388
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:33,250
and, by God, she is
gonna practice it.
389
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:38,249
[ Narrating ] She's a big,
beautiful brunette
390
00:23:38,251 --> 00:23:41,419
in the line of taste you
might attribute to every slaky,
391
00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:43,454
hungry sex slave in the world,
392
00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:46,390
but also is intelligent,
well-read, writes poetry,
393
00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:48,492
a Zen student,
knows everything,
394
00:23:48,494 --> 00:23:51,228
who is in fact just a big,
healthy, Romanian Jewess
395
00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:53,464
who wants to marry
a good, hardy man
396
00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:57,001
and go live
on a farm in the Valley.
397
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,671
But I can't believe
old Zen master Albert
398
00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:02,673
is going to allow
his body to die.
399
00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:05,309
He's in a bathrobe and looks up
at us almost displeased.
400
00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:08,179
He sighs, and the expression
on his face says,
401
00:24:08,181 --> 00:24:10,881
"Well, ah, so you've come
to see me because I'm sick,
402
00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:12,249
but what do you
really want?"
403
00:24:12,251 --> 00:24:13,250
Hey.
404
00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:15,052
You're gonna be
all right, Albert.
405
00:24:15,054 --> 00:24:16,353
I don't know.
406
00:24:16,355 --> 00:24:19,056
I guess all that dharma talk
about everything is nothing
407
00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:20,791
is sinking in my bones.
408
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,827
[ Narrating ] He really
means, "I don't care."
409
00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:24,829
And always warm
and courteous with me,
410
00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:27,431
he now hardly pays much
of ragged beatniks.
411
00:24:27,433 --> 00:24:29,400
Do you remember those
dancing girls in St. Louis?
412
00:24:29,402 --> 00:24:30,434
Whore candy.
413
00:24:30,436 --> 00:24:32,102
How about the nurses here, huh?
414
00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:33,103
They hot?
415
00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,139
There's one.
416
00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:36,774
[ Narrating ] But Albert
doesn't care anymore,
417
00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,108
and, anyway,
it's time to leave.
418
00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:40,878
The other kids are
all back at the car
419
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,246
wondering what's keeping me.
420
00:24:42,248 --> 00:24:44,782
What's keeping me is that I know
Albert will get better
421
00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:46,450
and live
and teach the joyful truth,
422
00:24:46,452 --> 00:24:49,220
and Albert knows I know this.
423
00:24:49,222 --> 00:24:51,388
That's why he's playing
the game with me,
424
00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:53,791
the magic game of glad freedom,
425
00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:56,393
which is that Zen or, for that
matter, the Japanese soul
426
00:24:56,395 --> 00:24:59,096
ultimately means I say.
427
00:24:59,098 --> 00:25:01,465
And someday I will go
to Japan with Albert,
428
00:25:01,467 --> 00:25:02,733
I tell myself,
429
00:25:02,735 --> 00:25:05,035
because I've heard
the supper bell, right?
430
00:25:05,037 --> 00:25:07,304
And knowing Albert's
fantastic appetite,
431
00:25:07,306 --> 00:25:09,540
I don't want to hang him up.
432
00:25:10,909 --> 00:25:13,477
Though he nevertheless
does one last trick.
433
00:25:53,418 --> 00:25:55,719
[ Telephone rings ]
434
00:25:58,156 --> 00:26:01,158
[ Ring ]
435
00:26:02,494 --> 00:26:04,028
[ Ring ]
436
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:06,564
Yeah?
437
00:26:06,566 --> 00:26:08,232
I lost that tire job.
438
00:26:08,234 --> 00:26:10,000
Because we were there?
Nah, nah, nah.
439
00:26:10,002 --> 00:26:11,835
He's got to lay off some men.
440
00:26:11,837 --> 00:26:14,438
Everything's all fucked
up down here, Jack.
441
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,639
So, uh...
442
00:26:18,376 --> 00:26:20,044
loan me $100, will you?
443
00:26:20,046 --> 00:26:22,146
I'll be right down
and give you $100.
444
00:26:22,148 --> 00:26:23,781
Really?
[ chuckles ]
445
00:26:23,783 --> 00:26:25,950
Ah, listen. Listen.
446
00:26:25,952 --> 00:26:29,053
You can just loan it to
me, but if you insist.
447
00:26:29,055 --> 00:26:31,322
How you gonna get down here and
give me that money then, huh?
448
00:26:31,324 --> 00:26:32,389
I'll have Lew drive me down.
449
00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:34,325
Really?
Yeah, you'll do that?
450
00:26:34,327 --> 00:26:36,360
[ Chuckles ] Ah, listen,
451
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:38,362
I'll pay the rent
with it right away.
452
00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:40,497
It's Friday, right?
453
00:26:40,499 --> 00:26:42,266
Or what day is it, Thursday?
Yeah, it's Thursday,
454
00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:44,702
so I don't need to be looking
for a new job till Monday,
455
00:26:44,704 --> 00:26:47,371
so you and me, we can hang out
and talk like we used to do,
456
00:26:47,373 --> 00:26:49,907
and I will
demolish you at chess.
457
00:26:49,909 --> 00:26:51,675
Maybe even go see
a baseball game,
458
00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:53,878
maybe go sneaking
into town and see my--
459
00:26:53,879 --> 00:26:56,479
see my pretty little baby.
What do you say?
460
00:26:57,682 --> 00:26:59,442
All right, I'll see you soon.
461
00:27:06,024 --> 00:27:07,925
I ask Lew, and,
yes, he's ready,
462
00:27:07,927 --> 00:27:10,027
and, yes, he's ready
to go any time.
463
00:27:10,029 --> 00:27:11,228
He's just following me,
464
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,930
like I often
follow people myself,
465
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:14,765
and so off we go again.
466
00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:19,703
The idea suddenly comes to me
for Lew and me and Neal
467
00:27:19,705 --> 00:27:23,173
to go to the cabin and spend
a big, quiet, crazy weekend,
468
00:27:23,175 --> 00:27:25,709
but when Ferlinghetti
hears this, he'll come, too.
469
00:27:25,711 --> 00:27:28,178
In fact, he'll bring his little
Chinese buddy, Victor Wong,
470
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:30,114
and we'll catch Michael McClure
at Santa Cruz
471
00:27:30,116 --> 00:27:32,016
and go visit Henry Miller,
472
00:27:32,018 --> 00:27:35,052
and suddenly another big,
huge ball has begun.
473
00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:47,231
I'll just spend a couple
days with Jack and the gang
474
00:27:47,233 --> 00:27:49,767
and look for a new job Monday.
475
00:27:49,769 --> 00:27:51,101
Bye.
There you go.
476
00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:52,202
Have fun.
477
00:27:55,774 --> 00:27:57,041
Whoo!
478
00:27:58,043 --> 00:27:59,164
Get out.
479
00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:02,212
[ Sighs ]
480
00:28:28,807 --> 00:28:30,140
Well...
481
00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:36,714
The air's so good.
482
00:28:36,716 --> 00:28:38,682
Here we go.
Thank you.
483
00:28:38,684 --> 00:28:41,764
Not that I'm talking about
us or anybody in particular.
484
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:43,754
[ laughs ]
485
00:28:47,092 --> 00:28:49,026
I wouldn't even dare that.
486
00:28:49,028 --> 00:28:50,794
Must be awful at night.
487
00:28:50,796 --> 00:28:53,030
Reminds me of
the old Colorado, by God.
488
00:28:53,032 --> 00:28:55,532
It's like they say. It's like
a cathedral of redwoods.
489
00:28:55,534 --> 00:28:58,402
This is the kind of place where you
should really be alone, you know.
490
00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:00,871
There's such a sad
sweetness to these trees,
491
00:29:00,873 --> 00:29:03,233
as though yelling
would insult them.
492
00:29:21,826 --> 00:29:24,161
Whoo!
493
00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:33,370
Whoo!
494
00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:39,076
Hey, over here, Lawrence!
495
00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:42,613
[ laughs ]
496
00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:56,693
McClure is
the handsome young poet
497
00:29:56,695 --> 00:29:58,896
who's just written
the most fantastic poem
498
00:29:58,898 --> 00:30:00,464
in America called "Dark Brown,"
499
00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:02,533
which is every detail
of his and his wife's body
500
00:30:02,535 --> 00:30:04,701
described in ecstatic union
and communion
501
00:30:04,703 --> 00:30:06,870
and inside out
and every which way,
502
00:30:06,872 --> 00:30:09,840
and not only that,
he insists on reading it to us.
503
00:30:09,842 --> 00:30:12,075
But I want to read
my sea poem, too.
504
00:30:12,077 --> 00:30:14,745
"Let me be a torch to myself.
505
00:30:14,747 --> 00:30:17,915
"Oh, heart-sick, burn
strive past the drift-ease
506
00:30:17,917 --> 00:30:21,685
"to the depth within, making a
film of the gene over the surface.
507
00:30:21,687 --> 00:30:25,022
Say meat hand the hand black in the
deed as this damned pleasure!"
508
00:30:25,024 --> 00:30:27,524
Whoo!
[ cheering ]
509
00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:28,792
You are beautiful!
510
00:30:28,794 --> 00:30:30,961
[ Narrating ] Too many people
now want to talk to us
511
00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:32,462
and tell us their stories.
512
00:30:32,464 --> 00:30:36,533
We've been hemmed in and
surrounded and outnumbered.
513
00:30:36,535 --> 00:30:39,937
The circles closed in on
the old heroes of the night.
514
00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:44,815
That's what he
told me last week.
515
00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,848
Uh-oh.
516
00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:56,019
Oh, what was it?
517
00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:03,160
Oh, yes.
518
00:31:03,162 --> 00:31:05,128
[ Narrating ] I've gotten
the idea in my head
519
00:31:05,130 --> 00:31:07,698
I'm the leader
of a guerilla warfare unit,
520
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:10,100
and I'm marching ahead, the
lieutenant giving orders.
521
00:31:10,102 --> 00:31:12,002
With all our flashlights
and yells,
522
00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:13,704
we come swarming
down the narrow path,
523
00:31:13,706 --> 00:31:15,105
going hup, one, two, three,
524
00:31:15,107 --> 00:31:17,741
and challenging the enemy
to come out of hiding.
525
00:31:17,743 --> 00:31:20,744
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
526
00:31:20,746 --> 00:31:22,946
[ Muted chatter ]
527
00:31:24,649 --> 00:31:25,849
Hey, Jack! Jack.
528
00:31:25,851 --> 00:31:27,551
Whoo! You got
to see this, man.
529
00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:29,887
The night ending
with everybody passing out
530
00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:32,489
exhausted on cots,
in sleeping bags.
531
00:31:32,491 --> 00:31:34,524
Outside, McClure goes home
with wife.
532
00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:37,027
Victor and I
by late fire keep up,
533
00:31:37,029 --> 00:31:39,429
yelling spontaneous
questions and answers
534
00:31:39,431 --> 00:31:41,765
right till dawn like.
535
00:32:16,801 --> 00:32:21,605
Circles momentarily complete
536
00:32:21,607 --> 00:32:23,774
the balance of forces
537
00:32:23,776 --> 00:32:26,009
lying together
538
00:32:26,011 --> 00:32:29,313
into love that never
have slipped out.
539
00:32:30,315 --> 00:32:31,315
[ Kiss ]
540
00:32:31,317 --> 00:32:32,883
I kiss your shoulder,
541
00:32:32,885 --> 00:32:34,885
and it reeks of lust.
542
00:32:38,189 --> 00:32:42,292
Well, Jack, I didn't get a
chance to talk to you yesterday
543
00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:47,431
or last year or even 10 years
ago when I first met you.
544
00:32:47,433 --> 00:32:50,300
You know, I can remember
being so terrified
545
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:51,635
when I first met you and Neal.
546
00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:53,737
You looked like a couple of
bank robbers or car thieves.
547
00:32:53,739 --> 00:32:57,374
You know, all this sneery stuff
they've written against us,
548
00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,877
against San Francisco,
against Beat poetry writers,
549
00:33:00,879 --> 00:33:03,814
that's because none of us
really look like that.
550
00:33:03,816 --> 00:33:06,850
We don't look like writers or
intellectuals or anything.
551
00:33:08,686 --> 00:33:11,621
I--I must say that
you and Neal, well,
552
00:33:11,623 --> 00:33:13,957
you look pretty awful in a way.
553
00:33:13,959 --> 00:33:16,460
I--I must say that,
you know, well,
554
00:33:16,462 --> 00:33:18,362
let's just say
you've seen better days.
555
00:33:18,364 --> 00:33:21,765
Man, you ought to go to Hollywood
and play Billy the Kid.
556
00:33:21,767 --> 00:33:24,768
What I'd rather do is go to
Hollywood and play Rimbaud.
557
00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:26,303
Well, you can't
play Jean Harlow.
558
00:33:26,305 --> 00:33:28,071
You know what I really want?
559
00:33:29,807 --> 00:33:33,076
I want to get "Dark Brown"
published in Paris.
560
00:33:33,078 --> 00:33:35,312
So, if ever possible--
I don't know--
561
00:33:35,314 --> 00:33:39,316
a word from you
to Gallimard or Girodias,
562
00:33:39,318 --> 00:33:42,319
it--it would help.
563
00:33:43,688 --> 00:33:45,055
I don't know.
564
00:33:46,557 --> 00:33:49,760
You know, when I first read your
book of poems, "Mexico City Blues,"
565
00:33:49,762 --> 00:33:52,763
I turned around, and I started
writing completely differently.
566
00:33:52,765 --> 00:33:54,331
Everything changed, man.
567
00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:56,867
That book...
568
00:33:56,869 --> 00:33:58,335
it enlightened me.
569
00:33:58,337 --> 00:34:00,170
That's nothing like
what you do.
570
00:34:00,172 --> 00:34:01,838
In fact, it's miles away.
571
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,775
I'm a language spinner,
and you're an idea man.
572
00:34:26,964 --> 00:34:28,732
[ laughter ]
573
00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:32,636
I used to do this in a work
gang in southern Arizona.
574
00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:34,004
Who's got the chops?
575
00:34:34,006 --> 00:34:36,573
Lawrence, show 'em
how it's done!
576
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:38,642
No tree was left alive.
577
00:34:38,644 --> 00:34:40,444
[ laughter ]
578
00:34:40,446 --> 00:34:43,680
[ Narrating ] I realized you can
always study the character of a man
579
00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,215
by the way he chops wood.
580
00:34:45,217 --> 00:34:49,052
Ferlinghetti took neat,
little, short-handled chops.
581
00:34:49,054 --> 00:34:50,053
Oh, whoa.
582
00:34:50,055 --> 00:34:52,022
Whereas old Whalen
slogged away,
583
00:34:52,024 --> 00:34:54,257
I guess, the way he
learned in Oregon,
584
00:34:54,259 --> 00:34:56,219
getting his job done
silently, not a word.
585
00:34:57,962 --> 00:34:59,563
Little Victor thereupon
tried his luck,
586
00:34:59,565 --> 00:35:01,965
but gave up after five strokes.
587
00:35:01,967 --> 00:35:04,534
The ax was likely
to carry him away anyway.
588
00:35:07,472 --> 00:35:11,541
I'm really happy for the
first time in three years.
589
00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:19,916
Then Lew Welch demonstrated
with big, easy strokes,
590
00:35:19,918 --> 00:35:22,519
and in no time, we had
five huge logs to use.
591
00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:33,463
Neal's fantastic,
fiery character showed
592
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:37,267
in the way he went at that
log with horrible force.
593
00:35:37,269 --> 00:35:39,769
When he brought down that ax
with all his might
594
00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:41,905
and holding it far at the end,
595
00:35:41,907 --> 00:35:43,640
you could hear
the whole tree trunk
596
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:46,209
groaning the whole length
inside.
597
00:35:46,211 --> 00:35:48,111
He brought
that ax down so hard,
598
00:35:48,113 --> 00:35:50,480
his feet left the Earth
when it hit.
599
00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:54,718
It was like an example
of vast, but senseless strength.
600
00:35:56,754 --> 00:36:00,323
He chopped off his log
with the fury of a Greek god.
601
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,661
♪ Whop, de-doo whop,
whop, de-doo whop... ♪
602
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:06,963
Now it was
time to get in the cars.
603
00:36:06,965 --> 00:36:10,167
McClure had rearrived, and we go
driving south down the Coast Highway
604
00:36:10,169 --> 00:36:12,102
to a hot springs
bathhouse down there,
605
00:36:12,104 --> 00:36:13,837
which sounded good
to me at first.
606
00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:17,174
The boys reassure me the hot
springs bath will do me good.
607
00:36:17,176 --> 00:36:20,110
They see I'm gloomy,
now hungover for good.
608
00:36:21,112 --> 00:36:22,712
[ Overlapping chatter ]
609
00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:31,555
Look, there's
a dead otter down here.
610
00:36:31,557 --> 00:36:33,523
But when we arrive,
my heart sinks again
611
00:36:33,525 --> 00:36:34,824
as McClure points out to sea
612
00:36:34,826 --> 00:36:37,460
from the balcony
of the outdoor pools.
613
00:36:37,462 --> 00:36:40,830
And sure enough, it is
a dead otter, I guess,
614
00:36:40,832 --> 00:36:42,499
a big, brown pale lump
615
00:36:42,501 --> 00:36:44,100
floating up and down
mournfully...
616
00:36:44,102 --> 00:36:45,101
It's just an otter.
617
00:36:45,103 --> 00:36:47,437
With the swells
in the ghastly weeds.
618
00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:49,839
"My otter. Why did he die?"
619
00:36:49,841 --> 00:36:53,443
I ask myself in despair.
Why do they do that?
620
00:36:53,445 --> 00:36:55,579
What's the sense of all this?
621
00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:06,856
I borrow McClure's yellow
bathing suit and get in.
622
00:37:06,858 --> 00:37:08,825
It's very typical
of me and Neal
623
00:37:08,827 --> 00:37:09,926
that we won't undress
in this situation.
624
00:37:09,928 --> 00:37:11,228
We were both raised Catholics,
625
00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:14,831
supposedly the big sex heroes
of our generation.
626
00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:17,167
Not to mention that
when somebody informs me
627
00:37:17,169 --> 00:37:19,402
this bathhouse is owned by the
young writer Kevin Cudahy,
628
00:37:19,404 --> 00:37:21,538
whom I knew
very well in New York.
629
00:37:21,540 --> 00:37:23,673
I ask one of the young strangers,
"Where's Kevin Cudahy?"
630
00:37:23,675 --> 00:37:25,075
He doesn't even deign to reply.
631
00:37:25,077 --> 00:37:27,210
Thinking he hasn't heard me,
I ask again.
632
00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:28,411
No reply. No notice.
633
00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,981
I ask a third time, it all
adds up to the confusion
634
00:37:30,983 --> 00:37:33,817
that's beginning to pile up in my
battered drinking brain anyway.
635
00:37:33,819 --> 00:37:37,120
The constant reminders of death,
not the least of which
636
00:37:37,122 --> 00:37:39,522
was the death of my peaceful
love of Bixby Canyon
637
00:37:39,524 --> 00:37:41,424
now suddenly becoming a horror.
638
00:37:46,397 --> 00:37:49,199
[ Muted chatter ]
639
00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:51,935
Michael.
640
00:37:57,475 --> 00:37:59,009
Cheers.
641
00:37:59,011 --> 00:38:00,010
To you.
642
00:38:00,012 --> 00:38:03,179
[ laughs ]
643
00:38:06,651 --> 00:38:08,084
All right, ready?
644
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,507
No, you play for me.
645
00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:20,563
[ Moaning ]
646
00:38:26,937 --> 00:38:28,338
Hey, morning.
647
00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:32,809
It looks like everybody
else, um, took off.
648
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:34,611
Is it all right if I stay?
649
00:38:34,613 --> 00:38:37,180
I couldn't think of any way
to reject his request
650
00:38:37,182 --> 00:38:39,082
in a harmless way, so said yes.
651
00:38:39,084 --> 00:38:41,484
I--Yeah, I don't really
have a ride, so...
652
00:38:41,486 --> 00:38:43,953
So when they all left
suddenly, I was alone
653
00:38:43,955 --> 00:38:45,422
with this mad beatnik kid,
654
00:38:45,424 --> 00:38:47,490
singing, "All I
want to do is sleep."
655
00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:48,591
You want some salami?
656
00:38:48,593 --> 00:38:49,826
I mean...
657
00:38:49,828 --> 00:38:52,069
yeah, I don't
really have a ride.
658
00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:54,731
[ Groans ]
659
00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:56,232
But I've got
to make the best of it
660
00:38:56,234 --> 00:38:58,068
and not disappoint
his believing heart,
661
00:38:58,070 --> 00:39:00,337
because, after all,
the poor kid actually believes
662
00:39:00,339 --> 00:39:03,473
that there's something noble and
idealistic about this Beat stuff,
663
00:39:03,475 --> 00:39:06,276
and I'm supposed to be
the king of the beatniks.
664
00:39:09,613 --> 00:39:11,414
A dead mouse.
665
00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:16,319
Whoa!
666
00:39:16,321 --> 00:39:19,122
Hey, you got to watch
out for snakes, huh?
667
00:39:19,124 --> 00:39:21,604
Never can tell which
kind it's gonna be.
668
00:40:25,156 --> 00:40:27,323
NEAL:
Happy birthday, Jack!
669
00:40:27,325 --> 00:40:29,292
Happy birthday!
[ laughter ]
670
00:40:29,294 --> 00:40:31,227
Oh, I have good news for you.
671
00:40:31,229 --> 00:40:35,331
I have brought Caroline and
Emily and Gaby and Timothy,
672
00:40:35,333 --> 00:40:38,535
because all of us are so grateful
and glad because of your $100.
673
00:40:38,537 --> 00:40:40,703
I have the most fantastic
story to tell you.
674
00:40:40,705 --> 00:40:42,172
Come on. Let's get him
outside and tell the story.
675
00:40:42,174 --> 00:40:43,173
Come on, get up!
676
00:40:43,175 --> 00:40:44,741
Come on, get up!
677
00:40:44,743 --> 00:40:46,676
Here, take him.
Take him. Take him.
678
00:40:46,678 --> 00:40:50,213
So I have to have my old good buddies
push it down the road for me,
679
00:40:50,215 --> 00:40:52,415
and this guy, he had this
perfect gem of a Cadillac.
680
00:40:52,417 --> 00:40:55,285
A Cadillac, mind you, with
a new radio-- get in--
681
00:40:55,287 --> 00:40:56,286
and new headlights
682
00:40:56,288 --> 00:40:57,420
and a this-a
and that-a
683
00:40:57,422 --> 00:40:59,055
down to the new set of tires.
684
00:40:59,057 --> 00:41:01,357
Oh, and the color, the color
that'll knock you out.
685
00:41:01,359 --> 00:41:02,559
And a new job.
686
00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:05,128
Jack, I got a new job along
with a new Cadillac,
687
00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:07,630
a new job
in downtown Los Gatos,
688
00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:10,066
where I don't even
have to drive.
689
00:41:10,068 --> 00:41:12,001
I don't even have to drive.
690
00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:14,871
It's a half mile, Jack.
I can walk.
691
00:41:14,873 --> 00:41:16,673
Listen to that.
[ jazz playing ]
692
00:41:16,675 --> 00:41:17,807
That is it.
693
00:41:17,809 --> 00:41:19,776
Ah.
694
00:41:19,778 --> 00:41:22,378
Ah, that is it.
695
00:41:23,414 --> 00:41:25,114
CAROLINE:
Go, girls! Get him!
696
00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:28,418
NEAL: I tell you, being away from
the men, I lost time, brother.
697
00:41:28,420 --> 00:41:29,719
I lost more than time.
698
00:41:29,721 --> 00:41:32,455
I lost a piece of soul,
but I'm getting it back!
699
00:41:32,457 --> 00:41:34,424
[ Yells ]
700
00:41:34,426 --> 00:41:35,925
[ Jazz continues ]
701
00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:38,361
[ laughs ]
702
00:41:41,165 --> 00:41:43,233
Neal has gotta learn to control
703
00:41:43,235 --> 00:41:46,269
the enormous forces
that run inside of him.
704
00:41:48,606 --> 00:41:50,039
You speaking to me?
705
00:41:51,308 --> 00:41:52,976
What are you doing, Jack?
706
00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:55,931
You see that grove there?
707
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,115
Once in a while, you'll be
surprised out of your shoes
708
00:41:59,117 --> 00:42:02,151
to see the mule
quietly meditating...
709
00:42:02,153 --> 00:42:03,419
[ laughs ]
710
00:42:03,421 --> 00:42:06,322
With locks of hair like
Ruth's over his forehead,
711
00:42:06,324 --> 00:42:08,024
a big biblical mule meditating.
712
00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:09,025
[ laughs ]
713
00:42:09,027 --> 00:42:11,928
But up here,
look at that bridge.
714
00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:13,863
Yeah. Now, what do
you think of that?
715
00:42:13,865 --> 00:42:15,331
It's big.
716
00:42:17,935 --> 00:42:20,937
A man needs truth like
a machine needs oil.
717
00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:24,073
Truth?
718
00:42:24,075 --> 00:42:26,242
Well, then there's Neal.
719
00:42:26,244 --> 00:42:28,578
He just manicures
his little white lies
720
00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:31,681
so much that they
turn into black ones.
721
00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:33,383
I don't know.
722
00:42:33,385 --> 00:42:34,651
[ Chuckles ]
723
00:42:34,653 --> 00:42:37,320
Oh, you will.
724
00:42:37,322 --> 00:42:39,322
Yeah, you will.
725
00:42:45,529 --> 00:42:47,030
All right.
726
00:43:09,820 --> 00:43:11,287
[ Radio playing music ]
727
00:43:11,289 --> 00:43:13,089
You and me,
we're gonna go--
728
00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,825
we're gonna go flying down
that Bayshore Highway
729
00:43:15,827 --> 00:43:18,127
and go rubbing shoulders
into that city.
730
00:43:18,129 --> 00:43:20,096
Then we're going
to go popping up
731
00:43:20,098 --> 00:43:22,832
into my sweet
little baby Wilhelmina.
732
00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:26,402
I'm gonna leave you two little
lovebirds days on end alone
733
00:43:26,404 --> 00:43:30,039
so you can just live and enjoy
that gone little woman,
734
00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:31,874
because, I tell you,
735
00:43:31,876 --> 00:43:34,844
I want her to dig
every possible thing
736
00:43:34,846 --> 00:43:38,047
you have to tell her about what
it is that you know, you hear?
737
00:43:38,049 --> 00:43:41,217
'Cause she is my--
738
00:43:41,219 --> 00:43:43,019
you know, she's my soul mate,
739
00:43:43,021 --> 00:43:44,253
my confidante,
740
00:43:44,255 --> 00:43:46,322
my mistress, and I want her
741
00:43:46,324 --> 00:43:48,591
to learn, to be happy.
742
00:43:49,927 --> 00:43:51,294
What's she look like?
743
00:43:51,296 --> 00:43:52,295
[ laughs ]
744
00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:54,397
[ Chuckles ]
745
00:43:54,399 --> 00:43:55,765
She's all right.
746
00:43:55,767 --> 00:43:58,201
She's got a gone little
body, I'll tell you that.
747
00:43:58,203 --> 00:44:04,107
But in bed, oh,
she's the first and only
748
00:44:04,109 --> 00:44:07,377
and last possible
greatest thing.
749
00:44:07,379 --> 00:44:08,544
You dig?
750
00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:11,721
I dig.
751
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,361
♪ Ah, ah, ah
752
00:44:26,730 --> 00:44:28,650
♪ Ah, ah, ah...
[ pants ]
753
00:44:30,367 --> 00:44:33,036
You're here!
[ laughing ]
754
00:44:33,038 --> 00:44:34,937
[ Grunts ]
755
00:44:46,917 --> 00:44:48,384
[ Narrating ] It's Lucien.
756
00:44:48,386 --> 00:44:50,153
My God, it's Lucien.
757
00:44:50,155 --> 00:44:52,255
Neal hates Lucien,
and Lucien hates Neal.
758
00:44:57,061 --> 00:44:59,495
You look like Lucien,
but you're not Lucien,
759
00:44:59,497 --> 00:45:02,732
and on top of that, you're a woman.
How goddamn strange.
760
00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:22,418
So I'm gonna go
back to Los Gatos
761
00:45:22,420 --> 00:45:24,921
and get some sleep
before I have to work.
762
00:45:24,923 --> 00:45:26,556
Poor Neal Cassady.
Yet, you see,
763
00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:28,191
I've already explained
why actually subconsciously
764
00:45:28,193 --> 00:45:30,126
this is what he
really wants to happen,
765
00:45:30,128 --> 00:45:31,561
but he won't admit it ever
766
00:45:31,563 --> 00:45:32,995
and always invents reasons
around this
767
00:45:32,997 --> 00:45:35,531
to get mad at me
and call me a bastard.
768
00:45:37,134 --> 00:45:38,768
I even see in my drunkenness
769
00:45:38,770 --> 00:45:41,471
a little worried flutter
in Neal Cassady's eyes.
770
00:45:43,107 --> 00:45:44,907
[ Giggles ]
771
00:45:48,378 --> 00:45:50,579
I'll come back tomorrow.
772
00:45:58,222 --> 00:46:00,223
Her voice is the main point.
773
00:46:00,225 --> 00:46:01,758
She talks with a broken heart.
774
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,293
Her voice lutes brokenly
like a heart lost,
775
00:46:04,295 --> 00:46:06,429
musically, too,
like in a lost groove.
776
00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:08,564
I just marvel
and stare at her mouth,
777
00:46:08,566 --> 00:46:10,566
wondering where all the beauty
is coming from and why.
778
00:46:10,568 --> 00:46:13,569
And we end up making love
sweetly, too.
779
00:46:13,571 --> 00:46:15,238
A little blonde
well experienced
780
00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:17,373
in all the facets
of lovemaking.
781
00:46:18,542 --> 00:46:20,977
Why is it dark outside?
782
00:46:20,979 --> 00:46:23,646
Why did the sun
shine yesterday?
783
00:46:23,648 --> 00:46:25,748
Doesn't he bother you
with all these questions?
784
00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:28,117
[ Narrating ] He's one of the
weirdest persons I've ever met.
785
00:46:28,119 --> 00:46:30,887
I answer him because I may be
missing his next question.
786
00:46:30,889 --> 00:46:33,523
Everything he asks me
and says to me
787
00:46:33,525 --> 00:46:36,492
represents something important about
the absolute I may be missing.
788
00:46:37,795 --> 00:46:40,263
He has large, liquid
brown eyes, very beautiful,
789
00:46:40,265 --> 00:46:43,266
and he hates anybody
who comes near his mother
790
00:46:43,268 --> 00:46:45,568
and keeps asking her
questions constantly.
791
00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:47,003
What do you mean
about the absolute?
792
00:46:47,005 --> 00:46:50,473
You yourself said
everything is the absolute.
793
00:46:50,475 --> 00:46:52,208
But, of course, she's right.
794
00:46:52,210 --> 00:46:54,877
And I realize that,
in my dirty old soul,
795
00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:56,612
I'm already jealous of Elliott.
796
00:47:01,351 --> 00:47:03,352
[ Footsteps echoing ]
797
00:47:06,523 --> 00:47:07,990
Hey, darling.
798
00:47:07,992 --> 00:47:10,059
You hungry?
799
00:47:10,061 --> 00:47:12,128
Yeah? Okay.
800
00:47:15,432 --> 00:47:17,466
Oh.
801
00:47:17,468 --> 00:47:18,801
Here we go.
802
00:47:18,803 --> 00:47:20,469
Lots and lots of milk, right?
803
00:47:22,906 --> 00:47:24,874
There you go.
804
00:47:24,876 --> 00:47:25,975
Bye.
805
00:47:31,615 --> 00:47:33,149
I feel myself skidding.
806
00:47:34,484 --> 00:47:38,287
At night, Billie comes home,
and we pitch into love again
807
00:47:38,289 --> 00:47:40,189
like monsters who
don't know what else to do.
808
00:47:40,191 --> 00:47:43,426
And by now, I'm too blurry to
know what's going on anyway,
809
00:47:43,428 --> 00:47:45,995
though she reassures me
everything is all right.
810
00:47:47,097 --> 00:47:48,965
We're already
going to get married
811
00:47:48,967 --> 00:47:51,434
and fly away
to Mexico in a week.
812
00:47:54,004 --> 00:47:57,306
In fact, I can see it now,
813
00:47:57,308 --> 00:47:59,375
a great big
four-way marriage
814
00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:00,977
with Neal and Caroline.
815
00:48:33,477 --> 00:48:34,810
I feel myself skidding
816
00:48:34,812 --> 00:48:36,545
also because,
during the following week,
817
00:48:36,547 --> 00:48:39,582
I keep sitting in the same
chair by the goldfish bowl,
818
00:48:39,584 --> 00:48:41,450
drinking bottle
after bottle of port
819
00:48:41,452 --> 00:48:43,286
like an automaton
worrying about something.
820
00:48:43,288 --> 00:48:45,821
Ferlinghetti comes to visit,
McClure, almost everybody.
821
00:48:46,823 --> 00:48:50,059
So Neal's secret
is public, huh?
822
00:48:52,162 --> 00:48:54,330
[ Narrating ] They call to
me dashing up the stairs,
823
00:48:54,332 --> 00:48:56,666
and we have
long, drunken days talking,
824
00:48:56,668 --> 00:48:59,135
but I never seem
to get out of that chair
825
00:48:59,137 --> 00:49:02,217
and never even take another
delightful warm bath reading books.
826
00:49:04,041 --> 00:49:06,542
You should only drink
white wine, Jack.
827
00:49:09,079 --> 00:49:12,915
That'll kill you.
828
00:49:24,027 --> 00:49:25,027
Hello.
829
00:49:25,029 --> 00:49:26,896
Are you gonna come back
and get me here?
830
00:49:26,898 --> 00:49:28,364
I'm feeling like
I'm hiding the weapon.
831
00:49:28,366 --> 00:49:31,400
In a few days.
Just stay there.
832
00:49:31,402 --> 00:49:33,469
Have you heard about that?
833
00:49:33,471 --> 00:49:35,137
There's this strange group of,
834
00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:37,540
uh, beatniks or whatever.
835
00:49:37,542 --> 00:49:40,543
A-And they wear the most--the
most dandy clothes,
836
00:49:40,545 --> 00:49:42,178
you know,
or they'll turn around
837
00:49:42,180 --> 00:49:44,246
a-and have
these fancy pants,
838
00:49:44,248 --> 00:49:46,148
unpressed, of course,
839
00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:48,718
with torn sneakers.
840
00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:50,820
LEW: Jack, you know what Lenora
and I did the other day?
841
00:49:50,822 --> 00:49:52,421
We went and saw
the "The Wizard of Oz."
842
00:49:52,423 --> 00:49:53,689
Lenora after the movie
thought it would be fun
843
00:49:53,691 --> 00:49:54,757
if we maybe had sex
with a midget
844
00:49:54,759 --> 00:49:56,459
or something or a
munchkin or--you know.
845
00:49:56,461 --> 00:49:58,928
I don't know, though. I've never had
sex with a midget or a munchkin.
846
00:49:58,930 --> 00:50:00,796
You know what's freaking
me out are those fish.
847
00:50:00,798 --> 00:50:02,231
I don't understand
that their world is--
848
00:50:02,233 --> 00:50:03,899
their world is so small.
It's just right in there,
849
00:50:03,901 --> 00:50:05,301
and then they can't
really go anywhere,
850
00:50:05,303 --> 00:50:07,169
and their world is just
encompassed in this little space.
851
00:50:07,171 --> 00:50:08,304
Do you ever think about that?
852
00:50:08,306 --> 00:50:09,705
I think about that a lot.
853
00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:12,141
I think that their world is so
small and our world is so big.
854
00:50:12,143 --> 00:50:13,409
But our world
is getting smaller, too,
855
00:50:13,411 --> 00:50:16,445
because now Hawaii is a
state, and Alaska is a state.
856
00:50:16,447 --> 00:50:18,347
We went from 48 to 50...
857
00:50:26,323 --> 00:50:29,191
I realize it's just
a little family home scene,
858
00:50:29,193 --> 00:50:31,827
and I'm just a nut
in the wrong place.
859
00:50:34,664 --> 00:50:37,133
Meanwhile, Neal has
completely disappeared.
860
00:50:39,503 --> 00:50:41,937
This chair that you've
been sitting in for days,
861
00:50:41,939 --> 00:50:44,640
have you noticed the bottom
is falling out of it?
862
00:50:46,643 --> 00:50:48,944
Jack, you need some sleep.
863
00:50:57,287 --> 00:51:00,723
How long have you been
sitting in that chair?
864
00:51:00,725 --> 00:51:06,295
I've been, um, sitting here,
865
00:51:06,297 --> 00:51:08,330
waiting for Billie
to come home.
866
00:51:08,332 --> 00:51:10,800
Well, my God, let's go
outside, and sit by the water.
867
00:51:15,872 --> 00:51:17,473
Only if we get another bottle.
868
00:51:17,475 --> 00:51:20,109
Hmm. I have one
right here.
869
00:51:20,111 --> 00:51:23,245
So Philip and me, we made our
city hike over to the bay,
870
00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:25,781
where there is sound that
harkens slightly up to Sur
871
00:51:25,783 --> 00:51:28,350
that I had abandoned
in betrayal.
872
00:51:34,825 --> 00:51:36,892
Ah, Philip, I'm sorry
873
00:51:36,894 --> 00:51:40,429
I ruined our day
by sleeping like this.
874
00:51:40,431 --> 00:51:43,365
You needed to sleep.
I told you.
875
00:51:43,367 --> 00:51:45,134
How long was I sleeping?
876
00:51:45,136 --> 00:51:47,002
Ages.
877
00:51:47,004 --> 00:51:49,105
I'm sorry.
878
00:51:49,107 --> 00:51:51,574
Why should you be sorry?
879
00:51:51,576 --> 00:51:53,943
I love you anyway.
880
00:51:53,945 --> 00:51:56,078
Was I snoring?
881
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,047
You were snoring all day,
882
00:51:58,049 --> 00:52:00,382
and I've been
sitting here all day.
883
00:52:00,384 --> 00:52:03,185
What a beautiful day.
884
00:52:03,187 --> 00:52:04,420
Yeah.
885
00:52:04,422 --> 00:52:07,823
It's been a beautiful day.
886
00:52:07,825 --> 00:52:09,358
How strange.
887
00:52:12,095 --> 00:52:14,697
I smoked a whole package
of Edgewood.
888
00:52:14,699 --> 00:52:17,700
It's been a very strange day.
889
00:52:17,702 --> 00:52:21,036
Are you sad
I didn't talk to you?
890
00:52:21,038 --> 00:52:22,705
Not at all.
891
00:52:22,707 --> 00:52:23,873
In fact, I'm glad.
892
00:52:34,985 --> 00:52:36,952
[ Narrating ] Watching life.
893
00:52:41,525 --> 00:52:44,460
Maybe we don't know
all that we think we know.
894
00:52:44,462 --> 00:52:45,794
Where's she going?
895
00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,930
Does she has some
secret sailor lover?
896
00:52:47,932 --> 00:52:52,001
She only gonna finish her typing
after hours in the office?
897
00:52:52,003 --> 00:52:54,236
What if we knew, Philip,
898
00:52:54,238 --> 00:52:58,240
what every one of these people
going by is headed for?
899
00:52:58,242 --> 00:53:02,478
Some door, some restaurant,
900
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,047
some secret romance?
901
00:53:05,049 --> 00:53:08,317
You sound like you
stored up a lot of energy
902
00:53:08,319 --> 00:53:11,220
and interest in life
out there in the woods.
903
00:53:37,447 --> 00:53:39,648
What did you do all day?
904
00:53:40,817 --> 00:53:45,154
I was with Philip Whalen
and slept by the water.
905
00:53:45,156 --> 00:53:48,277
Here are your vegetables, honey.
906
00:53:50,860 --> 00:53:52,828
Billie, what are we gonna do?
907
00:53:55,932 --> 00:53:58,367
We'll get married and fly
to Mexico with Elliott.
908
00:53:58,369 --> 00:54:01,370
Billie, I don't want
to get married, I'm afraid.
909
00:54:02,872 --> 00:54:05,140
I want to go home
and die with my cat.
910
00:54:05,142 --> 00:54:06,408
Jack...
911
00:54:07,711 --> 00:54:10,246
what have I done wrong?
912
00:54:19,456 --> 00:54:21,856
I'll tell you what
you've done wrong.
913
00:54:26,763 --> 00:54:28,683
You withhold your love...
914
00:54:30,667 --> 00:54:32,427
from a woman like me.
915
00:54:37,307 --> 00:54:38,807
And previous women...
916
00:54:40,243 --> 00:54:43,245
and future women like me.
917
00:54:43,247 --> 00:54:44,480
Jack...
918
00:54:48,752 --> 00:54:52,087
can you imagine all the fun
we'd have being married?
919
00:54:52,089 --> 00:54:54,923
Going out to hear jazz?
920
00:54:54,925 --> 00:54:59,461
Or even taking planes
to Paris suddenly
921
00:54:59,463 --> 00:55:02,631
and all the things I have to
teach you and you teach me?
922
00:55:03,867 --> 00:55:06,235
I'm a creepy, strange guy
you don't even know.
923
00:55:06,237 --> 00:55:07,369
Yeah.
924
00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:13,542
Creepy, strange guy...
925
00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:16,412
that I love.
926
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:21,238
I love.
927
00:55:24,421 --> 00:55:30,426
We could go live in an old
log cabin in the hills,
928
00:55:30,428 --> 00:55:32,828
never say anything for years.
929
00:55:32,830 --> 00:55:35,197
Let's leave the city
and take Elliott with us
930
00:55:35,199 --> 00:55:38,133
and go to Ferlinghetti's cabin
in the woods for a week,
931
00:55:38,135 --> 00:55:39,468
for two weeks,
forget everything.
932
00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:45,341
Jack, I love you.
933
00:55:45,343 --> 00:55:46,375
I'll call Lew Welch,
934
00:55:46,377 --> 00:55:48,243
and he'll drive us
to Big Sur cabin.
935
00:55:48,245 --> 00:55:50,612
We'll be alone
in the woods at least.
936
00:55:50,614 --> 00:55:52,815
I'm telling you
that's what I want to do.
937
00:55:56,986 --> 00:55:58,987
[ Dialing telephone ]
938
00:56:01,091 --> 00:56:03,726
Hello, Lew?
There you are.
939
00:56:03,728 --> 00:56:04,927
Know what I'm
calling you about?
940
00:56:04,929 --> 00:56:07,896
Listen, pal,
take that big brunette Lenora,
941
00:56:07,898 --> 00:56:10,332
that Romanian madwoman,
and pack her in Willie
942
00:56:10,334 --> 00:56:13,001
and come down to Billie's
here and pick us up.
943
00:56:13,003 --> 00:56:14,903
We'll pack
while you's en route.
944
00:56:14,905 --> 00:56:18,107
Honey's on, and we'll all go spend two
weeks of bliss in Ferlinghetti's cabin.
945
00:56:18,109 --> 00:56:20,509
What's the purpose of all this?
946
00:56:20,511 --> 00:56:23,579
Just to see you, and we can
talk about purposes anywhere.
947
00:56:28,651 --> 00:56:31,220
Oh, Lew, I--I wanted
to stop by, uh, Neal's.
948
00:56:31,222 --> 00:56:33,956
[ Narrating ] It always starts out
good like that, the bad moments.
949
00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:36,258
Nothing is gained or lost
also by the fact
950
00:56:36,260 --> 00:56:38,527
that I insist we stop
at Neal Cassady's en route
951
00:56:38,529 --> 00:56:40,529
so I can pick up
some clothes I left there,
952
00:56:40,531 --> 00:56:41,897
but secretly I want Caroline
953
00:56:41,899 --> 00:56:43,966
to finally come
face-to-face with Billie.
954
00:56:43,968 --> 00:56:45,667
He always wants
to drive my car.
955
00:56:45,669 --> 00:56:46,668
It's my Willie.
956
00:56:46,670 --> 00:56:47,803
[ laughs ]
957
00:56:47,805 --> 00:56:50,005
LENORA: I'll settle
things with you.
958
00:57:09,325 --> 00:57:11,360
[ Door opens ]
959
00:57:15,298 --> 00:57:17,166
Billie's out in the Jeep.
960
00:57:29,312 --> 00:57:32,781
Of course it was you who was
destined to bring her here.
961
00:57:36,653 --> 00:57:39,388
What's Neal so worried about?
962
00:57:39,390 --> 00:57:41,156
[ Chuckles ]
963
00:57:41,158 --> 00:57:45,627
Oh, you're just spoiling all his
chance to be real secretive.
964
00:57:45,629 --> 00:57:48,931
He hasn't come and seen us
for a whole week.
965
00:57:48,933 --> 00:57:51,266
That's in a way what happened.
966
00:57:51,268 --> 00:57:53,202
Just left me stranded there.
967
00:57:53,204 --> 00:57:55,445
Well, why don't you
bring her in?
968
00:58:03,446 --> 00:58:04,980
[ Sighs ]
969
00:58:04,982 --> 00:58:08,062
Honey, you should
probably get her a drink.
970
00:58:13,523 --> 00:58:15,858
What can I get you to drink?
971
00:58:15,860 --> 00:58:17,259
Eh, the usual.
972
00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:19,895
That's fine.
973
00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:27,636
I just love the color
of these walls, Caroline.
974
00:58:27,638 --> 00:58:29,671
What do you call that color?
975
00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:31,273
Yellow.
976
00:58:43,753 --> 00:58:45,554
Caroline, did you
know that Billie
977
00:58:45,556 --> 00:58:47,923
has a lovely little boy
called Elliott?
978
00:58:47,925 --> 00:58:48,924
No.
979
00:58:48,926 --> 00:58:50,959
Asks a whole bunch
of questions,
980
00:58:50,961 --> 00:58:51,994
really charming.
981
00:58:51,996 --> 00:58:53,662
Neal never mentioned that.
982
00:58:55,398 --> 00:58:58,600
Well, what
a great idea this was.
983
00:58:58,602 --> 00:59:00,969
Let's toast, um--
984
00:59:00,971 --> 00:59:02,771
Let's toast Neal.
985
00:59:02,773 --> 00:59:05,941
Across the meadow and back
to the haunted cabin.
986
00:59:06,976 --> 00:59:09,011
I begin to feel extremely low
987
00:59:09,013 --> 00:59:11,446
as soon as last night's
alcohol wears off.
988
00:59:11,448 --> 00:59:13,982
I can't chop wood
for fear I'll cut a foot off.
989
00:59:13,984 --> 00:59:15,784
I can't sleep. I can't sit.
I can't pace.
990
00:59:15,786 --> 00:59:17,586
I keep going to the creek
to drink water
991
00:59:17,588 --> 00:59:20,822
till finally I'm going
down there a thousand times,
992
00:59:20,824 --> 00:59:23,759
making Lew Welch wonder, as
he's come back with more wine.
993
00:59:23,761 --> 00:59:26,094
I'm hungry.
Lew is hungry.
994
00:59:26,096 --> 00:59:28,297
Are you starving?
I'm through starving.
995
00:59:28,299 --> 00:59:29,331
What shall we eat?
996
00:59:29,333 --> 00:59:31,133
Tell you what, I got an idea.
997
00:59:31,135 --> 00:59:32,135
What?
998
00:59:34,304 --> 00:59:37,072
I am now gonna
go out surf casting
999
00:59:37,074 --> 00:59:40,375
for a grab bag of fish
for a marvelous supper.
1000
00:59:40,377 --> 00:59:41,677
[ laughs ]
1001
00:59:41,679 --> 00:59:44,179
Lenora, you get a salad ready,
1002
00:59:44,181 --> 00:59:46,782
whatever else we need,
or you can--
1003
00:59:46,784 --> 00:59:47,883
Oh, no, no.
1004
00:59:48,985 --> 00:59:50,886
♪ Oh doh doh doh doh doh
1005
00:59:50,888 --> 00:59:52,321
Mm-hmm.
1006
00:59:52,323 --> 00:59:55,457
We're gonna leave the two
of you alone now, okay?
1007
01:00:03,366 --> 01:00:06,101
Why don't we go to Nepenthe
1008
01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:08,637
and private our grief tonight?
1009
01:00:10,907 --> 01:00:12,507
And drink Manhattans?
1010
01:00:12,509 --> 01:00:13,976
Or go see Henry Miller?
1011
01:00:13,978 --> 01:00:17,379
I'm so exhausted, I can't
do anything or see anybody.
1012
01:00:17,381 --> 01:00:19,815
Already feeling awful guilt
about Henry Miller anyway.
1013
01:00:19,817 --> 01:00:22,184
We've made an appointment
with him about a week ago,
1014
01:00:22,186 --> 01:00:25,153
and instead of showing up at his
friend's house in Santa Cruz at 7:00,
1015
01:00:25,155 --> 01:00:27,089
we're all drunk at 10:00,
calling long distance.
1016
01:00:27,091 --> 01:00:28,690
And poor Henry just said,
"Well, I'm sorry
1017
01:00:28,692 --> 01:00:31,059
"I don't get to meet you,
Jack, but I'm an old man,
1018
01:00:31,061 --> 01:00:33,261
"and at 10:00, it's time
for me to go to bed.
1019
01:00:33,263 --> 01:00:35,063
You'd never make it here
till after midnight now."
1020
01:00:35,065 --> 01:00:37,633
His voice on the phone
just like his records,
1021
01:00:37,635 --> 01:00:39,401
nasal, Brooklyn,
good-guy voice,
1022
01:00:39,403 --> 01:00:40,969
and him disappointed in a way,
1023
01:00:40,971 --> 01:00:42,204
because he's gone
to the trouble
1024
01:00:42,206 --> 01:00:44,506
of writing the preface
to one of my books.
1025
01:00:44,508 --> 01:00:46,842
Though I suddenly now think
in my remorseful paranoias,
1026
01:00:46,844 --> 01:00:48,143
"Ah, the hell with it.
1027
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:49,945
"He was only
getting in the act,
1028
01:00:49,947 --> 01:00:51,446
"like all these guys
write prefaces
1029
01:00:51,448 --> 01:00:53,949
So you don't even get
to read the author first,"
1030
01:00:53,951 --> 01:00:55,751
as an example
of how really psychotically
1031
01:00:55,753 --> 01:00:58,420
suspicious and loco
I was getting.
1032
01:01:02,425 --> 01:01:04,526
I'd begun to realize
in my soberness
1033
01:01:04,528 --> 01:01:06,428
that this thing
had come too far,
1034
01:01:06,430 --> 01:01:08,463
that I don't love Billie,
that I'm leading her on,
1035
01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:10,432
that I made a mistake
dragging everyone here,
1036
01:01:10,434 --> 01:01:12,100
that I simply
want to go home now,
1037
01:01:12,102 --> 01:01:14,569
that I'm just plumb sick and
tired, just like Neal, I guess.
1038
01:01:14,571 --> 01:01:17,973
I suddenly wonder if she's going to
horrify the heavens and me, too,
1039
01:01:17,975 --> 01:01:20,542
with a sudden suicide walk
into those awful undertows.
1040
01:01:20,544 --> 01:01:22,544
I see her sad
blonde hair flying,
1041
01:01:22,546 --> 01:01:24,946
the sad, thin figure
alone by the sea,
1042
01:01:24,948 --> 01:01:26,982
the leaf-hastening sea.
1043
01:01:26,984 --> 01:01:28,417
"You are my last chance,"
she said,
1044
01:01:28,419 --> 01:01:30,085
but don't all women say that?
1045
01:01:30,087 --> 01:01:33,889
Can it be I'm withholding from her
something sacred just like she says?
1046
01:01:33,891 --> 01:01:35,724
Or am I just a fool
who will never learn
1047
01:01:35,726 --> 01:01:37,292
to have a decent,
eternally minded
1048
01:01:37,294 --> 01:01:39,327
deep-down relation
with a woman
1049
01:01:39,329 --> 01:01:41,963
and keep throwing that away
for a song and a bottle?
1050
01:01:43,132 --> 01:01:45,167
Ladies and gentlemen,
what we are having
1051
01:01:45,169 --> 01:01:47,536
is a sacrificial banquet
with all kinds of goodies
1052
01:01:47,538 --> 01:01:50,338
laid in a regal spread around
one little delicious fish,
1053
01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:52,941
so that we may pray to that fish
and take tiny, little bites.
1054
01:01:52,943 --> 01:01:54,910
Now, there's only about
four bites apiece, okay?
1055
01:01:54,912 --> 01:01:57,512
But there's all kinds of
different parts of the fish
1056
01:01:57,514 --> 01:01:59,381
where the bites are
even more significant
1057
01:01:59,383 --> 01:02:00,949
or substantial or beneficial.
1058
01:02:00,951 --> 01:02:01,950
But let me tell you, however,
1059
01:02:01,952 --> 01:02:02,951
the real way to properly
fry a fish...
1060
01:02:02,953 --> 01:02:04,986
[ sizzling ] Beautiful!
1061
01:02:04,988 --> 01:02:06,621
Lew. [ laughs ]
1062
01:02:06,623 --> 01:02:08,690
That's fantastic.
1063
01:02:08,692 --> 01:02:11,660
Flipping the fish, now!
1064
01:02:11,662 --> 01:02:12,994
Oh!
Oh!
1065
01:02:12,996 --> 01:02:14,863
[ laughs ]
1066
01:02:14,865 --> 01:02:17,065
We're having fish, Jack.
1067
01:02:30,446 --> 01:02:33,315
Here you go, Jack.
1068
01:02:36,986 --> 01:02:38,487
You gotta eat, Jack.
1069
01:02:38,489 --> 01:02:41,456
I whispered love into
every orifice of that bite.
1070
01:02:44,660 --> 01:02:46,661
Oh, Lew, that looks beautiful.
1071
01:02:46,663 --> 01:02:47,662
Thank you.
1072
01:02:47,664 --> 01:02:49,598
[ Chuckles ]
1073
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:51,032
[ Gasps ]
1074
01:02:51,034 --> 01:02:52,334
[ Claps ] [ laughs ]
1075
01:02:52,336 --> 01:02:53,902
It's beautiful.
1076
01:02:53,904 --> 01:02:55,904
[ Clears throat ]
1077
01:02:57,206 --> 01:02:59,141
Let us pray.
1078
01:02:59,143 --> 01:03:00,408
Jack?
1079
01:03:03,546 --> 01:03:06,181
This is the fish that
we're now gonna partake of
1080
01:03:06,183 --> 01:03:08,450
and feed us so that
we shall be stronger.
1081
01:03:08,452 --> 01:03:09,584
Thank you, fish people.
1082
01:03:09,586 --> 01:03:11,052
Thank you, fish god.
Thank you, moon,
1083
01:03:11,054 --> 01:03:12,220
for giving us
our light tonight.
1084
01:03:12,222 --> 01:03:14,456
This is the night
of the full moon fish...
1085
01:03:16,092 --> 01:03:18,693
which we are now going to consecrate
with our first delicate bite.
1086
01:03:18,695 --> 01:03:20,395
[ Narrating ] That
fish has all the death
1087
01:03:20,397 --> 01:03:22,831
of otters and mouses
right in it.
1088
01:03:22,833 --> 01:03:26,434
And that first bite
is for Jack.
1089
01:03:29,739 --> 01:03:32,099
It's just a tiny,
little bite, Jack.
1090
01:03:32,809 --> 01:03:35,644
Just chew it very slowly.
1091
01:03:37,113 --> 01:03:39,274
You just chew it really slowly.
1092
01:03:59,101 --> 01:04:00,435
Is he chewing?
Oh.
1093
01:04:00,437 --> 01:04:01,803
Yes, my drink.
1094
01:04:01,805 --> 01:04:03,646
I'll have that piece.
Okay.
1095
01:04:04,941 --> 01:04:07,409
If I try to turn over,
1096
01:04:07,411 --> 01:04:10,679
the whole universe
turns over with me.
1097
01:04:13,549 --> 01:04:16,818
It's no better on the other side
of the universe.
1098
01:04:23,793 --> 01:04:25,193
You got me all wrong.
1099
01:04:25,195 --> 01:04:27,162
I wouldn't be any good for you.
1100
01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:29,397
I know that now.
1101
01:04:31,367 --> 01:04:33,902
You're just tired of life,
and you want to sleep,
1102
01:04:33,904 --> 01:04:36,304
and in a way, that's
what I want to do, too.
1103
01:04:36,306 --> 01:04:37,939
Only, I've got Elliott
to worry about.
1104
01:04:39,942 --> 01:04:42,811
Could take both our lives
and solve that.
1105
01:04:42,813 --> 01:04:44,312
You, creepy talk.
1106
01:04:44,314 --> 01:04:48,817
You told me the first night
1107
01:04:48,819 --> 01:04:50,385
you loved me,
1108
01:04:50,387 --> 01:04:52,320
that I was
the most interesting,
1109
01:04:52,322 --> 01:04:55,223
that you hadn't met
anyone you liked so much,
1110
01:04:55,225 --> 01:04:58,059
and then you just
went on drinking.
1111
01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:04,566
I really can see now what
they say about you is true.
1112
01:05:06,135 --> 01:05:11,473
You keep groaning
about how sick you are,
1113
01:05:11,475 --> 01:05:13,608
and you really don't
think about others enough,
1114
01:05:13,610 --> 01:05:16,478
and I know you can't help it,
1115
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:21,082
but you are
really ratty sometimes.
1116
01:05:21,084 --> 01:05:23,885
But even that,
I know you can't help.
1117
01:05:23,887 --> 01:05:25,253
Why can't you follow through
1118
01:05:25,255 --> 01:05:28,089
with what your heart knows
is good and best and true?
1119
01:05:29,292 --> 01:05:31,626
You give up so easy
to discouragement.
1120
01:05:35,765 --> 01:05:38,667
And I guess, too,
you don't really want me.
1121
01:05:38,669 --> 01:05:40,502
You want to go home
1122
01:05:40,504 --> 01:05:43,138
and resume your own life
with Louise.
1123
01:05:43,140 --> 01:05:44,673
No, I couldn't with her either.
1124
01:05:44,675 --> 01:05:46,942
I'm just bound up inside
like constipation!
1125
01:05:46,944 --> 01:05:48,310
I can't move emotionally,
1126
01:05:48,312 --> 01:05:50,312
like you'd say
emotionally as though
1127
01:05:50,314 --> 01:05:52,647
that were some big,
grand, magic mystery!
1128
01:05:52,649 --> 01:05:54,983
Everybody's saying, "Oh,
how wonderful life is!"
1129
01:05:54,985 --> 01:05:58,086
How miraculous! God's made
this, and God made that!"
1130
01:05:58,088 --> 01:06:00,655
How do you know he doesn't
hate what he did?
1131
01:06:00,657 --> 01:06:04,192
He might even be drunk and not
noticing what he went and done!
1132
01:06:04,194 --> 01:06:06,194
Though, of course,
that's not true.
1133
01:06:07,196 --> 01:06:09,064
Maybe God is dead.
1134
01:06:09,066 --> 01:06:13,702
No. God can't be dead,
because he's the unborn!
1135
01:06:13,704 --> 01:06:15,370
You have all these philosophies
1136
01:06:15,372 --> 01:06:17,272
and sutras
you keep talking about.
1137
01:06:17,274 --> 01:06:18,573
But don't you see?
1138
01:06:18,575 --> 01:06:21,476
They've all become empty words!
1139
01:06:23,279 --> 01:06:26,281
I realize I've been playing
like a happy child
1140
01:06:26,283 --> 01:06:28,783
all my life
with words, words, words
1141
01:06:28,785 --> 01:06:31,086
in a big, serious tragedy!
1142
01:06:31,088 --> 01:06:32,854
Look around!
1143
01:06:40,696 --> 01:06:41,696
[ Bird calls ]
1144
01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:48,603
[ Narrating ] I've never
screamed in my life.
1145
01:06:48,605 --> 01:06:49,938
It's the first time
1146
01:06:49,940 --> 01:06:52,607
I'm not confident
I can hold myself together,
1147
01:06:52,609 --> 01:06:53,942
no matter what happens.
1148
01:06:53,944 --> 01:06:56,378
The devils
come after me tonight.
1149
01:06:56,380 --> 01:06:58,646
The creek will give me water
1150
01:06:58,648 --> 01:07:00,368
that will clear away
everything.
1151
01:07:06,789 --> 01:07:09,109
Suddenly the water in the creek
tastes different...
1152
01:07:10,893 --> 01:07:14,429
as though somebody's thrown
gasoline or kerosene in it.
1153
01:07:15,598 --> 01:07:17,599
[ Panting ]
1154
01:07:35,151 --> 01:07:36,418
[ Gasps ]
1155
01:07:42,625 --> 01:07:45,060
The unbearable
anguish of insanity.
1156
01:07:48,397 --> 01:07:51,499
There's a tightening
around the head that hurts.
1157
01:07:53,269 --> 01:07:56,204
There's a terror of the mind
that hurts even more.
1158
01:07:56,206 --> 01:07:57,739
[ Heart beating slowly ]
1159
01:08:02,845 --> 01:08:07,182
I feel evil forces
gathering down all around me
1160
01:08:07,184 --> 01:08:09,584
from her,
1161
01:08:09,586 --> 01:08:11,286
the kid...
1162
01:08:13,422 --> 01:08:15,223
the very walls of the cabin...
1163
01:08:19,361 --> 01:08:21,796
and the trees.
1164
01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:26,201
Even the sudden thought of Lew
Welch and Lenora is evil.
1165
01:08:26,203 --> 01:08:27,735
[ Waves crash ]
1166
01:08:32,708 --> 01:08:35,176
[ Shrieks ]
1167
01:08:35,178 --> 01:08:37,112
They're all coming now.
1168
01:08:45,387 --> 01:08:47,388
[ Panting ]
1169
01:09:05,674 --> 01:09:07,208
Jack.
1170
01:09:11,614 --> 01:09:12,747
Jack?
1171
01:09:21,724 --> 01:09:23,424
Love me...
1172
01:09:24,660 --> 01:09:25,660
please.
1173
01:09:32,801 --> 01:09:36,604
Even--Even if we never
see each other again,
1174
01:09:36,606 --> 01:09:38,740
let this last night
be beautiful.
1175
01:09:46,382 --> 01:09:47,142
Please.
1176
01:09:50,386 --> 01:09:52,854
[ Narrating ]
I'm carking in my canyon.
1177
01:09:52,856 --> 01:09:55,523
Can you just do that for me...
1178
01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:57,225
Everything is death.
1179
01:09:57,227 --> 01:09:59,327
For the both of us?
1180
01:09:59,329 --> 01:10:00,995
They all look dead.
1181
01:10:03,265 --> 01:10:04,632
I can't.
1182
01:10:04,634 --> 01:10:08,169
I'm with you, Jesus,
for always,
1183
01:10:08,171 --> 01:10:10,171
but there's a battle somewhere,
1184
01:10:10,173 --> 01:10:12,574
and the devils
keep coming back.
1185
01:10:16,345 --> 01:10:17,512
Why can't you?
1186
01:10:19,782 --> 01:10:22,016
Jack, please?
1187
01:10:25,955 --> 01:10:28,223
I see the cross.
1188
01:10:29,291 --> 01:10:30,725
It's silent.
1189
01:10:32,061 --> 01:10:34,729
It stays a long time.
1190
01:10:35,931 --> 01:10:38,933
My whole body fades away to it.
1191
01:10:45,808 --> 01:10:48,009
I don't want to scare Billie
1192
01:10:48,011 --> 01:10:49,777
or anybody
with my death scream.
1193
01:10:52,114 --> 01:10:53,748
So I swallow the scream
1194
01:10:53,750 --> 01:10:57,719
and just
let myself go into death.
1195
01:11:12,901 --> 01:11:14,902
[ Water flowing ]
1196
01:11:37,059 --> 01:11:39,060
[ Sizzling ]
1197
01:11:47,603 --> 01:11:48,803
I can't possibly
stay here another minute.
1198
01:11:48,805 --> 01:11:50,405
You gotta drive us
all back to town.
1199
01:11:50,407 --> 01:11:54,008
Okay, but I sure wish we could stay
another week like Lenora wants to do.
1200
01:11:54,010 --> 01:11:55,910
Well, you drive me
and come back.
1201
01:11:55,912 --> 01:11:57,713
Heh. I don't know if
Lawrence would like that.
1202
01:11:57,714 --> 01:11:59,180
We already dirtied up
the place aplenty.
1203
01:11:59,182 --> 01:12:02,216
In fact, we gotta dig a garbage
pit to get rid of all the junk.
1204
01:12:04,953 --> 01:12:05,953
I'll do it.
1205
01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:11,592
It's exactly the size
1206
01:12:11,594 --> 01:12:13,628
fit for putting
a little dead Elliott in it.
1207
01:12:13,630 --> 01:12:15,363
We've all
read Freud sufficiently
1208
01:12:15,365 --> 01:12:17,166
to understand something there.
1209
01:12:28,510 --> 01:12:30,545
Want to finish
the job yourself?
1210
01:12:30,547 --> 01:12:32,046
What do you mean?
1211
01:12:32,048 --> 01:12:34,916
Well, I said I'd dig
the garbage pit,
1212
01:12:34,918 --> 01:12:36,184
and I've done that.
1213
01:12:36,186 --> 01:12:38,286
Aren't you supposed
to do the rest?
1214
01:12:43,625 --> 01:12:46,561
I'll dump earth over it
and tamp it down.
1215
01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,429
No, no, no, no!
1216
01:12:50,532 --> 01:12:51,799
What's the matter
with this kid?
1217
01:12:51,801 --> 01:12:52,800
Is he a cretin?
1218
01:12:57,139 --> 01:12:58,299
Come on, Elliott.
1219
01:13:01,243 --> 01:13:02,443
Jack...
1220
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:06,981
you are so fucking neurotic.
1221
01:13:24,032 --> 01:13:26,033
[ Panting ]
1222
01:13:32,674 --> 01:13:34,475
The hell with this madness.
1223
01:13:36,578 --> 01:13:38,246
Just a golden wash of goodness
1224
01:13:38,248 --> 01:13:41,282
has spread over all and
over all my body and mind.
1225
01:13:41,284 --> 01:13:43,184
All the dark torture
is a memory.
1226
01:13:43,186 --> 01:13:45,319
I know now I can
get out of there.
1227
01:13:45,321 --> 01:13:46,521
We'll drive back to the city.
1228
01:13:46,523 --> 01:13:47,522
I'll take Billie home.
1229
01:13:47,524 --> 01:13:49,056
I'll say goodbye
to her properly.
1230
01:13:49,058 --> 01:13:51,359
She won't commit no suicide
or do anything wrong.
1231
01:13:51,361 --> 01:13:54,262
Billie will go on being golden
one way or the other.
1232
01:13:54,264 --> 01:13:56,230
The little boy will grow up
and be a great man.
1233
01:13:56,232 --> 01:13:58,065
Lenora's life will go on.
Old Lew will manage somehow.
1234
01:13:58,067 --> 01:14:00,368
I'll forgive them
and explain everything.
1235
01:14:00,370 --> 01:14:01,936
And Neal Cassady
and Albert Saijo
1236
01:14:01,938 --> 01:14:03,304
and ravened Michael McClure
1237
01:14:03,306 --> 01:14:04,939
and perfect,
starry Philip Whalen,
1238
01:14:04,941 --> 01:14:06,808
they'll all pass through
one way or the other.
1239
01:14:06,810 --> 01:14:08,876
I'll stay with Ferlinghetti
at his home a few days,
1240
01:14:08,878 --> 01:14:11,512
and he'll smile and show me
how to be happy a while.
1241
01:14:11,514 --> 01:14:13,080
We'll drink dry wine
instead of sweet
1242
01:14:13,082 --> 01:14:15,049
and have quiet evenings
in his home.
1243
01:14:15,051 --> 01:14:17,084
Ferlinghetti will say,
"That's all there is to it."
1244
01:14:17,086 --> 01:14:18,286
"Take it easy.
Everything's okay."
1245
01:14:18,288 --> 01:14:19,787
"Don't take things too serious."
1246
01:14:19,789 --> 01:14:21,489
"It's bad enough as it is"
1247
01:14:21,491 --> 01:14:23,925
without you going the deep end
over imaginary conceptions,
1248
01:14:23,927 --> 01:14:25,460
"just like you
always said yourself."
1249
01:14:25,462 --> 01:14:28,329
I'll get my ticket
and say goodbye on a flower day
1250
01:14:28,331 --> 01:14:29,964
and leave
all San Francisco behind
1251
01:14:29,966 --> 01:14:32,066
and go home
across autumn America,
1252
01:14:32,068 --> 01:14:34,268
and it'll all be like
it was in the beginning,
1253
01:14:34,270 --> 01:14:37,572
simple, golden eternity,
blessing all.
1254
01:14:37,574 --> 01:14:39,574
Nothing ever happened,
not even this.
1255
01:14:39,576 --> 01:14:41,075
There'll be farewells
and smiles.
1256
01:14:41,077 --> 01:14:43,244
My mother will be
waiting for me glad.
1257
01:14:43,246 --> 01:14:45,146
The corner of the yard
where Tyke is buried
1258
01:14:45,148 --> 01:14:46,681
will be a new
and fragrant shrine,
1259
01:14:46,683 --> 01:14:48,382
making my home
more homelike somehow.
1260
01:14:48,384 --> 01:14:51,252
Something good will come
out of all things yet,
1261
01:14:51,254 --> 01:14:54,155
and it will be golden
and eternal just like that.
1262
01:14:54,157 --> 01:14:56,457
There's no need
to say another word.
1263
01:14:56,459 --> 01:14:58,459
[ Instrumental playing ]
94023
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