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1
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Hello.
2
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I'm Alan Strauss.
3
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Dr. Strauss.
4
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- Y-You're...?
- Candace.
5
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Sorry.
6
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I'm Sam's mother.
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Oh.
8
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Is this... your house?
9
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Sam moved back in with me
when he split up with Mary.
10
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- Ah, I see.
- Did he...
11
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You know about Mary, don't you?
12
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I'm sorry, I can't
really discuss that.
13
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Of course. Yes.
14
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So, you know who I am?
15
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Of course I do.
16
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I loved your book.
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When his father left,
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I started reading
all these books.
19
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You know, self-help.
20
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The Cactus and the Mirage
was one of my favorites.
21
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I had Sam read it, too,
but it didn't really help him,
22
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so I...
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told him he should try
real therapy.
24
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This isn't trying real therapy.
25
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Of course.
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I know how terrible this is.
27
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Believe me, I know.
28
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Unlock me.
29
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I don't have a key.
30
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:05,574
Well...
31
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call the police.
Then we can help Sam.
32
00:02:07,929 --> 00:02:09,464
Please understand.
33
00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:13,206
I don't support him
in this at all.
34
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I'm not... like him.
35
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But I can't turn in my own son.
36
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You're his mother.
Can't you tell him to stop this?
37
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He's trying to stop.
I know it's-it's...
38
00:02:24,696 --> 00:02:27,249
Candace, please.
39
00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:30,507
I have kids.
A son and a daughter.
40
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They need me,
just like he needs you.
41
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,819
I know this isn't right.
42
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But you have to help him.
43
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He's my baby.
44
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You ever had pho?
45
00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:25,851
- Yes.
- Not like this, you haven't.
46
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I'm gonna get bowls.
47
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Sam, hold on a second.
48
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When you were gone,
49
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:58,884
I heard someone
moving around upstairs,
50
00:03:58,984 --> 00:04:00,788
and I called up to them
51
00:04:00,921 --> 00:04:03,342
and asked them to come down.
52
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Did they come down?
53
00:04:06,933 --> 00:04:09,337
- So you met my mother.
- Yes.
54
00:04:09,437 --> 00:04:13,514
I was a little surprised.
Y-You said she was dead.
55
00:04:13,614 --> 00:04:16,520
Yeah, my parents aren't dead.
56
00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:18,456
I-I lied about that, too.
57
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Sorry.
58
00:04:22,765 --> 00:04:24,635
One of the reasons
that I didn't want
59
00:04:24,769 --> 00:04:26,522
to go into therapy
60
00:04:26,606 --> 00:04:28,442
was because I know it's all
61
00:04:28,543 --> 00:04:31,415
"mothers, mothers, mothers."
My mother is not my problem.
62
00:04:31,516 --> 00:04:33,853
Let me get the bowls.
63
00:04:49,785 --> 00:04:51,856
I'm going to
64
00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:54,427
need you to take off this chain.
65
00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:58,202
There's no way to do
this work effectively
66
00:04:58,302 --> 00:04:59,805
with the therapist tied up.
67
00:04:59,939 --> 00:05:02,210
The chain's on your leg,
not on your mouth.
68
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:05,399
Sam, I present
no physical threat to you.
69
00:05:05,483 --> 00:05:08,288
You're young and strong,
70
00:05:08,389 --> 00:05:11,496
and I-I... I sit
in a chair all day.
71
00:05:11,629 --> 00:05:15,436
What do you imagine
would happen if I attacked you?
72
00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:21,765
I... I pictured this
with you chained to the floor.
73
00:05:21,849 --> 00:05:24,438
I understand,
and I am asking you
74
00:05:24,522 --> 00:05:26,057
to adjust that
75
00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:29,464
so I can help you
more effectively.
76
00:05:29,565 --> 00:05:34,257
Sam, there is no way that
this is going to work
77
00:05:34,341 --> 00:05:36,411
unless you take off this chain.
78
00:05:40,219 --> 00:05:42,423
She usually doesn't
come down here.
79
00:05:55,450 --> 00:05:59,257
Before, when we were
in my office...
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00:05:59,357 --> 00:06:02,363
you told me that your mother
took care of you
81
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,067
when your father
was being violent.
82
00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:05,603
"Mothers, mothers, mothers."
83
00:06:05,704 --> 00:06:08,943
It's just one part of things,
Sam, but we can't ignore it.
84
00:06:11,215 --> 00:06:14,387
Your mother told me
that he left.
85
00:06:15,356 --> 00:06:18,395
Can you tell me about that?
86
00:06:18,529 --> 00:06:19,899
He left us.
87
00:06:19,999 --> 00:06:21,969
How old were you?
88
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Fourteen.
89
00:06:25,376 --> 00:06:27,547
And what do you remember
about that?
90
00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:32,725
He left us.
91
00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:35,296
So, he didn't hit me anymore.
92
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,834
Did you see him after that?
93
00:06:41,408 --> 00:06:43,513
This is the house
you grew up in?
94
00:06:44,516 --> 00:06:47,053
Yup.
95
00:06:48,523 --> 00:06:52,597
Do you have memories,
um, like...
96
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:57,507
Did he hurt you in this room?
97
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,781
If I was in this room...
98
00:07:00,915 --> 00:07:03,586
it was in this room.
99
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,561
And you'd be here and...
100
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,999
And he'd say something
101
00:07:10,099 --> 00:07:13,523
that I was supposed to do,
and if I didn't do it
102
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,577
within one second...
103
00:07:16,545 --> 00:07:19,117
I didn't know what he meant
sometimes. I... He was...
104
00:07:19,217 --> 00:07:21,689
I needed time to think,
105
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,091
but...
106
00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:26,364
Like, one time,
107
00:07:26,464 --> 00:07:27,801
he got a whole load of grout
108
00:07:27,902 --> 00:07:30,473
for the kitchen
and the bathroom, and...
109
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:32,811
he got a deal, right,
110
00:07:32,945 --> 00:07:36,485
so he ordered a ton of it,
and it came in these boxes.
111
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:39,741
And he was yelling at me,
"Break 'em down."
112
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Screaming. "Break 'em down."
113
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I didn't know what he meant
114
00:07:45,403 --> 00:07:47,440
because I'd never
heard that before
115
00:07:47,541 --> 00:07:50,981
'cause he... he wasn't
pointing at the boxes.
116
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Then he just,
he just went at me,
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like he did.
118
00:08:05,175 --> 00:08:07,681
You said your mom got it, too.
119
00:08:08,216 --> 00:08:11,221
She's a good mother.
120
00:08:11,355 --> 00:08:14,027
She made me sandwiches
every day.
121
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She did the laundry.
122
00:08:19,605 --> 00:08:23,145
It's a terrible situation
for a mother and a son.
123
00:08:45,557 --> 00:08:47,595
Everyone,
please. Everyone, please.
124
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People!
125
00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:53,072
People. People!
126
00:08:53,205 --> 00:08:54,942
I have something to say.
127
00:08:55,043 --> 00:08:59,050
People, people.
I have something to say.
128
00:08:59,150 --> 00:09:01,523
I understand that
129
00:09:01,623 --> 00:09:04,177
the mother of the chat an
has some
130
00:09:04,261 --> 00:09:05,964
words she'd like to share
131
00:09:06,064 --> 00:09:08,168
with the new couple.
132
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,732
We don't have women sing.
133
00:09:22,832 --> 00:09:25,737
Rabbi, it's my son's wedding.
134
00:09:35,289 --> 00:09:39,698
Hi. I'm Ezra's mom.
135
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,005
Where are you going?
136
00:09:43,105 --> 00:09:45,777
I'm also the cantor
at Temple Sinai.
137
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,764
Talk to me, Sam.
138
00:10:14,602 --> 00:10:16,471
I know you're struggling
with your feelings
139
00:10:16,573 --> 00:10:18,743
about the manager
at the restaurant.
140
00:10:20,647 --> 00:10:24,020
Is there anything else
you can tell me about it?
141
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:28,797
Uh...
142
00:10:28,897 --> 00:10:30,967
You should help me.
143
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:43,793
Hmm...
144
00:10:47,768 --> 00:10:49,754
I have a thought for us.
145
00:10:49,838 --> 00:10:52,510
- Mm-hmm.
- You know,
146
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,517
your mother
is an impressive woman,
147
00:10:55,617 --> 00:10:58,188
and she would clearly
do anything
148
00:10:58,321 --> 00:11:00,108
to help you feel better,
149
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,748
help you live the life
that you want to live,
150
00:11:02,832 --> 00:11:05,837
and I think that
she can help us now.
151
00:11:06,806 --> 00:11:10,129
We are all part
of family systems.
152
00:11:10,213 --> 00:11:12,216
You, me, everyone.
153
00:11:12,349 --> 00:11:15,105
Changes to those systems
154
00:11:15,189 --> 00:11:17,026
can have a profound effect
on us,
155
00:11:17,126 --> 00:11:19,698
even at your age.
156
00:11:19,799 --> 00:11:20,950
And I was thinking
157
00:11:21,034 --> 00:11:23,572
that it might be beneficial
158
00:11:23,673 --> 00:11:26,311
if we were to do
some family therapy work
159
00:11:26,411 --> 00:11:27,847
with you and your mother.
160
00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:31,956
Mm.
161
00:11:32,056 --> 00:11:33,826
She's been through enough.
162
00:11:35,864 --> 00:11:38,786
She doesn't need to be dragged
into what we're doing here.
163
00:11:38,870 --> 00:11:40,607
I think that's kind of you,
164
00:11:40,707 --> 00:11:42,945
and I can see why
you'd want to protect her.
165
00:11:43,045 --> 00:11:44,280
But I don't think you need
166
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:47,687
to worry about her feeling
dragged into this.
167
00:11:47,787 --> 00:11:51,127
I think she might
find it helpful, too.
168
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,068
Sam.
169
00:11:56,839 --> 00:11:59,411
You don't have to take
this next step alone.
170
00:11:59,512 --> 00:12:03,987
There is someone
who wants to be there with you.
171
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:08,228
She doesn't want you struggling
with this by yourself.
172
00:12:32,243 --> 00:12:35,249
He was always
a very physical man,
173
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:39,224
and it was always
a very intense relationship.
174
00:12:39,324 --> 00:12:42,731
- I think Sam and I...
- He was an asshole.
175
00:12:42,831 --> 00:12:44,735
It's pretty simple.
176
00:12:44,869 --> 00:12:47,907
He was a terrible father,
and Sam and I...
177
00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:49,511
Worse than terrible.
178
00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:51,916
Let's try to slow down
a little bit.
179
00:12:52,049 --> 00:12:55,924
In this space, let everybody
finish what they're saying.
180
00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:58,846
When we go more slowly,
181
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:02,102
usually, everyone thinks
a little more clearly,
182
00:13:02,202 --> 00:13:05,009
and sometimes, when we wait,
183
00:13:05,109 --> 00:13:08,281
people don't say what we think
they are going to.
184
00:13:11,254 --> 00:13:15,178
Sam and I took refuge
in each other.
185
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:18,102
I learned that from one
of the books I read.
186
00:13:18,235 --> 00:13:20,055
Not yours.
187
00:13:20,139 --> 00:13:21,942
Hmm.
188
00:13:23,312 --> 00:13:25,398
That it was a refuge.
189
00:13:25,482 --> 00:13:27,119
You were in this together.
190
00:13:27,253 --> 00:13:29,324
Mm-hmm.
191
00:13:29,424 --> 00:13:31,412
You still are.
192
00:13:31,496 --> 00:13:35,886
You are bonded to each other.
193
00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:38,141
It's very moving.
194
00:13:40,379 --> 00:13:43,067
- Sam.
- Yup.
195
00:13:43,151 --> 00:13:45,389
You love your mother,
196
00:13:45,489 --> 00:13:48,929
and I think that can give us
a way to help you.
197
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:53,387
I want you to think
in a new way of how
198
00:13:53,471 --> 00:13:56,512
you can protect your mother.
199
00:13:56,612 --> 00:14:00,318
As you struggle
with this impulse
200
00:14:00,419 --> 00:14:03,593
to become violent,
201
00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:05,731
I want you
to protect your mother
202
00:14:05,831 --> 00:14:08,468
by not acting on that impulse.
203
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:13,178
So that she can be free
from this source of pain.
204
00:14:13,278 --> 00:14:15,349
So...
205
00:14:15,449 --> 00:14:17,420
you think to yourself,
206
00:14:17,521 --> 00:14:20,159
"I will not do this,
207
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,964
so that I can
protect my mother."
208
00:14:50,553 --> 00:14:53,492
Will you do that for me, Sam?
209
00:15:10,426 --> 00:15:12,396
Okay.
210
00:15:58,455 --> 00:16:00,425
Pastitsio.
211
00:16:03,465 --> 00:16:05,402
That guy at the...
212
00:16:05,503 --> 00:16:08,074
This restaurant
where I did the inspection.
213
00:16:09,578 --> 00:16:11,582
I went back there tonight.
214
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,060
Mmm.
215
00:16:26,144 --> 00:16:28,949
I figured I'd be okay,
216
00:16:29,049 --> 00:16:30,118
maybe,
217
00:16:30,218 --> 00:16:32,607
you know, with you here.
218
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:35,295
I was just looking at him.
219
00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:39,053
How did that feel?
220
00:16:39,137 --> 00:16:41,308
I got my food.
221
00:16:41,408 --> 00:16:42,944
There he was.
222
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:46,602
Mm, I sat in my car
across the street,
223
00:16:46,686 --> 00:16:49,490
and I did the whole thing
224
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:53,431
in my head, every second.
225
00:16:55,169 --> 00:16:57,306
You said with me here.
226
00:16:57,406 --> 00:16:59,511
Was this a test for yourself?
227
00:17:01,014 --> 00:17:02,182
Yeah, I guess so.
228
00:17:05,122 --> 00:17:06,457
Seems like you did well.
229
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,467
I-I want to show him...
230
00:17:12,504 --> 00:17:15,793
I-I want to teach him
how to behave
231
00:17:15,877 --> 00:17:18,348
to other people
in the world. I...
232
00:17:19,551 --> 00:17:21,454
I still want to do it.
233
00:17:27,533 --> 00:17:29,638
Okay.
234
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:36,217
Mmm. Mmm.
235
00:17:37,386 --> 00:17:38,386
Thanks.
236
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:44,166
Was it like that
with the other ones who you...
237
00:17:46,672 --> 00:17:48,208
Did they do something
238
00:17:48,308 --> 00:17:51,297
that made you want
to teach them a lesson?
239
00:17:51,381 --> 00:17:54,053
Yes.
240
00:17:54,153 --> 00:17:56,726
They were all... I...
241
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,696
Every one of them deserved it.
242
00:18:35,068 --> 00:18:37,406
Candace?
243
00:18:44,353 --> 00:18:47,392
Candace, we need to talk.
244
00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:11,380
No. No. No. No.
245
00:21:11,481 --> 00:21:13,685
Stop.
246
00:23:31,962 --> 00:23:34,132
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