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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:39,492 - Now, don't get it twisted. This is a love story. 2 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:46,082 And like every love story, it has highs and lows. 3 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:52,462 Nothing to do with the spite of it. 4 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:56,342 It's just true love. 5 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,346 - Dude! 6 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,807 - What the hell Andy? 7 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:48,102 I thought you weren't gonna be home until six? 8 00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:50,687 I snuck in early to set up a special 9 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,481 balloon surprise for you. 10 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,733 - Oh baby. The balloons are beautiful, so great. 11 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,944 Okay. I can see that you're upset. 12 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,195 - How long have we been together? 13 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,073 How many years have I put up with your shit? 14 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:01,908 - I know. 15 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,450 - My parents were right about you. 16 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,202 I should have dumped your ass a long time ago. 17 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,037 - Hey baby. 18 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,288 Just calm down. It's gonna be okay. 19 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,791 Jesus Christ, dude. Why? 20 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,043 Oh God. Okay. 21 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,089 Just calm down. 22 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,548 - I was the best girlfriend. 23 00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:19,841 I was such a good girlfriend. 24 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:23,136 And you are nothing but a pot smoking boob. 25 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:23,972 - Yes, I was. - You know what? 26 00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:25,055 I should thank her for even getting it up 27 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,015 in the first place. 28 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,558 - Okay. Let's just take a deep breath. 29 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:29,768 - What half the time you can't get it up 30 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,895 and the other half the time you barely last four minutes. 31 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,188 You have a problem. 32 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,815 - Okay. Let's not say things gonna regret. 33 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:35,775 Let's just calm down. 34 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,150 - I won't regret it. Who is she huh? 35 00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,611 She one of your bimbos from the bike messaging job or? 36 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,906 Oh, is she another one of your legalized cannabis friends? 37 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,866 Come on up, sweetheart. You can't stay in there forever. 38 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,785 - Gail, Gail honey, honey. 39 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,161 Let's just go out here. 40 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,998 We can talk this out. No, I think you should. 41 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,082 - I should totally go. 42 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,083 - No, no! 43 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,670 - Oh my God. - Hey Gail. 44 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:59,047 - I know this looks bad. - My sister! 45 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,717 - Oh God! Why? 46 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,802 - You hate Andy! 47 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:08,015 - I'm so sorry. I don't know how this happened. 48 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,641 - I will fucking kill you! 49 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,852 Ladies, let's take a deep breath. 50 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,271 Let's just get into bed. We can talk about this. 51 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,023 We can, you know, this can be a cool thing. 52 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,274 It's fine. Ladies, no. 53 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:20,152 Why are you looking at me like that? Ladies, ladies. 54 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,404 Jesus Christ. Ow. Fuck! 55 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,364 Oh God. Why? 56 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,700 - Okay this is fine. My boyfriend's fucking my sister. 57 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:30,330 I can deal with this in a rational, calm manner. 58 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,876 Hey Andy, sweet darling, boyfriend of mine. 59 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,502 You still your dad's tools? 60 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,796 - Yeah. They're in the kitchen baby. 61 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:40,631 - Excellent. 62 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:41,466 - Yeah. - Okay be right back. 63 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:42,674 - Okay. - Okay. 64 00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:43,675 - Oh dear God. 65 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,723 You know, I think that went really well. 66 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,683 I think everything's fine. 67 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,892 - You suggested a threesome? 68 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,436 - You're so stupid. - Ow, God. Okay. 69 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,855 - It was just the stress talking baby, baby. 70 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,649 You know know you're the only one for me. Come on. 71 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:00,485 - I better be. 72 00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:02,402 - You are. I mean that. 73 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:03,237 - You better mean it. 74 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,864 - Yes. We're in love. Come on. 75 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,450 Wait a minute. What's that sound? 76 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,203 Gail? Honey? 77 00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,581 Hi. What ya? 78 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:15,665 What you got there, babe? 79 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:18,585 - You heard me? I'm destroying everything you love. 80 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,462 - What is that? - Your crystal bong. 81 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,339 - No, Shirley! 82 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,048 - It's gonna be fine, baby. 83 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,550 Oh God. Oh. 84 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,469 No, no! Not Gandalf! 85 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,763 No! Smoke bomb! Jesus! 86 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,642 No! Why are you such a? 87 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,311 No! Got damn it why? 88 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:44,737 Oh God! 89 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:51,535 - Five million women in New York and he chooses my sister? 90 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,912 I know I'm cuter than Allie. 91 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,914 Very cuter. And she doesn't even like him. 92 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,791 She doesn't even like him. She doesn't like the guy, 93 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,793 that she's sleeping with, who's my boyfriend. 94 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,711 The wheels on the bus go round and round. 95 00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:04,131 Round and round. Round and round. 96 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,758 Can I get some fucking pudding in here please? 97 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,010 Can I get some pudding? 98 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:11,638 Hello? What kind of place are you running here? 99 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:15,643 Huh? Hello can someone untie me? I have an itch! 100 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,564 Hello? I'm itching! Hell... 101 00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,830 - That can't be good. 102 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,045 Why are you tying me down? 103 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:45,505 - Because you bit me. 104 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,132 - I told you that was an accident. 105 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,884 I thought you were a pork chop. 106 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,761 - Yeah, no I don't trust you. 107 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,931 Night, night, juice time. 108 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,160 - Dude? 109 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,163 - You can't press charges. She's my sister. 110 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,832 - She broke my bongs. 111 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,125 - Dude. 112 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,126 - All of them! 113 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:24,127 - Dude. 114 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,005 - It really hurt. 115 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,675 - Dude. I know. - It really hurt. 116 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,969 Why is your dad here? What? 117 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,429 - He drove. 118 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,889 - Okay. Listen, sir. 119 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,683 I know you're gonna try to convince me to drop the charges, 120 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:42,103 but Gail needs to learn that there are consequences for her 121 00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:45,440 actions and there is nothing that you can say to me, 122 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:48,652 that's gonna make me drop these charges. 123 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:52,448 - I saw Gail yesterday and I know where you keep your pot. 124 00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:58,537 - All right sorry for the delay everybody. 125 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,123 Huge rash of murders. Totally ruined the weekend. 126 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,793 Anyway, someone's gonna press charges here? 127 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,379 - Actually, I changed my mind. 128 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,130 - Whatever. 129 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,257 - Smart boy. 130 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,260 - Want one? - Oh, thank you. 131 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:15,011 - Hey! You know the rules! 132 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,347 - Coop! - No. 133 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,016 - Baby, why they so mean to me? 134 00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:21,768 - I know but you made the right choice. 135 00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:22,603 - Okay. 136 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:23,687 - She can't handle anything else. 137 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,854 - You're right. 138 00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,565 - I know, I'm always right. 139 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,942 - I know. 140 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,737 - I realize now that what I did was wrong. 141 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,615 You can't just swing a sledgehammer all willy-nilly 142 00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,868 every time you get a little angry, so. 143 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:42,164 I got it all out of my system and I'm sorry. 144 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,458 I'm ready to go home now. 145 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,629 - Well, clearly you're still crazy, 146 00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,257 but your 72 hour psych hold is up 147 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,552 and I have to unleash you onto society. 148 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,112 - What? Why are you looking at me like that? 149 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:17,532 - In three, two, one. 150 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:20,619 - Oh I can finally scratch. Oh my God. 151 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,038 - Never gets old. 152 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,292 Okay. That can get old. 153 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:36,801 - Good morning ladies. 154 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:37,887 - Well hello! 155 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:40,848 - You're new here. 156 00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,433 - My name is Frank and I'll be your waiter today. 157 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:44,559 Hi Frank. 158 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,686 - Can I give you the tapas menu? 159 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,981 - No, we're actually waiting on one more. So... 160 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:51,983 - Just booze. 161 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:55,780 - I will have a mimosa but hold the orange juice. 162 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,573 - I want exactly that. 163 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,785 - Make it four and then just keep them coming. 164 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,286 - Just bring the box. 165 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,288 - Don't forget the box. 166 00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:07,165 - Okay ladies. 167 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,167 - Great ass! 168 00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:12,171 Oh yeah. Come here. 169 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,182 - Hey, hey. Calm yourself. 170 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:28,353 He totally checked out Jen's boobs. 171 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:30,188 So he's straight. 172 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,065 - They're my superpower. 173 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,733 I have not opened the door 174 00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,777 or get a parking ticket in years. 175 00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,278 - Everybody checks out her boobs. 176 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,322 - I'm jealous. 177 00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,908 Oh, magic. 178 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,077 - Gail is seriously late, okay? 179 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:46,204 - None for me, of course. 180 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,164 - Is she right? I'm not paying attention. 181 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:51,710 Oh my God. She's she's never late. 182 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,294 - Maybe she's getting laid. 183 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,089 - Should we be worried? 184 00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:04,723 - She's so not getting laid. She's not getting no, just no. 185 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:09,729 Yes. 186 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,110 - Should we be worried? I mean, she has been going a little, 187 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,154 since her and Andy broke up 188 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,573 and she's really late and she's never late. 189 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,659 - No, she has a right to go nuts. 190 00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:27,912 He was sleeping with her little sister for three years and 191 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:31,125 then he moves in with the bitch? Please. 192 00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,212 - You know what? You know what? 193 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,629 I'm worried. I'm gonna call. 194 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:39,967 I'm gonna call. 195 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,308 - You guys, she's like in the hour late. 196 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,226 We have to just order. 197 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:52,438 - Wait, we didn't order? 198 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,899 - I'm getting worried. 199 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,736 - You know what guys, I'll call again. Okay? 200 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,240 - It's ringing. 201 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:11,873 - You like jam? 202 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,626 Yeah! 203 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,421 - Again. Don't hold back. 204 00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,675 - Jam it! - Oh wait, what are you? 205 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,844 Oh okay, first time for this. 206 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:27,348 - Maybe she is getting a deep dicking. 207 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,937 - Guys, this is the first time Gail has missed our monthly. 208 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,563 - There's a first time for everything. 209 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:36,689 - I hope she's okay. 210 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,525 - I hope she's happy. 211 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,528 - I hope she is getting laid. 212 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,405 - I'm sorry your friend couldn't make it today. 213 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,659 Can I get you ladies anything else? 214 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:48,828 - Just checks. 215 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,119 - No, no separate checks please. 216 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,121 - And split the appetizers on the checks please. 217 00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:54,666 - Because apparently we are basic bitches who can't do math. 218 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,002 - Sit down Jen. You're so aggressive. 219 00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,296 - Sit your ass down! 220 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:05,302 - Jen, if you flash him your boobs maybe we get discount. 221 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,596 - That is a good idea. - Jen, no! 222 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:11,891 - Jack? 223 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,603 I have something I wanna say. 224 00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:21,150 I'm going through a really bad breakup right now. 225 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:24,738 Frankly, I don't know how I'm keeping it together, but 226 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,117 I just wanna say, 227 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,870 I hope this wasn't a one night thing for you. 228 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:32,871 Don't say anything. 229 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,206 I just, 230 00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:38,626 I like you 231 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:43,090 and I've never been with someone like you before, 232 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,676 but if you're willing to get past our differences, 233 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:47,677 so am I. 234 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:53,642 I just wanna lay here and be together 235 00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,898 because I need someone wonderful like you in my life. 236 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:18,666 - Well, at least they didn't kick us out from this place. 237 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,502 - And I told you he wasn't gay. 238 00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:22,837 - Well we may not have got a discount, 239 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,256 but I got a phone number. 240 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,309 - I can't believe Gail didn't show. 241 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,477 - I'm sure she's fine. 242 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:38,561 Out of all us, she's the most safe. 243 00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:42,066 - Yeah and when she snaps, it'll be epic. 244 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:48,781 - Hey. 245 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,323 - So sorry. - That's all right. 246 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,743 I'm good for a blumpkin'. You like what you see? 247 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,203 - Oh no, no, no. 248 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,204 - All right, fine. 249 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,892 Well Jack, you salty dog. 250 00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,686 We all been worried sick about you. 251 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:22,480 Where are you? Do you need bail money again? 252 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:25,775 I got bail money. If you need some bail money again. 253 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,861 Let me just tell you, we're all like really worried 254 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:32,448 and we're sick about it. Where are you son? 255 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:34,158 - Clyde! - Son we just... 256 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,785 - Clyde! - Son we just... 257 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:38,414 - Clyde! Shut the fuck up. 258 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:40,415 I got news. 259 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,000 - What, what, what? 260 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,626 - Look, I'm fine. 261 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,712 - What? - Yeah. Yeah. I met someone. 262 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:48,339 Okay. I'm not kidnapped. I'm fine. 263 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,841 She's everything I ever wanted. 264 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,926 She's kind and courteous and sexy. 265 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,178 And she's got these boobs. 266 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:57,682 Her boobs are like giant orbs of joy. It's like, 267 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:01,060 if you filled a tit with cool whip and then took it outta 268 00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,187 the fridge, but it didn't smell. 269 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:06,315 It smelled like angel tits. 270 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:09,945 Oh yeah. I love angels and I love her. 271 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,156 I'm in love. 272 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:20,330 - He's no good. And I knew it, but he had me. 273 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,957 Oh, he had me. 274 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:27,253 I knew I was just a young bunny, new to showbiz. 275 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:30,548 And we started working together, late nights. 276 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,384 Lots of time on the road. 277 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:38,307 I think for him, it grew into love, but for me, I knew. 278 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,683 I knew from the first moment he put 279 00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,936 his hand in my rabbit hole, I knew! 280 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,190 I still know. 281 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:52,445 - And a sweet story out of the national zoo 282 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:55,114 in Washington, DC. As Maggie the chimp 283 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,283 has made a new best friend. 284 00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:58,869 It appears that Maggie found a baby... 285 00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,668 - Jack! 286 00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,297 - The mother abandoned... 287 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,638 - The bird was abandoned by his mother and... 288 00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:19,640 - Is that a puppet? 289 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,148 - Look at her! 290 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,321 - Let's roll the tape on this heartwarming story. 291 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,615 - He doesn't call, he doesn't write. 292 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,867 That son of a bitch is just gone! 293 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:43,079 Ghosted! I gave him the best years of my life. 294 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,875 I had his bunnies! I can't believe he'd do this to me. 295 00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:50,921 That carrot fucking cinnamon ass hat! 296 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,842 - She said she found someone new and it's serious. 297 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,344 - She's not so ready for a new relationship. 298 00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,470 - It's just a rebound. 299 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,014 - She's just getting some new dick okay? 300 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:04,058 Everyone's entitled to some new dick. 301 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,853 We all need it, especially after a breakup. 302 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,020 - Agreed but... 303 00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,480 - So will that be a round of dicks 304 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,233 or just a big dick for the table? 305 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:14,736 - He's funny. I like him. 306 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,207 - Well on the one hand, I mean, 307 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,168 it could be just with the doctor ordered. 308 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,086 You know I mean, 309 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:34,255 finally she gets somebody else she can forget about Andy and 310 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,883 maybe possibly forgive Allie and 311 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,969 maybe we can become a family again. 312 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:42,638 But then of course, on the other hand, 313 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,891 we don't know anything about this guy, 314 00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,560 except that he's older and he's in show business 315 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:49,479 and you know those types of people. 316 00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:58,696 - Do we have any of the lasagna left from last night? 317 00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,408 - Am I even fucking here? 318 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,964 - We could try that position. 319 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:19,009 - You are lucky that I am so bendy. 320 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,304 - Yeah, that whole no bones thing's coming handy. 321 00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:24,681 - I got one bone for you. 322 00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:38,903 - So I don't know how you're gonna take this, 323 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:42,032 but Gail is dating somebody. 324 00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,203 - Dude. 325 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,998 - Yeah. An older guy, he kind of swept her off her feet. 326 00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:51,832 - Dude. 327 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:53,835 - It looks serious. 328 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,546 - Dude. 329 00:20:57,547 --> 00:20:59,382 - Yeah. I just hope that when she's happy 330 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,676 I can get my sister back. 331 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,553 - Dude. 332 00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:04,554 - I know you get it. 333 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:08,557 - Dude? 334 00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,310 - You always know what to say. 335 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:12,979 - Dude. 336 00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:18,150 - Well tell us everything. 337 00:21:18,151 --> 00:21:19,902 - Where did you meet him? 338 00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:20,903 - What does he do? 339 00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:22,321 - How big is his dick? 340 00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,574 - Jen down. Come on. - What? 341 00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,869 - You guys are gonna love him. He's so sweet. 342 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,539 He's a little on the shorter side, but he's so romantic. 343 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,041 We just hit it off. 344 00:21:34,751 --> 00:21:39,006 And for a shorter guy, he's really wow. 345 00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:42,591 - When are you gonna see him again? 346 00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:45,052 - Today. He's waiting for me at home. 347 00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:46,638 - Oh my God. - Damn. 348 00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:51,726 - Dude. 349 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:52,727 - Best. 350 00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:54,437 Ever. 351 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,233 - Best I ever had baby. 352 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,487 - Not only the best I've ever had 353 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:06,407 but seven times in one night. 354 00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:08,952 - Wow. Even I would tap out. That's too much. 355 00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,830 - But wait Gail. Are you happy? 356 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,250 You've been through a lot. 357 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:18,336 - I mean I'm fine. 358 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,629 - Pictures. Pictures or it didn't happen. 359 00:22:20,630 --> 00:22:22,757 Pictures or it didn't happen. 360 00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:23,592 - Only of his. 361 00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:25,760 - No. Nevermind. No one wants to see that. 362 00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:26,970 - I do. I totally do. 363 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:37,063 - So when do we get to meet, um. 364 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,357 - Jack. His name is Jack. 365 00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:40,733 - Jack! 366 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:42,819 We wanna meet him! 367 00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:47,114 - Girls, leave her alone. 368 00:22:47,115 --> 00:22:49,450 Maybe she doesn't want him to meet us, right? 369 00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:50,618 - Why not? 370 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,954 - It's okay. We're just, we're new. 371 00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:55,206 I'll talk to him tonight. I promise. 372 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,207 - Okay. 373 00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,794 - There's something about the crazy ones that makes 374 00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:01,630 them real good in bed. 375 00:23:02,964 --> 00:23:05,633 Dagnabbit, if you get a little lady with both 376 00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:08,677 abandonment and daddy issues, she will ragdoll you around 377 00:23:08,678 --> 00:23:11,347 in the bedroom like she got something to prove. 378 00:23:11,348 --> 00:23:13,265 Now Jack knows this about Gail, 379 00:23:13,266 --> 00:23:16,394 and the problem is, that Jack ain't the kind of puppet 380 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,815 that's gonna do real nice things with that information. 381 00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:25,153 - This so amazing. 382 00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:45,589 You are so romantic. 383 00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:46,590 - Come in here. 384 00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:49,010 Yeah. 385 00:23:49,011 --> 00:23:50,637 Do it slowly. 386 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:56,142 - Of course. Anything for you, baby. 387 00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:57,352 - Oh yeah. Just the top. 388 00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:01,981 Oh, there's the prize. 389 00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:04,567 - We know nothing about this guy. 390 00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:07,445 And you know Gail's always had some issues. 391 00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:09,614 She gets that from your crazy mother. 392 00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:13,743 She's been always like nutty like Mona. 393 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:15,454 In fact, you know 394 00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:19,081 I could say that your mother was more rational 395 00:24:19,082 --> 00:24:20,292 after she got dementia. 396 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:25,464 - Any more of that lasagna left? 397 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:43,315 - There's meatballs. 398 00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:47,693 - Would you mind? 399 00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:00,414 - Jack? 400 00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:05,086 You don't mind coming to meet my friends and family. Do you? 401 00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:07,422 - I'd be so happy to. 402 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:09,924 I love you. 403 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:11,800 - I love you too. 404 00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:16,056 Great. I'll set it up. 405 00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:20,684 - Gail, sexually, have you ever tried 406 00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,687 a Kentucky menthol cobra? 407 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:24,897 - What's that? 408 00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:29,151 - You do a headstand with a full split and I'll need a 409 00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:32,531 Jack Daniels, a pack of menthol cigarettes and a funnel. 410 00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:36,408 - Well, I don't have a funnel. 411 00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:38,370 I have a Turkey baster. Will that work? 412 00:25:39,496 --> 00:25:40,496 - That'll work. 413 00:25:41,998 --> 00:25:43,415 - Stay right here. 414 00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:44,918 Ugh. I'll be right back. 415 00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:48,754 Stud. 416 00:25:49,798 --> 00:25:51,258 - Oh daddy, likey. 417 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,597 - That son of a bitch, I'll kill him! 418 00:25:58,598 --> 00:26:02,768 I just found out he's shaking up with some blonde bimbo. 419 00:26:02,769 --> 00:26:06,439 I'm gonna cut dick off, but that never works. 420 00:26:08,024 --> 00:26:10,901 I'll just sew it back on. 421 00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:14,071 I don't understand why he's doing this. 422 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:16,324 Doesn't he know I love him? 423 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,286 I'm gonna find her. Then I'm gonna kill her. 424 00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:22,247 And I know just how to hurt him too. 425 00:26:28,962 --> 00:26:31,880 I'm in love with this girl and long story short, 426 00:26:31,881 --> 00:26:35,884 she knows how to do a Cleveland three way triple way axle. 427 00:26:35,885 --> 00:26:38,262 Let me, it's this thing where she puts her hand in my ass 428 00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,180 and okay, okay. Never mind. 429 00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:43,767 The point is, I'm in love. Oh God, I love her so much. 430 00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:45,144 She's got the perfect hair. 431 00:26:45,145 --> 00:26:48,480 She's got perfect eyes. Everything about her is wonderful. 432 00:26:48,481 --> 00:26:52,776 Look, love me and love her because we are together 433 00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:55,155 and that's it. Just accept it for what it. 434 00:26:58,241 --> 00:27:00,035 It's true love with blumpkins. 435 00:27:01,536 --> 00:27:02,661 - Where's that son of a bitch? 436 00:27:02,662 --> 00:27:04,580 I'm gonna shoot him in the nut sack! 437 00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:06,082 I'm coming honey! 438 00:27:09,502 --> 00:27:10,503 - Mrs. Jack. 439 00:27:12,547 --> 00:27:13,547 Oh, Jack. 440 00:27:18,803 --> 00:27:19,803 Mrs. Jack. 441 00:27:27,687 --> 00:27:28,687 Mrs. Jack. 442 00:27:34,694 --> 00:27:38,822 - See, it doesn't really matter that your friends 443 00:27:38,823 --> 00:27:41,326 and your family know you're crazy. 444 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:45,747 It takes 'em by surprise every time. 445 00:27:46,623 --> 00:27:47,623 - What? 446 00:27:49,876 --> 00:27:51,544 Why are you all looking at me like that? 447 00:28:18,822 --> 00:28:19,822 Mom? 448 00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:22,950 Daddy? 449 00:28:25,203 --> 00:28:26,203 Say something. 450 00:28:28,748 --> 00:28:29,915 - I think I'm gonna look and see if we have any tini 451 00:28:29,916 --> 00:28:30,916 from last night. 452 00:28:32,001 --> 00:28:33,461 - I think I'm gonna help you. 453 00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:40,217 - What? 454 00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,390 - Is she fucking the puppet? 455 00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,562 - Gail, you, is this a joke? 456 00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:53,981 - I mean, I've made bad decisions about men before. 457 00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:55,899 To felons, the married guy, 458 00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:58,193 that guy in Santorini who didn't speak any English. 459 00:28:58,194 --> 00:29:01,321 - Jen! Look, Gail. 460 00:29:01,322 --> 00:29:03,449 You know, that's not a real person, right? 461 00:29:03,450 --> 00:29:05,617 That's a puppet. You know that, right? 462 00:29:05,618 --> 00:29:07,911 - Excuse me? 463 00:29:07,912 --> 00:29:12,583 - I know things have been rough lately, but he's not real. 464 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,710 - I think you need some help darling. 465 00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:16,545 - Does he even have a dick? 466 00:29:16,546 --> 00:29:17,380 - Jen! 467 00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:18,547 - What? 468 00:29:18,548 --> 00:29:20,466 - She's crazy. 469 00:29:20,467 --> 00:29:23,844 This is all Allie's fault. We need to fix this family. 470 00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:25,679 - Do we have any prosciutto? 471 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:27,639 - Behind the pickles. 472 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,392 Maybe it's a phase Gail's going through, you know? 473 00:29:30,393 --> 00:29:32,561 I mean, maybe we should just ignore it. 474 00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:34,104 Maybe it really is just a phase. 475 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:36,607 - How about some provolone? 476 00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:39,026 - Behind the olives? Ugh. 477 00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:42,405 I'm going to kill Andy. He's making our little girl crazy. 478 00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:45,407 - How about some of the ossobuco you made last night? 479 00:29:45,408 --> 00:29:47,952 - Red Tupperware. Red tup... 480 00:29:50,705 --> 00:29:52,456 You think this is awful? 481 00:29:52,457 --> 00:29:54,792 I mean are we really bad parents? 482 00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:57,920 How dare you all sit there and cast against my 483 00:29:57,921 --> 00:30:01,215 relationship with Jack? What do you have? Any of you? 484 00:30:01,216 --> 00:30:03,258 Do any of you have a real relationship? 485 00:30:03,259 --> 00:30:05,469 - Those are with real people. 486 00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:08,388 - Oh bullshit! Your fiance is a writer. 487 00:30:08,389 --> 00:30:11,183 Does he have anything published? Any productions? No. 488 00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:13,602 As far as I can tell, he sits at Starbucks all day long. 489 00:30:13,603 --> 00:30:15,604 - You don't have to be mean. 490 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,481 - Oh so it's okay for you all to sit there 491 00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:19,316 and be mean about my relationship with Jack? 492 00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:21,985 But I can't say shit about the fact that your boyfriends 493 00:30:21,986 --> 00:30:23,946 get more dick than you do? 494 00:30:23,947 --> 00:30:27,574 Or that Zoe's older boyfriends don't just explain her type, 495 00:30:27,575 --> 00:30:30,035 they in fact tell us she's got daddy issues? 496 00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:30,870 - Wow. 497 00:30:30,871 --> 00:30:31,912 - Yeah. Wow Jen. 498 00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:34,081 Is there a professor you didn't date 499 00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:35,499 when you were at law school? 500 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,292 - That's not dating. 501 00:30:37,293 --> 00:30:39,795 - We all know what she meant. 502 00:30:39,796 --> 00:30:40,713 - God. 503 00:30:40,714 --> 00:30:43,967 I'm out of here. We don't have to take this. 504 00:30:52,725 --> 00:30:53,601 - Mom? 505 00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:54,519 - Oh, Hey Gail. 506 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,770 You father and I are making some dinner for everyone. 507 00:30:56,771 --> 00:30:59,065 - Oh great. Should I see if Jack wants anything? 508 00:31:00,316 --> 00:31:01,901 - This I gotta see. 509 00:31:09,242 --> 00:31:11,327 Gail honey, are you all right? 510 00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:16,081 - I don't understand why they're being so mean. 511 00:31:16,082 --> 00:31:19,043 - They're your friends. You should talk to them. 512 00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:22,254 - You're right. 513 00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:25,758 Honey, why don't you come on out so we can talk? 514 00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:28,469 - Let's go. 515 00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:32,223 - Jack, not now. 516 00:31:36,185 --> 00:31:39,521 Look, I know you're concerned because... 517 00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:41,648 - He's a puppet. 518 00:31:41,649 --> 00:31:44,151 - No, because of his age. 519 00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:46,695 Oh my God. Are you racist against puppets? 520 00:31:46,696 --> 00:31:48,155 - Puppets aren't a race. 521 00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:49,489 - Are you kidding me? 522 00:31:49,490 --> 00:31:50,782 - Calm down. Calm down. 523 00:31:50,783 --> 00:31:52,576 - I will not calm down mother. 524 00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:55,704 I will not stand for this type of intolerance. 525 00:31:55,705 --> 00:31:58,290 Puppets are people just like you and me. 526 00:31:58,291 --> 00:31:59,709 Come on Jack, we're leaving. 527 00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:15,182 - So how did you two meet? 528 00:32:15,183 --> 00:32:18,310 - Great. Now we have two people that think he's real. 529 00:32:18,311 --> 00:32:21,397 - Well, its really interesting actually. 530 00:32:22,231 --> 00:32:26,235 Before Andy left, we had tickets to see this comedy show. 531 00:32:27,070 --> 00:32:30,280 So I decided to go by myself. 532 00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:33,325 - Thank you, thank you. Oh my gosh, thank you. 533 00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:35,577 I've been amazing. Bye. 534 00:32:35,578 --> 00:32:38,413 - Oh boy, you guys are in for a treat. 535 00:32:38,414 --> 00:32:41,291 This next puppet, he's my favorite. 536 00:32:41,292 --> 00:32:44,127 All right, let's get to him. Let's get to him. 537 00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:46,923 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, 538 00:32:48,591 --> 00:32:49,592 Grandpa Bra. 539 00:32:50,551 --> 00:32:54,513 Hey, Hey. 540 00:32:54,514 --> 00:32:57,600 - Grandpa, why don't you say hi to the nice people? 541 00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:00,853 - Eh, you talk to 'em. They're ugly. 542 00:33:03,398 --> 00:33:08,068 - That's not nice. These people are very good looking. 543 00:33:08,069 --> 00:33:09,862 - They're your people. You're ugly too. 544 00:33:14,575 --> 00:33:15,575 - Grandpa! 545 00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:24,627 - Yeah, drink up sweetie. Yeah. 546 00:33:27,755 --> 00:33:29,757 - Excuse me, I'm sorry. Sorry everybody. 547 00:33:33,761 --> 00:33:35,041 You think that's why he left me? 548 00:33:35,722 --> 00:33:37,597 - Cause you're belching? - I'm disgusting. 549 00:33:37,598 --> 00:33:38,599 - Yeah. It's not. 550 00:33:39,934 --> 00:33:41,518 - I don't know why he left. 551 00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:43,771 I feel like I could see myself. 552 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,440 That's so empty. 553 00:33:48,985 --> 00:33:50,745 Would you say that's half full or half empty? 554 00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:54,823 - I would say it's almost empty. Almost empty. 555 00:33:54,824 --> 00:33:55,867 - Like my heart. 556 00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:01,163 Did I tell you my ex boyfriend? 557 00:34:01,164 --> 00:34:02,622 - You did. You already did. 558 00:34:02,623 --> 00:34:03,832 - You wanna see him right now? 559 00:34:03,833 --> 00:34:05,333 - I don't. There he is. 560 00:34:05,334 --> 00:34:06,501 - There he is. 561 00:34:06,502 --> 00:34:09,004 This is a terrible mojito. 562 00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:11,381 You wouldn't do that to me would you? 563 00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:12,924 You wouldn't do that to me would you? 564 00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:14,509 Would you fuck my sister? 565 00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:18,430 - No, I like men. 566 00:34:18,431 --> 00:34:19,723 - Me too. 567 00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:21,433 Men are pigs. 568 00:34:21,434 --> 00:34:22,434 We should probably go out. 569 00:34:22,435 --> 00:34:24,061 - We shouldn't. - No. 570 00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:26,730 I don't want to with you. I'm sorry. 571 00:34:26,731 --> 00:34:29,858 - Fine. No. More rejection. It was fine. 572 00:34:29,859 --> 00:34:31,651 This is the worst mojito I've ever had. 573 00:34:31,652 --> 00:34:33,153 - It's a cosmopolitan. 574 00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,446 - You're a cosmopolitan. 575 00:34:34,447 --> 00:34:36,490 - I am, you're right. 576 00:34:36,491 --> 00:34:38,492 - Do you wanna see him? You wanna see a picture? 577 00:34:38,493 --> 00:34:40,368 - Sure. For the fifth time. 578 00:34:40,369 --> 00:34:43,747 - He's an asshole and I don't like him at all. 579 00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:45,749 - Yeah. Me neither. 580 00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:47,876 - You're so nice. - Thank you. 581 00:34:47,877 --> 00:34:50,003 - I really like you. - Thank you. 582 00:34:50,004 --> 00:34:52,422 - Am I like your terrible mojito? 583 00:34:52,423 --> 00:34:56,969 - Uh, this is from gentleman. 584 00:35:05,353 --> 00:35:07,688 Hey, how you doing? 585 00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:13,444 Huh? You're looking sweet over there. 586 00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:16,446 You into puppets? 587 00:35:16,447 --> 00:35:18,074 Oh shit. 588 00:35:22,537 --> 00:35:24,288 If you wanna fuck, gimme a wink. 589 00:35:25,748 --> 00:35:29,502 Yeah, it's on. Yeah. 590 00:35:57,780 --> 00:36:00,157 - Well it's getting late. 591 00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:03,161 - Yeah. I gotta go. I gotta get outta here. 592 00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:05,705 - Early day tomorrow. 593 00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:20,385 - If you're gonna be a puppet fucker, 594 00:36:20,386 --> 00:36:23,264 you be the best puppet fucker you can be. 595 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:33,523 - Hmm. 596 00:36:35,776 --> 00:36:37,153 - I think that went well. 597 00:36:38,779 --> 00:36:42,449 - Yeah. Great. Netflix and chill? 598 00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:43,450 - Oh yeah. 599 00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:49,372 - Tit punch. 600 00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:55,378 - Our family is so broken. 601 00:36:55,379 --> 00:37:00,384 Allie stole Gail's boyfriend. They hate each other. 602 00:37:00,676 --> 00:37:03,553 Your mother ran off with this sword swallower 603 00:37:03,554 --> 00:37:05,806 from the last crew she was on. 604 00:37:06,933 --> 00:37:09,560 Our marriage has been on the rocks for quite a while. 605 00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:13,605 You know, when we got together, when we were kids, 606 00:37:13,606 --> 00:37:16,484 you promised me this wonderful life. 607 00:37:18,194 --> 00:37:19,946 This wasn't what I expected. 608 00:37:21,781 --> 00:37:25,201 I need you to fix this, please. 609 00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:29,704 I need you to be the hero that you told me 610 00:37:29,705 --> 00:37:32,375 you were gonna be all those years ago. 611 00:37:33,876 --> 00:37:34,877 My hero. 612 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:38,880 - Hero. 613 00:37:42,301 --> 00:37:43,301 Hero. 614 00:37:44,428 --> 00:37:46,763 Heroes. Let's order Heroes. I'll have the veal. 615 00:37:46,764 --> 00:37:47,764 What do you want? 616 00:37:48,474 --> 00:37:51,310 - A shotgun and an airtight alibi. 617 00:37:58,567 --> 00:37:59,567 - Hey Jack? 618 00:38:00,736 --> 00:38:03,321 Why is Teddy Ruxpin's eye glowing? 619 00:38:03,322 --> 00:38:05,699 - It's just a reflection hanging off the China ball 620 00:38:05,700 --> 00:38:06,700 or something. 621 00:38:09,453 --> 00:38:10,788 Hey Gail? - Yeah? 622 00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:16,669 Tip shaft ball. 623 00:38:18,170 --> 00:38:21,006 Oh! 624 00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:24,467 - Every relationship hits a wall. 625 00:38:24,468 --> 00:38:28,346 But Jack, trust me, that puppet is nothing 626 00:38:28,347 --> 00:38:30,515 if not resilient. 627 00:38:30,516 --> 00:38:34,978 He can turn a cleaning day into a booty call 628 00:38:34,979 --> 00:38:35,979 in a heartbeat. 629 00:38:47,033 --> 00:38:48,367 - You could help, you know. 630 00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:51,119 - You could dress sexier when you do it. 631 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,204 - And why would I wanna do that? 632 00:38:53,205 --> 00:38:54,999 - Take a look at the bucket over there. 633 00:38:59,045 --> 00:39:00,046 - Aww. Okay. 634 00:39:03,341 --> 00:39:05,592 Next time I'll go out and buy something sexy. 635 00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:07,595 - No need, take a look in the trash can. 636 00:39:23,778 --> 00:39:25,695 Put that shit on s'il vous plait. 637 00:39:25,696 --> 00:39:28,782 - If I wear that, I'll never get any cleaning done. 638 00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:29,783 - That's the point. 639 00:39:31,452 --> 00:39:32,452 - Okay. 640 00:39:36,123 --> 00:39:37,874 - Your sister's going through a really rough time 641 00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:39,417 and it's because of you two. 642 00:39:39,418 --> 00:39:40,877 - Dude! 643 00:39:40,878 --> 00:39:43,630 - Dude, nothing. You need to fix this. 644 00:39:43,631 --> 00:39:46,675 - Mom. Just calm down. What's happening? 645 00:39:51,222 --> 00:39:52,597 - Well, I'll explain it to you, 646 00:39:52,598 --> 00:39:54,682 but it's not gonna make much sense. 647 00:39:54,683 --> 00:39:55,767 - Dude. 648 00:39:55,768 --> 00:39:57,060 - Gail upgraded. 649 00:39:57,061 --> 00:39:58,061 - Dude! 650 00:40:06,654 --> 00:40:08,029 - Bonjour. 651 00:40:08,030 --> 00:40:11,075 - You're like a rosy the robot, but flesh colored. 652 00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:20,751 I'm fluffing myself. 653 00:40:23,629 --> 00:40:26,089 - I cannot believe she replaced me with a puppet. 654 00:40:26,090 --> 00:40:27,507 - Dude. - A puppet! 655 00:40:27,508 --> 00:40:28,342 - Dude. 656 00:40:28,343 --> 00:40:31,511 - We've been together nine years and she replaces me with a 657 00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:34,305 Waldorf staggered looking Muppet. 658 00:40:34,306 --> 00:40:35,348 - Dude. 659 00:40:35,349 --> 00:40:37,559 - I mean, am I just so insignificant 660 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:40,687 that she can just replace me with two feet of stuffing? 661 00:40:40,688 --> 00:40:42,147 He doesn't even have a dick. 662 00:40:42,148 --> 00:40:43,148 - Dude. 663 00:40:45,943 --> 00:40:47,403 - You're right. I'm sorry. 664 00:40:48,362 --> 00:40:50,196 I'm being really uncool. 665 00:40:50,197 --> 00:40:51,906 - You are. - I'm sorry. 666 00:40:51,907 --> 00:40:53,491 - You are. 667 00:40:53,492 --> 00:40:54,493 - Thank you. 668 00:40:55,578 --> 00:40:57,621 - Let's go get smoothies. 669 00:40:59,832 --> 00:41:00,832 - I'm Kelly. 670 00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:06,755 And by the time you see this I'll be dead. 671 00:41:09,341 --> 00:41:14,346 On March 27th, 2016, my life was changed forever. 672 00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:24,899 On that night, I met and began a relationship with a puppet. 673 00:41:30,529 --> 00:41:33,031 It was all so exciting at first. 674 00:41:33,032 --> 00:41:35,742 - You know the first step to fixing the problem 675 00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:38,078 is admitting you have one. 676 00:41:41,290 --> 00:41:42,625 - Can I get a risotto babe? 677 00:41:52,426 --> 00:41:53,801 - What'd she say? 678 00:41:53,802 --> 00:41:56,721 - She said he's kind and funny. 679 00:41:56,722 --> 00:41:58,139 - He's a puppet. 680 00:41:58,140 --> 00:41:59,349 - And he's got a really big... 681 00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:01,684 - Oh my God, he's a fucking puppet. 682 00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:03,853 - And that it's harder than yours. 683 00:42:03,854 --> 00:42:05,439 - Come on. Really? 684 00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:07,191 - It's probably small... 685 00:42:07,192 --> 00:42:09,484 - It's just stuff and fluffing. I mean, 686 00:42:09,485 --> 00:42:11,319 fuck that bullshit. 687 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,531 - It's probably just from the pot you smoke. 688 00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,157 - Really? 689 00:42:16,158 --> 00:42:19,244 - What? I mean it's not a consistent problem. 690 00:42:19,245 --> 00:42:21,664 And there are pills for this. 691 00:42:23,165 --> 00:42:25,251 I've been doing research. 692 00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:28,211 - Dude! 693 00:42:44,311 --> 00:42:46,813 - And closer to home, the comedy world is rocked 694 00:42:46,814 --> 00:42:49,232 as an audience member steals one of America's 695 00:42:49,233 --> 00:42:51,192 best known puppets. 696 00:42:51,193 --> 00:42:55,238 - Police say a deranged and obviously intoxicated 697 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:59,075 young lady stole the puppet post show at the bar of a 698 00:42:59,076 --> 00:43:01,286 popular city comedy club. 699 00:43:01,287 --> 00:43:03,580 - Oh shit! 700 00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:06,375 - Our reporter was live and on the scene. 701 00:43:09,878 --> 00:43:12,505 - We're here at a local comedy club where comedian 702 00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:15,967 Frank Horvath had his beloved puppet, Grandpa Bra 703 00:43:15,968 --> 00:43:17,928 stolen over two weeks ago. 704 00:43:20,055 --> 00:43:21,055 Frank? 705 00:43:21,974 --> 00:43:24,642 - He was my first puppet. 706 00:43:24,643 --> 00:43:28,813 He means everything to me. I, who would do this? 707 00:43:28,814 --> 00:43:30,815 He's priceless! 708 00:43:30,816 --> 00:43:33,109 - Any idea on his whereabouts? 709 00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:36,738 - Nothing. I mean, there was no demands, no ransom. 710 00:43:36,739 --> 00:43:38,991 What kind of animal would do this? 711 00:43:39,867 --> 00:43:42,160 The club set up a reward. 712 00:43:42,161 --> 00:43:45,788 So if you have him or any information on his whereabouts, 713 00:43:45,789 --> 00:43:47,833 please contact the club. 714 00:43:48,834 --> 00:43:53,129 - Yes, so far $85,000 has been raised for the safe return 715 00:43:53,130 --> 00:43:54,256 of Grandpa Bra. 716 00:43:55,090 --> 00:43:57,300 - Hey little buddy. 717 00:43:57,301 --> 00:44:00,011 I'm gonna come and get you. I'm gonna rescue you. 718 00:44:00,012 --> 00:44:02,847 Believe me. And if you're out there and you have him, 719 00:44:02,848 --> 00:44:06,267 I will find you and I will hunt you down. 720 00:44:06,268 --> 00:44:09,355 I have a very specific set of skills. 721 00:44:12,024 --> 00:44:13,192 I'm gonna get you! 722 00:44:15,736 --> 00:44:16,736 - Back to you. 723 00:44:19,073 --> 00:44:23,534 - That is such a sad story. But police have a lead. 724 00:44:23,535 --> 00:44:27,289 - What some women won't do to find the right man. 725 00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:34,004 - I just love to clean, but you're a dirty, dirty boy. 726 00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:46,809 - Police have released the surveillance. 727 00:44:47,768 --> 00:44:51,938 Anyone with information is asked to call the one on eight. 728 00:44:51,939 --> 00:44:54,190 - Why couldn't you have just taken my kids? 729 00:44:54,191 --> 00:44:56,318 Nobody wants them anyway. 730 00:45:04,326 --> 00:45:05,411 - Oh no. 731 00:45:07,913 --> 00:45:10,040 - If you're gonna have sex with a puppet... 732 00:45:11,834 --> 00:45:15,044 - Had his beloved puppet Grandpa Bra stolen over two... 733 00:45:15,045 --> 00:45:16,213 Dude! 734 00:45:22,261 --> 00:45:24,637 - Oh my God, Gail. 735 00:45:24,638 --> 00:45:26,181 Oh for shit's sake. 736 00:45:29,435 --> 00:45:31,728 - I think that club is next to the Italian deli 737 00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:33,188 where I buy the super sub. 738 00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:36,065 - Are you fucking kidding me? 739 00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:37,150 Our daughter's a felon 740 00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:39,236 and all you are thinking about is salami. 741 00:45:43,365 --> 00:45:44,408 - Yeah. 742 00:45:46,869 --> 00:45:47,869 - Hey Emma. 743 00:45:49,079 --> 00:45:50,622 She what? 744 00:45:52,916 --> 00:45:54,209 Like gangsta bitch. 745 00:45:56,712 --> 00:46:01,008 Oh yeah. Someone is definitely gonna report that. 746 00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:20,193 - So, 747 00:46:21,028 --> 00:46:23,988 I'm told you have information about the missing puppet. 748 00:46:23,989 --> 00:46:25,698 - Yeah. I've been waiting here for an hour 749 00:46:25,699 --> 00:46:27,909 and no one seems to want to take my information. 750 00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:29,535 - Yeah. That's because since the news report, 751 00:46:29,536 --> 00:46:32,205 everyone and their mother has information on the puppet. 752 00:46:32,206 --> 00:46:34,707 - Well, I actually know where it is. 753 00:46:34,708 --> 00:46:36,459 - Yeah. Why is that? Did you take it? 754 00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:39,338 - No, but my ex did, so. 755 00:46:40,255 --> 00:46:42,131 - All right then where is she? We'll go get it. 756 00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:44,492 - Well, how do I know you're gonna give me the reward money? 757 00:46:46,386 --> 00:46:49,138 - Hey Simpson. Ah, hey Andy. 758 00:46:49,139 --> 00:46:50,765 - Hey, Coop. 759 00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:51,766 - You know this guy? 760 00:46:51,767 --> 00:46:54,310 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 761 00:46:54,311 --> 00:46:57,563 Yeah, used to arrest of him a lot for pot back in the day. 762 00:46:57,564 --> 00:46:59,982 One time he did so many shrooms he tried to dance with 763 00:46:59,983 --> 00:47:01,776 a bunch of sanitation workers. 764 00:47:01,777 --> 00:47:03,194 - Yeah those were good times. 765 00:47:03,195 --> 00:47:04,363 Ow guys. 766 00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:07,491 - Says the puppet is with his ex-girlfriend. 767 00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:10,827 - Gail. Yeah. Nice lady. 768 00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:12,787 She used to cut me to bail him out all the time. 769 00:47:12,788 --> 00:47:16,749 Though, I think actually her sister blowing that job now. 770 00:47:16,750 --> 00:47:18,669 They're, uh, boning. 771 00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,172 - You said bone. 772 00:47:23,715 --> 00:47:27,176 - You're having sex with your ex-girlfriend's sister? 773 00:47:27,177 --> 00:47:31,055 - Yeah dude. Pound it. Pound it. Lock it. Drop it. 774 00:47:31,056 --> 00:47:32,056 - Classy guy. 775 00:47:33,183 --> 00:47:35,768 - You know what? Her address is in his file. 776 00:47:35,769 --> 00:47:38,729 So why don't you grab Griffin, go check it out 777 00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:40,565 and I'll stay here and keep an eye on Andy. 778 00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:41,525 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. 779 00:47:41,526 --> 00:47:43,901 Why do I have to wait here? That's not cool guys. 780 00:47:43,902 --> 00:47:46,112 - Think of it like the lottery. 781 00:47:46,113 --> 00:47:49,866 If I go and I find a puppet, you get a check. 782 00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:51,618 - Ooh, cool. High five. 783 00:47:53,078 --> 00:47:54,078 Handshake? 784 00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:58,125 Secret handshake. Fist bump? No? 785 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:01,168 Glasses. 786 00:48:01,169 --> 00:48:02,795 - Lay off the donuts. Both of you. 787 00:48:02,796 --> 00:48:03,672 - Hey! 788 00:48:03,673 --> 00:48:04,798 - See you glasses. 789 00:48:06,967 --> 00:48:08,885 - Hey Andy? - Yeah Coop? 790 00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:10,011 - If they don't find a puppet, 791 00:48:10,012 --> 00:48:12,263 they're gonna come back here and file charges against you 792 00:48:12,264 --> 00:48:14,349 for filing a false police report. 793 00:48:15,726 --> 00:48:16,560 - Dude. 794 00:48:16,561 --> 00:48:18,728 - And then you're going to the tombs. 795 00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:19,729 - Dude. 796 00:48:21,398 --> 00:48:22,398 - Dude. 797 00:48:23,525 --> 00:48:24,901 - Sympathy donut? Ow. 798 00:48:24,902 --> 00:48:27,403 - Never touch the donuts. 799 00:48:27,404 --> 00:48:28,821 - Fine. 800 00:48:28,822 --> 00:48:31,450 - You know better. - I know. 801 00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:39,248 - Gail Spicolli? 802 00:48:39,249 --> 00:48:41,834 Detective Simpson. This is my partner, Detective Griffin. 803 00:48:41,835 --> 00:48:44,170 We need to ask you some questions about a puppet. 804 00:48:44,171 --> 00:48:45,171 May we come in? 805 00:48:53,263 --> 00:48:54,430 This will go a whole lot better 806 00:48:54,431 --> 00:48:56,307 if you just tell us where the puppet is. 807 00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:58,517 - I don't know what you're talking about. 808 00:48:58,518 --> 00:49:01,562 - We have video surveillance of you leaving the comedy club 809 00:49:01,563 --> 00:49:03,773 with puppet feet sticking out from under your shirt. 810 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:04,774 - It wasn't me. 811 00:49:07,486 --> 00:49:08,486 - Excuse me. 812 00:49:09,696 --> 00:49:10,738 Did you find it? 813 00:49:10,739 --> 00:49:12,281 - Not a trace. 814 00:49:12,282 --> 00:49:15,117 If she's holding it, she probably dumped it. 815 00:49:15,118 --> 00:49:16,327 It's been two weeks. 816 00:49:16,328 --> 00:49:18,120 - I get the feeling this broad is still hiding something. 817 00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:18,956 So... 818 00:49:18,957 --> 00:49:20,373 - Short of tearing off the floorboards. 819 00:49:20,374 --> 00:49:22,208 If she left in a safe deposit box, 820 00:49:22,209 --> 00:49:24,585 I don't know whether this loony broad is holding it. 821 00:49:24,586 --> 00:49:25,545 - Huh? 822 00:49:25,546 --> 00:49:27,922 - But there's one odd thing you should see. 823 00:49:27,923 --> 00:49:29,799 Bondage ropes on the bed. 824 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:30,800 Look. 825 00:49:42,521 --> 00:49:43,772 Puppet sized. 826 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:46,525 - That's just sick. 827 00:49:47,567 --> 00:49:49,987 - That's a really special kind of crazy. 828 00:50:00,789 --> 00:50:03,708 - Why are the beautiful ones always so crazy? 829 00:50:03,709 --> 00:50:06,002 - Think I should look around some more. 830 00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:07,003 - Yeah. 831 00:50:15,554 --> 00:50:16,554 - Nice outfit. 832 00:50:17,889 --> 00:50:18,931 Police here yet? 833 00:50:18,932 --> 00:50:20,642 - In the bedroom. How'd you know? 834 00:50:21,643 --> 00:50:24,187 - It's on TV. You're both famous. Don't say a word. 835 00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:35,281 Detectives. 836 00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:39,535 I'm Jen Flores, Ms. Spicolli's attorney. 837 00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:40,995 This search and questioning is over. 838 00:50:40,996 --> 00:50:42,163 - If she has nothing hide. 839 00:50:42,164 --> 00:50:44,665 - Here is my number, contact my office and you can set up 840 00:50:44,666 --> 00:50:47,043 a meeting where she'll be present with counsel. 841 00:50:47,044 --> 00:50:49,003 - You know, your client did let us in, so. 842 00:50:49,004 --> 00:50:51,548 - And I'm sure you apprised her of all her rights. 843 00:50:54,134 --> 00:50:57,094 Did you find anything while you conducted your illegal 844 00:50:57,095 --> 00:50:59,056 search through her underwear? 845 00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:04,185 - No, but your client is acting suspicious. 846 00:51:04,186 --> 00:51:05,896 I mean, look at how she's dressed. 847 00:51:08,857 --> 00:51:12,234 - Your lady doesn't dress like this for you anymore? 848 00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:13,903 Poor thing. 849 00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:17,615 - Look at the ropes on the bed. They're set up for a puppet. 850 00:51:17,616 --> 00:51:18,616 - Or a woman. 851 00:51:19,451 --> 00:51:20,952 Perhaps one about my size? 852 00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:26,083 - What does that have to, oh. 853 00:51:27,793 --> 00:51:28,793 Oh. 854 00:51:31,713 --> 00:51:32,838 - Did you find the puppet? - No ma'am. 855 00:51:32,839 --> 00:51:35,257 - Is my client under arrest? 856 00:51:35,258 --> 00:51:36,300 - No. 857 00:51:36,301 --> 00:51:37,821 - Then I believe I asked you to leave. 858 00:51:40,180 --> 00:51:41,472 Is it the woman thing or the lesbian thing 859 00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:42,556 that's making you drag your feet. 860 00:51:42,557 --> 00:51:44,684 Please let me know what to tell the press. 861 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:47,687 - We're on our way out. 862 00:51:55,028 --> 00:51:56,862 - You have my number. 863 00:51:56,863 --> 00:51:58,532 If you wanna talk to her, call me. 864 00:52:17,801 --> 00:52:18,844 So where is he? 865 00:52:23,849 --> 00:52:24,974 What a 866 00:52:24,975 --> 00:52:28,019 fucking awesome hiding spot. 867 00:52:30,772 --> 00:52:31,898 Cab or Pino? 868 00:52:33,108 --> 00:52:34,483 - Cab. 869 00:52:34,484 --> 00:52:37,444 - Okay. You're gonna drink this wine tonight. 870 00:52:37,445 --> 00:52:39,446 Tomorrow you are going to see a shrink. 871 00:52:39,447 --> 00:52:40,948 Okay? 872 00:52:40,949 --> 00:52:41,950 - Yeah okay. 873 00:52:58,633 --> 00:53:00,593 - Where did that come from? 874 00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:03,470 - No talking! Just make me squeak again! 875 00:53:03,471 --> 00:53:05,514 - What? I mean? I don't know. 876 00:53:05,515 --> 00:53:07,183 Grandpa Bra is my friend. 877 00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:09,018 - I'm not fucking around! Get down there and make me squeak 878 00:53:09,019 --> 00:53:13,063 again or God help me. I'll go to TMZ crying about how you 879 00:53:13,064 --> 00:53:16,025 keep puttin' your hand up my ass without asking for consent. 880 00:53:16,026 --> 00:53:18,444 I swear to God I'll make you look like a low budget 881 00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:19,863 Harvey Weinstein. 882 00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:22,532 - Okay. Okay, I'll go. 883 00:53:26,620 --> 00:53:28,621 - Oh. Oh yeah. 884 00:53:28,622 --> 00:53:31,457 That's right, two can play this human fucking game. 885 00:53:31,458 --> 00:53:32,458 Oh yeah. 886 00:53:46,681 --> 00:53:49,099 - So you're dating... 887 00:53:49,100 --> 00:53:50,100 - Jack. 888 00:53:51,478 --> 00:53:53,021 - Jack the puppet. 889 00:53:54,481 --> 00:53:56,440 - I don't know how it happened. 890 00:53:56,441 --> 00:54:00,861 - Okay. Well, you know, it is all over the news, right? 891 00:54:00,862 --> 00:54:03,281 You need to admit you stole it and give it back. 892 00:54:05,408 --> 00:54:06,993 - I don't know how to quit him. 893 00:54:09,621 --> 00:54:10,455 - Okay. 894 00:54:10,456 --> 00:54:13,958 So you need to stop with the broke back puppet shit. 895 00:54:13,959 --> 00:54:16,919 I interviewed your mom, your dad, your sister, 896 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:18,712 and your friend Jen. 897 00:54:18,713 --> 00:54:20,547 You had an asshole boyfriend 898 00:54:20,548 --> 00:54:22,883 who dumped you in the worst way. 899 00:54:22,884 --> 00:54:24,593 I'm sorry. It really sucks, 900 00:54:24,594 --> 00:54:26,470 but it happens and you need to deal with it. 901 00:54:26,471 --> 00:54:29,348 You stole a puppet and now you're crazy ass thinks 902 00:54:29,349 --> 00:54:31,267 he's real and you're dating. 903 00:54:31,268 --> 00:54:32,893 - He is real. 904 00:54:32,894 --> 00:54:34,061 - No, he's not. 905 00:54:34,062 --> 00:54:35,229 - He's real to me. 906 00:54:35,230 --> 00:54:36,230 - Stop it. 907 00:54:38,316 --> 00:54:39,818 - Are you gonna take him away? 908 00:54:40,986 --> 00:54:43,445 - It might be better for you if I did, but nope. 909 00:54:43,446 --> 00:54:44,406 I'm not gonna do it. 910 00:54:44,407 --> 00:54:45,948 You really need to figure this out on your own. 911 00:54:45,949 --> 00:54:48,535 And I really hope you do it before you get arrested. 912 00:54:52,998 --> 00:54:55,207 You wouldn't believe what Jen did 913 00:54:55,208 --> 00:54:56,876 to keep that puppet safe. 914 00:54:59,212 --> 00:55:01,005 - That's Gail's sister. 915 00:55:01,006 --> 00:55:03,132 She's the one that caused Gail to go crazy. 916 00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:04,383 - How? 917 00:55:04,384 --> 00:55:06,927 - Started doing Gail's live in boyfriend. 918 00:55:06,928 --> 00:55:07,928 - Dude. - Dude. 919 00:55:09,222 --> 00:55:11,181 - He's the one that called in the tip. 920 00:55:11,182 --> 00:55:13,058 He just wants to reward money. 921 00:55:13,059 --> 00:55:15,561 - Greedy bastard and he's hitting them both. 922 00:55:15,562 --> 00:55:16,854 - Yeah. 923 00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:18,106 - Dude. - Dude. 924 00:55:19,274 --> 00:55:20,649 - Oh my God. What? 925 00:55:20,650 --> 00:55:22,568 What are you doing here? - Something good. 926 00:55:22,569 --> 00:55:24,611 - Outside of my therapists office? Are you kidding? 927 00:55:24,612 --> 00:55:26,030 You've just been waiting to accost here? 928 00:55:26,031 --> 00:55:26,865 - I'm not accosting you. 929 00:55:26,866 --> 00:55:29,074 - My most vulnerable. I am here because of you! 930 00:55:29,075 --> 00:55:29,909 - I'll explain. 931 00:55:29,909 --> 00:55:30,785 - No, I don't want you to explain. 932 00:55:30,786 --> 00:55:32,619 I don't wanna hear anything you have to say. 933 00:55:32,620 --> 00:55:33,620 Just go home. 934 00:55:33,621 --> 00:55:35,664 Go home to Andy. Go home Allie. 935 00:55:35,665 --> 00:55:36,874 I don't wanna look at you. 936 00:55:36,875 --> 00:55:37,751 I don't wanna talk to you. 937 00:55:37,752 --> 00:55:40,128 I don't wanna speak to you ever again. Get out! 938 00:55:44,966 --> 00:55:47,469 - Guy, let's go get our puppy. 939 00:55:57,812 --> 00:55:59,104 - She was just waiting for me 940 00:55:59,105 --> 00:56:00,522 right outside the therapists office. 941 00:56:00,523 --> 00:56:02,775 Like some kind of mind games. I don't even know. 942 00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:03,610 - She's not- 943 00:56:03,610 --> 00:56:04,610 - Gail Spicolli. 944 00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,612 Warrant. 945 00:56:06,613 --> 00:56:07,613 - I'll take that. 946 00:56:09,115 --> 00:56:10,033 All right. It's legit. 947 00:56:10,034 --> 00:56:11,076 Give me your handbag. 948 00:56:12,035 --> 00:56:14,204 No need to be grabby. 949 00:56:16,539 --> 00:56:17,539 - You got it? 950 00:56:18,583 --> 00:56:20,042 - That's a negatory. 951 00:56:20,043 --> 00:56:21,085 - Satisfied? 952 00:56:21,086 --> 00:56:22,003 - All right. It's not in your purse. 953 00:56:22,004 --> 00:56:24,338 It's not in your house. Where is it? 954 00:56:24,339 --> 00:56:26,006 - Warrant only covers the house and the purse. 955 00:56:26,007 --> 00:56:27,007 We're done here? 956 00:56:28,802 --> 00:56:29,802 - If you say so. 957 00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,349 - Come on. - Thank you. 958 00:56:36,893 --> 00:56:40,187 - Oh my God! What are you doing here? Did you touch him? 959 00:56:40,188 --> 00:56:41,022 - No. - Oh my God. 960 00:56:41,023 --> 00:56:42,439 It wasn't enough for you to take Andy from me. 961 00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:43,400 You have to take Jack too? 962 00:56:43,401 --> 00:56:46,735 - No. Jen asked me to get him here to you. 963 00:56:46,736 --> 00:56:48,612 I guess she thought with Andy being the one that 964 00:56:48,613 --> 00:56:51,408 ratted you out, the police probably wouldn't search me. 965 00:57:10,552 --> 00:57:11,552 - Thank you. 966 00:57:20,895 --> 00:57:21,938 Andy's an asshole. 967 00:57:23,356 --> 00:57:24,649 - Yeah, he is. 968 00:57:27,444 --> 00:57:28,486 I'm sorry. 969 00:57:32,991 --> 00:57:34,659 Andy and I broke up. 970 00:57:37,078 --> 00:57:38,078 - Why? 971 00:57:41,124 --> 00:57:42,876 - Because I want my sister back. 972 00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:47,880 - Aww. 973 00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:08,233 - Look, I have a steady job and yeah sure, 974 00:58:08,234 --> 00:58:12,070 Jack's a puppet, but he loves me and treats me well. 975 00:58:12,071 --> 00:58:15,032 I mean, our relationship is so sound, you know? 976 00:58:15,033 --> 00:58:20,038 It's just nothing but love and understanding and passion and 977 00:58:20,914 --> 00:58:23,165 our home life is amazing. 978 00:58:23,166 --> 00:58:24,584 And our sex life is amazing. 979 00:58:25,585 --> 00:58:27,879 And frankly, I don't see what the big deal is. 980 00:58:30,048 --> 00:58:33,133 - Well, professionally speaking, 981 00:58:33,134 --> 00:58:35,470 I mean you're fucking nuts Gail. 982 00:58:37,514 --> 00:58:39,097 - Oh. 983 00:58:39,098 --> 00:58:41,475 I mean, I do fuck the nuts sometimes. 984 00:58:41,476 --> 00:58:43,894 He likes it when I pay special attention. 985 00:58:43,895 --> 00:58:46,480 Just like. No? 986 00:58:46,481 --> 00:58:48,148 - No. No. 987 00:58:48,149 --> 00:58:48,983 - Just like a... 988 00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:50,442 - You're crazy. Stop! 989 00:58:50,443 --> 00:58:51,528 - No? - No. 990 00:58:53,279 --> 00:58:54,279 - I have to go. 991 00:58:56,658 --> 00:58:57,659 - Careful out there. 992 00:58:59,452 --> 00:59:00,744 - Is she getting better? 993 00:59:00,745 --> 00:59:02,830 - Oh yeah. She's fine. 994 00:59:11,047 --> 00:59:12,673 - Well, on the other hand, 995 00:59:12,674 --> 00:59:15,301 she hasn't mentioned the puppet in like six weeks. 996 00:59:20,056 --> 00:59:21,348 - Do we have any cavatelli? 997 00:59:21,349 --> 00:59:23,351 - I want a divorce. 998 00:59:25,770 --> 00:59:26,771 - Is someone here? 999 00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:29,106 - Nobody's here. 1000 00:59:29,983 --> 00:59:30,984 - I should go check. 1001 00:59:32,110 --> 00:59:33,569 - Nah, don't stop now. 1002 00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:35,363 I'm gonna wind up with cotton balls. 1003 00:59:38,741 --> 00:59:41,326 Oh yeah. What are you doing with that loofah? 1004 00:59:41,327 --> 00:59:42,494 Don't stick it in there. 1005 00:59:42,495 --> 00:59:44,788 Oh wait, no. Stick it in there. 1006 00:59:44,789 --> 00:59:47,917 Oh! 1007 00:59:48,918 --> 00:59:52,254 - For the love of Jim Henson, she has the got damn puppet. 1008 00:59:52,255 --> 00:59:54,923 - Look. We searched her place four times. 1009 00:59:54,924 --> 00:59:57,884 We searched her bag seven times. She don't have it. 1010 00:59:57,885 --> 00:59:59,261 - Come on, Andy. Give it up. 1011 00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:00,554 - I don't have it. All right. 1012 01:00:00,555 --> 01:00:03,307 Listen, the two of you should just be better at your jobs. 1013 01:00:03,308 --> 01:00:04,349 You have one fucking job to do, 1014 01:00:04,350 --> 01:00:07,686 which is find the puppet so I can get the reward money. 1015 01:00:07,687 --> 01:00:09,646 What the fuck is wrong with the two of you? 1016 01:00:09,647 --> 01:00:12,316 You're like the stupidest cops in all of fucking New York. 1017 01:00:12,317 --> 01:00:13,942 - Listen, you realize you're yelling at 1018 01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:15,402 two guys with guns, right? 1019 01:00:15,403 --> 01:00:17,571 - Yeah. If we shoot you, no one's gonna hold a protest. 1020 01:00:17,572 --> 01:00:19,407 - There's no hipster lives matter. 1021 01:00:21,909 --> 01:00:22,993 - Hey, wait a minute. 1022 01:00:22,994 --> 01:00:24,369 Does this guy smell like pot to you? 1023 01:00:24,370 --> 01:00:25,204 - What? 1024 01:00:25,204 --> 01:00:26,080 - Yeah. Smell like he hid a kilo on him. 1025 01:00:26,081 --> 01:00:28,498 - Yeah. I bet if we search him, we're gonna find some drugs. 1026 01:00:28,499 --> 01:00:29,666 - Guys. Guys. Come on. 1027 01:00:29,667 --> 01:00:31,543 Let's be cool about this. It's all cool. 1028 01:00:31,544 --> 01:00:32,544 Smoke bomb! 1029 01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:37,132 - I hate it when they run. 1030 01:00:37,133 --> 01:00:38,133 - Fuck! 1031 01:00:39,969 --> 01:00:42,555 - Baby won't you be my husband? 1032 01:00:43,931 --> 01:00:47,602 Come on big daddy won't you need me around? 1033 01:00:56,778 --> 01:00:58,862 - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 1034 01:00:58,863 --> 01:01:00,364 - Baby grease on the tit. 1035 01:01:00,365 --> 01:01:02,157 - Never cook bacon naked. 1036 01:01:02,158 --> 01:01:04,326 - I could lick it off for ya. 1037 01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:05,535 - Maybe later. 1038 01:01:05,536 --> 01:01:07,955 - How about now? How about that one later? 1039 01:01:09,415 --> 01:01:11,583 Oh, let's get some now and laters. 1040 01:01:11,584 --> 01:01:15,505 - You love me. Let me show you what's going on. 1041 01:01:17,090 --> 01:01:18,840 - I don't think she's crazy anymore. 1042 01:01:18,841 --> 01:01:22,720 - Oh no. Of course not. No, of course not. 1043 01:01:27,058 --> 01:01:28,058 Oh God, oh Jesus. 1044 01:01:28,059 --> 01:01:32,855 Oh God! Fucking God! My cocking balls in my spine. 1045 01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:37,150 I don't even have bones, but this fucking hurts. 1046 01:01:37,151 --> 01:01:38,402 - Gail. 1047 01:01:38,403 --> 01:01:42,365 All you do is give, but what is Jack doing? 1048 01:01:43,199 --> 01:01:44,659 Is he giving you massages? 1049 01:01:46,327 --> 01:01:49,455 Come on. He hasn't worked in nearly four months. 1050 01:01:50,748 --> 01:01:52,667 You pay all the bills. 1051 01:01:54,377 --> 01:01:58,004 He doesn't even take you out. Are you listening to me? 1052 01:01:58,005 --> 01:02:00,340 Even if he wanted to take you out, 1053 01:02:00,341 --> 01:02:02,051 he's wanted by the police. 1054 01:02:04,303 --> 01:02:06,431 I know you love him. Look at me, 1055 01:02:08,307 --> 01:02:11,894 but what is he doing for you? I mean, what does he do? 1056 01:02:20,820 --> 01:02:22,572 - Bazinga! 1057 01:02:26,284 --> 01:02:27,284 - Happy New Year! 1058 01:02:34,625 --> 01:02:37,127 - You do everything. 1059 01:02:37,128 --> 01:02:39,379 - You just don't get it. 1060 01:02:39,380 --> 01:02:42,300 - I don't. I don't get it. 1061 01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:58,148 - Even with a woman as sexy as Gail, 1062 01:02:58,149 --> 01:03:01,694 it's hard to stay focused on just one. 1063 01:03:03,070 --> 01:03:07,574 But fortunately Gail is kinda woman that knows the way 1064 01:03:07,575 --> 01:03:09,410 into a puppet's heart. 1065 01:03:16,417 --> 01:03:17,417 - What? 1066 01:03:26,010 --> 01:03:30,973 - Can I help you? 1067 01:03:42,777 --> 01:03:44,320 You seem to like this. 1068 01:03:47,657 --> 01:03:48,783 What are you thinking? 1069 01:03:53,704 --> 01:03:55,330 - Let's color my dick with markers 1070 01:03:55,331 --> 01:03:56,791 and then taste the rainbow. 1071 01:04:01,087 --> 01:04:04,714 - And still Gail was holding on. 1072 01:04:04,715 --> 01:04:09,553 Deep down she suspected something was wrong, 1073 01:04:09,554 --> 01:04:12,973 but she held on as long as she could. 1074 01:04:12,974 --> 01:04:14,683 And Jack, 1075 01:04:14,684 --> 01:04:18,311 well, his mind wandered. 1076 01:04:18,312 --> 01:04:21,357 Perhaps through time, long ago. 1077 01:04:31,868 --> 01:04:32,868 - Give it to me. 1078 01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:37,664 Hurry you son of a bitch. I'm gonna squeak. 1079 01:04:37,665 --> 01:04:39,083 I'm gonna squeak! 1080 01:04:45,006 --> 01:04:47,257 - Oh my God, Jack! 1081 01:04:47,258 --> 01:04:48,092 - No. 1082 01:04:48,093 --> 01:04:50,678 - Is this what you do all day when I'm not here? 1083 01:04:52,597 --> 01:04:53,431 - Baby. 1084 01:04:53,432 --> 01:04:55,932 - Don't you baby me. Let me see this. 1085 01:04:55,933 --> 01:04:56,933 - Don't. 1086 01:04:57,643 --> 01:04:59,520 - That is disgusting. 1087 01:05:00,855 --> 01:05:01,731 - It means nothing. 1088 01:05:01,732 --> 01:05:04,482 - I don't understand how you would look at this 1089 01:05:04,483 --> 01:05:08,153 disgusting shit when you have a real woman right here. 1090 01:05:08,154 --> 01:05:10,864 - I'm so sorry, baby. It won't happen again. 1091 01:05:10,865 --> 01:05:13,033 - Have you slept with any of these furries? 1092 01:05:13,034 --> 01:05:15,369 - Baby, baby. 1093 01:05:16,954 --> 01:05:19,248 - Have you? Answer me Jack. 1094 01:05:23,002 --> 01:05:25,337 - That is such an unfair question. 1095 01:05:25,338 --> 01:05:26,714 - Answer me. 1096 01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:30,258 - I am not going to be any part of this craziness. 1097 01:05:30,259 --> 01:05:31,343 - Answer me Jack. Or so help me God. 1098 01:05:31,344 --> 01:05:33,137 I'll do something we'll both regret. 1099 01:05:34,889 --> 01:05:37,182 - Don't do this baby. I love you. 1100 01:05:37,183 --> 01:05:38,183 - I'll do it. 1101 01:05:39,352 --> 01:05:41,186 - You'll know I'm not color fast, baby. 1102 01:05:41,187 --> 01:05:42,480 - Last chance. 1103 01:05:43,648 --> 01:05:44,731 - Fine. 1104 01:05:44,732 --> 01:05:49,737 Yes. I slept with Kukla, Ms. Piggie, Lambchop. 1105 01:05:50,196 --> 01:05:51,738 I mean, what do you want from me? 1106 01:05:51,739 --> 01:05:54,533 I'm a puppet, you know? We have urges. 1107 01:05:55,910 --> 01:05:56,910 - Anyone else? 1108 01:05:59,580 --> 01:06:01,332 Anyone else Jack? 1109 01:06:02,708 --> 01:06:05,335 - Triumph. The insult comic dog. 1110 01:06:05,336 --> 01:06:08,380 When I was in college and I was drunk. 1111 01:06:08,381 --> 01:06:09,632 I was experimenting. 1112 01:06:11,175 --> 01:06:13,677 - You are sleeping on the couch tonight. 1113 01:06:13,678 --> 01:06:15,637 I need some time to think. 1114 01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:18,140 - Fine. Can I have the laptop though? 1115 01:06:20,184 --> 01:06:21,726 - No! 1116 01:06:21,727 --> 01:06:24,396 - Damn baby. People are right about you, you know? 1117 01:06:24,397 --> 01:06:26,399 You're nuts, frigging nuts. 1118 01:06:36,534 --> 01:06:38,994 - And I know I should be more understanding. I just, 1119 01:06:38,995 --> 01:06:40,495 I can't wrap my head around it. 1120 01:06:40,496 --> 01:06:43,331 He's at home all day rubbing one out to Lambchop 1121 01:06:43,332 --> 01:06:46,126 while I'm at work. And I mean, 1122 01:06:46,127 --> 01:06:48,336 I know I'm more attractive than Lambchop. 1123 01:06:48,337 --> 01:06:49,671 I'm more attractive. - Right? Okay. 1124 01:06:49,672 --> 01:06:53,509 Cause he's not doing any of it because he's not real. 1125 01:06:55,553 --> 01:06:56,886 Listen, 1126 01:06:56,887 --> 01:07:01,307 you stole a puppet and invented the love you wanted 1127 01:07:01,308 --> 01:07:04,310 because you had this asshole boyfriend dump you. 1128 01:07:04,311 --> 01:07:06,396 I get it. It's fine. 1129 01:07:06,397 --> 01:07:08,065 Just let it go. 1130 01:07:08,899 --> 01:07:12,611 - For the last time, he is real. 1131 01:07:14,572 --> 01:07:18,658 - Mcfly. No, he's not real. Okay? 1132 01:07:18,659 --> 01:07:21,494 My five year old had an easier time getting 1133 01:07:21,495 --> 01:07:25,874 that Santa Claus isn't real. Five, she's five. 1134 01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:29,210 And you, you're sitting here, a grown as woman, trying to 1135 01:07:29,211 --> 01:07:30,754 convince me that you're dating a puppet. 1136 01:07:30,755 --> 01:07:32,590 You are not dating a puppet. 1137 01:07:33,466 --> 01:07:35,258 I've been here too got damn long. 1138 01:07:35,259 --> 01:07:39,804 I spent too much money on fucking school to fucking sit here 1139 01:07:39,805 --> 01:07:41,723 and listen to you go crazy. This is insane. 1140 01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:43,725 I've never committed a patient. 1141 01:07:43,726 --> 01:07:45,351 I've never prescribed any medication. 1142 01:07:45,352 --> 01:07:47,312 But if you don't figure this shit out, I will drop you 1143 01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:48,313 at myself. 1144 01:07:48,314 --> 01:07:50,899 And I'll prescribe so much Prozac that you 1145 01:07:50,900 --> 01:07:53,610 won't be able to stand up for the next three months. 1146 01:07:53,611 --> 01:07:54,611 You get me? 1147 01:07:55,529 --> 01:07:56,363 - Yeah. 1148 01:07:56,364 --> 01:07:58,365 - Yeah. Okay. Now get the fuck outta here. 1149 01:08:00,409 --> 01:08:02,535 - 20 minutes left in the session. 1150 01:08:02,536 --> 01:08:04,287 - Yeah. If you think I'm gonna sit here 1151 01:08:04,288 --> 01:08:07,290 for the next 20 minutes, listening to you talk about 1152 01:08:07,291 --> 01:08:09,751 50 shades of gray meets avenue cue. 1153 01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:11,629 You're fucking crazier than I thought. 1154 01:08:17,259 --> 01:08:18,469 - Leave! - Bye. 1155 01:08:23,891 --> 01:08:25,059 - Crazy bitch. 1156 01:08:33,943 --> 01:08:35,110 - Hey. 1157 01:08:35,111 --> 01:08:35,945 - Hey. 1158 01:08:35,946 --> 01:08:38,738 - I'm sorry. They shouldn't have handcuffed you. 1159 01:08:38,739 --> 01:08:39,740 - No they shouldn't. 1160 01:08:48,999 --> 01:08:49,999 Thanks. 1161 01:08:51,043 --> 01:08:52,211 So where's your partner? 1162 01:08:54,046 --> 01:08:56,589 - He's at your place conducting the search. 1163 01:08:56,590 --> 01:08:58,675 - There's no puppet there. 1164 01:08:58,676 --> 01:09:00,302 - All right then where did you hide it? 1165 01:09:02,138 --> 01:09:04,055 - I don't think I'm supposed to say anything without my 1166 01:09:04,056 --> 01:09:05,056 attorney present. 1167 01:09:06,684 --> 01:09:08,184 - You're right. 1168 01:09:08,185 --> 01:09:09,602 She's with Griffin at your apartment, 1169 01:09:09,603 --> 01:09:11,271 they're doing the search. 1170 01:09:11,272 --> 01:09:12,939 - When can I go home? 1171 01:09:12,940 --> 01:09:14,023 - Well, if we don't find the puppet, 1172 01:09:14,024 --> 01:09:16,819 then as soon as your lawyer gets here, free to go. 1173 01:09:18,320 --> 01:09:19,320 - Okay. 1174 01:09:22,575 --> 01:09:24,117 - Sweetheart? 1175 01:09:24,118 --> 01:09:25,702 - What did you just call me? 1176 01:09:25,703 --> 01:09:27,955 - No, the candy, it's sweethearts. 1177 01:09:29,081 --> 01:09:30,541 I understand the, sorry. 1178 01:09:34,295 --> 01:09:35,129 - I don't know. 1179 01:09:35,130 --> 01:09:38,132 Do you always offer candy to people you've had handcuffed? 1180 01:09:40,426 --> 01:09:41,594 - Only the cute ones. 1181 01:09:48,809 --> 01:09:50,810 Can I ask you something off the record? 1182 01:09:50,811 --> 01:09:53,021 Not about the puppet. 1183 01:09:53,022 --> 01:09:54,022 - Sure. 1184 01:09:54,815 --> 01:09:56,567 - I met your ex-boyfriend, Andy. 1185 01:09:58,819 --> 01:09:59,819 How does 1186 01:10:02,198 --> 01:10:06,285 someone like you end up with a human bong like that? 1187 01:10:09,163 --> 01:10:12,166 - Yeah, he is basically a bong with legs. Isn't he? 1188 01:10:13,918 --> 01:10:15,586 I don't know. He used to be sweet. 1189 01:10:16,795 --> 01:10:19,130 I always thought he was this really good listener. 1190 01:10:19,131 --> 01:10:20,548 Turned out he was just tying his balls 1191 01:10:20,549 --> 01:10:22,967 and zoned out all the time. 1192 01:10:22,968 --> 01:10:24,510 - Well, at least you upgraded. 1193 01:10:24,511 --> 01:10:27,680 Your lawyer seems like a perfect fit. 1194 01:10:27,681 --> 01:10:28,766 - Appears that way. 1195 01:10:30,726 --> 01:10:33,895 No my current relationship isn't perfect, but it's, 1196 01:10:33,896 --> 01:10:35,231 it's what I need right now. 1197 01:10:36,815 --> 01:10:38,150 - But you still want more? 1198 01:10:40,736 --> 01:10:41,987 - Don't we all? 1199 01:10:43,656 --> 01:10:47,326 - Honestly, I just like to find something real. 1200 01:10:52,289 --> 01:10:53,289 - Me too. 1201 01:10:58,587 --> 01:11:02,591 So what about you? No Mrs. Simpson? 1202 01:11:03,717 --> 01:11:04,717 - No, 1203 01:11:05,427 --> 01:11:07,762 I don't meet a lot of people I'm interested in. 1204 01:11:07,763 --> 01:11:09,764 Then when I do, they already have someone. 1205 01:11:09,765 --> 01:11:12,225 Most of the women I meet are actually here at work. 1206 01:11:12,226 --> 01:11:14,561 The captain frowns on us dating suspects. So. 1207 01:11:15,646 --> 01:11:17,563 - Well, nothing says you couldn't ask her out after 1208 01:11:17,564 --> 01:11:18,565 she's been cleared. 1209 01:11:19,817 --> 01:11:23,862 - No, I guess that would be okay. 1210 01:11:26,323 --> 01:11:28,116 - Hey Simps. 1211 01:11:28,117 --> 01:11:29,492 Oh, hey Gail. 1212 01:11:29,493 --> 01:11:31,744 - Hey, how's your honey? 1213 01:11:31,745 --> 01:11:33,037 - Sweet as always. 1214 01:11:33,038 --> 01:11:34,038 - Any news? 1215 01:11:35,291 --> 01:11:37,875 - Yes, actually they could not find the puppet 1216 01:11:37,876 --> 01:11:39,836 and your employer is raising holy hell right now. 1217 01:11:39,837 --> 01:11:42,005 She's threatening to sue everybody. 1218 01:11:42,006 --> 01:11:44,508 So unless you confess to something, 1219 01:11:46,635 --> 01:11:47,636 we gotta let her go. 1220 01:11:48,971 --> 01:11:50,054 - Well, Ms. Spicolli. 1221 01:11:50,055 --> 01:11:51,055 - Gail. 1222 01:11:51,890 --> 01:11:52,890 - Gail. 1223 01:11:55,185 --> 01:11:56,478 I guess you're free to go. 1224 01:11:57,855 --> 01:11:58,896 - Thank you. 1225 01:11:58,897 --> 01:12:03,652 - I hope that we meet again under different circumstances. 1226 01:12:05,946 --> 01:12:08,157 - I think I should go. 1227 01:12:09,616 --> 01:12:10,659 Thanks for the candy. 1228 01:12:12,077 --> 01:12:13,077 Excuse me. 1229 01:12:25,424 --> 01:12:26,424 - Down killer. 1230 01:12:27,718 --> 01:12:29,386 - I really hope she's not guilty. 1231 01:12:30,804 --> 01:12:32,056 I think I like her a lot. 1232 01:12:33,807 --> 01:12:34,767 - Oh. 1233 01:12:34,768 --> 01:12:37,393 The whole department knows that not only is she crazy, 1234 01:12:37,394 --> 01:12:40,104 she's super guilty. Super guilty. 1235 01:12:40,105 --> 01:12:42,023 - Where's the puppet then Cooper? 1236 01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:43,566 - It's only a matter of time before we find it. 1237 01:12:43,567 --> 01:12:45,193 - Oh. Oh, so she's guilty, 1238 01:12:45,194 --> 01:12:47,278 but you couldn't find the puppet. 1239 01:12:47,279 --> 01:12:49,405 - You're the one out in the field with Griffin. 1240 01:12:49,406 --> 01:12:50,240 Don't blame me. 1241 01:12:50,241 --> 01:12:53,284 - Fine if she's guilty, then you're a bad cop. 1242 01:12:53,285 --> 01:12:56,871 - If she's guilty, I'm gonna give you all my donuts. 1243 01:12:56,872 --> 01:12:57,997 - I don't want your donuts. 1244 01:12:57,998 --> 01:12:59,916 - You're gonna eat my donuts. 1245 01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:01,543 - Sanchez put those in his ass. 1246 01:13:02,503 --> 01:13:03,503 You're welcome. 1247 01:13:10,427 --> 01:13:11,678 Psst. 1248 01:13:12,930 --> 01:13:13,930 Psst. 1249 01:13:15,391 --> 01:13:16,308 Hey! 1250 01:13:16,309 --> 01:13:19,143 - Hey. Fuck you're a bunny. 1251 01:13:19,144 --> 01:13:20,853 - And you're a loser hipster asshole. 1252 01:13:20,854 --> 01:13:22,063 What's your fucking point? 1253 01:13:22,064 --> 01:13:24,649 Do you have the information? Huh? 1254 01:13:24,650 --> 01:13:26,318 - Yeah. You got what I need? 1255 01:13:29,488 --> 01:13:30,488 - Take it. 1256 01:13:32,074 --> 01:13:34,534 - How do I know these are gonna work? 1257 01:13:34,535 --> 01:13:38,496 - Look, it's what they use when they're making furry porn. 1258 01:13:38,497 --> 01:13:40,331 If it's gonna keep a puppet dick hard, 1259 01:13:40,332 --> 01:13:42,917 I'm sure it'll work on your flesh thimble. 1260 01:13:42,918 --> 01:13:45,170 Now gimme the information before I go postal. 1261 01:13:49,633 --> 01:13:51,426 - You know what? Actually, you're not a nice bunny. 1262 01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:54,638 - Shut the fuck up you limp dick hipster! 1263 01:14:00,978 --> 01:14:02,187 - No wonder he left her. 1264 01:14:05,732 --> 01:14:08,402 - What is going on in here? Jack? 1265 01:14:10,612 --> 01:14:11,612 - It's time. 1266 01:14:12,906 --> 01:14:14,115 - I don't think I can do this. 1267 01:14:14,116 --> 01:14:16,451 - Yes you can. You're strong. 1268 01:14:16,452 --> 01:14:18,536 - We're all here for you. 1269 01:14:18,537 --> 01:14:19,912 - I don't know. 1270 01:14:19,913 --> 01:14:24,667 - We miss you Gail. And we know it's been a rough year, but, 1271 01:14:24,668 --> 01:14:26,503 and he gave you something. 1272 01:14:27,588 --> 01:14:28,839 But it's time to move on. 1273 01:14:30,090 --> 01:14:32,008 And there's a ventriloquist out there who's 1274 01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:34,428 worried sick about his friend. 1275 01:14:35,345 --> 01:14:38,056 Do it for him and do it for you. 1276 01:14:39,850 --> 01:14:40,850 - You're right. 1277 01:14:41,643 --> 01:14:44,646 - Do you think any of these broads would be into a threeway? 1278 01:14:45,939 --> 01:14:48,192 - Do it! Do it! Tape! Tape! 1279 01:14:54,114 --> 01:14:57,033 - I'll never let go Jack. 1280 01:14:57,034 --> 01:14:58,034 - Gail. 1281 01:14:59,495 --> 01:15:00,495 Gail. 1282 01:15:02,122 --> 01:15:03,623 Here. 1283 01:15:03,624 --> 01:15:06,959 This is more socially acceptable. Okay? 1284 01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:08,440 - Is that Oscar? You still have this? 1285 01:15:10,214 --> 01:15:11,214 - Of course. 1286 01:15:15,302 --> 01:15:16,220 - Hey. 1287 01:15:16,221 --> 01:15:17,763 - Don't make it talk. 1288 01:15:18,972 --> 01:15:19,972 - Right. 1289 01:15:22,017 --> 01:15:23,518 Thank you. 1290 01:15:23,519 --> 01:15:28,482 - You're welcome. 1291 01:15:30,275 --> 01:15:34,153 - A happy ending as a ventriloquist is reunited with his 1292 01:15:34,154 --> 01:15:37,615 beloved puppet. Frank, what happened? 1293 01:15:37,616 --> 01:15:40,243 - The club manager, he just called me and 1294 01:15:40,244 --> 01:15:43,120 apparently somebody dropped him off, rang the buzzer 1295 01:15:43,121 --> 01:15:46,499 and ran away. 1296 01:15:46,500 --> 01:15:48,125 - Any damage? 1297 01:15:48,126 --> 01:15:50,336 - No, he's perfectly fine. 1298 01:15:50,337 --> 01:15:55,091 Other than some lipstick stains in some questionable 1299 01:15:55,092 --> 01:16:00,055 places. Nothing that a, you know, stain stick can't get out. 1300 01:16:00,847 --> 01:16:03,350 - Any idea where he was the last 17 weeks? 1301 01:16:04,518 --> 01:16:06,186 - No idea. I... 1302 01:16:07,813 --> 01:16:10,190 Grandpa. Where were you? 1303 01:16:11,066 --> 01:16:12,441 - Well, puppet's gotta get a little something, 1304 01:16:12,442 --> 01:16:16,821 something sometime. You know what I mean? Yeah. 1305 01:16:16,822 --> 01:16:18,823 What's your name, baby? 1306 01:16:18,824 --> 01:16:21,200 I like the way you hold that microphone. 1307 01:16:21,201 --> 01:16:22,451 - Okay. 1308 01:16:22,452 --> 01:16:25,621 There was a note in the box apologizing and asking that the 1309 01:16:25,622 --> 01:16:29,667 reward money be donated to a woman's mental health charity. 1310 01:16:29,668 --> 01:16:31,628 Back to you in the studio. 1311 01:16:44,141 --> 01:16:47,059 - Jack. I love you. 1312 01:16:47,060 --> 01:16:50,146 I thought I was gonna be Ms. Jack. 1313 01:16:50,147 --> 01:16:52,190 I was gonna be Ms. Jack. 1314 01:16:54,359 --> 01:16:55,359 - Hey. 1315 01:16:57,195 --> 01:16:58,195 - Hey. 1316 01:16:59,072 --> 01:17:03,075 Yeah, I'll get a. 1317 01:17:03,076 --> 01:17:04,244 - You should do a shot. 1318 01:17:05,495 --> 01:17:08,706 - I get kind of wild when I do shots. 1319 01:17:08,707 --> 01:17:12,793 - I like kind of wild. How wild are we talking here? 1320 01:17:12,794 --> 01:17:14,838 - Ever heard of a Kentucky menthol cobra? 1321 01:17:16,214 --> 01:17:18,925 - I got a funnel and there's a hotel around the corner. 1322 01:17:20,427 --> 01:17:21,427 - Let's go. 1323 01:17:39,946 --> 01:17:41,280 - Ms. Picolli. 1324 01:17:41,281 --> 01:17:43,240 - Detective? - Yeah. 1325 01:17:43,241 --> 01:17:44,742 Listen I just wanna let you know that the puppet 1326 01:17:44,743 --> 01:17:47,203 was mysteriously returned to the club. 1327 01:17:47,204 --> 01:17:50,581 So we were wrong to have thought it was you. 1328 01:17:50,582 --> 01:17:53,168 Just wanna let you know we're not gonna bother you anymore. 1329 01:17:54,169 --> 01:17:55,795 - Thank you. 1330 01:17:55,796 --> 01:17:57,338 I'm glad to hear he was returned safely. 1331 01:17:57,339 --> 01:17:58,339 - Yeah. 1332 01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:01,967 Look, I'd love to make it up to you. 1333 01:18:01,968 --> 01:18:03,762 I could take it for a cup of coffee. 1334 01:18:04,721 --> 01:18:06,847 - Are you asking me out detective? 1335 01:18:06,848 --> 01:18:08,307 - Victor. 1336 01:18:08,308 --> 01:18:10,810 No, I know you're dating your lawyer. 1337 01:18:10,811 --> 01:18:12,813 - She's just a friend. We're not dating. 1338 01:18:13,814 --> 01:18:18,234 - Oh, in that case how about we skip coffee. 1339 01:18:18,235 --> 01:18:19,235 Do dinner? 1340 01:18:20,612 --> 01:18:22,113 - I'd like that. 1341 01:18:22,114 --> 01:18:23,031 - Great! 1342 01:18:23,031 --> 01:18:23,907 - Great. 1343 01:18:23,908 --> 01:18:24,949 - I'll walk you. 1344 01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:25,784 - Okay. 1345 01:18:25,785 --> 01:18:27,034 - Where are you headed? 1346 01:18:27,035 --> 01:18:28,244 - Nowhere. 1347 01:18:28,245 --> 01:18:29,495 - Just looking at the river? 1348 01:18:29,496 --> 01:18:34,501 - Yeah. 1349 01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:47,847 - You sure? 1350 01:18:54,938 --> 01:18:56,773 - Shut up and take off your clothes. 1351 01:19:19,004 --> 01:19:21,798 - I'm gonna go all cape fear on this bitch! 1352 01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:30,181 I can't watch. 1353 01:19:33,727 --> 01:19:35,479 I am going to jerk off though. 1354 01:19:41,026 --> 01:19:46,031 - And they all lived happily ever after. 1355 01:19:47,157 --> 01:19:51,077 Well, there might have been a hitch or two. 1356 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:53,913 - Look, I'm so sorry. 1357 01:19:53,914 --> 01:19:55,915 I had no idea you two were a couple. 1358 01:19:55,916 --> 01:19:57,918 - Married. We're married. 1359 01:19:58,752 --> 01:20:01,754 - He never told me. I'm really sorry. 1360 01:20:01,755 --> 01:20:02,797 - Did you ever ask? 1361 01:20:02,798 --> 01:20:05,049 You destroyed our home! You ruined our family! 1362 01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:06,967 I can't believe you do this to us. 1363 01:20:06,968 --> 01:20:10,137 - I didn't mean to. Besides we broke up. 1364 01:20:10,138 --> 01:20:11,305 Look, I feel just horrible. 1365 01:20:11,306 --> 01:20:13,933 Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a coffee. 1366 01:20:13,934 --> 01:20:16,477 - Fuck your coffee and fuck your pity 1367 01:20:16,478 --> 01:20:18,312 you blonde haired bitch! 1368 01:20:18,313 --> 01:20:19,438 You think you're so superior 1369 01:20:19,439 --> 01:20:21,982 'cuz your big fucking tits and legs? 1370 01:20:21,983 --> 01:20:24,944 Oh you come walking in here with your long legs 1371 01:20:24,945 --> 01:20:27,696 and your tits, well you're a miserable piece of shit. 1372 01:20:27,697 --> 01:20:29,657 Fuck you and fuck him. 1373 01:20:29,658 --> 01:20:31,867 You two twats deserve each other. 1374 01:20:31,868 --> 01:20:33,160 Oh, I don't know what I was thinking. 1375 01:20:33,161 --> 01:20:35,663 I knew that puppet couldn't keep his hands off the humans. 1376 01:20:35,664 --> 01:20:37,623 And as for you Blondie, 1377 01:20:37,624 --> 01:20:39,208 you just stay the fuck away from me or 1378 01:20:39,209 --> 01:20:41,502 I'll carve a new asshole into your forehead. 1379 01:20:41,503 --> 01:20:42,503 - Oh my. 1380 01:20:43,630 --> 01:20:46,215 - You're both a pair of cunts! Bitches! 1381 01:20:46,216 --> 01:20:47,842 - That's just mean. 1382 01:20:47,843 --> 01:20:51,429 - Sharmuta! Fucking bitches cunting whores. 1383 01:20:52,305 --> 01:20:54,391 She's a bitch cunt whore. 1384 01:21:05,777 --> 01:21:07,945 - I seriously have no idea where he is. 1385 01:21:07,946 --> 01:21:10,656 - He told me if I came by today he'd give me money. 1386 01:21:10,657 --> 01:21:12,324 - Well he doesn't live here anymore. 1387 01:21:12,325 --> 01:21:13,910 You have to leave. 1388 01:21:16,788 --> 01:21:17,788 Hey, Hey. 1389 01:21:19,541 --> 01:21:21,543 - Sorry man, I'll work for it. 1390 01:21:25,797 --> 01:21:28,550 - Nope. Not thanks. You gotta go. 1391 01:21:30,010 --> 01:21:32,095 - It makes you feel any... 1392 01:21:35,181 --> 01:21:36,932 - Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead. 1393 01:21:36,933 --> 01:21:41,354 I'm dating a cop. I can't explain a dead sock puppet. 1394 01:21:42,522 --> 01:21:45,149 - Better. Yeah if it makes you feel any better 1395 01:21:45,150 --> 01:21:48,861 whenever I did him he put on a tape of you two doing it. 1396 01:21:48,862 --> 01:21:50,614 - He never filmed us. 1397 01:21:51,823 --> 01:21:54,783 - Left hip, Wonder Woman tattoo. 1398 01:21:54,784 --> 01:21:56,285 - That fucker filmed me! 1399 01:21:56,286 --> 01:21:58,996 - 50 bucks. I'll tell you where the camera is. 1400 01:21:58,997 --> 01:21:59,831 - I'll give you a dollar. 1401 01:21:59,832 --> 01:22:01,790 - Make it two. 1402 01:22:01,791 --> 01:22:02,626 - Deal. 1403 01:22:02,627 --> 01:22:05,044 - It's in Teddy Ruxpin. 1404 01:22:05,045 --> 01:22:06,963 - Fucking Teddy Ruxpin. 1405 01:22:09,758 --> 01:22:11,176 Fuck outta my apartment. 1406 01:23:29,838 --> 01:23:32,757 - Get out. Get outta here. Get out. 1407 01:23:34,426 --> 01:23:37,345 Get. Get. Get. Get. Get outta here. 1408 01:23:38,805 --> 01:23:40,056 Get outta here. 1409 01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:43,600 Yeah. 1410 01:23:45,562 --> 01:23:48,397 And it will truly be like pooping on poop. 1411 01:23:48,398 --> 01:23:49,398 Yeah. Yeah. 1412 01:23:52,777 --> 01:23:55,363 Okay, move the cat now. 94440