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1
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[***]
2
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Oh, Dad,
3
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:15,000
we've got to do something
about our astrologer.
4
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,400
Madam Dolores? Why?
5
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,801
I just don't think her
heart's in it anymore.
6
00:00:19,801 --> 00:00:21,000
"Pisces.
7
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,868
Something bad
may or may not happen to you."
8
00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:26,734
I'm a Pisces.
9
00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:28,734
See what I mean?
10
00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:30,400
Well, so that one's
a little vague.
11
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,868
Let's read yours.
12
00:00:31,868 --> 00:00:33,734
Uh, let's see...
13
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,767
January 1st.
14
00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:38,367
I know, I know.
15
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:39,567
Uh, here it is.
16
00:00:39,567 --> 00:00:41,701
"If you open yourself up
and take a chance,
17
00:00:41,701 --> 00:00:43,200
"a nice, honest man
18
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,934
will turn up
at your door."
19
00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:47,801
In your neighborhood,
he'd better have a gun.
20
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:49,334
Good morning.
Elliott!
21
00:00:49,334 --> 00:00:51,968
Elliott,
you ready for tomorrow's action?
22
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:53,167
You betcha.
23
00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:54,701
What's tomorrow?
24
00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:56,100
We're playing
paint ball.
25
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:57,300
Paint ball?
26
00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:59,100
Oh, is that where you dress up
like soldiers
27
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,701
and pretend to have
little battles?
28
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,100
Pretend nothing.
29
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:04,067
It's exactly
like real war,
30
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:05,267
except
instead of dying,
31
00:01:05,267 --> 00:01:06,801
you get a little
schmutz on you.
32
00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:10,200
We've been challenged
by Obsession.
33
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,100
Obsession perfume?
34
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,367
Don't laugh.
35
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:14,534
They're the top team
36
00:01:14,534 --> 00:01:16,701
in the entire
perfume league.
37
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:19,067
Their surprise ambush
of Old Spice
38
00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:20,067
is legendary.
39
00:01:21,467 --> 00:01:23,634
So here's your map
to the battlefield.
40
00:01:23,634 --> 00:01:24,734
Great.
41
00:01:24,734 --> 00:01:26,167
Don't I get one?
42
00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:28,601
Oh, of course,
43
00:01:28,601 --> 00:01:30,734
it's only for the guys,
because God forbid
44
00:01:30,734 --> 00:01:32,767
a woman should be
tough enough for combat.
45
00:01:32,767 --> 00:01:34,300
Fine, come with us.
46
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,400
Great, count me in...
47
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,167
unless it rains,
48
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or it's cold.
49
00:01:39,501 --> 00:01:40,701
I don't want to play.
50
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,167
Is Finch going?
51
00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:45,300
You bet.
52
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:47,067
He's perfect
for guerrilla warfare.
53
00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:50,200
Put a straw in his mouth,
and he can hide in a puddle.
54
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,667
ELLIOT:
Oh, what happened?
55
00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,701
Ah, fell down in the shower.
56
00:01:54,701 --> 00:01:55,868
Let me guess.
57
00:01:55,868 --> 00:01:58,834
That first blast
of water?
58
00:02:00,901 --> 00:02:03,133
Dennis, you wouldn't
by any chance
59
00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:04,634
be faking an injury
60
00:02:04,634 --> 00:02:06,501
so that you don't have
to play paint ball,
61
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,567
would you?
62
00:02:07,567 --> 00:02:09,701
How can you even
think that?
63
00:02:09,701 --> 00:02:10,901
Hey, come on, Finch,
64
00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:12,400
give Baxter
his crutches back.
65
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,567
He can't get out
of the stall.
66
00:02:17,234 --> 00:02:19,701
Dennis, I'm very
disappointed in you.
67
00:02:19,701 --> 00:02:21,868
So I don't want
to play paint ball, okay?
68
00:02:21,868 --> 00:02:23,534
A bunch of guys
running around,
69
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,067
trying to prove
how tough they are.
70
00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:27,133
It's just like dodge ball
when I was 10.
71
00:02:27,133 --> 00:02:28,434
Jimmy Burns would come up
72
00:02:28,434 --> 00:02:31,100
and whale that ball at my head
as hard as he could.
73
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,868
It freaked me out.
74
00:02:32,868 --> 00:02:34,634
You poor guy.
75
00:02:34,634 --> 00:02:35,868
That's all right.
76
00:02:35,868 --> 00:02:38,167
Would you like me
to braid your hair?
77
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,968
Me, I can't wait to
kick a little butt,
78
00:02:42,968 --> 00:02:45,267
to spit in the eye
of the enemy,
79
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:46,734
to lay myself
on the line
80
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,667
for the cause
of freedom.
81
00:02:48,667 --> 00:02:51,501
Freedom!
82
00:02:54,767 --> 00:02:56,601
I rented Braveheart.
83
00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:01,234
Ha-ha-ha, it won't work.
84
00:03:01,234 --> 00:03:02,300
Dennis,
85
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:03,767
either you play
paint ball with us,
86
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,601
or I won't take you
to the Armani party
87
00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:06,601
on Monday.
88
00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,667
Hmm, I'm tired of parties.
89
00:03:08,667 --> 00:03:10,300
It's on his yacht.
90
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:11,634
There'll be models.
91
00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:14,000
See them all the time.
92
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,067
And the only way
to get there?
93
00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:18,267
Helicopter.
94
00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:20,567
Like James Bond?
95
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,734
What time
tomorrow, Jack?
96
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:27,901
The battle begins at 0800,
97
00:03:27,901 --> 00:03:30,667
but there's a cappuccino
and omelet reception
98
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,501
7:30-ish.
99
00:03:43,501 --> 00:03:46,701
Maya, great news.
100
00:03:46,701 --> 00:03:48,400
You and I are double-dating
tomorrow night.
101
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,834
We are?
102
00:03:49,834 --> 00:03:51,601
Well, my friend Vinny
was supposed to come,
103
00:03:51,601 --> 00:03:53,901
but she was flying back
from Paris on the Concorde,
104
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,701
and her lips depressurized.
105
00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:02,534
Poor thing walked off that plane
looking like Daisy Duck.
106
00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:05,934
Thanks, Nina,
but I think I'll pass.
107
00:04:05,934 --> 00:04:07,367
Oh, come on,
please, Maya.
108
00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:08,634
Roger, the man
I've been dating,
109
00:04:08,634 --> 00:04:10,334
has this friend in
from out of town,
110
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:11,667
and I don't want
to cancel.
111
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,601
Come on, take a chance.
112
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:16,000
Well, look, I appreciate
your thinking of me,
113
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,767
but...
114
00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:18,868
Wait.
115
00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:20,234
"Take a chance.
116
00:04:20,234 --> 00:04:22,234
A nice, honest man
will turn up at your door."
117
00:04:22,234 --> 00:04:24,801
Shakespeare?
118
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:28,567
My horoscope.
119
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,501
Oh, well, then, there you go.
120
00:04:30,501 --> 00:04:31,834
Oh, look, Nina,
121
00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,767
I have had bad luck
with blind dates.
122
00:04:33,767 --> 00:04:35,968
My last one
took me to a Yankees game.
123
00:04:35,968 --> 00:04:38,334
He drank nine cups of beer
and ran the bases
124
00:04:38,334 --> 00:04:40,334
before being tackled
by the grounds crew.
125
00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:44,167
Baseball is so confusing.
126
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:45,367
And anyway,
127
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:46,767
there's a special
on the making
128
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,968
of The Wizard of Oz
that I really want to see.
129
00:04:48,968 --> 00:04:50,167
[SNORTS]
130
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,334
Fine.
131
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:53,267
But you go long enough
without a man,
132
00:04:53,267 --> 00:04:54,434
and you know what happens?
133
00:04:54,434 --> 00:04:55,667
What?
134
00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:58,501
I don't know.
135
00:05:11,501 --> 00:05:12,801
Message for you, sir.
136
00:05:12,801 --> 00:05:14,467
At ease, Persky.
137
00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:20,033
Bad news, men.
138
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:22,334
The Obsession team
canceled.
139
00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:24,634
They've got group tickets
to The Lion King.
140
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:27,300
Yeah, you hear that?
We're going home.
141
00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:28,367
Yay.
142
00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:31,234
Our new opponent
is Charlie perfume.
143
00:05:31,234 --> 00:05:33,734
So the strategy is the same.
144
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:34,968
Stay downwind,
145
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,968
and you'll smell them
a mile away.
146
00:05:37,968 --> 00:05:41,033
All right, men, remember this.
147
00:05:41,033 --> 00:05:43,267
This means "regroup,"
148
00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:46,033
this means "perimeter"...
149
00:05:46,033 --> 00:05:47,801
and this means,
"I've lost interest.
150
00:05:47,801 --> 00:05:50,234
Somebody go get the car."
151
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:52,133
Listen up, ladies.
152
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:54,834
The object is to capture
the other team's flag.
153
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:57,434
Get shot,
and you're done for the day.
154
00:05:57,434 --> 00:05:59,534
Hey, where's Elliott?
155
00:05:59,534 --> 00:06:01,467
I don't know.
I'm getting worried.
156
00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:04,801
There will be all-out war
for three and a half hours,
157
00:06:04,801 --> 00:06:06,234
followed by a light lunch
158
00:06:06,234 --> 00:06:08,868
with your choice of merlot
or chardonnay.
159
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,400
If you fail
to select a wine,
160
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,400
you will be assigned
the pinot grigio.
161
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,534
Are we clear?
162
00:06:16,534 --> 00:06:17,934
I can't hear you.
163
00:06:17,934 --> 00:06:19,400
ALL: Sir, yes, sir.
164
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,033
We're clear,
we're clear.
165
00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:24,067
I've received advance word
166
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:26,801
that today's salmon is prepared
in a light dill sauce
167
00:06:26,801 --> 00:06:28,734
and is simply out of this world.
168
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,100
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
169
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,167
All right, men, that's it.
Let's move out.
170
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:38,067
Move it.
Move out there.
171
00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:39,901
Move.
172
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,667
Come on, Dennis,
move.
173
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:46,067
Damn it, man, move.
174
00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:47,901
Move!
175
00:06:49,601 --> 00:06:52,901
[***]
176
00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:56,901
[WHIMPERING]
177
00:06:56,901 --> 00:06:58,801
[FIRES PAINT BALLS]
178
00:07:02,934 --> 00:07:04,367
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
179
00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:05,667
You're dead.
180
00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:07,434
Come on--
You're dead.
181
00:07:07,434 --> 00:07:10,067
Now, go get yourself
an omelet, soldier.
182
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:26,133
MAN ON TV:
And despite studio effortsto ban alcohol from the set,
183
00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:28,100
the yellow brick roadwas often littered
184
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,434
with passed-out Munchkins.
185
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:33,033
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
186
00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:34,200
Who is it?
187
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,367
Who's ready
to party?
188
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:38,167
Nina?
189
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:41,701
We brought wine and Chinese,
and we are ready to party.
190
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:43,133
Who's "we"?
191
00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:46,901
Michael and Roger, our dates,
and they are ready to party.
192
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:47,934
Would you quit saying that?
193
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:49,534
Look, you might as well
let us in.
194
00:07:49,534 --> 00:07:51,334
My arm is thin enough
to unlock the chain.
195
00:07:51,334 --> 00:07:52,701
Okay, all right,
all right.
196
00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,834
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
197
00:07:58,234 --> 00:08:02,067
Is...this your card?
198
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,133
No.
199
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:06,334
How about...this one?
200
00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:08,400
No, sorry.
201
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,801
Well, then...
202
00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:12,467
is this your card?
203
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:15,868
No.
204
00:08:15,868 --> 00:08:17,767
Well, then, is this your couch?
205
00:08:17,767 --> 00:08:18,868
Amazing.
206
00:08:18,868 --> 00:08:20,200
Thank you very much,
thank you.
207
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,200
Thank you. No, thank you.
208
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,868
Does anybody want
more wine?
209
00:08:23,868 --> 00:08:25,868
Well, I'm a quart low.
210
00:08:30,767 --> 00:08:31,834
So?
211
00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:34,033
Well, okay,
I admit it,
212
00:08:34,033 --> 00:08:35,501
he's a nice guy.
213
00:08:35,501 --> 00:08:37,968
I could see myself spending
more time with him.
214
00:08:37,968 --> 00:08:39,267
Oh, I knew
you'd think so.
215
00:08:39,267 --> 00:08:40,434
I've got to get
another CD.
216
00:08:43,534 --> 00:08:44,868
Well, I can take a hint.
217
00:08:44,868 --> 00:08:45,968
Roger.
218
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,968
Okay. See you
around, buddy.
219
00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:49,901
Uh, oh, okay.
220
00:08:56,868 --> 00:08:59,033
Okay, so, what do
you guys want to hear?
221
00:08:59,033 --> 00:09:01,000
I've got--
222
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,267
What happened?
223
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,934
Well, they left.
224
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:04,968
Why?
225
00:09:04,968 --> 00:09:06,534
Are we supposed to
meet them somewhere?
226
00:09:06,534 --> 00:09:08,334
Well, I don't know.
They just took off.
227
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:10,234
Oh.
Is this weird?
228
00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:12,000
Should I leave?
229
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,467
Uh...no.
230
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,200
I--I guess
it's fine.
231
00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:22,667
So...
232
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:24,000
Nina is a crackup, huh?
233
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,133
Yeah, she's
pretty funny.
234
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:26,367
She is really...
235
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:28,801
Her lips move
when she plays charades.
236
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,434
I noticed that.
237
00:09:30,434 --> 00:09:32,200
I keep...
238
00:09:39,634 --> 00:09:41,701
Was it okay to do that?
239
00:09:41,701 --> 00:09:43,367
I didn't hate it.
240
00:09:52,334 --> 00:09:54,167
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
241
00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:55,901
Wow, it's like
my prom night
242
00:09:55,901 --> 00:09:57,167
all over again.
243
00:10:00,534 --> 00:10:01,634
No, no.
244
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,601
Ow, I threw
my back out.
245
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:04,734
Oh, my gosh.
246
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,033
Ow, ow.
What should I do?
247
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,133
What should I do?
248
00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:08,434
Do you want
a heating pad
249
00:10:08,434 --> 00:10:09,868
or some ice or...
250
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:11,834
No, no, no, no.
This happened once before.
251
00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:13,434
I was in the hospital
for a week.
252
00:10:13,434 --> 00:10:15,334
Maybe we should call 911.
Oh, God!
253
00:10:15,334 --> 00:10:17,467
No, no, no.
254
00:10:17,467 --> 00:10:20,267
That-that's not the best plan.
255
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:21,801
Why not?
256
00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:25,634
Well, because, actually,
I'm feeling much better.
257
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:28,300
Oh, sweet Mary!
258
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:30,133
Michael, you are
obviously in pain.
259
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,467
What's the problem?
260
00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:34,767
Well, okay, well,
here's the thing.
261
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,200
I'm married.
262
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:40,400
You're married?
263
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,234
Yeah, I know that sounds bad.
264
00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:43,934
Okay,
thanks for the great evening,
265
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:47,167
and I hope your ambulance
goes over lots of potholes.
266
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,834
Maya, please,
no, no, you can't do this.
267
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:50,167
Give me one good reason.
268
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:52,567
Because I'm a U.S. congressman,
269
00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:54,901
and I can't get caught
in your apartment.
270
00:10:56,968 --> 00:10:59,701
I said a good reason,
not a spectacular one.
271
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:11,701
You're
a congressman?
272
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:13,167
I'm afraid so.
273
00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:15,501
You told me
you were a rep.
Well, I am.
274
00:11:15,501 --> 00:11:18,767
I represent the third district
of New Hampshire.
275
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,868
Oh, please, no,
please, please, please.
276
00:11:20,868 --> 00:11:22,367
Please don't call.
277
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:25,467
Look, I'm not even supposed
to be in New York.
278
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:28,033
My wife thinks I'm duck hunting
in Louisiana.
279
00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:30,167
I have built
280
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,567
my entire career
281
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,834
pushing family values.
282
00:11:33,834 --> 00:11:35,300
If this gets out,
283
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,601
I could just possibly
look like a hypocrite.
284
00:11:37,601 --> 00:11:40,000
Gee, you think?
285
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,200
I know-- I know
what you must think of me,
286
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,400
but I have never done anything
like this before.
287
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,100
How can I make you believe me?
288
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:51,868
Uh, you could lower my IQ
40 points.
289
00:11:53,868 --> 00:11:55,234
I'm not a bad guy.
290
00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:56,767
I'm really not.
291
00:11:56,767 --> 00:12:01,300
I'm just under so much pressure
these days.
292
00:12:02,767 --> 00:12:05,934
Hell, I'm glad my back went out,
293
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,767
because...
294
00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:09,434
it kept me from...
295
00:12:09,434 --> 00:12:11,400
making the worst mistake...
296
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:12,901
of my life.
297
00:12:12,901 --> 00:12:14,167
[SOBS]
298
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,734
Ow.
299
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:16,934
Ow.
300
00:12:16,934 --> 00:12:18,300
[SOBBING]
301
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,434
Oh, God, oh, God.
302
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:23,567
Oh, my wife can't find out.
303
00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:25,000
It'd kill her.
304
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,934
She has a heart condition.
305
00:12:27,934 --> 00:12:30,234
She's on the list
for a transplant,
306
00:12:30,234 --> 00:12:33,501
but she won't accept
preferential treatment.
307
00:12:33,501 --> 00:12:35,901
Really?
308
00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:38,667
She has the biggest heart
I know,
309
00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:41,667
but it doesn't work.
310
00:12:53,734 --> 00:12:55,767
Hey, boss.
311
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:58,033
We still on for that
Armani party tonight?
312
00:12:58,033 --> 00:13:02,067
Sure, we'll board the yacht,
say our hellos,
313
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:03,901
then you can push me overboard.
314
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:06,868
Come on, you're not still mad
about paint ball.
315
00:13:06,868 --> 00:13:09,400
You shot me
three seconds into the war.
316
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,200
Hey-ho.
317
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,400
Hey-ho? Where were you?
318
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,834
I was all set to come.
Then Angie Everhart called.
319
00:13:18,834 --> 00:13:21,534
She's doing a movie in Toronto
and was feeling lonely.
320
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,367
And you just had to go.
321
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:25,400
Believe me,
it was a tough choice.
322
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:26,567
Get shot in the face,
323
00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:28,467
get spanked by a supermodel...
324
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,200
Elliott, I just now
got your message
325
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,868
about Saturday.
326
00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:36,667
Someone's in trouble.
327
00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:41,501
I'm sorry I missed
paint ball, Jack.
328
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:43,133
I'll bet.
329
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,467
You dog.
330
00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:49,567
Wha--
331
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:52,167
Why am I the bad guy here?
332
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:53,400
I did my duty.
333
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,267
You ran off to Canada
like a coward.
334
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:58,434
I was standing up
for what I believe in.
335
00:13:58,434 --> 00:14:01,133
Actually, I was lying down
for what I believe in.
336
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,434
There you are.
337
00:14:06,434 --> 00:14:07,834
I must've called you
a hundred times.
338
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:09,434
I can't believe
you walked out on me.
339
00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:11,734
Walked out?
You practically threw me out.
340
00:14:11,734 --> 00:14:14,534
Michael
is still in my apartment.
341
00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:17,367
Maya, bravo.
342
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:19,701
No, he can't move.
343
00:14:19,701 --> 00:14:21,734
My hat is off.
344
00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:26,000
Nina, he's a congressman
from New Hampshire.
345
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,400
He is?
346
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,367
Yeah, too bad
about that guy, huh?
347
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,300
What do you mean?
348
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,067
You're talking about
the congressman
349
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,334
who disappeared?
350
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:36,067
It's in the papers?
351
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:38,200
"Congressman Michael Tenzer
of New Hampshire
352
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,968
"has disappeared after
a duck hunting trip
353
00:14:39,968 --> 00:14:42,234
in the treacherous
Louisiana swamplands."
354
00:14:42,234 --> 00:14:43,567
Oh, my God.
355
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:44,934
"The news
has caused a stir
356
00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:46,567
"on Capitol Hill,
357
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:48,601
"where Tenzer is known
as the crying congressman
358
00:14:48,601 --> 00:14:50,467
for his tearful
speaking style."
359
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:51,634
What?!
360
00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:53,234
"His tearful
speaking--"
361
00:14:53,234 --> 00:14:54,801
Hey, that's
a little rude.
362
00:14:54,801 --> 00:14:56,067
"Colleagues sent
messages of hope
363
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:57,133
"to Blakely Tenzer,
364
00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:59,133
the congressman's wife
of 15 years..."
365
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:01,000
What?!
366
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,167
"And a nationally ranked
marathon runner."
367
00:15:03,167 --> 00:15:05,267
What?!
368
00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:07,133
"Man buys newspaper
with own money
369
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:08,567
and wants
to read it."
370
00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:10,033
What?!
371
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:15,067
Oh, good, did you
bring me a sandwich?
372
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:16,100
No.
373
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:20,067
I'm so hungry.
374
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:22,267
Oh, quit it with the fake tears.
I'm on to you.
375
00:15:22,267 --> 00:15:23,901
Oh, well.
376
00:15:25,934 --> 00:15:27,567
Nina, go.
377
00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:29,434
What's happening?
378
00:15:29,434 --> 00:15:30,601
Pain pills,
379
00:15:30,601 --> 00:15:32,200
so you can get up
and out.
380
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,334
Yeah, before we throw you
into the East River,
381
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,834
and your sick wife has to jog up
from Washington
382
00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:38,300
to identify your body.
383
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,834
Okay, don't get cute with me.
384
00:15:39,834 --> 00:15:41,968
All I have to do
is tell the press
385
00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:44,133
about how you lured me
to your apartment
386
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:46,367
and then tried to seduce me.
387
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:48,801
No one is gonna believe that.
388
00:15:48,801 --> 00:15:51,100
It's worked before.
389
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,167
Listen, buddy,
390
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:54,300
I have had it
391
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,434
with your crying
and your lying.
392
00:15:56,434 --> 00:15:58,801
Now, get up
and get out!
393
00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:00,067
Michael?
Uh-oh.
394
00:16:00,067 --> 00:16:01,701
Maybe I gave him too much.
395
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:03,100
What did it say
on the label?
396
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:04,400
What label?
397
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,567
Please, I bought those
from that guy on your stoop.
398
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,801
Hey, wake up!
399
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:11,434
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
400
00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:12,834
Who is it?
401
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:14,667
Police. I'd like to ask you
a few questions.
402
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,634
My God. How are
we gonna move him?
403
00:16:16,634 --> 00:16:19,100
The couch.
We'll fold him into the couch.
404
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:23,667
Uh...ju--
just a second.
405
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:26,234
I'm--
I'm on the phone...
406
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:29,534
with my mother,
and she's, uh...
407
00:16:29,534 --> 00:16:31,634
She's in Disneyland.
408
00:16:31,634 --> 00:16:33,868
She's
really depressed,
409
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:37,234
because she lost
her fanny pouch,
410
00:16:37,234 --> 00:16:40,367
and she couldn't get
onto Splash Mountain,
411
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,434
and a bear was
really rude to her,
412
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:45,267
and...you know
how mothers are.
413
00:16:45,267 --> 00:16:47,701
They get so...
so upset.
414
00:16:47,701 --> 00:16:49,400
Just a sec. Here I come.
415
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,534
Play it cool.
416
00:16:50,534 --> 00:16:51,701
All right.
417
00:16:54,367 --> 00:16:56,033
Sorry to keep you
waiting, officer.
418
00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:57,367
Detective Cosovich.
419
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:58,901
I'm investigating
the disappearance
420
00:16:58,901 --> 00:17:00,667
of a congressman,
this guy Michael Tenzer.
421
00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:02,534
Yeah, I heard about that.
422
00:17:02,534 --> 00:17:04,167
Can I come in?
Sure, absolutely.
423
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,167
Apparently, someone
used his credit card
424
00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:07,667
to order a pizza
to this building,
425
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,167
but they didn't leave
an apartment number.
426
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:10,334
That's weird.
427
00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:12,467
Yeah, the restaurant
probably screwed it up.
428
00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:14,000
Oh, yeah, that's probably it.
429
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,267
I thought that I heard
430
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,300
that this congressman
got lost in Louisiana.
431
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:19,267
That's just what his office
is saying.
432
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:20,868
Between you and me,
433
00:17:20,868 --> 00:17:23,100
he's probably hanging out
with some girl right now.
434
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,968
Apparently,
he's got one in every town.
435
00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:27,634
Oh, really.
436
00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:32,033
Well...isn't that
interesting?
437
00:17:32,033 --> 00:17:33,701
So anyway,
thank you for your time.
438
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:34,701
Oh, sure.
439
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:36,801
I hope you find
the poor guy.
440
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:40,267
That was too close.
441
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,868
Don't worry.
I got rid of your stuff.
442
00:17:41,868 --> 00:17:43,300
What? I don't have any stuff.
443
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,000
Oh, well, then I owe you
some baby powder.
444
00:17:54,734 --> 00:17:57,801
Oh, Maya, this shade of lipstick
is fabulous.
445
00:17:57,801 --> 00:18:00,234
Oh, I'm so glad you like it.
446
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:05,634
This should give him something
to really cry about.
447
00:18:05,634 --> 00:18:06,934
Well, it should.
448
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,334
Didn't realize
his ears weren't pierced.
449
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:16,000
Yeah.
450
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,701
Incoming!
451
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:21,033
Wasn't cool.
452
00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:24,300
Hey, Jack,
there you are.
453
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,334
The helicopter
makes its last run to the party
454
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:27,834
in 15 minutes. We'd better book.
455
00:18:27,834 --> 00:18:31,701
You just don't get it,
do you?
456
00:18:31,701 --> 00:18:35,167
If I'd been killed by Charlie,
there's honor in that,
457
00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:37,968
but to be shot
by your own man...
458
00:18:37,968 --> 00:18:39,767
Fine, hate me forever.
459
00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:44,033
No, no.
460
00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,467
No, Jack, don't.
461
00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:59,334
[SLOW-MOTION VOICE]
Dennis.
462
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,834
Dennis,
463
00:19:03,834 --> 00:19:05,801
you sweet, dumb kid.
464
00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:07,667
That should have been me.
465
00:19:10,968 --> 00:19:13,834
My shirt, is it--
is it bad?
466
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:16,300
It's nothing.
We can fix that up.
467
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,267
You'll be right
as rain.
468
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:23,200
I guess I'm not going
to the party with you, Jack.
469
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,167
Come on,
don't talk crazy.
470
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,300
An hour from now,
471
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,667
you'll be
eating caviar
472
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:30,968
and flirting
with models.
473
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,167
You hear me?
474
00:19:33,167 --> 00:19:34,701
I'm cold, Jack.
475
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:38,968
I'm cold as hell.
476
00:19:38,968 --> 00:19:41,534
I'll need
some help here!
477
00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:44,901
Listen to me.
478
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:48,234
That chopper's leaving.
You've got to get out of here.
479
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,300
I'm not leaving you
behind.
480
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,467
Look at me.
I ain't gonna make it.
481
00:19:56,467 --> 00:19:57,934
Just go!
482
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:01,400
I won't forget this, Dennis,
483
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,667
and I'll bring you back
some of those little quiches.
484
00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:04,934
Ooh, yeah.
485
00:20:07,367 --> 00:20:09,100
MAN ON TV:
When questionedabout being found
486
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,567
in women's lingerie,
487
00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:13,267
Tenzer was emotionaland seemingly delirious.
488
00:20:13,267 --> 00:20:14,767
[TENZER SOBBING]
I swear,
489
00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:17,100
I was abductedand drugged.
490
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,267
They folded mein a couch.
491
00:20:21,067 --> 00:20:22,067
Mm.
492
00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:23,067
[SIGHS]
493
00:20:23,067 --> 00:20:25,167
Amazing, huh?
What?
494
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:26,601
How that lipstick
brought out
495
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,534
the color
of his eyes.
496
00:20:29,534 --> 00:20:31,167
Well, I'll tell you
one thing.
497
00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:32,934
Madam Dolores is out.
498
00:20:32,934 --> 00:20:34,133
"Nice, honest guy"?
499
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,834
[SCOFFS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
500
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:38,000
Who is it?
501
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,000
Detective
Cosovich.
502
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,934
Play it cool.
503
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:50,100
Hi.
504
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,100
Hi.
505
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,834
As you may have heard,
506
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,467
we found the congressman.
507
00:20:54,467 --> 00:20:55,534
Yeah.
508
00:20:55,534 --> 00:20:56,834
Pretty wild, huh?
509
00:20:56,834 --> 00:21:00,667
So it's probably obvious, then,
why I'm here.
510
00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:03,133
Oh.
511
00:21:03,133 --> 00:21:05,968
You want to grab a cup of coffee
with me?
512
00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:08,834
Oh.
513
00:21:10,634 --> 00:21:14,367
Well, listen, I just got burned
by the last guy I went out with.
514
00:21:14,367 --> 00:21:16,033
Hey...
515
00:21:16,033 --> 00:21:18,100
I'm a nice, honest guy.
516
00:21:20,467 --> 00:21:21,501
Let's go.
517
00:21:31,868 --> 00:21:35,767
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you *
518
00:21:35,767 --> 00:21:39,634
* Keeps bringing me home *
519
00:21:39,634 --> 00:21:43,701
* It don't matter what I want
To do, 'cause *
520
00:21:43,701 --> 00:21:49,434
* It's got a mind of its own *
521
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:53,267
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you **
34458
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