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1
00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:04,667
[***]
2
00:00:17,033 --> 00:00:18,968
Up, periscope.
3
00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:22,901
Look at those
perfect legs.
4
00:00:22,901 --> 00:00:24,434
Torpedo locked
on target.
5
00:00:24,434 --> 00:00:26,100
That tiny waist...
6
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,334
Das bootie.
7
00:00:28,334 --> 00:00:31,100
Don't you two ever
get bored with this?
8
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,234
What?
9
00:00:32,234 --> 00:00:33,467
Drooling over
some model
10
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,868
like a couple
of dogs in heat.
11
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,667
Sending the message
to all women
12
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:38,067
that if you're not
impossibly perfect,
13
00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:39,734
you just don't count.
14
00:00:39,734 --> 00:00:41,234
How about admiring a woman
15
00:00:41,234 --> 00:00:43,501
for her intelligence
or character?
16
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:46,400
Cute tush.
Nice rack.
17
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,767
Too late.
18
00:00:54,734 --> 00:00:57,400
Okay. Any other business?
19
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,334
Well, Elliott and I
had a little setback
20
00:00:59,334 --> 00:01:01,400
with the "beauty
and the older woman" shoot.
21
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,801
I had to fire
the model, Jack.
22
00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:03,801
Why?
23
00:01:03,801 --> 00:01:06,567
She had a wrinkle.
24
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,901
Poor thing
never saw it coming.
25
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:12,901
Wait. I have
something to say.
26
00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:13,968
Thanks
for the warning.
27
00:01:13,968 --> 00:01:16,367
Taxi!
28
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,000
I've been thinking
that Blush magazine---
29
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,033
Hey! Hey! Hey!
30
00:01:19,033 --> 00:01:20,501
Kit the intern's in town,
31
00:01:20,501 --> 00:01:22,467
and it's coffees all around.
32
00:01:22,467 --> 00:01:25,234
Let's see.
One for DJ Finchy Finch.
33
00:01:25,234 --> 00:01:27,133
[IMITATES RECORD SCRATCHING]
34
00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:29,100
Five-star General Jack, sir!
35
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:32,667
Lovely Maya, meter maid.
36
00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:35,300
Thumbelina Nina.
37
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,868
Elliott.
38
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,033
Hey, what gives?
What?
39
00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:43,067
Where's my nickname?
40
00:01:43,067 --> 00:01:45,701
Uh, how about Major Bald Spot?
41
00:01:48,434 --> 00:01:49,534
Okay!
42
00:01:49,534 --> 00:01:51,834
Um, hold on.
I have a proposal.
43
00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:53,834
I've been working
with this charity
44
00:01:53,834 --> 00:01:55,834
that helps teach
inner-city kids to read,
45
00:01:55,834 --> 00:01:57,033
called the Gavalon Foundation,
46
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,567
and tomorrow night,
47
00:01:58,567 --> 00:02:00,434
we're collecting book donations,
48
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:02,033
and I thought Blush
could help out.
49
00:02:02,033 --> 00:02:03,901
You know, become involved
in a charity...
50
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:05,000
Well, don't look
at me.
51
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,234
I spent the last
four weekends
52
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:07,734
giving back
to the community.
53
00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:10,534
That was court-ordered, Nina.
54
00:02:11,934 --> 00:02:12,934
Finch?
55
00:02:12,934 --> 00:02:15,067
Uh, I just gave blood.
56
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:16,334
Where?
57
00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:19,067
Okay, sperm.
58
00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:25,601
And you?
59
00:02:25,601 --> 00:02:27,634
What? I give.
60
00:02:27,634 --> 00:02:29,934
I just gave you two minutes
of my staff meeting.
61
00:02:29,934 --> 00:02:32,334
Okay, so this is it?
62
00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:33,934
This is what
the spirit of giving means
63
00:02:33,934 --> 00:02:35,467
to all of you? Elliott?
64
00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:37,434
I'm a generous lover.
65
00:02:39,734 --> 00:02:41,701
You said
when I came to this magazine
66
00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:43,300
that you wanted me
to make a difference.
67
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,734
And you have.
68
00:02:44,734 --> 00:02:46,767
You've made these meetings
much longer.
69
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:50,234
Then it's settled.
70
00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:51,467
Fine.
71
00:02:51,467 --> 00:02:53,567
We'll just let
Cosmo and Vogue
72
00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:56,567
do all
the charity work.
73
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,000
Come again?
74
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,934
That's right.
Cosmo and Vogue.
75
00:02:59,934 --> 00:03:02,000
They know good PR
when they smell it.
76
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,234
Why, those little weasels...
We'll show them.
77
00:03:05,234 --> 00:03:06,334
Maya, what do we do?
78
00:03:06,334 --> 00:03:07,334
Well, let's see.
79
00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:08,567
There's the book drive,
80
00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:10,200
and we need volunteers
for storytelling hour--
81
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,334
Hey, terrific.
We'll all be there.
82
00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:13,834
[CHORTLES]
83
00:03:13,834 --> 00:03:14,901
Right. Up here, dude.
84
00:03:16,334 --> 00:03:17,801
I thought you were kidding.
85
00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:32,200
Hello, huddled masses.
86
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,267
I'm here to help.
87
00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:38,300
Ah. So don't I get some sort
of commemorative cap?
88
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:41,801
Nina,
the foundation needs books,
89
00:03:41,801 --> 00:03:43,067
not your old clothes.
90
00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:45,067
Well, I know, but last night
I was poking around
91
00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:46,334
for my books,
92
00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:48,000
and it struck me--
I don't have any.
93
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,634
You don't have
a single book?
94
00:03:51,634 --> 00:03:53,667
Oh, just
the hollowed-out almanac
95
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,200
from my trip to Colombia.
96
00:03:57,701 --> 00:04:00,434
Well...here's Cinderella.
97
00:04:00,434 --> 00:04:01,834
You could read it to the kids.
98
00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:03,534
But I don't like children.
99
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,067
Pretend they're puppies.
100
00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:07,000
You're not helping.
101
00:04:12,734 --> 00:04:14,634
Come on.
Admit it, guys.
102
00:04:14,634 --> 00:04:16,801
This feels good.
103
00:04:16,801 --> 00:04:19,167
Yeah. We've captured
all the fun of moving
104
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:21,634
without getting
that pesky new apartment.
105
00:04:21,634 --> 00:04:24,334
Elliott,
sort these, will you?
106
00:04:24,334 --> 00:04:25,400
Sure.
107
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,734
Aw, The Giving Tree.
108
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:31,133
Nothing a kid likes better
than a story about lumber.
109
00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:32,634
You should read that.
110
00:04:32,634 --> 00:04:34,200
It's actually
a very touching book.
111
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,701
Oh, no, thanks.
112
00:04:35,701 --> 00:04:38,868
I think I'll stick with
Little Jenny has Two Moms.
113
00:04:40,634 --> 00:04:43,367
"But, fairy godmother,
my dress is ruined.
114
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,000
"I have nothing to wear
to the ball.
115
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,067
"So the fairy godmother
waved her magic wand,
116
00:04:48,067 --> 00:04:49,567
"and suddenly,
117
00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:52,400
"Cinderella's tattered dress
was covered in golden sequins,
118
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,400
and her feet were adorned
with shiny glass slippers."
119
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,667
Sequins? Glass slippers?
120
00:04:58,667 --> 00:05:01,000
God, I hope the prince
likes drag queens.
121
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:05,200
You know, Finch,
122
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,434
I still haven't seen
my father.
123
00:05:06,434 --> 00:05:08,234
You know, he was just
looking for you.
124
00:05:08,234 --> 00:05:09,267
Oh, yeah? Where?
125
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,701
Over there.
126
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,100
And he was all,
"Where's Maya?"
127
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:13,901
and I'm all, "Oh, she's looking
for you, too."
128
00:05:13,901 --> 00:05:15,434
And he's all, "Oh,
I'm really bummed,
129
00:05:15,434 --> 00:05:17,534
because I'm really psyched up
about all this charity crap."
130
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,234
Finch.
131
00:05:19,234 --> 00:05:21,334
He's at a party
on the Armani yacht.
132
00:05:21,334 --> 00:05:22,434
You're kidding.
133
00:05:22,434 --> 00:05:24,834
I can't believe
he blew this off.
134
00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:28,033
I can't believe
I didn't.
135
00:05:28,033 --> 00:05:31,033
"The clock struck 12:00,
and to Cinderella's horror,
136
00:05:31,033 --> 00:05:34,033
the carriage was once again
nothing but a pumpkin."
137
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:35,467
Well, big deal.
138
00:05:35,467 --> 00:05:38,267
Boys, cover your ears.
139
00:05:38,267 --> 00:05:44,434
Girls, getting a ride home
from a party is never a problem.
140
00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:47,067
Well, guess what.
141
00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:49,067
My father's a no-show,
142
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,100
just like my sweet 16
143
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,367
and my high school
graduation.
144
00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:55,033
[CRYING]
145
00:05:55,033 --> 00:05:57,534
The giving tree
gave the little boy
146
00:05:57,534 --> 00:06:00,033
all its fruit
and its branches,
147
00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:03,601
and now it's just a stump,
and it still wants to give.
148
00:06:03,601 --> 00:06:05,334
Elliott, are you okay?
149
00:06:05,334 --> 00:06:07,834
I'm sorry I made fun
of this book before.
150
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,868
I was just trying
to be cool.
151
00:06:09,868 --> 00:06:11,734
Maybe you should
go home.
152
00:06:11,734 --> 00:06:13,701
No. I want to help.
153
00:06:13,701 --> 00:06:16,834
Furthermore, men can be
big, fat fibbers.
154
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,434
So, take it from me,
155
00:06:18,434 --> 00:06:21,033
before you go off with a man
who claims to be a prince,
156
00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:23,400
make sure his country
is on a map.
157
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,300
Yes, little boy.
158
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:27,801
You have a question
for Auntie Nina?
159
00:06:27,801 --> 00:06:29,334
Well, come, come.
Don't be shy.
160
00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:32,300
I see your underpants.
161
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,200
[CHILDREN GIGGLE]
162
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,167
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
170 yards.
163
00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:44,634
Ha!
164
00:06:44,634 --> 00:06:47,000
Maya, you'll never
in a million years
165
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,701
guess what this is.
166
00:06:48,701 --> 00:06:51,067
A high-tech golf club
that measures your shot
167
00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:53,334
based on the speed
and angle of your swing?
168
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:55,767
Yeah, more or less.
169
00:06:55,767 --> 00:06:59,801
You know, I was really
counting on you last night.
170
00:06:59,801 --> 00:07:02,167
214 yards.
171
00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:04,033
I am on fire.
172
00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:05,200
Here. Try it.
173
00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:08,834
Now I'm broken.
174
00:07:12,534 --> 00:07:15,200
Dad, last night
you disappointed me.
175
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,033
Okay, I'm sorry.
176
00:07:17,033 --> 00:07:19,534
Tell you what,
let me try it again tonight.
177
00:07:19,534 --> 00:07:22,534
I'll answer phones,
I'll mop the floor,
178
00:07:22,534 --> 00:07:24,100
dig a well,
whatever you want.
179
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:24,968
Really?
180
00:07:27,634 --> 00:07:28,634
Dennis?
181
00:07:28,634 --> 00:07:29,834
Yeah.
182
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:33,267
Call my wife and tell her
to find my overalls,
183
00:07:33,267 --> 00:07:35,000
because tonight is
about helping and giving
184
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,400
and doing the right thing.
185
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,367
Tonight's your poker game
at Marty's.
186
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:43,567
Thank you.
187
00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:46,567
Can I do the right thing
tomorrow?
188
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,834
You know, just once
I would love to see you
189
00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:51,067
actually live up
to your promises,
190
00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:52,868
to put your money
where your mouth is.
191
00:07:52,868 --> 00:07:55,167
Uh, okay. Fair enough.
192
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:57,834
I'm a man of my word.
I said I'd help,
193
00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:00,601
and that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
194
00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:02,801
Give this to the kids.
195
00:08:02,801 --> 00:08:03,901
What is it?
196
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,734
$50,000.
197
00:08:05,734 --> 00:08:07,734
Is this some kind
of a joke?
198
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:09,734
No. It's to restore
the peace.
199
00:08:09,734 --> 00:08:12,734
Now run along and give it
to the Babylon Foundation.
200
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:13,734
Gavalon.
201
00:08:13,734 --> 00:08:15,200
Exactly.
202
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,701
Y-you're just going
to give them $50,000?
203
00:08:17,701 --> 00:08:19,400
Well, I'll need a receipt.
204
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,100
Well, look, if you think
this makes up for--
205
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,934
Wow. They're gonna be
so happy.
206
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:27,567
But I am still mad.
207
00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:29,567
Thank you.
208
00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:31,467
Suddenly I have
a really bad headache.
209
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:32,968
Go have a little lie-down.
210
00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:34,534
Wait, Dad.
211
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:37,033
You can't just get your way
by throwing money around.
212
00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:39,868
Pumpkin, how do you think
you got into Stanford?
213
00:08:39,868 --> 00:08:41,868
Hard work and good grades.
214
00:08:41,868 --> 00:08:43,100
Okay.
215
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,400
All I'm asking for
is a bus twice a week
216
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,000
to help the kids get
to their tutoring sessions.
217
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,701
Well, sure, I could find
a volunteer driver.
218
00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:59,868
You.
This is your fault.
219
00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:01,200
I'll call you back.
220
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,534
What? What's the matter?
221
00:09:02,534 --> 00:09:04,033
The clothes I gave?
222
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:07,400
I accidentally donated
my genuine zebra skin dress.
223
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,901
It was one-of-a-kind.
224
00:09:09,901 --> 00:09:12,701
I had it custom-made
for Earth Day.
225
00:09:15,033 --> 00:09:17,534
Okay, calm down.
We'll find it.
226
00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:19,033
What does it look like?
227
00:09:21,534 --> 00:09:25,300
Like a black and white horse,
you idiot.
228
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,801
Mail call.
229
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:29,968
And in this corner,
wearing the tan top,
230
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:32,367
it's Iron Maya Gallo.
231
00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:34,868
Nina "Couldn't Be Meaner"
Van Horn.
232
00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:37,033
Dennis "The Menace" Finch.
233
00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:38,501
Elliott.
234
00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:45,734
Why the hell won't
that guy give me a nickname?
235
00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:47,234
How should I know?
236
00:09:47,234 --> 00:09:49,868
All right.
You dragged it out of me.
237
00:09:49,868 --> 00:09:51,367
Dragged what?
238
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:53,634
Elliott,
you creep people out.
239
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,501
I do not.
240
00:09:55,501 --> 00:09:58,200
You've hung on artsy and aloof
people for so long,
241
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,501
you've forgotten how to relate
242
00:09:59,501 --> 00:10:03,067
to Jimmy Crackcorn over there
from Lunchmeat, Kansas.
243
00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:05,200
I do not freak people out.
244
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,701
Face it. You look like
Slingblade in a turtleneck.
245
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:08,701
Oh, please.
Yeah, you do.
246
00:10:08,701 --> 00:10:09,701
Come on, please.
247
00:10:09,701 --> 00:10:11,534
Yeah, you do. Shh.
You do.
248
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:14,000
You got to learn to look
people in the eye.
249
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,534
Give 'em a smile.
250
00:10:17,734 --> 00:10:20,033
Hey, Colonel Kit,
what's the news?
251
00:10:24,067 --> 00:10:26,467
I'm creepy?
252
00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:28,968
Like a back rub
from Grandma.
253
00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:33,601
Maya.
254
00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,434
Oh, Robert.
What a surprise.
255
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:38,033
I just had to stop by
and thank you for the big check
256
00:10:38,033 --> 00:10:40,367
and for getting Blush
into the charity business.
257
00:10:40,367 --> 00:10:42,734
You're our guardian angel,
our beacon of hope.
258
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,234
Oh, stop.
259
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:45,234
Go on.
260
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,200
Wow.
261
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,234
The fashion world.
262
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,167
I mean, this is where
it all happens.
263
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,601
The models, the clothes,
the glamour.
264
00:10:56,601 --> 00:10:58,467
Oh, it's pretty tame,
really.
265
00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:00,067
It's just an office,
a bunch of people,
266
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:02,334
and one guardian angel.
[LAUGHS]
267
00:11:02,334 --> 00:11:05,567
I want my dress back,
you evil bloodsucker.
268
00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:07,067
What?
269
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,067
Oh, that's just
our silly fashion talk.
270
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:11,567
Oh, how fun.
271
00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:15,367
Um, you can have it Thursday,
you nasty bitch.
272
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,701
I'm Elliott.
273
00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:27,334
It's truly delightful
to meet you.
274
00:11:27,334 --> 00:11:28,834
Why, thank you, Elliott.
275
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:30,567
The pleasure is mine.
276
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:38,434
How wonderful that you
hire the challenged.
277
00:11:38,434 --> 00:11:40,434
Maya, I came
with some big news.
278
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,434
As I mentioned,
we're all very grateful
279
00:11:42,434 --> 00:11:43,901
for the work
that you've done.
280
00:11:43,901 --> 00:11:45,367
Oh, it's fulfilling to--
281
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:46,701
So, you remember
that it's time
282
00:11:46,701 --> 00:11:48,467
for our Humanitarian
of the Year award.
283
00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:49,968
Yes, I remember.
284
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:53,534
All I'm saying is, don't
make any plans for this Friday.
285
00:11:53,534 --> 00:11:58,400
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Dad.
286
00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,901
Dad, come over here.
287
00:11:59,901 --> 00:12:01,901
Come meet Robert. This is Robert
from the foundation,
288
00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:03,167
and he has big news.
289
00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:04,467
Jack Gallo.
290
00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:07,067
I was just telling your
daughter to circle her calendar.
291
00:12:07,067 --> 00:12:08,567
Because...
Because you, Jack Gallo,
292
00:12:08,567 --> 00:12:11,868
are our Humanitarian
of the Year.
293
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,367
Hey. Right back at ya.
294
00:12:27,734 --> 00:12:29,734
Jack Gallo
for Donald Trump.
295
00:12:29,734 --> 00:12:33,100
I don't care
if he's in a meeting.
296
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,667
This is urgent.
297
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,667
Donald.
Jack.
298
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:40,167
I'm the Humanitarian
of the Year,
299
00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:44,000
so you can kiss my ass.
[LAUGHS]
300
00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:48,033
Come on. The foundation people
are waiting.
301
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:49,367
For what?
302
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,033
I told you, the photo shoot
for their newsletter.
303
00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:55,067
These charity people--
you give and you give,
304
00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:58,033
and all they want is more.
305
00:12:58,033 --> 00:13:00,100
Okay, let's do it.
306
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,300
All right, Mr. Gallo.
307
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:03,100
We're all set up for you.
Right over here.
308
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:04,601
Here he is, our patron saint.
309
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:07,133
All right.
Who's got the big check?
310
00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,300
It's right here.
311
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,901
Just be careful.
It might still be wet.
312
00:13:09,901 --> 00:13:12,667
Okay, this one's
for the kids.
313
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,601
Three cheers for
the Guggenheim Foundation.
314
00:13:15,601 --> 00:13:17,100
Gavalon.
315
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,100
Right.
316
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,968
Very nice.
Just like that.
317
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,968
Uh, Miss Smith,
whenever you're ready.
318
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,200
Excuse me.
319
00:13:26,167 --> 00:13:28,300
Hi, Amber.
320
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,200
Hi, Jack.
321
00:13:31,133 --> 00:13:33,033
I didn't know you
were going to be here.
322
00:13:33,033 --> 00:13:35,467
Well, when I found out
this was your pet project,
323
00:13:35,467 --> 00:13:36,801
how could I say no?
324
00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:40,033
Hey, a kid's not a kid
unless he's got a bike.
325
00:13:40,033 --> 00:13:41,701
Actually, it's
a literacy program
326
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:43,801
that helps teach inner--
327
00:13:43,801 --> 00:13:46,801
Great. Good. Whatever.
328
00:13:46,801 --> 00:13:49,300
Uh, could somebody
move her out of the way?
329
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,601
Uh, Maya, don't think that
you've been forgotten.
330
00:13:53,601 --> 00:13:55,701
We'd like you to introduce
your father at the banquet.
331
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:59,100
Oh, gosh. Couldn't we
just release some doves?
332
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:00,467
Just a few words
333
00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:03,534
about Jack's passionate concern
for the children.
334
00:14:03,534 --> 00:14:04,801
Passionate concern.
335
00:14:04,801 --> 00:14:06,701
JACK: Hey.
This one's for Trump.
336
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,467
[LAUGHS]
337
00:14:13,033 --> 00:14:14,801
Hey, Princess.
338
00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:16,801
The Times is doing a story
on your dad's award.
339
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:18,467
They want to call you
for a quote.
340
00:14:18,467 --> 00:14:20,767
Okay. How about this
for my introduction?
341
00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:24,267
"Every once in a while,
a man looks at the world,
342
00:14:24,267 --> 00:14:27,234
steps forward, and says,
"Hey, who wants my crumbs?"
343
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:31,267
That's not bad.
How about,
344
00:14:31,267 --> 00:14:33,467
"It's touching to see
what Jack means to all of you,
345
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:36,901
because you certainly
don't mean jack to him."
346
00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:42,367
Okay. That's good.
347
00:14:43,501 --> 00:14:44,801
Come here.
348
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,601
Oh...
349
00:14:47,601 --> 00:14:51,601
Look, don't forget why you got
involved with those kids
350
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:53,167
in the first place.
351
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:54,501
You're right.
352
00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:56,534
We all know who's doing
the real work around here.
353
00:14:56,534 --> 00:14:58,000
Thanks.
354
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,133
And in the end,
the love you take
355
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:03,934
is equal to
the love you make.
356
00:15:05,601 --> 00:15:07,667
Why did you come in here?
357
00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,667
I had to hug you
in this sweater.
358
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:12,667
Oh.
359
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:17,601
Hey, Kit-Kat,
how hangs it?
360
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:18,634
Fine.
361
00:15:18,634 --> 00:15:20,300
Stop!
362
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:23,467
I have to know something.
363
00:15:23,467 --> 00:15:25,801
Why do you hate me?
364
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,300
I don't hate you.
365
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:31,033
Then why won't you give me
a nickname like everyone else?
366
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:33,601
Because you're my hero.
367
00:15:33,601 --> 00:15:36,200
Yeah, well--what?
368
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:40,634
I look around here all day,
and all I see
369
00:15:40,634 --> 00:15:43,133
are these mindless
fashion drones, but you...
370
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:44,701
you're an artist.
371
00:15:44,701 --> 00:15:46,200
I've studied your work.
372
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,667
Your lighting,
your composition,
373
00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:48,934
it's perfect.
374
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:52,334
Who--who am I
to give you a nickname?
375
00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:58,601
Wow.
376
00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:01,601
Hey, I'm, um,
touched, really.
377
00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:03,100
But you know what?
378
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:06,300
I'm just a normal, friendly,
salt-of-the-earth guy.
379
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,934
I've read The Giving Tree.
So...
380
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:11,434
Come on.
Give me a nickname.
381
00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:12,701
No. I couldn't.
382
00:16:12,701 --> 00:16:14,601
No, no. Yeah, you could.
Come on.
383
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,100
I'd be honored.
384
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,601
Um...
385
00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,701
Okay, okay.
386
00:16:20,701 --> 00:16:22,601
How about, uh...
387
00:16:22,601 --> 00:16:24,601
Clicky?
Clicky?
388
00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:26,133
Yeah. Sure.
What's the haps, Clicky?
389
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:27,467
I don't like Clicky.
390
00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:29,000
Let's go hit the bars,
Clicky.
391
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,434
No. Stop calling me that.
392
00:16:34,968 --> 00:16:36,834
How about Lens Cap?
393
00:16:36,834 --> 00:16:39,167
Nah. I don't like that either.
394
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,167
Sparky?
No.
395
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,300
Flash? Freeze frame?
396
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,901
No. Tell you what.
Just call me Elliott.
397
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:44,701
I got it. I got it.
398
00:16:44,701 --> 00:16:47,634
Kodachromey-homey.
399
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,667
No.
400
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:51,667
Moose?
No.
401
00:16:51,667 --> 00:16:52,667
Bambi?
No.
402
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:53,667
Chicken pot pie?
403
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,033
Get away
from me.
404
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:06,534
And in the end,
the love you take
405
00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:09,467
is equal to
the love you make.
406
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:11,400
Come here.
407
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:18,934
Elliott, look.
No. Don't look.
408
00:17:18,934 --> 00:17:20,167
My dress.
409
00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:22,167
That jackal's
got my zebra.
410
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:24,667
Stop it. How do you
know it's yours?
411
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,667
What, you don't think a mother
knows her child?
412
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:29,667
Forget it.
Here's the plan.
413
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:32,200
I stroll over,
nod hello,
414
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,701
then nonchalantly drag her
into the coatroom
415
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:35,834
where you're waiting
416
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:37,634
with a stun gun
and a handful of sedatives.
417
00:17:37,634 --> 00:17:39,868
Don't worry.
It's all in there.
418
00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:41,968
I'll tell you what.
Let's call that the backup plan.
419
00:17:41,968 --> 00:17:43,667
Yeah, but I want my dress now.
420
00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:46,534
Oh, relax.
I'll handle this.
421
00:17:46,534 --> 00:17:48,534
Okay. But at least
take the handcuffs.
422
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,067
Dad, where have
you been?
423
00:17:52,067 --> 00:17:53,667
You're an hour late.
424
00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:57,667
Well, don't blame me.
Jimmy Caan putts like a nun.
425
00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:03,801
Well, what about
my dress?
426
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:06,834
I'll have it for you
in the morning.
427
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,767
Hello again, friends
of the Gavalon Foundation.
428
00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:15,701
I hope you enjoyed the fish.
429
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:19,834
Well, without further ado,
430
00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:22,033
I give you the daughter
of our award recipient,
431
00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:23,834
Maya Gallo.
432
00:18:30,601 --> 00:18:33,100
My father is
a remarkable man.
433
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,300
While one person
434
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,601
may dedicate a lifetime
to a particular cause,
435
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:40,634
another can sweep in and make
a tremendous difference
436
00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:43,133
with the mere stroke
of a pen.
437
00:18:43,133 --> 00:18:46,634
And who's to say which
contribution is more valuable?
438
00:18:46,634 --> 00:18:50,667
Well, apparently, you.
439
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:54,901
So here he is,
our Humanitarian of the Year,
440
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,868
Jack Gallo.
441
00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:11,901
I am so proud to be a part
of the Hopalong Foundation.
442
00:19:14,934 --> 00:19:18,434
I wish my wife
could be here tonight,
443
00:19:18,434 --> 00:19:21,434
but she's at home
reading to our child.
444
00:19:21,434 --> 00:19:22,934
Why?
445
00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:28,601
Because the kid
can't read a word.
446
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,868
Of course,
she's only six months old.
447
00:19:31,868 --> 00:19:33,000
[LAUGHS]
448
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,167
Yes.
449
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:41,067
Me? I learned to read
when I was five,
450
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:43,067
and I've been reading
ever since,
451
00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:44,467
except when I'm on vacation.
452
00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:47,868
That's my time, and I make
no apologies for that.
453
00:19:49,334 --> 00:19:52,367
And so, in conclusion...
454
00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:59,133
Learn...
455
00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,634
Love...
456
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,501
Read.
457
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:21,367
Now, folks, our next item
of business
458
00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:23,334
you won't find on the program.
459
00:20:23,334 --> 00:20:25,167
It's a special
one-time award
460
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:27,167
that's given
to someone very deserving.
461
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:30,167
Maya, if you'd help us out
one more time...
462
00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:31,501
Me?
463
00:20:31,501 --> 00:20:34,167
It was Maya Gallo here
who got the fashion world
464
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,667
involved in our little charity,
and without her,
465
00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:40,567
we wouldn't have the support
of supermodel Amber Smith...
466
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,767
Who flew all the way here
from a photo shoot in Jamaica
467
00:20:44,767 --> 00:20:46,133
just to be with us.
468
00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:50,601
Now, I call that giving.
469
00:20:50,601 --> 00:20:53,100
So...without further ado...
470
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:54,334
we'd like to present--
471
00:20:54,334 --> 00:20:55,767
Amber Smith.
472
00:20:55,767 --> 00:20:58,634
You're going to give
Amber Smith an award?
473
00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:00,634
That's it. I've had it.
474
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,567
You people are all whores.
475
00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:06,067
You just toss trophies at
anyone worth sucking up to
476
00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:08,634
while the real heroes
get nothing.
477
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,133
Heroes like me.
That's right, me.
478
00:21:10,133 --> 00:21:11,234
Uh, Maya--
479
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:12,834
Oh, shut up,
you little lapdog.
480
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:15,000
Well, folks, I've
learned my lesson.
481
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,501
I've had it
with helping others.
482
00:21:16,501 --> 00:21:18,501
From now on, Maya
takes care of Maya.
483
00:21:18,501 --> 00:21:20,501
It's all about me,
me, me, me,
484
00:21:20,501 --> 00:21:23,267
and the rest of you
can all just go to hell.
485
00:21:37,334 --> 00:21:40,901
There are so many people
I'd like to thank.
486
00:21:49,834 --> 00:21:53,734
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you *
487
00:21:53,734 --> 00:21:57,601
* Keeps bringing me home *
488
00:21:57,601 --> 00:22:01,701
* It don't matter what I want
To do 'cause *
489
00:22:01,701 --> 00:22:07,434
* It's got a mind of its own *
490
00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:11,267
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you **
33726
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