All language subtitles for Just Shoot Me.S01E05.In Your Dreams.eng

Hi, I'm here
for a shoot

with Elliott DiMauro.

Yeah, he's back there.

Oh, wait.
Kristanna.

Hey, long time no see.

Wow. How's my gal?

Do I know you?

It's me.

That doesn't help.

Ah, no, wait.
Kristanna.

It's Dennis Finch.

We met three years ago
at the Armani show.

You asked me
for a glass of water,

and I said,
"I'm not a waiter."

and you said, "Sorry,"
and I said, "Listen,

"why don't we
quit the grinnin'

and drop the linen?"

Then a security guard
came over,

and I said,
"Hey, Sasquatch,

get your five-buck-
an-hour paws off me."

and then I kneed him
in the how-do-you-do.

You remember?

Did I shoot you
with pepper spray?

Ha ha. Yes.
Yes, you did.

Okay, sure, sure,
I remember you now.

Oh, yeah.
Good times, huh?

Whoa!

Hey, listen,
Kristanna,

why don't we, uh,
go out tonight?

Oh, I don't know.

I mean,
it might be awkward

because we're
such good friends,

and I'd hate
to lose that.

Yeah, but,
Kristanna...

Friends it is.

[***]

Come on, now.

Think.

We need story ideas.

Okay, I've got it.

How about a 10-page spread
on the comeback of fur?

What comeback of fur?

The one she's been
trying to launch

ever since she got
those snow leopard hot pants.

Oh, come on.

Now, someone
has to take a stand.

We fur lovers are tired
of living in fear.

Why, my friend Binnie's
new mink coat

was splattered with red paint

by one of those anti-fur thugs
outside of Rockefeller Center.

Of course, she fainted
right on the spot.

Seeing her lying there,

covered
in what looked like blood,

her cheeks sunken
from an unfortunate face-lift,

well, naturally,

the paramedics just assumed

that she had jumped to her death
from the rooftop.

Thank God
she had her cell phone,

or she'd still be
in that body bag.

I've had marriages
shorter than that story.

Well, people,

it took extensive
research,

countless hours,

five drafts,

but I am done.

Done with what?

Jack, remember last summer,

when someone
spilled coffee on your desk,

and you said,

"There ought
to be a law"?

Well, now there is.

"The Blush magazine

"Manual of Employee
Ethics, Morals,

"and Personal
Behavior,

Volume One."

So, what's in this thing?

Well, it covers
everything

from office etiquette
to fire safety,

with just a dash

of the Iraqi
penal code.

Well, it's hard to argue
with fire safety.

Excellent job, Dennis.

Keep up
the good work.

Wait just a minute,
you little ferret.

What is this
supposed to mean?

"Hemlines shall be

in direct inverse
proportion to age."

Uh, that's simple.

If you wore
miniskirts

in the '60s,

spare us
in the '90s. Yeah.

[LAUGHING]

Jack...

Hey, what can I do?
It's in the rules.

Yeah,

so cover those bony broomsticks,
will you?

Oh, Elliott,
you know what's really funny?

Section 12.

What?

"No sexual relations
with fellow employees"?

Oh, come on,
this is an outrage.

Relax. Models
aren't employees.

All hail the manual.

Sorry I'm late.

Damn security guard
wouldn't let me through again.

He refuses to believe
this ID photo is me.

Yi...

And you're
mad at him for that?

Oh, I think it
totally captures you.

Yeah,
someone should,

for science.

I know, I know.
It's a terrible picture.

I have never taken
a good picture

in my entire life.

Maya, you're exaggerating.

You've taken
some great pictures.

How about that one
of you surfing?

That's a caricature.

I thought your head looked big.

Well, it's always the same.

My face is all scrunched up,
my eyes are half-closed.

I look like...
Popeye?

A smurf?

Eleanor Roosevelt
sneezing?

What the hell
is a smurf?

It's that little blue man
on your wife's lunch box.

Well, you've all been
very supportive.

Why do we even
need photo IDs?

Because otherwise,

any lunatic could
walk in off the street

and do Nina's job.

Maya, if you hate it so much,

I'm sure Elliott here

could take
a wonderful photograph of you.

Oh, I wouldn't want
to bother him.

Thank you for understanding.

Oh, it's no bother,

said the man
who signs his checks.

You want me to take
a photo ID?

That's like asking Picasso
to paint your bathroom.

No, it's like telling Picasso
to paint your bathroom.

Fine. I'll paint your bathroom.

Am I
the only one here

uncomfortable
with this analogy?

So, this is your studio, huh?

Yeah.

Shouldn't there be

a sign on the door
for the models

that says, "You must be
this dumb to enter"?

Yeah, yeah, you're killing me.
Come on in.

What's this?

It's from a shoot

for your article
on health care.

What does this have to do
with health care?

She was also wearing
a nurse's hat.

* Ah, rickadee,
Rickadee *

* Rickadee, rickadee *
Dee, dee *

Boy, you have your work
cut out for you.

I have never taken
a good picture

in my entire life.

Never?

Well, there's
that one shot of me

on Splash Mountain

that's relatively good,
mainly because

the rest of the log
is going like this.

Baah!

You want to hear my theory?

On what?

I think
you can't take a good picture

because you're subconsciously
sabotaging yourself.

Excuse me?

Yep.

You're afraid
you're not pretty enough,

so you protect yourself
by making a weird face.

That's ridiculous.

Okay. Smile.

Come on,

this isn't one of those
squirty cameras.

Once, when I was
in Australia,

I tried
to take a picture

of an Aborigine
tribesman

who was afraid

my camera would
steal his soul.

Oh, let me guess.

You made him feel
really relaxed,

and you took a great picture.

No, he bit me and stole my Jeep.

And your point is?

Don't bite me.

[PLAYING SOFT JAZZ MUSIC]

Now, close your eyes.

Just go with me
on this.

Imagine you're wearing
a long black velvet dress

and you look fabulous.

You walk through
this crowded party,

and you see
this amazing man

looking at you

from the other side
of the room.

Your eyes meet
for a brief instant,

but, not to look too forward,

you turn away.

I'm telling you,
this isn't going to work.

Shh.
Every few minutes,

you catch
each other's gaze,

and each look

is different
from the last.

First it's playful,

and then it's coy,

and then finally,
sultry and seductive.

Now he can't keep
his eyes off of you.

You're far too
mysterious,

you're far too
beautiful.

He raises an eyebrow

and gestures as if to say,
"May I join you?"

He's looking
at you, Maya...

and this time, you smile.

Now take off your blouse.

What?

That's where you were headed,
right?

Hey, Maya,

I've got the picture
for your ID.

Oh, here we go again.

Wow.

It's so...

not horrible.

Get over yourself.

No, seriously,

this is the
greatest picture

anyone's ever
taken of me.

It's so sexy.

What was that for?

It's too sexy.

I'm not following you.

This picture
is too sexy.

I understand
the word "too"

and the word "sexy."

Put them together,
it's just gibberish.

You can't even see.

God, you are so used

to turning women
into sex objects,

you turn my simple photo ID
into a centerfold.

It's a gift.

No.

No, it's completely
inappropriate.

It sends
the wrong message.

What message are you
trying to send?

My name is Maya Gallo,
and I'm a professional.

And this says...?

My name is Maya Gallo,

and my naughty girlfriends and I
are waiting for your call.

Here. Dad, take a look
at this photo

and tell me
what you think.

[WHISTLES]

Sexy.

Kind of looks

like a girl I used
to run around with.

Dad... that's me.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I'll just go in my office
and put my eyes out.

Hi.

Are you busy?

Just setting up
for a shoot.

Let me guess. Tax reform?

Look, um...

I have to know something.

How did you
manage to take

the first really great
picture of me ever?

Simple.

I let nature take its course.

What does that mean?

It means all women
want to be seduced.

Oh, that is such a crock.

Hmm.

Is it?

[SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC
PLAYING]

What are you doing?

Hmm?

Nothing.

Is this some pathetic attempt
to get me into bed?

No. Don't be ridiculous.

Champagne?

I can't believe I'm about
to tell you this, Maya,

but the first time I saw you,
I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't speak.
I could hardly stand.

Oh, please.

Go on.

Suddenly, my soul was alive.

My heart was racing,

and this voice
inside me

was shouting,

"If you do
nothing else right

"in your life,

"don't let this
magnificent woman,

"this soft,
tender miracle,

slip through
your fingers."

Mm.

Good morning.

I'm calling
my parents.

Ooh.

Hi, Mom and Dad. It's Wally.

Just calling
to see how you're doing.

I'd love to see you both
real soon.

Well, that's about it.

Love you both. Bye.

So your parents
finally broke down

and got
an answering machine?

No.

You just can't
let my mom

start talking.

Hey, what's with
the precaffeine smile?

Oh, I had
a great dream.

About what?

Well, I can't really remember,

but it was definitely romantic.

There was this bed...

Uh-huh.

with candles and champagne,

and there was a guy,
but it's weird.

I can't for the life of me
remember who it was.

Was there a second woman?

No, Wally. That's your dream.

Ah-ha-ha, Nina.

I'm just gonna assume

you didn't read
the "no smoking" rule

last night

because you were out
sleeping around.

Oh, I read it.

I also saw the "no pets" rule,

yet, strangely,
Jack still has you.

Uh, seriously, no smoking.

Hey, back off.
It helps me relax.

Oh, Nina,
there are better ways to relax.

For example,
my desktop zen garden.

Lookie here.
I'm Nina.

I'm raking away
my worries.

I'm transported
to a happier place,

where beauty is
measured in wrinkles.

Hey, you're right.
That does help.

Good morning.

Nina. Finchy.

Elliott.

Whoa.

Maya spill,

Aisle Five.

Hey, can we get
a mop

and a price check

on a pair
of floral underpants?

I saw them.

I... I just...

I was thinking
of something,

and I-I-I just
didn't see that.

Uh, what were you
"th-thinking" about?

Nothing.

You say "nothing,"
but Finch hears "something."

Look, I am really
busy right now,

so why don't you just buzz off

and mind your own sex dream...

Business.

Whoa.

Starship Maya, shields down.

So, a sex dream.
Uh, how was I?

Absent.

Oh, that hurts,

but I'm over it.

Hmm.

Who could you have
a sex dream about?

Hey, Maya,

I heard you want me.

Want you?

Why would I want you?

I don't know.
I got a message.

Oh, uh, yeah.

I need to see the proofs
on the perfume layout.

I thought
we put that to bed.

Oh, no, we did no such thing.

Okay, keep
your pants on.

[FORCED LAUGH]

[CHUCKLES]

Let me guess.

Elliott was
a swashbuckling pirate,

and you were
his saucy wench.

Okay, that's enough.

Maybe he was
a wind-burnt cowboy,

and you were
the cattleman's daughter.

You can stop now.

Was he a stern
prison warden,

and you were
one of the Crips?

All right.

Now, listen.

If anyone hears
anything about this,

I'm gonna
flatten your head

and fax it
to your next of kin.

Understood?

Personal faxing's
no longer permitted.

Okay, Allie.
Put the phone in the crib.

Hi, Hannah.

Daddy's gonna sing you a song
about...

his desk.

* Oh *

* Markers and pencils and pens *

* And keys to my Mercedes-Benz *

* A cup
And an empty green bottle *

Damn it, Jack.

* Oh, look
It's a grumpy ex-model **

Did you hear that,
Hannah-Bear?

Can you say "Daddy"?

Well, that was close.
She burped.

Ah. I'll call Mensa.

Okay, sweetie, got to go.

Bye, Allie.

I'm telling you, Nina,

having a baby

is the most wonderful joy
in the world.

You should try it.

I like my breasts
where they are, thank you.

Anyway,
I thought you should know

that Finch
is on some sick power trip.

What now?

I was just out there

telling that
hysterical story

about Liza Minnelli

and the bag
of talcum powder

at Studio 54,

when he shoved
this stupid manual

in my face.

Page 102.

"Inappropriate office vocabulary
includes

"Studio 54,

"Liza Minnelli,

and any mention
of singing show tunes in jail."

Boy, I'll miss
that story.

Jack!

Come on, Nina.

Show him a little
compassion.

Oh...

Hey, Jack,

I'm gonna need
your signature on this.

Oh, what,

you want to get out of gym class

because the other boys
throw too hard?

Hey, did they have gyms
when you were young,

or was it just
a lot of jousting?

* Here is the paper *

* All signed **

Ha ha. That's cute.

Hey, uh, do you
want me to, uh,

take that banjo

and put it in
your car for you?

Why?

So you can
drive it home

and put it
in your closet.

You want to take away my banjo?

Uh, permission to speak freely?

Spit it out,
Dennis.

Well, as much as I enjoy
the evocative strains

of your cornhusk-smokin',
cousin-pokin',

hillbilly strumfest,

I'm afraid
it's against the rules,

as per Section Three
of the manual.

Section...

Section Three.

Aha.

Uh... Heh heh.

Willful destruction
of the manual

is prohibited
under Section Six.

Section Six.

Having second thoughts
about the manual,

are you?

Uh-huh.

Sorry your manual

was such a colossal waste.

What you call
a waste,

I call 400 hours
of overtime.

Cha-ching!

Here are the captions for those.

I decided to go
with a little more detail,

so you might have
to widen a bit.

What?

Nothing.

So, we'll need

a little bit more
background space,

and I was thinking
we could try incorp--

Why are you smiling?

No reason. Go on.

So I was thinking...

He told you.

Who told me what?

Finch.
Finch didn't
tell me anything.

Are you sure?
Sure, I'm sure,

so just calm down
and mind your own sex dream.

Oh, God.

Oh, come on,
it's no big deal.

Practically everybody's
had a sex dream...

about me.

Who had a sex dream
about who?

You told him.

How could you?

It came up
in conversation.

How did it come up
in conversation?

Uh, Elliott said "Hi,"

and I said,

"Guess who had
a sex dream?"

Who had a sex dream about who?

No one about no one.

Maya did, about Elliott.

About Elliott?

Oh, honey,
it was a dream.

You could do so much better.

Okay, what are we talking about?

Nothing.
Sex dreams.

Ooh, sounds fun.

Who had a sex dream?
I want details.

Maya did,
about Elliott.

You people are sick.

Look, you know,

before you get
too cocky,

I know why I had
that dream about you.

I'm listening.

Well, maybe
you were right

about how I try
to sabotage myself,

because, you know,
growing up with my dad,

always surrounded
by these perfect women,

well, you can imagine,

and yesterday,

when you took that picture of me
and made me feel beautiful,

well, it's just been a long time
since someone had done that,

and...

you know,
I had a dream about it.

It could've been anyone.

No big deal.

Well, that's one way
to look at it.

I have a slightly different
interpretation.

Oh? What's that?

You want me.

Trust me.

I am not the least bit
attracted to you.

And yet we got it on
in the Land of Nod.

Congratulations.
Now I want you even less.

All right, prove it.

What are you
talking about?

Kiss me. Kiss me,
then look me straight in the eye

and tell me
that you don't want me.

I don't need to kiss you
to know I don't want you.

One kiss.

I wouldn't kiss you
to save the rain forests.

See you tonight, Sleepy.

I will never have
another dream about you

as long as I live.

Wait. I wasn't ready.

[KNOCKING]

I've been thinking

about what
you said today,

how you don't have
any feelings for me,

and I just
want to know...

Did you really
mean that?

What do you think?

I think
that you're afraid

that if you open up

and make yourself
vulnerable

that somehow you'll
lose control...

Is it...

hot in here?

but the thing you have
to understand

is that romance
is about losing control.

What makes it scary
is what makes it so good.

And a bit bright in here too.

For once
in your life,

you have to just
put your fear aside

and finally let go.

I think you owe it
to yourself.

I think you talk too much.

WOMAN: Elliott?

Elliott.

Huh?

What are you
thinking about?

Nothing.

Hey, me too.

[***]

* Life keeps bringin' me
Back to you *

* Keeps bringin' me home *

* It don't matter
What I want to do *

* 'Cause it's got
A mind of its own *

* Life keeps bringin' me
Back to you **