All language subtitles for Ronal_The_Barbarian_-_Full_movie.mp4

[Music]

in the beginning there was only darkness

and out of that darkness was born the

demons are who loved as a kiddies and

oppressor of humankind but from out of

the shadows came crong warrior above

whole warriors and para of the gods saw

[Music]

he freed humankind and led them to

victory

[Applause]

[Music]

but victory was daily one suffering a

mortal wound to his heart cron bled for

seven days and seven nights and a

hundred warriors drank of his spilled

blood and bad his strength cron looked

down at them and what he saw was good

and with that he died

[Music]

thus were born the barbarians the mighty

sons of cron

[Music]

oh yeah

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

listen up people

strength courage fearlessness these

threads work Ron's gifts to our people

for thousands of generations his

undiluted barrage has been running

through our veins that is what we

celebrate on this day every year before

we go on a quest my first and foremost

it is Ron's blood which makes us

barbarians the greatest warriors in all

of metal onea okay Raoul it's your turn

role is ill Raoul is taking a sick day

Rhoda why don't you just skip me my

elbow is hurting maybe I'm getting

osteoporosis jerk-off elbow come on just

give it I just ah shit

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

get in shape before going out on a quest

row a barbarian who can't swing a

double-headed axis well it's not a real

berry

what the hell am I gonna do on a quest

anyway I'll just get in your way

why can't I hang it you're a son of

crown rot huh cron sons go on quests to

kill monsters and return home in glory

that's the essence of being a barbarian

uncle take a look at me what can I do to

harm a monster flex these muscles and

hope it laughs itself to death

what's up Ronal have you gotten some

muscles funny hey have you gotten

yourself some brain cells huh what yeah

oh if there's one of my back and you pop

it for me listen Rory going out on a

quest is more about having big balls

rather than big muscles it's about

courage once you show you're a real man

questing is fun crushing the enemy is

easy okay

maybe it's just me but I can't get over

the fact that you can seriously die from

questing I'll just shut up a trainee

[Music]

what the hell is that

[Music]

your arm eight arms people

[Music]

[Music]

Oh

wait hold it alt who goes there

[Music]

readings noble barbarians Master Florian

bad at your service we merely wish for

humble fee of course to enrich your

spectacular buffet of muffled with noble

sonatas from olden times about heroes

and heroines

[Music]

[Applause]

what they seem songs at parties parties

that badass weapon is not a flame hurler

- fucking tuba man coming Scotland ages

[Music]

girls how about washing my massive rock

OSH it'll be dirty for Strings loot loot

hey it's time for ones no authority by

young they're just a little time to

check out the honey's no no no a real

bastard comes down to the hey how does

it have to be so perfect isn't it about

time we went on a quest and joined the

barbarians tomorrow and getting it all

the action look at me I really need to

meet some chicks man

I mean write some very important poems

and that sort of thing

Oh auntie bet you won't be ready for

that until you know all poems ever

written entirely by heart right but that

like a hundred years nonsense total

rubbish my little friend

I was only 57 when I was fully trained

the youngster now spit Wow

[Applause]

so I went hunting the other day why and

just happened to run into an orc

kindergarten cute kids

here you go sugar this is for you oh

really brings out your eyes oh you got

to see this one too

it's an invisibility Body Lotion I used

to last you and I snuck into our era

cool right

totally sneaky peeky man you can't even

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

all sons of crown or gathered Lord

Farkas I then the time is covered

[Music]

can I take over your shift what about

the party huh yeah I was a bit tired

okay then but blow the horn if you see

anything suspicious okay

think you can do that ah who cares if I

can blow that shitty horn I just want to

be alone okay

it's a big horn first to drawing a big

breath deeper and your God for God's

sake uncle who in the hell would bother

attacking us

we're barbarians we've crushed

everything in the northern hemisphere

we've never been attacked damn it you

may be right but it's the principle that

counts it's gonna be those jetha me

fucking barbarians man

[Music]

you know what the hell is that

[Music]

[Applause]

we're under attack

grab your weapons what is your command

unleash the fires of hell

[Music]

[Music]

I don't remember ordering any firewood

we're under attack

[Music]

bitch bar email

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

I really do try fine just isn't good

enough Ronald come on we've gotta save

the others

[Music]

are these the famous sons of cron how

pathetic chain the ball up and don't

leave anyone behind we barbarians never

surrender

[Music]

[Applause]

[Laughter]

and we want boughs to Lourdes focus on

[Music]

take them away you heard Lord fall kazar

get the last ones locked up

come on hurry up get the pigs in the

cart I haven't got all night

remember your shoes and purses

I mean axes we won't be coming back to

get them let's go a problem here this

president don't with the cops what

should I do

huh that's not a barbarian take it out

back and kill the bitch what yeah damn

it how it gets to Punjab

[Music]

Oh shake what a night

my head is killing me wow this place

looks pretty nasty

where'd everyone go you have to do the

after-party or something

wait up

Oh

[Music]

uncle you're alive not for long

Cronus calling me oh no uncle

it's probably just a flesh wound Ronal

when your parents died I promised to

look after you I kept that promise now

it's your turn promise me something that

you'll save the others they're counting

on you Rhoda

what but but I can't promise me you must

go north to the article the Oracle but

but how you are their only hope you are

the last free barbarian

uncle uncle

[Music]

[Music]

hmm coax a disability lotion yo what's

up you going on a quest uh no I have to

go find the other barbarians now okay

huh sounds like a quest you're going on

a quest I'm not going on a quest I have

to find my tribe that is so totally a

quest I made up and who are you howdy

ala Bert Bard pink dick don't ya

wait hey you can't say no cuz I'll just

follow you like a shadow

yeah oh it's gonna be awesome man you

know what since we're heading north why

don't we visit the Amazons along the way

no I hear the chicks up there totally

drool we gotta check it out man listen

it's true stop following me around okay

Amazon chicks are born hotter and

hornier than a June bride and all of it

Shh you're a drag man I've got it we'll

go to beryllium know the women there

have curly tails aboard it is I would be

great they sound like pigs oh come on

what are you doing here anyway I need to

talk to the Oracle so do you think this

dude could hook us up great ass buddy

don't touch me wait

[Music]

hello hello well you sure took your

sweet time I've been sitting here since

last Sunday are you coming in or what uh

sorry what what well you need to wipe my

shit stain shrivel ass you idiot the

fuck are you doing here I don't you the

fucking nurse uh what no we we I mean

gun doors hit me

that's it I'm done shit I get to wipe it

how easy my goddamn hemorrhoids I gotta

tell you something about this Lord focus

ah he's a mighty warrior the dark forces

of the zucchinis protects him yeah well

it's not as if I want to fight him or

anything I just want to find my tribe

focus are craves the power to rule all a

metal Oh Nia so far no one's been able

to stop

[Music]

[Music]

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this guy is surrounded by impenetrable

armor no weapon can ever hurt this

bastard there is only one sword with the

power to defeat him watch

[Music]

what's so special about that you

barbarian of all people should know that

this is cron sword

it's a joke right don't you know it

doesn't exist all of our variants have

been searching for that stupid sword

forever I'm sorry to break it to you old

man but it's just a silly berry little

holy that sword can hurt Lord focus on

and you will never save your tribe

without killing him only a fearless

warrior you will be able to use cron

Lord and without a great warrior

Baltazar is invincible and without about

baby with big balls

the tribe is duel

why do I care I'm just an Oracle I don't

give a fuck it ain't my fault the

barbarians are captured

[Music]

[Music]

chorus all Saucer are my lord the time

is not we must awaken there's a key DS

temple soon before it's too late for the

ritual are all Kron Sons cart my mission

is complete fantastic my lord no nothing

can stop us might ease our crime sons

have all been captured Oh from your

what what now the great and mighty Sol

isn't pleased

one of Kron Santa's missing is possible

hey I don't understand we didn't leave

anyone alive whoa

I need the blood of every living

barbarian and you go one escape tell me

[Music]

listen I just witnessed my village

burned to the ground and now I have to

find Chron sword even though I haven't

got a rat's ass chance of finding it so

will you just shut up with your owns and

give me a chance to think hey I could

strum a little barbarian tuna stare

don't please not that crap and grande

Pole please my sword and thrust with all

his strength the sward into the Katie's

still which cracks along and we think

that's all what what is that the

holocron the ballot of crime has 2,073

versus I know them all by heart and

seriously dude Krong gets laid in half

of them why why didn't you tell me about

it man that it is late lot know about

the lyrics it's about Kron you idiot

that first was about his sword was it

any verses about where the sword is

quick get to the end from his chest the

blood gushed forth it gushed a night and

day you don't know after he dies come on

sing it in his grave the sword slain

plays beyond recall the book of wisdom

and El Vanguard is bound to make the

call the book of wisdom an elven guard

that's it well we've got to go to elven

guard and read the book of wisdom really

that's how we'll find the sword those

babes are totally pitching this is gonna

be you kick-ass quest okay I have two

rules for this trip one this is not a

quest and two if we ever see anything

that is even remotely quest like will

absolutely go around it

around it gotcha good

[Music]

I'm not quite sure but if we just break

rule number one or two who are you are

you one of them answer me I'm just an

innocent traveler I swear I I really

don't want to disturb you

you uh you you you you're massacre of

random men they challenged me to a duel

oh no not again

[Music]

screw it I'll let you live oh hey Ron oh

I think we just found the fairest

warrior a need for cross or what are you

crazy

she's a fucking psychopath exactly what

are you waiting for

aster no asshole hey gorgeous

my buddy Ron wants to ask you something

no he's wondering if a feisty a warrior

babe like you would be into joining our

quest you know till I see if he's

traveling you and as an added bonus you

play with that is Luke by the campfire

if you catch my drift

listen I have no idea what he's going on

about I really don't know this asshole I

have zero interest in playing with your

instrument hey where you going this is a

hell of an offer I told you it was a bad

idea we'll find someone else to save the

barbarians

did you say barbarians uh yeah

barbarians

are they your tribe uh yeah the ones

they call the greatest warriors at MIT

alone yeah um yeah it's a worthy cause

I'll join you

uh sorry what I'm Sandra shieldmaiden of

the shield maiden clamp where you going

to the elven tower we just have to

figure out where it is first I think

we'll need a guide there's probably one

in the next town follow me hey wait you

can't just take over here's a problem

with that

listen uh no great let's go score rhodol

she's so into you

[Music]

[Music]

Wow you can butter my buns and call me a

biscuit this place is sweet okay here we

are

yeah okay asshole look oh great it's

happy hour it's really crowded today

stay behind me

whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa easy now well

go in quietly we'll find our guy and get

out of here without anyone noticing and

no fighting okay please your call Thanks

Bing Bing Bing

[Music]

[Applause]

you know what look a bit heavy we were

looking for a guide there's only one

left in the back behind the shitter

after Elric okay thanks uh Hey

and are you Elric the voice of the wind

is a light in the Evening Sun the

children of the stars

lead Mother Earth to rest the darkness

is filled by the moans of happiness

spirits and the lovers I sensed you

would come Ori elves are connected to

all living things let our souls unite

whoa you have the Eagles imagination on

the card silent will the music of the

copper beeches in your heart oh yeah

well now that sounds interesting

listen I'm Ronal and I name's Gary no

meaning

okay right but here's the thing I need a

guy yes all right but do you need

spiritual or physical guidance we're

going to the elven tower I don't have a

lot of gold but the ring will tell me

what to do with you stand still let me

penetrate your aura why call her mommy

[Music]

uh-huh whoo windows me to go with you

my bow will sing with your sword I'm

ready I found him my boat we've seen

with your sword whatever let's bounce

hey shieldmaiden

leaving so soon how about a little dance

[Music]

uh hey hey guys everything everything's

okay

we're leaving now no worries we're cool

I accept your challenge what they must

defeat me or die

you're just fucking agreed not to cause

any problem but they challenged me you

promised in and out without any fighting

ok it's all up to you muscle boy hey

shield Maiden what's it gonna be

listen mmm friends I know you're itching

for a big fight but we're kind of in a

hurry now but I'm sure there must be

someone else in here willing to go a few

rounds with you so if it's ok with you

we'll just leave now

[Music]

[Music]

have you ever seen one of these any last

words shorty that's friggin disgusting

I'm gonna court you like a bottle you

little shit that's enough

[Music]

Black Riders

where is he

[Music]

no challenge the Lord volcasaurus riders

which one of you assholes

[Music]

is my lord one more strike and you'll

beat your personal record but my lord we

have to find the last son of Cronus for

moon or elsewhere are you gonna shut up

Hensel day hello the target has escaped

one it's been a very difficult evening

the Barbarian is being held by a great

warrior I will not tolerate humiliation

bring them to me both of them

[Music]

oh are you sure you know where we are it

feels like we're walking and circling

speaking to myself we'll be in the elf

kingdom soon I sense

you said the same thing two days ago

we're lost goddamnit

we'll end up dying like those dried-out

losers what's so funny I've heard

stories about the Kurds and strength of

the barbarians but you have neither you

just moan and whine all the time I

happen to find it very funny considering

how your ancestors are so I'm a joke why

did you come along if you think I whine

so much what's your deal with the

Barbarian that's my business

stop look uh meaning what we elves can

connect with all living creatures I will

unite with its soul and make it show us

the way out

[Music]

look on the other side there's no

labyrinth over there the entrance to the

elf Kingdom

elven gates I salute you didn't you say

this was the entrance

[Music]

come stop the keepers of the gate must

weigh our souls only those of the right

stature are allowed to enter and what

about those with a lesser stature what

who wealth of also crush them

what well shall we go it's just an FYI

but I but I can't do it what honestly

guys I'm a pathetic excuse for a

barbarian and I'm certainly not of the

right stature I don't think that's how

it's bent

Rowan all forget it we are going around

it that's not a good idea when you're on

a quest you must follow the rules

seriously going on quests is only gonna

get you killed and if you insist on

calling this a quest then read my lips

this is my quest and I have decided that

we are going around this cake come on

[Music]

see no death traps no gates no nothing

in our way all this quest garbage is so

dumb if you just take a moment think a

little outside of the box

oh no my man bits what the hell was that

we've offended the keepers of the gate I

sense

[Music]

[Music]

you stupid I see almost got us killed

how the hell would I know the mountain

would come alive I'm just telling you I

tried to avoid problems tried trying

just isn't good enough Ronal huh there

are always gonna be problems on quest

you're going to have to solve them not

go around

[Music]

this is the tower of the elves all of

the world's wisdom is in there

[Music]

the Book of Wisdom sits within the top

chamber

this way the moon can read it on its

journey across the darkened sky of night

the most sacred of sacred that's fine

that's where we're going

[Music]

no one from the outside can enter the

elf Kings archers have Hawk ties they

kill everything they see so we'll have

to do it the hard way

I kill the two up front while you run

across no I'll do it

what alone Ronal are you crazy they'll

kill you before you make it to the

bridge yeah I know but they won't see me

there isn't much left and I'm the

smallest one wait here how do I look

pretty sneaky isn't it what the fuck is

so funny what what it's it's fucking

empty ah thanks a lot Corey Oh relax

Ronal no one will notice

Oh tiny balls just wait here till I get

back okay don't do it Ronal just get

killed

[Music]

[Music]

so today Gullit live Lacombe the Harvey

it's open

[Music]

[Music]

yeah

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

there it is

let's see what we got sort of crawling

this how the hell am I gonna find sorta

cron that sit cron sword piece of cake

like anyone's ever gonna notice

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Oh

the map says the cron was buried with

his sword in the mountain of eternity my

ELF soul census but it is far far hidden

at it fairly close by destiny is on our

side I was wrong about you what the

tower

you made it well sort of you drew the

barbarians honor uh thanks well I've got

an axe to sharpen so uh I was thinking

hmm well it's just hmm I never thanked

you for uh joining me honestly I

couldn't have ever made it without you

uh okay well then we better get some

sleep maybe we'll find the sword

tomorrow so I'll keep watch we elves

don't need any sleep you can all rest

easy hmm can I ask you something Ron all

uh sure go ahead what are they like

they're barbarians well they're not the

brightest I was thinking more like in

here Oh

a barbarian is always there to help when

you need them no matter how dangerous or

difficult it is and they go on quests

all the time

they're totally fearless kind of hard to

believe that I'm one of them huh and

they're kick-ass warriors right

yep the best in the world

kick-ass warriors are so hard to find

yeah uh-oh what i dissent from an

ancient tribe of field maidens far far

far away

according to our ways I must marry the

warrior who defeats me in a duel

[Music]

many have tried to defeat me but this is

too strong and with every new duel I

grow stronger and stronger in the

meantime everybody else found themselves

me one by one I was the only one left

the duels became few and far between and

in the end warriors stop coming to

challenge me the tribal elders got angry

they told me to leave and go out into

med ellonija and find my own worthy

husband a warrior with the strength to

conquer me if somebody defeats me I have

to obey his every wish but no worrier

has been strong enough yet but but

everywhere I go everybody says that the

barbarians are metal Onias greatest

warriors so maybe one of the barbarians

from your tribe can beat me that's why I

came along uh okay okay what yeah well

uh all that stuff you just told me

what's that got to do with love at all

what do you mean um I love whoever

defeats me I've waited so long for this

I'm about to explode whoa I I've never

told anyone this before oh I see it

feels kind of nice

you know Ronal it's actually nice

talking to you you're pretty nice to

talk to I mean okay the other way then

we would have to fight yeah that would

really suck yeah that'd be weird you and

me in a duel what was that hey Elric who

yells never sleep hey what's that sound

there oh I sense a nasty voice in the

way

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

when you're asking

no no no no no we'll find it

if we leave now we can catch up with

them Hey

[Music]

glorious Queen we have caught these

horrible women and have brought them

here so you me decide their fate your

whim pick him up let me check them out

[Music]

hmm most peculiar women I've never seen

anything like it miss Queen it's ugly

girl Oh ask you to speak we're not uh

women what we're kind of more like man

you know well almost

[Music]

the gods of hams it up rails and settles

to finally the time has come to carry on

our tribe take them to the sacred

meeting heaven rattle one skinny one

first save the other one my Lord and he

knows we caught the warrior who helped

the last barbarian escape bring it out

well look at this a shield beta and a

very pretty one at that

give me a weapon let me fight all good

things come to those who wait

nobody touches me you bastard

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

impressive

you really really turned me off

[Music]

you silly girl

I know your rules shieldmaiden

you must obey me now it is your destiny

you you have to feed it me yes it's

about damn time it's my turn now

tonight's mating ceremony is over you're

not up till tomorrow what tomorrow

Queen's orders come back I've got the

world's bluest ball oh where are you

going we have to go huh what about the

Amazons Xandra is in danger

we gotta find Chron sword and help her

before it's too late sanjer can wait a

week or so what we can't just let her

down hey if we find another warrior I

don't want to find another warrior eye

ones and reuleaux you didn't even water

long in the first place

just come screwed you I want to stay

here and get laid by some really hot

babes

that's the only reason I joined you on

your lousy quest hmm oh I forgot you're

not on a quest you're more boring that a

yeast infection fine then stay here

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

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what the hell am i doing here

[Music]

oh those rule of course I just had to

see you first time I laid eyes on you I

wanted to rub my naked body all over

your manly chest ah forget the silly

rules I just gotta have you I found you

very sexy miss queen but my friend needs

me and I have to go what

listen just have your girls capture me

get on my way back

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

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well this must be the first barbarians

[Music]

whoa mr. Khurana sir

I need to borrow your sword for a bit

so white oh uh yeah sorry about that

Sandra I'm sorry Ronal how are you

managed to escape my best friend is

beyond me but now you show up here watch

out exactly like my shield mate said you

want my Lord consort the only weapon

that can ever harm you Sandra excellent

you have served me well I live to serve

you my lord what the hell is going on

now go your little barbarian have a date

with my sauce

[Music]

my senses say that Rome releasing great

[Music]

deal with in what you must might ezel

here your humble servant the blood of

truant sons awaits you open the doors to

your my

[Music]

only once every 10,000 years is

impossible resolved the god of the

zucchinis to contact our world I'm

bringing him the ultimate sacrifice the

sons of crowd the warrior who sent him

into the exile of the hereafter has my

reward

he will give me his divine power

everybody will obey me oh maybe fly like

the seeds of dandelions

[Music]

[Music]

right here

[Music]

what's going on ow you stop

no but you skinny bitch whoa what's

happening man what you do a crown sword

it's down there on that altar it's too

late there's nothing we can do get out

of here

[Music]

tighter I won't be happy till I hear

them squeal like Whitey's I'll receive

this offering of the blood of the sons

of cron bless us with your

soon I will be mightier than a god and

you will be my immortal Queen for all

eternity

[Music]

hey what are you doin in here yeah I'm

alright mr. Albert the bard you know for

the party look old ritual let me feel

you did I wrote hem your leather clothes

they drive me on and the way you shake

your is it makes me hard

let's dance tonight until the morning

baby I really wanna hold your that's so

fucking lame oh well adios let the

chosen wine me step forward

[Music]

crying sword I offer you hurry up we

gotta free the others hey man what the

hell God would you believe this shit

are you for real man drama sweet cheeks

your ass is mine you're just salty now

just put it down before I whip your ass

over hey why don't you chain yourself

back up

[Music]

I've been so warning to do

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

tell them Juvenal to be shieldmaiden

don't ever forget that yes my lord

[Music]

[Music]

Ronald zadra you don't have to do this

focus our beat me in a duel it's my

destiny

you've completely frickin lost it is it

really your destiny to kill the only

person who actually cares about you just

because some ironclad madman beat you in

a fight is it

[Applause]

you must drink the blood there's no time

left

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

the sounds of the sky

[Music]

[Music]

fuck draaga

Crowley pulled his mighty sword and

thrust with all his strength the sword

into zucchini skull which cracked along

its length

what you have to hit him in the forehead

with Krong sword it's great point man

it's just impossible oh no you have to

get out of here go save yourself what

are you talking about damn it this is no

place for you beat it no I'm done being

a pussy

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

way to go

[Music]

fucking kill may I aim with the eyes of

a hawk my arrow to fly with wings

[Music]

[Music]

I got you a little French Luke

[Music]

[Music]

my queen countlessly for me what are you

going kill David your destiny is to

serve

[Music]

[Music]

Dawkins ride let's show them how we

barbarians really fun

[Applause]

oh fuck this one's for God are

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Oh

oh shit my g-string as I'm in this I in

years

Rana Rana

[Music]

gone home

[Music]

[Music]

he likes Rana the bestest barbarian who

ever lived

[Music]

Oh

what are you staring at these life

Runnels alive I said we don't have to

find a duel now do we know you've

already conquered my heart

[Music]

Oh

[Music]

[Applause]

wanna see something nice yes I said it's

a really big tightness in your groin

yeah try being strapped to a leather

cross for a week the same Siriano the

fuzzies Bavaria

[Applause]

don't like a pussy fucking barbarians

[Music]

he was a weak boy laughter he wasn't

yeah

oh he was a geek boy with a chess song

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[Applause]

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big balls berry balls hard balls hot

phase hairy babes yummy Bane's yummy

balls and oily muscles

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[Applause]

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okay

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