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[subway tracks rattling]
2
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[dramatic instrumental music playing]
3
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[man chuckles]
4
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[woman giggles]
5
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:00,643
[in Korean] Are you okay?
6
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,727
Uh-huh.
7
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,356
[woman gasps]
8
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[breathing rapidly]
9
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Your stomach! Somebody help!
10
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[screaming]
11
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[all speaking in Korean]
12
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[screaming]
13
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[wails in pain]
14
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[flesh tearing]
15
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[woman screaming]
16
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[squelching]
17
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[baby gasps for air, cries]
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[Pogo] On the 12th hour
of the first day of October 1989,
19
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16 women around the world gave birth.
20
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This was unusual only in the fact
21
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that none of these women had been pregnant
when the day first began.
22
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Sir Reginald Hargreeves,
eccentric billionaire and adventurer,
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00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:52,862
resolved to locate and adopt
as many of the children as possible.
24
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Extraordinary.
25
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[thunderclap]
26
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[baby mewls]
27
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How much do you want for it?
Surely you don't want to keep it.
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00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,038
[in Korean] How much do you want for him?
29
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,999
[in English] You lay one finger
on my grandson, I slice you in half!
30
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:08,253
Excellent! I like a spirited negotiator.
31
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:10,755
[thunder rumbling]
32
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[school bell rings]
33
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["Sometimes" by Gerry Cinnamon playing]
34
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♪ Sometimes, just sometimes ♪
35
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♪ Maybe more than some of the time ♪
36
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,114
♪ I'm on a false ego trip ♪
37
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:37,949
♪ Insecurity is rife ♪
38
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:40,743
♪ I'm not the ideal person
To be lecturing on life ♪
39
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,537
♪ But if you wanna know ♪
40
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,998
♪ Some things I've learned about myself ♪
41
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:48,126
♪ Being in sticky situations
I won't bore you with the filth ♪
42
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:51,337
♪ Breaking bones and sniffing gear
Pouring blood and sweat and tears ♪
43
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,982
- [grunts]
- ♪ In a nutshell, I suppose ♪
44
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,967
♪ It's the way the water flows ♪
45
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♪ Yeah, that's the way the story goes ♪
46
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:05,143
[crowd cheering]
47
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,811
[woman in crowd] Love you, Marcus!
48
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,522
♪ Sometimes, just sometimes ♪
49
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,481
♪ Well, all right ♪
50
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,285
- ♪ Maybe all of the time ♪
- [raven cawing]
51
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,319
♪ I'm on a false ego trip ♪
52
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,362
♪ Well, I'm a renegade of sorts ♪
53
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,115
♪ I roam the concrete jungle
Hunting idiots for sport ♪
54
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,492
- ♪ And now the cocaine scene ♪
- [caws]
55
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,286
♪ It picked me up and made me frown ♪
56
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:26,164
♪ That's when joking says
That music helps the medicine go down ♪
57
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,124
♪ Hey, it makes you feel alive ♪
58
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,751
♪ More like demons of the night ♪
59
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,377
♪ Flinging powder up your nose ♪
60
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,963
♪ It's the way the water flows... ♪
61
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,175
[cube speaks]
62
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:40,136
Hey, next round's on Christopher!
63
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,554
[patrons cheering]
64
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,640
[Christopher speaks]
65
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,769
[man] I said no pepperoni.
No pepperoni, dumbass!
66
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:50,063
- You said no mushrooms.
- [mocking] I speak English!
67
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,356
So does my son.
68
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,358
We speak American, asshole.
69
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,652
You are an American asshole.
70
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,528
[store owner] Let go of me! Let go!
71
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,822
Get outta my store! Get out of here!
72
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:03,493
♪ Don't look the same for you and me
Drinking cider in a golf course ♪
73
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,579
♪ Just a distant memory
Down the park and pick a fight ♪
74
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:11,167
♪ Popping pills all through the night
That's the way the water flows ♪
75
00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:12,876
[man groans]
76
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:17,340
♪ Yeah, that's the way the story goes ♪
77
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:18,424
This better be pepperoni.
78
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,303
♪ Sometimes ♪
79
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,643
♪ Sometimes ♪
80
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:32,897
[alarm blaring]
81
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,276
♪ Just sometimes ♪
82
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,864
♪ Just sometimes ♪
83
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,157
[alarm continues]
84
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,659
[Reginald] This isn't your home.
85
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:47,346
[Allison] What are you talking about?
This is the Umbrella Academy.
86
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,454
[Reginald] Wrong again.
87
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,165
This... is the Sparrow Academy.
88
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,512
Dad, who the hell are these assholes?
89
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,223
[Umbrellas] Shit.
90
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:08,850
Ben.
91
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,646
Is that really you?
92
00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:17,692
And who are the weirdos on the balcony?
93
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,153
[Reginald] They are the Sparrows.
94
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,155
My children.
95
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,824
[rumbling]
96
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:29,078
[dramatic orchestral music playing]
97
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,665
[energy twinkling]
98
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:42,884
[electricity crackling]
99
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,734
I'm sorry.
What do you mean, your children?
100
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:01,736
That's not possible, old man.
101
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,989
[Reginald] Of course it is!
I think I'd know, wouldn't I?
102
00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,867
Everybody else can see Ben, right?
103
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,160
Cute hat, Sundance.
104
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:12,622
[Reginald] They call themselves
the Umbrella Academy,
105
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,209
a group of scheming,
perfidious malcontents
106
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,503
who accosted me in the fall of 1963
107
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,922
when I was away on business in Dallas.
108
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:24,092
Be warned, they claim to be my spawn.
109
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:28,012
Claim? Look, Five,
what the hell is going on?
110
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,056
I don't know yet, but it's concerning.
111
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,934
- Is he telling the truth?
- Not the part about us being perfidious.
112
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:35,478
No, we're amateur-fidious, at best.
113
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,356
But we are his children.
This is our house.
114
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,691
Yeah, yeah. We, uh... We grew up here.
115
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:42,628
- [mocking] "Yeah, we grew up here."
- [snickers]
116
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,029
I kind of think we would have noticed you.
117
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:48,449
Hi. I'm Luther.
118
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,993
Okay. None of you belong here.
119
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:51,994
[Fei] Oh! Well, then.
120
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,831
I guess we'll just pack our bags
and move out.
121
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,959
[Christopher speaks]
122
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,670
- [Sparrows chuckling]
- You slay me, Chris.
123
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,384
I wasn't expecting company. [sighs]
124
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,469
This is the best I could do on short...
125
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,763
[in robotic voice] Short... Short notice.
126
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:12,890
Mom.
127
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,143
Mom? She's a robot, you perv.
128
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,204
- It's not a robot.
- Hey, don't you call him that.
129
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,813
- Or what?
- Come closer and find out.
130
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,749
- Luther! Guys, chill!
- [Ben] Think I'm afraid?
131
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,067
- Stand down, Ben.
- Look at that! She's got a voice!
132
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,403
How about I hide
that big Rubik's Cube up your ass?
133
00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:26,779
- Enough!
- [hissing]
134
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,324
[Marcus] I don't know what circus
you escaped from
135
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,034
or how you got past our security,
136
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,119
but we're done here.
137
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,413
You got 30 seconds
to get out of our house.
138
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:36,831
And if we don't?
139
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,001
Then we'll have to settle this
the old-fashioned way.
140
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,879
[ominous orchestral music playing]
141
00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:44,881
Agreed.
142
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:49,844
[neck cracks]
143
00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:53,639
[ominous music swells]
144
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,893
["Footloose" by Kenny Loggins playing]
145
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:17,288
♪ I been working so hard ♪
146
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:20,291
- Get him, Luther!
- ♪ Keep punching my card ♪
147
00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:22,668
- ♪ Eight hours, for what? ♪
- Luther, what are you doing?
148
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,795
Protecting our honor, bro.
149
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,216
♪ I got this feeling ♪
150
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:31,844
♪ That time's just holding me down ♪
151
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,098
Oh shit! We're really good at this!
152
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,227
♪ I'll hit the ceiling ♪
153
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,231
♪ Or else I'll tear up this town ♪
154
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,194
♪ Tonight I gotta cut loose ♪
155
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:49,737
♪ Footloose ♪
156
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,657
♪ Kick off your Sunday shoes ♪
157
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,742
♪ Please, Louise ♪
158
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,703
♪ Pull me off of my knees ♪
159
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,581
♪ Jack, get back ♪
160
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,209
♪ C'mon before we crack ♪
161
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,128
♪ Lose your blues ♪
162
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,048
♪ Everybody cut footloose ♪
163
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,969
♪ Cut footloose ♪
164
00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,763
♪ Cut footloose ♪
165
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,516
♪ Cut footloose ♪
166
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,061
- ♪ First ♪
- ♪ We got to turn it around ♪
167
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,730
- ♪ Second ♪
- ♪ And put your feet on the ground ♪
168
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,567
- ♪ Third ♪
- ♪ Now take ahold of your soul ♪
169
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,620
♪ I'm turning it loose ♪
170
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,306
- ♪ Footloose ♪
- [sound of crowd cheering]
171
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,583
♪ Kick off your Sunday shoes ♪
172
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,168
♪ Please, Louise ♪
173
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,005
♪ Pull me off of my knees ♪
174
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,632
♪ Jack, get back ♪
175
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,176
♪ C'mon before we crack ♪
176
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:57,680
♪ Lose your blues ♪
177
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,974
♪ Everybody cut footloose ♪
178
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,018
- ♪ Footloose ♪
- ♪ Footloose ♪
179
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,728
♪ Kick off your Sunday shoes ♪
180
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:07,023
♪ Please, Louise ♪
181
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,025
♪ Pull me off of my ♪
182
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,318
♪ Pull me off of my ♪
183
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,653
♪ Pull me off of my knees ♪
184
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,197
♪ Jack, get back ♪
185
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,575
♪ C'mon before we crack ♪
186
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,703
♪ Lose your blues ♪
187
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,539
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
188
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
189
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,003
♪ Everybody cut, everybody cut ♪
190
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:32,173
[song distorts, slows]
♪ Everybody cut footloose... ♪
191
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,576
- [inhales sharply]
- [song stops]
192
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,427
[Marcus] You got 30 seconds
to get out of our house.
193
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,554
- [Allison] And if we don't?
- [gasps]
194
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,266
[Marcus] Then we'll have to settle this
the old-fashioned way.
195
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,562
Look, we just fought a literal army.
196
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,440
Okay? This doesn't need to get ugly.
197
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:52,526
Let's all just calm down, and let's talk.
198
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,654
Psst. Ben-er-ino.
199
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,699
You look so much better alive
than you do dead.
200
00:10:58,783 --> 00:10:59,825
Am I right?
201
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,494
Except that haircut.
202
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,747
- What the hell did you just say?
- Come on, come on.
203
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,875
Stop with all the hostility,
Mr. Grumpy Pants.
204
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,127
Oh wow. Nice scar.
205
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,504
Muy macho.
206
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,089
Shut your mouth!
207
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,132
You shut your mouth
and just hug your brother...
208
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,011
- [Klaus groans]
- Hey! What the hell?
209
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,472
- You didn't have to do that!
- Oh, I'm pretty sure I did!
210
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:22,973
- He did.
- [Marcus] Get back!
211
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,975
- [Vanya] Luther, hey!
- Back off! [grunts]
212
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,573
["No More Heroes"
by The Stranglers playing]
213
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:30,647
Oh shit!
214
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,486
Bad touch, Luther! Bad touch!
215
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:36,570
Sorry.
216
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,118
♪ Whatever happened to ♪
217
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:44,912
♪ Leon Trotsky... ♪
218
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:45,996
[Klaus babbles]
219
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,374
All right. Peace and love, peace and love.
Here I come.
220
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,042
[Klaus groans] Damn it.
221
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,627
Come at me, litter box!
222
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,337
[Christopher speaks]
223
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,132
Hey! Listen,
I have amazing hair, all right?
224
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,550
This was era-appropriate!
225
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,510
[groans]
226
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:00,594
That's all you got?
227
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,014
♪ And Sancho Panza? ♪
228
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:09,645
♪ Whatever happened to the heroes? ♪
229
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:15,526
You're alive. That's... great.
Or possibly horrible.
230
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:18,171
- I'm not really sure yet.
- Is that some kind of weird smack talk?
231
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:20,281
It's more of
an existential problem, really, Ben.
232
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,199
Awesome. Well, here's your next problem.
233
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,748
You know, even though
you're a total asshat now...
234
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,084
[Ben crashes]
235
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,295
...it's nice to see you again, really.
236
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,089
[Diego yells]
237
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,632
[Christopher speaks]
238
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,218
Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy!
239
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,847
Who's... your... daddy?
240
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,932
[Diego screams]
241
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,732
[raven cawing]
242
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:56,900
I don't wanna fight you!
243
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,156
Aww! Did you wanna be best friends?
244
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,200
[Vanya groans]
245
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:08,879
You know, for a blind person,
you're not bad.
246
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,247
Who says I'm blind, asshole?
247
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,331
[cawing]
248
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,711
[grunting]
249
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,011
Should I step in and help?
250
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,239
- Nah. She's making a point.
- [fighting grunts continue]
251
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:27,263
Popcorn?
252
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,936
[Vanya] My turn.
253
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:38,025
[Vanya screams, grunts]
254
00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:39,652
Art snob, huh?
255
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:41,987
[Diego grunts]
256
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,491
[Klaus] See? We're hugging!
257
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,076
This is progress!
258
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:52,456
♪ Whatever happened to the heroes? ♪
259
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:57,127
- [Allison grunts]
- ♪ No more heroes any more ♪
260
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,046
♪ No more heroes... ♪
261
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,130
By the way,
262
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:02,883
I heard a rumor you can't move.
[voice echoes]
263
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,679
- Hit me.
- What?
264
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,556
- Come on. Hit me in the face.
- Okay.
265
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,639
Hit me!
266
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,523
♪ Whatever happened to the heroes? ♪
267
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,234
[bones crunching]
268
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:24,321
♪ Whatever happened to the heroes? ♪
269
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,158
[Allison groans]
270
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,159
I bet that hurt, huh?
271
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:32,037
- [gasps]
- ♪ No more heroes any more ♪
272
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,666
♪ No more heroes any more ♪
273
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:36,750
Fast little guy.
274
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:39,003
[Allison panting]
275
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:39,920
Thanks.
276
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:40,921
[Five] No problem.
277
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,549
Hey, short pants. What's up?
278
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,720
Go help the others. I'll handle this one.
279
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,638
- Okay.
- What are you, their mascot?
280
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,683
[Jayme groans]
281
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:53,934
More like their ringer.
282
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,394
[hisses]
283
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:56,477
Ugh.
284
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,397
Hey, gross, all right?
285
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,568
The hell?
286
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:08,449
[emotional string music playing]
287
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,041
Delores?
288
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:18,500
[whispers] Delores?
289
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:24,173
[Delores speaking in Italian]
290
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,717
[speaking in Italian]
291
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,478
[speaking in Italian]
292
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,231
[speaking in Italian]
293
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,235
[emotional music swells]
294
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:48,530
Ugh.
295
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,453
Are they all perverts?
296
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,750
[Five grunts]
297
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,629
[groans]
298
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,714
[panting]
299
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,302
- [Luther groans]
- [Marcus] See?
300
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,598
- Bigger isn't always better.
- Is that what you tell your girlfriends?
301
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,101
[Luther groans]
302
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,968
- [Fei] Thai food for dinner?
- I could go for pad see ew.
303
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,399
I'm in. Marcus, Thai?
304
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,442
Why are you even asking him?
He hates Thai.
305
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,569
- What? Since when?
- Fine. Italian?
306
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,905
- Absolutely not.
- I could do Italian.
307
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,534
[grunts]
308
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:35,868
[groans]
309
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,956
- [Marcus] We done here?
- [Luther groans] Nope.
310
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,208
[chuckles] I don't run from a fight.
311
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,461
- Yeah, that's the wrong answer, dude.
- Let him finish him off.
312
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:45,545
[grunts]
313
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,047
Then let's end this.
314
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,341
[Luther grunts]
315
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:53,554
[repeated grunts]
316
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,264
[groans]
317
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:56,849
[panting]
318
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,392
- [Marcus] Stay down!
- Luther!
319
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,019
Vanya!
320
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,186
[Sloane] You again.
321
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,151
Luther, go! Get out!
322
00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:12,698
[Vanya] No!
323
00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:15,492
[Vanya groans]
324
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,702
[screams]
325
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,549
[energy thrumming]
326
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,737
Which one are you? Scruffy? Fatty?
327
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,031
Sad Girl? I forget the rest.
328
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,366
Who are these absolute psychopaths,
329
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,243
and why are they in our house?
330
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,537
Simple. Once your oafish tribe
331
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,290
showed me what a poor job
I did with my first selections,
332
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:04,792
I adopted them instead of you.
333
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:05,709
Dad!
334
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:09,296
I'm not your father, young man.
Not anymore. Biscuit?
335
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:11,840
Klaus! We gotta go, man. Now.
These guys are too good.
336
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:15,344
For you guys. I'm loving it.
337
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,513
But you're probably gonna die. Come on.
338
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:19,472
[sighs]
339
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,559
- [groans]
- [joints crack]
340
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,900
- [Sloane grunts]
- Oh! Shit.
341
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,026
[gasps for air]
342
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,196
Hey, I'm sorry. Uh, are you okay?
343
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,114
Yeah.
344
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,575
Hi.
345
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,369
I'm Sloane.
346
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:42,871
Hey, Sloane.
347
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,248
- [chuckles]
- Uh...
348
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,292
- I'm Luther.
- Luther, we're leaving! Come on!
349
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,416
- Just a second...
- [Allison] Come on! We gotta go!
350
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:53,924
[ravens screeching]
351
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:57,636
[screeching]
352
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,680
- Seriously?
- [Allison] Move, move, move, move!
353
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,142
[ravens squawking]
354
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,102
The briefcase!
355
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,103
- What?
- No time!
356
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:09,106
- [Luther] I hate that he can do that!
- [Allison] Go! Shut it!
357
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,189
[Luther] Quick! Get in!
358
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:11,859
[ravens screeching]
359
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,068
[both panting]
360
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,486
Oh shit.
361
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,071
[pounding and scratching at door]
362
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,241
[Allison and Luther gasp]
363
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,205
- Oh shit!
- What do we do?
364
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:27,624
Haul ass!
365
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,460
Where's the briefcase?
366
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:31,712
Shit, it's gone!
367
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,756
[Vanya groaning in pain]
368
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,467
Vanya, get out of there!
369
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,097
[Vanya panting]
370
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,795
- [groans]
- [glass shatters]
371
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,257
- [Vanya whimpers]
- [Alphonso coughs]
372
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,550
[Marcus sighs]
373
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:32,940
[Christopher speaks]
374
00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,359
[sighs]
375
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,240
[Vanya whimpers]
376
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:42,908
[Marcus] It's over.
377
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:44,617
Go.
378
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,912
Don't come back.
379
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,915
[whimpers]
380
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,301
[Alphonso coughs]
381
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:05,222
[dramatic orchestral music playing]
382
00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:10,727
[energy thrumming loudly]
383
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:28,412
[all groaning]
384
00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:44,553
[Luther] Just gonna sit.
I'm just gonna sit for a minute.
385
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:45,929
[Luther groans]
386
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,139
That didn't go well.
387
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:48,849
No, not our best work.
388
00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,642
- [joints cracking]
- Oh, I'm cracking.
389
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:52,978
You all right?
390
00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:54,187
I don't know yet.
391
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:58,317
[Luther] I've just never had my ass
handed to me like that before.
392
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,443
It's like...
393
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:02,070
Here you go.
394
00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:04,781
It's your ass.
395
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,536
Okay, I think Luther's concussed.
396
00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:11,330
Luther, how many fingers?
397
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:14,124
Oh my God. Vanya.
398
00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:16,043
[Vanya] Oh. Thank God you're alive.
399
00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:17,919
- You okay?
- [Klaus] Apparently, so is Ben.
400
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,397
Yeah. And he's a complete dickhead.
401
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:21,781
- They're all dickheads.
- [Luther] Dickheads who can fight.
402
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,560
Okay, next person to say "dickhead"
is getting a punch to the throat.
403
00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:25,510
- Dickhead.
- Dickhead.
404
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:26,970
- Dickhead.
- Dickhead.
405
00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:29,198
Hey, did Dad tell you why
he was calling them his kids?
406
00:22:29,222 --> 00:22:30,515
[Klaus laughs] He sure did!
407
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:31,892
You ready?
408
00:22:31,975 --> 00:22:34,811
Dad was so repulsed by us back in Texas,
409
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,522
that he adopted
an entirely different group of children
410
00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,150
just so that he didn't have to raise us.
411
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:41,953
- That's just peak Dad.
- [Luther] Isn't it?
412
00:22:41,985 --> 00:22:44,529
- So he just didn't want us anymore?
- [Allison] Did he ever?
413
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,491
See? I told you we shouldn't have
asked him for help in '63.
414
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,454
I think you're all missing
the big picture here.
415
00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:52,662
If Dad didn't adopt us as kids,
he changed the timeline.
416
00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:54,831
So who knows what else is different now.
417
00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:56,208
Shouldn't you know?
418
00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:57,167
Sorry, Allison,
419
00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,170
but it might take me more than 20 minutes
and a traumatic brain injury
420
00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:01,296
to figure this all out.
421
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:02,756
Is that okay with you?
422
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,424
No, actually, it's not.
423
00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:06,218
[Vanya] Guys, look, it's fine.
424
00:23:06,301 --> 00:23:08,220
We still have the Commission's briefcase,
425
00:23:08,303 --> 00:23:11,515
so worst case,
we can just go back in time and fix it.
426
00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:12,766
- Great.
- [Five] Okay.
427
00:23:12,849 --> 00:23:14,768
There are two problems
with that statement.
428
00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:16,853
- First off...
- Here we go.
429
00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:20,774
- Time travel is complicated, people.
- Yeah, we get it. Your job is so hard.
430
00:23:20,857 --> 00:23:21,857
Just... what?
431
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:22,900
And secondly...
432
00:23:24,569 --> 00:23:26,321
I no longer have the briefcase.
433
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:31,118
Five, where the hell is the briefcase?
434
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,010
[energy pulsing]
435
00:24:02,649 --> 00:24:07,237
[energy thrumming loudly]
436
00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:44,983
[energy droning]
437
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,193
[droning stops]
438
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,129
What are we doing?
439
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,883
- Ruminating.
- Why is everyone staring at us?
440
00:25:09,966 --> 00:25:12,446
Because we look like
the damn Village People just lost a fight.
441
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,012
- Gimme that. Hey.
- Ow!'
442
00:25:14,095 --> 00:25:16,157
- You know what? I need to go find Claire.
- Cut it out.
443
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,367
- I will catch up with you guys later.
- Hey, Allison, no.
444
00:25:18,391 --> 00:25:20,936
First, let's get somewhere safe,
clean up those cuts,
445
00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:22,687
and then we'll go find her.
446
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:24,606
Man, I hate those guys.
447
00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:30,946
[Luther] Look at 'em
with their... stupid smug...
448
00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:33,031
You can do it. You can do it.
449
00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:35,534
...s... s... smug...
450
00:25:36,826 --> 00:25:37,827
smugness.
451
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:42,165
[sighs] Keep working on it, big guy.
You'll land one, eventually.
452
00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:43,667
But honestly, what are we doing?
453
00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:45,919
We can't stand here
bleeding out in this park.
454
00:25:46,002 --> 00:25:48,731
I don't know, but we better gear up fast
before they come for round two.
455
00:25:48,755 --> 00:25:50,435
What makes you think
they'll come after us?
456
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:51,675
Because I would.
457
00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:54,886
- Yeah, we did break into their house...
- Our house.
458
00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:57,639
...bust up all their nice antiques and shit.
459
00:25:57,722 --> 00:26:01,351
Yeah. I don't think the crime-fighting...
super nerds are gonna let that go.
460
00:26:01,434 --> 00:26:03,603
Let's just think
of some place off the radar
461
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,407
where we can lie low
and not draw attention.
462
00:26:05,438 --> 00:26:08,191
What kind of a weird-ass place
are we not gonna draw attention?
463
00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:19,953
[light jazz music playing]
464
00:26:24,791 --> 00:26:26,793
[car horn honking]
465
00:26:27,502 --> 00:26:32,299
[police siren wailing]
466
00:26:35,051 --> 00:26:35,927
[thudding]
467
00:26:36,011 --> 00:26:38,013
[Allison] Oh. Okay. Honestly?
468
00:26:38,513 --> 00:26:39,513
Okay.
469
00:26:40,056 --> 00:26:40,890
[thudding continues]
470
00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:43,184
[Allison] We don't all need
to be squeezed...
471
00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,687
[Five] There were two entrances,
by the way.
472
00:26:46,813 --> 00:26:51,568
Oh, Hotel Obsidian.
I missed you, you slutty old dame.
473
00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:53,320
Absorb her.
474
00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:55,405
Absorb her into your bosom.
475
00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:59,326
You know, 'cause back in her heyday,
she played host to world leaders.
476
00:26:59,409 --> 00:27:00,535
Roosevelt, Gandhi,
477
00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:02,495
Stalin, Gorbachev, Castro,
478
00:27:02,579 --> 00:27:04,122
King Olaf of Norway,
479
00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:07,042
one of the Kim Jongs,
Tito, Dalai Lama, Elvis,
480
00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:11,338
and not one
but two Kardashians, allegedly.
481
00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:12,421
[phone ringing]
482
00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:15,067
- Wouldn't that... Where you going?
- [Allison] I gotta make a call.
483
00:27:15,091 --> 00:27:18,637
Nowadays, she's just a flophouse,
a party house
484
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:23,850
for those of us not looking to be judged
by society's rules and norms.
485
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:25,602
You mean, a place to hide?
486
00:27:25,685 --> 00:27:27,270
Exactly! It's perfect!
487
00:27:27,354 --> 00:27:30,357
And the best part of it is,
she's gonna look after us,
488
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:31,691
no questions asked.
489
00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,443
Never ever. Right?
490
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,280
Come on.
491
00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:41,076
- I may have questions.
- [Luther] Yeah, me too.
492
00:27:42,869 --> 00:27:44,579
This place is weird.
493
00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:46,456
[phone ringing]
494
00:27:54,005 --> 00:27:56,007
[phone line ringing]
495
00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:02,156
[Patrick] Hi, you've reached Patrick.
Leave a message after the beep.
496
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:05,016
- [beep]
- Patrick. Hey, it's Allison.
497
00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:08,728
I know I've missed a few calls home.
It's just, um...
498
00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:12,190
Well, it's, um...
499
00:28:15,276 --> 00:28:16,486
Anyway, um...
500
00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:19,656
I'll call Claire later.
501
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:22,575
Please tell her
502
00:28:23,910 --> 00:28:25,328
that Mommy misses her.
503
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:30,041
[sharp inhale] So much.
504
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:31,960
[dial tone humming]
505
00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:38,299
[gasps] Chet! Mon frère!
506
00:28:38,383 --> 00:28:42,303
It's so great to see you.
I'd like my usual suite, por favor.
507
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:44,848
- [bell rings faintly]
- I've never seen you before.
508
00:28:44,931 --> 00:28:47,183
- See? Told you. Discreet.
- [dog whimpers]
509
00:28:47,267 --> 00:28:49,185
Please stop scaring my dog.
510
00:28:51,646 --> 00:28:53,857
- We need some rooms, please.
- [Chet] Super.
511
00:28:55,024 --> 00:28:57,902
And how will we be paying today?
512
00:28:59,237 --> 00:29:00,488
- Ah.
- Oh.
513
00:29:01,781 --> 00:29:03,283
[Luther] Fine. Empty your pockets.
514
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:05,160
Come on. Something.
515
00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:08,997
- [Luther] Condom? Put the knife away!
- [Klaus] Can't exchange those for cash.
516
00:29:10,039 --> 00:29:11,541
Why do I have a hairnet?
517
00:29:13,376 --> 00:29:14,376
[Luther] Oh.
518
00:29:15,503 --> 00:29:16,921
[sighs] All right.
519
00:29:20,133 --> 00:29:21,551
Ooh.
520
00:29:21,634 --> 00:29:23,344
What does this get us?
521
00:29:33,688 --> 00:29:35,064
Two rooms.
522
00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:36,816
Mazel tov.
523
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,109
- Awesome.
- All right.
524
00:29:38,193 --> 00:29:41,196
Well, let's Brady Bunch this bitch.
525
00:29:43,823 --> 00:29:46,826
[Five] Uh, meet back in the bar
in two hours so we can make a plan.
526
00:29:48,203 --> 00:29:49,203
[Diego] I have a plan.
527
00:29:50,163 --> 00:29:52,707
We attack the Sparrows,
and we take back our house,
528
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:55,835
and then we punch Dad a bit
until he admits that we're better
529
00:29:55,919 --> 00:29:57,879
and he loves us more. Boom! Done!
530
00:29:57,962 --> 00:29:58,963
We're wasting time!
531
00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:01,007
Relax. Don't sweat it, man.
532
00:30:01,090 --> 00:30:03,718
Those shit birds
are staying put for a while.
533
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:05,762
I bet they're as wiped as we are.
534
00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:07,764
- Really?
- Yeah.
535
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:10,683
I mean, kicking our asses
looked exhausting.
536
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:12,769
[up-tempo electronic music playing]
537
00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:18,107
Big one is strong but slow,
possibly stupid.
538
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,361
Some sort of... simian hybrid.
539
00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:23,196
Who took the little jumpy guy?
540
00:30:23,279 --> 00:30:25,490
Me. Just gave him a spanking
and sent him to school.
541
00:30:25,573 --> 00:30:26,741
Hey-oh!
542
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:28,618
[Christopher speaks]
543
00:30:28,701 --> 00:30:30,495
The skinny one is their weak link.
544
00:30:30,578 --> 00:30:35,083
Unless hiding behind couches shouting,
"Where's my daddy?" is his superpower.
545
00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:36,835
[treadmill chimes]
546
00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:40,421
Enough post-gaming.
They disrespected us, Marcus.
547
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:43,216
We need to be out there
finding these freaks and taking 'em out.
548
00:30:43,299 --> 00:30:44,801
Oh, you mean like this?
549
00:30:44,884 --> 00:30:45,885
[music stops]
550
00:30:51,057 --> 00:30:52,183
[treadmill chimes]
551
00:30:54,811 --> 00:30:58,982
Can someone explain how you got
your asses handed to you in 30 seconds?
552
00:30:59,065 --> 00:31:01,860
Do you have any idea
what would happen to our reputation
553
00:31:01,943 --> 00:31:04,237
if anyone had seen that?
554
00:31:06,364 --> 00:31:09,325
[Marcus] I mean, we haven't faced
decent enemies for years.
555
00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:11,244
This could be good for us.
556
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:13,371
Good for business.
557
00:31:13,454 --> 00:31:17,542
But only if we're smart
with our next move.
558
00:31:17,625 --> 00:31:19,168
- [sighs]
- [Reginald clears throat]
559
00:31:20,712 --> 00:31:22,046
You summoned, Number One?
560
00:31:23,172 --> 00:31:24,172
Sit.
561
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:31,139
You spent time with these people.
What's your assessment?
562
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:36,603
Unimpressive. Neanderthals on a day pass.
Cried too much and showered too little.
563
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:40,440
The only thing they lacked more than grit
was any regard for one another.
564
00:31:40,523 --> 00:31:43,276
No loyalty. We can use that.
565
00:31:43,359 --> 00:31:46,321
Good. Give a full report to Christopher.
566
00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:48,323
[Christopher speaks]
567
00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:52,075
Still,
568
00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:55,914
I wouldn't underestimate
the Umbrella Academy.
569
00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:59,167
Yes, their skills are as lacking
as their hygiene,
570
00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:03,713
yet somehow, they saved the world in 1963.
571
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,007
Had they not,
572
00:32:07,258 --> 00:32:09,594
none of you would be standing here now.
573
00:32:11,846 --> 00:32:13,348
Perhaps I misjudged them.
574
00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:16,976
[Christopher speaks]
575
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:18,811
Yes, yes. I'm going.
576
00:32:22,649 --> 00:32:24,400
[exhales sharply]
577
00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:26,235
[Klaus] Not in this hotel.
578
00:32:26,319 --> 00:32:27,820
[gasps] Oh!
579
00:32:28,488 --> 00:32:30,531
See? It's paradise.
580
00:32:31,115 --> 00:32:33,743
High ceilings, sense of space.
581
00:32:33,826 --> 00:32:34,994
Aromatic.
582
00:32:35,078 --> 00:32:36,579
What the hell?
583
00:32:37,246 --> 00:32:39,666
- Where's the bathroom?
- Down the hall, or...
584
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:42,835
Nature's bathroom.
585
00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:44,128
You're disgusting.
586
00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:45,463
But consistent.
587
00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:47,382
[Five] Let's unpack. Settle in.
588
00:32:48,091 --> 00:32:51,135
Unpack? Unpack what?
We don't own anything anymore.
589
00:32:51,219 --> 00:32:53,012
Yes, Luther. Isn't that liberating?
590
00:32:53,096 --> 00:32:55,014
- What are you, a commie?
- [urine trickling]
591
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:57,976
No! If I wanted bunk beds
and group showers,
592
00:32:58,059 --> 00:33:00,186
I would've stayed in the Texas nuthouse.
593
00:33:00,269 --> 00:33:02,397
- At least they had free Jell-O.
- [bed springs creak]
594
00:33:03,564 --> 00:33:05,483
- And Lila.
- [Klaus] Jell-O!
595
00:33:05,566 --> 00:33:07,652
- [bed springs creaking]
- [Five] Hey, Diego.
596
00:33:07,735 --> 00:33:10,571
I just spent the past
20 straight days saving the world.
597
00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:11,655
Twice.
598
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:16,494
Can I get five minutes to relax
before figuring all the new kinks out?
599
00:33:16,577 --> 00:33:18,079
Please and thank you.
600
00:33:18,162 --> 00:33:20,039
And Dad said I'd never go to summer camp.
601
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:21,874
[chuckles] This is great.
602
00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:24,961
[Klaus] All right, I'm bored.
Cocktail, anyone?
603
00:33:25,044 --> 00:33:25,962
- Five?
- [Diego grumbles]
604
00:33:26,045 --> 00:33:27,725
[Five] I'll take a scotch if you have one.
605
00:33:27,755 --> 00:33:31,050
- [light string music playing]
- [cats meowing and purring]
606
00:33:33,302 --> 00:33:35,847
[clears throat] It's not too small.
607
00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:37,890
It's definitely ugly.
608
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:40,768
[Vanya sighs]
609
00:33:42,937 --> 00:33:46,733
Last night, I was sleeping in my own bed
next to my amazing husband.
610
00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:50,403
I kissed Sissy goodbye a few hours ago.
611
00:33:51,654 --> 00:33:53,114
Give or take 50 years.
612
00:33:57,201 --> 00:34:00,121
I'm glad you finally found somebody
that treated you right.
613
00:34:00,955 --> 00:34:02,915
She saw me for who I really am.
614
00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:07,003
I'm not ready to give that up.
615
00:34:08,171 --> 00:34:09,839
I feel the same about Ray.
616
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:16,929
We better not have left them just to die
in some superhero turf war.
617
00:34:19,223 --> 00:34:20,475
You need to go home.
618
00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:22,810
Hug your daughter.
619
00:34:31,736 --> 00:34:34,697
What if Diego's right
and the Sparrows attack?
620
00:34:34,781 --> 00:34:37,325
We fought the entire Commission.
621
00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:41,079
I mean, we can handle, what?
Seven jerks in uniforms?
622
00:34:41,954 --> 00:34:43,790
They just caught us off guard.
623
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:46,333
Yeah.
624
00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:56,761
You should go to the airport.
625
00:34:58,679 --> 00:35:00,515
And get back to your real life.
626
00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:02,517
I would if I could.
627
00:35:12,735 --> 00:35:13,861
[Allison] Thank you.
628
00:35:16,114 --> 00:35:17,490
You're a good sister.
629
00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:00,783
- [indistinct chatter]
- [baby crying]
630
00:36:00,867 --> 00:36:02,577
[dramatic string music playing]
631
00:36:02,660 --> 00:36:03,911
[man] Dumb mistake.
632
00:36:05,454 --> 00:36:06,914
[boy] Mom, my hands are wet.
633
00:36:06,998 --> 00:36:10,251
[crying and chattering continue]
634
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:42,825
[crying and chattering fade out]
635
00:36:42,909 --> 00:36:45,995
[sound of bees droning]
636
00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:53,878
[droning continues]
637
00:36:53,961 --> 00:36:55,963
[crowd cheering]
638
00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:00,218
[Marcus grunts]
639
00:37:02,595 --> 00:37:04,347
[helicopter flying overhead]
640
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:07,599
[grunts]
641
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:09,644
[cheering continues]
642
00:37:11,812 --> 00:37:15,858
[ominous orchestral music playing]
643
00:37:23,866 --> 00:37:25,409
I'm glad we're doing this.
644
00:37:26,285 --> 00:37:29,485
Whatever happens between our two families,
the Number Ones should orchestrate it.
645
00:37:31,457 --> 00:37:33,125
I'm Number Seven, actually.
646
00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:36,671
Well, then somebody screwed up.
647
00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:41,217
My brothers think
you're gonna come after us.
648
00:37:43,469 --> 00:37:44,637
I don't want a war.
649
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:46,264
We've lost enough.
650
00:37:46,347 --> 00:37:48,432
Then you shouldn't have
attacked us in our own house.
651
00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:51,810
Look,
652
00:37:52,812 --> 00:37:54,480
this isn't personal,
653
00:37:54,563 --> 00:37:57,024
but we're the only superhero game in town.
654
00:37:57,108 --> 00:37:58,788
We have this place under complete control.
655
00:37:58,818 --> 00:38:00,538
But if your people
start taking shots at us,
656
00:38:00,569 --> 00:38:02,655
it will give the sheep ideas.
657
00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:03,738
We won't. That's...
658
00:38:03,781 --> 00:38:06,325
And I'm just supposed
to take your word on that?
659
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:07,827
For your whole family?
660
00:38:09,328 --> 00:38:11,289
You're not even their Number One.
661
00:38:13,124 --> 00:38:15,084
And I'm sorry, but I can't risk that.
662
00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:18,963
So if you came here to beg me
not to make the next move...
663
00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:24,010
I came here to tell you mine.
664
00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:29,056
Tomorrow morning,
when your busloads of fans show up,
665
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:31,726
I'm gonna be there on your front lawn,
666
00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:36,105
and I'm gonna call you out for a fight,
just you and me.
667
00:38:36,689 --> 00:38:38,357
[scoffs]
668
00:38:38,441 --> 00:38:39,441
Why?
669
00:38:40,735 --> 00:38:42,361
Because your team is good.
670
00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:46,032
Better than mine, maybe.
671
00:38:46,115 --> 00:38:47,241
[electricity crackles]
672
00:38:47,325 --> 00:38:48,451
[low rumbling]
673
00:38:48,534 --> 00:38:51,120
But I don't think
you're better than me, Marcus.
674
00:38:51,203 --> 00:38:53,581
[ominous string music playing]
675
00:38:53,664 --> 00:38:57,209
I ended the world twice.
676
00:38:58,252 --> 00:38:59,295
And you?
677
00:39:00,254 --> 00:39:02,131
You're just meat in spandex.
678
00:39:03,924 --> 00:39:06,927
And I bet you don't want
the whole world watching
679
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,554
when I prove that to you.
680
00:39:08,637 --> 00:39:11,223
[cup and saucer clattering]
681
00:39:22,735 --> 00:39:24,570
What do you really want, Vanya?
682
00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:28,574
You have something I need,
and I want it back.
683
00:39:33,037 --> 00:39:35,831
[suspenseful music swelling]
684
00:39:35,915 --> 00:39:37,083
[cawing]
685
00:39:38,417 --> 00:39:40,836
[cawing]
686
00:39:43,255 --> 00:39:45,800
[cawing]
687
00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:55,184
He's making a deal with them.
688
00:39:55,684 --> 00:39:56,727
I'll handle it.
689
00:40:09,365 --> 00:40:13,411
[Klaus] You should try chewing.
You might actually taste the food.
690
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:14,662
I haven't eaten in days.
691
00:40:14,745 --> 00:40:16,956
- [light jazz playing in background]
- What's wrong?
692
00:40:17,039 --> 00:40:18,799
- You look happy.
- [Five] I am plenty happy.
693
00:40:18,833 --> 00:40:21,335
Had a nap and a shvitz.
What does a man need?
694
00:40:21,419 --> 00:40:23,337
Brothers who don't eat like barn animals?
695
00:40:26,006 --> 00:40:28,592
So I've been thinking
through our little timeline snafu,
696
00:40:28,676 --> 00:40:32,304
and I'm pleased to report
that in my professional, expert opinion,
697
00:40:32,388 --> 00:40:33,889
we are totally in the clear.
698
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:35,307
- Awesome!
- Huh!
699
00:40:35,391 --> 00:40:36,308
- Great.
- Yeah.
700
00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:38,686
- So everything's totally fine?
- More or less.
701
00:40:38,769 --> 00:40:42,106
I mean, there is one... small thing.
702
00:40:42,189 --> 00:40:43,941
It's nothing we can't manage.
703
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:48,779
So spit it out, Boomer!
704
00:40:48,863 --> 00:40:51,115
Fine, Diego, it's like this.
705
00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:55,494
Dad didn't adopt us as babies,
but those babies still existed here.
706
00:40:55,578 --> 00:40:56,495
Aww!
707
00:40:56,579 --> 00:40:58,956
We just grew up in different places
with different people.
708
00:40:59,039 --> 00:41:00,039
So?
709
00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:02,334
So where are they now?
710
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:05,588
Odds are, we each have
identical versions of ourselves
711
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:09,175
walking around out there,
living completely different lives.
712
00:41:10,050 --> 00:41:11,051
[gasps]
713
00:41:12,511 --> 00:41:14,430
- Our doppelgängers!
- That's a made-up word.
714
00:41:14,513 --> 00:41:16,682
No, no! I learned all about this in Texas.
715
00:41:16,765 --> 00:41:18,726
Tell him about
the paranoid psychosis, Five.
716
00:41:18,809 --> 00:41:21,520
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I thought you said this wasn't a problem.
717
00:41:21,604 --> 00:41:25,274
Okay, yes, technically, if you're near
your doppel for long, you'll go insane.
718
00:41:25,357 --> 00:41:27,237
- So, if you see your other self...
- Kill them.
719
00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:28,819
- Sleep with them.
- Avoid them.
720
00:41:28,903 --> 00:41:30,303
- What is wrong with you?
- Come on.
721
00:41:30,362 --> 00:41:32,531
As if you wouldn't climb Luther Mountain.
722
00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:36,285
Wait. How are we supposed to guarantee
we don't cross paths with ourselves?
723
00:41:36,368 --> 00:41:38,496
Easy. We're the Benetton ad
of superheroes,
724
00:41:38,579 --> 00:41:41,790
born all around the world
until Dad brought us here,
725
00:41:41,874 --> 00:41:43,250
which he no longer did.
726
00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:45,794
Doppels probably aren't even
in the same time zone as us.
727
00:41:45,878 --> 00:41:46,921
That's true.
728
00:41:47,004 --> 00:41:48,506
- Yeah.
- Would you pass the moo shu?
729
00:41:49,673 --> 00:41:50,549
[Klaus] I don't know.
730
00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:54,720
Doesn't it seem kind of rude that Dad
unadopting us didn't change anything?
731
00:41:54,803 --> 00:41:56,013
- I'm offended.
- Hold up.
732
00:41:56,096 --> 00:41:58,296
- [Five] I never said that, Klaus.
- I'll be right back.
733
00:41:58,349 --> 00:42:00,601
[Klaus] How are we gonna know
where it changed?
734
00:42:05,773 --> 00:42:09,151
[ominous string music playing]
735
00:42:13,739 --> 00:42:15,741
[ominous music swells]
736
00:42:15,824 --> 00:42:16,824
Hello, lover.
737
00:42:18,285 --> 00:42:19,703
Holy shit.
738
00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:22,873
You really came back.
739
00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:24,166
You miss me already?
740
00:42:24,875 --> 00:42:26,001
That's too bad.
741
00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:29,672
I'm not here to stick around.
I'm just doing a quick little drop-off.
742
00:42:30,172 --> 00:42:31,172
Of what?
743
00:42:32,132 --> 00:42:33,175
Our son.
744
00:42:33,259 --> 00:42:35,010
[Lila] Diego, meet Stan.
745
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:37,846
Say hello, Stanley!
746
00:42:37,930 --> 00:42:39,056
Hello, Stanley.
747
00:42:39,139 --> 00:42:40,224
Wait. What?
748
00:42:40,766 --> 00:42:43,561
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, this is...
749
00:42:43,644 --> 00:42:44,728
[Lila murmurs]
750
00:42:47,064 --> 00:42:50,276
Hey, this is a... It's a joke, right?
751
00:42:50,359 --> 00:42:52,486
That your boys can swim fast?
Yeah. [chuckles]
752
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:53,862
Joke's on me there.
753
00:42:53,946 --> 00:42:55,864
I've had Stan for 12 years.
754
00:42:57,199 --> 00:42:59,368
- [bell dings]
- It's time for you to do your part.
755
00:42:59,451 --> 00:43:00,703
Have fun bonding.
756
00:43:01,328 --> 00:43:02,413
Be good for Mommy.
757
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:08,711
[Stan] So...
758
00:43:10,170 --> 00:43:11,255
Do you got any food?
759
00:43:13,882 --> 00:43:15,884
[energy thrumming]
760
00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:19,429
Grace.
761
00:43:20,806 --> 00:43:22,433
Have you seen a briefcase?
762
00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:25,269
[Grace hums]
763
00:43:25,352 --> 00:43:26,478
[Marcus] What are you doing?
764
00:43:28,981 --> 00:43:30,024
Worshiping.
765
00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:32,818
[Grace continues humming]
766
00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:41,660
[energy pulsing]
767
00:43:43,829 --> 00:43:44,829
Holy shit.
768
00:43:47,625 --> 00:43:48,625
Yes.
769
00:43:49,376 --> 00:43:50,419
It is holy.
770
00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:56,550
Isn't it beautiful?
771
00:43:58,135 --> 00:44:00,763
Grace, what is this thing?
772
00:44:01,722 --> 00:44:02,722
A miracle.
773
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,935
I can't make out what it's saying.
Can you?
774
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:11,940
[pulsing continues]
775
00:44:13,108 --> 00:44:14,401
It's just noise.
776
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:15,903
No, Marcus.
777
00:44:15,986 --> 00:44:18,030
It's a message from God.
778
00:44:18,530 --> 00:44:19,530
Listen.
779
00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:23,744
[gasps]
780
00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,623
I hear it.
781
00:44:27,706 --> 00:44:29,249
[shockwave pulsing]
782
00:44:35,255 --> 00:44:37,007
You mind your manners.
783
00:44:37,091 --> 00:44:40,469
[intense orchestral music playing]
784
00:44:50,229 --> 00:44:51,229
[whimpers]
785
00:44:55,526 --> 00:44:59,113
[screaming]
786
00:45:05,285 --> 00:45:08,122
[Five] The point is, we did it.
We saved the world.
787
00:45:08,205 --> 00:45:09,623
We stopped the apocalypse.
788
00:45:10,207 --> 00:45:12,292
And made it home safe in time for dinner.
789
00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:14,294
So whatever Dad changed,
790
00:45:14,378 --> 00:45:16,922
whatever timeline we're in now...
791
00:45:17,005 --> 00:45:18,006
[whistling]
792
00:45:18,090 --> 00:45:19,216
...we can handle it.
793
00:45:20,342 --> 00:45:21,343
We won.
794
00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:25,722
We won.
795
00:45:26,098 --> 00:45:27,141
[Klaus] Yeah.
796
00:45:27,224 --> 00:45:28,308
- All right.
- All right.
797
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:31,311
[intense orchestral music swelling]
798
00:45:38,777 --> 00:45:42,698
[rock violin music playing]
57414
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