All language subtitles for I Do But I Dont (2022) en

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Lauren: FEAST YOUR EYES
ON A FAMILIAR SETTING --

THE BRIDE'S ROOM.

RECOGNIZE THE USUAL SUSPECTS?

THE ATTENTIVE BRIDESMAIDS,

THE RELIEVED MOTHER OF
THE BRIDE, THE RADIANT BRIDE,

AND THE FLOWER GIRL,

WHO DREAMS OF THE DAY WHEN
SHE'LL BE HOLDING THE BOUQUET.

THEN THERE'S ME.

WHO IS THIS MYSTERY WOMAN
WITH A CUSHION FULL OF PINS?

I'M LAUREN CRANDELL, AND I'M
A JUNIOR WEDDING CONSULTANT.

JUNIOR MEANING
THAT MY BOSS BARKS THE ORDERS

WHILE I DO THE WORK.

I'M A SEAMSTRESS, A GOPHER,
AN ASSISTANT -- YOU NAME IT.

WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE SURE

THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE PERFECT
ON THAT BIG DAY.

AND ALTHOUGH YOU MIGHT
NOT BELIEVE ME,

EVERYTHING TYPICALLY
DOES WORK OUT.

WELL, MOST OF THE TIME.

WHOA!

Man: ARE YOU OKAY?

YES.

Woman: OH, NO!

[ "HAVA NAGILA" PLAYS ]

AAAH!

WEDDINGS, BY THEIR VERY NATURE,
ARE FRAUGHT WITH PERIL.

THAT'S WHY YOU NEED ME.

ON YOUR BIG DAY,

IT'S MY JOB TO TAKE CARE
OF ANYTHING THAT GOES WRONG.

I WORRY FOR YOU.

I TROUBLESHOOT, PROBLEM SOLVE,
AND ON OCCASION, WORK MIRACLES.

OKAY, YOUR TURN.DON'T FORGET TO SMILE.

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT. DAD?

HAVING HELPED TO PLAN
IN EXCESS OF 100 WEDDINGS,

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT THERE
ARE A SET OF UNSPOKEN RULES

THAT EVERY WEDDING CONSULTANT
SHOULD KNOW.

RULE NUMBER ONE -- DO THE WORK
AND NEVER TAKE THE CREDIT.

LET THE BRIDE AND GROOM
FEEL RESPONSIBLE

FOR THEIR PERFECT DAY.

HELPING THEM ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMMAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE.

HELLO?

OH, HI! YEAH.

I CALLED ABOUT BOOKING A BAND
ON OCTOBER 10th,

AND THE BRIDE AND GROOM
WOULD LOVE

SOMEONE WHO COULD DO
BOTH ROCK AND POLKA.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]UH-HUH.

CAN YOU HANG ON ONE SECOND?
OKAY.

HELLO, "TYING THE KNOT."

OH, HI, BARBARA.

GOSH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU GOT IN A
FIGHT WITH YOUR MAID OF HONOR.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE WEDDING ISN'T UNTIL 2007,

SO I'M SURE YOU GUYS
WILL MAKE UP BY THEN.

Man: HERE YOU GO.

NO, I DON'T THINK WE NEED
TO GET A BACKUP.

NO. [ LAUGHS ]

OKAY, I'M GONNA CALL YOU
AS SOON AS I CAN.

ALL RIGHT. THANKS. BYE-BYE.

HI. OKAY. SORRY ABOUT THAT.
WHERE WERE WE?

Gennifer:
LAUREN, GET IN HERE!

UM, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SO SORRY TO DO THIS,
BUT I HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.

ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE. YES?

YOU'RE NEVER GOINGTO BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED.

WHAT?

WE JUST LANDEDDARLA TEDANSKI'S WEDDING!

WHO'S DARLA TEDANSKI?

THE SAUSAGE KING'S
DAUGHTER.

THAT'S GREAT.

NO, IT'S NOT GREAT,
IT'S MONUMENTAL.

IT'S GOING TO BE THE MOSTHIGH-PROFILE WEDDING IN CHICAGO.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS?

UH, LONG WORKDAYS
AND VIRTUALLY NO SLEEP?

IT MEANS A GUARANTEEDCOVER STORY IN "BRIDE'S DAY."

IMAGINE THE PUBLICITY.

ANYWAY, DON'T THINK I FORGOTABOUT YOU, MISSY.

IF EVERYTHING GOES OFFWITHOUT A HITCH,

YOU'LL GET THAT PROMOTIONWE TALKED ABOUT.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

DEAD SERIOUS.

LAUREN CRANDELL,
SENIOR CONSULTANT.

YOUR OWN ACCOUNTS,
YOUR OWN ASSISTANT,

AND OF COURSE, A RAISE.

I-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

THAT INTERVIEWERWILL BE HERE IN 10 MINUTES.

YOU NEED TO PREPARE.

I'M ON IT.

"BRIDE'S DAY"
IS MY FAVORITE MAGAZINE...

ESPECIALLY WHEN
I'M PROFILED IN IT.

[ LAUGHS ]
OH, CAREFUL DEAR.

THAT CHINA IS WORTH MORE
THAN YOUR SALARY.

CRANBERRY SCONE?
I MADE THEM MYSELF.

DIDN'T MOMMY, SNICKERS?

YOU RUN YOUR OWN BUSINESSAND STILL FIND TIME TO BAKE.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU DO IT.

I DO.WHAT WAS THAT, DEAR?

OH, NOTHING, G.
I WAS JUST THINKING OUT LOUD

ABOUT THE FLOWERS
FOR THE HANSCUM WEDDING.

WHAT'S THERE TO THINK ABOUT?
THE BRIDE WANTS GARDENIAS.

BUT GARDENIAS
ARE OUT OF SEASON.

WE COULD SHIP
FROM CALIFORNIA,

BUT THEN WE'D GO
OVER BUDGET.

I THINK LILIES
ARE A NICE ALTERNATIVE.

ARE YOU A CONSULTANT, TOO?

JUNIOR CONSULTANT.

SHE DOES A LITTLE PLANNING
HERE AND THERE,

BUT IT WOULDN'T BE
A GENNIFER DOUGLAS PRODUCTION

IF I DIDN'T DO
THE GRUNT WORK.

[ GROWLING ]

I'LL BE AT MY DESK
IF YOU NEED ME.

[ BARKS ]

NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

Gennifer: I WAS TELLING YOU
ABOUT THE TEDANSKI WEDDING.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I MUST SAY, THAT'S QUITEAN UNDERTAKING FOR TWO PEOPLE.

CORRECTION, DEAR.
ONE PERSON.

MY RECENTLY SEPARATED ASSISTANT
IS A LITTLE TOO EMOTIONAL

TO BE HANDLING
THIS BIG OF AN EVENT.

VERY SAD SITUATION.

Lauren: JUST FOR THE RECORD,
I AM NOT TOO EMOTIONAL.

RULE NUMBER TWO --

A PROFESSIONAL NEVER LETS
HER PERSONAL LIFE

GET IN THE WAY OF HER WORK.

I WAS SEPARATED OVER A YEAR AGO,

AND CONSIDERING
THAT MY HUSBAND CHEATED ON ME,

IT WAS THE BEST THING
THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED.

AND ALTHOUGH MY MARRIAGE
DIDN'T WORK OUT,

I STILL WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE

IN THE SANCTITY
OF THE INSTITUTION.

[ SNICKERS GROWLS AND BARKS ]

SNICKERS!

[ GROWLING ]

STUPID...

[ TEARING ]

SNICKERS!

[ BARKING ]

MY FIRST STEP
TOWARDS THAT PROMOTION

WAS A MEETING WITH
THE NEW CLIENT, DARLA TEDANSKI.

G DESPERATELY WANTED TO COME
BUT SOMETHING CAME UP.

TRANSLATION -- SHE WAS HAVING

A "MOMMY AND ME" PORTRAIT
TAKEN WITH SNICKERS.

EXCUSE ME.

HEY, DOLL, ARE YOUTHE ZEN ENERGY BAR REP?

NO. ACTUALLY,
I'M HERE TO MEET DARLA.

I'M THE WEDDING PLANNER.

[ GASPS ] YOU'RE LAUREN?KISSES.

AREN'T YOU YUMMY? HANG ON A SEC.I'LL FETCH BOSS LADY.

SO HERE I AM WAITING FOR
THE PORK PRINCESS TO ARRIVE.

WONDER IF SHE LOOKS
LIKE HER FATHER.

OKAY, SO DARLA
DIDN'T LOOK ANYTHING

LIKE A PORK KING'S DAUGHTER.

YOU MUST BE LAUREN.

HI. IT'S SO NICE
TO MEET YOU.

LIKEWISE.

SO, TELL ME, HOW LONGHAVE YOU BEEN G's ASSISTANT?

THREE YEARS.OH, THAT'S COMMENDABLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DOIF I HAD TO WORK UNDER SOMEONE.

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DO?

I RUN MY OWN ADVERTISING AGENCY.TALK ABOUT STRESSFUL.

[ LAUGHS ]

ANYWAY, ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

G TELLS ME YOU AREFLAWLESS WITH DETAILS.

MY THERAPIST CALLS IT
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER.

THAT'S A GOOD THING

CONSIDERING THE WEDDING'SIN A MONTH.

A MONTH?

YEAH, WE WERE WORKINGWITH ANOTHER PLANNER,

BUT WE JUST KEPT
BUTTING HEADS.

SO [GROANS] HERE IS OUR FILEFROM THE LAST CONSULTANT.

IT INCLUDES MY LIKES ANDMY DISLIKES ALL THE WAY DOWN

TO WHAT SHOES I THINK
THE FLOWER GIRL SHOULD WEAR.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT. YOGI BRITNEYAGGRAVATED HER SCIATICA.

OH, MY GOD. I TOLD YOU
NO LOTUS POSITION, BRITNEY!

I GOTTA GO. IF YOU HAVEANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE RING MARC.

LAUREN, GOOD LUCK.

OH, MY GOD, BRITNEY. BRITNEY!

MARC, MARC. HE'S FINE.
IT'S HERE IS THE PROBLEM.

CAN WE GET SOME ICE
OR AN AMBULANCE?

WHY IS EVERYONE
NOT DOING ANYTHING?!

MARC!
YES.

PLEASE!

WHY DO I HIRE YOU PEOPLE?!

Lauren: AFTER SPENDING
THE ENTIRE NIGHT

COLOR-CODING DARLA'S FILE,

I FIXED ONE MESSY SITUATION

ONLY TO CRASH HEADFIRST
INTO ANOTHER.

THE CIBRIANIS, A NICE ITALIAN
COUPLE FROM THE SOUTH SIDE,

WERE GETTING MARRIED.

MUCH TO THE BRIDE'S DISMAY,

THE GROOM DECIDED TO MAKE
A GRAND ENTRANCE.

HERE I AM!

RULE NUMBER THREE --
NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE GROOM.

THEY'VE ONLY COME
TO SEE THE BRIDE.

WHOO-HOO!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHS ]

HA HA!

ALL RIGHT!

SO HE'S FINALLY TAKING
THE PLUNGE, HUH?

YEAH.

OH!

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

ARE YOU OKAY?

HOLD ON, HONEY.IT'S OKAY.
EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.

OH, I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THISWAS GONNA HAPPEN!

I'LL BE DOWN IN NO TIME!
[ CHUCKLES ]

STAY PUT, OKAY, BABY?

I'M A LITTLE NAUSEOUS,
BUT IT'S OKAY.

I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE YOU, TOO!

I'M NOT HURT. I'M NOT HURT.
IT'S OKAY.

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENEDTO MY MOTHER.

DON'T WORRY!YOU'RE GONNA BEFINE, HONEY.

HOW FAST CAN YOU GET A FIRE
TRUCK TO ST. ALFRED'S?

[ SIREN WAILING ]

[ HORN HONKS ]

I'M OKAY! I'M FINE!

JUST HANG ON.I PROMISE WE'LL GET YOU DOWN.

YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.

WHOA.

IT'S OKAY.OKAY, JUST TRY TO RELAX.

THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

WHERE YOU GOING
ON YOUR HONEYMOON?

TAHITI.

OKAY, I WANT YOU
TO CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND PRETEND THAT YOU'REALREADY THERE, OKAY?

PICTURE THE WHITE-SAND BEACHES,THE CRYSTAL-CLEAR WATER,

THAT MAI TAI IN YOUR HAND.

I DON'T LIKE FRUITY DRINKS.

FINE, IT'S A BEER.

AND DON'T FORGET TO PUT ONSOME SUNSCREEN.

THE SUN'S REALLY HOT.

YOU'RE DOING GOOD.

KEEP RELAXING.

LET ME GUESS --
THE GROOM FELL HEAD OVER HEELS.

[ LAUGHS ]

UH...

WHAT IS HE DOING?

APPLYING SUNSCREEN.

I HAVE HIM VISUALIZING HISHONEYMOON TO STAY CALM.

WHERE EXACTLY DOES HE THINK
THAT HE IS?

TAHITI.TAHITI? THAT'S NICE.

YOU EVER BEEN THERE?NO, BUT IT'S ON MY LIST.

YOUR LIST?

UH-HUH. OF PLACES
I WANT TO TRAVEL TO.

I DIDN'T REALIZE PEOPLE
ACTUALLY MADE LISTS FOR
THAT SORT OF THING.

OH, I HAVE A LIST
FOR EVERYTHING.

HELPS ME KEEP THINGS
UNDER CONTROL.

NOW, WHERE'S
THE FUN IN THAT?

AAAH![ ALL GASPING ]

OKAY. THAT'S OKAY.

I'M ABOUT TO DIE.NO, NO, NO.

I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN,
BUDDY. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

COME HERE.WHOA!

RELAX. THERE WE GO.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]OKAY?

I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.

THANK YOU.

SO YOU'LL THINK TWICE BEFORE
DOING THIS NEXT TIME, HUH?

NICE JOB, NICKY.

I WOULD HAVE GONE UP THERE
MYSELF, BUT I JUST ATE LUNCH.

YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU'RE ALWAYS THE LAST ONE IN,
LITTLE BROTHER,

FIRST ONE OUT, JAY.

THANK YOU.BYE.

HI.
HI.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

NO, NO, THANK YOU.
YOU WERE GREAT UP THERE.

OH, I WAS JUST
DOING MY JOB.

I'M LAUREN.I'M THE WEDDING PLANNER.

NICK, THE FIREMAN.
[ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?COME ON. YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT.

GUESS I'D BETTER GO.
DUTY CALLS.

YEAH, ME TOO.

OKAY.

SO, UM...

SEE YOU AROUND.

YEAH, I HOPE SO.

BYE.

BYE.

OH, DID I TELL YOU
I SAW BRAD'S MOTHER

THE OTHER DAY AT DOMINIC'S?

WE WERE SAYING
WHAT A SHAME IT WAS

THAT THE TWO OF YOU
HAD SPLIT UP.

SHE STILL HAS FOND FEELINGS
FOR YOU, YOU KNOW, LAUREN.

TOO BAD HER SON DOESN'T.

YOU KNOW, IT ISN'T TOO LATE

TO RECONSIDER
THIS WHOLE DIVORCE THING.

MOM, I ALREADY SIGNEDTHE PAPERS.

WELL, PERHAPS YOU WERE
A BIT HASTY, DEAR.

MARRIAGE ISN'T A VACATION,
YOU KNOW.

IT TAKES A LOT OF HARD WORK
TO KEEP THINGS TOGETHER.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DEAR?

YES, DEAR.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU TWO SEEMED LIKE
THE PERFECT COUPLE.

WE JUST GREW APART.

WELL, THAT'S CAUSE FOR
COUNSELING, DEAR, NOT DIVORCE.

MARRIAGE ISN'T SOMETHING
THAT YOU CAN TAKE BACK,

LIKE A SWEATER
THAT DOESN'T FIT.

Lauren: YOU MAY WONDER
WHY MY MOTHER

IS SO ANXIOUS FOR ME
TO RECONCILE WITH AN ADULTERER.

WELL, FOR STARTERS, SHE DOESN'T
KNOW HE IS ONE.

I DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS
TO TELL HER.

I MEAN, LOOK AT HER -- SHE'STHE EPITOME OF THE PERFECT WIFE.

I WAS AFRAID TO DISAPPOINT HER.

I JUST WANT YOU
TO BE HAPPY.

I KNOW, MOM, BUT I DON'T NEEDA MAN TO BE HAPPY.

COULDN'T YOU JUST CONSIDER
GIVING BRAD A SECOND CHANCE?

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO? ANYBODY HOME?

OH, MY GOD.
YOU DIDN'T!

TRUST ME,
IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

HELLO, BRAD.HEY!

SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.NICE TO SEE YOU.

YOU TOO, HANK.
BRAD.

CAN'T WAIT TO TASTE
THAT FAMOUS CHILI OF YOURS.

OH, LOOK, LAUREN,HE BROUGHT YOU TRUFFLES!

I KNOW THEY'RE YOUR FAVORITE.

[ LAUGHS ]
NO, THEY'RE NOT.

YES, THEY ARE.NO, THEY'RE NOT.

NO ONE CAN POLISH OFF A BOX
OF CHOCOLATES LIKE YOU CAN.

RIGHT?[ Laughing ] RIGHT.

WELL, DID YOU BRINGTHE DIVORCE PAPERS, TOO?

YOU'RE THREE WEEKS LATE
IN SIGNING.

COULD I TALK TO YOU OUTSIDEFOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?

YEAH.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOUR MOM INVITED ME OVER.

OKAY, FINE, YOU WANT ME
TO BE HONEST?

THAT'D BE A FIRST.
HA HA.

LOOK, THE DIVORCE PAPERS
REALLY SCARED ME.

YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE FINALITY
OF THE SITUATION.

[ LAUGHS ] I THINK YOU MADETHINGS PRETTY FINAL

WHEN YOU SLEPT
WITH OUR MANICURIST.

Shh! You want your mom to hear?
She's right there.

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT DO YOU WANT, BRAD?

I JUST WANT
A LITTLE MORE TIME.

WHY? I'M NOT CHANGINGMY MIND.

I KNOW. I JUST NEED TO GET USED
TO THE IDEA, THAT'S ALL.

HONEY, WE USED TO BE
SO GOOD TOGETHER.

BACK IN COLLEGE, MAYBE,WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID.

YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

YES, I DO.

HONEY, TRUST ME. NO ONE KNOWS
YOU BETTER THAN I DO.

BRAD, COULD YOU HELP ME OPEN
THIS BOTTLE OF WINE, PLEASE.

SURE THING, MOM.

I'M SO HAPPY
YOU UNDERSTAND.

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

THANKS.

SO WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LET ME
SET YOU UP WITH SOMEONE?

WHY DO MARRIED PEOPLE ALWAYSFEEL THE NEED

TO CONVERT THE SINGLETONS?

MISERY LOVES COMPANY.

VERY FUNNY.

WHAT ABOUT MY COUSIN BARRY?HE'S CUTE.

HE'S ALLERGIC TO SUNLIGHT.

OKAY, BAD CHOICE.

HE'S SWEET.

HE'S GAY!

WELL, NO ONE EVER MET THEIRHUSBAND IN A BAR ANYWAY.

HAVE YOU TRIEDsingleandlooking.com?

[ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD.
WOULD YOU STOP?

I AM NOT LOOKING.

THIS IS NOT PART
OF MY PLAN.

WHAT PLAN?

I NEED TO FOCUS ALL OF MY ENERGYON GETTING THAT PROMOTION.

OH, PLEASE.

THAT'S JUST AN EXCUSETO KEEP YOURSELF UNAVAILABLE.

IT IS NOT!

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I MET
SOMEONE AT THE WEDDING TODAY.

HELLO! DISH IMMEDIATELY!

A FIREMAN.I LOVE FIREMEN.

WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS
SO HOT?

OH, GOD, I THINK
IT'S THAT UNIFORM.

WAS HE A TOTAL HIMBO?

NO, ACTUALLY, HE WAS
SO SWEET AND FUNNY

AND HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILEI'VE EVER SEEN.

HE SOUNDS AMAZING.
I KNOW.

HE'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.

IF YOU WERE
ACTUALLY LOOKING.

I KNOW.[ CELLPHONE PLAYS
"HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]

GREAT.

BRAD?

WORSE.
BARBARA, THE BRIDEZILLA.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

GOOD LUCK.

HELLO?

BARBARA, YOU DON'T NEED TO ORDERYOUR INVITATIONS THIS WEEK.

NO, YOUR WEDDING
ISN'T FOR THREE YEARS.

OH, GOD! SORRY!
OH! SORRY!

OH! HI, NICK.

LAUREN, RIGHT?

YEAH.
WOW.

I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT YOU ALL DAY.YOU HAVE?

YEAH, ABOUT
YOUR WHOLE LIST THING.

OH. [ LAUGHS ]
YOU REMEMBERED?

YES.

UM, SO WHAT ABOUT MY LIST?

WELL, YOU SAID THAT YOU MADE
A LIST FOR EVERYTHING, RIGHT?

YEAH.

EVEN FOR THE THINGS THAT
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IN A GUY?

YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT LIST IS VERY LONG.

[ LAUGHS ]
I'M SURE THAT IS.

SO WOULD TALL, DARK,
SEMI-CHARMING,

GOOFY FIREFIGHTER-TYPE
BE ANYWHERE ON THAT LIST?

Darla:
DARLING, FETCH MY DRINK?

OH.

DARLA.

LAURA, HEY!

IT'S LAUREN, ACTUALLY.

OH, OF COURSE.
I'M SORRY.

THAT'S OKAY.

HOW DO YOU TWO
KNOW EACH OTHER?

UM, ACTUALLY,
WE JUST MET TODAY.

YEAH.

ISN'T THAT NICE?

WELL, UM, I'M GONNA GO AHEADAND GET BACK TO MY FRIEND.

WHY DON'T YOU JOIN US?

WELL [SIGHS] YOU PROMISED
YOU WOULD DANCE WITH ME.

COME ON. [ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S OKAY.IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU BOTH.

YOU, TOO.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU ARE NEVER GONNA
BELIEVE THIS.
WHAT?

THE FIREMAN OF MY DREAMS

IS MARRYING THE CLIENT
OF MY NIGHTMARES.

OH.

CAN WE GO?

YES.

THERE IT WAS --
JAMES NICHOLAS CORINA.

I UNDERSTOOD IMMEDIATELY

WHY NICK PREFERRED
HIS MIDDLE NAME TO HIS FIRST.

JAMES WAS WAY TOO UPTIGHT

FOR A HANDSOMEAND FREE-SPIRITED GUY LIKE NICK.

[ SIGHS ]
BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

RULE NUMBER FOUR -- NEVER
GET INVOLVED WITH THE GROOM.

[ GROWLS ]

[ YELPS ]

OH, AND CALL JACQUES.

FIND OUT IF HE CAN FLY IN
FROM PARIS TO DO MY HAIR.

IF SO, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO BUY A TICKET FOR HIS POODLE.

OH, BEFORE I FORGET,
BOOK ME A SESSION

IN THAT HYPERBARIC OXYGEN
CHAMBER, WOULD YOU?

Lauren: RULE NUMBER FIVE --
BEWARE OF THE PSYCHO BRIDE.

THE PSYCHO BRIDE IS SOMEONE

WHO'S COMPLETELY LOST TOUCH
WITH REALITY.

CASE IN POINT -- DARLA.

BONJOUR, JACQUES, I'M CALLING
FROM MADAME "T's" OFFICE.

I NEED TO TALK CUT AND COLORS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?STUNNING.

YOU LOOK LIKE A QUEEN.

QUEEN MARY, MAYBE.

THIS SKIRT MAKES ME
LOOK LIKE A SHIP.

OUI, OUI.
S.S. TERRIBLé.

NEXT.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU
TO SEE THIS ONE...

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M NOT PAID
TO THINK, JUST TO AGREE.

TRUST ME, I UNDERSTAND.

OH, HONEY, THE ONLY TIME I EVER
HEAR THE WORD "EQUAL"

IS WHEN SHE WANTS TWO
IN HER LATTE.

HERE, DOLL, YOU LOOK LIKEYOU COULD USE THIS.

THANKS.

SURE.

Woman: BEAUTIFUL.

OH! WAY TOO J. LO.

WHICH WEDDING?

WHO CARES?WE KNOW HOW THEY ALL TURN OUT.

OKAY, OKAY, THIS ISN'T WORKING.
TRY AGAIN.

[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

THAT'S PRETTY.

VERY FLIRTY.

NO. NO.

NO.

Woman:HERE WE ARE.TRY THIS.

PERFECTION.

NO. STUPID.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.[ LAUGHS ]

Lauren: RULE NUMBER SIX IS AN
ADDENDUM TO RULE NUMBER FIVE --

THE ONLY THING WORSE
THAN THE PSYCHO BRIDE

IS THE INDECISIVE BRIDE.

NO.

NICE.

DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

NO. NO.

OKAY.

NO.

NO, FORGET IT.

Woman: OH, YES.

[ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S THE ONE.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS.

LAUREN?Lauren: I HATED IT.

NOT BECAUSE
SHE DIDN'T LOOK BEAUTIFUL,

BUT BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE
THE DRESS I WORE AT MY WEDDING.

I WANTED TO CRY.

BUT SINCE I'M A PROFESSIONAL,
I DID THE NEXT BEST THING.

I LIED.

THE DRESS SIMPLY
DOESN'T DO YOU JUSTICE.

[ SIGHS ]

WELL, I THINK WE HAVE TO HAVE
SOMETHING CUSTOM-MADE THEN.

AFTER A MISERABLE DAY
WITH DARLA,

I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO THE SURPRISE

BONNIE SAID SHE HAD
IN STORE FOR ME.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
IT WAS THE FIREMAN'S BALL?

BECAUSE I KNEW
YOU WOULDN'T COME.

[ SIGHS ] YOU'RE RIGHT.
NICK IS ENGAGED.

SO? IF HE'S INDICATIVE
OF THE FIREFIGHTER SPECIES,

THERE ARE BOUND TO BE OTHERS.

I JUST DON'T WANT
TO RUN INTO HIM.

YOU WON'T.
THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

NICK.
BONNIE.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.PLEASURE.

SO, ARE YOU
ON YOUR OWN TONIGHT?

YES, I AM.

AH, ME TOO.

I LOVE THAT FLOWER RIGHT IN YOURHAIR, THE LILY.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

OH, THANKS. [ LAUGHS ]
IT'S MY FAVORITE FLOWER.

I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT.

SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW NICKY?

OH, WE MET AT A WEDDING.

LAUREN'S A WEDDING PLANNER.

OH, AND WHAT EXACTLYDOES A WEDDING PLANNER DO?

OH [LAUGHS] I DON'T WANT
TO BORE ANYONE.

OH, YOU WON'T BORE ANYONE.
TELL THEM ABOUT MR. CIBRIANI.

OH, THE DANGLING GROOM?YEAH.

THIS GUY THOUGHT
THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

TO RAPPEL HIS WAY
TO THE ALTAR.

YEAH, WELL, HIS BRIDE
DIDN'T THINK SO.

SHE SMACKED HIM.

I KNOW. SHE WANTED TO CALL
THE WHOLE THING OFF

UNTIL I TOLD HER SHE'D HAVE
TO RETURN THE PRESENTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT ALL SOUNDS
SO STRESSFUL.

OH, PLEASE, IT'S NOT LIKE
SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES.

WELL, LIVES
AREN'T WORTH SAVING

WITHOUT GOOD RELATIONSHIPS
AND CELEBRATIONS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL SAID.
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

CHEERS.

Bonnie: CHEERS.

Lauren: I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

MY EX-HUSBAND COULDN'T TELL
PEOPLE WHAT I DID FOR A LIVING

WITHOUT A PATRONIZING LAUGH,

AND HERE WAS A MAN

WHO NOT ONLY APPROVED
BUT ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD.

THERE WAS ONLY ONE
TINY, LITTLE PROBLEM --

HE WAS ABOUT
TO MARRY SOMEONE ELSE.

THAT MAN
IS SERIOUSLY INTO YOU.

NO, HE ISN'T.

IT'S A CLASSIC CASEOF GROOM PANIC SYNDROME.

IT'S WHEN ENGAGED MENFREAK OUT OVER THE FACT

THAT THEY'LL ONLY BE ONE WOMANFOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

TRUST ME, NICK WOULD FIND EVENA LAMPPOST ATTRACTIVE RIGHT NOW.

I DOUBT THAT.

OH, NO.

I HAVE TO GO SAVE ROBERT
FROM THE FIRE CHIEF'S WIFE.

OKAY, GO AHEAD.

WHOO-HOO-HOO!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HEY!

[ LAUGHS ] WHAT?
YOU DON'T LIKE MY DANCING?

UM, NO.

I DON'T REALLY WANT TO DANCE,BUT THANK YOU.

OH, COME ON,I'M A VIRTUAL FRED ASTAIRE HERE.

HEY, JAY, THINK MAYBE IT'S TIME
YOU GO HOME, BRO.

OH, COME ON, DON'T START
WITH THE GOOD BROTHER ROUTINE.

I'M WORKING HERE.

HOW ABOUT
THE SOBER BROTHER ROUTINE?

FINE. THE OPEN BAR'S
CLOSED ANYWAY.

HASTA LA VISTA.

SORRY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
HE'S YOUR BROTHER.

HE'S ACTUALLY
A REALLY GOOD GUY,

HE JUST GETS
OUT OF CONTROL SOMETIMES.

HE'S A LITTLE STRESSED
RIGHT NOW.

SORRY.

MAYBE WE SHOULD DANCE,
YOU KNOW, FOR OUR OWN SAFETY.

[ LAUGHS ] SURE.

YOU'RE NOT BAD AT THIS.

THANK YOU.

MY MOM TAUGHT ME
A THING OR TWO.

SHE TOLD ME THAT
A WOMAN DOESN'T WANT A MAN

WITH TWO LEFT FEET.

I THINK SHE WAS TALKING
ABOUT MY DAD.

WELL, YOUR MOM'S
A VERY WISE WOMAN.

SHE WAS.
SHE PASSED AWAY.

OH, I'M SORRY.NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T BE.

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

AND IT MIGHT HELP EXPLAIN
WHY JAY AND I ARE SO DIFFERENT.

SINCE SHE WASN'T AROUND
WHEN HE WAS GROWING UP,

HE DOESN'T REALLY
UNDERSTAND WOMEN.

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT REALLY SURE
THAT I DO EITHER.

[ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, WELL, WE ARE
COMPLEX CREATURES.

YEAH.

♪ WITH EACH WORD,
YOUR TENDERNESS GROWS ♪

♪ TEARING MY FEARS APART

♪ AND THAT LAUGH
THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ IT TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART

♪ OH, LOVELY

♪ DON'T YOU EVER CHANGE

♪ KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM

♪ WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT

♪ 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU

♪ JUST THE WAY
YOU LOOK TONIGHT ♪

♪ OOOH, TONIGHT

I HAVE TO GO.

WAIT, WHAT IF I HAVETO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU?

IF I HAVE A QUESTION
ABOUT THE WEDDING?

DARLA HAS MY NUMBER.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE JUSTCUT OUT THE MIDDLEMAN

AND LET ME TAKE YOU
TO LUNCH TOMORROW?

I CAN'T. I HAVE A HUGE WEDDING
AT SHADOW PEAK.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,THEN I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

YOU DON'T TAKE NO
FOR AN ANSWER, DO YOU?

NO.

Lauren: THIS IS SO WRONG.

Lauren:
AFTER A CONFUSING EVENING,

I WAS SO GRATEFUL
FOR THE DISTRACTION OF WORK,

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,

THAT INCLUDED BABYSITTING
MY BOSS'S DOG, SNICKERS.

DETERMINED TO KEEP
EVERYTHING ON TRACK,

I FOCUSED ON MY USUAL ROUTINE.

MAN OF THE CLOTH -- CHECK.

MUSICIANS -- CHECK.

FLOWERS -- CHECK.

[ CELLPHONE PLAYS
"HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]

STAY THERE, SNICKERS.

HELLO?

BARBARA, IF YOU BUY
YOUR GOWN NOW,

IT'S GONNA BE OUT OF STYLE
BY THE TIME YOU GET MARRIED.

[ PHONE BEEPS ]

HOLD ON A SEC.

HELLO?

Woman:Lauren, we can't find

the boutonnieres
for the groomsmen.

RIGHT NEXT TO
THE SIGN-IN BOOK.

BARBARA, I HAVE TO GO.

LET'S HOLD OUT FOR
THAT VERA WANG SAMPLE SALE

THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

OKAY, BYE.[ WOMAN SCREAMS ]

WHAT'S WRONG?

MY DRESS IS RUINED!

WHAT HAPPENED?

THE DOG DID IT!IT'S OKAY.

SNICKERS!

DON'T PANIC.

OH!
OH!

WHAT'S THE HURRY?

I HAVE TO CATCH THAT DOG.

DONE.[ GROWLS ]

SNICKERS, COME!

[ GASPS ]

OH, THERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU GO THIS SIDE,
I'LL GO THE OTHER.

[ BARKING ]

IS THIS YOUR DOG?

NO, IT'S MY BOSS'S.

SHE MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDERPUTTING HIM ON DOGGIE PROZAC.

SHE CAN JUST LOAN HIM
SOME OF HERS.

[ SIGHS ] HE'S GONE.

[ CRASHING ]

THERE HE IS.

YOU GO RIGHT,
I'LL GO LEFT.

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.
I GOT AN IDEA.

I GOT AN IDEA.

HERE, POOCHIE, POOCHIE.HERE YOU GO.

SNICKERS.

SNICKERS?

YEAH, IT'S HIS NAME.
DON'T ASK.

HERE, SNICKERS.

WOULD YOU LIKEA LITTLE QUICHE?[ WHINES ]

WOULD YOU LIKE
A LITTLE QUICHE?

OOH! OKAY.
THANK YOU, YES.

OKEYDOKEY.
THANK YOU.

NO, THANK YOU.

WE FIREMEN, WE RESCUE SO MANY
KITTIES, SO FEW DOGGIES.

ALL RIGHT, NOW,
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE TO GO
WORK MIRACLES.

[ WEDDING PROCESSIONAL PLAYS ]

Man: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE BE SEATED.

Nick: GREAT JOB.THANK YOU.

I THINK THAT WE MAKE

A PRETTY DARN GOOD TEAMTOGETHER, DON'T YOU?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK THESE INTERACTIONS
BETWEEN US

ARE A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE.

AH, YEAH, I AGREE.

YOU DO?
YEAH.

I THINK WE SHOULD BE HAVINGTHESE INTERACTIONS OVER DINNER.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

OH, WELL, HOW ABOUT IT?

I THINK IT WOULD BE
BEST TO ONLY TALK ABOUT
WEDDING-RELATED THINGS.

OKAY.

GOOD.

[ SIGHS ]

DARLA TOLD ME THAT YOUSTILL HAVEN'T FOUND

A PLACE FOR
THE RECEPTION YET.

I HAVE A GREAT PLACE
IN MIND.

COME ON. HOW MUCH MOREWEDDING-RELATED CAN IT GET?

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

JEEZ, WHEN YOU SAIDYOU HAD THE PERFECT SPOT,

I DIDN'T THINK I'D
HAVE TO CHANGE

INTO HIKING BOOTS
TO GET THERE.

BEAR WITH ME.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

AW, IT'S PRETTY.

I LOVE IT HERE.

I COME HERE WEEKENDS
TO DECOMPRESS.

I VACUUM TO DECOMPRESS.

UH, THAT'S INTERESTING.WHAT DO YOU DO FOR EXCITEMENT?

I FIND ORGANIZING
MY CLOSET'S GOOD.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

YOU'LL SEE.

DON'T WORRY. I'M NOT AN AXE
MURDERER OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH, LIKE YOU'DTELL ME IF YOU WERE.

[ CELLPHONE CHIRPING ]

YOUR PURSE IS CHIRPING.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU KNOW,
THE PARK DISTRICT HAS

A VERY, VERY STRICT POLICY
ON WILDLIFE IN CAPTIVITY.

[ SIGHS ]IT'S MY WALKIE-TALKIE.

OH.

SORRY.

HELLO?

Woman: Hey, Lauren,
some woman named Barbara

showed up at the reception
looking for you.

TELL HER TO HAVE
A PIECE OF CAKE,

AND I'LL CALL HERAS SOON AS I CAN, THANKS.

NEVER A DULL MOMENT, HUH?

NOPE.

[ CAROUSEL MUSIC PLAYS ]

THERE IT IS.

WOW.

A FAIRGROUND.
TRUST ME.

Lauren: RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRUST AGUY WHO'S ENGAGED TO MY CLIENT.

I'LL JUST KEEP SMILING POLITELY.

WE USED TO COME HERE
ALL THE TIME AS KIDS.

I THOUGHT IT'D BE
A GREAT PLACE FOR A RECEPTION.

IT'S GREAT.

BUT, UM, I DON'T THINK THIS
IS WHAT DARLA HAD IN MIND.

BESIDES, WE'D HAVE TO RENT TENTSAND BRING IN CATERERS.

AND THINK OF ALL THE MOSQUITO
REPELLANT WE'D HAVE TO BUY.

OK, SO, UH,
SO IT'S A BAD IDEA?

[ LAUGHS ]
IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.

IT'S THE THOUGHT
THAT COUNTS.

HERE'S ANOTHER THOUGHT.

HOW ABOUT WE GO TAKE A RIDE
ON THAT CAROUSEL

BEFORE WE HEAD BACK.

COME ON. I'LL MAKE SURE
YOU GET PAID TIME AND A HALF.

IT'S JUST A CAROUSEL RIDE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW,
THE MERRY-GO-ROUND

WAS MY FAVORITE RIDE
AS A LITTLE GIRL.

I WAS MORE OF A TILT-A-WHIRL
KIND OF GUY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LOOK, LAUREN, I'M GONNA BE
HONEST WITH YOU.

I DIDN'T ASK YOU
ALL THE WAY OUT HERE

JUST TO TALK
ABOUT THE WEDDING.

I REALLY --
I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT --

WHEN THE RIDE'S OVER,
I-I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT...

YOU AND ME.

Lauren: I KNEW THERE COULD BE
NO YOU AND ME

INVOLVING DARLA'S FIANCé.

[ GASPS ] BUT WHEN NICK SAID
THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS,

THEY SOUNDED REALLY GOOD.

I WAS GETTING IN
DEEPER AND DEEPER,

AND I HAD TO PUT A STOP TO IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE TO GO.
RIGHT NOW?

UH-HUH.

DON'T YOU AT LEAST WANT TO WAIT
TILL THE RIDE STOPS?

I'M GONNA --I'LL JUST GET OFF RIGHT HERE.

OH!

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M FINE.

LOOKS LIKE YOU TWISTED THAT
PRETTY BADLY.

LET'S GET YOU
TO A HOSPITAL.NO, I'M FINE.

NO, SEE.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
IT'LL BE OKAY.

LIKE I SAID --NO, I'M FINE. I SWEAR.

NO, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET YOU
TO THE HOSPITAL, OKAY?

I DON'T NEED TO GO --I HATE HOSPITALS.

I DO THIS
FOR A LIVING, OKAY?

TWO HOURS IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM
AND TWO PERCOCET LATER,

I WAS FEELING NO PAIN.

Shh! [ GIGGLES ]

YOU MUST BE QUIET, OKAY?

Okay, sorry.

DO YOU LIVE ALONE?

YEAH. N-NO. I MEAN, YES,BUT MY SISTER'S STAYING WITH ME.

SHE AND HER BOYFRIEND BROKE UP.I DON'T KNOW.

UH, HELLO?

[ CHUCKLES ]

HELLO?

[ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T --
I DON'T THINK SHE'S HERE.

AND I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO LEAVE YOU BY YOURSELF.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU TOOK A LOT
OF PAIN MEDICATION.

I'M FINE, REALLY.

EXCEPT, YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLYFUNNY AND WEIRD?

I CAN BARELY FOCUS.

MY GOD, YOU'RE CUTE BLURRY.

[ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

I HAD SO MUCH
FUN TODAY THOUGH.

NOT THE HOSPITAL.

BUT THE PARK WAS FUN.

I LOVED THE ROWBOATS,

AND THAT CAROUSEL [Laughing]WAS FUN UNTIL I FELL OFF.

YEAH, THAT WASN'T --

I'M SO STUPID.

NO, NO.

[ SIGHS ]

I LIKE YOU, NICK.

I DO.

I KNOW I SHOULDN'T,
BUT I DO.

[ LIGHT CLATTERING ]

OH, MY GOD.
HE'S STILL HERE.

Nick:YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER MET ANYBODY

WHO MADE A TO-DO LIST
IN THEIR SLEEP BEFORE.

YEAH, MY SISTER'S KIND OFFREAKY LIKE THAT.

I THINK IT'S PRETTY CUTE.

MORNING, PATIENT.
HOW'S THE ANKLE?

UH, BETTER.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY KITCHEN?

YOUR SISTER CONNED ME
INTO MAKING BREAKFAST.

YOU SHOULD TRY NICK'S PANCAKES.THEY'RE BETTER THAN MOM'S.

YOU SHOULD SIT.
I'M MAKING YOU FOOD.

WELL, THANKS FOR THE GRUB,

BUT I GOT TO MOTOR
TO MAKE IT TO CLASS.

BYE!
BYE!

SO, HOW YOU FEELING?

UH, CONFUSED.

OH.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU HEREBY YOURSELF LAST NIGHT.

YOU WERE PRETTY OUT OF IT.

WHERE WAS LILY?

SHE WAS OUT CLUBBINGUNTIL 5:00 A.M. THIS MORNING.

YOU AND YOUR SISTER ARE VERY
DIFFERENT.

YEAH, THAT'S
PUTTING IT LIGHTLY.

YOUR JUICE.
I SQUEEZED IT FRESH.

OKAY, THIS IS TOO MUCH.

I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING,BUT THE JUICE, THE STAYING OVER.

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK
THAT THIS MEANS ANYTHING.

YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME NOW THATYOU DON'T DATE YOUR CLIENTS?

OF COURSE I DON'T DATE
MY CLIENTS.

OKAY, WELL,THAT SETTLES IT FOR ME.

I'M OUT OF THE WEDDING.

YOU CAN'T!
OH, MY GOD!

AND THIS DISH, BY THE WAY,
NEEDS TO SOAK,

AND THIS KITCHEN
IS A MESS!

I JUST DON'T WANT YOUTO HURT YOURSELF.

DON'T DO IT.

THE DISHES?

NO, THE WEDDING.SO NOW YOU DON'T WANT MEIN THE WEDDING?

NO, I DO WANT YOU
IN THE WEDDING.

[ CHUCKLES ] ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE TO GO TO WORK, SO LET'SDISCUSS THIS OVER DINNER.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

OKAY, GREAT. MEET MEAT THE STATION ABOUT 6:00.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?I NEVER JOKE ABOUT FOOD.

TRY YOUR BREAKFAST
AND YOU'LL SEE.

[ SIGHS ]

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?IT'S PRACTICALLY LUNCH.

IT'S 10:30, AND I'M LATE
BECAUSE I SPRAINED MY ANKLE.

LAUREN, DEAR,I CAN'T HAVE YOU HANDICAPPED

FOR ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANTWEDDINGS OF MY CAREER.

NO MATTER NOW.

DARLA'S WAITING FOR YOUIN MY OFFICE.

SHE SAYS IT'S IMPORTANT, AND SHEONLY WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU.

DID SHE SAY
WHAT IT WAS ABOUT?

THE WEDDING, OF COURSE.HURRY UP!

[ DARLA SOBBING ]

LISTEN, DARLA,
I CAN EXPLAIN.

I AM SO SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SAY ANYTHING.

I FEEL SO AWFUL.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

DON'T.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT'S NOT?

OF COURSE NOT.

HOW CAN YOU BE LATE TOAN APPOINTMENT I NEVER MADE?

WELL, THEN,
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

[ SIGHS ]

MY FIANCé AND I HAD A FIGHTTHE OTHER NIGHT.

IT WAS SO BAD HE EVEN THREATENEDTO CALL OFF THE WHOLE WEDDING.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIGHT ABOUT?

[ SIGHS ]
THE GUEST LIST.

SILLY, REALLY.

THAT'S WHY I KNOW YOU CANHELP US WORK THINGS OUT.

OF COURSE.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. I TOLDHIM HE COULD MEET ME HERE.

YOU DID?

I JUST KNOW IF THERE'SA PRACTICAL PERSON PRESENT,

HE'LL LISTEN TO REASON.

RIGHT. EXCUSE ME
ONE MINUTE, OKAY?

THANKS. BE RIGHT BACK.

Jay: OH, HI.
UH, LAUREN, RIGHT?

UH, YEAH.

LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRYABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.

DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.NO, REALLY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.

I'M DEALING WITH A CLIENT.

YEAH, DARLA SAID YOU WANTED TOTALK TO US ABOUT THE GUEST LIST.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS BETWEEN
THE BRIDE AND GROOM.

IT IS.

THEN, IS NICK COMING?

NOT THAT I KNOW OF.

SWEETIE, HI.

SO, ARE WE STILL WAITINGON THE GROOM?

THAT'S ME.

JAY IS JAMES, THE GROOM.

BUT I THOUGHT THAT, UM --ISN'T NICK THE, UH --

BEST MAN.

OF COURSE HE IS.
[ LAUGHS ]

NOW LET'S GO WORK
ON THAT GUEST LIST.

Lauren: RULE NUMBER SEVEN --

EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG
CAN GO RIGHT, TOO.

NICK WASN'T ENGAGED AFTER ALL.

NO MORE CONFUSION,
NO MORE GUILT.

THE ROAD WAS FINALLY CLEAR.

[ ALARM BLARES ]

Nick: LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
LET'S GO!

[ KIDS YELLING INDISTINCTLY ]

HEY.

ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY DOWN.
EVERYBODY DOWN.

DON'T WORRY.
IT'S JUST A DRILL.

AH, THAT'S A RELIEF.THEY LOOK A LITTLE YOUNG.

HEY, GUYS, NEXT WEEK,

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU GUYS HOWTO COME DOWN THE FIRE POLE.

[ CHEERING ]

HOW'S YOUR ANKLE?

BETTER, THANK YOU.GOOD.

WHOO!WHOO!WHOO!

HEY, ALL RIGHT.
ENOUGH, ENOUGH.

I HAVE TO HANG AROUND
TILL THEIR PARENTS GET HERE.

DO YOU MIND HANGING OUT WITH US
FOR A LITTLE WHILE?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

I PROMISE YOU,
IT'LL BE WORTH THE WAIT.

IN THE MEANTIME,WHO WANTS TO PLAY TAG?

YOU'RE IT.

AH! OHHH.

CAREFUL.

THANK YOU.

MM-HMM. HUH?

WOW. [ LAUGHS ]

SO, THIS IS WORTH
THE WAIT?

HUMOR ME FOR A SECOND.

THE LAST TIME I HUMORED YOU,

I ENDED UP WITH
A SPRAINED ANKLE.

WATCH YOUR STEP.
WATCH YOUR STEP.

THANK YOU.

CAN YOU TELL I'M NOTA HUGE FAN OF SURPRISES?

YEAH. WHY NOT?

SURPRISES CAN BE
THE NICEST PART OF LIFE.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

[ GASPS ]

WOW.

THIS IS AMAZING.

YOU THINK?

OH.

I DISCOVERED THIS PLACE

PUTTING OUT A FIRE
IN THIS BUILDING.

I CAME UP HERE
TO GET SOME AIR,

AND I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVEHOW BEAUTIFUL IT WAS.

IT'S GORGEOUS.

SO, YOU READY TO EAT?

I-I DON'T WANT
TO LEAVE YET.

OH. OKAY.
IN THAT CASE...

WE DON'T HAVE TO.

AH.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MINDDINING AL FRESCO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

FOR A GUY WHO DOESN'T LIKE
TO PLAN AHEAD,

THIS CERTAINLY REQUIRED
A LOT OF FORETHOUGHT.

I BET YOU EVEN HAD TO MAKE
A LIST.

YES, I DID, BUT IT WASDEFINITELY WORTH IT.

GLASS OF WINE?

I'D LOVE ONE.
THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME. CHEERS.

TO SURPRISES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BEAUTIFUL
THIS IS.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, I'M REALLYGLAD YOU CAME TONIGHT.

I WAS STARTING TO THINK YOU
WEREN'T INTERESTED AT ALL.

[ LAUGHS ]

WELL, ACTUALLY,
THERE'S A REASON

WHY I'VE BEEN
SO STAND-OFFISH.

I THOUGHT YOU AND DARLAWERE TOGETHER.

ISN'T THAT CRAZY?

IT'S NOT THAT CRAZY.
DARLA AND I DID GO OUT.

YOU WERE A COUPLE?

NO. NO.

WE HAD TWO DATES.
IT WAS NOTHING.

IT WAS JUST REALLY WEIRD

SEEING YOU TOGETHER
AT THE BAR.

SHE WAS HANGING
ALL OVER YOU.

DARLA IS JUST A BIG FLIRT,
OKAY?

AND WE WERE NOT TOGETHER,
BELIEVE ME.

JAY WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET US,
BUT HE GOT STUCK AT WORK.

LAUREN, I DON'T PLAY GAMES.
I'M A VERY STRAIGHT-UP GUY.

HONESTY IS...VERY IMPORTANT
TO ME.

AND DARLA...

MM-HMM.

SHE'S JUST NOT MY TYPE.

WHAT IS YOUR TYPE?

WELL, ALL RIGHT, STARTING
WITH THE BASICS --

FEMALE...

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

NONSMOKER, PREFERABLY
NO PRISON RECORD...

UNMARRIED.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL
WITH THOSE PESKY HUSBANDS.

INTELLIGENT...

SENSITIVE...

SLIGHTLY
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE,

INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL,

YOU KNOW, SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

ARE YOU GONNA RUN AWAY
IF I TRY TO KISS YOU AGAIN?

♪ SOME DAY,
WHEN I'M AWFULLY LOW ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD IS COLD

♪ I WILL FEEL A GLOW
JUST THINKING OF... ♪

THIS IS MY APARTMENT.

IT'S VERY NICE.

♪ AND THE WAY YOU LOOK...

IT'S A LITTLE MESSY.

♪ TONIGHT

YOU KNOW,
YOU NEVER TOLD ME

WHAT YOUR TYPE WAS.

WELL, I'M LOOKINGFOR SOMEONE WHO'S SMART...

FUNNY...

TRUSTWORTHY...

WOULD YOU SETTLE FOR ME
INSTEAD?

I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU.

♪ AND THAT LAUGH
THAT WRINKLES YOUR NOSE ♪

♪ IT TOUCHES MY FOOLISH HEART

♪ LOVELY

♪ DON'T YOU EVER CHANGE

♪ KEEP THAT BREATHLESS CHARM

♪ WON'T YOU PLEASE ARRANGE IT?

♪ 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU

♪ JUST THE WAY YOU LOOK
TONIGHT ♪

♪ OOOOOH, TONIGHT

STOP RIGHT THERE.

I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST
AND ORDERING YOU BACK TO BED.

I'M LATE FOR WORK.

I'LL WRITE YOU A NOTE.

COME ON.
CLOTHES ARE THE ENEMY.

OH. DO YOU MIND
IF I PICK THAT UP?

I JUST HAD IT DRY-CLEANED.

AT CHEZ CORINA, WE LEAVE
OUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR.

YEAH, AND APPARENTLY,EVERYTHING ELSE ON THE FLOOR.

[ CHUCKLES ]

CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?

I CAN TRY.

OKAY.

I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING
THAT MIGHT HELP YOU.

I MEANT TO GIVE THIS TO YOU
LAST NIGHT, BUT I FORGOT.

A ROCK?

[ CHUCKLES ]

I THOUGHT WHEN A GIRLGOT A ROCK,

IT WAS IN THE FORM
OF A RING.

THAT'S NOT A ROCK.
THAT'S A STONE.

THAT'S A WORRY STONE.

WHENEVER YOU FEEL
REALLY STRESSED,

YOU JUST RUB
YOUR WORRIES AWAY.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THAT'S SO SWEET.

I'LL STAY
FOR A FEW MINUTES.

OKAY.

SORRY I'M LATE.

[ vase shatters ]

G?

IS ANYONE IN THERE?

I HAVE A WEAPON!

SNICKERS!

WHY DO YOU HATE ME?

"GONE TO ATLANTA WEDDING
CONVENTION.

PLEASE TAKE KING SNICKERS
TO DOGGIE DAY CARE."

[ SIGHS ] GREAT.

[ BARKS ]

[ BARKING ]

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

LAUREN?

HI, THERE. I'M LYNDA TEDANSKI,
DARLA'S MOTHER.

HI. IT'S SO NICE
TO MEET YOU.

LIKEWISE.

[ SNICKERS BARKS ]

OH, WHAT AN ADORABLE
LITTLE DOG.

OH, HE'S A REAL CHARMER.

HELLO.

SET HIM OUT HERE,

AND WE'LL GO IN THEREAND TALK.

YEAH.

PLEASE, COME ON IN.

HAVE A SEAT.

OH. UM, PLEASE EXCUSE ME.

THAT CHAIR'S ACTUALLYA LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE.

THANK YOU.
YES, THAT'S BETTER.

OKAY. SO, ABOUT
THE SEATING CHART...

YOU TOLD ME THAT YOUR MOTHER

WANTED TO SIT WITH
HER BINGO FRIENDS,

AND I ACTUALLY HAVE THEM ALLSITTING TOGETHER AT TABLE 20.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY,
MRS. TEDANSKI?

ACTUALLY, NO.

I'M NOT EVEN SURE IT'S
APPROPRIATE TO TELL YOU THIS,

BUT TROUBLESHOOTING
IS WHAT WE PAY YOU FOR.

RIGHT.

LET ME FIRST SAY THAT DARLA
IS A WONDERFUL GIRL.

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

SHE'S JUST ALWAYS HAD A BIT
OF A WILD STREAK,

BUT I THOUGHT
SINCE SHE GOT ENGAGED..

I SAW ONE OF THE GROOMSMEN
AT MY DAUGHTER'S YESTERDAY.

OH, MRS. TEDANSKI.

THERE'S NOTHING
UNUSUAL ABOUT THAT.

NAKED.

WITH DARLA?

WE-WERE THEY, UM...

DO YOU, BY CHANCE, KNOWWHICH GROOMSMAN IT WAS?

I ONLY SAW THE BACK
OF HIS HEAD,

BUT I THINK
IT WAS HIS BROTHER.

NICK?

YES, THE ONE
SHE USED TO DATE.

BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

WITH DARLA,
ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.

SO YOU THINK THAT DARLAAND NICK ARE --

ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR?
I'M AFRAID SO.

I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.

NEITHER DO I.

Lauren: I TOLD BONNIE
IT WAS AN EMERGENCY,

AND SHE HAD TO MEET ME
AT THE BAR.

AND EVEN THOUGH
IT WAS HAPPY HOUR,

THERE WAS NOTHING HAPPY
ABOUT IT.

IT MAKES SENSE, RIGHT?

I DECIDE TO TRUST MEN AGAIN,
AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS.

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?

WHY? SO YOU CAN LULL ME
INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY

AND BREAK MY HEART?
NO THANKS.

NEVER MIND.

TOO HARSH?JUST A LITTLE.

I MEAN, IN NICK'S DEFENSE,

MRS. TEDANSKI SAID SHE ONLY
SAW THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.

SHE SAID IT WAS THE BROTHER.

HOW MANY BROTHERS
DOES HE HAVE?

ONE. I THINK.

LOOK, I DON'T WANTTO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.

I JUST DON'T WANT YOUTO FALL FOR ANOTHER BRAD.

TRUST ME.
NICK IS DEFINITELY NOT BRAD.

OR MAYBE HE IS.

HE SAID HE WASN'T LIKE HIS
BROTHER, BUT WHO KNOWS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO BELIEVE.

WHAT DOES NICK HAVE TO SAY?

I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE BEEN AVOIDING HIS CALLS.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE HIMA CHANCE TO EXPLAIN.

I'M TIRED
OF SECOND CHANCES.

Darla: HELLO?
IS ANYBODY THERE?

I'M IN HERE.

HI, LAUREN.

OH, HI, DARLA.

I WAS JUST WORKING ON YOUR TABLEFOR THE RECEPTION.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?IT'S FINE.

UM, WELL, BECAUSE IF YOUDON'T LIKE IT, I COULD --

FORGET ABOUT THE TABLE.

I WANT TO GET MARRIED
SOONER.

HOW MUCH SOONER?THIS SATURDAY.

WHY CAN'T YOU WAIT
THE EXTRA TWO WEEKS?

BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T.

LISTEN, DARLA, IF I'M GONNATHROUGH THE HUGE INCONVENIENCE

OF MOVING UP YOUR WEDDING,

I NEED A BETTER REASONTHAN YOU JUST CAN'T.

I'M PREGNANT.

WELL, I'M SURE JAYWILL MAKE A GREAT DAD.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]
IT ISN'T HIS.

EX-EXCUSE ME?

I SAID THE BABY ISN'T HIS.
OKAY?

WHOSE IS IT?

DARLA, WHOSE IS IT?

IT'S HIS BROTHER'S.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
WITH YOU?

YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING, AND
YOU'RE THROWING IT ALL AWAY?

YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE

YOU WERE BORN WITH A SILVER
SPOON IN YOUR MOUTH

GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TREAT
PEOPLE THE WAY YOU DO?

WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

BEING PRIVILEGED DOESN'T
MAKE YOU ENTITLED.

ARE YOU FINISHED YET?

NO, I AM NOT FINISHED,

BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ANSWERED
YOUR QUESTION.

NO, DARLA, I WILL NOT MOVE UP
YOUR WEDDING,

BECAUSE, FRANKLY, I THINK THIS
IS PART OF YOUR LATEST SCHEME.

SO, FIRE ME.

OR ACTUALLY TELL G
TO FIRE ME.

BUT I WON'T DO IT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND SOME
OTHER WAY OUT OF THIS MESS,

AND I SUGGEST THAT YOU START
BEING HONEST

WITH THE PEOPLE
THAT CARE ABOUT YOU,

BECAUSE THEY DON'T
DESERVE THIS.

NOW I'M FINISHED.

YOU'LL BE SORRY
YOU SAID THAT.

[ SNICKERS SNARLING ]
[ GASPS ]

YOU -- LET GO OF THAT.

AH!

GIMME --

[ SNICKERS BARKING ]

GOOD BOY, SNICKERS.

GOOD BOY.
YES, YOU ARE.

YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD BOY.
YES, YOU ARE.

YOU ARE. I KNOW.

Lauren: EVEN THOUGH
I PROBABLY RUINED MY CHANCES

OF GETTING THAT PROMOTION,

TELLING OFF DARLA WAS THE FIRSTTIME I EVER STOOD UP FOR MYSELF,

AND IT FELT GREAT.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

[ SIGHS ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WE NEED TO TALK.

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK TO YOU...

ABOUT ANYTHING.

BRAD!

SO, MY THERAPIST THINKSWE SHOULD GET BACK TOGETHER.

OH. [ CHUCKLES ]

HE SAID THAT I'M NOTGONNA GROW AS A "ME."

I NEED TO BE A "WE."

AH, THERE IS NO WE.
THERE NEVER WAS.

THERE WAS ONLY YOU.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YES, IT IS.

NO, IT'S NOT.
YES, IT IS.

GOD, LAUREN,YOU'RE BEING REALLY HARSH.

OH, I'M BEING HARSH?
YOU CHEATED ON ME.

WHAT IS IT WITH YOU GUYS?

IS IT SO HARD TO STAY FAITHFUL
TO ONE WOMAN?

ACTUALLY, MY THERAPIST SAYS

IT'S NOT WITHIN
OUR GENETIC MAKEUP.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW
MUCH YOU HURT ME?

HOW YOU DESTROYED ANY HOPES
I HAD OF OUR LIFE TOGETHER?

DO YOU?

WELL, I SAID I WAS SORRY.

SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

SIGN.

OH, LAUREN, YOU DON'T WANT METO SIGN THIS.

YES, I DO.

NO, YOU DON'T.SHUT THE HELL UP, BRAD.

FOR ONCE, I'M GONNA HAVE
THE LAST WORD.

SIGN.

OKAY, BUT YOUR MOM IS GONNA BEREALLY PISSED.

I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.

YOU KNOW THE WAY OUT.

WHO ARE YOU?

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M LAUREN'S HUSBAND.

UH, CAN I -- I TALK TO HERFOR A MINUTE?

OH, SORRY.
SHE'S IN THE BATH.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME
YOUR NAME,

AND I'LL TELL HER
YOU STOPPED BY?

NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.THANKS.

Lauren: AS I ARRIVED AT WORK
THE NEXT MORNING,

THE BUZZ I HAD FROM
MY SELF-EMPOWERMENT BINGE

QUICKLY WORE OFF.

G WAS BACK IN THE OFFICE,
AND I WAS CERTAIN I'D BE FIRED.

LAUREN, IN HERE NOW!

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENEDWHILE I WAS GONE?

G, LISTEN, I CAN EXPLAIN.

MY CHAIR IS RUINED.

YOU -- YOU MEAN
THIS ISN'T ABOUT DARLA?

NOT UNLESS SHE'S THE ONEWHO PEED ON IT.

OF COURSE NOT.

SNICKERS HAD AN ACCIDENT
WHEN YOU WERE GONE,

BUT IT'S ONLY
BECAUSE HE MISSED YOU.

OH, THERE'S MY PRECIOUS BABY.COME TO MOMMY, SNICKERS.

[ GROWLING, BARKS ]

GO TO YOUR MAMA, SNICKERS.COME ON, SNICKERS.

GO TO YOUR MAMA.

HE'S JUST TRYING
TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS.

I GUESS. HMM.

WHAT WERE YOU SAYING
ABOUT DARLA?

WELL, I-I WAS WONDERINGIF YOU SPOKE TO HER.

NO, BUT I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER,
AND SHE SAID TO COMPLIMENT YOU

ON HANDLING A VERY DELICATE
SITUATION.

SHE SAID THAT?

AND THAT WE'RE MOVING THE
WEDDING UP TO THIS SATURDAY.

THEY'RE STILL GOING THROUGHWITH IT?

WELL, WHY WOULDN'T THEY?

G, I DON'T THINK THIS ISSOMETHING I CAN REALLY DO.

OH, PLEASE. YOU NEED
TO OVERNIGHT THESE.

SO, I'M NOT FIRED?

OF COURSE NOT.
I TOLD YOU.

IF YOU PULL THIS OFF,
YOU'LL BE PROMOTED.

MY MIGRAINES ARE BACK.

Lauren:
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THRILLED

THAT WE PULLED OFFDARLA'S WEDDING OFF IN TWO DAYS,

BUT ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT
WAS NICK.

HOW COULD I FALL FOR SOMEONE

WHO WOULD SLEEP WITH HIS
BROTHER'S FIANCéE

AND THEN LIE TO ME
ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP?

DESPITE HOW BETRAYED I FELT,
I KNEW I HAD TO DO A GOOD JOB,

NO MATTER WHAT.

DARLA, I HAVE YOUR --
[ GASPS ]

[ GASPS ]

RICK, I TOLD YOU
TO LOCK THE DOOR.

RICK?

RICK CORINA,JAY AND NICK'S LITTLE BROTHER.

NICK WASN'T HAVING AN AFFAIR
WITH DARLA.

A WAVE OF RELIEF WASHED OVER ME,UNTIL I REALIZED

THERE'S STILL SOMETHING HORRIBLYWRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.

[ SIGHS ] HOW COULD YOU?

IS THERE A FOURTH OR FIFTH
BROTHER I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?

HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THEM, TOO?

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK YOU CAN
MANAGE TILL DEATH DO US PART

WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN
STAY FAITHFUL FOR A DAY?

DON'T BE SO PROVINCIAL.

AND YOU -- HOW COULD YOU DO THISTO YOUR BROTHER?

HE STOLE MY GIRLFRIENDS
BEFORE.

DARLA?

JAY. [ GASPS ]

HONEY, IT'S NOT
WHAT YOU THINK.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH, JAY, SHE CAN EXPLAIN,
REALLY.

WHY DON'T I EXPLAIN
SOMETHING?

JAY, NO!
HEY, GET OFF HIM!

GUYS, COME ON!

GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE--

GUYS, STOP IT.

THAT'S IT.

STOP IT.

OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE RUINING YOUR SUITS.

NICK.

YOU OKAY?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

NO, NOT NOW.

NICK, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN BEINGWITH A MARRIED LADY.

I KNOW. I MADE A MISTAKE
ABOUT YOU AND DARLA.

DARLA?

I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU.

HUH?

I MET YOUR HUSBAND
LAST WEEK.

WHAT?

[ WHISTLES ]

WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING
ON HERE?

ALL OF YOU,
STOP IT THIS INSTANT.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELVES.

WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?

NEVER MIND.

WE HAVE A WEDDING IN 15 MINUTES,AND I'LL BE DAMNED

IF THIS IS THE FIRST GENNIFER
DOUGLAS PRODUCTION

TO GET CANCELED.

YOU DRINK THIS.

AND YOU FINISH GETTING DRESSED.

YOU BOYS MAKE SURE YOUR FATHER
DOESN'T HEAR ABOUT THIS.

AS FOR YOU, YOU'VE DONE
ENOUGH DAMAGE,

SO JUST TRY TO KEEP
OUT OF SIGHT.

YOU KNOW, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE
IT IN THIS BUSINESS

IF YOU DON'T LEARN
HOW TO TAKE CHARGE.

[ ORGAN PLAYS
"HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]

Lauren: THANKS TO G'S FLASK,

JAY FINALLY MANAGED TO MAKE IT
TO THE ALTAR.

AND AFTER A FEW SWIGS MYSELF, I
MANAGED TO MAKE IT TO MY SEAT.

I WANT TO TELL YOU

THAT WITH ALL MY ORGANIZATIONAL
SKILLS AND EMPATHY,

I FIXED EVERYTHING.

BUT ALL I DID WAS HELP THE GROOMGET DRUNK

WHILE G CONVINCED DARLA AND JAY
TO GO THROUGH WITH THE WEDDING.

Pastor: MARRIAGE IS A SACRED
INSTITUTION CREATED BY GOD

AS A SYMBOL OF THE UNION
BETWEEN MAN AND A WOMAN.

[ SNICKERS ]

IF ANYONE OBJECTS TO THIS UNION,PLEASE SPEAK NOW.

[ HICCUPS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

I BELIEVE WE'LL MOVE ON
TO THE VOWS.

THE RINGS.

THESE RINGS ARE A SYMBOL
OF COMMITMENT AND FIDELITY.

THAT'S RICH!

JAMES, DO YOU TAKE DARLA TO BE
YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE,

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?

HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON MEWITH MY OWN BROTHER?

[ GUESTS MURMURING ]

WOULD YOU LIKE METO REPEAT THE QUESTION, SIR?

NO, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY,
PADRE.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, UM,

I DON'T TAKE DARLA
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD.

I CHANGED MY MIND.
I DON'T WANT HER ANYMORE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH ME

BECAUSE I'M BREAKING UPWITH YOU.

WHATEVER.

DARLA, NO.

QUIET, MOTHER.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

HUH.

I WOULDN'T MARRY JAY CORINA

IF HE WAS THE LAST MANON EARTH!

AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE HAD
THE COURAGE

TO STATE MY TRUE FEELINGS

IF IT HADN'T BEEN
FOR LAUREN CRANDELL.

SHE TAUGHT ME
THAT I NEED TO BE HONEST

WITH THE PEOPLE
WHO CARE ABOUT ME.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

THE POINT IS, I'M BREAKING UP
WITH JAY

BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE
WITH HIS BROTHER.

NICK?

NO, RICK.

SO, THAT'S WHO I SAW
NAKED?

AND I'M PROUD TO SAY
THAT I'M HAVING HIS BABY.

[ GUESTS MURMURING ]

Lauren: EVEN THOUGH DARLA DIDN'TGO THROUGH WITH THE CEREMONY,

LOU TEDANSKI
WAS GOING TO BE DAMNED

IF HE DIDN'T GO THROUGH
WITH THE RECEPTION.

G WARNED ME I'D NEVER GET AHEAD
IF I DIDN'T TAKE CHARGE.

SO THANKS TO A COMBINATION

OF OVERWHELMING STRESS
AND G'S FLASK OF TRUTH SERUM,

I DECIDED TO THROW CAUTION
TO THE WIND AND SPEAK MY MIND.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU -- SORRY --

SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT FINISHED.

UM, YOU NEED TO GROW UP

AND KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
TO BE A MAN,

A BROTHER, AND IN SEVEN MONTHS,
A FATHER.

NOW ARE YOU FINISHED?

[ HICCUPS ]

WITH YOU.

YEAH. HEY.

WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK?

OH, GOD,
I'M NOT SURE I DO.

I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE HADDARLA FIXED WHEN SHE WAS 15.

DON'T YOU THINK?

OH, MY.

COULD YOU EXCUSE US,
PLEASE? SORRY.

LAUREN, I THINK IT'S TIME
YOU GO HOME.

I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME.

I WANT TO TAKE CHARGE.

I FEEL DIZZY.

COME ON.

COME ON.

NICK...

NICK...GOD, THIS WAS ALL
A MISUNDERSTANDING.

I WAS SO WRONG
ABOUT YOU AND DARLA,

AND YOU WERE SO WRONG
ABOUT ME AND BRAD.

AND WE'RE NOT REALLY
MARRIED.

I MEAN, WE ARE TECHNICALLY,

BUT WE'RE GOING THROUGH
A DIVORCE.

ISN'T THAT GREAT NEWS?

LAUREN, I DON'T THINK

WE SHOULD SEE EACH
OTHER ANYMORE.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE
YOU DIDN'T TRUST ME.

G: LAUREN CRANDELL.

YOU'RE FIRED.

OH. GREAT.

Lauren: NICK'S WORDS WERE
RINGING IN MY HEAD

WHEN I WOKE UP.

HE TURNED MY TRUST ISSUES
AGAINST ME, AND HE WAS RIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

BUT EVEN WITH
A HORRIBLE HANGOVER,

I HAD A MOMENT OF CLARITY.

RULE NUMBER EIGHT --

WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE,
THERE ARE NO RULES.

OH, FORGET IT.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

OH, LET'S SEE.

I'M SINGLE, JOBLESS,
AND HAVE A KILLER HANGOVER.

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU CALL G,ASK FOR YOUR JOB BACK?

BECAUSE IT WAS A BLESSING
IN DISGUISE.

I'D RATHER BE POOR
AND UNEMPLOYED

THAN BE UNDER G'S THUMB.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

I'LL GET IT.

I BET THESE
WILL CHEER YOU UP.

OH.

THESE ARE PRETTY.YEAH.

THEY'RE FOR YOU.

"LILLIES FOR MY LILY"?

PLEASE COME HOME.
LOVE, BANJO."

ISN'T HE THE CUTEST?

WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR 3-MONTH RULE?

SOMETIMES LIFE
SURPRISES YOU.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, YOUCAN HAVE YOUR APARTMENT BACK.

AH, GREAT, NOW I CAN ADD
"LONELY" TO MY LIST.

[ LAUGHS ]
COULD THINGS GET ANY WORSE?

OH. ACTUALLY, MOM CALLED.

SHE SAID YOU'RE SUPPOSED TOMEET HER FOR BRUNCH.

LAUREN!IT'S 11:00 A.M., DEAR.

IT'S MORE THAN PAST THE TIME
TO COMB ONE'S HAIR.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING THOSERIDICULOUS SUNGLASSES?

MOM, PLEASE, SLOW DOWN.

AND PLEASE LOWER
YOUR VOICE.

WHY? DO YOU HAVE
A HANGOVER?

I'M BEGGING YOU.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING ELSE?

YES.

LOOK.

YES. I'M FAMILIAR
WITH IT.

YES, BUT LOOK AT THE COVER.

"JUNIOR WEDDING CONSULTANTS,THE REAL EXPERTS."

LISTEN.

[ SIGHS ]

"TODAY'S RENAISSANCE WOMEN,

"JUNIOR CONSULTANTSLIKE LAUREN CRANDELL,

HANDLE EVERYTHING FROM TORNVEILS TO DANGLING GROOMS."

DID THEY MENTION G?

NO.

SHE IS GONNA HAVE A FIT.

WELL, I THINK
IT'S WONDERFUL.

NOW ALL YOU NEED IS A MANTO SHARE IN YOUR SUCCESS,

WHICH REMINDS ME --HAVE YOU CALLED BRAD?

MOM...

MOM, THERE'S SOMETHING
THAT I NEED TO TELL YOU.

AND PLEASE, PLEASE LISTEN
CAREFULLY,

BECAUSE THIS HAS TAKEN ME OVER
A YEAR TO GET THE COURAGE.

WHAT IS IT, DEAR?

UM...

OH, MY GOD,
ARE YOU A LESBIAN?

IT'S OKAY IF YOU ARE, HONEY,

AS LONG AS I CAN STILLHAVE GRANDCHILDREN.

MOTHER, I AM NOT A LESBIAN.

THE REAL REASON WHY
BRAD AND I BROKE UP

IS BECAUSE
HE CHEATED ON ME.

WHAT?

HE TRIED TO SLEEP WITH LILY
WHILE WE WERE MARRIED.

HE DID NOT.

ASK HER.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, AND --
AND ALL THIS TIME,

I'VE BEEN PUSHING A CHEATERON MY OWN DAUGHTER.

OH, I AM SO SORRY.

MOM, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MESOONER?

[ SIGHS ]

I WAS ASHAMED.

I MEAN, YOU HAVE
THE PERFECT MARRIAGE.

I REALLY DIDN'T WANT
TO DISAPPOINT YOU.

OH, LAUREN.

LAUREN, YOU COULD NEVERDISAPPOINT ME,

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

THANK YOU.

NO, THANK YOU
FOR BEING HONEST.

[ SIGHS ]
THIS IS GOOD.

NOW I DON'T HAVE TO MAKEPOLITE CONVERSATION

WITH THAT ANNOYING MOTHEROF HIS.

[ LAUGHS ] MOM.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, DEAR.

[ CAROUSEL MUSIC PLAYS ]

Lauren: MY MOTHER'S FAITH IN ME

MADE ME THINK ABOUT WHAT
I WANTED TO DO NEXT.

I WAS MISSING WORK.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BEING
A WEDDING PLANNER THAT --

NO MATTER HOW CHALLENGING --
MAKES ME HAPPY.

RULE NUMBER NINE --

EVEN IN A WEDDING
WITH CATASTROPHIC BLUNDERS,

THERE SHOULD ALWAYS BE A MOMENT

OF PURE, UNADULTERATED
GOOD WILL.

Man:
WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Lauren: IT'S KNOWING
THAT I HAD A HAND

IN CREATING A SECOND OR TWO
OF PERFECT HARMONY

THAT KEEPS ME COMING BACK.

AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME.

I DIDN'T JUST WANT TO WATCH
THESE HAPPY MOMENTS.

I WANTED TO LIVE THEM.

HELLO? ANYBODY HERE?

WELL, ISN'T IT THE WEDDINGPLANNER FROM HELL?

JAY, I'M SO SORRY.

I REALLY WISH THAT THINGS
TURNED OUT DIFFERENTLY.

AND I WISH I WASN'T PAYINGFOR RICK TO GO ON MYHONEYMOON.

AT LEAST
YOU FOUND OUT NOW.

TRUST ME.

IT HURTS A WHOLE LOT MORE
AFTER YOU SAY "I DO."

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I'M LOOKING FOR NICK.

HE'S NOT HERE.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?

HE JUST OUT A FIRE
IN WRIGLEYVILLE.

HE'S GONNA BE CLEANING UPFOR A WHILE.

I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.

JAY, I-I REALLY NEED
TO TALK TO HIM.

WHATCHA DOING?

WELL, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY,RIGHT?

I'M GIVING YOU A RIDE.

[ LAUGHS ]
YOUR BROTHER WAS RIGHT.

ABOUT WHAT?

YOU.

YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.

[ SIREN WAILING ]

HA HA!

LOOK OUT!
COMING THROUGH!

HANG ON!

[ HORN HONKING ]

LET'S GO!
MOVE IT!

WE'RE ALMOST THERE.

NICK?

NICK!

LAUREN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOUR BROTHER
DROPPED ME OFF.

I REALLY HAVE TO TALKTO YOU,

AND I'M REALLY SORRY
IT COULDN'T WAIT.

UM, MY SISTER TOLD ME SOMETHINGREALLY WISE TODAY.

SHE SAID, "LIFEIS FULL OF SURPRISES."

AND SOMETIMES SOMEONE REALLY
SPECIAL COMES ALONG

WHO'S WORTH TAKING
A RISK FOR.

AND I THINK THAT...
I KNOW THAT...

I KNOW THAT YOU'RE WORTHTAKING THAT RISK.

AND IF YOU'LL HAVE ME,

I WOULD REALLY LOVE
A SECOND CHANCE.

CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG?

NO, NO.

LOOK HOW DIRTY I AM.

YOU PROBABLY HAD THAT THING
DRY-CLEANED.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH.

WHAT THE HECK?

[ CELLPHONE PLAYS
"HERE COMES THE BRIDE" ]

ARE YOU GONNA ANSWER THAT?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

[ "HERE COMES THE BRIDE"
CONTINUES ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

ALL RIGHT.

I KNOW THAT FILE IS HERE,
BARBARA.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT.
I KNOW I'M GONNA FIND IT, OKAY?

SORRY IT'S TAKING SO LONG.

IT'S BEEN CHAOS AROUND HERE.

BARBARA, LET ME GET BACK
TO YOU.

WHEW. LAUREN.

[ SIGHS ]
THANK GOD.

I'M JUST HERE TO PICK UP
MY THINGS.

NO. YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

THE OFFICE HAS GONE TO HELL
SINCE YOU LEFT.

I DIDN'T LEAVE.
YOU FIRED ME.

THE POINT IS, SINCE THAT
MAGAZINE ARTICLE,

EVERYONE'S BEEN ASKING
FOR YOU.

YOU HAVE TO COME BACK.

I DON'T KNOW.

IF NOT FOR ME,
THEN FOR SNICKER'S SAKE.

SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE,

HE'S BEEN RIPPING THE PLACE
TO SHREDS.

I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, G,

BUT HE HAS ALWAYS BEENTHAT WAY.

FINE. FORGET THE DOG.

I'LL GIVE YOU THAT PROMOTION.

PAY YOU SIX FIGURES.

YOU CAN EVEN HAVE
YOUR OWN ASSISTANT.

MY OWN ASSISTANT?

YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN HOURS.

ANYTHING YOU WANT.

I'LL ACCEPT YOUR OFFERUNDER ONE CONDITION.

YOU NAME IT.

THAT THIS TIME, I CAN QUIT.

EXCUSE ME?

I AM SICK AND TIRED

OF YOU TREATING ME LIKEAN INDENTURED SERVANT

AND THEN TAKING CREDITFOR EVERYTHING.

THIS IS THE THANKS I GET
FOR TAKING YOU UNDER MY WING?

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?

EASY.

SNICKERS, STOP IT NOW!

HEY, BOSS LADY,
BROUGHT YOU A LATTE.

I TOLD YOU
NOT TO WAIT ON ME.

IN THIS OFFICE,
YOU'RE AN EQUAL.

IN THAT CASE, I'M VOTING MYSELF
A RAISE.

DON'T PUSH IT.

[ GASPS ] OOH.
I GOT TO GO.

THE WEDDING'S AT 8:00,
RIGHT?

YEP. SO, PLAN ON MEETINGME IN AN HOUR?

MM-HMM.

OH, AND, UH, MARC...YES, DEAR?

YOU ARE PLANNING
ON CHANGING, RIGHT?

OF COURSE, DARLING.

ONE MUSTN'T UPSTAGE
THE BRIDE.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT.

YOU DO THE FINAL RUN-THROUGH,AND I'LL CHECK ON THE BRIDE.

TEN-FOUR, LITTLE LADY.
OVER NOW.

HOW YOU HOLDING UP, SIS?

GREAT. EVERYTHING'S GOINGACCORDING TO PLAN.

OKAY.

OH, SORRY.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

THANKS.

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME
RUIN MY MAKEUP.

HERE.

OLD HABITS DIE HARD.

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

I THOUGHT MISERY
LOVES COMPANY.

WELL, I GUESSWE BETTER GET STARTED.

YOU READY TO DO THIS?

READY AS I'LL EVER BE.

SO, WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

RULE NUMBER 10 --

REMEMBER THAT TRUE LOVE ISN'T
ABOUT EMBOSSED INVITATIONS

OR THE SIZE
OF YOUR BRIDAL PARTY.

TRUE LOVE IS WHAT YOU FIND WHEN
YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

TRUE LOVE IS TAKING THE RISK

THAT IT WON'T BE
A HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

TRUE LOVE IS JOINING HANDS

WITH A MAN WHO LOVES YOU
FOR WHO YOU ARE

AND SAYING, "I'M NOT AFRAID
TO BELIEVE IN YOU."

A LOVE LIKE THAT WILL SURVIVE
ANYTHING.

[ BEEPING ]

DUTY CALLS.

EVEN A LESS-THAN-PERFECT
WEDDING.

WE'RE STILL GONNA DO IT.

GREAT.

FRIENDS, LOVED ONES...