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1
00:00:00,974 --> 00:00:02,487
? Not your steppin' stone ?
2
00:00:02,687 --> 00:00:04,376
? Not your steppin' stone ?
3
00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:06,495
? Not your steppin' stone ?
4
00:00:06,695 --> 00:00:07,967
? Not- ?
5
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:10,239
Davy? Davy? Hey, Davy?
6
00:00:10,439 --> 00:00:11,880
Man, that's the third time today!
7
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,608
Hey, Davy? Davy, come back. Davy?
No use; he's gone.
8
00:00:14,808 --> 00:00:16,647
Yeah, there's gotta be a girl
around here somewhere.
9
00:00:16,847 --> 00:00:18,039
There she is, over there.
10
00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:19,172
Oh.
11
00:00:19,372 --> 00:00:22,436
Miss, can you leave so we could get some
rehearsing, yeah, ??? You know how it is.
12
00:00:22,636 --> 00:00:27,113
We can't rehearse with Davy.
He gets all, you know. Thank you very much.
13
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,708
? Not your steppin' stone ?
? Not your steppin' stone ?
14
00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:34,806
Davy?
15
00:00:35,006 --> 00:00:36,407
? Not your steppin' stone ?
16
00:00:36,607 --> 00:00:40,790
Ye-hey, fellas, come on,
wh-what-are you gonna sing? Oh, no.
17
00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:41,879
It happened, a girl.
18
00:00:42,079 --> 00:00:43,302
Yeah, you were, yeah.
Seven seconds.
19
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:44,994
- Uh-huh. Again. A girl.
- You've been out of it. Phew.
20
00:00:45,194 --> 00:00:47,521
Listen, I'll tell you what, fellas,
I'll never look at another girl, ever.
21
00:00:48,083 --> 00:00:49,669
Would you mind to make that
in the form of a vow?
22
00:00:49,869 --> 00:00:50,355
- Yeah, I'd love to.
- Oh.
23
00:00:50,555 --> 00:00:52,191
- Okay, I.
- I.
24
00:00:52,391 --> 00:00:53,688
- Vow.
- Vow.
25
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,471
- No more.
- No more.
26
00:00:55,671 --> 00:00:58,294
- Girls.
- Girls.
27
00:00:58,494 --> 00:01:00,215
Get her out of here.
28
00:01:00,415 --> 00:01:00,839
Come on.
29
00:01:01,039 --> 00:01:02,066
Out, out, out, out, out,
out, out, out, oh.
30
00:01:02,266 --> 00:01:02,995
Please, we can't rehearse
when there's girls around,
31
00:01:03,195 --> 00:01:04,578
and Davy can't rehearse,
he can't practice, he can't play,
32
00:01:04,778 --> 00:01:06,308
he can't do anything when
there's a girl around.
33
00:01:06,508 --> 00:01:08,941
Please, he'll see you later, honest.
34
00:01:09,731 --> 00:01:12,803
I'm gonna hold you to that vow,
you know that, don't you? Thank you.
35
00:01:13,003 --> 00:01:18,787
Because you-you'll have to go.
You see, Davy's been ill. Nobody's.
36
00:01:18,987 --> 00:01:25,465
That's right, baby. Oh, out, out, out,
out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out! Out!
37
00:01:25,665 --> 00:01:29,151
Come here, I'm sorry, you
d-we're trying to rehearse.
38
00:01:29,351 --> 00:01:35,686
??? in five minutes. Bye.
Hey, wait, hold it-back, back, easy.
39
00:01:37,871 --> 00:01:39,800
Oh, they're getting
stronger all the time.
40
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:40,944
Oh, no kidding, man.
41
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:43,008
He's gonna be the death of us yet.
42
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:44,288
You know it.
43
00:01:44,488 --> 00:01:46,504
Oh, I think that about does it.
Do you see any more, Micky?
44
00:01:46,704 --> 00:01:47,921
No, I don't see any more.
How 'bout you, Pete?
45
00:01:48,121 --> 00:01:49,976
No, how about you, Davy?
46
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:53,559
Davy!
47
00:01:53,759 --> 00:01:55,120
Poor Davy.
48
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,399
He's helpless, trapped by his
own staggering good looks.
49
00:01:59,599 --> 00:02:02,872
I myself am deeply jealous.
50
00:02:08,089 --> 00:02:12,897
Here we come, walkin'
down the street
51
00:02:13,097 --> 00:02:19,075
We get the funniest looks
from every one we meet
52
00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:24,988
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
and people say we monkey around
53
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:29,978
But we're too busy singing
to put anybody down
54
00:02:30,328 --> 00:02:36,354
We're just tryin' to be friendly,
come and watch us sing and play
55
00:02:36,554 --> 00:02:42,765
We're the young generation,
and we've got something to say
56
00:02:42,965 --> 00:02:48,220
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
you never know where we'll be found
57
00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:53,964
So you better get ready,
we may be comin' to your town
58
00:03:07,147 --> 00:03:11,757
Ah, ha ha ha ha.
Here they come now.
59
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,104
Oh no!
60
00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:22,811
The little one is Davy.
Get ready!
61
00:03:23,011 --> 00:03:28,547
He's English; he likes tea.
Do your stuff.
62
00:03:30,027 --> 00:03:31,132
But, mother-
63
00:03:31,332 --> 00:03:33,847
Don't mother me! Now,
you're going to have a career
64
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:39,591
in show business, and you're
going to have it with that boy.
65
00:03:39,791 --> 00:03:41,166
Hey, look!
66
00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:51,543
Yes, Mr. Hack.
Uh, yes, my daughter Fern
67
00:03:51,743 --> 00:03:56,432
is working up an act for
your TV amateur show.
68
00:03:56,632 --> 00:03:57,239
Tea room.
69
00:03:57,439 --> 00:03:58,103
Huh!
70
00:03:58,303 --> 00:04:01,314
Yes, she found a partner
like you suggested.
71
00:04:01,514 --> 00:04:02,779
- But-
- You care for a spot of tea?
72
00:04:02,979 --> 00:04:03,635
Rather have the whole cup.
73
00:04:03,835 --> 00:04:05,539
Ah ha ha.
74
00:04:05,739 --> 00:04:12,186
Goodbye, sir.
Pepper and a nail.
75
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:17,442
Ah ha ha, ha ha, ha!
Now, you do what I told you.
76
00:04:17,642 --> 00:04:19,695
Yes, mother.
77
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:26,515
I understand you young men would
like to have your tea leaves read.
78
00:04:26,715 --> 00:04:28,300
Oh, no, I'm gonna bring mine home.
79
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,106
Why?
80
00:04:29,306 --> 00:04:30,402
It'll give me something
to read in bed.
81
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:32,298
Oh.
82
00:04:32,498 --> 00:04:33,313
You can read mine.
83
00:04:33,513 --> 00:04:34,594
Mine too.
84
00:04:34,794 --> 00:04:41,554
Let's see. Oh, I see you're a
musician, composer, raconteur.
85
00:04:41,754 --> 00:04:46,320
He also contains lanolin and won't
upset your stomach, ha ha.
86
00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:52,851
And, um, oh, that's too bad.
I see you're about to get a flat tire.
87
00:04:53,051 --> 00:04:54,155
Right now?
88
00:04:54,355 --> 00:05:00,827
Now, let's see.
Oh, you look tired.
89
00:05:01,027 --> 00:05:03,947
I see you're gonna come down
with a twenty-four hour virus.
90
00:05:04,147 --> 00:05:06,091
Oh.
91
00:05:09,210 --> 00:05:14,618
Now, young man.
You-well, well, well!
92
00:05:14,818 --> 00:05:17,866
I see that within twenty-four hours,
93
00:05:18,066 --> 00:05:20,858
you're going to meet a girl
and fall in love.
94
00:05:21,058 --> 00:05:21,714
Oh.
95
00:05:21,914 --> 00:05:23,226
Yeah, well, yeah, he does
that every day.
96
00:05:23,426 --> 00:05:27,026
Oh, but this love is so great.
He will leave his home and friends.
97
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:27,930
What?
98
00:05:28,130 --> 00:05:29,972
That's impossible;
I wouldn't do that.
99
00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:36,738
Young man, it's predestined.
It's your appointment with fate.
100
00:05:36,938 --> 00:05:42,195
The-the-the tea
leaves never lie. No!
101
00:05:44,122 --> 00:05:46,700
I'm switching to buttermilk.
102
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:49,539
Hey, you don't think there's anything
in this tea leaf bit, do you?
103
00:05:49,739 --> 00:05:52,642
Oh, come on, man, there
nothing in tea leaves.
104
00:05:52,842 --> 00:05:55,434
You guys don't believe that, do you?
105
00:05:55,634 --> 00:05:57,730
We're not very superstitious,
and we're four
106
00:05:57,930 --> 00:06:02,757
pretty intelligent guys who've
been very lucky. Huh. Knock wood.
107
00:06:09,617 --> 00:06:15,233
Oh! Well, it's begun! Huh huh.
Did you take care of the car?
108
00:06:15,433 --> 00:06:16,762
Yes, mother.
109
00:06:16,962 --> 00:06:19,683
Well, that's singularly the
most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
110
00:06:19,883 --> 00:06:22,074
Says you're gonna come down
with a twenty-four hour virus.
111
00:06:22,274 --> 00:06:23,883
It said you're gonna fall in
love within twenty-four hours.
112
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:26,258
Said we're gonna get a flat tire.
We got a flat tire.
113
00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,778
Well, there must be some perfectly
reasonable explanation for it.
114
00:06:28,978 --> 00:06:33,051
It's probably-ah-achoo! Huh,
I must be coming down with a cold.
115
00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:35,355
Hey, that's two predictions
that's happened that she said.
116
00:06:35,555 --> 00:06:36,754
You don't suppose that I'm gonna-
117
00:06:36,954 --> 00:06:39,003
Let's get him out of here!
118
00:06:39,203 --> 00:06:40,867
Where can we get some buttermilk?
119
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,708
Ah!
120
00:06:54,011 --> 00:06:55,435
Now, this is getting ridiculous.
121
00:06:55,635 --> 00:06:56,898
I'm not gonna fall in
love and leave ya.
122
00:06:57,098 --> 00:06:59,523
Yeah, you bet you're not.
She said twenty-four hours, right?
123
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,291
Okay, well, for the next
twenty-four hours,
124
00:07:01,491 --> 00:07:03,347
we're gonna insulate you
from women. Ah ha ha.
125
00:07:03,547 --> 00:07:04,835
But that's half the world!
126
00:07:05,035 --> 00:07:07,695
Half the world, half the world!
Half the, half the, half the.
127
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,583
That's their house, Fern. By now,
128
00:07:10,783 --> 00:07:13,959
they'll have decided to try
to keep him out of circulation,
129
00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:16,368
but you know what to do.
130
00:07:16,568 --> 00:07:19,024
Whatever you say, mother.
131
00:07:19,224 --> 00:07:20,759
Which half? This half.
This half the world.
132
00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:23,800
Which half of the world?
Is it, half the world-
133
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:28,184
It's a girl. Go away.
What are you doing?
134
00:07:28,384 --> 00:07:32,362
Will you stop it, please?
Let me go! Come on.
135
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,480
Oh, it's okay;
it's only a girl scout.
136
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,689
Oh, gosharooney;
it's only a girl scout.
137
00:07:38,889 --> 00:07:41,487
Let me go, please.
138
00:07:41,687 --> 00:07:44,680
Hi, I'm a little girl scout,
139
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,112
and I want to know if you'll
buy my cookies, please?
140
00:07:47,312 --> 00:07:48,925
Girl scout!
141
00:07:50,881 --> 00:07:54,195
[yelling]
142
00:07:54,395 --> 00:08:00,418
Peter, not you!
Girl scout my... [cuckoo].
143
00:08:03,272 --> 00:08:04,791
Hey, come on, Davy,
let's play some cards.
144
00:08:04,991 --> 00:08:07,528
I'm going crazy.
You can't lock me up like this.
145
00:08:07,728 --> 00:08:10,479
Why are you doing it to me?
You can't lock me up like an animal.
146
00:08:10,679 --> 00:08:12,174
I know why he's doing it;
it's 'cause I'm short,
147
00:08:12,374 --> 00:08:12,976
that's why. I'm short.
That's it.
148
00:08:13,176 --> 00:08:14,231
- Davy?
- What?
149
00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:15,872
Will you please come
on and play some cards?
150
00:08:16,072 --> 00:08:19,264
Alright, deal 'em.
It's a girl.
151
00:08:19,464 --> 00:08:21,737
I'll get it.
152
00:08:23,775 --> 00:08:25,856
Hm. It is a girl.
Get him upstairs.
153
00:08:28,544 --> 00:08:30,536
Not me, him!
154
00:08:30,736 --> 00:08:32,743
Oh. Sorry.
155
00:08:43,177 --> 00:08:45,433
I'm from the Dubois
Photo Studio, and, uh,
156
00:08:45,633 --> 00:08:49,096
I would like to know if you would
like a free sample picture for use in,
157
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:53,136
uh, passports, picture albums,
or publicity releases?
158
00:08:53,336 --> 00:08:54,664
That sounds cool.
159
00:08:54,864 --> 00:08:57,912
Alright, now hold it.
Oh, it's just perfect.
160
00:08:58,112 --> 00:09:00,866
Stay right there.
Now hold it, hold it!
161
00:09:01,066 --> 00:09:02,848
Now, wait a minute.
I thought there were four of you.
162
00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:04,848
He's upstairs.
163
00:09:05,048 --> 00:09:10,745
Oh. Oh. Oh! Huh huh.
Hold it! Hold it!
164
00:09:10,945 --> 00:09:12,183
I'm blind! I'm blind!
165
00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:13,921
I can't see! Who turned
on the dark? What's happening?
166
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,920
Hey, wait a minute!
Hold it there, shotgun!
167
00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,344
Ahh!
168
00:09:24,509 --> 00:09:25,500
Right.
169
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,085
Okay, fellas, that's it.
170
00:09:27,285 --> 00:09:30,155
This is a free country,
and I am going out.
171
00:09:30,355 --> 00:09:30,867
- No.
- I'm leaving. I'm leaving now.
172
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:32,651
No, no, no. No, sorry.
173
00:09:32,851 --> 00:09:35,243
Listen, the only way you're
gonna keep me here is to tie me down.
174
00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:38,491
Chain me down. That's how
you're gonna keep me here.
175
00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:42,636
Relax, Davy. Watch television.
176
00:09:42,836 --> 00:09:46,139
There's a western on about
some guy building a railroad.
177
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,301
Well, how 'bout the railroad?
178
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:58,070
Need rails, a new flat car,
rebuilding that bridge'll cost money.
179
00:09:58,270 --> 00:09:59,838
Dave, you got the soul
of a bookkeeper.
180
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:01,965
Why don't we start with
a bottle of champagne,
181
00:10:02,165 --> 00:10:03,454
and maybe a poker game, and-
182
00:10:03,654 --> 00:10:07,846
Ben, you've enjoyed, uh, a rock
slide, and a cattle drive,
183
00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:09,748
and-and a full scale ride.
184
00:10:09,948 --> 00:10:11,522
How'd you like to have a
small personal reward?
185
00:10:11,722 --> 00:10:14,098
Now just a minute.
Whose railroad is this anyway?
186
00:10:14,298 --> 00:10:17,468
Ours.
187
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:21,474
Alright, but at least we can
start with a bottle of champagne.
188
00:10:21,674 --> 00:10:23,782
After that, if we have to...
189
00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:31,059
But he was chained to chair!
190
00:10:31,259 --> 00:10:33,063
Hey, what's that?
191
00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:38,003
It's a letter for Davy.
Special delivery, a heh.
192
00:10:38,203 --> 00:10:41,588
Man, what could possibly make a
person go dragging a chair across the city?
193
00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:44,028
Don't worry, dearie.
If I know that boy,
194
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:49,716
he's bound to fall for
this one. Ha ha ha ha ha!
195
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,373
Says, "Dear Mr. Jones, you've been
196
00:10:51,573 --> 00:10:53,766
chosen to judge our fifth
annual beauty pageant."�
197
00:10:53,966 --> 00:10:57,602
- That'd do it.
- Yeah.
198
00:10:57,802 --> 00:10:59,378
Davy loose at a beauty contest.
199
00:10:59,578 --> 00:11:00,497
Man, we're sunk.
200
00:11:00,697 --> 00:11:02,226
How fast can he move
dragging a chair?
201
00:11:02,426 --> 00:11:03,978
Yeah, that's a-uh!
202
00:11:55,035 --> 00:11:56,198
What was that?
203
00:11:56,398 --> 00:12:01,666
I don't know, but you touched me,
and I heard music.
204
00:12:05,774 --> 00:12:10,425
My name's David Jones, and...
I think I love you.
205
00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:20,504
We're too late.
206
00:12:20,704 --> 00:12:23,111
I myself am deeply jealous.
207
00:12:24,446 --> 00:12:27,503
Hey, that's the lady
that predicted all this.
208
00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:29,191
Come on. Hello.
Would you like to sit down?
209
00:12:29,391 --> 00:12:31,127
- Oh, yes.
- Sit right there.
210
00:12:31,327 --> 00:12:32,094
Thank you, my dear.
Thank you.
211
00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,958
I wanted Fern to meet you.
It happened
212
00:12:34,158 --> 00:12:36,415
just like she said it did
when-when she read my tea leaves.
213
00:12:36,615 --> 00:12:40,910
Uh, let me look into
your future, my dear.
214
00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:44,334
Oh, I see a great opportunity
ahead for you.
215
00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:46,749
You're going to appear on
a television program.
216
00:12:46,949 --> 00:12:50,798
Hey, that's right. She told me about that.
She's gonna be on The Amateur Hour.
217
00:12:50,998 --> 00:12:52,903
And you'll be appearing
with a young man.
218
00:12:53,103 --> 00:12:59,063
You'll be a great success.
And that young man is you, young man!
219
00:12:59,263 --> 00:13:01,099
Me? No, it can't be me.
220
00:13:01,299 --> 00:13:02,789
I'm a member of a group;
I'm a Monkee.
221
00:13:02,989 --> 00:13:05,613
Yes, yes, of course.
222
00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:09,503
Couldn't you just do
it for me this Sunday?
223
00:13:09,703 --> 00:13:12,206
Well, we don't have
another job, so-
224
00:13:12,406 --> 00:13:15,786
Oh, thank you, Davy.
225
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:19,124
- Hi Davy.
- Hey, Davy, what's happening?
226
00:13:19,324 --> 00:13:21,985
Hiya, fellas!
Hey, hey, guess-guess what?
227
00:13:22,185 --> 00:13:24,392
Fern and I are going to be
on The Amateur Hour on TV.
228
00:13:24,592 --> 00:13:26,788
- Oh.
- Oh.
229
00:13:27,387 --> 00:13:28,518
Hey! What, what?
Come on, fellas.
230
00:13:28,718 --> 00:13:30,030
No way, Charlie.
I'm sorry, Davy.
231
00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:32,310
I'm only trying to help her.
232
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:34,608
Yeah, right, we understand.
233
00:13:35,308 --> 00:13:37,805
Alright, fellas, you asked for it.
234
00:13:44,636 --> 00:13:49,387
A man in love has the
strength of thousands.
235
00:13:49,587 --> 00:13:53,636
Come on, Fern. Let's rehearse.
236
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:55,640
Phone's ringing.
237
00:14:00,162 --> 00:14:00,748
Hello?
238
00:14:00,948 --> 00:14:02,236
Is Mrs. Badderly there?
239
00:14:02,436 --> 00:14:03,068
No, she isn't.
240
00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:05,187
Eh, would you give her a message?
241
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:08,051
This is Mr. Hack
of The Amateur Hour.
242
00:14:08,251 --> 00:14:09,468
I'd like her to know that
her daughter and
243
00:14:09,668 --> 00:14:13,627
Mr. Jones are scheduled for
last on our Sunday night's show.
244
00:14:13,827 --> 00:14:16,783
Okay, I'll tell her.
245
00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:19,618
That was The Amateur Hour.
246
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,243
I'm supposed to tell
the tea leaf lady that
247
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,159
her daughter and Davy are
scheduled to appear last.
248
00:14:23,359 --> 00:14:24,566
- Oh.
- Oh.
249
00:14:24,766 --> 00:14:27,593
Her daughter and Davy?!
250
00:14:31,096 --> 00:14:35,087
Ah, well, before we present our
first gifted amateur of the evening,
251
00:14:35,287 --> 00:14:38,559
remember that it's your phoned-in
votes that's gonna give
252
00:14:38,759 --> 00:14:43,334
this amateur a win tonight and
give him a big boost in his career.
253
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:48,551
And now, for our first amateur,
for all of you magic lovers,
254
00:14:48,751 --> 00:14:51,759
The Astonishing Pietro.
255
00:14:55,830 --> 00:14:58,240
Thank you, thank you,
the magic of the pasteboards.
256
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,798
Yes, you'll notice that
my fingers never leave my hand.
257
00:15:00,998 --> 00:15:02,899
Thank you very much, ladies and...
258
00:15:06,061 --> 00:15:07,637
for my next trick,
259
00:15:07,837 --> 00:15:09,413
a bird, a real live bird,
ladies and gentlemen
260
00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:10,583
the dove, the bird of peace.
261
00:15:10,783 --> 00:15:14,143
I have placed the bird in the bag.
I am going to make the bird disappear.
262
00:15:14,343 --> 00:15:16,671
I blow up the bag.
263
00:15:28,355 --> 00:15:31,624
For my next trick, milk.
264
00:15:31,824 --> 00:15:36,697
I pour this, uh, generous,
wholesome milk into this hat.
265
00:15:38,174 --> 00:15:42,894
And now, ladies and gentlemen.
No milk.
266
00:15:43,094 --> 00:15:47,964
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.
267
00:15:54,407 --> 00:15:56,415
And that's The Astonishing Pietro.
268
00:15:56,615 --> 00:15:58,559
Thank you, thank you, Pietro.
269
00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:00,559
Our next contestant on your TV
270
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:03,591
amateur hour is a very
gifted folk singer,
271
00:16:03,791 --> 00:16:08,640
and here he is,
Billy Roy Hodstetter.
272
00:16:10,335 --> 00:16:12,773
Thank you very much, Mr. Hack.
273
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:15,011
? You and I travel to the
beat of a different drum ?
274
00:16:15,211 --> 00:16:16,780
? Can't you tell by the way I run ?
275
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,517
? Every time you make eyes at me ?
276
00:16:18,717 --> 00:16:21,883
? Ooh, you cry and moan and
say we'll work out ?
277
00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:23,612
? But, honey child, I've got my doubts ?
278
00:16:23,812 --> 00:16:27,172
? You can't see the forest
for the trees ?
279
00:16:30,468 --> 00:16:33,477
? Don't get, don't get me,
don't get me wrong ?
280
00:16:33,677 --> 00:16:35,652
? Goodbye, I'm a-leaving ?
281
00:16:35,852 --> 00:16:37,220
? I see no sense in your
crying and grieving ?
282
00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:40,741
? We'd both live a lot longer
if you live without me, babe ?
283
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,413
Thank you, thank you,
Billy Roy.
284
00:16:43,613 --> 00:16:45,589
And now, our next
contestant is a fellow,
285
00:16:45,789 --> 00:16:49,549
well, well, I know he's
just gonna make you laugh.
286
00:16:49,749 --> 00:16:55,334
He's the master of
impersonation, Locksley Mendoza.
287
00:16:55,534 --> 00:16:59,390
How are you, ladies and germs?
Ha ha! How are you there, Mr. Hack?
288
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:01,933
I don't want to say he's fat, but,
uh, when he sits around the house,
289
00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:03,428
he sits around the house, ha ha.
290
00:17:03,628 --> 00:17:04,805
That reminds me of a friend of mine.
291
00:17:05,005 --> 00:17:06,629
Spent a thousand dollars
looking up his family tree,
292
00:17:06,829 --> 00:17:10,229
discovered he was a sap!
Uh! Get it? Sap? Tree?
293
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:11,749
A ha! Well, I wanna tell you
about my-over here, camera.
294
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:13,277
I want to tell you about my family now.
295
00:17:13,477 --> 00:17:15,573
Now, take my wife. Please, take my wife.
296
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:20,357
Oh, my wife. She talks so much,
I sent her to Florida last week,
297
00:17:20,557 --> 00:17:23,293
she came back with a
burnt tongue. Get it?
298
00:17:23,493 --> 00:17:26,021
Oh, that's beautiful, huh?
My wife, she has a button nose.
299
00:17:26,221 --> 00:17:27,734
It buttons to her lower lip!
300
00:17:27,934 --> 00:17:30,117
I bought her a mink outfit the
other day, a rifle, and a trap!
301
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:33,085
Get it? Rifle, trap, mink outfit?
You like that one?
302
00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:35,421
I've got more, plenty more.
I've got millions of 'em, baby.
303
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,822
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
How do you like that?
304
00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:39,470
For my first impression,
ladies and gentlemen,
305
00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:43,772
I would like to do my impression
of the inimitable James Cagney.
306
00:17:47,054 --> 00:17:49,572
Uh! You're the rat that
killed my brother!
307
00:17:49,772 --> 00:17:51,037
Ha! One moment, don't go away!
308
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,869
Got another one. Now my
impression of the great,
309
00:17:54,069 --> 00:17:59,669
the famous, Edward G. Robinson! Uh!
310
00:17:59,869 --> 00:18:01,630
You're the rat that killed my brother!
311
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,350
You like that one?
I've got a better one!
312
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:07,901
Now, the climax of my whole
thing is the great Harvey Needleman.
313
00:18:08,101 --> 00:18:10,029
Don't go away!
314
00:18:11,021 --> 00:18:12,685
You're the rat that killed my brother!
315
00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,044
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen!
316
00:18:14,244 --> 00:18:16,237
Thank you, baby, thank you
very much, ladies and gentlemen!
317
00:18:16,437 --> 00:18:18,029
Ah, bye-bye now! Ha ha!
318
00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:21,421
Thank you, Locksley Mendoza.
319
00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:25,911
Very, very funny.
"Man of a thousand voices".
320
00:18:26,111 --> 00:18:27,760
Hey, mister, here's
something for your throat.
321
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,839
What? Thank you.
322
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,575
Thank you, tha-thanks.
323
00:18:38,393 --> 00:18:40,576
Oh, I think that's us.
We're on.
324
00:18:46,785 --> 00:18:47,961
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
325
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,296
here's the last contestants
of the evening:
326
00:18:50,496 --> 00:18:55,151
that adorable twosome,
Fern and Davy.
327
00:18:56,145 --> 00:18:57,048
? First you say you will ?
328
00:18:57,248 --> 00:18:57,968
? And then you don't ?
329
00:18:58,168 --> 00:18:59,008
? Then you say you will ?
330
00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:00,249
? And then you won't ?
331
00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:01,497
? It's undecided now ?
332
00:19:01,697 --> 00:19:03,441
? So what are you gonna do? ?
333
00:19:03,641 --> 00:19:07,416
? Da da-da dum ?
334
00:19:07,616 --> 00:19:08,016
? And then you say you will ?
335
00:19:08,216 --> 00:19:08,817
? And then you won't ?
336
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:09,889
? It's undecided now ?
337
00:19:10,089 --> 00:19:13,605
? So what are you gonna do? ?
338
00:19:17,434 --> 00:19:19,770
Then you say you won't.
Then you will?
339
00:19:19,828 --> 00:19:21,092
Oh!
340
00:19:21,689 --> 00:19:23,822
You messed it all up!
What's wrong with you?
341
00:19:24,022 --> 00:19:25,744
You got rocks in your pockets?
342
00:19:28,505 --> 00:19:31,729
Thank you, uh, th-thank, uh,
thank you Fern, Fern and Davy, thank you.
343
00:19:31,929 --> 00:19:34,946
Thank you very much.
344
00:19:35,146 --> 00:19:36,209
Ah!
345
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:39,394
Baby, baby, it's alright, baby.
346
00:19:39,594 --> 00:19:46,009
To think I let my daughter get
involved with such a no-talent kid. Punk!
347
00:19:46,209 --> 00:19:48,208
Oh!
348
00:19:48,408 --> 00:19:49,448
Her daughter?
349
00:19:49,648 --> 00:19:50,426
So, ladies and gentlemen,
350
00:19:50,626 --> 00:19:54,689
we return with onemore act after
a word from our sponsor.
351
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:55,601
Their sponsor?
352
00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:56,258
Our sponsor.
353
00:19:56,458 --> 00:19:57,906
- Our sponsor.
- Our sponsor.
354
00:19:59,396 --> 00:20:02,637
Sdrawkcab is superior to
those products that contain iron.
355
00:20:02,837 --> 00:20:05,028
Sdrawkcab contains aluminum.
356
00:20:05,228 --> 00:20:09,045
Oh, iron is fine, but
remember, iron can rust.
357
00:20:09,245 --> 00:20:16,027
Sdrawkcab spelled backwards
means, is backwards.
358
00:20:16,227 --> 00:20:18,020
Baby, don't cry.
359
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:20,198
Here's The Monkees.
360
00:20:24,362 --> 00:20:29,253
I thought love was only
true in fairytales
361
00:20:30,108 --> 00:20:34,417
Meant for someone
else but not for me
362
00:20:36,052 --> 00:20:38,065
Love was out to get me
363
00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:40,902
That's the way it seemed
364
00:20:42,461 --> 00:20:45,329
Disappointment haunted
all my dreams
365
00:20:46,685 --> 00:20:51,405
Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer
366
00:20:52,507 --> 00:20:58,402
Not a trace of
doubt in my mind
367
00:20:58,602 --> 00:21:02,891
I'm in love, I'm a believer
368
00:21:03,091 --> 00:21:06,581
I couldn't leave her if I tried
369
00:21:08,937 --> 00:21:13,790
I thought love was more
or less a givin' thing
370
00:21:14,782 --> 00:21:18,879
Seems the more I
gave the less I got
371
00:21:20,765 --> 00:21:25,582
What's the use in trying?
All you get is pain
372
00:21:27,221 --> 00:21:30,221
When I needed
sunshine I got rain
373
00:21:31,810 --> 00:21:36,659
Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer
374
00:21:37,910 --> 00:21:42,311
Not a trace of
doubt in my mind
375
00:21:44,283 --> 00:21:48,693
I'm in love,
I'm a believer
376
00:21:48,893 --> 00:21:51,442
I couldn't leave her if I tried
377
00:22:06,227 --> 00:22:08,400
Love was out to get me
378
00:22:09,689 --> 00:22:12,122
That's the way it seemed
379
00:22:12,322 --> 00:22:15,614
Disappointment haunted
all my dreams
380
00:22:17,105 --> 00:22:21,720
Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer
381
00:22:23,491 --> 00:22:27,756
Not a trace of
doubt in my mind
382
00:22:29,370 --> 00:22:34,018
I'm in love,
I'm a believer
383
00:22:34,218 --> 00:22:37,148
I couldn't leave her if I tried
384
00:22:38,303 --> 00:22:43,319
Yes I saw her face,
now I'm a believer
385
00:22:44,775 --> 00:22:49,056
Not a trace of
doubt in my mind
386
00:22:50,477 --> 00:22:53,997
Said I'm a believer,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
387
00:22:54,197 --> 00:22:56,320
I'm a believer
388
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,981
- I'm a believer
- I'm a believer
389
00:23:02,459 --> 00:23:07,788
Curses!
Foiled by The Monkees!
390
00:23:07,988 --> 00:23:10,371
Um, the whole thing was,
you know, kind of a con job.
391
00:23:10,571 --> 00:23:14,171
Uh, Miss Badderly wanted you
to help launch her daughter's career,
392
00:23:14,371 --> 00:23:15,691
and we tried to tell you, but, uh-
393
00:23:15,891 --> 00:23:18,003
It was my own fault, Mike.
394
00:23:18,203 --> 00:23:22,211
I shouldn't have believed in
those stupid tea leaves.
395
00:23:22,411 --> 00:23:24,687
Oh!
396
00:23:27,570 --> 00:23:29,619
And now, the vote,
ladies and gentlemen,
397
00:23:29,819 --> 00:23:33,852
to see which gifted amateur has
his chance to go on to stardom.
398
00:23:34,052 --> 00:23:35,380
The winners tonight-
399
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:38,018
No, baby, no.
400
00:23:38,218 --> 00:23:40,249
Fern and Davy!
31375
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