All language subtitles for Jesus, Du wich Seidl, 2003) DivX5

Lord, I want to thank you for this film.
I want to thank you for the shoot.

Everything went so well.

I want to thank you
for all the happiness involved...

we all made this film in honour of you.

Let me pray for every single person
who watches this film,

may they be willing to encounter
you in a new way,

may they gain a new vision of you.

I want to thank you, Lord,
for everyone being so deeply impressed,

and let me thank you for them
having found out that you love them...

and that you have a plan for their life.

In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Lord,
I dedicate this project to your cross,

the cross of victory.

I profess in the name of all the people
who are chosen to fulfill your plan.

I profess that you, Jesus Christ,
you are our Lord and our living God,

that you are the master of this film,

the master of Austria.

I profess that you want to do something
completely new with this film,

something that no one can foresee
or predict, Lord, you can do it.

Lord, take this film to our hearts,

enlighten us so that we realize
what we are meant to show.

This film will present you,

almighty God, saviour and Lord.

Talk through us, guide and direct us...

and move the hearts of the audience.

JESUS, YOU KNOW

May Jesus Christ be highly honoured
and blessed...

in the holiest sacrament of the altar...

as well as the undefiled conception of the
holiest virgin and mother of God Mary,

from now until eternity. Amen.

Jesus, I have come to you today...

to pray for something very special.

You know, my husband has been ill for
so long, his impatience is increasing.

Have mercy on him
so that he can accept his disease,

make him recognize and realize
the good and happy moments of life.

Stop him from being desperate,

console him...

and provide him with this special gift
of finding and accepting you,

please, Jesus.

Let me also pray for my children.

You know,
Simon is about to take his final exam.

Provide him with the holy ghost...

so that he realizes the importance
of having a degree,

provide him with enough power to study.

Let me pray for my daughter as well,

she's got a nice boyfriend.

But you know today's youth,
no one goes to church anymore,

no one prays.

Have mercy...

on my children, on all the children...

so that they find their way back to you,
back to prayer.

Let them
simply feel the power of prayer,

let them find you.

Thank you, Jesus.

But let me pray for one more thing,

give me patience and love for my family,

especially for my husband...

so that I can be patient
and caring during his illness.

Let me thank you, Lord.

Jesus, yesterday, when I came home,

my husband was very depressed.

You know, since he had this stroke,
walking is very hard for him.

He can't figure out
any deeper sense for his life.

He still yearns to be healthy
and live like before.

You know, he knows and we all know...

that this life was not good for him.

Business life all the time,
lots of alcohol, not enough sleep,

too much stress, no reconciliation,
no silent moments for prayer.

When he got ill 10 years ago,

he realized that his lifestyle had not
been right for him and he said:

"Let me thank God for this disease.

I would never have been able
to find my way back,

I would have missed any deeper sense
of my life."

But in the course of time,

he became ungrateful again,
he started...

tasting the old life again.

He started drinking again.

Since then,
he has always had this urge...

to get his old life back.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thanks for your kindness
and for always being there.

Your house is open
be it daytime or nighttime.

Jesus,
remove all the bitterness from his heart...

give him your peace,

give him the true faith,

send him the
holy ghost so that he realizes...

that the crucifix entails salvation.

Suffering makes us find God.

I ask you, Jesus, every day...

for enough power and strength for
the day, courage for the next day,

even if there are 10 or 20
or 30 years more to go,

that's nothing in comparison to eternity.

Sometimes he accepts me saying,
eternity will be pleasant for you,

you will be rewarded for everything
you have to miss out on now.

But a lot of times I cannot talk
about my faith with him,

he is so reserved and...

doesn't want to talk at all.

Jesus, if this
be your will, send him a sign.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thanks for your kindness
and for always being there.

Your house is open
be it daytime or nighttime,

thank you for letting us pray to you
in this house of God.

I really hope that many people
set out to find you here;

simply come to you
to tell you their sorrows,

so that you can send them away,
as consoled and comforted...

as you have always done with me.

Thank you, Jesus, for the
pleasures you give me despite all.

You have always
looked after us financially,

we are able to afford our car, our flat,

and are doing fine otherwise.

You are looking after our children now,

you are doing
what we are no longer able to do.

Good morning, Father,
good morning, Jesus.

You have made this day just for me...

to make me happy and cheerful.

Sometimes it's hard to be cheerful,

especially these days...

when I'm having relationship problems.

Nobody knows
about my sorrows like you.

You know how much
I've always wanted a relationship,

a relationship full of love...

with a fellow human being, a woman...

who respects and likes me.

I really thought...

that Brigitte...

would be this woman.

I would have loved her to be.

But...

I realize how different
we actually are sometimes.

Father,

is there any chance...

of saving this relationship?

Don't let me fail,
don't let me lose hope and faith.

I really like Brigitte,

and I have tried my best.

Both of us wanted...

this relationship...

to be at the center of our lives.

I can't just accept...

that this is the end.

Father, if there is any chance,

please let me know...

Show me how...

to start talking to her again...

Let me find the right words,

let me approach her.

Help me to make her understand me,

my words.

Any chance of rescuing us,

is in your hands, Father.

I pray for that,

but, finally,

your will, not mine, shall be done.

Amen.

Jesus, you know
what makes me especially sad,

I've told you this many times...

I'm talking about the TV programmes.

My husband simply doesn't have the
gift of choosing the right programme.

He usually
switches to these talk shows.

The aura on those shows
is just plain negative.

And that affects him.

He identifies with the people there,

he identifies with the problems
they discuss.

It's a sort of open confession of sins.

They discuss family problems,
personal problems...

But it's also a legitimization of sins
and redemption...

All that confuses him,
but he doesn't see any of this.

I've tried to talk about this with him,

but he says that's just the way
the programme is, and...

he can't do anything about it.

And the children watch exactly the
same programmes in their own rooms.

I'm surrounded by 3 televisions
tuned to the same programme.

Sometimes I don't know where to go,
I can only seek asylum with you,

I'm praying to you to change all this.

Send the people in charge
of this programme...

your holy spirit.

They have the power to change it.

But without the holy spirit...

they don't know that it's so bad,

that it affects whole families,

eventually even splitting them up.

Problems don't get discussed anymore,

but watched on TV.

That's not the right solution
and you know that, Jesus.

We all need your holy ghost,

please send it to us.

Jesus,

all those years ago...

when my husband and I got married...

I never imagined we'd run into problems...

because of our different beliefs.

I've always accepted him, faith and all,
and the same went for him.

Both of us have been living
according to our faith...

and this has never been a problem for us,

but in the course
of time I have realized...

that it is a problem after all.

Everything began with our
children's christenings.

He didn't attend.

He came to their first communion
and their confirmation,

but only because they were
family get-togethers.

Then, when he became ill...

nearly 11 years ago,

he was really pleased at first
that I was religious,

that I prayed for him so often.
He used to say:

"Please go to church and pray for me,
I always feel so calm...

and relaxed afterwards."

When he got better,

he was able to fly
to his home country Pakistan again.

Last time upon his return...

he told me...

that they had reproached me...

for not being a Muslim, they had accused
his whole family of being Christian.

And he couldn't forget this thought...

and he started...

developing certain resentments
against us, his family...

and he started
fighting against you, Jesus.

He couldn't look at the crucifix,
he couldn't look at your portrait either.

We got the crucifix on our wedding day...

and the portrait of the merciful Jesus.

I remember, one day,
when I came back from church,

he ordered me to get rid of the portrait,

his voice was so harsh
that I started trembling.

And I said,

"I let you have
your Koran, I don't object,

so please let me keep this portrait."

He calmed down, but still, deep inside...

he cannot cope
with his family accusing him...

of having married a woman
of the wrong belief and faith.

They said
that his disease was the curse...

for his sins.

Ever since,
he has stopped feeling at home,

both in his family, and in this country.

The fact that he knows I come to you
to talk so often, Jesus,

even makes him jealous of you.

He is not aware of this, but he feels it.

I beseech you Jesus,

provide him with the spirit of insight...

into the fact that you are his Redeemer,

that you could heal him
if he asked you faithfully and trustfully.

Sometimes I try to explain this to him,

showing him
excerpts of the holy scripture,

that tell us about Jesus
healing people of a different faith.

I told him
you are the Saviour of all people...

but he simply cannot bring himself
to beseech you.

Let me do that instead, for him.

If you wish, heal him...

and if this be your will,

give him the strength
to see him through his disease.

Jesus, you know,

in my marriage...

I've made a number of mistakes.

I might have been too egoistic.

Maybe...

I didn't pay enough attention...

to my wife.

Maybe I didn't
give her enough of my time.

I'm not sure.

You know,

both of us wanted to have a daughter.

Birgit.

This wish came true.

We really wanted a girl.

In the beginning...

we actually were on good terms
with each other.

But since the divorce...

my daughter has become more and more
estranged from me.

Even though I sought contact,

especially later
when she was going through puberty.

Sometimes I wouldn't see her for weeks,

which really depressed me.

I still regret that.

I am really sorry.

It must have been a hard time for her,

but for me too.

Our Father in heaven, Lord Jesus Christ...

Throughout my life, even as a child,

I have talked to you so many times.

You have not always provided me
with a concrete answer.

I have to ask you over and over again:

Why did all this have to happen?

Why did my parents abuse me,

why did my father beat me so?

Why did my mother spit in my
face again and again?

I hadn't done a thing.

I'm not aware of any guilt.

Father,

was this all meant to be a test for me?

I don't know...

what you intended,

why you were watching...

my brother and me...

getting whipped.

Father,

I cannot forget all that.

It will be there for the rest of my life,

it's a heavy burden...

and I feel this burden,

feel that even today this burden...

interferes in my relationships
with other people,

affecting them in a negative way.

I cannot understand...

how anyone can treat a child...

of 6, 7 or 8 years...

like that.

I wish my childhood had been different.

Whenever I see children today...

being pampered and loved,

I get depressed.

It reminds me...

of my own childhood.

Jesus, my faith praises you sincerely

you my only fondest good

Noble vine

mellow shoots

stream of eternal courage to face life

Noble vine

mellow shoots

stream of eternal courage to face life

Falling down

from heaven's spring

into a hoping heart

youth shall expand its strength

reaching for heaven

youth shall expand its strength

reaching for heaven

Lord Jesus, I am desperate again,
because of my family.

I had another argument
with mum yesterday,

yesterday evening.

She wanted me to tidy up my room,

but I had not been to mass yet.

So instead of tidying up my room...

I went to mass.

That's why we started fighting.
She accused me...

of attending services every day...

instead of using that half an hour
for something more productive,

such as studying for university
or tidying up my room.

And I told her for the hundredth time...

how important it is to me
to attend daily services...

spending at least half an hour with you,
Jesus.

But she just can't seem to understand.

And my father...

he joins in,

asking me...

why I stay in the church so long
every evening

says I might as well sleep there too.

But why should I?

I just like joining my friends in prayer.

I enjoy spending comfortable
and relaxing evenings...

with my friends of the parish,

celebrating and praising Jesus.

But my father doesn't understand me.

I feel so trapped by all that,
we often end up screaming,

we get emotional...

rather than discussing matters of fact.

None of us
really means it that way, Jesus,

neither my dad,
nor my mum nor I really mean it,

but we get trapped,

we talk and fight angrily...

Yes, Jesus,
that's what makes me desperate.

It's not only my parents...

but also my grandparents...

I get the same heavy opposition
from them too...

whenever I talk about you, Jesus.

My granddad...

often unfortunately tends...

to make fun of me...

when I tell him,

for example, how beautiful mass was.

Or he'll ask me...

what it is that I get out of it.

Because his experiences were different.

I just want to pray for my granddad
and my granny...

so that they give you, the whole church,
another chance.

Granny got
so disappointed during the war,

the hard times of her life,

she lost relatives.

She doesn't want to believe in you,
Jesus, nor in God, anymore.

I tell her you're here for her now,

but she says you weren't there then.

Our Father...

in heaven,

why aren't you here?

Why aren't you here to help me?

I'm so desperate,

Jesus,

you experienced
this desperation yourself...

when you were a human on earth.

But I can't find any way out of it.

Help me,

help me.

Everything has been so good,

but now everything has shattered.

He doesn't want to live like that anymore,

he wants to leave me.

I can't find my way out of it.

I can't find out of it.

It's terrible.

I don't want to think about him,

I don't want to.

But I can't stop it.

I can't.

He distracts me from my life,

he's ruining my prayers.

Help me to forget him.

It's all so difficult,

so tremendously difficult.

I must make an effort...

not to kill him.

Because I have poison.

I have access.

But I don't want to kill myself either.

I'm not allowed to.

But in the night when I cannot sleep...

I imagine...

how it would be...

if I were dead.

If it would grieve him,

if he would be sorry.

But thank God the night comes to an end.

And when the sun comes up...

and I leave the house,

then thank God,
these thoughts fade away.

I must do something about this,

I cannot take it any longer.

I simply cannot endure this.

Jesus,

give me some advice.

Send me an answer,

the right answer, not just any answer.

What should I do?

The detective costs a fortune.

But he has given me proof...

that there really is more to it.

This niece...

is not at home when he goes to see her.

He comes round...

but they don't open the windows...

for maybe another hour,

then they go into the kitchen,

they turn on the lights and...

it's a while longer before he leaves.

Only then does the niece come home.

So he lied...

about giving his niece private lessons.

That is not true.

That is not true.

I asked him why he goes there.

And he said
that she was so influential...

and knows so many important people.

He could get a title...

though he never finished his studies.

He didn't
manage to earn a title by himself,

now he's trying to get one this way.

Maybe
that's why he is doing all this. Maybe.

And she takes advantage of him...

and demands that he stop seeing me,

that he even stop talking to me.

She wants him to cut off...

all relations with me, it's unbearable.

It's unbearable.

I like him so much.

I don't care how much he knows...

or what he can do.

I liked him as a person...

and now I see that he's not that way.

He's not as good as I thought he was.

I only saw his good side.

Even so, I cannot get away from him,

I cannot get away...

and over and over again
I'm drawn back to him...

and over and over again
I'm disappointed.

Every day I go there...

to see if he drives to her or not.

It's terrible.

I want...

it to stop.

But how can I stop it?

I'll call her husband.

I'll call him,

but I have to put on another voice.

I'll have to try that out.

Help me
to be able to think of the right words.

I'll do it with a tape recorder.

I'll put on another voice.

I don't know whether to choose...

a higher or deeper voice.

Maybe the deeper one is better,

he won't recognize me then...

and I'll be able to tell him...

that his wife has visitors...

when he and the niece are out.

I'll tell him.

And maybe...

he will put an end to all this.

To this disgusting affair.

In the name of the Father,
the son and the holy ghost. Amen.

Lord Jesus,

you know...

why I am praying to you now,

you know what attracts me to you.

The last couple of days,

the whole last week...

I've forgotten to pray again...

This happens too often.

And now they're back,

these fantasies,

you know these fantasies of mine.

I can't accept myself...

the way you want me to.

I want myself to be someone...

better,

even though I ought to know...

that you created me perfectly.

But Jesus,

my heart doesn't want to accept that.

My heart believes...

that I should be something better.

You know...

I often see myself as...

having no glasses,

the way I see myself is...

not limited,

I'm a normal person
who can do everything,

I'm flexible and athletic.

And I've even got some cool moves.

Then I have these other fantasies.

You know, I adore Karl May...

and I often
see myself as Old Shatterhand,

I see myself as a real hero,

with a pistol in my hand,

or actually a revolver in my hand...

or a rifle,

I'm just plain cool...

I'm just plain cool...

and I'm not scared of anyone.

You know,
and there are these situations...

where there's a shoot out and...

I'll sneak up from behind...

I'm the hero in all those shoot outs,

I go into those dangerous situations...

and end up killing the bad guy.

Or I see myself as
a soccer player,

and the whole stadium is cheering me,

yes, I'd love that,
I admit I'd love to be like that,

but help me to accept
that I'm not a good soccer player,

I have other talents instead,

talents I never see in my fantasies.

It's so hard to understand
that there are aspects about me...

that never show up in my fantasies.

I'm good at dealing with children...

but I never see that in my fantasies.

My fantasies
are all about being strong and heroic...

yes, and sometimes
girls are part of my fantasies too.

The hero always has a girlfriend,

I always have a girlfriend.

Jesus, I just
can't seem to appreciate the aspects...

about me that are really good.

I've been having
these erotic fantasies again,

these fantasies...

that torture me...

and my mind.

Jesus,

you know I'm an unsettled person,

and I always switch on the TV.

It's not that I watch any old programme,

no, you know me.

Whenever I have a look at the TV guide,

I don't just want to find out
which series is on.

They're only interesting to me...

because of the pretty actresses...

and not because of the content.

You know...

that I really like those last couple...

of pages in the guides,

the ones about glamour...

and the erotic
gossip about Hollywood stars.

My flesh craves news like that,

I am somehow...

I don't know, Jesus, why do I
always switch off my mind then?

I don't have an answer myself.

Why can't I use the TV...

in a normal way?

Why do I have to pay attention...

to the erotic side of the programmes...

rather than to the normal content?

And whenever I force myself...

to take a look at the Bible to read it,

well, you know,

I can't do that after having watched TV,

I don't do it with an open heart.

I just skip through it,

wondering why the Bible...

makes me feel erotic, as well.

You know
that I don't treat the Bible properly,

I don't pay it enough respect.

I even imagine the biblical stories...

in all their erotic details.

You know I don't want to do this but...

it just happens in those situations,

I can't control my body then.

My brain is completely obsessed...

and my fantasies take over.

All rationality is switched off.

Lord Jesus,
I really don't know what to do.

Jesus,

I have committed sins.

I have taken revenge,

I have done it.

I have done it.

I called him.

I'm sure I hurt him with my phone call.

I know it wasn't good...

but I simply couldn't resist.

And I sent the woman...

the detective's report.

I was very frightened.

But...

I think...

it worked.

And I think it's over now.

I succeeded
in putting an end to this affair.

But I don't think I can take him back...

even if he wanted me to.

I cannot.

It stands between us.

Revenge stands between us.

He'll never be able to forgive me.

He's suspicious...

and confronted me about it.

Jesus, I denied it, I lied.

One should not do that.

But I was too afraid.

I was a coward.

I was afraid.

Jesus, he will not forgive me.

Jesus, maybe you can forgive.

I don't regret it yet.

I don't regret what I've done.

I couldn't have lived like that anymore,

It distracted me...

from my unhappiness to take revenge.

It gave me my strength back.

How can something so bad...

cause something good?

Jesus,

why do I always
have to lose the people...

I have faith in and trust?

Why do I have to lose them?

Jesus, you stand by me,

you remain faithful to me...

but you are so far away.

Here in my present life,
I don't have anyone,

not a single person.

Jesus, I'm in a dilemma.

I don't know
what Thomas expects from me.

On the one hand he's acting...

as if he doesn't love me...

but on the other hand...

he's blaming me for wanting
to live my own life...

and get to know someone new.

If I did meet someone new,
I'd feel guilty, I can feel it already.

This is tearing me apart.

Jesus,
when I think of the relationship we had...

and what it's turned into...

Well...

You can�t call it a relationship anymore
and I should feel free...

and yet I don't feel free,
I still feel bound to him.

He doesn't give me
the feeling of being free.

On the one hand he tells me...

I should live my life as I please,

and I should get to know someone new
and on the other hand...

when I go out in the evening or...

when I tell him that I've met someone
who I enjoyed chatting with,

he gets jealous.

He blames me until I feel guilty.

And, well,

I don't know what he expects
of our relationship.

I've tried to save our relationship,

I suggested that we should go on a trip
together, but he refused.

He told me to fly alone.

So I did and when I came back
he blamed me for that too.

I must do something about this,

I cannot take it any longer.

Jesus, I met Thomas yesterday,

it was strange,

we talked a lot again,

it opened up old sores...

because we talked about us,

our feelings,

where we stand...

About our future - if there is any.

Jesus, I've realized...

that Thomas helped me find you.

Quite a lot
has happened in these 5 years...

and I want to thank you for that,

for all the situations...

where you let me feel your presence.

Whenever I was down
or had problems with Thomas...

I always knew you where there for me.

Everything started...

because Thomas
went to church regularly,

in the beginning
and I didn't want to join,

but I was curious so I tried it...

and you filled my heart.

I want to thank you
for your patience with me,

even though I wasn't open to you.

I was just tagging
along in the beginning.

I've changed my life,

I've changed my attitude...

towards my relationship.

When Thomas confronted me...

told me he wanted to live in chastity
before marriage,

I had no idea
what I was getting myself into.

And still I took the chance and didn't
break up with him straight away.

I loved him so much that I said:
Let's try it then.

Jesus, remember that evening...

when I was crying because...

I knew something would happen,

I was hoping it would be something...

nice and pleasant.

Thomas and I...

met after Mass,

he took me to a park,

and I was full of hope but then...

in this romantic
setting he confronted me...

with his idea of entering a monastery.

I had expected...

a confession of love,

I expected him to tell me he wanted
to spend his whole life with me.

Sometimes I can't understand
what you want us to do, Jesus,

what's it all about?

I can only pray for strength.
I saw my whole life...

flowing down the river.

Jesus,

sometimes I simply don't know.

I just don't understand,

what you want from me.

I don't know how you expect me
to continue my life alone either.

Lord Jesus,

you know,

you know how it was when I decided
to join the monastery.

My path was clearly set out for me.

You know there is nothing else to do...

than obey the most obvious signs...

and the most obvious hints.

And to follow...

the yearning of my heart's desire.

It was completely different for Angelika,

for her it was the end of the world.

We had a strong friendship,

a good relationship...

we even had...

dreams...

We had already thought
about our children's names.

We had imagined our future together,

how it would be.

But then, there was the path...

that led to a monastery,
I felt I had to try and do it.

You know,
Jesus, this was the fulfillment...

of my fondest desire,

I wanted to be near you.

I think,

I don't have to account to anyone...

and you know
what was going on in my heart.

Jesus, I've come to you to talk,

to pray for strength,
because I can't go on anymore.

I don't know what to do, I am weak,

I simply can't stay.
I need this strength for my lessons,

I need you for my lessons.

I don't know how to continue.

I remember
Thomas and me being so happy,

we wanted to start a new life.

You fulfilled my wishes,
you listened to my prayers...

for him to leave the monastery,
and he did leave it.

We wanted to have a new beginning,

a happy future,

but now
everything has become so difficult.

Nothing turned out the way I expected.

The moment Thomas told me...

he was leaving the monastery
was the happiest moment of my life...

because I thought
that you were looking after me,

caring for me, because you knew
that I needed Thomas, that I missed him.

I thought you were giving him back...

and that everything would be OK again.

Then we went for a walk
and decided spontaneously...

to buy the rings,

chose a date to get married.

We even had the rings engraved,

I can't remember what, though...

Then he simply forgot them somewhere
in his rucksack.

That really hurt because it meant...

it wasn't really important to him.

I'm not looking for a comforting love
or whatever,

I don't know...

I'm not looking
for the perfect love on earth,

I don't think I could find that
in anyone, anyway.

Perfect love is something
only you can provide,

this feeling of complete
and utter acceptance.

But Lord, human love,

the love between humans
isn't too bad either,

Lord, we try to show each other our love
the best way we can.

I am so tired,

I cannot sleep.

I wake up in the middle of the night,

after just a short period of sleep...

and I can't breathe.

It's terrible.

It's a terrible condition.

In addition to that,

my heartbeat is so irregular.

Even if I take my medicine...

it doesn't get any better.

Then I get up...

and walk around...

and it gets better
but as soon as I lie down,

it gets worse again.

It gets worse again,
I can't breathe properly.

How horrible my father must have felt.

He had...

I wasn't with him.

I didn't know he was so ill.

I didn't know.

He was alone,

he didn't see me...

Maybe...

I could have helped him...

just by being there.

But I didn't even
know he was in hospital.

It was terrible...

when we found out how he had suffered,

how much pain he'd endured,

and how he'd struggled for breath.

I can't stop thinking about that,

whenever I feel that way at night.

Then I'm lonely.

When I die,

maybe there will be somebody with me.

It helps...

when someone is with you.

Just being by yourself,

that's hard - though you have
to pass away by yourself, anyway.

Maybe you're already waiting for me,

maybe I...

really will go...

to some pleasant,

eternal world when I die.

I wonder if my father...

has a pleasant life now...

I don't know,

but I hope so and pray for him.

He had quite a lot of difficulties...

to cope with in life,

it's a pity that he wasn't with me,

didn't belong to the family.

Sure we saw each other often,
but it was always a kind of farewell,

one good-bye after the other,

ending and waving good-bye all the time.

When he left it felt like a life
was being distantly extinguished.

He was always leaving.

I always had the feeling...

that he would leave me.

For half of my life...

he left me.

At the end,

I couldn't do anything.

It was terrible.

My mother was so furious then,

I thought she would die as well.

Unfortunately,

it was like that.

And now...

it's my turn...

to approach the end,

the point when you don't have
much time left.

Sometimes
I was too extravagant with my life,

I wasted my time.

Years and years - with God in heaven -

boredom in between.

But now I know...

that everything is ending.

Ending fast. I really hope...

it'll be over fast when it happens.

Everyone wants it like that,

but it's hardly ever that way.

I've never seen it go quickly.

Only my uncle had a pleasant death,

without pain.

He was a diabetic,

they don't feel the heart attack.

Maybe I'll be lucky too...

and I won't feel it either.

He got weaker and weaker...

and after 15 minutes
he stopped breathing.

No pain at all.

We were there, my aunt and I,

and he was
neither desperate nor sad...

He knew the end was near,
and he prayed...

It was actually a wonderful death, yes.

I would love to leave like that.

Please, dear Jesus,

help me...

that my hour
of death be wonderful too.