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1
00:00:02,287 --> 00:00:04,454
-How was yoga, Sheila?
-Oh, terrible.
2
00:00:04,606 --> 00:00:06,439
The guy in front of me
wasn't wearing underwear,
3
00:00:06,458 --> 00:00:09,217
and his downward dog
wasn't neutered.
4
00:00:09,369 --> 00:00:12,411
Really?
Maybe I should take up yoga.
5
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,307
I'm feeling a little stiff.
6
00:00:16,376 --> 00:00:18,543
Happy Saturday!
7
00:00:18,562 --> 00:00:19,895
What are you wearing?
8
00:00:20,046 --> 00:00:21,763
Oh, this?
9
00:00:21,915 --> 00:00:25,959
Just the coolest shirt
of the last 65 million years.
10
00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:29,887
And my chances of being
a grandmother have gone extinct.
11
00:00:29,981 --> 00:00:32,723
Max is taking me to the
natural history museum today.
12
00:00:32,743 --> 00:00:35,059
And I'm her date.
13
00:00:35,079 --> 00:00:36,486
How the hell are you in my life?
14
00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:39,472
Even I would've
picked on you in school.
15
00:00:39,566 --> 00:00:40,824
You're gonna stand there
16
00:00:40,976 --> 00:00:42,809
and tell something cold-blooded
that it's not cool?
17
00:00:42,828 --> 00:00:46,671
Boom! Joke and a science fact.
Take that, haters.
18
00:00:48,074 --> 00:00:50,667
Hey, guys.
19
00:00:50,819 --> 00:00:52,986
Hey. Why do you have a baby?
20
00:00:53,004 --> 00:00:55,155
Yeah, I don't remember
getting an Amber Alert.
21
00:00:55,173 --> 00:00:57,766
Oh, look at him.
22
00:00:57,917 --> 00:01:02,011
Oh, he's so much cuter than
you were as a baby, Katharine.
23
00:01:03,014 --> 00:01:06,090
No. This is my nephew, Thor.
I'm watching him for my sister.
24
00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:07,350
Thor? His name is Thor?
25
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:10,094
Damn. Now I got
to rename my vibrator.
26
00:01:10,172 --> 00:01:11,855
Same.
27
00:01:12,007 --> 00:01:14,190
My sister married
a comic book nerd.
28
00:01:14,284 --> 00:01:16,009
Their vows were in Klingon.
29
00:01:16,102 --> 00:01:17,602
Klingon?
30
00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:19,788
What a couple of dorks.
31
00:01:19,939 --> 00:01:22,440
He's so adorable.
32
00:01:22,459 --> 00:01:24,684
Do you feel
any maternal stirrings,
33
00:01:24,703 --> 00:01:27,854
or have your ovaries turned
to stone?
34
00:01:27,947 --> 00:01:29,522
I am fine with babies.
35
00:01:29,541 --> 00:01:31,358
I just prefer the kind
that are covered in fur
36
00:01:31,376 --> 00:01:33,117
and fall on their feet
when you drop 'em.
37
00:01:33,137 --> 00:01:34,719
Do not hand her that baby.
38
00:01:35,622 --> 00:01:37,139
I like this getup.
39
00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:38,348
You want to take him for a ride?
40
00:01:38,475 --> 00:01:40,791
I want you
to take me for a ride.
41
00:01:41,478 --> 00:01:44,312
-When's your sister
picking him up?
-Tomorrow morning.
42
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:46,055
But we're going
to the museum today.
43
00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:47,649
Dinosaurs, rocks,
stuffed animals.
44
00:01:47,876 --> 00:01:49,058
There's nothing there for a kid.
45
00:01:49,153 --> 00:01:51,060
Come on. We'll take him with us.
46
00:01:51,213 --> 00:01:53,380
What if he embarrasses us?
47
00:01:53,473 --> 00:01:55,973
He'll love it. Right, Thor?
48
00:01:56,051 --> 00:01:57,826
The God of Thunder says
49
00:01:57,977 --> 00:02:00,519
that sounds bitchin'!
50
00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:02,889
All right, I'll give it a try.
51
00:02:03,024 --> 00:02:04,557
I've got my eye on you.
52
00:02:04,576 --> 00:02:07,043
Don't you ruin this for me.
53
00:02:13,326 --> 00:02:15,534
I'm lovin' this kid.
54
00:02:16,405 --> 00:02:18,071
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
55
00:02:18,164 --> 00:02:20,073
♪ Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me. ♪
56
00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:21,758
Now, Thor, some of the exhibits
57
00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:25,245
on early humans will feature
some tasteful nudity.
58
00:02:25,263 --> 00:02:27,096
So try not to stare.
59
00:02:27,191 --> 00:02:29,082
And definitely no touching.
60
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,525
Learned that the hard way.
61
00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:32,085
Grade school field trip?
62
00:02:32,103 --> 00:02:33,586
Last month.
63
00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:37,032
So that's why the security guard
keeps following us.
64
00:02:37,183 --> 00:02:39,926
Oh.
65
00:02:40,019 --> 00:02:42,612
Oh.
66
00:02:44,266 --> 00:02:45,690
Look at you.
Good with babies.
67
00:02:45,784 --> 00:02:49,269
To be fair, I do the same thing
with Carter when he's cranky.
68
00:02:49,287 --> 00:02:50,712
You want to hold him?
69
00:02:50,863 --> 00:02:54,457
Oh, no thanks. The only tiny,
whiny thing I like is Phil.
70
00:02:54,551 --> 00:02:57,868
Come on. Don't you just want
to eat him up?
71
00:02:58,037 --> 00:02:59,221
Like a little baby kebab?
72
00:02:59,297 --> 00:03:01,539
Mmm.
73
00:03:01,633 --> 00:03:04,300
Yeah, that hand was down
his diaper five minutes ago.
74
00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:07,211
I never realized
you're not into babies.
75
00:03:07,231 --> 00:03:09,305
Stop saying that.
I can be good with babies.
76
00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:11,399
Look, I'm here.
I'm gone.
77
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,977
I'm here, I'm gone.
78
00:03:14,129 --> 00:03:15,478
And it's fun
79
00:03:15,572 --> 00:03:17,739
because you haven't learned
the permanence of objects yet.
80
00:03:17,890 --> 00:03:19,132
See?
81
00:03:19,225 --> 00:03:21,076
I'm sorry. I was wrong.
82
00:03:21,227 --> 00:03:22,986
You totally get kids.
83
00:03:23,138 --> 00:03:24,395
I'm gonna go to the restroom
84
00:03:24,414 --> 00:03:25,972
before we hit
the gem and mineral exhibit
85
00:03:25,991 --> 00:03:28,083
because we are going
to be there a long time.
86
00:03:28,310 --> 00:03:30,143
I get very fired up
about igneous rocks.
87
00:03:30,161 --> 00:03:31,902
-Lava, fire.
-Mm. Yeah.
88
00:03:31,922 --> 00:03:33,162
But when you see the plaque,
89
00:03:33,257 --> 00:03:34,422
you're going
to erupt with laughter.
90
00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:36,483
-Stop it. Oy.
-Okay, that was the last one.
91
00:03:36,576 --> 00:03:38,167
-I pumice.
-Oy.
92
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,671
You three are such
a cute family.
93
00:03:41,765 --> 00:03:44,248
-Oh, we're actually not...
-Thank you.
94
00:03:44,342 --> 00:03:45,992
He looks just like you.
95
00:03:45,994 --> 00:03:47,160
Oh, that's so sweet.
96
00:03:47,162 --> 00:03:48,511
He's bald and has three chins.
97
00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,830
How does she think
that's a compliment?
98
00:03:50,923 --> 00:03:54,334
You should see her do "Baby
Shark." It's a showstopper.
99
00:03:54,352 --> 00:03:55,593
You have a great day.
100
00:03:57,798 --> 00:03:59,522
Why did you let her think
we're a family?
101
00:03:59,616 --> 00:04:02,842
Because I get looks if I say,
"Oh, this isn't my baby."
102
00:04:02,861 --> 00:04:04,844
Oh, that never stopped my mom
from saying it.
103
00:04:09,034 --> 00:04:10,125
This is my manager.
104
00:04:10,352 --> 00:04:11,293
-Here? Please. Yeah?
-Yeah. No.
105
00:04:11,444 --> 00:04:12,368
-Yeah, yeah.
-No, I just told you,
106
00:04:12,521 --> 00:04:13,611
-I have to... Oh.
-Hello?
107
00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:15,630
Yeah, now's a great time.
108
00:04:17,542 --> 00:04:19,025
What's with that face?
109
00:04:19,044 --> 00:04:20,527
Can you smell my fear?
110
00:04:20,545 --> 00:04:22,119
Oh.
111
00:04:22,139 --> 00:04:24,455
Oh. Okay, uh, okay.
112
00:04:24,474 --> 00:04:27,216
We're gonna bounce?
We're bouncing. We're bouncing.
113
00:04:27,311 --> 00:04:29,293
Okay.
Is this bouncing helping you?
114
00:04:29,313 --> 00:04:30,961
It's making
my pee situation worse.
115
00:04:30,981 --> 00:04:36,042
Oh. Oh. Oh, okay.
116
00:04:36,135 --> 00:04:37,226
That is helping.
117
00:04:37,395 --> 00:04:38,969
Yeah, that's a good Thor.
118
00:04:38,989 --> 00:04:40,989
You know what, Thor?
That's a dumb name.
119
00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,808
I'm gonna call you...
120
00:04:43,827 --> 00:04:45,643
Carl.
121
00:04:45,737 --> 00:04:47,387
That was my dad's middle name.
122
00:04:47,405 --> 00:04:49,647
He's a really great guy.
He's up there now.
123
00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:52,392
Yeah. Yeah, not up there with
that pterodactyl in the rafters,
124
00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:54,485
but, like, the big "up there."
125
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:56,079
You know, I don't know
if I'm the one
126
00:04:56,173 --> 00:04:58,398
to be teaching you about death.
127
00:04:58,491 --> 00:05:00,175
However, do you remember
our conversation
128
00:05:00,251 --> 00:05:02,660
about object permanence?
129
00:05:03,905 --> 00:05:06,163
Ooh. Ooh, a little baby toot.
130
00:05:06,183 --> 00:05:08,091
Oh, wow. That is pungent.
131
00:05:08,185 --> 00:05:09,517
Yeah, that was not me.
132
00:05:09,669 --> 00:05:10,743
That was the baby.
133
00:05:10,837 --> 00:05:12,595
Whew. Carl.
134
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,672
You know what?
This dam's about to break,
135
00:05:14,691 --> 00:05:17,567
and only one of us
is wearing a diaper. Let's go.
136
00:05:18,678 --> 00:05:20,753
-It's slow today.
-Yeah.
137
00:05:20,847 --> 00:05:22,864
Good day for Kat to take off.
138
00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:24,591
Uh-huh.
139
00:05:24,609 --> 00:05:26,442
But we're not gonna tell her
that, though, right?
140
00:05:26,536 --> 00:05:27,777
Hell no.
141
00:05:28,096 --> 00:05:30,205
I guess we could restock
the shelves in the storeroom.
142
00:05:30,356 --> 00:05:31,598
Yeah, we probably should.
143
00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,933
All right, well,
give me a hand with these boxes.
144
00:05:33,952 --> 00:05:35,668
I'm on my break.
145
00:05:37,105 --> 00:05:37,954
Hey, baby.
146
00:05:38,048 --> 00:05:39,363
-Hi.
-Hi.
147
00:05:39,383 --> 00:05:41,441
I'm pretty sure
he was talking to me.
148
00:05:41,534 --> 00:05:43,885
Well, bless your heart.
149
00:05:44,036 --> 00:05:45,369
You pick a movie for tonight?
150
00:05:45,463 --> 00:05:47,947
Ooh. So, I've narrowed it down
to Bride of Chucky,
151
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,282
Seed of Chucky,
152
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,451
-or Cult of Chucky.
-Mm.
153
00:05:51,469 --> 00:05:53,043
Ah, yes. Chucky.
154
00:05:53,138 --> 00:05:55,138
Like a Murder-Me Elmo.
155
00:05:55,290 --> 00:05:56,398
And, Phil, you are helping me
156
00:05:56,583 --> 00:05:57,957
when you're done
with your break.
157
00:05:57,976 --> 00:06:02,145
Of course. I just hope you don't
finish before I'm back.
158
00:06:02,239 --> 00:06:05,407
I can't wait to watch the movie
with you tonight, baby.
159
00:06:06,243 --> 00:06:08,134
Smart move
watching a horror movie
160
00:06:08,303 --> 00:06:10,078
so your girl snuggles up
all close to you
161
00:06:10,229 --> 00:06:12,138
during the scary bits.
162
00:06:12,157 --> 00:06:17,477
Scary bits is also what I call
a woman's private parts.
163
00:06:17,495 --> 00:06:21,314
Phil, you ever told a lie
on a first date?
164
00:06:21,332 --> 00:06:24,926
I don't think I've ever told
the truth on a first date.
165
00:06:25,077 --> 00:06:27,077
Between you and me,
I hate horror movies.
166
00:06:27,097 --> 00:06:29,079
But Randi said she loved them
on our first date,
167
00:06:29,157 --> 00:06:32,158
and I wanted
to see her scary bits, so...
168
00:06:32,177 --> 00:06:33,676
Well, why not
just tell her the truth?
169
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,603
Because that woman has
crazy trust issues.
170
00:06:35,755 --> 00:06:37,421
I mean, if she knew
I lied about one thing,
171
00:06:37,515 --> 00:06:39,089
she'll think I lied
about a lot of things.
172
00:06:39,184 --> 00:06:40,683
Did you lie
about a lot of things?
173
00:06:40,777 --> 00:06:41,926
Of course I did.
174
00:06:41,945 --> 00:06:43,519
I mean, "I like scary movies"
led to
175
00:06:43,672 --> 00:06:45,855
"I like Milk Duds
just like you" led to
176
00:06:46,007 --> 00:06:48,450
"Yeah, I like camping."
Camping, Phil.
177
00:06:48,677 --> 00:06:50,510
Do you know what happens
to people who go camping?
178
00:06:50,603 --> 00:06:52,787
I do, because I've seen
every damn horror movie.
179
00:06:52,939 --> 00:06:54,864
And you know
who they kill first?
180
00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:57,459
The handsome, funny Black guy.
181
00:06:58,353 --> 00:07:00,444
You know what candy I like?
182
00:07:00,538 --> 00:07:02,130
Sour Patch Kids.
183
00:07:02,357 --> 00:07:04,373
They're my body shape,
and I feel seen.
184
00:07:04,468 --> 00:07:06,784
Maybe I should be
dating you, Phil.
185
00:07:06,878 --> 00:07:09,429
I knew you'd come around, baby.
186
00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:15,960
Okay, Carl,
welcome to the ladies' room,
187
00:07:16,037 --> 00:07:17,220
where the seats are always down,
188
00:07:17,372 --> 00:07:19,129
and toilet paper is the currency
of the realm.
189
00:07:19,224 --> 00:07:20,890
Uh, pardon moi.
190
00:07:21,042 --> 00:07:23,226
Would you mind holding
this tiny humanoid
191
00:07:23,378 --> 00:07:25,987
whilst I relieve myself?
192
00:07:26,138 --> 00:07:27,563
Actually, wait.
Are you a weirdo?
193
00:07:27,716 --> 00:07:31,075
Yes, I'm the weirdo.
194
00:07:32,979 --> 00:07:34,387
When you're a little older,
I'll tell you
195
00:07:34,405 --> 00:07:35,997
what your middle finger's for.
196
00:07:36,148 --> 00:07:38,708
All right, Carl,
let's do this.
197
00:07:44,232 --> 00:07:47,592
There's no shelf?
Why is there no baby shelf?
198
00:07:48,494 --> 00:07:50,845
Okay.
199
00:07:51,072 --> 00:07:52,388
Hmm.
200
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:58,686
I don't think that's a very good
idea at all, but it's very cute!
201
00:08:00,524 --> 00:08:02,673
All right.
202
00:08:03,752 --> 00:08:06,694
I'm like a teenage boy trying
to get to third base.
203
00:08:08,031 --> 00:08:10,347
Oh, I have an idea.
204
00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,925
I'll make you a little nest.
205
00:08:12,944 --> 00:08:17,521
Fun fact-- my mother calls these
"cootie catchers."
206
00:08:17,541 --> 00:08:20,266
And she calls this sweater...
207
00:08:20,285 --> 00:08:23,436
a "loneliness catcher."
208
00:08:23,529 --> 00:08:27,790
Here we go. Here we go.
209
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:29,442
Okay. All right.
210
00:08:29,611 --> 00:08:32,720
Now, Carl, here's the thing.
I'm a little pee shy, so...
211
00:08:32,872 --> 00:08:35,448
Carl? Carl?
212
00:08:35,466 --> 00:08:37,207
Oh, yeah. Hi.
213
00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:40,044
Um, can you roll that baby
back to me?
214
00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,647
Also, I like your shoes.
215
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,720
Okay, if Uncle Max asks
if I put you
216
00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:52,648
on the filthy, pee-pee
bathroom floor, what do you say?
217
00:08:52,742 --> 00:08:54,317
Exactly. Perfect.
218
00:08:54,411 --> 00:08:56,469
Okay. Sorry about that.
Everything go okay?
219
00:08:56,487 --> 00:08:59,414
Yeah. Easy-breezy,
no trouble, double-bubble.
220
00:08:59,565 --> 00:09:02,584
Well, I don't know if this
is your pee or floor pee,
221
00:09:02,735 --> 00:09:05,545
but it doesn't matter.
It's still pee.
222
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,757
Oh, damn it.
223
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:12,010
Hmm.
224
00:09:14,839 --> 00:09:16,764
Ready?
225
00:09:26,592 --> 00:09:28,459
Yeah, so, Carl and I have
just been hanging out.
226
00:09:28,536 --> 00:09:31,595
Oh, by the way,
Thor goes by "Carl" now.
227
00:09:31,689 --> 00:09:35,283
And what if I told you, you
never had to buy a towel again?
228
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,009
We got to get out of here.
229
00:09:37,103 --> 00:09:38,194
What do you mean?
230
00:09:38,346 --> 00:09:40,288
Did you steal a moon rock?
I did, too!
231
00:09:40,515 --> 00:09:42,515
If we get caught,
blame the baby.
232
00:09:42,608 --> 00:09:44,867
My manager's shopping
a song around,
233
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,869
and Miranda Lambert
might be interested.
234
00:09:46,963 --> 00:09:48,296
Oh, that's big.
235
00:09:48,447 --> 00:09:51,816
Not unlike the moon rock
that Carl hid in his diaper bag.
236
00:09:51,876 --> 00:09:53,376
I need to change the lyrics
by the end of the day.
237
00:09:53,544 --> 00:09:54,618
It was about a truck,
238
00:09:54,638 --> 00:09:56,620
and now, it needs
to be about infertility.
239
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,455
But what are you gonna do
with Carl?
240
00:09:58,475 --> 00:10:00,883
I was thinking
maybe you could help?
241
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:02,051
Oh, I don't know, Max.
242
00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:03,536
No. Like you just said--
243
00:10:03,629 --> 00:10:06,222
easy-breezy,
no trouble, double-bubble.
244
00:10:06,374 --> 00:10:08,557
Don't use my love
of wordplay against me.
245
00:10:08,710 --> 00:10:11,319
Please. Really need you.
246
00:10:12,656 --> 00:10:14,063
Oh, don't look at me like that.
247
00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:15,323
What do you mean?
248
00:10:15,474 --> 00:10:17,784
Carl, do you know
what she means?
249
00:10:19,145 --> 00:10:21,053
Okay, fine. I'll do it.
250
00:10:21,072 --> 00:10:23,072
Great. You mean babysit, right?
251
00:10:23,224 --> 00:10:25,224
Not drop him off
at the fire station?
252
00:10:25,243 --> 00:10:27,185
Max, what kind of person
do you think I am?
253
00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:30,546
I'm gonna need a verbal "yes."
254
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,843
-Ooh, popcorn.
-Not just popcorn.
255
00:10:35,995 --> 00:10:38,096
Great. The Duds.
256
00:10:38,923 --> 00:10:40,923
All right.
257
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,499
It is Chucky time.
258
00:10:42,593 --> 00:10:44,852
Are you ready
to get your stabbing on?
259
00:10:45,004 --> 00:10:46,412
You know it.
260
00:10:46,505 --> 00:10:49,432
But if you want
to get really freaky,
261
00:10:49,508 --> 00:10:52,360
there's a new movie
featuring Dame Judi Dench.
262
00:10:52,511 --> 00:10:53,419
Wait. Who?
263
00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:55,254
You know, Dame Judi Dench.
264
00:10:55,273 --> 00:10:58,774
Shakespeare in Love, Pride and Prejudice, Chocolat.
265
00:10:58,868 --> 00:11:01,777
Anyway, it's a rom-com.
266
00:11:01,871 --> 00:11:03,095
Well, is it scary?
267
00:11:03,114 --> 00:11:05,598
Ah, there is a fear
of commitment.
268
00:11:05,616 --> 00:11:06,857
That sounds boring.
269
00:11:06,951 --> 00:11:09,435
Might as well read a book.
Come on, let's watch.
270
00:11:09,454 --> 00:11:11,787
Okay. Yeah, let's do it.
271
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:14,123
You know, I know
I love horror movies
272
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:15,775
because I said
I love horror movies,
273
00:11:15,868 --> 00:11:19,445
and why would I lie about that,
but what do you love about them?
274
00:11:19,538 --> 00:11:21,038
Oh, everything.
275
00:11:21,132 --> 00:11:24,633
The jump scares, the blood, not
being able to sleep at night.
276
00:11:24,786 --> 00:11:26,635
- Ooh.
- Uh-huh.
277
00:11:26,712 --> 00:11:28,637
Uh-huh.
278
00:11:28,714 --> 00:11:30,380
Ditto.
279
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,217
I guess I really got into them
when I was a teenager,
280
00:11:33,236 --> 00:11:34,551
which makes sense
because that's when
281
00:11:34,571 --> 00:11:36,629
I started dealing
with depression.
282
00:11:36,647 --> 00:11:38,388
I guess it kind of helped me
feel something
283
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:40,950
instead of being numb
all the time.
284
00:11:41,803 --> 00:11:44,245
Hmm. That does make sense.
285
00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:47,490
Plus, I cannot get enough
of screaming white people.
286
00:11:47,584 --> 00:11:50,501
Oh. Here comes your Dud.
287
00:11:51,403 --> 00:11:53,546
Yay.
288
00:11:58,261 --> 00:12:00,002
I have a PhD in mathematics.
289
00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:01,745
How am I losing
to a baby cage?
290
00:12:01,839 --> 00:12:05,933
You know, it would be nice
if I had another person to help.
291
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,602
Hello?
292
00:12:07,678 --> 00:12:09,178
Noise-canceling.
293
00:12:09,272 --> 00:12:10,921
Oh, so you can hear me?
294
00:12:11,090 --> 00:12:12,774
Not a word.
295
00:12:17,263 --> 00:12:19,096
Stay 'n Play, my ass.
296
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:22,341
Should be called
the Sweat 'n Cry.
297
00:12:25,196 --> 00:12:26,345
If you can't keep him quiet,
298
00:12:26,364 --> 00:12:27,771
I'm gonna go work
in the other room.
299
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:29,698
Oh. Yeah, that's just great.
I mean, you can't even
300
00:12:29,851 --> 00:12:32,518
pitch in for, like, two minutes?
This baby was your idea.
301
00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:34,020
I'm sorry, Kat.
302
00:12:34,038 --> 00:12:35,630
You know I have a deadline.
303
00:12:35,781 --> 00:12:37,206
Oh, well, you know what?
304
00:12:37,375 --> 00:12:39,025
Why don't you at least
show your face to Carl
305
00:12:39,118 --> 00:12:41,636
before you leave so he doesn't
forget what you look like!
306
00:12:41,863 --> 00:12:43,712
Why are you always so dramatic?
307
00:12:43,865 --> 00:12:45,139
Oh, I'm the dramatic one?
308
00:12:45,291 --> 00:12:47,366
That is ridiculous. Just go!
309
00:12:47,385 --> 00:12:48,868
Don't have to tell me twice.
310
00:12:48,961 --> 00:12:50,386
I need a drink.
311
00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:53,463
You know what?
We don't need him.
312
00:12:56,986 --> 00:13:01,072
Oh. Ah. Okay.
313
00:13:04,494 --> 00:13:07,328
Oh, yeah. Oh, oh!
314
00:13:10,892 --> 00:13:14,544
Remember earlier we talked
about the middle finger?
315
00:13:21,586 --> 00:13:24,587
Okay, Carl.
You ate, you burped, you farted.
316
00:13:24,739 --> 00:13:27,348
That's all I need to do
before I go to sleep.
317
00:13:28,017 --> 00:13:29,608
You leave me no choice.
318
00:13:29,668 --> 00:13:32,094
I'm really sorry
for what I'm about to do.
319
00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:37,266
Hello, Mother?
320
00:13:37,343 --> 00:13:39,193
Oh, Katharine, I'm so glad you called.
321
00:13:39,345 --> 00:13:41,345
You've never said that before.
What's going on?
322
00:13:41,364 --> 00:13:44,031
I'm organizing a clothing drive
for the needy.
323
00:13:44,183 --> 00:13:47,351
Where do you keep
your mannish suits?
324
00:13:47,445 --> 00:13:49,095
Wait. Are you in my apartment?
325
00:13:49,188 --> 00:13:50,613
Why would you give me a key
326
00:13:50,707 --> 00:13:52,098
if you didn't want me
to go through your things?
327
00:13:52,191 --> 00:13:53,690
I didn't give you a key.
328
00:13:53,710 --> 00:13:55,651
Katharine, why are you calling?
329
00:13:55,803 --> 00:13:58,229
I need help. How do I stop
a baby from crying?
330
00:13:58,231 --> 00:13:59,881
I used to put you in the car.
331
00:14:00,032 --> 00:14:01,198
Oh. And drive around?
332
00:14:01,292 --> 00:14:03,718
No, and go back inside.
333
00:14:03,869 --> 00:14:05,369
Seriously?
334
00:14:05,463 --> 00:14:07,947
I cracked a window, snowflake.
335
00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:09,056
This is my fault for calling.
336
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:10,374
Yes, it is, dear.
337
00:14:10,393 --> 00:14:12,451
All right. Goodbye, Mother.
338
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:15,879
Oh. Oh, please stop crying.
339
00:14:15,973 --> 00:14:18,900
I'll give you 20 bucks
if you stop crying.
340
00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:24,888
Oh. Oh. I've got a five
and a wrinkled cat toy.
341
00:14:24,908 --> 00:14:27,742
Oh. Do you like that?
342
00:14:27,893 --> 00:14:29,151
Yeah, you do.
343
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:31,078
I got a laser pointer,
we got a Roomba.
344
00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:32,805
We could go all night.
345
00:14:32,823 --> 00:14:35,658
Look at that. Yes!
346
00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:38,586
Why am I afraid of that movie?
347
00:14:38,737 --> 00:14:42,072
He's just a doll. A stupid pretend doll.
348
00:14:42,166 --> 00:14:45,635
With the knife skills of a psychotic Benihana chef.
349
00:14:46,578 --> 00:14:48,245
Think happy thoughts.
350
00:14:48,339 --> 00:14:50,414
Benihana, shrimp tossed in my mouth,
351
00:14:50,433 --> 00:14:52,582
making friends with my table mates.
352
00:14:52,602 --> 00:14:55,085
"Well, hi, Jeff and Eileen from Maryland.
353
00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:57,012
And who is this cute little...?"
354
00:14:57,165 --> 00:14:59,273
Ah! It's Chucky!
355
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,776
I got to man up and tell her I hate these movies.
356
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:08,741
Randi?
357
00:15:09,844 --> 00:15:11,343
What's going on?
358
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,455
I hate horror movies.
359
00:15:14,682 --> 00:15:17,533
Wha-What? You-you told me
you loved them.
360
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:18,867
You-you lied to me?
361
00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:20,628
I'm sorry.
362
00:15:20,855 --> 00:15:22,463
Well,
363
00:15:22,614 --> 00:15:24,873
I guess I'm just going
to have to cut you off.
364
00:15:25,026 --> 00:15:25,800
What?
365
00:15:32,883 --> 00:15:34,308
I'm never gonna sleep.
366
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:37,019
I wonder what time Benihana opens.
367
00:15:43,394 --> 00:15:45,528
Hmm.
368
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:51,033
Oh, hey.
369
00:15:52,311 --> 00:15:53,995
You two look pretty adorable.
370
00:15:54,146 --> 00:15:55,997
Oh. Thanks.
371
00:15:56,148 --> 00:15:57,999
He's a sweet little guy.
372
00:15:58,150 --> 00:16:00,650
If you wake him,
I'll kill you.
373
00:16:00,728 --> 00:16:03,729
Also, the entire left side
of my body's asleep.
374
00:16:03,748 --> 00:16:06,248
-Don't worry. I got him.
-Ooh.
375
00:16:06,342 --> 00:16:09,493
Drop a baby one time,
you never do it again.
376
00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:12,496
Ah. Oh, man, he's really out.
377
00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:14,406
Yeah, I read to him.
378
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,183
He liked Goodnight Moon,
379
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:17,852
but he really liked
Murray Spiegel's
380
00:16:18,079 --> 00:16:20,438
Advanced Mathematics for Engineers and Scientists.
381
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,524
Oh.
382
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,254
I never understood why parents
like to watch their baby sleep,
383
00:16:28,272 --> 00:16:31,365
but now I get it.
384
00:16:32,869 --> 00:16:34,109
It's like I won,
385
00:16:34,262 --> 00:16:36,595
and you lost, Carl.
In your face.
386
00:16:36,614 --> 00:16:38,205
Thanks for your help.
387
00:16:38,357 --> 00:16:39,540
Did you finish your song?
388
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,433
Yeah. And not to brag,
389
00:16:41,527 --> 00:16:43,285
but it might be the best
country song ever written
390
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,963
about polycystic
ovary syndrome.
391
00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:49,199
Sorry I was so stressed earlier.
392
00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:51,868
Oh, stop.
We make a pretty good team.
393
00:16:51,888 --> 00:16:54,346
Yeah, we do.
394
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,300
Yikes.
395
00:16:58,452 --> 00:16:59,952
That is not sweat.
396
00:16:59,970 --> 00:17:01,954
No, it's not.
397
00:17:01,972 --> 00:17:03,230
Is... is this a cat toy?
398
00:17:03,382 --> 00:17:05,066
-Don't criticize me.
-I'm not crit...
399
00:17:05,217 --> 00:17:06,734
It's your tone.
400
00:17:16,003 --> 00:17:17,152
Carter?
401
00:17:17,321 --> 00:17:19,305
Yeah?
402
00:17:19,323 --> 00:17:20,748
What are you doing?!
403
00:17:20,825 --> 00:17:21,916
Definitely not looking
404
00:17:22,143 --> 00:17:23,751
for a tiny, redheaded maniac.
405
00:17:23,902 --> 00:17:27,162
Wait. Did that movie
give you bad dreams?
406
00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:29,256
It did not because...
407
00:17:29,408 --> 00:17:31,759
I have not been asleep yet.
408
00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:33,910
Oh, I'm sorry.
409
00:17:34,079 --> 00:17:35,821
Sorry you're so soft.
410
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,489
Soft? Please.
411
00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:40,826
I don't even wear a glove
when I play golf.
412
00:17:40,995 --> 00:17:42,661
We've watched
so many horror movies.
413
00:17:42,754 --> 00:17:44,663
I'm surprised
that's the one that got you.
414
00:17:44,756 --> 00:17:46,607
What about Candyman?
You weren't afraid of Candyman.
415
00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:49,777
I will jump out that window
if you say "Candyman" again!
416
00:17:50,004 --> 00:17:51,170
Oh, God. I just said it!
417
00:17:51,188 --> 00:17:53,355
Okay, what the hell is going on?
418
00:17:55,176 --> 00:17:57,434
I don't like horror movies.
419
00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:58,452
What?
420
00:17:58,604 --> 00:18:00,346
If you're gonna get me
with a chainsaw,
421
00:18:00,364 --> 00:18:02,939
please spare the hair.
422
00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:04,625
But you told me you liked them.
423
00:18:04,776 --> 00:18:06,961
We watched all nine Saw movies
in one day.
424
00:18:07,188 --> 00:18:09,797
It was the most romantic
Valentine's ever.
425
00:18:09,948 --> 00:18:11,357
And I was terrified.
426
00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:13,134
That's why we did it
with the lights on.
427
00:18:13,285 --> 00:18:15,452
Plus, we had just
started dating,
428
00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:19,348
and you told me you loved 'em,
and I wanted you to like me.
429
00:18:20,217 --> 00:18:22,125
What else have you lied about?
430
00:18:22,145 --> 00:18:23,719
-Nothing.
-Nothing?
431
00:18:23,813 --> 00:18:26,129
Milk Duds. I mean,
I just swallow 'em like pills.
432
00:18:26,149 --> 00:18:28,374
But that's it. And camping.
433
00:18:28,392 --> 00:18:31,393
I mean, I know bears crap in
the woods, but why do I have to?
434
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:34,213
Carter, we have been dating
for more than a year.
435
00:18:34,306 --> 00:18:35,731
I thought I knew you.
436
00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:39,326
Baby, I'm the same Carter
you said you loved yesterday.
437
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:43,722
Except my real name isn't
Carter. It's Charles.
438
00:18:43,741 --> 00:18:44,648
Charles?!
439
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:46,058
My grandma was hard of hearing.
440
00:18:46,076 --> 00:18:50,078
Nobody wanted to correct her,
so here we are.
441
00:18:50,231 --> 00:18:52,581
You are not making this better,
Charles.
442
00:18:52,675 --> 00:18:55,901
Come on. I'm a guy
who would do something he hates
443
00:18:55,994 --> 00:18:57,344
just to make you happy.
444
00:18:57,496 --> 00:19:00,389
Well, I want a guy
who tells me the truth.
445
00:19:01,091 --> 00:19:02,683
This is the truth.
446
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:05,577
It took a long time
for you to take down your walls,
447
00:19:05,671 --> 00:19:09,732
and I was afraid if I said
anything, you'd put 'em back up.
448
00:19:14,012 --> 00:19:15,863
I don't like Prince.
449
00:19:15,940 --> 00:19:18,607
Excuse me?!
450
00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:22,594
He's tiny, and he's weird,
and his music ain't all that.
451
00:19:25,741 --> 00:19:27,524
But I know that he's your
favorite, and that's why
452
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:30,694
I just smile and nod
whenever you put his songs on.
453
00:19:30,713 --> 00:19:33,214
I don't know what
to say except...
454
00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:37,292
this is what it sounds like
when Carter cries.
455
00:19:37,369 --> 00:19:40,629
-Baby, I did...
-Mm.
456
00:19:40,781 --> 00:19:42,097
But I'm sor...
457
00:19:48,213 --> 00:19:50,213
One latte coming right up.
458
00:19:50,307 --> 00:19:52,641
Why are you so tired?
459
00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:54,217
Baby. Why are you so tired?
460
00:19:54,237 --> 00:19:56,052
Dame Judi Dench marathon.
461
00:19:56,072 --> 00:19:58,130
We found a movie
where she stabs someone.
462
00:19:58,148 --> 00:19:59,657
It was a win for everybody.
463
00:20:02,245 --> 00:20:03,318
Oh, are you tired, too?
464
00:20:03,471 --> 00:20:05,395
No, y'all are just boring.
465
00:20:05,489 --> 00:20:07,414
I never have
a bad night of sleep.
466
00:20:07,491 --> 00:20:10,659
The key is light stretching,
a warm bath
467
00:20:10,753 --> 00:20:13,161
and a handful
of cheap Canadian sedatives
468
00:20:13,314 --> 00:20:15,589
washed down with vodka.
469
00:20:15,741 --> 00:20:17,925
Hey, guys. Can I get a coffee?
470
00:20:18,152 --> 00:20:19,093
Oh, sure. Phil?
471
00:20:19,244 --> 00:20:21,470
Sorry. I just started my break.
472
00:20:23,157 --> 00:20:25,007
How'd the drop-off go with Carl?
473
00:20:25,159 --> 00:20:26,583
Did he say anything about me?
474
00:20:26,677 --> 00:20:28,510
Just a toot and a smile.
475
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:29,937
Oh, that's so Carl.
476
00:20:30,088 --> 00:20:32,180
-Who's Carl?
-Oh, Carl's Thor.
477
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:36,068
-Who's Thor?
-The tastiest Hemsworth.
478
00:20:37,004 --> 00:20:38,112
You really were great with him.
479
00:20:38,339 --> 00:20:40,597
Well, she learned from the best.
480
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:43,600
That's right, Mother, I did.
My nanny Adela.
481
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:46,287
It was kind of nice being
a little family yesterday.
482
00:20:46,438 --> 00:20:48,271
Yeah, I liked playing dad.
483
00:20:48,365 --> 00:20:49,515
I even went to the Home Depot
484
00:20:49,608 --> 00:20:51,107
and learned the name
of the paint guy.
485
00:20:51,127 --> 00:20:52,851
It was Carl.
486
00:20:52,944 --> 00:20:54,586
Oh.
487
00:20:55,523 --> 00:20:57,856
I think I want to have a baby.
488
00:20:58,025 --> 00:21:00,375
It's gonna make my mother
really happy,
489
00:21:00,528 --> 00:21:03,304
but I'm gonna do it anyway.
490
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:08,142
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, oh ♪
491
00:21:08,293 --> 00:21:11,478
♪ Keep pushing to the top ♪
492
00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:14,873
♪ Got to work on it, no time to stop ♪
493
00:21:14,966 --> 00:21:17,318
♪ Let nobody tell me what to do ♪
494
00:21:17,545 --> 00:21:21,238
♪ Do your best thing, best thing, ooh ♪
495
00:21:28,664 --> 00:21:31,290
♪ ♪
496
00:21:34,411 --> 00:21:36,078
Captioning sponsored by
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
497
00:21:36,230 --> 00:21:38,714
Captioned by
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