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Yeah, I got a fire at the Quick Stop.
2
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Yeah.
3
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Terrorists?
4
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I left the coffee pot on again, didn't I?
5
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Shit!
6
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Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck
7
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when my mom's home?
8
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9
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10
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11
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12
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13
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14
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So, ready for your big last day?
15
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I am.
16
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When do you and your old lady head down to Florida?
17
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Tomorrow morning.
18
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Car's all packed up.
19
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You gonna do anything crazy
20
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before you leave New Jersey forever?
21
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How long have you known me?
22
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If I were you, I'd spray-paint "eat pussy"
23
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across the side of the building in huge letters.
24
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,436
Why?
25
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:26,204
Let 'em know you were there, man.
26
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I'd rather let them know I'm not an asshole.
27
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Too late for that.
28
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I'm really gonna miss you, man.
29
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30
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31
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32
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33
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34
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35
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36
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37
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38
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39
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40
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41
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42
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43
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I can't believe they haven't
done anything with it yet.
44
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The Lord did something with it.
45
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He smited that hellhole.
46
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Listen to you.
47
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Do you mean to tell me
48
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you don't miss that place at all?
49
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God, no.
50
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Do you?
51
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Of course not.
52
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53
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54
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55
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56
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57
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58
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59
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60
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61
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Get the fuck out of here!
62
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,755
63
00:06:30,756 --> 00:06:33,959
You know, sometimes I wish
I did a little more with my life
64
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,588
instead of hanging out in front
of places selling weed and shit.
65
00:06:38,130 --> 00:06:40,966
Like, maybe be an animal doctor.
66
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,467
Why not me?
67
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:45,300
I like seals and shit.
68
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:48,306
Or maybe an astronaut.
69
00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:50,075
Yeah.
70
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,911
Like, be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy
71
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:57,349
or find a new alien life-form...
72
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,249
and fuck it.
73
00:06:59,785 --> 00:07:03,054
And people'd be like, "There he goes.
74
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:06,825
Homeboy fucked a Martian once."
75
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:08,927
Holy shit.
76
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,595
Our first customer since our triumphant return.
77
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:11,596
Act cool.
78
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,224
Hold on.
79
00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:18,436
Yeah, you guys holdin'?
80
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:21,306
Shit, everything but coke, heroin, and your cock.
81
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:23,074
What?
82
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,376
How about a nickel bag, man?
83
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,912
Oh, fifteen bucks, little man.
84
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,880
Put that shit in my hand.
85
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,750
Nong, nong, nagga-nagga-nong-nong.
86
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:34,242
He likes to sing.
87
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,292
So, uh, I haven't seen you guys in a while, man.
88
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,426
Where you been all this time?
89
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:43,295
Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car,
90
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,796
we're cruising down to the Boardwalk...
91
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,598
fucking Middletown cop pulls us over
92
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:48,233
for suspicion of mischief.
93
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:49,534
What the fuck does that mean?
94
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,604
We were driving around with a deployed airbag.
95
00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:54,072
The cops pull us over.
96
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,341
They find two pounds of Jamaican lambswool.
97
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:58,243
Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime,
98
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,545
but the judge gives us rehab instead.
99
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:01,546
Shit, rehab?
100
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:02,314
Yup-yup.
101
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,448
How long were you in?
102
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:04,449
Six months, sir.
103
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,418
We got six months and two days on the wagon
104
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,086
as a good friend of Bill W.'s.
105
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:10,088
Check it out.
106
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:12,090
Just got it two days ago, before we got out.
107
00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:13,725
Yeah, but if you're holding all the time,
108
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:16,061
aren't you gonna be tempted to get high?
109
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:19,963
Oh, not with the power of Christ on my side, sir.
110
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,734
Is that a fuckin' Bible?
111
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,236
Hey, hey, the Holy fuckin' Bible, son!
112
00:08:25,237 --> 00:08:27,472
What the fuck kind of songbird Jesus-freak dealer
113
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:28,807
did you bring me to?
114
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,809
I like them, man. They're funny.
115
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,611
They're fuckin' stupid.
116
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:33,979
You should read your Bible, sirs.
117
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:37,015
You'll find all types of weird shit in there.
118
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,882
Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew?
119
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:42,511
Yeah.
120
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,592
I need two Egga-Mooby Muffins,
121
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:48,893
and we're almost out of hash browns.
122
00:08:48,894 --> 00:08:50,486
Hold on.
123
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:52,987
Now, Randal!
124
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:00,472
What are you writing over there, anyway,
125
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:01,473
your memoirs?
126
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:02,841
I'm battling
127
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,243
this jackass on his blog's message board.
128
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:06,277
About what?
129
00:09:06,278 --> 00:09:08,713
On how he's got too much free time and no life.
130
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,582
So does the guy who's flaming him on his Web site.
131
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,584
I can't help it. The guy pisses me off.
132
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,019
It's this fuck in a wheelchair
133
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,887
that's always preying on everyone's sympathies,
134
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:19,157
writing these long diatribes
about how he'll never walk again
135
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:21,493
and how walkers should appreciate the blessings
136
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,294
of their functioning legs.
137
00:09:23,295 --> 00:09:24,496
That diatribe, as you call it,
138
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,664
sounds like some poor crippled guy
139
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,365
pouring out his heart and feelings.
140
00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:28,667
Oh, fuck him, man.
141
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,335
Trying to guilt me into walking around more
142
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,003
because he's all gimped out?
143
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,705
What kind of mind-fuck is that shit?
144
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,440
So I've been getting into it with him,
145
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,410
throwing it back in his stupid crippy-boy face
146
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,011
about how I love to just sit around
147
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:43,448
and how I'd rather drive to
the end of the block than walk.
148
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:45,183
The guy's in a wheelchair.
149
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:47,052
Yeah. That's why I called him crippy-boy.
150
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:48,620
Have a good one.
151
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:51,555
You fuckin' freak.
152
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:56,394
I'm not even gonna point out the irony here.
153
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:57,896
What's the matter with you?
154
00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:59,064
What'd I do now?
155
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,231
There's a crippled guy who found a way
156
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:02,400
to reach out to a world he feels isolated from,
157
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,569
and you somehow found a way to take issue with him.
158
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:06,237
Sure, take his side.
159
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:07,405
Have you become so embittered
160
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:10,075
that you now feel the need
to attack the handicapped?
161
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,242
What handicap?
162
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:12,744
The guy's just in a wheelchair.
163
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,080
It's not like he's Anne Frank or something.
164
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,748
Anne Frank?
165
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:19,217
Yeah, Anne Frank, the chick that was all...
166
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:21,419
...till the miracle worker showed up
167
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,121
and knocked some smarts into her.
168
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,122
You're talking
169
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,457
about Helen Keller.
170
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,791
No, I'm not. I'm talking about Anne Frank.
171
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,959
She was deaf, dumb and blind.
172
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,960
No, she wasn't.
173
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,129
Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind.
174
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,297
Are you sure?
175
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,465
Yup.
176
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,633
Then who the fuck's Anne Frank?
177
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:37,135
Anne Frank's the little Jewish girl
178
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,636
who hid from the Nazis
179
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,305
in a secret room with her family.
180
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,306
She wrote a diary.
181
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,373
Oh, yeah.
182
00:10:42,374 --> 00:10:44,476
Well, then, I guess this
guy is like Anne Frank,
183
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,978
what with the diary, you know?
184
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:51,438
No, he's like Helen Keller
with the handicap, you jerk!
185
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,585
You always got to be right, don't you?
186
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,420
You Nazi douche bag.
187
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,088
What? What do you want?
188
00:10:57,089 --> 00:11:00,091
No, we don't serve Cow Tippers in the morning.
189
00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:03,686
Freedom Toast is a possibility.
190
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:19,970
Oh, we totally do.
191
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,539
All right, that'll be $12.64.
192
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:44,566
Avert your eyes, you perv.
193
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,304
That's not very hygienic.
194
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:48,670
That's all I'm gonna tell you.
195
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:52,744
Emma, are you like this
196
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:55,304
'cause you have an unnaturally large clit?
197
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,083
You just had to tell him, didn't you?
198
00:11:59,084 --> 00:12:00,418
It kind of came out one day.
199
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:01,553
He says it's so big,
200
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,754
it's almost like a little cock...
201
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:04,923
which says all kinds of weird things about him
202
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,491
that I don't even want to think about.
203
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:07,592
You wouldn't want to be with a girl
204
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:08,827
with an oversized clit?
205
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:12,661
No, 'cause the next stop is
a guy with an undersized dick.
206
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,387
You're a little hard.
207
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:37,755
'Cause you're a little close to me.
208
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,224
I can pull back, if you want.
209
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,360
Can we pull back into our
own apartment in Florida again?
210
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,295
Really? Goddamn it, Dante.
211
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:45,463
How many times are we gonna have
212
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:47,232
this fucking conversation?
213
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,901
There is no point in getting an apartment anymore.
214
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:51,569
My mother has pretty much told us
215
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:53,571
that she's gonna get us a house as a wedding gift.
216
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:55,073
Your parents' generosity
217
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:57,308
just makes me a little uncomfortable, Em.
218
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:58,843
They're giving us a house.
219
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,346
Your dad's giving me one of his car washes to run.
220
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,680
It just feels weird.
221
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,583
Babe, it just feels weird because you're so used
222
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,485
to life shitting on you all the time.
223
00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:09,520
What the fuck does that mean?
224
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,256
All I'm saying is that suddenly,
225
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,924
you have a woman that loves you,
226
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,893
a new job opportunity
227
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:18,192
and a fantastic life to look forward to, right?
228
00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:21,995
You got to face it, tiger: you hit the jackpot.
229
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,730
What's up?
230
00:13:32,177 --> 00:13:33,378
Something wrong?
231
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,379
Nope.
232
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,914
Just saw you guys talking.
233
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:37,515
Thought I'd come out here and join you.
234
00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:38,516
God, it must be nice to have a job
235
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,184
with so much downtime.
236
00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:41,753
Downtime's important.
237
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,821
If I had to deal with all
the fucking mouth-breathers
238
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:45,356
nonstop, without a break,
239
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:47,324
I'd put my head in the deep fryer.
240
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,261
Balls, too.
241
00:13:50,262 --> 00:13:51,262
Do you really want
242
00:13:51,263 --> 00:13:53,431
to sit here and watch me
and my fianc� make out?
243
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,166
- Are you that much of a loser?
- Not really.
244
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,035
I was actually gonna ask you two to knock it off
245
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:58,736
while I was out here.
246
00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:00,038
I don't fucking understand why you can't be happy
247
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,539
for your best friend.
248
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,871
He finally found a woman who loves him.
249
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,044
Like you even register as a chick to me.
250
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:07,745
You might as well be a dude.
251
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:09,213
Really?
252
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:11,149
Yeah. You're my best friend's girlfriend.
253
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,051
You became persona non-nookie to me
254
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:15,520
the moment he started diddling your pooter.
255
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,121
So thinking of me in terms of being a girl
256
00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:18,489
kind of creeps you out, does it?
257
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,025
Sweetheart, I don't think
of you in terms of being a girl.
258
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:24,359
I don't think of you in any way...
259
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,298
Oh, that was just wrong.
260
00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:28,733
If you don't get the fuck out of here
261
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,069
so that I can spend some quality time with my man,
262
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,971
next, I'm gonna show you my pooter.
263
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:35,440
Why would you want to do something like that?
264
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,976
All right, all right, I'm leaving!
265
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,466
Jesus!
266
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:44,382
What'd you do that for?
267
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,351
You realize he just thinks you're trying
268
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,453
to get him into a three-way with us now, don't you?
269
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,254
Yeah, right. With Graves?
270
00:14:50,255 --> 00:14:52,857
That man's a total fucking Lloyd,
like most Jersey guys.
271
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:54,058
Hey!
272
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,027
You talk tough, but when
we're crossing the state line,
273
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,528
I bet you get all sentimental for Jersey
274
00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:59,030
and squirt a few tears.
275
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:00,565
Yeah, tears of joy, maybe.
276
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,632
Jersey sucks,
277
00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:03,134
and we are surrounded by morons.
278
00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:05,370
On that note, I'm gonna go.
279
00:15:05,370 --> 00:15:06,871
Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're leaving?
280
00:15:06,872 --> 00:15:08,673
Yeah, I've got a ton of stuff to do
281
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,903
before we leave in the morning, but I love you.
282
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:12,877
I love you, too.
283
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:15,209
Bye.
284
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:24,055
Dude, I'm pretty sure your old lady wants
285
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:27,616
to get you and me together in a three-way.
286
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:53,051
Ow.
287
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,849
Dude, how old are you?
288
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,722
You know I'm nineteen, Randal.
289
00:15:57,723 --> 00:16:00,391
You wouldn't work for me last week, remember?
290
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,727
'Cause you said working on my birthday
291
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:05,355
would help me build character.
292
00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:08,900
Well, at least you spelled "cock" right this time.
293
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,902
Why the fuck are you still getting rides
294
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,570
from your mother?
295
00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:13,738
And even worse,
296
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,740
what the fuck are you kissing her good-bye for?
297
00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:17,909
What is she, your fuckin' prom date?
298
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,577
You're not gonna bother me today, Randal.
299
00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:20,745
I'm in too good a mood.
300
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:22,747
Because your mom slipped you the tongue?
301
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:27,085
No, because I just read
online that there's gonna be
302
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,187
a live-action Transformers movie.
303
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:30,354
And?
304
00:16:30,355 --> 00:16:33,024
Well... I mean, as you know,
305
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:35,026
my online handle is Optimus Prime.
306
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,028
I know that. I wish I didn't.
307
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:40,531
Well, so not only is it awesome
308
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:43,868
that there's gonna be a
live-action Transformers movie,
309
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:47,038
but I'm, like, positioned or whatever
310
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:51,876
with the best possible
Net handle and e-mail address
311
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,544
for when the movie comes out.
312
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:56,714
Oh, you're gonna be rolling in the pussy, man.
313
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,449
Don't be gross.
314
00:16:58,450 --> 00:16:59,884
Says the guy who was just playing
315
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,819
tonsil hockey with his mother.
316
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,154
Mr. Dante!
317
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:07,022
Leave Elias alone, Randal!
318
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,524
Don't look at his wee-wee.
319
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,164
Dude, the Transformers sucked.
320
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,398
Oh, no, they didn't.
321
00:17:14,399 --> 00:17:16,264
They were more than meets the eye.
322
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,070
They could beat the pants
off Ranger Danger any day.
323
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:21,172
Yeah. I'll lose sleep
wondering whether you're right
324
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,640
- about that or not.
- Ow.
325
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,076
I thought you weren't even
allowed to watch a lot of TV
326
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:26,911
in your house 'cause you're all Christian and shit.
327
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:29,213
Well, as it turns out, cars and trucks
328
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,015
that turn into...
329
00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:35,119
robots aren't really that blasphemous,
330
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,121
because my pastor says
331
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:39,824
that machines can turn into other machines,
332
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,593
and it's not a sleight against God.
333
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:44,328
Transformers were a total sleight against God,
334
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:47,031
inasmuch as God sent His only begotten son
335
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:49,600
to die on the cross to redeem mankind,
336
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,835
and all we did to pay him back
337
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:54,464
was make terrible fucking
cartoons like the Transformers.
338
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,841
Nice shot.
339
00:17:56,842 --> 00:18:01,679
Well, 'cause at Bible camp,
we made this flow chart which...
340
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,014
I mean, I don't know,
341
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:06,184
kind of, like, proved or whatever that...
342
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,318
Well, okay...
343
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:08,619
Bible camp?!
344
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,109
Since God created...
345
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,890
Since God created man,
346
00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:16,690
and man created the Transformers...
347
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:20,364
...the Transformers are like
a gift from God, Randal.
348
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:23,201
No, sir. They are not a gift from God.
349
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,436
They are an unholy curse
350
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,405
from the beast we call the Desolate One.
351
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,873
I don't really want to hear this, Randal.
352
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:30,441
The first of the fallen,
353
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,809
the spoiler of virgins,
354
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:34,111
the master of abortions!
355
00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:35,880
You know I don't like to talk
about dark forces, Randal.
356
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,348
Let me help you
357
00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:39,217
Out of your chair, Grandma!
358
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,519
Grandma, what was it like
359
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,689
To be on that holiday site?
360
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:47,258
Late that night, I awoke from my sleep
361
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,860
Hearing unknown voices
362
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:51,555
Laughing insane...
363
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:58,331
Oh...
364
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:17,955
Oh, what the fuck was that?
365
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:18,956
What?
366
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:19,957
That wave.
367
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,792
I saw Becky, so I waved.
368
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,961
She'll be in here in 20 seconds.
369
00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:24,962
And?
370
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,130
And you've got to greet her
371
00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:28,399
before she gets in here, you fuckin' ass-kiss?
372
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,400
What's that all about?
373
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,868
It's called friendship.
374
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:31,869
She's your boss.
375
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:33,237
You can't be friends with your boss.
376
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,239
No, you can't be friends with your boss.
377
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,574
I like my boss.
378
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,576
I think there's something going on
379
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:39,744
between you two.
380
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:40,745
You're crazy.
381
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,747
You spend an awful lot of time talking to her.
382
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:45,082
I spend an awful lot of time talking to you, too.
383
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,250
And I've always maintained
384
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:49,120
you're harboring an unrequited
homosexual crush on me.
385
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,288
We're just friends.
386
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:51,789
That's what I keep telling you.
387
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,791
No, you idiot, me and Becks.
388
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,293
"Becks"?
389
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:56,294
I knew it.
390
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,796
You're fucking around with the boss.
391
00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:02,300
Yeah, that's why I'm moving
to Florida with my fianc�e.
392
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:03,467
Why would you want to fuck around
393
00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:05,136
with a chick your own age, man?
394
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,138
If you've got to sow some of your wild oats,
395
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,806
there's all these fine young chicks
396
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,541
that stop in here after school.
397
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:14,078
First off, I'm not cheating on my fianc�e.
398
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,681
Secondly, if I was cheating on my fianc�e,
399
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,616
it wouldn't be with a teenager.
400
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:19,684
Why not?
401
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:21,085
The best part of this job
402
00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:23,587
is all the barely-legal pussy that comes in here.
403
00:20:23,588 --> 00:20:24,989
And they all look up to me,
404
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,757
'cause I've got a driver's license.
405
00:20:26,758 --> 00:20:29,460
It's awesome. You're 33.
406
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:31,295
You show me one 33-year-old chick
407
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:32,730
who's as buck-wild in bed
408
00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:34,498
as her 17-year-old counterpart.
409
00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:36,300
17-year-olds nowadays are crazy.
410
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:37,735
They're up for anything.
411
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:40,534
They even like it when you go ass to mouth.
412
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,407
Oh... my... God.
413
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,408
What?
414
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,543
Are you serious?
415
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,945
I don't fuck around when it comes to ass to mouth.
416
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,480
You never go ass to mouth.
417
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,848
It's never my idea.
418
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:52,883
These young girls today get all horned up,
419
00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:54,719
and they tell you to go ass to mouth.
420
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,253
You never go ass to mouth, Randal!
421
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:57,588
You sound like my mom.
422
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,123
Becks, do you ever go ass to mouth?
423
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,591
You never go ass to mouth.
424
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,293
You've never gone ass to mouth?
425
00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:03,761
You never go ass to mouth.
426
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:05,329
I've never gone ass to mouth.
427
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,564
Not even once?
428
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:07,998
Not even ever.
429
00:21:07,999 --> 00:21:09,367
You're both so repressed.
430
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:10,468
All right, look,
431
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:12,503
I know you've given a blow job, right?
432
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:14,505
I haven't even put my purse down yet.
433
00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:15,673
That's a yes.
434
00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:17,875
And I know you've gone down on chicks.
435
00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:19,210
What's your point?
436
00:21:19,210 --> 00:21:20,244
Well,
437
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:22,446
when you're done chowing down on the no-no parts
438
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,048
of your lover, you kiss him, right?
439
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:25,716
That's just like going ass to mouth.
440
00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:28,753
Okay, I'm pretty sure you just
compared a vagina to an asshole.
441
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:30,020
And?
442
00:21:30,020 --> 00:21:32,923
Have you restocked all the napkin holders yet?
443
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:34,925
That's an Elias job.
444
00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:37,328
That comparison of pink and brown eyes
445
00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:39,029
just made it a Randal job.
446
00:21:39,030 --> 00:21:40,197
Zing!
447
00:21:40,198 --> 00:21:42,723
Shut the fuck up, GoBot.
448
00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:49,206
I could probably sue this
whole corporation right now
449
00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:50,441
for sexual harassment.
450
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:52,643
You're just making me restock the napkin holders
451
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:54,111
because of my firmly held beliefs
452
00:21:54,112 --> 00:21:56,113
on the subject of ass to mouth.
453
00:21:56,114 --> 00:21:57,848
You never go ass to mouth!
454
00:21:57,849 --> 00:22:00,681
Would you grow up?
455
00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:05,923
All right, I'm gonna tell you this
456
00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:07,725
'cause we're friends...
457
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:10,628
but sometimes, in the heat of the moment,
458
00:22:10,629 --> 00:22:13,563
it's forgivable to go ass to mouth.
459
00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:17,097
I knew it.
460
00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:23,140
I'm fuckin' bored, man!
461
00:22:23,140 --> 00:22:28,101
And boredom's the first step
on the road to relapse.
462
00:22:42,727 --> 00:22:44,888
Oh!
463
00:22:53,939 --> 00:22:56,839
Would you fuck me?
464
00:22:57,576 --> 00:23:00,244
I'd fuck me.
465
00:23:00,245 --> 00:23:03,848
I'd fuck me hard.
466
00:23:03,849 --> 00:23:10,982
467
00:23:25,337 --> 00:23:27,828
Shit.
468
00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:30,774
Well, hello, Miss Scott.
469
00:23:30,775 --> 00:23:34,245
Well, here he is, the escape artist.
470
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,779
I'm not gone yet.
471
00:23:35,780 --> 00:23:38,048
Please. You've been gone for the last month.
472
00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:39,383
When do you guys leave?
473
00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:41,652
Well, we start driving tomorrow morning.
474
00:23:41,653 --> 00:23:43,587
Oh, uh, I left you the forwarding address
475
00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:45,523
for my last check on the calendar there.
476
00:23:45,524 --> 00:23:48,025
So you did.
477
00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:50,694
That's her parents' house, right?
478
00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:54,431
Yes, but only until the wedding.
479
00:23:54,432 --> 00:23:56,166
And then, from what I hear,
480
00:23:56,167 --> 00:23:58,536
her parents are giving us a house.
481
00:23:58,537 --> 00:24:00,571
Nice!
482
00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:02,907
So I guess dowries are making a comeback.
483
00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:04,041
Oh, yeah.
484
00:24:04,042 --> 00:24:06,110
Her dad sweetened the pot with two fatted calves
485
00:24:06,110 --> 00:24:07,839
and a goat.
486
00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:11,148
I'm gonna miss you, Hicks.
487
00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:13,083
Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too.
488
00:24:13,084 --> 00:24:14,218
I still can't believe
489
00:24:14,219 --> 00:24:16,854
you're just gonna leave me alone in this place...
490
00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:18,622
with Randal Graves, of all people.
491
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:19,757
Quit.
492
00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:20,858
Move to Florida.
493
00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:22,560
You could work at the car wash with me.
494
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,862
Wow, you make it sound so tempting.
495
00:24:24,863 --> 00:24:26,730
How can I say no?
496
00:24:26,730 --> 00:24:29,867
Oh, yeah... 'cause it's a
fucking car wash in Florida.
497
00:24:29,868 --> 00:24:31,569
Like it's any worse than this place.
498
00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:33,637
Hurl the insults all you want, buddy man.
499
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:35,639
As soon as my uncle's on his feet again,
500
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,675
it's not like I'm gonna be staying here.
501
00:24:37,676 --> 00:24:39,643
- Hey, how's he doing?
- A lot better.
502
00:24:39,644 --> 00:24:41,745
It only took two years and a shitload of chemo,
503
00:24:41,746 --> 00:24:44,181
but... his red cell count's almost back to normal.
504
00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:45,382
That's great.
505
00:24:45,383 --> 00:24:46,884
Yeah, it's great for me, too.
506
00:24:46,885 --> 00:24:48,686
Couple of weeks in this crap shack
507
00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:51,422
turned into a couple of
years a little too quickly.
508
00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:52,923
But, Hicks, we can sit here
509
00:24:52,924 --> 00:24:55,059
making small talk about your last day
510
00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:57,394
and what it is I'm going to do once you're gone,
511
00:24:57,395 --> 00:25:02,166
or we can treat this like any other workday.
512
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:03,929
Ding-a-ling-a-ling!
513
00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:16,811
Randal.
514
00:25:17,415 --> 00:25:20,484
One ring to rule them all.
515
00:25:20,485 --> 00:25:24,488
And you wonder why no chick'll
let you stick your cock in her.
516
00:25:24,489 --> 00:25:26,657
I never wondered that.
517
00:25:26,658 --> 00:25:28,092
Yeah, 'cause you've accepted the fact
518
00:25:28,093 --> 00:25:30,127
that you'll never get a chick a long time ago.
519
00:25:30,128 --> 00:25:31,629
I could get a chick if I wanted.
520
00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:33,097
Who are you kidding?
521
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:34,765
You can't get a chick, you mook.
522
00:25:34,766 --> 00:25:36,665
You're too weird and sad.
523
00:25:40,472 --> 00:25:42,806
I turn down chicks left and right.
524
00:25:42,807 --> 00:25:46,299
Your chicks are your "left" and "right."
525
00:25:47,078 --> 00:25:48,946
Yeah, right. What do you know?
526
00:25:48,947 --> 00:25:50,914
Uh, I know you're a huge fuckin' nerd
527
00:25:50,915 --> 00:25:53,751
of Potsie-like proportions,
and no chicks dig nerds,
528
00:25:53,752 --> 00:25:57,016
especially nerds that are into Lord of the Rings.
529
00:25:58,089 --> 00:25:59,890
Chicks dig Lord of the Rings, Randal.
530
00:25:59,890 --> 00:26:01,091
Yeah. The kind of chicks
531
00:26:01,092 --> 00:26:02,926
that are into swords and elves and shit,
532
00:26:02,927 --> 00:26:05,295
and I wouldn't fuck them with the Torch of Gondor.
533
00:26:05,296 --> 00:26:07,525
Oh, you're so gross!
534
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,133
Hey, man.
535
00:26:16,908 --> 00:26:19,209
Welcome to Mooby's. May I take your order?
536
00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:20,344
Yeah, um...
537
00:26:20,345 --> 00:26:21,645
let's see.
538
00:26:21,646 --> 00:26:24,748
Give me one Udderly Delicious Moo-ilk Shake,
539
00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:28,377
Skinny Calf and an order of onion rings. Thanks.
540
00:26:30,689 --> 00:26:34,022
"One ring to rule them all."
541
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:36,727
"One ring to find them."
542
00:26:36,728 --> 00:26:38,028
Oh, Jesus.
543
00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:40,197
"One ring to bring them all."
544
00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:42,933
"And in the darkness bind them."
545
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:44,501
Yes! Dude!
546
00:26:44,502 --> 00:26:45,869
How many times?
547
00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:47,171
Well, um, three for Fellowship,
548
00:26:47,172 --> 00:26:48,172
two for Towers,
549
00:26:48,173 --> 00:26:50,307
four for Return.
550
00:26:50,308 --> 00:26:51,575
Five for Return.
551
00:26:51,576 --> 00:26:52,576
Dude!
552
00:26:52,577 --> 00:26:53,677
All right, look,
553
00:26:53,678 --> 00:26:55,746
there's only one Return, okay,
554
00:26:55,747 --> 00:26:58,549
and it ain't of the king... it's of the Jedi.
555
00:26:58,550 --> 00:27:00,451
Oh, Star Wars geek.
556
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,618
Oh, I'm the geek?
557
00:27:01,619 --> 00:27:03,754
Look at you two, whipping out your preciouses.
558
00:27:03,755 --> 00:27:05,222
You'll have to excuse him.
559
00:27:05,223 --> 00:27:07,057
He's not "down" with the trilogy.
560
00:27:07,058 --> 00:27:09,593
Oh, what the fuck happened to this world?
561
00:27:09,594 --> 00:27:10,961
There's only one trilogy,
562
00:27:10,962 --> 00:27:12,730
you fucking morons.
563
00:27:12,730 --> 00:27:14,264
You know what?
564
00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:16,066
Maybe we should start calling your friend Padme,
565
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:17,968
because he loves Mannequin Skywalker
566
00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:19,303
so much, right?
567
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:20,971
"Danger, danger.
568
00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:22,306
"My name is Anakin.
569
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:25,409
My shitty acting is ruining saga."
570
00:27:25,410 --> 00:27:27,745
Yeah. Yeah, you're crazy, Jar-Jar.
571
00:27:27,746 --> 00:27:29,012
Oh, I'm crazy?
572
00:27:29,013 --> 00:27:31,648
Those fucking hobbit
movies were boring as hell.
573
00:27:31,649 --> 00:27:33,984
All it was was a bunch of people walking.
574
00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:36,920
Three movies of people
walking to a fuckin' volcano.
575
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,013
Here's the first movie.
576
00:27:43,128 --> 00:27:46,256
And here's the second movie.
577
00:27:51,236 --> 00:27:53,337
He is way off. Loser.
578
00:27:53,338 --> 00:27:55,362
You ready for the third movie?
579
00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:06,817
Fuckin' A.
580
00:28:06,818 --> 00:28:09,052
Even the fuckin' trees walked in those movies.
581
00:28:09,053 --> 00:28:10,087
You know what?
582
00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:11,288
I've had enough of you.
583
00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:14,558
Your simplistic analysis of the trilogy aside,
584
00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:16,794
The Lord of the Rings was
a massive achievement that
585
00:28:16,795 --> 00:28:17,895
even the Academy recognized
586
00:28:17,896 --> 00:28:20,631
when they gave Peter Jackson
the Best Directing Oscar...
587
00:28:20,632 --> 00:28:24,168
an award your little friend
George "Toy Boy" Lucas has never
588
00:28:24,169 --> 00:28:25,869
and will never win.
589
00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:27,204
Bones.
590
00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:28,405
Oh, sick burn.
591
00:28:28,406 --> 00:28:29,807
Let me tell you something.
592
00:28:29,808 --> 00:28:32,109
If Peter Jackson really wanted to blow me away
593
00:28:32,110 --> 00:28:35,045
with those "Rings" movies,
he would've ended the third one
594
00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:36,547
on the logical closure point,
595
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:38,982
not the twenty-five endings that followed.
596
00:28:38,983 --> 00:28:40,484
What's the logical closure point?
597
00:28:40,485 --> 00:28:41,685
Yeah, friend,
598
00:28:41,686 --> 00:28:43,053
enlighten us.
599
00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:45,923
When fucking Frito wakes up from
his little coma or whatever,
600
00:28:45,924 --> 00:28:48,692
and the little hobbits are
jumping up and down on his bed,
601
00:28:48,693 --> 00:28:50,194
and Sam leans in the doorway
602
00:28:50,195 --> 00:28:52,162
and gives him that very fuckin' gay look.
603
00:28:52,163 --> 00:28:53,564
Not the Rings, Randal.
604
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:55,098
Say what you will about Jesus,
605
00:28:55,099 --> 00:28:56,867
but leave the Rings out of this.
606
00:28:56,868 --> 00:28:59,303
I am gonna kick your ass back to the Shire
607
00:28:59,304 --> 00:29:00,671
if you don't shut your fuckin' mouth.
608
00:29:00,672 --> 00:29:03,140
That look was so gay,
I thought Sam was gonna tell
609
00:29:03,140 --> 00:29:04,775
the little hobbits to take a walk
610
00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:06,410
so he could saunter over to Frodo
611
00:29:06,410 --> 00:29:07,744
and suck his fuckin' cock.
612
00:29:07,745 --> 00:29:10,414
Now, that would've been
an Academy Award-worthy ending.
613
00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:14,084
Hey, faggot, they're not gay. They're hobbits.
614
00:29:14,085 --> 00:29:16,687
And then right after the Sam-Frodo suckfest,
615
00:29:16,688 --> 00:29:18,522
right before the credits roll,
616
00:29:18,523 --> 00:29:21,191
Sam fucking flat-out bricks in Frodo's mouth.
617
00:29:21,192 --> 00:29:23,627
I swear...
618
00:29:23,628 --> 00:29:25,322
Fuck you!
619
00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:29,666
I made fun of Lord of the Rings so hard,
620
00:29:29,667 --> 00:29:32,069
it made some super-geek puke all over the counter.
621
00:29:32,070 --> 00:29:33,637
Where do we keep the mop and bucket
622
00:29:33,638 --> 00:29:35,072
so I can have Elias clean it up?
623
00:29:35,073 --> 00:29:37,374
In the closet with the rest
of the cleaning products.
624
00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:41,311
We have cleaning products?
625
00:29:44,082 --> 00:29:46,316
Why does it smell so weird in here?
626
00:29:46,317 --> 00:29:48,250
Buh-bye.
627
00:29:48,786 --> 00:29:51,277
I'm on to you.
628
00:29:53,558 --> 00:29:55,626
You know he's not gonna make it here long
629
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:58,428
once you're not here to
protect him anymore, don't you?
630
00:29:58,429 --> 00:30:00,831
Well, you're the one out
there encouraging him,
631
00:30:00,832 --> 00:30:02,833
advocating ass to mouth.
632
00:30:02,834 --> 00:30:05,736
I wasn't advocating it, you big prude.
633
00:30:05,737 --> 00:30:07,905
I just said it was fine once in a while.
634
00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:09,907
Like you wouldn't do it if Emma told you to.
635
00:30:09,908 --> 00:30:11,441
Christ, no!
636
00:30:11,442 --> 00:30:14,172
Oh, I thought love knew no bounds.
637
00:30:14,879 --> 00:30:17,281
Ew. That came off kind of catty, didn't it?
638
00:30:17,282 --> 00:30:19,249
A little daytime soapish, yeah.
639
00:30:19,250 --> 00:30:20,417
I'm sorry.
640
00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:22,119
I don't know why I said that.
641
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,854
I actually kind of like Emma.
642
00:30:23,855 --> 00:30:24,955
So do I.
643
00:30:24,956 --> 00:30:27,090
So that's why you're getting married!
644
00:30:27,090 --> 00:30:29,059
I can't wait until you get engaged,
645
00:30:29,060 --> 00:30:31,628
so I can bust your balls as
hard as you've busted mine.
646
00:30:31,629 --> 00:30:34,031
You're going to be waiting a long time, sir.
647
00:30:34,032 --> 00:30:35,499
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
648
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,734
You're the cold-hearted ice princess
649
00:30:37,735 --> 00:30:39,703
that doesn't believe in marriage.
650
00:30:39,704 --> 00:30:41,939
I'm not saying that it's not all right for you,
651
00:30:41,940 --> 00:30:43,140
but, yes, I do think
652
00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:45,575
that marriage goes against our primal nature.
653
00:30:45,576 --> 00:30:46,743
To be loved?
654
00:30:46,744 --> 00:30:49,379
To fuck as much as possible...
655
00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:53,150
spread the seed around and keep the species going.
656
00:30:53,150 --> 00:30:55,285
And all that shit they feed us in the movies
657
00:30:55,286 --> 00:30:56,954
and greeting cards is just propaganda
658
00:30:56,955 --> 00:30:59,589
to get us to marry, have kids
and keep the economy going.
659
00:30:59,590 --> 00:31:02,125
Marriage is just the keystone to economics.
660
00:31:02,126 --> 00:31:03,527
You're such a sappy girl.
661
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:05,662
- Mm.
- Are you trying to tell me
662
00:31:05,663 --> 00:31:07,431
you don't believe in love, Beckalah?
663
00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:08,765
In romantic love,
664
00:31:08,766 --> 00:31:10,067
no.
665
00:31:10,068 --> 00:31:12,235
Like, I love my parents.
666
00:31:12,236 --> 00:31:14,871
I love my car. I love you.
667
00:31:14,872 --> 00:31:17,541
But romantic love, hearts and flowers,
668
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:20,377
"There's only one person out there for me"?
669
00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:23,113
Come on, you know how many
people there are out there?
670
00:31:23,114 --> 00:31:24,548
Odds are there's always going
671
00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:26,583
to be someone who's a better match for you
672
00:31:26,584 --> 00:31:28,318
than the person you end up marrying.
673
00:31:28,319 --> 00:31:29,519
So based on your theory,
674
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,955
there's someone out there
better for me than Emma.
675
00:31:31,956 --> 00:31:34,825
Oh, no, I'm not touching that one.
676
00:31:34,826 --> 00:31:36,293
Wait a second.
677
00:31:36,294 --> 00:31:38,028
You don't think I really love her?
678
00:31:38,029 --> 00:31:40,230
I think...
679
00:31:40,230 --> 00:31:42,432
you love what she represents.
680
00:31:42,433 --> 00:31:43,867
Which is?
681
00:31:43,868 --> 00:31:46,103
Come on, Dante, she was
the girl who wouldn't give you
682
00:31:46,104 --> 00:31:47,637
the time of day back in high school.
683
00:31:47,638 --> 00:31:49,539
And years later, after she's played the field
684
00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:52,309
and realized how unsatisfying
the so-called "hotties" are,
685
00:31:52,310 --> 00:31:54,511
she's finally gone with someone who looks...
686
00:31:54,512 --> 00:31:55,812
Oh, my God,
687
00:31:55,813 --> 00:31:57,614
you're gonna say "fugly," aren't you?
688
00:31:57,615 --> 00:31:58,715
Unconventional!
689
00:31:58,716 --> 00:31:59,983
Ah, nice backpedal.
690
00:31:59,984 --> 00:32:01,718
Thank you.
691
00:32:01,719 --> 00:32:03,420
It took her a few years
692
00:32:03,420 --> 00:32:04,755
to finally figure out that thing
693
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,857
that every mother tries
to teach their little girl
694
00:32:06,858 --> 00:32:08,225
but she has to learn on her own,
695
00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:10,594
and that's that guys that look like you
696
00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:12,662
have a lot more to offer, because you'll always
697
00:32:12,663 --> 00:32:14,231
try harder than the pretty boy.
698
00:32:14,232 --> 00:32:17,034
What am I, some hideous fucking CHUD over here?
699
00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:20,003
No, you're a catch... kind of.
700
00:32:20,004 --> 00:32:22,406
And Emma's a catch, too.
701
00:32:22,407 --> 00:32:24,441
'Cause not only is she pretty, but...
702
00:32:24,442 --> 00:32:27,010
she'll make all your decisions for you.
703
00:32:27,010 --> 00:32:29,880
Which is lucky, because you're pretty terrible
704
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:31,782
at making decisions.
705
00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:33,750
So my last day is all about you telling me
706
00:32:33,750 --> 00:32:35,980
what an ugly, indecisive loser I am?
707
00:32:36,654 --> 00:32:38,522
Come on, you worked at Quick Stop
708
00:32:38,523 --> 00:32:40,123
for, like, a decade,
709
00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:43,427
and you've been here for a year almost,
710
00:32:43,428 --> 00:32:45,996
and since day one at both jobs,
711
00:32:45,997 --> 00:32:47,731
all you've ever said is how you needed
712
00:32:47,732 --> 00:32:49,166
to get out and start your life.
713
00:32:49,167 --> 00:32:51,401
And it wasn't until Emma walked
through the door and was,
714
00:32:51,402 --> 00:32:53,036
like, "Come down to Florida with me,
715
00:32:53,037 --> 00:32:54,404
"and I'll fuck your brains out,
716
00:32:54,405 --> 00:32:56,673
and my daddy will give you a job, and blah-blah,"
717
00:32:56,674 --> 00:32:58,875
that you actually went and did something about it.
718
00:32:58,876 --> 00:33:00,310
And I get it... it's...
719
00:33:00,310 --> 00:33:03,380
she's your golden ticket, dude.
720
00:33:03,380 --> 00:33:05,314
So, uh...
721
00:33:05,783 --> 00:33:07,750
...what's that make you?
722
00:33:09,820 --> 00:33:13,990
I'm just the girl who fucks
ugly, indecisive losers
723
00:33:13,990 --> 00:33:17,289
in the kitchen once this place is closed.
724
00:33:17,962 --> 00:33:19,554
That's me.
725
00:33:24,802 --> 00:33:27,671
That's something for the lovers out there.
726
00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:29,840
J-RAM Radio. Right around high noon...
727
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:33,640
So, we're never gonna talk about it, are we?
728
00:33:34,745 --> 00:33:37,914
What is there to say?
729
00:33:37,915 --> 00:33:39,816
Do you regret it?
730
00:33:39,817 --> 00:33:41,585
Do you?
731
00:33:41,586 --> 00:33:44,588
I regret that it was on the prep station table.
732
00:33:44,589 --> 00:33:46,389
Yeah, you regret it... you weren't the one
733
00:33:46,390 --> 00:33:48,118
who got mayo in your cooch.
734
00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:59,469
What do you want me to say?
735
00:33:59,470 --> 00:34:01,505
We were drunk, you know?
736
00:34:01,506 --> 00:34:03,440
It just kind of happened.
737
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,775
You're just lucky
738
00:34:05,776 --> 00:34:08,378
I'm not one of those monogamists
like your girlfriend.
739
00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:11,581
Otherwise, I might try
to make you stay in Jersey.
740
00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:14,312
If anyone could do it, it'd be you.
741
00:34:23,628 --> 00:34:27,029
Dude, your old lady's out here looking for you.
742
00:34:31,469 --> 00:34:33,163
743
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:41,401
Come outside with me. I've got a surprise for you.
744
00:34:51,789 --> 00:34:53,857
That's my surprise?
745
00:34:53,858 --> 00:34:55,882
No.
746
00:34:56,727 --> 00:35:00,492
Goodbye, horses...
747
00:35:06,504 --> 00:35:08,232
Hey.
748
00:35:09,207 --> 00:35:10,740
Oh.
749
00:35:10,740 --> 00:35:12,842
So, um...
750
00:35:12,843 --> 00:35:15,478
are you looking for a good Transformers site?
751
00:35:15,479 --> 00:35:18,548
Because at CarsToBots.com,
752
00:35:18,549 --> 00:35:21,351
you can get an avatar
753
00:35:21,352 --> 00:35:25,555
that's your picture morphed to look like a robot.
754
00:35:25,556 --> 00:35:27,057
Come on, man.
755
00:35:27,058 --> 00:35:28,825
You know I only surf Transformers sites
756
00:35:28,826 --> 00:35:32,727
when there's girls around,
so they can see how cool I am.
757
00:35:34,432 --> 00:35:36,399
So what are you doing then?
758
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,869
Trying to secure a going away
present for Mr. Dante.
759
00:35:39,870 --> 00:35:41,004
Really?
760
00:35:41,005 --> 00:35:44,541
Well, how about an Arwen sword replica?
761
00:35:44,542 --> 00:35:46,443
What?
762
00:35:46,444 --> 00:35:49,246
Uh...
763
00:35:49,247 --> 00:35:52,282
'Cause it's, like, thoughtful and practical.
764
00:35:52,283 --> 00:35:57,120
I was thinking of something a little more sexy.
765
00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:01,258
Well, what's sexier than an elf princess's sword?
766
00:36:01,259 --> 00:36:03,093
A donkey show.
767
00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:04,160
What's that?
768
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,630
You ever see a chick give a mule a blow job?
769
00:36:06,630 --> 00:36:08,398
Oh, no!
770
00:36:08,399 --> 00:36:10,500
Shh!
771
00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:11,901
Jesus!
772
00:36:11,902 --> 00:36:14,337
If you spoil this, I'm gonna brain you.
773
00:36:14,338 --> 00:36:16,373
You gonna keep your mouth shut?
774
00:36:16,374 --> 00:36:18,108
Yes.
775
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:19,109
God.
776
00:36:19,110 --> 00:36:21,344
That's bestiality, Randal.
777
00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:23,446
At its finest, I hope.
778
00:36:23,447 --> 00:36:25,448
Who'd want to see something like that?
779
00:36:25,449 --> 00:36:27,951
Me, Dante, you.
780
00:36:27,952 --> 00:36:29,586
I don't want to see something like that.
781
00:36:29,587 --> 00:36:31,488
Why would you want to see something like that?
782
00:36:31,489 --> 00:36:33,089
Because it's fucked up.
783
00:36:33,090 --> 00:36:34,291
And I want to see
784
00:36:34,292 --> 00:36:36,893
if a chick with a mouthful
of donkey spunk swallows.
785
00:36:36,894 --> 00:36:38,295
All right, here we go.
786
00:36:38,296 --> 00:36:40,730
"Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud.
787
00:36:40,730 --> 00:36:43,266
"Straight from their dirty debut in Tijuana,
788
00:36:43,267 --> 00:36:45,201
"Kelly's taking it on the road.
789
00:36:45,202 --> 00:36:47,704
Taking it in the ass, that is."
790
00:36:47,705 --> 00:36:50,907
You got to give it up for Oscar
Wilde-like wordplay that good.
791
00:36:50,908 --> 00:36:52,575
Do they show pictures?
792
00:36:52,576 --> 00:36:55,445
Only one of Kinky Kelly
sucking off Optimus Prime.
793
00:36:55,446 --> 00:36:56,446
Really?
794
00:36:56,447 --> 00:36:58,081
Ow.
795
00:36:58,082 --> 00:36:59,582
Let me borrow your cellphone.
796
00:36:59,583 --> 00:37:00,617
Whoa.
797
00:37:00,618 --> 00:37:02,552
Well, 'cause, I'm only supposed to use it
798
00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:04,688
to call my parents in case of an emergency.
799
00:37:04,689 --> 00:37:05,855
This is an emergency.
800
00:37:05,856 --> 00:37:07,724
We got to lock up Kinky Kelly for tonight,
801
00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:10,660
so we can give Mr. Dante a memorable send-off.
802
00:37:10,660 --> 00:37:13,496
You love Mr. Dante, don't you?
803
00:37:13,497 --> 00:37:14,798
In a non-gay way.
804
00:37:14,799 --> 00:37:16,232
Then give me your phone.
805
00:37:16,233 --> 00:37:18,368
'Cause Mr. Dante's never seen a donkey show.
806
00:37:18,369 --> 00:37:20,904
And it'd be nice to give
him this before he goes off
807
00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:23,239
to Florida and gets married and
does all those other things
808
00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:24,774
that prevent a guy from ever seeing
809
00:37:24,775 --> 00:37:26,609
a fucked-up donkey show in his lifetime.
810
00:37:26,610 --> 00:37:27,977
Hello.
811
00:37:27,978 --> 00:37:31,147
Uh, I was hoping to schedule
Kinky Kelly for a performance.
812
00:37:31,148 --> 00:37:33,049
Tonight.
813
00:37:33,050 --> 00:37:34,718
Okay.
814
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,386
I'm on hold.
815
00:37:36,387 --> 00:37:39,456
Fingers crossed.
816
00:37:39,457 --> 00:37:42,892
We should probably cross dicks, too.
817
00:37:42,893 --> 00:37:43,893
No.
818
00:37:43,894 --> 00:37:45,929
Work, work, work.
819
00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,697
That's all you ever think about, Hicks.
820
00:37:47,698 --> 00:37:48,565
Hey, Becks.
821
00:37:48,566 --> 00:37:50,795
Hey, Emma.
822
00:37:51,802 --> 00:37:53,470
Great shirt.
823
00:37:53,470 --> 00:37:54,938
Isn't it? I love it.
824
00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:57,273
What I love even more are these.
825
00:37:57,274 --> 00:37:58,308
These came in early,
826
00:37:58,309 --> 00:38:00,510
and I just had to come back and show Dante.
827
00:38:00,510 --> 00:38:02,379
And give you yours, of course.
828
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:04,814
And I have one for Randal, I guess.
829
00:38:04,815 --> 00:38:06,583
What is it?
830
00:38:06,584 --> 00:38:08,017
Look, I know it's three months away,
831
00:38:08,018 --> 00:38:10,887
but it would mean so much to us
if you could make the trip down.
832
00:38:10,888 --> 00:38:13,856
Well... yeah.
833
00:38:14,692 --> 00:38:16,192
Uh, I wouldn't miss it.
834
00:38:16,193 --> 00:38:18,495
I thought we were waiting
till we got down there
835
00:38:18,496 --> 00:38:19,829
before we picked a date.
836
00:38:19,830 --> 00:38:21,731
Oh, him is so cute.
837
00:38:21,732 --> 00:38:23,631
Him thinking again, huh?
838
00:38:24,468 --> 00:38:26,202
If we left anything up to these jackals,
839
00:38:26,203 --> 00:38:28,398
nothing would ever get done, would it?
840
00:38:29,206 --> 00:38:31,697
I'm just teasing.
841
00:38:35,846 --> 00:38:38,814
Guess you got to make their
decisions for 'em sometimes.
842
00:38:45,956 --> 00:38:47,056
All right, I've got it.
843
00:38:47,057 --> 00:38:48,124
I will see you then.
844
00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:49,692
Thank you.
845
00:38:49,693 --> 00:38:51,528
My friend, tonight,
846
00:38:51,529 --> 00:38:54,554
we bring a bit of TJ to the Jersey 'burbs.
847
00:38:55,466 --> 00:38:57,066
Well, I don't know about this, Randal.
848
00:38:57,067 --> 00:38:59,169
I mean, how do we know this isn't a hoax?
849
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:01,070
Like, were there any pictures on the Web site?
850
00:39:01,070 --> 00:39:02,539
Strangely, no.
851
00:39:02,540 --> 00:39:05,141
But if you've seen pics of
one chick sucking off a donkey,
852
00:39:05,142 --> 00:39:07,343
you've seen them all.
853
00:39:07,344 --> 00:39:09,045
Well, what if you haven't ever seen pics
854
00:39:09,046 --> 00:39:10,814
of anything like that?
855
00:39:10,815 --> 00:39:13,049
Well, then you must be as blind as Anne Frank.
856
00:39:13,050 --> 00:39:15,285
'Cause what's the point in
having an Internet connection
857
00:39:15,286 --> 00:39:17,754
if you're not using it to look
at weird, fucked-up pictures
858
00:39:17,755 --> 00:39:20,246
of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?
859
00:39:26,430 --> 00:39:30,099
Ho-ly shit.
860
00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:33,736
You know, I've never pieced
this together until right now.
861
00:39:33,737 --> 00:39:35,238
You're a virgin, aren't you?
862
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,073
You know I have a girlfriend, Randal.
863
00:39:37,074 --> 00:39:38,007
Oh, yeah.
864
00:39:38,008 --> 00:39:39,242
What's her name again?
865
00:39:39,243 --> 00:39:41,244
Myra Hodgkiss.
866
00:39:41,245 --> 00:39:43,046
You made her up, didn't you?
867
00:39:43,047 --> 00:39:44,781
That name sounds so made-up.
868
00:39:44,782 --> 00:39:47,283
No.
869
00:39:47,284 --> 00:39:49,652
Seriously, Elias, have you and Myra had sex yet?
870
00:39:49,653 --> 00:39:52,055
Well, that's just kind of personal, Randal.
871
00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:53,089
Come on!
872
00:39:53,090 --> 00:39:55,558
I tell you about my sex life all the time.
873
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:56,893
I let you smell my fingers
874
00:39:56,894 --> 00:39:58,595
after I fucked Taton Weathers' kid sister
875
00:39:58,596 --> 00:40:00,263
in the office that one time, didn't I?
876
00:40:00,264 --> 00:40:03,324
You kind of made me smell your fingers.
877
00:40:04,134 --> 00:40:06,769
Maybe you just don't like the pussy.
878
00:40:06,770 --> 00:40:08,605
Maybe you're all about the cock.
879
00:40:08,606 --> 00:40:10,874
No, no, I like the pussy.
880
00:40:10,875 --> 00:40:12,008
So come on.
881
00:40:12,009 --> 00:40:14,410
Did Myra ever give you a
crack at her crack or what?
882
00:40:14,410 --> 00:40:17,247
Well, not that it's any
of your business, Randal,
883
00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:18,448
but she can't.
884
00:40:18,449 --> 00:40:20,416
Why?
885
00:40:21,285 --> 00:40:23,653
Jesus, Elias, come on.
886
00:40:23,654 --> 00:40:25,655
You got to start trusting me more.
887
00:40:25,656 --> 00:40:27,223
Because once Dante's gone,
888
00:40:27,224 --> 00:40:29,316
you're gonna be my new best friend.
889
00:40:31,562 --> 00:40:32,762
No, I'm not.
890
00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:34,964
Who the fuck else am I gonna hang out with?
891
00:40:34,965 --> 00:40:36,533
It's gonna be you and me, buddy.
892
00:40:36,534 --> 00:40:37,567
So come on.
893
00:40:37,568 --> 00:40:38,768
You got to start trusting me more.
894
00:40:38,769 --> 00:40:41,464
Open up and tell me shit.
895
00:40:41,972 --> 00:40:45,202
Like why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
896
00:40:47,978 --> 00:40:51,748
Well, we can't because of Pillow Pants.
897
00:40:51,749 --> 00:40:53,816
What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
898
00:40:53,817 --> 00:40:58,413
Pillow Pants is a little
troll who lives in her pussy.
899
00:41:06,096 --> 00:41:09,832
Pillow Pants is her pussy troll.
900
00:41:09,833 --> 00:41:11,800
Duh.
901
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,005
You know how every girl's parents
902
00:41:16,006 --> 00:41:20,543
put a pussy troll in them
when the girls are young
903
00:41:20,544 --> 00:41:24,036
to keep them from having premarital sex?
904
00:41:25,583 --> 00:41:26,983
Sure.
905
00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:30,386
Well, Myra's is named Pillow Pants.
906
00:41:30,387 --> 00:41:35,124
And so, even though she totally
wants to have sex with me,
907
00:41:35,125 --> 00:41:39,896
Myra says if I put my thing in her,
908
00:41:39,897 --> 00:41:42,592
Pillow Pants will bite it off.
909
00:41:44,034 --> 00:41:47,637
So I got to wait until Pillow Pants
910
00:41:47,638 --> 00:41:51,574
gets peed out of her body on her 21st birthday
911
00:41:51,575 --> 00:41:54,510
before we can have sex.
912
00:41:54,510 --> 00:41:57,146
And Myra told you this?
913
00:41:57,147 --> 00:41:58,247
Boyfriends and girlfriends
914
00:41:58,248 --> 00:42:00,850
talk to each other about sex stuff, Randal.
915
00:42:00,850 --> 00:42:02,986
You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.
916
00:42:02,987 --> 00:42:06,155
Have you and Myra even kissed yet?
917
00:42:06,156 --> 00:42:10,057
We would have already,
if it wasn't for Lister Fiend.
918
00:42:11,595 --> 00:42:14,163
Lister Fiend is her mouth troll, isn't it?
919
00:42:14,164 --> 00:42:16,529
Women.
920
00:42:21,639 --> 00:42:23,439
I'll be right back.
921
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:27,143
You are never gonna believe
what Elias just told me.
922
00:42:27,144 --> 00:42:28,702
Look who it is, Randal.
923
00:42:29,146 --> 00:42:31,214
Randal Graves.
924
00:42:31,215 --> 00:42:32,749
You work here, too?
925
00:42:32,750 --> 00:42:35,885
Jesus. Anyone else from
our graduating class back there?
926
00:42:35,886 --> 00:42:36,886
Well, well, well...
927
00:42:36,887 --> 00:42:39,055
Pickle Fucker.
928
00:42:39,056 --> 00:42:41,224
Man, look at you two fun-ployees.
929
00:42:41,225 --> 00:42:42,558
Nothing's changed.
930
00:42:42,559 --> 00:42:44,594
You know, I'll bet dollars to donuts,
931
00:42:44,595 --> 00:42:45,828
when you two aren't fighting
932
00:42:45,829 --> 00:42:48,631
about who shot first, Han or Greedo,
933
00:42:48,632 --> 00:42:50,667
you can still muster up enough energy
934
00:42:50,668 --> 00:42:52,935
to make fun of other people.
935
00:42:52,936 --> 00:42:55,204
Yeah. So hurry up and order and get out of here,
936
00:42:55,205 --> 00:42:56,906
so we can make fun of you.
937
00:42:56,907 --> 00:42:58,775
Oh, I don't know if you're in a position
938
00:42:58,776 --> 00:43:00,777
to make fun of anyone anymore, Graves.
939
00:43:00,778 --> 00:43:03,546
Thirty-two and you're flipping burgers?
940
00:43:03,547 --> 00:43:05,581
Before that, I'd heard it was the Quick Stop
941
00:43:05,582 --> 00:43:07,684
for, what, like, ten years?
942
00:43:07,685 --> 00:43:11,382
We can't all be Internet millionaires.
943
00:43:12,189 --> 00:43:13,423
Who's an Internet millionaire?
944
00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:15,291
Elias, this is Lance Dowds.
945
00:43:15,292 --> 00:43:16,659
We went to high school together.
946
00:43:16,660 --> 00:43:17,994
A few years ago,
947
00:43:17,995 --> 00:43:20,463
he built a search engine which
compiles the lowest prices
948
00:43:20,464 --> 00:43:23,066
of merchandise you can buy online.
949
00:43:23,067 --> 00:43:25,535
You might have heard of it... MadDucketts.com.
950
00:43:25,536 --> 00:43:27,837
Didn't that just sell to Amazon
for, like, 20 million bucks?
951
00:43:27,838 --> 00:43:29,372
Yeah, but back before
952
00:43:29,373 --> 00:43:32,408
he was the Mad Ducketts guy,
he was just Pickle Fucker.
953
00:43:32,409 --> 00:43:33,810
You see, freshman year,
954
00:43:33,810 --> 00:43:35,912
the seniors would hunt us
down and put us through
955
00:43:35,913 --> 00:43:37,580
what they called initiations.
956
00:43:37,580 --> 00:43:38,915
They'd stuff us into lockers
957
00:43:38,916 --> 00:43:40,983
or throw us in the girls' shower room naked.
958
00:43:40,984 --> 00:43:42,819
But Lance here got the worst of it.
959
00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:44,887
The seniors yanked down his pants,
960
00:43:44,888 --> 00:43:46,456
and shoved a pickle up his ass,
961
00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:47,824
and made him walk ten feet.
962
00:43:47,825 --> 00:43:50,860
The pickle fell out
before he hit the ten-foot mark.
963
00:43:50,860 --> 00:43:56,065
He had to take a bite of it,
reinsert it and walk again.
964
00:43:56,066 --> 00:43:57,467
Ew...
965
00:43:57,468 --> 00:43:59,702
Yeah, but don't worry... he made it.
966
00:43:59,703 --> 00:44:01,938
His pickle was small enough to stay wedged
967
00:44:01,939 --> 00:44:03,539
after only four bites.
968
00:44:03,540 --> 00:44:05,408
I'll bet you're the only guy in the world
969
00:44:05,409 --> 00:44:07,143
who still remembers that, Graves.
970
00:44:07,144 --> 00:44:09,912
Oh, I bet you still remember it pretty vividly...
971
00:44:09,913 --> 00:44:10,913
Pickle Fucker.
972
00:44:10,914 --> 00:44:12,181
Do you have any interest
973
00:44:12,182 --> 00:44:14,450
in building the ultimate fan site
974
00:44:14,450 --> 00:44:17,854
for both The Lord of the Rings
and The Transformers?
975
00:44:17,855 --> 00:44:20,380
Because I'd moderate it for free.
976
00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,024
Ease up, Pillow Pants.
977
00:44:22,025 --> 00:44:24,761
The dude's not into your D&D, GoBots bullshit.
978
00:44:24,762 --> 00:44:25,828
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
979
00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:26,829
Don't insult the guy.
980
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:29,866
The GoBots are like the Kmart of Transformers.
981
00:44:29,867 --> 00:44:32,927
Thank you!
982
00:44:33,270 --> 00:44:35,772
I keep telling them that.
983
00:44:35,773 --> 00:44:37,607
Here, here's my e-mail address.
984
00:44:37,608 --> 00:44:40,676
Drop me a line with some of your ideas.
985
00:44:40,677 --> 00:44:42,166
Cool.
986
00:44:48,085 --> 00:44:50,186
Okay, let's see.
987
00:44:50,187 --> 00:44:52,321
What do I want?
988
00:44:52,322 --> 00:44:56,325
Uh... how about a Skinny Calf
with cheese and a Diet Coke?
989
00:44:56,326 --> 00:44:59,522
I'll get your order.
990
00:45:05,102 --> 00:45:06,626
Here you go.
991
00:45:07,270 --> 00:45:08,538
Well, that was fast.
992
00:45:08,539 --> 00:45:09,972
And fresh.
993
00:45:09,973 --> 00:45:12,008
Thanks. Come again.
994
00:45:12,009 --> 00:45:15,111
Yo, let's wrap this up
so I can get my Cow Tipper on.
995
00:45:15,112 --> 00:45:16,312
You know what?
996
00:45:16,313 --> 00:45:17,802
Take mine.
997
00:45:18,615 --> 00:45:21,083
Something tells me I'm not gonna like it, am I?
998
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:24,277
Wow, thanks, Pickle Fucker.
999
00:45:25,022 --> 00:45:27,356
Yo, so Pickle Fucker gave us free eats!
1000
00:45:27,357 --> 00:45:29,425
You know, I don't eat fast food.
1001
00:45:29,426 --> 00:45:30,793
It's not good for you.
1002
00:45:30,794 --> 00:45:34,730
But when I heard you guys
were actually working here,
1003
00:45:34,730 --> 00:45:36,933
well, I just had to see it for myself.
1004
00:45:36,934 --> 00:45:39,769
It's kind of nice having that kind of free time.
1005
00:45:39,770 --> 00:45:42,271
Just like it's kind of comforting to know
1006
00:45:42,272 --> 00:45:45,935
that some things never change.
1007
00:45:48,145 --> 00:45:52,547
Take care, clerks.
1008
00:45:56,086 --> 00:45:58,417
Ooh, sick burn.
1009
00:46:00,724 --> 00:46:02,525
Fuck this.
1010
00:46:02,526 --> 00:46:03,759
Let me borrow your car.
1011
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:04,861
You're supposed to be working.
1012
00:46:04,862 --> 00:46:07,129
I got to get out of here for a few minutes.
1013
00:46:07,130 --> 00:46:08,464
Let me borrow your car.
1014
00:46:08,465 --> 00:46:11,126
Elias, tell Becky we'll be right back.
1015
00:46:15,539 --> 00:46:18,030
Where we going?
1016
00:46:25,849 --> 00:46:30,019
You know, this tastes like
piss and flies, don't it?
1017
00:46:30,020 --> 00:46:32,154
Sure you want to do this?
1018
00:46:32,155 --> 00:46:33,256
Oh, yeah.
1019
00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:35,850
This will make me feel better.
1020
00:46:40,063 --> 00:46:44,333
1021
00:46:44,334 --> 00:46:49,739
1022
00:46:49,740 --> 00:46:53,175
1023
00:46:53,176 --> 00:46:56,012
1024
00:46:56,013 --> 00:46:57,346
1025
00:46:57,347 --> 00:47:03,886
1026
00:47:03,887 --> 00:47:07,590
1027
00:47:07,590 --> 00:47:10,760
1028
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,195
1029
00:47:13,196 --> 00:47:18,224
1030
00:47:21,705 --> 00:47:26,409
1031
00:47:26,410 --> 00:47:31,480
1032
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:35,184
1033
00:47:35,185 --> 00:47:39,555
1034
00:47:39,556 --> 00:47:44,527
1035
00:47:44,528 --> 00:47:47,897
1036
00:47:47,898 --> 00:47:51,167
1037
00:47:51,168 --> 00:47:53,235
Here's what I don't understand about you.
1038
00:47:53,236 --> 00:47:56,238
You have a license, you can drive a grown-up car.
1039
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:57,707
But when you ride the go-carts,
1040
00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:59,976
you somehow feel better about yourself.
1041
00:47:59,977 --> 00:48:02,044
Look, it just centers me, all right?
1042
00:48:02,045 --> 00:48:04,613
Kind of the way jerking off at work centers you.
1043
00:48:04,614 --> 00:48:06,882
I only did it that one time.
1044
00:48:06,883 --> 00:48:08,250
And it wasn't to center me.
1045
00:48:08,250 --> 00:48:09,919
Yeah, it was to come.
1046
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,421
Well, I don't know about you,
but coming centers me.
1047
00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:13,923
Then why did we have to leave work,
1048
00:48:13,924 --> 00:48:15,825
so we can ride the go-carts to clear your head?
1049
00:48:15,826 --> 00:48:18,094
Well, I don't want to jerk off
in the Mooby's bathroom.
1050
00:48:18,095 --> 00:48:19,495
What if a customer comes in
1051
00:48:19,496 --> 00:48:22,631
and my jerking off gets him
all sex nuts and retard strong?
1052
00:48:22,632 --> 00:48:23,766
Suddenly, I'm fighting him off
1053
00:48:23,767 --> 00:48:25,835
as he tries to jam my dick in his mouth.
1054
00:48:25,836 --> 00:48:28,236
The most likeliest of scenarios.
1055
00:48:28,972 --> 00:48:32,508
Man, that shit Lance said
must have really bothered you.
1056
00:48:32,509 --> 00:48:33,576
Oh, fuck him.
1057
00:48:33,577 --> 00:48:35,544
He's an asshole. He always was.
1058
00:48:36,179 --> 00:48:39,048
I'm sorry I let him bug me even for a second.
1059
00:48:39,049 --> 00:48:41,744
At least I got a go-cart trip out of it.
1060
00:48:43,286 --> 00:48:44,820
Why do the go-carts help?
1061
00:48:44,820 --> 00:48:46,422
I don't know.
1062
00:48:46,423 --> 00:48:49,125
They just remind me of a better time in my life.
1063
00:48:49,126 --> 00:48:51,160
Like when?
1064
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:54,296
Like when we were young and the
world was still in front of us.
1065
00:48:54,297 --> 00:48:55,865
We're not that old.
1066
00:48:55,866 --> 00:48:56,999
Yeah.
1067
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,367
But sometimes I get the feeling
1068
00:48:58,368 --> 00:49:01,137
the world kind of left us behind a long time ago.
1069
00:49:01,138 --> 00:49:02,138
You know...
1070
00:49:02,139 --> 00:49:04,673
you can do something about that.
1071
00:49:04,674 --> 00:49:08,010
I told you, I don't want to jerk
off in the bathroom at work.
1072
00:49:08,010 --> 00:49:10,913
No, I mean you can get out of Mooby's, too,
1073
00:49:10,914 --> 00:49:12,982
completely change your situation in life.
1074
00:49:12,983 --> 00:49:16,819
What'd be the point? Besides,
why do you give a shit?
1075
00:49:16,820 --> 00:49:18,344
You're leaving.
1076
00:49:30,967 --> 00:49:32,401
Thanks, you guys, thanks.
1077
00:49:32,402 --> 00:49:33,402
Come on!
1078
00:49:33,403 --> 00:49:34,937
Oh, I'm sorry.
1079
00:49:34,938 --> 00:49:36,138
Was that a number two you wanted?
1080
00:49:36,139 --> 00:49:37,706
Yeah, and bovine-size it.
1081
00:49:37,707 --> 00:49:38,707
$13.84.
1082
00:49:38,708 --> 00:49:40,810
I need two Surlies and a Cow Tipper.
1083
00:49:40,810 --> 00:49:41,811
I'm on it.
1084
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:42,812
How we set for fries?
1085
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:44,313
I don't think these look right.
1086
00:49:44,314 --> 00:49:48,017
Jesus! Step away from the fryer
before you burn us all alive.
1087
00:49:48,018 --> 00:49:50,252
It's not my fault you abandoned your post!
1088
00:49:50,253 --> 00:49:52,321
Was it too much to ask
that you handle the fries?
1089
00:49:52,322 --> 00:49:53,823
The machine does all the work.
1090
00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:55,491
What's a machine got to transform
1091
00:49:55,492 --> 00:49:58,627
into some giant fucking robot
before you'll take it seriously?
1092
00:49:58,628 --> 00:49:59,762
Go home.
1093
00:49:59,763 --> 00:50:01,430
Will you just make some fries already?
1094
00:50:01,430 --> 00:50:02,965
Look, I don't have all night.
1095
00:50:02,966 --> 00:50:03,966
I'm sorry, ma'am.
1096
00:50:03,967 --> 00:50:05,734
They need to get some
Mexicans working in here.
1097
00:50:05,735 --> 00:50:06,735
They'd be...
1098
00:50:06,736 --> 00:50:07,736
They don't play around.
1099
00:50:07,737 --> 00:50:11,040
I know it. Mexican made me lose my job.
1100
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,342
That motherfucker put a
roof up in thirty seconds.
1101
00:50:13,343 --> 00:50:14,677
Where the fuck did you guys go?
1102
00:50:14,678 --> 00:50:15,878
You don't want to know.
1103
00:50:15,879 --> 00:50:16,979
Well, I know it's your last day and all,
1104
00:50:16,980 --> 00:50:18,180
but while you're still on the clock,
1105
00:50:18,180 --> 00:50:19,982
can't you kind of pretend
like you still give a shit?
1106
00:50:19,983 --> 00:50:21,016
Don't blame this guy.
1107
00:50:21,017 --> 00:50:23,152
Some cock stain that we
went to high school with
1108
00:50:23,153 --> 00:50:25,087
showed up to remind us
that we're fucking failures,
1109
00:50:25,088 --> 00:50:26,722
so I wanted to get out of here
1110
00:50:26,723 --> 00:50:28,591
and blow off some steam, if you must know.
1111
00:50:28,592 --> 00:50:30,526
Did he say "cock stain"?
1112
00:50:30,527 --> 00:50:32,528
What the fuck is cock stain?
1113
00:50:32,529 --> 00:50:34,396
I don't know... that's some white freaky stuff.
1114
00:50:34,397 --> 00:50:37,066
White boys get the white women to do everything.
1115
00:50:37,067 --> 00:50:38,467
You want to do a cock stain?
1116
00:50:38,468 --> 00:50:40,569
Do you know how often I've had people come in here
1117
00:50:40,570 --> 00:50:41,804
that I went to school with?
1118
00:50:41,805 --> 00:50:43,939
Fuck, I had to take a fucking order off of a guy
1119
00:50:43,940 --> 00:50:45,141
I blew after junior prom once.
1120
00:50:45,142 --> 00:50:47,076
Yeah, I've waited on your brother, too... h'noop!
1121
00:50:47,077 --> 00:50:48,210
I can't believe you.
1122
00:50:48,210 --> 00:50:49,712
The smartest of smart asses got rattled
1123
00:50:49,713 --> 00:50:51,213
by some fucking loser coming in here
1124
00:50:51,214 --> 00:50:52,715
giving you shit about your McJob.
1125
00:50:52,716 --> 00:50:54,049
Oh, fuck him, okay?
1126
00:50:54,050 --> 00:50:56,252
Sooner or later, I'll do something with myself
1127
00:50:56,253 --> 00:50:57,553
and make my mark.
1128
00:50:57,554 --> 00:51:00,823
But until then, whatever I do
is not a waste of time,
1129
00:51:00,824 --> 00:51:02,358
it's all building toward something.
1130
00:51:02,359 --> 00:51:05,060
How about you build towards
making some fuckin' fries?
1131
00:51:05,060 --> 00:51:06,095
They're coming!
1132
00:51:06,096 --> 00:51:08,130
Remember, you saved.
1133
00:51:08,130 --> 00:51:09,365
You don't use that kind of language.
1134
00:51:09,366 --> 00:51:11,000
Ain't nobody from my church in here.
1135
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,468
I don't mind people snickering
1136
00:51:12,469 --> 00:51:14,270
at the stupid uniform I've got to wear.
1137
00:51:14,270 --> 00:51:15,905
But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let
1138
00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:18,307
some self-righteous, lucky turd come in here
1139
00:51:18,308 --> 00:51:19,642
and treat me and Dante
1140
00:51:19,643 --> 00:51:21,677
like we're a couple of fucking porch monkeys.
1141
00:51:21,678 --> 00:51:23,078
Randal!
1142
00:51:23,079 --> 00:51:24,346
Uh, I'm-I'm sorry. He...
1143
00:51:24,347 --> 00:51:27,816
He didn't really just say what I think he said.
1144
00:51:27,817 --> 00:51:29,652
- What? Porch monkeys?
- Randal!
1145
00:51:29,653 --> 00:51:31,187
What the fuck is wrong with you?!
1146
00:51:31,188 --> 00:51:33,122
I want my money back right now.
1147
00:51:33,123 --> 00:51:34,356
Of course. Um, you know what?
1148
00:51:34,357 --> 00:51:35,724
Here, take this on us.
1149
00:51:35,725 --> 00:51:36,992
Oh, no, no, no.
1150
00:51:36,993 --> 00:51:38,093
I'm not eating something that
1151
00:51:38,094 --> 00:51:40,262
was cooked by some cracker-ass hate-monger.
1152
00:51:40,263 --> 00:51:41,330
I will.
1153
00:51:41,330 --> 00:51:42,831
Baby, you can't taste racism.
1154
00:51:42,832 --> 00:51:44,767
What racism? Porch monkeys?!
1155
00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:46,669
- You little mother...
- Calm down, champ.
1156
00:51:46,670 --> 00:51:47,670
It ain't worth it.
1157
00:51:47,670 --> 00:51:48,737
You're lucky my husband doesn't
1158
00:51:48,738 --> 00:51:51,106
jump across this counter
and knock your teeth in.
1159
00:51:51,107 --> 00:51:53,442
- Why?
- Yeah, baby, why?
1160
00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:55,010
I mean, ain't like he called us porch monkeys.
1161
00:51:55,010 --> 00:51:56,078
Hey, hey!
1162
00:51:56,079 --> 00:51:56,946
Baby, stop hitting on me!
1163
00:51:56,947 --> 00:51:58,180
See, the judge told you about that.
1164
00:51:58,180 --> 00:51:59,715
You got to stop putting your hands on people.
1165
00:51:59,716 --> 00:52:01,283
Here, take this. This is your money.
1166
00:52:01,284 --> 00:52:02,585
Please, take the food on us.
1167
00:52:02,586 --> 00:52:03,586
- We're sorry.
- Oh, uh-uh.
1168
00:52:03,587 --> 00:52:04,687
I'm gonna write to the paper about this,
1169
00:52:04,688 --> 00:52:06,222
and all y'all getting fired up in here.
1170
00:52:06,223 --> 00:52:07,356
Jesus!
1171
00:52:07,357 --> 00:52:08,624
I'm gonna take the food.
1172
00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:11,958
Thank you very much.
1173
00:52:13,863 --> 00:52:15,197
Damn!
1174
00:52:15,198 --> 00:52:16,198
Fuckin' porch monkey...
1175
00:52:16,199 --> 00:52:17,866
Thanks. Come again.
1176
00:52:17,867 --> 00:52:19,702
Don't leave me, baby!
1177
00:52:19,703 --> 00:52:21,470
Are you out of your fucking mind?!
1178
00:52:21,470 --> 00:52:22,838
What?! What's the big deal?
1179
00:52:22,839 --> 00:52:25,341
Since when is it a crime to say "porch monkey"?
1180
00:52:25,342 --> 00:52:27,209
Oh, I don't know... since forever!
1181
00:52:27,210 --> 00:52:28,777
- Why?
- Because "porch monkey"
1182
00:52:28,778 --> 00:52:30,646
is a racial slur against black people.
1183
00:52:30,647 --> 00:52:32,781
No, it's not. "Nigger" is.
1184
00:52:32,782 --> 00:52:33,849
Randal!
1185
00:52:33,850 --> 00:52:36,218
Did Randal just call Mr. Dante a nigger?
1186
00:52:36,219 --> 00:52:37,553
Shut up, Elias!
1187
00:52:37,554 --> 00:52:39,855
I didn't just call Dante a nigger.
1188
00:52:39,856 --> 00:52:42,224
I just said that "nigger" is a racial slur.
1189
00:52:42,225 --> 00:52:43,559
So is "porch monkey"!
1190
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,027
Oh, it is not.
1191
00:52:45,028 --> 00:52:48,764
Coon, spook, spade, moolie, jiggaboo, nignug...
1192
00:52:48,765 --> 00:52:49,865
those are racial slurs.
1193
00:52:49,866 --> 00:52:51,133
"Porch monkey" is not.
1194
00:52:51,134 --> 00:52:52,968
I am going to pretend like this conversation
1195
00:52:52,969 --> 00:52:54,470
didn't happen.
1196
00:52:54,470 --> 00:52:55,871
Elias, go pick up that fucking mess,
1197
00:52:55,872 --> 00:52:57,964
and you are this close to getting shit-canned!
1198
00:52:58,808 --> 00:53:01,333
Fuckin' shoot me now.
1199
00:53:02,646 --> 00:53:03,879
What are you doing?!
1200
00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:05,281
Are you trying to get fired?
1201
00:53:05,282 --> 00:53:08,517
Since when did "porch monkey"
suddenly become a racial slur?
1202
00:53:08,518 --> 00:53:11,053
When ignorant racists started
saying it a hundred years ago.
1203
00:53:11,054 --> 00:53:12,288
Oh, bullshit.
1204
00:53:12,289 --> 00:53:14,823
My grandmother used to call me
a porch monkey all the time
1205
00:53:14,824 --> 00:53:16,825
when I was a kid, because I'd sit on the porch
1206
00:53:16,826 --> 00:53:17,926
and stare at my neighbors.
1207
00:53:17,927 --> 00:53:18,927
Despite the fact
1208
00:53:18,928 --> 00:53:20,663
that your grandmother might have used it
1209
00:53:20,664 --> 00:53:22,097
as a term of endearment for you,
1210
00:53:22,098 --> 00:53:23,666
it's still a racial slur.
1211
00:53:23,667 --> 00:53:26,135
It'd be like your grandmother
calling you a little kike.
1212
00:53:26,136 --> 00:53:27,169
Oh, it is not.
1213
00:53:27,170 --> 00:53:28,337
Plus, my grandmother had
1214
00:53:28,338 --> 00:53:31,106
nothing but the utmost respect
for the Jewish community.
1215
00:53:31,107 --> 00:53:32,841
When I was a kid, she told me to always treat
1216
00:53:32,842 --> 00:53:35,811
the Jewish kids well, or they'd
put the sheeny curse on me.
1217
00:53:35,812 --> 00:53:37,513
What the fuck, man?!
1218
00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:38,314
What?!
1219
00:53:38,315 --> 00:53:40,015
"Sheeny" is a racial slur, too!
1220
00:53:40,016 --> 00:53:41,083
Oh, it is not.
1221
00:53:41,084 --> 00:53:42,351
Yes, it is!
1222
00:53:42,352 --> 00:53:44,186
Well, she never called any Jews sheeny.
1223
00:53:44,187 --> 00:53:45,954
She just used to say "sheeny curse" a lot.
1224
00:53:45,955 --> 00:53:46,955
It was cute.
1225
00:53:46,956 --> 00:53:49,058
It wasn't cute! It was racist!
1226
00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:50,192
I disagree, man.
1227
00:53:50,193 --> 00:53:51,360
She was just an old-timer.
1228
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,195
That's the way people talked back then.
1229
00:53:53,196 --> 00:53:56,031
Didn't mean they were racists.
1230
00:53:56,032 --> 00:53:59,201
But my grandmother did refer
to a broken beer bottle once
1231
00:53:59,202 --> 00:54:00,999
as a nigger knife.
1232
00:54:01,338 --> 00:54:03,539
You know, come to think of it,
1233
00:54:03,540 --> 00:54:05,407
my grandmother was kind of a racist.
1234
00:54:05,408 --> 00:54:06,642
You think?!
1235
00:54:06,643 --> 00:54:08,210
Well, I still don't think
1236
00:54:08,210 --> 00:54:10,546
"porch monkey" should be
considered a racial term.
1237
00:54:10,547 --> 00:54:12,815
I mean, I've always used it
to describe lazy people,
1238
00:54:12,816 --> 00:54:14,083
not lazy black people.
1239
00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:15,417
I think if we really tried,
1240
00:54:15,418 --> 00:54:17,686
we could reclaim "porch monkey" and save it.
1241
00:54:17,687 --> 00:54:18,987
It can't be saved, Randal.
1242
00:54:18,988 --> 00:54:20,656
The sole purpose for its creation,
1243
00:54:20,657 --> 00:54:22,524
the only reason it exists in the first place,
1244
00:54:22,525 --> 00:54:24,493
is to disparage an entire race.
1245
00:54:24,494 --> 00:54:25,828
And even if it could be saved,
1246
00:54:25,829 --> 00:54:27,963
you can't save it, because you're not black!
1247
00:54:27,964 --> 00:54:29,498
Well, listen to you.
1248
00:54:29,499 --> 00:54:32,701
Telling me I can't do something
because of the color of my skin?
1249
00:54:32,702 --> 00:54:34,567
You're the racist.
1250
00:54:36,506 --> 00:54:39,474
I'm taking it back. You watch.
1251
00:54:41,010 --> 00:54:42,511
Hey.
1252
00:54:42,512 --> 00:54:45,347
What can I get for you,
you little porch monkey?
1253
00:54:45,348 --> 00:54:48,282
It's cool. I'm taking it back.
1254
00:55:27,857 --> 00:55:29,158
Hey.
1255
00:55:29,159 --> 00:55:30,192
Hey.
1256
00:55:30,193 --> 00:55:33,423
So, are you scared about getting married at all?
1257
00:55:36,366 --> 00:55:37,399
Um...
1258
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:40,035
were we in the middle of a conversation
1259
00:55:40,036 --> 00:55:41,236
I don't remember leaving?
1260
00:55:41,237 --> 00:55:44,706
I was just thinking about it, and I was thinking
1261
00:55:44,707 --> 00:55:47,209
that maybe you were waiting for some friend
1262
00:55:47,210 --> 00:55:48,243
to try and stop you
1263
00:55:48,244 --> 00:55:49,678
from going through with the wedding
1264
00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:52,414
by asking if you're even
ready to go and get married.
1265
00:55:52,415 --> 00:55:54,416
So I'm asking.
1266
00:55:54,417 --> 00:55:56,218
Are you scared about getting married?
1267
00:55:56,219 --> 00:55:58,086
Well, kind of.
1268
00:55:58,087 --> 00:56:00,456
I mean, I'm not scared
of getting married, you know...
1269
00:56:00,457 --> 00:56:02,925
I always wanted to get married one day...
1270
00:56:02,926 --> 00:56:05,394
but I am scared of the wedding.
1271
00:56:05,395 --> 00:56:07,886
Why?
1272
00:56:09,098 --> 00:56:11,828
I don't know how to dance.
1273
00:56:13,036 --> 00:56:14,303
You're kidding.
1274
00:56:14,304 --> 00:56:15,637
I wish I was.
1275
00:56:15,638 --> 00:56:17,739
You're about to tie your life to someone,
1276
00:56:17,740 --> 00:56:18,874
someone who doesn't even really get you
1277
00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:19,975
as well as your friends do,
1278
00:56:19,976 --> 00:56:23,245
and what you're sweating
is dancing at your reception?
1279
00:56:23,246 --> 00:56:25,414
Well, I figure she'll eventually get me.
1280
00:56:25,415 --> 00:56:27,249
I mean, you're married to someone long enough,
1281
00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:28,717
they got to get you eventually, right?
1282
00:56:28,718 --> 00:56:29,718
Are you kidding?
1283
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:32,754
My parents have been
married for thirty-five years,
1284
00:56:32,755 --> 00:56:34,423
and they still don't get each other.
1285
00:56:34,424 --> 00:56:38,594
Emma's pretty, smart, happy, a good person...
1286
00:56:38,595 --> 00:56:41,096
and for some strange reason, she loves me.
1287
00:56:41,097 --> 00:56:42,097
I mean, what am I supposed to do,
1288
00:56:42,098 --> 00:56:43,265
pass up on that because I have
1289
00:56:43,266 --> 00:56:44,800
a few stupid doubts and some jitters?
1290
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,736
Besides, dancing at the reception's
1291
00:56:47,737 --> 00:56:48,770
the more imperative concern at this point,
1292
00:56:48,770 --> 00:56:49,938
because I only get,
1293
00:56:49,939 --> 00:56:53,340
well, presumably, one chance
to dance at my wedding.
1294
00:56:55,612 --> 00:56:57,312
So, what, you can't slow dance?
1295
00:56:57,313 --> 00:56:59,915
No. Anybody can slow dance,
1296
00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:02,317
but this is one of the only
times I've ever gonna meet
1297
00:57:02,318 --> 00:57:04,319
most of Emma's extended family,
1298
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,154
and I'd like to be able to show some flair
1299
00:57:06,155 --> 00:57:07,623
on the dance floor, you know?
1300
00:57:07,624 --> 00:57:10,592
Like, make an impression
so that maybe they'll see
1301
00:57:10,593 --> 00:57:12,160
whatever it is that Emma sees in me
1302
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,264
instead of all feeling like
I'm some burger-peddling loser
1303
00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:17,062
who couldn't even bust a move.
1304
00:57:18,568 --> 00:57:20,402
What?
1305
00:57:20,403 --> 00:57:23,064
You're serious?
1306
00:57:28,578 --> 00:57:30,102
Come on.
1307
00:57:33,082 --> 00:57:35,743
Hey, 12-step!
1308
00:57:37,086 --> 00:57:39,451
Jay!
1309
00:57:41,057 --> 00:57:43,025
Lord?
1310
00:57:43,026 --> 00:57:45,118
Up here, jackass.
1311
00:57:46,529 --> 00:57:49,331
What the fuck are you doing up there?!
1312
00:57:49,332 --> 00:57:50,432
Yo, if you're gonna jump,
1313
00:57:50,433 --> 00:57:52,334
let me get a crack at that pussy first.
1314
00:57:52,335 --> 00:57:53,769
Let me find out.
1315
00:57:53,770 --> 00:57:56,500
You still got your boom box?
1316
00:57:59,042 --> 00:58:01,510
Play something, and turn it way up.
1317
00:58:02,010 --> 00:58:05,742
Something danceable.
1318
00:58:07,350 --> 00:58:10,512
Up here?
1319
00:58:11,020 --> 00:58:12,854
Are you serious?
1320
00:58:12,855 --> 00:58:14,957
You're gonna teach me to dance up here?
1321
00:58:14,958 --> 00:58:17,626
What? You want I should do it
in front of all the customers?
1322
00:58:17,627 --> 00:58:18,627
What customers?
1323
00:58:18,628 --> 00:58:20,596
Shut up. Come over here.
1324
00:58:20,597 --> 00:58:23,498
Okay, get ready for the music.
1325
00:58:23,499 --> 00:58:27,230
You feel it... here.
1326
00:58:27,737 --> 00:58:30,472
Here it comes.
1327
00:58:30,473 --> 00:58:33,909
1328
00:58:33,910 --> 00:58:38,614
1329
00:58:38,615 --> 00:58:41,249
Something a little less demonic, please!
1330
00:58:41,250 --> 00:58:44,086
1331
00:58:44,087 --> 00:58:46,077
Thank you.
1332
00:58:55,030 --> 00:58:56,665
Yes! Okay, okay, um, just-just follow
1333
00:58:56,666 --> 00:58:57,833
whatever it is I'm doing, okay?
1334
00:58:57,834 --> 00:58:58,834
- Step forward...
- All right.
1335
00:58:58,835 --> 00:59:00,002
Step back.
1336
00:59:00,003 --> 00:59:01,003
To your right.
1337
00:59:01,004 --> 00:59:02,504
1338
00:59:02,505 --> 00:59:03,805
To your left.
1339
00:59:03,806 --> 00:59:04,806
Turn to the right.
1340
00:59:04,807 --> 00:59:06,141
1341
00:59:06,142 --> 00:59:07,709
1342
00:59:07,710 --> 00:59:09,845
1343
00:59:09,846 --> 00:59:11,179
1344
00:59:11,180 --> 00:59:12,347
1345
00:59:12,348 --> 00:59:13,615
1346
00:59:13,616 --> 00:59:14,783
Sit yourself down...
1347
00:59:14,784 --> 00:59:16,451
Okay, you really do suck. Sit down.
1348
00:59:16,452 --> 00:59:17,786
Told you.
1349
00:59:17,787 --> 00:59:18,787
Just watch me, all right?
1350
00:59:18,788 --> 00:59:20,856
A, B, C
1351
00:59:20,857 --> 00:59:22,958
Easy as one, two, three
1352
00:59:22,959 --> 00:59:25,127
As simple as do, re, mi
1353
00:59:25,128 --> 00:59:27,462
A, B, C, one, two, three
1354
00:59:27,463 --> 00:59:29,197
Baby, you and me, girl
1355
00:59:29,198 --> 00:59:30,799
1356
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,035
1357
00:59:33,036 --> 00:59:35,303
1358
00:59:35,304 --> 00:59:37,806
1359
00:59:37,807 --> 00:59:41,109
1360
00:59:41,110 --> 00:59:43,812
1361
00:59:43,813 --> 00:59:46,448
1362
00:59:46,449 --> 00:59:47,449
1363
00:59:47,450 --> 00:59:49,084
1364
00:59:49,085 --> 00:59:51,153
1365
00:59:51,154 --> 00:59:53,422
1366
00:59:53,423 --> 00:59:56,525
1367
00:59:56,526 --> 00:59:58,527
1368
00:59:58,528 --> 01:00:00,529
1369
01:00:00,530 --> 01:00:01,697
1370
01:00:01,698 --> 01:00:03,298
1371
01:00:03,299 --> 01:00:04,700
1372
01:00:04,700 --> 01:00:07,002
1373
01:00:07,003 --> 01:00:09,371
1374
01:00:09,372 --> 01:00:11,206
1375
01:00:11,207 --> 01:00:13,241
1376
01:00:13,242 --> 01:00:16,044
1377
01:00:16,045 --> 01:00:18,480
1378
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:19,614
1379
01:00:19,615 --> 01:00:21,817
1380
01:00:21,818 --> 01:00:24,486
1381
01:00:24,487 --> 01:00:27,823
1382
01:00:27,824 --> 01:00:29,958
1383
01:00:29,959 --> 01:00:32,728
1384
01:00:32,729 --> 01:00:35,230
1385
01:00:35,230 --> 01:00:39,735
1386
01:00:39,736 --> 01:00:42,227
1387
01:00:43,039 --> 01:00:44,873
1388
01:00:44,874 --> 01:00:47,542
1389
01:00:47,543 --> 01:00:50,545
1390
01:00:50,546 --> 01:00:52,380
1391
01:00:52,380 --> 01:00:54,049
1392
01:00:54,050 --> 01:00:55,050
1393
01:00:55,050 --> 01:00:56,718
1394
01:00:56,719 --> 01:00:59,721
1395
01:00:59,722 --> 01:01:01,723
1396
01:01:01,724 --> 01:01:04,226
1397
01:01:04,227 --> 01:01:06,728
1398
01:01:06,729 --> 01:01:09,865
1399
01:01:09,866 --> 01:01:12,000
Whoo!
1400
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,336
1401
01:01:14,337 --> 01:01:17,439
1402
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:20,108
1403
01:01:20,109 --> 01:01:22,043
1404
01:01:22,044 --> 01:01:23,044
1405
01:01:23,045 --> 01:01:24,880
1406
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:26,515
1407
01:01:26,516 --> 01:01:28,049
1408
01:01:28,050 --> 01:01:29,050
I love you, Becky.
1409
01:01:29,050 --> 01:01:30,552
1410
01:01:30,553 --> 01:01:32,020
I'm pregnant, Dante.
1411
01:01:32,020 --> 01:01:33,283
1412
01:01:35,258 --> 01:01:36,747
Oh!
1413
01:01:52,408 --> 01:01:54,342
I'm having second thoughts.
1414
01:01:54,343 --> 01:01:57,379
About your sexuality?
1415
01:01:57,380 --> 01:01:59,313
About going to Florida.
1416
01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:03,285
Yeah, right.
1417
01:02:03,286 --> 01:02:05,720
Why now, all of a sudden?
1418
01:02:08,958 --> 01:02:11,426
Becky's pregnant.
1419
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:13,689
She is?
1420
01:02:14,430 --> 01:02:16,298
Huh.
1421
01:02:16,299 --> 01:02:18,567
So, what, are you afraid you're
gonna miss the baby shower?
1422
01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:20,535
I'm the father.
1423
01:02:23,139 --> 01:02:24,806
This sucks, man.
1424
01:02:24,807 --> 01:02:27,943
I have pelvic piss syndrome like a motherfucker,
1425
01:02:27,944 --> 01:02:31,242
so be really fucking quiet.
1426
01:02:31,747 --> 01:02:34,215
Ew, dude, don't try looking at my dick.
1427
01:02:35,218 --> 01:02:37,085
- What the fuck?
- What?
1428
01:02:37,086 --> 01:02:38,486
Should we have left that guy in there?
1429
01:02:38,487 --> 01:02:40,355
Oh, fuck him! How the fuck did you father a child
1430
01:02:40,356 --> 01:02:42,123
with a chick that's not your fianc�?!
1431
01:02:42,124 --> 01:02:43,825
Holy shit!
1432
01:02:43,826 --> 01:02:45,193
She got pregnant off the toilet seat
1433
01:02:45,194 --> 01:02:46,361
you jerked off onto!
1434
01:02:46,362 --> 01:02:47,529
I fucking knew it!
1435
01:02:47,530 --> 01:02:49,998
No, we had sex one night
after work, a few weeks ago.
1436
01:02:49,999 --> 01:02:50,966
What?! Where?!
1437
01:02:50,967 --> 01:02:52,868
Here, on the prep station table.
1438
01:02:52,869 --> 01:02:54,035
Ew! That's my prep table.
1439
01:02:54,036 --> 01:02:55,036
I don't know what to do.
1440
01:02:55,037 --> 01:02:56,037
What did Beck say?
1441
01:02:56,038 --> 01:02:57,205
She says she wants to have it.
1442
01:02:57,206 --> 01:02:58,874
Oh, my God, so she wants you to break it off
1443
01:02:58,875 --> 01:03:00,208
- with Emma and marry her?
- No.
1444
01:03:00,209 --> 01:03:01,643
She's gonna tell Emma?
1445
01:03:01,644 --> 01:03:02,644
No!
1446
01:03:02,645 --> 01:03:04,679
Wait a second... then what's the problem?
1447
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:06,882
- Are you that dense?
- I'm serious.
1448
01:03:06,883 --> 01:03:08,550
If Becks isn't busting your balls about it,
1449
01:03:08,550 --> 01:03:09,551
what's the big deal?
1450
01:03:09,552 --> 01:03:10,552
You could still go down to Florida
1451
01:03:10,553 --> 01:03:11,887
and live happily ever after.
1452
01:03:11,888 --> 01:03:14,589
Knowing I have a love child up in Jersey?!
1453
01:03:14,590 --> 01:03:15,590
How the fuck do you always have,
1454
01:03:15,590 --> 01:03:17,659
like, two good-looking girls who want you?
1455
01:03:17,660 --> 01:03:19,694
You're the most hideous fucking CHUD
1456
01:03:19,695 --> 01:03:21,196
I've ever met, and you always have
1457
01:03:21,197 --> 01:03:22,864
a pair of girls fighting over you.
1458
01:03:22,865 --> 01:03:24,866
Listen, you can never tell anybody about this.
1459
01:03:24,867 --> 01:03:26,067
Who am I gonna tell?
1460
01:03:26,068 --> 01:03:27,702
I'm serious, Randal! And not just for me.
1461
01:03:27,703 --> 01:03:29,371
Becky says she doesn't want anybody to know.
1462
01:03:29,372 --> 01:03:30,372
Then what'd you tell me for?
1463
01:03:30,373 --> 01:03:32,507
Look, you've fucked me over in the past,
1464
01:03:32,508 --> 01:03:33,708
but this is huge.
1465
01:03:33,709 --> 01:03:34,876
This is serious!
1466
01:03:34,877 --> 01:03:37,212
Promise me that you'll keep your mouth shut,
1467
01:03:37,213 --> 01:03:38,546
because if you fuck me over this time,
1468
01:03:38,547 --> 01:03:41,049
I swear to God, I will beat the shit out of you.
1469
01:03:41,050 --> 01:03:42,918
You and what army?
1470
01:03:42,919 --> 01:03:43,919
I'm serious!
1471
01:03:43,920 --> 01:03:45,887
I'm serious, too. You and what army?
1472
01:03:45,888 --> 01:03:47,188
Promise me!
1473
01:03:47,189 --> 01:03:49,424
All right! Get off of me, you nut!
1474
01:03:49,425 --> 01:03:52,325
What the fuck?!
1475
01:03:56,799 --> 01:03:58,533
Can I talk to you for a minute?
1476
01:03:58,534 --> 01:04:00,268
Oh, yeah, sure. Uh, we were just...
1477
01:04:00,269 --> 01:04:02,828
May your first child be a masculine child.
1478
01:04:08,610 --> 01:04:09,577
Becky!
1479
01:04:09,578 --> 01:04:10,745
Randal!
1480
01:04:10,746 --> 01:04:12,280
She was sweating me. It just came out.
1481
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:13,748
Ow! Shit!
1482
01:04:13,749 --> 01:04:15,016
You swung at me!
1483
01:04:15,017 --> 01:04:17,185
- You ducked!
- Because you swung at me!
1484
01:04:17,186 --> 01:04:19,176
Damn it!
1485
01:04:21,390 --> 01:04:22,724
Where's Becky?
1486
01:04:22,725 --> 01:04:23,725
She just left.
1487
01:04:23,726 --> 01:04:24,893
I need help here, Mr. Dante.
1488
01:04:24,894 --> 01:04:27,228
I can't wrap good,
and Randal ate the last pickles.
1489
01:04:27,229 --> 01:04:28,897
You fucking snitch.
1490
01:04:28,898 --> 01:04:30,565
I'm sorry, Randal. I'm sorry.
1491
01:04:30,566 --> 01:04:33,728
Becky!
1492
01:04:39,742 --> 01:04:41,943
Maybe she went to get a home pregnancy test
1493
01:04:41,944 --> 01:04:42,944
just to be sure.
1494
01:04:42,945 --> 01:04:46,437
How the fuck could this day get any worse?
1495
01:04:49,585 --> 01:04:51,119
Well, what the fuck are you doing, man?!
1496
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:52,120
Follow her!
1497
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:53,121
You-you think?
1498
01:04:53,122 --> 01:04:54,122
You're darn right, I do.
1499
01:04:54,123 --> 01:04:55,457
You two have got to work this out.
1500
01:04:55,458 --> 01:04:56,624
Follow her, talk to her for an hour,
1501
01:04:56,625 --> 01:04:57,625
then come back here.
1502
01:04:57,626 --> 01:04:58,626
An hour?!
1503
01:04:58,627 --> 01:05:00,395
I-I've found that any more time than that,
1504
01:05:00,396 --> 01:05:02,297
you run the risk of saying the wrong thing again.
1505
01:05:02,298 --> 01:05:03,965
Follow her, talk to her for an hour,
1506
01:05:03,966 --> 01:05:05,433
then come back here and help me close up.
1507
01:05:05,434 --> 01:05:06,735
You can't close up by yourself?
1508
01:05:06,736 --> 01:05:08,803
Fucking A, man, you're about to become a father!
1509
01:05:08,804 --> 01:05:10,805
Time to start acting responsibly!
1510
01:05:10,806 --> 01:05:14,207
Be back here in an hour. Go!
1511
01:05:33,629 --> 01:05:34,929
Hello.
1512
01:05:34,930 --> 01:05:36,931
I assume you're with Kinky Kelly.
1513
01:05:36,932 --> 01:05:39,401
Good guess. You Randal?
1514
01:05:39,402 --> 01:05:40,635
I am.
1515
01:05:40,636 --> 01:05:41,970
How long is it gonna take you to set up?
1516
01:05:41,970 --> 01:05:43,605
Got to hook up the boom box,
1517
01:05:43,606 --> 01:05:45,306
hang a few curtains and some lights.
1518
01:05:45,307 --> 01:05:47,842
I've got a small smoke machine for ambiance. Yeah.
1519
01:05:47,843 --> 01:05:50,078
Well, you might as well start setting up.
1520
01:05:50,079 --> 01:05:51,079
We got about an hour
1521
01:05:51,080 --> 01:05:52,647
before the guest of honor gets back.
1522
01:05:52,648 --> 01:05:56,284
So, do I, uh, get to meet Kelly
before the show or what?
1523
01:05:56,285 --> 01:05:57,118
Nah.
1524
01:05:57,119 --> 01:05:58,953
Kelly likes privacy before show time.
1525
01:05:58,954 --> 01:06:00,488
But after the show, if you want,
1526
01:06:00,489 --> 01:06:02,791
for an extra $500, you can fuck Kelly.
1527
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:04,759
Really? Sweet.
1528
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:07,095
Yeah. So, where we doing this thing?
1529
01:06:07,096 --> 01:06:09,791
Oh, right inside the restaurant.
1530
01:06:10,332 --> 01:06:11,499
You're kidding.
1531
01:06:11,500 --> 01:06:13,735
Not spacious enough?
1532
01:06:13,736 --> 01:06:15,637
No, it's plenty spacious.
1533
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:17,405
Just kind of weird, isn't it?
1534
01:06:17,406 --> 01:06:18,406
Kind of weird?
1535
01:06:18,407 --> 01:06:20,742
You're in the bestiality business, dude.
1536
01:06:20,743 --> 01:06:22,710
Hey, fucko...
1537
01:06:22,912 --> 01:06:23,912
...we like to call it
1538
01:06:23,913 --> 01:06:25,780
inter-species erotica.
1539
01:06:25,780 --> 01:06:28,078
Intriguing.
1540
01:06:39,160 --> 01:06:44,360
1541
01:06:46,702 --> 01:06:51,866
1542
01:06:53,375 --> 01:06:58,880
1543
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:03,545
1544
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:11,056
1545
01:07:13,062 --> 01:07:18,329
1546
01:07:20,336 --> 01:07:27,208
1547
01:07:27,209 --> 01:07:33,047
1548
01:07:33,048 --> 01:07:36,718
1549
01:07:36,719 --> 01:07:40,555
1550
01:07:40,556 --> 01:07:44,392
1551
01:07:44,393 --> 01:07:48,062
1552
01:07:48,063 --> 01:07:51,733
1553
01:07:51,734 --> 01:07:53,168
1554
01:07:53,169 --> 01:07:57,939
1555
01:07:57,940 --> 01:08:01,843
1556
01:08:01,844 --> 01:08:05,780
1557
01:08:05,780 --> 01:08:08,917
1558
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:12,754
1559
01:08:12,755 --> 01:08:16,558
1560
01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:18,890
1561
01:08:21,263 --> 01:08:25,699
1562
01:08:28,970 --> 01:08:34,966
1563
01:08:35,610 --> 01:08:37,812
Oh, no.
1564
01:08:37,813 --> 01:08:39,280
Not again.
1565
01:08:40,816 --> 01:08:42,483
Yeah, I have a fire at the Mooby's
1566
01:08:42,484 --> 01:08:44,781
on Memorial Parkway and Leonardo.
1567
01:08:57,967 --> 01:09:00,094
What?
1568
01:09:03,305 --> 01:09:06,007
What the fuck is going on?
1569
01:09:06,008 --> 01:09:07,575
It's your going-away party.
1570
01:09:07,576 --> 01:09:10,245
Whoo! Whoo!
1571
01:09:10,246 --> 01:09:14,315
We's all gonna get drunk and get laid!
1572
01:09:14,316 --> 01:09:16,884
Oh, my God, is Elias hammered?
1573
01:09:16,885 --> 01:09:17,885
Isn't it awesome?
1574
01:09:17,886 --> 01:09:20,251
My man smoked two blunts full of skunk.
1575
01:09:21,023 --> 01:09:22,023
Fuck Pillow Pants!
1576
01:09:22,024 --> 01:09:24,192
Honk if you love a tight pussy...
1577
01:09:24,193 --> 01:09:26,694
Yo, we love pussy.
1578
01:09:26,695 --> 01:09:28,363
Tonight, before you leave me forever,
1579
01:09:28,364 --> 01:09:30,365
we are gonna peep something
we've been talking about
1580
01:09:30,366 --> 01:09:31,866
since we saw "Bachelor Party"
1581
01:09:31,867 --> 01:09:34,202
at your parents' house on Beta,
when we were twelve.
1582
01:09:34,203 --> 01:09:36,371
What the fuck are you talking about?
1583
01:09:36,372 --> 01:09:38,039
I'm gonna miss you, man.
1584
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:41,542
I'm gonna miss you, too,
but this is a little much.
1585
01:09:41,543 --> 01:09:43,772
Yeah? Just wait.
1586
01:09:52,620 --> 01:09:54,281
Show time!
1587
01:09:54,823 --> 01:09:56,557
Ladies and gentlemen...
1588
01:09:56,558 --> 01:09:57,558
and you, Elias,
1589
01:09:57,559 --> 01:09:59,527
straight from the debauchery
1590
01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:02,697
capital of the world, Tijuana, Mexico...
1591
01:10:02,698 --> 01:10:03,998
Oh, God, no.
1592
01:10:03,999 --> 01:10:05,933
Oh, God, yes.
1593
01:10:05,934 --> 01:10:08,870
Get ready for some hard-core bestiality.
1594
01:10:08,870 --> 01:10:11,931
Inter-species erotica, fucko!
1595
01:10:12,474 --> 01:10:15,009
Inter-species erotica at its finest,
1596
01:10:15,010 --> 01:10:16,511
straight from TJ,
1597
01:10:16,512 --> 01:10:21,005
I give you Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud!
1598
01:10:22,750 --> 01:10:24,240
1599
01:10:24,820 --> 01:10:26,321
1600
01:10:26,322 --> 01:10:30,952
1601
01:10:38,200 --> 01:10:41,464
Don't worry. Chick's coming.
1602
01:10:48,677 --> 01:10:52,313
1603
01:10:52,314 --> 01:10:55,483
1604
01:10:55,484 --> 01:10:57,352
Any second, the chick's coming.
1605
01:10:57,353 --> 01:11:00,655
1606
01:11:00,656 --> 01:11:05,159
1607
01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:08,396
1608
01:11:08,397 --> 01:11:10,465
1609
01:11:10,466 --> 01:11:12,367
Any minute now.
1610
01:11:12,368 --> 01:11:14,168
1611
01:11:14,169 --> 01:11:17,839
1612
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:20,074
1613
01:11:20,075 --> 01:11:22,710
1614
01:11:22,710 --> 01:11:25,179
1615
01:11:25,180 --> 01:11:28,683
1616
01:11:28,684 --> 01:11:31,686
Wow, that guy's being awfully
forward with that donkey.
1617
01:11:31,687 --> 01:11:33,187
Uh, Randal?!
1618
01:11:33,188 --> 01:11:36,953
Where the fuck's the chick?
1619
01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:43,865
1620
01:11:43,866 --> 01:11:45,366
1621
01:11:45,367 --> 01:11:48,136
Yo, Freddie fucking Mercury, where's Kelly?
1622
01:11:48,137 --> 01:11:49,303
1623
01:11:49,304 --> 01:11:50,304
Right here.
1624
01:11:50,305 --> 01:11:51,339
1625
01:11:51,340 --> 01:11:54,142
I thought that's the sexy stud.
1626
01:11:54,143 --> 01:11:57,445
I'm the sexy stud.
1627
01:11:57,446 --> 01:11:59,814
1628
01:11:59,815 --> 01:12:01,749
But this donkey's a dude.
1629
01:12:01,750 --> 01:12:05,019
Kelly can be a guy's name, too. Hey!
1630
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:06,187
1631
01:12:06,188 --> 01:12:07,355
1632
01:12:07,356 --> 01:12:10,224
1633
01:12:10,225 --> 01:12:13,489
1634
01:12:14,029 --> 01:12:16,030
Due to some nomenclature confusion,
1635
01:12:16,030 --> 01:12:18,866
there's not gonna be any chick.
1636
01:12:18,867 --> 01:12:21,402
Well, who the fuck's gonna blow the donkey?
1637
01:12:21,403 --> 01:12:24,872
1638
01:12:24,873 --> 01:12:28,843
1639
01:12:28,844 --> 01:12:30,178
1640
01:12:30,179 --> 01:12:32,213
1641
01:12:32,214 --> 01:12:36,350
I have a huge boner right now.
1642
01:12:36,350 --> 01:12:38,553
1643
01:12:38,554 --> 01:12:40,021
Oh, my God!
1644
01:12:40,022 --> 01:12:42,390
Becky!
1645
01:12:42,390 --> 01:12:43,558
Where did you go?
1646
01:12:43,559 --> 01:12:45,726
What the fuck is going on here?
1647
01:12:45,727 --> 01:12:48,062
Uh, inter-species erotica.
1648
01:12:48,063 --> 01:12:49,831
Are you okay?
1649
01:12:49,832 --> 01:12:53,668
I'm disgusted and repulsed and...
1650
01:12:53,669 --> 01:12:55,670
and I can't look away.
1651
01:12:55,670 --> 01:12:57,839
1652
01:12:57,840 --> 01:12:59,874
It's huge!
1653
01:12:59,875 --> 01:13:01,008
1654
01:13:01,009 --> 01:13:02,210
1655
01:13:02,210 --> 01:13:04,178
1656
01:13:04,179 --> 01:13:05,546
We need to talk.
1657
01:13:05,547 --> 01:13:07,682
Did you see the size of that cock...
1658
01:13:07,683 --> 01:13:09,081
I love you.
1659
01:13:10,152 --> 01:13:12,552
And-and I think you love me, too.
1660
01:13:14,022 --> 01:13:16,858
Uh, of-of course. I...
1661
01:13:16,859 --> 01:13:18,059
I mean, we're friends.
1662
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:20,790
I-I think you love me as more than a friend.
1663
01:13:22,764 --> 01:13:24,432
It's okay. You can say it.
1664
01:13:24,433 --> 01:13:27,535
But I don't believe in romantic love.
1665
01:13:27,536 --> 01:13:29,628
I think you do.
1666
01:13:30,172 --> 01:13:32,406
Do you really want to do this right now?
1667
01:13:32,407 --> 01:13:34,208
1668
01:13:34,209 --> 01:13:36,377
1669
01:13:36,378 --> 01:13:39,413
Well, I guess the show's over.
1670
01:13:39,414 --> 01:13:40,915
I don't think so, sir.
1671
01:13:40,916 --> 01:13:43,577
1672
01:13:50,993 --> 01:13:52,994
If he's gonna jerk off,
1673
01:13:52,995 --> 01:13:54,629
I'm gonna jerk off, too.
1674
01:13:54,630 --> 01:13:57,325
I don't think he's gonna jerk off.
1675
01:13:59,635 --> 01:14:01,636
1676
01:14:01,637 --> 01:14:04,038
1677
01:14:04,039 --> 01:14:05,172
1678
01:14:05,173 --> 01:14:06,908
1679
01:14:06,909 --> 01:14:09,036
1680
01:14:09,578 --> 01:14:11,012
Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit!
1681
01:14:11,013 --> 01:14:15,516
The big guy's gonna cornhole
that ass... with his wiener!
1682
01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:17,184
Hold that thought.
1683
01:14:17,185 --> 01:14:23,123
1684
01:14:26,929 --> 01:14:30,665
I hope that donkey doesn't have a heinie troll.
1685
01:14:30,666 --> 01:14:32,667
1686
01:14:32,668 --> 01:14:34,468
All right, I do.
1687
01:14:34,469 --> 01:14:36,370
Do what?
1688
01:14:36,370 --> 01:14:39,307
1689
01:14:39,308 --> 01:14:41,332
I do love you.
1690
01:14:47,549 --> 01:14:50,950
1691
01:14:53,220 --> 01:14:55,756
What kind of sick fuck gets turned on
1692
01:14:55,757 --> 01:14:57,758
watching a guy fuck a donkey?
1693
01:14:57,759 --> 01:15:00,094
1694
01:15:00,095 --> 01:15:03,291
1695
01:15:04,266 --> 01:15:07,234
I'm sorry, Jesus.
1696
01:15:09,070 --> 01:15:12,870
1697
01:15:17,679 --> 01:15:19,168
Dante?
1698
01:15:29,390 --> 01:15:31,692
What's going on?
1699
01:15:31,693 --> 01:15:33,854
Ooh, cake.
1700
01:15:34,896 --> 01:15:37,698
Yo, I was outside taking
a piss when I heard the news.
1701
01:15:37,699 --> 01:15:39,188
Congrats!
1702
01:15:40,902 --> 01:15:42,835
You're having a baby, right?
1703
01:15:44,606 --> 01:15:48,303
No. Who said that?
1704
01:15:50,178 --> 01:15:52,839
Some asshole.
1705
01:15:54,182 --> 01:15:57,913
1706
01:16:00,889 --> 01:16:03,090
I'm sorry.
1707
01:16:03,090 --> 01:16:06,694
1708
01:16:06,695 --> 01:16:08,628
You fuck!
1709
01:16:11,366 --> 01:16:13,390
Quick, hit that two-timing fuck with this!
1710
01:16:16,705 --> 01:16:19,332
Hey, want to go out sometime?
1711
01:16:24,312 --> 01:16:26,939
Emma, I don't... I don't know what to say.
1712
01:16:27,482 --> 01:16:30,382
Take him, you fucking whore.
1713
01:16:34,623 --> 01:16:36,112
Emma!
1714
01:16:39,628 --> 01:16:41,829
Oh, no.
1715
01:16:41,830 --> 01:16:43,798
1716
01:16:43,799 --> 01:16:45,433
1717
01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:46,901
1718
01:16:46,902 --> 01:16:49,670
1719
01:16:49,670 --> 01:16:50,738
1720
01:16:50,739 --> 01:16:54,231
Oh, shit, not again. Got to finish.
1721
01:16:54,776 --> 01:16:57,144
Yo, cops are outside, we're holding,
1722
01:16:57,145 --> 01:17:00,375
and I'm still on probation.
1723
01:17:01,483 --> 01:17:05,186
1724
01:17:05,187 --> 01:17:07,678
What the fuck?
1725
01:17:11,259 --> 01:17:12,793
Porch monkey?!
1726
01:17:12,794 --> 01:17:14,361
Oh, no, no, it's cool.
1727
01:17:14,362 --> 01:17:16,124
I'm taking it back.
1728
01:17:17,032 --> 01:17:20,668
I love pussy and beer!
1729
01:17:20,669 --> 01:17:22,158
Whoo-hoo!
1730
01:17:32,914 --> 01:17:36,212
Deja fucking vu, right?
1731
01:17:46,228 --> 01:17:50,164
Jail cell design hasn't changed
much in centuries, has it?
1732
01:17:50,932 --> 01:17:52,967
Maybe it's time they brought in
the laser bars or something.
1733
01:17:52,968 --> 01:17:54,435
Or they can make
1734
01:17:54,436 --> 01:17:58,172
a hard plastic cage like Magneto's in X-Men 2.
1735
01:17:58,173 --> 01:17:59,507
No, come on, dude,
1736
01:17:59,508 --> 01:18:01,942
let's keep it in the real world, all right?
1737
01:18:02,710 --> 01:18:04,145
But you know what wouldn't be a bad idea?
1738
01:18:04,146 --> 01:18:05,840
Carbonite.
1739
01:18:08,550 --> 01:18:10,278
What do you think, Dante?
1740
01:18:11,153 --> 01:18:12,186
I think I'm gonna kill you!
1741
01:18:12,187 --> 01:18:13,721
Get off of me!
1742
01:18:13,722 --> 01:18:15,723
What up?! Steel cage match!
1743
01:18:15,724 --> 01:18:16,891
You ruined my life!
1744
01:18:16,892 --> 01:18:18,859
Your life was already ruined!
1745
01:18:19,795 --> 01:18:20,961
Jesus!
1746
01:18:20,962 --> 01:18:22,196
What were you thinking?
1747
01:18:22,197 --> 01:18:23,497
A fucking donkey show?!
1748
01:18:23,498 --> 01:18:25,166
It was your going-away present!
1749
01:18:25,167 --> 01:18:26,200
It sure was.
1750
01:18:26,200 --> 01:18:27,701
I just never thought
I'd be going away to prison.
1751
01:18:27,702 --> 01:18:29,931
Hey, boys.
1752
01:18:30,472 --> 01:18:31,872
You can't be imprisoned
1753
01:18:31,873 --> 01:18:34,141
for watching an inter-species sex act.
1754
01:18:34,142 --> 01:18:35,843
You guys'll walk.
1755
01:18:35,844 --> 01:18:38,212
The most I'll get'll be a fine for animal abuse
1756
01:18:38,213 --> 01:18:41,549
and a lot of disgusted looks
from asswipe conservatives
1757
01:18:41,550 --> 01:18:44,051
who can't appreciate sexual exploration.
1758
01:18:44,052 --> 01:18:45,746
Hey!
1759
01:18:49,257 --> 01:18:52,692
I miss my donkey.
1760
01:18:53,228 --> 01:18:54,829
I can't believe you.
1761
01:18:54,830 --> 01:18:56,597
I finally get my shit together.
1762
01:18:56,598 --> 01:18:58,098
I'm hours from getting out of here
1763
01:18:58,099 --> 01:19:00,935
and really starting my life,
and you somehow figure out a way
1764
01:19:00,936 --> 01:19:03,470
to obliterate all that
and reduce me to a convict.
1765
01:19:03,470 --> 01:19:05,940
Oh, yeah, it's my fault your life's fucked up.
1766
01:19:05,940 --> 01:19:08,739
I'm the engaged guy who knocked up my boss.
1767
01:19:09,277 --> 01:19:12,613
You knocked up the guy who owns Mooby's? Ew.
1768
01:19:12,614 --> 01:19:13,747
What?
1769
01:19:13,748 --> 01:19:15,044
Would you shut up?
1770
01:19:16,818 --> 01:19:18,419
You're chaos incarnate, man.
1771
01:19:18,420 --> 01:19:19,620
Our whole lives,
1772
01:19:19,620 --> 01:19:22,156
you've been getting me into
trouble and holding me back.
1773
01:19:22,157 --> 01:19:23,624
Oh, I'm holding you back, right?
1774
01:19:23,625 --> 01:19:25,192
I remember, like, ten years ago,
1775
01:19:25,193 --> 01:19:27,127
the night we went to Julie Dwyer's funeral,
1776
01:19:27,128 --> 01:19:29,697
you were all like, "I need
to shit or get off the pot."
1777
01:19:29,698 --> 01:19:31,866
You said, "Shit or get off the pot," not me.
1778
01:19:31,867 --> 01:19:34,468
You got all fired up about
taking charge of your life,
1779
01:19:34,469 --> 01:19:35,636
and what'd you do?
1780
01:19:35,637 --> 01:19:38,138
You worked at the store
till the place burned down.
1781
01:19:38,139 --> 01:19:39,573
I took courses at Brookdale.
1782
01:19:39,574 --> 01:19:40,541
And dropped out.
1783
01:19:40,542 --> 01:19:42,009
Because you stopped going.
1784
01:19:42,010 --> 01:19:44,845
Because we were just killing
time with those classes.
1785
01:19:44,846 --> 01:19:46,113
One semester,
1786
01:19:46,114 --> 01:19:47,815
we took Criminology, for Christ's sake.
1787
01:19:47,816 --> 01:19:50,050
What the fuck were we training to be, Batman?
1788
01:19:50,050 --> 01:19:52,386
At least we were doing something
1789
01:19:52,387 --> 01:19:55,155
instead of wasting our lives in
some fucking convenience store!
1790
01:19:55,156 --> 01:19:56,490
You know what?
1791
01:19:56,490 --> 01:19:59,493
You can badmouth Quick Stop all
you want, but I miss that place.
1792
01:19:59,494 --> 01:20:00,661
I loved working there.
1793
01:20:00,662 --> 01:20:03,630
I look back on that period
as the best time in my life.
1794
01:20:04,165 --> 01:20:05,666
Now I know you're fuckin' nuts.
1795
01:20:05,667 --> 01:20:08,836
Why? Because I enjoyed what I did?
1796
01:20:08,837 --> 01:20:10,404
I got to watch movies,
1797
01:20:10,405 --> 01:20:12,840
fuck with assholes,
and hang out with my best friend
1798
01:20:12,840 --> 01:20:14,008
all day.
1799
01:20:14,009 --> 01:20:15,342
Can you think of a better way to make a living?
1800
01:20:15,343 --> 01:20:17,344
Yeah, maybe it's not what everyone does,
1801
01:20:17,345 --> 01:20:19,506
but it was pretty fucking good.
1802
01:20:20,048 --> 01:20:21,682
Man, that's you all over.
1803
01:20:21,683 --> 01:20:23,317
Scrape by with the bare minimum.
1804
01:20:23,318 --> 01:20:25,753
Well, I'm tired of that, Randal.
1805
01:20:25,754 --> 01:20:27,354
I'm not in high school anymore.
1806
01:20:27,355 --> 01:20:29,690
Shit, I'm not even in my twenties anymore.
1807
01:20:29,690 --> 01:20:31,525
I don't want to sit around and rag on customers
1808
01:20:31,526 --> 01:20:32,693
while eating free food.
1809
01:20:32,694 --> 01:20:33,894
That's what you want to do.
1810
01:20:33,895 --> 01:20:35,829
That's what you've always wanted to do.
1811
01:20:35,830 --> 01:20:38,032
Well, if that's all you want out
of life, man, then God bless,
1812
01:20:38,033 --> 01:20:40,901
but I refuse to let your shit
taint the rest of mine.
1813
01:20:40,902 --> 01:20:44,038
No. I'm gonna smooth things over with Emma,
1814
01:20:44,039 --> 01:20:45,439
go to Florida
1815
01:20:45,440 --> 01:20:49,000
and start my Randal Graves-free existence.
1816
01:20:50,345 --> 01:20:55,179
And try to forget these last
thirty-three years ever happened.
1817
01:21:00,655 --> 01:21:04,454
So that's the way you see all
this time we've spent together?
1818
01:21:06,294 --> 01:21:08,162
That's weird, man.
1819
01:21:08,163 --> 01:21:10,164
I thought you were the only guy in the world
1820
01:21:10,165 --> 01:21:12,066
who got me and had my back...
1821
01:21:12,067 --> 01:21:15,169
the only person who'd take a bullet for me,
1822
01:21:15,170 --> 01:21:16,670
'cause I assumed you felt about me
1823
01:21:16,670 --> 01:21:19,540
the same way I feel about you.
1824
01:21:19,540 --> 01:21:22,042
Then, all of a sudden, one day,
you're like, "I'm moving. Bye."
1825
01:21:22,043 --> 01:21:25,671
Do you know what that's been like for me?
1826
01:21:26,414 --> 01:21:28,182
I'm looking at a future that just sucks,
1827
01:21:28,183 --> 01:21:30,184
because you're not gonna be in it anymore.
1828
01:21:30,185 --> 01:21:31,685
And you're not even throwing me over
1829
01:21:31,686 --> 01:21:33,520
for a life that means something to you.
1830
01:21:33,520 --> 01:21:35,522
It's just a stupid, hollow existence
1831
01:21:35,523 --> 01:21:36,523
you think you should embrace
1832
01:21:36,524 --> 01:21:37,925
because you're getting old or something,
1833
01:21:37,926 --> 01:21:43,030
because it's the kind of life
everyone else goes after.
1834
01:21:43,030 --> 01:21:45,699
You're a fucking drone, dude.
1835
01:21:45,700 --> 01:21:46,700
Fine.
1836
01:21:46,700 --> 01:21:48,369
Then the next friend whose life you ruin
1837
01:21:48,370 --> 01:21:50,304
can be a totally free spirit.
1838
01:21:50,305 --> 01:21:51,438
How's that?
1839
01:21:51,439 --> 01:21:55,142
You think I want to start
making friends at my age?
1840
01:21:55,143 --> 01:21:57,144
Christ.
1841
01:21:57,145 --> 01:21:59,636
Who would want me as their friend?
1842
01:22:00,315 --> 01:22:04,307
I hate everyone, and everything
seems stupid to me...
1843
01:22:06,520 --> 01:22:09,490
...but you were always
the counterbalance to that...
1844
01:22:09,490 --> 01:22:13,827
the guy who was the yin to my yang.
1845
01:22:13,828 --> 01:22:17,820
But now what the fuck am I gonna
do for the rest of my life?
1846
01:22:19,834 --> 01:22:21,635
I mean, shit, I really wish
1847
01:22:21,636 --> 01:22:23,137
you would've told me this
when I first met you
1848
01:22:23,138 --> 01:22:24,471
that one day, you were gonna bail
1849
01:22:24,472 --> 01:22:25,806
on our friendship,
1850
01:22:25,807 --> 01:22:27,808
because if I had known
you were just gonna flake on me
1851
01:22:27,809 --> 01:22:31,478
a few decades later...
1852
01:22:31,479 --> 01:22:33,147
I wouldn't have even bothered with your ass
1853
01:22:33,148 --> 01:22:35,878
in the first place.
1854
01:22:38,119 --> 01:22:39,319
Jesus, why don't you two
1855
01:22:39,320 --> 01:22:41,981
just fuck and get it over with already?
1856
01:22:43,425 --> 01:22:44,591
Faggots.
1857
01:22:44,592 --> 01:22:48,926
Why can't you ever say
something useful for a change?
1858
01:22:49,464 --> 01:22:50,764
Well, what the fuck you waiting for?
1859
01:22:50,765 --> 01:22:53,597
That's your cue, man.
1860
01:23:03,778 --> 01:23:05,939
I got nothing.
1861
01:23:07,315 --> 01:23:08,615
Jesus fucking Christ, what good are you,
1862
01:23:08,616 --> 01:23:09,783
you mute fuck?!
1863
01:23:09,784 --> 01:23:11,318
You know what? That hurts.
1864
01:23:11,319 --> 01:23:13,887
Like, what do you ever add
to the fucking proceedings?
1865
01:23:13,888 --> 01:23:16,723
You got, like, one answer
for everything: "Pussy, man."
1866
01:23:16,724 --> 01:23:19,293
Oh, then, man, you must love this fuckin' guy,
1867
01:23:19,294 --> 01:23:21,261
'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met.
1868
01:23:21,262 --> 01:23:22,796
The dude who lives his life
1869
01:23:22,797 --> 01:23:24,064
according to everyone else's standards.
1870
01:23:24,065 --> 01:23:25,899
"I got to go to Florida
1871
01:23:25,900 --> 01:23:28,302
and get married, 'cause
that's what's expected of me."
1872
01:23:28,303 --> 01:23:30,971
And the fuckin' insane part is,
he ain't even that crazy
1873
01:23:30,972 --> 01:23:33,273
about the chick he's marrying or Florida,
1874
01:23:33,274 --> 01:23:34,475
never mind the fact that he's got
1875
01:23:34,476 --> 01:23:35,476
a perfectly good chick
1876
01:23:35,477 --> 01:23:38,145
right here in Jersey who he's nuts about,
1877
01:23:38,146 --> 01:23:41,315
and even Anne fuckin' Frank
could see she's nuts about him.
1878
01:23:41,316 --> 01:23:42,983
God knows why.
1879
01:23:42,984 --> 01:23:45,152
And she likes you for who you are, man.
1880
01:23:45,153 --> 01:23:46,987
She ain't trying to stuff you into a box
1881
01:23:46,988 --> 01:23:48,489
you'll never fit into.
1882
01:23:48,490 --> 01:23:50,090
Not to mention the fact that she's carrying
1883
01:23:50,090 --> 01:23:52,252
your hideous fucking CHUD of a kid.
1884
01:23:53,060 --> 01:23:54,595
Jesus, if you had any sense whatsoever,
1885
01:23:54,596 --> 01:23:55,929
you'd fuckin' stop trying
1886
01:23:55,930 --> 01:23:57,598
to bray it up with the rest of the sheep
1887
01:23:57,599 --> 01:24:00,434
and live your life the way it makes sense for you,
1888
01:24:00,435 --> 01:24:01,835
you fuckin' ass!
1889
01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:03,837
Oh, yeah? And what's that?
1890
01:24:03,838 --> 01:24:05,139
You obviously have such a great handle
1891
01:24:05,140 --> 01:24:06,440
on your life.
1892
01:24:06,440 --> 01:24:08,108
Tell me what you would do
if you were in my position...
1893
01:24:08,109 --> 01:24:10,410
or even what you'd do in your own position?
1894
01:24:10,410 --> 01:24:12,946
Swing that judgmental pendulum back the other way
1895
01:24:12,947 --> 01:24:14,748
and tell me how you'd solve
all your problems, asshole.
1896
01:24:14,749 --> 01:24:16,850
What the fuck would the
great Randal Graves do
1897
01:24:16,850 --> 01:24:18,285
if he were half the master of his destiny
1898
01:24:18,286 --> 01:24:19,753
that I'm supposed to be?!
1899
01:24:19,754 --> 01:24:24,418
I'd buy the Quick Stop and reopen it myself!
1900
01:24:25,827 --> 01:24:27,761
That's what I'd do.
1901
01:24:27,762 --> 01:24:30,856
That's what we should do.
1902
01:24:31,399 --> 01:24:32,900
Yeah, right.
1903
01:24:32,900 --> 01:24:35,602
Who-who are we, Lance Dowds?
1904
01:24:35,603 --> 01:24:37,404
Do you know how much it would cost
1905
01:24:37,405 --> 01:24:38,405
to buy the Quick Stop?
1906
01:24:38,406 --> 01:24:40,140
Like, fifty grand, easy.
1907
01:24:40,140 --> 01:24:44,133
And neither one of us have that type of money.
1908
01:24:50,718 --> 01:24:53,709
We do.
1909
01:24:57,592 --> 01:25:00,322
That's right.
1910
01:25:01,062 --> 01:25:03,564
You guys would be willing
to lend us some of that money
1911
01:25:03,565 --> 01:25:05,589
so we can reopen the stores?
1912
01:25:08,403 --> 01:25:11,071
Sure, on two conditions.
1913
01:25:11,072 --> 01:25:13,240
One: We can hang out in front of the store
1914
01:25:13,240 --> 01:25:15,504
anytime we want, and you can't call the cops.
1915
01:25:16,244 --> 01:25:18,111
And two:
1916
01:25:18,112 --> 01:25:19,913
You have to blow each other,
1917
01:25:19,914 --> 01:25:21,403
and we get to watch.
1918
01:25:21,883 --> 01:25:24,908
Then you have to go ass to mouth.
1919
01:25:27,889 --> 01:25:31,256
All right, just the first condition.
1920
01:25:31,793 --> 01:25:33,060
Seriously?
1921
01:25:33,060 --> 01:25:34,061
Do I stutter?
1922
01:25:34,062 --> 01:25:36,530
Yeah, seriously.
1923
01:25:40,668 --> 01:25:42,931
What do you think?
1924
01:25:43,972 --> 01:25:46,974
I almost hate to say it, but...
1925
01:25:46,975 --> 01:25:49,443
it kind of makes sense.
1926
01:25:50,110 --> 01:25:53,113
Hey, maybe that's why we spent
so much time in that store,
1927
01:25:53,114 --> 01:25:54,615
why college
1928
01:25:54,616 --> 01:25:57,150
or anything else never panned out for us.
1929
01:25:57,150 --> 01:25:58,719
I mean, think about it, man.
1930
01:25:58,720 --> 01:26:00,254
You and me running our own business
1931
01:26:00,255 --> 01:26:03,417
instead of working for some other asshole?
1932
01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:07,017
Could be pretty fuckin' sweet, right?
1933
01:26:08,429 --> 01:26:11,420
Yeah, it really could.
1934
01:26:16,270 --> 01:26:17,838
But I don't know, man.
1935
01:26:17,839 --> 01:26:21,604
I was this close to starting a new life.
1936
01:26:22,143 --> 01:26:23,905
Jesus.
1937
01:26:25,146 --> 01:26:28,308
You're actually gonna make
me do this, aren't you?
1938
01:26:31,719 --> 01:26:35,518
Can you guys cover your
ears for a minute, please?
1939
01:26:44,499 --> 01:26:48,201
You're my best friend...
1940
01:26:48,202 --> 01:26:50,567
and I love you.
1941
01:26:51,839 --> 01:26:55,008
In a totally heterosexual way.
1942
01:26:55,009 --> 01:26:57,841
Yeah, right.
1943
01:26:59,213 --> 01:27:03,308
Please, man, don't leave me.
1944
01:27:07,622 --> 01:27:09,953
Thanks.
1945
01:27:15,797 --> 01:27:18,128
That'll be $5.79.
1946
01:27:28,042 --> 01:27:31,136
I mean, you already taught me
how to dance at a wedding.
1947
01:27:31,679 --> 01:27:35,512
I mean... I know you
don't believe in romantic love.
1948
01:27:37,018 --> 01:27:43,150
1949
01:27:44,058 --> 01:27:46,893
1950
01:27:46,894 --> 01:27:48,762
1951
01:27:48,763 --> 01:27:51,231
Is that a yes?
1952
01:27:51,232 --> 01:27:54,401
What took you so long?
1953
01:27:54,402 --> 01:27:56,236
1954
01:27:56,237 --> 01:27:59,606
1955
01:27:59,607 --> 01:28:02,709
1956
01:28:02,710 --> 01:28:06,145
1957
01:28:06,647 --> 01:28:10,050
"One ring to rule them all."
1958
01:28:10,050 --> 01:28:12,886
1959
01:28:12,887 --> 01:28:15,956
1960
01:28:15,957 --> 01:28:22,129
1961
01:28:22,130 --> 01:28:24,723
1962
01:28:26,868 --> 01:28:29,736
1963
01:28:29,737 --> 01:28:33,173
1964
01:28:33,174 --> 01:28:37,010
1965
01:28:37,010 --> 01:28:40,981
1966
01:28:40,982 --> 01:28:43,383
1967
01:28:43,384 --> 01:28:47,554
1968
01:28:47,555 --> 01:28:49,656
1969
01:28:49,657 --> 01:28:51,658
1970
01:28:51,659 --> 01:28:53,193
Come on!
1971
01:28:53,194 --> 01:28:55,896
1972
01:28:55,897 --> 01:28:59,566
1973
01:28:59,567 --> 01:29:02,202
1974
01:29:02,203 --> 01:29:06,573
1975
01:29:06,574 --> 01:29:09,476
1976
01:29:09,477 --> 01:29:12,846
1977
01:29:12,847 --> 01:29:19,052
1978
01:29:19,053 --> 01:29:21,054
1979
01:29:21,055 --> 01:29:24,291
1980
01:29:24,292 --> 01:29:27,994
1981
01:29:27,995 --> 01:29:30,897
1982
01:29:30,898 --> 01:29:34,801
1983
01:29:34,802 --> 01:29:37,804
1984
01:29:37,805 --> 01:29:41,475
1985
01:29:41,476 --> 01:29:45,512
1986
01:29:45,513 --> 01:29:49,107
1987
01:30:21,349 --> 01:30:24,079
Oh!
1988
01:30:26,854 --> 01:30:29,618
- Thanks.
- Okay.
1989
01:30:30,458 --> 01:30:32,926
Pack of cigarettes?
1990
01:30:38,666 --> 01:30:40,667
- You know what?
- What?
1991
01:30:40,668 --> 01:30:43,500
You're not even supposed to be here today.
1992
01:30:45,339 --> 01:30:48,341
Can you feel it?
1993
01:30:48,342 --> 01:30:50,043
Feel what?
1994
01:30:50,044 --> 01:30:53,604
Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
134840
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