All language subtitles for Bunkd s06e09 Hope You Geyser Ready to Go.eng

Okay, let's
make this quick.

Why am I here?

One of the beams
in the barn is collapsing,

and to prop it up,
I had to stack a few counselors

on top of each other.

They think
it's a trust exercise.

Lou, we know you're busy,

but we called you here
to talk about all the things

that need fixing
around camp.

Uh-huh.

And what kind of things
are we talking about?

Well, the plumbing
in Coyote Cabin is all clogged up.

We'd use the outhouse,

but ever since
the toilet scorpions took over,

it's more of an
"ouch house".

Nice.

Also, there's something
wrong with the well.

I haven't been able
to get fresh water out of it

since we started camp.

I've been brushing my teeth
with goat's milk.

It's a problem.

What about you two?
Any complaints?

This feels like
a very loaded question

with a lot of possible
negative outcomes.

Winnie?

Don't look at me.

Half the things
she needs to fix, I broke.

[SIGHS] Look, it's not easy
keeping up with repairs at an old ranch.

Everything here
is either broken or rusty or sharp.

Which reminds me,

Tetanus Shot Tuesday
is next week,

so sign-ups are out front.

We're out of pens,
so just use the rusty nail to make your mark.

[WOOD CREAKING AND THUDDING]

[GASPS]
Oh, sweet heavens, that's the barn.

I knew. I shouldn't
have put Ingrid

at the bottom
of the human tower.

That girl is made
of wet noodles.

Don't worry
about the repairs, I'm on it.

Raise your hand
if you think Lou isn't on it.

Well, howdy-doo.

I'm Gus Hootenheimer,
the handyman Lou hired.

Well, don't we all
look like jerks now?

Are you sure
you're a handyman?

You look a little
old prospector-y.

Oh, pickles
and poppy seeds.

That's probably
because I have done

a bit of gold hunting
in my day,

But you gave it up
and now work full time as a handyman?

Oh, gosh, no.

Handyman work pays the bills,

but prospecting
is still my passion.

Why, I even started
a weekend gold diggers club,

but the only folks
that show up

are kids really
into nose picking.

Oh, I thought
I recognized you.

I mean... Gross.

You know, I've done
a lot of work at this ranch over the years,

and I'll be hornswoggled

if old Gus can't help you
get everything fixed right up.

Great.

Because goat's milk
is a real gamey rinse.

ALL: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Hey, Bill.
Where's the handyman?

GUS: Eureka!

That is
a hefty nugget!

I can't tell
if he's fixing our drain

or using it.

GUS: Ladies and gents,
I think I found the culprit.

Whoa!

Oh, from the looks
of this hair clog,

your pipes
haven't been cleaned in, well, ever.

Ugh. Who used to live
in this cabin? Bigfoot?

and his
even hairier roommates?

Wait a second.

I think there's
something in here.

[DISGUSTED]
Why are you touching it?

I recognize this bracelet.

And there's a story about it

from the early days
of this ranch.

A very scary story.

Thanks, Gus,
but I don't think

we really need
to hear the story

of the hair clog bracelet.

The year was 1884.

Guess we're
getting it anyway.

[COYOTE HOWLS]

GUS: This is a story
about Calamity Lou Parker Earp,

and The Other Buffalo Bill

and the awful thing
they brought back with them from town.

And I'm not just
talking about the lice.

The Other Buffalo Bill and I

are gonna head off
to the Slop Emporium,

Parker Earp,
you go to the general store

and see if you can
get your hands on that newfangled invention,

toilet paper.

Finally we can
stop using squirrels.

I've been using
the same one for a month.

He hates me.

Well, hello, good sir.

You look like
the kind of gentleman

who enjoys
the finer things in life.

Well, not to brag,
but I am buying toilet paper.

Ooh, fancy!

Oh, I've got
just the thing

for a man
of your refinements.

This bracelet
has been endowed

with the mystical powers
of faraway lands,

and whoever wears it

will have
the course of their life altered forever.

Sounds like a real party.

I wish I could buy one,

but I only have
enough money for supplies.

Well, and a quick mani-pedi.

[CHUCKLES] 'Cause
living in the Wild West can be rough,

but your hands
don't need to be

Well, now, maybe we could
work something out.

Uh, how much do you have?

Five bits.[GASPS]

It is fate!

That's exactly how much
the bracelet costs.

Wait, never mind,
I only have three bits.

Um, it's still fate!

But be warned,

I'll do no more haggling.

Wow, It's a perfect fit.

Like, almost scary perfect,

Like it's sort of
burning itself into my skin. [CHUCKLES]

Wait. Where'd he go?

Hmm. This feels like a sign
of things to come.

But, man, does this thing
really sit on my forearm!

Wild West legend Parker Earp,
The Other Buffalo Bill!

Can we please get
shorter cowboy names?

What is it,
Calamity Lou?

Some kind of animal
got into my coop last night and ate all my chickens.

Are you sureWell, either that

or they all just ran off
and left their beaks behind.

Thanks for that.
Now, I'm going to have nightmares

about a bunch
of lipless chickens,

Who would do
something so horrible?

I don't know.

Maybe someone
with feathers stuck to their hand.

If only the answer
were that easy.

You have feathers
stuck to your hand!

Wait. What?
How did that happen?

I'll tell you
how that happened, you ate all my chickens.

And you didn't
even have the decency to finish off their beaks.

That's where
the calcium is, you know.

But it couldn't have been me.
I was sleeping all night.

First you spend all my money
on that dumb bracelet, and now this!

[SIGHS]

All of this stress
has made my tummy very upset.

So if you'll excuse me,
I need to go find a squirrel.

GUS: That night,
The Other Buffalo Bill and Parker Earp

were greeted by a visitor.

A visitor who was already
in the cabin with 'em.

[SNORING]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

What do you mean
my horse is double-parked, Sheriff?

I just went into the saloon
to get some takeout.

Calamity Lou!
Something happened to The Other Buffalo Bill.

Sorry, but I can't do
these long cowboy names,

they're taking forever.

Lou, something happened
to Bill.

You're right.
That is so much better.

He's gone and his bed
is left unmade.

Oh, relax.
I'm sure he's fine.

And he left
his breakfast hat behind.

Great gophers and gravy,
that boy's in trouble.

Bill! Who did this
to you?It was Parker.

He grabbed me
in the middle of the night and tied me up.

And wouldn't stop prattling on
about having to go to horse traffic school.

Wait, what?
I would never do anything to hurt you guys.

That was
very unfortunately timed.

Bill's right,
you are trying to hurt us!

No, I'm not.
I mean, I am, but it's not me,

it's the hand,
talk to the hand.

Oh, I like that phrase,

I'm gonna start
spreading it around

It must be
that weird bracelet you bought.

It's taking over
your hand.

And my sense of style,

I guess
I'm an accessory guy now?

Not that I mind,
you look great. [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

And to think I considered
treating you to a manicure!

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

There's only one way
to end this.

Really? Can't we just
cut the bracelet off?

How? Scissors haven't been
invented yet.

Actually, the first scissors
were invented in Mesopotamia over 4,000 years ago.

Zip it, know-it-all,
and keep your evil hand still.

It's gonna hurt me
more than it's gonna hurt you, Parker.

There is no way
that that could be true!

Yeah, you're probably right.

And that,
my friends, is the tale of the cursed bracelet.

[EXHALES] Well, that story
certainly was long.

And weird.
Thanks for ruining squirrels for me.

Well, I guess it's time
for this old horse

to move on
to the rest of his fix-it list.

I'll just leave this
here with you.

Bill, we're definitely
cutting my hand off now.

Ugh!

Well, what's itchin'
your hides,

my dumb fungal
jackanapes?

I'm assuming
that's prospector-speak

for "What's the problem?"

Strawberries and biscuits.

Okay.

Whenever I try
to use the well,

the bucket gets stuck
halfway down.

I'd love to have
fresh well water

to plant a delicious
organic vegetable garden.

[LAUGHING] Good one.

Oh, you're serious.

Well, let's have
old Gus take a look-see.

Well, well, well.

Uh, yeah, we know.

I found the problem.

This well
has been bricked over halfway down.

But what about
my vegetable garden?

I was really
looking forward to summer tomatoes.

[SNICKERING]

Oh, sorry,
I keep forgetting you're serious.

I remember this.

This well was sealed
for a very good reason.

A very scary reason.

The year
was 1884, again.

Wait, what's happening?

Are you going
to fix the well or...

Our tale begins
in downtown Dusty Tush.

Strawberries and biscuits.

GUS: Destiny Holliday,
and Wild Jake Hickok

we're wetting their whistle

with Calamity Lou
and Parker Earp,

when a very handsome
peddler showed up.

Oh, greetings,
friends.

me and my trusty
burro come bearing trinkets and treasures

from all four corners
of the world.

France, China, India,

and Sheboygan.

Sheboygan? Really?

It's a nice spot to vacay.

Very low pollen count.

Now feast your eyes.

Whoa, underwear!

Those are mine,
the suitcase does double duty.

But I have something else
that may interest you.

Ooh, money.

Give me.[SCOLDS]

Cool it,
I'm setting a tone.

four magical coins
made from the ancient metals of the gods.

You toss them in a well,
you make a wish,

and all your wildest dreams
will come true.

We have a well
back at the ranch.

Let's go try it out.

Hold on.

If you have a bunch
of magical coins,

why are you selling them
and not wishing for things?

Because clearly I'm already
living my best life.

I got a burro,man!

Have a wish on the house.

Try it on for size.

I wish
for a bowl of beans.

I can't believe my wish
actually came through.

I can't believe
you wished for beans.

The mess hall's
right there.

Yeah, but this
saves me a walk.

Okay, we'll
take the coins. How much?

The cost of these coins is

your immortal soul.

Oh, I'm just joshing you.

It'll only cost
that sweet neckerchief.

Ugh, but this really
completed the outfit.

But then again,

my wildest dreams
might look good on me too.

Okay.

Well, better be going.

Time to go swindle
some other poor suckers.

What was that?Oh, I said...

[EXAGGERATED] Bye-ee!

Just think
of all the amazing things we can wish for.

World peace,
the answers to the universe.

What if we wished
for some salt?

Or maybe a little diced onion?

Again, the mess hall
is a literal 20 feet away.

You know, I have always
wanted a bigger role at the ranch.

Oh, Parker, you don't
have to wish for that,

you just have to
not be terrible at every task I give ya.

Nah, this seems easier.

I wish for more responsibility
around the ranch.

What...
What happened?

Lou disappeared.
All that's left is her coin.

Ugh, and even worse,

I just realized
these are lima beans.

How is that worse?

Clearly, you've never
eaten lima beans.

Wait, I know
what's happening here.

It's Wishing 101.

If you're not very specific
about your wish,

then terrible things
can happen.

What are you talking about?

You wished for more
responsibility, so Lou disappeared,

making you head of the ranch.

But I didn't want Lou
to disappear.

She owes me five bucks.

Parker, have a heart.
Lou's gone.

Ooh, dibs on
her magic coin.

Look, there's only one way
to fix this.

One of you has
to use your wish to bring Lou back.

Definitely.For sure.

Go ahead, Jake.
Make the wish.

No, you go ahead.
Ladies first.

No, I insist,
lady's choice.

No, I insist,
gentleman's hat

Okay, I don't know
what we're doing.

I can't believe you two.

If neither of you
make the wish,

then Lou is gone forever.

Why did I ever want
more responsibility?

I hate this!

Be careful
what you wish for.

Oh, I just got that.

Okay, before we make
our wishes,

we need to write them out
as detailed as possible,

so they won't backfire.

You're right.

We should be very specific
about what kind of beans we want.

Sure, Jake.

There, I perfectly worded
my wish for world peace.

There's no way
the well is going to misunderstand this.

Does world peace
include different beans?

Jake, enough with the beans!

Okay, here goes nothing.

Dear, Wishing Well,
I wish that...[FLY BUZZING]

Ugh! Gross,
bugs are everywhere.

[BOTH GASP]

Did you just waste
for gross bugs to be everywhere?

No. The well couldn't possibly
think that's what I meant.

Delete, delete.

The bugs are coming.

They're gross
and they're everywhere.

You're the most literal well
I've ever met.

Everyone,
run for your life!

They're after our blood!

The worst first day
in charge ever.

Jake, you have
the last wish. You need to fix this.

We went through this,
gentleman's hat

Jake!Fine.

I wish to go back
before any of this ever happened.

Where'd he go?

Where am I?

When am I?

[FOOTSTEPS THUDDING][DINOSAUR ROARS]

A dinosaur?

I must have gone back,
like, 100 years.

And that,
my little bushwhackers,

is why I cannot
un-break this well.

But the well
wasn't even the problem.

Yeah. It was those
magical wishing coins

from that shady peddler.

Oh, I don't know.

He seemed like
a real stand-up guy in my story.

Handsome, too.

Well, better get
to my next task.

I'll catch you
on the flip flop.

Although,

that potato sack reminds me
of another story.

He is your
weird problem now.

The tale of the old
burlap sack scarecrow

is the scariest tale
I've ever been told.

By far, the longest.

I don't think
we're gonna make it to our potato sack race.

I get that feeling, yeah.

GUS: The year was 1884
yet again.

A lot of freaky stuff
went down that year.

This tale begins
with Noah Love

and Winnie the Kid
building a scarecrow.

This Scarecrow
better do the trick.

We have to find something
to stop all the crows from eating the chicken feed.

One hundred sticks of dynamite
would have easily solved the problem.

But somebody
didn't want to be swimming in a sea of crow parts.

Yes. I'm the weirdo.

Well, what do we think?

Feels like
it's missing something.

A complicated backstory
which informs his hatred of crows?

No, a hat.Really?

But a complicated
backstory is free.

Fine.
Let's go buy a hat.

And some dynamite!

No dynamite.

We're not having
another birthday candle mix up.

Now, this is
one sharp looking hat.

I wonder why
it was so cheap.

[SIGHS] Apparently,
it belonged to a guy

named Open Head Sore
Sullivan.

You know what?
I'll just carry this.

[EXCLAIMS]

Look what you did!

You made me spill
my essence of evil spirit all over that hat.

Essence of evil?

Now, why would
anyone have that?

Because I'm an apothecary.

I specialize
in the bizarre and the occult

Also works wonders
on ingrown toenails.

Pickled salamander?
What does that do?

Nothing.

It's just my lunch.

It's chewy,
but in a good way.

Now get away from me.

You two
just cost me a fortune.

Oh, I hope you both get
what's coming to you.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

That was
extremely sinister.

Oh, well, let's go
put this hat on a scarecrow near where we sleep.

Yeah, folks,
come try my delicious new breakfast stew,

It's hot, fresh,

and definitely not the water
I use to boil our laundry.

Hay!Oh, relax.

I serve you laundry water
all the time.

No, hay.

My dresser is filled with it
and all my clothes are gone.

Which one of you
pranked me?

It definitely wasn't me.
I don't like to trick people.

Now, come on, let's dig
into my dirty sock water.

I mean, delicious stew.

Wait... Wait a minute.

I swear this was
filled with stew a minute ago.

What's going on?I don't know.

But the only things
that should be stuffed with hay around here

are the animals and...

Uh, Noah?

Didn't you draw a smile
on the scarecrow?

I... I thought I did.

Yeah, I'm out.

Uh, Noah?

Now the scarecrow
is kinda...

[GULPS]
Bye-bye.

Where could
he have gone?

Found him.

Hey, our scarecrow's
come to life.

Uh, maybe he's friendly.

Or maybe not.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

There's no way out of here.

Noah, close the barn door.

What?
My fly's been down this whole time?

Oh, that barn door.
I got you.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[NERVOUSLY]
Uh, hey, Mr. Scarecrow.

Uh, please spare us,
take the goat instead.

They're very tender
and low in saturated fat.

A superfood, really.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

That's it. I'm taking down
this walking bag of hay.

Ugh, the walking bag of hay
is still walking!

Wait. Remember the potion
the apothecary spilled on the hat?

Uh, maybe if you
knock the hat off, this will all be over.

But I only have
one horseshoe left. What if I miss?

You can do it, Winnie,
because if you don't, we're dead.

[SARCASTICALLY]
Jeez, no pressure or anything.

Winnie! You did it!
You saved us.

Let us hit
our hands together in celebration.

Whoa! That was awesome!

I'm gonna call it
a high-five.

Or elevated
slappy hand?

Nope, you're right,
high-five is better.

[SIGHS] I'm just glad
that nightmare is finally over with.

[SIGHS]

[GOAT BLEATING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

And everybody lived
happily ever after.

Well, except for the people
who got ripped to pieces by the demon goat.

Now that's
my kind of ending.

Well, time for this creaky
old claim jumper

to call it a day.

I sure hope I was helpful.

Not really.

You barely fixed anything
and just told us super creepy stories all day.

Ooh, you know,
that reminds me of a super creepy story.

Okay, bye,
thanks for the nightmares.

Hey, guys.
Sorry I couldn't get

to all those things
you asked me to fix.

Shaquille O'Veal came down
with a sudden case of acid reflux

and all of her milk curdled

On the bright side,
we got cottage cheese for days,

It's okay, Lou,
we appreciate you hiring a handyman.

But maybe next time,

find one who doesn't
walk around not fixing things,

and then saying stuff like,
"Oh, horse feathers!"

Wait, what handyman?

You know,
Gus Hootenheimer?

Older guy, about 5'10",

uses a pickaxe
to change a light bulb?

I didn't hire a handyman,

and the only Gus Hootenheimer
I've ever heard of

was an old prospector
who used to mine for gold around Dusty Tush.

Yeah, that's the guy.

Uh, couldn't be.

Gus Hootenheimer died
nearly 100 years ago.

Wait, if he's dead,
then who was telling us about the burlap sack?

Who did we ask
to fix the well?

Who plopped a nasty ball
of drain hair in my hand?

And why am I
still holding it?

[ALL SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

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