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Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
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'I am Kela, second to Veena Tiara of Sico give you safe shelter.'
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'I Brayha, second Moha Tiara of Councils accept your safe shelter.'
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Unbelievably we have never reviewed a post-apocalyptic film.
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‘I’ve never scanned anything like this before’
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Well we’re starting with America 3000
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‘Really dumb’
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also the first movie we’ve reviewed from the legendary Cannon films.
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‘But it’ll never happen again’
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America 3000 is set in a post nuclear wasteland.
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‘I never did figure out what a Reagan was’
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and yet somehow the 80s.
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where everyone talks in a strange futuristic lingo.
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'I didn’t need heavy smarts to figure things were going cold neggy.'
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'That means very bad’
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Okay, if you then explain it in normal English, it doesn’t convince as a language.
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‘Effing Woggos!’
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And that’s not the only problem with the narration
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‘Lakella the Tiara’s second was sharpening up her axe’
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Firstly, I can see what she’s doing, secondly, that’s not an axe.
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If you’re gonna unnecessarily narrate people’s actions at least get it right!
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‘Taking charge, vena snapped into action’
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In this world women and men live as separate species.
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‘Plugots are what the Frals called us.’
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Women are dominant, but still feminine as they call their leader...
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'Tiara'
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'Tiara!'
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Men are mostly slaves and it’s very clear who the good guys are.
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'You get the men and save the camp, I'm going to lead them away.'
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For a world a thousand years after the US accidentally destroyed civilisation...
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‘Soviet or warsaw pact missiles were fired first’
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‘in compliance with standing presidential orders our computers initiated a total retaliatory response’
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These people are weirdly patriotic.
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‘I’m gonna follow the president’s command’
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1000 years is a long time to cling to this stuff,
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but it’s even longer to be unable to figure out the whole boy girl thing.
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‘Man and woman’
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The few free men dream of a world with
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‘Just men’
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I can see a practical problem with that.
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The women have a breeding plan...
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'This place was called Paradise Oil and Gas, where the Fraows made little Fraows'
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'‘But if they had a boy; they threw him away like last years eats.’
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I have no idea where male babies come from!
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'Being Tiara is easy next to seeding.'
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‘Seeding’s a cold act’
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It’s not just that for 1000 years no one has noticed sex is fun,
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‘We didn’t know what Ven and Coris were doing but the harder we scanned the hotter it looked’
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no one’s noticed men and women are the same
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‘Feel, flesh like Vena’s’
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I really feel that after the 1st century someone would have noticed.
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‘What’s a man?’
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‘She was gonna find out’
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Well that’s disturbing, but it does lead to the predictable conclusion
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‘Maybe there was something men and women could do together besides fighting’
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A sexually motivated truce that comes an hour after...
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Friends dead, blood everywhere, but I guess after 1000 years I’d be pretty up for it too.
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The question is; why was basic biology suppressed for so long?
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‘Hot scan what I say’
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Because women were in charge and; duh, women don’t like sex
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‘Just lie down and close your eyes’
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and of course they can make their own arrangements...
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'And I'll pick up the pieces.'
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But men? In the 80s?
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‘Stop!’
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So in a world ruled by women, relationships will obviously involve girls being tied to a bed.
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'It's what my dream was, make it yours.'
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that’s what sex is to women.
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Incidentally, at the end these two hook up. And why not? It’s such a romantic meeting
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‘Hot’
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So unless you have a man in charge the human race is doomed.
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‘I’m a man.’
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'I'm a man;
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Because if you’re gonna rule the world, you need a penis and rock music.
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Oh, and vastly superior weaponry.
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Basically, it’s the post apocalyptic movie Ronald Reagan would have made.
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Or if you'd like to watch the latest episode of dark corners Undead click down there.
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