Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,599
Nic. Jen.
You're great. I try.
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,759
I've lost my cat,
got a distraught son...
3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,119
Mum, come on.
We're going to be late again!
4
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:10,199
Well, we should celebrate.
Yes.
5
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,759
You know. There's vibes.
6
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,039
Dan, this is Jen. Jen, this is Dan.
7
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,559
Jen. Nice to meet you. Dan.
8
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:16,999
I've got to be really good tonight
9
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,959
cos it's Ollie's
birthday tomorrow morning.
10
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,559
Yeah. Opa! Opa!
11
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,599
It was like my twin flame.
12
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,359
What? With... Not with him.
13
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,879
With a guy called Alex.
14
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,999
Did you just break up, or...?
15
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,639
STOP THE TRAIN!
HELP ME, PLEASE!
16
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,080
SHE SCREAMS
17
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,640
Oh, God.
18
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,319
LAUGHTER AND MUSIC REVERBERATES
19
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,320
God!
20
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:47,799
To the good times!
21
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,679
Why do you drink?
Why do you do it to yourself?
22
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,599
Why do you keep making
the same mistake, Nic?
23
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,959
Hmm? Hmm?
24
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,799
I'm stuck. I mean, what am I
supposed to do? I don't have a job.
25
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,399
But I don't understand.
If you're not happy with Dan,
26
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,120
why can't you leave now?
27
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,679
You opened them. Mm?
28
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,039
You opened them without me.
29
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,719
Yeah, cos you were fast asleep
and he wanted to crack on.
30
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,479
So, sorry.
31
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,999
Yeah. I mean, when you
were asleep, to be honest,
32
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,599
you looked like you were dead.
33
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,039
You were dribbling and everything.
It was horrific.
34
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,559
Was I? Yeah. Yeah.
35
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,639
It's actually quite sad.
Oh, God.
36
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,679
I can't believe
I had that much to drink.
37
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,079
Really?
38
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:37,279
Look, I was battered and I was
singing Fresh Prince, the rap,
39
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,239
so I've lost my voice.
Really?
40
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,759
Well, I didn't do it on purpose.
41
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,039
I've organised all of this.
I know, I know.
42
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,399
And Jen just kept topping me up,
and topping me up,
43
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,359
and topping me up,
and topping me up. Yeah.
44
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,199
Was it her idea to get the port?
45
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,799
She get that out, did she, the port?
46
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,439
What? That bottle of port's
from four Christmases ago, Nic,
47
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,760
I'm surprised you woke up.
48
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,640
You had a lot to chat about, then.
49
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,080
Where is Jen? She's gone.
50
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,119
Thought she was staying the night?
51
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:12,079
Yeah, but Harry couldn't sleep,
so she had to take him back.
52
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,639
When? Dunno. Just in the night.
53
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,319
Oh.
54
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,959
Well, did he like his camera?
55
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,999
Yeah, I think so. Did you?
56
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,239
Me, what, huh?
Do you like your camera?
57
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,879
I spent ages choosing that, lad.
58
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,639
Er, yeah.
59
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:29,519
Yeah, I mean, like, when I,
60
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,359
like, when I opened the
box, I was just, like,
61
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,759
"Pfff, whoa."
62
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,159
We're getting you cash as well.
Yeah, cash is nice.
63
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,399
Have you taken a picture with
the hat that your mum sent?
64
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,639
No. Well, no, cos he's in his
pyjamas. Oh, what, you...
65
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,199
Well, she's going to be
on my case otherwise.
66
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,639
What else did she get you?
67
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,039
Duplo. Are you kidding?
68
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,239
Nope. Oh, my God.
That's ridiculous. Two-plus.
69
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,879
I mean, does she know
how old you are?
70
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,999
Obviously not. This is for infants.
71
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,439
Christ Almighty.
72
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,479
Right.
I'm not wearing that.
73
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:58,639
Nic? No. Yes.
74
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,559
You haven't said
"happy birthday" to him yet.
75
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,759
Yes, I have! No, you haven't.
Do I get... Have I not? No.
76
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,159
SHE SIGHS Oh, happy birthday, mate.
77
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,239
Ugh! Mum!
Just stand there with that.
78
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,719
Quick. Please, mate. Quick. Come on.
79
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,560
Right, stay there.
Hang on a sec. OK.
80
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,559
The lighting's not right. You have
to go over here. Go over there.
81
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,079
No, Mum. Come on. Chop, chop,
chop, chop. I don't want to do it.
82
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,839
Come on, come on. You want that
money in your building society,
83
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,159
mate, you better earn it.
OK. Right, OK.
84
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,839
Smile. PHONE RINGS
85
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,119
Just do it nicely.
86
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,439
Imagine that's a load of cash.
87
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,039
I'm not answering that.
That's Mum.
88
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,239
Smile nicely. Ha! Hey!
89
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:34,759
PHONE RINGS Oh.
90
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,679
Ah, she's phoning me now.
Don't answer it.
91
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,119
Hello? Yes, Carol.
92
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,879
Yeah. No, he is by his phone.
93
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,799
He just didn't want to talk to YOU.
94
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,999
It was a joke, Carol.
95
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,519
Yes, he's HERE!
96
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,000
Here's Nanny!
97
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,519
Hi, Nan. HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
98
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,199
Yeah, yeah. Right, right.
I loved it.
99
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,839
It's just... Yeah, it's...
The present... It's just amazing.
100
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:04,639
Yeah. I'm wearing my hat
for a picture for you and...
101
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,999
You know that when I opened it,
I was just, like,
102
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,680
"Cor! It's just so good!"
103
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,399
Yeah.
104
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,119
Um.
105
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,719
It's, like...
106
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,120
Oh.
107
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,999
HE STAMMERS
108
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,039
Babe? I'm sorry.
109
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,399
I didn't mean it.
Don't be sorry for that.
110
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,559
That's... I'm unbelievably
proud of you.
111
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,359
That was good. That was quite good.
That was good, weren't it? I know.
112
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,039
That was really great. PHONE RINGS
113
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,519
Don't hang up on her like that.
Oh, she's phoning again.
114
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,719
Pass me some of that wrapping paper.
115
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:38,279
Hiya, Carol.
116
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:39,599
No, I can't.
117
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,280
Can you not hear me at all?
118
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,479
Hey, Mum?
119
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,319
What? We're a bit bored.
120
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,239
I mean, have you tried wrapping
Denin up in some bog roll?
121
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,559
Yeah, we've done that.
That's page one.
122
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,999
I don't know, then. Do what normal
kids do - just wet toilet paper
123
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,759
and just throw it at the ceiling.
124
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,280
All right. God... Oh, God...
125
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,120
Cheers, Mum.
126
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,680
SHE SIGHS
127
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,839
Ew, I saw that!
128
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:30,200
That's disgusting!
129
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,799
Go on, then. Lucky dip.
130
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,400
Gross! Shame on you!
131
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,399
It was that one. BELLY GROWLS
132
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,439
Oh, God.
133
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,080
Oh, God, no!
134
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:51,519
Get out!
135
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,840
Get out now!
136
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,399
Oh...
137
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,480
SHE BREAKS WIND VIOLENTLY
138
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,799
BREAKING WIND CONTINUES
139
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,439
LUCY: Nic? Is that you?
140
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,159
SHE MOUTHS
141
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,679
Hi, Lucy.
142
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,239
Are you all right in there?
It sounds very painful.
143
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,079
No, I'm fine!
144
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,319
Everyone's arrived.
145
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,919
OK, great!
146
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,079
Yeah. Um, the kids are
getting a bit restless,
147
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,519
so I think we should put
Ollie's film on now.
148
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,920
OK. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
149
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,639
Um, very quickly...
150
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,839
SHE BREAKS WIND Yeah?
151
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,279
Just while you're there,
I just wanted to ask your advice
152
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,119
on something very, very quickly.
153
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,959
I'm thinking about signing up...
OK.
154
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,119
Do you think we could
talk about this later?
155
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,999
Oh, OK! Do you want me to ask you
when you're done? Yeah, please.
156
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,400
Thanks!
Okey do key. Good luck!
157
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:55,719
SHE SIGHS AND VIOLENTLY BREAKS WIND
158
00:06:55,720 --> 00:07:00,080
WIND BREAKING SLOWLY ABATES
159
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,800
AEROSOL SPRAYS
160
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,759
Lucy, are you still there?
161
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,239
Go! Please, go!
162
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,800
DOOR SHUTS
163
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,760
CHILD DROPS
164
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,959
Oh, God!
165
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,560
SHE CRIES OUT God!
166
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,079
SHE GROANS
167
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,960
SHE SIGHS
168
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,679
MOCKINGLY: "It's a boy!"
169
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:40,919
Nic?
170
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,319
Nic?
171
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,879
What's wrong? What's happened?
172
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,239
I've got to stop shopping
when I'm pissed.
173
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,399
Why am I like this?! Oh...
174
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,279
Oh, just shut up. You're amazing.
You know you are.
175
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:53,599
Oh...
176
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,879
I keep getting flashes of
something I said to you last night.
177
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,119
What do you mean?
178
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:02,079
I can't remember quite what it was,
but I'm just... urrrrgh!
179
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,919
What did I say to you? Ugh...
180
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,039
You're just... You're just going
to absolutely drive yourself mad...
181
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,399
I know... with all this. OK?
I know, I know.
182
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,839
That's why you're so messed up, OK?
183
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,919
Because you never talk to
anyone about it. I know!
184
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,159
You hold it all in all the time.
185
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,480
Jeez, Nic, you're just a human.
186
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,679
We've all done shit, OK? Oh...
187
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:23,279
God... I would never,
ever tell anyone about it.
188
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,919
You promise? I promise.
189
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,759
You'd never say anything? I promise,
I would never. Oh, my God...
190
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,919
It's not your fault, Nic.
None of it was your fault.
191
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,959
I can't deal with this. You can,
you can, look. Come on, get up.
192
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,839
God, it's like a load of
rats have escaped from a lab!
193
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,079
They're like animals! I know!
194
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,959
But, you know, you asked
for this, so, come on.
195
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,519
Oh, God, right...
196
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,119
...that's it.
197
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,959
Everything hurts. I know, I know.
198
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,199
NOTIFICATION TONE
199
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,360
Oh...
200
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,479
Oh! What?
201
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,919
I knew this was going to happen...
What?!
202
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,399
...so I made a call.
203
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,479
This is going to sort you right out.
204
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,239
Please say it's drugs.
205
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,959
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
206
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,440
CHANTS: Ollie! Ollie!
207
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,039
Oh...! Really good.
208
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,599
His mind is, whoa.
209
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,879
He's very clever.
I tell you what we should do.
210
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,079
We should go on a girls' trip,
we should do a spa day.
211
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,399
Spa day! Spa day!
212
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,919
Girls, girls, shush.
213
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,519
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Sh!
214
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,199
Girls' trip, do a spa day.
215
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,679
Yeah! Bath Spa!
216
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:30,919
I tell you what as well.
217
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,399
Why don't we go to this
brilliant Greek restaurant
218
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,359
where they do the...
219
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,719
You know, the spinning round thing?
They smash the plate.
220
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,359
Girls' trip, Bath Spa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!
221
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,199
And leave the grumpy old
git at home.
222
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,079
THEY LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY
223
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,879
TV PLAYS, SHE SNORES
224
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,479
WHISPERS: Ready?
225
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,239
Three, two, one.
226
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,599
Boom.
227
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,199
SHE GROANS
228
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,999
HE GIGGLES
229
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,320
Go, go!
230
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,599
You all right? What you doing?
Nothing.
231
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,519
DOORBELL CHIMES
232
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,879
Ugh... Who's that?
233
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,239
Who's ringing? I don't know.
What's the time?
234
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,359
Everyone got picked up
from the party, didn't they?
235
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,679
How should I know?!
236
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,199
It was your party, mate.
237
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,119
Hey!
Hey!
238
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,560
It's Suze. Oh, Suze! Hey!
239
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,519
Hey, how you doing, buddy?
240
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,599
Hey. Hello, Auntie Suze.
241
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,639
Nice to see you! You too!
242
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:27,239
OK. So, I know I'm the absolute
worst because I missed your party,
243
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:31,639
but I have got you
the most awesome present.
244
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,679
Thank you. Can I
get you a drink, Suze?
245
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,759
Uh... No, I can't stay long, sorry.
246
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,759
So, I know this is a bit niche,
247
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,999
but I had these especially made
248
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,999
just for you.
249
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,640
Wait... Oh, my God!
250
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,239
What is it? What is it?
251
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,599
It's the... the... Remember the
stop-motion thing we saw on telly?
252
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,039
Yeah. It's that!
Yeah, they're Claymation figures.
253
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,999
They've got wires in them so you can
bend them whichever way you want.
254
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,999
I can't get you a glass of wine?
I can't stay, honestly. Sorry.
255
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,680
Actually, listen, I've been thinking
about...
256
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,159
...Alex's anniversary. Oh, yeah.
257
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:10,359
And I thought maybe we could get
a memorial seat at Old Trafford.
258
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,999
That's a great idea.
Yeah? OK, cool.
259
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,239
It's, like, a couple
thousand for the plaque.
260
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,839
Well, that's fine. I can chip in.
261
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,319
Weirdly, we were talking about
maybe putting some money...
262
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,719
They've given me a map of
the different seats available.
263
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,399
...behind the bar at his favourite
pub. I don't know anything about
264
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,399
football, so I thought
maybe you could choose.
265
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,639
Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah.
266
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,279
Yeah? What should
I get on the plaque?
267
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,679
Um... It's no swearing.
They're a bit weird about it, so...
268
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,479
Yeah, I'll think of something, yeah.
Like a nickname or something?
269
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,599
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, he had a load of them.
270
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,839
Yeah, that's nice. That's lovely.
Yeah.
271
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,799
Cool. Great.
272
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,239
Right, I've got to go,
I've got to go. Sorry.
273
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,079
I've got to go to this boring dinner
and wonder why the guy playing
274
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,119
opposite me is on twice
as much as I am. Yay!
275
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:51,439
Oh, God, yes. Ooh, um...
Thank you!
276
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,999
Happy birthday. Oh...
Thanks, Auntie Suze.
277
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,479
Oh, that's great. That's great.
I've got to go. I'm sorry.
278
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,359
Bye, Auntie Suze. Love you! Bye-bye.
Love you. Bye-bye, Bye-bye.
279
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,160
Oh, God, we must go
for that coffee, Sue.
280
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,719
When you used to
hang out with him,
281
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,840
you made me so uncomfortable.
282
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,800
I'm going to go to bed, I think.
283
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:30,880
OK.
284
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,120
Night, Mum. Night.
285
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:44,240
AMOROUS MOANS AND SHOUTS
286
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,759
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
287
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,359
ALEX: Who's ready to
hear the sock story?
288
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,039
So, as most of you
will probably know...
289
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,959
It's 20 to three, Dan.
290
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,800
WEDDING HOME VIDEO PLAYS ON TV
291
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,759
And what did she see?
292
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,879
She saw a 14-year-old
Dan furiously,
293
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,319
furiously giving it to
his favourite football sock.
294
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,679
Come to bed, Dan.
295
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,119
Yeah, I'm coming to bed.
296
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,279
In a bit, yeah.
297
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,559
This was just around the time
298
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,519
he got made captain of
the school football team.
299
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,719
What kind of disgusting
power trip was this?
300
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,439
LAUGHTER ON VIDEO
301
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,599
So, I went to the
same school as Dan,
302
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,760
and I made it my business
to tell the entire school.
303
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,719
And by lunchtime, I get pulled
into the headmaster's office,
304
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,999
and he says to me, "Alex..."
305
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,200
You never told me
what you actually saw. Dan...!
306
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,319
I've got an image of it in my head,
307
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,279
and I just need to know
if it was better or worse.
308
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,879
It was quick.
309
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,399
That's it. That's
all you need to know.
310
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,559
I know I'm making this about me.
I know you loved him too. I'm sorry.
311
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,119
An exploration
into the groom's proudest
312
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,839
and funniest moments
by way of a gentle roast.
313
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,639
Who's that? Who's that boy?
314
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,359
It's a cousin, isn't it?
315
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,080
And that girl.
316
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,680
INDISTINCT SPEECH
317
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,199
APPLAUSE ON VIDEO
318
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,240
Come to bed. Come on.
319
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,239
I just want to understand
why you didn't...
320
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,799
I'm not doing all of this.
Come to bed.
321
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,519
IN TUNE OF ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT:
♪ If you walk into his room,
322
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,239
♪ You will get a shock... ♪
Everyone!
323
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:44,119
ALL: ♪ Dan, Dan, Dan the perve,
wanked into a sock
324
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,799
♪ If you walk into this room,
you will get a shock. ♪
325
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,079
Again!
326
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,560
THEY LAUGH
327
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,519
Oh, I love it!
328
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,359
Wow, reverse!
329
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:57,999
Really good, Ollie.
330
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,239
NOTIFICATION TONE
331
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,039
Oh, no... What?
332
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,319
She's booked the Greek restaurant.
333
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,959
No! Yes!
334
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,959
And she's sent a gif of
a plate being smashed.
335
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,399
Oh, God, no! Yeah!
336
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,079
Oh, my God, how are we
going to get out of this?
337
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,039
I don't know!
Oh, God!
338
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,919
MOBILE RINGS
339
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,479
Oh, God, is that her?
340
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,759
Hello?
341
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,119
Oh, yes.
Yeah, speaking.
342
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,320
Oh, my goodness.
343
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,399
Yeah. Where did you find him?
344
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,960
Yeah, I can come now.
345
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,720
Where's my bloody coat?
346
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,919
WEDDING HOME VIDEO PLAYS ON TV
347
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,799
You all right up there, boys?
348
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,199
THEY CHUCKLE
349
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,760
What's so funny?
350
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,640
Oh, shit.
351
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,520
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
352
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,920
Anyone in? Nic?
353
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,039
Always leaving the bloody TV on.
354
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,519
There's an energy crisis going on!
355
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,040
LOUD BREAKING WIND
356
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,879
LOUD BREAKING WIND
357
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,720
MUZAK PLAYS
358
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,200
ANIMAL GROWLS
359
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,319
DOOR OPENS
360
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,519
Oh, hi. Oh, hey!
361
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,399
Oh, I am so sorry to keep
you waiting. Oh, that's OK.
362
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,639
I think someone's going
to be very happy to see you!
363
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,799
Oh, my God!
364
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,679
Oh, Mr Meowgi! Oh, my gosh!
Hello, mate!
365
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,239
"Hello, Mummy!"
366
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,919
Aw, Ollie's going to be so relieved.
367
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,039
He's been good as gold.
Oh... Mm-hm.
368
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,599
He's lost a bit of weight.
369
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,439
Yeah, he was very, very
hungry when he came in.
370
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,999
Very hungry.
371
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,119
Watch out for his claws!
372
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,719
God, you nasty... CAT MEOWS
373
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,239
That's it, fella.
374
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,919
I'm just going to get
you to go in here.
375
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,319
That's it.
376
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,479
Careful of the tail! Yes!
377
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,039
Just put your arse in.
Thank you.
378
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,359
Bye-bye! Bye-bye!
379
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:24,039
SHE MEOWS
380
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,039
CAT MEOWS
381
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,399
BARKING, SQUEALING AND GROWLING
382
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,479
All right...
383
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,119
Found Mr Meowgi! Mum...
384
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,600
Ollie! Mum.
385
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,080
What's happened?
386
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,479
Do you want to tell her, or shall I?
387
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,359
Do you want to...?
388
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:51,039
These two have just spent
45 minutes tormenting me.
389
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,879
What have you done?
390
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,999
Well, it was my idea
to use the Fart Blaster.
391
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,159
Sorry, what's a Fart Blaster?
That.
392
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,399
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
393
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,879
THAT is a Fart Blaster.
394
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,680
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
395
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,080
What did you do in this?
396
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,919
It was my idea to
use the surround sound.
397
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,399
Can you imagine what that...
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
398
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,079
...is like?
399
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,039
365 degrees, just everywhere.
400
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,160
FART BLASTER BREAKS WIND
IN VARIETY OF STYLES
401
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,559
I'm so sorry.
402
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,200
I can't imagine... No.
403
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,759
Would you boys...
404
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,559
...like to say sorry to Viv?
405
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,479
I'm sorry we scared you.
406
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,719
Um, well...
407
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,399
We were just having a laugh.
408
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,199
That's not an apology, is it?
409
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,999
No. Mm-hm.
410
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,919
What do you say?
Sorry, Viv.
411
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,279
Because what must have
that been like for you?
412
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:51,879
SHAKILY: That was absolutely...
413
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,039
It was one of the worst
experiences of my life.
414
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,759
It was traumatising.
Yeah.
415
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,359
OK, I don't want to be too
vulnerable in front of the children.
416
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,199
SUPPRESSING LAUGHTER:
I know. I'm so sorry.
417
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:03,439
No cleaning's been done,
so I'm sorry about that.
418
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,959
Do you know what? I don't blame you.
419
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,679
Imagine you in that situation. I'd
be just as terrified as you were.
420
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,639
Could you do cleaning with
THAT in your whole system?
421
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,479
Are you going to be all right
to drive? Well, I don't know.
422
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:15,879
Would you be?
423
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,679
Well, I mean, it was
sort of only farts.
424
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,039
All right, I guess
I'll go, then, shall I?
425
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,639
To you, it was only farts.
426
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,639
It was A LOT MORE than that to me.
427
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,879
Though...
428
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:31,199
I tell you what, though,
I would not wish that on anyone.
429
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,880
Not even Katie Hopkins.
430
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,119
DOOR SHUTS
431
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,639
SHE BURSTS OUT LAUGHING
432
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,759
So, anyway, hi, Ollie, I'm home!
433
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,279
CAT MEOWS
434
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,039
Ta-da! Who's that?
435
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,960
What do you mean, who is it?
It's Mr Meowgi.
436
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,759
Wow.
437
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,199
All right, come on, Harry.
438
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,400
Ollie! Ollie!
Yeah?
439
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,639
Thank you, Mother!
440
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,559
It's... It's cool.
441
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,519
Come on, Harry, let's go to
the shed, it's boring in here.
442
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,679
Sorry, mate.
443
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,719
I'm glad you're home, even if
Ollie couldn't give a shit.
444
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,839
You all right, mate?
Where have you been?
445
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,719
Sorry, just been on
the phone to my mum.
446
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,599
Had to hang up, like, eight times.
She just wouldn't shut up.
447
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,279
Found the cat. Oh, nice!
448
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,359
Ollie wasn't bothered.
He wasn't? No, not at all.
449
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,040
Where've they gone? They've gone
out to the shed, have they? Yeah.
450
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,879
What's... What's this doing out?
451
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,319
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe the kids got it out.
452
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,679
Who put this on?
Nice, I don't know...
453
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,920
Who put it on?!
I don't know. Are you OK?
454
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,639
What's wrong?
455
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:44,879
That's him.
456
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,280
Who's him?
457
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,720
That's HIM?
458
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:52,480
Oh, mate...
459
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,079
So hello.
460
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,639
This is the recipes.
461
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,799
For those of you who
don't know me, I am Alex.
462
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,519
I am Dan's younger,
better looking brother.
463
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,879
Right, Nic?
464
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,520
Oh, fuck.
465
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,640
Yikes.
466
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,319
But you can roll it in glitter
and, ladies and gentlemen,
467
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,079
isn't my brother sparkling today?
468
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,879
Give him a round of applause.
469
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,920
God, he hated that tie.
470
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,279
You know, I've never been able to
watch this all the way through.
471
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,040
Why not?
472
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,559
Cos it all fucking started
on my wedding day.
473
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,279
...trod dog shit all into the carpets
474
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,520
on the first day
he had his first car.
475
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,439
Stop! It's so fun! Stop it!
476
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,199
Oh, for God's sake. Oh...
477
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,519
The suits are good.
Oh, you think?
478
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,119
Yeah, I'm surprised.
What do you mean, you're surprised?
479
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,239
Suits never fit me,
especially when they're hired.
480
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,239
Moss Bros!
Yeah, it looks good on the botty.
481
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,039
Yeah, it does.
Still enough space to...
482
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,279
SHE LAUGHS ..cut the rug later.
483
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,279
Don't! For God's sake!
484
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,679
Just had a champagne with Mum.
Oh, no...
485
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,999
She went to the general
manager of the hotel...
486
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,799
Right, right.
..to specifically ask... Yeah?
487
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,719
...that no-one disturb her
while she practises the song.
488
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,519
Oh, God... Oh...
489
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,640
She's insane. Ugh!
490
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:18,720
Um... Are you all right?
Are you OK? Yeah.
491
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,999
Oh, God. Don't, you're
scaring me! What is it?
492
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,559
If I don't say, I'm never
going to say it. Um...
493
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,880
I just wanted to say that...
494
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,080
...I think you're amazing...
495
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,359
...and I think I'm in love with you.
496
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:35,639
LOUD CLATTER
497
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,799
Babe, I'm so sorry!
I couldn't find anywhere to park.
498
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,599
There were no spaces at all,
499
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,959
so I had to go and park
in the bloody golf club
500
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,959
and lug all of this
stuff from over there.
501
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,559
Oh... Can you imagine?
No. What a blooming nightmare.
502
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,039
I mean, how can a place
like this, of this scale,
503
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,559
have such a small bloody car park?
504
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,359
I have no idea.
Make it make sense.
505
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,759
Can we make it make sense,
please?! No, I don't...
506
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,759
Oh, gosh. The day!
507
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,639
My boyfriend was up all
night, yeah? Yeah?
508
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,719
My boyfriend was up all night
being sick. Oh...
509
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,159
Well, from every angle, really -
from the front and the back.
510
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,839
Because I gave him a fish pie
that I made on Monday on Saturday.
511
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,319
Because this bitch, he saw
me in my new Givenchy coat,
512
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,239
and he said to me that I look like
a character out of the Muppets.
513
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,599
Oh... That's...
514
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,199
That coat is beautiful. Yeah?
Very beautiful.
515
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,119
And I know, I know I shouldn't have
given him that fish pie,
516
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,319
but he hurt me. And when that fool
used to walk around town dressing
517
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,119
like he was in the Peaky Blinders,
did I say anything? No.
518
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,759
No, I didn't, because I knew
it would destroy him. Yeah.
519
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,679
Anyway, anyway, are we, are we,
are we excited about today?
520
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,639
Yes! Sorry! This is Alex.
Alex.
521
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,039
Jesus. Alex, this is Jesus.
Lovely to meet you, Alex.
522
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,919
Sorry, Jesus? Jesus, yes.
523
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,319
Um, babe, could you get me
a coffee, by any chance?
524
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,039
Yes, Jesus. Um...
How do you take it?
525
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,320
Cappuccino, please. No sugar.
526
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,319
Um... It's a hotel, so there's
only instant in the rooms.
527
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,359
Don't they do cappuccinos
at the bar downstairs?
528
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,439
Yeah. Mm-hm? Brilliant.
Thank you very much.
529
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,519
Do you want the
chocolate dust on the top?
530
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,440
Everything, please.
Give me it all.
531
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,199
DOOR SHUTS
OK, he's a little bit sexy.
532
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,479
Mm-hm. I would like a
bit of that, please.
533
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,559
Yeah? Oh, I like him a lot.
534
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,559
I'm very happy for you,
you're in a good place.
535
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,199
But isn't it bad luck to see
the groom before you get married?
536
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,879
SHE SPLUTTERS Sorry, he's not the groom.
537
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,399
Absolutely not the groom.
538
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,839
Right... Sorry, he's not.
539
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,199
Um... Has anything changed
since the consultation?
540
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:19,479
You're still happy with...?
541
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,359
I was just wondering, possibly,
542
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,239
if I could have sort of shorter
lashes, if that was possible?
543
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,439
No. No? No, babe,
I really wouldn't know.
544
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,039
No, you need to trust me. Shorter
lashes do not photograph well.
545
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,119
OK. Could we go a bit neutral
on the lips, possibly?
546
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,639
No, I don't think so.
No? OK. Yep. Stick with the plan.
547
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,679
All right, let me get
started with your base.
548
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,119
DOOR OPENS
549
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,079
SUZIE: I'm sorry, but your
flower girl is a prick. Oh, I know.
550
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,319
I know she's only six but, my God,
she's a massive prick! I know!
551
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,119
And guess who organised
that one! Wonderful Carol.
552
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,999
Please don't make
me go back out there.
553
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,759
No, no, no, don't go back out there.
554
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,439
Carol, made me, FORCED me,
by the way, to have her. Ugh!
555
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,559
Have you seen
your mother-in-law yet?
556
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,039
Oh, God, no.
557
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,639
She's a piece of work too!
558
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,319
If I started stabbing her,
I would just never stop stabbing.
559
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,839
God, it's like she can't handle that
560
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,919
you'll be, like, the centre
of attention today.
561
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,399
She can't handle anybody
being the centre of attention.
562
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:08,919
And she tried to
palm Ollie off to me.
563
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:10,359
Hi, Carol!
564
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,439
Oh, Suzie! There you are!
565
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,079
Hi, Carol! OLLIE CRIES
566
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,159
You couldn't just take him for
a couple of seconds, could you?
567
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,080
I'm sorry, I can't.
568
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,919
Nicola? Yeah?
569
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,079
Please could you take
him for a minute?
570
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,119
Oh, just...
I've still got to get ready.
571
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,759
I'm just getting
ready for my wedding.
572
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,559
But he just wants you.
573
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,959
He's just a bit tired, Carol.
574
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,919
Are you still all right to do me
afterwards? Yeah, we're good.
575
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,719
Am I paying for that? No.
576
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,919
No, I know, you just want
your mummy, don't you?
577
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,879
ALEX: Hey, cappuccino.
578
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,120
Oh, we are here!
Thank you, baby!
579
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,360
Are you good?
580
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,239
Hey, what's wrong, big man?
Why are you crying?
581
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,559
Oh, he just wants his mummy!
Why are you crying?
582
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,199
Silly Nana.
Mummy's getting married.
583
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,439
Oh... Come on. Come on, mate.
584
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,199
Let's go check the United score.
585
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,559
Say, "Bye, Mummy. Love you.
Love you lots."
586
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:00,719
Thank you.
587
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,839
You're not going to be
much longer, are you?
588
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,999
No... Mum, give Nic
some space, yeah?
589
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,199
All right!
Yeah. Come on.
590
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:08,880
I got you, I got you.
591
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,239
Did you notice that?
592
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,919
What? Alex.
593
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,279
What about Alex?
594
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,559
He's pulling away from me.
595
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,359
Really? Yes,
I can feel it.
596
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,679
He's giving me that vibe,
like, the last couple of weeks.
597
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,279
Really? Yes! No... You
know when you just know?
598
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:34,799
Oh, my God, no, no,
no, no. Yes!
599
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,359
I didn't see your man.
600
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,439
What's he like? Tell me about him.
He's... Uh, Dan?
601
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,359
Um... He's very reliable
and sort of... Fantastic.
602
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:44,759
...like an A4 envelope, I suppose.
603
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,079
Cos you've got a lot of sauce,
I thought you need someone
604
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,159
that's going to be
quite sturdy in that way.
605
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,799
I saw him earlier and
he was grinning from ear to ear.
606
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,719
Really? Yeah. He looked
like a right dickhead.
607
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,159
Dan, you always did well at school.
You were brilliant at football.
608
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,679
You took over the business from Dad
609
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,919
and you've absolutely
smashed that as well.
610
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,079
You excel at everything
you put your mind to, Dan.
611
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,999
And, of course, as
your little brother,
612
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,119
I did get jealous
every now and then.
613
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,279
And then Dan met Nic and I thought,
614
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,959
"Holy shit, he's done it.
615
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,440
"He's found the one."
616
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,439
He's found a unicorn,
617
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:20,519
a woman so funny she can
make you cry with laughter.
618
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:24,439
So witty and smart she
can tie us all in knots.
619
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,759
So beautiful - and I'm
sure you'll all agree -
620
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,119
that today she took
all of our breath away.
621
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:32,959
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
622
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,000
And you will never
find a better mother.
623
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,039
That's a round of applause, guys.
624
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:39,959
That's your cue for the
round of applause.
625
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,479
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
626
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,479
But most importantly, she is
really good at telling Dan
627
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,959
when he's being a massive bell end.
628
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,999
LAUGHTER
629
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,359
Dan, I love you.
630
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:54,079
Nic, I love you.
631
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,959
SPEECH FADES OUT
632
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,479
♪ She stands before the mirror
633
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,719
♪ Smiles at her reflection
634
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:06,360
♪ Striking sexy poses in the glass
635
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,239
♪ She paints her lips
a brilliant red
636
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,559
♪ Piles her hair high on her head
637
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:18,480
♪ Struggles to replace
a false eyelash
638
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,439
♪ And all at once inside her mind
639
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,279
♪ She sees him at the door
640
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:30,039
♪ And as he's leading her away
641
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,319
♪ She feels the room begin to sway
642
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,839
♪ Where beauty lives in memory
643
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,840
♪ She falls dead upon the floor
644
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,319
♪ Mirror, mirror on the wall
645
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:51,920
♪ Who's the fairest of them all? ♪
47074
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
