All language subtitles for [English]_Helmet_[DownSub.com]

You know what they call India,
a diverse country.

It has so many different cultures,
languages, traditions.

You know why is that?

Because of its population.

We will soon be the most
populated country in the world.

Our population keeps increasing like
a beautiful girl's instagram followers.

We've been working towards controlling
it since the past six years.

We've conducted almost 128 STDs
and AIDS awareness programs and camps,

all across the country.

We've done more 400 street plays
with universities like DU, JNU and BHU.

The result?

The result is zero.

We still haven't seen
a rise in the sales of condoms.

Why do you think it is so?

Because no one wants
it even for free, sir.

Last time we went door-to-door,
distributed them for free at Laxmi Nagar.

They refused to take it.

I even got hit by an umbrella by a fogey.

"This is what your parents
have taught you", he said.

"You've taken up such an ignominious job."

He literally threw me out of the house.

He is right, sir.

My mom fought with me when
she found a condom in my bag.

She kept crying for two hours.

Like I was carrying a bomb in my bag.

Exactly.

This is the mentality we have to change.

There's good news.

We have got a go ahead
from the health ministry.

For another survey.

You're calling that good news, sir?

We have to go door-to-door
and collect data.

We will have to openly
talk to people about condoms.

We need all the related
information from them.

Just like in a census.

Sir, sir...

So you want us to go door-to-door and ask,

"Do you use condoms?"

Yes.

No, sir. Come on, sir.

Seriously, sir.

Sir, this... isn't practical.

Really?

Do I need to remind you our policy,
Mr. Bharat?

Do not question it unless you attempt it.

Right?

Yes, sir.

We will form teams
and go to different cities.

We will start from Raj Nagar.

Junaid, Himanshu, Bharat.

You guys will be going to Raj Nagar.

Is everyone ready?

Excited?

Huh?

Chand Bhatti?

Go straight and take a left.

Do you use condoms, sir?

If you do, which brand do you prefer?

If you don't, can you tell us why?

Go inside.

Do you use condoms, sir?

How dare you!

Do you use condoms, sir?

No, not on the face.

Sorry, sorry.

Scram.

There they are!

Stop!

This is why I wanted to leave this job.

Look at my face.

These condom-haters have
turned me black and blue.

I was supposed to go meet
a prospective match tomorrow.

How can I go meet her with such a face?

Bloody boors, all of them!

I knew that this idea of going door-to-door
to enquire about condoms is a bad one.

They always come up
with strange experiments.

We are the one who bear the consequences.

Who asked you to approach
the people directly?

You should have first
enquired at a pharmacy.

It'll take at least four
days for the swelling to subside.

Got it?

These paper-pushers' revolution
looks good only on paper.

We are the one who suffer
the consequences on the field.

We are the ones who get punished.

Don't expect any change
in this country, sir.

Neither will its population
reduce nor the spread of STDs and AIDs.

This is how everyone is fated to die.

And no one can change this.

NO ONE!

"May I have your attention, please?"

"Cue music."

"Such delicate blossoms are a rarity."

"Charge them separately."

"Groove like there is no tomorrow."

"Make sure the lights
don't lose their glow."

"Make sure you decorate
the palanquin right."

"The bride is in the
mood to party tonight."

"Make sure the palanquin
is capacious alright."

"The bride is in the mood
to party tonight."

"May I have your attention, please?"

"Hey babes."

"Awesome."

"I'm one of a kind."

"Flowers are blooming,
they all sang in unison."

"Dreams soared when
it was time for the union."

"Weather is in tune with
the rhythm of heart today."

"Don't forget the music, okay?"

"Hey mister!"

"Make sure you decorate
the palanquin right."

"The bride is in the
mood to party tonight."

"Make sure the palanquin
is capacious alright."

"The bride is in the
mood to party tonight."

"May I have your attention, please?"

"Hey babes."

"Awesome."

"Awesome."

"May I have your attention, please?"

Sajid-Wajid?

Yes, bro?

Go have dinner.

Great song, right?

I own this band.

I've taught them everything they know.

Even Lucky?

Lucky is my boy.

You still haven't told me what your name.

Because I am not interested.

That's our boss.

Bloody despo.

Get it done with already, Minus.

That's 17.

Why so less?

I am sure they threw
at least 500 of these.

I have given everything
that I had collected.

I swear on Sonu.

You liar. Do you want me dead?

What's that?

What's what?

This. Under it.

Show it to me.

It's nothing.

Give it here.

Stop it.

What the hell is this, huh!

Saving this for your
uncle's funeral or what?

We get this money only because
I sing and dance, work my butt off.

You think this is a joke?

I'll whack you.

There were two 500s in the lot as well.

Who has them?

He must be hiding those too.

Check his pockets as well.

I am not a thief like you.

I work two shifts, you know.

I'll now go to Checkkart's office,
pick up a truck and leave for Delhi.

I'll load it up then and return.

When you guys are logging Z's
during off season,

I am busy slogging and
covering miles on my truck.

How about putting in
a good word for me, huh?

I'll drive a few trucks for them.

Have you ever even ridden a cycle?

Do you have any idea
what's in those trucks?

Expensive phones, laptops.

You have to be careful. You are all alone.

It's a big responsibility.

Of course, it is.

Don't you agree, Minus?

What?

I said, his efforts
need to be praised, right?

Of course, he needs to be thrashed.

Huh?

I knew as soon as I
saw him for the first time.

He's a despicable thief!

I suggest thrashing
him and throwing him out.

Go ahead with it. I challenge you!

I'll be stuffing you in this
saxophone and blocking its opening.

Blandishing won't help.

I don't entertain the kinds of you.

You should go sit on a stove.

Great decoration.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'll be right back, yeah?

Cool.

Lucky.

You sang so well.

Thank you.

You'll have to perform at my wedding too.

Sure.

Aunty?

There is a dent on the
car you got as a wedding gift.

There's a dent on it!

How?

I don't know.

I told them to take special care of it.

I don't know. It was there.

How careless of them!

Oh my my, someone's
been lying a lot these days.

Taking after your dad, huh?

No, your love has turned me into a liar.

You've become clever.

I've always been clever.

And why do you look so beautiful today?

Flower decorator showed up as
the most beautiful flower at the wedding.

You've made all the
guests go crazy about you.

Really?

And what about you?

Believe it or not,
I'll always been crazy about you.

I started believing it four years back.

I am still waiting for
you to take the next step.

Then let's do it.

Do you have it?

I do.

What?

What?

Condom?

No.

Don't you trust me?

Would I be here if there was no trust?

You know Neelam, she got pregnant.

She had to go to Delhi for an abortion.

Calm down, bullet train.
You won't get pregnant.

I'm a Blackbird, mister.

No ticket, no entry.

Got it?

Go and get it.

Now? From here?

I don't know.

Hurry up Lucky,
the groom's mother will return any minute.

What? Are you scared?

I? Scared?

Of the pharmacist Shambhu?

Hmm.

Wait here, I'll get us a family pack.

Time to be a ladies' man.

Shambhu.

Yes?

Give me a packet of condom.

Big size.

Watch where you're going, mister!

Shambhu, give me a bottle of cough syrup.

I know why you keep
buying these cough syrups.

You get high on them.

I won't give you any. Got it?

Shambhu.

Yes?

Er... I needed that.

Shampoo?

Yes, shampoo.

130.

I'll pay cash.

I also want this.

What do you want?

Condoms?

Condoms?

NO!

I don't want condoms.

Who buys condoms?

This... deodorant.

Deodorant.

Deodorant.

330.

And?

And if I could get this as well?

You've got constipation?

440.

Don't you think that's a tad too much?

Biscuits?

Mosquito spray?

Room freshener?

Digestives?

Where's the thing you
went to the pharmacy for?

It was very crowded.
I couldn't ask for it.

So you plan to apply
digestives and do it, huh?

You know I used to think
that you are quite daring, gutsy.

Now I know, you're nothing
but a bloody coward!

You can only blabber on the mike.

You're scared to ask
for a packet of condom!

How do you plan to ask
my dad for my hand in marriage?

You know what, Lucky?

I am going.

Get Extra Thin ones.

I am not going to buy condoms!

I am going HOME!

Oh, sorry.

Listen,

don't you dare ever call me again.

If you want to meet me,

come home and ask my
dad for my hand in marriage.

Otherwise,
be prepared to "party" at my wedding.

Rupali.

[Prayers]

Are you crazy?

Good morning, sir.

Nice suit.

Thank you, sir.

Hmm.

How much did you rent it for?

Per day charges?

I own it, sir.

Really?

Got it stitched especially for today.

He likes to dress up.

- Oh.
- Yes.

Sir, I plan to start my own band.

This line of business is doing well.

I'll get a lot of work
during the wedding season.

Lots of work means good money.

Once I have money, I'll get married.

Once I get married,
I'll treat my wife like a queen.

Want some tea, son?

Thank you sir.

Breakfast?

Thank you sir.

- Bye.
- Thank... you.

He wants to start his own band.

Say something, please.

Look, someone has moved this painting.

Hmm?

Along with the tea...

I wasn't done, sir.

Go on.

Well, I and Rupali...

Rupali and I...

We love each other.

The 'cannot-live-without-each-other'
kind of love.

Like Romeo and Juliet?

We want to get married
with your blessings.

Shut that trap of yours!
Don't forget your limits!

You two-bit singer!
Do you know who you are talking to?

He owns half the land of this city!

Mr. Gupta.

- He's my employee. How dare he...
- Stop.

So you want to marry Rupali?

Yes.

Rupali, too, wishes to marry me.

What's your education qualification?

I've cleared high school.

High school?

What's the education qualification
of Mr. Narendra's son Vikram?

MBA.

From?

Howard University.

MBA.

From Howard...

It's a big university, overseas.

How much do you make?

3000 per day.

Mr. Gupta pays me 30,000-40,000 a month.

Hmm.

I used to.

Don't expect anything anymore.

How much does Mr. Vikram make, Rupali?

3000.

Dollars.

How much is it in rupees?

Around 200,000.

I'll make more when
I'll start my own band.

Mr. Vikram's father
used to be an MLA in Delhi.

What does your father do?

- Well...
- He's a bloody orphan!

Uncle! You cannot
use that tone with Lucky.

Rupali!

You'll be invited for Rupali's wedding.

Don't miss it.

I'll pay him 4000.

You will sing at Rupali's wedding.

Hmm?

You should leave now.

- Papa, please.
- Go.

- Lucky!
- GO!

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"You never spent an entire day with me."

"Honestly speaking,
you didn't even bother to stop me."

"Tell me, who has managed
not to get ruined in love?"

"My beloved never could be all mine."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

Skip the pleasantries.

If someone by the name of Lucky
approaches you, don't give him a loan.

Got it?

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"This distance has made us grow distant."

"It has made us so helpless."

"Until yesterday no one
knew about our love story."

"Now it has become a part of the history."

"You never came back for me."

"Your city never accepted me."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

Let's elope and get married.

I am ready.

What will we do after that?

I won't get a job.

Then I'll take up a job.

It's not a big deal.

You've already done a lot for me.

What have I done?

You have loved me.

I've never been loved.

I cannot afford to lose that.

I am ready to do anything for it.

Papa.

Hmm.

Go on, I'll come up with something.

Yes, Papa.

I am coming.

- I'm on my way.
- She's going alone?

Weren't you two supposed
to elope together?

Let's go, Minus.

What are you doing?

Ball! Ball! Ball!

Get the ball!

Don't make me whack you!
Like he'll be next great bowler.

The truck is here!

Hurry up, guys!

Yay!

Get in, get in!

Pass me one!

One more, one more!

Hey!

Minus?

Have you ever steal anything?

There is no shortage of filles for you.

But you won't get
another girl like Rupali.

Your ears are good for nothing.

Not filles, steal! Stolen something?

Oh, theft.

Right.

I have done it once.

Really?

I stole money from the
donation box at a temple.

Along with Sultan.

You didn't feel scared?

I did.

But love is a very powerful thing, Lucky.

Have you ever stolen anything?

No.

You didn't feel scared?

We need to find another partner.

You only have until
this evening, Sultan.

Return my money or I'll have you
tied to the front of my car naked,

and parade you across the city.

With the wipers turned on.
Got it?

No please, Bunty-bhai.
Give me just two more days.

I swear, these chicks will fetch
a good price when they'll grow up.

I'll pay you back your money
and give you a few chickens as well.

You can stuff your chickens up your
nates, with their beaks still intact.

- Want my help stuffing them up?
- No, you shouldn't get your hands dirty.

I'll do it on my own.

Give me just one more week.
Please, Bunty-bhai.

He wants more time!

Bunty's car?

Forget that,
look that's Bunty's car.

I've enough of your nonsense,
Sultan.

Remember,
you have until this evening.

How do you expect these chicks to
grow up by this evening? Bunty-bhai!

- Chhotu?
- Buzz off.

He is here.
Should we talk to him?

Bunty-bhai!

I needed a favour.

No, he doesn't owe us anything.

Bunty-bhai!
He has stopped handing out loans.

Huh?

Can I help you with anything else?

Yes, I have a leaking tap at home.

Buzz off.

How are you doing?

Oh.

So, you are paying
Bunty back in the evening?

I need to have money
to pay him back.

These chicks refuse to grow up.

They are enjoying
their childhood days.

And where are you
egg-laying chickens?

- Don't talk about them.
- Why?

They weren't giving me any eggs.

- Then what were they giving you?
- Hope.

They promised to lay
eggs if I fed them well.

But when the time came,
all they gave me was shit.

Bloody traitors.

Your chickens have all the
traits of being good politicians.

Stop joking.

That scoundrel Bunty will be selling
my organs if I don't pay him back.

So you are in desperate
need of money.

- What do you plan to do?
- I don't know.

I guess I'll have
to resort to stealing.

Hmm.

Look,

we need to make a lot
of money in very little time.

And we cannot achieve that
with social work or hard work.

Tell me something I don't know.

Then here you go.

You know Sonu, who works in our
band and drives a truck at night?

Yes.
What about him?

A lot of trucks move back and fro.

From Delhi to Punjab,
Haryana, Himachal and other place.

You know,
the web based company Checkkart?

Their trucks carry
expensive goods.

TV, refrigerator,
mobile phones, etc.

And the only person guarding
these goods is the driver.

So?

So what?

Next week,
when a truck will leave Delhi,

we will intercept it
and take a few goods out,

with the driver
being none the wiser.

Are you high on drugs, Lucky?

You are actually talking
about stealing something?

We'll not just get slandered we'll
also get thrashed, if we get caught.

- Hear me out, Sultan.
- Bloody nonsense.

Where are you going?
Hear me out.

Even if we get just 15-20 boxes,
we will have goods worth millions.

- Keep me out of this.
- It's not that difficult.

- Sultan, my love, listen to me.
- Let me go.

Rupali will marry the MLA's son and
fly off to America if I don't the money.

I am telling the truth.

I have tried borrowing money.
I have tried looking for a job.

I cannot find another way out.

Oh, I see.

So we risk getting arrested
just so you can get married?

Let me know if you
have any better idea.

Otherwise,
say goodbye to your organs.

Minus and I will pull
this off without you.

Right, Minus?

- Minus!
- Yes.

Yes to what?
Did you hear a word of what he said?

We have to steal them, right?

My entire life's been rattled
with the rattle that I keep playing.

Huh?

If you don't pay Bunty back, he'll
strip you naked and beat you up.

Police will do the same
if we get caught, Lucky.

And if we won't get caught,
I am sure we will not,

we will each make a lot of money.

You can then feed your chickens
all the dry fruits in the world.

They will become healthy.

Don't talk about dry fruits.

I never got to even seen time
in this hand-to-mouth existence.

Who named you Sultan?

My mom.

She used to love me a lot.

It's time to make her proud.

Let's go steal something.

So, are you ready?

Or we go find someone else?

- Lucky?
- Let's go, Minus.

- Lucky!
- Lucky!

You think you can get
a better partner than me?

That's what I have
been saying, Sultan.

Hang on a second, guys.

Won't people realise it
when we'll steal their organs?

Hello?

Why would I lie
that I can't hear you?

No. I'll pay the instalment.
I promise I will.

Yes, I'll pay you by this evening.

Hello? Yes, this is Checkkart.

Lucky?

Sir.

Sonu?
I have been looking for you.

- I'm a little busy. See you later.
- No, I'm not here to borrow money.

I had some important work with you.

Oh, I see.

How can I help you?

You are aware that I'm leaving
Mr. Gupta's band?

I heard.
That's quite sad.

What will the band do without you?

You are such a good singer.
Who will be the lead singer now?

To hell with Gupta and his band.

Come down, I want to talk to you.

Come on.

Coming.

Minus!

Listen carefully.

You do as instructed.
I'll whack you if you mess this up.

Lucky?

How are you?

- All good?
- All good.

- I have good news for you.
- What is it?

I am starting my own band.
Lucky Brass Band.

Amazing.

My band will be incomplete without you.
Don't you think so?

Well...

I won't be able to find
anyone as talented as you.

Right, Minus?

Of course.

Such despicable people
are hard to find.

You are so exhausted after
you are done driving a truck,

that you have no energy
left to play a saxophone.

- What is he saying?
- He is kidding.

Joke.

He cannot even play his rattle
right. This two-bit musician.

He plays hip-hop
beats for slow songs.

You have no talent.

But what can we do?
God's made everyone different.

- Learn to live with it.
- You rascal.

Stop it before I kill you, yeah?
Piss off!

Go give your wife a kiss!

- I'll kill you.
- Hey Sonu, Sonu, Sonu...

- Minus, don't make me whack you!
- What are you doing?

- Ignore him.
- I always keep quiet because of you.

- Forget it. He is na�ve.
- He always does that.

Drop it.
Look at me. Look at me.

Tell me, how's work?

Work's good.

Company is doing well.

Have taken 20 such trucks.

20, huh?

Yes. Probably more.

Oh, I see.

I'd suggest drop the
idea of starting a band.

Buy two trucks instead.

It's good business.

It's good business.

We were wondering the same.

But can you explain
how this works in detail?

Where do the trucks come from?
Where do they go?

Where do they stop?

It is important
to know these things.

What's more important is the
cost of the goods that they carry.

I mean where do you sell the stuff?

And packaging? What about packaging?

I mean the packaging
is hard or soft?

Can one open it with a knife or
does one need to bring an axe along?

- An axe?
- NO!

- It's a joke.
- He's joking.

Tell me, what route do these
trucks usually take, at night?

Is there a police
station on their route?

- Lucky?
- Yes.

Make it quick.

We'll wait here.

Make what quick?

Peeing?

Hey!
We didn't stop here to pee!

You see that road...

- That leads towards the river?
- Yes.

It intersects the main highway.

According to Sonu, many truck
drivers take this route at night.

- Oh.
-It saves them 6 kilometres.

Oh, I see.
So this is their route.

I think this shortcut could
be our shortcut to becoming rich.

How many mobile phones did he say?

One box contains
at least 15 of them.

We will be set if we
manage to get 20 boxes.

One box has 15 of them, so each
box has item worth 150,000 in it.

So 20 boxes are worth 3 million.

Even if we sell them for half
the price, we will make 1.5 million.

Great calculation.

- What an idea!
- 1.5 millions in just half an hour!

What will steal from the river?

Water?

This day was bound to come.

Need to start using toilet paper.

We'll be doomed if we don't
do something about his ears.

We won't fight.

You and I will keep
the driver busy. Simple.

- How?
- With worthless chatter.

Meanwhile Minus will shift
the boxes into your poultry truck.

Hope you can do that
without mess it up?

- Yes.
- Good.

What huh?

I'm sure the hospital you were born
in didn't have a balanced yin-yang.

How did you know that?

Because you are an idiot.

I told you to get
an inspector's uniform.

What did you get instead,
a commissioner's uniform!

That's a good thing.

We'll say this is special checking.

Special checking for what?

Did your father ever witness commissioner
checking cars in the middle of the night?

My father's never seen anything.
He was born blind.

Oh, sorry.

Lucky, the truck is here!

It's here! It's here! It's here!

He's going to foil the
plan by honking like that!

Let's go for it!

- Hey!
- Stop the truck!

We know your truck has a horn.
Stop pressing it and get down.

We are doing a special checking.
Get down.

Why this special checking, sir?

Commissioner sir will
answer all your questions.

Sir!

- The Commissioner is here?
- Yes.

Hello, sir.

Bless you.

We have information that a truck has
left Delhi with explosives in it.

That's why we are doing
performing this special check.

Explosives?

- Yes.
- No, sir.

This truck belongs
to a reputed company.

Look, it's name is printed on it.

Checkkart.

It doesn't contain any explosives.

We cannot take your word for it.

Your clothes make us suspicious.

- Sir, can we settle it...
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Come on, sir.

Fine.

Show me your licence
and registration.

Yes, it is important to
check the documents these days.

Come on.

- Let's go.
- Let me lock it up first, sir.

Lock it up?

Do you think I am some thief
dressed up as a commissioner?

You think someone will transfer
these goods into a poultry truck?

- No sir, I was just...
- I am just saying.

- Let's go.
- Come on.

Here's the DL.
Here's the Pollution Certificate.

And is the Insurance Certificate.

- Have a look.
- Something's missing. Something's missing.

All the documents are in order, sir.

Continue with the checking.
I'll go pee.

Okay, sir. Come here.
Where are the rest of the documents?

What are you looking for, sir?

You think we are
doing a stand-up there?

I'll turn your nates red.

- You didn't give me the signal.
- Shut up.

Stay there.
Wait.

- They are very light.
- Huh?

They aren't heavy.

Because the mobile phones
don't have any data in them.

It's an urgent delivery, sir.
Can I leave?

Urgent? In the middle of the night?

So, what's in the truck?

Essentials, sir.

Touch screen?

I don't know, sir.

They are available in a
numerous varieties these days.

Back in the days,
there was just one option.

Times have changed, buddy.

We are living in the world of 4G.
Got it?

Why's the commissioner
taking so long?

- He's been peeing for so long...
- Hey!

Higher the rank the more you pee.

Okay.

So, where are you from?

Fafamau, Allahabad.

- You are from Allahabad?
- Yes.

From the superstar
Amitabh Bachchan's village?

A city settled by the
banks of river Ganges.

Yes.

I have a bungalow, a car, an army of
servants and a hefty bank balance.

What do you have, huh?

I have no such thing.

This truck too is
owned by the company.

I still have to repay
the loan taken for it.

What about a mother?
I am sure you have a mother.

In fact, I have two mothers.

My father married twice.

You have two mothers?

You are very fortunate.

- Are you happy, sir?
- Yes.

- So I can leave?
- No, you cannot.

Sir.

- All done, sir?
- Done.

Excellent.

What are you waiting for? Go.

Can I lock it up now?

You don't need to take the trouble.
I've locked it for you.

UP Police with you, always.

- Of course.
- Carry on.

- Constable, remove the barricade.
- Okay, sir.

Have a safe journey.

Don't stop anywhere.

Carry on.

Go, go.

Go, go, go!

Millionaires!

Strawberry?

Never heard of this brand.

How much is it worth?

Tell me, how much?

80.

Huh?

What's this?

How did this end up in it?

I don't know.
Let's check the rest of the boxes.

Banana!

Do any of the boxes
contain anything valuable?

All the boxes were quite light. They
are filled with this fruit salad.

But this is the same truck.

They also have the
company's label on it.

How did the mobile
phones turn into this?

I don't know.

I wanted money to get married.

I don't want a lifetime supply
of the thing required post marriage.

And I wanted chickens
and not condoms!

Let's just burn them.

We cannot burn them.

They are made of rubber.

The whole city will know if we
burn such a huge quantity of rubber.

Then what do we do?

We'll sell them.

Who will you sell it to?
Who will buy THIS?

Shambhu's pharmacy.

Look, sitting here and doing
nothing won't solve our problems.

What will we tell Shambhu?

- We can at least try.
- But what will we tell him?

- What are we going to...
- Lucky?

These are balloons.

When are we going to steal
a truck full of mobile phones?

Shut up!

Are you sure you
want to sell it to him?

Yes.

We will make some money even
if we sell it for half the price.

But what will we tell him?

Where did we get them from?

He will ask too many questions.

He'll tell everyone
that we are dealing in this.

Lucky?

Yes?

What?

These aren't balloons.

They are condoms.

How will we face the world?

Do we really have
to include him in this?

He is right.

We cannot show our face to anyone.

We have to hide our faces.

He's taking it to the shop.
Shut up.

Hello.

What do you want?

This.

What? Condoms?

- Yes.
- You want condoms?

No, I don't want them.
I am here to sell them.

You are here to sell them?
Are you a salesman?

Yes, I kind of am.
A salesman.

There's a new company.

This is their special
product worth 130.

I'll give it to you for 60.

Only for you.

Which company is selling
its product for half the price?

What's its name?

And why are you wearing a helmet?

You see,
our company's name is Helmet.

We have to wear a Helmet
while selling these.

It is our company's rule.
We cannot remove it.

- Not ever! Never!
- Is it?

If your company's name is Helmet,

why does the packet says KamaSutra?

Right.

They are manufactured by Kamasutra.
We just sell them.

We buy them in wholesale
thus we sell them at 50% discount.

Okay.

So tell me, how many do you want?

It's of the best quality.

Amazing.

Excellent!

I don't want them.

Why?

I already have them in stock.
No one buys them.

- Really?
- I had stocked up six months ago.

I have sold only 12 packets so far.
I still have 12 packets left to sell.

They are nearing their expiry date.

These things have an expiry date?

You see, everything in
this world has an expiry date.

Everything from pills to partners.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

What happened?
How many did you manage to sell?

- None.
- Huh?

He says no one buys them.
He already has them.

Why should he buy more?

I think I'm fated to
stuff a chicken's beak.

Sorry, man.

What are you doing?

- Why did you throw it away?
- Then what do I do?

You cannot just throw
it on the streets.

We cannot burn them, throw them...

Oh shit.

Come meet me.
At the riverside?

At the old fort?

Bloody dog!

Gupta, you pervert!

Let's throw another one?

My dad!
Let me go meet him.

Have you lost it?

Let him pass.

Dad?

Your dad's 60 years old.

Dad took it!

- We'll have to throw another one.
- NO!

Do you know what this means?

Yes.

Minus's dad is a pleasure seeker.

NO!

It means everyone wants it!

What?

What does everyone want?

Oh shit!

What does everyone want?

- Clean air.
- Love.

- Everyone wants love.
- Yes.

Where have you been, hmm?

Nowhere. We have always been here.

What's in that bag?

- It's nothing.
- Show it to me.

What is this?

Potatoes and stuff?

Do these look like
potatoes to you, huh?

You could not get even
one when we needed it.

And now you have a bag full of them.

There's this new
company called... Helmet.

- Helmet.
- Yes.

Okay. What's this company about?

It's a very big company.
They sell these.

They are selling them to us.
And we are selling them to others

and making money.
Right, Lucky?

Why do you do something
respectable, Lucky?

Huh?

Is this how you plan to make money?

Rupali...

After trying my hand at
everything I have concluded...

Sultan will tell you
what I have concluded.

Look Rupali, I can explain.

But I think Minus will
do a better job of it.

Start talking.

We stopped a Checkkart's
truck at the highway...

- Let's go have an ice cream. Let's go.
- Truck?

Look Rupali, I'll have to sell it.

This is the only way to make money.

Good or bad, it is what it is.

How will selling such
a small quality of it help?

We will make some money at least.

How much money are
you talking about?

We need millions, Lucky.
Millions.

- Jai Hind, sir.
- Minister will be there soon.

Condoms? Worth millions?

Were they made of gold?

- No, sir.
- They were made from rubber.

Okay.

So the people who stopped you...

- Yes?
- Who were they?

One of them was a constable, sir.

And the police commissioner
was also there.

Huh?

Commissioner sir?

The commissioner?

Yes. They were checking for explosives.

What explosives?

Are you still living in the 70s?

- Was he drunk?
- No, sir.

He doesn't drink.
You don't, right?

- Never.
- No, sir. No chance.

How did they look like?

Looked like...

The police commissioner was short.

But the constable was tall.

And yes sir, they were rich.

What do you mean they were rich?

They had everything, a bungalow, a car,
hefty bank balance, property and the works.

Where do you think they are posted?

Delhi, sir.

I, too, had applied.

But my bad luck.

Anyway.

That guy you see over there,
he's a sketch artist.

He will make a sketch of them
with the help of your description.

- Hello.
- Give him correct details.

Okay?

Okay.

And tell him not add
scars unless explicitly told.

Okay, sir.

He is known to do that.

He used to sketch dacoits 30 years back.

So he is wont to add scars
to all the faces he sketches.

Now tell me,
how many boxes did they steal?

So many of them?

We needed to make a quick buck.

Company was selling
them for half the price.

So we took all the stock they had.

How many packets have
you managed to sell so far?

That's the problem.

No one buys them.

Everyone feels shy.
Bloody idiots.

It is not easy.

The reluctancy of buying condoms
from a pharmacy is a national problem.

Hmm.

No one understands
the seriousness of it.

But I am trying.

There is proper way to do everything!

Why are you throwing it?

So, I have concluded,
no matter what the reason,

everybody wants it but
are hesitant to ask for it.

Exactly.

Minus' father wants it.

That too at this age.

What'll your father do
with a gamp at the Dry Valleys?

Really?

Really.

God help me!

- You scoundrel!
- Lucky!

Look at them!
You expect them to sell condoms?

Keep dreaming about making
money and getting married.

- You asked me to slap you!
- Sultan!

I said gamp!
GAMP!

- Let him go!
- Sultan!

If Rupali wasn't here
I'd have taught you a lesson.

- Stop it, guys.
- You'll teach me a lesson, huh?

Have you lost your mind?

- Why are you two fighting like kids?
- He's a pig!

When you cannot grow up how
do you expect your chicks to grow up?

Why are you lecturing me?
He's the one who slapped me.

His father's a pervert!

Stop it!

He wants condoms at this age!

Exactly.

His father wants condoms
even at that age!

Think about it.
Everyone wants condoms.

But they are hesitant and scared.

Because the person
who sells them knows him.

Even if he doesn't,
he'll know what it'll be used for.

I don't understand what
will my dad do with it?

Minus!

The same thing that contributes
to the population of the country.

Try to understand.

But we can help reduce the
population growth to some extent.

I think we can sell them.

But not at a pharmacy.

Directly to the people.

Why would they buy it from us?

Because we will sell it at half
the price, whilst wearing a Helmet.

They won't know who is selling
it to them, so they won't feel scared.

It's a good idea, Lucky.

But who do we start with?

We'll surely come
across one in the crowd.

You work for 12 hours,
but you don't even get 12 customers!

You behave like a big shot at home!

I work all day, take care of the kids.

I have to look after
five Mistakes of yours.

Why do you keep calling
our kids a Mistake?

What should I call them then,
a Blessing?

This man has messed up my entire life.

All my friends that there
is a "generator" gap between us.

- Just leave!
- I am going!

Let's go, kids.

Go home.

You'll know the problems I face when
you'll have to look after five kids.

- What do I do, it's my bad luck.
- Let's go people, show's over!

- Tea's gone cold.
- This is what they do every day.

I am fed up of this daily drama of hers.

I sometimes feel
like taking a razor and,

slit my throat open.

Who are you, mister?

What can I do for you?
Show me your face.

We aren't allowed to show our faces.

It is against our company's policy.

Hmm?

I know what's going on in your life.

How do you know that?

Slitting your throat open won't help.

Kill the problem, not yourself.

You see, you and your wife
don't love each other like you used to.

She is right.
There is a "generator" gap.

Who are you?

An Angel.

Huh?

What?

Your saviour.

I am here to help you.

You haven't done it
with your wife lately, right?

That's why there is
a build-up of frustration.

And you need to get it out.

What do you mean?

I mean I have a solution
for this problem.

- What is this?
- This is a miracle!

It will bring happiness
back into your life.

You use it.

You don't have to worry about making
her pregnant or contracting any disease.

It is worth 130. I'm selling it for 60.

It's long lasting.
You understand long?

As in laung-elichi [clove-cardamom]?

No!
Long means more.

You will be able to
perform for more time.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

- "Don't lose the opportunity."
- Keep it.

You can pay me later.

- "Don't lose the opportunity."
- Happy ending!

"Don't lose... the opportunity."

- What are you doing?
- What?

Don't touch me.
Let me go.

Let me do it.

All we have been doing is fighting.

Do you want another kid?

No.

Don't worry.

Look what I bought.

Tada!

Oh God!

You bought it from Shambhu's pharmacy?

Why?

Don't you remember how he spoke to me,

the day after you'd bought
it from him the last time?

How?

Sister-in-law,
you look over happy today.

There's a nice glow on your face.

No. I didn't buy it from Shambhu.

An angel gave it to me.

You know what he said?

He said it is important to
get the frustration out of the system.

Look, it's long lasting.

Do you know what long means?

Yes, more.

You are very smart.

We have nothing to worry
about when we have this!

You've cast a spell on me sweetheart,

my heart spells only your name.

You've cast a spell on me sweetheart,

my heart spells only your name.

How you've charmed me in your arms,

O sweetheart.

You've cast a spell on me sweetheart,

- my heart spells only your name.
- Praise the Lord!

Hey, customer number one!

- Hi.
- Mr. Angel!

- You've changed my life.
- Thank you.

I want to kiss you.

Don't kiss me!
Just tell me how many more do you want?

Hmm?

Give me two.

Take 100 instead.

Who has that kind of stamina, bro?

I am not asking you to use them all,
I am asking you to sell them.

I'll give you each for 60.

You can sell it for
80 or 90 and earn a profit.

Business?

Come on then.

Yeah!

Oh, you came prepared!

- Yes.
- Very good.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Sultan! I managed to sell my lot.

It's your turn now.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose... the opportunity."

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

We're playing the movie Ghayal.

That was Sunny.

That was Sunny, but not Sunny Deol.

- Who are you, miser?
- Who am I?

Ram Lakhan.

Remember me?

And who are you?

Insaniyat Ke Dushman
[Enemy of Humanity].

Yes, you look like one.

What do you want?

I know what poster
you have put up outside,

and what movie are you playing inside.
I know everything.

Yes, we show such movie.

Do you have a problem with it?

Why would I have any problem?

This too is kind of a social work.

But I heard the business
is slow these days.

People download movies at home,
all thanks to the internet.

People share videos on whatsapp.

I've heard people
also go Live these days.

I made a mistake.
Please forgive me, Inspector.

- My father wasn't keeping well so...
- I am not a cop.

Then who are you?

- "Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"
- An Angel.

And here's what you need.

This is obscene, mister.

And you are showing them
Pokémon in there, right?

Listen carefully.

I get it for 80.

I'll sell it to you for 40.

You can sell it for 60 and
make of profit for 20 per pack.

It's easy money, bro.

But how do I go about it?

Why will buy this from here?

What better place than here, huh?

You should strike
the Iron when it is Hot.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose the opportunity."

Please watch the counter.
I'll be right back.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

This is awesome. I swear.

Everyone's having a good time.

Uncle is a miser.

Who will buy it?

What's wrong with him?

He's already had his happy ending.

It's a nice movie, isn't it?

It's not nice, it's very nice, Shahid.

But where does one find such girls?

Be patient,
there are plenty of fishes in the pond.

But you need to be ready for them.

I am always ready.

Try me.

Someone's desperate.
I meant this.

It costs 80, I'm selling it for 70.

It's a very nice brand. Have a look.

- Is it?
- Yes. It's strawberry flavoured.

Like the strawberries
you get in Mahableshwar.

Don't think too much.

- Like the strawberries from Mahableshwar?
- Yes. Buy it.

There is a problem.

I just spent 10 on a cigarette.
I only have 60.

You can take it for 60.

You are an old customer.

Enjoy.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Orange?
You want vanilla?

Enjoy.

I also have strawberry.
I have all the flavours.

Which flavour do you want?

Do you have Jaljira flavoured ones?

Can I have a Jaljira flavoured one, too?

- I want Kala Khatta.
- I want Raspberry.

I want another 100 packets.
By when can I get it?

I can get you 200 packets
for the matinee show.

I'll be right back.

Congratulations, bro.

I, too, managed to sell my lot.

It's game on, bro.

I can already visualise
the posters of Lucky Brass Band.

Mr. Mishra?

So they are the two people
who stole a truck full of condoms?

Yes.

Jai Hind, sir.

First mugs get stolen
from a public toilet.

Yes.

Then there was bestiality
involving a buffalo.

Yes, sir.

And now condoms are being stolen?

Yes, sir.

What's wrong with our country?

Our country is sick, sir.

Put up these posters everywhere.

I'll make sure when I'm done beating
them up, they'll swell like balloons.

Okay, sir.

What are you guys doing?

I said these flowers need
to be placed at the entrance.

And the one you have placed at the
entrance are supposed to be on the stage.

Don't you guys get it?

Go! Hurry up, please!

Lucky, the great reporting, ma'am.

You don't get it either, do you?

What? That these flowers
need to be placed at the entrance.

And the ones placed at the entrance
are supposed to be on the stage?

That I want to marry you.

But you think it's all cool,
there is nothing to worry about.

We can take our own sweet
time and get married, right?

You look so beautiful when you are
angry that it makes me want to kiss you.

You'll like anything
I do when I am angry?

Of course.

Did you like that?

Who hits anyone like this,
in front of everyone?

I am sure you liked it.

Did you like it?

Yes.

More than your kiss.

- You want one more?
- No, I didn't like it that much.

Anyway, tell me, what was so urgent?

Vikram and his parents
are coming over tomorrow, to meet me.

Give him a couple of punches as well.
He will leave.

Lucky, if he likes me,
I'll have no excuse not to marry him.

Try to understand.

I cannot refuse to marry
him until you start your own band.

We will start our band.

When?

We have started making some money.

You just need to handle that foreigner.

They want you two married
in 5-6 months, right?

You just need to get them to postpone
it for another couple of months.

I'll handle the rest.

I promise.

You have hurt me.
Come on, now kiss it better.

Who has been troubling you, huh?
The flower guy?

Hey you, flower guy!

- Thank you so much.
- Yes.

- Guests?
- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- Who invited you?

Congratulations.

- Congratulations.
- Who is he?

You want to get married?

Yes, of course.
That's why I am doing all this.

What's your name?

We'll discuss that later.

First tell me, how many
marriages do you perform in a day?

- Approximately.
- Around 15-20.

So around 300 marriages
a month in one office!

That's why our population
cannot be controlled.

People are getting
married on fast track.

Who are you, sir?

An Angel.
Here you go.

KamaSutra!

Even if you just sell
5 packets to a couple,

you can sell 1500 packets in a month.

Have you lost your mind?

Why should I sell them?

Because I'm giving them
to you for half the price.

Dott-Max and Orgas-Max.

Profit-Max.

So, won't people prefer these instead?

- Hats off.
- To?

To your great offer.

My phone, my phone...
Excuse me. I'm getting a call.

Yes?

- Hello?
- Hello, Lucky?

- Yes?
- Listen, there is a problem.

I am getting married in four months.

What are you saying!

They wanted it to take
place after six months.

I asked you to delay
it for a couple of months.

- You pushed it forward instead!
- I tried!

But this half-wit doesn't
get fazed by anything.

I have a boyfriend.

I am really sorry, but...

No, no, no, no.

I too have girlfriends in New York.

I am not a virgin.

I have done it a number
of times with my boyfriend.

I like experienced girls.

I am pregnant.

My visa is valid only
for another four months.

We need to push the wedding forward.

If the kid is born in New York,
we will get American citizenship.

That's perfect!

Rupali!

How can we get married in four months?
How do we get the money?

Lucky! Lucky!
We both will work towards it, together.

I, too, will sell them.

How will you sell them?

You two didn't eat anything, ma'am.

Tell me!

We are not talking about makeup here.

How do you plan to sell them?

I'll manage.

I'll call you back.

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Don't lose the opportunity."

Mom, I was thinking about my wedding.

What happens after the wedding?

What do we do? How do we do it?

- I don't know anything about it.
- What don't you know, huh?

You know how to fall in
love with that two-bit singer,

but you don't know what happens
after a couple get married?

Unbelievable!

Mom, what happens on the bed
isn't called falling in love, right?

That's something else.

And I haven't done that.

You'll manage, ma'am.

Take me for example.

I got married when I was just 17.

I was playing hide and seek.

My mother caught
me from behind and said,

"Let's go, we are getting you married."

You should have chosen
a better place to hide, stupid.

That's not what I mean.

I mean I, too, was quite young.

I didn't know anything.

I learnt everything after I got married.

Now I have two kids and I
fear that I might get pregnant again.

Why do you need to fear?

There are options that help
you to avoid getting pregnant.

Use them.

You keep having kids without
any means to sustain them.

Look at me.

I have such a big house.

I have all the luxuries
with the grace of God.

Yet, I just had one child, a daughter.
That's it.

No more children after that.

But Mom, these options need
to be easily available to them.

And they need to be inexpensive as well.

Then no one will have
an excuse not to use them.

- Hey.
- Right, Nammo?

Exactly.

But things have never
been easy for the poor.

Except for having kids, right?

They are always ready to lecture.

Look, the peas you brought
are infested with worms.

Clean them off.

Hmm.

Listen?

The options that help
you not get pregnant?

I have them.

What do you mean?

Give me your hand.

Ma'am, didn't you just
say that you don't know anything?

What if your mother learns about it?

She has already used it.

You should too.

Listen.

Each packet retails for 80.
I'll sell it to you for 40.

You can sell it for 60.

Think about it.

You will make 20 bucks on each packet.

Sell ten and you can make 200 in a day.

Or more.

I have a whatsapp group.

It consists of 30-35
women who work as maids.

- Can I put this on that?
- Yes, of course!

- Are you sure?
- "Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Hello, Lucky?

Yes? Don't tell me you
are getting married tomorrow!

Listen, I need 300 packets, urgently.

What are you saying! 300!
Someone's hit a jackpot.

Meet me at the usual
haunt tomorrow. Okay?

- Who me?
- Okay, bye.

Not you. I'm on a call.
Pay 1200.

Do you think she can sell 300 packets?

Huh?

Yes, she certainly can.

Okay.

How are you?

- Hi.
- Let's go.

Hi, Rupali.

She wants 300 packets.

Who opened this door?

Boxes. Where are the boxes?

They were right here.

- Where did they go?
- What do you mean?

You didn't move them?
Then where can they go?

How would I know?
I had kept them here.

Oh God, what's going on?
Where did the boxes go?

That's what everyone's asking.
Where are the boxes?

This is your poultry farm.
You always have its keys.

Where are the boxes, Sultan?

I had given you a spare
key for your personal use.

- Don't you forget that.
- What are you trying to say, huh?

- That I moved those boxes?
- So you think I moved them?

- No, all I saying is that...
- You think I moved them?

Are you done?

Are you guys done?

Let's go to the police station.

Police...

- Rupali! Rupali! Rupali!
- Stop her!

Rupali! We cannot
go to the police station.

- We cannot.
- Yes, we can't.

Why?

Why not?

The boxes have been stolen, right?

Who will we approach if not the police,
huh? What will tell them?

I mean we'll have to
tell them that we sell them.

It's so embarrassing, don't you think?

How will we know where the boxes
are if we don't approach the police?

You think someone will call and say,

"I have your boxes. Come and take them."

- Your phone's ringing.
- Yes.

Who can it be?

- We'll find another solution.
- Hello?

All the boxes disappeared, huh?

I'd paid your poultry farm a visit.

I thought I'll take your chickens.

But when I saw the boxes,
I decided to take them instead.

If you want those boxes back, you just
need to pay back my money with interest.

Got it?

Yes.

Yes, Bunty-bhai.

Who is this Bunty?

He's the one I had borrowed
some money from for the poultry farm.

What did he say?

He said he'll sell all the boxes
if I don't pay him back by this evening.

- Sorry.
- You wait here with Minus.

Let's go, Sultan.

Lucky!

Hmm?

You sold all the boxes
and didn't even tell me?

We are millionaires!

We all can get married now! Lucky, I...

The king of chickens!

I should have stuffed
a chicken up your nates.

Beak included.

You liar!

Bunty-bhai, we were selling
these so that we could repay you back.

What's this anyway?

It's nothing, Bunty-bhai.

A company had given
us something to sell.

We got them for half the price.

We were selling them for a small profit.

Why a small profit, huh?

You should make huge profits,

but only after you repay
me my money with interest.

But Bunty-bhai, what will we
sell if you don't give these boxes back?

How will we get the money?

You won't be getting
back anything with interest.

Then let's do this.
You take four boxes.

Sell them.

Give me whatever you make.

Then take another four boxes.

Sell them and give me whatever you make.

You keep doing that until
you repay me back with interest.

- As you wish, Bunty-bhai. As you say.
- Yes Bunty-bhai, as you say.

- That was easy.
- Take the boxes, quickly.

- Let's go.
- Stop.

Keep the box down.

You don't need to take the trouble.

- We can carry them.
- Keep the box down.

You didn't tell us...

- What?
- What do these boxes contain?

What are you two staring
at each other's faces?

Tell us what's in those boxes?

- Biscuits.
- Chips.

Damn it,
are selling marijuana in my area?

- Check the boxes, Chhotu.
- No, no, no, no.

No, Chhotu. Please, Chhotu.

We are requesting you.
Please don't open them.

- Please Chhotu.
- Go to hell!

- Chhotu-bhai!
- Chhotu-bhai!

Bunty-bhai, there a
new company called Helmet.

They were selling them cheap.

We needed the money.

We didn't care what they were selling.

Sorry.

I swear.

What all places have you
managed to sell them so far?

Hardly a couple of places.

Take the boxes and come with me.

- Please forgive us.
- Please forgive us, Bunty-bhai.

- Sorry, Bunty-bhai.
- Please, Bunty-bhai.

Wassup, Aunt?

How are you doing, Bunty?

What's this place?

How would I know?

You know him better.
He's the one who brought us here.

Hello, Sister.

- What's up, babe?
- Don't dare address me as sister!

Buzz off!

Ignore them, Lajjo. They are na�ve.

Let's go.

What do I call her?

Cops on a wanted poster?

- Chhotu?
- Yes?

- Don't they look familiar?
- Yes, they do.

Why are you two wearing Helmets?

- We are feeling cold, Bunty-bhai.
- Feeling cold, huh?

Then explain the sweat?

It's the sweat of joy.

I've only heard about tears of joy.

- We are doomed.
- Let's go.

- What if we get caught?
- Don't say that!

We are in the wrong house, Bunty-bhai.

There are kids in here.

Is this your first visit?

- Yes.
- We have never done it.

What do you survive on then?

On food?

Why are we here?

They are learning English.

- We are so screwed.
- Rani!

Can't you see, Bunty?

Get it over with
quickly and come on out.

Are you allowed to disturb?

Is she your wife?

What is it, Bunty?

You cannot just barge in like that.

- Hello, Sister.
- No, sorry. Won't address you as sister.

Hmm.

Get talking.

- You don't have to yell at me.
- Sorry.

I am here for some work.

Chhotu.

It retails for 130.

I'm offering it for 60.

It's of the best quality.

You should take them.

What made you change, huh?

- Girls!
- Yes?

- When we used to ask you to use these...
- What happened?

...what is it that you used to say?

"It doesn't give the same pleasure!"

And now you come here to sell these?

What?

I am facing the consequences of it.

I have a disease which cannot be cured.

Rani, I've become so cautious
now that I even protect my head.

You learnt your lesson
after you contracted a disease.

What about the others?

No one wants to use them!

We are the one who have
to bear the consequences.

We always are at the risk of
getting pregnant or contracting STDs.

We are the ones who suffer!

That's why we are here, Rani-ji.

With a hope...

This needs to end.

Think about it.

What future will your children have,
otherwise?

Hmm?

Heed my advice.

Take a stand.

Don't let the customer
proceed unless he uses these.

Trust me.

He might refuse and leave...

But take it in writing,
he will come back.

I am a man. I can say this as a fact.

Because he comes here
to fulfil his Needs.

And this is something you Need.

Society might call you names.

But it kind of stays protected
only because of what you do.

You need to understand
the power you possess.

Learn to refuse.

Goodbye.

Let's go.

Hmm?

Would you sell it for 50?

I'll take four packets.

50? 50?

- Yes.
- Yes.

Hand them over then.

- Give me four.
- Give me ten, but I'll pay you later.

Not an issue.

- Chhotu?
- Yes.

Give them as many as they want.

You can collect the money later.

Now it is your responsibility
to sell the Helmet here.

- Okay, Bunty-bhai.
- What's Helmet?

Helmet's a company.

We purchase our stock from them.

They are our supplier.
We wear a Helmet while selling these.

So it's a big company?

- Yes, very big.
- Yes, it... will be big.

Then see if you can help my brother?
He, too, is looking for a job.

He's smart.

He's a college graduate.
Please help him out.

This city if filled
with unemployed people.

Not everyone can sell Helmet.

Waiter!

Why didn't come when I called for you?

Get me a glass of
buttermilk with extra cream.

Make sure there are no flies in it.

They are hard to swallow.

What the hell!

They don't sell buttermilk here.

And I am not a waiter.
Got it?

No one willing takes up a waiter's job,
Mr. Waiter.

Poverty can make you do anything.

I, too, used to be quite poor.

But now I have some money.

Ask me how.

How?

Because of KamaSutra.

You know KamaSutra?

You are so vulgar!

You need to see a doctor immediately.

Right.

Poverty is a disease.

- How much?
- 416.

I have been waiting here since forever.

I called you five times.
Why didn't you say something?

I did, five times.

You didn't hear me. Stop blaming me.

We are late because of him.

Don't blame me.

I stayed back because Julie asked me to.

Why does he look so happy?

Because Sultan used a
condom for the very first time.

Congratulations.

But it is true.

I am no virgin.

I am experienced.

Thank you to Julie.

What were you doing?

Sultan?

Quit shying like a girl and tell
me should we include unemployed boys

in selling the Helmet?

That's not the question.

The question is,
would they agree to do this work?

Why wouldn't they?

We will be paying them.

You are right.

These guys don't even realise they are
unemployed, all thanks to the free internet.

Yes.

Lucky...

We will make them realise
that they are unemployed.

Right.

Instead of trolling people on
the internet, work and make some money.

Exactly.

I saw a poster outside
the public toilet.

It had sketches of two thieves.

They look so ugly.

They had stolen from
a truck on the highway.

Let's hand them over to the
police and earn a reward, what say?

Do you know what this means?

Hmm.

Their sketch artist
doesn't know how to sketch.

This means everyone reads
posters posted on the walls.

Oh.

'You have reached your destination.'

You are here for the interview?

- Welcome.
- Who are you guys?

Did you face any trouble
finding the place?

No sir, not much.

I don't care even if you did.

This?
What's this, sir?

Our product.

Never used it?

I guess he's a virgin.

It retails for 130.
We are offering it for 60.

You can sell it for 80 or 90 bucks.

You get to keep the profit.

Why are you selling them like this?

I mean don't you have
an office or something?

Meeting up at such a place...

Those who have offices aren't
much successful in selling them.

That's why our company is
trying a new approach to sell them.

By wearing a Helmet.

I'd suggest that you join us.

The fact is everyone needs food,
clothing, shelter and Helmet.

The best part is you don't
need clothes or shelter to use this.

- Right?
- Sultan?

- Do you think he can do it?
- Your name is Sultan?

No, no, no.

Sultan. Bajrangi Bhaijaan. Dabangg.

The not so infamous - Munni.

We are all fans of Salman Khan.
Look at this.

"If you don't wish to procreate."

"If you want to play it safe."

"Don't take a chance."

"If you don't wish to procreate."

"If you want to play it safe."

"Don't take a chance."

"Use a Helmet."

"Because remove caution
and accident ensues."?

"Don't lose the opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose the opportunity!"

"Don't lose... the opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Why tempt the fate?"

"Life is precious, mate."

"Why tempt the fate?"

"Life is precious, mate."

"To keep the dengue mosquitoes away,"

"Use a mosquito net in the righ way."

"You only live once."

"Why the reluctance."

"Don't take a chance."

"Use a Helmet."

"Because remove caution
and accident ensues."

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Can I have a Helmet please?

What?

Give me a Helmet.

This helmet?

This is my helmet.

I'm asking for a condom, dude.

Have you lost it?

Do I look like someone
who sells condoms?

Then why are you wearing a helmet?
Don't you know how this system works?

He doesn't know the system.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Listen, deliver two drums
and two trumpets at Lucky's place.

Okay.

Mr. Mehta?

When will you get the stock of Shehnai?

I'll get it by this evening.

I'll check it and have it
delivered to you tomorrow morning.

Okay.

- Mr. Mehta?
- Hmm?

Oh.

- Praise the Lord.
- Thank you.

Praise the Lord.

Please be there for the opening ceremony.

We will need your blessings.

I won't miss it, Lucky.

I'll be there.

- Hmm?
- I love you.

Will you marry me?

Where?

You tell me.

Destination wedding by
the banks of the river Ganges?

Any water you touch
becomes holy for me.

Oh, I see.

How about a bathroom then?

Sir.

May God always keep you together.

May you always be this happy.

I've something that'll make you happy.

Here you go.

There's a company called Helmet.

It's imported.

Best quality products.

Do you want it?

Hmm.

Thank you, sir.

"My friend's getting married today."

Friend's getting married.

"My friend's getting married."

"My buddy's getting married."

- What's he singing?
- Stop.

Stop it!

I said STOP!

Cut down on chewing tobacco, dimwit!

No one's friend will be able
to get married if this continues.

You should call Lucky back.

Not Lucky!

- Never!
- But why?

We will have shut shop otherwise.

Mehta's calling.
You handle him.

Yes, Mehta?

Congratulations, Mr. Gupta.

Congratulations for what?

Lucky is starting his own band.

He had given me an advance.

I am so happy.

That...

If Lucky form his own band
then it will be a cause for trouble.

It won't affect us, brother-in-law.

Moreover,
it's not so easy to start a band.

What the max he can do?

He will gather a few of his lackeys and...

I don't care.

What I know for certain
is that if Lucky forms his band,

I won't be able to stop Rupali.

Now get this straight.

Okay.

The authority I hold over her,

lasts only till Lucky
doesn't form his band.

If Lucky form a band, Jogi is...

- Screwed.
- Hmm?

Screwed.

No, brother-in-law.

I won't let that happen.

Don't worry.

I'll take care of it.

I won't let him start a band.

I'll chop my tongue
off he manages to start one.

Lucky Brass Band!
Lucky Brass Band! Lucky Brass Band!

Starting soon in your own city!

The opening ceremony
takes place tomorrow evening.

Unlimited food and
entertainment guaranteed.

Please come there with your whole family.

Weddings, tonsuring ceremony
or any other festivities,

Lucky Brass band should be the
first choice for all these activities.

Mr. Gupta?

Okay.

Will you chop off your own tongue?

Or should I do the honours?

What?

Brother-in-law?

My hair's gone very dry.

Apply some oil and give me a head massage.

Oh, I see.

Look at yourself.

What have you done to yourself?

I suggest you also get a facial done.

Do you get it?

Your face will start glowing.

- Really?
- Yes.

I'll do everything for just 100 bucks.

Should I get it done?

You should.

Go ahead then.

Excellent.

Listen.

- Hmm?
- Massage my shoulders as well.

Okay.

- My back hurts as well.
- Hmm.

Honestly speaking my body feels so tired.

My wife doesn't even
look at me when I go home.

She is always upset with me.

There's frustration.

There's a lot of frustration.

Oh, I see.

I have a solution for that as well.

It will make your wife happy,

and your body will feel
absolutely refreshed as well.

What's this new miracle
herb you have discovered?

Let me show you.

Come on, call the Helmet Angel of yours.

It's time for the Angel to go to hell.
Call him right away!

Hello?

Hello?

Mr. Angel?

How are you?

I am good.

The thing is, I want more goods.

You want more?

I just gave you some a few days back.
What did you do with those?

Well, they got utilised.

Those many?

What did you do? Started growing
a Mineral Pitch in your courtyard?

No, Brother. Nothing like that.

Well, I was in the mood so I used them.

I used them, so I ran out of stock.

How many more do you want?

How many do you have?

10-12 boxes full.

Get all of them.

Really?

Yes, send them over.

Fine, I'll send them over
to your shop in an hour or so.

Not the shop.

I am not in my shop, I am here.

And where's this here?

Send them over to the 24 Hour Tea Stall.

Okay, I'll send them
to the 24 Hour Tea Stall.

What time should I send them?

At nine.

I'll send them by nine.

See you.

We just sold all the boxes, bro.

Congratulations.

To you as well.

Who was it?
Bhagwan?

Yes, it was Bhagwan.

Are we shaving?

No, we are going to shave.

"Some distant aunt of
yours told grandma's aunt:"

"The boy's a loafer."

"Loiters at the junction,"

"Enjoys ice candies
whenever he gets a chance."

"Then they sent us your picture."

"What a picture it was!"

"Your beauty bowled me over."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I was so ready to take the vows."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"Oh, I was done for."

How are you, Brother?

Good.
How about you?

Did you get the boxes?

Did you get the money?

"I suddenly felt like a star."

Police! Run!

Run, run!

Get out of the way!

"I have had this same dream every night."

"My bride walks towards me
holding a glass of milk, alright."

Get out of my way!

Move!

"I have had this same dream every night."

"My bride walks towards me
holding a glass of milk, alright."

Run, run, run!

Stop!

"I dreamed on!"

"Oh, I was done for."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I was so ready to take the vows."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"Oh, I was done for."

- "Oh, I was done for."
- Get him!

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

Get him!

"Oh, I was done for."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I was so ready to take the vows."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

Lucky Brass Band.

I, too, was wondering how
you got the money to do this.

You were all set to open such a big band.

I am sure all of you
must be wondering the same.

Let me tell you how he got the money.

He stole a truck.

Lucky and two of his friends.

The poultry farmer and the deaf guy.

What did the truck contain?

Gold? Silver? Clothes? Utensils?

No!

The truck contained condoms.

Condoms?

Contraceptive.

They stole such a disgusting
thing and sold them.

You know what did they call them?

Helmet!

They were selling a Helmet!

What else can you expect from such people?

What more can you expect from
these uneducated perversive loafers.

They are bound to resort to stealing.

They will only bring shame to the city.

Come and take him, Inspector.

Let's go.

The opening ceremony ended
up being its closing ceremony.

- Go.
- Let's go.

Why didn't you tell me, Lucky?

What would he have told you?

We weren't able to
get money from anywhere.

We thought we'd steal mobile
phones from the truck and sell them.

'You all know I was only two months when
my parents left me outside an orphanage.'

'There were a lot of kids over there.'

'We used to eat,
drink, play and study together.'

'We all used to eagerly wait for Sundays.'

'We used to have a bath,
dust our faces with talc, oil our hair,'

'dress up in clothes donated by others,'

'and line up in the
office of the orphanage.'

'Because couples used to come
there on Sundays to adopt kids.'

'Many kids found new homes, but not me.'

'Neither my parents
nor anyone else wanted me.'

When we found condoms
instead of mobile phones,

I was once again reminded
of those Sundays.

I remembered the kids whose
eyes used to be full of hope.

If people could buy condoms,

then perhaps there wouldn't
be so many orphans in our country.

I thought we should sell them,

do something good and make some money.

The only issue was that its
foundation was based on a crime.

Stealing something is a crime.

We were bound to get punished.

Do you know what I regret
more than being in prison?

The fact that I lied to you.

I am sorry.

We have Breaking News coming
from Raj Nagar's Motihar lane.

Large quantities of condoms
were stolen from here.

You heard it right.

Condoms were stolen.

Let's talk to our correspondent
Kishore and find out more about this incident.

Hi, Kishore.

Hello.

I'm standing outside Helmet Gang's leader
Lucky's house in Motihar Ghat, Raj Nagar.

Lucky is the same guy who stole a truck
full of condoms along with his friends.

All three of them are behind the bars now.

Kishore, can you tell us how
many condoms did they steal and sell?

- Do you have any numbers?
- Yes, ma'am.

According to information
we have managed to gather,

they have sold around 20,000
packets of condoms in the past few months.

Around 200,000 condoms.

Okay.

- So 200,000 condoms were stolen...
- 200,000!

...and sold by them.

This is impossible, sir.

Sir, as I had told you,

there were a few people who were wearing
helmets and selling condoms on the streets.

Sir, the media likes
to exaggerate everything.

- Himanshu?
- Yes?

The pharmacist?

- Shambhu?
- 'Don't go anywhere.'

- Shambhu!
- 'We'll be back after a short break.'

Call him up and find
out what this is all about.

'Stay tuned for more updates.'

What if this is true, sir?

You remember the Quit India movement
that was started by Gandhiji in 1942?

Yes, sir.

If it is true then this
is as revolutionary was that was.

The only difference is
that this started with a theft.

Come on, sir.

It is true, sir.

Mr. Bharat?

Yes, sir?

You need to go back to
Raj Nagar for another survey.

Don't worry.

No one will beat you up this time.

Good evening.

Welcome to ABC News.

There is a new twist in the
Condoms Stealinng case in Raj Nagar.

NAAP institute conducted a new survey
there and its results are quite shocking.

Let's talk to our correspondent
Pankaj and get a detailed report.

Tell me something, Lucky.

What?

We complete our term in prison today.

Yes.

Why do they want us to clean
the toilets before we leave?

This is a warning, bro.

"This is what we will make
you do every day if you come back."

Hmm.

Hey!

Let's go.

Time for your guys to leave.

- Come on.
- Let's go.

Hey, you.

- I am not done yet, sir.
- Stop it.

Keep it down.
Let's go.

- Let's go.
- You can keep him here.

Keep it down.

Why are you taking that mug along?

Don't forget to collect your clothes.

I'll leave you here.

There they are.

- Thank you, sir.
- Please sign these documents.

Okay, sir.

I've served time in prison.

Do you still love me?

I love you even more.

This larceny will go down in history.

Not for bad reasons.

Our city's name will
be written in golden letters.

I am so proud of you all.

Mr. Lucky?

- Brother-in-law, if you'd please...
- You two as well.

Coming.

Hi.

We represent the National
AIDS Awareness Programme NGO.

After your arrest,
we conducted a survey in this district.

We learnt that STDs and abortion
rates have gone down by 80%.

And this has been possible
only because of the three of you.

Our government spends
millions every year,

on condom awareness
and distribution programmes.

To help people feel less
hesitant while buying a condom.

To help them feel less scared
and to make them more aware.

But these programmes
haven't yielded good results.

You took the initiative
and the results were miraculous.

They are here for us?

All of you should take
off your helmets now.

I want you all to say something
without feeling shy or scared.

Unhesitatingly say...

Condom!

- Condom!
- Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

- Condom! Condom! Condom!
- Condom!

- Condom! Condom! Condom!
- Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

Condom! Condom!

Population explosion
is a matter of concern.

Population explosion will cause many
problems for us and our future generations.