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1
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,178
BOTH:
Welcome to Woodstone B and B.
2
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,180
(floor creaking)
3
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:13,281
Babe?
4
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,116
(yelling)
5
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:20,288
Jay? Jay?
6
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,990
That not good.
7
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:26,527
SAMANTHA:
Hey, sweetie,
how are you feeling?
8
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,928
I'm okay, it's just
that I really
9
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,464
hit my head hard, though.
Ouch.
10
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,266
Do you think I can see 'em?
11
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,867
See who?
The ghosts.
12
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,369
I mean, when you hit your head,
you could see ghosts.
13
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,372
Are there any ghosts
in here right now?
No.
14
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,474
Okay, well, that's probably
why I'm not seeing any.
15
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:41,842
So far, so good.
16
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,577
The dream is still alive.
17
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,912
I'm gonna go check downstairs.
18
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,448
You should just
stay here, get some rest.
19
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,749
Yeah, you're right.
(doorbell rings)
20
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,418
Thanks, babe. Love you.
21
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,019
Love you.
22
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,889
(door opens, shuts)
23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,630
Flower?
24
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,533
Hey, Thor?
25
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:09,303
Isaac?
No Pants?
26
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,640
Oh, my God.
27
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,942
Pete.
28
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,745
Jay. You can see me?!
29
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:21,149
Gadzooks! Jay can see us!
30
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,317
I don't believe it.
(stammers)
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00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:26,954
Bring it in, big fella.
32
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,589
No, no, no.
(groans)
33
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,324
(laughs)
34
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,293
What is happening?
35
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:35,263
Hey, where's your arrow?
36
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,665
Jay, why are you hugging
the delivery guy?
37
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,600
Huh?
38
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,403
Damn it.
39
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,838
*
40
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,779
(indistinct chatter)
(Samantha clears throat)
41
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:54,415
As you all know,
our first guests--
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00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,983
not including the ones
that left
43
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,419
after the floor collapsed--
will be arriving at any moment.
44
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,920
Please be young and hot.
45
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,022
And we really need
this visit to go well.
46
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,692
After the floor thing, the last
people gave us a scathing
47
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,360
one-star review on Yelp.
48
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:09,563
Which is a website where
customers can rate and review
49
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:12,400
businesses like our B and B.
50
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,568
The fates of industry
should not be decided
51
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,703
by commoners.
52
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,004
Sometimes you bite
into a sausage
53
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,739
and you get a worker's thumb.
54
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,409
Get on with your miserable day
and let the factory owners be.
55
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,278
The point is, we need everyone
on their best behavior.
56
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,181
Yeah, and that means
no ghost powers. Okay?
57
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,383
Thorfinn, no futzing
with the electricity.
58
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,751
(grunts)
And, guys,
59
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,019
let's just stay out
of their room. Okay?
60
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,287
It's not a peep show.
61
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,588
Yeah,
62
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,590
I'm looking at you,
No Pants.
63
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,726
No, you're not, sweetie.
Damn it.
64
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,027
It's cute how bad
he wants it.
65
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,429
(chuckles)
Oh, come on.
66
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:42,663
Why do you care if we go
in the guests' rooms?
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00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:43,797
They won't know.
68
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,333
Yeah, we've been
spying on Livings
69
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,700
for hundreds of years.
70
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,836
Until TV it was our only form
of entertainment.
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00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,371
FLOWER:
Yeah, honestly, Sam,
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00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:54,041
if we can't spy, why are we even
opening this B and B?
73
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:57,211
Uh, to earn money
so we can eat.
74
00:02:57,245 --> 00:03:00,981
Oh, someone can consume food.
Must be nice.
75
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:06,554
And I'm like, that ain't a
ruler, it's a bracelet, bro.
76
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,722
(laughs) Yes.
77
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,791
Oh, hey, Nigel.
What are y'all watching?
78
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:15,729
A historical program entitled
How About Those '90s.
79
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,931
(laughs)
Show's so fun,
80
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,067
doesn't even feel
like learning.
81
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,869
MAN (on TV):
How do I get myself an intern?
82
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,772
Well, it's getting late.
83
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,039
What? Oh, no,
but we're still
84
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,775
at nineteen hundred
and ninety-four.
85
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,009
We don't even know
if that O.J. fellow
86
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,878
tracks down the real killers.
87
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,681
Isaac, feel free to call
on me at the shed. Adieu.
88
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,317
How about those '90s, huh?
(laughs)
89
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,486
Is it just me, or does he
seem rather uncomfortable
90
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,721
hanging out here at the mansion?
I must say,
91
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,956
he did seem in
quite a hurry to leave.
92
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,725
Yes, I wonder if
something's wrong.
93
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,427
Well, have you talked
to him about it?
94
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,195
(scoffs)
No.
95
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,598
(chuckles) That sounds like
an unpleasant conversation.
96
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,901
Indeed. Avoid relationship
conflict at all costs.
97
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,035
Yes.
Bottle it up.
98
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,170
Allow the resentment to fester
99
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,307
until the hatred becomes
so ever-present
100
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,074
you must turn to the
sweet, sweet milk
101
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,043
of mother morphine
to numb the pain.
102
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,247
Yeah, a short conversation
couldn't hurt.
103
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:10,050
TREVOR:
Damn, did you get
a new perfume, Sam?
104
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,819
It is working, girl.
105
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:12,953
It was my late mother's.
106
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,855
I only have a
little bit left,
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00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,256
so I use it sparingly
108
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,058
whenever I want to feel her
watch over me.
109
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,960
Thank you for the
verbal cold shower.
110
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,462
Sam, they're here.
111
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,863
They're here!
Okay.
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00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,998
(doorbell rings)
Welcome. Welcome.
113
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:28,001
Welcome to the Woodstone
B and B.
114
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,703
Oh, hi there.
115
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,104
Gosh, this is beautiful.
116
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,773
It's like I've died
and gone to heaven.
117
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,342
Oh, if only it were
that simple.
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00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,345
I'm Debbie, and this
is my husband Tom.
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00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:39,813
Short for Thomas,
like the English muffins.
120
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,349
No relation.
(both laugh)
121
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:42,616
These two are brutal.
122
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,017
(laughing):
English muffins.
123
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:47,321
Well, I'm Sam, and
this is my husband Jay.
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00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:51,058
And these are your
signature welcome cocktails.
125
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,026
TOM:
Thank you very much.
Mm-hmm.
126
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,695
Wow, that hits the spot.
127
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,829
Very nice.
Mmm. Yummy.
128
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:56,764
(laughs)
Bingo.
Mm-hmm.
129
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:57,765
Well, I think you'll find
130
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,999
that is just one of the many
131
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,701
special touches that
sets Woodstone apart
132
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,102
from the B and B herd.
133
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,505
Oof.
Yeah, that was hard
to watch.
134
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,440
I'll just, uh, show you
to your rooms.
Okay. Thank you.
135
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,241
Okay.
Yep.
Enjoy your stay.
136
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,143
Thanks a lot.
Right this way.
137
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,879
DEBBIE:
Okay, right behind you.
138
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,948
Well, they seem happy.
Lame but happy.
139
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,750
(chuckles) Yeah,
I think that went really well.
140
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:18,185
I'm not so sure, Sam.
141
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,953
Let me tell you something
about your polite
142
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,188
Midwesterners there.
143
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,823
They can be very tricky.
144
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,225
And this is 18 years in the
travel agency game talking.
145
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,259
What are you talking about?
146
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,495
They loved the house.
147
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,996
They loved the cocktails.
But did they?
148
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,966
They left them barely
touched right there.
149
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,135
That's true.
Not even a second sip.
150
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,438
This type of customer,
they're all smiles,
151
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,239
but you never know what
they're really thinking.
152
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,074
So you're saying they
kvell to your face
153
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,676
but kvetch behind your back?
154
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:45,679
Possibly. Based on
context clues, I think so.
155
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:48,315
And I know, 'cause I was
the one they would complain to.
156
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,118
I mean, you should have seen
the angry faxes I would get.
157
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,854
"Hecks" and "darns"
flying all over the place.
158
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,489
JAY:
Babe, great news.
159
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,757
They love the room.
160
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,427
But do they, Sam?
161
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,961
Do they?
162
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,432
ISAAC:
What do you say
we head up to the mansion?
163
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,166
There's just not much
to do here.
164
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,235
Not much to do? Hello?
165
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,772
Have you not experienced
the drama of the ants?
166
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,774
Now, those boys have pep.
167
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,643
Yep, certainly can't deny
the pep.
168
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:19,112
And yet, at the mansion,
we have the added benefit
169
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,414
of watching television
170
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:22,816
and not being watched
by your former lover.
171
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,118
Just pretend
I'm not even here.
172
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:28,556
Okay, it's just--
173
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:31,425
Nigel, do you have a problem
with where I live?
174
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:34,862
What? No.
I love the mansion.
175
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,898
If I were forced
to pick nits,
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00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,801
your friend Thorfinn
can be a bit much.
177
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:44,037
Oh. Oh, this is
about Thorfinn.
178
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:46,474
It's just, the yelling
and the jocularity.
179
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:49,943
And he murder stories
and the endless cod anecdotes.
180
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,980
Yes, no, I get it.
I get it, trust me. (laughs)
181
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,548
You know what I'll do?
I'll just ask him, um,
182
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,984
to rein in his energy a bit.
I'm sure he'll understand.
183
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,285
(sighs)
184
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,789
Oh, God, I was so nervous
to bring this up,
185
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,356
but I'm so glad that I did.
186
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,792
As am I.
187
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,495
You know, I think we work
very well together.
188
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,863
(scoffs)
Heard that before.
189
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,799
Thank you.
190
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,267
SAMANTHA:
I found Tom and Debbie's
Yelp profile.
191
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:18,138
Geez, look at these reviews.
These people are vicious.
192
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,173
"The only thing worse
than the day-old bread
193
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,375
"at Linda's Shrimp Shack
was the foul smell
194
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,012
coming from the kitchen.
Steer clear. One star."
195
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,580
It's weird.
They seem so nice.
196
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,549
Pete says it's common.
He dealt with this
197
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,783
all the time back when
travel agents
198
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,485
were still a thing.
Hurtful.
199
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,954
Okay, well, there's
a couple good ones in here.
200
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,489
So I guess we just got
to do our best
201
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,758
and then we try to get
one of those.
202
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,561
There is one
other possibility.
203
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,629
We spy on them.
204
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,663
Not for our
entertainment
205
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,131
but to help you guys.
206
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,099
See what they're really saying
behind closed doors.
207
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,435
And doing behind closed doors.
208
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,271
They're like 60.
I'm very bored.
209
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,473
SAMANTHA:
I know we were
against it before,
210
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,408
but it's not the worst idea.
What's happening?
211
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,111
The ghosts are saying
they could spy on the guests.
212
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,547
JAY:
No.
213
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,148
But if Tom and Debbie
have complaints,
214
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,216
then we can find out
and course-correct
215
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,552
while they're still here.
216
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:05,719
It's so creepy,
217
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:09,990
not to mention
totally unethical.
218
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,359
two-faced Duluthers,
you do what you gotta.
219
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,393
Jay, think about it.
220
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,461
People could think that
221
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,729
our one bad review
was a fluke,
222
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:18,498
but two bad reviews?
Our only reviews?
223
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:19,867
Would you stay
at that B and B?
224
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,769
We're not gonna have
two bad reviews.
225
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,704
We're gonna crush this,
226
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,673
without creepy ghost spying.
227
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:26,974
No offense. Okay?
228
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,642
Okay, you're right.
229
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,578
Thank you.
230
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,615
So you want to go
with our thing?
231
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,883
Oh, hell yes.
232
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,885
Yes!
(laughter)
233
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,425
Thor? Thor, remember
when Nigel was over
234
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,928
and we were watching that
television show earlier,
235
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,229
How About Those '90s?
236
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,298
(laughs)
Yes! Most interesting decade.
237
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:56,203
Probably best '90s since 1190s,
though 1490s were pretty wild.
238
00:08:56,236 --> 00:09:00,473
Yes. Anyway, um, you were kind
of, like, doing this thing
239
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,011
where you were talking over
people and hitting people
240
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,779
and just being
very boisterous.
241
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:08,015
And it was just
a little bit much.
242
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,450
And, um, I was just
wondering if maybe you could
243
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,019
tone it down a little?
244
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,254
Where is all this
coming from?
245
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,890
Isaac and Thor
always watch TV together.
246
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,425
Never complain before.
247
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:21,528
W-Well, if you must know,
it's coming from Nigel.
248
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,664
And I would push back,
it's just that it's
249
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:25,966
so new, and I do
enjoy his company.
250
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:30,938
I see. So... Isaac
embarrassed of Thor.
251
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,540
No, I'm just simply saying
that when Nigel's around,
252
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,143
maybe you're around less.
253
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,712
So mere presence
of Thor is problem.
254
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:40,781
Yes. Well put.
255
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,216
Fine! Thor won't be around.
256
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,219
Thor go where he won't be
problem for you anymore.
257
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,389
Where he won't be problem
for anyone!
258
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,459
Okay, well, thank you
for hearing me.
259
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,294
They call these sheets.
260
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,830
They are as thin
as that toilet paper.
261
00:09:56,864 --> 00:10:00,033
Man, Debbie is really chafed
about that toilet paper.
262
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,635
Literally.
(laughs)
263
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,637
Knock, knock.
Room service.
264
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:04,638
Hey.
265
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,139
Jay's homemade cookies.
266
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,607
So, how are you settling in?
267
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:08,709
Everything okay
with the room?
268
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,077
Oh, everything's perfect.
269
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,611
Could not be better.
Yes.
270
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,913
Lies.
271
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,115
Thin sheets, hard
towels, cheap TP.
272
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,350
Debbie's really chafed
about it. (laughs)
273
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:18,752
Sam hadn't heard it yet.
274
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,721
You know, are those
our summer sheets?
275
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,189
Would you mind if I changed them
276
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,623
for something
a little more plush?
277
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,825
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no.
278
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:25,826
These are fine.
279
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:26,860
He said he'd rather sleep
280
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:28,128
on his boat tarp, Sam.
281
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,163
No, I insist.
Let me change them.
282
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,065
I slept
on a boat tarp once
283
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,367
with several members
of Fleetwood Mac.
284
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,437
Little uncomfortable
but super easy cleanup.
285
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,841
NANCY:
Hey, guys.
286
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:44,144
Oh, it's upstairs.
How lovely.
287
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,314
Listen, you guys got to do
something about your boy Thor.
288
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:50,784
He's totally depressed and he's
bumming out the whole basement.
289
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,920
And we like to keep it light
down there.
290
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:55,388
Wait, what's Thor
doing in the basement?
291
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,257
He moved down there,
after Pantaloons here
292
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,726
told him to get lost
293
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:01,729
because his British boy toy
doesn't want Thor around.
294
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,765
Isaac, is that so?
Is it telling the truth?
295
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,768
No, I-I merely suggested
he tone down his energy a bit.
296
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,369
I suppose, upon exit,
297
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,338
he did cryptically promise
he'd not be around anymore,
298
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,441
but I just thought
that was his Viking temper.
299
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,243
Isaac, go apologize to Thor.
300
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,279
No.
301
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,781
No.
302
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:24,051
I don't even know what
this thing is with Nigel yet,
303
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,453
but whatever it is, I don't want
to ruin it before it starts.
304
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,521
So I'm sorry
that Thor is unhappy,
305
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:31,358
but when is it my chance
to be happy? Hmm?
306
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,861
When is it
old Higgintoot's turn?
307
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,497
Oh, God.
308
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,832
(exhales)
309
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,700
Thank you for coming.
310
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,302
You're welcome.
311
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,303
Leave.
312
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,905
Okay. Oh.
313
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,840
JAY:
What'd they think
of the cookies, huh?
314
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,108
They said they loved them.
315
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:51,144
Yes. Mwah. See? I told you
we'd crush it.
316
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,780
Bad news, Sam.
They hated the cookies.
317
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:56,383
Oh, although
I tried one myself
318
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,484
and I had some thoughts.
319
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,952
Tom didn't like
the salt on top.
320
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,720
I wasn't sure about
the salt on top.
321
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:04,691
But other than that, seriously,
babe, the cookies were perfect.
322
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,459
Debbie's saying there's
too many chocolate chips.
323
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,863
Although maybe there were
too many chocolate chips,
324
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,664
now that I reflect
upon it further.
325
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:12,966
(chuckles)
What's going on?
326
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,135
You always loved my
chocolate chip cookies.
327
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,504
Okay, I hadn't wanted
to hurt your feelings,
328
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:21,775
but Tom and Debbie actually
did say something to me.
329
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,143
What? Really?
330
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,511
It was very out
of character,
331
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:26,279
but it's growth for
them, which is good.
332
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,315
Okay, well, I'm just
gonna talk to them.
333
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,117
Wait, what? No-no.
Why?
334
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,852
What is going on?
335
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,653
Hmm?
First they love the cookies,
336
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,257
now they don't, and now you
don't want me to talk to them?
337
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,292
Oh, boy. He's putting it
together.
338
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,829
Oh, my God, you did
have the ghosts spy.
339
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,797
Busted.
Just a little bit.
340
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:44,998
Unbelievable.
341
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,466
Not a great turn
of events for Sam,
342
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,402
but Jay's one hell
of a gumshoe.
343
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,838
Okay, yes, I should
have told you.
344
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,305
But honestly, it's working.
345
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:55,342
I am able to respond in real
time to their every need.
346
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,210
What did I miss?
Jay figured it out.
347
00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:00,147
Ooh, exciting.
Which one's Jay?
SAMANTHA: I get it.
348
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,049
It's hard to hear criticism.
349
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,151
But honestly, if Tom and Debbie
thought that I was
350
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:07,888
doing something wrong,
I would love to know about it.
351
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,722
Trevor, shh!
Wait, what?
352
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,158
We didn't want to say
anything.
353
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,426
We know you're not the
best at taking criticism.
354
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,162
I can handle it.
JAY:
Oh.
355
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,364
Do the ghosts have
some opportunities
356
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,665
for you to improve?
357
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,300
Debbie thinks
you're too chatty.
358
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,869
Too chatty? That is...
359
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,905
...very useful criticism.
360
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,806
Thank you for letting me know.
361
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,642
I will strive to improve
that area of my personality
362
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,678
during the remainder
of their visit.
363
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:35,082
Seems like she could've said
that in a lot less words.
364
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,590
Well, I am ready
to strap on the old feedbag.
365
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,692
(laughs) Something
smells delicious.
366
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,527
Oh, I believe that is
Jay's famous duck.
367
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:48,828
But before the main event,
368
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,697
your farm-to-table
dinner starts with
369
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,232
a wide assortment
of taste delights
370
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,634
from across the Hudson.
Keep it brief, motormouth.
371
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,236
I'll get your salads.
TOM:
Oh.
372
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,404
(small chuckle)
373
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,739
Odd woman.
Agreed.
374
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,609
TV ANNOUNCER:
The year was 1996,
375
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,912
and the Spice Girls
were everywhere.
376
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,314
This new fab five
burst onto the scene
377
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,616
with their message
of female empowerment
378
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,851
and, above all,
loyalty to your friends.
379
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,453
Hmm.
* If you wanna be my lover...
380
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,022
Loyalty to friends.
381
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,624
I guess the '90s were
a different time.
382
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,427
* Friendship never ends...
383
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,930
Damn these English bards.
384
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,331
Catchy.
385
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,067
* Taking is too easy,
but that's the... *
386
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,969
Okay, so apparently
they're loving your bread rolls,
387
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,304
but they think that I slouch
and do other stuff wrong.
388
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,240
Hi, couple more action items.
389
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:34,841
Uh, they do not like the
playlist, they think you hover,
390
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,077
your voice is too high,
and the pattern
391
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,878
in your grandmother's butter
dish is satanic.
392
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,814
And now they hate my playlist,
they think that I tend to hover,
393
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,951
that my voice is too high, and
apparently that the pattern
394
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:46,419
on my grandmother's
butter dish is satanic.
395
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:47,820
JAY:
I hate these people.
396
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,723
Ugh... I better get
back out there.
397
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,160
Oh, I don't like the look
of this fork.
398
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,128
It's dingy, like the house.
Yeah, look at this.
399
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,096
Here are your salads.
400
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,764
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
401
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,332
Yummy.
I'm gonna switch
out the butter dish,
402
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,601
'cause why not, right?
(laughs)
Okay.
403
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,902
Is it too bright in here?
404
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,805
No, not at all-- Thank you.
Thank you.
405
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,807
Hmm. That's better.
406
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,009
You're hovering, and somehow
407
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,510
your voice has gotten
even higher.
408
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,879
(deep voice):
I'll let you enjoy
your salads.
409
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,681
Thank you.
Thank you.
410
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,318
(snoring)
411
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,122
Is he...
412
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,856
Asleep? Yeah.
413
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,226
The floor's pretty uneven,
so we tend to sleep standing up.
414
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,896
Like livestock. You'll get used
to it after a few decades.
415
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,131
NIGEL:
Why on earth have you
416
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,633
dragged us down
to this miserable pit?
417
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,002
Because I have something
to say to Thor,
418
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,204
and I need you to hear it.
Thor?
419
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,538
Isaac.
420
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:41,241
I'm sorry.
421
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:44,311
You are a good friend,
and I have treated you poorly,
422
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:48,581
and I would like you
to come back upstairs.
423
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,884
You... truly mean this?
424
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:54,387
Thor not annoying?
425
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:57,757
Well, those are two
different questions, but yes.
426
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,958
No, I mean it.
427
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,328
And, Nigel,
I care about you.
428
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,563
But something I learned today
is that if you want to be
429
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,799
my special companion, you got
to get with my Viking friend.
430
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,169
Oh.
NIGEL: I see.
431
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,504
I didn't realize
how much he meant to you.
432
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,341
Yes. Neither did I.
433
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,812
Thorfinn, forgive me.
434
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,714
Perhaps I judged you
too hastily.
435
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:24,551
Is okay.
Thorfinn acquired taste,
436
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,653
like sour ram's testicle.
437
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:31,091
God knows I'm not
everyone's cup of tea.
438
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,660
I like sitting in a dirty shed
watching ants all day.
439
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,694
THORFINN:
Wait.
440
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,962
You like watching ants?
441
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,465
Thor loves
watching ants, too!
442
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,267
Basement ants best ants.
443
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,568
Come. Yes.
444
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:44,771
Oh! Now, these boys
have gumption.
445
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,374
(laughs)
Thor and Nigel bonding.
446
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:50,610
NIGEL:
You and Isaac should come to
the shed to watch our ants.
447
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,080
ISAAC:
Oh, good, back to the shed.
448
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,649
Jay, how are we coming
with that duck?
449
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,017
Did you change
your sweater?
450
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,686
Oh, yeah, apparently
Debbie thought I was looking
451
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:02,522
a little washed out.
(chuckles)
Okay, here's a thought.
452
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,824
Tom and Debbie suck.
453
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,526
I agree with that.
Jay.
454
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:07,794
I am sick of sitting here
455
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,096
and listening to
them criticize
456
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,264
the best person
that I know.
Aw.
457
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:14,101
Sam, I think they're
crazy with this one,
458
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:17,070
but they hate your perfume.
JAY:
What's wrong?
459
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,172
They don't like my perfume.
460
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,873
The perfume
your mom gave you?
461
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:22,842
Yeah, it's okay.
It's a little old-fashioned.
462
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,412
Nope. Uh-uh.
463
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,648
Uh, Jay?
464
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,716
Ooh, it's on.
465
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,151
DEBBIE:
Oh, a visit from the chef.
466
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,952
TOM:
Ah, is it time for our duck?
467
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,388
Oh, if you think you're getting
even a nibble of my duck,
468
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,989
you are sorely mistaken.
469
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:39,426
Look, it's one thing to complain
about cookies and candles,
470
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,728
but the fact that you could
find anything bad to say
471
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,364
about my wonderful wife
472
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,299
is bonkers.
473
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,034
Yeah, she's a
little talkative,
474
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,802
but I love every word.
475
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,139
She's kind
and she's smart.
476
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,141
And her voice is mellifluous.
477
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,276
And she's got a great ass.
478
00:17:56,309 --> 00:18:00,313
And I know no one's debating
that, but I'm on a roll.
479
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:01,814
And you know what else?
480
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,583
Jay's cookies aren't too
salty, they're amazing.
481
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,152
And he's got a great ass.
482
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,419
And you might not be able
to see it in these pants,
483
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,121
but if you put him in,
like, a soft jean
484
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,757
or maybe a chino,
your jaw would drop.
Thank you.
485
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,525
Well, this is not gonna
make for a good Yelp review,
486
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,094
but God bless these crazy kids.
TOM: Wait.
487
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,796
How do you know
we said any of that?
488
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:20,333
Um, thin walls.
489
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,734
Very thin.
490
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,971
What-- You've been
eavesdropping on us.
Why?
491
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:28,841
Because we're trying
to start a business
492
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,477
and we read all your
vicious Yelp reviews,
493
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,079
and we were just trying to do
something to make you happy.
494
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,382
What do you mean you read
our Yelp reviews?
(chuckles)
495
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,250
Those reviews are
anonymous.
That's right.
496
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:40,487
No, we can see your
names and pictures.
497
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,355
Uh, no.
No, no, no, no.
498
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:46,293
No, that is what we see
on our computer.
Right.
499
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,860
No, I can show you.
500
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:52,332
Okay. Yeah.
Well, we'll look.
501
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,901
(gasps)
This is not good.
502
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:57,837
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
We went after everyone.
503
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,407
They're all there.
Oh, no, we tore apart
your sister's Shrimp Shack.
504
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,075
DEBBIE: This is a nightmare.
We have to move.
TOM: Oh. Oh, no.
505
00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,345
Wh-Where are you going, Tom?
506
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,846
To unplug my laptop, Debbie.
507
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,381
We got to get
those reviews off-line.
508
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:12,519
Well, I don't think that's
how it works, Tom. Tom!
509
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,822
PETE:
Yelp reviews may not be
anonymous, but you know what is?
510
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,090
Conversations with your
trusted travel agent.
511
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:21,394
Unless you tell me you murdered
someone. Or stole a robe.
512
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,500
JAY:
Oh, babe.
513
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,135
Tom and Debbie left us
a Yelp review.
514
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,803
Oh, I'm so nervous.
515
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,373
"There may be nicer
places to stay
516
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,675
and softer sheets
to lay upon..."
517
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:36,676
Let it go, Debbie.
518
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:37,877
"... but the proprietors
519
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,111
"of the charming
Woodstone B and B
520
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,913
really care about
their guests."
521
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:44,016
Oh. "Sam and Jay not only
anticipated our every need
522
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,653
"but alerted us to the tragic
hacking of our Yelp account,
523
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,020
"which led to the besmirching
of some of our
524
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,657
"favorite institutions,
including the delicious
525
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,625
and normal-smelling
Linda's Shrimp Shack."
526
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:53,893
What is hacking?
527
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,894
It means someone broke
into their account,
528
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,162
but Tom and Debbie are lying.
529
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,964
They're just doing
damage control.
530
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:01,634
Babe, they left
us five stars!
531
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,202
(cheering)
532
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,071
"And this is our vow
to you, people of Yelp,
533
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,407
we will not rest until we find
the real hackers."
534
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,976
Oh, like O.J. with the
real killers. (laughs)
535
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,177
I bet he found them.
536
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,845
That fellow seemed
very determined.
537
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,348
Well, seems like
it all worked out.
538
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,250
Yeah, but I don't want
this to be an endorsement
539
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,351
for you to keep using
540
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,219
these ghosts
behind my back.
541
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:22,589
It is the last time
I do that, I promise.
542
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:23,590
Good.
543
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:24,724
Unless, like,
544
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,158
it's something
really important, right?
545
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,195
Mm-hmm.
What's that?
38001
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