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Previously on Scream Queens...
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ZAYDAY: It's Chamberlain.
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I have my suspicions that he's
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the baby in the belly from 1985.
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I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
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CHANEL #5: I just don't understand
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why we even need any more Chanels.
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We need cannon fodder.
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We need new Chanels
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for the Green Meanie to attack
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so he doesn't murder us!
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(all screaming)
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This is a normal pint of blood.
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This is a pint of blood
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I just tried to give a patient
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with hemolytic anemia.
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As you can see,
has a little mouse in it.
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And this one...
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has a bunch of coins at the bottom.
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Clearly, the only blood
at this hospital
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is blood spilled by the Green Meanie
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that has been mopped up
and put back into bags.
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Sorry. That's on me.
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I've just gotten really into
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recycling lately and instead of just
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dumping all these patients' blood
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into the swamp like everything else,
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I thought it'd be nice
if that patient's
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blood could have a second life...
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pumping through the hearts and boners
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of all the neediest
patients at this hospital.
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The problem is clear.
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This hospital
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is in desperate need of blood.
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So, we're gonna have to get donations.
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Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God! A blood drive,
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blood drive, blood drive,
blood drive, blood drive!
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- What?
- We should have a blood drive.
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Okay, it'll be amazing.
We'll get the fresh pints
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we need and I'll get to flex
my phlebotomy muscles.
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You know, I never thought
I'd say this, but...
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that is an excellent idea, Chanel.
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- Oh.
- MUNSCH: Really.
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It'll be wonderful PR for the hospital.
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And we can spin the murders
in a very positive way.
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Exactly.
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"We've lost a lot of blood,
so donate yours."
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Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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HOFFEL: Hoffel was my
first husband's name.
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Howard Hoffel.
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He died.
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Cancer, I think.
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We weren't close.
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My maiden name might sound familiar.
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Bean.
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Agatha Bean was my sister.
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Agatha wasn't smart.
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I got the brains... and the looks.
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But she was still my only sister
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and those Chanels burnt her face off
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and got away with it...
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until now.
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I've had my eye on the Chanels
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since they were released
from the asylum.
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When I heard they had been hired
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at this hospital, I immediately
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pitched myself as
administrator to Dean Munsch.
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But I'm not here
to administrate anything...
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but revenge.
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It won't be quick and painless, though.
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I'm playing the long
game with the Chanels,
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the slow burn.
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For now, I'll spend my time
making their lives miserable
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by calling the Green Meanie
tip line and telling the cops
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that the Chanels are the killers.
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I know what you're thinking.
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"Oh, she must be
the Green Meanie then."
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No, I haven't killed anyone... yet.
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I just lucked out that a serial killer
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is targeting those
little bitches again.
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But unless you're
a Baltimore police officer,
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you can't just kill people.
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I needed a plan and this
blood drive was going
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to be the perfect cover.
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Why kill them here
where I risk being caught
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when I can use the blood drive
to send them somewhere
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far away to die a miserable death
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without having to get my hands dirty.
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(feedback screeches)
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Ah, hello, everyone.
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I'm here to announce that...
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CHANEL: Excuse me,
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Nurse Awful,
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why are we all standing out here
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for an announcement?
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Haven't you heard of interoffice memos
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- or group e-mails?
- CHANEL #5: Wait!
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Are you announcing
Employee of the Month?
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Because, uh, I think that having
a machete driven through
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half of my body (crowd murmuring)
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should be counted towards point totals.
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I got to get back to surgery.
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Let me know if I won later, huh?
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Hmm...
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CHANEL #5: Okay, I think that anybody
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who isn't here for the announcement
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should not be eligible
for the award, yes?
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Shut up!
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All of you, shut up.
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This is a hospital, not a Jiffy Lube.
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There is no employee of the month!
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I am here to announce that Dean Munsch
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has approved my plan
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to create some incentive
for the blood drive.
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It is now a contest.
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The employee that
collects the most blood
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will receive an
all-expense-paid trip to...
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(drums hands)
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...Blood Island!
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(all screaming)
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HOFFEL: What I didn't tell them
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was that Blood Island
is a remote, jungle island
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in the South China Sea
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that the Chinese and the Taiwanese
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have been fighting over for decades.
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Both insist that it
belongs to the other one.
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It's full of giant,
flesh-eating spiders,
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rancid water
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and an active volcano
that spews burning ash
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day and night.
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- Yes!
- Okay.
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I am a trained phlebotomist.
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There is no way I'm not
winning this thing.
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That's what I'm counting on, Chanel.
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Maybe you can bring your two friends.
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Screw that!
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I am taking sexy Dr. Brock
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and he and I are gonna work on
my daddy issues all week long.
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Just a little prick.
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The only little one in here,
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I can guarantee you that.
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Can you please
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stop flirting with Dr. Brock
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as if he had sex with you
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for any reason other than
the fact that he was
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sad about me
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and you were the closest
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semi-damp orifice.
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Thank you for letting me
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be the one to draw your blood, Brocky.
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You know every drop counts
towards the competition
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and I really want to win
so we can go on our romantic,
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all-expenses-paid
vacation to Blood Island.
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Now, have you done any
research on this place?
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Because it doesn't sound very romantic.
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Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine.
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I mean, clearly,
you're a risk taker, Brock.
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And millennials like Chanel here,
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they live in a post-AIDS world.
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Most of them just assume
they're gonna get HPV,
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herpes or the clap.
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Excuse me, but I am perfectly clean.
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Honestly, Brock,
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I think you're safer putting your penis
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in a land mine or a wood chipper,
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than having sex with Chanel.
(breathes heavily)
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Well, that-that maybe true,
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but at least he doesn't
have to worry about me
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doing old person stuff during sex.
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Yeah, like, uh, driving way too slow,
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or peeing when I sneeze
or getting Alzheimer's,
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like some people I know.
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Okay, look at you.
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You filled that bag up fast.
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Let's get another one going.
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Wait, what?! I have to give more?
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No, I'm... I am very woozy right now.
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I think I need, like, um, a cookie.
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You don't need a cookie.
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You're type "O" negative, Number Five.
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That is the universal donor.
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It's the most valuable blood there is.
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Blood type and Rhesus factor
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are inherited from our parents,
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which means your mom and dad
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would have to be "O" negative, as well.
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We actually should get them to donate.
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Wait a second.
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That's it!
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Orange juice! Cookies!
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Yes, please, I would love...
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We screen
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all the staff's blood.
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Uh... (blows air)
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I do not know what
you're talking about.
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Look, we know that the killer
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is someone at the hospital
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who is the baby in the
belly in 1985, right?
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And we know that you inherit
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your blood type from your parents.
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That means if we somehow
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got a blood type from Jane Hollis
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and cross-referenced it with the
blood samples we got from staff,
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we could figure out if there's a link.
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Um, yeah, so, I'm... definitely not
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in a state where I can follow
anything that you're saying.
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I mean, it's not perfect.
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We're not necessarily gonna
find out who the killer is,
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but we could find out
who the killer is not.
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Like, if Jane's blood type was AB,
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she'd pass the A or the
B or both to her child.
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(laughs)
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Eh, uh...
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Thanks, Number Five.
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I'm gonna get to work.
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Wait, what?
217
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No, you can't just walk away.
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I'm too weak to move.
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Are you okay?
220
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(grunts)
221
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Yeah.
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00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,270
Yeah, I'm fine, it's just...
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when I get stressed out...
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my hand starts acting up,
trying to take control.
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That's why I play games
like this to show him
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that I'm in charge,
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not him.
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If it was up to him, he'd be
stabbing me all the time.
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00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:02,420
Stab everyone, really.
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00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,450
(grunts)
231
00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:08,260
(chuckles)
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Well, you know what's weird?
233
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These are the hands I was born with.
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00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,770
But when I'm around you,
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I feel like they have
a life of their own.
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♪ Looking from a window above ♪
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♪ It's like a story of love ♪
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♪ Can you hear me? ♪
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Let's do it right here
on this table right now.
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00:08:31,050 --> 00:08:32,450
I want to get our
first time out of the way
241
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before we go to Blood Island.
242
00:08:33,630 --> 00:08:34,980
That way I won't feel pressure
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00:08:34,990 --> 00:08:36,530
to skip out on any spa treatments
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00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,860
or avoid getting blind
drunk at the pool bar.
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00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:43,490
Yeah, uh... one... quick...
246
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,330
What's wrong?
247
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I know, at first,
touching me feels like
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you know, you're making out
with a 13-year-old boy,
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but I promise once
I get my clothes off,
250
00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:53,680
I am super feminine.
251
00:08:53,670 --> 00:08:56,240
No, your body's great, it's just...
252
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,910
I have a few concerns.
253
00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:04,180
That's a list of STD tests
I'd like you to get
254
00:09:04,180 --> 00:09:06,080
before we exchange any bodily fluids.
255
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,320
What? This is like...
256
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,580
this is, like, nine pages long.
257
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,150
Yeah, there's 217.
258
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It's every sexually transmitted disease
259
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:12,880
known to modern medicine...
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thus far.
261
00:09:13,890 --> 00:09:15,660
I promise I wouldn't make you
262
00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:17,760
go through all this if I
didn't really like you.
263
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,730
I mean... this is a compliment.
264
00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:21,560
I mean, if I didn't
have feelings for you,
265
00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:22,840
I'd just strap on three condoms
266
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,170
and wish for the best, but...
267
00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:27,000
with you, I'd like to try two.
268
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,600
And eventually...
269
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,840
maybe in time, just one.
270
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,920
Oh! Really?
271
00:09:33,910 --> 00:09:35,710
Mm-hmm.
272
00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:37,280
Okay, I am gonna take the test,
273
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,520
and when they all come back
negative, I am gonna win
274
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,060
the blood drive competition, and
we can go on a romantic getaway
275
00:09:42,060 --> 00:09:43,420
to Blood Island and celebrate.
276
00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:44,620
Hmm.
277
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,690
Oh!
278
00:09:46,690 --> 00:09:48,060
♪ All I needed ♪
279
00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:49,890
- ♪ For another day... ♪
- (knocking)
280
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:53,100
Hey, Chanel, the police are here
to interview you again.
281
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:56,060
Apparently, they got another
anonymous tip you're the killer.
282
00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:59,370
(woman speaking
indistinctly over P.A. system)
283
00:10:02,370 --> 00:10:03,640
Hey, Hoffel, you know,
284
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,540
I feel awful that I didn't
welcome you properly
285
00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:06,880
by having sex with you.
286
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,310
No, thanks.
287
00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:10,210
I'm at this hospital for
more serious reasons.
288
00:10:14,590 --> 00:10:15,660
Oh, by the way...
289
00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:17,090
I'd stay far away
290
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:18,820
from any of those Chanels.
291
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:22,190
Getting too close to them could
be hazardous to your health.
292
00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:32,000
(thunder rumbling)
293
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:34,370
(thunder crashes)
294
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,740
(screams)
295
00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:38,950
(gasps)
296
00:10:38,950 --> 00:10:40,580
What are you doing standing over my bed
297
00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:42,150
with a knife watching me sleep?!
298
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:44,450
I'm bored sitting around
this apartment all day!
299
00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:46,390
Why don't you guys have any cable?
300
00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:47,960
We're millennials... no one has cable.
301
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,390
That still doesn't answer my question
302
00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:51,090
about your standing
over my bed with a knife!
303
00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:52,690
I told you, I'm bored.
When I get bored,
304
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:54,630
I start to think of ways
of how to murder people!
305
00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:56,900
If you don't give me
something useful to do
306
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,430
with my time here, at least one person
307
00:10:58,430 --> 00:10:59,730
in this house is gonna die.
308
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,510
(thunder rolls)
309
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,500
CHANEL: Oh, Dean Munsch?
310
00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:05,510
Uh, I have a confession to make.
311
00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:07,410
I had Hester move in with us
312
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:08,970
to help us figure out who the killer is
313
00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:10,510
and keep us from getting killed.
314
00:11:10,510 --> 00:11:13,510
(sighs) Well, that seems
like a pretty dumb plan.
315
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:14,920
It wasn't clearly thought out.
316
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,710
Anyway, I have a couple
of favors to ask you.
317
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,110
First, please don't
turn us into the authorities
318
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:19,320
like you promised. I mean,
319
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:20,650
all that will do is
make them ask questions
320
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:21,960
about where Denise Hemphill is.
321
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,020
Well, since that benefits me, I agree.
322
00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:25,830
Well, so does the second one.
323
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:27,660
If we don't give Hester
something interesting to do,
324
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:28,930
she is gonna murder someone.
325
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:30,600
Maybe even someone
who actually matters,
326
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,030
like me or you.
327
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,010
Okay, Hester has proven
to have no problem
328
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,000
with blood and guts,
and she has way less empathy
329
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:38,510
than any of us.
330
00:11:38,510 --> 00:11:40,470
I mean, I think she'd
make an excellent surgeon.
331
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:43,340
I cannot let Hester
operate on patients!
332
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:45,120
What? You let the Chanels
and I treat people
333
00:11:45,110 --> 00:11:46,860
and the only science
class I took in college
334
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:49,120
was "Great Works of Science Fiction."
335
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,950
There is another option.
336
00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:52,190
Here's the deal, Hester.
337
00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:54,490
I am going to allow
you out of your cage
338
00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:56,320
only as long as you remain useful.
339
00:11:56,330 --> 00:11:59,740
And I don't mean just helping
us find the serial killer.
340
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:02,200
Because at the rate you are
dribbling out information,
341
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,670
the entire staff will be dead
before he or she is caught.
342
00:12:05,670 --> 00:12:07,230
I'm sure if you give me
something cool to do,
343
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,840
I'll tell you who it is
by Thanksgiving.
344
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,240
I was hoping that I could volunteer
345
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,210
at the morgue.
346
00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:12,810
Listen.
347
00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:14,650
We have too many patients
and not enough people
348
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,130
to figure out what's wrong with them.
349
00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:17,510
So, I'm going to give you one.
350
00:12:17,510 --> 00:12:20,010
We here at the C.U.R.E.
Institute diagnose
351
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:21,190
and cure the incurable.
352
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:22,680
So, if you can achieve
353
00:12:22,690 --> 00:12:24,330
both those goals,
354
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,820
I will allow you to
stay free another week.
355
00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:28,720
Huh.
356
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:30,360
Right here.
357
00:12:31,990 --> 00:12:33,090
(door closes)
358
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,160
Brandon Szathmary...
359
00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:40,430
this is one of my medical students.
360
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,300
Her name is...
361
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,400
Donna Summer.
362
00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:46,540
Nice to meet you.
363
00:12:46,540 --> 00:12:48,580
And I don't need to look
at your chart to tell you
364
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,610
that you suffer from an acute
case of "douchy guy that thinks
365
00:12:50,610 --> 00:12:52,580
that dressing like a
vampire is sexy." Well,
366
00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:54,680
let me cure you right now
and tell you that it's not.
367
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,230
Because unless you're '90s Tom Cruise
368
00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,190
or Brad Pitt, you just
look like Corey Feldman.
369
00:12:58,190 --> 00:13:00,050
I'm actually a vampire.
370
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:02,730
I have been my whole life.
If I go out in the sun,
371
00:13:02,730 --> 00:13:04,940
my skin starts to blister
and burn almost immediately.
372
00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:06,590
My eyes can't handle
bright light, and...
373
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,540
look at my teeth.
374
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,970
What about garlic?
375
00:13:11,970 --> 00:13:14,230
- Can't stand it.
- Mirrors?
376
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,770
That one seems to be
an old wives' tale.
377
00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:18,310
We can see our reflections.
378
00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:20,270
And I'm obsessed with blood.
379
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,480
I can't get enough of it.
380
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,640
I drink it like iced tea.
381
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:24,780
I don't hurt anyone, though.
382
00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:26,950
I have an in with the
guy at the Red Cross.
383
00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,120
Speaking of blood,
384
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,320
are you okay, Dr. Dean Munsch?
385
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:31,790
You look pale.
386
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:34,250
Are you anemic? Because
that's a major turn-off for me.
387
00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:35,820
He's right.
388
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:38,330
Maybe I should run some tests on you.
389
00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:41,230
(scoffs) No, I'm fine!
390
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,260
Honestly, just... oh, no, I...
391
00:13:44,270 --> 00:13:46,400
You know what?
I didn't sleep last night.
392
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,170
So, I, I'm gonna leave you two...
393
00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:50,970
here, you and, um...
394
00:13:50,970 --> 00:13:52,140
Donna.
395
00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:53,340
Okay.
396
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,580
And no murdering anyone.
397
00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:02,450
♪ ♪
398
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,680
(Chanel sighs)
399
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:13,340
I... I've given nine pints of blood
400
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:14,930
in the last two days,
401
00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:17,760
and I don't think that
I can give anymore.
402
00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:20,030
If you don't want to be
part of the solution
403
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,650
to the catastrophic
404
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,640
blood shortage at this
hospital, Number Five,
405
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,110
why don't you, I don't know,
406
00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:27,140
figure out a way to remove your ass,
407
00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:29,280
that's probably grown
roots into that chair,
408
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,110
and leave!
409
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,510
I can't.
410
00:14:32,510 --> 00:14:34,880
Then sit there and
celebrate the fact that
411
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,190
with each pint of blood, you're
getting me one step closer
412
00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:39,620
to an all-expense-paid
vacation to Blood Island
413
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,720
so I can bone down with Dr. Hot.
414
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:45,530
Can I just have one bite
of your sandwich, please?
415
00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:46,790
No.
416
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,140
Attagirl, Marfan.
417
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:50,030
CHANEL #8: I don't understand.
418
00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:53,170
Why is this blood drive
suddenly so important?
419
00:14:53,170 --> 00:14:55,110
CHANEL #10: Um, blood
drives are super important.
420
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:57,000
When I had the first ten feet
421
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,760
of my extra intestines
removed, they severed
422
00:14:58,750 --> 00:15:01,540
my mesenteric artery and without
a transfusion, I almost died.
423
00:15:01,540 --> 00:15:03,340
No, I mean there's a serial killer
424
00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:05,660
on the loose at this hospital,
425
00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:07,580
targeting nurses and patients.
426
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:09,150
Okay, you guys have
clearly never been hunted
427
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:10,210
by a serial killer before.
428
00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:11,430
Number Three is right.
429
00:15:11,420 --> 00:15:12,590
Once you've been targeted
430
00:15:12,590 --> 00:15:13,990
by your first serial killer,
431
00:15:13,990 --> 00:15:15,590
you sort of just realize that...
432
00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:17,760
walking around
being constantly terrified
433
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,080
isn't gonna help anything at all.
434
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,230
Just give you
435
00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:21,900
worry lines and make the killer
436
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:23,100
want to kill you even more.
437
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,530
CHANEL: All right,
438
00:15:24,530 --> 00:15:26,700
Number Nine, let's get you started.
439
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,000
Is there a particularly juicy vein
440
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,450
you like getting jabbed in?
441
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,370
Crook of the arm? Behind the hand?
442
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:35,350
Failing that, we can always
do between the toes.
443
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:38,250
No, I can't. I'm terrified of needles.
444
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:40,880
What?! That's insane, Number Nine.
445
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,180
You're a goth.
446
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,120
Needles should be right up your alley.
447
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:45,720
- No! I won't! No!
- What?
448
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,290
I won't do it!
449
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,360
(door slams)
450
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,260
(huffs)
451
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:53,890
(groans)
452
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:55,930
Okay...
453
00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:58,400
looks like we'll just have
to drain some more blood
454
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,270
from Number Five.
455
00:16:00,270 --> 00:16:03,070
(sobbing): No! No! Please...
456
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:30,360
(creaking nearby)
457
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:39,340
CHANEL: I still don't understand
what we're doing here.
458
00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:41,340
I mean, I would like to get back
to draining that blood cow,
459
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:43,610
Number Five, and increasing
my lead in the contest,
460
00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:45,410
which currently stands at three pints.
461
00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:46,680
MUNSCH: Um, Chanel,
462
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,920
I'm afraid I have some urgent news
463
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:53,120
that I wanted Dr. Brock to
be here to hear as well.
464
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,160
Unfortunately, Chanel...
465
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,590
you have tested positive for STD's.
466
00:16:58,590 --> 00:16:59,930
What?! What?!
467
00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:02,130
- Which ones?
- All of them.
468
00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:04,830
Yes, you've tested
positive for syphilis,
469
00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:06,770
chlamydia, gonorrhea,
470
00:17:06,770 --> 00:17:07,870
hepatitis...
471
00:17:07,870 --> 00:17:09,270
A, B and C.
472
00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:11,870
...uh, genital warts, HPV,
473
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:14,670
vaginosis, pelvic inflammatory disease,
474
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:15,980
herpes...
475
00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:17,780
The bad kind, not the cold sore kind.
476
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:18,810
No.
477
00:17:18,810 --> 00:17:21,050
Also the cold sore kind.
478
00:17:21,050 --> 00:17:23,050
Vaginal yeast, male genital yeast,
479
00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:24,820
chancroid, trichomoniasis,
480
00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:27,790
(whispers):
and good old-fashioned crabs.
481
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:30,160
That's not a disease per Se,
but there was a crab
482
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,390
just floating in the sample.
483
00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:35,200
Okay. I-I don't understand
how this is possible.
484
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,200
I've occasionally used condoms.
485
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,200
I mean, this-this can't be happening.
486
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,530
Unfortunately,
487
00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:42,240
you're of a generation who's obsessed
488
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,840
with instant gratification,
489
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,910
who simply do not take
490
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:49,310
the long-term risks of
venereal disease seriously.
491
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:50,810
I'm afraid your blood
492
00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:53,150
is gonna have to be
removed from the tally.
493
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:55,480
Oh, and I... I guess
494
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,650
that puts me in the lead?
495
00:17:57,650 --> 00:17:59,220
But Blood Island!
496
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,750
Uh, I don't think it's fair
497
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,490
to penalize Chanel for this.
498
00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:03,360
Blood Island.
499
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:07,190
Well, I do.
500
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,570
(Chanel yells, gasps)
501
00:18:09,570 --> 00:18:12,040
("Carmina Burana" playing)
502
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:17,440
♪ ♪
503
00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:33,850
♪ ♪
504
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,720
♪ ♪
505
00:19:15,930 --> 00:19:18,230
♪ ♪
506
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,780
(echoing sob)
507
00:19:40,050 --> 00:19:42,050
Oh, wait. Let me help you with that.
508
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,250
I was just in the neighborhood
going door to door
509
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,670
asking people to participate
in our blood drive
510
00:19:46,670 --> 00:19:47,930
down at the hospital.
511
00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:49,600
Please leave me alone.
512
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,800
Well, you don't even
have to come in, okay?
513
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,770
I'd be more than happy
to come collect the sample
514
00:19:53,770 --> 00:19:55,740
right here at home...
it'll be like Domino's.
515
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:57,570
(chuckles): But blood instead of pizza.
516
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:59,740
Domino's delivers pizza to your house.
517
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:02,460
You would be coming to
take blood from my body.
518
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:05,450
It's nothing like Domino's.
519
00:20:05,450 --> 00:20:06,920
Um...
520
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,920
well... how about you
just come in, then?
521
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,320
I'll drive you.
522
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,660
That hospital is evil.
523
00:20:12,660 --> 00:20:16,960
And if it were up to me, it
would be burnt to the ground.
524
00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:21,700
(door creaks open, slams shut)
525
00:20:33,780 --> 00:20:34,740
- (thump)
- (grunts)
526
00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:39,120
Good news.
527
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,350
I think I've diagnosed
your disease. Okay.
528
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:43,260
It's called
529
00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:44,400
non-acute porphyria,
530
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,230
or cutaneous porphyria.
531
00:20:46,230 --> 00:20:48,400
It's caused by a chemical
substance called porphyrins
532
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,040
that accumulate in your system
because of the deficiency
533
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,240
of the enzymes that transform
the porphyrins in your blood.
534
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,240
- Is it curable?
- No. Sorry.
535
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,910
However, cutaneous porphyria
536
00:20:57,910 --> 00:20:59,350
does cause extreme photosensitivity,
537
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:01,090
which would explain
why you get blisters
538
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,680
when you stand in direct sunlight.
539
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,280
It also causes receding gums,
540
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,120
which would explain
your apparent fangs,
541
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,020
and an odd aversion
to the smell of garlic.
542
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:10,620
So I'm cursed forever,
just like Count Dracula.
543
00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:12,260
No, you're not. Because one thing
544
00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:14,260
that your incurable
disease does not cause
545
00:21:14,260 --> 00:21:15,790
is the need to drink blood.
546
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,460
That's just because you're crazy,
547
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:18,800
which I can cure you of.
548
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,400
When I was little,
549
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,970
I was obsessed with Ring-Dings.
550
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:23,800
You know those little snack cakes
551
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,230
with the cream filling and the
dark chocolate on the outside?
552
00:21:26,230 --> 00:21:27,910
I couldn't get enough.
553
00:21:27,910 --> 00:21:30,310
But my aunt who raised me
thought they were unhealthy,
554
00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:32,580
so she told me I couldn't
have them anymore.
555
00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:34,980
That didn't work...
I just ate them in secret.
556
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:36,710
Until she caught me, and she realized
557
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,050
the only way to get me
to stop eating them
558
00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:41,220
would be to make me hate them.
559
00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:44,990
So she sat me down and she made
me eat them for days and weeks
560
00:21:44,990 --> 00:21:48,160
until just the thought of a
Ring-Ding made me want to puke.
561
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,930
It's called aversion therapy.
562
00:22:00,310 --> 00:22:02,840
We are gonna make you
drink blood all day and night
563
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,080
until you hate it... even more than
564
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,580
a normal person would.
565
00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:07,910
Now, drink up.
566
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:09,410
Doctor's orders.
567
00:22:13,650 --> 00:22:15,020
Mmm.
568
00:22:15,020 --> 00:22:16,750
That's fresh.
569
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,630
But I don't think that's going
to be enough to do the job.
570
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:31,670
Hi.
571
00:22:31,670 --> 00:22:33,300
Excuse me. Um, do you test
572
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:35,610
all of your blood for diseases
like goat herpes and stuff
573
00:22:35,610 --> 00:22:37,130
before sending it off to the hospital?
574
00:22:37,150 --> 00:22:39,180
Of course. We hold it
until we get the results.
575
00:22:39,180 --> 00:22:41,680
And we always inform the
donor if anything comes up.
576
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,480
Terrific. I would love
to donate a big old bag.
577
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:45,450
Great.
578
00:23:21,590 --> 00:23:22,920
(screams)
579
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,250
(gasps)
580
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,290
(exhales)
581
00:23:34,940 --> 00:23:37,040
♪ ♪
582
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:01,860
(gasps)
583
00:24:01,860 --> 00:24:03,530
Blood thief!
584
00:24:04,730 --> 00:24:06,530
What is he eating?
585
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:07,570
(panting)
586
00:24:07,570 --> 00:24:08,770
Blood pie
587
00:24:08,770 --> 00:24:10,470
with a graham cracker blood crust,
588
00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:12,300
blood sausage, blood soup...
589
00:24:12,310 --> 00:24:13,980
dairy- and gluten-free, of course.
590
00:24:13,970 --> 00:24:16,270
I heard screaming!
Not another dead body.
591
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,310
No. A-Arrest this woman!
592
00:24:18,310 --> 00:24:19,940
She is stealing blood
593
00:24:19,950 --> 00:24:21,610
and affecting the outcome
of an officially
594
00:24:21,610 --> 00:24:23,380
sanctioned blood drive competition.
595
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:24,650
I am curing Mr. Szathmary,
596
00:24:24,650 --> 00:24:26,420
breaking him of his blood addiction
597
00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:28,920
by forcing him to eat and drink
so much that it makes him sick.
598
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,920
I call it the "Blurred Lines Cure."
599
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,750
You know, like when you heard
that song for the first time
600
00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:33,570
and you were like, "I could
601
00:24:33,570 --> 00:24:35,130
listen to this song over and over again
602
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:36,850
and never get sick of it," and
then months later you're like,
603
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,260
"I'd rather marry Robin
Thicke than ever have
604
00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:40,960
to listen to this awful
song ever again."
605
00:24:40,970 --> 00:24:42,230
Yeah. (sighs)
606
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:43,780
What's done is done.
607
00:24:43,770 --> 00:24:45,570
You're just gonna have
to find another way
608
00:24:45,570 --> 00:24:47,010
to collect more blood, Chanel.
609
00:24:47,010 --> 00:24:49,270
You are gonna pay for this.
610
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,490
(Chanel grunts)
611
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,080
Um...
612
00:24:53,010 --> 00:24:55,150
This has to stop now. (gasps)
613
00:24:55,150 --> 00:24:57,780
I'm so close to curing him.
Just a few more pints.
614
00:24:57,780 --> 00:24:59,680
BRANDON: I don't even think I would eat
615
00:24:59,690 --> 00:25:01,950
a medium rare steak at this point.
616
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,700
Find another way. (groans)
617
00:25:03,690 --> 00:25:05,190
And find it by tomorrow,
618
00:25:05,190 --> 00:25:08,460
or you end up back in the cage.
619
00:25:12,470 --> 00:25:14,810
CHAMBERLAIN: What's going on with you?
620
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,440
Nothing's going on with me.
621
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,200
What are you talking about?
622
00:25:20,210 --> 00:25:22,840
Lately, every time you see me
you get all nervous and run off.
623
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,040
Two weeks ago, we was getting
624
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,310
our gumshoe on, okay?
625
00:25:25,310 --> 00:25:26,880
I was really enjoying that.
626
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,680
Look, I'm sorry.
I just can't talk about it.
627
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,950
You really think I'm the baby
in the belly, don't you?
628
00:25:31,950 --> 00:25:32,950
What?
629
00:25:32,950 --> 00:25:34,220
How do you know about that?
630
00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:35,550
Look.
631
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,800
I'm here 40 hours a week, you know?
632
00:25:37,790 --> 00:25:39,620
I heard people whispering about it.
633
00:25:39,630 --> 00:25:41,560
There was a pregnant
lady named Jane Hollis
634
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,730
whose husband died at this
hospital 30 years ago,
635
00:25:43,730 --> 00:25:45,700
and you think the baby's
the Green Meanie.
636
00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:47,330
I'm really busy. I got to go.
637
00:25:47,330 --> 00:25:50,230
I heard you tried to get a blood
sample, too... is that right?
638
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,670
That's some really good
gumshoeing, Miss Williams.
639
00:25:52,670 --> 00:25:54,010
See, if you knew her blood type
640
00:25:54,010 --> 00:25:55,370
and the blood type of her husband,
641
00:25:55,370 --> 00:25:56,690
you can cross-reference the blood
642
00:25:56,710 --> 00:25:57,810
of the whole entire staff,
643
00:25:57,810 --> 00:25:59,310
see if you get a match.
644
00:25:59,310 --> 00:26:01,550
How'd you figure all that out?
645
00:26:01,550 --> 00:26:04,150
Because I was thinking the same thing!
646
00:26:04,150 --> 00:26:05,850
This is what I'm trying to tell you.
647
00:26:05,850 --> 00:26:08,520
We could figure this out
if we work as a team.
648
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,820
Her husband's blood type
is O positive, by the way.
649
00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:12,420
I checked the hospital records.
650
00:26:15,230 --> 00:26:17,560
L-Look, here, take a
sample of my blood, okay?
651
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:18,930
And test it.
652
00:26:18,930 --> 00:26:20,400
It'll prove I'm not the killer.
653
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,670
It would... if I knew
Jane Hollis's blood type.
654
00:26:23,670 --> 00:26:26,870
But I don't see anybody getting
a sample from her anytime soon.
655
00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:29,270
(elevator bell dings, door opens)
656
00:26:29,270 --> 00:26:30,970
In the meantime, I'm sorry.
657
00:26:32,510 --> 00:26:34,640
I just don't know if I can trust you.
658
00:26:37,490 --> 00:26:39,980
CHANEL #5: Extra massage,
please. And you can go
659
00:26:39,980 --> 00:26:41,680
to town on the pumice... I mean...
660
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,470
(sighs): my callouses
are thick like stones.
661
00:26:44,470 --> 00:26:47,210
Ew. I'm not giving you a pedicure, cow.
662
00:26:47,210 --> 00:26:49,810
I'm looking for a vein...
all the ones on your arms
663
00:26:49,810 --> 00:26:51,980
are all poked out and
covered in scar tissue.
664
00:26:51,980 --> 00:26:54,040
No. Nope, no, no, no, no.
665
00:26:54,050 --> 00:26:56,150
I can't give any more blood.
666
00:26:56,150 --> 00:26:58,520
According to my records,
you've only given 15 pints
667
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,720
in the last three days,
and the human heart pumps over
668
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,350
a million barrels of blood in a
person's lifetime, so, really,
669
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,220
you've only given a
fraction of what you can.
670
00:27:05,220 --> 00:27:07,890
Yeah. A fraction of what
I can give in a lifetime.
671
00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:10,560
The human body only carries ten pints!
672
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,660
Yes, but people
living at high altitudes
673
00:27:12,670 --> 00:27:14,170
tend to have at least two more pints
674
00:27:14,170 --> 00:27:15,790
of blood than people
living at sea level.
675
00:27:15,790 --> 00:27:17,770
We don't live in a high altitude.
676
00:27:17,770 --> 00:27:20,700
Duh. This apartment's
on the third floor, dummy.
677
00:27:20,710 --> 00:27:22,870
Look, Number Five is right.
678
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,150
Okay? She's as dry as Great-
Grandma Chanel's cooch.
679
00:27:27,110 --> 00:27:28,880
I mean, all hope is lost.
680
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:31,920
Okay, that's it, Number Nine.
681
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,790
I am pulling rank and
initiating Kappa Kappa Tau
682
00:27:34,790 --> 00:27:36,420
bylaw 782, which states
683
00:27:36,420 --> 00:27:38,960
very clearly that when a
Kappa sister needs a pledge
684
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,290
to perform a service
that will assist said sister
685
00:27:41,290 --> 00:27:43,760
in winning a competition
or contest of any kind,
686
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,600
said pledge has no
choice but to oblige.
687
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,400
Okay, first of all,
we're not in a sorority,
688
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:50,630
and I'm not a pledge.
689
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:51,900
I came here to learn
690
00:27:51,900 --> 00:27:53,640
to be a doctor.
691
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,210
And second, that's really...
692
00:27:56,210 --> 00:27:57,940
conveniently specific.
693
00:27:57,940 --> 00:28:00,710
Fine. I made it up.
694
00:28:00,710 --> 00:28:02,380
But let's get real.
695
00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:04,480
I mean, the only way you're gonna have
696
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,480
any romantic satisfaction in your life
697
00:28:06,490 --> 00:28:08,000
is if you live vicariously
698
00:28:07,990 --> 00:28:09,890
through a really pretty girl like me.
699
00:28:09,890 --> 00:28:11,050
I mean, think of all the cool
700
00:28:11,070 --> 00:28:12,080
Snapchat stories of mine
701
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:13,160
you can follow along to
702
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,340
while I'm off on Blood Island
703
00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:15,430
with Dr. Brock.
704
00:28:15,430 --> 00:28:16,990
And how much you'll have.
705
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,430
It'll be a dream come true.
706
00:28:19,430 --> 00:28:21,610
But I can't give that to you
if you're gonna keep being
707
00:28:21,620 --> 00:28:23,670
so selfish... you have
to give something to me.
708
00:28:23,670 --> 00:28:25,770
Namely, like,
three pints of your blood.
709
00:28:25,770 --> 00:28:28,670
I told you, I hate needles.
710
00:28:28,670 --> 00:28:31,580
I am the best phlebotomist in town.
711
00:28:31,580 --> 00:28:33,560
If you're ever gonna get
over your fear of needles
712
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,450
and fully commit to your
lame, Goth lifestyle,
713
00:28:35,450 --> 00:28:38,280
letting me gently stick one in
you's gonna be your best chance.
714
00:28:39,250 --> 00:28:40,920
(sighs)
715
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:47,160
I don't understand why you have
to strap me down in here.
716
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,290
Someone who's as freaked out
by needles as you are
717
00:28:49,300 --> 00:28:52,010
is probably gonna flinch like
crazy when I try to put it in.
718
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,800
The more you move, the more it hurts,
719
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,940
so this is for your safety.
And we're doing it in here
720
00:28:55,940 --> 00:28:58,210
because it's the only place
with strong enough straps.
721
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,200
You see how small?
722
00:29:00,210 --> 00:29:01,810
I am gonna count to three.
723
00:29:01,810 --> 00:29:03,940
- One...
- (yells)
724
00:29:03,940 --> 00:29:05,370
(sobbing)
725
00:29:07,610 --> 00:29:09,310
- Done.
- Wait.
726
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,390
What? That was it?
727
00:29:11,380 --> 00:29:13,820
Uh, I didn't feel that at all.
728
00:29:13,820 --> 00:29:15,850
I told you, I am the best.
729
00:29:15,860 --> 00:29:17,870
Oh, my God. Thank you, Chanel.
730
00:29:17,860 --> 00:29:20,020
This is the best day
731
00:29:20,030 --> 00:29:22,340
of my life. (exhales)
732
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:29,500
Hey, wait.
733
00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:31,900
Don't you need to measure
how much you take?
734
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:33,740
CHANEL: Dr. Holt.
735
00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:35,440
Chanel, what are you
doing here? It's late.
736
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,310
Everyone's gone home.
I just want you to know
737
00:29:37,310 --> 00:29:39,310
that I know for a fact
that those STD tests
738
00:29:39,310 --> 00:29:40,840
were manipulated in some way.
739
00:29:40,850 --> 00:29:43,010
I mean, there's no way
I have sexual Ebola
740
00:29:43,020 --> 00:29:44,760
or vaginal Zika.
741
00:29:44,750 --> 00:29:46,750
I doubt if those things are even real.
742
00:29:46,750 --> 00:29:48,890
I'm a doctor. Tests don't lie.
743
00:29:48,890 --> 00:29:52,920
Well, they do if someone named
Dr. Dean Jealous Gray Pubes
744
00:29:52,930 --> 00:29:55,200
manipulated my blood sample.
745
00:29:55,190 --> 00:29:58,560
Please. All I want is to go
to Blood Island with you
746
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,730
and rock your sexual world.
747
00:30:00,730 --> 00:30:03,170
I mean, I know you've been
with hundreds of girls...
748
00:30:03,170 --> 00:30:04,370
Thousands.
749
00:30:04,370 --> 00:30:06,100
Whatever.
750
00:30:06,110 --> 00:30:08,350
I'm fine with you wearing a condom.
751
00:30:08,340 --> 00:30:09,910
No, no. I...
752
00:30:09,910 --> 00:30:13,010
Look, until you prove to me
that you're completely healthy,
753
00:30:13,010 --> 00:30:15,450
I just can't let you
get up in all this.
754
00:30:15,450 --> 00:30:16,950
I can't.
755
00:30:16,950 --> 00:30:18,150
Oh...
756
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,590
No! Why?
757
00:30:22,590 --> 00:30:26,620
Why, God, do bad things
always happen to me?
758
00:30:26,630 --> 00:30:27,630
I mean...
759
00:30:27,630 --> 00:30:30,630
(hoarsely): I am such a good person.
760
00:30:30,630 --> 00:30:32,800
(clacking, squeaking)
761
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,330
Chanel, is that you?
762
00:30:42,810 --> 00:30:44,210
No!
763
00:30:44,210 --> 00:30:47,540
Help! Help!
764
00:30:47,550 --> 00:30:49,410
(screams)
765
00:30:49,420 --> 00:30:52,260
(muffled screaming, gasping)
766
00:30:54,420 --> 00:30:57,790
(muffled gasping)
767
00:30:57,790 --> 00:30:59,160
(screaming)
768
00:31:03,330 --> 00:31:05,530
(muffled screams continue)
769
00:31:07,670 --> 00:31:10,970
(muffled screaming, sobbing)
770
00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,740
Hello, handsome.
771
00:31:14,110 --> 00:31:16,140
Oh, don't worry.
772
00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:18,110
I-I'm not here to stop you.
773
00:31:18,110 --> 00:31:19,980
(muffled grunt)
774
00:31:19,980 --> 00:31:21,980
I'm on the same team.
775
00:31:21,980 --> 00:31:25,280
How about you take off that mask
so we can have a real talk?
776
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:28,450
(whimpering) Oh, don't worry about her.
777
00:31:28,450 --> 00:31:30,790
She'll be dead before she
can tell anyone who you are.
778
00:31:30,790 --> 00:31:32,460
(muffled sobbing)
779
00:31:45,170 --> 00:31:47,270
Wow, you have a problem.
780
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,050
Zayday's getting close, yes?
781
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,110
I was gonna kill her next, but...
782
00:31:54,110 --> 00:31:55,780
she kind of scares me.
783
00:31:55,780 --> 00:31:57,850
Let's make a deal.
784
00:31:57,850 --> 00:32:01,720
You just keep on being
the muscle in this operation,
785
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:03,620
and you let me be the brains.
786
00:32:03,620 --> 00:32:05,520
I think I'm doing just fine
in that department.
787
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,190
Please. Who the hell thinks
the best way to shut down
788
00:32:08,190 --> 00:32:10,290
the hospital's by killing
all the patients?
789
00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:12,700
How about killing the
nurses or the doctors
790
00:32:12,700 --> 00:32:14,360
or the damn woman running the place?
791
00:32:14,370 --> 00:32:17,400
I-I've tried, but they're
all so hard to kill.
792
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:18,800
(whimpering)
793
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,500
So what's in it for you?
794
00:32:20,510 --> 00:32:23,710
The Chanels.
795
00:32:23,710 --> 00:32:25,310
You don't touch them.
796
00:32:25,310 --> 00:32:26,580
They're all mine.
797
00:32:28,910 --> 00:32:30,650
(muffled grunting)
798
00:32:30,650 --> 00:32:32,420
I can work with that.
799
00:32:33,550 --> 00:32:35,820
Would you mind if I...
800
00:32:35,820 --> 00:32:37,590
helped you out on this one?
801
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:39,860
Just for fun?
802
00:32:39,860 --> 00:32:41,260
(muffled yelling)
803
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,660
By all means.
804
00:32:46,330 --> 00:32:48,800
(muffled grunting)
805
00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:54,040
So you're the other Green Meanie
806
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,070
that's been killing people around here?
807
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,850
I haven't killed anyone here yet.
808
00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,580
What are you talking about?
809
00:32:59,580 --> 00:33:01,610
Well, I didn't kill all the victims.
810
00:33:01,610 --> 00:33:03,680
There's someone else
running around here
811
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,120
killing people, too.
812
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,920
Hmm. Shall we?
813
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,090
Ladies first.
814
00:33:11,090 --> 00:33:12,720
(screaming)
815
00:33:14,190 --> 00:33:17,490
(continues screaming)
816
00:33:21,740 --> 00:33:25,210
HESTER: What to do, what to do.
817
00:33:26,050 --> 00:33:27,820
I need blood.
818
00:33:27,820 --> 00:33:31,720
And these patients would
be so easy to murder.
819
00:33:32,660 --> 00:33:34,460
No.
820
00:33:34,460 --> 00:33:36,630
Hester, you promised no killing.
821
00:33:36,630 --> 00:33:40,460
But where can I get the blood
I need to treat Vampire Guy
822
00:33:40,460 --> 00:33:43,700
so Dean Munsch
doesn't lock me up again?
823
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:56,180
Oh, hey. You're...
824
00:33:56,180 --> 00:33:57,610
you're Hester, right?
825
00:33:57,620 --> 00:33:59,190
The girl who murdered a bunch of folks
826
00:33:59,180 --> 00:34:00,620
and was locked in a cage downstairs
827
00:34:00,620 --> 00:34:02,650
but then they let you
out for some reason
828
00:34:02,650 --> 00:34:03,880
and now you sort of work here?
829
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:05,690
That's right.
830
00:34:05,690 --> 00:34:07,390
Okay.
831
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,360
Uh, hey, wh-what are you doing
832
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,160
- with those pints of blood?
- Oh, these?
833
00:34:14,170 --> 00:34:16,210
These are headed to the
biohazard Dumpster.
834
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:17,700
You mean the swamp.
835
00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:19,470
Yeah, the swamp.
They're the pints of blood
836
00:34:19,470 --> 00:34:21,940
that Chanel donated,
but evidently they're crawling
837
00:34:21,940 --> 00:34:24,970
with every type of STD,
so nobody can use them.
838
00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:26,820
Nice meeting you.
839
00:34:31,850 --> 00:34:35,520
(sighs) All right, stupid,
tiny, Goth bitch, let's see
840
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,720
if you've put me over the top.
841
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,260
(screaming)
842
00:34:43,660 --> 00:34:45,790
Hey! What happened?
843
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,330
- Wha...?
- Oh, my God.
844
00:34:47,330 --> 00:34:50,370
This poor gir...
Wait, who is she again?
845
00:34:50,370 --> 00:34:52,740
Chanel #9 or 10 or 11,
846
00:34:52,740 --> 00:34:54,920
I don't know... at a certain
point you just lose count.
847
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:58,640
Well, why'd you hook her up
to all these... blood bags?
848
00:34:58,640 --> 00:34:59,910
This is weird.
849
00:34:59,910 --> 00:35:02,340
Me? I didn't do this!
850
00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:04,150
I heard screaming!
851
00:35:08,590 --> 00:35:10,820
Damn it!
852
00:35:10,820 --> 00:35:13,590
(exhales) You know, at some point,
853
00:35:13,590 --> 00:35:16,390
this swamp is gonna be,
like, 90% dead bodies.
854
00:35:16,390 --> 00:35:18,490
Wait a second.
855
00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:21,330
Chanel #9 was my patient, right?
856
00:35:21,330 --> 00:35:24,070
Well, it looks like she gave
about two dozen bags of blood,
857
00:35:24,070 --> 00:35:25,430
which means I am back
858
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,540
in the lead, which means
we are going on our romantic,
859
00:35:28,540 --> 00:35:31,910
luxurious, all-expense-paid
vacation to Blood Island!
860
00:35:31,910 --> 00:35:34,410
No. A... you're going
to Blood Island alone,
861
00:35:34,410 --> 00:35:36,780
because I'm still creeped
out about those STD's;
862
00:35:36,780 --> 00:35:37,850
and two...
863
00:35:37,850 --> 00:35:39,450
aren't you a little upset
864
00:35:39,450 --> 00:35:41,350
that your friend just got murdered?
865
00:35:41,350 --> 00:35:43,290
Meh.
866
00:35:43,290 --> 00:35:44,550
MUNSCH: It was Hester.
867
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,030
Hester did this.
868
00:35:47,020 --> 00:35:48,790
She needed blood for Vampire Guy,
869
00:35:48,790 --> 00:35:51,530
and she's a serial killer.
Come on, let's go look for her.
870
00:35:51,530 --> 00:35:52,530
Come on. (groans)
871
00:35:52,530 --> 00:35:53,900
She's a what?
872
00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:55,360
Just one more spoonful.
873
00:35:55,370 --> 00:35:56,800
You know you want it.
874
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:58,730
Open up the tunnel for the blood train.
875
00:35:58,740 --> 00:36:01,570
No, I-I never want any blood
again, not even a bloody Mary.
876
00:36:01,570 --> 00:36:03,910
- I'm cured! I'm cured!
- MUNSCH: Hester!
877
00:36:03,910 --> 00:36:06,540
Where did you get that blood?
And before
878
00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:08,110
you answer, please remember we have
879
00:36:08,110 --> 00:36:09,910
a patient present, so if your answer is
880
00:36:09,910 --> 00:36:12,550
by killing someone and draining
all the blood from their body,
881
00:36:12,550 --> 00:36:14,750
please, say it in code.
882
00:36:14,750 --> 00:36:15,880
Wait, what?
883
00:36:15,890 --> 00:36:17,490
I'm offended by that accusation.
884
00:36:17,490 --> 00:36:19,590
Though to be fair, it is warranted.
885
00:36:19,590 --> 00:36:20,760
That being said, I didn't kill anyone
886
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,240
in the service of getting this blood.
887
00:36:22,260 --> 00:36:23,330
I got it from Chamberlain.
888
00:36:23,330 --> 00:36:24,890
He was just gonna dump it in the swamp.
889
00:36:24,910 --> 00:36:26,230
You fed him Chanel's blood?
890
00:36:26,230 --> 00:36:27,940
Geez, you should have
just fed him cyanide.
891
00:36:27,950 --> 00:36:29,350
BRANDON: I-Is there something wrong
892
00:36:29,370 --> 00:36:30,670
with that blood? I-I drank,
893
00:36:30,670 --> 00:36:32,430
like, three vials of it.
894
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:33,970
(groans) No, nothing wrong per Se,
895
00:36:33,970 --> 00:36:37,770
unless you consider having every
diagnosable STD in it "wrong"?
896
00:36:37,780 --> 00:36:41,420
Oh! At the moment I have been
cured of my need to drink blood
897
00:36:41,410 --> 00:36:43,250
and pretend to be a douchy vampire,
898
00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:45,750
- I'm cursed with being a sexual pariah.
- Honey,
899
00:36:45,750 --> 00:36:47,350
you are a pale weirdo
with receding gums
900
00:36:47,350 --> 00:36:48,870
who can't eat at an ethnic restaurant!
901
00:36:48,900 --> 00:36:51,360
You're a pariah with or without an STD!
902
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,370
Fortunately, you don't have one.
903
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,260
I checked the blood before
I gave it to him. It's clean.
904
00:36:56,260 --> 00:36:58,360
Free of any and all STD's.
(relieved sigh)
905
00:36:58,360 --> 00:36:59,700
What?
906
00:36:59,700 --> 00:37:02,030
(pants)
907
00:37:02,030 --> 00:37:03,870
I'm shocked.
908
00:37:03,870 --> 00:37:05,200
Uh...
909
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:06,500
uh... Oh, I knew
910
00:37:06,500 --> 00:37:08,140
you were behind this!
911
00:37:08,140 --> 00:37:10,270
Oh, I am gonna get you.
912
00:37:10,270 --> 00:37:13,180
When you least expect it,
I am going to get you.
913
00:37:13,180 --> 00:37:16,140
HOFFEL: Chanel? I've been
looking all over for you.
914
00:37:16,150 --> 00:37:17,980
Congratulations.
915
00:37:17,980 --> 00:37:20,160
The extra blood you submitted
by totally exsanguinating
916
00:37:20,170 --> 00:37:23,390
Chanel #9 has officially taken you past
917
00:37:23,390 --> 00:37:26,120
the arbitrary yet official finish line.
918
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,120
You win the blood drive.
919
00:37:29,130 --> 00:37:31,290
I'm going to Blood Island?
920
00:37:31,300 --> 00:37:33,370
HOFFEL: You bet your tiny ass you are!
921
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,060
♪ ♪
922
00:37:37,870 --> 00:37:39,640
And these two
923
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:41,170
are for the other Chanels.
924
00:37:41,170 --> 00:37:43,040
Oh. Thank you. I'm gonna need one more,
925
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,040
because now that I am
officially STD-free,
926
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,640
I think a certain someone is gonna want
927
00:37:47,650 --> 00:37:49,690
to come with me... and
yes, I do mean that
928
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,650
as a euphemism.
929
00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:55,250
And here are your plane tickets.
930
00:37:55,250 --> 00:37:57,350
"Business select"?
931
00:37:57,350 --> 00:37:59,590
(chuckles) I only fly charter.
932
00:37:59,590 --> 00:38:00,890
Ooh!
933
00:38:00,890 --> 00:38:03,160
I... can't afford...
934
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,990
- a charter jet.
- Well, that's okay.
935
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,670
I'll just take the
cash-equivalency option
936
00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:08,160
and go on my own trip.
937
00:38:08,170 --> 00:38:09,710
What? I can't afford that.
938
00:38:09,700 --> 00:38:11,670
I've already maxed out
all my credit cards
939
00:38:11,670 --> 00:38:13,600
just to be able to afford this trip.
940
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,570
You have to go to Blood Island!
941
00:38:15,570 --> 00:38:17,910
Oh, you have to honor
the terms of the contest
942
00:38:17,910 --> 00:38:22,210
that you came up with, or you
will be hearing from my lawyer.
943
00:38:32,250 --> 00:38:34,850
O positive, O positive, AB negative.
944
00:38:34,850 --> 00:38:37,350
- What are you talking about?
- I checked the hospital records.
945
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,160
Bill Hollis' blood type is O positive,
946
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,530
so is Jane Hollis'.
947
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,160
What? How'd you find that out?
948
00:38:48,030 --> 00:38:50,770
Jackpot.
949
00:38:50,770 --> 00:38:52,230
Hot pies!
950
00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:55,950
Come and get your hot,
delicious pies! Ooh!
951
00:38:55,940 --> 00:38:57,200
Ma'am, can I tempt you
952
00:38:57,210 --> 00:38:59,840
with a free, delicious hot pie?
953
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,380
Oh.
954
00:39:01,380 --> 00:39:03,780
Why not? (chuckles)
955
00:39:05,210 --> 00:39:07,750
Just, what kind of pie is this?
956
00:39:07,750 --> 00:39:09,880
Worm pie.
957
00:39:09,890 --> 00:39:11,790
It's worm. Yep. Ew.
958
00:39:11,790 --> 00:39:14,020
You know, you can get a blood
type from a saliva sample
959
00:39:14,020 --> 00:39:17,630
using an indirect enzyme-linked
immunosorbent assay
960
00:39:17,630 --> 00:39:19,760
using monoclonal antibodies?
961
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:21,200
Whoa.
962
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,030
Oh, yeah, and my blood
type is AB negative,
963
00:39:23,030 --> 00:39:25,430
so there's no way I could
be the baby in the belly.
964
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,610
Thank the Lord!
965
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,870
I'm so relieved!
966
00:39:29,870 --> 00:39:31,540
I knew it couldn't be you.
967
00:39:31,540 --> 00:39:33,640
I'm so sorry I ever doubted you.
968
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,210
Oh, wait a minute.
969
00:39:35,210 --> 00:39:38,110
You know what that means, don't you?
970
00:39:38,110 --> 00:39:41,210
The baby in the belly
has to be O positive.
971
00:39:42,490 --> 00:39:44,590
♪ ♪
972
00:40:08,950 --> 00:40:11,620
BROCK: I don't understand.
973
00:40:11,610 --> 00:40:15,750
You're the only man on staff
with type O positive blood.
974
00:40:15,750 --> 00:40:17,490
- Really? (chuckles)
- Yes.
975
00:40:17,490 --> 00:40:21,360
Which is the same type as
a man named Bill Hollis,
976
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,090
who most likely was murdered here
977
00:40:23,090 --> 00:40:24,460
30 years ago,
978
00:40:24,460 --> 00:40:26,260
as well as his wife, Jane Hollis,
979
00:40:26,260 --> 00:40:28,360
who was with child at the time.
980
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:32,030
That child would also have
type O positive blood,
981
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,280
as well as a motive to murder
everyone here at the hospital.
982
00:40:35,270 --> 00:40:37,300
So... you're suggesting
983
00:40:37,310 --> 00:40:39,940
that I was that baby
they were pregnant with?
984
00:40:39,940 --> 00:40:42,110
(laughs) Well, I'm just,
like, very flattered
985
00:40:42,110 --> 00:40:44,380
that you all think I look 30, but...
986
00:40:44,380 --> 00:40:47,550
you do realize this is insane, right?
987
00:40:47,550 --> 00:40:50,690
Yeah. Well, you do bone
down like a 30-year-old.
988
00:40:50,690 --> 00:40:52,190
CHAMBERLAIN: I mean, you be, like,
989
00:40:52,190 --> 00:40:53,990
the most handsomest 50-year-old ever.
990
00:40:53,990 --> 00:40:55,650
You're, like, suspiciously
handsome, dude.
991
00:40:55,650 --> 00:40:57,060
Exactly.
992
00:40:57,060 --> 00:40:59,730
Maybe you spent every summer
for 30 years at the pool.
993
00:40:59,730 --> 00:41:02,160
Maybe as a teenager,
you were a lifeguard
994
00:41:02,170 --> 00:41:04,880
- and suffered severe sun damage.
- All right.
995
00:41:04,870 --> 00:41:07,700
I-I get it, I am ridiculously handsome
996
00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:10,740
and I do have an air of
youthfulness about me, but...
997
00:41:10,740 --> 00:41:12,740
O positive is the most
common blood type there is.
998
00:41:12,740 --> 00:41:14,710
40% of the people
on this Earth have it.
999
00:41:14,710 --> 00:41:16,580
I mean, it's weird
that I'm the only one
1000
00:41:16,580 --> 00:41:17,910
in the hospital that has it.
1001
00:41:17,910 --> 00:41:21,250
And yet this is where
we find ourselves.
1002
00:41:21,250 --> 00:41:23,820
The proof is in the pudding.
1003
00:41:23,820 --> 00:41:26,690
Or as I should say, the proof
is in the blood pudding.
1004
00:41:26,690 --> 00:41:29,520
No. Actually, I shouldn't.
1005
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:31,940
And I apologize for going for the pun.
1006
00:41:31,930 --> 00:41:33,890
The minute it left my mouth,
I felt dirty.
1007
00:41:33,900 --> 00:41:37,330
Dr. Holt... science
doesn't lie, and as far
1008
00:41:37,330 --> 00:41:38,870
as I'm concerned, at this point
1009
00:41:38,870 --> 00:41:41,600
- (wood creaking)
- you are the prime suspect.
1010
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:44,040
(Brock yells)
1011
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:48,210
This is an outrage,
and completely illogical.
1012
00:41:48,210 --> 00:41:50,180
You morons don't deserve to live.
1013
00:41:50,180 --> 00:41:53,650
(panting): You want to accuse me
of murder, you go right ahead.
1014
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,020
But there will be consequences.
1015
00:42:10,900 --> 00:42:12,630
You startled me.
1016
00:42:15,140 --> 00:42:17,240
Ooh. For me?
1017
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:21,540
(gasps)
1018
00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:23,480
You shouldn't have.
1019
00:42:26,150 --> 00:42:28,250
Won't this get a little confusing?
1020
00:42:28,250 --> 00:42:30,650
You say there are
already two Green Meanies,
1021
00:42:30,650 --> 00:42:32,050
so now there's three?
1022
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:33,720
Mm-hmm.
1023
00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:36,020
Works for me.
1024
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:40,090
Green is my color.
1025
00:42:40,100 --> 00:42:41,590
(chuckles softly)
1026
00:42:44,830 --> 00:42:46,930
♪ ♪
74192
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