All language subtitles for Charli XCX • Alone Together [2021]_EN

It's so draining,

not really seeing anybody.

It's just like, I hate it.

We don't realize how
often we crave human touch.

It's been really tough.

It's been really hard.

It made me
realize how much I miss that

emotional connection I have
with people in real life.

I never knew how much

I needed people around me
to feel alive.

I just, I miss my old life.

The world that we
live in now feels so different.

And it feels like,

with this new climate brings
a new way of creating.

In 2019, I was kicking
off my first headline tour

for my album, "Charli".

Fashion, fashion.

I felt like I was finally
in control

of every aspect of my career.

We're day two of rehearsals,

I've got a show tomorrow
in Atlanta.

It's all heating up.

Drama, drama, drama.

What will I wear?

What will it look like?

Will I sound good?

Yes.

Auto-Tune.

¶ Boom, clap

¶ The sound of my heart

¶ The beat goes on-

When I started out at
the age of 14

I was just sharing my music
on Myspace.

Your song is everywhere.

It's in all of our heads.

I didn't have a concrete goal.

I was just like, what's next?

What can keep me inspired?

What can keep me excited
about what I'm creating?

I want another creative high

and another one and another one.

Woo!

Charli is a singer,
songwriter, entrepreneur.

I'm never very
present or in the moment,

because I'm always
thinking about what's next.

It's never enough.

Charli XCX!

Her new album-

You know,
like nothing is good enough.

¶ Things that I say when
you don't want to listen ¶

¶ Things that you say when
I make bad decisions ¶

Even as I found success, I
still felt lost and unfulfilled.

I find it really hard to
look back at my achievements

and be proud of the things
that I've done.

¶ These are the things
that can make us official ¶

You gonna walk
back over to Mummy now?

Brilliant!

It all takes a
toll on my relationships.

Whether it be my relationship
with my family, my friends.

My relationship with
my boyfriend

or really,
my relationship with myself.

¶ So let's ride

¶ Vroom, vroom

¶ Bitches know they can't
catch me ¶

¶ Vroom, vroom

In 2016, I released "Vroom
Vroom" and I found support

from a strong,
proud LGBTQ plus audience.

¶ Bitches know they can't
catch me ¶

Their confidence really
inspired my own confidence.

And I began to understand
who I was as a person

and as an artist.

¶ Beep beep, so let's ride

Enter, The Angels.

¶ Electric lights

¶ Blow my mind

¶ I feel all right

¶ Never stop, it's how we ride

¶ Coming up until we die

I'd say the angels
are more like a family,

rather than like,
just the fan base.

There's a large proportion of
LGBT people.

And then the other half are
like, allies.

You know,
I feel like that's what makes

Charli's fan base quite special.

So, I kind of grew
up being very very shy.

Kind of ashamed of my
femininity.

I didn't really feel welcome.

There aren't, like, many
people that just get me.

When I started to get into
her fan base,

I finally felt like I
belonged somewhere.

Everybody that's in
her community of fans

supports each other.

Charli used to be in one
of the old group chats.

And I remember there was a
time where she was feeling down

and she decided to like
type it all out in a message

and send it to the group chat.

The fact that they
were able to show me bravery,

even if it was just like
through an Instagram post

or through a tweet or a
simple comment,

that made me feel like it was
okay for me to be vulnerable

because I felt so accepted
by them.

¶ I just wanna break the rules

So I got there at like
5AM, to, like, camp out.

Like, as soon as I got there,
like, I saw one of my friends

that I'd only known
online up to that point,

and she was just so sweet.

She just, like, dropped
everything, like gave me a hug,

with like, "Ellen!", and I
just, like, immediately felt,

like, felt safe in that
environment.

Like,
I saw her live in October

and I had a friend from
Twitter actually

get tickets to
the Philadelphia show

just so they can meet me.

I think a show, and like
a Charli show, for example,

is, like, one of the only
places where I was able to,

like, meet with these people.

Meet my friends.

Have a space where we can
be ourselves.

¶ I go hard, I go fast

¶ And I never look back

¶ I go speeding on the highway

¶ Burn rubber, no crash

¶ Turn the volume up
in the party ¶

¶ Put your hands up and dance

¶ Bump bump, in the rave

¶ Go forever and ever

¶ And bounce, never sleep

¶ Push it all on repeat

¶ I go speeding on the highway

¶ Flame burning, tire screams

¶ Turn the volume up
in your bedroom ¶

¶ Put your hands up and scream

¶ Bump bump, lights go out

¶ Bump, bump, in the rave

¶ Forever and ever

Thank you, thank you.

Hey, this is some real
cheesy shit right now.

You know, I've been
through so many different

phases as an artist.

From, you know, starting
out, making an album

that, like, nobody heard
but it was really good,

to making songs that are
on the radio

that lots of people heard,

but nobody really knew they
were by me.

From doing like big TV shows
and like, being in the charts,

but realizing that it
didn't make me happy.

Um,

and so,

then,

kind of changing my mind

and doing exactly what
the fuck I wanted.

And, the fact that...

Oh my god, I'm fucking crying.

The fact that I can
stand up here

and sing the songs
that I've made

because I wanted to make them,

not even thinking if
anybody else would like them

or care about them.

And that you guys care
and you fucking showed up.

And you value me for me.

That's really hard to do in
the pop industry, you know.

And I would not be here
without you.

And I'm really, really,
from the bottom of my heart,

I thank you so fucking much,
so thank you.

Thank you to every single
one of you.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm okay,

I'm okay.

Um, so I've been isolating,

self isolating for,
this is my fifth day.

Not feeling like me
becoming a chef.

I don't, in ways, sometimes
I'm like, this is so fun.

Like, it feels like a snow day.

We're going to do a live
art class.

One, two, three.

So you do as much as
you can and ten there,

so you keep your heart
rate up really high.

Okay.

Over to the left side.

You're so good at this.

Guys, this shit is really
fucking hard.

And then I kind of get a
bit existential and I get,

that's when I get kind
of sucked into this hole.

My heart is, like, racing.

I feel so anxious.

I feel so anxious.

Everyone being inside
all the time.

It's just kind of making
the days blur into each other.

I haven't seen any of
my friends since March.

It's been horrible.

It's been, like, so lonely.

It's been online
all the time, really.

Having so much time
to, like, do nothing,

you get depressed, you
get sad, you get anxious.

So, I'm a drag queen,
so I love to party.

But right now we're home.

And so, I'm losing it.

Because my drag is such
a huge part of what I do,

and I haven't been able
to express myself fully

the way that I'm used to.

I had events lined up
and you know

gigs and all of that
was canceled.

You know, I feel like part of
me is kind of like missing.

I feel like I really
want this lockdown to end.

I'm kind of just, like,
flailing around doing nothing.

I need to be preoccupied.

Everything today feels
so overwhelming, like,

it's like sensory overload.

I'm sad.

- Hi.
- Hi.

How's it going?

Are you, like,
recording everything

as in recording everything
in your life, full stop?

Or like?

Your, this is, I'm recording,

I don't, yeah, there you go.

Well, I had this idea I
wanted to talk to you about.

Okay,

so,

I've decided

that during this time

of self isolation I'm going
to try and make an album.

Recording myself, sending
things back and forth

to producers.

It will be very much what
I can do myself, I suppose.

Is that too scary?

Uh...

Okay.

I got a load of equipment today,

so I'm going start trying
to test things tomorrow.

Okay. So I open the, I've
got the Logic file open.

I can't get it going
through the headphones

and I'm probably being
really dumb.

Oh, yeah, it's on the side.

Okay.

Input one.

Woo, okay, yeah feedback.

Okay that's great.

Yeah.

Oh, I can hear it.

Hello.

Oh my God, I can hear myself.

Sick!

Hello.

La la, la la, la la.

Okay, now I guess that's
the beginning.

Masks are a must.

And so is keeping close to home.

We are extending the safer
at home order until May 15th.

Please stay home.

Hi, everybody.

Yes.

Everybody spam me in the chat.

Oh my gosh.

Thank you so much for
joining me.

I wanted to make this
announcement special.

For me, my positivity goes hand
in hand with being creative.

I really need to be creative
to feel happy

and to feel comfortable

and to make sure that my mental
health is staying on track.

And so that's why I've decided

that I am going to make a
brand new album

during this quarantine period.

I'm going to basically be
making it live.

I want to open up the entire
process to all of you.

I'm going to be sharing
demos with you,

acapellas with you.

I'm going to ask you guys
to help me make videos.

The album is going to be
called "How I'm Feeling Now"

and I'm going to set
the release date for May 15th.

We're starting from nothing.

Hopefully it all works out.

Day one.

From all angles.

What's happening?

I'm cooking two pieces
of bacon.

Got to get this from the side.

Got to get this.

The scoop, it's the scoop.

We've got it.

Oh my god, delicious.

How many cameras have you got?

There are three cameras.

We're all going to be
filming at all times.

So that maybe we can make
something interesting.

Listening to last file the
agent sent me.

He's in Montana, I'm in L.A.

Um, fuck I have to
plug all this shit in.

Wait.

Oh my god, this is a mess.

I'm listening to a
Palmistry beat.

This is the idea that got
sent to me.

It's so good.

Sometimes I do feel like
it's good to look cute

if you want to sound cute.

But most of the time, I kind
of just look like trash.

There is no way I'm comping
this shit.

I'm going to send it to A.G.

¶ You could watch me
pull up on your body ¶

¶ Like it's summer,
take my clothes off ¶

¶ In the water, splash around

¶ And get you blessed like
holy water ¶

And also I feel like I can't
really, like,

sing at the moment.

Like, I sound crazy.

So-

- I mean, it
might also be the set up,

it might all be-

- So, may-, you-

- That's all that is.

Yeah, you keep cutting in
and out a little bit, but,

I'm sorry, that was all-

¶ Now I'm all alone
at the party ¶

¶ If you saw my tears,
would you- ¶

¶ Now I'm feeling lone
and alone ¶

¶ You got me hanging on
at the party ¶

¶ Got me like that,
got me like that ¶

Ah, fuck.

Oh my god.

How do I end this shit?

I need to end this shit.

Hello everybody.

It's me.

Thank you for joining me.

It's only day two, but
I'm really enjoying this

whole new album process.

Sharing everything
with you guys.

I wanted to tell you about
this song idea

that I've been working on.

I feel like this whole album

is going to be about my
relationship with my partner.

How do you feel today, Huck?

I feel grateful for this time.

We've been in quarantine
together

alongside my two managers,

who I also live with

and we went to school together,
so it's kind of intense.

Prior to quarantine,
we were kind of, like,

going through more of a
difficult time.

He lives in New York.

I live in LA a lot of the time.

And so, obviously, like,
distance is a real thing for us.

When did you come to LA,

and where were you before?

I came to LA exactly a
month ago.

What date?

Friday the 13th.

Dun, dun, dun!

Yeah, it's bad.

And where were you?

New York city.

Mm hmm.

Yeah.

And where are you now?

Los Angeles.

At whose house?

Charles Emma Aitch-ton.

Aitchison?

Do you not know how to say it?

No, I just said it weird.

It's crazy.

We've dated for seven
years, on and off, but like,

the longest time we've ever
spent together is 11 days.

There are a lot of things

that we needed to kind of
talk about and,

and kind of rescue in our
relationship, I suppose.

I feel like the tone
of the album

and a lot of the lyrics
on the album

are gonna be about him.

Okay. One,
I'm worried that the room is

gonna make everything sound bad.

It's literally just
like, a mic, like that.

Hopefully it's just
like the mic side level.

I think there's a lot we
can do with it,

even sounding semi lofi.

Yeah, it should sound lofi.

I mean, it will.

It should.

Yeah, okay, no
that will be kinda fun.

I was thinking that too
anyway, like more, yeah, yeah,

like borderline party tracks.

No, I think we should go-

I mean, borderline, but also-
- Full party.

I think we should, like,
go to the club.

Okay, but not though.

But not.

Just stay in.

Stay in.

Stay in.

Build your own club.

Um, I'm recording a
second verse idea

for this idea that Dylan Brady
and Danielle Hall sent me.

And basically the song,
currently,

is kind of just about
like, missing my friends

and actually just now I
like really want to party.

Um, oh. And I posted some
of these lyrics online

and people were like these
are so shit,

which I thought was funny,

'cause fuck everyone.

They'll really like
this when it comes out.

Cause it slaps.

¶ Uh, uh, uh

¶ I'm bouncing on that uh,
uh, uh, uh ¶

¶ That-

¶ I'm living up when I wake up

¶ Uh, uh

¶ Baby, uh, uh

¶ Uh, uh, baby don't you
lie about the uh, uh ¶

¶ Uh, uh,
baby don't you lie about- ¶

Hello, hello, hello, hello.

Um, I wanted to do this live,

because I'm currently
writing a new song

and I need your help on
some lyrics and stuff.

Also, I'm struggling a
bit today.

Like, my voice is in so
much pain.

I also just checked
the countdown

and realized I've got 24
days left to make this album.

And I'm kind of having a
bit of a fucking freak out,

if I'm honest.

Um, but yeah.

It'll be fine.

Okay. So anyways, I want
to play you this new idea.

It's sick.

Can you hear it?

It's a banger.

I love it.

So that is the idea.

That's the beat.

This is the top line

idea that I did.

¶ I want anthems

¶ Late nights, my friends,
New York ¶

¶ Finally, when it's over

¶ We could be even closer

Someone saying "Vocals
are a bit rough though",

yeah?

I'm fucking showing you my
process, fool.

So, this is what I'm
thinking right?

¶ Uh, uh, uh, uh

¶ The days are warping

¶ Uh, uh, uh, uh

¶ Go online shopping

Fucking poet.

Mwah.

No, not the days are
whopping, like warping,

like, warping.

The days are warping,
for my American fans.

¶ I'm so uninspired

¶ I just want to breathe

¶ Flowers in the trees

Like, I want to be outside

and then like break
the rhyme, like-

¶ Get some hands

Like I want to hold
someone's hand.

Someone said "Going".

Morphing.

¶ The days are morphing

The day-

Exhausting is good.

These days I'm trolling.

Oh, feel the heat of the bodies.

Genevieve, I like that.

Okay, so this is the best.

Thank you for helping
me write it.

I'm going to sing it one
more time,

and then I'm done.

¶ Uh, uh, uh, uh

¶ These days exhausting

¶ Uh, uh, uh, uh

¶ Go online shopping

¶ I'm so uninspired

¶ I just wanna breathe

¶ Flowers in the trees

¶ Go down on my knees

¶ Got some hands to hold onto

¶ I got existential and
so strange ¶

¶ I handle sounds when
I'm shouting ¶

¶ I just wanna go to parties

¶ Up high, want to feel
the heat of all the bodies ¶

¶ I want anthems

¶ Late nights, my friends-

Okay, well, guys,

this is the first time I've
ever done anything like this.

Like, thank you for helping me.

Okay. I'm going to go now.

Um, bye.

Okay. So I just wrote
lyrics with my fans online,

which is cool.

They had good ideas.

Now I'm going to record them.

¶ I'm so bored

It's just so fun to
be alone in your room

and like put your headphones
in and listen to the new stuff

and just dance and like, forget
about it for three minutes.

¶ I want anthems

The fact that everybody is,
as a group, listening to this,

like, online at the same
time it's like,

you get to be there with
everyone else.

It's like a unity, almost.

¶ Wanna wake up with you

¶ I want anthems

¶ Late nights, my friends,
New York ¶

¶ Finally, when it's over

¶ We might be even closer

So I posted three
images online.

I was leaning towards image
number two,

which, it seems like
you guys also

were kind of leaning
towards as well.

Charli
XCX with a brand new track,

called "Forever".

Charli's on the phone with
us right now

to talk us through the song.

I need you guys to help me

sending this stuff in to Dan.

He's editing it all together.

¶ I just wanna go to parties

¶ Up high, want to feel
the heat from all the bodies ¶

¶ Now that goes here
in my head ¶

¶ I will always love you

¶ I love you forever

¶ Even when we're not together

¶ I will always love you

¶ I love you forever

¶ Said, I love you forever

I love him.

He so hot.

Even with kind of a chin.

Well, he doesn't really have
a double chin at this moment.

I wonder what he's
thinking about.

I like his mustache.

Ah!

Shut up, shut up.

No, don't!

Woo!

Careful!

Enough.

I'm feeling a little bit
nervous about

the deadline that's approaching-

- Um, I just got invited
to ask a question,

and I look like shit.

So, this is going to be...

Interesting.

Coleman, what's up Coleman?

How are you?

Hey, how are you Charli?

I'm so good, you look so cute!

Look at your room,
it's so adorable.

Oh my god, thank you so much.

I literally just woke up.

So how's your quarantine
been going?

You know, just being
stuck in my thoughts.

It's hard.

It was really bad for a little,

but like I was very
anxious, very depressed.

I don't know, I'm just,

I'm scared for the future.

Like, what if I can't even
go to college in the fall?

You know, it's just...

Hi, it's day whatever of
quarantine.

Meant to be here with
my flatmate,

but just before quarantine,
he went home to his family.

I definitely felt lonely.

I make music, like,
in my bedroom.

So, I'm trying to do a
remix of "claws" right now.

But I'm like, scared,
'cause like,

I don't want to, like,
mess it up.

I started making some
art works.

It gives me, like,
something to do every day.

So it feels like every day
has, like, a purpose behind it.

It's like a escape, almost.

Mental health professionals
are on alert

for those having a difficult
time under these extended

stay at home orders during
the pandemic.

41 Action News reporter,
Dan Cohen brings-

- Hey guys.

Hello.

Hello Sam.

How are you feeling now?

I'm going to start journaling.

Oh, writing?

Yeah. I guess you
guys call it journaling.

We would call that like,
writing a diary.

Yeah, that's nice.

You need another creative
outlet.

What, with the radio show,
the album.

The rock painting.

The rock painting documentary.

I know.

My therapist said I
have to do it.

Oh, nice.

It's supposed to help
me process my thoughts.

Yeah, mm.

And she said that because,

you know my dad's
adopted, right?

Yeah.

And my
therapist said that, like,

anyone who experiences adoption

experiences,
even if it's a very smooth,

experiences this feeling
of like unwantedness.

Mm.

Like, deep within their core,

right from when they're born.

Mm.

And that, that
can be, like, passed on.

It's in their children.

Because there's this
continuous feeling of like,

not being good enough to
be accepted.

Mm.

So that was kind of
interesting.

So that's why I have to journal.

That's the long story
about that.

No, it's super,

it's super interesting.
Very interesting.

Thank you for sharing that.

That's okay.

Okay, so, I am going
to write a to-do list.

So that I don't feel
unproductive tomorrow.

Like, I've got serious issues
with the way I handle my work

and the way I depend on work

to make me feel like I'm a
good person.

Palmistry beat.

I don't think I'm pretty enough.

I don't think I'm smart enough.

I don't think I'm
interesting enough

or funny enough of a person
to function without my work.

I feel like my work and
everything around it

is what makes me different
and interesting from people.

And without it, I just
feel like I'm nothing.

Okay, recording over
the outro for "Seven Years".

¶ Always, always, always

I really have to get over
giving a fuck what I sound like.

¶ Ooh

Okay, I'm going to see if
I can comp any of this,

and if not,
I'll do a few more takes.

Maybe even the first
two bits of take seven.

¶ I know that look inside
my eyes means deep pain ¶

Deep, know that look inside
my eyes means deep pain?

¶ Look inside my eyes means
deep pain ¶

Could be kind of interesting.

¶ Real strange

¶ Always, yeah

Sick, love that.

¶ Ooh, ooh

Okay, not done on that.

What happens if we do
something mad?

¶ Hello hello hello

¶ I see clearly

¶ So long, been scared
to show off my feelings ¶

¶ Hello, hello, hello,
got new meaning ¶

¶ Now I really see it

¶ I know that look inside my
eyes means- ¶

Okay, I'm not gonna play
the chorus,

but the chorus kind of
goes off too.

Yeah. That's it.

That's where I'm at.

I will post some stuff on
main feed.

And then in the comments
maybe you can just like say,

you know, what you think.

I've got another idea
for the video.

A different idea.

Which video?

The "claws" video.

You know, I envisioned-
Oh, the scooter stuff.

Yeah.

Literally a fucking disaster.

Ah!

I'm going to fucking die
making this.

So, forget about that
for a second.

Yeah.

I was thinking it could
be a cool idea

to get green screen.

Mm, yeah.

It could just be a shit,
a shit one.

And two green suits,
like body suits.

I know what you want to do.

And then me and Huck
are going to just make out

for like, 2 minutes.

And what could be cool is
that fans can send stuff.

Yeah?

To go on the green screen,
as well.

And it will just look like
our heads are like floating.

Oh, I love that!

Sick.

Wanna go show Sam my outfit.

Oh my god!

What!

This is, like,
incredibly unflattering.

What does it look like if
it's up over your head?

That's all the way up.

Obviously,
can't help ourselves.

Do you not want to do it?

No, I can do it.

If you don't want to
do it, just tell me.

And I'll think of a new idea.

Are you worried about
wearing your green suit?

It won't be anyone else
in the room.

We'll shoot it just you and
me together,

on tripods and stuff.

So, neither of us feel weird.

Mm.

Okay.

This is our music video set.

We made sure we recreated
it exactly how

they normally do,
with the E on Charli,

'cause everyone always spelled
my name wrong on videos.

Take one.

¶ Like your mind,
like your smile ¶

¶ Like your eyes, I could die

¶ Airplane, you are so fly

¶ Singin' songs by Jeremih

Question?

Yeah?

Should these lights be off?

Yes.

Oh my gosh.

Sorry guys.

So yeah,
we're shooting this video

and this is the first time
me and Huck

have shot a video together.

And I think we're a good team.

What do you think?

Yeah.

I carry stuff.

How is it if I start
like this?

Does it look cool?

Yeah.

Cool.

¶ Like your mind,
like your smile ¶

¶ Like your eyes, I could die

¶ Airplane, you are so fly

¶ Singin' songs by Jeremih

Hot

¶ I like, I like

Yeah?

Thanks everybody for being here.

That's a wrap.

Let's make some noise for-

for number one, for
number one and number two.

Thank you.

Thank you goes to the directors.

And, lovely to work with you.

So cool.

There's this dance that
Charli does

in the first verse of
the "claws" music video,

and I want to see if I
can learn it

and like film a video of me
dancing to it.

¶ Like your mind,
like your smile ¶

A lot of people don't have
supportive parents or family

that they're staying with
at the moment,

and that's like a really
tough thing for them.

Just having something to
feel like they're a part of,

and to like contribute
to, and like talk about

has definitely been like a
really like, right part of it.

That was not good.

That was attempt number one.

Hi Ronald.

How are you?

Okay. So you're going to
call me crazy,

but I have this cool idea.

I don't have that many
friends in real life,

here where I live.

People that surround me, they
don't like the way I dress,

or the music I listen to.

I feel like they will
never understand that.

So, basically I want to throw
a Charli XCX virtual party.

Wait, that's such a good idea.

Virtual parties have
had, like,

a big impact in my life,

because those places
didn't exist for me before.

A bunch of, like,
angels do DJ sets,

and they're going to, like,

be playing their own
mixes of Charli songs.

I really want people to come.

¶ I'm sorry that I missed
your party ¶

¶ I wish I had a better excuse

Guys, we have a special guest.

Charli is in the room.

Charli?

- Is she really here?
- Is that actual Charli

or just someone joining
as Charli?

No, it is Charli!

- Oh my god.
- Shut up.

Hello, hello, it's Charli.

Love you.

You guys want to hear a demo?

Big secret, don't tell anyone,

but I made, like, a
new version of "Click".

What?

Charli is here!

She's fucking here!

¶ Yeah, yeah, yeah

¶ I'm next level, so legit

¶ with all my clique,
clique, clique, yeah ¶

¶ I'm next level, so legit

¶ With all my clique,
clique, yeah, yeah, yeah ¶

¶ I'm next level, so legit

¶ with all my clique,
clique, clique, clique ¶

¶ Clique, clique, clique,
clique ¶

¶ Clique, clique, clique,
clique ¶

¶ Clique, clique, clique,
clique ¶

¶ Charli!

¶ White sheets, you and
me used to lay close ¶

¶ Blue summer, sittin'
high in the window ¶

¶ Phone calls every
night, had a new glow ¶

¶ My clique running through
my mind like a rainbow ¶

¶ We were so in love,
so we let go ¶

¶ Took it in our lungs,
then we all choked ¶

¶ Long drive, so divine
when the sun showed ¶

¶ My clique running through
my mind like a rainbow ¶

How long do you think
you'll wear a mask for?

Indefinitely.

Especially if I go back
to New York.

Have you had any more
updates on that?

I think it'll open up
again soon, our office,

but they're going to
like stagger everyone.

And since I'm like, events,

we're like pretty low on
the totem pole.

So I may be stuck with you
for a while.

How do you feel about that?

Be weird when you leave,

if you leave.

Even though I know I'm a
good person,

I guess, like, deep,
like, within me,

I seem to think that
I'm a really bad person

and it's kind of a tough
journey to be on

whilst you're around a
lot of people.

Oh, why's my Mum ringing me?

Hello?

It's quite late.

Hi.

- Hi.
- How are you?

I'm good, how are you?

Yeah, good thanks.

Oh, are you-

you're trying to video call me?

Yeah.

You okay?

Yes, I'm okay.

I just heard your Instagram.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

What was all that about?

That was-

It's just a, uh, audio from
like a voice recording.

I was just about
getting ready for bed

and I just looked on
Instagram and saw that,

and I thought, "Oh my God,
that sounds very depressing."

Don't be sad.

Aw, don't be sad.

Okay, I just
heard it and I thought,

what's all this about?

You're not a horrible person.

Okay, no,
so long as you're okay.

I'm okay.

Okay, that's fine.

Yeah, I think it
probably just scared her.

Yeah, I mean, it was
hard for me to listen to.

Really?

Yeah, I mean, not that,
I know-

we've been talking about all
that sort of stuff, but I mean,

it was sad.

Yeah.

Hello.

You all right?

Oh,

I stayed up very late
last night,

recording till six in
the morning.

And, it's not done.

¶ I just wanna go real hard

¶ I just wanna go real hard

¶ Pink diamond in the dark

¶ I just want to go real hard

¶ I just want to go real hard

¶ Without the Holy matrimony,
I'm wife ¶

¶ We went from really-

Fuck off.

Fuck, fuck, read, just
fucking read, Charli.

Just read the fucking shit
that you wrote.

Okay, again.

¶ The walls are all gone d-

No.

¶ He put me in the ground

¶ The walls are all
gone, did we melt them- ¶

I just feel like I'm not going
to finish this album in time.

We've got two songs of a 12
song, of a 10 song album mixed.

Mm.

Like, that's not good.

That's like really really,
really,

really, really fucking bad.

Ah, it's so hard to
fucking focus,

because I know that
you're watching.

This, it's like, I can't, it's
actually really difficult.

Shit.

I can't,
it's actually driving me crazy.

Oof, I just had a call with
my therapist,

which is a new thing that
I've been kind of doing.

I started like a week
before quarantine

and I think I've probably
done about like,

five or six sessions now
over the phone.

We only got to do one in person,

because then the quarantine
happened.

But yeah,
it's really interesting.

And,

I don't know, I'm just learning
a lot of stuff about myself.

She asked me to write this
thing down.

Three things down.

One says,
just because I believe something

doesn't mean it's true.

Another one says,
be gentle on myself.

And the third one says,
I'm good enough.

And I find it really hard
to read the last one.

I find it really hard
to say I'm good enough.

And I find it hard because,
when I say it,

when I say it I just immediately
like, hear this voice,

and it says, you don't
deserve to be good enough.

And I really, I know that I do.

It's like my head and my
body feel different things,

like I know, I do
deserve to be good enough

but my, like, core inside me,

like, doesn't want me to, like,

doesn't believe it's true
or something like that.

I'm supposed to be confident,

and like, inspiring, I hate
myself for saying that,

but I'm not and it makes
me feel like a liar.

Public health director,
Barbara Ferreira,

Dr. Barbara Ferriera
suggested that

LA County stay at home order
will likely be extended

for the next three months.

That is very sobering news.

Now, here's what she said.

I just don't know how
longer I can take,

like, life being so weird.

And that sounds very selfish,

but it's just like,

it sucks.

Like the thought of
like going to a concert

or going to a club or
like going to a party,

it's like,

did that ever really exist?

It feels like a dream.

It really is like such a
lonely time.

Cause I'm out of work currently,
but I'm also transitioning

and my parents aren't
supportive of that.

So, I'm like spending every
single day in my bedroom

and work kind of gave me
that escape.

I just try to hide, like,

pretty much everything
that I do.

At least my mom, I mean,
she's just very not supportive

and it's just, it's hard.

At this point,
I just kind of live

in Charli concerts in my mind

to kind of help me get
through my day.

I've still been working
a little bit here and there

but it has been like a cut
to my income.

I can still, you know,
do the makeup

and do the outfit and take
some photos.

But there's so much of
the experience

that is missing from that.

San Franciso's oldest gay bar,
The Stud,

is closing its doors.

I miss the club.

I miss outside.

I'm stuck here, like,
with my thoughts

and it's challenging at times.

But like, with seeing
her just share all this,

it's, it gives a lot of us
something to look forward to.

What?

What's the best
thing about me?

The best thing about you?

Mm.

The best thing about you is...

Probably tits?

Maybe... uh.

Oh my gosh.

I'm just kidding.

The best part is just
our whole relationship.

Seven years.

You're very fun,
you make me laugh

and nice, sometimes.

When am I not nice?

When you're tired.

What's
the worst thing about me?

Um...

I don't like it when you're
not enjoying yourself.

To have a little more fun.

What do you
mean, like, in life?

Yeah.

You don't think I have fun?

You're a workaholic.

Do you like
living with me in my house?

I love living with you
in your house.

Are you just saying
that cause you're on camera?

No.

Um...

Were you nervous
about living with me

in my house?

Yeah. I thought that
we were gonna, well,

this is the most time we've,

the longest time we'd
spent together

before this was like two weeks.

Which is crazy,

for people who've been
together for seven years.

Yeah.

Given what your life is,

I know that this is, like,
very rare time.

So I'm enjoying it.

¶ I only threw this
party for you ¶

¶ Only threw this party
for you, for you, for you ¶

¶ I was hopin' you would
come through ¶

¶ I was hopin' you would come
through, it's true, it's true ¶

Do you think we have it?

Oh yeah, cool.

I like it with the camera too,
actually.

Yeah.

That, I feel like this
can be like an album cover.

That one.

¶ Party on you

Oof, god.

¶ Baby, I love you bad

¶ Baby, I love you bad

¶ Oh, baby, oh I love you bad

¶ Baby

I finally understand,
I finally understand.

My therapist said I
hate myself really bad.

She did say that.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

¶ If the walls are all gone,
did we melt them down ¶

¶ Liquid in my hands,
liquid in my mouth ¶

¶ Got footage on my phone,
did it with your tongue ¶

¶ And now we're sticking
close, and I understand ¶

¶ Baby, I love you bad

¶ 'Cause lately I finally
understand ¶

¶ That maybe this
feeling that I've found ¶

¶ Might kill me,
put me in the ground ¶

You've tapped
in from around the world.

Zane Lowe,
live from Los Angeles.

Charli's on Zane Lowe.

I don't want to keep
asking all these questions,

but it just screams at me,
I have to ask it, like,

what are you finally understand?

Basically, me and my boyfriend

have quarantined together.

It's brought us physically
close together,

but also emotionally, like, I
finally understand that, like,

this person is somebody who
I can trust with my life

and just feel very connected

with the people that I'm around.

And I feel more connected
than ever.

¶ Baby

¶ I love you bad

¶ 'Cause lately I finally
understand ¶

¶ That maybe this
feeling that I've found ¶

¶ Might kill me,
put me in the ground ¶

Five

days,

'til the album comes out.

The fans are really excited.

That makes me feel really
happy because,

I guess yeah,
this process is for them.

And that feels truly

special.

We're closing in, guys.

It's the final count down.

Send him the glitch doc, saying
that, got to update that.

I'm sending you a list of
songs to send to Mitch.

Is it one of
the performance thing

that I'm forgetting?

Okay. Now I need to
fucking finish an album.

If you could do
the merch shoot,

that would be a tick.
Big tick.

I thought bin day was Monday.

Bin day is Friday!

Yeah, well, today's Wednesday.

Oh.

I think it sounds amazing.

I think we should mix it.

What is that?

Oh, cool.

Hey, what do you think?

I feel good.

Really nice.

Yes!

Yeah!

Woo!

Sorry, I was playing it so loud

the camera fell off
the thing it was on.

Okay, so that transition was
really nice.

It's quite intense,
but I like it.

I like that track.

Sick. That's...

That's the album.

Crazy.

Fuck.

It's crazy.

I can't believe I made 11 songs

and it's going to be
out on time.

It takes a lot for me
to say this,

but I'm really proud of myself.

Dad wants to speak
to you as well.

Hi Dad.

Yeah. You're on camera
by the way.

All right, okay.

How have you been,
what have you been doing?

Mum wants me to convert an
en suite now.

Yeah, I'm reluctant to
do it, but Mum's keen.

No I'm not.

Other way round.

What do you want to make it?

So it could be a,
a secret room.

Okay.

You're so nuts.

You're nuts.

I don't want to do
it, but, Mum's not keen,

she wants me to get on
with the swimming pool.

No!

And the tree house?

What about the tree house
you were going to build

with the sauna?

You see,
he gives me the projects.

I remember you once
said to me,

you're never happy unless
you've got a project.

But I've often reflected
on it since,

that you are exactly the same.

Yeah.

And this idea of doing an
album during the lockdown

was very crazy and mad,
but you've done it.

Yeah, yeah.

It's good.

Good morning.

Happy "How I'm Feeling Now" day.

Yeah, I open tonight.

I'm excited.

It's gonna be really, really,
really good.

Ah!

I'm moving my studio
downstairs,

so that I can DJ at
club quarantine tonight,

which is this really,
really fun LGBTQ plus party

that happens on Zoom
every night.

And tonight,
it's my album party.

I'm plugging the microphone,

where the deed was done.

I went to a listening
party a few weeks ago

and it was honestly like one
of the most fun times I've had

in quarantine so far.

Everybody just dancing and
enjoying all the same music

and, you know, feeling like
you're in a room with everybody.

I don't know how to explain it.

It just feels,
feels really comforting.

Smile through it.

Dance through it.

Party through it.

It'll be over eventually.

We don't know when, but
someday life will be

once like it was.

Let's do it.

¶ I'm so bored

¶ Wake up late and eat
some cereal ¶

¶ Try my best to be physical

¶ Lose myself in a TV show

¶ Staring out to oblivion

¶ All my friends are invisible

¶ Twenty four-seven,
miss 'em all ¶

¶ I might cry like a waterfall

¶ I feel afraid when I
feel alone, yeah, uh ¶

¶ Have sex, me and my Romeo

¶ He says I'm irresistible

¶ I'm gassed up like
I'm Texaco ¶

¶ I ride, ride, ride,
ride, ride, ¶

¶ Ride, ride, ride,
ride, ride it ¶

¶ Sometimes I feel okay,
some days I'm so frightened ¶

¶ I want anthems

¶ Late nights, my friends,
New York ¶

¶ I sleep,
wanna wake up brand new ¶

¶ I sleep,
wanna wake up with you ¶

¶ I want anthems

¶ Late nights, my friends,
New York ¶

¶ Finally, when it's over

¶ We might be, even closer,
uh, uh ¶

Put your hands up!

I wanna see where you guys
are right now.

Let me see us go global.

Whoa, yes!

And now we're going to have
an incredible, incredible

performance from the one
and only, Poison Oakland,

so make some noise.

Hi Charli.

Thank you
so much for being here.

Oh my god, it's Poison.

Girl, I would not miss it.

I was going to be here.

I was so excited for this.

And I'm so glad you're
having me here.

You look incredible

and everybody is absolutely
gagging, so let's go.

¶ I got pictures in my mind

¶ I can see it so clearly,
see it all the time ¶

¶ Visions comin' every night

¶ You can call me so crazy
following that light ¶

¶ I see you at night

¶ I got pictures in my mind

With this project

and the way she's opened
it up for everyone,

she's united a lot of
people that were in need.

Listening to music with
other people

it kind of makes you
feel like a human again.

Because even though you
don't know the people,

you know that they care
about you.

You know that they're
there for you.

There's a community and we're
all having a great time.

We don't give a what other
people think.

And it's amazing.

We are all, in some ways,

going through exactly
the same thing.

And it feels like this
new way of connecting.

We created a world online,

where we could be together.

And we went somewhere

without even having to leave
our bedrooms

in a time where we were
forced to be apart.

We felt connected in ways
that we never had before.

We were alone together.

Oh, here we go.

Coming up on some views,
I think.

Yes!

What time is it?

9:29.

- And we-
- Pacific standard?

Yeah, and we are gonna
play the new album...

Is it there?

By Charli XCX.

If, oh yeah, there it is.

- Woo!
- Woo!

It's out.

Let's stream it.

Congrats, baby.

Thank you.

¶ I only threw this
party for you ¶

¶ I only threw this party
for you, for you, for you ¶

¶ I was hoping you would
come through ¶

¶ I was hoping you would come
through, it's true, it's true ¶

¶ I only threw this
party for you ¶

¶ I only threw this party
for you, for you, for you ¶

I just feel a bit like,

What?

Just a bit like, bored.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

Well, yeah, like what
am I going to do now?

The music's done.

Should we do another one?

¶ For you, for you

¶ I'm about to party on you

¶ Watch me,
watch me party on you, yeah ¶

¶ You could watch me
pull up on your body ¶

¶ Like it's summer, take my
clothes off in the water ¶

¶ Splash around and get you
blessed like holy water ¶

¶ I don't know what you were
waiting for ¶

¶ You know that I've
been waiting for you ¶

¶ Yeah, if you saw my
tears, would you touch me? ¶

¶ Kiss me on the mouth,
say you love me? ¶

¶ Leave a message,
tell me you're sorry? ¶

¶ Hit me right back,
hit me right back ¶

¶ Why you treating me like
someone that you never loved? ¶

¶ I only threw this
party for you ¶

¶ Only threw this party
for you, for you, for you ¶

¶ I was hopin' you would
come through ¶

¶ I was hopin' you would come
through, it's true, it's true ¶

¶ Only threw this
party for you ¶

¶ I only threw this party
for you, for you, for you ¶

¶ I'm about to party on you

¶ Watch me,
watch me party on you, yeah ¶

¶ I only threw this
party for you ¶

¶ Only threw this party
for you, for you, for you ¶

¶ I was hopin' you would
come through ¶

¶ I was hopin' you would come
through, it's true, it's true ¶

¶ I only threw this
party for you ¶

¶ I only threw this party
for you, for you, for you ¶

¶ I'm about to party on you

¶ Watch me,
watch me party on you, yeah ¶