All language subtitles for the.big.bang.theory.s12e04.internal.720p.web.x264-bamboozle NON HI-en

Hey, whatcha doing?

Improving
our wedding photos.

Oh, that's nice.

Wait, I'm still in them, right?

Of course.
And not only you.

I've added some guests
who couldn't be there.

Who's that next
to my father?

The Wright brothers.

And why are they at our wedding?

Orville, because I admire him;

Wilbur, because he was
Orville's plus-one.

Oh.

You got an e-mail
from someone named Tam.

Tam? What does he want?

Uh...

looks like he's coming to give
his son a tour of Caltech.

He's hoping you guys
can meet up.

He would like that, wouldn't he?

Well, that is the gist
of the e-mail.

Who's Tam?

He was my best friend

in the whole world growing up.

Really? Why have I never
heard you mention him before?

Oh, of course I have.
I'm sure I've mentioned him,

like, five times this week.

I don't think you have.

Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam!
There, it's only Thursday.

I didn't just drink the crazy
milk, I bought the crazy cow.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

So, are you actually engaged
to this woman you just met?

Yeah.

Tell us the truth.
Did she get you pregnant?

Very funny.

Guys, I need your help, okay?

I'm trying to buy her
engagement ring.

What do you
think of this?

Do you think she'll
like this one?

Well, it's hard to say,
not knowing much about her.

Does she have fingers?

Yes, she has ten fingers

and ten toes.

Probably. I'll get back to you
after I see her in sandals.

Hey, did you guys know
that Sheldon had

a best friend growing up
named Tam?

Was that the imaginary
talking koala?

No. He's a real person
who apparently betrayed him.

Yeah, so did the koala.

I tried to ask him
about it,

and he invoked section three,
article five

of the marriage contract:
beeswax comma none of your.

I can't pry.

I mean, I have to
respect his wishes.

Wow. I wonder
what that guy could've done

to make Sheldon
not talk to him for 20 years.

I wonder if it'd work
a second time.

I'm pumping!

It's Penny.

Oh. Come in.

I thought you were pumping.

I thought you were my boss.

Okay, listen, I'm really worried
about this whole Raj thing.

I know, he's so desperate
to get married, which is weird,

because I can't imagine
we make it look that great.

I know, right?

You know, if this woman's
gonna be around, I think

we should check her out
a little.

I looked online.
She doesn't have an Instagram,

which means she's either 80
or something's wrong with her.

Well, I could ask my dad.

Maybe he can get some
of his old cop buddies

to do a background
check on her.

- Would he do that?
- Of course.

He's a retired cop
who plays by his own rules.

Hi, Daddy.

No, everything's good.

I just have a favor to ask.

Yeah, so, my friend Raj

is marrying this woman
that he barely knows,

and I wanted to see if you
could use your connections

to dig up any dirt on her.

Uh-huh.

Sure.

Okay. Love you.

Is he in?

Absolutely not. He won't do it.
It's totally illegal.

I thought you said
he played by his own rules.

He does, but apparently,
they're very similar

to the actual rules.

I still can't believe
Sheldon had a best friend

we've never
heard about.

Ooh, somebody's jealous.

- I'm not jealous.
- Leonard,

this is a safe space...
it's okay to be vulnerable.

All I'm saying is

you know the timing
of a fellow's bowel movements,

you don't think there's
a lot left to discover.

I wonder what Tam
could have done.

Hmm. Well, if Sheldon doesn't
want to talk about it,

it's got to be
pretty upsetting.

I have his brother George's
number... he might know.

Really?
You have George's number?

So so jealous.

Yeah, sure, I remember Tam,

Sheldon's little Vietnam buddy.

The two of them were
always running around together.

So, what happened?

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, Sheldon
never talks about him.

They haven't spoken in years.
He wasn't at the wedding.

He wasn't?

All right, well,
this is embarrassing,

'cause I had a long conversation

with someone
who I thought was Tam.

Wait, wait, so you don't know
what their fight was about?

I wish I could help you, boys.

But, you know,
Sheldon used to keep

an enemies list
when he was a kid.

Oh, he still does.

Really? I figured

that went the same way

as his bathroom schedule.

If you mean digitized, annotated
and put online, it did.

Maybe that'll tell you
something.

Hey, while you're looking at it,
if I'm still on there

for peeing
in his shampoo bottle...

Eh, you know what,
just leave it.

- See ya, boys.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- All right, got his enemies list.

Ooh, he updated
the interface.

You can search
by first name,

last name or length of grudge.

Is Tam on it?

Let's see.

Yep. Right here.
Tam Nguyen.

- Oh, great. What did he do?
- Hold on.

I have to agree
to the terms of service.

No, I'm not a robot.

Okay.

"Which of these are plants?"

And we're in.

Great. What-what
does it say?

Well...

"He knows what he did."

Oh, come on.

Wait. Wait, wait,
wait, if Tam knows

what he did, we
can just ask him.

He's gonna be on campus tomorrow
showing his son around.

Won't that make Sheldon mad?

Everything makes
Sheldon mad.

- Yeah.
- Look at his list.

Jim Henson for, quote,

"putting a terrifying,
giant yellow bird on television

and in my nightmares."

- Oh, this is so nice.
- Mm-hmm.

Maybe instead of introducing
ourselves to Anu,

we could just get a room,

order some food and take a nap.

Yeah, I've fallen
for that line before.

It never leads
to napping.

That must be her.

Oh. She's cute.

Okay, I got you two seats
to Hamilton tonight.

Your tickets will be
at the concierge desk.

Of course.
My pleasure.

May I help you?

Yes, I'm here to pick up
our Hamilton tickets.

Stop.

Hi. We're Raj's friends.

I'm Penny.
This is Bernadette.

We just came by to
introduce ourselves.

So you came to check me out?

She's smart.
I like her.

We just want to see if we
could take you to dinner

and get to know you a bit.

That sounds nice.
How about tonight after work?

Maybe we can go to Bavel.

Oh, I wish. That place is
impossible to get into.

Oh, please.
Getting into impossible places

is my superpower.

Me, too.

I can fit my whole body
in our dryer.

All set. 8:30.

Wow. Okay, well,
we'll see you tonight.

- See you then.
- Okay.

Bye.

She can get
into any restaurant,

but the best husband
she can find is Raj?

Not Tam.

Not Tam.

Not Tam.

Got him.

- Tam Nguyen?
- Yeah. Yes.

Is my son done
with his tour?

No idea. We're actually
friends of Sheldon Cooper.

Oh, I've been trying
to get in touch with him,

but I never heard back.
Is he okay?

Well, if you mean
physically, yes.

If you mean
every other way, no.

- So, is he here?
- Uh, no.

He-he didn't come.

He's, uh...

he's still pretty
upset about...

you know.

I know what?

Come on,

you-you must know.

No, we haven't talked in,
like, 20 years.

Right. Because...

you know.

I don't think
he knows.

What are you guys talking about?

Why did you and Sheldon
stop being friends?

- What did you do?
- And don't worry,

even though we
just met you,

we think you're right
and he's wrong.

I didn't do anything.

He moved to California,
and we just drifted apart.

Oh, come on, there's
got to be something...

What's going on here?

- Oh, hey, Sheldon.

- We just met...
- Sheldon! So good to see you!

Tam.

It's been a long time.

Mm, not long enough
to erase the sting of betrayal.

How did I betray you?

You know what you did.

Uh, let me
catch you up.

He does not.

When I moved to California,
what did you do?

I stayed in Texas.

Do you believe this guy?!

So, he was your best friend
growing up?

Yes.

Were there no other kids
in Texas?

Hey. What is
going on with you?

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, I'm sure you have
a perfectly stupid reason.

I don't do anything
for a stupid reason.

Except, perhaps,
Talk Like a Pirate Day,

and I'd argue that's
more whimsical than stupid.

You know, I was curious to find
out what Tam had done wrong.

Why am I not surprised
the answer is nothing?

So you're taking his side.

You scurvy dog.

You watch yourself.
There is room on my enemies list

now that the cafeteria ladies
finally told me

what's in the chili.

By the way, don't eat the chili.

Wai-Wai-Wait, you know what?

Do.

Be careful, Sheldon.

I don't think you can afford
to lose a second best friend.

I don't see anyone lining up
to be your third.

D... Wait.

"Snarky comebacks..."

Oh, here we go.

"You have your entire life
to be a jerk,

why not take today off?"

That was harsh,
but he was asking for it.

This place is amazing.

I can't believe
you got us in here.

Well, it's kind of my job.

Usually I get tipped for it,
but I'll leave that up to you.

Look, I think that's
LeBron over there.

James?

No, LeBron Kershenbaum.

So, what do you want to know?

Well, you seem like a
smart, successful woman,

why would you want to marry
someone you just met?

Fair question.

In my 20s, I tried this
the normal way.

You know, met a guy,
fell in love,

we moved in together.

I put him through culinary
school, screenwriting classes, and...

finally dumped him when he
wanted to become a midwife.

Then I realized,

my parents are happy;
they had an arranged marriage.

Why am I fighting this?

I dunno, I married for love

and it turned out... fine.

Oh, yeah, me, too.

Hi.

Howard, today
is your lucky day.

Leonard's out, you're my new
best friend.

Well, I'm not
thrilled about it either,

but here we are.

Okay, fine.

Is Bernadette there?

Sh... No.

Just Stuart?

Let me call you back.

Let me guess.

This thing with Tam escalated,

and now you're mad at Leonard

and looking for
a new best friend?

You know me so well.

It's too bad you can't be
my best friend.

I can be.

You can't be my wife
and my best friend.

Who would I complain
about you to?

Just tell me what happened.

Leonard talked to Tam behind
my back and took his side.

And after what he did to me.
Can you believe it?

No. I'm-I'm shocked
and outraged.

Now, tell me why
I'm shocked and outraged.

Fine.

When I got accepted
to grad school at Caltech,

I was afraid to move
so far away from home.

So Tam said
he'd move out here with me

and be my roommate.
Then,

over the summer,
he got a girlfriend,

even after reading
all the pamphlets

I gave him
about social diseases.

Aw, I remember when you
gave me those pamphlets.

Anyway, Tam stayed
with her in Texas,

and I had to move out here
all by myself.

That must've been scary.

It was.

I was lonely, and I thought

I'd never make a friend again.

And for a long time, I didn't.

But then you did.

And great friends.

If you think about it, if Tam
had moved out here with you,

who knows what your life
would've been like.

Yes.

Uh, I'm Leonard Hofstadter.

I called you about
the apartment.

Tell him to go away.
You already have a roommate.

New neighbor?

Oh, hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Tam, look.

Sheldon's hugging me.

It's a Saturnalia miracle.

Sheldon, come here.

Bazinga.

No, my life
would've still been great.

So what is the craziest
request anyone's ever made?

Oh, you know,
I can't really say.

Concierge-guest confidentiality.

Really, that's a thing?

No.

This one time, I had to go
to Walmart at 3:00 a.m.

because Britney Spears
needed to blow bubbles.

Oh.

That is so cool.

By the way, do not tell Raj
that you met Britney Spears,

because he will literally die.

We've been talking so much
about me,

tell me about Raj.

Okay, are you trying
to get us drunk

so we'll dish on
our friend?

'Cause it's totally gonna work,
what do you want to know?

What kind of guy is he?

He is great.

- So great.
- Mm-hmm.

How come he's still single?

- He's great.
- So great. Yeah.

Come on.

There's really nothing
to tell.

Raj is so much fun
to hang out with.

He's like one
of our girlfriends.

And I mean that in a good way.

But also a bad way.

Anything else?

- No.
- No.

I mean, h-he
takes baths with his dog,

but not in a weird way.

Or a normal way;
they both wear swimsuits.

He also cries every time
Hugh Jackman sings.

But not cute sniffles...
full-on snot sobs.

But he is great.

- So great.
- Yeah.

Hello, Sheldon.

Hello Tam.
Thank you for coming.

I just want you to know
that, um...

I forgive you.

I didn't do anything.

And yet, here I am,

still being the bigger man.

Look, I was in love with Beth,

and she made me happy.

Y... Really?

Did she let you play
with her train set?

In a manner of speaking.

Sheldon, I needed
to stay in Texas.

And you needed
to come here.

I knew you were gonna
do amazing things,

and meet amazing people
who were gonna respect you,

because you're brilliant.
And because they never had to

fish you out of a dumpster.

Well, they have,
but it was during

my short-lived parkour phase.

I didn't mean to upset you.

And I want you to know
I'm really proud

of everything you've done.

Thank you.

It did work out for me.

And I'm sorry that things
didn't work out for you.

They did work out for me.

Oh, Tam, you don't need
to be brave on my account.

I'm not.

I have a great wife
and amazing children.

I'm very happy.

Brave, brave Tam.

Sounds like Penny and
Bernadette had fun last night.

I know.

Bernie came home pretty drunk.

She tried to sleep in the dryer.

Hello, you all remember Tam,

my best friend from high school.

- Yeah. - Of course.
- How's it going?

Sheldon's been showing
me and my son around.

Now we know where all
the clean bathrooms are.

Yep.

You just remember the mnemonic:

if it's number one,
the library's fun,

if it's number two,
the basement's for you.

I'm glad you guys made up.

Well, I realized my life
turned out great,

and it's silly
to hold a grudge.

And I had no idea we were
fighting, so it was easy.

Uh, don't worry, Leonard,

you're still
my California best friend.

Cool.

So, what do you want to do now?

Go to the train store,
go to the comic book store?

Actually, I have to grab my
son and head to the airport.

I was just about
to call a cab.

Don't be silly,
you don't have to call a cab.

You're my oldest friend.

Leonard will take you.
Right, Leonard?

Sure.

Shall we?

Eh, eh, eh, hold on.

I haven't seen
Tam in 20 years,

give me a chance
to say good-bye.

Bye.

Check it out...
LeBron James posted a picture

of me and him
on Instagram.

I don't see you.

Look right behind him.

No.

Okay. You see that table
just past his left shoulder?

Now go back two more tables
and over to the right.

All I see is
a yellow smudge.

That's me!

Oh, it's Raj.

Hey Raj,
I'm here with Penny.

What the hell did you two
say to Anu?

Uh...

whatever do you mean?

Why, why would you tell her

I wear ladies' deodorant?

Uh, because you're a boy
and it's really funny.

Oh, oh, okay. Sorry me

for having the confidence
to smell daisy-fresh.

Just do me a favor
and stay away from her.

Ugh, God, now I feel bad.

I know.

Maybe we should
take her out again

and do some damage control.

You know, that's a good idea.

Think she can
get us into SoHo House?

I don't know, but we
owe it to Raj to try.

Mm-hmm.