All language subtitles for Mockingbird.Lane.Pilot.HDTV.XviD-AFG

There's not gonna be
any breakfast tomorrow

because somebody ate all
of our breakfast food.

Would anybody like
to say anything

before we discuss community,
responsibility,

and Wildlife Honor?

We all know who it was.

Wallace has had
a serious eating disorder,

and we all ignored it.

No one's ignoring anything,
Huey.

Well, someone gave him
an honors patch

in personal fitness.

Ahem.

Oh.
I didn't see you there.

- Ow!
- Wallace!

I could hear whatever
snack wrappers you have

in your pocket crinkling
when you hit me.

The crinkle
is stay-dry lining.

Also, whatever got
into the foods was probably

a wild animal,

like a baby bear.

I saw you hiding
in the tall grass,

eating a box of Colonel Crunch.

- He called you out.
- That was my Colonel Crunch.

Wasn't me.
I'm allergic to grass.

First,
we're surrounded by grass,

so I guess your grass allergies
make you hungry.

Second...

And third, did you really think
you could make us believe

there was some mysterious
wild baby bear out there

in the forest,
eating all our sugar cereal?

Ugh! Ouch.

- Where's Eddie Munster?
- Shh.

Is it still out there?

Sync, corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com

May I ask why the sudden move?

No.

All right. Well, this,
it's an emotional property,

ideal for any
multi-generational family.

We're not just any family.

Well, the sun shines more
on this house

than any other house
in the neighborhood.

Not a feature
we're looking for.

What about that one?

It's a very emotional property

for entirely different reasons.

The former owner was
a notorious serial killer

- who poisoned hoboes.
- I'll take it.

It's not for sale.
They're tearing it down.

But they haven't yet.

That's a horrible place.
Horrible things happened there.

They found dozens of graves
in the backyard.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, maybe you could buy the lot

once the grounds
have been cleansed.

My aund ant uncle prefer
pre-cleansed.

Miss, there may be dead
homeless people in the walls.

Then they found a home
after all.

It already smells like home.

This whole move
was very abrupt.

A happy confluence of events
that happened

to coincide with an unfortunate
baby bear attack.

A lot of fuss
over a baby bear attack.

I don't even remember.

Be glad you don't remember.

It ravaged and tossed your naked
body into the shrubs.

And that baby bear
is still out there.

We didn't have to leave town.
It wasn't gonna follow me home.

Not right away,
but wait 29 days.

What happens in 29 days?

That's about how long it takes

for a baby bear to regroup.

I didn't get to say good-bye
to anybody.

Moving away
is a form of good-bye.

Mm, not really.

Did Grandpa try
to eat somebody again?

Is that why we had to leave?

No, not Grandpa.

Whoa.

If we see any dead hoboes,

I can run a fingerprinting patch
and find their families.

Hoboes don't have families.

Grandpa said I had a condition.

He did, did he?

He said it like he says
when he says

Marilyn has a condition,

but he said my condition
cleared up.

Well, I'm sure
it's a different condition.

But I like being normal,
like Marilyn.

Don't say that
in front of Grandpa.

Say you like being
like your dad.

I promise it will be
just as annoying.

And you do get
that condition from me.

Which one of you?

This one of me.

Your heart feels funny.

That's how I know who I am

when I'm made of so many
different people.

Ay, dios mio.

Espere! Espereme!

Grandpa, cover yourself.

What will the neighbors think?

The neighbors should be
more concerned

with what I'm thinking.

Hello, Lily.

Hello, Herman.

Welcome to your new home.

I wonder if this
would've happened sooner

if I breastfed.

I have to assume
you're talking about Eddie.

Evidently it's important.

You were so nervous
about holding him

after what your sister did
to Marilyn.

Well, that was post-partum.

Mothers who breastfeed
are closer to their babies.

It's a fact.

A suckling baby changes
the mother's brain

and makes them love harder.

You couldn't love Eddie
any harder.

I could've if I breastfed.

He was just so pink and plump.

You have to stop thinking
of him as fragile and/or edible.

He's asking questions.

I don't want him to know.

He's gonna find out.

We have at least two more
baby bear attacks

before he gets suspicious.

He needs someone to talk to.

Well, he can talk to Grandpa.

I heard that.
Be careful, Herman.

You love too hard.

Are you excited
for your new school?

All the new friends
you're going to make?

Isn't that exciting?

Why are you
small-talking me?

I'm not small-talking.

Well, you're not big-talking.

Why are you wearing
that uniform?

We all have our uniforms.

It gives me structure.

This can be a traumatic time
in a boy's life.

- He needs structure.
- Mm-hmm.

Is there something wrong
with me?

That is exactly
the kind of shame

I do not want
coming out of your mouth.

The only one in this family
who should feel shame

is Marilyn.

But you carry it
so beautifully.

Well, I wouldn't change
a hair on your body,

no matter where they may grow.

Are we having
that conversation?

I know all about puberty.

You see,
he knows all about puberty.

I just don't want to talk
about the changes

my body is going through.

We will talk about that later.

We will talk about that later.

We will talk about it later.

What are we talking about now?

What are we talking about now?

All you need to know now is

you're not always gonna be
the same person tomorrow

that you were today.

But we will always be
your family.

Always.

That's my bus.

Eddie!

Eddie.
You didn't say good-bye.

Walking away
is a form of good-bye.

Hey.

I know you're lying to me.

I don't know about what,
but you're lying.

Ready!

We found you in the yard.

Raccoons were having
their way with you.

It seems you broke your heart.

Shame on you for being
so sentimental.

It's my heart.
It's sentimental by definition.

- Ruined.
- Hey, hey, hey.

That's my last original part.
Put that back in.

Take this thing out.

This thing
is a piece of genius.

Put my heart back in,
and clean it first.

Please.

This doesn't feel like me.

You're too attached
to how things were.

Only "were"
is now "were-wolf".

Eddie knows I'm lying to him.

He can smell your deceit.

You've never raised a werewolf.
I have.

Have you raised one
successfully?

My son Leslie
was born covered in hair.

I knew exactly
how to raise him.

You hired nannies to raise him,

and then you let him eat
the nannies.

That's what
they were hired for.

I know exactly
how to raise Eddie.

You were never a Munster
until I made you a Munster.

Eddie was born one.

There's nothing you ever
have done or can do

as a parent
that will change that.

You ready?
Sneeze.

There we go.

Tell Eddie
there is no baby bear.

And say good-bye
to your heart,

'cause when it goes...
and it will go...

all the king's horses
and all the king's men

will never put Humpty
together again.

I preferred it when
the village was further away

and we had a moat.

The best moats are made
of good manners

and filled with congeniality.

Then I shall make cookies.

Cookies?

Hello, my name is Marilyn.

- Hello.
- This is my grandpa, Grandpa.

- Hello.
- You must call me "D."

We just moved in
across the street.

Yes, I know.
The hobo murder house.

Pardon me if I don't take
any food from you

or invite you into my home.

- Who is it?
- Hobo murder house!

Stop.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

I'm Tim.
My wife, Marie.

Cookie?

They're bloody good,
aren't they?

That is some cookie.

Timothy, uh...

we just moved in?

You just said we just moved in.

Were you planning on staying?

I was hoping on staying.

Were you planning on me
not staying?

I was going to miss you,
of course.

But I was also going to be
quite pleased you weren't here.

I'm touched that you'd miss me.

Marilyn, I adore you.

I was the one that talked
your mother out of eating you.

- But you cannot stay.
- Why not?

Aren't you enrolled
in higher education somewhere?

I transferred my class credits.

- Campus accommodation.
- It's a community college.

Marilyn!
You're not hearing me.

I'm going
to start drinking again.

Now that Eddie is
in the family way,

I think me not drinking
would just give out

the wrong message.

Like drinking is bad?

Honestly,
your mother wanting a baby

and then wanting
to eat that baby

was just embarrassing.

I'd rather not have all that
rummaging through my head

when I'm trying
to have a drink.

Timothy!

Your house is a palace.
Your wife is... interesting.

Would you like to come in?

Can you, of your own free will,

rephrase that as a statement?

- Please come in?
- Don't mind if I do.

Welcome to my lovely home.

Green. I love green.

Choir: ♪ Chuck Chuck
chicky-chicky... ♪

♪ Chuck Chuck boo,
Chuck Chuck... ♪

You know what I love
about being a Wildlife Explorer?

Everything.
But it starts with the uniform.

The explorer uniform
is our superhero costume.

This neckerchief is a cape.

Those patches are the armor
of experience

and adventure.

How many patches do you have?

- All of 'em.
- Hey, Eddie.

This is my dad.

Ah, Mr. Munster.

Oh, I like your necklace.

Is that a...
What is that?

My son-in-law would forget
his head if it wasn't sewn on.

Uh, it's a... it's a...
a thing.

This is Eddie's grandpa,
Grandpa.

I have a disease.

So, you like camping, Eddie?

Eddie likes to run wild
in the wild,

if you know what I mean.

Yes.

Wildlife Revelry
is just around the corner.

You might see
some of your old friends.

Did you say what your old pack
number was?

Do the packs have numbers?

Yeah, they're sewn
right on your...

- Oh, yours doesn't have one.
- Must've fallen off.

Gravity, eh?

Mr. Munster,
can I talk to you?

I'm not a suspicious person
by nature,

but I'm assuming
there's a reason

you don't want me to know
Eddie's old pack number.

- Pack 110.
- Pack 110?

He doesn't remember that night.

- Well, what does he remember?
- Just what we told him.

Lies, mostly.

He knows there was a baby bear.

I don't remember the baby bear.

Oh, my heart feels for the boy.

Does it?

Stop.

Who is that?

That's my mom.

Did your heart
just skip a beat?

We all must know our place
in the circle of life.

The deer eats the grass,

and someday,
when the deer dies,

he'll fertilize the ground
so more grass will grow,

so more deer can eat.

Are you sure
there's a patch for this?

It's the circle of life patch.

There is an important
intermediary step

that we are missing here.

The deer eats the grass
and then is itself eaten,

and then the thing
that ate it dies

and fertilizes the ground
so more grass can grow,

so more deer can eat and then...
be eaten.

But some deer
can live long lives.

Nope.

Also, as an intermediary step,

sometimes deer want
to be eaten.

They're depressed and lonely,

so that lion's doing the deer
a favor.

That deer
didn't look depressed.

No, I know.
I thought I saw it smile.

Does anything eat the lion?

Grandpa.

It's nature.

Mom, I think something's wrong
with Grandpa.

He took off all of his clothes,
and then he ate a lion.

You weren't at the zoo,
were you?

The forest.

Grandpa and Marilyn
were teaching me

about the circle of life
and suicidal deer.

The circle of life
is a violent shape.

It is when Grandpa's
drawing it.

Your grandpa is just
trying to help you understand

there's an order to life,

so you don't hate the baby bears
when they attack.

I don't hate that baby bear.

It was probably hungry
and confused.

That's exactly right.

That baby bear was so confused,

it couldn't possibly know
what it was doing.

It's not like it wandered
into a populated area.

Which reminds me.

If Grandpa's gonna start
drinking again,

don't you think we should warn
the neighbors?

Marilyn told you.

Grandpa told me
when he ate a lion.

I think he wanted me to see him
eat that lion

so I can get used to him
eating something big.

The thing Grandpa wants
you to know

about the circle of life

is that he happens to be
standing outside of it.

Are you inside it or outside?

Well,
I am my father's daughter.

You wouldn't try to eat somebody,
would you, Mom?

It would be natural if I did.

It's in my nature to eat
and not be eaten.

Would you?

I try my best not to.

I'm glad I'm not like you.

What I'm about to say
I will say calmly,

with even-tempered civility.

However, you should interpret
my politeness

as severe disapproval.

Why is that man
painting the house?

What people will do
for a cookie.

And what did you put
in those cookies?

I might've cut myself
whilst baking.

Don't turn the neighbors
into your blood slaves.

So you came all the way
out here just to complain

about helpful neighbors.

This is about Eddie.

So it's an open,
honest dialogue

with my grandson
you disapprove of.

You're not being open
and honest.

You're being weird
and confusing.

You ate a lion while naked.

The lion was naked.
It seemed polite.

Eddie is a sensitive young man.

You shouldn't be too hard
on yourself

for bringing him up that way.

You didn't know.
How could you?

After Marilyn,
we all assumed the worst.

He was born just like I was.

Yep, that's the worst
we were assuming.

My son and my heart

are the only two pieces of me
that ever really felt

like they were mine,

and now Eddie's different,
and...

I have a broken heart.

Well, we all know where
we can get another one,

don't we?

Healthy as hell, feels already,

skips a beat for Lily,
all of it.

- What will we tell Eddie?
- The truth.

That I stole the heart
of his Wildlife Pack Leader

that you exsanguinated?

Well, he'd learn a brand-new word,
for starters.

And I'd be very curious
to his views on the subject.

I don't know
what you're waiting for.

It's not as if a brand-new
heart's just gonna drop

out of the skies, is it?

Go again. Clear.

Still nothing.

I don't understand any of this.

I couldn't get him
to sweep the front porch,

and he works himself to death
painting the neighbor's house.

The strangest thing
about grieving

is realizing
the loved one's death

really isn't that big
of a deal.

W...
Why would you say that to me?

Have you had a cookie?

I am gluten-free!

Marie, your husband's death
is like a Greek tragedy.

Wasn't it Agamemnon
that fell from a ladder?

Shut up!
Shut up!

We've got a pulse.
He's alive.

Tim?
Tim?

Marie?

Perfectly good heart.

You called an ambulance.

- Good evening.
- Hi there.

Herman, it's for you.

I'm very happy that we can
have this little chat before dinner.

I suppose everyone knows
you've come a-visiting.

- Uh, no.
- No? No one?

No wife?
No children?

My wife was barren.

And ever since she died,
the Wildlife Explorers

is really the only
socializing that I do.

Marriage and mortality.

Till death do us part.

I have had many brides.

All dead now.

- But we keep in touch.
- Hmm.

I feel Wendie Jo with me
every day.

Lovely as that sentiment is,

and it really is just...
so nice...

Have you ever thought
of opening your heart

to new possibilities?

Oh, no. I couldn't.

Steven,
it's not as if Wendie Jo

is going to crawl up
out of the grave

and stop you from loving
and being loved.

She was cremated.

And entombed.

Old school, eh?

Sit.

Now, Steven,

I have not been
entirely honest with you.

- Uh-oh.
- It's Herman.

He's sick.
A sick man.

What's wrong with Herman?

He's dying.

It is his heart.

And he's mortified
at the thought of leaving

Lily and Eddie
without a husband and father,

respectively.

Poor Herman.

Poor Lily.

Herman will be dead soon.

His suffering will be over.

It is Lily that must go on...
alone... with her demons.

- It does get very lonely.
- Yes.

You are a widower.

Lily is...
almost a widow.

A widow-in-waiting.
A widow elect.

Do not be angry with me
for just thinking of the future.

Seems a little sudden.

Since her husband
is still alive.

He could go at any moment.

I'm simply asking you
to think of the kindred spirit.

And open up your chest...
your heart.

I didn't mean for me
to be a surprise.

I meant for you
to be a surprise.

Your surprises make me nervous.

This is a lot of meat.

Steven...

A widower, eh?

It's very hard to come back

from something like that,
isn't it, Steven?

Not so hard you wouldn't have
lots to live for, though.

Right, Steve?

A Wildlife Explorer honor patch
helped put it all in perspective.

- Which one?
- The genealogy patch.

One of the requirements
is you make a family tree.

Eddie, you ever make
a family tree?

We tried it,
but it took too long.

Grandpa's been alive forever.

It's a real nice way
to remember everyone

who's ever been a branch.

Even though they may be gone.

My branch is still here.

Your branch
will always be there...

On your tree.

You all have made me feel
so at home.

I feel like I'm sitting down,

having dinner
with my own family.

Part of you is.

Herman, a word.

Why is that man in our house?

I was going to take his heart,

and Grandpa wants
to drink his blood.

Are either of those things
going to happen

in the dining room tonight?

"I don't know" may not be
the answer you're looking for.

Herman...
Neither of those things

will happen
in the dining room tonight

or in front of Eddie, ever.

I agree.
That should be our goal.

We have to tell Eddie
what he is.

Yes.

I mean, you have to tell him.

Shouldn't we both tell Eddie?

I don't want him to look at me

how he's gonna look at me

when he finds out
he's gonna be like me.

I don't have the heart
to tell him.

I'm not sure I do either.

Oh, Herman.

What's wrong with your heart?

I love too hard.

I really liked
how this heart felt...

feels... about you...
About Eddie.

To a lesser extent, Marilyn,

to a much lesser extent,
Grandpa.

I'm afraid of feeling
differently.

Well, I can survive
feeling differently,

as long as we feel
like a family.

Easy to lose your appetite

when you're worried
about your dad.

- I don't eat meat.
- Since when?

Since whenever the last time
I ate meat was,

which will be the last time
I will ever eat meat.

No, no, no, no, no.

We Munsters are meat eaters.

Have been for centuries.

You too, young lady.

Now, this, little lad,

is the same temperature he was

when he was running around.

- Tuck in.
- I'm not eating it.

You're not having
any vegetables

until you eat your meat.

Edward,
stop playing with your food.

I will if you will.

That is a gross cliche,
and it is beneath you.

My grandpa's gonna eat you.

- Is that happening tonight?
- Hmm?

Kids.

You'll find another heart,
Herman.

Eddie has so few role models,

and we can't let Grandpa
eat any of them.

Eddie, you don't really think

your grandpa's gonna eat me,
do you?

Yeah.

Nobody is eating Steve.

Steve, this is always
awkward to ask a guest,

even an unexpected one, but...

- Do you want me to leave?
- Would you?

Family matters.

Herman, I understand.

You gotta get to those things
while you can.

Most disappointing.

Eddie was going to learn
a new word.

Marilyn, would you mind
showing Steve the door?

Grandpa and I need
to speak privately.

Uh, Eddie, that talk we were
going to talk about later,

let's talk about right now,
just you and me.

Daddy, sit.

Steve,
we will see you at the next

Wildlife Explorer meeting.

- Good night!
- Good night.

And God bless.

Fat chance.

See you later, Steve.

- So nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

- Run.
- What?

- Grandpa, Grandpa...
- Grandpa?

No... No, no, no, no!
No, Grandpa.

Stop it.

This is not how
you treat company.

Listen, Aunt Lily
has expressly forbid you

eating anyone in the house.

Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it, stop it...
He's a guest!

Aah!

Oops.

We don't need
to have this talk.

I already know
about embarrassing dreams

and growing hair
in strange places.

What about growing hair
everywhere?

Where else does it grow?

There was no baby bear.

What was it?

You.

What?

You're the baby bear.

You told me I was ravaged
and tossed naked into the shrubs.

Actually, you ravaged

and ran naked
through the shrubs.

You're a Munster.

Not a monster.

Eddie, look at me.

Did I hurt anybody?

There were a few scratches,

worth the price
of the campfire anecdote.

You didn't do anything worse
than turn into a werewolf.

There isn't anything worse!

I love you, Eddie.

You have nothing
to be ashamed of.

You have something
to be careful of.

I don't want to be a Munster.

I want to be a vegetarian.

You don't have to be
like any Munster there is.

Except Eddie Munster,
who doesn't eat meat.

I can't be a vegetarian
werewolf.

You can be a vegetarian
when you can help it,

and, when you can't...

That problem,
we'll solve together.

Oh, no.

Et voila.

Good as new?

I know I am.

Think of it like
that dog at your last school

who could smell seizures.

That kid had a condition.

You have a condition.

A dog with a vest

tells everybody
I have a condition.

Nobody's got a dog like this.

You'll be the envy of all your...
everyone.

That's like telling
a disabled person

their wheelchair looks fun.

Next full moon,
you'll have a pet

who'll watch over you,

so you won't hurt yourself
of anybody else.

Will he watch over you too?

Yes, he'll watch over me too.

A dog can't stop a werewolf
from eating somebody.

This one can.

Do I get to keep him?

Sync, corrected by icephoenix
www.addic7ed.com