All language subtitles for Meet Cute 2022

♪ Tonight you're mine
completely ♪

♪ You give your love
so sweetly ♪

♪ Tonight the light of love ♪

♪ Is in your eyes ♪

♪ But will you love me
tomorrow? ♪

♪ Is this a lasting treasure ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la ♪

♪ Or just
a moment's pleasure? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la ♪

♪ Can I believe ♪

♪ The magic of your sighs? ♪

♪ Will you still love me
tomorrow? ♪

Players surging forward
with real menace.

Delivery to Vinnie Fisk!

It's a perfect touch.
He's on the breakaway.

Keeper comes out...

Thirsty?

No... good.
I'm... I've got something.

I wasn't talking
about the drink.

What?
No. What?

You've been staring at the guy

like you've been waiting
to meet him your whole life.

Go say hello.

Buy him a drink.

No, not me, uh-uh. No.

No, thank you.

Actually, okay.

Okay.

Thirsty?

Hmm?

Uh, for a drink.
Not... not sexually.

Gross.
I didn't mean it like that.

I'm gonna order
an alcoholic beverage.

Would you like to have one,
too, with... with me?

Uh, sure. Why not?

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Okay, great.

Phil.
What can I get you?

Old fashioned.

How adorable.

It's a real cute vibe
going on here.

Okay, two old fashioneds,
and you can cut that out, Phil.

Hi, I'm Sheila.
Hi.

- Hi.
- I'm, uh... I'm Gary.

Oh, Gary.

Wow, so we both have,
like, old-timey names.

Yeah, and I guess
very sadistic parents.

Oh, don't even get me started.

I mean,
there's no couch in here.

But yeah, Gary's...
That's a good name.

That's, like, a strong name.

Yeah, I guess, if you're, like,

a used car salesman
or something.

Oh, wait, you're not a...

A... a used car salesman?

Or a mechanic?

No, no. No. Sorry.

Really needed
to get my car fixed,

so I should probably go.

Oh...

- I'm totally kidding.
- Okay.

Okay.

- Ah! Oh, yay!
- Yeah.

Thanks, Phil.

Cheers, mate!

That was kinda weird.

Well, not really.

I mean, what are the odds?

Odds are pretty good, actually.

Gary, I gotta come clean
with you.

I'm a time traveler
from the future.

So I knew everything
you were gonna say.

Right. Okay.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

So what is the future like?

Kind of what you'd expect,
you know.

Robots hunting down
inferior robots

while the humans just watch
and do nothing.

So kind of like "Blade Runner"?

No, that's a work of fiction,
Gary.

This is reality
I'm talking about.

Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah, you're right.

Uh, well, excuse me,
but it sounds like

things are pretty rough
for robots in the future.

Yes. It's a real injustice.

But you know,
I wouldn't worry about it.

They actually started their own
civil rights movement.

- Wow.
- It's making headway.

I can't talk about it.

Plus, I don't wanna fuck up
your timeline.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Because I like my timeline.
- Yeah.

No, totally.
You know. So, um-

- Mm-hmm.

You know, all this time travel

really makes a girl
super hungry.

Wow.

That's... that's
super interesting.

So I'm gonna get some food.

Would you like to come with me
and get food?

Food. Yeah.

Let's... let's...
Let's go get you some food.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Okay.
- All right.

Okay. Bye, Phil.

I noticed you weren't really
watching the game in there.

So what do you have
against televised sports?

Did, like, a football kill
your grandpa or something?

Yeah, actually, it did.

Love you, Grandpa.

No.

I didn't really grow up
in a sports-friendly household.

You know, my dad was never home.

He was, like,
a traveling professor.

And yeah, we never played catch
or anything like that.

So I just, like, stayed inside
and watched movies.

And you know,
before I knew it, he was dead.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.

What are you gonna do?
You know?

My dad's dead too.

Oh.

I don't know why...

Uh, he was a... also a traveling
alcoholic, more so.

Traveled from bar to bar,
you know?

And then eventually
it just... it killed him.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Well, clearly, it didn't fuck
either one of us up.

- No. Very normal people.
- Yeah.

We're so normal.
Mmhmm.

- Nothing wrong with us at all.
- No.

I mean, other than the fact that

I'm about to ruin your life.
Yeah?

I had a feeling.

Ladies, come drink for free!

Okay. We're here.

What should we choose?

Well, it's a real
"Sophie's Choice"

kind of decision now, isn't it?

I love it
when you make that joke.

- What?
- What?

Best vindaloo in town!

Eight stars on the Yelp.

Eight stars on Yelp!

We have to go to that one.

Mr. Jeff Medolla

from "The Bachelorette"
eat here.

- Oh.
- Yes.

Are you playing peekaboo
or something?

- No, just looking at the menu.
- Okay.

Well, I would like to see
your face as soon as possible.

- Really?
- If that's possible, yeah.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

I wanna see your face.
Okay.

Let's just order so we can get
the business out of the way,

you know, and get to pleasure,
from one OCD person to another.

You understand that, right?
I'll be right back.

- Yeah, for sure.
- Hold on.

- Okay.
- Just looking at the menu.

Where'd Sheila go?
I can't see her.

Chicken korma.

- There she is.
- Boom.

What were you asking me?

The time travel thing?

- Oh, yes.
- Like, yeah.

Where are you...
What year are you from?

Oh, here's the thing, Gary.

I have got to come clean
with you.

You're not from the future,
are you?

I mean, I kinda figured, but...
No, I am.

I am, actually. Very much.

I wouldn't lie about that.

But I'm just not from very far
in the future.

I'm from...
24 hours in the future.

24 hours in the future?

You can do that?
Yeah.

- That's incredible.
- It's so cool.

They have the technology
to do that?

- They do.
- It exists now?

- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.

- I know.
- Well, where is it located?

- At a nail salon.
- Mm.

Excuse me,
can I get the chicken korma?

- Chicken korma.
- Thank you. It's so good.

And maybe two glasses
of the cab.

Is that okay with you?
Mmhmm.

Are you gonna order?

I'll have
the chicken vin... vindaloo.

Oh, you won't regret it.

Nine stars on the Yelp.
Nine stars on Yelp.

- Huh.
- I read a lot of reviews.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Thanks, man.

Gary, what do you do for work?

I'm a freelance graphic designer

for, like, nonprofits, mostly.

I work from home.
Oh.

So the lonely boy
becomes the lonely man.

Well, when you say it
like that, I kinda sound sad.

No, you're not sad.

You're perfect.

Who am I to talk about
loneliness anyway?

I mean, I'm an executive
producer's assistant.

Don't ask me what that is
because I don't even know.

I feel lonelier in an open
floor plan from 9:00 to 5:00

than I would at the bottom
of a fucking well.

Huh.

Bottom of the well
can be pretty fucking lonely.

- Thank you.
- So about that... thank you.

About that time machine...

- Totally.
- From the nail salon...

- Cheers.
- Yes.

Mm. You like this.

Mm-hmm. I do... what?

You will like this.

So what were you asking...

- I do like this.
- Me?

Sorry.
You are a time traveler.

What is that like?
Yes. Here's the thing.

I don't get my nails done.

I mean, it's a total
maintenance nightmare,

and they chip all the time.

You know what I'm saying?

But I was having the best day.

And I was walking down 23rd
and I saw this nail salon.

It was called Nail Me Good.

And I just felt
they deserved my money.

I was greeted
with the international welcome

of nail salons worldwide.

- What color?
- Hmm.

Maybe something that says
I've had a really nice day.

Ooh, "Elegant Day." Perfect.

So I get my nails done,

and then I have to use
the bathroom.

Do you have a restroom here?

I just need to freshen up.

And there in the back
was a large,

horizontal, glowing neon bed

that looked like
a tanning machine,

and I was like, "Fuck it.
I'm having a great day."

I should get a fucking tan."

Live life to its fullest,
you know?

Like the housewives
of Orange County.

So I call my girl June over.

June, so how much to use
the tanning machine?

Oh, no.
It's not a tanning machine.

It's a time machine.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

The owner bought it,
but he doesn't like it.

It only goes back 24 hours.
Hmm.

Damn, false advertising.

Such a problem these days, June.

Tell me about it.
The owner went back

24 hours before
he bought the time machine

to not buy the time machine.

So if he did that,

then why is the time machine
still here?

Anyway, you wanna try it?

Me? No, no.

I don't think so.

Plus, you know,
I have a sensitive stomach.

Try it. It's fun.

Okay. Fuck it. I will.

Gosh, I'm having
such a good day.

That's the spirit.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

That is... that's just wow,
honestly.

Mm-hmm. I know.

Wait, what'd you do with
the other you from the past?

Oh, my God.
I didn't even think about that.

Well, you better think
about that.

She's just out there
roaming around.

She's gonna be really pissed
when she finds out

you're out here living
your best life,

you know, out to dinner
with some handsome guy.

Oh, is that what I'm doing?

Yeah.

What?

Do you think I'm crazy?

But it's really cute.

Okay.

Hey. Oops.

You almost lost a star
on Yelp right there.

Better be careful.

Looking good, Amit!

See you tomorrow.

Look, uh, I gotta come clean
about something.

I actually just got out
of a long relationship,

yearlong,
with a girl named Amber.

Oh, nothing good ever came
from a girl named Amber.

That's not fair.

Hmm.

All right, maybe a little fair.

Um, yeah, she was really sweet.

You know, just,
like, kinda passive.

You know, she, like,
always expected me

to know exactly what
was on her mind all the time.

Like passive-aggressive.

Yeah.
I guess you could say that.

It just... it got exhausting.

You know?

So I gave up

and I broke it off.

I don't know, I just...

I haven't done this
in a long time.

I guess I'm awkwardly trying
to say I'm having a good time.

So yeah.

No, no, I get it.

So there's no guesswork here.

Lucky for you, my mouth speaks
before my brain tells it to.

Oh, I know. I like that.

Yeah, well, you like it now,

but you will not like it later.

I doubt that very much.

We're almost there.

- Where?
- Dessert!

Dessert?

Ooh, that looks good.

Oops. Sorry. Hi.

Beautiful night.

Yes.

It is.

Um, what do you recommend?

We've got a flavor
called Childhood.

It's ice cream made out of milk
left to soak for two weeks

in Fruity Pebbles cereal

served on a cone
made out of deconstructed

peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches.

Um, do you have vanilla?

No.

You know, it really does
taste like my childhood.

I know. Mine too.

It's amazing.

What?

You're just like a little baby.

It's all over your face.
Shut up!

I grew up in that apartment
building right there.

Literally right there.
Right there?

- Uh-huh.
- No way.

Yep. 600, Apartment 1K.

That's crazy.
What was that like?

Um, the city
was kind of different.

It was... it was fine,

but, well, it was a little bit
lonely, you know.

I'm having
a very strange feeling,

like a memory right now.

This cable guy showed up
at our house.

I was really little,
but I don't totally remember,

but I do remember

he was so nice to me.

Is that so weird?

- Yes. That's very weird.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

I was normal.
I had friends.

I didn't, like, murder animals
or anything.

Okay, well, the fact

that you just
had to clarify that

means you're fucked up.

So should we keep
this adventure up?

Should we go somewhere else?

I'd love to.

- Do you like polka music?
- No.

- What?
- Do you?

- Yes.
- Ew!

You know, I can't tell
which one I like more,

the hoppy one or the wheat.

Well, you're just gonna
have to keep drinking then,

so you can find out.

Right, for science.

Obviously for science, yes.

That's what we're doing,
an experiment.

Oh, absolutely.

You know, Gary, I just... I...

I gotta come clean with you
about something.

I know.
I know you're from the future.

I get it.
Yes.

Yes, I am.
Mm.

But something else.

Remember earlier
at the restaurant

when you asked me
what I did with my other self

when I traveled back
to her timeline?

And I was like, "Ha, ha, ha."

I didn't even think about that.
Ha, ha, ha."

Do you remember?
Mmhmm.

That was a lie.

Okay.

I killed her.

I wasn't expecting that.

You killed her?

I did, yeah.

My car just like, vrrr,
right over her face.

- That'll do it.
- Yeah.

And then I stuffed her
in my trunk.

Oh.

Um, congrats on that.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

You're a murderer.

So here's to dead Sheila.

Yes. Yes.

I hope she's in a better place.

- Yes, absolutely.
- Absolutely.

I mean, I'm jealous of her,
to be honest with you.

Absolutely. I mean,
the world is a pretty...

All: Oh!
- Oh, my... fuck.

I'm... I'm so... I'm sorry.
It's okay.

- Fuck, I'm so sorry.
- It's fine.

- I'm sorry. Oh, no.
- What are you doing?

- Fuck.
- Are you kidding me?

Look, it's okay for things
to be messy sometimes.

Okay?
It is?

Yeah.

You're not...

you still wanna stay
on the date?

That's true!

I really like
that sentence you said before.

The one about things
being messy.

Yeah, me too.

Someone said that to me
a long time ago,

and it really stuck.

Like, it released me from
some sort of mental prison,

you know?
Yeah, exactly.

That's exactly how I feel.

Yeah.

What a night.
Yeah.

Was it worth
all the time travel?

Oh, absolutely.

Nine stars on Yelp.

You know, I could probably
do this forever,

but it is getting a little late.

So I'd really love
to do this again sometime.

Me too.
I'll see you tomorrow.

What?

You know, when I travel back
24 hours again.

What do you mean again?

Oh, I gotta come clean
with you, Gary.

This is not our first rodeo.

What are you talking about?

Yeah. I've spent
the entire week with you.

This night,
seven times in a row.

Okay, wait.
So you weren't kidding?

No, not kidding.

Very serious.

Okay, let's just pretend
for a second

that I believe your whole
future time travel bullshit...

Because I don't,
because it's bonkers,

but let's just pretend
that I do.

Why would you travel back
to the same time

over and over again?

Why? So you could get it right?

Or to try and, like,
win me over or, like...

- No.
- What are you doing?

No, that would be super weird

and creepy and obsessive.

No, that's the whole point.

I don't have to be perfect.

All this magic you're feeling,
I felt it, too,

from night one
and every night after that.

And no matter which way
I came at you...

Awkward, funny, silly, sad...
You played it all perfectly.

And by the end of the night,
we were always on cloud nine.

That's the thing.
I don't have to try.

We just work.

Have you ever had
a night like this,

ever, in your entire life?

You haven't. See?

Because you feel the magic too.

You feel it here,
and you feel it here,

and you feel it here...
Hey, all right.

Yes. Yes, I feel it there.

Okay, well...

That's why I have to keep
revisiting this night.

The perfect night.

But why would you wanna revisit

the same thing
over and over again?

You know, wouldn't you
wanna try something new

and maybe, I don't know,

we go out for, like,
a second date

or see if we have a future,
like, the old-fashioned way.

No, Gary,
I've already done that, okay?

It just... it doesn't end well.

Look, tomorrow,
Amber's gonna call you

and tell you she's pregnant
or you're gonna get killed

in a freaky
subway track accident.

It was terrible.
Your body was, like, all...

It was everywhere
and very unsettling.

The entire East Coast's
gonna get nuked,

you know, and we think
it's North Koreans,

but we realize
it's an inside job, so...

What? What are you...

Nothing. Gary, it's okay.

Listen, it doesn't matter.

This is just about us.

You have to trust me.

This is the cleaner way.

Um... I'm, uh...

I'm really tired.

Uh, my head hurts.

I think I should probably
get going.

I know.

It was nice to meet you, Sheila.

Bye, Gary.

I'll see you tomorrow.

So I've just been listening
to Sports Talk radio,

'cause I don't wanna listen
to real news.

Players surging forward
with real menace.

Delivery to Vinnie Fisk!

It's a perfect touch.
He's on the breakaway.

Keeper comes out...

Thirsty?

Yeah. Yeah, Phil.
I wanna tap that.

Happy?
Damn.

You go, girl.

Why don't you go talk to him?

I am gonna go buy him a drink.

Nice evening for it, huh?

Uh, so... for...

Uh, for what?
Exactly.

I'm gonna order
an alcoholic beverage.

Would you like one?

Uh...
Yeah. Sure.

- Great.
- Yeah.

So I had to develop these,
like, coping mechanisms.

Nothing like murdering people,
but...

Oh, I had coping mechanisms too.

I mean, not the murdering part.

Actually, yeah, I did.
More murdering myself.

I more have, like, these
impulses that I can't control

where things just...

It's very hard to live that way.

Yeah, I imagine that
could be quite debilitating.

- Can't control it, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

- Which one do we choose?
- I don't know.

It's a real "Sophie's Choice"
over here.

Best chicken korma
on the East Coast.

- Let's go to this one.
- Henry P. Zagat himself raves,

"It's a symphony
for the senses."

Yeah, in 1995
before we moved locations.

You know in... how the...
"Titanic,"

Jack teaches Rose how to spit?
Yeah.

I kinda wanted to do that
with you, but with burping.

I don't know.

You know, a lot
of people actually say

I remind them
of Leonardo DiCaprio,

like in
"What's Eating Gilbert Grape."

Yes.
They say it's uncanny.

- Uncanny.
- Some say.

Wait, so if you're
from the future, can...

You can tell...
What I'm gonna say?

Yeah.

Hey, let's order.

You know, because...
Yeah.

So you can get business
out of the way

so you can focus
on the pleasure.

Um...

What... yeah.
What can I get you?

All the things.
We want all the things.

Let's get everything.

Let's just, like, max out
the credit card, you know?

Yeah, like curry
and chicken kebabs

and saag mushroom
and butter chicken

and chicken makhni tikka,
fish masala,

shrimp biryani
with lamb or beef rezala,

broccoli and chana,
bhindi bhaji,

chicken pakora, coconut curry,

and, like, two very large wines.

Thank you, sir.

I was very hungry.

So do you know John Connor?

"The Terminator."

- Mm-hmm.
- He's... he's from the future.

Oh, I'm actually just
from 24 hours in the future.

- Okay.
- Gary, here's the thing.

Now that we've been seeing
each other for three months,

I just really feel like I
can open up to you, you know?

Okay. Uh...

Normally I tell you
that I walked into a nail salon

and I just stumbled upon
this time machine

on a very happy,
sunshiny, perfect day.

But that's just
really not the case.

See, on that fateful day
three months ago

when I took my first trip,

I was actually
about to kill myself.

Good afternoon, everyone.

I plan on killing myself,
and I'd really like

to go out with some nice nails.

You know, for the fans.

What?

What color?

Hmm, something more that says,

"She lived a classy life."

Hmm.

"Elegant death." I like it.

It's glossy.

Great.

Do you have a bathroom here?

I'd really like to die
on an empty bladder.

Yeah.

I have a bathroom.

Maybe before you straight up
murder yourself,

go in there.

What?

Time travel?

Why? Why would I do that?

Why would I wanna go back
to yesterday?

Yesterday was shit too.

Let me tell you, okay?

I do not wanna fucking do that.

I do not wanna go back there.

That would be a really, really,
really big mistake, you know?

I'm just such a fucking loser.

I'm such a fucking sad sack.

Why are you so nice to me?

Why are you so nice to me?

You tip decent.

I do tip well.

Just gonna...

I don't wanna ruin my nails.

- Okay.
- Just get it, right?

Okay. Okay. Look up.

Time travel.

Tomorrow, yesterday,
it doesn't matter.

That's the problem.
That is the problem.

No matter what,
my life is shit, okay?

This is a second chance,
and those are rare.

So maybe you should take it.

You might see things
differently on the other side.

And if you don't,

you can always
kill yourself later.

Yeah, I'll do it. Fuck it.

Maybe I'll get shit out on
the other side of the rainbow.

That's the spirit.

And here I am.

24 hours in the past.

Well, how do you feel now?

Much better.

You just kind of got shit out
the other side of the rainbow?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I've been shit out
the other side a couple times.

It's okay.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

Hmm.

In fact, this is the first time
I've been this happy

in a very, very, very long time.

Well, it makes me really happy.

I'm very, very glad
to hear that.

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

Good night, Amit.

Do you think I'm a passenger
on the crazy train?

No. No, I don't.

You think I'm the conductor
of the crazy train?

I should not have said
any of that.

That was TMI.

I don't know
what I was thinking.

I shouldn't have said that
to you.

Hey. Hey. Hey, relax.

I don't think that.

I really don't, at all.

And even if I do, who cares?

My life's been so boring.

I can get on this ride.

Hmm.

Well, then, all aboard, baby.
All right.

Well, just don't drive us
off a cliff, all right?

Oh, I would never.

Let's shop.

For dirty clothes?

They're not dirty.

Look how cute.

- This one has gum on it.
- Oh, my God.

Gary.
What?

An old-timey shirt
with your old-timey name.

You have to get this.
No.

Yes.
I'm getting it for you.

- Absolutely not.
- You have to.

- No.
- You have to.

Fine, but only
if I can get you this.

Okay. I'll get that.

Okay.

Thank you.

It'll look very cute on you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Can't wait to wear
some random guy's shirt.

Isn't it pretty tonight?
Yes.

You look very good
in your new shirt, by the way.

Oh, thank you. Mm.

Oh, by the way,
right there is exactly...

Is that where you grew up
or something?

- What?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought, uh... for some reason
I thought maybe

you might have mentioned...

Yeah, no. Yes. Um.

600, Apartment 1K.

Okay.

My entire childhood.

Yeah.
That's crazy.

What was that like?

Uh, you know, the city
was very different then,

but it was kinda lonely.

My mom kinda gave up
pretty early.

What?

Um, there was
this, like, cable guy

who stopped by one afternoon.

I was really little,
so I don't really remember,

but he was very nice to me.

I don't know why
I just told you that.

It's weird.
It is a little weird.

- Yeah.
- It's okay.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

Come here.
Wanna take a picture?

- Obviously.
- Let's take a selfie.

Yeah. Let me take it.
I have really long arms.

No, no, no, no.

Oh. Oops.
Oh, fuck! Fuck.

- No, it's fine.
- Oh, no.

I'm sorry.
It's not a big deal.

- No. I'm sorry. I think...
- It's just my phone.

- I think I can fix it.
- Gary.

- I fucked up. I'm sorry.
- Gary!

- I'm sorry... yeah...
- Gary!

It's okay for things
to be messy sometimes.

Oh, what a night.

Yeah, it was worth
all the time travel?

Oh, yeah.

Henry Zagat says it's
a symphony for all the senses.

- Zagat?
- Yeah.

- "Zuh-gat"?
- I think so.

I thought it was "za-get."

I've been saying "za-get."

I don't think so.

Maybe I'm wrong.

So actually, this was the spot
I was gonna kill myself.

Can you believe it?

Wait. Really?

I know.

Think about it.

The drop, the dive,

the chill of the water.

I mean, it's a pretty good way
to go.

Plus, no blood,
and no, like, weird forensics.

Like, what happened to her?

It'd be very obvious.

Pretty selfless way to kill
yourself, don't you think?

I feel like people would call me

the Mother Teresa of suicides.

Maybe not,
but I don't mind if they do.

I mean,
at the end of the day, it's...

Deep down, it's...

it's all jokes, right?

Uh, no. Not all of them.

But I'm okay now.

I'm sorry. I wish I could...

I've been waiting for you
my whole life, Gary.

Oh. Um... all right.

Well, don't you think
it's a little early for that?

It's been five months, Gary.

Oh... we met today.

We met literally today.

You're the first person
to make me truly happy ever.

You're the man I've been

looking over
men's shoulders for.

It's you this whole time.

I've been waiting
my whole life for you.

You're finally here.

Uh...

I think we should take a breath.

And I'm gonna go.

Is that okay?
Is it okay if I go?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

You're not gonna do
anything dumb, right?

Mm-mm.

You're sure you're okay?

Mm-hmm.

I'll see you tomorrow, Gary.

Oh, what a night.

This was the spot
I was gonna kill myself.

Can you believe it?

I'm sorry. I...

Gary, I've been waiting
for you my whole life.

- Oh.
- Hmm.

Well, um, I'm gonna go.

Bye, Gary.

I'll see you tomorrow.

You're the person I've been

looking over
men's shoulders for.

You're the one
I've been waiting for,

and you're finally here.

Think about it:
the fall, the plunge,

the dive and the chill,
the water.

Very good spot for it.
And no blood.

You are the person
that I have been waiting for

my entire life.

Is it okay if I go?

Maybe talk about this
some other time.

Don't you think it's a little
too soon to talk like that?

You're not even gonna
remember this

and it just makes me
so, so sad, Gary, you know?

Tomorrow can't be that bad.

Of course it can.

I have to keep revisiting it.

The perfect night.

You do it every time.
Just fucking walk away.

It's fine.
How is that po-we ju...

Every time.

I don't know
what you're talking about

'cause we just met, but okay.

Surging forward
with real menace.

Delivery to Vinnie Fisk!

It's a perfect touch.
He's on the breakaway.

Keeper comes out...

Hey, I'm Sheila.
Do you want a drink?

- Me?
- Mm-hmm.

Hi. Uh, sure.

Yeah. Okay. I'm Gary.

- Hi, Gary.
- Hello.

Phil.

What can I get you?

He'll have an old fashioned.

I will have a whiskey neat.

Thank you.

I... I really like your dress.

It reminds me of, like,
a picnic.

Guilty... I am not a sports fan.

Yeah, no, I figured.

We don't have to talk
about that again.

Hmm? Again?

Oh, no, I didn't...

What were you saying?

Oh, um,
I grew up pretty neurotic.

Mm-hmm.

And not really
in a warm environment.

My dad was never home.
Oh, yeah.

Why are we talking
about our dead dads?

Why do we always do this?

We don't have to do this,
you know.

We can, like, make new choices.

Wow, it's a real
"Sophie's Choice" out here.

Best chicken korma
on the East Coast.

Henry P. Zagat himself raves,
"It's a symphony for..."

Oh.

Do you know, um, John Connor?

'Cause he's from the future.

"Give me your clothes,
your boots,

and your motorcycle."

"I'm the governor."
Hmm.

Well, that's actually not
from the movie.

He just later became
the governor, which was crazy.

Did you know that "Predator"
has two governors in it?

Jesse Ventura
and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I mean, that has to be, like,

a Snapple Fact or something,
at least.

Gary, I gotta come clean
with you.

We have been doing this
for almost a year now,

and things are starting to feel
a little one-sided.

You know what I mean?
Um, a year?

We've, uh...
I get it.

This night,
this is just one night to you.

But for me, my entire life
revolves around

this night only, nothing else.

And is it a great night?

Yeah. Is it my fault?

Yes. My choice?

Have I created this? Yes.

But God damn it, Gary,
even a perfectly cooked steak

starts to tastes like shit
when you eat it

all day, every day, you know?

Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm a little confused.

I just... I really thought
we were just

so perfect for each other,
but no.

I just don't know.
I don't know.

I'm starting to feel stunted.

Yeah. You know?

And it's kind of my fault
because I have kept us

in this whirlwind of hell
over and over

and over and over
of this crazy loop.

But you know, I gotta
be honest with you,

it's kinda your fault too.

Yeah, a little bit.

You are so passive.

Everything has to be perfect.

You don't wanna make a mess.

You don't wanna
ruffle any feathers.

It's just like, ugh!

You know, there is
nowhere but down with you.

I think I'm gonna go.

- Oh, shocker.
- Yeah.

Okay. Bye, Gary.

Yeah.
Thank you for this.

And please don't take
this the wrong way,

but I think you need some help.

Oh, no.
Actually, you know what, Gary?

We need help.
No.

You need help.
We.

There's no we in this situation.

- We. We need help.
- No, it's you. It's you.

She needs help, not me,
everyone at this restaurant.

- Was the meal okay?
- Thank you.

What's 25 plus 96?

- Oh, my God, really?
- Here you go.

You're gonna storm out
but you're gonna

stop to pay like a good guy?

- Yeah, I'm gonna stop to pay.
- You are so lame.

I'm sorry, I don't wanna
get arrested on a date.

Oh, my. Arrested?

- Can you hurry up?
- Oh, my God. You are so dumb.

- Make sure you have 25%.
- Bye, Gary.

- Bye.
- Please tell your friends.

- Bye!
- Bye! Ugh.

Rough night, Amit.

Can I bum a cigarette?

Oh, that beautiful case.

You're so classy.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Love, huh?

What a muddy, sinking,
swamp, shit, fire dumpster.

Am I right?

- I'm happily married.
- Oh, good for you.

Your life is perfect.

Maybe luck will change
for you too one day.

Ha. No.

See, no.

For me, nothing changes.
Like, ever.

My life is just consistent,
consistent shit.

Nothing ever fucking changes.

Wait. Ha!

Change. Yeah.

Amit, you brilliant,
beautiful, married man.

Oh, my God, change.

I can fix him.
I can change him.

This is something
I can actually do.

Oh, no. Well, no.

- Yeah.
- No.

- Yeah.
- You can't.

People don't really change,

and you certainly
can't change people.

In my culture, we have a saying,

"You can't fit a square peg
into a round hole."

I don't think that's
in your culture.

It's a universal saying.

You can't change people.

The world doesn't work that way.

But what is that,
though, really?

I mean, those are
just words, Amit.

And what are words?

Words are just, you know,
thoughts

that we have
that exit our mouth.

We talk too much, as a
civilization, not me and you,

which I regret that
we don't do this more often.

You're a really good man.

Help me a lot. Thank you.

♪ Wack ♪

♪ Wack wack ♪

Are you fucking kidding me?

♪ Wack ♪

♪ Wack wack ♪

♪ Wack ♪

♪ Wack wack ♪

No!

Oh, come on.

Stosch makes a sloppy tackle.

Fuck.

And the referee's
giving him the penalty.

It's a bullshit call.

It's amazing as it looked
like a 50-50 ball...

Phil, do you see
new Gary over there?

Look at him.

Lining up for the penalty now.

What do you think?

Does he look different
to you, or...?

Oh, yeah.

Something is different.

Really liking what
I'm seeing, Phil.

Really liking it.

♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm ♪

These two teammates
practically all

on the same page.
FC...

- Hello?
- Hi.

Are the good guys winning,
or...?

- The good guys?
- Mm-hmm.

No.

No, the good guys
are not winning.

They're actually getting
their asses kicked.

- I'm sorry, so upsetting.
- Yeah. I'm Gary.

Do you wanna drink?
Can I buy you a drink?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I'm Sheila.

Okay, Sheila.

Hey, yo, guy.

- What can I get?
- IPA.

Old fashioned, please.

What are you doing here
all alone?

You're way too beautiful
to be alone in a bar.

Oh.

You know,
I'm just picking up guys.

- Yeah?
- Uh-huh.

- Oh, yeah. Who?
- You.

Really?

- You're the only one.
- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

Well, Sheila, it doesn't
look like the good guys

are gonna come back
anytime soon.

So what do you say
we get out of here

and maybe get you some food?

Yeah.

Right now?
Yeah. Let's go.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hey, give me my 20 back.

No, no.
Here you go. Here you go.

Give me my 20 back.

What are you... I just
made these drinks.

Well, I don't...

So, you know, my dad was a
traveling alcoholic, actually.

And, um, he just
travelled from bar to bar

and eventually died.

Whoa.

Where do you wanna go?

There's a bunch of Indian
restaurants over here.

There's actually a new place
over here I wanted to try.

Come on. Come on, keep up.

Ahh. Isn't that cool?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

So what do you do, Miss Sheila?

Oh, um,

I'm an executive
producing assistant.

Sounds really intense.

Yeah. Like cancer.
Um, what do you do?

I run a small startup company.

About 25 people... for now.

Wow. That's amazing.

Yeah.

Gary, are you happy?

Like in life,
are you truly happy?

Yeah.

You know, I mean,
life's weird sometimes,

but you know, I'm here
for the happy moments.

Oh. I like that.

Yeah, uh.

Thank you. Mm.

Is that a tiny fish?

Are you supposed
to eat this stuff?

Yeah.
That is the idea of dinner.

Oh, I just thought
that was glass.

It's a little confusing.
No, I think it's honeycomb.

This is one of the best
restaurants in the city.

Yeah.
So what do you do for fun?

Me, I like to rock climb,
you know?

I don't think there's
anything like

getting up on those rocks.

Yeah, I like to throw on a pair
of the old spiky boots

and head down to the mountain.
I don't mean to brag...

Gary, I'm from the future.

Okay.

No, I'm serious.

I'm completely serious.
No, no, no. I'll play along.

What brings you to the past?
You.

Okay.

Yeah.

Started as an accident,

but then I fell in love
with you.

And I started spending
a lot of time with you.

365 days to be exact.

I loved everything about you.

Everything, until I didn't.

I mean, I do.

I did, but I just
wanted to, you know,

I needed to, like,
change a couple things,

just a couple little things
to make you more perfect.

You know, make you
more perfect for me, right?

'Cause that's relationships,
you can't love someone

100% of the time, right?

Yeah, sure. I guess.

Is that like from
"The Bachelor" or something?

Gary, you know how
I always tell you

that the time machine
in the nail salon's a dud

and only goes back 24 hours?

No, I don't know what
the fuck you're talking about.

Well, I was lying.

See, there's something
that you should know.

It can go anywhere in the past,

but for only 24 hours.

Then zap, you're back here.
Okay.

June, that is
a fascinating story,

but I'd really like
to go kill myself now.

All right?
You sure?

It's a second chance.

You can always
kill yourself later.

Okay. Let's do it.

Let's fuck up some history, huh?

- That's the spirit.
- Hmm.

And here I am.

24 hours in the past.

Wow.

Wow.
Mmhmm.

You can go back
to any point in the past,

and you chose yesterday?
Mmhmm.

You didn't wanna go somewhere
more meaningful, like,

I don't know, like,
to kill Hitler?

Well, I did take out Smithson.

- Who?
- Exactly.

And Gary, I mean...
And why yesterday?

I don't know; I mean,
technically speaking,

it was actually June's fault.
She chose it.

And let me tell you, when I
ended up 24 hours in the past,

I was like,
"What the fuck, June?"

I mean, life is already shit.

I don't need a reminder
of yesterday's shit, right?

I kind of preferred, like,
nostalgic childhood shit,

that I could really like.
But what are you gonna do?

So then I thought alcohol,
and I stumbled into that bar,

and then I met you.

And everything changed.

Right.
And that was a year ago?

Technically yesterday, but yes,

we've been doing this
for an entire year...

365 days to be exact.

In fact, it's, um...

It's our anniversary, Gary.

Hey.

Could I have the check, please?

Happy anniversary.

Gary, thank you
so much for dinner.

It was delicious.

So should we head out
and find some dessert?

Mm, I don't think so.

Are you for Gary?

- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Look, I actually have
to be up kinda early,

and I need my rest.

But this was great.

This never happened
with old Gary.

I must have really
done a number on you.

Wow. Changes I have made.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Is that so? Hey. Hey.

- Oh, I thought you were...
- No, listen.

Look, not that I'm buying any
of your bullshit, future girl,

but just out of curiosity,
just 'cause I wanna know,

what exactly did
you change about me

that was so fucking awful?
Oh, okay.

So we've spent
a lot of time together,

and you've shared
a lot with me, okay?

Like, I know all
about your childhood,

your disappointments, the ups
and downs, all the traumas.

And I've kind of, like,
narrowed them down

to the moments that aided
in your mental decline.

I call them the, "where things
went wrong for Gary" moments.

Oh, is that what you call them?

Hey, dial down the sarcasm.

It's our fucking anniversary.

So anyway, I traveled back
there and I fixed them.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Give me an example of one.
- Fine.

- Yes?
- You're Gary, right?

Mom!

My name's Charlie and I just
moved in across the street.

Okay.

May I interest you
in a friendly game of catch?

I'm not supposed
to talk to strangers.

Can I tell you a little secret?

I lost my son many years ago,

in a boating accident, actually,

and it makes me
very, very, very sad

and I miss him so much.

It would truly mean
the world to me

if you would humor an old man
and play a friendly game

of catch out in the yard.

What do you say, sport?

Okay.

You should watch more wrestling.

The fake kind.

- It's not fake.
- It's pretty fake, kid.

A lot of people are gonna
say you're wrong, Gary.

Fuck them.

Okay.

Oh, God. Gary, no.

My miming's good, right?

Gary, no. Don't do that.

People don't like mimes.

Please don't do that again.

Hey, wait.

Just wait a second.
What?

- You were Uncle Charlie?
- It was I.

You're so fucking crazy.
That's fucking crazy.

Why?

We just played
a little catch, big deal.

Sheila, I played catch
with Uncle Charlie

every Sunday afternoon
for, like, three years.

I know.
Gary, what can I say?

I'm very methodical.

I went back a bunch to make
a difference in your life.

You're welcome.

How do you not see
how fucked up this is?

- What?
- What? I loved that guy.

I fucking loved Uncle Charlie.

He was like my dad.

I know.
That is the whole point.

No, it's not the point.

You can't just
choose for people.

You can't just do that.

You can't just put
a positive influence

and pawn 'em on someone
and hope it all works out.

You can't fucking do that.
That's not how life works.

What else did you change?

Well, just a couple things.

I just deleted a few people.

You know, like your
middle school bully, Patrick,

and your math teacher,
Mrs. Kaiser, and Amber, duh.

- Oh, my God!
- But that's all.

That's all. That's all.
Well, that's all? That's all?

Oh, actually no,
there is one more thing.

Hey, kiddo, how's it going?
I heard you ordered a pizza.

- Oh, I didn't order any.
- Oh, my God, Tatiana?

I lost my virginity to her.
Uh, you're welcome.

You're unbelievable.
You're un-fucking-believable.

You're fucking psychotic.
Hey, that is not fair.

I've heard you talk about your
pain over and over and over,

night after night after night,
and it has broken my heart.

I have this unique ability
to take your pain away.

Oh, guess what?

It's not yours
to take away, Sheila.

It came from a good place, Gary.

Yeah, and so did
gender-reveal parties.

You know what?
I don't need your

fucking attitude right now.

I'm just gonna go back and
I'm gonna tweak a few things

and fix this
so this didn't happen.

Oh, well, go ahead.

Go do whatever you want.
'Cause guess what?

I'll still never
wanna be with you.

No, not true.
I will reset you.

You'll remember nothing. Easy.

Yeah.
I will remember, actually.

- No, you won't remember.
- Yeah. I will.

Really? A Sharpie, Gary?

You are so dumb.
Yeah. Sheila sucks balls.

You can't even spell.

That's not going
to be there tomorrow.

Do you understand?
Fine, yeah. Maybe it won't.

Maybe I won't remember
this conversation.

Maybe I won't
remember this night.

Maybe I won't remember
those two ladies.

But I will remember
this feeling.

Gary, I've done this
hundreds of times,

and you never remember.
Oh, yeah?

Were all of our dates
this shitty?

Actually no.
You used to fucking love them.

Oh, I used to fucking love them.

- I wonder what happened.
- Uh, I don't know.

Do you realize you can't
erase everything?

No, it's because
relationships need work, Gary.

We just have to work on it.
That's all.

Well, maybe, just maybe,
you try to make things better,

but you actually
make them worse.

And maybe some shit sticks.

No, that's not how this works.

No, Gary,
I will prove you wrong.

I will fucking prove you wrong.

Good luck!

Personally, I think that
he should feel touched

that somebody cares so deeply

to take away all the pain
of his life.

Oh, that is a really
romantic gesture.

- Ooh.
- No, it's okay.

Shh, shh. No, no. It's fine.
Shh. Please understand.

Gary.
Here's your sexy pizza, Gary.

Yeah. Okay.

Damn it. Wait.

And then the karate instructor,

he did not put up a fight
at all.

It was very surprising.

But then I came over to get you.

Little, cute Tatiana,
she doesn't deserve that,

I couldn't do it.

So you know,
that's why we're here.

Hmm.

Hello?

Oh, maybe next year, Gary.

Shut the door.

Come on.

Cute kid.

He will be.

Ugh. June. Ah.

I did it. Yeah, I did it.

Or I undid it, rather. Oh.

Oh.

Now me and Gary can go back
to the way things used to be.

Okay.

Mm-hmm. "Okay," what?

In all the times
that you've done this,

have things ever gone back
to the way they used to be?

Oh, God, you know, you sound
like evil Gary.

RIP.

Probably is covered
in black marker by now,

whining, "Oh, I have
residual feelings."

And when will they
ever go away?"

Shit sticks my ass.

Well, some shit does stick.

Come on, no. No.
That is not fair.

That is not what
we talked about.

Where's the fucking manual
for this thing?

Sheila, in the 300-plus times

that you've come into this shop,

have you ever once thought
to ask about me?

About my life?

No.

I've been very self-involved,
and I am not proud of it.

Okay.
Well, my parents wanted a boy.

They wanted a boy so badly
that when I was born,

they called me a mistake.

And then they treated me
like a mistake.

Oh, my God.

June, that's terrible.
I'm so sorry.

Yeah, so when I was old
enough to fend for myself,

I murdered both of them.

What? Really?

No, not really, Sheila.

But I did move to Bed-Stuy

with a woman who is now my wife,

so in many ways,
I did murder them.

Oh, wow, you know,
I gotta tell you,

it sounds like you handled
that shit like a champ.

But hello, spoiler alert.

I have a time machine.

I could go back,
talk to your parents,

remind them
what a treasure you are.

They'll love you from the start.

And bam, trauma eliminated.

Don't fuck
with my trauma, Sheila.

If I didn't have
these occasional moments

of complete
and total worthlessness,

I wouldn't have
this sparkling sense of humor.

Okay. Wow. Cool.
It's good for you.

But you know,
for me, I have realized

that I can undo anything.

- No, you can't.
- Yes, I can.

No, you can't.

Sometimes, people cut you,

and they leave an imprint on you

that's like a gash on your soul.

You just live with it, and you
can't actually undo that.

If you erase the pain,
you erase the person.

Do you get it, Sheila?

No.

I mean, yes.

I'm just not gonna
apply it to my situation.

Why?

Because I don't know, June.

People apply other people's
lessons to their lives

all the time very willy-nilly.

And before you know it,
bam, Smithson's president.

Okay? It doesn't matter.

Listen, I have a date
with my favorite guy

in the whole world, old Gary.
All right?

And this time,
I am gonna make it work.

Hmm.

Bye.

♪ I can't stand the rain ♪

♪ Against my window ♪

♪ Bringing back sweet memories ♪

♪ Hey, window pane ♪

♪ Do you remember ♪

♪ How sweet it used to be? ♪

♪ When we were together ♪

♪ Everything was so grand ♪

Keeper comes out...

Hi.

Oh. Hello.

I'm Sheila.

I'm Gary.

Ah.

It's a fine coaster set up
you got going on there.

Oh, it's embarrassing.

Yeah, I'm a little fucked
in the head, so.

Oh, me too.

It's nice not to be alone.

Um.

I don't exactly know
how to say this,

but I'm having, like,
this really weird

déjà vu feeling,

and it's... it's really sad.

Um.

Well, I should probably then...
I should just tell you

that I'm a time traveler

from the future,

so I knew everything you were
gonna say before you said it.

Okay.

And you'll know
that I'm gonna ask...

To dinner?

Would you like to have dinner
with the time traveler?

Absolutely.

Yeah?

Yeah, let's get
the fuck out of here.

- Let's go have dinner.
- Okay. All right.

Anyway, my dad was
a traveling alcoholic.

Traveled from bar to bar to bar
until he eventually died.

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine, like,
a different bar

every single night
over and over again

until you're dead?

That is so sad.

There's so many options.
Yeah.

It's a real
"Sophie's choice," huh?

Ted F. on TripAdvisor raves,
five stars.

"If you haven't eaten here,
your life is garbage."

- You like it?
- Yeah. Hold on, hold on.

Yeah.

You know, it's getting
a little late.

That's maybe
my top three least favorite

Gary sayings of all time.

Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

Sheila, look,
I really like you a lot,

but I think you could drop the
whole time travel thing now.

It was funny at first, but now
it's kind of, like, enough.

Gary, everything
I've told you is true.

Okay.

Um, look, you know,
I really don't wanna believe

what you're saying,
but every time I do, I...

I get, like, a weird feeling
in my stomach.

Yeah.
That's the magic between us.

No.

It's... I feel like I'm stuck,
like...

Like something's, like, off.
Off.

It doesn't
doesn't feel real.

You can stop, Sheila.

Stop.

Seriously, stop.

Tomorrow can't be that bad.

Yes, it can.
Of course, it can.

I mean, what if
the time machine, you know,

what if it stopped working
or it, like, disappears?

And you change your mind,
you'll never see me again.

And I don't see it?
The time machine?

- Yes, the time machine.
- The time machine?

You can't fucking freeze time.

Yes, I can and I have!

Look, tonight has been

the fucking weirdest night
of my life, okay?

Sometimes, I think you're the
greatest person I've ever met.

And then there's sometimes,

I wanna push you in front of
a fucking train.

You know, and I didn't
really know why

I felt that way until now.

It's because this is sick.

Okay?
And you need to let me go.

- No.
- Yes.

- No.
- Yes.

- No.
- Please.

I can't. I'm so sorry.

I can't, I can't,
I can't, I can't.

I'm sorry. I can't.
Okay. Okay, you know what?

Maybe I go back in time

and I stop you...
What?

From ever becoming
obsessed with this night

in the first place.
No.

No, no, no, no.
You can't do that.

You can't do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Maybe I will.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Maybe I might. Maybe I might.

Maybe I'll go back to,
I know where it is now,

it's at the nail salon, right?

Maybe I pay our old friend,
is it June?

I'd pay her a visit.
No, you wouldn't do that.

No, no, no. You can't do that.

Look, I don't know
what fuck the is going on,

but I do know that
I can't... I can't do this.

This is not... this is not right.

I'm really sorry, Sheila.

Yeah, I'm really sorry.

You don't understand.

You saved me.

This whole night saved me.

I'm so scared.

Gary, it could be the only thing

that ever makes me happy.

Do you understand that?

Okay, fine.

What?

Fine, we'll...

We'll try it your way.

What do you mean?
What do you mean?

Let's just, uh,

let's just try again tomorrow.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Who knows?
Maybe tomorrow we get it right?

So I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good evening.
You must be Gary.

Jesus Christ,
does everybody know my name?

Oh.
What can I do for you, Gary?

You want a midnight pedicure?
No. Um.

I'm not exactly sure
how to say this.

Are you June by chance?
Huh?

'Cause, uh,
I'm here about Sheila.

Who?

Sheila, the time-traveling lady.

Sheila...

She told me that she
comes here, goes back in time.

Ah, fuck.
Was she fucking with me?

She was fucking with me,
wasn't she?

Yeah, why would I believe that?

Every time a hot girl...

Relax, Gary.

- What?
- I know who Sheila is.

You probably wanna
see the time machine.

Yes, I wanna fucking go see
the time machine, yes.

Okay.

I wanna prevent this night
from ever happening.

This?

This is the source
of all my problems?

Yeah.

But sounds like you had a
pretty sweet night last night.

Yeah, over and over
and over again,

like I'm in some
sort of fucked-up

permanent purgatory hell.

So like love?

No, not at all.

She keeps making me
do the same thing.

And what's weird about it is,
I like her.

Oh, so like a relationship?

No, not like
a relationship at all.

I get emotionally involved
and then somehow get hurt,

and I don't even know
how many times she's done it.

So like love?

No, 'cause love is...
Love is real.

This is not. This is very fake.

This is orchestrated.
This is inorganic.

You ever had an organic banana?

It tastes just like
a regular banana.

Okay. What?

I don't know what that means,
but can we do this please?

Do you know where you're going?

Yeah, I am going back in time
to where it all started.

Wait, which is when?
When would that be?

- Um, 1999?
- All right. Cool.

Wait, that doesn't sound right.
Wait, June.

Wait, I'm a little
claustrophobic.

June. Oh, no.
June, I gotta piss.

Can I piss back in the future?

600, Apartment 1K.

Here we fucking go.

Yeah?

- Hey.
- Come on in. You're late.

- What?
- Gary?

Yeah.

Oh, she's too young.
I came back too far.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I gotta go.

All right, you weirdo.
TV's right there.

T...

Oh, right, the TV.

Awesome.

Sheila, don't you bother
this man while he's working.

Mommy's gotta get pretty.

Oh, I'm supposed to come back
to when you're like 16 or 17

so I can, you know,
catch you when you were

developing your crazy
and maybe help you out,

but you're way too young,

and now I have to
yell at a little kid

and traumatize people.

Fuck.

And watch out for my daughter.

She can be quite dramatic.

She got that
from her father, obviously.

That doesn't...
That's not gonna work

no matter how hard you...
Hey, guy!

What's going out there?

Honey,.

- Please.
- Nobody wants to hear it.

You're a little girl.

Sheila, where did you put
Mommy's eyeliner?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, please don't cry.

Sheila, for the love of God.

Sheila, quit making
all that noise!

Sheila!

Hey. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

It's okay.

Hey, can you repeat after me?

Okay? It's okay.

It's okay.

For things to be
messy sometimes.

For things
to be messy sometimes.

Okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's always gonna be okay.

I don't know how you did it,
but you got it in there.

God damn it, I'm running late.

Is it fixed?

Yeah. Working on it.

What is up with your mother?

She never stops.

Okay.

Did that make you feel
a little better?

Mm-hmm?

June. Hi.

Hey, I just wanted
to come thank you

for the last few months,
or years.

I don't know how long
it's been, but, um,

I've been thinking a lot
about giving up control,

you know, and I realize
that that's just not me.

I can't do that.

So this is me saying
thank you, and goodbye.

That's a good color.
That's my favorite color.

That's a good one.

Sorry, just one more thing.

June, you would've
made a great man,

but you make
an even better woman.

And I just want you to know

that it has been
an honor to know you

and all your perfect,
perfect weirdness.

You are perfect.

And you are not a mistake.

Goodbye.

Hey, June, I think
I fixed everything.

I think I fixed her.

It turns out she just had,
like, a, you know,

crappy '80s mom.

Um, yeah.

I don't think you fixed her.

You did just miss her, though.

And she didn't sound so good,

so you should probably
go after her.

Your time machine sucks.
It's so confusing.

- Hi.
- Huh?

Here.

Here's my gym card, SuperLotto.

I hope you win.

Just take that too.

Good luck to you.

Hey.

Hey, wait!

Wait! Sheila, wait.

Gary, what are you doing here?

- Please, just wait.
- Go home.

What are you doing? Stop.

- Hey. Hey.
- Gary. Gary.

Hey, look at me.

Hey.

It's okay for things
to be messy sometimes.

Okay? Remember?

Yes, that's very nice.

That doesn't work on me anymore.

Like everything in my life,
it has lost all meaning,

and I would just really like
for today to be...

Hey, relax.

Relax. Relax.

We'll just wait for tomorrow.

We will wait.
It's almost tomorrow.

- Gary, fuck tomorrow.
- Don't you fucking say that.

- Oh, my God.
- Sheila, come on.

There is not a future
that I want to be part of.

Please understand that, okay?

This world is such
a fucked up place,

and I had, like, a thousand
chances to make today okay,

and I fucked every single
one of them up,

and I don't want that
to happen tomorrow.

So why am I gonna
stay for tomorrow?

Please go home.

Please go home
and just live your life

and let me end mine
the way I would like to.

- Not a chance. Not a chance.
- Oh, my God, Gary.

- No.
- Go home.

I'm not going anywhere.

- Go home!
- I'm not going anywhere!

I'll stay here all night.

I don't give a fuck.

You cannot stand here for
the rest of your life, okay?

Eventually, you have to go take
a piss or order a sandwich.

And I'm still gonna
jump off this bridge.

So please get the fuck
out of my face.

What if I told you
that I saw the future?

This isn't a game anymore, Gary.

This isn't funny anymore. Stop.

I'm not joking.
I saw the future.

- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.

June figured out how
to send it to the future.

She just switched the knob
to the F button.

Look, the point is,
is that I saw it,

and it's fucking great.

Okay, now I know you're lying.

All right.
Maybe it's not great, okay?

Maybe it's a little messy,
but who the fuck cares?

It's a mess worth
being around for.

Gary, if you saw the future,

you would know that
I'm not in it.

That's the thing.
You are in it.

- No, I'm not.
- And guess what?

You're not jumping off
of this bridge.

Gary, I promise you
I am jumping off this bridge.

- No, you aren't!
- Yes, I am!

You're actually gonna
go to the other side.

Haven't you ever wondered
what's on the other side?

It's fucking right there.

What's on the other side?

You haven't seen the future.

You want me to prove it to you?

You can't.

I can give you proof.

Bye, Gary.

Nope.

I'll see you
on the other side, Sheila.

♪ If I showed up ♪

♪ In the shape of a storm ♪

♪ Would you recognize me? ♪

♪ Strange as it seems ♪

♪ I have known you before ♪

♪ But it was not our time yet ♪

♪ If I go sailing ♪

♪ Into the unknown ♪

♪ What are my chances ♪

♪ Of ever reaching
your shore? ♪

- So where do you live?
- I live right there.

Right, I knew that
because I saw your future.

Future.

Yeah.

I, uh,
I gotta ask you something.

What?

Since you've been
traveling over and over

and over again, have we ever,
on one of these times,

ever, you know?

Gary, come on.
It's only been one night.

But did we, though?

Gary, you're kind of
smothering me.

Oh, come on.

♪ Outside, my guy is tryna
find a little spare time ♪

♪ Unwind with me a little ♪

♪ I've got red wine, no lie ♪

♪ And since there's two of us ♪

♪ Let's put the tunes on
up loud ♪

♪ I wanna see what
you make me do and how ♪

♪ I know you think it
may be too soon ♪

♪ Come around and show me
what you've got ♪

♪ I heard you wanna be ♪

♪ In the driver's seat,
so keep up ♪

♪ And do you promise me
that you'll honor me? ♪

♪ Don't give up ♪

♪ 'Cause it feels right ♪

♪ And if I follow you ♪

♪ I know that
I should hesitate ♪

♪ But it feels right ♪

♪ And just the thought of you
gives me the taste ♪

♪ I know I'll crave ♪

♪ But it feels right ♪

♪ And if I follow you ♪

♪ I know that
I should hesitate ♪

♪ But it feels right ♪

♪ And just the thought of you ♪

♪ Gives me the taste... ♪

Cheers, mate.

Wow, it's a real
"Sophie's Choice" out here.

Can I get the
chicken korma, please?

It's really, really good.
And two glasses of the cab.

Do you wanna order, too, Gary?

- What?
- Are you gonna order?

Caramel, cinnamon,
and regret drizzled

on top of breast milk-flavored
ice cream and fresh cut grass.

- Mmm.
- The cones are inedible.

Don't eat them.

- Oh!
- I'm sorry. Oh.

- Oh, it's okay.
- Oh, no.

Bye, Gary.
I'll see you tomorrow.

- Thirsty?
- Yeah. I wanna hit that, Phil.

I wanna hit that real hard.
Happy?

What can I get you?

Old fashioned.

How adorable.

- I'm Sheila.
- Hi, Sheila. I'm Gary.

We have old-timey names.

- We do.
- Mm-hmm.

Locally sourced
Sour Patch Kids roughly shaved

onto a bed of whimsical romaine
lettuce-flavored gelato.

All right.

Two.

Wow.

It's kind of peaceful to just...

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Great job, sir.

- Cheers to you.
- To you.

And put money in your hat.
Mmhmm.

Oh, fucking Jesus Christ!

What made you wanna go back,
like, in time?

- Vacation.
- Hmm.

You went on vacation
so you could hang with me?

Well, I just kinda
popped into this bar,

and you were the only one
not watching sports on TV.

- Ah.
- Yeah.

Not really a sports fan?
No.

Rare breed.

Emulsified donuts and forgotten

birthday cake pieces drizzled
on top of a black void

with vanilla swirls.

Did you know I was married once?

- Get out of here. Just once?
- Uh-huh.

It was just once, but it
was five very long years.

Oh, I'm sorry.
What made you wanna get out?

Aw. You're very sweet.

He wanted to get out.
He left me.

Why?

Who is... who would ever
leave you?

Well, I'm in a
similar situation.

I just got out of a pretty
long year relationship

with a girl named Amber.

For fuck's sake, Gary,
nothing good

comes from a girl named Amber.

Old fashioned.

How adorable.

Okay, two old fashioneds,
and you can fuck off, Phil.

- Wait, what?
- Oh, nothing.

Organic red velvet pieces
crushed into a bed

of lost feelings, hopes,
and dreams

drizzled with tears.

Mmm.

Yeah, feeling real thirsty,

but not for your
side commentary.

I'm pretty quenched
on that account, okay?

So I gotta ask,
you know John Connor?

"The Terminator".

He's from the future.

You know, Michael Biehn
was in that movie,

and... and then... and nothing.

It's all just, like,
a big joke to you, isn't it?

You just don't take any
of this seriously. It's fine.

I'm pretty neurotic.

I, like, develop these
coping mechanisms,

you know, to keep myself sane.

I wasn't, like,
murdering people.

- Oh, good.
- You?

There's a lot of
choices over there.

There are.
Ooh, let's go to this one.

Hi, Amit.

So do you wanna tell me
about the future?

What's the point?
You never believe me anyways.

The point is, it's interesting.

Mm.

So I have a cat.

I'm allergic to them,
so I had to get

one of those shaved ones.

Cheers, mate.
- They're called a sphynx.

But it's weird.

If you put them up
next to my grandfather,

you kinda can't
tell the difference.

You're not even
gonna remember this,

and it just makes me so,
so, so sad, Gary, you know?

The future is fucked.

Let's liven it up in here.
This place sucks.

Hey, Susan.

Are you mad at me?
Mmmm.

- Are you mad at me?
- Mm-mm.

- I'm so sorry.
- Mm-hmm.

- I am so sorry.
- Mm-mm.

I see years together... Amit,
I'm trying to talk here.

What do you see, Gary?
Um.

You don't see it...
You don't see it, Gary?

No, I see it.
Two little kids.

No, it's fine.
Two kids and a dog and...

Oh, my God, Gary.
No, you're just saying that.

It's okay.

Gary!

I guess what
I'm trying to say is,

I haven't done this
in a long time,

and I'm having a lot of fun, so.

It's okay, I get you.

Lucky for you, my mouth
speaks before my brain

tells it to, so no guesswork.

I know.
I really like that.

You like it now,

but give it a while,
you might get tired of it.

No, I won't.