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synced and corrected by peritta
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Previously on "You Me Her"...
3
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We agree that this is a
business arrangement, right?
4
00:00:08,126 --> 00:00:10,328
I just think we need
to set clear boundaries.
5
00:00:10,329 --> 00:00:11,629
You took her to our roof?
6
00:00:11,630 --> 00:00:12,697
- Shit.
- Oh, my God.
7
00:00:12,698 --> 00:00:14,599
- What if it's all Izzy?
- It's us.
8
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,300
I really like Andy.
9
00:00:16,301 --> 00:00:18,102
So, would you categorize me
as emotionally unavailable?
10
00:00:19,638 --> 00:00:21,105
So, who was that chick who got dropped off
11
00:00:21,106 --> 00:00:22,206
at your house two nights ago?
12
00:00:22,207 --> 00:00:23,641
She's my niece. Jackie.
13
00:00:23,642 --> 00:00:25,784
We have a serious fucking Lori problem.
14
00:00:25,786 --> 00:00:26,807
A Lori problem?
15
00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:28,346
Maybe we should get off the train tracks
16
00:00:28,347 --> 00:00:29,580
before the train runs us over.
17
00:00:29,581 --> 00:00:31,849
All you got to do is tell her it's over
18
00:00:31,850 --> 00:00:33,918
- and she can keep the money.
- Right.
19
00:00:33,919 --> 00:00:35,119
Aah!
20
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,621
What are you doing here?
21
00:00:36,622 --> 00:00:38,456
It turns out we won't be
requiring your services.
22
00:00:38,457 --> 00:00:39,490
This is where I call bullshit.
23
00:00:39,491 --> 00:00:41,325
I'm the only one being an adult here.
24
00:00:41,326 --> 00:00:44,029
- You're the only adult?
- Fine. You win.
25
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,430
- Sorry.
- Ow.
26
00:00:46,431 --> 00:00:47,666
What the fuck?
27
00:00:48,634 --> 00:00:51,169
What the fuck?!
28
00:00:58,877 --> 00:01:00,745
Okay.
29
00:01:00,746 --> 00:01:03,114
It's, um... I think it's like 12:30,
30
00:01:03,115 --> 00:01:05,483
and I've already been the voice of reason
31
00:01:05,484 --> 00:01:07,485
and a cock-blocker, and that's just...
32
00:01:07,486 --> 00:01:08,786
It's not who I am.
33
00:01:08,787 --> 00:01:10,354
It's not my place in the world.
34
00:01:10,355 --> 00:01:12,490
I fucking resent it.
35
00:01:12,491 --> 00:01:14,892
And you ruined Nana's lamp.
36
00:01:14,893 --> 00:01:16,594
- Sorry.
- Yeah, I'm... that was my fault.
37
00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:17,795
Shut up.
38
00:01:17,796 --> 00:01:20,097
Yeah. Okay, so, I'm gonna ask you again.
39
00:01:20,098 --> 00:01:21,966
Are... are we still
calling this one a client,
40
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:26,137
or is he something else?
41
00:01:27,773 --> 00:01:31,208
Okay, so, I made my choice
for the pizza thing, but...
42
00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:33,211
Okay. Oh.
43
00:01:33,212 --> 00:01:35,713
Ah, this is gonna be... interesting.
44
00:01:35,714 --> 00:01:37,615
Company. Hello.
45
00:01:37,616 --> 00:01:39,417
Hi.
46
00:01:39,418 --> 00:01:41,752
Hey, dude. My name's Jack.
47
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:44,155
Sorry about the "dude."
I don't normally say that.
48
00:01:44,156 --> 00:01:45,423
Okay. Andy.
49
00:01:45,424 --> 00:01:46,758
Hey.
50
00:01:48,393 --> 00:01:49,527
Sorry. I'm being rude.
51
00:01:49,528 --> 00:01:53,798
Um, Jack. Uh, Jack is, um...
52
00:01:53,799 --> 00:01:56,601
- He... he is part of a...
- Is... is...
53
00:01:56,602 --> 00:01:59,570
I'm her uncle. She's...
I'm her... yeah, yeah.
54
00:01:59,571 --> 00:02:00,871
I'm her uncle.
55
00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:02,573
We were more like cousins growing up
56
00:02:02,574 --> 00:02:04,141
'cause we were so close in age, so...
57
00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:05,610
Aren't you like 40?
58
00:02:05,611 --> 00:02:07,979
- I'm nothing like 40.
- Oh, God.
59
00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:09,680
He just stops by whenever he wants.
60
00:02:09,681 --> 00:02:11,115
You now, it's like a... I don't know...
61
00:02:11,116 --> 00:02:12,583
like a midlife crisis type of thing.
62
00:02:12,584 --> 00:02:15,486
More like a quarter-life
crisis, 'cause I'm not that old.
63
00:02:15,487 --> 00:02:16,587
If you live to 160.
64
00:02:16,588 --> 00:02:18,389
You better double up on the fish oil.
65
00:02:18,390 --> 00:02:20,024
Okay. Okay.
66
00:02:20,025 --> 00:02:22,026
Maybe we should just get going.
67
00:02:22,027 --> 00:02:25,763
Would you hate me if we
moved our lunch to happy hour?
68
00:02:25,764 --> 00:02:28,399
It's just trouble at home.
69
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,568
Yeah, okay. I gotcha.
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00:02:30,569 --> 00:02:31,802
Hang in there, dude.
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00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,571
Seriously, I... I never say that, so...
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Okay.
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00:02:34,906 --> 00:02:37,508
Thank you. I just...
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00:02:37,509 --> 00:02:39,610
He stopped by, and I... I...
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All right.
76
00:02:49,588 --> 00:02:51,223
Aww.
77
00:02:59,031 --> 00:03:01,065
So, Ah... so 5:00?
78
00:03:01,066 --> 00:03:03,134
5:00. Yeah.
79
00:03:07,706 --> 00:03:10,709
Yeah, I'm a... I am a client.
80
00:03:11,743 --> 00:03:13,345
And that's your tip.
81
00:03:18,617 --> 00:03:21,552
Well, glad that's sorted.
82
00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:24,221
I'm gonna take this.
83
00:03:24,222 --> 00:03:26,891
For Nana's lamp.
84
00:03:41,573 --> 00:03:44,975
So, what about the Andy kiss?
85
00:03:44,976 --> 00:03:48,145
Well, at first, it was just about proving
86
00:03:48,146 --> 00:03:49,747
that Jack wasn't a threat.
87
00:03:49,748 --> 00:03:51,148
You know, like, "See?
88
00:03:51,149 --> 00:03:53,451
We can make out right in front of him."
89
00:03:53,452 --> 00:03:56,520
But... But then it was...
it was also about, you know,
90
00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:59,428
keeping Andy on simmer
for the next few weeks.
91
00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:00,459
Does that make sense?
92
00:04:00,461 --> 00:04:02,159
- Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
- Okay.
93
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,095
Yeah, assuming you're a sociopath,
94
00:04:04,096 --> 00:04:07,498
it makes perfect, blood-curdling sense.
95
00:04:07,499 --> 00:04:09,221
But it's also bullshit.
96
00:04:09,237 --> 00:04:10,368
Pardon?
97
00:04:10,369 --> 00:04:13,504
You kissed Andy to make
Jack jealous, okay? Period.
98
00:04:13,505 --> 00:04:15,206
Boom. Done.
99
00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:17,208
Maybe.
100
00:04:17,209 --> 00:04:18,576
Probably.
101
00:04:18,577 --> 00:04:20,978
Are you seriously into
breaking up a marriage?
102
00:04:20,979 --> 00:04:23,013
No. God, no.
103
00:04:23,014 --> 00:04:25,349
They love each other.
104
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,152
They're in it.
105
00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:30,588
But what?
106
00:04:30,589 --> 00:04:32,591
You think there's room for one more?
107
00:04:34,593 --> 00:04:36,560
Man, how much would it suck
108
00:04:36,561 --> 00:04:38,963
if I was the only one that feels this way?
109
00:04:38,964 --> 00:04:41,031
Oh, yeah. It would just be, like,
110
00:04:41,032 --> 00:04:43,834
so tragic if the three of you
didn't live happily ever after.
111
00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:45,770
And so surprising.
112
00:04:45,771 --> 00:04:48,496
Oh, come on. You have to be kidding me.
113
00:04:48,498 --> 00:04:49,940
Right? About being the only one?
114
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,609
Uncle Jack left...
115
00:04:51,610 --> 00:04:55,546
Stop calling him "Uncle
Jack." It makes it weird.
116
00:04:55,547 --> 00:04:57,014
Oh, that's what makes it weird.
117
00:04:57,015 --> 00:04:58,616
Oh, sorry.
118
00:04:58,617 --> 00:05:00,852
Sorry. I wasn't sure.
119
00:05:02,187 --> 00:05:05,156
What about her?
120
00:05:05,157 --> 00:05:08,659
Let's find out.
121
00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:09,794
Hi, Em.
122
00:05:09,795 --> 00:05:12,296
Hey, Izzy. How are you?
123
00:05:12,297 --> 00:05:13,964
I'm awesome. How are you?
124
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:16,100
Totes. I'm... I'm awesome, too.
125
00:05:16,101 --> 00:05:17,468
Oh, God. Blech!
126
00:05:17,469 --> 00:05:20,004
Whatever the fuck that
is, stop it immediately.
127
00:05:20,005 --> 00:05:21,572
- Oh. Oh, no, that's just, uh...
- Just end it.
128
00:05:21,573 --> 00:05:23,574
... some homeless person
thinks they know me.
129
00:05:23,575 --> 00:05:26,277
No, sorry. I'm not Lisa.
130
00:05:26,278 --> 00:05:30,014
Uh, I really need to see
you, like, ASAP, if possible.
131
00:05:30,015 --> 00:05:31,582
Just end it!
132
00:05:31,583 --> 00:05:33,984
Oh, I... I can't.
133
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:37,188
Yeah, I'm, uh, all kinds of busy.
134
00:05:37,189 --> 00:05:39,423
Andy doesn't know that my roommate outed
135
00:05:39,424 --> 00:05:43,627
his devious plan to kidnap
me on some big adventure.
136
00:05:43,628 --> 00:05:44,728
Yeah, international flights are involved,
137
00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,230
I think, but I'm not sure.
138
00:05:46,231 --> 00:05:47,998
Oh, shit. That's him on the other line.
139
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:49,500
I'm so excited. I got to go.
140
00:05:49,501 --> 00:05:51,202
W...
141
00:05:51,203 --> 00:05:53,637
Ah, I'm gonna... I'm gonna barf.
142
00:05:53,638 --> 00:05:54,705
Damn!
143
00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:56,340
Damn, the specifics.
144
00:05:56,341 --> 00:05:58,509
Seriously, just, like, right
off the top of your head.
145
00:05:58,510 --> 00:05:59,877
- I am impressed.
- I know.
146
00:05:59,878 --> 00:06:00,945
International flights?
147
00:06:00,946 --> 00:06:02,546
I don't know what that was.
148
00:06:02,547 --> 00:06:05,684
No, you can be quite the
devious little fucker.
149
00:06:07,485 --> 00:06:11,088
First, so well-played.
Ice water in your veins.
150
00:06:11,089 --> 00:06:12,690
Second, what happened?
151
00:06:12,691 --> 00:06:14,358
Well, um...
152
00:06:14,359 --> 00:06:17,928
her boyfriend called and
she kind of hung up on me.
153
00:06:17,929 --> 00:06:19,930
Oh, my God. Is your lip quivering?
154
00:06:19,931 --> 00:06:21,298
No.
155
00:06:21,299 --> 00:06:22,533
Fuck!
156
00:06:22,534 --> 00:06:23,767
Shh!
157
00:06:23,768 --> 00:06:27,371
Uh, there are kids here.
158
00:06:27,372 --> 00:06:29,707
Oh, God. I am so sorry.
159
00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:32,476
Uh, I... I practically
never use that word,
160
00:06:32,477 --> 00:06:35,079
certainly not so loud and, um, elongated.
161
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,882
Don't do drugs, and stay in school.
162
00:06:37,883 --> 00:06:39,316
They're toddlers, dumb shit.
163
00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:40,684
Yeah.
164
00:06:40,685 --> 00:06:42,987
Dumb shit? Really?
165
00:06:42,988 --> 00:06:46,290
I bet these sticky little
monsters aren't even vaccinated.
166
00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,125
Oh, really? Well, why don't I
vaccinate your ass with my shoe?
167
00:06:48,126 --> 00:06:49,593
- Vaccinate my ass?
- Yeah.
168
00:06:49,594 --> 00:06:51,695
Oh, bring it, creamed kale. Bring it on.
169
00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:54,565
Okay, lady people! Public
park, children present.
170
00:06:54,566 --> 00:06:56,500
Let's go.
171
00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:58,569
What the hell is happening to you?
172
00:06:58,570 --> 00:07:00,371
Look, I don't want to end it.
173
00:07:00,372 --> 00:07:01,906
I don't want to stop seeing Izzy.
174
00:07:01,907 --> 00:07:04,708
And I hate Andy.
175
00:07:04,709 --> 00:07:06,510
You know you can't drag this shit
176
00:07:06,511 --> 00:07:08,312
into Hawthorne Heights, right?
177
00:07:08,313 --> 00:07:10,548
Into my neighborhood,
where I raise my kids?
178
00:07:10,549 --> 00:07:12,983
I'm sorry.
179
00:07:12,984 --> 00:07:15,419
I may be cool, but I'm
not that fucking cool.
180
00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:32,469
If someone had told you three days ago...
181
00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:33,470
Oh, my God. I know. I know.
182
00:07:33,471 --> 00:07:35,773
... That we would, I mean...
183
00:07:35,774 --> 00:07:38,008
- It's insane.
- It's crazy.
184
00:07:38,009 --> 00:07:39,777
I called Izzy today.
185
00:07:39,778 --> 00:07:41,378
What?
186
00:07:41,379 --> 00:07:43,814
I tried to end it with
her, tried to get, you know,
187
00:07:43,815 --> 00:07:47,017
off those train tracks
you were talking about.
188
00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:49,787
And?
189
00:07:49,788 --> 00:07:53,223
I realized, um, I don't want to.
190
00:07:53,224 --> 00:07:55,760
I don't want to end it.
191
00:07:57,295 --> 00:07:58,596
Don't... don't be mad.
192
00:07:58,597 --> 00:08:01,398
No, I'm... uh, I went to her apartment.
193
00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:03,867
Oh.
194
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:06,103
Yeah. During my lunch hour.
195
00:08:06,104 --> 00:08:07,037
I... I...
196
00:08:07,038 --> 00:08:08,505
Why?
197
00:08:08,506 --> 00:08:10,574
I... I... same reason.
I also wanted to end it.
198
00:08:10,575 --> 00:08:13,444
I mean, I told her she... she
couldn't contact you anymore
199
00:08:13,445 --> 00:08:15,112
or... or take your messages.
200
00:08:15,113 --> 00:08:16,246
Well, what happened?
201
00:08:16,247 --> 00:08:17,514
Things got pretty heated.
202
00:08:17,515 --> 00:08:20,118
And then things got
even, like, more heated.
203
00:08:21,886 --> 00:08:23,454
Like...
204
00:08:23,455 --> 00:08:26,657
Like, not... not arguing
anymore, but, like...
205
00:08:26,658 --> 00:08:28,459
Did something happen?
206
00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:30,594
Um, well, I don't know.
207
00:08:30,595 --> 00:08:33,397
I mean, her roommate came home, so that...
208
00:08:33,398 --> 00:08:35,599
And if her roommate hadn't come home?
209
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,335
Uh, I don't know, to be honest. It's hard.
210
00:08:38,336 --> 00:08:40,672
Damn.
211
00:08:43,141 --> 00:08:45,943
Do you hate me right now? Please don't.
212
00:08:45,944 --> 00:08:48,412
No. No, I don't hate you.
213
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:50,080
I...
214
00:08:50,081 --> 00:08:52,950
I don't know what I feel.
215
00:08:52,951 --> 00:08:54,618
Jealous, maybe.
216
00:08:56,621 --> 00:08:59,490
Scared.
217
00:08:59,491 --> 00:09:00,992
And excited.
218
00:09:02,527 --> 00:09:04,294
Is... is that crazy?
219
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:05,562
No.
220
00:09:05,563 --> 00:09:07,965
I mean, I... No. It makes perfect sense.
221
00:09:07,966 --> 00:09:10,968
Although I don't know what's
crazy and what's not anymore.
222
00:09:10,969 --> 00:09:12,536
I just...
223
00:09:12,537 --> 00:09:14,538
It's really good we're
being honest here, right?
224
00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:17,274
Yeah. Yeah. No, it's good.
225
00:09:17,275 --> 00:09:20,511
D... did you go see Izzy
226
00:09:20,512 --> 00:09:23,480
because you were jealous
that I'd been with her,
227
00:09:23,481 --> 00:09:26,517
or she'd been with me?
228
00:09:26,518 --> 00:09:29,486
Is there... is there an option
"C" for "all of the above"?
229
00:09:29,487 --> 00:09:30,788
Wow.
230
00:09:30,789 --> 00:09:34,591
Yeah, that's... that's how I feel.
231
00:09:34,592 --> 00:09:35,759
Really?
232
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:36,794
Yeah.
233
00:09:40,932 --> 00:09:43,534
So, what's next?
234
00:09:43,535 --> 00:09:47,404
Well, there's another
adult in this... Izzy.
235
00:09:47,405 --> 00:09:48,906
Right.
236
00:09:48,907 --> 00:09:51,575
We should probably consider
her, see how she feels.
237
00:09:51,576 --> 00:09:53,177
Right.
238
00:09:53,178 --> 00:09:55,212
Do you know that she has a boyfriend?
239
00:09:55,213 --> 00:09:56,714
Oh, God. I met that dude.
240
00:09:56,715 --> 00:09:57,881
- You met him?
- Yeah. Andy.
241
00:09:57,882 --> 00:09:59,183
So, it's real.
242
00:09:59,184 --> 00:10:01,185
Good-looking dude. Oh, my God.
243
00:10:01,186 --> 00:10:03,721
I hope he has low self-esteem, because...
244
00:10:03,722 --> 00:10:05,556
Is he a massive asshole?
245
00:10:05,557 --> 00:10:08,158
Does he hate puppies and poor people?
246
00:10:08,159 --> 00:10:09,526
I think so.
247
00:10:09,527 --> 00:10:10,828
I mean, I got that sense from him.
248
00:10:10,829 --> 00:10:12,362
He didn't... we didn't
talk long, but he was...
249
00:10:12,363 --> 00:10:13,630
Fuck Andy.
250
00:10:13,631 --> 00:10:15,399
Yeah. Exactly. Fuck that guy.
251
00:10:15,401 --> 00:10:18,058
- Pizza.
- Mm. Yes.
252
00:10:21,506 --> 00:10:23,607
Okay.
253
00:10:23,608 --> 00:10:26,944
Okay, who's gonna eat these leftovers?
254
00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:29,246
Please. You'll be lucky
if you get a whole slice.
255
00:10:29,247 --> 00:10:30,748
Oh, is that right?
256
00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:33,618
Mm.
257
00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:36,386
So hot.
258
00:10:36,387 --> 00:10:38,622
Mm. That's where the ranch comes in.
259
00:10:38,623 --> 00:10:41,859
Every element in this
operation has a vital purpose
260
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:44,228
to the flavor and the combo.
261
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:47,564
No, I was, uh... I meant you.
262
00:10:47,565 --> 00:10:50,567
So, this does it for you?
263
00:10:50,568 --> 00:10:52,436
Weirdly so. Yes, it does.
264
00:10:52,437 --> 00:10:55,639
What about you, huh?
265
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,676
You like this guy?
266
00:11:01,579 --> 00:11:03,380
Let me know when you decide, okay?
267
00:11:03,381 --> 00:11:04,615
What?
268
00:11:04,616 --> 00:11:06,016
- Yes?
- Oh, no. No, no.
269
00:11:06,017 --> 00:11:07,985
- I was, um...
- I'll... I'll be here.
270
00:11:07,986 --> 00:11:09,586
No, I wa...
271
00:11:09,587 --> 00:11:11,922
I... I don't actually know
what I was thinking about.
272
00:11:11,923 --> 00:11:13,190
- Mm.
- Sorry.
273
00:11:13,191 --> 00:11:14,925
- You don't know?
- No, I... I know that
274
00:11:14,926 --> 00:11:17,427
it probably looked like
I was, like, pondering you
275
00:11:17,428 --> 00:11:19,797
or I, um, was just...
276
00:11:23,835 --> 00:11:26,737
No, I'm... I don't know
what I was thinking. Sorry.
277
00:11:26,738 --> 00:11:29,640
I was just... I was...
278
00:11:34,812 --> 00:11:36,046
Iz?
279
00:11:36,047 --> 00:11:37,614
Hey, Iz?
280
00:11:37,615 --> 00:11:38,816
Yeah.
281
00:11:38,817 --> 00:11:41,818
Everything all right?
282
00:11:47,158 --> 00:11:48,258
Nope.
283
00:11:48,259 --> 00:11:49,626
God damn it. She's with Andy.
284
00:11:49,627 --> 00:11:51,128
I'm telling you. He has one of those faces
285
00:11:51,129 --> 00:11:52,863
that is just begging to be punched.
286
00:11:52,864 --> 00:11:54,798
I've never seen him, but I totally agree.
287
00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:56,366
Meet you at home?
288
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,135
Yeah. I just got to
stop by the office first,
289
00:11:58,136 --> 00:11:59,703
but I'll be right behind you.
290
00:11:59,704 --> 00:12:01,271
Ooh. I could be into that.
291
00:12:01,272 --> 00:12:02,673
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
292
00:12:08,346 --> 00:12:10,514
Hey, come on! We can do it!
293
00:12:10,515 --> 00:12:12,916
We can make it.
294
00:12:12,917 --> 00:12:15,086
Come on.
295
00:12:19,691 --> 00:12:21,835
Hi, Lori.
296
00:12:21,986 --> 00:12:23,423
Hey, Em!
297
00:12:24,729 --> 00:12:29,199
Gosh. You Trakarskys sure
are friendly all of a sudden.
298
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,567
Oh, yeah.
299
00:12:30,568 --> 00:12:32,269
It's a, uh, fertility karma thing.
300
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:33,904
I'm a good person. See?
301
00:12:33,905 --> 00:12:35,606
So, you're running now.
302
00:12:35,607 --> 00:12:36,807
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
303
00:12:36,808 --> 00:12:39,142
You trying to lose, um... I mean...
304
00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:40,611
Are you asking if I'm
trying to lose weight?
305
00:12:40,612 --> 00:12:41,578
What? No.
306
00:12:41,579 --> 00:12:42,913
I... I... no. I was...
307
00:12:42,914 --> 00:12:44,514
Of course I'm trying to lose weight.
308
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:46,016
I'm in my 40s.
309
00:12:46,017 --> 00:12:47,784
One perfectly innocent
burrito suddenly equals
310
00:12:47,785 --> 00:12:49,720
roughly 19 miles at a dead sprint.
311
00:12:49,721 --> 00:12:51,221
Yeah.
312
00:12:51,222 --> 00:12:54,124
That's funny, Lori.
313
00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:57,027
Try to be less obviously surprised.
314
00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:59,196
I'm sorry. I... I... I really am.
315
00:12:59,197 --> 00:13:01,765
Um, we should get together sometime.
316
00:13:01,766 --> 00:13:03,533
We are.
317
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:06,370
Jack's grilling.
318
00:13:06,371 --> 00:13:07,971
He said you guys talked about it.
319
00:13:07,972 --> 00:13:09,973
Oh, yeah. Because, uh... 'cause he did.
320
00:13:09,974 --> 00:13:11,742
I... I just didn't know that it was...
321
00:13:11,743 --> 00:13:13,477
Will Jack's niece be joining us? What...
322
00:13:13,478 --> 00:13:15,612
- Jack's niece?
- What is her name again?
323
00:13:15,613 --> 00:13:17,281
Oh, uh, Izzy? Uh, no.
324
00:13:17,282 --> 00:13:19,182
I don't think so. She, um...
325
00:13:19,183 --> 00:13:21,385
Izzy?
326
00:13:21,386 --> 00:13:22,686
You said Izzy.
327
00:13:22,687 --> 00:13:26,223
Jack told Ava that her name was Jackie.
328
00:13:26,224 --> 00:13:28,225
That's right.
329
00:13:28,226 --> 00:13:29,760
What's right?
330
00:13:29,761 --> 00:13:31,428
Jacqueline Isabelle.
331
00:13:31,429 --> 00:13:33,297
You know 20-somethings...
332
00:13:33,298 --> 00:13:35,999
Always trying to reinvent themselves.
333
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,768
She prefers to be called Izzy,
334
00:13:37,769 --> 00:13:40,437
but Jack can't get used to it, so it's...
335
00:13:40,438 --> 00:13:42,572
Gosh, is everything okay with you two?
336
00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:45,008
'Cause he seemed a little
bit weird today, too.
337
00:13:45,009 --> 00:13:46,310
He was all twitchy.
338
00:13:46,311 --> 00:13:47,778
This doesn't have anything to do
339
00:13:47,779 --> 00:13:49,813
with the Alumni Board review, does it?
340
00:13:49,814 --> 00:13:52,049
Well, listen, truth be told...
341
00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:53,784
Oh.
342
00:13:53,785 --> 00:13:56,420
... Jack has been snorting an
excessive amount of coke lately,
343
00:13:56,421 --> 00:13:59,457
so I think that might have
something to do with the twitchiness.
344
00:14:06,464 --> 00:14:07,998
Yeah.
345
00:14:07,999 --> 00:14:09,666
I guess we're both funny.
346
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:12,135
Okay. Well, I look forward to steaks.
347
00:14:12,136 --> 00:14:13,603
You should.
348
00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:15,472
They'll be entirely made of cow meat.
349
00:14:15,473 --> 00:14:16,707
Ooh!
350
00:14:16,708 --> 00:14:19,409
- Bye.
- Bye.
351
00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:20,677
Jackie?
352
00:14:20,678 --> 00:14:23,613
You could do better than that.
353
00:14:25,283 --> 00:14:28,485
What? What did you say? What did she say?
354
00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:30,087
Let's just hope she buys the notion
355
00:14:30,088 --> 00:14:31,922
that Jacqueline Isabelle now goes by Izzy
356
00:14:31,923 --> 00:14:33,357
and you didn't get the memo.
357
00:14:33,358 --> 00:14:36,560
That's pretty good, actually.
358
00:14:36,561 --> 00:14:37,928
Pretty good?
359
00:14:37,929 --> 00:14:39,830
This from the guy who can only conjure up
360
00:14:39,831 --> 00:14:41,732
a diminutive of his own name.
361
00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:44,301
I did this on the spot, in the driveway,
362
00:14:44,302 --> 00:14:46,737
after we came up with two different names
363
00:14:46,738 --> 00:14:48,638
for a niece we don't have.
364
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,107
So, apparently we're fighting now?
365
00:14:50,108 --> 00:14:51,575
I didn't get that memo, either.
366
00:14:51,576 --> 00:14:54,644
I'm sorry.
367
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:59,182
Do you think we're so frustrated
with our fertility shit
368
00:14:59,183 --> 00:15:01,351
and our bourgeois life choices
369
00:15:01,352 --> 00:15:04,154
that we're passive-aggressively
sabotaging our own life?
370
00:15:04,155 --> 00:15:06,690
I don't think there's anything passive
371
00:15:06,691 --> 00:15:09,659
about inviting a third
party into our marriage.
372
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:11,728
Is that what we're doing?
373
00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:12,963
I think so.
374
00:15:12,964 --> 00:15:15,166
Right? Isn't that what we're doing?
375
00:15:16,701 --> 00:15:18,168
Oh, God. I'm having trouble breathing.
376
00:15:18,169 --> 00:15:19,369
Oh, no, no, no. No, no. No.
377
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:20,937
Can I do that?
378
00:15:20,938 --> 00:15:23,006
Is it possible to stop, just,
like, forget how to breathe?
379
00:15:23,007 --> 00:15:25,976
'Cause that's...
380
00:15:25,977 --> 00:15:28,612
Look, I mean, we should stop, right?
381
00:15:28,613 --> 00:15:31,014
I mean, now that you've
said this out loud,
382
00:15:31,015 --> 00:15:33,483
we should... we should
absolutely just stop.
383
00:15:33,484 --> 00:15:35,552
Just got to wake up and snap out of it,
384
00:15:35,553 --> 00:15:37,187
and come back to our senses?
385
00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:38,989
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, this is insane.
386
00:15:38,990 --> 00:15:40,725
This is... this is not us, hon.
387
00:15:43,127 --> 00:15:45,128
Okay, I think you've used
all the oxygen for a week.
388
00:15:45,130 --> 00:15:46,325
- Okay? Just...
- I'm sorry.
389
00:15:46,327 --> 00:15:47,603
I'm having trouble to, like, regain...
390
00:15:47,605 --> 00:15:49,306
- It feels like I'm losing...
- Breathe.
391
00:15:49,308 --> 00:15:50,877
I am breathing. That's
what I'm trying to do.
392
00:15:50,879 --> 00:15:52,066
Like a human.
393
00:15:52,068 --> 00:15:53,136
You think she's gonna come?
394
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:55,205
Should we call her and...
and tell her that...
395
00:15:55,206 --> 00:15:58,208
not to come, not to come by?
396
00:15:58,209 --> 00:16:01,945
Or should we just let fate decide?
397
00:16:01,946 --> 00:16:04,181
Oh, you mean let Izzy decide.
398
00:16:04,182 --> 00:16:06,416
Tomato, po-tah-to.
399
00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:07,984
I don't know.
400
00:16:07,985 --> 00:16:09,953
If she comes, then
it's meant to be, right?
401
00:16:09,954 --> 00:16:11,988
And if she doesn't, then it's not.
402
00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:25,469
Well, this is it.
403
00:16:30,074 --> 00:16:32,409
Are you actually sure
that we've never met?
404
00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:36,280
Uh, yeah. I'm good with faces, so, um...
405
00:16:39,717 --> 00:16:41,686
Okay.
406
00:16:44,322 --> 00:16:47,024
Oh, fuck.
407
00:16:49,026 --> 00:16:50,193
Hey.
408
00:16:50,194 --> 00:16:52,629
Are you sure this is what you want?
409
00:16:52,630 --> 00:16:56,299
What is that supposed to
mean, ironic T-shirt guy?
410
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:58,602
You... you get those T-shirts
411
00:16:58,603 --> 00:17:01,238
so people think you're fucking deep?
412
00:17:01,239 --> 00:17:02,506
You... you just walk around
413
00:17:02,507 --> 00:17:04,274
with... with your poetry on your shirt?
414
00:17:04,275 --> 00:17:07,277
But you just actually go
around fucking judging people?
415
00:17:07,278 --> 00:17:08,445
You don't even know me.
416
00:17:08,446 --> 00:17:11,314
Shit, I was just...
417
00:17:11,315 --> 00:17:13,316
I mean, I was asking 'cause...
418
00:17:13,317 --> 00:17:14,951
this is rape-y.
419
00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:17,454
You were just asking if this is really
420
00:17:17,455 --> 00:17:19,523
where I want you to drop me off.
421
00:17:19,524 --> 00:17:21,458
Right. That... that makes sense.
422
00:17:21,459 --> 00:17:24,327
Is this... is this the
end of Englewood here?
423
00:17:24,328 --> 00:17:25,896
Yeah.
424
00:17:25,897 --> 00:17:28,365
Then this is what I want.
425
00:17:28,366 --> 00:17:29,499
I think.
426
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:30,934
Look, it's none of my business,
427
00:17:30,935 --> 00:17:33,103
but I'm gonna spend the rest of the night
428
00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:35,071
trying to figure this out anyway.
429
00:17:35,072 --> 00:17:38,175
What the hell's in those woods?
430
00:17:38,176 --> 00:17:40,944
Uh, well, um...
431
00:17:40,945 --> 00:17:43,146
my aunt and my uncle.
432
00:17:43,147 --> 00:17:44,481
Yep.
433
00:17:44,482 --> 00:17:46,483
Uh, they like camping, so I'm, uh...
434
00:17:46,484 --> 00:17:48,518
It's just through the brush.
435
00:17:48,519 --> 00:17:51,522
Uh, I'll be good, though. I'm good.
436
00:17:55,526 --> 00:17:57,527
Fucking aunt, fucking uncle bullshit.
437
00:17:57,528 --> 00:17:59,963
Fucking Jack, fucking Emma.
438
00:17:59,964 --> 00:18:02,532
Okay, where am I?
439
00:18:02,533 --> 00:18:04,367
Ow! Fuck!
440
00:18:06,237 --> 00:18:08,038
Oh, this Pinot ain't cutting it.
441
00:18:08,039 --> 00:18:09,973
Think she'll bring that Indian pot?
442
00:18:09,974 --> 00:18:11,641
I believe it's called indica.
443
00:18:11,642 --> 00:18:12,624
Well, whatever.
444
00:18:12,626 --> 00:18:14,945
It relaxes parts of me
I never knew existed.
445
00:18:14,946 --> 00:18:16,580
She's not coming.
446
00:18:16,581 --> 00:18:19,449
The 25-year-old made the
sensible, adult decision.
447
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:20,717
Good on her.
448
00:18:20,718 --> 00:18:23,587
I should have specified a time.
449
00:18:23,588 --> 00:18:25,855
Why didn't I specify a time?
450
00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:27,157
Stupid.
451
00:18:27,158 --> 00:18:28,658
Fuck.
452
00:18:28,659 --> 00:18:31,861
I haven't felt this way since
you claimed you were sick
453
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,663
and didn't return my calls for three days.
454
00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:36,566
Oh, you were so adorable,
standing in my hallway
455
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:39,169
all misty-eyed with
chicken soup and sriracha.
456
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:40,570
Nothing personal.
457
00:18:40,571 --> 00:18:42,472
An upper hand needed to be established.
458
00:18:42,473 --> 00:18:44,975
I wasn't misty-eyed. No, I was faking it.
459
00:18:44,976 --> 00:18:47,611
I was faking... that
was my vulnerable face.
460
00:18:47,612 --> 00:18:49,212
I use to use that to try to get laid.
461
00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:51,181
- So, you upper-handed my upper hand?
- Worked, too.
462
00:18:51,182 --> 00:18:52,482
- Bullshit.
- I can do it right now.
463
00:18:52,483 --> 00:18:54,017
You want to see my vulnerable face?
464
00:18:54,018 --> 00:18:55,552
Yeah. I want to see your vulnerable face.
465
00:18:55,553 --> 00:18:57,488
Watch this. You ready?
466
00:19:01,292 --> 00:19:02,359
It's doing nothing.
467
00:19:03,361 --> 00:19:05,095
Shit. She's here.
468
00:19:05,096 --> 00:19:06,296
Yes!
469
00:19:06,297 --> 00:19:07,631
Do I look okay?
470
00:19:07,632 --> 00:19:09,099
You look great.
471
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:12,435
Hey.
472
00:19:12,436 --> 00:19:15,038
If you don't have something
that makes sense in a shot glass,
473
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:17,240
I'm killing everyone but the pug.
474
00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:20,678
Uh, I got... tequila.
475
00:19:24,448 --> 00:19:25,482
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
476
00:19:25,483 --> 00:19:26,776
Sure.
477
00:19:27,475 --> 00:19:29,435
What's... what's the look?
478
00:19:29,437 --> 00:19:31,454
Why are you looking at me like that?
479
00:19:31,455 --> 00:19:34,324
Oh, it's just something that
doesn't work anymore, clearly.
480
00:19:34,325 --> 00:19:36,126
Let's get you in some dry clothes.
481
00:19:36,127 --> 00:19:37,694
Yeah, please.
482
00:19:58,341 --> 00:19:59,616
- Mom!
- Oh, my...
483
00:20:01,552 --> 00:20:04,487
Yeah, next time you try
spying on the Trakarskys,
484
00:20:04,488 --> 00:20:06,756
maybe you should water more than one bush.
485
00:20:06,757 --> 00:20:08,725
- No, I was not...
- Don't.
486
00:20:08,726 --> 00:20:11,027
We both know something
weird is going on with them
487
00:20:11,028 --> 00:20:12,729
and the niece that fell from the sky.
488
00:20:12,730 --> 00:20:14,230
- Right?
- Yeah!
489
00:20:14,231 --> 00:20:15,932
Totally.
490
00:20:21,639 --> 00:20:23,707
That's different.
491
00:20:28,546 --> 00:20:30,714
Oh. Shrieking Squirrels.
492
00:20:30,715 --> 00:20:33,183
I know, right? It's horrible.
493
00:20:33,184 --> 00:20:35,518
No, no. It's the name of the band.
494
00:20:35,519 --> 00:20:37,721
They dropped, like,
yesterday on an indie site.
495
00:20:37,722 --> 00:20:40,557
Jack and Emma are nowhere near that cool.
496
00:20:40,558 --> 00:20:42,559
Oh.
497
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,260
She's in there.
498
00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:47,530
Oh.
499
00:20:53,771 --> 00:20:55,338
Oh.
500
00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:57,140
Okay. That's it. I am done.
501
00:20:57,141 --> 00:20:58,675
Em, we've had two.
502
00:20:58,676 --> 00:21:00,110
- Really?
- Yeah.
503
00:21:00,111 --> 00:21:01,344
Seems like more.
504
00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:04,714
Did, uh... did you bring the vape?
505
00:21:04,715 --> 00:21:06,750
Does a bear shit in his pants? Hold on.
506
00:21:06,751 --> 00:21:10,988
Yeah, I don't think
that's the, um, expression.
507
00:21:13,557 --> 00:21:15,959
- Okay.
- No, wait. No. We can't...
508
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,527
We... we can't do this. No.
509
00:21:17,528 --> 00:21:19,396
We have a lot of important
decisions to make.
510
00:21:19,397 --> 00:21:21,564
We have to talk about a bunch of stuff.
511
00:21:21,565 --> 00:21:23,433
We can't be stoned for this.
512
00:21:23,434 --> 00:21:25,401
We have to be honest.
513
00:21:25,402 --> 00:21:27,237
Right.
514
00:21:30,808 --> 00:21:32,642
Maybe we should have a shot first.
515
00:21:32,643 --> 00:21:35,378
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
516
00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:37,547
"You're such a great guy, Andy."
517
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:39,616
"You're the best, Andy."
518
00:21:39,617 --> 00:21:41,751
"It's not you. It's me, Andy."
519
00:21:41,752 --> 00:21:45,989
"You're like human-shaped Ambien, Andy."
520
00:21:45,990 --> 00:21:48,658
No. Somebody seriously wrote that to you?
521
00:21:48,659 --> 00:21:50,960
The... the last one was implicit.
522
00:21:50,961 --> 00:21:55,231
All right. Well, next round's on, uh...
523
00:21:55,232 --> 00:21:57,567
What are you doing?
524
00:21:57,568 --> 00:21:59,035
That's how I know her.
525
00:21:59,036 --> 00:22:00,303
Know who?
526
00:22:00,304 --> 00:22:01,871
That girl I just dropped off.
527
00:22:01,872 --> 00:22:04,374
You come in with her a lot.
528
00:22:04,375 --> 00:22:05,408
Izzy?
529
00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:08,478
Sure. That sounds about right.
530
00:22:11,982 --> 00:22:13,516
Good, right?
531
00:22:13,517 --> 00:22:15,518
Why would you do that?
532
00:22:15,519 --> 00:22:19,222
Sorry, I... I can't listen to
music and talk at the same time.
533
00:22:19,223 --> 00:22:20,824
Is that gonna happen to me?
534
00:22:20,825 --> 00:22:24,227
Item one on the agenda is Andy.
535
00:22:25,496 --> 00:22:30,099
Uh, no. Um...
536
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,302
I was just trying to
make you guys jealous.
537
00:22:32,303 --> 00:22:33,603
Yeah, it worked.
538
00:22:33,604 --> 00:22:34,804
Really?
539
00:22:34,805 --> 00:22:36,807
Why?
540
00:22:38,042 --> 00:22:39,978
'Cause I needed to know if...
541
00:22:40,768 --> 00:22:43,384
You know... I don't know.
542
00:22:43,386 --> 00:22:44,647
We felt the same?
543
00:22:44,648 --> 00:22:45,983
Yeah.
544
00:22:47,551 --> 00:22:49,619
I have been going out of my mind
545
00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:51,554
thinking about a married couple
546
00:22:51,555 --> 00:22:54,457
that I met four days ago
getting it on without me.
547
00:22:54,458 --> 00:22:56,626
And, by the way, I know
how crazy that sounds.
548
00:22:56,627 --> 00:22:58,661
Like, if anyone was
to say that shit to me,
549
00:22:58,662 --> 00:23:00,296
I would be like, "You're mental."
550
00:23:00,297 --> 00:23:01,664
Like, I... Like, I... I get it.
551
00:23:01,665 --> 00:23:03,733
Well, I'm jealous when you're with Andy.
552
00:23:03,734 --> 00:23:05,502
I'm jealous when you're with Jack.
553
00:23:05,503 --> 00:23:07,504
- You are?
- Yes.
554
00:23:07,505 --> 00:23:09,505
Yeah. Me too. I'm super jealous.
555
00:23:09,506 --> 00:23:12,542
Like, not, obviously
Ja... I am Jack, so it's...
556
00:23:12,543 --> 00:23:14,577
it's opposite people,
557
00:23:14,578 --> 00:23:19,083
but I have the same feelings as you guys.
558
00:23:22,586 --> 00:23:25,522
How fucked up is this?
559
00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:30,593
Who decides what's
fucked up and what isn't?
560
00:23:30,594 --> 00:23:32,529
Society, for one.
561
00:23:32,530 --> 00:23:35,598
Or, you know, the people doing it.
562
00:23:35,599 --> 00:23:37,367
Right. That's... that's
actually way better.
563
00:23:37,368 --> 00:23:39,168
Mm-hmm.
564
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:41,704
Well, whenever we tried to make
this a business arrangement,
565
00:23:41,705 --> 00:23:43,172
some weird form of therapy...
566
00:23:43,173 --> 00:23:45,141
No, it was... it was
always something else,
567
00:23:45,142 --> 00:23:46,777
right from the start, right?
568
00:23:49,380 --> 00:23:50,814
Hold on.
569
00:23:57,788 --> 00:23:59,589
- You never cashed the check?
- No.
570
00:24:07,398 --> 00:24:09,465
Now we can't hide behind it.
571
00:24:09,466 --> 00:24:12,268
So, let me get this straight.
572
00:24:12,269 --> 00:24:14,771
You... you drove Izzy out to the 'burbs
573
00:24:14,772 --> 00:24:17,073
and you dropped her off in the woods?
574
00:24:17,074 --> 00:24:18,174
Yeah.
575
00:24:18,175 --> 00:24:19,947
Dude, I... I'm starting to feel
576
00:24:19,949 --> 00:24:22,225
like I'm breaking a whole
bunch of unwritten laws.
577
00:24:22,227 --> 00:24:24,479
Well, you're not a lawyer or a doctor.
578
00:24:24,481 --> 00:24:25,615
You're, like, a bartender
579
00:24:25,616 --> 00:24:27,984
who occasionally drives
people places, so...
580
00:24:27,985 --> 00:24:29,786
Wow.
581
00:24:29,787 --> 00:24:34,390
Your powers of persuasion need
some fine-tuning there, sport.
582
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:35,959
So, where do we go from here?
583
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,695
I don't know.
584
00:24:38,696 --> 00:24:43,600
The logical question is, um...
585
00:24:43,601 --> 00:24:47,905
has anyone in this room
ever had a threesome?
586
00:24:52,443 --> 00:24:55,378
Oh, well, now, that's just offensive.
587
00:24:55,379 --> 00:24:56,646
Oh, shit.
588
00:24:56,647 --> 00:24:58,381
No, I... I thought you were
suggesting that, like...
589
00:24:58,382 --> 00:24:59,682
Well, yeah, no.
590
00:24:59,683 --> 00:25:01,250
I was suggesting, completely suggesting,
591
00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:03,519
but, I mean, it's not 1975, Barney Miller.
592
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,823
Come on.
593
00:25:09,593 --> 00:25:10,893
No.
594
00:25:10,894 --> 00:25:13,396
Uh, no. Not me. No.
595
00:25:13,397 --> 00:25:16,665
- Izzy?
- No.
596
00:25:16,667 --> 00:25:18,702
No. Me neither.
597
00:25:21,672 --> 00:25:23,506
Here's what's gonna happen.
598
00:25:23,507 --> 00:25:29,612
I'm going to put $80 on this bar, okay?
599
00:25:29,613 --> 00:25:31,714
I'm gonna ask you to tell me
600
00:25:31,715 --> 00:25:34,351
exactly where you dropped her off.
601
00:26:15,526 --> 00:26:19,526
synced and corrected by peritta
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