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1
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,538
[SCREAMS]
2
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:22,119
[GASPING]
3
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,584
Nothing.
4
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,555
[BOTH SINGING “NOTHING"I
5
00:00:56,356 --> 00:01:00,554
[MOUTHING LYRICS]
6
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:43,831
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
7
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,905
- Hello? Is this U.N.C.L.E.?
SOLO [OVER PHONE]: Yes, it is.
8
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:56,674
Believe me, Mr. Solo,
this is not a prank. I--
9
00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,879
[DIAL TONE]
10
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,646
You're on, Miss Osborne.
11
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:40,150
Uh, miss.
Uh, where can we find Miss, uh, Osborne?
12
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:43,318
Well, she left, about a minute ago.
13
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:47,797
- Uh, where did she go?
- Why, to Purdy's. To wait for the reviews.
14
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,401
Where's Purdy?
15
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:53,369
Well, if, um, you got a car,
I'll take you there.
16
00:02:54,807 --> 00:02:56,275
I got them. I got them.
17
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,103
Come on, gather around, everybody.
Come on.
18
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:01,873
Come, I got the reviews. Come on,
come on. Come on, honey, come on.
19
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,584
WINKY:
Okay, quiet down, quiet down. Come on.
20
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:08,813
Shh. Let's see what they have to say
about an instant hit, huh?
21
00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:10,353
Who's that?
22
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:13,959
Uh, that's Winky Blintz.
He's our director and star.
23
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,960
- Winky Blintz.
- Blintz, Blintz.
24
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,120
Here's Mr. Dreston:
25
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,596
“If you think the opening scene
of The In-Out Shaw...
26
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,998
...is pretentiously obtuse,
you should just be patient.“
27
00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:26,662
- Do you see Miss Osborne?
- Shh.
28
00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:32,968
“For once it gets going, it swings downhill
with all the pace and deftness...
29
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,636
...of an Alpine glacier.“
30
00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:36,475
[PEOPLE MUTTERING]
31
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:37,673
Fascist.
32
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:39,682
- Please. It's important.
- What?
33
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:43,254
Oh, Miss Osborne. Um.
34
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,620
I don't see her. I know she's here.
Oh, she probably went to the powder room.
35
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,524
Well, we have to see he! immediately.
So, uh, would you mind?
36
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,164
MAN:
Let's see what the first...
37
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,299
I might as well.
I don't have anything else to do.
38
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:55,594
Things certainly don't look too promising
around here.
39
00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:57,964
WINKY: Ah, Paul Hastenbrook,
there's a critic for you.
40
00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:02,005
“Last night at the New Wave Theater,
The In-Out Shaw went on...
41
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,805
...and on and on and on.“
42
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:06,969
[PEOPLE MUTTERING]
43
00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:09,808
The reviews aren't exactly boffo,
are they?
44
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,849
" Boffo“ ?
45
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,715
Yes, that's “box office“ to foreigners.
46
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:16,855
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
47
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:23,321
[JANET SCREAMS]
48
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,794
Whatever she wanted to tell us...
49
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:32,461
...I guess we'll have to find it out
for ourselves.
50
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:27,894
The police are convinced
it was suicide, eh?
51
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,587
Well, I suppose Miss Osborne
wouldn't be the first actress...
52
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:33,596
...to take her press notices too seriously.
53
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:36,497
SOLO: It's not the police she spoke to,
it was me.
54
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:39,138
What exactly did she tell you?
55
00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:43,640
She said she had something to tell me,
and I said, “What?“ and she said:
56
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:47,678
“Your entire organization
is in danger of being destroyed.“
57
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,110
Then she was cut off.
58
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,478
I see.
59
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:53,415
Well, it may interest you, gentlemen...
60
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:56,783
...to know that a Thrush operative
has just been captured...
61
00:05:56,956 --> 00:06:00,722
...carrying a copy of everything
we fed into our main computer yesterday.
62
00:06:00,893 --> 00:06:03,021
Has he been interrogated?
63
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,156
Dead, unfortunately.
64
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,934
This may be the answer
to the past week.
65
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:17,009
Nothing in our entire operation against
Thrush seems to have worked properly.
66
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:19,235
Do you think a personnel leak?
67
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:21,710
Not very likely, I'm afraid.
68
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,942
Our engineers think they've got a tap
on this computer.
69
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,382
How? We're 50 feet below ground level.
70
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,454
They'd have to dig quite a tunnel
to get anywhere near us.
71
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,489
Wouldn't our seismic detectors
pick them up?
72
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,888
I don't have the answer to that.
73
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:40,056
Miss, will you tell the chief engineer
that effective immediately...
74
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,201
...I want this computer shut down?
75
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:44,029
Yes, Mr. Waverly.
76
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,297
Except for the processing
of the most routine...
77
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,065
...and unclassified material.
78
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,005
Yes, sir.
79
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:54,708
I gather you see some connection
between this and the late Miss Osborne.
80
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,145
WAVERLY:
Oh, possibly none.
81
00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:01,310
But for the time being,
it's the only thing we've got to go on.
82
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:02,818
And we must remember, gentlemen...
83
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,924
...that that theater
is only two blocks away from here.
84
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,756
I know one of the girls in the show.
85
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:13,957
After these reviews, I have a feeling
if you don't hurry, you'll miss her.
86
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:19,129
SOLO: Not even a week from Thursday?
We", uh...
87
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:21,865
Sony, my friend.
We are sold out for weeks.
88
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:24,567
For weeks? Uh...
89
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,213
How about a--? Maybe-- Hmm.
90
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:31,976
Hi, isn't it exciting?
91
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,051
Yes, it's incredible. I was looking for you.
92
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,417
- Uh, who's that...?
- Oh, that's Mr. Machina. He's our producer.
93
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:40,389
Come on, we're having a cast meeting
and I can't be late.
94
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,860
- A month. We are sold out for a month.
- Hmm.
95
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,828
Can you imagine?
96
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:48,933
Just think what you could do
with lukewarm reviews.
97
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:51,195
Let's go, kids, come on.
Come on, let's go.
98
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:54,032
Now, you're probably all curious
what has happened.
99
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,175
For the man
who's gonna give you the answers...
100
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:58,572
...here's our illustrious producer,
Mr. David X. Machina.
101
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,353
Artists of the theater.
102
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,549
Last night, you underwent tragedy
and disappointment.
103
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:16,320
As for the first,
you know Eileen Osborne...
104
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,227
...would have wanted you to bounce back
just as you have.
105
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:23,494
She always said, “The show must go on.“
Always.
106
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,398
She was quite a conversationalist.
107
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:30,873
It is for this reason that I decided to buy
all the tickets for next month personally.
108
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:36,314
I shall distribute them in the firm belief
that word of mouth...
109
00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:39,383
...should quickly bring
to your incomparable artistry...
110
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,680
...the recognition it so richly deserves.
111
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,758
Mr. Machina,
on behalf of the entire cast...
112
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:57,336
...uh, I would like to say how deeply
we appreciate your trust in us...
113
00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:03,875
...and I promise that we will do everything
to prove that trust well-founded.
114
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,375
- Thank you, Miss, uh...?
JANET: Jerrod.
115
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,310
Janet Jerrod.
116
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,381
Uh, and as Miss Osborne's understudy...
117
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:14,214
...I only hope that I can step
into her illustrious footsteps...
118
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:18,017
...in the illustrious way
that she would have wanted.
119
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:23,560
Well, on that point, Miss Jerrod,
while I'm quite confident in your talent...
120
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:28,667
...I do feel that the rule
should have a more experienced person.
121
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:33,733
Mr. Blintz, therefore, has agreed
that Miss Osborne's replacement...
122
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:38,776
...should be Miss Linda Lamentiere.
123
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,571
[MAN CLAPPING]
124
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:03,167
Is she a well-known star?
125
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,896
I thought I knew everybody
in show business.
126
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:08,803
- I never heard of her.
- Hmm.
127
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,066
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
128
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:14,543
- It seems a trifle unfair to me, Napoleon.
- Hmm.
129
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:18,150
You dally around
with a lush young actress...
130
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,308
...while I go prowling around
in a dirty basement.
131
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,614
Ah, but we both have
the same noble objective in mind.
132
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:26,484
By the way.
do you know anything about plumbing?
133
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:30,220
Yes, you tum the tap counter clockwise
for warm and clockwise for cool.
134
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:34,026
That's very good. Uh, keep clockwise.
135
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,234
[BOTH SINGING “NOTHING"I
136
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:44,566
ADOLPH:
Hey, hey, hey.
137
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,104
- No admittance.
- Plumbing repairs.
138
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,250
- Who called for a plumber?
- Oh, boy.
139
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,181
ADOLPH:
Well...
140
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,119
It's all there.
141
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:01,689
Well, I didn't know anything was wrong
with the plumbing.
142
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:06,355
[BOTH SINGING “NOTHING"I
143
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,560
- How are you doing?
- Oh!
144
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:15,674
After all, it's his money. If he wants
an experienced actress for the job...
145
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,105
...that should be his prerogative, right?
146
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:19,267
- Right.
- Right.
147
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:22,676
Listen, I'd to ask you
about Eileen Osborne.
148
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,577
Well, I hate to speak in of the dead...
149
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,310
...but she certainly
wasn't much of an actress.
150
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:29,978
She was, you know, well-liked.
151
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:32,284
Well, do you know anyone
who didn't like her?
152
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:35,052
- Huh?
- Someone who might wanna do her harm?
153
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:36,991
- Harm Eileen?
- Mm-hm.
154
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,461
No.
155
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:42,863
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, it was my fault.
156
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:46,027
Well, it was my pleasure.
157
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,576
- Who was that man?
- Hmm?
158
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:03,183
Obviously someone with a taste
for pretty young girls.
159
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:06,290
Ha, and they put you in charge.
160
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:10,521
Can you really imagine a man like that
going for anyone like Janet Jerrod...
161
00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:12,255
...or whatever her name is?
162
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:14,331
What are you thinking?
163
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:18,027
Obviously, he could be from U.N.C.L.E.
164
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:19,603
Don't worry about it.
165
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,867
If he's an U.N.C.L.E. agent,
I can assure you he will be taken care of.
166
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:26,012
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
167
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:39,587
ADOLPH:
Hey!
168
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,228
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
169
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:45,523
Oh, you took the wrong tum.
The main pipe is here.
170
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:48,724
Oh, sorry.
171
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:54,667
ADOLPH:
Hey!
172
00:12:56,709 --> 00:13:00,111
Hey, there's a show
going on upstairs, you know.
173
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,213
Sorry, it just isn't my night.
174
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,407
Just make sure you put everything back
the way it was.
175
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,246
I-- I-- It'll be a pleasure.
176
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,697
Anything?
177
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,834
They might be able
to hide the tunnel entrance...
178
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:24,993
...but they couldn't cover up the signs
of digging.
179
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:27,003
As usual, we're on the wrong track.
180
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,766
I haven't had a chance to talk to Janet.
181
00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:29,931
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
182
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:37,816
Oh, my good man. Uh, would you take this
and buy yourself a bar of soap?
183
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,644
You're a dirty guy.
184
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:47,525
You would think that it the show
were as good as Mr. Machina says it was...
185
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:51,152
...uh, why was the audience so quiet?
186
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,925
Maybe they were, uh, overcome?
187
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:58,092
But wouldn't you think they'd give us
at least one curtain call?
188
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:02,901
And Miss Lamentiere...
Oh, I hate to be sour grapes, but--
189
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:06,136
- How was she?
- Oh, I could play rings around her.
190
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:09,145
How do you suppose
she ever got the pan?
191
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:12,006
- Come on, I'll get you something to eat.
- Ha-ha-ha.
192
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,209
No. Thank you, Napoleon.
193
00:14:14,386 --> 00:14:16,684
I just wanna go home and go to sleep.
194
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,292
Oh, one of my shorter dates.
Very pleasant, though.
195
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:23,360
- Okay, I'll take you home.
- You don't have to.
196
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,021
Oh, I thought maybe, uh, we could talk...
197
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,895
...about Miss Osborne, Machina,
other things.
198
00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:33,562
Please. I'll feel much more like talking
tomorrow night, I'm sure.
199
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:38,142
Mm. All right. Only slightly offended,
he bade her good night.
200
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,048
CLAUDE:
Mr. Solo?
201
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,213
- Uh, yeah?
- We've got a message to relay to you.
202
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,382
- Yeah, like don't go near that broad.
- Anymore.
203
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,824
At all. You see,
a friend of he! likes it that way.
204
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,725
CLAUDE:
That way.
205
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:02,425
See, I thought that kind of dialogue
went out with high-button shoes.
206
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,501
- We're very serious.
- Very.
207
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:09,164
Oh, well, I think everyone should be serious
once in a while.
208
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,367
[HUGO GRUNTS]
209
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,007
[MEN GRUNTING]
210
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:45,535
Does that leave any doubt
he's an U.N.C.L.E. agent?
211
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,509
I'm afraid you're right, my dear.
212
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,411
I think, however, a mere working over...
213
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:54,450
...is not gonna keep him out of our hair
for these next crucial days.
214
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:58,490
- I have a suggestion.
- What?
215
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,891
Put Mr. Sale in the lake.
216
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,551
CLAUDE:
In you go, pal.
217
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,414
HUGO:
Okay, you tie him up. I'll drive.
218
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:31,181
CLAUDE: All right.
Stay on that street, they're right to the lake.
219
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:32,347
HUGO:
Okay.
220
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:34,891
[CAR ENGINE REVS]
221
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:45,496
Sir, Mr. Solo's distress transmitter
has been activated.
222
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:51,707
[MACHINE BEEPING]
223
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:54,211
Here's where it started.
224
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,779
Get me Mr. Kuryakin.
225
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,440
WANDA: It seems to be heading
towards Central Park.
226
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,408
ILLYA:
All right, put him down, right there.
227
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:37,678
[MEN GRUNTING]
228
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,634
[ILLYA GRUNTING]
229
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:28,738
[GASPING]
230
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,804
I can't say I approve much
of your choice of swimming pools.
231
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:34,969
[SOLO GASPS]
232
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:38,208
It would be all right if they just wouldn't
put so much chlorine in the water.
233
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,380
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
234
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,180
Come in, Mr. Solo.
235
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,551
Where are you?
236
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,852
In a Turkish bath, sir.
237
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:51,155
Oh. Oh, yes, of course.
238
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,526
Well, we ran a check on Mr. Machina.
239
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,791
A Thrush?
240
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,958
I wouldn't be surprised.
241
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,595
Very wealthy, source unknown.
242
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:02,501
Has a background in electronics.
243
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:05,837
Everything adds up, sir.
except there's no sign of a tunnel.
244
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,945
How else could they
be using that theater?
245
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:09,638
That I don't know.
246
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,910
But it's absolutely imperative
that we find out.
247
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:17,352
Our inability to use the computer
is paralyzing our entire organization.
248
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:19,992
Well, I have an idea
they killed Eileen Osborne...
249
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,718
...because she found something...
250
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,989
...and replaced her with one of their own
so they wouldn't have to do it again.
251
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,259
Ergo, the answer must be available
to the new leading lady.
252
00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:31,034
Hmm.
253
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:36,232
Well, perhaps, under the circumstances,
we ought to have someone on the inside.
254
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:38,433
I have another idea, sir.
255
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:40,669
Didn't you tell me
you played the French horn?
256
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,042
I play the English horn, yes.
257
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:45,650
Well, French horn, English horn.
What difference does it make?
258
00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:48,946
There is a number in the show
called “A Man is a Hem.“
259
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:53,251
Ugh. Oh, no, I categorically refuse.
260
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,156
It's a direct order, Mr. Kuryakin.
261
00:19:58,664 --> 00:19:59,654
Yes, sir.
262
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:05,964
How do you intend to get rid of the fellow
who's doing it now? Knock his teeth out?
263
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,300
Haven't you ever heard
of Napoleon Solo...
264
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:11,443
...the talent scout
for the famous Hollywood mogul...
265
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,601
...L.B. Stemmacher?
266
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,874
SOLO: Huh?
- Uh-huh.
267
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:20,544
How could you do it to me, Mr. Solo?
Stealing one of my best men.
268
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,847
0” he goes to Hollywood
without even an hour's notice.
269
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,489
Now, how am I gonna replace him?
270
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:26,522
You got a couple of hours till showtime.
271
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:29,127
- You'll come up with something.
- Oh, thanks a lot.
272
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:33,629
Napoleon, you never told me
you were a talent scout for Hollywood.
273
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:37,292
Well, I didn't want to destroy the purity
of our relationship.
274
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:41,599
Oh, yeah, but--
Gee whiz, Freddy Smallwood?
275
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:43,298
Your time will come, love.
276
00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,102
ADOLPH: Winky.
SOLO: Things are just--
277
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:48,042
ADOLPH: Winky.
- What?
278
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:49,647
A guy wants to see you about a job.
279
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,408
I'm busy.
Now, go away, will you, Adolph?
280
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,449
He says he plays the horn.
281
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:56,054
Plays the horn? Well, where is he?
282
00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,281
There's this question
of timing and talent...
283
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,325
...and if you got the talent,
the timing will eventually work itself out.
284
00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:13,933
[PLAYING DRAMATIC MUSIC]
285
00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,973
[INDIAN ACCENT]
A man is a ham
286
00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:25,014
Viciousiv he vibrates
In double-reed duplicity
287
00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:28,619
Hunking. screeching. squealing
288
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:32,485
Displaying his talents
For nothing but noise
289
00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:34,592
[INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
290
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,094
A man is a horn
291
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:45,129
He is also a lute
292
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:49,002
Strings turned tightly tn tune the tension
293
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:50,903
That pulls him apart
294
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:53,374
While percussivelv plucking the strings
295
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:56,207
And goodness that should
In his heart find a plot
296
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,780
Where'd you get him?
297
00:21:57,949 --> 00:22:00,543
It was a miracle. An absolute miracle.
298
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:02,518
But there's nut
299
00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:05,055
A man is a lute
300
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:10,127
I don't believe in miracles.
301
00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:28,646
A man is a drum
302
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,149
[GASPS]
303
00:22:31,316 --> 00:22:34,809
What's the matter, Miss Lamentiere?
You look as if you've seen a ghost.
304
00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:38,923
Oh, uh, it's-- It's just
that I didn't expect to see you here.
305
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:41,116
Oh, as a matter of fact,
I didn't expect to be here.
306
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:44,422
I guess I'm just staged.
307
00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:46,394
[CHUCKLES]
308
00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:03,874
A man is a drum
309
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:20,691
You can't stand here, mister.
310
00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:23,335
Uh, well, I'm waiting
for Miss, uh, Jerrod.
311
00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:24,901
It's very dank out in the alley...
312
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:28,005
...and I understand there's a very bad
hoodlum element in the neighborhood.
313
00:23:28,173 --> 00:23:29,732
Adolph, he's okay.
314
00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:34,106
- Stay out of the way, all right?
- Oh, indeed, I will, yes.
315
00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:37,041
- Hi.
- Hi.
316
00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:40,519
A man is a song
317
00:23:41,019 --> 00:23:45,616
[VOCALIZING]
318
00:23:49,294 --> 00:23:51,285
Isn't he great?
319
00:23:51,463 --> 00:23:55,058
Not bad if you like one-man bands.
320
00:23:55,233 --> 00:23:56,860
You know, this is tomorrow night?
321
00:23:57,035 --> 00:23:58,696
- Fine. Fine, fine.
- Good.
322
00:23:58,870 --> 00:24:01,532
- Fine, I'll be right with you.
- All right.
323
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:06,577
[CHANTING]
324
00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:14,282
[ILLYA SIGHS]
325
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:17,115
- Anything?
- Not so far. What about you?
326
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:18,688
I don't know how important it is...
327
00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:21,519
...but the star's dressing room
is always locked.
328
00:24:21,693 --> 00:24:23,787
Even she doesn't have the key.
329
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:26,056
Who does?
330
00:24:26,231 --> 00:24:29,496
SOLO:
Him. Name's Adolph.
331
00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:31,033
ILLYA:
Hmm.
332
00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:33,831
“A man is a horn“? Hmm.
333
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,403
- I'm ready.
- Okay.
334
00:24:41,780 --> 00:24:43,612
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
335
00:25:46,678 --> 00:25:48,976
[ALARM BEEPING]
336
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,634
[DOOR LOCK CLICKS]
337
00:26:29,287 --> 00:26:32,154
Open Channel D101 Napoleon Solo.
338
00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:33,985
ILLYA [OVER RADIO]:
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
339
00:26:34,159 --> 00:26:35,923
[SINGING “BROADWAY RHYTHM"]
340
00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,527
I know another one
you're gonna like too.
341
00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:44,226
Um, I sing all the instruments.
342
00:26:45,537 --> 00:26:47,505
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
343
00:26:49,307 --> 00:26:51,708
Sorry I had to call you back,
but I figured you'd wanna know.
344
00:26:51,876 --> 00:26:54,243
You did the right thing, Adolph.
345
00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:58,411
- Do you know who it is?
- No, sir. I didn't see him.
346
00:26:59,351 --> 00:27:00,580
Just a moment.
347
00:27:00,752 --> 00:27:03,551
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
348
00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:06,487
That's our little man with the horn.
349
00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:08,251
ILLYA:
Come in, Napoleon.
350
00:27:08,426 --> 00:27:11,919
Looks like we need another replacement
for tomorrow.
351
00:27:12,097 --> 00:27:14,429
A pity.
He was the best thing in the show.
352
00:27:14,599 --> 00:27:16,260
ILLYA: Napoleon Solo.
- Hmm.
353
00:27:17,502 --> 00:27:19,698
Should I take care of him now?
354
00:27:19,871 --> 00:27:22,465
Unfortunately, yes.
355
00:27:23,108 --> 00:27:26,009
- Decidedly, no.
- What?
356
00:27:26,177 --> 00:27:28,111
Come, come on, dear.
357
00:27:28,279 --> 00:27:29,678
Think.
358
00:27:29,848 --> 00:27:32,840
If U.N.C.L.E. has planted a man
in the cast...
359
00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:36,113
...they obviously
must have strong suspicions about us.
360
00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:38,688
What would you do
if you were in their circumstances...
361
00:27:38,857 --> 00:27:40,882
...and highly suspicious?
362
00:27:41,526 --> 00:27:44,120
I'd postpone the computer input.
363
00:27:44,295 --> 00:27:45,353
Of course you would.
364
00:27:45,530 --> 00:27:49,160
You'd postpone it
until you stopped the leak.
365
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:52,463
I think we should free Mr. Kuryakin.
366
00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:57,040
And try to convince him
that the leak has been stopped.
367
00:28:00,578 --> 00:28:02,979
- Adolph.
- Huh?
368
00:28:04,049 --> 00:28:07,314
Napoleon, for the last time,
will you come in, please?
369
00:28:07,485 --> 00:28:09,044
[OVER RADIO]
Napoleon. Come in, Napoleon.
370
00:28:09,220 --> 00:28:11,245
[SINGING
“ALL GOD'S CHILLUN GOT RHYTHM"]
371
00:28:58,169 --> 00:28:59,466
[DOOR RATTLING]
372
00:28:59,637 --> 00:29:03,198
[SINGING
“ALL GOD'S CHILLUN GOT RHYTHM"]
373
00:29:12,283 --> 00:29:14,615
Well, whew.
374
00:29:14,786 --> 00:29:17,221
Well, what do you think
L.B. Stemmacher would say to that?
375
00:29:17,388 --> 00:29:22,019
Uh... Why don't you make some coffee
and we'll, you know, talk about it?
376
00:29:22,193 --> 00:29:23,319
JANET:
Oh.
377
00:29:37,675 --> 00:29:39,734
[DOOR OPENS]
378
00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:45,411
Whoa. Boy, am I glad to see you.
379
00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:47,608
I thought I might have to spend
the night here.
380
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:50,414
- You see, I rather stupidly locked myself--
- Huh.
381
00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:52,454
You didn't lock yourself in.
382
00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:54,683
- What?
- I locked you in.
383
00:29:54,859 --> 00:29:55,883
Oh?
384
00:29:56,060 --> 00:29:58,529
[ADOLPH GROANS AND GRUNTS]
385
00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:00,755
No, no, please. Listen to me.
386
00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:03,230
- I know you're from U.N.C.L.E.
- Go on.
387
00:30:03,401 --> 00:30:05,927
And I know just what you're looking for.
The computer tap, right?
388
00:30:06,104 --> 00:30:07,731
You're answering the questions.
389
00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:10,102
Okay. I can lead you to it.
390
00:30:10,875 --> 00:30:14,539
I mean it. You just say the word
and I'll take you there.
391
00:30:14,712 --> 00:30:17,204
Why should you do such a noble thing?
392
00:30:17,849 --> 00:30:19,339
Money.
393
00:30:19,784 --> 00:30:20,910
Oh.
394
00:30:21,085 --> 00:30:24,521
- How much?
- Twenty thousand. Ten.
395
00:30:24,689 --> 00:30:26,350
Look, you gotta make it worthwhile.
396
00:30:26,524 --> 00:30:29,118
If Thrush finds out what I'm doing,
you know what's gonna happen?
397
00:30:29,294 --> 00:30:31,388
With a little money,
I can leave the country.
398
00:30:31,563 --> 00:30:33,088
Maybe South America.
399
00:30:33,264 --> 00:30:35,562
I can start all over again.
400
00:30:35,733 --> 00:30:38,361
I'm not in the habit of carrying
that much cash with me.
401
00:30:38,536 --> 00:30:41,995
No, but you can get it, can't you?
402
00:30:47,045 --> 00:30:48,740
You lead.
403
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:32,448
- This is where I leave you.
- Just a minute.
404
00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:35,685
Look, Mr. Kuryakin,
I brought you here, that's enough.
405
00:31:35,860 --> 00:31:38,090
Don't expect me to be around
when things start happening.
406
00:31:38,263 --> 00:31:41,233
I'm not sure I'm getting
$10,000 worth of service.
407
00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:43,424
You just go through there.
408
00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:47,128
If you don't find what you're looking for,
you don't pay.
409
00:31:47,305 --> 00:31:50,832
I'm afraid that won't do.
You just keep leading.
410
00:31:51,809 --> 00:31:53,538
[ADOLPH SIGHS]
411
00:31:53,711 --> 00:31:56,146
And don't tum around.
412
00:32:07,091 --> 00:32:09,116
[GUNSHOT]
413
00:32:18,503 --> 00:32:20,494
LINDA:
This one lists the batting averages...
414
00:32:20,672 --> 00:32:24,199
...of all the players
in their interoffice softball league.
415
00:32:24,375 --> 00:32:26,969
Hardly of earth-shaking importance, is it?
416
00:32:27,145 --> 00:32:29,409
Not at the moment. But, uh--
417
00:32:31,416 --> 00:32:34,010
It couldn't have gone better, Mr. Machina.
418
00:32:34,185 --> 00:32:35,983
I saw the explosion myself.
419
00:32:36,154 --> 00:32:37,588
It was a good one?
420
00:32:37,755 --> 00:32:40,019
Beautiful.
- Excellent.
421
00:32:40,825 --> 00:32:43,453
You'll forgive me if I gloat, my dear.
422
00:32:43,628 --> 00:32:46,290
But I have reason
to be quite proud of myself.
423
00:32:46,464 --> 00:32:51,163
When I first proposed to Thrush Central
that we build and equip two tunnels...
424
00:32:51,336 --> 00:32:53,964
...one to be used as a decoy,
you should have heard them scream:
425
00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:55,970
“You can't do that, Machina.
426
00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:58,006
You're already over budget
for the first tunnel.
427
00:32:58,176 --> 00:33:00,372
It is a complete waste
of time and money.“
428
00:33:00,545 --> 00:33:01,706
[CHUCKLES]
429
00:33:01,879 --> 00:33:05,782
Now, I wouldn't be surprised
if I were in line for a promotion.
430
00:33:05,950 --> 00:33:07,941
- I knew you were on your way up.
- Hmm.
431
00:33:08,119 --> 00:33:11,487
- From the moment I met you, I knew it.
- Hmm.
432
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:13,715
- Adolph.
- Huh?
433
00:33:13,891 --> 00:33:16,724
How much is this U.N.C.L.E. agent
going to give you?
434
00:33:17,228 --> 00:33:18,718
Five thousand dollars.
435
00:33:18,896 --> 00:33:20,330
Mm-hm.
436
00:33:20,498 --> 00:33:24,662
Knowing you as I do, Adolph.
that means 10. Very well.
437
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:27,271
When he delivers it, you can keep 500.
438
00:33:28,439 --> 00:33:30,305
Thank you.
439
00:33:31,476 --> 00:33:35,071
- Do you think he will deliver it?
- I'm sure of it.
440
00:33:36,047 --> 00:33:37,412
[JANET LAUGHING]
441
00:33:37,582 --> 00:33:40,643
I probably shouldn't have given you
such a big piece of cake.
442
00:33:40,818 --> 00:33:42,718
Do you realize this must have
a million calories?
443
00:33:42,887 --> 00:33:45,686
Mm. You know, it's unfortunate
you're such a good cook.
444
00:33:45,857 --> 00:33:46,847
Hmm?
445
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:50,222
Why, I mean, it takes away
from your other obvious attributes.
446
00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:52,887
Uh... Hey, do you realize
it must be 1:00?
447
00:33:53,064 --> 00:33:54,395
- You know--
- You'd better be going.
448
00:33:54,565 --> 00:33:56,863
- I tell you, I'd hoped that--
- You haven't met my landlady.
449
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,663
If she knew that you were here...
450
00:34:07,145 --> 00:34:08,977
I do mean it.
451
00:34:09,147 --> 00:34:11,206
You better go.
452
00:34:12,083 --> 00:34:13,915
I have my reputation to protect.
453
00:34:14,085 --> 00:34:17,749
Mm. I see. Well, you've destroyed mine.
454
00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:21,758
[RADIO BEEPING]
455
00:34:21,926 --> 00:34:23,451
What's that?
456
00:34:23,628 --> 00:34:26,120
My, uh, pen.
457
00:34:26,297 --> 00:34:28,766
- IIIya?
- Napoleon, are you all right?
458
00:34:28,933 --> 00:34:31,698
Uh, I'm a bit disappointed,
but that will pass.
459
00:34:31,869 --> 00:34:33,268
Why do you ask?
460
00:34:33,438 --> 00:34:35,338
ILLYA [OVER RADIO]:
I tried to get you earlier.
461
00:34:35,506 --> 00:34:38,771
No doubt
before the disappointment set in.
462
00:34:38,943 --> 00:34:40,104
Have you found anything?
463
00:34:41,045 --> 00:34:42,706
I'm not quite sure.
464
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,645
I may have destroyed the computer tap.
465
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,074
You what?
466
00:34:47,251 --> 00:34:49,083
Well, our friend Adolph,
the backstage doorman?
467
00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:51,620
He led me to it for a price.
But it was too easy, Napoleon.
468
00:34:51,789 --> 00:34:53,723
I think it may have been a decoy.
469
00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:56,986
And if it was,
I have an idea where the real thing is.
470
00:34:57,462 --> 00:34:58,588
What do you want me to do?
471
00:34:58,763 --> 00:35:01,130
Come to the theater tomorrow night.
472
00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:02,460
[CHUCKLING]
473
00:35:02,633 --> 00:35:06,263
I hate to subject you to the performance
again, but you might be useful.
474
00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:09,134
Shall I bring a few friends?
475
00:35:09,307 --> 00:35:10,638
ILLYA:
Yes, it might be advisable.
476
00:35:10,808 --> 00:35:13,368
And if I'm not all-stage,
look in Miss Lamentiere's dressing room.
477
00:35:13,544 --> 00:35:15,876
Oh, and you might get Mr. Waverly...
478
00:35:16,047 --> 00:35:19,915
...to feed some important misinformation
into our computer.
479
00:35:20,084 --> 00:35:21,745
Right.
480
00:35:21,919 --> 00:35:24,820
IIIya? IIIya.
He's not in show business, is he?
481
00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:26,582
Well, that's debatable. Ahem.
482
00:35:26,757 --> 00:35:29,727
And you're not really
a talent scout for L.B...
483
00:35:29,894 --> 00:35:32,363
- What's his name?
- Uh, St-- Stemmacher.
484
00:35:32,530 --> 00:35:33,622
- Yes.
- No, I'm not.
485
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:37,029
Hey, you must be a secret agent
or something.
486
00:35:37,201 --> 00:35:38,600
Yeah, something.
487
00:35:38,769 --> 00:35:40,965
Well, uh, maybe
you shouldn't go after all.
488
00:35:41,139 --> 00:35:44,734
I mean.
wouldn't you like to tell me all about it?
489
00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:49,477
Well, as a matter of fact,
I'd be delighted.
490
00:35:50,515 --> 00:35:51,778
ILLYA:
You think you can do it?
491
00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:53,007
[MOUSE SQUEAKING]
492
00:35:53,217 --> 00:35:55,151
Scared.
493
00:35:56,954 --> 00:36:00,481
No, I mean, I'm really scared.
494
00:36:01,759 --> 00:36:03,124
It's for U.N.C.L.E.
495
00:36:03,294 --> 00:36:05,023
[STAMMERING]
496
00:36:05,196 --> 00:36:09,224
Adolph is back in the office with Machina,
so I should have enough time.
497
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,698
It'll be over in just a minute.
498
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:16,030
Oh, I hope so.
499
00:36:22,046 --> 00:36:23,480
[LINDA SCREAMS]
500
00:36:23,648 --> 00:36:25,844
LINDA:
A mouse! A mouse!
501
00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:27,507
[SCREAMING]
502
00:36:27,685 --> 00:36:31,087
LINDA: A mouse! It's a mouse! It's a mouse!
JANET: A mouse!
503
00:36:31,255 --> 00:36:35,192
No, you can't go in there.
Where's Adolph? Adolph!
504
00:36:35,359 --> 00:36:37,851
[LINDA SCREAMING,
PEOPLE CHATTERING]
505
00:36:39,897 --> 00:36:41,956
[TRAPDOOR OPENING]
506
00:36:42,133 --> 00:36:44,158
LINDA:
Adolph!
507
00:36:53,077 --> 00:36:56,911
- What is it, Linda?
- Oh, A m-- A m-- A mouse in there.
508
00:36:57,081 --> 00:37:01,348
All right, all right, everybody.
We have a show in a few minutes.
509
00:37:01,519 --> 00:37:03,647
- Get ready.
- Okay, guys, come on, it's warm up time.
510
00:37:03,821 --> 00:37:06,153
Come on, dancers, let's go.
511
00:37:09,827 --> 00:37:10,851
[MOUSE SQUEAKING]
512
00:37:11,028 --> 00:37:13,156
ADOLPH:
There he is. I'll get that mouse.
513
00:37:13,331 --> 00:37:15,060
[BANGING]
514
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:17,395
ADOLPH: Come on.
- Wait.
515
00:37:17,568 --> 00:37:19,468
The trapdoor. It's been opened.
516
00:37:19,637 --> 00:37:22,504
- Huh?
- Linda!
517
00:37:22,673 --> 00:37:24,072
Linda.
518
00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:26,904
Did you get him? Huh?
519
00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:29,137
Kuryakin. Where is he?
520
00:37:29,313 --> 00:37:33,409
Oh, I don't know. I saw him talking
to that understudy a while ago.
521
00:37:33,584 --> 00:37:35,211
Oh.
522
00:37:39,056 --> 00:37:40,148
[JANET SCREAMS]
523
00:37:40,324 --> 00:37:41,314
JANET:
No!
524
00:37:41,492 --> 00:37:44,018
- Aah! No!
- Well, then.
525
00:37:44,195 --> 00:37:47,825
Perhaps Miss Jerrod
will help us to look for him.
526
00:37:47,999 --> 00:37:50,263
[SCREAMS]
527
00:38:01,612 --> 00:38:04,047
Things have a habit
of repeating themselves, don't they?
528
00:38:04,215 --> 00:38:06,445
MACHINA:
They do indeed, Mr. Kuryakin.
529
00:38:06,617 --> 00:38:08,483
Oh.
530
00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:16,791
If you will drop your gun, please.
Mr. Kuryakin?
531
00:38:24,869 --> 00:38:26,633
[BOTH GRUNT]
532
00:38:27,772 --> 00:38:29,331
[GUNSHOT, JANET SCREAMS]
533
00:38:52,730 --> 00:38:55,529
Remarkable, wouldn't you say so?
534
00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:58,192
How did you manage to get it so close
without our detecting it?
535
00:38:58,369 --> 00:39:01,498
Oh, very simple, Mr. Kuryakin.
Technology.
536
00:39:01,672 --> 00:39:05,631
New digging equipment
which cuts with ultrasonic waves...
537
00:39:05,810 --> 00:39:07,801
...almost no seismic vibration.
538
00:39:07,978 --> 00:39:11,380
And the dirt is being processed
by a reactor right on the device.
539
00:39:11,549 --> 00:39:14,519
Most of it turned into harmless gasses.
540
00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:18,781
All the dirt of this tunnel and the other one
wouldn't till two barrels.
541
00:39:18,956 --> 00:39:20,253
Very ingenious.
542
00:39:20,424 --> 00:39:24,122
You wouldn't consider
selling it to U.N.C.L.E.?
543
00:39:24,295 --> 00:39:25,558
How much?
544
00:39:25,730 --> 00:39:28,222
Ah, that's more like it.
545
00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:30,891
“Specifications
01a new U.N.C.L.E. weapon...
546
00:39:31,068 --> 00:39:35,027
...and a chemical formula
for a new explosive.“
547
00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:37,504
Do you mean you bought
all those tickets for our show...
548
00:39:37,675 --> 00:39:39,575
...just so you could use our show
as a cover-up?
549
00:39:39,744 --> 00:39:42,736
My dear, there was
a much more functional problem.
550
00:39:42,913 --> 00:39:46,781
The day the show closes,
the lease expires.
551
00:39:46,951 --> 00:39:48,612
Now, it wouldn't be a shame...
552
00:39:48,786 --> 00:39:52,689
...to be evicted from such
a profitable location as this? Wouldn't it?
553
00:39:52,857 --> 00:39:54,222
You didn't like the show at all?
554
00:39:55,793 --> 00:39:57,557
Oh, you hypocrite.
555
00:39:58,095 --> 00:39:59,358
We all have our little failings.
556
00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:02,227
She doesn't know anything about it.
Let her go.
557
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:06,394
Well, I just might do that, Mr. Kuryakin.
Except for one thing.
558
00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:07,799
What? What's that?
559
00:40:07,972 --> 00:40:11,875
Well, obviously.
with Linda out of the picture...
560
00:40:12,042 --> 00:40:13,908
...you will have to go on
in her place tonight.
561
00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,775
- The understudy gets her big chance.
JANET: What?
562
00:40:16,947 --> 00:40:19,507
Do you really think I'd go on
after what I found out about you?
563
00:40:19,683 --> 00:40:22,675
My deal, this is not a debatable matter.
564
00:40:22,853 --> 00:40:24,685
I need that performance.
565
00:40:24,855 --> 00:40:28,382
Tonight, of all nights,
I don't want any suspicions aroused.
566
00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:30,186
And the performance needs you.
567
00:40:30,361 --> 00:40:31,920
I'm sure you'll be splendid.
568
00:40:32,096 --> 00:40:33,791
I'd just like to see you make me do it.
569
00:40:33,964 --> 00:40:35,830
You really wouldn't like that, believe me.
570
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:37,195
You'll do it.
571
00:40:37,368 --> 00:40:41,601
You see, because if you don't,
we will kill your friend Mr. Kuryakin.
572
00:40:49,513 --> 00:40:51,379
Charming girl.
573
00:40:51,549 --> 00:40:54,575
I really feel badly
about having to lie to her.
574
00:40:54,752 --> 00:40:56,151
Oh? What was the lie?
575
00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:00,257
Why, the implications it she performs,
that she will be able to save your life.
576
00:41:00,424 --> 00:41:01,448
[LAUGHING]
577
00:41:04,428 --> 00:41:06,556
WINKY:
Janet. Janet, where have you been?
578
00:41:06,730 --> 00:41:08,630
They just told me Linda
wouldn't be here tonight.
579
00:41:08,799 --> 00:41:12,201
Tonight, of all nights, when I persuaded him
to come back and see the show again.
580
00:41:12,369 --> 00:41:13,632
- Who?
- Paul Hasten brook .
581
00:41:13,804 --> 00:41:16,933
I told him the show has been redone
and he'd scoop all the other critics.
582
00:41:17,107 --> 00:41:19,838
- But it hasn't been redone.
- But it's jelled. It has confidence.
583
00:41:20,010 --> 00:41:23,537
Don't you see? He's gonna think he's seeing
a new show. Isn't it marvelous?
584
00:41:23,714 --> 00:41:25,876
[AUDIENCE CHATTERING]
585
00:41:26,350 --> 00:41:28,375
It comes on your shoulders, Janet.
586
00:41:28,552 --> 00:41:29,644
This is your big chance.
587
00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:33,688
Tonight... Tonight, you are being gripped
in the hands of fate.
588
00:41:33,858 --> 00:41:35,826
[CLICKS TONGUE]
589
00:41:43,968 --> 00:41:46,096
You understand
it took some forceful persuasion...
590
00:41:46,270 --> 00:41:47,863
...to get these tickets for tonight.
591
00:41:48,038 --> 00:41:50,700
Yes, I suspected as much.
592
00:41:50,875 --> 00:41:53,674
Show sold out and all that.
593
00:41:53,844 --> 00:41:58,805
We've got men scattered
throughout the house, just in case.
594
00:41:58,983 --> 00:42:00,781
Excellent.
595
00:42:00,951 --> 00:42:02,680
I only hope there won't be
any disturbance...
596
00:42:02,853 --> 00:42:05,015
...until after Kuryakin's been on.
597
00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:08,921
- I'm most eager to see him perform.
- Hmm.
598
00:42:15,599 --> 00:42:18,261
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention, please?
599
00:42:18,435 --> 00:42:23,430
Tonight, the part of Susan Everybody
will be played by Miss Janet Jerrod.
600
00:42:23,607 --> 00:42:24,768
Thank you.
601
00:42:24,942 --> 00:42:25,932
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
602
00:42:26,110 --> 00:42:28,875
That should be a pleasant surprise
for you, Mr. Solo.
603
00:42:29,046 --> 00:42:32,311
I'm not at all sure about that, sir.
604
00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,717
Wonderful.
605
00:42:37,588 --> 00:42:41,718
Top-secret personnel records
of all U.N.C.L.E. executives.
606
00:42:41,892 --> 00:42:45,851
I can assure you,
we will make excellent use of this.
607
00:42:46,030 --> 00:42:50,126
And now, Mr. Kuryakin,
I think I go enjoy the show.
608
00:42:52,136 --> 00:42:57,131
I hope they will make do
without a horn player just this once.
609
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,942
[SIGHS]
610
00:43:08,285 --> 00:43:10,310
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
611
00:43:10,487 --> 00:43:14,515
[SINGING] [march for love
Justice, brotherhood and art
612
00:43:14,692 --> 00:43:17,889
I march for wit, knowledge
Happiness and heart
613
00:43:18,062 --> 00:43:21,430
I march for good, kindness
Diligence and truth
614
00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:24,762
For the wisdom of age
And the wonder of youth
615
00:43:24,935 --> 00:43:28,166
Stand up and shout
Stand up and march
616
00:43:28,339 --> 00:43:31,240
You got nothing to lose
Except your arches
617
00:43:31,408 --> 00:43:35,003
Stand up and march
Stand up and shout
618
00:43:35,179 --> 00:43:38,706
If you wanna learn what life is all about
619
00:43:38,882 --> 00:43:43,285
It's, uh, not one of her better nights.
620
00:43:43,454 --> 00:43:46,947
Stand up and shout
Stand up and run
621
00:43:47,124 --> 00:43:50,526
You will never guess
Who's trapped inside the tunnel
622
00:43:51,228 --> 00:43:52,525
Stand up and march
623
00:43:52,696 --> 00:43:53,959
Stand up and sing
624
00:43:54,131 --> 00:43:56,828
You will find that friends
Are waiting in each wing
625
00:43:57,868 --> 00:44:01,202
- Excuse me, sir.
- Lost your nerve?
626
00:44:02,506 --> 00:44:05,999
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
627
00:44:26,030 --> 00:44:27,725
[ADOLPH GRUNTS]
628
00:44:42,212 --> 00:44:44,203
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
629
00:44:52,423 --> 00:44:54,448
[GUNSHOT]
630
00:44:58,228 --> 00:45:00,060
The show just wouldn't be the same
without you.
631
00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:03,632
- It's nice to be missed. How's Janet?
- Lousy but unharmed.
632
00:45:03,801 --> 00:45:06,566
- Well, that won't last.
- I'm afraid you're right.
633
00:45:06,737 --> 00:45:08,728
SOLO: I take it that's the real thing?
ILLYA: Yes.
634
00:45:08,906 --> 00:45:11,034
And it's spewing out
an awful lot of misinformation.
635
00:45:11,208 --> 00:45:13,734
Go on. I'll catch up with you.
636
00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:27,350
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
637
00:45:32,529 --> 00:45:33,860
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
638
00:45:35,265 --> 00:45:38,462
[MEN GRUNTING]
639
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,073
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
640
00:46:01,792 --> 00:46:03,123
[JANET SCREAMS]
641
00:46:03,293 --> 00:46:06,558
All Thrush people! We need you.
642
00:46:07,431 --> 00:46:08,728
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
643
00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:17,574
WINKY:
Keep dancing. Keep dancing.
644
00:46:17,741 --> 00:46:19,402
It's better than unemployment.
645
00:46:19,576 --> 00:46:21,635
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
646
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:40,260
[SINGING]
The men who fight, they fight for us
647
00:46:40,430 --> 00:46:43,957
And they sure could use
A little extra muscle
648
00:46:44,134 --> 00:46:46,159
- Get the girl.
JANET [SINGING]: Stand up and fight
649
00:46:46,336 --> 00:46:48,100
Stand up and ma!
650
00:46:48,272 --> 00:46:50,934
0! you'll soon have
Leading Lady Number 4
651
00:46:51,108 --> 00:46:53,099
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
652
00:46:57,481 --> 00:46:59,813
Keep playing. Keep playing.
653
00:46:59,983 --> 00:47:02,111
[SINGING]
Keep playing
654
00:47:12,095 --> 00:47:14,120
[SOLO GRUNTS]
655
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:22,537
Stand up and shout
Stand up and march
656
00:47:22,706 --> 00:47:26,734
You got nothing to lose
Except your arches
657
00:47:26,910 --> 00:47:29,504
Stand up and march
Stand up and shout
658
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:33,639
If you wanna learn what life is all about
659
00:47:33,817 --> 00:47:34,807
[APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
660
00:47:34,985 --> 00:47:36,976
WAVERLY:
Bravo! Bravo!
661
00:47:38,055 --> 00:47:39,989
[JANET SHOUTS]
662
00:47:41,291 --> 00:47:42,816
WAVERLY:
Bravo.
663
00:47:49,466 --> 00:47:51,730
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
664
00:47:52,936 --> 00:47:54,597
“I don't recall ever being so stunned...
665
00:47:54,771 --> 00:47:57,832
...as by the total theatricality
of the second act...
666
00:47:58,008 --> 00:48:00,306
...in which every physical
and sensory means...
667
00:48:00,477 --> 00:48:03,276
...is used to embrace the audience
in a memorable experience.“
668
00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:04,437
WOMAN:
Oh.
669
00:48:04,615 --> 00:48:07,175
“And saving the best until last...
670
00:48:07,351 --> 00:48:11,754
...Janet Jerrod's transformation
from the nervous, off-key stereotype...
671
00:48:11,922 --> 00:48:13,788
...to a zany, wild-eyed hoyden...
672
00:48:13,957 --> 00:48:16,085
...marks the arrival of a brand-new star.
673
00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:18,456
See it. By all means, see it.“
674
00:48:19,963 --> 00:48:22,261
JANET:
Can you believe it? Oh.
675
00:48:23,267 --> 00:48:25,395
- It's marvelous.
JANET: Thank you, thank you.
676
00:48:25,569 --> 00:48:28,300
- Yes, you were particularly so, my dear.
- Thank you.
677
00:48:28,472 --> 00:48:30,167
WOMAN:
Oh, it's so exciting.
678
00:48:30,340 --> 00:48:31,808
[PEOPLE APPLAUDING]
679
00:48:34,878 --> 00:48:36,812
What will the audience do
when they don't find...
680
00:48:36,980 --> 00:48:40,416
...that total sensory experience
at the end of Act 2?
681
00:48:40,584 --> 00:48:42,279
Well, it's another old American tradition.
682
00:48:42,452 --> 00:48:45,945
Theater audiences generally like
what the critics tell them to like.
683
00:48:46,123 --> 00:48:47,113
WINKY:
Exactly.
684
00:48:47,291 --> 00:48:49,020
As a matter of fact,
I've already decided...
685
00:48:49,192 --> 00:48:51,559
...to incorporate the fight scene
into the show every night.
686
00:48:51,728 --> 00:48:54,629
Herbert and Marvin
are writing music and lyrics for it--
687
00:48:54,798 --> 00:48:56,391
Say...
688
00:48:57,034 --> 00:48:59,230
Now, this is kind of
an offbeat casting idea...
689
00:48:59,403 --> 00:49:02,304
...but how would you two
like to play yourselves in the show?
690
00:49:03,273 --> 00:49:05,173
Don't call us.
691
00:49:05,342 --> 00:49:06,434
We'll call you.
692
00:50:01,198 --> 00:50:03,189
[ENGLISH SDH]53882
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