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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,704
[siren blaring]
2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:04,572
- I NEED YOU TO MOVE, JOHN.
WE'RE LOSING HIM.
3
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:05,539
- SH--. TWO MINUTES AWAY.
4
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,208
- ALMOST NO PULSE.
5
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,709
- COME ON, SIR.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.
6
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,344
HEY, I THINK HE'S TRYING
TO SAY SOMETHING.
7
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:11,312
HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING.
- HE'S IN V-FIB.
8
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,547
WE GOTTA SHOCK HIM.
9
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:14,982
- I-I LOVE--
- HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING.
10
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,384
WHAT IS IT, SIR?
COME ON, SIR.
11
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,351
- GET READY TO CLEAR, BRI.
- WHAT IS IT?
12
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,487
- TA CAFFERIN...
13
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,489
- BRI?
14
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:24,092
- [mumbling]
I LOVE HER.
15
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,259
- CLEAR.
16
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:29,363
[flatlining]
17
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,265
CLEAR.
18
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:32,433
[flatlining]
19
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,202
CLEAR.
20
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:37,371
- SH--.
21
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,906
HE CLEARLY SAID,
"TELL CATHERINE I LOVE HER."
22
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,241
- I HEARD,
"CATHETER'S BROKEN."
23
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,842
- CATHETER?
YOU WERE TOO FAR AWAY.
24
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,077
- I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
- WHAT'D YOU HEAR?
25
00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:44,112
- "THE CATHOLIC POKER."
26
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,579
- WHAT THE HECK
WOULD THAT MEAN?
27
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,047
- MAYBE SOME PRIEST
HAD A HARD-ON FOR HIM.
28
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:48,782
PEOPLE SAY STRANGE SH--
WHEN THEY KICK, BRIAN.
29
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,451
WE HAD A GIANT BROTHER
GO ON US FOUR MONTHS AGO.
30
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,420
SAME DEAL,
HEART ATTACK, 52,
31
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,921
BUILT LIKE A BRICK SH--HOUSE,
32
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,724
EX-HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER,
NECK THE SIZE OF AN SUV.
33
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:57,525
- HE CALLS ME CLOSE,
I LEAN IN.
34
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,127
YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS?
35
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,361
"HANNAH MONTANA."
36
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,695
- HAD AN OLD LADY
LAST SUMMER.
37
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,864
96-YEAR-OLD
GREAT GRANDMOTHER,
38
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,267
WHITE, JEWISH,
SURVIVED AUSCHWITZ.
39
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,268
YOU KNOW WHAT
HER LAST WORDS WERE?
40
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,802
"SALSA."
41
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,738
- I HOPE MY DYING WORDS
ARE HAPPY.
42
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,373
- I HOPE MY DYING WORDS ARE
"THAT WAS THE BEST
43
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,607
"BLOW JOB EVER.
44
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,042
THANK YOU,
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS."
45
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,610
- HE WAS WEARING
A WEDDING RING.
46
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,279
I OWE IT TO HIS WIFE
TO TELL HER THAT
47
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:20,080
HIS DYING BREATH,
THE LAST WORDS
48
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,415
HE EVER SPOKE
ON PLANET EARTH,
49
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,817
INVOLVED HIS ETERNAL LOVE
FOR HER.
50
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:25,386
- BRIAN, WE HAVEN'T
EVEN ESTABLISHED
51
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,155
THAT HE SAID THE WORD
"CATHERINE."
52
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,556
AND EVEN IF HE DID,
HE COULD BE TALKING ABOUT
53
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,391
HIS CAMARO OR HIS DICK.
54
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,892
- WHO NAMES
THEIR DICK CATHERINE?
55
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,494
- A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAMARO.
- OKAY.
56
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,296
- I'M SORRY, MRS. HARRIS,
57
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,465
BUT WE DID
ALL THAT WE COULD DO.
58
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,733
- OH.
[crying]
59
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,335
- HARRIS?
THAT'S HER.
60
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:42,736
THAT'S CATHERINE,
THE GUY'S WIFE.
61
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,138
- BRIAN, DO NOT
GET INVOLVED.
62
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,306
- BRIAN, SOMETIMES
WE SAVE LIVES.
63
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,607
SOMETIMES WE CAN'T.
64
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,108
BUT WE DO NOT
CROSS THE LINE
65
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,677
WHEN IT COMES TO A FAMILY
IN THEIR GRIEF.
66
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:53,113
- HE LOVED HER.
I OWE IT TO HIM.
67
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,949
IT IS MY MORAL OBLIGATION.
68
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:04,692
I-I WORKED ON
TRYING TO SAVE MR. HARRIS.
69
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:08,329
AND HE HAD SOME IMPORTANT
70
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,364
PARTING WORDS
FOR HIS WIFE.
71
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,099
- OH, MY GOD.
- YES.
72
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,436
IT WAS VERY TOUCHING.
73
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,738
HE SAID, "TELL C--
74
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:24,912
AGNES I SAID HI."
75
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,149
- CAHAGNES?
76
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,552
- HE HAD SOME
TRACHEAL BLOCKAGE.
77
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,986
- IT'S, LIKE, A THROAT THING.
78
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,355
[coughs] CAHAGNES.
IT'S VERY COMMON.
79
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,623
- OH.
80
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,292
WELL, WHY WOULD HE
JUST SAY HI?
81
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,027
- MA'AM, DID YOUR--
DID YOUR HUSBAND--
82
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,830
DID HE DRIVE A CAMARO?
83
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,498
- I'M SORRY,
MA'AM, HE'S NEW.
84
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:45,799
WHAT YOUR HUSBAND SAID WAS,
85
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,067
"TELL AGNES
THAT I LOVE HER."
86
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,402
- "SHE MADE LIFE
WORTH LIVING."
87
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,170
- AND THEN HE SMILED.
- PASSED ON.
88
00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,306
- OH, MY GOD.
89
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,174
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
90
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,577
- YES, IT WAS.
91
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,413
- WE'RE SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
92
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:04,518
- WE GOT TO GO.
93
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:07,221
[funky music]
94
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:10,491
*
95
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,992
- I DON'T TELL LIES.
96
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,594
I LIVE MY LIFE ACCORDING
TO A MORAL COMPASS.
97
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,062
DON'T YOU GUYS?
98
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,230
- NO, I DON'T HAVE
A MORAL COMPASS.
99
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,698
I GOT A MORAL GPS, OKAY?
100
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,099
IT OFFERS UP THREE ROUTES
101
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,568
IN ALMOST
ANY GIVEN SITUATION:
102
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,336
A WHITE LIE,
AN OFF-WHITE LIE,
103
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:25,172
AND THE LONG, LONELY ROUTE
OF TRUTH AND HONESTY
104
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,607
THAT SKIPS ALL TOLL ROADS
105
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,208
AND USUALLY ENDS
IN COMPLETE DISASTER,
106
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,043
WHICH IS WHY
I RARELY TAKE IT.
107
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,379
- MY PENIS IS MY COMPASS.
- AND IT ONLY POINTS
108
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,046
IN ONE DIRECTION: THERESA.
109
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,048
- YOU JUST MADE MY COMPASS
SEEM A LOT LESS COOL.
110
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,884
- I THINK WE SHOULD LOCATE
THIS CATHERINE LADY.
111
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,519
- MY DICK SAYS
WE SHOULD LOCATE LUNCH.
112
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,354
- SHE WAS THE LOVE
OF HIS LIFE, JOHNNY.
113
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,390
- NO, HIS WIFE WAS.
WE JUST TOLD HER SO.
114
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,591
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
LOOK UP
115
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,092
EVERY CATHERINE IN CHICAGO?
BESIDES,
116
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,427
IS CATHERINE WITH A "C"?
KATHERINE WITH A "K"?
117
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,795
- AND YOU KNOW THERE'S
A BLACK GIRL
118
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:48,729
OUT THERE SPELLING IT
WITH A "Q".
119
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:49,563
- OH, WE DO LOVE OUR Qs,
120
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:50,698
EXCEPT FOR KWANZAA.
121
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,132
I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL
122
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,401
WE DROPPED THE BALL
ON THAT ONE.
123
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:56,136
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
[shushes]
124
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,405
I GUESS WE'RE GETTING MEXICAN.
125
00:03:57,438 --> 00:04:00,708
- [laughs]
126
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:01,909
KNOW WHAT'S
EVEN MORE DISTURBING
127
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,644
THAN BRIAN'S MORAL COMPASS?
128
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:04,812
- THAT JOHNNY'S PENIS
KNOWS WHERE TO GET
129
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,714
THE BEST CARNITAS IN TOWN?
130
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,549
THESE ARE AMAZING.
- MM-HMM.
131
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,484
- THANK YOU, GOOD SIR.
132
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:12,886
- AND NOW YOU'RE MAKING HIM
FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
133
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,254
- OH, NO, NO, NO.
THE FACT THAT
134
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,723
A DEAD RINGER, JOHNNY--
AND I DO MEAN DEAD--
135
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,090
FOR YOUR FATHER PASSED AWAY
IN THE RIG,
136
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,826
AND YOU SEEM COMPLETELY
UNAFFECTED BY IT.
137
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,394
- WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
138
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,929
- BIG STRONG IRISH GUY.
139
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:25,966
65 YEARS OLD.
140
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,469
- WAIT.
- WHITE HAIR, BLUE EYES.
141
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,604
- OH, MY GOD.
142
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,240
- EVEN HAD THE SAME COLOGNE--
OLD SPICE.
143
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,209
- IT'S A MASCULINE SCENT.
144
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,847
- HOLY SH--.
THAT'S AWESOME.
145
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,449
- WHY IS IT AWESOME?
146
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,684
- UM, MY DAD LEFT MY MOM
147
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:46,420
FOR A STRIPPER NAMED COCO
WHEN I WAS 13.
148
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,855
THE FACT THAT
HIS DOPPELGANGER
149
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,323
BIT THE DUST
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
150
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,024
AND I DIDN'T EVEN FLINCH,
THAT MEANS
151
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,460
IT'S LIKE HE'S COMPLETELY
OUT OF MY SYSTEM.
152
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,495
THE GUY LOOKED AND SMELLED
153
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,296
AND EVEN DRESSED
JUST LIKE MY OLD MAN,
154
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,831
AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
155
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,333
IT'S LIKE THE GUY
DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.
156
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,701
[giggles]
GO HIGH, BRO.
157
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:01,769
- WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU TALKED
158
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,836
TO YOUR FATHER, JOHN?
159
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,137
- UH, I DON'T REMEMBER.
160
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,306
- SEVEN YEARS, JOHN.
I KEPT TRACK.
161
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,941
- SEVEN YEARS.
- MM-HMM.
162
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,610
- WOW. GIVE ME SOME, BRIAN.
163
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,812
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS, JOHNNY.
- WHAT?
164
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,947
- IF THAT HAD BEEN YOUR DAD
WHO DROPPED DEAD TODAY,
165
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,649
YOU WOULD HAVE MILES
AND MILES
166
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,485
OF UNRESOLVED ISSUES WITH IT.
- N--
167
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,019
- AND THEY WOULD HAUNT YOU--
AND ME,
168
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,721
AS THE GUY WHO'S GOT TO LISTEN
TO YOU BITCH--
169
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,055
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
170
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,691
- THIS IS SAD.
THIS IS REALLY SAD.
171
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,193
IT'S LIKE A DEPRESSING
GUS VAN SANT MOVIE
172
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:29,630
WHEN IT COULD BE
A ROB LOWE HALLMARK SPECIAL.
173
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,299
- ROB LOWE?
174
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:38,005
- YOU GUYS NEVER SAW
THE CHRISTMAS SHOES?
175
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,641
OH, MY GOD.
IT'S SO GOOD.
176
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,844
SOMETIMES, I EVEN WATCH IT
IN THE SUMMER.
177
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,579
- YOU NEED
TO CALM HIM, JOHN.
178
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:46,580
- I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO REACH HIM.
179
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:47,815
- I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER DOES.
180
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,417
- HOW CAN YOU HATE
YOUR OWN FATHER?
181
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,918
- I DON'T HATE HIM.
I DON'T LOVE HIM.
182
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,587
I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR HIM
WHATSOEVER.
183
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:54,922
- BULLSH--.
YOU TOOK ALL YOUR ANGER
184
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:55,989
AND RESENTMENT FOR HIM,
AND YOU TURN 'EM
185
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,758
INTO A MESS
OF COMMITMENT PROBLEMS
186
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,493
THAT IS SCREWING UP YOUR DEAL
WITH THERESA.
187
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:01,529
- STOP.
- THE COMPASS IN YOUR CROTCH
188
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:02,730
KNOWS SHE'S THE HOTTEST CHICK
YOU'LL EVER BE WITH,
189
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,364
BUT YOUR FEARS
ABOUT YOUR FATHER
190
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:07,000
HAVE INFECTED
YOUR THICK IRISH BRAIN.
191
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,736
FIRST TIME IN THE HISTORY
OF CIVILIZATION
192
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,104
A MAN'S COCK IS ACTUALLY
SMARTER THAN HE IS.
193
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:14,374
LOOK UP YOUR DAD,
AND FACE HOW YOU FEEL.
194
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,275
- YOU KNOW WHAT, HANK?
YOU'RE RIGHT.
195
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,444
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
196
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,011
I SHOULD LOOK HIM UP,
197
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,213
TO THANK HIM.
198
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:24,885
BECAUSE HIM ABANDONING
MY MOM AND I FOR COCO,
199
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,687
BEST THING THAT
EVER HAPPENED TO US.
200
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,357
WE BONDED, LIKE TWO PEAS
IN A POD.
201
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,725
I MEAN, SURE THERE
WAS SOME DOWNSIDES,
202
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:33,427
LIKE I WAS NEVER ALLOWED
203
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:37,297
TO HAVE COCOA PUFFS
IN THE HOUSE.
204
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:40,100
BUT THAT WAS MORE
THAN MADE UP FOR
205
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,970
BY HER TEACHING ME
HOW TO SHAVE,
206
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,706
AND HOW TO DRIVE,
207
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,807
AND HOW TO HIT A CURVEBALL.
208
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,309
I MEAN, WE WERE
ALWAYS TOGETHER.
209
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,578
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO HAVE YOUR MOM
210
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,645
TAKE YOU TO A BULLS GAME?
211
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:54,114
NO, YOU DON'T.
212
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,584
I BET YOU NEVER
WENT TO A BEARS GAME
213
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,553
WITH YOUR MOM, AND HAD HER
MAKE YOU WEAR MITTENS...
214
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:01,822
[knocks]
215
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,559
WHEN YOU'RE 14.
216
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:07,160
I BET YOU NEVER
SAT WITH YOUR MOM
217
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,630
AT A BLACKHAWKS GAME,
AND SAW SOME FRIENDS
218
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,299
FROM SCHOOL WATCHING
WHILE SHE TOOK HER SALIVA
219
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,602
AND SLICKED BACK
YOUR HAIR.
220
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,336
ONLY YOU CAN'T
TELL HER TO STOP,
221
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,571
'CAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID
IF YOU HURT HER FEELINGS,
222
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:18,739
SHE'S GONNA
ABANDON YOU TOO.
223
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,608
SH--. MY COCK IS SMARTER
THAN I AM.
224
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,744
AND I GOTTA DEAL WITH
FINDING MY GODDAMN DAD.
225
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,814
MOTHER--
[growls]
226
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:32,853
- I'M TELLIN' YA,
THIS IS ALL COVERED
227
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,822
IN THE CHRISTMAS SHOES.
228
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,661
[doorbell buzzes]
229
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,630
- WHO IS IT?
230
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,464
- T?
- HEY.
231
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,133
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
232
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,868
- PICKING YOUR MOM UP
FOR YOGA.
233
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,437
- MY MOM DOES YOGA?
234
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,606
- YEAH.
235
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,510
- UM, IS SHE WEARING
YOGA PANTS?
236
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:59,312
- NO, SHE'S NAKED.
237
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,949
- I DON'T WANNA SEE
MY MOM'S ASS IN YOGA PANTS,
238
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:02,883
SO MAKE SURE
SHE'S SITTING DOWN
239
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,451
WHEN I GET UP THERE.
240
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,986
- I'M A SEXUAL BEING,
JOHNNY.
241
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,422
- MOM, THAT'S THE--
[buzz]
242
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,060
- HEY.
BY THE WAY,
243
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,295
THERESA SAYS I LOOK GREAT
IN THESE YOGA PANTS.
244
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,865
WHAT WAS THE WORD YOU USED?
- LUSCIOUS.
245
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,867
- MY ASS LOOKS LUSCIOUS.
246
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,034
- AND I HAVE NO DOUBT.
IT'S JUST THAT
247
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,970
IF I SEE YOUR ASS
IN YOGA PANTS,
248
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,572
ANY TIME I SEE ANOTHER GIRL'S
ASS IN YOGA PANTS,
249
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,707
I'M GONNA BE THINKING
ABOUT YOUR ASS.
250
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,142
AND THAT'S NOT REALLY
WHAT A SON
251
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,311
WANTS TO BE THINKING
ABOUT HIS MOTHER.
252
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,715
AND IT WOULD BASICALLY
RUIN YOGA PANTS FOR ME.
253
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,149
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
254
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,718
- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
255
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,052
YOU BROKE UP WITH HER,
I DIDN'T.
256
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,353
- YEAH. I JUST THOUGHT
YOGA WOULD BE
257
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,155
A GREAT STRESS RELIEVER
FOR YOUR MOM,
258
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,691
AND A GOOD WAY FOR HER
TO MEET GUYS.
259
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,593
- OH, TELL HIM
ABOUT PIETRO.
260
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,027
- I DON'T NEED
TO HEAR ABOUT PIETRO.
261
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,662
- HE'S THE HOT BOX YOGI.
262
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,764
- A VERY YOUNG INSTRUCTOR,
OF SPANISH DESCENT,
263
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,766
THAT HAS A THING
FOR YOUR MOM.
264
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,267
- I LOVE THE HOT BOX.
- MM-HMM.
265
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,003
- EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT
WE HAVE A HOT BOX SESSION.
266
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,071
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT
LUSCIOUS ASS IN YOGA PANTS?
267
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,940
YOU SHOULD SEE PIETRO
268
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,074
LEAD THE THURSDAY
HOT BOX SESSION.
269
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:02,710
- MA, STOP SAYING THE WORDS
270
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,612
"HOT" AND "BOX"
TOGETHER, PLEASE.
271
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,780
AND I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT
MY MA AND MY GIRLFRIEND
272
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:09,349
TROLLING YOGA CLASSES
FOR SKINNY SPANISH GIGOLOS.
273
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,753
- OH, OH, FIRST OF ALL,
MOM AND EX-GIRLFRIEND.
274
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,121
AND WE ARE NOT TROLLING.
275
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,123
THOSE YOGIS
ARE COMING ON TO US.
276
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,958
- MM-HMM.
- AND I AM SEXUAL BEING
277
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,260
IN MY SEXUAL PRIME, AND
I WILL SAY "HOT" AND "BOX"
278
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,862
TOGETHER IN THE SAME SENTENCE
WHENEVER I WANT.
279
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,965
HOT BOX.
280
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,541
[both exhale]
281
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,809
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
ANYWAY?
282
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:36,977
- I WANNA GET
DAD'S INFORMATION.
283
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,111
I WANNA RECONNECT.
284
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,981
- WHAT? WHAT FOR?
285
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:44,084
- I-I HAVE SOME UNRESOLVED
FEELINGS ABOUT HIM.
286
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,819
- WHAT IS WITH YOU
AND THE FEELINGS?
287
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,888
ALWAYS WITH THE FEELINGS.
288
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,222
I MEAN, YOU WANNA
WORRY ABOUT FEELINGS?
289
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,991
WORRY ABOUT
THERESA'S FEELINGS.
290
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,960
HOW ABOUT WORRY
ABOUT THERESA'S ASS?
291
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,996
HER ASS, IN THOSE PANTS,
IS A PENIS MAGNET.
292
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,231
YOU SHOULD SEE HOW THE GUYS
OGLE HER AT THE GYM.
293
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,667
THE OTHER NIGHT
I COUNTED FIVE ERECTIONS.
294
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,969
- WHAT? WHY ARE YOU
COUNTING ERECTIONS?
295
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,738
- THEY WERE POINTED
RIGHT AT ME.
296
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,073
IT FELT LIKE I WAS
DOING A PRESS CONFERENCE.
297
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,908
- OH.
298
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,977
- YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS
FOR HIS DAD ANYMORE?
299
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,411
- YEAH, SURE I DO.
300
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,113
HE SHOULD DIE
IN A FIERY CAR CRASH.
301
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,581
- THIS IS A MAN
YOU USED TO LOVE.
302
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,317
- LOVE'S FICKLE.
REVENGE IS FOREVER.
303
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,319
I'M OLD-SCHOOL IRISH,
THERESA.
304
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,121
IN THE DOOLEY TRIBE,
WE HOLD TWO THINGS VERY CLOSE:
305
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,590
GRUDGES AND WHISKEY.
306
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,825
AND I DON'T LIKE WHISKEY.
307
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,426
- [laughs]
308
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,595
- OH, MY HAMMIES
FEEL SO SUPPLE NOW.
309
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,163
- [grunts]
OH.
310
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,765
- MOM, DO YOU HAVE
DAD'S NUMBER OR NOT?
311
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:32,766
- IF I DID,
HE'D BE DEAD ALREADY.
312
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,501
- I HAVE IT.
313
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:37,570
- YOU NEVER EVEN
MET THE MAN.
314
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,508
- I AM REALLY
OLD SCHOOL IRISH.
315
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,311
IN THE KELLY CLAN,
WE BELIEVE THAT DIVORCE,
316
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,846
NO OFFENSE, IS FOR PUSSIES.
317
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,047
AND THE BEST WAY
TO KEEP A GRUDGE
318
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,816
IS UNDER THE SAME ROOF.
319
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:49,883
I FIGURED
IF OUR RELATIONSHIP
320
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,218
WASN'T GONNA WORK OUT,
321
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,119
BECAUSE OF YOUR
COMMITMENT ISSUES,
322
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,854
THEN ONE OF US
WAS GONNA BE
323
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,289
WANTING SOME ANSWERS
OUT OF YOUR OLD MAN.
324
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,059
SO I'VE BEEN KEEPING AN EYE
ON HIS INFORMATION.
325
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,894
DON'T CALL HIM FIRST.
326
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,796
HE MAY WEASEL OUT
OF MEETING WITH YOU.
327
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:05,465
DO WHAT WE DO--
AMBUSH HIM.
328
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,134
- WHEN YOU SAY "WE,"
YOU MEAN THE COPS
329
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,736
OR THE KELLY CLAN?
330
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:09,903
- BOTH.
331
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,204
- [laughs]
332
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,540
WHOA.
333
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,747
- FRANCIS HARDING HARRIS.
334
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,214
ATTENDED BROTHER RICE
HIGH SCHOOL,
335
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:23,483
GRADUATING CLASS OF 1969.
336
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,418
I GOOGLED HIM,
CROSS-REFERENCED THE INFO
337
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,320
FROM HIS OBITUARY,
AND FOUND HIS HIGH SCHOOL'S
338
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:30,023
WEBSITE, AND HIS GRADUATING
CLASS' FACEBOOK PAGE.
339
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,492
THEY'RE ABOUT READY
TO HAVE THEIR 45TH REUNION,
340
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,195
AND JUST POSTED PHOTOS
FROM THEIR '69 YEARBOOK ONLINE.
341
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,997
BAM!
342
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,167
FRANK HARRIS AND
CATHERINE O'CONNELL--
343
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,835
KING AND QUEEN OF
THE BROTHER RICE
344
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,737
1969 SENIOR PROM.
345
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,839
AND I HAVE A MAILING ADDRESS
FOR HER.
346
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,376
- BRIAN--
- CSI: CHICAGO ON YOU, BABY!
347
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:52,679
THE LOST VALENTINE, HANK.
348
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,915
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT,
BETTY WHITE,
349
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:58,185
THE SAME EXACT THEME:
CLOSURE.
350
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,853
THIS WOULD ALL
BE SO MUCH EASIER
351
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,621
IF YOU'D JUST WATCH
THE HALLMARK CHANNEL, HANK.
352
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:02,790
- HAVE YOU EVER
SEEN A BLACK MAN
353
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,191
WATCH THE HALLMARK CHANNEL?
354
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,625
- NO.
- AND YOU NEVER WILL.
355
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,194
LOOK. THIS IS AGAINST
COMPANY POLICY
356
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,029
AND ALL COMMON SENSE.
357
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,563
WHAT IF SHE'S DEAD?
358
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,632
- THEN MY MORAL COMPASS
CAN GO BACK TO WORRYING
359
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,935
ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE
AND THE CANADIAN SEA OTTER.
360
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,469
THEY'RE SMALL,
THEY'RE FURRY,
361
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,772
AND THEY'RE RUNNING OUT
OF CLAMS, HANK.
362
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,207
WE ALREADY KNOW THAT
SHE WAS THE LOVE
363
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,309
OF FRANK'S LIFE,
BUT WHAT IF FRANK
364
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,377
WAS THE LOVE OF HERS?
365
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,245
- OH, WELL, WHAT IF
SHE'S MARRIED,
366
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,646
AND THE CURRENT HUSBAND
367
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,215
IS AN INSANELY JEALOUS
EX-MARINE?
368
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,716
WHAT IF SHE HAS
A DOBERMAN PINSCHER
369
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,785
WHO HATES EVERYONE
EXCEPT HER?
370
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,220
THIS COULD BE A MISTAKE
SO ENORMOUS,
371
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,654
IT COMES BACK TO BITE YOU
IN THE ASS,
372
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:38,591
LITERALLY,
AS YOU'RE MAKING IT.
373
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,260
AND I WOULDN'T MISS IT
FOR THE WORLD.
374
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,829
LET'S GO.
- GOOD. THE SUBARU'S RUNNING.
375
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:42,762
LET'S GO!
376
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,243
- HEY, KID,
HOW THE HELL ARE YA?
377
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,011
HOLY SH--, AM I GLAD
TO SEE YOU.
378
00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:00,780
COME ON.
YOU WANNA HELP DADDY?
379
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,089
GRAB AN END OF THIS,
HELP ME DRAG IT INSIDE.
380
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,357
I WAS GONNA
GET A COUPLE GUYS
381
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,092
FROM THE OLD FIREHOUSE,
BUT YOU'RE HERE.
382
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,293
THIS'LL SAVE ME SOME TIME.
383
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,428
- UH--
- HOW'S IT HANGIN'?
384
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,866
- HOW'S IT HANGING?
385
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,935
UM, OKAY.
- OH, I GET IT.
386
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:22,836
YOU'RE MAD AT ME.
387
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,204
[grunts]
388
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,306
- YOU MEAN I SHOULDN'T BE?
389
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,141
- HEY, WHO TOLD WHO
390
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,609
TO STAY THE HELL AWAY
FROM WHO, HUH?
391
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,279
NOT ME. YOU SAID
I RUINED YOUR LIFE,
392
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,346
SO I STAYED OUT OF IT.
393
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,148
NOW YOU'RE PISSED
ABOUT IT?
394
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:38,385
NOT MY PROBLEM.
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
395
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,987
LISTEN.
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?
396
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,855
- SHE STILL HATES YOU.
397
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,190
- OH, CALL THE GODDAMN PAPERS.
398
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,191
OF COURSE SHE HATES ME.
399
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,692
SHE ALWAYS HATED ME.
400
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,061
SHE HATED ME THE ENTIRE TIME
WE WERE MARRIED.
401
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,129
- SHE DID?
- YEAH.
402
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,898
SHE NEVER TOLD YOU THAT?
403
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,966
- NO.
- OH.
404
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,701
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OH"?
405
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,403
- UH, NOTHING, COME ON.
YOU'RE ALMOST UP THERE.
406
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,404
THAT'S A BOY, KEEP GOING.
407
00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:00,007
THAT'S IT.
408
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,412
- ARE YOU CATHERINE?
409
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,180
CATHERINE O'CONNELL?
410
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:09,149
- YES, WHY?
411
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,218
- MY NAME IS BRIAN.
412
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,053
HELLO.
413
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,388
UH, I HAVE A MESSAGE
FOR YOU.
414
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,590
- A MESSAGE FROM WHO?
415
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,359
- FRANK HARRIS,
CLASS OF 19--
416
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,428
- SAL!
GOD DAMN IT.
417
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,364
FRANK'S HERE.
GET THE HELL OFF MY PORCH.
418
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,833
- WHERE IS HE, HUH?
419
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,068
- THIS IS A VIOLATION
OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER.
420
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,937
- HEY, PLEASE,
WOULD YOU JUST--
421
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,504
- OH, YOU'RE DOING GOOD, KID,
KEEP IT UP.
422
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,574
- ASSHOLE, WHERE IS FRANK?
- CHECK THE BUSHES!
423
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,209
- HE'S DEAD. HE'S DEAD.
FRANK IS DEAD.
424
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:39,612
- HE'S DEAD?
- HE DIED OF A HEART ATTACK,
425
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:40,914
IN THE BACK
OF OUR AMBULANCE.
426
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,083
WE ARE EMTs.
427
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:46,453
HIS FINAL WORDS,
WITH HIS FINAL BREATH,
428
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:51,058
WERE, "TELL CATHERINE
THAT I LOVE HER."
429
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,625
- [exhales]
430
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,027
I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER
SEE THE DAY.
431
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,528
THANK GOD.
- AHH.
432
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,130
DO WE HAVE ANY CHAMPAGNE?
- YEAH.
433
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:58,198
THERE'S A BOTTLE
IN THE FRIDGE
434
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,466
LEFT OVER FROM NEW YEAR'S.
435
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:02,735
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR TELLING US.
436
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,110
- WHATEVER YOU DO,
WATCH THE WALLPAPER.
437
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,711
THAT'S HAND-PAINTED SILK.
438
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,446
IT COST ME A GODDAMN
ARM AND A LEG.
439
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,781
COCO PICKED IT OUT
AT SOME PLACE
440
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:17,084
NAMED GRIFFIN AND WONG.
IMAGINE THAT.
441
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,986
A MICK AND CHINK
SELLING WALLPAPER TOGETHER?
442
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,988
- YOU CAN'T SAY CHINK.
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
443
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,256
YOU CAN'T SAY CHINK,
'MO, RETARD.
444
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:24,591
WE GOT ALL THREE
DOWN AT THE FIREHOUSE.
445
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:25,825
I CAN'T CALL 'EM THAT
NO MORE.
446
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,060
- YOU HAVE
A RETARDED FIRE FIGHTER?
447
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,561
- SEE, YOU JUST SAID IT.
448
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,997
COME ON. LET'S GET
THIS COUCH UPSTAIRS.
449
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,264
- N--I DIDN'T--
[sighs]
450
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,332
I DIDN'T COME HERE
TO MOVE A COUCH.
451
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,434
- I KNOW. YOU CAME HERE
452
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,903
TO TELL ME
TO KISS YOUR ASS.
453
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,338
WELL, DO ME A FAVOR.
454
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,440
LET'S GET THE COUCH
UPSTAIRS FIRST,
455
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,609
BEFORE YOU TELL ME.
HOW'S THAT?
456
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,677
- I CAME HERE
SO YOU COULD TELL ME
457
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,980
WHY YOU LEFT ME AND MOM
HIGH AND DRY,
458
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,615
AND ME WITHOUT A DAD,
459
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,017
SO YOU COULD
SAY YOU'RE SORRY.
460
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,985
- SORRY FOR WHAT?
I PAID ALL THE BILLS.
461
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,320
WILL YOU PULL,
FOR CHRIST SAKES?
462
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,454
YOU GOT THE EASY PART.
463
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,256
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS STEER.
464
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,790
- LOOK.
- [grunts]
465
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,460
- YESTERDAY, WE HAD A GUY
DROP DEAD ON US,
466
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,463
MASSIVE HEART ATTACK.
467
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,166
WE BROUGHT HIM BACK,
BUT THEN WE LOST HIM.
468
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,668
SPITTING IMAGE OF YOU.
- YEAH, SO?
469
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:13,106
- SO, BEFORE HE GOES,
HE HAS A FEW WORDS.
470
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:16,176
- YEAH?
- YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS?
471
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,045
- JESUS CHRIST.
IF I KNEW
472
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,379
WHAT HE SAYS,
I'D BE A PSYCHIC.
473
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:24,051
- HE SAYS...
474
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,886
"TELL MY SON I'M SORRY."
475
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,325
- MY LEFT NUT.
476
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:33,726
NICE TRY.
NOW GET MOVIN'.
477
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,994
- ALL RIGHT,
HE DIDN'T SAY THAT.
478
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:38,631
BUT JUST, LIKE,
SEEING HIM LAYING THERE,
479
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,168
SEEING HIM DIE,
480
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,502
IT GOT ME WONDERING
WHAT I WOULD,
481
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,237
HOW I WOULD FEEL,
IF IT WAS MY DAD--
482
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,339
IF IT WAS YOU.
483
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:51,278
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
484
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,081
WELL, NOT RIGHT AWAY,
485
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,315
BUT AFTER A COUPLE HOURS,
YEAH.
486
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,516
- A COUPLE OF HOURS?
487
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,085
YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH?
488
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,053
AH, GO TO HELL,
KID, COME ON.
489
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,254
- NO, WAIT--
NO, YOU DISAPPEARED
490
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:04,091
ON ME WHEN I WAS 13.
491
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,492
HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE,
492
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:06,826
YOU NEVER CAME TO
ANY OF MY GAMES.
493
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,195
AND THEN YOU SHOW UP
SEVEN YEARS LATER,
494
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,862
GOD KNOWS WHY.
495
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,398
- I SHOWED UP TO RECONNECT,
NUMB NUTS.
496
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,433
ONLY TO HAVE YOU
TELL ME TO DISAPPEAR.
497
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,901
IT MIGHT BE THE ONLY TIME
498
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,569
I EVER DID
THE RIGHT THING BY YOU,
499
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:17,670
AS FAR AS I CAN TELL.
500
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,572
NOW WILL YOU STOP
BEING SUCH A PUSSY
501
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,575
AND GET THIS COUCH
UP THESE FREAKIN' STAIRS?
502
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:25,245
- NAH.
- HEY!
503
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,546
- I'M NOT DOING THIS.
504
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,780
- OH, YOU'RE GONNA DO IT,
MISTER.
505
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,582
PICK UP THAT GODDAMN COUCH
RIGHT NOW.
506
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,418
- HOW ABOUT THIS?
- HEY!
507
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,585
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
508
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,254
- WHO'S THE PUSSY NOW,
OLD MAN?
509
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,422
- I'LL KILL YOU,
YOU LITTLE PRICK.
510
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,623
- OH!
- HEY!
511
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,391
- OH!
- HEY!
512
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,592
- WHAT, ARE YOU WORRIED
ABOUT THIS WALLPAPER?
513
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,261
HOW ABOUT THIS?
- NO, NO, NO, NO!
514
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,795
- [laughs]
515
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,131
- WHAT DID YOUR MOTHER
DO TO YOU?
516
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:47,134
- [laughs]
- [screams]
517
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,474
- OH, MY GOD.
518
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,476
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
519
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,478
HOLY SH--.
D-DAD?
520
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,281
DAD, HEY, YOU OKAY?
521
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,082
YOU OKAY?
HEY, WAKE UP.
522
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,152
HELLO. OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD, DAD.
523
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,053
OH, I'M SORRY.
524
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,555
I'M SO SORRY, DAD.
525
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,591
- HA, HA.
YOU DO LOVE ME.
526
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,226
[chuckles]
527
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,727
- YOU'RE OKAY?
528
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,429
- OF COURSE I'M OKAY,
YOU DAMN FOOL.
529
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,299
I'VE TAKEN FALLS LIKE THAT
ALL MY LIFE ON THE JOB.
530
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,302
AND YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME.
531
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,836
- BULLSH--.
- OH, NO?
532
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,338
YOU WONDERED WHAT YOU'D DO
IF YOU SAW ME
533
00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:26,673
LYING ON THE FLOOR, DYING.
534
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,641
WELL, NOW WE KNOW.
YOU'D SAVE ME.
535
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,810
JUST LIKE YOU TRIED TO SAVE
THAT GUY AT WORK.
536
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,813
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEDICATED
TO THE JOB, JUST LIKE ME.
537
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,782
PLUS, YOU SAID
YOU WERE SORRY.
538
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:40,287
AND I ACCEPT THAT AS A BLANKET
APOLOGY FOR EVERYTHING.
539
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,290
- HEY.
540
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:46,226
- AH, WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA
WRECK THIS ROOM TOO?
541
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,598
YOUR MOM DIDN'T
WANT ME AROUND,
542
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,167
SO I HAD TO TAKE
LONG LENS SHOTS.
543
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,768
- WHAT, YOU'RE STALKING ME?
544
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,437
- KIND OF HARD
TO PROVE IN COURT
545
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,172
WHEN IT'S
A BLOOD RELATIVE, KID.
546
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,540
LISTEN.
547
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,275
I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU.
548
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,676
YOUR MOM LEFT ME.
549
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,144
I KNOW IT LOOKED LIKE
I LEFT,
550
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:07,614
BECAUSE YOU GUYS
KEPT THE HOUSE.
551
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,650
BUT SHE HATED ME,
AND I HATED HER.
552
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,852
THE MARRIAGE WASN'T WORKING,
553
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,487
BUT WE DECIDED
TO STICK IT OUT
554
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,656
TILL YOU WENT TO COLLEGE.
555
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:17,857
AND THEN ONE DAY
SHE TOLD ME
556
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:22,028
TO JUST TAKE A HIKE,
SO I DID.
557
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:24,764
I DIDN'T MEET COCO
TILL AFTER I MOVED OUT.
558
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,303
THAT WAS AN AMAZING SAVE.
559
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,639
[door opens]
560
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,174
- WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED HERE?
561
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,709
- OHH. HI, HONEY.
562
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:39,312
JOHNNY CAME BY
AND WE DID A LITTLE, UH--
563
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,713
- WE WERE CATCHIN' UP.
564
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,749
- YEAH, WE GOT
ALL CAUGHT UP.
565
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:46,586
- OH, MY GOD.
MY WALLPAPER!
566
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,720
OH, BABY.
567
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:52,492
- WHAT AN ASS ON HER, HUH?
568
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,561
- I--
569
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,596
- YEAH, IT WAS MY IDEA.
570
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,365
YEAH, I ASKED HIM TO LEAVE.
571
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:00,567
WE WERE A TERRIBLE MATCH.
572
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,035
OF COURSE,
THEN I GOT JEALOUS.
573
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,172
I RESENTED THAT
HE MET THIS YOUNG GIRL
574
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,775
AND, YOU KNOW,
MOVED ON SO QUICK.
575
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,744
BUT THERE WAS ONLY ONE MAN
IN MY LIFE--
576
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:15,548
YOU.
577
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:18,117
- AW.
- AW.
578
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,954
- YOUR WORLD BECAME MY WORLD.
579
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,190
YOU KNOW, DRIVING YOU BACK
AND FORTH TO BASEBALL GAMES
580
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:28,728
AND BATTING PRACTICE,
BATTING CAGES.
581
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:31,431
BASEBALL, BASEBALL,
BASEBALL.
582
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:35,568
THAT WAS YOUR LIFE,
SO IT BECAME MINE.
583
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:37,604
- YOU'RE A DEVOTED MOM.
THANK YOU.
584
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:40,673
- YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY.
585
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:48,581
AND THAT'S WHY I SLEPT
WITH YOUR LITTLE LEAGUE COACH...
586
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,552
AND YOUR HIGH SCHOOL COACH
AND THE HEAD COUNSELOR
587
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:53,986
AT THE RON SANTO
BASEBALL CAMP.
588
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,555
THERE, I FEEL
SO MUCH BETTER.
589
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:59,626
- IS THAT WHY I WON
MOST IMPROVED AT CAMP?
590
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:00,760
- NO, THAT WAS THE WEEK
YOU LEARNED
591
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:03,930
TO HIT THE CURVEBALL.
- RIGHT.
592
00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,466
SO ARE YOU GONNA
LET THIS GRUDGE GO, OR WHAT?
593
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,900
- [deep breath]
594
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,637
FINE.
595
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:14,774
I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE
IN A FIERY CAR CRASH.
596
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:16,643
BUT JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF SKIN CANCER
597
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,645
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?
598
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:22,315
YOU KNOW, A TINY LITTLE
MELANOMA ON HIS NOSE.
599
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:23,683
I GOTTA GO TO YOGA.
600
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,319
MM. I GOTTA PUT ON
MY SPECIAL PANTS,
601
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:27,687
SO YOU MIGHT WANNA LEAVE.
602
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,589
- NO, IT'S COOL.
I'LL WAIT AND DRIVE YOU.
603
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,491
I SAW COCO
IN HER YOGA PANTS TODAY,
604
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,627
AND THEY'RE PRETTY MUCH
RUINED FOR ME FOREVER, SO--
605
00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:36,563
- HOW'D SHE LOOK?
606
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,066
- FAT.
42637
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