All language subtitles for Harley.Quinn.S03E07.720p.WEB.h264-KOGi_Track03

[Tawny] Today on Tawny.

Ratcatcher has spent
most of his life in the sewers
catching rats.

But the last thing he expected
to catch there was feelings.

Our exclusive interview
with Gotham's

controversial couple
right after this break.

Wait, is he screwin' a rat?

Sick!

[Frank] No!

Let me out!

[screams] Ah! Frank!

Are you okay?
Maybe you should chill

on going that deep
into the Green.

You know, Swamp Thing did say
it's gonna take some time

for your body
to get used to it.

I gotta assume, at some point,
your boobs will stop sweatin'.

I don't care how sick I get.

I have to find out
where Frank is.

Bruce Wayne's got him.

He... It's just too dark to see
where he is.

I mean,
it's like all that money

and he can't buy a light bulb,
for Christ's sake.

If only we knew someone

who could help us draw him out.

Don't look at me.

We broke up.

Bruce is so clingy.

Even for
an eccentric billionaire,
he's got baggage.

Workaholic, obsessed
with clean eating,

and, you know, those
major abandonment issues

from seeing his parents
murdered as a child.

Well, congrats
on freeing yourself

from the chains of hetero hell.

But can't you just pretend
you want to see him?

You know, maybe lure him
over here and we'll handle
the rest?

No. When I break up
with someone,
I cut them off completely.

[sighs] He's determined
to get me back.

Won't stop
sending me gifts, flowers,

this canary diamond
encrusted tiara.

That is one sparkly meatball.

Oh, that looks
incredible on you.

It's all right.

Mm. He wants me to wear it
to a gala he's hosting tonight.

[Harley]
It's a clunky name.

Did your RSVP?

I'm not going anywhere
near that mess.

Didn't you hear my whole
no-communication thing?

-Yeah, Harls, pay attention.
-Okay.

My point is, if Bruce thinks
there's a chance
you might come,

he will definitely be there.

True, he is
desperate to see me.

[doorbell rings]

Ugh. That better not be
more flowers.

Okay. We're gonna go
to that gala,

grab Bruce, and we're going
to torture him

until he tells us where
Frank is.

[groaning]

No-- Yeah, it's happening.

-[vomits]
-Or, I have an idea.

You'll stay here, rest,
read some mags,

hydrate, get your strength
back up to torture levels.

And I will go kidnap
Bruce Wayne.

[giggles]

[theme music playing]

[Bruce grumbles]

-So, I know it's been
a tough week.
-Mm.

Respectfully,
Selina's being a total B.

Appreciate the solidarity,
but don't talk about her
like that.

You know what always makes me
feel better?

A hug.

But that's not
really our thing,

so, how about focusing on work?

Are you looking at Selina's
Waynestagram stories?

She can tell If you are.

She can? I mean, I'm not.

Obviously.

If no one else
has any new leads,

I'd like to discuss

the CowNews BoyBoy Hat.

By now, I'm sure you've seen
the ads.

According to my source
at the docks,

there's a shipment
coming in tonight.

I'm thinking we intercept it

and see what's really going on
with these hats.

A new hat fad doesn't equal
criminal activity.

Lots of people wear hats.

Am I a criminal?

No, but you look like
you're ready to steal
some kisses.

No? All right.

They're not just hats.

They've got a smart device
that can read your mind

and become your own
personal assistant.

-Cool.
-That doesn't sound fishy
to you?

Hats and neurotech?

That can only be the work
of one man.

-Mad Hatter.
-Mad Hatter.

Impossible. I ran Mad Hatter
out of town years ago.

You're making connections
that just aren't there.

Now, if that's all,
I have a gala to get to.

Selina, it's Bruce.

Uh, Bruce Wayne,
your boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend, lover.

Hey, is this a two rolls
of duct tape kidnapping?

Harley, honey, I don't want you
to go alone, okay?

I'll be fine. Yes, each time
I go into the Green,

it feels like every one
of my cells
is being ripped apart,

but maybe this tea will help.

It's lemon ginger.

Oh, King Shark will come
with me.

What do you say, buddy?

You up for a classic
Shark-Ley adventure?

Kidnap a sad billionaire?
Huh? Huh?

Rain check.

I have to return home
due to the death of my father.

-Sorry, dude.
-Fucking fuck.

Thank you.
This is actually a relief.

He was a terrible shark
and an even worse man.

Oh, so... Congrats?

Not quite there yet.

The good news is
I get to see my little brother,
Prince Shark.

I mean, we're pretty tight.

He's the brother I didn't eat.

So, does this mean you're like
an actual king now?

No, Prince will be King

once I officially pass
on the position at the funeral.

We have confusing
traditions under the sea.

No worries,
I'll just go with...

[gasps] Clayface!

Oh, ho, ho!

Clayface would love to, but...

[singsong] Billy Bob Thornton

is manning the dunk tank

at the glorious St. Louis
Professional Baseballer's
Charity Circus.

Go, team! I'll look up the name
on the way...

Well, I should get going, too.

Have fun storming
the castle, Harley!

[sighs] Okay, screw it,
I'm going with you.

I'm gonna... Oh, wow.
[sighs wearily]

Okay, no more going
into the Green for now.

You've gotta rest.
I got this, NBD.

Okay, Bruce Wayne is just
some dude, okay?

It's not like he's Superman
or something.

I know, it's just...
It's been a while

since you've done a job alone.

She's trying to say
that you're extremely
codependent.

-[cell phone dinging]
-For the love of nuts,

-who is texting you?
-Ugh.

It's that nerd, Batgirl.

Since the escape room,
I've thrown her a couple LOLs

but she just keeps texting.

Babe, you don't
have to be defensive.

It's sweet,
you like to take in strays.

Listen, I'm locked
and loaded, baby.

I got rope, double duct tape,
binoculars, glass cutter,

person cutter and a granola bar
in case I get peckish.

Now, call me
if there are any problems.
Swearsies?

When has anything
I've attempted to do
gone wrong?

But... You're sick,
you save your energy.

Listen, while I'm gone,
you take care of Ivy.

That means you sit with her,
you stream that lubed-up dildo

disguised as a TV show,
Bridgerton,

or whatever people
are horny for
these days,

and make sure
she wants for nothing.

And why would I do that?

Because if you don't,
when I kidnap Bruce,
I'm gonna tell him

you've been saying his name
in your sleep.

[sighs] Be quick, will you?

And try not to
make a spectacle.

I don't need the hotel
tightening up security.

It's one of my favorite
places to steal from.

It's where I got my Picasso.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[man] Hey, Bruce! Bruce!

Hey. Where's Selina
tonight, huh?

Has she arrived yet?

[Harley] Hi-yah! Come here,
you little old--

-[crashing]
-[screaming]

[breathing heavily]

Still takes her vitamins.

[exhales]

[organ music playing]

[low chatter, sobbing]

[door opens]

[bawling]

Where are all the octopuses
and finned aquatic dignitaries?

Shark ceremony only.

It was in Dad's will.

You know how he was.

A snob to the bitter end.

Your father was a great shark.

-So kind of you to say.
-Wasn't he?

Hey. That "great shark"
had relations with his wife.

And his sister.

[giggles]

Dad looks good on you,
by the way.

Thanks, man.
That means a lot.

We're gathered here today

to coronate your new king

and celebrate the legacy
of King Daddy,

who most famously saved us
from our arch enemies,

the sinful Atlanteans.

If they only knew,
during that battle,

Dad was turnt up
on bunk abalone venom.

I'm glad you're here.

Me too.

Now, King Daddy's
firstborn son, Nanaue,

and his brother Kamea

will join me at the altar

for the official passing
of duty.

Your father's royal scepter

is only to be touched by kings.

Whoo! Powerful.

I kinda like it.

Oh, I'm just kidding.

Ah, the Prince is become King.

[cheers and applause]

Are you sure
you don't want to be king?

You are the oldest.
It's your right.

No, you deserve this.

You stayed here and took care
of the kingdom

and the family.

Even for Dad's diaper stuff.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, man. Soon enough,
the kingdom will be no more

and I'll be free
of all this bullshit.

I am psyched.

Totally. Yeah.

I mean, wait. What?

[upbeat music playing]

[grunts]

-[crashes]
-[harp glissandos]

Oh, damn. That was
actually beautiful.

[beeps]

[Batgirl]
Freeze, scumbag!

Oh. Hey, girl. 'Sup?

Harley? What the hell?

I thought you were just
staying in tonight.

Eh. Changed my mind.

Are you stalking me?

Ugh, as if.

I'm working gala security.

Cool story. Outta my way.

Not unless
you have an invite.

Ugh.

Ow.

God, you are so clingy.

I don't want to fight you.

Oh, you don't?

Of course not.

We're friends.

Ow.

[cell phone vibrating]

Hey, how's my prickly
little pear feeling?

Do you miss me?

Did you take my tiara?

Screw your tiara. How's Ivy?

She's fine.

[meowing]

Ugh. Gotta go.

[shrieking]

So you do answer your phone.

Ow! Shit, that hurts.

Did I do something wrong?

I thought we were
becoming friends.

-[Batgirl groans]
-I have enough friends!

Oh, really? Let's see,
there's Ivy... end of list!

Oh! So the kitty
does have claws.

I knew you weren't as
"I'm so innocent,

I follow the rules.
I'm Gotham's hall monitor"

as you pretend to be.

[groans]

I don't sound like that,
you stupid... clown!

-Oh! Good one.
-[Batgirl grunts]

You know what?
Maybe I do want
people to like me,

but at least I'm honest
about who I am.

You want a merit badge
for admittin'
you're a fuckin' dork?

-[elevator dings]
-[breathing heavily]

Maybe take the next one.

[both grunting]

-[elevator dings]
-[grunts]

Can you please get the next--
What the...

[Harley and Batgirl groan] Ugh!

[peaceful music playing]

I miss these heart-to-hearts.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, while we're chatting,
sipping 'gria,

can we circle back
to that thing you said

about "the kingdom
will be no more?"

Oh, yeah, that.
I mean, I'm selling it.

An offer came in.
The numbers are right.

Gonna cash out.

Focus on me for a change.

Ah, maybe do
some print modeling work.

Well, who's the buyer?

Would you believe
it's Ocean Master?

[chuckling] Isn't that a trip?

Look, I know
I'm coming to this late,

so no disrespect,
but Ocean Master is,

like, a longstanding enemy

who famously hates
the shark kingdom.

Well, his money
spends as good

as the next guy-slash-fish-
slash-bivalve. [chuckles]

Did you run this by anyone?

Nope. That's the great thing
about being a king,

I don't have to answer
to no one.

He's going to
develop an outlet mall

and a multiplex theater,
food court.

Hey, what's "fast casual?"

'Cause he said that a lot.

Have you considered

maybe not selling
our ancestral homeland?

"Our"? Oh, oh, that's rich.

Now Dad's dead,

you show up swinging
your double dick around

like you have a say.

You chose to go live on land

and I was stuck here
to deal with Dad.

I had to be the good son,
the one who followed the rules,

the one dealing
with those diapers, ugh!

[choking up] And you know
we all just shit in the water.

So if you got to wear
a diaper down here,

you know things are messed up.

You're right. I should have
been here to help more.

Yeah, well, you weren't.

But now it's my time
to be selfish.

And if you have a problem,

why don't you do
what you're good at and leave?

[Harley] Where are we?

Oh, God! Is this
immersive theater? Ugh!

We demand to know
who you're working for!

The name's Tetch. Jervis Tetch.

More lamely known as
the Mad Hatter.

Well, I didn't take you
for a "mad hater,"

considering how much
you've been snooping
around my shipments.

You won't get away with this.

It's only a matter of time
until people know
the truth about your hats.

Wait, so you're the guy
behind those weird hats?

They aren't "weird hats"!

You see, there's a reason
for the unconventional design.

The newsboy brim

focuses the mind control
of the frontal lobe,

while the cowboy crown
provides ample room

for the processor
and transmitter.

And soon,
I will have an army of puppets!

-[laughs maniacally]
-[Batgirl groans]

You fooled around
with my plans,

and now I'm going to
fool around with you!
[chuckles]

Ugh! Great! Like we need
another run-of-the-mill perv
in Gotham.

I'm not a perv.

I... I torture and murder.

Nothing gross. Is it the hat?

It's the hat, isn't it?

Ew!

Oh, okay,
so now you have a problem

with my incredibly long
pinky nail.

Look, I don't have time to list
all the reasons why
you're pervy.

So I'll leave ya
to your business

and just be on my merry way.

What you two aren't together?

Us? She wishes.
She screwed up my plans too.

Oh, well, now,
you seemed like friends.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I am not like her!

I am like you. In the...
In the broadest of senses.

I am Harley Quinn.

The Harley Quinn?

Get the heck out of here!

I should have recognized
that beautiful hair.

[inhales deeply]

Okay, it wasn't pervy,

but I could see
how it would seem pervy.

Rabbits, rabbits,
untie this one.

'Kay. Cool. Great.

Harley!

You're just gonna, like,
mind control her
for a bit, right?

Have her do your evil bidding
or something?

I was actually thinking
more along the lines

of Chapter 6 of
Through the Looking Glass.

-That's the one where--
-[shushing] I haven't seen
the movie yet.

Uh, just text me later?

Huh?

[Mad Hatter giggles]

[beeps]

-[Mad Hatter cackling]
-[Batgirl screams]

Guilt makes you look very old.

I look great,
and I am in a hurry, okay?

I have to kidnap Bruce Wayne.

For our girlfriend.

It doesn't matter
how many times you push it,

it won't go any faster.

Ugh! Leave it to Batgirl
to make a simple kidnappin'

so much harder
than it needs to be!

So does she deserve
to be tortured

by a creepy asshole
like Jervis?

Yes!

Maybe? Ugh. I don't know.

And who names
their kid Jervis anyway?

-Right?
-Jervis.

Jervis.

Would it be so bad
to help Batgirl out?

[groans] She's a member
of the Bat Family.

Hello? I shouldn't have to
explain this to you!

All right, jeez. All I'm saying
is it would be a lot easier

if she had a friend there
to help her.

I am not her friend!

Who are you trying to convince?

[sighs] I should go
back there, huh?

I'm not telling you what to do.

I am simply talking it through
with you.

Helping you
track your feelings.

You know, this is why
people hate therapy.

[Ocean Master] Let's get this
show on the road.

Just sign pages two, three
and nine.

The lawyers will do the rest.

Limited edish.
Feather-bound tip.

-[sparkles]
-Platinum-embossed barrel.

She drives real nice.

Damn!

I might have to get myself
one of these after this deal.

[laughs] I like where
your head's at.

God. The hell?
Should I call security?

No, it's just
my dumbass brother.

[chuckles] I get it.
My brother's a dick too.

-It's Aquaman.
-Yeah, I know.

Total dick.

-[King Shark roaring]
-There's a door, like,
three feet away from you.

Why are you always so dramatic?

You can't sell!

This kingdom has been
our family home

for thousands of years.

Oh, wait, hold on a minute.
We talkin' shark years
or human years?

Hah! Just doing the math.

Sure, the kingdom
has drawbacks,

but think about the good times.

Think about all the hijinks,
the games,

the blood-crazed
feeding frenzies.

We'll always have
those memories.

Sharks don't get
Alzheimer's, baby!

I mean, that's actually
the only thing they got right
in Deep Blue Sea.

I don't get why they deviated
so much from the novel.

Wait, stop. I know
what you're doing

and it won't work.

I am selling
and I'm moving up-current.

Now, fuck off back to land.

Now, I can't let this sale
go through.

And how do you plan to stop it?

I just need your signature,

and one initial here before--

[both shouting menacingly]

[inhales]
This evening's entertainment!

Each of you
has a cup filled with tea,

but some of you,
or maybe all of you,

have a spoonful of cyanide.

I'll give the pot a spin

and whomever the spout lands on
must drink.

[slurps tea, clears throat]

[rabbit] No, that's good.

Yeah, for a moment there
I thought you were
gonna kill me

because, you know,
that's what you do.

But, yeah, this is regular tea.

I mean, you know,
got a bit of a kick to it,
but, uh...

[gasps] Oh, God!
That burns so bad...
[sizzling]

-"Earl Grey," she said.
-[rabbit choking and gasping]

She said, "Earl Grey
will make you dead."

[villains cackle]

-This is going to be fun,
don't you think?
-[Batgirl wails]

[shushes] This isn't creepy.

My mom used to do this to me

all the time
while I was tied up.

[Mad Hatter exclaims]

Round and round,
I spin the wheel.

When it stops,
what pain you'll feel.

Your turn. Drink up.

No way!
I'm not one of your goons.

You can't make me do anything.

Are you sure? [snaps fingers]

[grunting]

[groans]

Ouch!

Hey, hat humper...
We're not done!

Well, well, well. Tea for two!

Take her down! Kill the clown!

And bring me their heads!

[both shouting]

[rabbits groaning]

[grunting]

[dishware breaking]

Harley, please!

Where is the honor
amongst villains?

Hey, don't look at me.

Look at her.

[Mad Hatter groaning in pain]

Why are you smiling?

You were seconds away
from being puppeted

by a leprechaun in a funky hat.

I knew you'd come back.

You may not be
a bona fide hero,

but you're not
as ruthless as you think.

[Mad Hatter whimpering]

-You were sayin'?
-Yeesh.

Did you really just kill him
to contradict me?

I like killing assholes.
Don't read into it.

Whatever you say... friend.

[sighs] We are
in the area of friendship.

We're not making bracelets yet.

We're not!

Oh, and FYI,
when someone texts LOL period,

the conversation is over!

Got it. Where you goin'?
Off to do another good deed?

LOL period!

[ballroom music playing]

Ugh!

[singsong] Bruce!
Oh, Bruce.

Selena!

Hiya, Brucey!

[grunts]

[Bruce groans]

Ah! I knew it was two-roll job.

[shouting, blows landing]

[grunting]

[screaming] Ow! Oh!

[both shouting]

[both screaming]

[Ocean Master exclaiming] Whoa!

[both grunting]

What are you gonna do, huh?

Eat me like you did
our other brothers?

Oh, you know
that was a mistake.

I suffer from
hypoglycemic-induced blackouts!

All 13 times?

[exclaims]
My beautiful helmet!

[Prince Shark growling]

You don't have to
do this alone.

We could work this out,
make our own rules.

Maybe figure out a system
where we alternate duties,

you know, give us both time
to pursue our passions.

There's a lot of great
scheduling apps out there.

-[gasps]
-[Prince Shark grunting]

[both grunting]

Oh, God, Jesus!

-[Prince Shark choking]
-I don't want the helmet back.

[gasps]

I didn't want this.

So, did we leave room
for dessert?

[drilling]

Shit, I just did this
then minutes ago.

[Harley shouts]

Ah! Harls?

Who has two thumbs to break

and a full set of
teeth to yank out...

This guy!

[muffled] Mommy, come back.
I'll be a good boy.

Oh, shit. Okay,
so there's that baggage
you were talking about.

I cannot be here
when he wakes up.

[theme music playing]