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ANNOUNCER: The Dick Van Dyke Show!
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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Eighteen,
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nineteen...
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( PHONE RINGING )
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twenty.
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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twenty-one.
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Hey, Sal, will you get that?
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Yeah, sure.
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Hello?
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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Yeah, he's here. Just a minute.
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It's for you, Buddy.
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Thanks. Hello?
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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Hello? Oh? It's for you, Rob.
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( PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )
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Thanks a lot, fellas.
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Hello. LAURA: Hi, honey.
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It is for me. Told you.
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Am I interrupting anything?
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Yeah, but what you're interrupting
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is highly interruptible.
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What is it, honey?
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Well, a telegram just arrived for you.
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All right, you have my permission
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to open it and read it.
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All righty...
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Well, what do you know.
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It's from your brother, Stacey.
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He says, "Arriving New York tonight on two-week furlough.
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Please secure hotel reservations for me.
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Would love to stay with you,
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but would be more comfortable in hotel.
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Understand, Burford?"
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Who's Burford?
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Uh, that's me, honey.
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It's a name he called me once in a while.
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Ah, well, anyway.
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"Dying to see Laura and meet my nephew.
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Love, Stacey." Isn't that wonderful?
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Oh, that's, that's uh, just great, honey.
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Look, can you fix up a bunch of barbecued ribs tonight?
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He loves ribs.
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He? Who he?
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Ribs it'll be.
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Oh, and I'll get your junk out of the den.
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Uh, honey, don't uh, bother about the den.
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I'll get him a hotel room.
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Him? Who's him?
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And is him married?
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Rob, I won't hear of it!
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He's the one relative of ours I'm really dying to know better.
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Honey, you gotta believe me. Don't fix up the den.
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My brother will be much happier in a nice hotel room.
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Your brother! Hey, I got an idea.
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I'll marry him, and he can stay with me.
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What did you say, honey?
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I said, I'm fixing up the den
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and I don't want to hear another word.
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One more word don't fix up the den.
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He'll stay in a hotel room.
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And that's final
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and I'll see you at the regular time.
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Bye.
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Burford...oh boy.
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Honey, I spoke to him.
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He said he'd rather stay in a hotel,
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now it's all settled.
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It's not settled, Rob. You're not going to win.
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Look, will you believe Stacey if he says he prefers a hotel?
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Why would he prefer a hotel?
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Because he's shy and retiring.
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He doesn't want to bother people.
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Well, all right. We'll discuss it when you get back.
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You better go. You'll be late.
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No, honey. I've got an hour before it lands.
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I'll be there 15 minutes early.
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Well, while you're waiting,
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don't go nibbling candy from those machines.
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I've got 10 pounds of wild looking ribs
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in that oven. Okay. You keep them wild.
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Both Stace and I will tame them.
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All right. Burford!
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Ouch!
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Is that a way to greet a brother?
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Stace, what are you doing here?
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I came to eat ribs, Burf.
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Well, come on in, uh, Stace.
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Hi there. Hi, Stacey.
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Stace, your plane wasn't due for an hour yet.
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Well, I took an earlier plane, Burf.
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Well, wwwhy, why, why did you...
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No, what difference does it make what plane he took?
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The point is he's here, and we ought to be telling him
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how happy we are to see him.
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Yeah, so somebody kiss me anybody.
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I remember from the wedding you're my sister-in-law,
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so you can kiss me.
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Aw, ha ha.
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How are you, Laura?
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Just fine, and welcome to New York, Stacey.
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Well, Burf, what do you want to do
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kiss, shake hands, hug, what, huh?
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Let's do them all how about that?
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Good to see you, Burf!
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How are you, you old beanstalk?
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Just fine, Stace. How are you?
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Rob, what's the matter with you?
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Nothing's the matter with me.
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He's acting like he's not happy to see you, Stacey,
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and he is.
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Oh, I know my brother Burf.
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He's acting that way because I'm acting this way.
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Ba doo, boo. ( LAUGHING )
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that didn't make any sense.
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Well we, uh, we Petries do that a lot.
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Righto, Burf.
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Listen, Stace how come you always call Rob Burford?
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Eh, he looks like a Burford, doesn't he?
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Yes, come to think of it?
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Oooh, smell them ribs! Hahaha.
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Say, Stace did you, uh,
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catch a nice nap on the plane?
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Sure did, Burf.
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I wanted to stay right on that plane and sleep.
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( CHUCKLES ) Well, we're glad you woke up.
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Who woke up I'm still asleep.
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( LAUGHS )
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Say, Stacey, would you like to lie down awhile?
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Oh, yes. And speaking of lying down,
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I want it understood right here and now
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that you're staying with us. No hotel.
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And I don't want to hear any arguments.
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Who's gonna argue?
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Then you will stay with us?
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Where else? Hey, Burf, how are you?
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Stacey, wouldn't you like to catch a nice nap
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and freshen up a little bit?
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Good, good.
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I want to do all those things nap, freshen up,
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and then lead me to them ribs!
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Go on, Stace.
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Did I kiss you hello?
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Yes, you did. All right.
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Did I shake hands with you? Yeah, you did.
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Good. I like to remember those things.
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( WHISTLING )
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Honey, I'll be back in a minute.
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I...I want to explain something.
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Yes, I thought you might.
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Honey, can you come in here a minute?
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Have you got a minute?
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Well, it's going to take you longer than that
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to explain your abominable behavior towards your brother.
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Honey, will you sit down just a minute?
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Didn't it seem to you
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that Stacey was acting a little strangely?
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No, he was acting like a fellow
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who was happy to see us.
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He was spirited, joyful, and bubbly.
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Right. Three things that Stacey ordinarily is not
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unless...
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Unless what?
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Well, honey, you're gonna find out sooner or later anyway.
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I might just as well tell you.
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My brother Stacey has a...problem.
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A problem? Yeah.
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He thought he had it licked, too,
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but it looks like he hasn't.
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Oh, Rob, no.
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Your brother is a drunkard!
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No, no, honey.
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No, he's not a drunkard.
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Uh, Stacey's a...a...
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A what?
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A somnambulist.
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A somnambulist?
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A sleepwalker?
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The best in the world.
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Well, I don't think I've ever seen a sleepwalker before.
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Oh, yes, you just saw a big demonstration by one.
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You mean that Stacey just now...
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Sound asleep.
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I don't believe it! How can you tell he's asleep?
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Well, you noticed Stacey wasn't wearing his glasses
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So?
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He always wears his glasses when he's awake.
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The only time he takes them off is when he's asleep
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and you heard him call me Burford
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Yeah.
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Well, when he's that way, he calls everybody Burford.
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Well, he seems so happy.
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That's the big clue.
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When he's awake, he's very shy, very retiring,
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but when he's asleep, he's friendly, outgoing.
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Are you asking me to believe that someone can be asleep
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and walk around and talk?
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You saw it with your own eyes.
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I just can't believe it's true.
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Well, it is.
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I looked it up in the encyclopedia
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and it lists all four kinds of somnambulism,
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and Stacey is the fourth type, the rarest.
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His is kind of akin to hypnotism.
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It's under somnambulism.
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I'm going to see this one myself.
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Well, then just around.
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Rob, what's he gonna do?
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He's gonna play golf if I don't stop him.
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Ahem, Stace... Say, where you going?
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Oh, hi ya, Burford. How about a little golf?
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We don't have the time now, Stace.
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We're gonna have dinner.
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Have I got...for... Just for nine holes?
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No. Wouldn't you rather finish your nap
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and freshen up and have dinner?
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Good idea, Burf.
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( WHISTLING )
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Stace...uh, why don't you sleep in the bed?
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Okay, uh, listen. Don't turn the water on.
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Convinced? Almost.
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What do you mean, almost?
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You just saw a beautiful demonstration
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of sleepwalking... And almost sleep golfing.
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Oh, my.
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Well, how will I be able to tell when he's awake?
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When he's wide awake,
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he's a totally different personality.
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He's very shy and reserved and introverted.
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Am I interrupting anything?
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Oh, no. Come on in, Stace.
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Hi, Rob. Hi.
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Hi, Laura.
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Hi, Stacey.
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We, uh, we met, didn't...
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Yes, we did.
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Yeah, I...I remember.
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Uh, Stacey, is your room all right?
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Oh, yeah. It's just, it's just fine, Laura,
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but I think, uh, it'd be better if I stayed in a hotel.
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Stacey, sit down a minute, please.
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Um, Rob told me everything.
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He did? Uh huh.
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Yes, and you're staying here with us.
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Well, that's, that's very nice of you, but I, I...
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Stace, when did the midnight strolls start again?
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Well, it was about a week ago, and it's funny
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because I haven't walked in my sleep since I was 14,
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back in Danville. Remember, Rob?
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Yeah, you mean when you got up and took the bus to Chicago?
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Yeah.
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You know we found him in a movie house,
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watching the Laurel and Hardy festival.
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Sat through it four times.
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When they came in to clean up the theater,
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there was Stace, slumped in a seat, sound asleep.
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Well, I thought he was asleep.
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Well, during the picture, I was awake/asleep.
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When they found me, I was asleep/asleep.
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I'm confused. I, I...
263
00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:00,933
Yeah, so were the army doctors.
264
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:03,069
Just last week I got up in the middle of the night,
265
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,337
and I grabbed my banjo...
266
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,171
Your banjo?
267
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:07,440
Yeah, and I ended up strumming Reveille
268
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,942
over the loudspeaker at 3 A.M.
269
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,713
Boy, they didn't like that.
270
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,882
What do you think started it again?
271
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:19,719
Well, the army doctors think I'm a little disturbed
272
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:22,388
by the fact that I'm going to be discharged soon.
273
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,223
Well, don't you want to leave the army?
274
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,792
Oh, sure, sure I do.
275
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,094
You don't sound very sure.
276
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,395
No, I don't, do I?
277
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:33,833
No, I, I know I'm sure, though...I think.
278
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,769
Stace, have you been thinking about what you want to do
279
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,304
when you get out of the army?
280
00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:40,473
Well, you know, Rob, I've always,
281
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:43,275
I've always liked comedy, and I've been thinking
282
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:47,713
well, that maybe I'd like to be a, a comedian.
283
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,819
A comedian?
284
00:10:55,955 --> 00:11:00,259
Yeah. Around the barracks I, I, uh, cut up.
285
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:06,198
And uh, and uh, the fellas laugh at me a lot.
286
00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:10,202
And I thought maybe that, uh, you could advise me.
287
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:11,437
About what?
288
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,339
About being a comedian.
289
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:16,742
Hm, well, uh, Stace,
290
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:19,378
I'd be happy to give you my opinion.
291
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,281
Uh, you want to show us what you do?
292
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:24,316
Uh, right now? Well, yeah.
293
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,951
Have you got your banjo with you?
294
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:28,187
Yeah, it, it's in my barracks bag there.
295
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,388
Well, good. Go get it.
296
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,757
Now? Rob: Sure, go ahead.
297
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,326
( CHUCKLES ) Okay.
298
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,029
Uh, it isn't much, though, I'll tell you.
299
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,364
Go on and get it.
300
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:39,999
All right. huh.
301
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,834
You get a little out of tune in the barracks bag.
302
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,069
I'll probably have to...
303
00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:50,076
Aw, you really sure you want to hear me play?
304
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,211
Of course we are! Sure we do!
305
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:53,179
Well, I don't know.
306
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,513
( CHUCKLES )
307
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,148
I'll tell you I'm a little nervous.
308
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,983
Why be nervous we're your relatives.
309
00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,785
Yeah, but you're civilians.
310
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,789
I never, I never played for anybody but soldiers before.
311
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:04,790
Well, why don't you think of me
312
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,125
as a former soldier.
313
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,194
Okay, I'll try.
314
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,296
( STRUMS BANJO )
315
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:12,765
♪ Wwwwell, well, well ♪
316
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,037
♪ Well, well, well ♪
317
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:22,408
That's a very funny opening for the act.
318
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,310
I haven't started yet, Rob.
319
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:27,346
You see, my banjo's a little out of tune.
320
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:29,415
It's...it had been in my barracks bag.
321
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:30,983
Okay.
322
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:32,084
( STRUMING BANJO )
323
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,018
♪ Well
324
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:35,221
♪ Hello hello sunshine
325
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:40,426
♪ Hello helloooo sunshine goodbye rain ♪
326
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,361
♪ Guide my baby
327
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:44,230
Is it all right if I sing really bad?
328
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,297
Go ahead.
329
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:46,932
Okay, yeah, but this is where I tell the jokes.
330
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,601
Oh, go ahead and tell a joke then.
331
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:52,171
( STRUMMING BANJO ) ♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm,
332
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:57,042
Doo, doo, hmm, doo.
333
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:02,214
Uh, this is a, this is a story about a fella that hmm
334
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,017
( STRUMMING BANJO ) hmm,
335
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:07,253
this a, a fella goes into a,
336
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:10,055
he goes up to this uh, guy on the street, hmm
337
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,324
( STRUMMING BANJO )
338
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,059
and he says can you give me fif
339
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:17,129
uh, teen cen fifteen cents for a sandwich?
340
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,931
And the guy said, uhhm
341
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,100
( STRUMMING BANJO )
342
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,171
and he says, "I'll give you" sure
343
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:28,908
he says, "I'll give you 15 cents for a sandwich, but uh, hmm
344
00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:30,910
( STRUMMING BANJO )
345
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:35,181
I'll get the uh, that's no good.
346
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,516
I'll tell it.
347
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,952
Oh, this is a good one. I just heard this.
348
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:43,155
Hmm, duh, this uh, this is a guy, he takes a pair--
349
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:45,424
I play the music right through the--
350
00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:47,092
while I'm telling the jokes.
351
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,260
I keep it going.
352
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,029
( HUMMING ) Hmm,
353
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:53,632
this guy goes into a, a, psychiatrist's office,
354
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,535
and, and, and he says, uh,
355
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,337
and he's the guy's all orange
356
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:02,007
and, and purple all over, and he goes and, hmm
357
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:05,511
a psychia-- and he says, and,
358
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:07,546
and he's got a pelican on his head
359
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:12,218
uh, I'm not doing very well, am I?
360
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,521
Well, no, Stace, I, uh, wouldn't say that.
361
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:16,689
It's, it's just that, uh--
362
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,457
it's just that I'm no good.
363
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,293
Well, no. I, I think, uh, ahem, that uh,
364
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,596
you need a little extra polish
365
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:27,666
and a little experience, but, uh, all newcomers need that.
366
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,536
You don't think I'm ready to audition for anybody yet,
367
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:31,971
do you, Rob?
368
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:35,507
Ahem, well, uh, let me say this
369
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,409
uh, I do think you need that,
370
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,012
that little uh, extra bit of polish.
371
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,281
Yeah. I guess so.
372
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,718
Hey, it's getting late.
373
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,286
Boy, we better attack those ribs
374
00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:49,088
before the gang gets here.
375
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:49,955
What gang?
376
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,423
Oh, I invited a few of the neighbors
377
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,092
and some of the guys from the office over.
378
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,293
I thought you might like to meet them.
379
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,262
Oh, gee. I'm a little tired, Rob.
380
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:58,364
Will I have time to grab a nap first?
381
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,132
But, Stacey, you just had a nap.
382
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:01,567
I, I get more rest when I'm awake
383
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,235
than those kind of naps.
384
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:06,972
Hey, I better, I better go get dressed.
385
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:08,641
Uh, I, I won't, I won't be long.
386
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:09,675
Okay, Stace.
387
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:10,609
Get a little more polish.
388
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,478
That's what I need if it get some polish
389
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:14,480
and smooth this out a little bit...
390
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,484
( APPLAUSE )
391
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,420
What are you thinking, Rob?
392
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:22,588
I'm trying to think of some other business
393
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:24,290
my brother can go into.
394
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:27,693
He's not very funny.
395
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,962
He was funnier asleep.
396
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,198
Not much demand for a sleeping comedian.
397
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,334
Let's go baste the ribs.
398
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,635
( BANJO MUSIC )
399
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,637
STACEY: Hmm, banjo.
400
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,274
And the pelican goes, ahuhm.
401
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,410
( BANJO MUSIC )
402
00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:51,383
SALLY: Hey, Rob .
403
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:52,384
I've been here for 37 minutes,
404
00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:54,553
and I still haven't met the guest of honor.
405
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:55,721
I don't think you have a brother
406
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,089
what do you think of that? Sal, I told you,
407
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,257
he's just knocked off from his trip
408
00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,525
he's catching a few winks.
409
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,393
Well, he's missing a few winks.
410
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,729
Come on, get him up I want to flirt a little.
411
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:04,763
( CHUCKLES ) Now just calm down.
412
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,366
I told you he's already engaged, and he's very shy.
413
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:08,434
Shyer than you?
414
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:09,201
Oh, yeah.
415
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,769
Well, how did he get engaged?
416
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,271
She asked him!
417
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,139
Listen, darling,
418
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:14,973
don't you think you ought to wake Stacey up now?
419
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:16,475
After all, the party is in his honor.
420
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:17,776
Yeah, good idea.
421
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:22,481
( BANJO MUSIC ) ♪ Hello sunshine...
422
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,185
Party!
423
00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:30,389
Oh, hello there. How about a little twist?
424
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:33,292
Come on shut her motor off.
425
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,794
Oh, who's this?
426
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,862
I'm Mel Cooley.
427
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:38,397
He's, he's the producer of The Alan Brady Show.
428
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,132
Mel, this is my brother, Stacey Petrie.
429
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,835
How do you do, Mel? Love your show.
430
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:43,769
Well, thank you, thank you.
431
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:46,171
If I ever need a producer, you're my man.
432
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,206
How much you make a week?
433
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:48,140
How much do I make a week?
434
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,241
I'll tell you, I'll give you twice that,
435
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:51,110
throw in a trip to Europe, and a new pair of pants
436
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,344
what do you say to that?
437
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:55,314
Well, Mr. Petrie, you're, you're very generous.
438
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,249
Yeah, I'm also sound asleep.
439
00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,386
Yep, he's Rob's brother, all right.
440
00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,622
Oh, who's the nice blonde lady?
441
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:05,691
So, this is your shy brother, huh?
442
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:07,860
Well, Sal, he doesn't, he doesn't do this all the time
443
00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:10,095
he's just putting it on... Because--
444
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,263
oh, that's because he doesn't want anyone to know
445
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:12,564
how shy he is.
446
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:13,832
Oh, I'm shy, all right.
447
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,368
My whole body's shy. Only my mouth is outspoken.
448
00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:17,569
( LAUGHTER )
449
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,439
Uh, this is, this is Sally Rogers.
450
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:22,408
He's very tired from his trip, Sal.
451
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:23,842
Don't you want to lie down awhile, Stace?
452
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,611
Sure, but first I want to kiss her hand.
453
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:26,612
Well, after your nap. Well, now, Rob.
454
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,747
How long could it take to kiss a lady's hand?
455
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,349
Go ahead, kid, live.
456
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,583
Oh, look at this. Five fingers,
457
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,385
one for each fingernail.
458
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,222
Okay, Stace, nappy time.
459
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:38,657
Okay, but first I have a request.
460
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,759
Well, after your nap Rob, what's with this napping?
461
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,462
He looks like he could use a nice run around the block.
462
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,330
( CHUCKLES ) Yes, that's how we Petries act
463
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:46,732
when we're overtired.
464
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:48,267
Okay, let's go, Stace.
465
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,769
Oh, who's this fine looking man right here?
466
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:51,737
Fine looking?
467
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:52,838
Must be something wrong with his eyesight.
468
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:55,307
Guess it's the army food, Rob not enough carrots.
469
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:56,742
( LAUGHS ) Haha. Don't tell me
470
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:58,777
it's Buddy Sorrell, the human joke machine.
471
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,446
Tada! How do you do, buddy?
472
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,514
Hi ya. The subject is birds.
473
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,917
Birds, birds you know why a hummingbird hums?
474
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:05,617
No, what?
475
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,252
'cause he don't know the words.
476
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:10,789
I like it!
477
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,825
I want to meet more people like him.
478
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,526
Where's the lady with the hand?
479
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,261
Oh, try this one hahaha.
480
00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:19,164
Say, Stacey, don't you want to go to your room?
481
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:20,632
Good idea, Burf!
482
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:23,335
Okay, everybody to my room!
483
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:25,137
( LAUGHTER )
484
00:18:25,804 --> 00:18:27,206
We'll have a little entertainment.
485
00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:28,207
No, we're not...
486
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,875
( APPLAUSE )
487
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:34,847
♪ Yeah hello sunshine goodbye rain... ♪
488
00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:41,687
In my room. Let's go!
489
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,522
( LAUGHTER )
490
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:45,591
who stole my bed?
491
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,302
Heh, folks, I'd like to present to you
492
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:58,971
my little brother, Stacey Petrie.
493
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:01,173
( APPLAUSE )
494
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,742
Good evening, folks.
495
00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:05,310
Aw... What's the matter?
496
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:07,212
I forgot my banjo pick.
497
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,949
Everybody talk to each other. You get on the stool, Burf.
498
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,718
I'll be right back, okay?
499
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,219
The stool for you.
500
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:15,320
He's going to entertain.
501
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:17,256
I don't know, I've never seen his act.
502
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:19,925
Rob, what are you going to do?
503
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:21,493
Honey, I tried to wake him up.
504
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:23,395
He's not going to wake up until he's ready.
505
00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:24,663
I even pinched him.
506
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:25,797
You know what he said to me?
507
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,366
He said, "Please let me perform.
508
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,468
I know I could be funny." Honey, he begged me.
509
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,003
But darling, is it a good idea to let him perform
510
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:33,272
in front of all these people asleep?
511
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:34,139
How should I know, honey?
512
00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:35,707
Maybe if he would be successful tonight,
513
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,276
he'll get the confidence to perform
514
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:38,677
when he's wide awake.
515
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:40,779
Okay, folks, here I am.
516
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,347
( APPLAUSE )
517
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,815
Okay, everybody over here, up to the stage.
518
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,017
Come on over to the stage.
519
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,286
Gather 'round, make a circle.
520
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:48,754
It's showtime!
521
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:49,988
Hahaha.
522
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,757
Okay, folks. Get around there,
523
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:52,858
and I'll tune up a little bit.
524
00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:54,293
( BANJO STRUMMING ) Gotta get it
525
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:55,961
let me have an 'r', Burf.
526
00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:57,362
That's good.
527
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:00,666
I only said that for a joke there ain't no "r".
528
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,734
Is there?
529
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,636
( LAUGHTER )
530
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,971
All right, folks, what would you like to hear?
531
00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:07,873
How about, uh, how about Stardust?
532
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,608
Oh, that's a good I don't know that.
533
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:11,677
You know any Italian numbers?
534
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:14,680
Oh, I know that. How about Napoli 486182?
535
00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,883
SALLY: He's very shy, isn't he?
536
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,818
Listen, why don't you do one of your favorites?
537
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:22,821
I don't have any favorites. I hate banjo music.
538
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,457
What do you want to hear, Mr. Burford?
539
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,825
How, how about something classical?
540
00:20:26,858 --> 00:20:27,893
Good enough something classical.
541
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:30,996
How about the uh, Hungarian Rhapsody by Goulash?
542
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,431
Oh, goulash is a stew.
543
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:33,632
Oh, I don't care how much he drinks.
544
00:20:33,665 --> 00:20:35,033
He writes good music.
545
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:39,972
Okay, something classical for Mr. Burford.
546
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:42,040
( BANJO STRUMMING )
547
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,310
♪ Hello sunshine goodbye rain
548
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,979
♪ Got my baby back
549
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,513
Hear it, Burf?
550
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,583
Aw, I'll tone it down a little bit.
551
00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:52,818
I don't want to drown out my voice.
552
00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:54,052
I sing pretty good.
553
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:55,854
There we go.
554
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:56,755
That ought to be better... ( BANJO STRUMMING )
555
00:20:56,788 --> 00:21:00,759
♪ Well hello sunshine goodbye rain ♪
556
00:21:00,792 --> 00:21:03,495
♪ Got my baby back again
557
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:04,830
Everybody clap.
558
00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:06,765
( CLAPPING )
559
00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:07,766
( STRUMMING BANJO )
560
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:09,368
That's good.
561
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:10,769
Thank you for the applause.
562
00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:14,873
And now for my encore...
563
00:21:14,906 --> 00:21:17,376
( laughing )
564
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:19,411
I'm killing 'em, ain't I, Burf?
565
00:21:19,811 --> 00:21:23,515
♪ Hello roses hello June hello ♪
566
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:24,616
Or as General Custer said, he said,
567
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:25,617
"I don't know what's the matter with them Indians.
568
00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:27,753
They were all right at the dance last night."
569
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,921
( LAUGHTER )
570
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:33,659
♪ Hello roses hello dew
571
00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:34,893
♪ Hello blue
572
00:21:34,926 --> 00:21:36,695
The fella that crossed a parrot with a tiger to match that
573
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:37,663
what did you get?
574
00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:38,664
He said, "I don't know, but when he talks,
575
00:21:38,697 --> 00:21:40,499
you better listen."
576
00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:45,037
A fella walks into a psychiatrist's office,
577
00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:47,639
and he's all orange and blue and purple and green all over,
578
00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:48,807
and he's got a pelican on his head,
579
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,509
and the pelican has a fish in his mouth
580
00:21:50,542 --> 00:21:51,777
and he walked up to the psychiatrist,
581
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,578
and the pelican says, "Say, can you tell me
582
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:55,647
how I can get this guy out from under my feet?"
583
00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:00,752
It's alright, Burf. It's part of the act.
584
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:03,722
It's a wonder I didn't wake up, huh?
585
00:22:04,189 --> 00:22:05,090
Big Benny's.
586
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:06,825
♪ Hello hello sunshine
587
00:22:06,858 --> 00:22:09,728
♪ Goodbye rain
588
00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:12,698
( APPLAUSE )
589
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,842
MEL: Young man, you were just great,
590
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:25,043
and I want you to audition--
591
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:26,545
Oh, oh I think he's fainted.
592
00:22:26,578 --> 00:22:28,947
Well, uh, no, he's, he's just as asleep, Mel.
593
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:30,749
Well, how could he be asleep so fast?
594
00:22:30,782 --> 00:22:32,684
Well, he does that. He's a very fast sleeper.
595
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:34,519
He had a hard day today.
596
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:36,054
Yeah, well, wake him up I want to talk to him.
597
00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:37,189
No, don't, don't wake him up.
598
00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:39,658
Uh, you don't wake up a soldier on furlough, hehheh.
599
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:41,426
Well, when he wakes up, you tell him that I...
600
00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:42,894
Shh! Shh!
601
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:43,962
Oh.
602
00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:45,363
( WHISPERING ) When he wakes up,
603
00:22:45,397 --> 00:22:46,598
you tell him that I'd like him
604
00:22:46,631 --> 00:22:47,666
to audition for The Alan Brady Show.
605
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:49,067
( WHISPERING ) Yeah, I'll tell him when he wakes up.
606
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:50,502
Yeah.
607
00:22:50,802 --> 00:22:51,670
( WHISPERING ) Hey, Rob.
608
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,038
Is the party over? ( WHISPERING ) Yes.
609
00:22:53,071 --> 00:22:54,706
( WHISPERING ) I thought so.
610
00:22:57,876 --> 00:22:59,544
( WHISPERING ) Rob, will you tell Stacey
611
00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:00,779
he was just great? Just wonderful!
612
00:23:00,812 --> 00:23:01,713
Fine, I'll tell him ( INDISTINCT ).
613
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:03,615
( WHISPERING ) and I'll see you tomorrow.
614
00:23:03,648 --> 00:23:05,050
( WHISPERING ) Laura, it was a wonderful party.
615
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,651
MEL: We had a marvelous evening.
616
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:07,919
Shh! Shh!
617
00:23:12,023 --> 00:23:13,125
Honestly, Stace, you gotta believe me.
618
00:23:13,158 --> 00:23:15,060
You were absolutely great.
619
00:23:15,093 --> 00:23:16,728
Look, have I ever lied to you?
620
00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:19,631
Yeah. I mean, since we're adults.
621
00:23:19,664 --> 00:23:21,133
STACEY: Oh, no. Well, I just want to tell you,
622
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:23,034
you, you're responsible for one of the nicest evenings
623
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:24,669
we ever had in this house. Right, honey?
624
00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:25,637
Right.
625
00:23:25,670 --> 00:23:27,739
Yeah, I just can't believe I was that funny.
626
00:23:27,773 --> 00:23:30,142
Well, you were. You should have been here!
627
00:23:32,110 --> 00:23:33,879
Well, you know what I mean.
628
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:35,547
Uh, Buddy and Sally are no pushovers.
629
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:36,848
They were on the floor.
630
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:37,816
Yeah, and Mel Cooley
631
00:23:37,849 --> 00:23:38,750
certainly wouldn't have asked you to audition
632
00:23:38,784 --> 00:23:41,086
for The Alan Brady Show if you weren't good.
633
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,188
Yeah, but I, I was asleep.
634
00:23:43,221 --> 00:23:44,222
I just don't I don't think
635
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:45,891
I could be that funny awake.
636
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:47,225
I know you can.
637
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,628
Look, Stace, there's a funny man somewhere
638
00:23:49,661 --> 00:23:51,163
asleep inside of you.
639
00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:52,631
You gotta try and help him get out
640
00:23:52,664 --> 00:23:54,032
where he can be seen.
641
00:23:54,065 --> 00:23:55,066
Now I'm going to set up that audition,
642
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,902
and you're gonna be great.
643
00:23:56,935 --> 00:23:58,804
Aw, you can set up the audition, but I don't know
644
00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:00,939
how you're gonna arrange for me to be great.
645
00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:03,108
Well, sometime between now and next week,
646
00:24:03,141 --> 00:24:05,777
we're gonna figure out a way for you to be great awake.
647
00:24:05,811 --> 00:24:07,212
Look, start playing that banjo.
648
00:24:08,713 --> 00:24:09,848
Okay.
649
00:24:09,881 --> 00:24:10,982
( BANJO STRUMMING )
650
00:24:11,016 --> 00:24:12,083
( CLEARS THROAT )
651
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:14,486
♪ Wewellll...
652
00:24:15,086 --> 00:24:17,088
♪ Well, well, well.
653
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:20,926
Hm, hm, this a, this
654
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:23,728
a, psychiatrist walks in this pelican's office...
655
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:28,099
♪ And, hello sun
656
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:32,938
♪ Hello sunshine good goodbye rain ♪
657
00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:34,873
♪ I got...
658
00:24:35,907 --> 00:24:38,510
I don't think next week's gonna be soon enough.
659
00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:51,122
I hope you'll be with us
660
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,157
next week when my brother
661
00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:53,291
wrestles with the problem
662
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,159
of auditioning for a
663
00:24:54,192 --> 00:24:55,560
television show while he's
664
00:24:55,594 --> 00:24:56,528
wide awake.
665
00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,664
Well, well, well, well...
666
00:24:59,698 --> 00:25:02,033
I'll see you next week.
667
00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:05,871
♪
46887
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