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♪♪
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( WHISTLING )
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Rob, what are you doing?
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Just lying here now.
5
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Are you all right?
6
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I felt something tear near my sacrum.
7
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Oh, no, not again.
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( STRAINING ) Oh, yeah, I felt something rip.
9
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Honey, don't move. I'll call Dr. Jacoby.
10
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No, don't call him. Don't be a hero.
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If you've actually ripped something...
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I ripped something, all right.
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My underwear.
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Boy, for a good dancer, you sure trip a lot.
15
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This time, it was Ritchie's fault.
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Ritchie went to bed an hour ago.
17
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Uh-huh, but he left a booby trap for me.
18
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Look at that. What are we gonna do with that boy?
19
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I told him 1,000 times to pick--
20
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told him to pick up his toys!
21
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Well, he's forgetful, like his daddy.
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I'm not forgetful. Honey, you must've reminded him
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not two minutes before he went to bed to pick this truck up.
24
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I'm sorry, I'll put it away.
25
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That's his problem.
26
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What is?
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You are. I am?
28
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Honey, you're either picking things up for him
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or reminding him to.
30
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Honey, he's only a child.
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He'll remain one the rest of his life
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unless we start training him.
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I've got a good mind to go in there,
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wake him up and make him put that truck away.
35
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That'll teach him to remember.
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You wouldn't really wake him, would you?
37
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Well, I should. But I won't,
38
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'cause Jerry and Millie will be here in about three minutes.
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They will?
40
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Uh-huh. don't tell me you forgot
41
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our Wednesday night bridge game with Jerry and Millie.
42
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Well, I-- aha. You did forget.
43
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So he's forgetful like his daddy, huh?
44
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Darling, our bridge date is for tomorrow.
45
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Tomorrow?
46
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What's today?
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Tuesday.
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Good. Good?
49
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Yeah, it'll give me a day to fix this broken leg.
50
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Oh, it's all right.
51
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Want to play cards?
52
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You mean to tell me, after that big speech on forgetfulness,
53
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you forgot what day it was?
54
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Yeah, I thought yesterday was today.
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Did you give it to him good, Laura?
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I never get the chance.
57
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Rob always gives it to himself.
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I must say, he's very honest
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about his shortcomings.
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One of the many reasons she loves me.
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Hey, Rob, you trying to stall just because we're ahead?
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Come on, bid.
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Oh, I'm sorry. What's the bid?
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Rob, you dealt. Huh?
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It's your bid.
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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Talk about being forgetful.
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Uh, one spade.
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What's the matter? You have a rough time
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at the office this week?
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As a matter of fact, he did,
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so don't pick on him.
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I hope that doesn't mean
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you've written a rotten show.
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Two hearts.
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Don't worry, we wrote a good show.
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Can't afford to let our neighbors down.
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Or the members of the P.T.A.
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The P.T.A.?
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Don't tell me you forgot you invited the P.T.A. to your show.
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Two no trump!
82
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Wow.
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That's what I call a strong bid.
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You haven't forgotten about the P.T.A.
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Coming to your studio.
86
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Well-- ouch!
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I think she meant this for you.
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Ow!
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No, I didn't forget the tickets.
90
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Looks to me like you did forget.
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Don't be silly. How could he forget 44 tickets?
92
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Yeah. How could I forget 44 tickets
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to The Alan Brady Show this week?
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All taken care of, yes, sirree.
95
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Is it gonna be a good show?
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I hate to get all dressed up and drive down there
97
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just to see a clinker.
98
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Hey, yeah, it may be a clinker.
99
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Shall I cancel your tickets?
100
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Don't you dare. I want to see the show
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in the studio, in person.
102
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Pass. What do you want to do, dear?
103
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I wish I knew.
104
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About the bidding.
105
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Oh. I'm sorry.
106
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Uh, what'd you bid?
107
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Two hearts. And two no trump.
108
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Pass. Pass.
109
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I'll bid, uh...
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Four no tickets.
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Four no tickets?
112
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Heh! Did I say that?
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( CHUCKLES ) I meant 44 no trump.
114
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Or--
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44 no tickets.
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Okay, let me say that again.
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Uh, four no trump.
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Neighbor, do you really think
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you're gonna make four no trump?
120
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It'd be a lot easier if I make 44 no tickets.
121
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Well, let's play tickets.
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Ow!
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I got another message for you.
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Oh! Uh, let's play cards.
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Listen, try to improve your game a bit.
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I like a little competition.
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See you later. Bye, Millie.
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How could you forget 44 tickets?
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Easy.
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Oh, Robert!
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What do you mean, "Oh, Robert"?
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I could just as well say, "Oh, Laura."
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You're not going to try to blame me for your forgetfulness.
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Honey, you could've at least reminded me.
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You just last night made a big speech
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about not reminding Rich.
137
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Do you or do you not like reminders?
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Well, only when I forget.
139
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Is there someone you can call?
140
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Yeah, I can call those 44 people up
141
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and tell them to stay home.
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Rob, you get on that phone
143
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and start calling someone on the show.
144
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Who? Who am I gonna call?
145
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Mel Cooley. He's the producer.
146
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Maybe he can do something.
147
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All right, I'll try him,
148
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but I'm sure he won't be any help to us.
149
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Problem? Problem? What kind of a problem?
150
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What happened? What's the matter with the show?
151
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Couldn't you finish the sketch? What? What?
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I need some tickets for this week's show.
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Tickets? Is that all?
154
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Rob, I'm surprised at you.
155
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Do you realize that I almost took an aspirin?
156
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Mel, I'm sorry. That would've been awful.
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What's awful?
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He almost took an aspirin.
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How many tickets do you need?
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Two? Three? Four?
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Heh. Mel, as a matter of fact,
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I need 44.
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Mel?
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Mel?
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What'd he say?
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I think he took the aspirin.
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Mel, look, what's the most I can have?
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Four.
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Now, Rob, if you wanted that many tickets,
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you should've spoken to me weeks ago.
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You know how popular our show is,
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how people are constantly clamoring for tickets.
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I know, Mel. I heard the clamoring.
174
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All right. Thanks a lot, Mel.
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Bye.
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That's four.
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Now all we need are 40 more tickets.
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And if we don't get them?
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Oh, no problem. We'll change our names,
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sell the house and move to a new neighborhood.
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Mel, I really appreciate it.
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Hey, if you scare up any more,
183
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hold them for me, will you?
184
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Okay. Thanks.
185
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That's two more from Mel. That makes six.
186
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Now all we need to keep our standing in the P.T.A.
187
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Are 38 more tickets.
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Yoo-hoo! Mrs. Petrie!
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Oh, Mrs. Billings. Here for the tickets.
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Do come in.
191
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Good morning, dear.
192
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I do hope that I'm not disturbing you,
193
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but I was on my way into town and I suddenly thought
194
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I ought to drop over and pick up those tickets for the show.
195
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Oh, hello. Hello.
196
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Rob, you remember Mrs. Billings of the P.T.A.
197
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Oh, yes. Hello, Mrs. Bickets--
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Billings.
199
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Well, we only met a few times at the meetings,
200
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but I feel I know him so well.
201
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:26,272
Would you like a cup of coffee? Thank you, dear.
202
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:29,208
Won't you sit down? Yes, thank you.
203
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,677
You see, I watch the show every week,
204
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:34,046
and, of course, I read your name on the screen.
205
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It looks so nice. "The Alan Brady Show, written by Robert Petrie."
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It makes us very proud to have an author in our neighborhood.
207
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Why, thank you very much, Mrs. Billings.
208
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It's nice of you to say that.
209
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I hope you're planning a good show for us.
210
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,661
Well, we do our best.
211
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:51,197
The shows are just wonderful.
212
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I adore Alan Brady.
213
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And I particularly like the way they're written.
214
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:56,869
Well, thank you very much.
215
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Uh, generally.
216
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:04,043
Of course, there have been one or two shows
217
00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:08,114
that Mr. Billings and I simply had to turn off.
218
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:10,650
Oh, I do hope you don't mind
219
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,652
my saying that we didn't like all of your shows.
220
00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:14,787
Oh, not at all, Mrs. Billings.
221
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,056
As a matter of fact, it's the only way we have of finding out
222
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,758
what people prefer.
223
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,260
What shows didn't you like?
224
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:24,030
Well, I'm no expert.
225
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,332
But I do know what I like.
226
00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:28,734
And I don't like it when Mr. Brady, your star,
227
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,403
comes out and tells those jokes.
228
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:34,006
Uh, which jokes? He tells them on every show.
229
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,310
Yes. I don't like that.
230
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:38,945
Well, yes.
231
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,147
You don't think those are funny?
232
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Heh. Do you?
233
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,152
Well-- oh, I know.
234
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:49,121
You can't really say what you think.
235
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:52,391
I could, but I don't dare.
236
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,827
Oh, I understand.
237
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:57,096
You don't mind my telling you these things?
238
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,732
Mind? Oh, I knew you wouldn't.
239
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,667
Oh, I am just looking so forward
240
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,736
to seeing my favorite show.
241
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,871
Your favorite show?
242
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,974
Why, I wouldn't miss it.
243
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:12,078
You see, it sharpens my critical sense.
244
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,446
Well, you just give me the tickets.
245
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,047
I'll mail them out to our people.
246
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,816
Uh, you're gonna mail them?
247
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,218
Rob, is that the best way to handle the tickets?
248
00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:22,455
Uh, no, that's not the best way. No?
249
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:24,890
As a matter of fact, that's the worst way.
250
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,994
The best way is for me to hold the tickets,
251
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:30,062
and I'll seat you personally.
252
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:33,032
That's terribly sweet of you, Mr. Petrie.
253
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:35,935
( NERVOUS LAUGHTER )
254
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:39,005
Well, then shall I just tell everyone
255
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:41,140
to rally at the studio?
256
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,442
Yes, you tell everyone to rally.
257
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:46,846
Now, you will write
258
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:48,814
a good show for us this week?
259
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:50,483
Yes, we'll have something
260
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,952
for you to sharpen our critical thing on.
261
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,421
Thank you, dear. Just remember
262
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:58,324
that there will be 44 of us right there watching.
263
00:10:58,357 --> 00:10:59,458
Swell.
264
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,260
Bye. Good-bye.
265
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That's what I call a real fan.
266
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,903
Honey, how many more do we need?
267
00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:12,438
Still 38.
268
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:14,974
38. Wish me luck. I'm gonna spend the day
269
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,243
begging, borrowing and stealing.
270
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:18,944
Good luck, honey.
271
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,446
Bye. bye, Ritchie.
272
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,314
Bye, Daddy.
273
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:27,153
Mommy, is Daddy gonna steal today?
274
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,088
No, Daddy was just making a joke.
275
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:33,392
Oh. Heh heh! That was a funny joke.
276
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,294
What was?
277
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,929
I don't know.
278
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:41,801
Here's a couple of tickets I was supposed to give my butcher,
279
00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:43,803
but he got stuck in the freezer and got pneumonia.
280
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,871
Oh, wonderful.
281
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:48,007
Wonderful my butcher got pneumonia?
282
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,942
Boy, are you desperate.
283
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:51,844
How many more now do you need, Rob?
284
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,914
Let's see, with your 2 and Buddy's 2, 34.
285
00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,982
Why don't you call up the people and say you don't have tickets?
286
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,018
I can't do that now.
287
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,821
You mean you're gonna let 34 people get all dressed up,
288
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:04,190
hire sitters, drive into town, just to tell them they have to drive back home,
289
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,392
take off their clothes and un-hire the sitters?
290
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:09,161
Sally, will you please not be so graphic?
291
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,163
Let's just say I need 34 tickets.
292
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:13,165
Now, any ideas, you guys?
293
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:16,135
Yeah. I got it. I got an idea.
294
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:17,470
Beginner's luck.
295
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,540
Don't make jokes. This is on the level.
296
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,576
This will solve the whole problem for you.
297
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,211
You get the whole neighborhood together,
298
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:26,545
put them in a chartered bus
299
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,347
and drive them down to the studio.
300
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,149
How does that solve the problem?
301
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:31,851
Easy, you get a drunken bus driver,
302
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:33,552
and it crashes into a lamppost.
303
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,857
I got a better idea.
304
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:40,192
Get a sober driver, have him hijack the bus
305
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,028
and fly it out of the country.
306
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:46,298
Thanks a lot, you guys. You've been a big help.
307
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:48,300
I'm desperate, and you're making jokes.
308
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,569
Oh, come on, Rob, it's only the P.T.A..
309
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,538
Only the P.T.A.?
310
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,573
Do you know what the P.T.A. stands for?
311
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,009
Three things that I respect and fear--
312
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,912
parents, teachers and associations.
313
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,415
Especially when they're angry.
314
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,451
I gotta get those tickets.
315
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,987
All right, can you come up with any better ideas?
316
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,189
I told Laurie that I'd beg, borrow and steal.
317
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,924
So far, I've begged six from Mel,
318
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,325
borrowed four from you guys...
319
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,060
Now who can I steal from?
320
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,929
Rob?
321
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,899
Hey! Look who's here. Friar Tuck.
322
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,437
Here are those tickets I promised you, Rob.
323
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,574
One, two, three, four, five, six.
324
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,309
There you are. Thanks, Mel.
325
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:32,311
Are all those others spoken for?
326
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:34,180
Loudly and clearly.
327
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,448
These are for the employees of the united nations.
328
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,651
Well, couldn't you just let me have a few of them?
329
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:41,620
Say, the ones you're holding for the less friendly nations?
330
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,156
Come, now, Rob. You wouldn't want me
331
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,925
to create an international situation
332
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:47,393
just because of your P.T.A..
333
00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:49,161
Sure I would!
334
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:51,931
( LAUGHS ) I know you're just joshing.
335
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:53,098
Well, back to work.
336
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:54,967
Uh, Mel, Mel...
337
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,136
How does this week's show look?
338
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:58,604
Fine, just great.
339
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,406
Got a minute?
340
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:02,208
Buddy came up with an idea for a comedy sketch,
341
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:03,509
and we'd like to get your opinion on it.
342
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,377
It'll only take a minute.
343
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,580
If it was buddy's idea, it'll just take a second.
344
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:11,183
We thought it'd be kind of funny if--
345
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,219
( LAUGHS ) if Alan did a...
346
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:16,222
( CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY )
347
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,924
( LAUGHING )
348
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,360
( CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY )
349
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:31,337
he gets all involved with the--
350
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,539
he gets all involved with the--
351
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,174
With what?
352
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,076
We haven't worked that part out yet.
353
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:40,212
How do you like it so far?
354
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,215
It's a riot.
355
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:44,683
How would you know, curly?
356
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,686
Will you please tell this person
357
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,455
that I was not hired for this job
358
00:14:49,488 --> 00:14:51,123
to be the butt of his jokes?
359
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:52,725
Hey! Whose jokes were you hired
360
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:54,326
to be the butt of?
361
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,329
Oh! Yechh!
362
00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:01,433
Mel! Mel, you dropped your tickets.
363
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,369
BUDDY: Come on. Rob...
364
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,671
That's funny. I could've sworn I put 'em right here.
365
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:07,706
Maybe you got a hole in your pocket.
366
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:11,010
No, I don't have a hole in my pocket. Look.
367
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:13,579
Have you checked your head?
368
00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:15,681
Buddy, behave yourself, please.
369
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:17,549
Mel, we've got a confession to make.
370
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,184
We stole them from you
371
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:20,619
to show you how desperate I am.
372
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,621
I'm sorry. I'd like to help you,
373
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,624
but my U.N. is more important than your P.T.A..
374
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,460
U.N.P.T.A.! Hey, he knows five letters already!
375
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:31,363
Next year, he'll be able to wave bye-bye.
376
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,501
Well, that was a big step forward.
377
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:37,303
Now you only need 34 tickets.
378
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,305
And you only got a couple of hours to get 'em.
379
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,140
What are you doing, Rob?
380
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,375
Something I should've done a long time ago.
381
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:47,746
Now, look, don't talk. Just listen to me.
382
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,482
Now, I'm not gonna say that you could've reminded me,
383
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,751
but you could've reminded me.
384
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,554
Now, I've done my best. I've tried, begged, pleaded.
385
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:59,425
My friends have stolen from me, and we're still 34 tickets shorts.
386
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,327
Now, I've done everything I can, believe me.
387
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,128
Will you do both of us a favor,
388
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,596
call Mrs. Billings and tell her the truth?
389
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,498
Tell her that I forgot the tickets,
390
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,634
and if the P.T.A. wants to hate us and ostracize us,
391
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:11,103
it's all right with me. I'm fed up! Let 'em go to--
392
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,339
Ritchie, is Mommy home?
393
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:26,652
Now, look, don't talk. Just listen to me.
394
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:31,056
I begged and pleaded, and we're still 34 tickets short.
395
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,391
We're not?
396
00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,059
Honey, you're kidding.
397
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:35,361
What happened? What happened?
398
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:36,595
Cancellations. That's great.
399
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,297
How many do we need now?
400
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,466
33.
401
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:44,636
Big help.
402
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,672
Can't I just call Mrs. Bill--
403
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,540
all right. All right, honey.
404
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,209
I'll keep trying.
405
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,680
All right, what are you gonna do now?
406
00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:58,150
I'm gonna sit here, put my head in my hands,
407
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,120
and try very hard not to cry.
408
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:12,364
At least they're not here yet.
409
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,800
Darling, I admire your courage. Not many people
410
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,536
would come down to a theater to meet 43 people
411
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,671
knowing that 33 of them aren't going to get in.
412
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,174
We've still got a few minutes before they're due to arrive.
413
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:25,511
How are you going to get 33 tickets in half an hour?
414
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,413
By devious means, if necessary. excuse me.
415
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:30,115
Pardon me, sir. I'm from out of town,
416
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,317
and I'd like to see the show, but I don't have a ticket.
417
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,886
I'm sorry, I only got this one.
418
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:35,621
You wouldn't like to sell it. Who wouldn't?
419
00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,122
I'll sell anything for a price.
420
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:38,590
How much? Make me an offer.
421
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,592
Um, 50 cents? Sold.
422
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,462
What'll you give me for the hat? No, thanks.
423
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,697
Can't blame a guy for trying.
424
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,433
Good businessman.
425
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:48,801
You bought that ticket from him.
426
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:50,402
Honey, it was a bargain.
427
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:52,204
But it's not legal, is it?
428
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,273
No. Neither is tarring and feathering,
429
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:56,208
and that's what they'll do to us if we don't get these tickets.
430
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,410
I've got to find somebody.
431
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,551
Uh, excuse me, miss? I'm from out of town.
432
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,220
We came to see the show, and I only have one ticket.
433
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,456
That's my wife over there.
434
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,357
Oh, she's a very pretty lady.
435
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:14,893
Yes, she is.
436
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,496
But, you see, she doesn't have a ticket.
437
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,798
Well, I couldn't give her my ticket.
438
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:23,769
I love Alan Brady. I never miss his show.
439
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:26,672
Yes, but I was wondering if you might have an extra ticket.
440
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:30,809
Let me see. I might just have one.
441
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,378
Are all those for The Alan Brady Show?
442
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:34,913
Heavens, no.
443
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,382
These are for all different shows.
444
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:41,787
Quiz shows and game shows and kiddie shows.
445
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,690
You see, I don't own a Television set.
446
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:50,829
Oh, here's an extra one for your pretty wife.
447
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,397
Oh, thank you very much.
448
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,633
This is very, very kind of you.
449
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:58,470
Uh, that'll be a dollar.
450
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,906
A dollar? Take it or leave it.
451
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,542
I just got one over there for 50 cents.
452
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:07,513
From a fella in a battered hat? Yeah.
453
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:10,816
He sells last week's tickets.
454
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:13,452
That son of a gun!
455
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,821
I run a legitimate business.
456
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,923
Well, here you are, miss.
457
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:20,526
Put that away! Why?
458
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:23,629
The cops! Ow! Ow!
459
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:25,330
What's going on here?
460
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,366
Probably a cramp in his foot.
461
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:28,634
Honey, what happened?
462
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,536
A foot cramp.
463
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:31,970
One of those kinds where the big toe
464
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,006
separates from the other four? Yeah.
465
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:35,841
Those are murder. I get those all the time.
466
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:37,576
Just keep walking on it.
467
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,612
Don't favor it. Step down real hard on it.
468
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,015
I think it's fine, now. Thank you very much.
469
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,716
You get those often? Once in a while.
470
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,553
Could be your diet. May be your cholesterol.
471
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:49,721
You had your cholesterol checked lately? Better have it checked.
472
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,857
You know what else it could be? Tight shoes.
473
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:56,028
You'd better loosen your shoelaces. I will. I--
474
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:57,896
he's loosening my shoelaces.
475
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,765
Keep wiggling your toes around in there.
476
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,533
These italian shoes are too--
477
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:03,035
that looks all right.
478
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,770
That feels fine.
479
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,538
Better watch your cholesterol. Will, will.
480
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,307
Watch your shoelaces, too. You'll trip over them.
481
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,641
Thank you.
482
00:20:11,476 --> 00:20:13,445
I'll take the dollar now.
483
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,913
There you are, miss. Thank you very much.
484
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,615
Uh, mister?
485
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,984
You owe me ten cents more.
486
00:20:19,017 --> 00:20:20,385
What's the ten cents for?
487
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,421
Federal tax.
488
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,723
You charge federal tax?
489
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:27,926
Young man, I run a legitimate business.
490
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,728
Here's your dime.
491
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:31,029
You ought to be ashamed,
492
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,966
trying to cheat the government.
493
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:36,802
Look at that. A patriotic ticket scalper.
494
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:39,338
How many do we need now? 31, honey.
495
00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:40,806
One of them's from last week,
496
00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,841
but sneak it somewhere in the middle.
497
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:44,710
How long have we got before the gang's due here?
498
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,545
I'd say less than two seconds.
499
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,547
Turn and greet your guests, darling.
500
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,649
Oh, now I know how Custer felt.
501
00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:53,719
( ALL GREETING )
502
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,754
Here you are. And here I am.
503
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:57,556
And here's my wife.
504
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,658
And all ready to see a fine show.
505
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:01,326
Shall we go in? Yeah.
506
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,961
Oh, I almost forgot.
507
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,797
Honey, would you give me all the tickets
508
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,000
except 31?
509
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:10,335
All the tickets except 31?
510
00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:11,870
That's right.
511
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:13,705
Here they are. Thank you, honey.
512
00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,607
Now, Mrs. Billings, here are 12 tickets.
513
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:17,009
12 of you can go right on in.
514
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,877
How about the other 31?
515
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:21,446
Well, we have kind of a surprise for them.
516
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,115
Don't we, dear? Oh, we do?
517
00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:25,450
I mean, we do! Yes, indeed.
518
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,619
Mrs. Billings, would you have everyone
519
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:29,788
rally over there in front of that sign?
520
00:21:29,821 --> 00:21:31,690
Everyone right over there.
521
00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:33,525
That's it, folks.
522
00:21:33,558 --> 00:21:35,594
Right over there.
523
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,462
Honey, what are you going to do?
524
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:39,865
I'm going to tell them the truth. The truth?
525
00:21:39,898 --> 00:21:41,967
Yeah, but I'm gonna do it so charmingly
526
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,636
that there's a very good chance they won't kill me.
527
00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:47,572
Well, hello, neighbors. Hi there, how are you?
528
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,675
How's the crabgrass? Ha ha ha ha!
529
00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:54,713
Well, fellow members of the P.T.A.
530
00:21:54,746 --> 00:21:58,050
I-- I have been living in our little community
531
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,419
for the past couple of years.
532
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:03,722
My son Ritchie goes to the public school.
533
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:05,657
I'd like to go on record as saying--
534
00:22:05,691 --> 00:22:07,693
such incompetence! I demand--
535
00:22:07,726 --> 00:22:09,561
( OVERLAPPING SHOUTS )
536
00:22:09,594 --> 00:22:11,663
Mel? Mel? Mel? Ladies and gentlemen,
537
00:22:11,697 --> 00:22:13,665
I'd like you to meet the charming producer
538
00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:15,867
of The Alan Brady Show, Mr. Mel Cooley.
539
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:17,936
Not now! I've got a problem!
540
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:20,605
He's my boss.
541
00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:24,776
Folks, about six weeks ago...
542
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:28,080
Uh, Mrs. Billings-- a very charming and lovely lady--
543
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:30,782
requested 44 tickets to the--
544
00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:33,085
excuse me, Mr. Petrie.
545
00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:36,822
That's a perfectly lovely speech you're making. Thank you.
546
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:38,857
But we did come down here to see a show.
547
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:40,826
Shouldn't we be going into the studio?
548
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,928
Yes, Mrs. Billings, you should.
549
00:22:42,961 --> 00:22:46,932
Uh, folks, I'm afraid I have a little surprise for you--
550
00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:49,601
Rob, Rob, Rob.
551
00:22:49,634 --> 00:22:52,104
Uh, excuse me. there seems to be some problem.
552
00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:54,139
Don't go away. I'll be right back.
553
00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:55,907
Excuse me, folks.
554
00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:59,044
Mrs. Petrie, is everything all right?
555
00:22:59,077 --> 00:23:02,147
Oh, yes, yes, everything's fine. Just fine, fine.
556
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:05,851
Laura, what's wrong? Something's wrong. Is something wrong?
557
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:08,920
I have a sneaking suspicion that Rob doesn't have the tickets.
558
00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:10,956
Yes, yes, he has tickets.
559
00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:14,059
No, I don't have any tickets. What?
560
00:23:14,092 --> 00:23:19,231
Folks, I might as well tell you the truth.
561
00:23:19,264 --> 00:23:23,001
Wait, now, don't turn into a mob.
562
00:23:23,034 --> 00:23:26,538
Folks, there seems to be a problem with tonight's show.
563
00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:28,807
The finale of tonight's show--
564
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,609
which you were invited to see--
565
00:23:30,642 --> 00:23:32,644
is a parade scene.
566
00:23:32,677 --> 00:23:34,646
And it seems the producer neglected to hire enough extras
567
00:23:34,679 --> 00:23:36,715
to make a big enough crowd.
568
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,785
Now, I know that I invited you down here to watch the show,
569
00:23:39,818 --> 00:23:41,853
but I'm wondering if I might impose upon all of you
570
00:23:41,887 --> 00:23:43,989
to be in the show.
571
00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:46,525
( ALL CHATTERING AT ONCE )
572
00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:47,893
what do you say?
573
00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:49,961
( ALL SHOUTING )
574
00:23:52,697 --> 00:23:54,933
Oh, Mr. Petrie,
575
00:23:54,966 --> 00:23:57,169
that's such a wonderful surprise.
576
00:23:57,202 --> 00:23:59,104
All right, folks, if you'll just follow me,
577
00:23:59,137 --> 00:24:01,506
I'll show you where the backstage entrance is.
578
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:04,176
( OVERLAPPING CHATTER )
579
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,551
Rob, you're a very lucky man.
580
00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:14,986
Why, that's what everyone told me at the wedding.
581
00:24:18,990 --> 00:24:20,992
Good night, Ritchie.
582
00:24:21,026 --> 00:24:23,195
Look, it's late. You go right to sleep.
583
00:24:23,228 --> 00:24:24,996
RITCHIE: Okay, Daddy!
584
00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:26,932
Oh, am I glad this day is over.
585
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,934
Oh, me, too. Honey, will you remind me
586
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,269
never to forget anything again?
587
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,104
Oh, Rob!
588
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:34,906
Are you all right?
589
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:37,175
I'm fine.
590
00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:39,744
When are you going to stop tripping?
591
00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:43,148
As soon as our son remembers to pick up his toys!
592
00:24:43,181 --> 00:24:45,617
Well, like father, like son.
593
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,752
I'm not like that! I don't leave my toy trucks
594
00:24:47,786 --> 00:24:49,287
laying all over the house.
595
00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:51,223
True, but you sometimes forget
596
00:24:51,256 --> 00:24:54,059
your toy briefcase.
597
00:24:54,092 --> 00:24:56,628
Aah! Honey! Oh!
598
00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:58,296
( SHOUTING )
599
00:24:58,330 --> 00:25:00,599
I'm sorry!
600
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:04,169
♪♪
42633
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