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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Honey?
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Yes?
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Honey, wake up a second.
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Rob, the coffee's in the pot, the toast is on the table,
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and the eggs are in the oven.
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Honey, I don't care if the frost is on the pumpkin,
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I want you to wake up for just a second.
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What is it?
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Honey, I want to ask you something very important.
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Well, what's the matter?
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Would you marry Mel Cooley?
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Oh, Rob.
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Honey, look at that.
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Rob!
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Honey, turn around here and take a good look
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at your husband's head.
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Rob, why do you always pick the hours between 7:00 and 9:00
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AM to get cute.
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Honey, I don't think it's very cute to be going bald.
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Going what?
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Going bald, honey.
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I'm losing my hair.
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Oh, Rob, come on.
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I haven't told you about it, but I've been keeping
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track for the last few weeks.
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Keeping track?
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Of what?
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Of my hair, honey.
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I didn't tell you because I didn't
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want you to get upset about it.
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I'm not upset.
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Well, you're gonna be when you see how fast they're going.
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Hair's been leaving my head faster than rats
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off a sinking ship, honey.
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Rob, you have as much hair today as you
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did the day I married you.
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Oh, nice try, honey.
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Look at that, 27 that's the count today.
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27?
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Yeah, 27 hairs in that basin, and maybe 28.
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There was one possible in there.
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It was either a long one of mine or a short one of yours,
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I don't know.
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And they say women are vain.
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Boy!
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Is that all you can say, "Boy?"
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Well, what do you want me to say, Rob, that I'll love you
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no matter what, that I'll stick with you through thick or thin,
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so to speak?
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That's a rotten joke and a rotten attitude.
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Rob, you know, you really are being childish.
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You can't tell me that you wouldn't
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hate being married to a baldy.
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Rob, darling, I love you, not your hair.
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If you were going bald, I'd love you bald.
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It's a terrible moment for a man.
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It's a turning point.
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- Come here. - What do you want?
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Come here, bend down.
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Let's take a look.
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Well, easy, don't pull 'em out.
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All right, lift up Rob, your hair is so thick,
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I can hardly see your scalp in most places.
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Yeah, but you can in some places, can't you?
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Only at the part.
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I don't care what you say, honey, it's coming out,
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27 hairs a day.
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Yesterday, it was 31, tomorrow 50, 100 the next--
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Honey, don't do that.
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When your hair starts to go, especially a man's,
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when it starts to go, it's [imitates explosion],, boing,
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boing.
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And so you're afraid that if you're going bald--
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and I don't say you are-- but that if you are, I won't find
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you attractive anymore?
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Well, it's only natural, isn't it?
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Come here.
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Does that answer your question?
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Sure does.
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29, 30, 31.
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Give me your other hand.
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Oh, Rob.
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32.
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Will you hold still, please.
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My arms are getting tired.
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Who you knitting this for, King Kong?
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I'm not knitting anything.
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Well, what is that?
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It's a wool bowling ball.
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I can't stand noise.
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Hey, here's our fearless leader.
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What's the verdict on the script?
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- Great. - Hey!
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Oh, good!
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Beautiful!
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Then who's the surprise guest?
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Are you ready?
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Ricardo Vincente.
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Oh, I love him.
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That's no surprise.
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That's right, half the women in the country love him.
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Well, I happen to know his secret.
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You do?
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Why don't you use it?
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Hey, Rob, Ricardo Vincente, really?
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In the flesh.
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I hope so.
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Oh, well, then I got a great idea for the sketch.
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Now Ricardo comes out on stage and carries me away
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and the both of us are never heard from again.
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You know what Alan wants to do with him?
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The fact that he is so handsome, we'll use as a monster sketch
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and really ugly him up.
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Oh, that's sacrilege.
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Hey, you want to make him ugly?
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Just pull off his toupee.
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Vicente wears a toupee?
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He wears a rug?
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Ear to ear carpeting.
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I don't believe you.
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My cousin Ira the makeup man, he told me about it.
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Buddy, you're kidding.
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You know those close up scenes he makes in the movies
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where the beautiful dame is there with her fingers
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going through his locks? - Yeah.
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On those days he don't even show up at the studio,
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he just sends in his hair.
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Oh, I'm crushed.
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Give me that.
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Thank you, warden.
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Well, uh, Sal, what's so bad that he's bald?
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Oh, that doesn't make any difference at all.
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I just happen to be in love with a Brazilian honeydew melon.
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You're just trying to make me feel good.
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You starting?
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You starting again?
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Now look, first of all, you're not going bald.
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And even if you were, a man doesn't become less attractive
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just because he's bald.
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Some men are more attractive.
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Rob--
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You just lost your argument.
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Rob, that sketch for Ricardo should
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only be about two minutes.
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Right.
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Mel, Mel, Mel, you've met Ricardo Vincente.
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Is he, uh--
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As a newborn baby.
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Well, I don't care, I'd still like to burp him.
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You see, Rob, there are still women who love bald headed men.
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When did you first, uh--
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first realize that, you know, you were beginning to get bald?
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When a nearsighted ostrich jumped on his head
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and tried to hatch it.
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I mean, Mel, did it come out like in little clumps
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or just little by little.
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You were serious this morning.
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You're still worried about your going bald, aren't you?
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Well, yeah, there's that possibility.
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Oh, well, don't worry about it, Rob.
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I'll get you a new head.
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Start now.
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Because the way it's coming out, in little clumps,
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every time I comb my hair, 28 hairs in the basin
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this morning.
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Oh, 28 is nothing.
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What do you mean nothing?
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On him, it would be a forest.
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Buddy.
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Rob, listen, just because your hair is falling out
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does not necessarily mean you're going to be bald.
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Well, I hope you're right, Mel.
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Believe me.
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And even if you were, there's nothing you can do about it.
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Ask me, I've tried everything.
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I've had my head peeled, massaged, aerified, creamed,
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nothing helps.
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You don't have to be so happy about it.
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Well, I'm not, Rob.
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Believe me, I'd love to have your head of hair.
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You can have it.
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Follow me around with a net.
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I bet old nosy here would be thrilled
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to death if I lost my hair.
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As long as your head were still attached to it.
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I wish you kept your hair and lost the rest of you.
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Hey, Buddy, you better cut that out.
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One of these days, he's gonna turn on you.
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What's the difference?
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He's the same on both sides.
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Oh, come on now, Rob.
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Stop worrying, you're not losing your hair.
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Just run your fingers through it and see what happens.
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You two want me to leave you alone?
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Oh.
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A boy my age shouldn't be getting bald already.
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You don't have to.
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I know a guy--
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Hold it!
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Hold it!
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Don't listen to him.
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The last guy he had sold me a diet for 25 bucks.
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So?
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So all I lost was the 25 bucks.
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Look this is a legit barber.
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He's got a secret formula that really works.
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Buddy, none of those things work.
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The whole thing's hereditary.
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Ah, hereditary, baloney!
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Look at my hair, and both my father and mother were bald.
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Didn't I tell you not to listen to him.
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Listen, you've got to get a haircut anyway, don't you?
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- Well, yeah. - All right, so go to Irwin.
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If you lose your hair, what's the difference?
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Well, I don't like to change barbers.
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You know my guy knows my hair.
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He ain't gonna know it for long.
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Well, you got a point there.
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He's over on east 48th street, Dino's Barbershop.
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Ask for Irwin, he's the owner.
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Irwin's the owner and it's called Dino's?
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Who's gonna trust a barber named Irwin?
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Yeah, you're right.
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OK, Rob, let's take a look at the old noggin.
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Who is your regular barber?
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Oh, I go to Vinnie's.
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Good shop, good shop.
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Of course, you pay a little more for the name
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and the decorations there, but he's got good [inaudible]..
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Oh, they're fine, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Uh, you take vitamins?
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Well, yeah, once a while.
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Good, good.
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Hurts, huh?
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Well, yeah.
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That's good.
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It's got good fiber and good roots.
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Well, what do you think?
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Well, what I say is-- oh, you never died this or nothing,
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did you?
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No.
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No, I didn't think so.
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Let's see, natural oil content and, uh,
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you have very good resilience, very
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adequate scalp elasticness.
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So?
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So like everybody else, I think you've been
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taken your hair for granted.
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Well, it sure hasn't been intentional.
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Well, what I mean is, you're up
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in the morning, a fast hot shower, quick comb
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and brush, and summertime lots of wind and sun,
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that's you, right?
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Well.
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Yeah, I'll bet you've even gone
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swimming without a bathing cap.
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I would look kind of silly, wouldn't I?
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Your wife wears one, don't she?
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Brushes her hair 50 times every night, right?
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Well, I'm not sure.
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Is she bald?
267
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,101
Well, no, but I thought that was, you know,
268
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:02,935
hormones and everything.
269
00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:05,504
That too, that's part of it.
270
00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:08,975
But the main thing is regular serious hair
271
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:10,910
care with a reputable expert.
272
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:12,979
Irwin, do you think I'm going bald?
273
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:16,682
You've been asking for it.
274
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,352
But you started your hair care at the right time
275
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,519
at the right place.
276
00:10:20,619 --> 00:10:21,754
Take a look at this.
277
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:27,827
That's the whole story on a nutshell.
278
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,462
Oh?
279
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:33,833
All this is going on on your head multiplied by thousands.
280
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,501
It's kind of weird looking, isn't it?
281
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:39,338
If treated right, that's a beautiful working machine.
282
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:43,442
If not, [imitates fart].
283
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,011
Here is the hair.
284
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:49,281
And that's the follicle, the epidermis, and the oil glands,
285
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,916
and the papilla.
286
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:56,422
And all together, that's a diagram of a growing hair.
287
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:03,162
And these things all together are working around the clock
288
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:06,432
with only one common end, and that
289
00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:11,103
is to keep these babies up here from winding up down there.
290
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,273
Oh, boy, Irwin, I thought you said I had good roots.
291
00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:16,242
Good roots, lousy papilla.
292
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:22,815
Irwin, do you think maybe I need the stuff.
293
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:24,417
Buddy told me about the stuff you have.
294
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,485
You don't need to whisper.
295
00:11:26,585 --> 00:11:28,821
It's not illegal.
296
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:31,357
Bob, I'm not a crazy witch doctor.
297
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:34,727
I'm just a plain, ordinary guy who knows more about hair
298
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,430
than anybody in the world.
299
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,899
Irwin, how come your head--
300
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,902
My luck, I didn't discover my formula until it
301
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:44,203
was too late to help me.
302
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:45,704
What do you think I ought to do, Irwin?
303
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:48,340
First thing, stop worrying.
304
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:52,778
Second, follow these simple, easy to follow instructions
305
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:55,481
on hair health and use this.
306
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:59,051
Oh, what's-- what's in there, or is that a secret.
307
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,721
No secret, the exact quantities, that's a secret.
308
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:04,790
But the ingrediments, that's just cam-- common,
309
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,325
ordinary sense.
310
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:08,861
Well, it's got oil in there, that's for sure.
311
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,062
That's right.
312
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,297
Lanolin?
313
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,733
I'm strictly from the vegetable oil school myself.
314
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:14,967
Vegetable?
315
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:19,805
100% pure, polyunsaturated olive oil.
316
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,341
What else is in there, alcohol?
317
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,910
Worst kind of poison.
318
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:29,482
No, Rob, I had to find a liquid that would purify
319
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:35,020
the scalp, acidic enough so as to cleanse it and yet vegetable
320
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:37,523
enough so as to nourish and to blend
321
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,125
properly with the olive oil.
322
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:40,226
Oh, what is it?
323
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,227
Vinegar.
324
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,164
That's oil and vinegar?
325
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,271
Irwin, that's a salad dressing.
326
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,109
To a chef, maybe it's a salad dressing.
327
00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:59,912
To me, it's a life-giving elixir.
328
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,380
Well, doesn't it smell.
329
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:06,519
No, the eggs take away the whole smell.
330
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,653
Eggs?
331
00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:10,956
You never heard of an egg shampoo?
332
00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:13,859
The albumin gives the hair body.
333
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,361
Well, if you had some anchovies and croutons,
334
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,764
you could make Caesar salad out of this.
335
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,366
Well, it's kind of silly.
336
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,101
Is penicillin silly?
337
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:23,469
This got penicillin in it?
338
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:28,140
No, but you know how they found penicillin?
339
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,976
Growing in a pot of hot water used to cook sweet corn.
340
00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:32,545
Oh, that's right, I remember.
341
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,214
So who's to say what's silly.
342
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:38,484
Well, I guess it's worth a try at that.
343
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:39,451
What have you got to lose?
344
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,753
Yeah.
345
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,855
Well, then tell me, when I put it on my hair,
346
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,356
do I comb it or toss it?
347
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:54,333
28, 29, 30.
348
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,869
Rob, darling, are you coming to bed?
349
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:58,437
It's 11:30.
350
00:13:58,537 --> 00:14:00,873
Honey, I gotta finish five minutes of massage.
351
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,309
[imitating chimpanzee]
352
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,343
Boy.
353
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,050
OK, I got two applications of the junk
354
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,886
and five minutes of massage.
355
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,421
Aren't you going to comb it?
356
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,589
Well, 'til I've finished.
357
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,723
Well, what now?
358
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:19,058
I've still get an exercise to do.
359
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:22,895
You're kidding.
360
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:24,363
No, honey.
361
00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:26,065
The blood going into your head stimulates the growth
362
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,366
of good hair on your scalp.
363
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,501
Then how come your feet are so bald.
364
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,737
Oh, it's not funny.
365
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:33,339
Well, darling--
366
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,474
I don't make fun of you when you do your ballet exercises.
367
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:38,644
Oh, Rob, you can't expect me to take this seriously.
368
00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:41,113
Laura, losing your hair is serious.
369
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,581
Well, that may very well be, darling,
370
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:45,150
but none of this nonsense is going to stop.
371
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:48,887
Wait a minute, honey, I'm losing count 16, 17, 18.
372
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:49,788
Lettuce and tomatoes.
373
00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,724
19, 20.
374
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:53,058
What'd you say?
375
00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:54,660
Lettuce and tomatoes, I've been sitting here
376
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,794
wanting lettuce and tomatoes.
377
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,930
Now I know why, it's that smell.
378
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:02,635
It's not supposed to smell.
379
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,604
Rob, I don't care what it's not supposed to, what's in it?
380
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:07,539
Well, I don't know exactly.
381
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,474
What's in it?
382
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,808
Oh, very smart.
383
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:12,111
Buddy sends you to a magic barber who gives you something
384
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:14,213
to put on your hair that you're afraid of losing
385
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,781
and you don't even know what's in it?
386
00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:17,449
Well, I know kind of what's in it.
387
00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:18,384
It's got oil.
388
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,653
You know, it's got olive oil in it.
389
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,321
Olive oil?
390
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,255
And vinegar.
391
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:25,324
All right, olive oil and vinegar.
392
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:29,695
But the eggs are supposed to take away the smell.
393
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,831
A salad dressing on your hair?
394
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:35,434
Well, it can't hurt me, and it might do me a lot of good.
395
00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:38,671
Can you get your money back if it makes your hair fall out?
396
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,206
Is that all you care about, getting your money back?
397
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:43,742
Oh, I've told you 20 times today, I don't
398
00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:45,344
think you're losing your hair.
399
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,313
But if you think you are, well, then go to somebody dependable,
400
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:50,716
a doctor or a dermatologist, not some friend of Buddy's.
401
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,117
You're worried too.
402
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:55,087
I am not worried, Rob, it just makes good sense.
403
00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:56,689
You may be right, honey.
404
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,457
If Irwin's stuff doesn't work on me, well, I'll go to a doctor.
405
00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:00,292
As a matter of fact, I need a checkup anyway.
406
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,461
I'll go to see a doctor, OK?
407
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:03,462
OK.
408
00:16:03,562 --> 00:16:04,830
Now go wash that stuff out of your hair
409
00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:06,031
and let's get some sleep.
410
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,266
Well, honey, as long as it's in there,
411
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:08,534
I might as well leave it.
412
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:09,935
It could be great.
413
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,638
Rob, you are not going to put a head full of oil and vinegar
414
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:13,939
on my good pillowcases.
415
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,407
I wasn't planning to.
416
00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:16,942
Well, then where were you going to sleep,
417
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,210
in the refrigerator?
418
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,483
I'm supposed to sleep with my head wrapped in a towel.
419
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,753
No sense washing my hair now anyway, I'd catch a cold.
420
00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:28,921
Would you help me put this on?
421
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:30,155
Oh, really.
422
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,231
Get it good.
423
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,599
You're folding my ear up.
424
00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:42,634
I see.
425
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,470
Good night, sheik.
426
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,172
You watch it, I'll sell you in a slave market.
427
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:12,197
Ron, darling, come on, it's getting late, dear.
428
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:13,799
Time to get up. - OK, I'm up.
429
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:14,800
I'm up.
430
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:13,025
[screaming]
431
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,027
Rob, darling, stop screaming.
432
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:15,928
Screaming, honey, look!
433
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:16,962
All my hair is gone!
434
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:17,896
I'm bald!
435
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:19,031
Yes, I can see that.
436
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:19,965
Looks kind of cute.
437
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:20,899
I like you bald.
438
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:21,900
What, like me?
439
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,368
Cute?
440
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:25,070
Honey, I look like a drugstore dummy in the department
441
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,405
store window or something.
442
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,540
Well, I did tell you not to use that stuff.
443
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,943
Well, who cares what happened or how it happened,
444
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,411
it happened.
445
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:34,746
The towel, all my hair's in that towel,
446
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:35,814
I'm gonna get it and replant it.
447
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,149
Rob!
448
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,484
It's not in the towel.
449
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:40,352
Did you shave my head for a joke?
450
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:44,623
It's not a joke, dear.
451
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:47,025
Don't you realize, Rob, you're dreaming.
452
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:47,926
Of course, it's a dream.
453
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:49,394
Oh, boy.
454
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,663
Wait a minute, it can't be any kind of a dream.
455
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,432
If I was dreaming I'd be saying I'm dreaming.
456
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,367
You can't tell me that I'm dreaming.
457
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,836
People who are in other people's dreams can't tell them
458
00:18:57,936 --> 00:18:58,770
they're dreaming.
459
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,038
Why not?
460
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,673
Well, because you don't know I'm dreaming.
461
00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:03,942
You don't even know whether I'm asleep or not.
462
00:19:04,042 --> 00:19:05,143
I do too.
463
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:06,879
I saw you go to sleep just last night.
464
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,883
I know what it is.
465
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:15,521
I'm not dream-- you're having a dream and I'm in it.
466
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:18,090
How would I know you're dreaming?
467
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,158
Well, how did it happen, honey?
468
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,527
That stuff.
469
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,595
I know what it is, a severe shock.
470
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:25,264
What kind of a shock did you have?
471
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:26,431
What shock?
472
00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,567
You don't call going bald a shock?
473
00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:33,438
Honey, what am I gonna do?
474
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,841
Well, the first thing I'd do is go to Irwin,
475
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:39,711
tell him you're dissatisfied, and get your money back.
476
00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:40,746
Where's my hat?
477
00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:44,850
Hey, honey.
478
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,852
Yes, dear?
479
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,086
Is this really a dream?
480
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,255
Of course it's a dream, darling.
481
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,891
Now you go to Irwin and get your money back.
482
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:54,126
Yeah, my hair back.
483
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,161
I'm gonna go get my hair back.
484
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,564
You're lucky you came just in time.
485
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,198
You're not gonna give me any salad dressing.
486
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:03,101
No, I got the new stuff with the new miracle
487
00:20:03,201 --> 00:20:07,172
ingrediment and PS138.
488
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:08,073
What is it?
489
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:09,007
Mayonnaise.
490
00:20:09,107 --> 00:20:10,142
Mayonnaise?
491
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:11,276
How could we have been so stupid?
492
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,444
Now, put it on there.
493
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,746
There, yeah, yeah.
494
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:15,647
Feel good?
495
00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:16,582
Oh, delicious.
496
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,684
Taste's good and is good for you.
497
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,153
By the time you get back to the office,
498
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:24,256
you'll have a whole new head.
499
00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:25,891
Hiya, baldy, we been waiting for you.
500
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:27,292
You know? How do you know?
501
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:28,694
Laura, told us.
502
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:29,962
She said it was a dream, but we didn't believe her.
503
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,196
Hi, sheik.
504
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,098
Laura, how did you get here?
505
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:34,600
I flew, as a matter of fact.
506
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,501
I flew with Irwin. - Hi, Irwin.
507
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:37,436
Flew?
508
00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:39,037
Of course, it's easy to in dreams.
509
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,105
And I ran.
510
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:41,006
It's not a dream.
511
00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:42,140
It is too.
512
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,742
If it was a dream, you wouldn't
513
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,277
have gone to all the trouble to come down here in your jammies.
514
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:46,778
Wow, don't worry, Rob.
515
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:49,214
I told you I would knit you a toupee, and I did.
516
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,349
Look, it's mole hair.
517
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:53,252
Yeah, because you got no mo' hair.
518
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,786
[laughing]
519
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:56,154
That's not funny.
520
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:57,522
Oh, for a dream, it's funny.
521
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:59,224
Listen, and it comes in all colors.
522
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:00,626
It comes in red, orange, blue.
523
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:02,427
You want argyle? - I don't need it.
524
00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:03,395
I don't need anything.
525
00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:04,997
Get your money back.
526
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:08,634
Irwin gave me some new special stuff with mayonnaise added.
527
00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:10,435
And I can feel it growing right now.
528
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:12,304
That stuff of Irwin's never works.
529
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:13,272
Never works, huh?
530
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:14,506
Look at that.
531
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,746
What's the matter?
532
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,114
Is it all messed up?
533
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:23,248
Uh-huh.
534
00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:25,784
Rob, you've got a head of lettuce.
535
00:21:25,884 --> 00:21:26,785
Lettuce?
536
00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:28,253
It can't be lettuce.
537
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:29,221
He's right.
538
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:30,288
Maybe it's cabbage.
539
00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:31,556
It is lettuce.
540
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:32,691
How have I got lettuce?
541
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:33,792
Well, if you use salad dressing,
542
00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:36,895
you can't expect to grow meatloaf.
543
00:21:36,995 --> 00:21:41,333
Now you'll have to sleep with your head in the refrigerator.
544
00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:42,701
What am I gonna do?
545
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:43,669
I got a guy.
546
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:44,369
A barber?
547
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,104
No, a gardener.
548
00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:47,039
Where's my hair?
549
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:47,973
Oh, let's look.
550
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:52,244
[interposing voices]
551
00:21:52,344 --> 00:21:55,247
Thanks for your hair.
552
00:21:55,347 --> 00:21:56,948
Mel, that's my hair.
553
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:57,916
That's my hair.
554
00:21:58,016 --> 00:21:58,884
Give me my hair back!
555
00:21:58,984 --> 00:21:59,851
Give me my hair back!
556
00:21:59,951 --> 00:22:01,186
- Rob, darling, wake up. - Give me--
557
00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:01,987
Huh? What's the--
558
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:02,788
- Rob. - What?
559
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:03,822
Huh?
560
00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:05,023
Darling, you were having a bad dream.
561
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:06,324
Yeah, I'm still having it.
562
00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:07,959
This is the second time I've wakened in it.
563
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,327
Well, it's no wonder, too.
564
00:22:09,428 --> 00:22:11,296
You slept with that silly turban on all night,
565
00:22:11,396 --> 00:22:12,898
it would give anyone a nightmare.
566
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,666
That's just what you said in the dream, honey.
567
00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:17,569
Rob, come on, let's take that silly turban off
568
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:18,937
and wash your hair.
569
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:37,055
Oh, Rob, your hair!
570
00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:39,057
Rob, your beautiful hair!
571
00:22:39,157 --> 00:22:40,292
Honey, honey, wake up. Wake up.
572
00:22:40,392 --> 00:22:41,193
Wake up.
573
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:42,227
Ah!
574
00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:43,428
You were having a nightmare.
575
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:44,529
Rob, am I awake?
576
00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:45,597
Well, sure you are, honey.
577
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:46,898
- Rob, are you? - Sure.
578
00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:47,799
Are you sure?
579
00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:48,734
I'm awake.
580
00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:49,801
Oh, Rob.
581
00:22:49,901 --> 00:22:52,804
Rob, don't ever take off that towel.
582
00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:53,905
Why?
583
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:56,541
Because under it, you are either bald
584
00:22:56,641 --> 00:22:59,511
or you have a head of lettuce.
585
00:22:59,611 --> 00:23:01,947
Boy, that must have been some dream you were having.
586
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:02,781
Oh, Rob.
587
00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:06,384
Ha, well, here goes nothing.
588
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:08,620
Oh, Rob!
589
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,822
That beautiful brown helmet!
590
00:23:10,922 --> 00:23:11,823
Oh!
591
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:17,396
You were worried about me losing my hair,
592
00:23:17,496 --> 00:23:19,398
I go to the doctor once, and look what happens.
593
00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:20,866
Oh, Rob.
594
00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:23,468
Oh, Rob.
595
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:25,070
You know that, didn't you?
596
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:26,872
He said Irwin's stuff couldn't have possibly hurt me at all.
597
00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:29,207
All it did was give me bad dreams.
598
00:23:29,307 --> 00:23:31,877
You know, I didn't know that people shed certain seasons
599
00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:32,978
just like dogs do.
600
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:33,945
Are you relieved?
601
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,180
Well, yeah, especially since he said
602
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,782
you'd go bald long before I do.
603
00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:41,019
Wait, not yet, 20 seconds.
604
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,889
Huh?
605
00:23:43,989 --> 00:23:45,490
Oh, Rob.
606
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:46,858
Well, the doctor--
607
00:23:46,958 --> 00:23:48,927
I haven't had a good night's sleep in so long,
608
00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:51,997
the doctor said standing on your head's good for you.
609
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:52,931
Really?
610
00:23:53,031 --> 00:23:54,199
Yeah.
611
00:23:54,299 --> 00:23:56,468
Well, I guess I could use a good night's sleep, too.
612
00:24:06,645 --> 00:24:12,050
[theme music]
42364
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