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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,440
Is Harrison your real name?
Every word is a lie.
2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,280
He wasn't nasty.
He'd stolen a square meal.
3
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:08,560
ELLIE: A Banksy is worth millions.
4
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,280
I get to interview Judith Tyzack.
5
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,680
I didn't realise that you were gay.
6
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,040
It's not why I invited you here.
You thought that I'm...?
7
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,240
No!
8
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:20,920
Ted! How are we all?
9
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,520
We love him! We could put them up
10
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,840
for a couple of
nights, couldn't we?
11
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,360
I do think he is losing it a bit.
12
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,800
Where is he?
13
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,160
Ted!
14
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,840
ALAN: Ooh, asparagus!
Pushing the boat out.
15
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,680
Thank you.
16
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,440
It's very nice
with, um, poached egg.
17
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:33,560
And a bit of cod. Someone's in
for a treat at teatime.
18
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,040
Have you tried asparagus
with scrambled eggs and truffle oil
19
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,960
and a bit of Parmesan? No.
We had it in Cornwall. Cornwall!
20
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,560
And we had it with a glass of
champagne.
21
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,360
HE CHORTLES
22
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,920
You all right, Alan? Oh...!
23
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,880
Well, well, well. Look who's here.
You got t'job, then?
24
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,800
You owe me an explanation.
25
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,040
And an apology.
26
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,200
Nice to see you again.
Settling in all right?
27
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,080
Are you collecting your vouchers,
love? Oh, yeah, thanks.
28
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,480
Do you want a hand
bagging up there, missis?
29
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,560
No! Get your mucky hands off.
30
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:02,840
Do you know him?
31
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,360
No, not... Look, if David cops you,
there'll be bother.
32
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,720
Yeah, but I ain't nicked owt.
33
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,480
I don't do that sort of thing any
more.
34
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,440
Full of sugar, them.
Want to be careful.
35
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,520
What time does your shift
finish, Alan? Who wants to know?
36
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:18,800
I thought we could get
hot chocolate together.
37
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,280
Upstairs in t'cafe. With whipped
cream and sprinkles.
38
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,520
They do chips as well.
39
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:23,960
Why aren't you at school?
40
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,600
Oh, that's a waste of time.
41
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:26,920
I know it all already.
42
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,160
Oh, is that it?
I just upset all the other kids.
43
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,800
I make 'em feel, you know...
44
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,480
..inadequate.
45
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,320
There you go, love. Thank you.
Thank you.
46
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,720
Take care.
47
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:39,800
Mind how you go.
48
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,880
Do you like little boys, Alan?
49
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,600
You're targeting the wrong
person, Harrison.
50
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,120
Can you lend me 50 pence?
51
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:06,320
Well...I can give you 50 pence.
52
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:10,560
Make it a fiver and I'll make
sure nobody touches your car.
53
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:17,120
I can only repeat, you're targeting
the wrong fella, Harrison.
54
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,600
I've been on this planet 82 years,
55
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,200
and if there's one thing I've
learnt,
56
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,240
it's to not pander to bullies,
57
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:27,520
who, usually,
haven't thought things through.
58
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,080
CHECKOUT BEEPS
What you doing? I was only joking.
59
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,040
I'm short of pound coins.
60
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,440
Thought you were getting me
chucked out.
61
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,080
David told me that, er,
you live at a foster home
62
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,240
up Norland. Do you? Oh, it's just
a temporary arrangement
63
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,360
while me dad gets back from Los
Angeles. I thought he was in Dubai.
64
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,840
He gets all over.
65
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,520
He said you run away
and live in folks' sheds.
66
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,560
Do you?
67
00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,600
No.
68
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,520
Why aren't you at school?
69
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,200
A bright lad like you.
70
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,880
I don't fit in.
I don't believe that.
71
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,960
I get picked on, and they never know
what to do with me.
72
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,320
And they never know me name, cos
I'm not there often.
73
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,080
And it'd help if
I concentrated...
74
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,080
..apparently, but...
75
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,280
All right, Alan?
76
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:24,200
Oh, yeah, I'm short of pound coins.
77
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,720
You can get off on your break,
actually, if you like.
78
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,000
Ooh, smashing. Can you remember how
to log yourself out of your till?
79
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,160
Er, yeah... Oh, I think so.
80
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,880
That's it. Am I having that
50 pence or what?
81
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,680
No, not right now you're not.
82
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,040
We're not allowed cash on us,
not on t'shop floor.
83
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,000
Why? Don't they trust you?
Is he pestering you?
84
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,320
No! No, not really.
85
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,760
What about that hot
chocolate, then?
86
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,600
I've got a phone call to make.
87
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,880
I'll go upstairs
and wait for you, Alan.
88
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,360
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
89
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,680
No, no, it will be there.
I guarantee it. Yeah.
90
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,160
No.
Here we go, lads.
91
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,520
Two with sugar, one without.
92
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,160
And some biscuits.
93
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,840
Oh, thanks, Mrs Buttershaw. I like
to keep the workers happy.
94
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,520
I can guarantee
it will be tomorrow.
95
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,600
Maybe you could
collect a payment? Yeah.
96
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,360
Just checking you've not
wandered off again.
97
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:45,360
I shall wander off again
if you don't stop mithering me.
98
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,280
Well, if you do, can you leave
a note?
99
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,160
So we're not ringing the police.
100
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,960
It's a bugger when a fella
can't go for a walk
101
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,400
without folks calling the filth.
102
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,760
It was bucketing down!
Not when I set off.
103
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,840
When I set off, it was very fair.
104
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,000
Mm, so you say.
105
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,880
At five o'clock in the morning!
Best time of the day.
106
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,320
Look, are we really
going back over this again?
107
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,040
PHONE RINGS
Oh.
108
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,000
Oh! Now what?
109
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,040
Hello!
110
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,280
How's it going? Well, they've made a
right mess.
111
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:19,400
And Martin doesn't do anything,
he's just on his phone
112
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,080
all day. The other two are
very polite.
113
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,760
Still, they've got to rip the old
kitchen out
114
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,600
before they put the new one in.
115
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,800
I'm just sitting here
twiddling my thumbs.
116
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,120
Aren't we, Ted?
117
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,080
Eh? Well, that's handy.
118
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,200
Can you do summat for me?
119
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,480
Can you nip down here on a bus
120
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,640
and take the Lexus back
home with you?
121
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,120
A bus? Yeah.
122
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,280
There'll be one at quarter to,
just opposite the gate.
123
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,360
You can be here in 40 minutes.
Well, why?
124
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:52,680
Oh...this little kiddie.
125
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,520
Asking me for money.
126
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,400
I'm sure he wouldn't really...
127
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,960
A little kiddie? Well, yeah.
128
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,520
He wouldn't do anything.
I just don't want
129
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:05,560
to risk it, and I know you'd be
upset if it got scratched.
130
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,440
What, you mean protection money?
131
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,720
Well, yeah, but...
The little sod.
132
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,880
Er, yeah... Well, ring the police.
133
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:18,360
Oh, well, they never turn up,
apparently.
134
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:22,880
See, this is what happens when folk
start working in supermarkets.
135
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,320
Is Ted all right?
136
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,640
Yeah, he's fine. He's here.
137
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,920
Well, bring him down with
you on the bus.
138
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,400
We don't want him
wandering off again.
139
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,840
How do you fancy getting a bus down
to Sowerby Bridge, Ted?
140
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,560
Oh, I like a bus ride.
141
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,880
PUPILS AND TEACHER CHATTER
142
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,680
Caroline!
143
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,520
Judith Tyzack's PA's just
texted to say they've set off,
144
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,360
so they should be here in
40 minutes.
145
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,080
Oh, thanks.
So exciting!
146
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,080
Everyone's absolutely buzzing!
147
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,200
That's good. Good.
148
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,600
I know I am.
149
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,840
Helen? Yeah.
150
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,520
Just out of interest... Yeah.
151
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:16,560
..did you, erm...
152
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,720
..did you know that I'm gay?
153
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,520
I think I did.
154
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,840
Yeah. It's not a conversation
we've ever had, but, er...
155
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,040
No, but, er...
156
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,040
Now you've said it. Mmm.
157
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,480
See, I thought everyone knew.
I've never hidden it, have I?
158
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:38,040
I mean, I've never made a
song and dance about it, cos
I'm... Cos I'm not...
159
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,400
Well, just cos I'm not with
anyone at the moment. But
I've never hidden it.
160
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,480
My cousin's gay.
Him and his boyfr...
161
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,880
Well, he would be, wouldn't he?
His boyfriend.
162
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:50,560
You see, I just... I mentioned it
to someone the other day.
163
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,000
And this someone was really
shocked,
164
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,800
in a bad way, and
it's shaken me, because...
165
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,080
Well, I thought people just weren't
166
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,560
funny about things like that
any more,
167
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,520
and I just thought
that people knew anyway.
168
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,120
Anyway, thank you.
169
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:09,560
I'll catch you later.
170
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,400
Do you want me to tell people?
171
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:17,240
Er, yeah. No. Yeah, whatever.
172
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,200
If it arises, sure. Not that it...
173
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,720
Well, why, would it?
But, yeah. If... Yeah.
174
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,960
Sure.
175
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,480
Perfect. Thank you.
176
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:26,760
Oh, hi, Ruth!
177
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,760
Gosh, you must be excited! Good
luck!
178
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,280
Thanks.
179
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,440
I don't think I should do this.
180
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,360
Why? Why not? What do you mean?
181
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,600
I should've said it sooner,
182
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,480
I shouldn't have left it till now,
but... Yeah, it's...
183
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,480
These are the questions that I
compiled, if they're any help.
184
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:54,880
Probably best if you do it.
185
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,720
Why? "Why?"
186
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,840
Well, you know her work.
You love her work.
187
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,280
That's why I asked you.
Why is it better if I do it?
188
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,120
No, that's not why you asked
me. No, it is.
189
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,360
No, you asked me
so that I'd be grateful to you.
190
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,840
Wow.
191
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,240
Be honest.
192
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,720
Right. And because it was
193
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,400
a handy excuse to invite me round to
your house. Oh, for fuck's...
194
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,080
I asked you because you know her
work better,
195
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,040
a lot better, than I do.
196
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,440
I asked you because
I thought you'd be good at it,
197
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,480
and because I thought you'd be
thrilled by the idea, and you were!
198
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,400
And I asked you because...
You asked me because
199
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,960
you had ulterior motives.
200
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,480
God, you even called your
dog after me!
201
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,480
I did not call my dog after you.
202
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,080
And that's why I'm not doing it.
203
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,040
Because you made me feel cheap.
204
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,200
So thanks, but...
205
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,800
..I'm better than that.
206
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:49,280
And you know that I am such a big
fan of hers,
207
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:53,080
of her work. This could
have meant so much.
208
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,680
Don't make me run after you.
209
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,560
I can't do this,
not at this late stage.
210
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,160
I don't know enough!
211
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,400
It's not fair on the students,
and it's not fair on Judith.
212
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,240
I was so happy,
I was so touched
213
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,640
when you invited me round
for dinner.
214
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,920
I thought you were being a
friend.
215
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,600
And God knows
I could do with one right now.
216
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,320
I've had such a shit time lately
with that bastard,
217
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,560
and I thought you were being kind
218
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:39,640
and supportive and a good
boss. I-I-I was.
219
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,880
I am. I am a good...
No! You weren't.
220
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,360
You just wanted to...hit on me,
221
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,640
like all the other creeps
222
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,640
when they can see that you're
not in a good place.
223
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,160
Oh, that's... That... That's,
er... And even apart from that...
224
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,320
..you're 50-odd. I'm 38.
225
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,280
Look at yourself.
226
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,240
Is that water?
227
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,760
Or vodka?
228
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,440
Don't be pathetic.
229
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,040
You're not going
to make a fool of y...
230
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,560
I mean, by all means
make a fool of yourself,
231
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,200
but don't humiliate Caroline.
232
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,920
SHE SCOFFS
Not in front of her students.
233
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,880
I'm doing Caroline a huge favour
234
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,280
just by turning up, so don't
tell me how to behave.
235
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,440
It's water, all right?
236
00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,240
If I say it's water,
why don't we just accept that?
237
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,800
All right?
238
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,600
It's water.
239
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,720
We ought to get a little
present while we're here,
240
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,880
for that fella and his dog.
241
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,160
What fella?
242
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,920
The fella that found you
wandering about up Norland
243
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,640
and rang the police.
I wasn't wandering about!
244
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,160
I just wanted to see Ladstone
Rock. I told you.
245
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,240
It's a wonder you're not
riddled with pneumonia.
246
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,960
What a bloody lot of fuss
about nowt.
247
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,240
It's no wonder Alan's gone
and got himself
248
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,360
that little job, if you go on at
him the way you go on at me.
249
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,680
We used to walk up to
Ladstone Rock.
250
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,320
Me and Alice.
251
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,360
Did you? From Elland.
252
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,040
When we were courting.
253
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:58,520
On a Sunday.
254
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,200
She liked it up there.
255
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,720
We both did.
256
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,320
Alan told me you'd brought
her ashes back with you.
257
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,760
Yeah.
HE MUMBLES
258
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:08,840
Yeah.
259
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,240
We're going to have to talk
properly, Ted,
260
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,400
about where you're going to live.
261
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,080
If you are stopping.
262
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,440
I thought I was stopping with you.
263
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,680
Did Alan not tell you?
CHERYL: Hello-hello-hello!
264
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,040
We meet again. Hiya!
265
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,480
I thought that were you,
Mr Buttershaw!
266
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,080
LOUDLY: Have you recovered?
267
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,960
HE SIGHS
Mrs Buttershaw.
268
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,400
What are you doing here? Well,
we came to collect the car.
269
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,640
We're waiting for Alan.
Apparently, some little kid
270
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,320
has threatened to damage it if he
doesn't give him some money.
271
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,000
I said, "This is what happens
272
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,520
"when folk start working in
supermarkets."
273
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:44,880
Yeah, have you seen him?
274
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,360
Well, someone said they'd
seen him up here.
275
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,760
No, I don't think so.
Why isn't he in school?
276
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:53,760
Oh, er, he's a bit of
character...is Harrison.
277
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,120
I'll cop him. He won't damage
your car, he's all mouth.
278
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,200
Do you want a cup of tea, or...?
Not when I'm on duty.
279
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,560
Go on, then.
280
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,720
I was, er, saying to Ellie,
t'size of her,
281
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,480
she wants to get off home
on maternity leave.
282
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,000
Can you get us two teas,
Jamie? Yeah, sure.
283
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,120
Ah! Here he is.
284
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,200
Hey. Car keys!
285
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,440
There you go.
286
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,720
Oh, hello.
Mr Buttershaw.
287
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,200
Well, how was the bus?
288
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,760
Not unpleasant.
289
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,840
Except it went round about
the houses and kept stopping.
290
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,600
Well, they do.
291
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,480
Ted's been telling me that you've
said he can stop with us.
292
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,080
When have I said that? Eh?
293
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:36,040
I've said that is a conversation we
need to have.
294
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,720
Right.
295
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,560
Eh, what's all this
about this Banksy
296
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,560
that's appeared on Slack
Alice's barn?
297
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,160
Sorry?
Oh, it isn't a real one.
298
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,760
I mean, it's very good, but I think
he'd have claimed it by now
299
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,760
if it were a real one.
300
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,520
You don't know.
It's been five days.
301
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,400
It's very good. All this to draw
attention to herself,
302
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,440
hasn't she, eh? Your Gillian?
303
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,640
It could be worth a lot
of money.
304
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,080
You'd think she'd know better.
305
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:13,240
HELICOPTER OVERHEAD
306
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,920
Fuck off!
307
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,920
ALL: What?
308
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,920
You! Sorry, love.
309
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,880
Twats.
310
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,080
Take your time!
311
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,560
Morons.
312
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,120
Morning.
313
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,560
Afternoon.
314
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,200
Have you seen Angus?
315
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,400
He's gone.
316
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,000
They've gone.
317
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,400
Gone? Both of them?
Yeah, yeah, they left. Drove off.
318
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,320
Where? York, I think.
319
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,960
Alyssa said she wanted to
see something in York.
320
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,480
And I think Angus was
just off home
321
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,200
when he'd dropped her off
at the station.
322
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,920
Bitch! I know!
323
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,960
She never said anything! Squeamish!
324
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,920
Not wanting to listen
to other folk shagging...
325
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,200
..all night.
326
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,880
They were knocking on t'door
at three o'clock this morning.
327
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,720
They didn't need to,
cos I never lock up.
328
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,600
Yeah, keep walking!
329
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:20,840
Sorry, love!
330
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,200
Tossers.
331
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,240
KNOCKING
332
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,880
Can I make some tea for me
and Mia?
333
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,840
What's mine is yours, I've told
you. You help yourself.
334
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,200
I wish that helicopter'd fuck off.
335
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,080
Did you ring Sotheby's?
Yeah.
336
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,200
Yeah, I e-mailed 'em a picture.
337
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,160
And?
338
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,480
SHE SIGHS
339
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,040
They'll be in touch if it turns out
to be real.
340
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:08,200
"Don't hold your breath," I think,
was their parting sentiment.
341
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,240
RIPS ENVELOPE OPEN
342
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,600
SHE SIGHS
343
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,640
Everything all right?
Hmm. Bank kindly offering
344
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,400
to extend my loan,
so I can get the roof fixed,
345
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,880
and in return they'll cripple me
346
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,320
slowly with increased monthly
repayments.
347
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,120
And I've got a mural outside that
may, just may, be worth
348
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:35,480
a million quid, except it probably
isn't. Isn't life full of....
349
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,760
..shit little ironies?
350
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,720
Here's a career tip for you.
351
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,120
What?
Sheep farming.
352
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,600
Just...
353
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,400
..don't.
354
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,840
SHEEP BLEAT
Don't.
355
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,280
OK.
356
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,360
SHEEP BLEAT
357
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,680
You couldn't drive me...?
I was doing all right, you know.
358
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,760
For once in my life.
359
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,240
Then this.
360
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,080
Can I do anything? Like what?
To help. Like what, though?
361
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,120
You couldn't give us a lift over
to my mum's house, could you?
362
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,040
Just stick to those five main
characters, all right?
363
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,480
Ruth Ben Reuben,
Robin - of Loxley, obviously -
364
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,360
er, then there's Malbisse - he's
the baddie. You know that.
365
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:33,240
Ket the Trow -
he's one of the Little People.
366
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,480
And Will Scarlett.
Stick to those five,
367
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:36,840
you can't go wrong.
368
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,600
Ask her about language.
She loves language.
369
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:43,320
Metaphors, similes,
all that. Alliteration.
370
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:44,760
The odd bit of assonance.
371
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:45,880
She thinks she's a grown-up,
372
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,680
so she likes to talk about
the use of language.
373
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:51,880
Yeah. Er, kick off by commenting
on how poetic her prose is,
374
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,200
on how particular her
vocabulary is,
375
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,240
and you'll have her
eating out of your hand.
376
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:57,520
Seriously, she's such a tart.
377
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:58,960
Yeah.
378
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:02,000
QUIETLY: There you go.
Thank you.
379
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,120
I mean, she is good, she can use
language.
380
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,080
It's just not quite as, er, Hilary
Mantel as she thinks it is.
381
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,320
Oh, er, and tell her
she writes like Rose Tremain!
382
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,040
She'll love you for ever if you
say that.
383
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,280
Hi.
384
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,760
Oh, hi. Er...
385
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,160
Yeah, your dad's here - she must be
here. I'm going to have to go.
386
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,480
OK.
Thank you. Good luck!
387
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,680
Thank you. I love you.
Love you. Bye.
388
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,960
She's a bit pissed.
Oh, good.
389
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,480
Are you all right?
Er...yeah.
390
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,960
The, er... The member of staff
I asked to do the interview
391
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,880
has, er, thrown in the towel,
392
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,800
so... Oh, no!
393
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,160
Yeah, so now I'm doing it, and I
have read one of her books, once,
394
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,520
and I have seen one of the
films, once,
395
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,320
and I kind of know who
everyone is, so, er...
396
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,440
How's the wedding plans going?
397
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,160
Er...urgh.
398
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:56,600
How's your...?
399
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:57,720
My...?
400
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,440
Lawrence said you had a new... No.
..woman? No.
401
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,960
Oh. He said... No.
402
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,640
So you're not...? No.
403
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,240
Oh.
404
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:12,040
Are you all right? Yes! Look, it's
only Judith you're interviewing.
405
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,240
This isn't attractive.
406
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:26,480
Judith, these are
impressionable young people.
407
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,440
You are a role model.
408
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,800
They adore you.
409
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,760
They're not from
privileged homes.
410
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:37,360
You have a lot of power here.
You can do a lot of good.
411
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,640
What you cannot do,
however, Judith, is to...
412
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,360
Listen, Emily fucking
Dickinson...
413
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:48,880
Go into that auditorium
414
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,880
and fill that water in that jug
on that stage
415
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,760
with this water from
this bottle here,
416
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,560
and your career at MetaFable
417
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,760
will be bright, shiny,
418
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,440
and guaranteed.
419
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,960
You keep going on at me like this,
420
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,120
and you'll be lucky to find a
job shovelling shit
421
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:09,640
from Siberia to Outer Mongolia.
422
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,000
All right?
423
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,040
Judith!
424
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,400
Caroline! How are you?
425
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,880
Oh. Yeah, I'm, er...
426
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,960
Do you want to, er, go and sit in
the assembly hall?
427
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,400
I'll take it from here.
428
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,280
Are you sure?
429
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,360
Yeah. Helen!
430
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,200
Could you show John through to the
hall, please? The VIP seats.
431
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,560
Absolutely!
432
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,080
So excited.
433
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,880
WHISPERS: You sure?
Yeah.
434
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,760
So, how's it hanging?
435
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,560
Yeah, it's good.
436
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,280
Caroline?
437
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,200
No, I... I'm, er...
438
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,080
It's just, er...
439
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:21,520
Darling, what's happened?
440
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,200
Nothing. Er...
441
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,080
I've done so much for this school,
I've really turned it round,
442
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,080
and it was hard. I was bereaved.
443
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,360
And things like this are so
important for the students.
444
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:39,000
Getting someone like you here,
it means they matter.
445
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:43,440
And now I'm just going to let them
down. How? No, you're not.
446
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,360
The problem...
The immediate problem
447
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:50,280
is that the person who was supposed
to be interviewing you...isn't.
448
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,680
Why?
449
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,160
Because, oh...
450
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,080
Because she's accused me of
something...
451
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:58,880
..tawdry.
452
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,720
Which, you know me, I just wouldn't.
453
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,000
No! Would I?
454
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,960
Yeah, no. Course you wouldn't.
455
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,560
I would. You wouldn't.
456
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,040
And she really got the wrong
end of the stick. Well, not...
457
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,640
Not... But I didn't do anything,
for goodness' sake.
458
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,640
And then she said she's not
doing it, this, the interview,
459
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,760
so I'm doing it,
and I'm not prepared.
460
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:22,640
Not that I don't love your work
and your books, Judith, I...
461
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,440
I... I do. Er... No, I do.
462
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,600
You inspire children to read in
a way that's...
463
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,320
that's breathtaking.
I'd have reread them all
464
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,840
if I'd known that I was going
to, but... So it's shoddy.
465
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,800
And it's not fair on you,
it's not fair on the students,
466
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,120
it's not fair on me,
because I've not prepped,
467
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,360
and I've been made to feel
like some...some...
468
00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,520
Well, I don't know what.
Some kind of a...
469
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,680
And I'm not, am I?
470
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,720
Or maybe I am?
Jesus!
471
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,360
No, Caroline.
472
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,600
Whatever's gone on, this person
needs their arse kicked.
473
00:24:54,600 --> 00:25:00,560
You are the most decent
person I know.
474
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,120
Is that vodka?
475
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:08,600
No!
476
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,680
Could I have a swig?
477
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,800
Listen, babe, we can do this.
478
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,840
We can knock this little fella
outta the ball park.
479
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,040
Yeah, don't swear when you get out
there. Yeah. Don't swear.
480
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,840
Yeah. I won't swear.
481
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,600
Oh!
482
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,200
I thought they'd be here all day.
483
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,280
Who?
484
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,880
What d'you mean, who? Oh.
485
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,880
Oh, hell!
Now what?
486
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,800
I've got to pick our Flora and
Calamity up from school.
487
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,240
So don't get settled. Oh, I'll be
all right, I'll stop here.
488
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,280
You will not!
489
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,400
I can't have you wandering
off again.
490
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,480
Oh, er, here we go!
Bristol Live.
491
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:39,960
"On his Instagram account,
492
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,000
"the artist known as Banksy
493
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,160
"has finally denied..."
What? What?
494
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,920
What's he saying? Eh?
"Denied.
495
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,640
"Denied being behind
the striking giraffe image
496
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,520
"that appeared on a barn at Far
Slack Farm in Soyland, West
Yorkshire,
497
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,800
"over the weekend."
Oh! Well, that sucks!
498
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,560
What an A-hole! Is that definitely,
definitely, like,
499
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,000
how he tells people stuff?
500
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,920
Is that... Is that, like, for
definite?
501
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,440
Dunno, dunno. I dunno.
502
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,600
Yeah, looks like there's a
whole, like, gallery of stuff
503
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,680
he's denied being
responsible for.
504
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,920
That's a big load of
old pants, innit?
505
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,640
Yeah, he could've
pretended, hey? At least.
506
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,920
It's no skin off his nose.
507
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,200
SHEEP BLEAT
508
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,840
What's happened?
What's happening?
509
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,520
What's she doing, angel?
Dunno, babe.
510
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,360
GILLIAN GROANS
511
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:41,720
Gillian?
512
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,120
What's happening?
513
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:51,920
There were 30 ewes and
nearly 60 lambs in this field.
514
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,600
And now some
rubber-necking, trespassing...
515
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,040
..has gone and left the gate...
516
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,640
..wide open!
517
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:02,760
Gillian.
518
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,720
Yeah, right.
519
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:16,200
Obviously, that's exactly
what needs to happen next.
520
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,160
Aye-aye.
521
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,040
What do you want?
Come on, I'm busy,
522
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:35,760
I've got stuff to...
PHONE RINGS
523
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,400
In your own time.
524
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,240
Afternoon?
525
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,680
BOTH: Hello.
Fred.
526
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,280
Have a load of your sheep got out?
527
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,720
Yeah. Yeah, they have.
528
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,000
I've just found t'gate open,
just now.
529
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,120
Who is it?
Old lad lives down t'road.
530
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,720
Right, because they've been
at all them cannabis plants
531
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,840
that were fly-tipped down Hollin
Lane,
532
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,600
and they've been on t'main
road.
533
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,520
Oh, God. OK. Er, thanks, Fred.
Thanks for letting me know.
534
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,440
You want to get down there
and round 'em up, love,
535
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,360
before they cause an
accident. I will, I am doing.
536
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:10,600
Ta-ta. Ta-ta.
537
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,400
Yeah, so...
538
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,520
..we've got half a tonne of
mutton off their tits on cannabis
539
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,360
down in Millbank.
540
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,360
Have you ever seen a sheep
off its tits on cannabis?
541
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,040
No. No. No.
542
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,120
Lose all their inhibitions.
543
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:28,400
You see, normally, your average
Swaledale is fairly docile.
544
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,840
Meek. Self-effacing. Shy.
545
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,800
Not disposed to create anything
much in the way of drama.
546
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,360
They've terrorised the pre-school.
547
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,400
Six of 'em got on a bus,
held the driver up at gunpoint,
548
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,520
made him drive 'em into Halifax.
549
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,680
Six more went into the Old
Bridge Inn,
550
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:45,320
trashed the place with
baseball bats.
551
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:46,640
No, they didn't.
552
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,040
They've been mugging
pensioners. Fuck off, Cheryl.
553
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,160
Well, one of 'em got on a bus
and shat everywhere.
554
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,920
Several people's gardens have been
trashed, aggressively,
555
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,880
including the beer garden
down at the Old Bridge Inn.
556
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,240
One very unhappy 6'3",
18-stone landlord
557
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,800
who was formerly very proud
of his geraniums.
558
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,920
And, yeah, a couple of 'em
got into the pre-school
559
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,840
and upset the little 'uns. Really
upset them. We're talking tears.
560
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,560
Vomit and shit everywhere.
And...
561
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,400
..a pensioner's been knocked to the
ground outside the post office.
562
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,200
That's when I got called in.
563
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:25,240
So I suggest you get down
there with your trailer ASAP.
564
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,160
Then I suggest a few snivelling
apologies might not go amiss.
565
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,400
INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER
566
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,600
I'm going to have
to sort this out.
567
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,240
Yeah. No, it's fine.
We'll, er, we'll help.
568
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,000
I'll bring my camera.
569
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:42,360
This gate...
570
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:45,760
..was left open...
571
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,640
..by some...
572
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:56,520
..coming to goggle at the vandalism
someone's done to my barn,
573
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,280
which I haven't even bothered
reporting to you lot
574
00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,600
cos I know how not interested
you'll be.
575
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,440
SHE SCOFFS
And, also,
576
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,160
why aren't you lot doing anything
577
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:06,760
about the outlaws
that...that fly-tip the contents
578
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,280
of their nasty little cannabis farms
everywhere?
579
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:10,680
Happens all the time round here!
580
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,640
It's a... It's a weekly occurrence!
581
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:16,160
And you never catch 'em, because
they always seem to know
582
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,160
when you're going to bust 'em,
cos they always get tipped off,
583
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,160
probably by one o' your dippy
lot, and then this happens!
584
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,520
SHE SIGHS
It's a good job it's me on duty
585
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:26,920
and not Sergeant Cawood,
586
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:29,280
cos she'd rip your spleen out
through your nose for you,
587
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,000
speaking to a police officer
like that.
588
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:34,640
Ooh, scary.
589
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,720
Shaking. Look.
590
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,560
Go and get your trailer, and I'll
meet you down in Millbank.
591
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,600
You murdering bitch.
592
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,200
SHE SNIFFS
593
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,600
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
594
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,120
JOHN: Well done! Well done!
595
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:25,360
That was terrific!
CAROLINE SIGHS
596
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,680
Both of you, absolutely splendid.
597
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,560
Oh, shut up. Was it?
598
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,840
I've heard it all before, obviously,
but somehow, I don't know,
599
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:37,800
it all came up fresh.
Well done. Well done, Caroline.
600
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,120
You didn't mind me dropping that
into the conversation, did you?
601
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:41,240
Sorry.
602
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:43,280
About you being gay.
603
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,240
Oh!
It just came out.
604
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,080
I assume they all know anyway.
605
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:52,080
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they all... Yeah.
And they all cheered
606
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:53,440
and applauded when I said it.
607
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,480
Oh. God, they love you,
don't they, those kids?
608
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,640
God, they do! They really do,
Caroline.
609
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,520
Yes. Yes.
610
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:02,640
And I love them.
611
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,360
What super kids.
612
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,080
Oh, yes, they are. They...
They are.
613
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:12,040
Did you say that you wanted
me to do some photographs?
614
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,960
Oh, if you wouldn't mind.
Oh, I'd love to.
615
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,200
Oh, that would be so
generous of your time.
616
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:23,640
BELL DINGS
617
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,760
BELL DINGS
618
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:01,680
DOOR OPENS
619
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,000
Granny, wake up.
Grandad's here.
620
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,600
HE CHUCKLES
621
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:13,960
SHE GROANS
622
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,160
TED SNORES
623
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,400
We're going to have to get
some fish and chips for tea.
624
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,040
Can you pick some up on your way
back from Gillian's
625
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,480
when you take Calamity home?
626
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,520
I shall sleep well tonight!
627
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,120
Well, I hope I will.
628
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,640
It's been nonstop since you walked
out of that door this morning.
629
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,040
And I've had him
to trail round with me again.
630
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,400
All day.
631
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,480
Shh-shh! Oh, he's asleep.
632
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,080
And then I've been trying
to get hold of Martin,
633
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:44,920
but there's no reply.
634
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,600
We got back here at ten to
three, and they'd gone.
635
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,000
I assumed they were coming
back, but they haven't.
636
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,400
I'll have to have a sit-down
and a cup of tea
637
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,560
before I start taxiing people
about.
638
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,280
You used to be able
to rely on workmen.
639
00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:59,880
He said ten days - max -
640
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:03,120
and we'd have a fully
functioning kitchen.
641
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:07,160
If he doesn't stick to that,
he's for the high-jump.
642
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,200
Where's t'kettle?
It's outside the bathroom.
643
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,720
Is it on?
Oh, you want me to put it on?
644
00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:16,160
No, I'll do it.
645
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:17,640
Where are the mugs?
646
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:19,120
In the bedroom.
647
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,400
And the teabags are on
the windowsill in the living room.
648
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,960
And the milk's in the bathroom.
649
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,400
There's some teaspoons
chucking about somewhere.
650
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,440
Oh, I'll do it.
No, I'll do it.
651
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,080
No, you sit down.
652
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:36,120
You see,
I hadn't budgeted mentally
653
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,200
for me having to start picking
them two up on my own.
654
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:43,320
They're no trouble,
but they just never stop,
655
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,560
and it's easier to manage
them when there's two of you.
656
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,040
And Ted - bless him -
he's clueless with 'em.
657
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,200
And what was that in the cafe?
658
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,240
Him saying that you said he could
stay here indefinitely.
659
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:59,840
That, I'm telling you, is not a
conversation we've had.
660
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:01,520
He's come up with that himself.
661
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:02,840
He's in a world of his own.
662
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,840
You need to talk to him.
663
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,160
You need to find out what's
happening.
664
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,400
If I start digging for
information, he just grunts.
665
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:13,320
Who are you ringing? Gillian.
666
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,400
See if she can come over
and fetch Calamity.
667
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,720
Well, we'll still need to fetch
some fish and chips.
668
00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:22,880
Caroline's here now, see?
CAR APPROACHES
669
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,840
Flora! Your mother's here.
670
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:26,600
GILLIAN: No, no. Right, listen...
PHONE BUZZES
671
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,360
No, no, no, the buck does
stop wi' you,
672
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,280
because if there's a right o'
way through your field,
673
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,160
you know you're more than likely to
get idiots leaving the gates open.
674
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,000
Oh, my God,
they're so fast, angel!
675
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,160
This is for your benefit,
not mine.
676
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:41,560
As a responsible landowner, you need
to be anticipating that.
677
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,320
You should be providing a stile,
which will allow them easy access,
678
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,680
and not let these evil little
bastards escape.
679
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,520
And look at Mrs Peacock.
She's traumatised!
680
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:49,880
She's distressed.
681
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,520
Oh, blimey.
HE CHUCKLES
682
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,040
Another few days,
and you won't recognise it!
683
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,560
It's gone to voicemail.
684
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,160
Are you all right, Alan?
685
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,400
Mm. He's exhausted.
686
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:06,840
..Flora!
687
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:08,960
TV ON
688
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,400
Are you all right? Yeah.
689
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,400
Yes.
690
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:14,640
Yes, I hope I'm fit to drive.
691
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:16,120
I was knocking back the
vodka this afternoon.
692
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,000
You were? At school?
693
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,120
It was only a nip.
Well, it was two nips.
694
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,320
The second was an accident,
but it's Judith.
695
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,280
You know what Judith's like.
696
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:29,040
Judith? Oh, she, erm...
Yes, she came to do this talk.
697
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:30,840
Well, it was a Q&A.
698
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,440
And somehow, God knows,
699
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,200
she managed to replace
the water in the jug
700
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:36,840
on the stage with vodka.
701
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:38,080
How?
702
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,440
So that took me by surprise about
halfway through the proceedings,
703
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,280
when my throat got a bit dry...
704
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,800
Anyway, it went very well,
vodka or no vodka.
705
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,360
Maybe because of the vodka.
706
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,200
Come on!
707
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,440
FLORA: Uncle Ted's snoring.
SHE CHUCKLES
708
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,600
You couldn't take Calamity back to
Gillian's for us, could you?
709
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,960
Yeah! It's the opposite
direction. ..Shh.
710
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,640
Well, not if you went over
the tops.
711
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,280
Yes, but I never go
over the tops,
712
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,640
because it's another 20 minutes.
713
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,160
It's all right. I'll take her.
I think, realistically,
714
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,720
we're going to have to rethink
this arrangement.
715
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,680
What arrangement? Us picking them up
after school.
716
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:14,280
BOTH: Why?
717
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:18,400
Because it's not us any more,
is it? It's me, on my own,
718
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:22,840
lugging him, Ted - bless him.
You know, since his escapade...
719
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:26,880
And then no kitchen to come home to
- not this week, nor next week.
720
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:28,760
Right. OK.
721
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,880
Well, that's going to be...
722
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,440
What?
Difficult. But, yes. Yes. OK.
723
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:35,200
I'll sort something else out,
then.
724
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,000
Come on, Calamity. Get your
stuff. I'll drive you home.
725
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:42,560
It's this damned job.
726
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,560
I've said everything I'm going
to say to him on the subject.
727
00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:49,120
Come along, Flora.
728
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,680
Judith.
729
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:01,800
Judith. Judith!
730
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,320
We're back.
731
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:04,520
Oh.
732
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,600
I was thinking...
733
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,080
What? Well...
734
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,600
Do we NEED to get married?
735
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,520
I mean, I just think, you know,
736
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,840
aren't we all right as we are?
737
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,280
You mean, carry on? Yeah.
738
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:31,120
Like this? Yeah.
739
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,320
It works, doesn't it?
740
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,360
DOOR CLOSES
741
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,240
I realised something today.
742
00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:40,840
Did you? Mm.
743
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:45,200
Something really quite...profound.
744
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,080
What?
745
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,600
I don't love you.
746
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,240
Never loved you.
747
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,280
We just...drifted into this
mess together
748
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,120
blindfolded, didn't we?
749
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,640
So yes, you're right -
750
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,840
we shouldn't get married.
751
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,680
In fact...
752
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,440
..you should leave.
753
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,080
Should I? What?
754
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,720
Well, I can't leave.
755
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:22,920
It's my house.
756
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:32,440
Was anyone hurt?
757
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,520
No. No, it was PC Nitwit
exaggerating.
758
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,040
ALAN CHUCKLES
759
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,800
I just had to spend
the afternoon apologising.
760
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:43,440
And people were kind, on the
whole, considering the damage.
761
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,520
Even the bloke at the pub...
762
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:46,600
..eventually.
763
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:50,240
I offered to do a couple of
hours in his garden for him.
764
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:53,400
And then I said I'd pop in on
Beryl, the pensioner,
765
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,440
and do a bit of shopping for
her, summat.
766
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,000
She wasn't hurt,
she was just shaken.
767
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,680
And the school, er, they...
768
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,240
..they want to bring a bunch
of kids up to look at the lambs
769
00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:05,400
next season. So that's all
right, I can do that.
770
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,600
If I'm still here.
771
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,720
What do you mean?
Seven of 'em are still missing.
772
00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:12,760
That's not including the two that
were knocked down and killed
773
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,200
on the main road, so that's...
774
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:16,720
..600 quid. It's gone.
775
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,000
And it isn't like I ever make
any money on the sheep.
776
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,520
Even at the best of times,
they only ever break even.
777
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,840
But that's...
SHE SIGHS
778
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,080
Oh, I thought it was such a good
move buying those ten acres,
779
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:34,200
but, of course, obviously not.
780
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,320
600 quid down and...
781
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,880
..I just can't face...
782
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,080
..the debt, the stress every day.
783
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,440
I could sell up, pay it all off.
784
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:51,040
Get a little place
down in Ripponden, little flat.
785
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,800
Couple of part-time jobs.
I'd be all right.
786
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:54,840
What about Raff and Ellie?
787
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,240
Hmm. They earn more than I do.
788
00:41:57,240 --> 00:41:58,920
Not just between 'em.
789
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,080
Each.
790
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:01,840
You'd be miserable.
791
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,760
Not waking up to that view
every morning?
792
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,440
I think it only ever worked
before because you were here.
793
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:10,880
Before you married Celia.
794
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,560
Then Robbie came. And now...
795
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:18,160
..I feel like it's all
slipping through my fingers.
796
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,520
It's like every day
I'm fighting a losing battle.
797
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,360
And that...
VEHICLE APPROACHES
798
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,400
..barn...
799
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,000
VEHICLE STOPS
800
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,280
Oh, I wouldn't be sad
to get away from that.
801
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,400
ALAN STAMMERS
802
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,040
DOOR OPENS
803
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,680
Have you seen Instagram?
Yeah, yeah.
804
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,160
Right. Come on, you two. We can get
off now they're here.
805
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,680
There's no tea cooked -
806
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,080
I've been rounding up
escaped sheep all afternoon.
807
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:46,240
And I've said I'd drive these
two over to Caroline's.
808
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:47,720
How... How did they escape?
809
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:51,160
Folk coming to gawp at that
daub, leaving t'gate open.
810
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,960
Two of 'em are dead,
knocked down.
811
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,960
I've reported it now anyway,
officially, to the police,
812
00:42:57,960 --> 00:42:59,280
as an act of vandalism.
813
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:00,840
RAFF: See ya. Bye.
814
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:02,320
MIA: Thanks for having us.
ELLIE: Pleasure.
815
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,360
Bye, Grandad. Thanks for
driving me home.
816
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,600
Bye-bye, love. Ta-ta.
817
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:08,000
See you.
818
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:10,600
DOOR CLOSES
819
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:14,320
I wish I could do something
for you. Yeah. Well...
820
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:18,200
How's your kitchen? Oh!
821
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,840
Are they an item?
822
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:24,200
Come on! I haven't got all week.
823
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,360
See you. Bye-bye, love.
Don't work too hard.
824
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,720
I enjoy it! They're nice folk.
It keeps me young.
825
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,440
Gets me out of the house.
826
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:39,760
CAR DOOR SHUTS
827
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:43,760
Right!
828
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,320
Let's try again, shall we?
829
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:20,640
PHONE RINGS
830
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,920
Hello? Celia? It's Nadine.
831
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:31,400
Oh, Nadine!
832
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,600
Hello, love! How are you?
833
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,920
Is it your dad you're after?
He's in the garden.
834
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:40,120
No, no, look. Listen, Celia.
835
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:44,200
No, I'm just, er, just phoning
to see if he's OK, that's all.
836
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:45,520
Yeah, he's fine.
837
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,320
Well, he's all right.
838
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,400
Well, he's a bit vague.
839
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:52,640
He wandered off the other
day, but we found him.
840
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,280
Well, a fella and his dog did.
841
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,360
Shall I fetch him?
No, no, no.
842
00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,960
Celia, he won't want to talk to
me. Just, erm...
843
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:06,480
I just want to know, you know,
what the arrangement is.
844
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:09,280
Just so that I know he's all
right.
845
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,400
What arrangement?
846
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,760
There.
847
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,640
With him.
848
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,200
And you and Uncle Alan.
849
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,760
Well, there isn't one, as such.
850
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,400
I mean, he's said
he wants to stop.
851
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,800
And he can, but, er,
852
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,720
if it's going to be more
permanent,
853
00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:29,560
well, you know, I mean,
854
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,920
I'm assuming he's not short of
money...
855
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:36,080
Nadine?
856
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:41,440
And he'll be able to buy
himself a little house.
857
00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:45,120
You need to ask him about
Angelina.
858
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,960
Who?
859
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:48,320
He should tell you himself.
860
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,000
SHE SIGHS
You should hear his side of it.
861
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:55,800
Just ask him to tell you about
Angelina.
862
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:06,720
So, she's saying she's not
going to pick them up any more.
863
00:46:06,720 --> 00:46:09,040
Either of them.
How's that going to work?
864
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:10,240
I've got a shift at Patterson's.
865
00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:11,920
Me dad never said owt,
and I've just seen him!
866
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:13,280
Well, because he'll be in
denial, won't he?
867
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,440
Because he knows she'll be
saying it to guilt-trip him.
868
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,600
So, so... Sorry, is it OK
if Mia stays...
869
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,640
..here as well? As well as me?
870
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:23,320
Mm? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
871
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,640
Yay! I'll show you upstairs.
872
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:28,440
What happened to Alyssa?
873
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,240
Oh, erm, went to York with Angus.
874
00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:34,560
FLORA: This way.
Yeah, we know where we're going!
875
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,640
I'm showing Mia! Mind the step.
876
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,960
My room's at the top of the
stairs.
877
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:40,960
Why's your dad got this job?
878
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:42,720
Oh, I think...
879
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,760
..to get out of the house.
880
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:48,400
To get away from my mother?
881
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:53,840
Are they an item?
882
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,160
She's about ten years older
than him.
883
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:58,600
Mmm. Three.
884
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,000
It's since Brexit, isn't it -
me dad and your mum?
885
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:12,480
They were never going to see
eye to eye about that,
886
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,760
and then it's just gone from
bad to worse,
887
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:16,760
as the months
have dragged on and on
888
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,400
into years.
889
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:19,920
The whole world's unravelling.
890
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,280
Mine is.
891
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:22,760
Is it? Is it? Mine is!
892
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,920
John and Judith are getting
married.
893
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,160
SHE CHUCKLES
Wow.
894
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,520
That's a special kind of crazy.
895
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:32,320
Why? It's her. It's her idea.
896
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:34,920
I think she's deluded.
897
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:36,720
I think she thinks
they're like that couple
898
00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:38,400
out of Who's Afraid Of
Virginia Woolf.
899
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:42,240
You know, the ones who hate
each other and drink a lot.
900
00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:45,640
The weird thing is, I think she
thinks it's romantic, or desirable,
901
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:47,320
or inevitable, or...
902
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,800
SHE SIGHS DEEPLY
903
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:50,840
OK.
904
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:53,240
I need a wife.
905
00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:55,240
I need a husband.
906
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,800
It's odd.
907
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:57,920
When I saw John today,
908
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,840
it's the first time since we got
divorced that I realised
909
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:01,960
that...
910
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:07,480
..that just now and again
I almost miss him. Do you? Hmm.
911
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,200
Well, he was very sensible,
occasionally.
912
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,640
Occasionally, he'd put a
perspective on something
913
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:14,680
that made you realise
it was nowhere near as...
914
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:16,280
..worth committing suicide over
915
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,440
as you'd worked yourself up
into thinking it was.
916
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:22,000
So why's your world unravelling?
917
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,360
SHE SIGHS
918
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:28,040
Isn't it stupid how...
919
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:32,560
..one thing can undermine
your whole sense of...
920
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:37,400
..who you are, however smart you
think you are,
921
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:40,160
however resilient you
try and be?
922
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:41,400
Yeah.
923
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:42,960
Yeah! Yeah, that's me.
924
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:50,680
I don't know how much longer
I can do this,
925
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:52,440
being a single parent.
926
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,880
Even with them picking her
up every day, it still feels like
927
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:59,000
it's just... It's juggling...
928
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,480
..too many things all the time.
929
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,040
And you cope, and you cope,
and then one thing...
930
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:10,920
How was your date?
931
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:12,880
It wasn't a date.
932
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,400
Ah. I see.
933
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:17,680
Is that...?
934
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:21,200
Move on. Rise above it.
935
00:49:22,240 --> 00:49:24,200
You liked her. No, I didn't.
936
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,720
What happened?
937
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,080
You need a night out.
938
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:35,480
No. That's the last thing
I need. You do, you need...
939
00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:37,880
No, I'm not going to Hebden
Women's Disco,
940
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:39,160
I've told you. Don't.
941
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:41,160
Why don't we just get pissed
together one night?
942
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,840
Because we'd wake up
the next day feeling worse.
943
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,240
I can't even afford to get pissed.
What am I talking about?
944
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:49,840
Oh, it's not a Banksy, then?
945
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:51,280
Mm.
946
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:54,840
I'm the same as you.
947
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:58,320
I was doing all right - coping,
managing,
948
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,520
even convincing myself
I was halfway to being happy.
949
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,480
And then just...
950
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:04,600
..one thing, one...
951
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:09,200
..dumb, random, idiotic thing.
952
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:10,440
And it's not even a Banksy!
953
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:17,360
I'm thinking I might sell up.
954
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:20,960
And do what?
955
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:22,480
Nothing. Just...
956
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:26,760
..call it a day,
find something else to do.
957
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:30,800
You can't do that.
958
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:33,200
No, I can.
959
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,640
CAR APPROACHES
960
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:56,760
CAR DOOR OPENS
961
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:58,360
He's here.
962
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,240
Do you want me to tell him?
963
00:51:02,240 --> 00:51:03,440
Yeah.
964
00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:15,120
We've had a phone call.
965
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:18,720
Oh? Nadine. Ringing to see what
the "arrangement" was.
966
00:51:18,720 --> 00:51:20,080
I said, "What arrangement?"
967
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:25,960
And she said, "Tell him to tell you
about Angelina." He has no money.
968
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:29,320
He did sell the house for 1.5
million, but it's gone.
969
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:31,120
All of it. On a woman.
970
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:35,760
Eh? He met her on a dating site
for older folk.
971
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,280
Except that she was 54.
972
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:40,200
30 years younger than him!
973
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:42,960
It sounds like he went silly
over her.
974
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,640
She persuaded him
to sell the house
975
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:48,960
and buy somewhere smaller
to free up some money.
976
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:50,440
Only she liked spending -
977
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:52,560
holidays, cruises...
978
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:57,920
And then she asked him to invest in
her brother's business - boats.
979
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:01,240
And that was when the rot set
in, apparently.
980
00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:02,960
Anyway, it's all gone.
981
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:05,320
Got about 20 grand left. 20?!
982
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:08,520
And Nadine's had her fair share.
983
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:12,000
Before they tell you any
different, the little bastards.
984
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,960
And then there's none of 'em
will have me!
985
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:17,960
So you've got nothing left -
at all -
986
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,720
except this 20 grand?
987
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:23,440
And where is she,
988
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,320
this...Angelina?
989
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:29,800
Well, it all ended rather
acrimoniously.
990
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:32,120
She moved on.
991
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,720
So...
992
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:38,480
..can I stop?
993
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:42,280
ROCK MUSIC BLARES UPSTAIRS
994
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,000
BED THUMPS
995
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:53,000
CAR APPROACHES
996
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,000
DOG BARKS
997
00:52:57,960 --> 00:52:59,440
DOG WHIMPERS
998
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:07,720
Hello.
She's thrown me...
999
00:53:07,720 --> 00:53:10,160
Well, she asked me to leave, so I
wasn't going to hang around.
1000
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,720
I thought you were getting
married.
1001
00:53:12,720 --> 00:53:13,880
HE SCOFFS
1002
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:16,360
And so why are you here?
Well, because she's thrown me...
1003
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,560
Asked me to leave!
1004
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,160
Well, so can I come in, then?
It's freezing!
1005
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,120
But why are you here?
PHONE RINGS
1006
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:24,280
Sorry?
1007
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:27,440
They have hotels. Who do?
1008
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,760
People.
People have hotels. For people.
1009
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:32,160
Hello?
1010
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:33,240
I'm coming in. Caroline?
1011
00:53:33,240 --> 00:53:34,480
Hello?
1012
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,200
It's Judith.
1013
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:37,320
Oh, hi.
1014
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:38,560
..I am not your mother.
1015
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,640
Sorry?
Yeah, listen.
1016
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:42,800
I'm just ringing to say thanks
for today.
1017
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:44,960
I really enjoyed it.
1018
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,720
And I don't always,
doing things like that.
1019
00:53:47,720 --> 00:53:50,640
And I just wanted to say thank
you.
1020
00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:51,840
Oh, well, it was a pleasure.
1021
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:53,000
..You can't just turn up here
1022
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,160
thinking you've got a
God-given right to move in.
1023
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:56,320
Yes, but...
1024
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,400
No, I know that.
1025
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,440
Yeah, and I just wanted to,
erm... Oh, why did I ever...?
1026
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:03,360
Listen.
1027
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:05,480
I realised something...
1028
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:06,840
..really big today...
1029
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:09,360
..when I saw you.
1030
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:10,960
What?
1031
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:13,960
Why did I ever look at anyone
else when I had you?
1032
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:15,720
You wouldn't like to go...
1033
00:54:15,720 --> 00:54:17,680
..out for dinner with me,
would you?
1034
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,880
She was a lovely person.
1035
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:30,320
She fair cheered me up.
1036
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:35,840
I'd got that used to being lonely,
I'd forgotten about being happy -
1037
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:38,920
how it changes you,
lifts you up.
1038
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:44,880
She liked doing stuff,
living life...
1039
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:48,480
..having adventures.
1040
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:53,080
It was my idea to put the house on
the market.
1041
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:54,400
It made sense -
1042
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:57,560
it was worth so much by then.
1043
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,480
And the only cash I had
was my pension,
1044
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:02,320
so it seemed daft sitting on it.
1045
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:06,760
So...
1046
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:08,280
..we were happy...
1047
00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:10,640
..for, what...
1048
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,120
..about 18 months or so?
1049
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:19,320
Until that business with her
brother cropped up.
1050
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:20,760
KNOCK ON DOOR
1051
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:22,000
I'll go.
1052
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:26,080
Well, did you go to the police?
1053
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:27,280
Yes.
1054
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:33,920
Turns out, they think
it's not the first time
1055
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,880
that they've taken someone
for a ride... Oh...
1056
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:41,600
..these two. Do you mean, right from
the beginning, it was a scam?!
1057
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:49,000
Hello, Rick. Mrs Buttershaw, erm,
I'm sorry about this,
1058
00:55:49,000 --> 00:55:51,560
but we think he's gone bust -
Martin.
1059
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:56,600
He owes us six weeks' wages, me and
Adam, and he's disappeared.
1060
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:58,040
We think he's gone bust.
1061
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:04,440
Morning! Is this a bad time to
be calling?
1062
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,200
Starting a relationship with an
alcoholic
1063
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:08,960
is not at the top of my list
of things to do.
1064
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:11,440
500 grand, all in.
All 35 acres, the house...
1065
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:14,640
Is that what it's worth? I am
worried you're going to regret it.
1066
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:17,480
I'd like to go to Bridlington.
I could drive you. I have a car.
1067
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:19,760
We'd have to get the bus down to
Sowerby Bridge,
1068
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,440
though, to pick it up. Ted?
1069
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,440
HARRY: Ted's gone AWOL again.
1070
00:56:23,440 --> 00:56:26,240
He is not all there, is he?
Hey...
1071
00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:27,840
I don't remember any of this.
1072
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:30,200
As well as that,
they think he's vulnerable.
1073
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:33,160
We need to find him. Yes, I think
that's why we're all here.
74249
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