All language subtitles for Thundercrack 1975

The October storm barred with double barral, low-
pressure system is being classed as the most intense
so far this wet season.

Travelers warning for flash flooding, high winds and
severe thunderstorms have been issued by the
weather bureau.

And the motorist is advised to take extreme caution
as already the road conditions have become
treacherous.

Especially in those areas where the highways
crossare or near rivers or other major bodies of water.

I repeat: The weather bureau has issued travelers
warnings for flash flooding,

high winds and severe thunderstorms.

The motorist is advised to take extreme caution as
road conditions have already become treacherous...

Get the hell out you goddamn puppet!

You're nothing but a puppet for the weather bureau

and they pull the strings that makes yourmouth go
and down.

bet you don't even know what the hell an actibar is!

And don't go telling me it's some kind of a popsicle,
cause it ain't.

I've got schooling, me. I'm no dummy!

Charlie says that.

Charlie didn't want no dummy for a wife

and I didn't want no Charlie McCarthy for a husband
either.

I wanted Charlie Hammond and I wanted to be Mrs.
Gert Hammond.

Wife of Charlie.

Charlie's woman. Forever.

Notjust till they came.

Stinking windshield wipers don't make a damn of a
difference.

I shouldn't be toting around mammals night like
this.

Why the hell didn't that crummy circus give that
amphibian case?
Quiet down Samson!

You might be king of the jungle in Africa but in this
circus you ain't nothing but a bozo.

Every time I see that trainer puttin' those hula hoops
on you and he see those kids screaming

with the cracker-jacks flying out of their mouths and
see the cotton candy sticking to their chins it makes
me sick, sick Samson!

I wanna puke on 'em.

God knows it wouldn't make any difference. Not with
all the mustard and ice cream dripping down

their fat little necks.

You can't even tell between the freckles and the
mashed popcorn.

No Medusa.I, I wasn't talking about you.

Gorillas are different from little children.
They have more hair.

Don't know what he's carrying but whatever they are
they sure are hungry.

Hi stranger! No need to ask if you need a lift.We all
need one in this kind of weather.

The real question, the 64 000 dollar question is how
high you wanna get.
What are you, a junkie?

The only junk I carry is on my wrist.

And what do you have in those two crates?
Just something I picked up when I was hitch hiking
from Tucson.

Well you take your two crates and you take yourself
and you get yourself right into this car before you
drown in that rain. Yes mam! Right away!

Sash. Pick up that lily-white butt and go help Mr.
Stranger with his things. And just give him a hand,
you hear?

Hey! I saw something! An explosion or something. A
what? I don't know.

Like a big ball of fire. Like something exploded. Like a
gas tank or something.

You're very observant.So are you. I've been noticing
you scrutinizing me for a long time now.
What was it you're scrutinizing? My nose?

Was there a piece of snot hanging from my nose?
No.Well I've caught a cold you know waiting out
in the rain until you picked me up.

I'm mighty grateful to you.
With all your sweet music and your fancy smelling
pipe tobacco.

What's the matter? You don't like Tchaikowskij?
I'm not complaining Chandler. Well I'm sure would
have liked you.

Like I said, I'm mighty grateful. It's just that...
What Bond? Is it my gazes?

My admiring glances at
your rather thriving torso? Do they put you ill at ease?

Well no.It's just that's all you do. Just looking.
You mean you where expecting me to do something
else?

Me -- Chandler Wilson, heir to the Wilson fortune and
widower

of SarahLou Philips from the House of Philips
Unlimited?

You mean the House of Philips?That big girdle
manufacturer plant down in Waco?
Yes.That's exactly what I mean.

That big girdle factory in central Texas where
everything grows big.

Hey Chandler.Yeah?Didn't your wife pass away
recently?
I seem to remember reading something about it
somewhere.

My wife; SarahLou Philips, daughter of Leland Philips,
creator of The House of Philips Unlimited,

died last year. Died a horrible death.

I'm terribly sorry.For her or for me?For the both of
you.

Well reserve your bleeding heart strictly for her.
Our marriage was going up in smoke anyway.

Wasn't there a fire? Wasn't your wife killed in a fire?
You're very observant Bond.

Is that where you got your good-looking body?
By chasing fire engines down the street.

I worked hard getting this body looking the way it
does.
I bet you have. And is the investment paying off?

Not tonight it isn't.

Give me a puff of that cigarette, kid.

First it's a pipe, now it's a cigarette.What's it going to
be next Chandler?
A white house cigar maybe?

You've got an uncanny way of getting under my skin.
Wouldn't it be much nicer if I got into it rather than
under it?

Is something the matter officer? Is wrong?
Officer? Oh no I'm nothing like that. I'm just a
housewife. That's all I am.

See my badge? That was given to me by my
husband.

He's the country rock singer Simon Cassidy.
Perhaps you've heard of him?

I've got his pictures right here and they are all
personally autographed by Simon.

Would you like one?I'm his secretary and Simon
personally autographed every eight by tens glossy for
his fans.

You, young fellow. You look like a country rock fan.
Are you not?

Sort of.

My, my, my.Aren't you a wet noodle?
He's no wet noodle lady.I can testify to that.I'm just
standing out here in all this rain.

Listen, I just stopped to converse with my fellow
travelers about the explosion I just saw down the road
a bit.

I told you Chandler! I told you I saw something blow
up!
Maybe a bolt of lightning hit a tree or something.

It wasn't the lightning mister.There was a big yellow
flash and then an orange sheet of fire shot skyways.

Go back Chandler.
Maybe somebody got hurt.

Listen kid. I vowed before embarking on this trip that
once I started I was never looking back.

Now I'm going to Waco, Texas

to that great, giant girdle factory that stands like a
mammoth mausoleum

to the memory of my dead wife SarahLou Philips.

You mean SarahLou Philips of The House of Philips
Unlimited?Yeah.

That's what he's talking about!I don't intend to water
down my mission, the only mission I've got in life just
because some ball of fire lights up the night sky
in this godforsaken no where land.

No, the ball of fire I've got planned is going to rival the
sun itself.

You mark my words, Bond.It's gonna turn night
day!

You scare me, mister.
You're talking like some sort of beatnik.

And supposing I am! What do you have against
beatniks?
Well for one thing their bongo drums.I can't stand all
that stupid pounding.

Listen. I don't know how we got on this hypotrical
subject...

Hypothetical.
Well that's what I said.

We ought to go back.There might be people dying
back there.
There are people up ahead who are dying too!

Look Chandler. I gave you that cigarette and you put
it in your mouth.

How about that white house cigar?

I saw some lights up ahead.
There's probably a farmhouse up there.

So I'll go and check and see if they have a telephone
just in case you find someone injured.

All right lady.We'll meet you there.

God bless you and keep you for the devil walks about
on nights such as this!

Who is it?

Who's that knocking at my door?

Is that you Mr. Maple tree?

Is the wind making you bang your branches against
my door?

Hello? Is there anybody home?
Oh my god!

That was a human voice!

That was a woman's voice calling from behind that
door.

Who is it that speaks to me with the voice of a
woman?

My name is Mrs. Cassidy.
Sorry to bother you but I need your help.

Well just a minute Mrs. Cassidy! Mrs Gert Hammond
will be with you in a minute.Please be patient!

Why couldn't she have telephoned before coming
over?

It isn't fair after all these years that someone should
knock on my door and not even warn me.

Thirty minutes warning.
That's all I ask.

One half hour to bathe and set my body in preparation

for the ensuing visitation.

Just a moment Mrs. Cassidy!
Mrs. Gert Hammond will be with you in a moment!

Please forgive the delay!

My hair.

She mustn't see my hair like this.

Oh my God!I'm seeing double.

I'm so drunk I can't possibly hold an audience with
Mrs. Cassidy.

What'll she think of me?

She'll pity me.

I'll be a disgrace to the memory of my dead husband.

I've got to get this alcohol out of my system.

Why did you have to come without calling,
Mrs. Cassidy?

Please don't go away!I'm coming!Please, I'm coming
right now!

Oh my goodness!Noah himself never had it so bad.

If this keeps up we're going to have to build ourselves
an...
Have you been sick or something Miss?

My name is Mrs. Gert Hammond.
Welcome to Prairie Blossom.

The name my husband and I chose for the estate you
are now standing on.

What happened to you head?
Please let me finish.

Our home built upon a sanctum prairie between
the Chiquasaw and Thunderbird rivers,

was built by hand with love and care by my husband
Charlie

who now lies buried in the wine cellar beneath our
very feet.

The stones that compile the outer walls of this stately
mansion where shipped by horse and cart...eh...

The wonderful granite stones from the quarry in the
state of Connecticut

where shipped by horse and cart...eh...

By four white horses pulling a huge cart made from
the hard wood oaks of Kensington County.

The day they departure as listed in the county
courthouse April 13:th, 1918.

Friday.

Friday the thirteenth.

The same date as the death of my husband.

That hideous nightmare swept after...

Oh my dear, wretched woman!

How could God in his mercy leave you alone in this
wilderness?I'm really cleansy with the waters
there.It's such a bowl of confusion tonight.

How many days and nights is your womanly body
deprived of washcloth?

What is the widows of the world need with the
washcloth?

Soap for one thing and a soothing body oil for special
occasions.

Who are you?

Coming into my house with talk of soap and oil?

If you're trying to sell something, get out!
I have no money.

Only memories.

I'm not selling anything,I'm giving away for free the
charity that was instilled in me

in my girlhood at the first baptism at First Church
of Christ.

The same church that my husband and I where
married in.Do you know who my husband is?

No. Simon Cassidy.
Who's he?

Do you mean to tell me that you don't know who
Simon Cassidy is?
Country rock singer.

You one of the lonely women who's allowed my
husband to come into you room via the radio

to dispel the gloom of your empty rooms?

Don't you getjealous?

My husband and I are as true to each other as we
where three years ago when we where married in
Kentucky.

The wedding was perfect.

There was something new: my snow-white virginity.

Something old: Simon's mother who came in most
god awful satin rag.

She looked like a bag of potatoes that was oozing
margarine.

Then there was something borrowed: Simon's credit
card.

And something blue: the blue grass of Kentucky
moving up and down the hills

like the Pacific Ocean.One of these days I'm going to
see the Pacific Ocean for real when Simon makes it
to Hollywood.

Does Hollywood want your husband?
Why hell yes. Of course Hollywood wants my
husband.

But the parts have just not been up to
Simon's true creative capacity.

Don't stop.Keep talking.

Of course you've heard of Hal B Wallis.
The movie producer who produces all of Elvis'
movies. Yes, oh yes.

So Mr. Wallis sent my husband's agent a script for a
small singing part

in his film 'Bazookas for Peace'.

I'd give my peace for a bazooka any time.

After a little conference with my husband and his
agent

in which I served them homemade brownies and
Turkish coffee, we all decided that the part would be
detrimental to Simon's career

since it was a gruesome sequence.

Simon was to be a private in the infantry
who sings a song to his troops that lie in beautiful
Ohio.

Well, that part's all right.
Would you, would you mind washing me a lower
please?Oh there!That's fine!

Anyhow, he wants to be singing about beautiful Ohio
when suddenly a bazooka-shot, hits my husband, hits
Simon who plays a private and hits him

of all places in his privates.

He was talking about shooting in slow motion and I
tell you it made me sick

just thinking about it.That, that's just the way I felt.

All this pain that mashed my husband in his motion
picture debut being violently emasculated in front of
millions

of screaming people.

That's right honey! Screaming just like that.
Why that would be the absolute end of his career all-
singing, all acting...

Thank you.Thank you.

Willene is my name and you are Gert?
Yes.I'm Gert.

But I'm a Gert reborn.

Every day is a re-birth.
Every day is Easter.

Just remember to color your eggs happy colors, like
yellow and baby blue.

By the way honey, where is your telephone?
It's in the other room.

Thank you. There's no sound on this thing.
The lines must be down.

The storm has no mercy for the telephone company.

Anyway it's dangerous to talk on the phone there's
lightning in the sky.

You're very good luck for me, Willene.
Those doors have not felt human knocking for a long
time.

Probably the two men I left

Good gracious!
What sort of mischief has the storm been up to?

Then there was a crash.I said there was.A real bad
one too.

They where lucky they managed to crawl away from
the wreck before that gas tank exploded.

Why, why is that woman partly disrobed?
Was it the impact of the crash that did that?

My skirt was wet.
That witch over there didn't want me to stain the
upholstery.

I should have had you leave the dress on.
A wet stain is better than a smelly brown one

Now cut it out you two.There's no more upholstery
period.

Yeah that car is nothing but a smoldering wreck.

Instead of fighting you three ought to get down on
your knees and thank the God almighty.

Listen sister.I get down on my knees for only thing.
And it's the men thanking the almighty I'm doing it.

She's a sassy one, ain't she?
Your zip is open young man.

Sorry. Fresh mouth over there wasn't satisfied with
handling her stick shift.
It wasn't my fault the goddamn crash happened.

And for good reason to shut you up
You shut me up this time baby.

But maybe next time you won't be so lucky.

Hush you two.You'll wake the dead.
You leave my husband out of this.

My husband was a decent man.
Who is this woman?

She's, eh, Mrs... eh... Mrs.My name is Mrs. Gert
Hammond.
Welcome to Prairie Blossom!

The name my husband and I chose for the estate
you're now standing on.

Why don't you just cut the crap and get something
to drink!

Please forgive my manners.It's been so long since
I've entertained.

Well you're doing pretty good in that short kimono,
Miss.

It's Mrs.Mrs. Hammond is a widow.Her husband is
buried in the wine cellar.

Oh really?Well then why don't you just forget about
those drinks.
Afraid of the dead Roo?

No, someone thinks that lying on your back all the
time is like turning over.

I couldn't agree with you more.
Not me! I always sleep on my back. Why is that?

Cause in the back everything lies down flat.
Nothing pokes up.

There's nothing flat about your back.
In fact it's damn nice and round.

You're so accustomed to eying buttocks.What's
keeping you from straying your peepers on this
bottomless broad over here?

I'm not a broad! I resent that male chauvinist...

You shut up! Shut your bag mouth and quit talking
the ghost of my dead wife.

Chandler! You're wife's dead. She's dead!
Yeah, but not forgotten!

No, women like her are not easy to forget.

You wanna know how she died? You stupid fool!
Let go of my throat!

Stop that childish nonsense.
They're sisters!

She went to a garden party one afternoon. She took
her girdle off and she lit a match to it

as a sign of her liberation
Chandler, let go of her throat! Chandler!

What she didn't know was that that girdle was
flammable

and blow up in her goddamn face! Stop it please!

It blew up right in her face. And her head was covered
in flaming liquid-rubber.

You almost strangled me.
Everyone at the garden party started screaming.

And then they threw their drinks on her to doze out
the flames.

What they forgot was that it was alcohol they where
drinking. Oh my dear God.

The horror of the moment was so grave.To all
and purposes we where just staring flaming,
screaming

scarecrow running across the green lawn in a panic.

And we all started laughing.

I laughed so hard that tears were running down my
cheeks.

We all roared hysterically until there was this hideous
hiss.

And the white colored steam that boiled skyways
the swimming pool as she fell in.

Then there was silence.

Dead silence.
I'm sorry.

I didn't know your wife was SarahLou Philips,

daughter of Leland Philips, creator of The House of
Philips Unlimited. In Waco, Texas.

I didn't realize that I had married into such notoriety.

To us, the women of North America, your wife was a
martyred saint.

She was a stupid idiot!
A sick nitwit.

You wanted to hear about our love life, didn't you
Bond.

Well I'm gonna tell you all the filthy details.
I'm gonna tell you right here and right now.

Shut up Chandler.
This isn't the time or the place.

No, no it wouldn't be for you! You'd rather I told
behind the trashcans at a greyhound bus depot.

You cheap, rotten...

You brute!

I'm sorry Chandler. But you tried to cheapen me in
front of all these people

by suggesting that I'd sell my body to you for money.
And that's an outright lie!

When I give my body it's like a gift from God without
any moniery reward.

Monetary!
That's what I said. Like a gift from God without any
kind of monetary reward.Amen!

Everyone is welcomed at Prairie Blossom! Come!

Take off your wet clothes and get into something dry
and warm.

You are welcome to dawn the apparel hanging before
you.

To your right you'll find the clothing that adorned
in my youth.

To your left there hang the garments of my deceased
husband.

They hang there in the exact condition in which he
them.

For your convenience and privacy while changing
may I suggest that you use the far bedroom down that
hallway.

And now that you have your instructions may I wish
you all a hearty welcome for the duration of your stay.

Look lady. You're very nice and all that but I don't
wanna stick around here.

I don't think we have much choice if you noticed that
level of the river when we crossed it. How can we
remember? Not with the accident and all.

Believe me. We were lucky to make it with the water
so high.

Yeah that's right. My head was all foggy but when I
looked out the car window and saw that twirling water
I sobered up really quick!

Yeah the bridge is gone by now.
And like ways the bridge that crosses the Chiquasaw.

No my friends. You must not, you cannot go into
purgatory out those front doors.

Please avail yourselves of my hospitality until the
good lord sees fit to turn out his faucets.

I will leave you for a while to prepare some goodies
from the kitchen.

Remember please to use that far bedroom down the
hallway.

And please, be patient with one another.
The night is always long on the prairie.

Thank you Mrs. Hammond.
She's got some pair of boobs. I'll say that much!

I think you've said just about enough.

Never mind about her.
You and I got some unfinished business to take care
of later.

Don't hold your breath.
I'd hate to see that nice face turn blue.

Good boy.

Darn you!

Come on! Hurry up! What are you doing? Playing
yourself?

I think the person that decorated this room had
mind.

Turn around.

Turn around.

Oh my God. That's a big one!

I heard this was a melon season.
And now I believe it.

Melons have seeds and I don't.

Not even after that encounter with Johnny Appleseed
over there?

Jerry, buster!

Who would have thought that old bugger was into
graphic art? Get a load of this stuff. It's really graphic.

Check this dude out!

Get it in god damn it!

So that's your game, Betty Bozo!
You should be ashamed of yourself!

Telling everybody you're in the kitchen making
goodies!
And you ain't doing nothing of a kind.

In fact you've got the gall to hide behind somebody
who never lied in his life!

It's Mrs. Cassidy. Are you finished yet?
Yeah sure. Come on in!

Don't ever do that to me again!

I ain't done nothing to you yet lady.

You have no sense of common decency! And here's a
toothpick for you!
And if it's decency you want, don't come in this room.

That filthy man! I'm afraid you open your doors as
as your heart to the scum of this planet.

Here on spaceship earth there's no scum. There are
just malfunctioning circuits.

Well someone is sure malfunctioning in your
bedroom.
That isn't my bedroom.

Well whose is it then? Your husband's?
It was our son's bedroom.

Was? You mean he's gone? Moved away?
Where is he then?

My son, our son, no longer exists.
Oh Mrs. Hammond. I'm really sorry.

I didn't realize that tragedy had struck you twice.
Is he dead then?

No. He does not exist.

Well I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean
certainly wouldn't be careless enough to dwell
subject.

May I have something to eat?
By all means. Help yourself.

This looks refreshing.

Oh, it's a cucumber.
Are you in the habit of peeling your cucumbers in
advance?

Yes it ages the flavor.
It certainly does. Boy does this taste odd.

Eat up! You'll soon acquire a taste for it.

I'd like for you to.
It would make for a much closer friendship between
us.

I'm afraid I can't finish it. Would you like to share it?
No. I've already had it thank you.

Do you mind if I throw it away?
Not at all my dear.

Most things out of nature is disposable

Just throw it in the bag under the sink.
Why Mrs. Hammond! You've got a whole pile of
in here!

Call me Gert, Willene. I feel like you've gotten to know
me more intimately.

Those cucumbers did not age properly enough to suit
my hungry lips

so I had to get rid of them.

The smell is really terrible. I'll take out the trash if you
pick up that, that thing in the hallway.

What thing in the hallway?
Well, it looks like a banana slug but don't let that fool
you.

Banana slugs wiggle and the only thing wiggling at
the end of that thing was Toydy.

He's quite a man, isn't he?

Well part of him is a man the other part I'm not too
sure about.

The coin of sexuality always has two faces. That's
what my son always used to say.

Are those your son's toys in the bedroom?
My son was rather grown-up for a boy of sixteen.

That's when he started to order those divertissements
through the mail.

They always came in a plain, brown wrapper.
And every morning I'd bring them in along with his
breakfast tray.

He was strictly forbidden to open them until he had
eaten all of his breakfast.

There was usually prune juice and...
Why prune juice?

Gerald always wanted his system cleaned out
regularly.

Well I can see why after that thing in the hallway.
Who'd wanna to keep washing their toys all the time?

And after the prune juice, there'd be two eggs, sunny
side up and four sausage links.

And after the sausage there'd be three pieces of
buttered toasts along with a steaming hot cup of
coffee.

I'd bet he take plenty of cream in his coffee.
My son loved cream.

He licked it up like a cat!
But a cat has nine lives

and your son, unfortunately, had only one.
So now he joins your husband in death.

My husband is dead. My son is no more. He no longer
exists.

Come Willene.
Shall we prepare a little dinner for our guests?

Damn it! I need a drink!
The wine is in the cellar!

Please help yourselves to whatever vintage the
occasion calls for!

Go ahead, Roo. Go get us some wine.
I ain't going down there with no dead man laying
around.

I'll go get some wine. If Bond comes with me.
I don't like cellars Chandler. They smell funny.

Do they smell fishy, is that what it is? Well hell kid,
with Chandler it's not gonna smell fishy. Just strong
and musty.

Mrs. Hammond! Is there a light down in the
basement?
No, but there's a large flashlight over by the window.

Now that's real good. In case he can't get it up
Chandler, you've got something to fall back on.

What's going on? Stop it! Stop it you two!

You're nothing but a troublemaker.
I don't make trouble. I just make whoopee.

You make me sick, that's what you make me!

That's not what I'll make you Chandler. You may
choke and gag a little but you're not going to feel sick.

Who do you think you're talking to?
One of those life-size dolls in the bedroom?

No.Those dolls operate on air power. His operates on
lust!

That's what you can expect from my mouth, Toydy.
Save that spit for Bond's flashlight.

Looking at the bulge in his pants you're gonna need it!

My God! Back there in the kitchen it sounded like a
tornado had decided to join our little party.

Sorry about the lamp. I'll give you six bucks for it, will
that be enough?

I don't want your money!

You people have lit up my life more brightly than that
lamp could ever have done.

And if you'll just wait fifteen minutes Willene and
prepare you a tangible example

of my gratefulness.

Come Willene. The pots and pans are waiting.

Here. Give me that flashlight.
You've got your hands full.

Full with the wrong stuff.
What do you mean?

I'd rather have them wrapped around you.
What brought that on?

The way you handled yourself in that room back
there.
How do you know what I was doing in bedroom?

I don't mean the bedroom.
I mean the way you acted in the living room.

Oh that. Well he had it coming.

I don't mean just the ruff stuff.
I mean the thoughtfulness and the tenderness that
you exhibited to Mrs. Hammond.

What? You mean the six dollars? Well I was willing to
give it to her but she just wouldn't take it.

You find no problem with me.

What do you want? Six dollars?
Six dollars plus interest.

And what's the interest?
To put it bluntly, my interest in your body.

Not my thoughtfulness and tenderness?
Just my body?

I'm playing by the rules of your own game, Chandler.

I want you to get excited about me in the same way
that you would towards your friend Bond.

He's not my friend! I picked him up when it was dark
and he was alone.

Like we are here?

We're not alone here.

I forgot to ask whether she was serving meat or fish.
This would be great with meat.

Well serve it for down here because I want meat!

What are you wearing? Aren't those Bond's clothes?

What's that thing pressed into your pants?

Something I picked up in the bedroom.

Look at me Chandler. Just for tonight in the dim
lightning I'm Bond.

And the cellar is the bus depot.
Come on. You can have me for six dollars.

You were right. Lucky is a lady.

Not tonight she isn't.

Where do you want me Mack?

Just get down on the table and pull your trousers.

That's my husband's new song on the radio.
He just cut that record.

Well good for him.
I'm more interested in somebody who can cut the
mustard.

Are you're looking for a frankfurter to go along with
that mustard?

Sure am but I've come equipped with my own ???

My frankfurter don't care whether the brunch is large
or small. It ain't fuzzy.

Hey! What's your name?
It's Willene. Mrs. Willene Cassidy

and that's my husband's song that's record on the
radio.

Do you have any idea what's inside it?
That locked door?

That's my husband's record.
I know it's going to be a hit. I just know it.

How many hours have you been waiting in depot?
Three.

What bus am I taking?
10.25 to Houston.

Is it the Silver Eagle Service?
Yeah. Here we go. Hostess on board.

With the big lavatory and a mirror?
A real big mirror.

Do you know what time it is now?
No no.

It's 10.25. And it's coming in fast!
Here it comes!

God no! So soon.
Last time I watched it was 10.24.

It's ahead of schedule. And it's coming in fast.
Here it comes!

Has anybody ever told you you have a nice body for a
woman so mature?

Why yes young man.
My husband Charlie used to compliment me on my
torso.

He said it reminded him of a classical
Greek sculpture.

You do remind me of something Greek but it ain't
sculpture.

You remind me more of a nice juicy piece of shish
kebab meat.

Flattery will get you nowhere.

Would you like me to turn you into a piece of shish
kebab meat?
And how are you going to do that?

It's simple.
Here's the oven and here is the meat.

Now all we need is a long, hard rod to run you
through.

What about the vegetables?
Your head, your head's a cabbage.

What about the potatoes? Don't forget the potatoes.
Here they are.

Two lumpy ten pound bags.

You're very cruel.
Just pull away. But I can't.

Because I would fall into the oven just like the witch in
Hansel and Gretl.

This would leave you alone in this gingerbread house
to eat of the cookies and peppermint sticks.

What's wrong with that?
You would get sick.

And no one would be around to give you an enema.
You like giving enemas?

My son Gerald likes them.

I bet it was a nice, fire engine red enema bag.

My son Gerald always requested that I hook up a
heavy garden hose to the kitchen faucet.

He was used to bigger things wasn't he?
My son was big for his age.

He was to be doomed with bigness.

Are you ready for the rod, miss shish kebab?

Oh yes. Hurry please.
It's getting so hot by this oven.

Hand me that tin of grease on the stove over there.

What is it?
Bacon fat.

I bet when you fart it's gonna sound oink.

Have you no respect for me?
No. None at all.

That would ruin the whole thing.

What is it that you and your generation are seeking?

I don't know about my generation but I would like to
know what you have behind that locked door.

There's too much talk in this kitchen and not enough
action.

Start cooking me now honey, before I go rotten.

Sorry. No deal baby.

Not until you give me those keys.

You are a slimy, slippery reptile!

Don't you be calling me slimy and slippery with all
bacon fat oozing down your thighs.

You have degraded my sacredness as a woman.

You defiled with ugly fat the Grecian classicism of my
body.

Your body was nothing but ugly fat to begin with. A
little extra never hurt non.

If thy eyes offends thee, pluck them out.

If thy hand offends thee, cut it off.

May God give me strength with this terrible swift
sword.

What the hell are you doing?
That gave you a whiff didn't it?

Look lady. I give it. I don't take it.
Give and take is a fact of life like in and out, lover boy.

Well you may like in but I want out when it comes to
this kind of hanky-panky.

What the hell is she cooking in there?
I don't know. I'd better go and see.

Toydy what the hell are you up to?

I was rubbing the pubic hair with bacon fat.
Then she went crazy.

If I could get control of this meat cleaving that's all
you'd end up with down there is pubic hair.

But I don't care. Just as long as I can clearly see the
road to my mission.

What road is that Chandler?
Highway one thirty-five to Waco, Texas.

The road to that giant girdle factory with the neon
lettering branding the Texas sky.

Branding it with fiery red letters that spell House of
Philips Unlimited

Why would you want to go back to that place after the
terrible tragedy that happened to your wife, SarahLou
Philips?

Because I want to forget SarahLou Philips and her
father Leland Philips

creator of the House of Philips Unlimited.

But how can I when they are still manufacturing
girdles by the tens of thousands?

But hasn't the government put a stop to the
production of those flammable things?

Well, there's a movement in the courts now to halt
production.
Until the company chemist take out the flammable
element.

Until that time those giant wooden looms are still
churning out

those stretchable death traps.

Has Leland Philips no heart?

What of all the women who don't realize that they're
purchasing a potentially deadly weapon?

The man is a maniac. Living of the energy of the U.S.
treasury.
Created by corporate capitalism.

Chandler, he sounds like a menace to the sisterhood
of women.
He's more than that.

He's a fiend that robbed me of my manhood.

Why do you think I deviate towards men?

Some experts say that it's an imbalance in hormone.

No. It's because practically every woman I undress is
wearing

a House of Philips girdle.

They just stand there at the edge of the bed, waiting
for me to pull the rest of their clothes off.

And then they ask me what the hell am I staring at.
As if I never seen a girdle before.

Do you know how it feels to re-live the most hideous
moment of your life again and again?

And then those half naked women wonder why my
face turns wet.

And why my eyes pop out of my head

instead of something else popping out of my shorts.

But it doesn't pop out. Not anymore.

Can you blame me for turning my back on women?
And giving what I have up front to men?

No darling no but free you of this crippling disorder.

The destructure of The House of Philips Unlimited.

All it would take is a coca-cola bottle filled with
gasoline.

That's Dr. Pepper country down there.
Well then a Dr. Pepper bottle filled with gasoline.

And a fuse made from the fragment of a competitors
product.

Chandler, let me go down highway one-thirty-five
you.

To The House of Philips Unlimited

with its red neon sign branding the Texas sky and
mark of death.

Do you want to help me shatter that sign until it reads
The House of Philips Limited?

And then just The House, unto finallythere's no sign
all just a massive flaming debris?

Your mission in life is my mission.
I love you.

Be careful with that.
It cost me an arm and a leg to upholster that chair!

If an elephant walks in here it's you that's going to be
posted all over this house.

It's a thing in the jug down there.
It's a man. A faceless man.

Who told you to go snooping around behind the
shelves?

You were just about to get the right vintage wine and
bring it up for supper.

We're gonna leave for supper if you don't stop
chattering and start blocking those windows.

What are you talking about? What's going on?

Good Lord! Blue and Pinky are in there!
They're my prize hens.

What the hell is all this? All this talk about elephants
and lions and hens?

You'd better add a gorilla to that list too.

We don't know anything about it either but there's a
herd of dangerous animals out there in that rain

and they ain't shopping for umbrellas.

Well for your information there's a corpse down there
in the wine cellar floating in a jug of liquid.

Cut it out Chandler!
I'm a nervous wreck as it is.

He's not kidding Roo. I was the first to see it

What's your game, you stinking nut?
It's called pickeling.

I pickle things to preserve them like onions,
cauliflowers, peppers.

And men?
That's notjust any man. That's my husband!

You're crazier than I thought you were.

Why? Because I refuse to cover the tangible remains
of my husband with a curtain of soil?

Yeah, but he was all eaten away as if something had
been gnawing away at his bones.

Didn't you mother ever teach you the proper way to
pickle something?

I pickled him right.
That was the way he looked when he died.

They didn't leave much flesh on him, did they?
Who's they? Who are you talking about?

I'm talking about that buzzing cloud came down
from the Rockies

on that awful Friday.

It was the Friday the thirteenth.

And it was noontime.

I was in the kitchen fixing some lunch for Charlie.
He was working in the grain-bin all morning.

It was a cheerful morning.
Only there were no birds singing.

The birds had all flown away the night before.

Seemed like there was just me and Charlie and that
hot noon-day sun out there on the farm.

And then it was just me and Charlie.

As the sun disappeared in a buzzing, screaming
shadow.

I looked out the window.

And I saw Charlie running from the grain-bin.

All white and covered with wheat powder.

The blood froze in his veins as he looked up at the
sky.

And that's when they swooped down on him,

like a black veil of winged devils.

Locust.

They covered my husband with their shrewd hungry
mouths.

Each one chopping away like was no tomorrow

They also covered the field that was ours until the
whole earth looked like a pot of boiling caviar.

The wind caused by the beating of their wingshad
slammed the kitchen window shut.

And that's what probably saved my life.

I lay unconscious on that floor for a day and a night.

When I awoke the morning sun was beginning to
bleach the bones of my husband.

But locust aren't supposed to eat people.
You're forgetting something.

She said her husband was all covered with wheat
powder.

Wasn't there anyone around that could have helped?
My son was in Borneo at the time.

I remember praying to God on that night after I awoke
how grateful I was that my son had been spared the
death that descended on his father.

Little was I to know God was to have no mercy on my
son either.

Only a hideous, swelling vengeance.

There's a man out there.
A man?

You'd better hurry up Toydy, and open that door
before that lion gets bored of his chicken dinner.

Oh my Blue and Pinky. I'm so sorry.

Shut the door quick!
Don't worry about that mister. I hate zoos myself.

Those ain't the tenants of a zoo, Mack.
Those specimens out there are under contract
of Phinneas Harlan.

You mean the circus impresario?
Well, what are they doing running around outside?
Door to door advertising?

I, I lost my, lost control of my truck.

She went over the embankment and, about fifty yards
from the bridge and rolled over into the mud.

You mean the bridge is out?
The bridge is still there.

Above water?
Then maybe we can get out of here at hit highway
one thirty-five?

Not with all those four-legged buggers running
around.

It's not the quadrupeds that are dangerous.
It's the... the, that gigantic bite-head.

What the hell is a bite-head?
You're a bite-head dummy.

Now look Chandler. I, I don't mind you calling me a
dummy. But don't be calling me dirty Italian names.

A bite-head is a creature with two legs.
You mean the gorilla I saw? He's the dangerous one?

Phinneas Harlan pulled all of the teeth out of the lion's
mouth and he pulled the claws out. The circus is a
fake. A waste of money.

You mean that lion's harmless?
As harmless as a toothless old lady.

Mrs. Connor had no teeth yet she blasted her
husband with six rounds of buckshot last spring.

Why don't you take a walk and find something to
pickle?

I almost had me a real nice pickle.
If only you hadn'tjumped away.

Let's cut the bickering, huh?
Now we have a very dangerous situation here.

Only if I understand you right mister.
Call me Bing.

But if I understand you right then situation really is
not that grave.

Do you have to use that word grave?
All I've been hearing in this house is talk of death.

What about that elephant out there?
Minnie's so old she's practically blind.

Minnie's got to use her trunk like a silver cane.

So then it's just the gorilla that is dangerous?
Don't minimize the danger, Mack.

Medusa didn't get that name for nothing.
One look at those blazing red eyes

surrounded by that black matted hair can freeze a
man to a block of stone on the spot.

She made me hard one night.

Well what's she after?
Bananas. She's crazy about bananas.

Well aren't we all?
Is that all she wants? Bananas?

No no. She's... she wants... she needs sex.

You think that Phinneas whatever name is, should
give her a mate.

She doesn't like other gorillas.
They're too hairy.

Medusa likes the naked, virile flesh of young men.

And how, pray tell, did she get a taste for that?
That's unimportant.

Now...Wait a second. You said she got you hard one
night. What the hell did you mean by that?

I don't like being grilled by the cops or anyone else!
Speaking of grilled, I'd better check on those pork
chops.

Here you are my friend. You're gonna need this.
To what? Bare my soul?

Just consider it a form of psychological energy.
Shh! Don't say that word.

Old Gert may come running in with a rubber garden
hose.

Well if you like things like that honey, maybe I can get
Minnie the elephant to grope around in your peanut
bag.

My bags been getting some nuts honey but they ain't
been peanut sized.

Jealous?
Just hungry.

Well, we'll be having pork chops soon and corn on the
cob.

But first let's sink our teeth into your background Bing.

Why don't you tell us about Minnie, and Medusa and
...Samson.

The lion's named Samson.

He had the strength of ten men until, like that biblical
hero, they clipped his toenails.

And his teeth. You said they took out his teeth.
That's a terrible thing to do.

Sometimes men wish mine where gone but that's
another story. A dirty one.

Minnie is clean. And so is Samson.
What about Medusa?

I ... made Medusa dirty.

And you're still a virgin after how long?
Three years.

Sister Guineva's trying to hurry it up but it takes a long
time.

Three years. Like an elephant syringe.

Sister Guineva was a bride of Jesus.

Jesus didn't have no bride. Just widows in black with
an elephant syringe. It was pink???

Well, you where right about one thing.

What was I right about?
I am an animal.

What kind?
A rhinoceros! Can't you tell by my horn?

What are you gonna do with it?
I'm gonna prove to you that your womanhood not
be fruitless.

That the tree of your body will not be burned next
spring.

Oh Sister Mercy forgive me for I know not what I do.

The tree of your body may be a losing a cherry but it's
gaining two plumbs and a banana!

And so needing a job and having a great fondness for
animals led me into accepting a position in Phinneas
Harlan's circus.

Did you enjoy the circus?
I enjoyed working with the animals. It was the people I
hated.

You mean your co-workers?
Them and the audience.

You see the animals fatness was a result of
confinement rather than gluttony.

Yeah sure. But what about you and that gorilla?
I was coming to that.

You see my co-workers were very fond of practical
jokes.

So one night on my thirty-first birthday they got me
drunk during the celebration.
That's a shame!

A shame you weren't there.
You like animals so much you'd really get off on that
goose, huh.

You want me to continue or do you feel like making
wisecracks all night?

I was real drunk and since we had been on the road
for two weeks I was horny as hell.

My friends said they'd lined up a hooker for me and
that she was behind the calliope in a tent.

I staggered across the muddy fairground, tossing my
clothes off as I approached the two tents as I where
seeing double at that time.

One of my friends got on the calliope and there was
all this music as I tore open the tent flap and

jumped upon the thing in the sleeping bag.

I knew she was black and that her skin was kind of
puffy

and she smelled funny but I didn't care after two
weeks on the road.

Two weeks of driving past billboards with their bikini
clad models holding up suntan lotions.

There was something jangling on her wrist and feet
but I, I could, I could hardly hear because of the loud
calliope.

Anyhow I thought they where bracelets like you're
wearing.

The morning light revealed their true nature.
They where chains that held down the gorilla.

Someone had shaven her from head to foot.

We lay there in the dim light. Her black stubby fingers
around my pecker.

Then she turned that massive pointed head toward
me

and beard those giant, yellow teeth in a smile of
affection.

I screamed so loud that every creature in the circus
went wild in their cages

and the maintenance men found me laying by the
calliope trying to sing I love you truly.

Medusa was laying there in the sleeping-bag
massaging her breasts.

They said it took four men from the loony bin to carry
me away.

You were put under observation?
For a whole week.

Then I was set free and I went back to work.

Only this time Medusa was observing me.
Every second.

And she'd make little rude gestures with her toes.
Made my flesh crawl.

Why is she so dangerous?
If she loves you that much.

Her love was forcibly repressed by the bars of a cage.

When she realized she wasn't getting anywhere
me she, she tried making love to senor Tostada.

He beat her with his whip and she became enraged.

Senor Tostada was literally torn limb from limb.

His arms and legs had been tossed fifteen feet into
the air

falling into a bit of popcorn.

And they found his head tossed far away embedded
in the cotton-candy machine.

Aren't all animals as dangerous as that destroyed?
Phinneas Harlan couldn't destroy Medusa.

His wife loved that ape.

When he had brought the baby-Medusa from the
jungle it was sick and near death.

Mrs. Harlan nursed it with the milk from her own
breasts.

And that hideous morning when it was shaven
and chained in that tent it

was Mrs. Harlan who donated her mink coat to
Medusa so she wouldn't catch pneumonia.

A mother's love is the strongest thing in the world.

But those chains that held down the gorilla.
The gorilla was kept on in the circus?

Having tasted the flesh and then the blood of men
Medusa became a murdering psychopath

obeying only Mrs. Harlan.

She later put on Senor Tostada's boots and whip and
leopard bikini.

Then we women here tonight are safe if that gorilla
only goes ape over men.

No you're not. You see the relationship soured rather
quickly when as Mrs. Harlan got into the ring.

Why was that?
The bikini!

Mrs. Harlan was going on 59 years of age.
Her flesh was bloated and sagging considerably.

When she ran out on to the arena the audience
screamed in disapproval at her.

She was always a bit shaken by the reception and
began to take out her feelings on Medusa.

By the whip?
Yes, she was like a female,
Captain Blythe.

Then, one night, Medusa grabbed hold of the whip
and pulled Mrs. Harlan within reach.

She stripped off the old lady the bikini in front of the
horrified crowd.

I don't know what they where more horrified at, the
enraged gorilla or Mrs. Harlan's completely naked
body.

In any case, the gorilla tied one end of the whip
around her neck and then grabbing on to the other
end Medusa whirled her around

up high in the air.

Then the gorilla let go of that whip and that, that
blasting, bloated body

tailing over the cage and hit the tent.

And bounced back and clapped into the arena where
the dancing hippos where in ring number two.

Where the hippos dancing at the time?
Yes. The Mexican hat dance.

I took a heck of a long time preparing this meal now
don't go ruining it for us.

I'm just about finished. There's not much more to say.

And yet, after all these tragedies the gorilla was still
allowed to perform?

Killing old lady Harlan was the best thing Medusa
could have done for Phinneas Harlan.

He was now rolling in insurance money.

Her act was kept on, but it was downgraded
considerably.

Her feet were chained to a garishly painted platform.

A semi-naked woman was hired to throw hula-hoops
on her.

Medusa was taught to mimic the woman's hip
movement

so that the hula-hoops would twirl.

And the way that gorilla looked at me I knew exactly
what she was thinking while she was gyrating.

So you say bananas are the only thing that diverts her
mind from rape and murder?

These are fresh vegetables from my garden.

So come on. Eat up and stop your talking!
Why are you looking at that door Toydy?

It's locked and I'm curious.
Curiosity killed the cat.

A cat's a pussy. And I'm no pussy! No but when the
time comes for you to be one I'm sure you'll make do
with what you have.

Where's Bond? His food's getting cold.
So is Willene's

I bet the friction is making his meat real hot.

And as for Willene, there's nothing like a good
pounding to get your chops tenderized.

You'll never find more tender chops than these.
No but there's no harm in looking.

I need you, Willene.
Oh tell me! Say it.

I never had woman as big and wide as you.

Everyone else is like squeezing into a pinhole.

And I need you.

You're probably the closest in size I'll ever find to
replace that elephant syringe.

Working up some gravy to squirt on your mashed
potatoes?
Yeah They're kind of dry.

Any objections to putting creamed gravy on baked
potatoes?
Yeah. Especially when they've got theirjackets on.

Is that better?

They're kind of starchy.
Why don't you just beat it?

Take your hand away from it so I can look.

You don't excite me Roo.
Why not?

You and me we're too much alike.
We're two of a kind and negative charges don't attract
each other.

I don't consider myself as negative.
Well that's what I am.

A great big fat minus side.

Will this change your mind?
Where were those keys?

I found them in the kitchen when I went to get the
horseradish. I bet one of them opens that locked door
in the living room.

Give me those keys!
Not until I get some gravy, baby.

You want an equal amount on each potato?

Forget about potatoes.
Just concentrate on this piece of boiled tongue.

Give it to me!

Give me those keys.

And it's very well deserved.
Perhaps you'll change your mind about me.

In what way?
Birds of a feather, stick together.

I'm not ready to build no nest.
But when I do I don't want it to be foul.

I can take an insult and a hint.
But I don't give up so easily.

Oh Bond. Let's get away from here.
I've got a car, money and a body

and they're all yours.

Maybe I can get you a job in my husband's publicity
department, stamping his signatures on all eight
by tens.

Stamping his signature?
I thought you told me they where all hand-signed?

Well they are. But you'll be needing a job pretty soon
and that's the only labor I can think of at the moment.

You're good to me Willene.
Nobody's ever offered me so much for so little.

What you offered me wasn't little.

Let's get dressed and go eat dinner so we can depart
on a full stomach.

There's complications out there in the rain, Willene.
Well if you truly love me you will guide past them.

From now on you're the captain of the ship I call my
life.

I didn't know there was anyone standing there.
Couldn't you smell the pork chops?

We didn't smell the rat!
That sounds like our lovesick Chandler.

Just a minute muscles.
I wanna talk to you!

I'll be right with you Willene. Start eating without me.

Do you wanna get out of this place with woman?
Have you been spying on us?

Now listen to me and shut up! The only way you and
that girlfriend of yours is gonna get out

of here is flinging bananas at that gorilla.
You know, to distract him.

That guy at the circus. You know, he wasn't kidding.
That gorilla is a sex-crazed killer!

What's that got to do with me?
Don't you and the little lady wanna get out of here?

Very much. She loves me.

That's sweet and touchy.
Itjust so happens that I've got a crate of bananas.

Where the heck did you get a crate of bananas from?

I had two crates but I burned one up in a car accident.

I was hitch hiking to Sioux City
I swiped them of his truck.

But I'll let you in on it. I'll give you the bananas.
For a price.

You know I've got no money.

All your wealth is in your body.
And I want your body.

You drive a real hard bargain.
That's just what I wanna do. I wanna drive it real hard
into you.

Give me a second to think it over.

Why don't you loosen your trousers up?
And give yourself a little more room to think.

You've told a whole assortment of people Bing.
But you've told us nothing about yourself.

Get off my back Mister.
He's not trying to get on it. Not after meeting me.

I think you're holding something back.
Listen young fellow!

If the food didn't agree with you
I've got a toiletjust down the hallway.

Come on Bing! Lets' have it out now.
Not in my living room you don't!

Gert please. I'm eating!
Let's have it Bing.

All right God damn it, all right! It wasn't an accident!
I ran that truck off the road on purpose.

Because I couldn't see those animals suffer anymore
and me along with them.

Suicide?
Yes.

We're on our way to St. Barnaby's school for crippled
children.

I got a thing there when the circus was in town. And
see the kids poking at the animals

Have you've ever seen an ostrich run down by a
wheel chair?

Did you ever hear what it sounds like to hear a tiger's
head crushed by the blow of a broken arm in a cast?

If it was attempting a mercy killing why did you try to
kill yourself as well?

Because. God help me!
I, I have the hots for that gorilla!

No woman has ever satisfied like she has.

Lord have mercy on your soul.

I've tried to forget her but I can't.

I want her as...
Yeah I know that it's wrong.

Easy kid, easy! They say that all is fair in love and
war.

Sash give him another drink.
I'm gonna go check on Bond.

Here, you tortured soul. Drink this up.

And acknowledge that you may be the beauty to
sooth that savage beast.

Well kid. What's the answer?
You better use this.

I had a feeling it would come in handy some time.

Take it easy, will you Toydy?

Remember I'm used to giving it. Not getting it.

The slower the better, beautiful.

You should really wait at least two hours after eating
before indulging in any vigorous exercise.

Get the hell out of here Chandler!
Not on your life Bond!

I've been waiting a long, long time for this one.

Have a whiff of this.
May get you more into the festivities.

You said you wanted to hear about my wife's love life
didn't you Bond?
Sure. Tell me.

My wife SarahLou Philips, used to have me undress
alone in the living room with the lights off.

Then she'd have me fold myself up into her castor-
convertible that her mother had bought us.

And then she wanted me to close myself in like a
human sardine sandwich.

Sound good, doesn't it Bond?
Yeah great!

Then, then she'd come in, turn on the lights,unfold
castor-convertible and there'd be a parakeet on her
finger.

Then when I was stiff from all her massaging she'd
have me kneel upon the bed

And she'd bring the parakeet over and put it on my
pecker as if it were a perch.

Go faster Chandler! Faster!
Hurry up. Hurry up! I feel a punch line coming!

Then she'd lay on her back, underneath my pecker.
Lay on her back with her mouth open.

And then the god damn parakeet drops a stool into
her mouth and she swallowed it!

Bond! What's the meaning of this?

I was just receiving our passport out of this place.

If that kind of passport sends you then I'm afraid that
you just have to go along without me.

The crates all yours kid!
I'm sorry to see you go.

Not more sorry than I am to see you come.
What crate are you talking about?

There's a crate of bananas behind the sofa.
Your boyfriend bargained his butt off for that fruit.

It's usually the other way around.
Fruits are always bargaining off their butts for me.

Well I'm glad I was here for the historic occasion.

Now all you and Bond have to do is run up those
courts with the crate of bananas.

And if the gorilla follows, just toss him a bunch.

You did that for me?
That's no big deal.

Besides I need thatjob you know.

I saw Toydy's naked body so don't go telling me it
wasn't any big deal.

There's no greater love that a man can show a
woman

than to give his body to the enemy.

Ah come on Willene.
I had to get broken in sometime

This way if things don't work out with you maybe
something will click with your husband.

It's a good thing I had it stashed away in the attic.

The smell of mothballs is deceitful.
Wait until you smell Medusa.

That's my wedding dress Chandler.
There's going be a marriage at Prairie Blossom.

Don't you think we'd better cut the top off Gert?
So when she comes in she won't mistake him for a
woman?

Who's she?
Tell me when to open the door.

Open the door for who?
The gorilla.

Evidently true love cannot be crushed by religious or
traditional taboos.

Bing has expressed his love for the gorilla. And she in
turn has persued him

acrossed four continents and will not be tamed until
she gets him.

I can sympathize with her.

There is something scraping and storting by the
outside door.

We'll all hide in the shadows and I'll go out and open
the outside door.

And then when the ape sees Bing standing in
brightly lit doorway with white clothes on she'll
in.

And that's when we all run out!
What about those goddamn bananas?

After she sees Bing she won't need them.

The bananas can remain here as a wedding if you
wish.

You really gave me the shaft Mack.
The pleasure was all mine.

Where are you going to run to?
I'm running nowhere.

It's been a long time since this house has seen
happiness and love.

Once these walls did echo with the gayest of laughter.

That was when my husband was alive and my son
existed.

It is my honor now to be hostess to a courageous
man

and the animal he loves
And who also shares his sentiment.

She's in no danger as long as Medusa sees my first.

After I've given myself to the gorilla again I expect
great psychological transformations

will occur in the scull of that primate.

Get back in there with those others.
Whatever loot she has in here is mine.

If I hadn't gone in the kitchen for that horseradish we
never would have got those keys.

You've got your first radish and you've got an extra
helping of creamed gravy what the hell else do you
want?

A chicken in every pot and creamed gravy seven
nights a week.

I found it. I found the key!

You see, there's really no sense in fighting if you only
live once.

It will be a pleasure to cater to your honeymoon with
bananas, bon-bons and...

Who is that?
He who does not exist.

Get me out of here!

Oh my God. It's her!
The gorilla!

Close the door!
Oh Chandler! What do we do?

When she sneaks her way in we'll make a dash for
freedom.

Will you take this man to be your lawfully wedded
husband?

In sickness and in health.

Till death do us part.

It was a lie. A little white lie.

You see he does exist behind this door.
But not up here in the world of sanity

Holy thy marriage chamber
And thy mate for eternity.

The parasites that have sucked the juices from your
body have not all belonged to the insect population.

Many shrewd businessmen have fattened their
wallets

by exhibiting your animalism.

It's not my wallet that I want fattened.

It's you. Fattened with our first child.
Our first newborn child.

The first of a race of super-men.

For God's sake have mercy!
God has no mercy!

Do you see what he's done to my son?

Gerald had gone to Borneo to collect some erotic
artifacts.

A harmless excursion into the steaming tropics in the
name of art.

But he was smitten with a vile and swelling tropical
disorder.

A malignancy of plangently grotesqueness who struck
at the very root of his manhood.

You see him now as a pinnacle of his disorder.

Repulsive to both man and woman alike.

And what is more important: repulsive to himself.

So self-revolting his mind became unbalanced.

Knowing that the one thing that made his life worth
living

was being crushed by the weight of his own testicles.

For his safety and mine

and for the safety of Blue and Pinky

I had to lock him up behind this door.

The weight of that malignancy on our fragile body

would have crushed the very life out of us.

You two are strong.

You'll survive.

You'll give Gerald the taste of weakness he wanted
his whole life

You'll survive.
And I pity you!

The storm is over. And God has given me the sun and
you on this the first morning of our lives.

Don't you go putting all your eggs in one basket
Willene.

I've got my hand in your basket and it feels nice and
firm.

I'm not worried about no eggs.

As long as you don't go losing your marbles over me.

I'm young and I'm restless. I'm not to be trusted.

A lot of energy in this body,
Willene and it hops around from bed to bed like a flea.

To be bit by a love-bug like me could be pretty
scratchy situation.

I don't care about my life. All I ask is that when I start
itching, you start scratching.

Bond?
Yes?

I'm starting to itch.
Where do you want me to scratch?

The rain is stopping Chandler.
Perhaps the road to Texas will not be muddy.

Do you see that slip of a rose light over there?
That's where we're going.

We're getting out of the mud and into a bed of roses.

That rose of light is the dawn Chandler.
Texas is to the south. Not east.

My heart is towards the east.
Towards the glow of a new day.

A day without vengeance. A day without hate.

Will your heart lead you to that bed of roses?
Or are you relying on your nose?

I'm relying on the sign we just past.

Rose haven hotel.
6 miles east down route 18.

That's where we'll find our bedside.

I'm pouring myself a drink Charlie!

Only it ain't to forget my loneliness.

We have company now.
And the house is full of human voices.

Like it was 15 years ago.

They're also the voices of the inhuman.
And those that suffer.

But they suffer no more.

Remind me

to go shopping today for some chopped meat,
vegetables, milk and honey.

And I'll need at least three dozen bananas. And some
heads of lettuce.

And of course my cucumbers.
I mustn't forget my cucumbers.

People come and go but the cucumbers must stay.

Join me in a toast Charlie!

A toast to love and happiness.

And to a life that won't go sour and turn every
cucumber into a pickle.