All language subtitles for Perkthimi 1 Me time

This is way
too high. This is crazy.

All right, party people,

let's get ready to do this!

Huck, I'm not gonna do it, man.
I think I'm gonna skip this jump.

We gotta do this together.

It's my birthday, man.
It's the big two-nine.

Me and you have spent
every birthday together

since you were five.

It's always something crazy.

I just feel like this is too much.
It's too much for me.

- This one's too much?
- Yeah. For me. You do it.

I get it. You're getting married.
You gotta be more responsible.

Yeah,
we'll celebrate back at the resort.

Yeah.

I'll get us some champagne,
a little cheese board.

- Yeah. Yeah!
- Right?

- I'll see you later.
- Okay.

All right, guys, go get 'em.
I'm not gonna do it.

Hey!

Hey, I'm not gonna ju...

Oh my God!

Sonny, I'm coming.

Remember your training, Sonny!

I don't remember shit!
I'm scared, man!

Open your arms, like a starfish.

Starfish can't fly!
Huck, starfish are stupid!

Sonny, spread your wings.

Aw!

Hey! I'm doing it!

This is amazing, Huck.

I told you you could do it.

You know, you were right, man.
You're always right.

I'm gonna be by your side for
every birthday until the end of time.

Give me your hand, buddy.

You're my best friend.

I love you, Huck. I lo...

Oh my gosh. They've got sharp teeth!
They've got sharp teeth, Huck.

I think he tried to get to my neck!

I'm gonna pull your rip cord!

- Sonny, that was incredible.
- Incredible, my ass.

I'm never letting you
talk me into this stupid shit again.

♪ I wanna go to a party and only talk ♪

♪ To you ♪

♪ Or stay at home on our phones
Maybe for an hour ♪

♪ Or two ♪

♪ When I'm kinda sick of everyone ♪

♪ Everyone but you ♪

♪ Let's go to Sheryl Crow karaoke ♪

♪ It's all I wanna do ♪

♪ If I was ever gonna get a tattoo ♪

♪ I'd wanna get a half a heart
To match you ♪

♪ It's you, you and me till the end ♪

♪ Wrote a best friend song
For my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah, it's you, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Wrote a best friend song
For my best friend ♪

♪ You're my best friend ♪

♪ Yeah, you know it
Yeah, you know it ♪

♪ You're my best friend, ooh
You're my best friend ♪

It's so good.

Like, really good.
It's gonna get so many likes.

How do I keep topping
myself? Every day, I just get better.

Look at this. Ava, look.

Cool, Daddy.

When you get to school,
show your friends.

Can I have some more goji berries
in my smoothie?

Absolutely, buddy.

Antioxidants, whatever you need.
I got... Shit!

Ah!

Damn it! Hokey Pokey went to
the bathroom in the kitchen again.

Guys, at this point,
I'm getting a little frustrated

'cause I know you see it. Come on!

Honey, I'm sorry. Give me a kiss.

I gotta run. They're having an
inspection at Armando's this morning.

But... don't forget tonight, okay?
He's getting that big award.

- You don't need me to be there, right?
- Yes.

Well, he's your client.
He's not gonna care if I'm not there.

I know, but baby, I'll care.

- Okay. All right.
- Okay? Okay, good.

- Okay.
- Love it. Where is my iPad?

- Ah, bedside, under your book. Okay? Yeah.
- Okay, thank you, thank you.

Hey, Dash, we talking
about the talent show.

Talk to me. Did you practice
your keyboard this morning?

I was about to, but I got sucked into
watching Eddie Murphy's Raw.

It was so funny how when the
kids would tease him, saying...

..."We got McDonald's."

Hey, Dash, enough with the comedy, Dash.

Son, this talent show's a big deal.
Remember, I'm the director this year.

The whole school is gonna be judging us.
I need you focused, buddy.

- Here, take a little bit of it.
- What... That... that's okay.

Come on, man. I'm serious.
I really need you on this, Dash.

You can't just let this float around
like it's nothing, man. It's...

No, I'm not doing this.
It's always a whole thing with Huck.

- Hey!
- Uncle Huck.

Hey, Ava, Dash! God,
I can't believe how big you guys got.

It's so good to see you.
Is your dad around?

- Yes, he is.
- He's right here.

- Sonny, baby!
- Here I am. What's up, Huck?

- What's going on?
- Where are you, man?

- Dude, I'm in Tijuana.
- Tijuana?

We were driving down to Redondo.
We missed the exit.

We were gonna go play mini golf.

We just kept going
all the way down to Mexico.

You gotta do that, right?

Huck, man, I would love to talk,
but I can't, dude.

Gotta get the kids ready.
About to get out the door.

Got a big day
of volunteering at the school.

You remember when we went down
to Mexico for my big two-three,

looking for the donkey show?

Yeah, I'm with the kids, Huck.

- Dad, what's a donkey show?
- Nothing.

- We found a donkey on the road.
- Yeah.

Hand to God,
biggest P-E-N-I-S I have ever seen.

- Okay.
- What did he spell?

- He spelled "penis."
- Hey, boy, what are you doing?

It's not a swear word.

Dash is right.
It's not a swear word. It's a body part.

I know exactly what it is, Huck.
I got one.

- Do I have one?
- No, you don't.

In life, if you chose at some point
you wanted one, you could get it.

- It's complicated.
- Real quick, dude.

My birthday's coming up.
It's the big four-four.

I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't an important birthday.

You haven't been to my parties in
forever. Any chance you could make it?

- Yeah...
- I think that's a great idea.

He needs some time to his self. Hi,
Huck.

Hey, what's up, girl?
Oh my God. You look amazing.

- We miss you.
- I miss you guys so much.

Huck, listen, I really wish I could.
I don't know what Maya's talking about.

We're gonna be at her parents'
for spring break. I can't make it.

Oh, gosh, that's so disappointing. I mean,
I completely understand. Family first.

- It's too bad.
- Yeah.

All right. Bye, Huck!

- Bye, Maya.
- All right, bye. Love you. Okay.

Um, Huck, dude, listen,
I gotta jump, man.

So good talking to you.
So, so good talking to you.

We'll catch up soon, okay?
Hey, say goodbye, hang up.

All right, look,
I'm gonna send you the deets

just in case, if you can make it,
and a pic of the donkey's D-I-C-K.

- Pic of what?
- It's unreal.

Don't send no pic of
that donkey's dick...

Shit! Goddamn!

Same piece of poop got me again.

Ava, honey, this is getting crazy.
You gotta start carrying your own bag.

I don't want to.

All right, noted,
but that doesn't mean you don't have to.

Sometimes it'd be nice
to help your father, okay?

Oh, Dad, Asher Geller's dad

got a minivan with automatic doors.
Whoo, it's sick.

Son, listen to me,

opening up the door
with your hands builds character.

Lesson of the day. Let's go. In.

All right, guys,
who's ready to go to school, huh?

- I am!
- Yeah.

Son, match Ava's energy.

- I am!
- I am!

Hey, hey, hey!

Sixty seconds or less. Let's go.

Morning, Crossing Guard Lenore.

Good morning, Mr. PTA President.

Let's go, guys. Time to go to school.

Gotta get it off the track.

- I love you. I love you too.
- Love you, Dad.

- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye!

It's our job to give our kids options.

Taste the hemp. Hemp. Not every kid
even knows that hemp is available,

and that's not fair to them.

"It was just the right putter..."

So we're not listening?
Are we not gonna listen today?

Sonny, I've got this.
Have a seat. Thank you.

All right. Hey.

Okay. That's it. That's it.

♪ It's all good, wait a minute
I got joy in my spirit ♪

♪ I got money in my pocket and some... ♪

It's okay, nothing wrong with that.

Pass.

♪ Worries on my dresser
See, now there's a bigger picture ♪

♪ But I already knew that ♪

♪ Passing through the fire, boy
I couldn't take the blowback ♪

♪ It's all good, baby... ♪

Gotta be shitting me, Alan!

Hey! What the hell was that, Alan?

Oh, Sonny, some of us gotta get back
to the office, my friend. Hey, guys.

Well, you know what?
Some of us gotta get citations.

- Hmm?
- Oh, no!

- Yeah. Yeah.
- A citation?

So just wait here.
Crossing Guard Lenore, did you see that?

Dad! That's the, uh, car
with the, uh, automatic doors.

I get it. C'mon, let's go.
Get in the car, guys.

I mean, I would,
but the door's, like... it's too heavy.

Oh, so you got jokes, now?
What'd I tell you?

All you gotta do is lift the door.
You lift it and pull it back.

It's too easy. Let's go.

All right, Skyler, do me a favor,
make sure the polenta doesn't stay

in the Instant Pot too long
'cause if it does, it'll get real gummy.

- Yeah.
- Uh, oh. Yeah.

All right, and after dinner,
Dash has to do 20 minutes on the piano.

- Okay? Yes.
- Dad, you're killing me.

I'm already underwater
with reading comp.

Ten thousand hours,
buddy. You know that.

It's not about being good.
It's about being great.

It's a little life lesson.
It's called double G.

- Thank you so much, Skyler.
- Have fun, Mr. F.

At mouth2mouth,
when you buy a toothbrush,

we donate one to a person in need.

Our dream is that,
through the simple act of brushing,

we will be reminded
that we are all one world,

one people.

Armando!

- To Armando. Congratulations.
- Thank you so much.

Congratulations.

Thank you for being
here. Thank you. Yeah.

Tell us more
about your tortoise sanctuary.

Here's the thing, for me...

...had none. I was like...

I see you, Dash!

- I see you.
- Dad, I literally just peed my pants.

That doesn't take away the fact you're
not doing what you're supposed to.

- Come on.
- Our son.

You're watching Tiffany Haddish stand-up.
You're not practicing your music.

Now I know you think you're a comedian,

but this talent show
is all about your keyboard skills.

- I'm watching you. Bye.
- So sweet.

Honey, listen, let it go. It's okay
if he doesn't practice tonight.

- You know kids.
- No, no, it's not okay.

How do you all know each other?

Well, I hired
the great architect Norman Bogart

to design my house
slash tortoise sanctuary in Topanga,

and I quickly realized
this genius right here,

she was doing all the work.

Armando, come on.

You know it's true.
You can't say it, I can.

Anyway, we started texting
day and night, and here we are.

Two years later, I have a beautiful home
and an even more beautiful friendship.

And this is Maya's husband, um, Sonny.

- Oh, wow, hi.
- Oh, hi.

And what is it that you do, Sonny?

Uh... Well, I... I am a...

- He's a housewife.
- Oh.

English is not my first language.
I don't know the terminology,

but he stays at home.

- He's great with the kids.
- It's a lot of work.

- It's a very contemporary relationship.
- It is.

- How's the company doing, Raj?
- It's doing incredibly well.

We're shipping
culturally appropriate condoms

to North India
to help lower the STD rates.

So the mission of the organization
is to eradicate land mines.

- Well, that is just something...
- Yeah, I agree.

There was a... a...

Actually, my girls and I
spent the last year in Barcelona.

We opened four schools
for the children in the countryside.

You speaking about that just made me
think of my daughter, who's five now.

She's taking Mandarin.

We go to a Chinese restaurant.

She starts speaking Mandarin
while we're at the restaurant,

and out of nowhere
they bring out a secret menu.

I'm like, "Okay." Right?

It's... it's...

I mean, you can only imagine, you know?

You know, you would think for $20 an hour
that Skyler would clean the Instant Pot.

- Honey?
- Hmm?

Where were you going
with that whole Mandarin thing?

Ava doesn't speak Mandarin.

She's been taking Mandarin
for, like, six months.

- Really? She has?
- Yes.

It's "good morning."

I think it is. She says it every morning.
And what do you mean, "Where was I going?"

I'm trying to get in
on a conversation, Maya.

You got me at the table

with a bunch of world leaders.
What am I supposed to talk about,

my kindergarten blog?

Yeah...

Tell me what I'm supposed to say
to the condom man

who's handing out rubbers in India?

That's a good thing.

I don't even wanna
get started on Armando.

- Don't. Yes.
- Armando? What about Armando?

What do you mean,
"What do I mean"?

Oh, wait. Wait, wait. Babe, it's Huck.

Ignore it. Ignore it.

- Igno...
- Yes.

I don't wanna talk to Huck right now.

I don't wanna see a donkey's dick
in Tijuana or discuss his birthday.

I understand, baby,
but it's too bad you can't go.

I mean, come on, you guys were so close.

And you know you used to have
the best time together.

Yes, Maya, we did, and then I grew up.

That's what happens in life.
I got married. I had kids.

I'm sorry that I don't wanna spend
a weekend with Huck

celebrating his 44th birthday
with a bunch of 22-year-olds.

- All right, fine.
- Thank you.

- Let's get back to this Armando thing.
- Babe, there's no Armando thing.

Why'd he have his hand
on your shoulder for six seconds?

- Did you count?
- It was six seconds. I counted.

Right above your collarbone.

And by the way, it bothered me
because you have a high breast.

What?

Because of your high breast,
if his hand got lower,

he's grabbing titty.

It was my shoulder.

- I think you're really overreacting.
- No! No, I'm not!

Think I don't see his games?
I see right through him.

- We're in a chess match.
- A chess match?

Yes. You can't see it
because you're not a guy.

- Okay. All right.
- Maya, I'm very serious.

It's a guy thing.

I still can't believe that I didn't know
Ava was taking Mandarin.

I feel like the worst mom ever.

You know what you need? You just need
some quality time with the kids.

Oh, look.

- What?
- Look at this.

"Thank you for coming." See that?

Armando just sent that text. See?

Oh, wait, was that some kind of...

..."move" in the chess match?

It actually was.

What is that?

He sent you a... a GIF from Bridgerton?

I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it,
but I think it's inappropriate.

- Right? That's just... just me saying.
- I don't think he meant anything by it.

You know, that's, uh...
that's actually next on our watch list.

Bridgerton?
I can't wait to see it, either.

You know, I might have binged it
with Armando on our flight to New York.

Are you kidding me right now?

We put it on our watch list.

- I know.
- That means we're watching it together.

You know what I watched instead of that?
Storage Wars. Reruns.

- Wow.
- I can't get that piece of my life back.

- Baby, I'm so sorry. I don't... I... I...
- Ooh, that's insane.

You know what?

I actually have an idea.

All right, I accept your apology.

No, listen, I want to tell you.

- What do you mean, tell me? Come on.
- No, but I want to tell you what it is.

- Go back to the side.
- Yeah. No, baby.

- I can last longer from the side.
- That's good.

- Can I tell you something first?
- All right, well, hurry up.

Okay, I'm thinking maybe
I should take Dash and Ava

for spring break, but by myself.

- What?
- Yeah, I need quality time with the kids.

- Maya...
- You could use time without them.

You know, you could stay here
and have a week to yourself.

You've never traveled
with them without me.

I am their mother.

- I know. I get that.
- Sonny? Hello? I will be fine.

I mean, come on.
Just think about it.

- Okay. I'll... I'll think about it.
- Okay.

- All right?
- Yeah.

Now, I need to know what I'm doing.

Are these pants staying down,
or they coming up?

- Down.
- Oh.

Sonny, what is there
to think about?

A week without their family
is literally every man's dream.

Every man's dream?
Alan, you don't think moms need a break?

I'm working full-time
at the real estate agency

and still expected to do
everything with these kids.

Okay, first of all, Jill, you and Hank,
you share custody, all right?

So it's not like you don't
have time for yourself. You do.

No, I don't,
'cause this bitch talking about,

"Oh, I'm on a business
trip every other weekend,"

when I know he's just doing CrossFit.

Okay? And now I only get one day a month
to stack up all my Tinder dates.

And how's that going?

I mean, I'm fucking,

but you know, I don't have time
to develop anything meaningful.

- Right. Yeah, no connection.
- Whoa!

Just getting smashed to pieces.

God, I wish Jeremiah would take
the twins from me for the weekend.

I haven't been alone
in my house in like a decade.

Hey, Stew.

Right, you know,
talking about "me time,"

- there's value in it.
- Big-time.

But is it really worth
missing a family vacation?

You have no life outside of your kids.

- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.

Sonny, ignore them. There's nothing
wrong with being a devoted parent.

Bethany, come on,
you're basically your children's butler.

Diane and I have our routine dialed in.

I'm the caregiver,
and she's the breadwinner.

We both know our roles,
so there's zero conflict.

It's called a system, which works, guys.

- Right? That's good for you guys.
- A prison system, sounds like.

I like my life.

- Shut up, Bethany. You do not.
- What is this, Sonny, no everything's?

What are you doing right now, Alan?

Are you really putting
your hand on every bagel?

Trying to find the everything's.

Every single Café Friday, Alan,
you complain about everything,

yet you bring nothing.

Me, on the other hand,

I'm putting the presentation together.

I'm putting this out.

'Cause this is all you focus on.
You need to let Maya take the kids.

- Can you let it go?
- You have to.

I'm worried you'll turn
into Crossing Guard Lenore.

What are you talking about?

You're turning into Lenore
whether you know it or not.

Okay, I just happen to love
Crossing Guard Lenore.

- We all do. It's sad.
- What's your point?

Her kids went to this school.
She was a full-time mom,

director of the talent show,
head of the PTA.

She had no life outside of this place.

Does that sound familiar to you?

Yeah, well, her husband leaves her,
kids don't need her anymore,

and one day out of nowhere,
she just shows up with the vest on.

Crossing guard's not even
an official position, Sonny.

- It's not?
- No, it's not.

I know.

- I'm becoming Crossing Guard Lenore.
- Yeah.

- That's it, I'm staying home.
- Really?

- Yeah, really.
- Yes!

Okay, you're gonna need
a Sherpa next week, so I am telling Rita

she's taking the kids
to Legoland by herself.

Are you sure she's gonna go for that?

Are you kidding me?
I rule the roost, pal. I'm not like you.

All right, so what's on the agenda?
Let's do this.

How about we... how about we start off
with some golf, right?

- Yeah.
- Some food.

Maybe find an underground barbecue spot.

Or we go to a gentleman's cabaret.

- Absolutely not. No.
- Yes.

Don't you wanna get smashed
between something?

- No. Not that.
- What are you talking about?

You don't go to titty bars,
a strip club?

- No, I do not. And it...
- Why?

Because it makes me feel
as if I'm... as if I'm cheating.

- It's not cheating.
- Ah, it is.

No, it's harmless flirtation
with a professional body worker.

- No.
- Where do you masturbate?

- I'm sorry?
- Where do you jerk off?

- No. Ah, good to see you.
- She does too.

- You're out of line.
- Tell me on three.

- I'm not telling you anything.
- One, two, three.

- Shower.
- I knew it.

- You didn't say it. You repeated it.
- Yes, I did.

You're relegated
to jerking off in a watery prison

because your family is always home.

The freedom, Sonny, to have yourself
in any room in your house,

that's why we fight wars.

Okay.

"I bought this house.
I'm gonna jerk off in it!"

- Right? You deserve that!
- Right! Yeah, no, no. No.

- I do deserve it. Yes!
- Yes, you do!

This is gonna be revolutionary, baby.
We're gonna be real friends!

Whoa! Wait, what do you mean,
"We're gonna be"? We are friends, dude.

- We're parent friends.
- I've known you for seven years.

You're saved in my
phone as "Dash's Dad."

- What do you mean?
- I didn't know your name for three years.

When we become friends, I'll change it.

Okay, water under the bridge,

you're right about everything.
You got me pumped up!

- Let's go!
- I get some me time.

- You time.
- It's about me time!

- Me time!
- Me time!

Mom, Mom, do you think
Grandma and Grandpa have Wi-Fi?

Yes, I'm sure they do, baby.
I'm sure. Just go get your stuff.

- Come on, we're gonna miss our flight.
- Dash, forgot your keys.

Come on, Dad. We packed carry-ons,

and now we're gonna have to wait
at baggage claim?

Come on, son, now you know
you got to nail this talent show.

All I'm asking for is
20 minutes a day. You got that.

I bet all the other kids are practicing
during vacation. Here, Maya.

- Wait, what is this?
- Ava's EpiPen.

- Ep... Oh my G...
- Yes.

- Oh God! How could I forget this?
- What are you talking about?

There's one in the backpack.
I just keep a spare one on me.

Okay, I think you were right.
I don't think this is a good idea.

Stop it. You're overreacting.
You're breathing all crazy.

Kids, tell your mother
that you gonna be okay

without me for a few days.

Well, honestly, I have concerns.
I'm sorry, Mom, but Dad's the glue.

- Goddamn it. No.
- Did you hear what he just...

Dash, get... get... get your stuff.
Help me with the bags.

What are you doing?

Oh, Dad, can you finish
my Lego Death Star, please?

No, I cannot finish the Death Star

'cause this week is about
Daddy taking time for himself.

- It's me time. Gimme the bags.
- Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.

- I like this new Sonny.
- What do you mean?

- I don't think I've ever heard you say no.
- Bye, Mommy.

- Baby, I'm coming.
- What do you mean? I say no all the time.

I'm the definition of
the law around here.

Murphy's Law, maybe.

Come on, babies, get in the car.
Dash, scooch over. Lock your sister in.

- All right. I love you.
- Hey, just have fun this week, okay?

- I am. I'm gonna have a good time.
- Good. Good.

- And you should go to Huck's party.
- No.

- Cut loose like you used to.
- No, I'm not going to Huck Dembo's party.

I told you, our lives have
nothing in common anymore.

I don't wanna talk about me.
I wanna talk about you.

- Yes.
- No work.

No, I'm gonna get
that quality mama time in.

- You know it, I promise.
- Good. All right, I love you.

- Go. All right, bye.
- I'm gonna miss you. Yeah.

- Be safe. I love you guys.
- Bye, Daddy!

- Y'all got your seatbelts on?
- Death Star.

Dash, put your head in the window
before a car take your head off.

- Get in the car. Love you all!
- Bye, honey.

Let's get it, Seal.

♪ Only child know ♪

♪ A man decides after 70 years ♪

♪ That what he goes there for ♪

♪ Is to unlock the door... ♪

Excuse me?
I need some documents notarized.

Let me take a look.

What if we did a notary? Private.

- Hi, Daddy.
- Oh my God! Don't come in here, Ava.

- Oh shit!
- Close your eyes.

Come on. Don't come in here.

You have such a big stamp.

- Why is Daddy naked?
- Daddy's just... just playing with himself.

I'm sorry. She forgot her fluffy.

- Let me see.
- Go ahead and finish. We're sorry.

- This is Alan.
- Al Capone!

What's up, man?
What, uh... what time is tee time today?

- Oh, Sonny, I forgot.
- Huh?

- Something came up. I'm sorry...
- Wait, where you at right now?

- I'm at Legoland, Son.
- Legoland?

We were talking about becoming
real friends this week. What happened?

What if you call Combover Stew?

No. There... there's
no world where I'm doing that.

Forget it. I'll be fine.

- I got this.
- You definitely got this!

You can climb that mountain by yourself.
Climb two mountains.

Go to that strip club
and bury your face in a big set of...

Hey, get off the bed!
What did I say, guys?

Fuck you, Dad.

- Hey.
- Hey, reservation?

No, uh, I'm a single.

I got a group going out now.

- Okay, where at?
- Those three over there.

Hi.

Come on over.

I'm gonna go with the smoked brisket.
That pork sausage? Let's try that.

It says you got the ribs?

They in the back.
Yeah, you hiding them ribs.

Gimme two more of those.

Lemme see what it look like
when you close it up?

Throw one more on there. Yes!

I wanna go in here.

I cut a coupon out of LA Weekly.
It says five dollars off entry.

♪ I just wanna be ♪

♪ I just wanna be free... ♪

No, I'm not worried.

- You're good.
- Okay.

Why don't we make
it a little interesting?

Let's go ten strokes a side,
five bucks a hole?

- Yeah.
- If you say so.

Uh-oh.
That's a little short.

- Yeah.
- A little short. I'll take it though.

- Sure. Yes.
- Yeah. Go again...

- Good shot, Ginny.
- Jesus Christ!

I done had brisket, ribs, pork.

I don't even know what this thing was.

Hopefully, it was an animal.
It may not be.

They could've put human butt in here.
I wouldn't know the difference.

Oh my God. You all... You all right?

Harmless flirtation.

Mr. Fisher, I thought that was you.

It's Skyler.

The babysitter?

I got hustled. I know I did.

- You gave ten shots a side.
- I know what I gave you.

- Gender profiling.
- Absolutely not.

And ageism and racism.

- No!
- Yeah.

You good, bro?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm all right.

Ew! Ew! Oh God!

Whoo! I apologize. Hey...

I'm still gonna do a review on Yelp.

Let you guys know it was...

♪ I just wanna be free ♪

Hey.

How was your trip?

Oh, honestly, it was, uh...
It was super easy.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Dash, you know,
he watched Bill Burr's new special

for, like, the 100th time.

So what now,
you calling me 'cause the kids

wanted a little FaceTime bedtime story?

Uh, they're actually already asleep.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

Babe, are you in Dash's room?

Am I? Yeah, that's right.
I forgot I was. Yep.

Come on. Don't tell me that you're
in there working on the Death Star.

- You're supposed to be having fun.
- It's just for a second.

It relaxes me, Maya.

Okay. Well, I love you.

I love you too.

- Okay, baby. Bye.
- All right. Bye-bye.

Enough of this, please.

I'm not gonna do nothing fun.

Whatever.

I got it.

Hello, friend.

- Do you know where Huck is?
- Hello, how are you?

Oh, wow, look at this boat.

Huck can do it, man.

- Sonny, baby!
- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

- There he is.
- You made it. You made it.

- Yes, man. Happy birthday.
- Oh! Oh, thank you, brother.

Dude, look at you. You look good.
Hey... Whoa, come on, man.

You don't have no clothes on.

Dude, I'm stoked for this week.

When I got here, I just felt
compelled to strip and dive in.

The rest of these maniacs?
They were right behind me.

- Oh, okay.
- Hey, guys!

Say hi to my oldest friend
in the world, Sonny Fisher!

Hi.

They... they don't have
clothes on either, man.

- Wanna do a little skinny-dip?
- No.

Come on, we'll go tandem,
like with the wing suits.

No! No, no, no, no. No.
I don't want to do it.

- All right. All right. Cool.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, it is so good to see you.
I can't believe how long it's been.

- Man. How... It's been...
- It's been three years.

- Yeah, it has been long.
- Yeah.

You... you... you want a towel?
You want anything?

- No, I'm good.
- Okay.

- I'm so glad you made it.
- All right. Dude, of course.

You know, Maya... Maya's got the kids.
She went to her parents' house.

And I told her, I was like,
"Go, I need a break." Right?

- Daddy needs some solo time.
- Awesome.

- "Please, do you." So...
- We're gonna do us.

- Hey,
- Like the old days?

Don't... don't threaten me
with a good time, man.

I'm ready. Yeah.

Look at that, there she is.

What's that?

Why don't you grab a burrito,
I'm gonna get changed, okay?

That's your... that's your bus?

Yeah. Looks pretty good, huh?

Well, uh... What's...
The boat? We're not on a boat?

- What boat?
- Huh.

Hello, party people!

All right, as many of you know,

I believe that matching outfits are one
of the keys to any successful soiree.

- Always.
- You like the suit?

- Yes!
- I got suits for everybody.

Go find the garment bags.
They're labeled with your names.

♪ I can hear the alarm ♪

♪ I won't take it much longer... ♪

- Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
- What's up?

Think I'm gonna go ahead
and get a shot of "to-kill-ya."

- I don't know what that is.
- Tequila.

- But I'm saying "to-kill-ya." Right?
- Tequila.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Now, that I got.

Hey, man. What's going on, bro?

- I'm Kabir. This is, uh, my partner Trina.
- Hey, how do you know Huck?

Our desks are
right next to each other at WeWork.

All right, that's cool.

You don't, uh... you don't work
at the ad agency anymore?

No, I haven't been there
for a couple of years.

They were dinosaurs.

I opened up my own shop.
We focus on brand synergy,

vertical integration, next-level stuff.

You gotta... you gotta do that.

Cool.

Eh, Sonny. It's Sonny, no?

Huck told us
that you are a stay-at-home parent.

- Yeah. Yes!
- This is very inspiring to us.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

- Well... well, my wife is an architect.
- She's amazing.

I was doing data entry for Citibank
while I was pursuing a music career,

but after we had our second child,

I said, "It's probably best
for me to stay at home,

take care of the kids
rather than pay for childcare."

- What a real man would do.
- Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

Hey, what do you play?

Ah, keyboard. They call me Dr. Silk.

I'm a singer-songwriter,
and adult contemporary, that's...

- Don't be modest.
- I love it.

Sonny put out an album. It's fantastic.

Wow!

I'm telling you, another level.

Are you on Spotify?

- No.
- Oh, so you're on SoundCloud?

- No.
- So how would we hear it?

- I guess that's...
- Yeah.

I'm on, uh, CD's.

I don't normally do it,
but I'll send you all some.

- I don't have anything to play it on.
- I have a player. I have a player.

My dad has something.

A toast to my brother, Sonny.
Best friend in the whole world.

♪ Keep moving, keep moving ♪

Hey, Dash.

Dash, pay attention now.

You put your forefinger on the line
then pull to create a slipknot.

- Will you just do it for me?
- Hell, no!

Dad!

Dash, go practice piano.
You know your father's gonna ask.

But Dad's not here, Mom.

It doesn't matter.

You know how important
this talent show is to him.

- Ow!
- Maya, you're pulling the baby's hair.

Everybody is not good
at everything, you know?

- Okay, Mom, give me a chance.
- What?

- Guys, a seaplane just landed by our dock.
- Oh!

A seaplane? Who is it?

Look.

Hey, Maya!

- Hey, Maya, it's me, Armando.
- Oh.

- Armando.
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

I know, right? Surprise.

Maya kept telling me
how amazing this part of the world was,

so I took a scouting trip...

Uh-huh.

...and I found an island
that I'm thinking about buying.

- Oh.
- Wait, what?

- Are you serious?
- Yes.

The thing is, I really think this is
the project you've been waiting for.

- You can finally start your own firm.
- Wait, what?

Could I steal you for this afternoon?

I want your eyes on this property.

Well, I... I... I... I promised the kids
that I would take a break from work.

- Of course.
- Yeah.

You're right. I don't wanna get in
the way of your family time. I'm sorry.

Unless...

I don't know, maybe...
maybe Dash and Ava could come?

Mmm. Hey, Dash?

Yes?

You wanna learn
how to fly a seaplane, buddy?

Heck, yeah!

Oh, there you go.

Hey, people, listen up.

I did a lot of thinking
about how to celebrate my 44th,

and because of the great pan-d,

we spent too long without
the simple joy of being together.

- Yes.
- So, this week isn't about me.

- It's about us.
- Okay.

- Yes.
- Huh?

We're going back to basics, right here,

in the unforgiving...
...but majestic...

- Oh. Oh!
- The majestic California desert!

I got... I got first dibs
on the bathroom and the shower.

Yeah!

Welcome to Huckchella.
It's our own Burning Man.

I designed it myself. The effigy is me.

What the fuck is this?

- Ready, Geno?
- Yep.

- Three, two...
- All right. Wait!

Sonny. Where's Sonny?

Sonny, Sonny, get up
in the front, man. Come on.

- I don't need to do it.
- This is the photo.

- I don't have to do it. I don't have to...
- Take him. Get him.

One, two, three, yeah!

- You got it?
- Got it.

- Ha! That made the photo. That made the...
- Yeah.

All right, guys, get your stuff,

claim your yurt.
Ladies get first pick, guys.

- Geno, see you in five days. Drive safe.
- Five days.

What do you mean, five days?
Huck, we're in the middle of nowhere.

- We're getting primal this week.
- What does that mean?

We're stripping it down.

Promise you, this is gonna be
the best week of your life.

- I under...
- Claim a sleeping mat.

We're six to a yurt.

- Six to a what?
- I'm so glad you're here.

- Hey, wait a second.
- This is the best. I'm so happy.

- Check it out. Do you like my statue?
- Huck, hold on.

Yeah!

No service.
Oh, you got to be kidding me.

Nothing. I'm not getting...
not getting anything.

♪ Stand up like a solider, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, I know you're built like that ♪

♪ Gun it like a holster, baby ♪

♪ Show them,
say you're wicked like that ♪

♪ We live where the war is raging... ♪

It's a jack-pack with a strap.

- Oh shit. That's nice.
- Oh.

It's catching on.

Whoa, there he is!

I love that outfit.

I didn't know
what the vibe would be,

so I kind of got more
of a resort dress code going on, man.

- But, you know, I'll make it work.
- Oh, you're making it work. You always do.

All right, beautiful people,
let's get organized.

I know it's a little early, but we
gotta turn our attention to dinner.

Oh, now we're talking. What're you
doing? You doing how you used to do?

Probably got some steaks, some
American Wagyu coming? What you got?

Nope. We're gonna forage
for our own food. Pull the tarp.

Hey, I'm a beekeeper by trade,
but I forage in my downtime.

So, if anybody got any questions,
just hit me up.

Okay, I got the first question, which is,
"Why are you guys messing with me?" Huh?

Stop it, man. I saw the YETI coolers.
I know there's food in there, Huck.

Oh, we have some apps,
but the main course is up to us.

Grab a machete and a basket,
and let's get our forage on!

Let's get our forage on.

We gotta hunt for our food?

Huck, real quick, uh, excuse me.

- What?
- Gotta go to the bathroom.

- Where the porta-potties at?
- Oh, right there.

- That's a bucket.
- They're Luggable Loos. They work great.

- They're luggable what?
- A Luggable Loo.

Dude, you just grab it, pump, dump,

discard it on the side
of the road, whatever.

I gotta get
the sweat lodge fired up, all right?

Good luck out there, all right?
Now watch out for the rattlesnakes.

- What?
- They're edible, but they're dangerous.

Watch out for the...

Ridiculous.

That's very mature.

Putting a penis on a Lego. Good, okay.

See what you think now.

Hmm?

Check out my 'gram, bitches.

Okay. Goddamn it. Oh God.

I gotta go.

What the... Hold on now.

What is this?

Yo, stop.
No, stop. That tickles.

You got some claws on you, huh?
You still cute though.

Cute little...

Whoa, hey. Hey, buddy.

You're a little scary kitty, huh?

Look at you.

Oh my God.

Whoa. Oh.

Here you go. This what you want?
Is this what you want?

I'll set it down.
I'll set... I'll set it down

Fuck this!

Help!

Help! Help! Lion!

- Salad fork, regular fork.
- It's a lot of plates.

- Knife facing in.
- Help!

- Okay.
- It's a lion!

What's going on?

Hey, I got a lion on my ass!

These shoes ain't shit. Shit!

- Is that Sonny up there?
- Help! Huck!

He gonna eat me!
I got a lion trying to eat me!

He's getting chased by a mountain lion.

I'm scared! I'm scared!

- Sonny, show him another gear.
- Run, Sonny!

- Get out of there!
- Hey! Shit! I got a lion on my ass!

Help! Help!

He on my ass! Get away from me!

Oh my God. Oh!

Oh my God! Oh my God!

- No, Sonny!
- Sonny!

Oh, oh God. Oh my God.

What are you looking at?

Come on, bitch.

Got it.

To the jugular!

Get off of me!
Get your hungry ass off of me!

Get off of me!

You hungry...

You thought I was a black rabbit?

Dude, that was sick.
You went primal, man.

Yes, I did.

Yes, I did.

You know what? She might be the big cat,
but I'm looking at the Big Dog.

- This is the Big Dog. You are the Big Dog.
- Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah.

You hear that?

I'm the Big Dog!

Oh my God.

I'm the Big Dog!

- Sonny, calm down.
- Huh?

You got... you got
a little blood on your back.

What do you mean? Did she clip me?

She clipped me a little bit?

Damn.

I got a little bit of Neosporin.

- Just put this on there.
- Oh, no.

I don't know if it's gonna do it.

- Take a picture. Lemme look at it.
- You sure?

Yeah. I gotta see it, 'cause Neosporin,
you normally put a little bit on top.

That hardens it up.
Goes away the next day.

- Take a look at this.
- Yeah, let me see it. What...

- Oh, she tried to take my spine out.
- You gotta breathe. You gotta breathe.

This was a... this was a planned attack.

Sonny. He's not okay!

- Guys! Calm down.
- Sonny?

We're gonna get him to the campsite.

- Yeah. We got you, Sonny.
- We're gonna bandage it up, okay?

- Just breathe. Oh, he's out.
- Okay.

Oh my God!

The raw bar has arrived.

Shot of "to-kill-ya," Big Dog?

Let's go!

To the Big Dog!

One, two, three, and slide.

Great. Okay, it's your turn.

No, it's my turn.

Okay, go ahead.
Oh, wait, it's your dad. Hi!

Hey. I wanted to call you guys,

check on you,
see how things were going, honey.

Actually, it's been great.
We had such a fun day. How about you?

- I'm good.
- It's Sonny.

Good is an understatement, 'cause
I ended up coming to Huck's party.

That is fantastic, babe. I'm glad.

We're in the desert, getting primal.

Oh?

I even got myself a nickname out here.
They call me the Big Dog.

- Well, I know what that means.
- Big Dog!

And it's sticking.

- Baby, I'm...
- Dad!

- You been practicing for the show?
- No, better.

We took a seaplane ride!

- It was so fun!
- Okay. Okay...

Mom's friend Armando
flew us to his private island.

Back up a little bit.
Sounded like you said, "Armando."

Do me a favor, put your mother
on the phone. Let me talk to your mom.

- Hi, honey.
- Hey.

You didn't say nothing to me
about Armando coming out there.

Baby, I didn't know he was coming up
here. How would I know? He just showed up.

He wanted my opinion on this island
that he's thinking of buying.

And Mom's gonna design
a tortoise sanctuary for him.

What are you talking about?
What does that mean?

Well, I was gonna call you
about it after I put the kids to bed.

He just suggested that I leave my job

and... and open my own firm, you know,
uh, with him as my first client.

Oh! Oh, there you go.

Last suggestion I remember

was you telling me that you
wanted to spend time with the kids.

Now I find out that
you're island hopping

- with old Don Dental...
- Please.

- Be nice.
- ...going all over the place...

- Sonny, it's Gil.
- Oh shit.

- You have to understand something.
- Here we go.

Maya is the breadwinner,

and your job
is to hold down the home front.

Now, I love you, buddy,
but you got to stay in your lane.

You know what, Gil? I doubt
that I'm gonna take relationship advice,

or any type of advice
for that matter, from a cheater.

- What?
- That's right. From a cheater!

- What?
- Who did Grandpa cheat with?

I have never cheated in my life!

Want me to take you
back to last summer, huh?

Orcas Island Golf Course?

You gave yourself
every putt within six feet.

- He's talking about golf. So dumb.
- Newsflash, those are not gimmes!

They're not gimmes, Pops!

It's not my fault you don't have the
balls to tell me to putt out, you pussy.

- Oh, I don't have the balls?
- Okay, Maya...

- Okay.
- Let me tell you something about my balls!

Let me tell you something
about my big black balls.

- I'm out. Take the phone, girl.
- I fought off a mountain lion!

You're not done 'cause I'm not done,
so pick up the phone. Gil?

- We're gonna tell you good night, honey.
- Maya, give Gil back the phone!

You don't have no balls.

Hey, Sonny.

Where you been, buddy?

I was up there on the phone with Maya.

- I had to go find reception.
- Really?

I call to check on her.

I'm thinking she's with the kids,
spending quality time.

She's with her parents,
what she was supposed to be doing.

I find out her client Armando's there.

I find that out 'cause Dash told me.

And her dad called me a pussy.

- Whoa. None of that right now.
- I never... I'm not a pussy. I'm...

Just calm down.

- Yeah, I...
- Take a breath. Recenter.

- Yeah.
- You're not with Maya.

- You're not with the kids.
- Yeah.

- You're here in the desert with me.
- Yeah.

There you go. Recenter.

Oh, hell, yes.

Sonny, you're gonna lose your mind

when you see the surprise guest
I pulled out of a hat.

- You got a surprise guest?
- I got a surprise guest.

For you. They're a little early,
but you're gonna love it.

- Who is it? Tell me.
- You're gonna love it.

Ay-yi-yi.

Huck, my man. I texted you.
You've been ghosting me.

No! No, I've just been slammed
planning this party. It's my 44th.

Not to burst your bubble,
but that's not a milestone of any kind.

And if it wasn't for your friend here
posting you on the 'gram,

I would've never found out
where you were hiding.

I would not hide from you.

Wait a minute, am I missing something?
Is this the surprise?

Allow me to do the intros.

Stan Berman,
alternative revenue specialist.

- And this is my colleague, Dorit.
- Shalom.

Shalom back at you. I'm,
uh, Sonny Fisher.

So, Huck, when I saw
you were throwing this elaborate shindig

even though you still owe me $47,000,

I thought Dorit and I
will have to come pay you a visit.

No, I... Look, I've been having
some liquidity issues.

Stan offered to spot me.

- It's all good.
- Okay.

I didn't spot you, Huck.

I loaned you the money,
and you refused to pay me back.

So now, Dorit's gonna have to inflict
some bodily harm.

Stan. Stan. Stan the Man.
Hey, I thought we were friends.

We are, but Huck, I was very clear
about my fee structure.

It's a misunderstanding. I did not
know this was so time-sensitive.

Give me a day.
I'll move some funds around.

I'll pay you back.

Oy vey.

- A day?
- Yeah.

All right, fine.

- Oh my God.
- Yes, thank you!

- He's so reasonable.
- I didn't know what was going on.

- I'm panicking right now.
- Don't sever anything.

Just break a finger,
then we gotta hit the road.

Wait, what are you talking about?
We had a deal. You gave me a day.

You just said that it was okay.
We heard you say that.

But, Huck, would you really feel
the pressure to pay me back

without some physical violence?

- I wouldn't with the same immediacy.
- That's my point.

You guys are in good hands.
Don't worry, Dorit's incredibly precise.

Fingers on the wood, please.

Huck, wait... wait a minute.

- Don't put your hand there.
- She said I have...

- Here we...
- Hey, listen, D... Do... What... what is it?

It's Dorit. Like "Dorito" without the
"o." Come on, man, pull it together.

Hey! Don't! Wait! He's gonna say
something important, I think.

- Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
- What?

I can't let this happen
because I feel responsible.

No, Sonny, this is not your fault.
I'm not letting you take responsibility.

You're the responsible party?

Yes,
my picture is what brought you here.

- Okay.
- Yes!

- Dorit. Oh, I love you! Thank you.
- Thank you.

You're so sweet.
I told you she was really nice.

Way more understanding than him.

Oh my God!

Whoa! Why is the little one screaming?

He said he was responsible.

I said I was responsible
for bringing you here, Diggit.

Dorit! Dorit!

"Dorit." I don't give a shit!

Damn!

Dorit,
you have to run these things by me.

He said responsible!

Oh my God. That is disgusting.
It looks like a hot Cheeto.

I am so sorry, Sonny, but look,
we got a finger, right? We're good.

Dorit, would you please
go burn down the campsite?

- Or do you want me to supervise that too?
- What?

You said you got your finger.
Why you gonna burn down the campsite?

Huck, you built
a massive effigy of yourself

while you're deeply indebted to me.

How do you think
that reflects on my business?

The party's over buddy, okay?

Just get your stuff together
and pay me back.

- Oh my God, Huck.
- She's not really gonna do that.

I'm sorry again, Sonny.

I promise you, Dorit's a delight
when you get to know her.

We're trying to party!

- Oh!
- Ooh.

- Party's over! Go home!
- No, not the effigy!

We weren't gonna
burn that till Thursday!

Everybody stay calm... but run!

Don't worry. Hey! Hey!

Now you owe me $47,000 and an iPhone.

What?

Hey, guys.

I'm so sorry.

This is a bit of a misunderstanding.
Actually, it's a bookkeeping issue really.

Clearly, this is not
how I wanted the week to end.

Geno will get you safely back to LA.

Next time.

- We had fun.
- Thank you.

- It's nothing.
- We'll party next weekend.

You said Geno
will get you safely back to LA.

- You're not coming?
- All right.

No, I should see
if there's anything salvageable.

I'll just call an Uber.

Party was still fire, brother.

Not the best time
to use the word "fire."

- I just meant like...
- I understand the sentiment.

Bye, Huck!

If you want, man, I don't...
I don't mind sticking around

and... and helping you
look through all this stuff.

No, no, Sonny, you've done enough.
I feel horrible about your finger.

Come on. You tell me...
you tell me where to go.

We could start... You wanna start here?

You wanna start with the stuff
that's not still on fire, maybe?

Maybe still smoking?

Bye, guys!

Oh my God.

My YETIs melted.
That's 2,500 I'll never get back.

You spent 2,500 on coolers, Huck?

Why would you spend that
on coolers when you're in the hole?

I don't know what's wrong with me.

It's much bigger than YETIs,
I can tell you that.

The truth is,
I didn't leave the ad agency, Sonny.

I got fired.

- You got what?
- I got fired.

I take a client out to dinner,

somehow, we'd end up
on a bender in San Miguel de Allende.

HR caught on and was like,
"Ah, no. Hello!"

They don't wanna pay
$17,000 for a dinner.

I tried to start my own firm,
but I couldn't even get past QuickBooks.

I spiraled.
These parties got out of control.

It was an attempt
to stave off my loneliness.

If you needed help,
why didn't you just call me?

I did. I called. I texted you.

Every time I hit you up,
you just blew me off.

And I get it, all right? I took the hint.
You're onto this beautiful new chapter.

There was no time for me
getting in the way. I understand.

No, no, Huck.

You would call me
at eleven o'clock at night to go out.

I'm in bed by nine.

And not to mention, if I do go out,

what am I gonna talk about
with a... a... a beekeeper?

That's not my world.
I build Legos, I wipe ass.

Sonny, you're crushing it.

You support a brilliant woman.
You raised two amazing kids.

Anyone would kill for your life.

You wouldn't.

Are you kidding me?

That's my dream.

I'm just on more of a Clooney plan.

What does that... what does that mean?

George Timothy Clooney?
The world's most eligible bachelor?

The guy rode singledom into his 50s.

Then he married Amal, had the twins,

became a family man
without ever missing a beat.

- The Clooney plan.
- No, I get it. I understand.

Look,
I'm sorry that I blew you off, man.

I am. And I... and I hate
that it took this long to talk.

Right?

It's okay. We're talking now.

You're my best friend.

Water under the bridge.

Yeah.

Water under the bridge. You're right.

I'm sorry, man.

- Oh my God.
- What?

The raw bar, untouched.

Sonny, this is a sign.

- Things are looking up.
- What do you...

Let's bag these up and get out of here.

No way I'm leaving
four grand of shellfish behind.

You spent four grand on shellfish?

Oh my God. It stinks in here.

I never would've picked you guys up
if I knew y'all were moving mollusks.

I'm so sorry, Thelma, but it was like God
himself told me to take these oysters.

- You gotta be kidding me.
- What?

Topanga, the next exit coming up.

It's Armando's.

That's where
the old Toothbrush King himself lives.

- It's this chess match that he and I got.
- Of course.

- I make a move, he...
- I gotta get eyes on this guy.

- On Armando?
- Let me see him.

All right.

- Oh my God. Dude, he's stunning.
- Pass the phone. Let me see.

I don't think... Huck!

- I want a woman's perspective.
- Oh my God.

- Would you hit that?
- Yeah, twice on Sunday.

Okay, that's enough.
Please. Give me my pho...

- Did you just like the picture?
- I did. Gorgeous.

- Sonny, these moguls, they're predators.
- What?

He's going after your family.
You gotta go after his.

- Well...
- Does he have a wife? A girlfriend?

I'd be down. I mean, what?

I'd hate to be a home-wrecker,
but I'll do it for you.

- Okay.
- You give me a week, I'll seduce her.

You know what?

He does.

- Hey, get off at this exit.
- Right here?

Right here. Get off.

Hey! Ever hear of a blinker. Huh?

Bro, I've done
a lot of stupid stuff in my time,

but there's no way
I'm fucking a tortoise.

- You just said you'd fuck a tortoise?
- No, I'm not asking you to do that, Huck.

The guy refers to these things
as his family.

Right? So what I'm thinking,
I'm thinking we grab it, set it free.

Let it outside the gate, right?

By the time Armando
gets back from San Juan,

this thing could be anywhere.

- Yeah, he's gonna be devastated.
- He's gonna be pissed off.

These tortoises are a lot
heavier than what you think they are.

- We have one.
- When did you get a tortoise?

Well, basically the kids' preschool,

they made us take one
for the summer, right?

Kids fell in love with it.
I don't even understand how.

They're so emotionless.

It's, like, not a good pet at all.
They don't respond.

They don't really do anything.

There you go.
The world is yours. Go, buddy.

- Yeah, he's getting some momentum now.
- Yeah, he is.

- This is so stupid.
- Go. Hee-yah!

I gotta be honest,
I'm having second thoughts.

I just had a visual
of this guy crossing the 405, and he...

he don't stand a chance.

- Oh, thank God.
- Yeah.

God, I was feeling the same thing,

but you were on a roll,
so I kept my mouth shut.

I like the feeling of knowing
that we could have did this to Armando.

- Wait, wait, wait, put him down.
- What?

- Hold on a second here.
- What?

What? I'm talking
to the Big Dog right now.

If we can't tear apart his family, we
may as well mess with his house, right?

Huck, wait, hold on...

- Are you the Big Dog?
- Yeah, I'm the Big Dog.

- C'mon, don't be a little bitch.
- I'm not a bitch.

- Let her hear the Big Dog.
- I'm the Big Dog!

Is that the Big Dog?

Oh, yeah. He's ready.

♪ What you know about goin' out... ♪

- Not gonna need that.
- What you gonna do without salt? Dump it.

- This is good stuff.
- Dump it.

You can't dump this one. You gotta
grind... This is gonna take forever.

Oh my God, I'll turn
this heat all the way up.

- Nuke it. No, nuke it all.
- Ruin all his wine.

Delete 'em.

Storage Wars, Naked and Afraid,
Frasier, Two and a Half... Blue Bloods.

Does this guy live with his parents?

- Does he use this?
- Is that going down there?

You wanna flip my balls, bitch?

How's that sauce taste, Armando?

- Oh my God.
- I bet it tastes like Black ass.

Bye-bye.

- You ready to take it to another level?
- Yeah.

Leave an upper-decker in the bathroom.

- Hell, yeah.
- Yeah.

What is that?

Drop one in the tank.

A deuce!

- Okay.
- A hot one, a steamer.

Yeah. I gotta muster it up,
but I'll do it.

Aw, dang it,
it's tankless.

Why don't you shit his bed instead?

It's a great pivot.
You've always been an idea man, Huck.

I'm gonna do it.

♪ You can't understand, we be Waikiki ♪

♪ Sippin' DP till the TV look 3D... ♪

I'm gonna take
all your left shoes, Armando.

- Big Dog, did you drop it like it's hot?
- Hell, yeah, I did.

That's it?
It's like a hotel pillow mint.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I had already went
to the bathroom in the desert.

I didn't have much left to work with,
but I pushed that out.

No! Whoa, whoa!
What are you doing? What are you doing?

We're not doing this.

We're doing harmless stuff
that's still got some bad intent to it.

Not this.

- Well, don't you want to get back...
- No.

- Get into it? I'm doing this for you.
- No. Whoa... You're not.

So, don't break another plate.
Go wait in the car, please.

Okay.

- I love the enthusiasm.
- Thank you.

Whoo!

How you gonna pay Stan Berman back, man?

I'm gonna flee the country.

- What?
- Look, Stan's a bad dude.

He's called The Butcher of Beverly Hills.
I heard he dumps bodies at the marina.

Huck, that's insane.

A buddy moved to Buenos Aires
to chase the tango.

He gets by for next to nothing.

I'll head down there,
lay low for a minute,

funnel Stan some cash. It'll be fine.

You're talking about leaving?
That's crazy.

I feel like Butch and Sundance
just got back together.

We had one last day together.
It was the greatest day of my life.

The day doesn't have to be over.
We can keep the party going.

Sonny, it's over. I'm couch surfing.
There's no place to move the party to.

Okay, what if there was a place?

- No.
- No. Call Geno.

Tell Geno to take the bus to Sherman Oaks
'cause we're moving the party to my house.

All right, Huck-mobile's en route,
and I sent Kabir your house rules.

- He's all good.
- This is so...

Oh my God.
If this is a flat, you're paying.

It's fine. I got... I got AAA.

Dude, when I tell you
this party's gonna be epic...

- Yeah.
- ...it's gonna be epic.

We're gonna send you out
with a bang, Huck. Watch.

With a big bang.

- What the heck are you banging?
- Get out of the car right now!

You're gonna wanna see this.

- We said we'll pay. What is your problem?
- Look... look down!

- Oh my God. Is it dead?
- I don't know.

This is so bad.
It could've been 100 years old!

- Oh my God!
- Isn't that, like, bad karma?

- It blinked. It blinked!
- What?

- You saw it blink?
- It's blinking now.

Oh, hi.

Listen, if it's blinking, that means
we got time to do the right thing.

All we gotta do is get it in the car,
get it to the animal hospital. That's it

No, we are not putting
that mangled beast in my new Nissan.

Thelma, be reasonable.

Can one injured turtle smell any worse
than 200 Littlenecks in your trunk?

Why are we not focusing on the problem?
Right now, it's not about you.

Why are you in my face?

- Hey! Hey!
- You just shoved the Big Dog?

- What Big Dog, you little chihuahua?
- He's a bigger dog than you.

Woof, woof, bitch. That's how you bark!

- We don't have the time. Come on.
- Load it up!

Get the turtle!

Make yourself... Get
your ass in the car!

- Make yourself useful.
- Don't tell me what to do!

God.

Let's go!

Oh my God. Be careful!

- Shut up! You don't think we know?
- Obviously you don't.

Okay, what does it say to do?

Cover the mouth.

Blow through the nose as hard as
you can. Wrap your lips around it.

Look at the picture!

He's fighting it.
He's not letting it go down.

I got it. I got it.

Yes. Yes!

More mouth.

I got turtle boogie.
I didn't know they had boogies.

Oh my God.

I got something in there.

- That is disgusting.
- Wake up!

Don't flick him! You
have to gently grasp.

Cover his mouth and blow

slow, steady breaths into his nostril.

- We're here, fools.
- Wait. Wait. What?

- Stop! Stop! I said don't. I said do not.
- Got it.

Come on. Car, car, car.

Slow down! We got an injured turtle here.

- Hey, you got it?
- I got it.

Let's go, you idiots!

Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?

Goddamn it. Did you do this?

- No.
- Who did it?

Armando Zavala! Go!

Get him inside
before he dies, stupid.

Get it inside!

Watch this. You think
Armando's gonna miss all his left shoes?

That's so genius, Huck.

You got to strike while the iron's hot.
Now, you got your little nest egg.

- You got your first client.
- Yes, but I need to talk to Sonny first.

He'll figure it out, now.
I don't see any issues.

- Oh, well, except the big issue.
- Which is?

Well,
I barely see Dash and Ava as it is.

If I start my own firm,
I'm never gonna be home.

If you want to be away from the kids
more than you already are,

I think you know the answer.

Here we go. Thank you, Mom,
for yet another reminder...

- No, I...
- ...of what a neglectful mother I am.

Honey, I'm jealous.

I am jealous of you

because you have a partner
who helps you live your dreams.

What is that supposed to mean, baby?

- You never helped me with these kids.
- You oughta stop.

I have a half-written erotic novel
that I never finished.

An erotic novel?

- It's very sexual.
- How is that my fault?

Do you know how hard it is to write about
a man grabbing a woman by the titties...

- Oh God, Mom!
- ...knee-deep in dirty diapers?

Guys, this conversation has taken
a really uncomfortable and crazy turn,

but Mom, I do think I understand
where you're coming from.

Oh, thank you.

You know, the truth is, if... if I
were a dad making this decision,

- this wouldn't even be a conversation.
- Mm-hmm.

And Sonny and I, what we do,
we make a great team.

I give you that.

I can do this.

Yes, you can.

Look, it's Armando.

Armando, your ears must have been
ringing. I literally just said your name.

Armando?

Sonny ran over Ole Snappy.

- Wait, wait! Sonny did what?
- What'd Sonny do?

- Sonny just ran over Ole Snappy.
- Who the hell is Ole Snappy?

- I don't know. Who's Ole Snappy?
- It's Armando's oldest tortoise.

Are they gonna put him in jail for this?
Can you see him now?

- He'd never be able to get a job.
- Turtle killer.

Mmm.

♪ It's a whole lotta
money in this mo... ♪

♪ It's a whole lotta
money in this mo... ♪

- Hey, Thelma, we're a no-shoe household.
- That's so dumb.

Huck, who are all these people?

Oh, dude, I put
the bat call out on Instagram.

Seems like you have a nice little
turnout. You get settled, all right?

- Wait, wait - Put these bad
boys on ice. We'll be good.

- I thought it was just...
- Hey, the Big Dog is in the house!

- Hey, what's up, man?
- What's popping, bro?

Hey, I got Huck's texts,
cordoned off all your kids' rooms

and made a sign
telling everybody to remove they shoes.

Yeah.

But look, your TV
was paused on some '90s porn.

I watched a little bit of it,

but it was so nice
that it had an actual plot.

- Okay.
- Sonny!

- Hey.
- Alan?

Alan, what are you doing here, man?

I followed
your boy Huck on Instagram.

I saw the party moved to your place,
so I had to get here.

- The magnetic pull was far too strong.
- You drove from Legoland?

Rita's a deep sleeper.
She'll never know I'm gone.

The kids'll be up in the morning,
but I'll be back by then. I hope.

I'm just gonna ask,
is that cocaine, man?

What do you think this is,
Grand Theft Auto?

No, this is my son's ADHD medication.

How much of that have you done?

A pretty good amount if I'm being honest.
I've done this before. Not my first time.

- This is my first time.
- Okay.

What you gonna do?

I've been lying to myself,
Sonny, for far too long.

You know? I... I... I do everything.

You know, Rita,
she just bosses me around all the time.

I'm never alone.
I'm not going back to Legoland.

- I don't have to go back.
- I didn't say you did.

I'm not gonna 'cause I don't have to go.

- Okay.
- I'll be back before the kids wake up.

♪ I could be your fantasy ♪

♪ I can tell you got big,
big energy... ♪

Mr. Fisher!

I saw that it was your address
on the post, and I was like,

"We have to party with Mr. F."

I'm pouring you a shot, right now.
You're doing a shot with me, Mr. F.

No, please, Skyler, you don't have to.

Dude, are you okay?

- No.
- What's the matter?

It starts with all these people
being in my house.

- It's way more than I expected.
- More than I thought.

On top of that,
I've been drinking all day,

my head's spinning,
I smell like tortoise shit.

Not to mention, I don't even know
if the tortoise survived.

- If it's not alive, that's a big problem...
- This ends now, okay?

Animal Hospital.

Hey, uh, I saw two, uh, jerk-os
dropping off a... a turtle.

Uh, is it okay? Is it on the mend?

The one you dropped
at our door like a gunshot victim?

I knew they were gonna know it was us!

You shitheads
messed him up real bad.

- Oh, come on. Don't say that.
- But he's gonna pull through.

- What?
- What did you say?

- He's going to pull through.
- Yes! Yes!

Yes!

What's your name?
We're gonna have to bill you.

Oh, um, this is... this is
Armando the Tooth Fairy, stupido.

- Who?
- Put it on my account! Oh my God.

- The night begins anew.
- Yeah.

Oh, wait.

This is the text I've been waiting for.

What text?

It's a surprise.

Go get organized and get cleaned up.
You smell like shit.

- I know, it's me. Okay.
- Come on!

I'm getting everybody
out in the backyard.

- Hurry up!
- I smell.

All right, folks.

We all know this has been
a birthday for the record books...

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

...made all the more special

by one guest in particular.

Aw, Big Dog!

That's you, man.

So when I heard my best friend and
brother was coming to this birthday party,

I knew I had to do something special.

You don't have to do nothing.

I called in every favor, and now,

gracing this deck tonight,

one of the greatest musicians in history

and a personal hero of Sonny's...

Seal!

Thanks, Huck brother.

He's the greatest!

Hello, Sherman Oaks.

Okay, be... be... bef...
before we get started,

is there a doctor in the house?

I... I'm a dermatology resident.

Actually, I need someone
with a particular speciality.

Paging... Dr. Silk.

This is him.
That's his musical personality name.

Come on up, man. Come on.

- You want me to come on the...
- He wants to perform with you.

Stop playing with me, Huck.

I went in your closet, and I found this.

Yeah!

- Great coat. Great coat.
- Oh my God.

- How you doing, Silk?
- Good, man. I'm such a big fan.

- Oh, thank you. You ready for this?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Let's get a little crazy.

Come on. He...

He said we gonna get a little crazy,
Huck.

- Have you got this?
- Yeah.

Two, three, and...

Had it programmed on my keyboard.

♪ A man decides after 70 years ♪

♪ That what he goes there for
Is to unlock the door ♪

♪ While those around him
Criticize and sleep ♪

- Me?
- Take it, Silk. Ready?

♪ But we're never gonna survive
Unless we get a little... ♪

- Get crazy!
- Say what?

♪ No, we're never gonna survive ♪

Mr. F! Yes!

♪ Unless we are a little ♪

He's actually good! He's actually good.

♪ Crazy ♪

- ♪ Yellow people walking through my head ♪
- I told you.

♪ One of them's got a gun
To shoot the other one ♪

Yes!

♪ And yet together
They were friends at school ♪

I need you right here, Silk. You ready?

One, two, three.

♪ Ohh, if all were there
When we first took the pill ♪

♪ Then maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe ♪

Come here, Sonny! Oh, my...

- You did so good!
- Thank you.

Hey, man, I thought Seal
was white this whole time.

- No, man!
- Until today.

- Sonny!
- Yes, sir.

- Oh my God, that was incredible!
- Thank you.

I don't know what happened to you
in the desert, but you're a new man.

Wow.

Check this out.

No more Dashiell's dad. Uh-uh.

- Wow.
- We are real friends. Real friends!

- That means a lot to me.
- Good.

Remind me your last name again?

Seven years.

Washington?

- No.
- Oh, no, it's Carter. It's Carter.

No, it's not... it's not, actually.

Johnson?

Uh, I feel like
you're just saying Black last names.

- I am.
- It's Fisher.

- Fisher. Fisher.
- Fisher. Yeah.

- Like Derek. He's Black.
- Yeah, it still means a lot. This is...

- Nice. Oh, man.
- Yeah.

- I'm feeling so dialed in right now.
- Okay.

I'll go to your kid's room
and finish his Lego project, okay?

- Oh, well, no, that's not okay, Alan.
- There he is.

- Dr. Silky Silk!
- The highest level possible is attained.

Hey, you? You're canceling your flight.

What?

- Cancel your flight.
- No, no, what?

You're not going to Buenos Aires

because I'm going to pay your debt
with Stan Berman.

No, that is an incredible offer,
but I cannot accept.

I owe the man $47,000.

I know what you owe him,
and I don't care.

All right, look, we've always had
each other's backs, have we not?

- Of course.
- Have we not?

Okay, and I am a much better version
of myself when I'm with you.

Now Maya and I,
we got some extra cash put away.

You gotta run this by her first.

Why? She didn't run
her business with Armando by me.

Now, I was thinking about
getting that 2022 Honda Odyssey,

but this is... this is
a much better use of my funds.

- Are you for real?
- Yes.

Oh my God, Sonny,
I was not looking forward to Argentina.

And call Stan Berman
before I change my mind.

Come here. Call him.

Entering the routing number.

- That's right.
- Okay, so I'm done there, and bam.

- It went through.
- Okay.

Sonny, you're a real mensch.

And Huck, congratulations.
You're a free man.

I have no words, Sonny, man. Thank you.

Is that Seal?

I saw him play Tel Aviv in 2017.

Amazing show. I'm
gonna ask for a selfie.

Seal! Seal!

Wow, Seal?

He did me a favor. He's a sweetheart.

- Excuse me, Big Dog?
- Yeah?

I feel you'd wanna know

there's a bunch
of naked middle-aged people

in the Jacuzzi.

Thank you for the heads-up. Damn it.

- I don't want to body-shame but...
- Hey!

Jill! Combover Stew! No! Stop it. Stop!

Hey, Sonny, get wet.

- What?
- Yeah.

Come on, boo.

No, and that's enough. Okay?

- Daddy!
- Yeah?

- Mom, Dad's out back.
- Oh my God. Hey!

Oh, my goodness, look at you.
What are you doing here?

I just talked to you in San Juan.

Armando gave us a lift
on his G5. It was sick.

Daddy, why did you kill Ole Snappy?

Wh... what? Who... who's... who's that?
What are you talking about?

Armando's tortoise.

He sent a video to Mommy
of you and Uncle Huck running it over.

- It was unmistakably you.
- Okay, Snappy? Snappy, he's alive.

- Really?
- Yeah, he... he's fine.

So it's a misunderstanding. I just
gotta... I'm gonna talk to your mom.

I'm gonna explain it... Wow.
There she is. Uh-oh. Oh, my.

- Cannonball!
- Okay.

Bethany, no!

Oh my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, that was such a small target.

But... I'm okay!

Please go upstairs.

Okay, upstairs, every...

What is going on?
I've been trying to reach you.

And what the hell were you doing
at Armando's house?

You can't ask me all the questions
because I can ask you questions too.

What was Armando doing in San Juan?

- We talked. I told you on the phone.
- We did not talk. We did not talk!

We did not talk!

- We talked!
- I told you.

I said that me and Armando
are in a chess match.

So you're telling me that you let a rabbit
shit in his bed because it's part...

Let me stop you right there.
That wasn't a rabbit.

That was my shit. That was me
playing chess at the highest level.

You shit in the bed?

And you're proud of that?

- The fact that I did it on command.
- Hey, what's up, girl?

- Oh, Huck.
- Oh my God. I haven't seen you forever.

I love that sweater. You know,
I could not pull off that color.

Thank you, Huck.
Can you just give us one minute?

Oh, absolutely. Real quick, Maya?

Can I just say, you are married
to one of the all-time greats.

I don't know what I did
to deserve a friend like him,

but he came to my rescue
in a way that I will never forget.

Exactly how did he do that?

- I can tell you later. Fill you in later.
- No, please.

- Huck, will you fill me in?
- I'll give her the Cliff Notes.

Look, I owed this loan shark
a huge amount of money.

It was looking dark.

Sonny stepped up and saved the day.
My brother. Thank you.

- Thank you.
- No, thank you.

I'll let you two catch
up. Give me a kiss.

Thank you.
It's so good to see you as always.

My guy.

You're a hero.

No. Nobody can read the room
like you, Huck.

- Um...
- Before you say anything,

let me say something to you.

Okay.

You need to understand the trouble
Huck was in. Huck was about to flee.

Sonny, how much money
did you pay the loan shark?

You want a number? I don't have
a problem giving you a number.

- Okay, give it to me.
- All right.

- How much?
- All right. I think it was like 47?

Really, Sonny? You gave him $4,700?
Why did you do that?

It wasn't 4,700.

- Forty-seven... forty-seven...
- Forty-seven...

Forty-seven what?

Forty-seven thousand dollars.

Did you say $47,000?

Yeah, that's what I said.
That's what I gave him.

Oh my God. Hold on. Hold on.

- Dad!
- Dash! Wait!

- My Death Star!
- Dash! You okay, buddy?

It's ruined!

Four months of painstaking Lego work,

gone!

Dash, baby, go get your sister.
Okay? 'Cause we're leaving.

Yeah, just leave it... leave it there.
I'll snap it back. Watch out, buddy.

Listen, I'm looking at the pieces
that are broken...

All right, go ahead. Okay.

What? Maya. Maya, where you going?

Hey, come on, Maya. Maya...

- Hey, Dash, listen to me.
- What?

I'm gonna build that Death Star
better than ever.

You better not break
Hokey Pokey's shell too. You better not!

It was an accident.
I didn't do it on purpose.

Wh... Maya!

Maya, come on!

Okay, Maya!

They didn't wanna hang around?

I feel sick, man.
I need some water or something.

Whoa, hang with me for a beat.
You just need some fresh air.

Wait a minute. What is this?

Hey! Hey, slow down!
There's kids that live in this area!

Hey!

Oh my God!

Whoa! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Oh God! What?

Hey, you son of a bitch!

Hey, man! Stop!

Stop!

What did I do to you? Hey!

God!

Why'd he do that to the Golden Chariot?

I ain't never did nothing to nobody.
Huck, did you see that?

Sonny, baby, looks like it's time
for that 2022 Honda Odyssey.

What?

Hit-and-run, baby.

Your insurance will cover a replacement.

That's my boy, Wade.
He's big into monster trucks.

He did me a solid.

You, my friend, you're gonna be driving
that sweet new ride by week's end.

Let me... let me just...
let me sit with it for a second.

You gotta have that Odyssey, baby.

I know what I... Let me process it,
Huck.

Just let me... let me
process everything.

Let me just... let me just stay with it.

I know you're upset about Maya,
but when she sees the Odyssey,

she's gonna fall back in love.

Just give me a second, please.

- All right, but I just wanna...
- That was a blast, boys.

Sonny, Huck gave me your album.

If I can find a CD player,
I'll give it a spin.

- Wow. Uh, thank you so much, man.
- You're welcome.

Anyway, my Lyft's about two
minutes away, so if we can settle up?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely.

Hey, great set, bud.

You're welcome. Okay. Adios.

All right. Adios, Seal.

Will you pass that on to the label, huh?

Sorry about your little pinky.

Okay. You don't have to talk
so close to my face.

Seal. He's taking a Lyft.
I love that. He's so humble.

Why did you just give him a check, Huck?

- Huh?
- What "huh"? You said he did you a favor.

- Well, he did. He did us a favor.
- Then why'd you give him a check?

Dude, the guy usually gets a hundred grand
to do 20 minutes at a corporate event.

I got him to do
his whole set for twelve-five.

- It's half the money I paid for my effigy.
- It's not a favor, Huck.

God, man.

You never change.

You're a mess.

- Wow.
- Yes.

- Tell me how you really feel.
- That's how I feel, Huck.

I'm not gonna lose a friend over money.
I'll pay Stan Berman back myself.

I'm done with you, man.

Why... We're just getting started,
Sonny.

Everything's going so well.
What's the problem?

Here's another thing, Huck.
You're no George Clooney.

You're not even close to George Clooney.

That man built
a billion-dollar tequila business

as a side hustle.

You know what you're doing?
You're ordering tracksuits off Etsy.

Yeah, people love my tracksuits.

You're sad, man.

And I'll tell you...
Are you kidding me, Seal? Put it...

Everybody?
May I have your attention, please?

- 'Sup, Big Dog?
- Time for everybody to get out.

Get out!

- I don't wanna go back to Legoland!
- You're gonna take that drive, now!

Shit!

You guys in the pool, get out!

- Ten more minutes.
- No, get out! All of you.

Let's go. Now.

Thank you. Thank you.
I'm sorry. Please. Please.

Thank you.

Finally. Goddamn. By myself.

Mm, mm.

Shit.

It was such a fun party.
Uh, it was so great to see you.

Don't come over here.

Mr... My Uber's... my Uber's here.

- Sorry, I just have to...
- Okay, go ahead at your own risk.

Okay, have a good... have a good night.

Maya, listen,
I will get the money back. I promise.

Sonny... ...it's the money,

it's... it's breaking
into Armando's house.

I mean, I just...
I feel like I don't know you.

First of all, that's not even me.
You know that.

That's Huck and his influence.

All right? He's got me doing a bunch of
stupid shit that I'm not doing anymore.

I'm done with that.
I'm back to being the Sonny of old.

The... the... the Sonny
that's a super dad.

But... but maybe that's
not what you want.

Why would you say that?
That's exactly what I want.

Maya, can you come home?

Sonny, I think
we need a little time.

We're gonna come home.

You should find some place else to stay.

I have an idea.

What the...

You can stay with us.

Are you kidding me?

Alan, did you sleep in my laundry room?

Yeah. On second thought,
Rita's gonna have my ass

if she wakes up
at Legoland and I'm not there.

She'll take away my PS5.

Get out of my house.

Okay. I love you, Son.

Hey, buddy.

I really appreciate you
letting me stay here, man.

You know, me and Maya, we talked, right?

And we just feel like a little space
is probably best for us right now.

You stay as long as you want, Big Dog.

- Appreciate you.
- I got you. My house is your house.

Come on. You like honey?

- Uh, yeah.
- 'Cause I put that shit on everything.

You ever have fried honey?

We gotta focus, everybody.
We have to focus.

The talent show's next week.
We gotta show this school who we are.

Okay? All right, Linus,
I'm gonna count you in.

Okay.

Two, three, two, three, four.

♪ I've heard there was a secret chord ♪

♪ That David played
And it pleased the Lord... ♪

Ava, come on, we have to go!

Mom, I don't want a Pop-Tart.
I want a smoothie.

- You want...
- 'Cause Dad always makes a smoothie.

You know what? An apple has more fiber.

- Here, Mommy.
- You're a big girl. You carry it. Come on.

All right. Let's go. Oh shit, my...

Mom, come on!

I'm coming! I'm coming!

- This you?
- Yes!

- Nah!
- Hey, you know what's crazy?

- Yo, what?
- I didn't have to pay anything.

Insurance covered the whole thing.
Look, look, look, look, look.

- Hello!
- You didn't even touch the handle, bro!

You didn't touch the handle,
bro!

It's perfect.
Oh, we are gonna crush trivia night.

- Guys!
- There's no way that dude is 44.

When I get hella old, I hope
I'm not crashing on some kid's couch.

I don't think the Big Dog's
ever gonna see that money again.

No.

I wonder if my grandpa's retirement home
needs a new rec director.

- Yes!
- He'd be so good at that.

- I bet grandmas would love Huck.
- Stupid!

Yes. Cougarsexual.

♪ And it's not a cry
That you hear at night ♪

♪ It's not somebody
who's seen the light ♪

♪ It's a cold
And it's a broken hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah... ♪

Wow.

Snappy.

Hey.

I just came over to apologize, man.

I really got outside myself.

You know, I let this thing
between you and I get way out of hand.

What thing between you and I?

This back and forth, this chess match.

- This rivalry.
- Rivalry?

Dude, you took a seaplane to go see Maya
when she was with my kids at my in-laws.

- I wanted Maya's opinion on that island.
- Why?

Why is Maya's opinion
so valuable to you?

Because she's one of the best architects
in the world, Sonny.

And because she has
become my best friend.

- Maya is your best friend?
- She's my bestie, Sonny.

Whoa.

Sonny Fisher, hi.

- Yeah.
- I did not know you had a girlfriend, man.

Well, now I feel like a...

- Yeah, well, you should.
- Like a jackass.

Yeah.

You can be anything you wanna be.

You can be
absolutely anything you wanna be.

And all these...

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey, Dad.

Guess what?
Guess who's closing the talent show?

- Are you ready?
- I'm ready.

You, son.

This is the perk
of your dad being the director.

I gue... I guess so.

All right, well, I'll let you get back
to those keys, Mr. Closer.

Yeah, Mr. Closer.

All right, love you, son.

- Good night, Dad.
- Night.

Aw, shit.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Wow!

Wow, wow, wow... Wow!

Linus.

That was shit.

We're gonna go again from the top.

You guys heard Mr. Fisher.
We're gonna do it again.

That's right.
This time, put your heart into it.

I know it's in there.

Take me on a flight.
Let's go! Two, three, four.

- ♪ I've heard there was a secret chord ♪
- Stop it! Take five.

'Cause, you're not... You're tired.

So let's turn these around
so the customer can see them.

Oh,
the man of the hour. I am so excited.

I'm gonna try my best,
Crossing Guard Lenore.

Hey, could you fill in for me
next month while I'm on vacation?

My husband's taking me
to Sandals Barbados for our anniversary.

Husband? I thought you were divorced.

Let me guess,
you heard I'm a sad old woman

who bought her
reflective vest on Amazon?

I mean, people talk.
That doesn't mean I listen.

Sonny, I've been happily married
for 35 years.

And yeah, school crossing guard.

I mean, nowhere near the excitement I had
when I was a field agent at the Bureau.

But I love giving back to my community.

You know about that.

Break a leg.

Damn it, Alan.

♪ Magic, mystery, and charming... ♪

You got it, buddy. Come on.

Dash.

Hi, um, my name is Dash.

Little Silk. Little Silk.

Uh, Little Silk.

Um, I'll be playing "A Thousand Miles"
by Vanessa Carlton.

Sorry, I'll get it right.

Let me show you.
Let me help you. Let me help you.

One second. One second, guys.
Let me show you.

Look. Remember?

- Look at my hands.
- Dad.

- I'm looking at 'em, but I...
- Okay.

Just stop!

What do you mean, just stop?
Come on, buddy.

- I don't wanna play Vanessa Carlton.
- Okay.

I hate piano,
and I wish you never made me do this!

Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...

You're right.

I made this all about me,
and I... and I shouldn't have done that.

I... I just wanted to... I wanted
to put on the best talent show.

Same way I wanted
to chair every committee,

chaperone every field trip.

I just wanted...

I wanted you guys to think
that I had value.

In me doing that, I think I pushed away
the most important people in my life.

The ones that I love,
you, your mother, I...

My best friend.

I mean, guys, I did a lot of stuff
that I'm not proud of.

I took a shit in my wife's client bed!

Yeah, put a nice steamy nugget
on his pillow.

Why? I don't know.

Stole all the man's left shoes.
He can't replace those.

Put a spatula in my ass and put it back.

I hope he didn't use it again,
but if he did,

he ate ass!

And guess what?

This type of stuff ends today.

It ends now. So, Alan!

- Yeah?
- Buddy, it starts with you.

In addition to filling in
for Crossing Guard Lenore

while she goes on vacation
with her husband,

uh, which is news to me, because
you told me that she was divorced.

Well,
I heard... You're a... you're a liar.

My son, Justin, he's the one
that said they got a divorce.

- Yeah. Blame our child.
- That's not me.

What I want you to do, Alan,
I want you to take over Café Fridays.

- I gotta...
- He'll do it.

- Babe!
- He's available.

And to the kids out there
that didn't make the cut,

you come on up here
and put your talent on display too,

because that's what it's about. It's
about you having fun, and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I tried
to take that away. And son,

I owe you a huge apology.

Huge.

- I'm sorry, and I love you. Okay?
- I love you too.

All right. Hey, man, now listen. I
want you to do whatever you want to do.

If you wanna sing, you wanna dance,

whatever it is, have fun.

I'm out of your way, guys.

I'm out of your hair. Go get 'em, son!

Sonny Fisher, everyone!

The best dad in the world.

Ah, thank you.

This guy has had a tough few weeks.

The man spent spring break by himself,

ended up blowing our life savings,

almost killing a tortoise,

and destroying his marriage.

Well, yeah. I mean...

Way to make the most
of your "me time," Pops.

I see you laughing, Alan Geller.

Uh, did your wife give you permission?

Oh!

Y'all wanna hear some more jokes?

Scoot over?

Um...

Yeah.

Nice speech.

Thank you.

Look, Maya, I'm, uh...

I'm really sorry that I lent Huck
that money without talking to you first.

Sonny, what hurt me so much is that...

I don't know, we... we... we always talk
about those kinds of things together.

Yeah.

I really think
that you should call Armando back

and consider taking that job,

starting your own firm.

You know, Sonny...

...the way you take care
of our family, it is... it's...

it's hard.

You know, Dash is right, you are...

well, you're the glue.

I can't even imagine
starting my own firm without you

in my corner.

Look, Maya, I promise you that, uh,

I got your back.

I love you, Sonny.

Love you too.

I can't believe I cut this kid.

You cut this kid?

I'm such a dick.

Stan Berman? What is this?

Hey, Huck, I just got this alert
that Stan Berman returned my money.

Is everything okay?
Anyway, I really need to talk to you.

Something just went down
in Dash's talent show,

and it got me to thinking, man,
just about some things that I did

and... and what I said to you
and that I was wrong.

I wanna apologize.

But not like this. Face-to-face.

Where you at, Huck?

The marina?

Oh my God,
Stan's about to go butcher on his ass.

I'm coming, Huck. I'm coming.

Oh God, Huck's in trouble.

I needed backup.
I didn't know who else to call.

I got you, Big Dog.
Let's go whoop some ass.

- No, we're not whooping no ass. Come on!
- Then why did I bring this?

I got some... some nunchucks
and a taser and some pepper spray.

What are you doing?
No, we don't need that. What is that?

Throwing stars.

- Just...
- Just give me two of them.

Eddie, get the lobsters first
before you get the guns.

It's gonna melt. Come on, chop-chop.
We gotta go guys, all right?

- That's Dorito.
- That's the bitch?

- Yeah.
- Do you want me to fight her?

No, she got a flamethrower.

- Oh shit!
- Come on.

Duck down.

Is that blood?

Oh my God, that sounds like a bone saw.

- Oh my God!
- Huck!

- I'm coming to save you, Huck!
- I got two throwing stars and Thelma!

Oh, thank God.

What are you guys doing?

- What do you mean? Thelma, go stand guard.
- Okay.

- Hey, baby girl.
- I'm so glad you're alive.

- It's great to see you. What's going on?
- Oh, you too.

Dude, I thought
you was getting murdered, man.

I just saw somebody covered in blood.

No, we had
a strawberry daiquiri incident, stupid.

Why are you making daiquiris, Huck?

'Cause, it's my job.
What do you think I'm doing?

You know, I made a deal with Stan Berman
to pay you your $47,000 back,

and now I'm working off my debt.

His business is taking him to Yemen,
so that's where I'm gonna move.

Yemen?

Yeah, Yemen.

Huck, your life is here.

- Really?
- Yes.

Well, I have no career, no family,

and you were right, Sonny,
I'm no Clooney, and I'm okay with it.

Stop comparing yourself to Clooney.

Wanna know what I learned today
at Dash's talent show?

I learned that I have to embrace myself
and the people I love for who they are.

Bringing people closer together,
Huck, that's your gift.

- That's what you do.
- Don't do this to me.

- I'm not doing...
- Don't do this to me right now, okay?

This is my way out. I got us
into this. I'm gonna get us out.

Okay? Get off the bow,
and let me go batten down the hatches

and all that other boat talk.

What?

Huck, can you hear me out, please?

I'm busy.

You're opening and closing
the door, not battening anything.

Huck, listen, there...
there's another way out.

And you're great at throwing parties.
That's what you do well.

And you know what I'm great at?
Entertaining kids.

So here's my plan.
I go, I give Stan back the money.

Right? And you and I, we start a
business where we throw kids' parties.

We'll make the money back in no time.
I'll get you off the goddamn boat.

We'll put that stuff behind us.
How does that sound?

I love you, buddy.
I don't want to go to Yemen.

- I know you...
- Let's go, idiots!

Yo, I just took the biggest shit
in the loan shark's bed.

Why would you do that?

I thought we were doing
the little annoying things like before,

you know, like it's our thing?

You know how long it took me
to set this table?

How long's it gonna take to mess it up?

Huh?

This lobster needs to be free.

Yeah!

He likes it spicy.

Look at this, guys.

Put the claw...

Let the claw get in my ass
so he can eat some claw ass.

Oh my God.

Here, man, have a little dick pepper?
Watch out!

I got it. Let's see what you do
when you got a little dick pepper.

- No, what are you doing? Stop. No.
- I'm grinding pepper on your dick.

- Why would you do that?
- You said you wanted dick pepper.

Then you gave me the prank, stupid.

I'm starting to itch bad.
This stuff is hot.

Let's get out of here.

Come on.

I love you, man. I love you guys.

Okay, so this is mine. We gotta go
'cause I got pepper on my dick.

- We gotta go.
- Sorry about that.

- Come on! Come on!
- Yeah!

♪ 'Cause I, I,
I'm in the stars tonight ♪

♪ So watch me bring the fire
And set the night alight ♪

♪ Shinin' through the city
With a little funk and soul ♪

♪ So I'mma light it
up like dynamite... ♪

All right, guys. Uh, let's go zebra,
tiger, zebra, tiger with the lunchboxes.

Just makes it a better flow.

Whoa, Stew! Oh my God,
I love the new look, man.

Oh, thanks. Can't call me
Combover Stew anymore.

- Best part is Jeremiah's super into it.
- What?

Yeah,
he calls me his little Howie Mandel.

- So...
- Okay.

Sonny! Hey, that vintage porn
inspired these pants, brother.

I can tell.

Hey, hey, got some iced tea for you.

- Don't even ask, Mom.
- Right on time. Thank you.

Thank you.

Maya, Sonny,

your relationship has
been my inspiration.

Oh my God.

Yeah. So I thought you two should be
the first to see my new erotic novel.

- Oh, you see, um...
- Wow. Behind the Queen.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Have you read the book, Pops?

Read it? I lived it.

- That's enough. Can I talk to you?
- I'm gonna go get a drink.

- You want me to sign it for you?
- No, no, I don't.

Tortoises are the
best pets you can have.

Okay? Any questions?

Hey, bestie! What's up? Having fun?

Sonny, my man. Welcome. My house is your house, okay?

And hey,
the bathroom is over there.

I know why you're saying that.

Well-deserved.

Alan, hey!

- Hey.
- It's Skyler, from the club.

- Hey!
- I haven't seen you in so long.

- Oh my God!
- Sorry, how do you two know each other?

- The club.
- The club, from the coffee club.

She's a barista.

At a coffee club?

She sure is.

- You should come by, soon.
- I will come by. I need coffee.

- It's the best coffee.
- It is pretty goddamn good.

- What do you get at the coffee club?
- A drip. I get a drip.

Dudes, I just felt a serious connection
with your friend Jill.

- Well, that's nice, Huck. I like it.
- Well, well. Hey, Jill.

- Hey, Jill!
- How's the ex-husband?

He living. I don't know.

And the two boys under ten,
how they doing?

- Raising themselves at this point.
- Good. Glad the whole team is fine.

- We are fine.
- What do you mean, two boys under ten?

- She got a whole situation.
- What? Stepdad Huck.

- No.
- That's such a Clooney move.

- She's a sweetheart.
- Does he have step-kids?

No, he doesn't.
Clooney doesn't have step-kids.

I'm gonna do it.

Before I'm 60...

You're gonna do it?

...I'm gonna have one of these.

I gotta... I gotta get
him away from Jill.

♪ I'm feelin' myself
If you really must know ♪

♪ Can't tell me I ain't killin' it ♪

♪ You really should try some of this ♪

♪ I'm confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪

♪ I'm feelin' myself
If you really must know ♪

♪ Can't tell me I ain't killin' it ♪

♪ You really should try some of this ♪

♪ I'm confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪

♪ Heard you need a friend
You been in your head ♪

♪ Get out there
You should get out there ♪

♪ Time to go again, 'cause it's 8 a.m. ♪

♪ Get up, yeah, gotta get up, yeah ♪

♪ It ain't easy, turnin' on the TV ♪

♪ Can't see why she
Got a lotta money, yeah ♪

♪ Better than me
You shouldn't let it bring you down ♪

♪ And out, yeah, 'cause ♪

♪ I'm feelin' myself
If you really must know ♪

♪ Can't tell me I ain't killin' it ♪

♪ You really should try some of this ♪

♪ I'm confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪

♪ I'm feelin' myself
If you really must know ♪

♪ Can't tell me I ain't killin' it ♪

♪ You really should try some of this ♪

♪ I'm confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪

♪ Maybe you just gotta take it ♪

♪ Time and time again, you've waited ♪

♪ Yellin', screamin', wanna let it out ♪

♪ Baby, you just gotta sweat it out ♪

♪ Up in the gym like a nine-to-five ♪

♪ And you're workin' overtime
Just to get it right ♪

♪ Nothin' they could tell you now
No, they can't deny ♪

♪ They can't dim my light, 'cause ♪

♪ I'm feelin' myself
If you really must know ♪

♪ Can't tell me I ain't killin' it ♪

♪ You really should try some of this ♪

♪ I'm confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪

♪ I'm feelin' myself
If you really must know ♪

♪ Can't tell me I ain't killin' it ♪

♪ You really should try some of this ♪

♪ I'm confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Confident, I'm confident, yeah ♪