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1
00:00:18,047 --> 00:00:20,686
Kenzo, if you keep sucking
your thumb like that,
2
00:00:20,727 --> 00:00:23,605
you're going to end up
with splayed and distorted teeth.
3
00:00:23,647 --> 00:00:26,400
- You're going to look like Shrek.
- Cool.
4
00:00:26,447 --> 00:00:27,721
Not cool.
5
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:30,156
You're nearly nine, and that's way too old
to be sucking your thumb.
6
00:00:30,207 --> 00:00:31,435
How old are you?
7
00:00:31,487 --> 00:00:33,205
Nearly 30.
8
00:00:33,247 --> 00:00:36,000
That's too old to be sleeping
with a teddy bear.
9
00:00:36,047 --> 00:00:38,686
Hey, you just leave
Mr Digsby out of this, OK?
10
00:00:38,727 --> 00:00:41,878
Tell you what.
If I give up sucking my thumb,
11
00:00:41,927 --> 00:00:44,282
will you give up Mr Digsby?
12
00:00:44,327 --> 00:00:46,443
Kenzo, that's not the same thing!
13
00:00:46,487 --> 00:00:48,796
You know, Mr Digsby,
he's...he's like a part of me.
14
00:00:48,847 --> 00:00:51,725
And my thumb isn't?
15
00:00:51,767 --> 00:00:53,439
OK, if you need me to set the example,
16
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:56,365
I'll give Mr Digsby up
and you stop sucking your thumb.
17
00:00:56,407 --> 00:00:58,875
- Deal.
- Deal.
18
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:01,276
Ugh.
19
00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:05,081
Oh, good. Janey,
can you help me unpack this stuff?
20
00:01:05,127 --> 00:01:07,766
Sorry, Mum, I'm taking Kenzo
shopping for a new blazer.
21
00:01:07,807 --> 00:01:10,401
Mummy says that
when she's buying dresses for herself.
22
00:01:10,447 --> 00:01:13,200
Don't listen to him.
23
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:16,080
I'm a great, sensitive, caring mother.
24
00:01:16,127 --> 00:01:19,881
Ooh, could I take those chicken kievs?
I've got to feed the kid tonight.
25
00:01:19,927 --> 00:01:22,600
What? You'll have less to put away.
Come on.
26
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,038
Oh, Ben.
27
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,725
I need some help here.
28
00:01:30,847 --> 00:01:32,803
I've had a horrible morning.
29
00:01:32,847 --> 00:01:35,680
I had to park miles away
from the supermarket.
30
00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:37,558
And when I finally made it to the store,
31
00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:40,485
I had to turn around again and re-park
the car. Ben, are you listening?
32
00:01:40,527 --> 00:01:42,279
- (SHOUTS) Susan!
- Oh!
33
00:01:42,327 --> 00:01:44,522
Susan. I don't belie...
34
00:01:44,567 --> 00:01:46,364
This is a miracle, a miracle.
35
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:50,400
I'm getting money from the council.
Look, cheques.
36
00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:51,800
Let me see.
37
00:01:54,167 --> 00:01:55,520
These are benefit cheques.
38
00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:57,046
- They think you're disabled.
- I know.
39
00:01:57,087 --> 00:02:00,124
- Mentally?
- No, physically.
40
00:02:00,167 --> 00:02:01,839
- But that's crazy.
- I know.
41
00:02:01,887 --> 00:02:04,276
- You'll just have to give them back.
- No, I don't.
42
00:02:04,327 --> 00:02:05,680
- What?
- How do we know they've made a mistake?
43
00:02:05,727 --> 00:02:07,797
Well, we know
because you're not disabled.
44
00:02:07,847 --> 00:02:08,882
I have a weak shoulder.
45
00:02:08,927 --> 00:02:14,126
I have a distressed toenail, but I'm not
taking £384 off the taxpayer for it.
46
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:16,078
Karma works in very funny ways, Susan.
47
00:02:16,127 --> 00:02:19,437
Perhaps this money is coming to me
for being a good person.
48
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,682
The kind of good person
that steals from the disabled?
49
00:02:21,727 --> 00:02:25,925
You have a horrible negativity about you
sometimes that really brings people down.
50
00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:28,640
Well, I'm sure I'll cheer up
once you're incarcerated for fraud.
51
00:02:28,687 --> 00:02:30,962
Oh, fine, fine, I'll give the money back.
52
00:02:31,007 --> 00:02:31,996
Good.
53
00:02:32,047 --> 00:02:34,083
I sometimes wonder
whose side you're on.
54
00:02:34,127 --> 00:02:37,597
Well, we're always facing each other.
What's that tell you?
55
00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:44,165
RECORDED VOICE: Desk number three, please.
56
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:48,086
What is the point
of having an announcement
57
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:50,516
telling people which desk to go to
58
00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:52,717
when you're the only person working here?
59
00:02:52,767 --> 00:02:55,804
Did you come in here
specifically to ask that, sir?
60
00:02:55,847 --> 00:02:59,442
- No, but it's a fair point.
- Is that your question, then?
61
00:02:59,487 --> 00:03:01,364
I'm allowed only one?!
62
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:03,602
What is this, Middle Earth?
63
00:03:03,647 --> 00:03:08,004
We're allowed to spend only five minutes
per customer, sir,
64
00:03:08,047 --> 00:03:10,766
and there's a queue behind you,
so I suggest you get on with it.
65
00:03:10,807 --> 00:03:14,083
I'm actually here
to do you people a favour.
66
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,516
I'm getting disability cheques
and I'm not disabled.
67
00:03:20,127 --> 00:03:21,640
Is your name Ben Harper?
68
00:03:21,687 --> 00:03:22,756
Yes.
69
00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:24,718
And you live at this address?
70
00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:26,485
Yes.
71
00:03:28,887 --> 00:03:31,924
Ah, it says you're in a wheelchair.
72
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:37,239
Well, clearly I'm not
in a wheelchair, am I?
73
00:03:37,287 --> 00:03:39,596
But the records have you down
as disabled, Mr Harper.
74
00:03:39,647 --> 00:03:41,922
Well, I suggest you set
your records straight.
75
00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:44,606
You're going to have to put
your request in writing.
76
00:03:44,647 --> 00:03:49,163
What do you mean ''put it in writing''? I
walked in here, for God's sake. You saw...
77
00:03:49,207 --> 00:03:51,767
- Use your eyes!
- Sir...
78
00:03:51,807 --> 00:03:54,719
Sir, how would you like me to prove to you
that I am not disabled? Will this do?
79
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,758
Or this?
80
00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:59,082
Or perhaps even this.
81
00:04:02,127 --> 00:04:03,640
OK?
82
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:06,326
You're going to have to step aside now,
Mr Harper.
83
00:04:06,367 --> 00:04:08,403
There are other people I need to help.
84
00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:10,403
Desk number three, please.
85
00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:12,836
Well, perhaps this'll convince you
that I'm not disabled.
86
00:04:12,887 --> 00:04:15,447
(BEN SINGS: The Sailor's Hornpipe)
87
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:22,917
Mr Harper, if you don't leave now,
I'm going to call the police.
88
00:04:22,967 --> 00:04:25,959
And tell them what? That a paralysed man
is aggressively hornpiping?
89
00:04:26,007 --> 00:04:29,238
Mr Harper, I will arrange for someone
to come to your house
90
00:04:29,287 --> 00:04:32,279
and re-evaluate your case,
if that will make you happy. Now, please.
91
00:04:32,327 --> 00:04:36,036
I'm sorry, you, sir, you are a disgrace -
92
00:04:36,087 --> 00:04:37,805
a disgrace to this council.
93
00:04:40,727 --> 00:04:41,876
A disgrace.
94
00:04:43,327 --> 00:04:45,716
Desk number three, please.
95
00:04:56,647 --> 00:04:59,286
What are you grinning about?
It's really disconcerting.
96
00:04:59,327 --> 00:05:03,525
I'm smiling because I'm thinking
how happy you're going to be with me
97
00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:05,239
when you see your present.
98
00:05:05,287 --> 00:05:09,439
Putting sealant round the bath
does not qualify as a present.
99
00:05:09,487 --> 00:05:10,476
OK.
100
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:13,041
(HE WHISTLES)
101
00:05:13,087 --> 00:05:14,315
Take a look.
102
00:05:17,687 --> 00:05:21,805
Oh, Ben, they are gorgeous!
103
00:05:21,847 --> 00:05:23,166
Yes.
104
00:05:23,207 --> 00:05:24,959
And they're full price.
105
00:05:25,007 --> 00:05:28,363
I didn't just fish them out
the sales bucket like last time.
106
00:05:28,407 --> 00:05:31,638
- No, I can tell. Both feet match.
- Yeah.
107
00:05:31,687 --> 00:05:36,442
Oh, Ben! They are beautiful,
beautiful, beautiful.
108
00:05:36,487 --> 00:05:38,921
But my birthday's not till next month.
109
00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:41,765
It is? Oh, it is, yes, that's right.
110
00:05:41,807 --> 00:05:45,641
Well, I know I'm a little early,
but, you know, I just wanted to say...
111
00:05:45,687 --> 00:05:47,166
I love you.
112
00:05:47,207 --> 00:05:50,802
Oh, Ben, that is so sweet.
113
00:05:50,847 --> 00:05:52,644
- What are you up to?
- What?
114
00:05:52,687 --> 00:05:54,245
I know you, Ben Harper,
115
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:56,164
and in all the years we've been married,
116
00:05:56,207 --> 00:05:59,279
you have never bought me anything
just to say you love me.
117
00:05:59,327 --> 00:06:00,362
I don't know what you mean.
118
00:06:00,407 --> 00:06:03,365
You're buttering me up for something.
Now, what is it?
119
00:06:03,407 --> 00:06:06,126
OK, look, I went back
to the council offices,
120
00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:08,806
you know, to take the cheques back,
121
00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:11,566
and, er...they didn't want them.
122
00:06:11,607 --> 00:06:12,835
So I cashed them.
123
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:17,246
- Didn't you tell them it was a mistake?
- Yeah, but they wouldn't listen!
124
00:06:17,287 --> 00:06:20,836
So I used the money to pay for my time,
my petrol fare, your shoes,
125
00:06:20,887 --> 00:06:23,560
- and a cactus in a snow globe.
- A what?
126
00:06:24,607 --> 00:06:26,404
Look! It's got a sombrero.
127
00:06:26,447 --> 00:06:28,597
(SNOW GLOBE PLAYS: The Mexican Hat Dance)
128
00:06:30,967 --> 00:06:32,320
Hey-hey!
129
00:06:33,087 --> 00:06:34,076
What?
130
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,163
You are truly reprehensible.
131
00:06:36,207 --> 00:06:38,596
If you don't go back to the council
tomorrow and set the record straight,
132
00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:39,966
I'm going to turn you in myself.
133
00:06:40,007 --> 00:06:42,521
Oh, well, thank you for your support(!)
134
00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:45,639
Well, don't worry, they're sending someone
round tomorrow to clear the matter up.
135
00:06:45,687 --> 00:06:49,236
Well...you still shouldn't have
cashed the cheques.
136
00:06:49,287 --> 00:06:52,359
- You're morally bankrupt.
- All right, don't go on about it.
137
00:06:52,407 --> 00:06:55,638
I'll give the money back
and I'll take your shoes back tomorrow.
138
00:06:55,687 --> 00:06:57,643
Well, I should hope so.
139
00:06:57,687 --> 00:06:59,882
- Good night.
- Yeah, yeah. Good night.
140
00:06:59,927 --> 00:07:01,280
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
141
00:07:01,327 --> 00:07:03,363
I wasn't talking to you.
142
00:07:05,407 --> 00:07:09,958
This is going to taste really bad
so you won't suck your thumb.
143
00:07:10,007 --> 00:07:11,998
Don't you trust me?
144
00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:13,719
It's for your own good.
145
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,804
And you should know
that Mr Digsby has gone away
146
00:07:16,847 --> 00:07:18,200
and is no longer a part of my life.
147
00:07:18,247 --> 00:07:19,396
I know.
148
00:07:19,447 --> 00:07:20,800
What do you mean, you know?
149
00:07:20,847 --> 00:07:22,405
I took him.
150
00:07:22,447 --> 00:07:24,438
You what?
151
00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:27,797
Where is he?
What have you done with him?
152
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,486
Don't worry, he's safe.
153
00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:33,678
- You can't do this.
- It's for your own good.
154
00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:38,162
You must have shaken it too hard.
155
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:41,119
Look, sombreros
don't just fall off cactuses.
156
00:07:41,167 --> 00:07:43,635
Actually, it's cacti.
157
00:07:44,727 --> 00:07:46,399
Shut up.
158
00:07:46,447 --> 00:07:48,802
I was going to leave you this
in my will, you know.
159
00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:52,601
It was a kind of Harper family heirloom.
You've ruined it now.
160
00:07:52,647 --> 00:07:56,356
As tragic as that is,
I'd be perfectly happy
161
00:07:56,407 --> 00:07:58,477
just to inherit the house.
162
00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:07,045
How can you look after a house?
You can't even look after a novelty cacti!
163
00:08:08,207 --> 00:08:10,198
Actually, it's cactus - singular.
164
00:08:11,527 --> 00:08:13,438
Shut up.
165
00:08:13,487 --> 00:08:17,082
Get me some glue so I can stick
his sombrero back on.
166
00:08:17,127 --> 00:08:19,436
How are you going to do that?
167
00:08:21,927 --> 00:08:24,725
We'll have to take it apart.
Here you are, just hold that plastic...
168
00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:26,723
Pull the plastic. No, just...
169
00:08:30,087 --> 00:08:32,840
Great, Mikey, thanks for your help(!)
170
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,684
(DOORBELL RINGS)
171
00:08:36,727 --> 00:08:38,763
Well, that'll be the door. Answer it.
172
00:08:38,807 --> 00:08:40,843
I don't actually live here any more.
173
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:43,355
Well, you can leave
when you've done it.
174
00:08:47,247 --> 00:08:49,841
I'm looking for Ben Harper. Is he in?
175
00:08:49,887 --> 00:08:53,163
He's the lazy git
over there on the sofa.
176
00:08:53,207 --> 00:08:54,765
Oh. And you are?
177
00:08:54,807 --> 00:08:57,605
I'm his son, the unpaid slave.
178
00:08:57,647 --> 00:08:58,966
Get me a towel, Mikey.
179
00:08:59,007 --> 00:09:01,282
Get it yourself. I'm leaving.
180
00:09:02,847 --> 00:09:03,836
Mr Harper?
181
00:09:03,887 --> 00:09:06,447
Yes? Hello. Oh, sorry...
182
00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:08,205
No, I won't get up.
183
00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:15,324
I've had an accident.
184
00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:17,244
Oh, it's fine, I quite understand.
185
00:09:17,287 --> 00:09:19,881
Rosemary Matthews, social welfare.
186
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,519
Oh, God. Yes, right.
187
00:09:21,567 --> 00:09:23,398
Does your son usually
speak to you like that?
188
00:09:23,447 --> 00:09:25,438
Only on good days.
189
00:09:25,487 --> 00:09:28,126
How sad for you.
I've come to reassess your case.
190
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,236
Yes, about that...
191
00:09:29,287 --> 00:09:31,403
And I notice straight away that this house
192
00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:33,881
is drastically under-equipped
for your needs.
193
00:09:33,927 --> 00:09:35,804
Look, I think I should explain, you see...
194
00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:36,836
Are you all alone?
195
00:09:36,887 --> 00:09:41,802
No, no, no, my wife's upstairs,
but she pretty much leaves me to it.
196
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:47,797
I see. Now, I understand that
you've cashed the first two cheques.
197
00:09:47,847 --> 00:09:50,202
Yes, about that...
I think I should explain...
198
00:09:50,247 --> 00:09:53,364
Good. And I hope you've used the money
to get yourself some help.
199
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:58,602
Yes, look,
I think I really should explain.
200
00:09:58,647 --> 00:10:02,117
You see, I'm not really disabled.
201
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:03,680
Of course you're not.
202
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:08,402
We don't use that word either.
203
00:10:08,447 --> 00:10:10,597
You have mobility issues.
204
00:10:11,847 --> 00:10:13,724
Yes, but, er, Rosemary...
205
00:10:13,767 --> 00:10:17,282
I'm here to protect you
from neglect and exploitation.
206
00:10:17,327 --> 00:10:21,605
And that's why I've made it my mission
to prosecute benefit frauds.
207
00:10:21,647 --> 00:10:24,605
Once I catch them, I don't let go
until they're behind bars.
208
00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:28,280
Good, good.
209
00:10:28,327 --> 00:10:32,445
And the reason I do it
is for people like you, Ben.
210
00:10:32,487 --> 00:10:34,557
- Yes?
- People who are...
211
00:10:34,607 --> 00:10:36,518
Oh, I'm sorry.
212
00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:37,841
...genuinely suffering.
213
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,082
Look, I think I'd better tell you.
214
00:10:40,127 --> 00:10:43,676
See, I...I don't need help.
215
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,080
Ben...
216
00:10:46,087 --> 00:10:47,998
...please...
217
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,799
let me in.
218
00:10:53,207 --> 00:10:54,765
OK.
219
00:10:54,807 --> 00:11:00,120
Now, I don't seem to locate the paperwork
on your accident.
220
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,316
Perhaps you could tell me about it.
221
00:11:01,367 --> 00:11:04,245
Yes, I think I ought to...
Ah, is that the time?
222
00:11:04,287 --> 00:11:06,801
Really, must be going,
I'm late for work as it is.
223
00:11:06,847 --> 00:11:08,997
Oh, are you still working?
What do you do?
224
00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:10,560
I'm a dentist.
225
00:11:10,607 --> 00:11:13,121
Oh, how wonderful.
What a courageous man you are,
226
00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:15,522
going back to work
so soon after the accident.
227
00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:18,205
Is this your wife?
228
00:11:18,247 --> 00:11:19,521
Yes.
229
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:22,764
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realise we had company.
230
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,718
Rosemary Matthews, social welfare.
231
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,327
- I'm Sus...
- I know who you are. Could I have a word?
232
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:32,235
How can you just leave him like that?
233
00:11:35,687 --> 00:11:38,599
Well, he never wants to do anything.
He can't be bothered.
234
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,000
Bothered?
What if something happened to him?
235
00:11:43,047 --> 00:11:47,643
Well, if it was really important,
he'd drag his lazy arse off the sofa.
236
00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:50,758
Look, he likes it this way.
237
00:11:50,807 --> 00:11:52,320
He has the remote.
238
00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:56,565
Although sometimes I take the batteries
out, just to mess with his head.
239
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:04,006
He's told you he's fine, right?
240
00:12:04,047 --> 00:12:06,083
Oh, yes. That's what he said.
241
00:12:06,127 --> 00:12:08,004
Well, I'm glad we've cleared that up.
242
00:12:08,047 --> 00:12:09,560
Well, I have to run. Bye.
243
00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:11,563
You're not just leaving him?
244
00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:13,598
Oh, I have a life too, you know.
245
00:12:18,007 --> 00:12:20,646
I am so sorry. I had no idea.
246
00:12:20,687 --> 00:12:22,723
Oh...
247
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:25,600
Give me a couple of hours.
I'm going to get you fixed up.
248
00:12:25,647 --> 00:12:27,239
I'm going to make you safe, Ben.
249
00:12:27,287 --> 00:12:28,606
Oh, thank you.
250
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:31,241
No, thank you,
for being such an inspiration.
251
00:12:31,287 --> 00:12:33,084
I'm going to start on the paperwork.
252
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:38,520
Rosemary, before you go, I think
there's something I'd better...tell you.
253
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:39,886
It's kind of important.
254
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,519
You see, I'm not...
255
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,997
...able to reach the remote.
256
00:12:57,047 --> 00:12:58,685
(WHISPERS) Thank you.
257
00:13:22,207 --> 00:13:24,596
(HONKING)
258
00:13:45,447 --> 00:13:47,119
(HONK)
259
00:13:48,607 --> 00:13:52,122
What the hell are you doing?
260
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,960
I know what you're thinking.
261
00:13:56,007 --> 00:13:59,522
''He's gone a little over the top
with the flag.'' But I couldn't help it.
262
00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:00,920
Couldn't resist it, Susan.
263
00:14:00,967 --> 00:14:03,640
- You're pretending you need a wheelchair?
- I have to.
264
00:14:03,687 --> 00:14:05,166
Why? I thought you sorted this out.
265
00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:07,004
No, no, no, they wouldn't listen.
266
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,641
I've got to try and convince Rosemary
267
00:14:09,687 --> 00:14:12,360
that I'm disabled, otherwise
she's going to send me to prison.
268
00:14:12,407 --> 00:14:14,477
You'll never get away with it.
269
00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:17,166
Not me.
270
00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:18,686
We.
271
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:21,286
What?
272
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:25,605
Yes, Susan.
Your shoes have cost me my legs.
273
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:29,037
I'm sorry, darling, we're in this together
and all the way.
274
00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:31,885
Oh, no. I won't live with a liar, Ben.
If you won't sort this out, then I will.
275
00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:33,679
OK, fine, OK. Have it your way.
276
00:14:33,727 --> 00:14:35,843
But before you do that,
277
00:14:35,887 --> 00:14:37,957
just have a little look...
278
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,599
at this.
279
00:14:44,487 --> 00:14:46,205
It's a disabled parking badge.
280
00:14:46,247 --> 00:14:49,205
Yes, it is, Susan.
281
00:14:49,247 --> 00:14:52,637
You just think,
no more pay-and-display,
282
00:14:52,687 --> 00:14:55,076
no more long walks to the shops,
283
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:57,322
no more circling the car parks
for a space.
284
00:15:01,487 --> 00:15:02,602
Do you want to hold it?
285
00:15:02,647 --> 00:15:04,160
May I?
286
00:15:13,087 --> 00:15:17,080
I mean...you tried to give
the money back, didn't you?
287
00:15:17,127 --> 00:15:18,355
I did, didn't I?
288
00:15:18,407 --> 00:15:19,806
But they wouldn't let you.
They wouldn't...
289
00:15:19,847 --> 00:15:22,202
Keep talking, Susan, keep talking.
290
00:15:22,247 --> 00:15:25,956
In a way, we're innocent.
291
00:15:26,007 --> 00:15:28,362
Bureaucracy is the real criminal here.
292
00:15:28,407 --> 00:15:29,920
That's right, Susan, that's right.
293
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:32,401
We didn't do any wrong, did we?
294
00:15:32,447 --> 00:15:35,598
If this is wrong,
maybe I don't want to be right.
295
00:15:35,647 --> 00:15:39,356
And we won't have to cash
any more cheques, Susan.
296
00:15:39,407 --> 00:15:43,002
Of course not. We could just keep
the badge. They'll never find out.
297
00:15:43,047 --> 00:15:44,844
Damn straight.
298
00:15:44,887 --> 00:15:49,085
This is pure dynamite, baby,
and it's all ours.
299
00:15:49,127 --> 00:15:52,199
Let's celebrate.
Let's go out to dinner!
300
00:15:52,247 --> 00:15:53,396
Yeah!
301
00:15:53,447 --> 00:15:55,881
I'm suddenly ravenous! I want steak.
302
00:15:55,927 --> 00:15:57,997
- Raw!
- (LAUGHS)
303
00:15:58,047 --> 00:15:59,082
Oh, baby!
304
00:15:59,127 --> 00:16:01,482
Let's go somewhere
really hard to park.
305
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,721
Yeah!
306
00:16:02,767 --> 00:16:05,235
Like, er, Chez Maurice.
307
00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:07,357
- Oh, perfect.
- Oh, baby!
308
00:16:07,407 --> 00:16:09,238
Oh, Ben, I've never felt so alive.
309
00:16:09,287 --> 00:16:11,437
Oh, it's intoxicating, isn't it?
310
00:16:14,927 --> 00:16:17,600
Oh, I can't feel my legs.
311
00:16:17,647 --> 00:16:20,923
Oh, that's really good.
That's really good, really convincing.
312
00:16:20,967 --> 00:16:22,036
(SHE GIGGLES)
313
00:16:22,087 --> 00:16:24,317
No, I'm serious.
You're cutting off my circulation.
314
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:25,846
Oh, I'm so sorry.
315
00:16:32,087 --> 00:16:34,203
Looking for something?
316
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:37,523
Oh, you scared me.
317
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:40,798
I was just checking to see that you have
everything you need for school.
318
00:16:40,847 --> 00:16:43,156
- Thanks, Mummy.
- That's what mothers are for.
319
00:16:44,847 --> 00:16:46,326
Wait!
320
00:16:51,607 --> 00:16:52,596
Ah-ha!
321
00:16:53,687 --> 00:16:55,996
I mean...
322
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:57,765
a hat!
323
00:16:57,807 --> 00:16:59,798
Good.
324
00:17:01,127 --> 00:17:02,765
Don't want you catching a cold.
325
00:17:02,807 --> 00:17:06,038
You have serious issues.
326
00:17:16,087 --> 00:17:18,521
- Right, I think we're there.
- Yes.
327
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:22,242
We've lowered the handle on the fridge
door, so you can open it from the chair.
328
00:17:22,287 --> 00:17:23,276
Oh, lovely.
329
00:17:23,327 --> 00:17:26,205
And we've equipped the bathroom
with safety rails
330
00:17:26,247 --> 00:17:28,477
so you can slide into the bath
without moving a muscle.
331
00:17:28,527 --> 00:17:30,836
It's like a dream come true.
332
00:17:30,887 --> 00:17:33,242
And I've arranged for a physio
to come round on Wednesdays
333
00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:34,800
to give you some deep tissue massage.
334
00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:37,680
- Well, there's really no need.
- She can be here at five.
335
00:17:37,727 --> 00:17:39,206
She? I'll be ready.
336
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:43,399
And did any of the clubs in the newsletter
tickle your fancy?
337
00:17:43,447 --> 00:17:47,235
Actually, yes, I did wonder
if there were any places left
338
00:17:47,287 --> 00:17:49,357
on the free awayday to Bruges.
339
00:17:49,407 --> 00:17:53,525
- I'll stick your name down.
- Oh, lovely. Marvellous city, Bruges.
340
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:57,196
Not just for the beer,
but also for the lace.
341
00:17:57,247 --> 00:17:59,078
Oh, Rosemary.
342
00:17:59,127 --> 00:18:01,436
How...how lovely to see you again.
343
00:18:01,487 --> 00:18:02,602
Hello, Mrs Harper.
344
00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:04,365
I do hope Ben has offered you a drink.
345
00:18:04,407 --> 00:18:05,601
Actually, I'm just going.
346
00:18:05,647 --> 00:18:06,796
Oh, what a shame.
347
00:18:06,847 --> 00:18:09,042
I'll pop round tomorrow and...
348
00:18:10,527 --> 00:18:11,846
- Ow!
- Are you all right?
349
00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:13,878
I'm so sorry.
350
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:19,160
It's my tooth. I chipped it last week
and haven't had time to get it checked.
351
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:22,517
I should come round
to your surgery.
352
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:25,365
No, no, I wouldn't do that, because...
353
00:18:25,407 --> 00:18:27,443
well, I'm not very good.
354
00:18:27,487 --> 00:18:32,083
Now, Ben, remember our affirmation?
''I, Ben Harper...''
355
00:18:32,127 --> 00:18:35,278
''...Have a sound and confident mind.''
356
00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:38,006
Good.
357
00:18:38,047 --> 00:18:39,844
So could you squeeze me in tomorrow?
358
00:18:39,887 --> 00:18:42,606
- Oh, dear. Er, let me think, um...
- Of course he can.
359
00:18:42,647 --> 00:18:44,000
No.
360
00:18:44,047 --> 00:18:47,483
Wonderful!
I'll pop in to the surgery tomorrow.
361
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,722
- Goodbye, Ben.
- Bye!
362
00:18:49,767 --> 00:18:51,439
Goodbye, Mrs Harper.
363
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,038
What the hell have you gone and done?
364
00:19:03,087 --> 00:19:07,239
You've only invited her to the place
where I work, and walk!
365
00:19:07,287 --> 00:19:10,085
I don't know! I just...
I just panicked.
366
00:19:10,127 --> 00:19:13,005
It's all right. We'll be fine,
as long as we keep our heads.
367
00:19:13,047 --> 00:19:15,845
No, we won't. It's too late,
it's too late, I tell you. She's on to us!
368
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:19,516
We're going to have to go on the run.
Assume new identities.
369
00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:22,035
- Oh, Ben, what are we going to do?
- Get a hold of yourself, woman!
370
00:19:22,087 --> 00:19:24,806
I'm sorry, I'm just scared.
Maybe we should turn ourselves in.
371
00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:27,600
Hey, this is crazy talk!
You're wearing your guilt on your feet.
372
00:19:27,647 --> 00:19:31,435
Oh, a curse on these treacherous
but beautiful kitten heels.
373
00:19:31,487 --> 00:19:36,117
Let's face it, baby, we're on
a runaway train heading fast out of town,
374
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:38,522
and the only way to keep going
is to keep stoking that engine,
375
00:19:38,567 --> 00:19:41,479
or it's a one-way ticket
to the clanger for the both of us.
376
00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:46,837
I haven't a clue what you just said.
377
00:19:46,887 --> 00:19:48,605
Me neither.
378
00:20:02,527 --> 00:20:04,597
Still looking for something?
379
00:20:04,647 --> 00:20:07,320
Don't you worry, just turn the light off
and go back to sleep.
380
00:20:07,367 --> 00:20:09,323
Are you looking
for your teddy bear?
381
00:20:09,367 --> 00:20:10,720
Yeah.
382
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:12,598
No.
383
00:20:12,647 --> 00:20:14,126
Yes.
384
00:20:14,167 --> 00:20:19,036
Look, Kenzo, fine, I can't sleep.
I need that bear.
385
00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:20,679
Not gonna happen.
386
00:20:20,727 --> 00:20:22,957
Listen.
387
00:20:23,007 --> 00:20:26,636
My grandma, your great-grandma,
made Mr Digsby for me,
388
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,564
and I was completely devoted to him.
389
00:20:28,607 --> 00:20:32,122
Everywhere I went, he went.
390
00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:35,603
So imagine how I felt when one day
I accidentally left him
391
00:20:35,647 --> 00:20:38,002
on top of Auntie Maureen's car
and she drove away.
392
00:20:38,047 --> 00:20:41,596
I ran after that car as fast
as my little legs could carry me
393
00:20:41,647 --> 00:20:44,366
with tears streaming down my face.
394
00:20:44,407 --> 00:20:48,366
Six miles I ran,
before I finally gave up.
395
00:20:48,407 --> 00:20:53,356
But amazingly, Mr Digsby hung on
all the way back to her house in Aberdeen.
396
00:20:53,407 --> 00:20:55,921
And when I got him back,
397
00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:58,879
I swore I'd never let him
out of my sight again.
398
00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:01,077
I'm sorry, Mummy.
399
00:21:02,487 --> 00:21:05,240
Here, take him back.
400
00:21:05,287 --> 00:21:07,198
Thank you.
401
00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:11,205
Hah, sucker!
402
00:21:15,487 --> 00:21:18,559
Hah, sucker!
403
00:21:23,327 --> 00:21:24,680
Hello?
404
00:21:24,727 --> 00:21:27,161
- Oh, my...
- Ben!
405
00:21:27,207 --> 00:21:31,246
Why must these legs betray me?
406
00:21:31,287 --> 00:21:33,164
- You poor dear!
- I know, it's...
407
00:21:33,207 --> 00:21:36,882
They always let me down
when I least expect it.
408
00:21:36,927 --> 00:21:40,158
- Shall I help you to your chair?
- Yes, please, that would be lovely.
409
00:21:40,207 --> 00:21:43,244
If you could push me over there
I'd be really grateful.
410
00:21:43,287 --> 00:21:44,322
Ups-a-daisy.
411
00:21:45,687 --> 00:21:47,996
Yes, here we go. Ha-ha!
412
00:21:48,047 --> 00:21:51,119
I didn't mean to startle you.
There was no-one at reception and...
413
00:21:51,167 --> 00:21:54,477
It's all right, Rosemary, just relax.
You're here now and in safe hands,
414
00:21:54,527 --> 00:21:57,439
so if you'd like to take a seat,
I'll have a little look.
415
00:21:57,487 --> 00:21:58,966
Oh, please, take off your coat.
416
00:21:59,007 --> 00:22:02,363
Sorry, my receptionist
is running a little late.
417
00:22:02,407 --> 00:22:04,318
Oh, and your bag, of course.
418
00:22:04,367 --> 00:22:06,085
Very good.
419
00:22:06,127 --> 00:22:07,765
Now please sit down and relax.
420
00:22:07,807 --> 00:22:10,196
I'm sorry to make you do this
at such short notice,
421
00:22:10,247 --> 00:22:12,681
but I have a court appearance
this afternoon.
422
00:22:12,727 --> 00:22:15,480
A couple of benefit cheats -
husband and wife.
423
00:22:15,527 --> 00:22:16,721
Sorry.
424
00:22:16,767 --> 00:22:20,965
What sort of sick individual
steals from the disabled?
425
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:22,520
- Huh!
- Yes.
426
00:22:22,567 --> 00:22:24,159
Terrible ones.
427
00:22:25,407 --> 00:22:26,362
Actually, Ben,
428
00:22:26,407 --> 00:22:29,763
before we get started, there's something
I wanted to talk to you about.
429
00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:34,881
I think you'd betterjust sit down, relax,
and let me get on with what I do best.
430
00:22:34,927 --> 00:22:36,519
OK, so let me...
431
00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:38,239
- (CRASH!)
- Oooh!
432
00:22:39,727 --> 00:22:41,763
Oh, fun, fun, fun. Here we go.
433
00:22:41,807 --> 00:22:43,877
Just relax and let me have a little look.
434
00:22:43,927 --> 00:22:45,565
- Ow!
- Ah, is that the one?
435
00:22:45,607 --> 00:22:47,086
Mm-hm, yeah, I see the culprit.
436
00:22:47,127 --> 00:22:48,924
Ah, yes, yeah, yeah.
437
00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:54,405
OK, just relax and I'll get you fixed up
in no time at all. OK?
438
00:22:58,487 --> 00:23:00,762
Coming back. Sorry.
439
00:23:00,807 --> 00:23:02,559
♪ Whoop-de-doo-de-doo... ♪
440
00:23:02,607 --> 00:23:03,926
(HE HUMS)
441
00:23:08,007 --> 00:23:10,157
Right, here we go, then.
442
00:23:10,207 --> 00:23:12,163
- Ben, before we get going...
- Yes?
443
00:23:12,207 --> 00:23:14,323
- I just wanted to tell you...
- Yeah?
444
00:23:14,367 --> 00:23:17,643
I've put you forward for an award.
445
00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:18,881
An award?
446
00:23:18,927 --> 00:23:20,679
There's a local disability award
447
00:23:20,727 --> 00:23:25,039
open to people who have made a significant
contribution to the community,
448
00:23:25,087 --> 00:23:27,078
and you've been short-listed.
449
00:23:27,127 --> 00:23:30,403
Really? Short-listed?
That's very flattering,
450
00:23:30,447 --> 00:23:32,165
but Rosemary, you see, I, er...
451
00:23:32,207 --> 00:23:34,767
I don't really consider myself
as having a disability.
452
00:23:34,807 --> 00:23:39,927
Ben, this isn't about the chair,
it's about the man.
453
00:23:39,967 --> 00:23:44,245
What I see in you
is the triumph of spirit over adversity.
454
00:23:44,287 --> 00:23:46,847
You're a gutsy guy who wants to
get things done, aren't you?
455
00:23:46,887 --> 00:23:48,206
I...I am, yes.
456
00:23:48,247 --> 00:23:50,715
Well, are you going to sit there
and tell me that
457
00:23:50,767 --> 00:23:54,965
that beautiful, generous soul
doesn't deserve some recognition?
458
00:23:55,007 --> 00:23:57,475
- No, I'm not.
- Well, then,
459
00:23:57,527 --> 00:23:59,643
get your best suit out, Ben,
460
00:23:59,687 --> 00:24:01,678
because you have
a ceremony to go to.
461
00:24:01,727 --> 00:24:03,763
Yes, ma'am, I do.
462
00:24:09,647 --> 00:24:13,356
Our nominees this year
are all winners.
463
00:24:14,727 --> 00:24:16,922
They've all overcome great adversity
464
00:24:16,967 --> 00:24:20,323
to become a vibrant part
of the disabled community,
465
00:24:20,367 --> 00:24:22,278
- as well as showing great strength...
- Susan. Susan!
466
00:24:22,327 --> 00:24:25,922
- What?
- I can't go through with this, I'm sorry.
467
00:24:25,967 --> 00:24:28,117
Sorry, I can't do it.
468
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:36,044
SPEAKER: Choosing a winner
has been an extremely difficult process.
469
00:24:36,087 --> 00:24:37,361
Ben, what are you doing?
470
00:24:37,407 --> 00:24:38,965
I've got to tell them the truth, Susan.
471
00:24:39,007 --> 00:24:41,521
No, you can't.
We just have to keep our nerve.
472
00:24:41,567 --> 00:24:43,478
I can't take this any longer!
I'm in too deep!
473
00:24:43,527 --> 00:24:45,119
Eyes are watching me!
Walls have ears!
474
00:24:45,167 --> 00:24:46,964
Clocks are ticking even faster! Ow!
475
00:24:49,207 --> 00:24:51,641
Sorry. There was a fly on him.
476
00:24:51,687 --> 00:24:53,962
And the winner is...
477
00:24:54,007 --> 00:24:55,520
Ben Harper!
478
00:24:55,567 --> 00:24:57,239
Ben!
479
00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:58,959
You've won!
480
00:24:59,007 --> 00:25:01,077
What am I going to do?
481
00:25:01,127 --> 00:25:03,197
Go up and collect your prize.
482
00:25:03,247 --> 00:25:05,238
OK. Yeah.
483
00:25:10,487 --> 00:25:11,761
(HE MOUTHS)
484
00:25:13,167 --> 00:25:16,284
- Stop! Impostor!
- (AUDIENCE GASPS)
485
00:25:16,327 --> 00:25:18,795
That man has been stealing
my benefit money!
486
00:25:20,647 --> 00:25:22,956
I'm the real Ben Harper.
This man's a fake.
487
00:25:23,007 --> 00:25:24,122
(GASPS)
488
00:25:24,167 --> 00:25:27,125
How could you steal from me?
How could you do that?
489
00:25:27,167 --> 00:25:30,637
Yes, you're quite right,
and the thing is, it's all a big mistake.
490
00:25:30,687 --> 00:25:34,805
My wife, Susan, you see, she really wanted
this very expensive pair of shoes.
491
00:25:36,047 --> 00:25:39,357
- I told him to give the money back!
- (DISGUSTED GASPS)
492
00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:40,396
I knew it!
493
00:25:40,447 --> 00:25:44,235
I hate you, other Ben Harper. You've been
getting all the breaks that I didn't get.
494
00:25:44,287 --> 00:25:46,164
I know, and this is terrible,
495
00:25:46,207 --> 00:25:49,358
but if you'll give me this opportunity
of saying how sorry I am...
496
00:25:49,407 --> 00:25:52,365
It's too late for that now.
I'm going to kill you.
497
00:25:52,407 --> 00:25:54,523
Really, you understand, I...
498
00:26:00,807 --> 00:26:04,004
Susan, look!
499
00:26:04,047 --> 00:26:06,003
I can walk!
500
00:26:06,047 --> 00:26:08,515
It's a miracle.
501
00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:10,762
Wow! And look, everyone!
502
00:26:10,807 --> 00:26:12,126
I can run!
503
00:26:14,527 --> 00:26:16,119
You despicable man!
504
00:26:16,167 --> 00:26:17,919
I'm not going to Bruges, am I?
505
00:26:20,687 --> 00:26:22,882
And, er...
506
00:26:22,927 --> 00:26:29,002
this cheque is for the original money
plus the fine.
507
00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:31,197
Hope there's no hard feelings.
508
00:26:31,247 --> 00:26:33,477
You're lucky you attempted
to return the money,
509
00:26:33,527 --> 00:26:35,518
otherwise you'd be facing
a prison sentence.
510
00:26:35,567 --> 00:26:37,319
Well, thanks for stopping by.
511
00:26:37,367 --> 00:26:39,437
Sorry for the inconvenience.
512
00:26:39,487 --> 00:26:41,000
It will never happen again.
513
00:26:41,047 --> 00:26:44,244
What?
Like cashing cheques that weren't yours,
514
00:26:44,287 --> 00:26:48,519
getting me to renovate your house,
pretending your husband couldn't walk,
515
00:26:48,567 --> 00:26:51,286
and collecting awards you hadn't won?
516
00:26:51,327 --> 00:26:53,443
Yeah, that.
517
00:26:53,487 --> 00:26:55,045
Goodbye.
518
00:26:55,087 --> 00:27:00,241
Oh, Mrs Harper, one last thing.
The disabled parking permit?
519
00:27:01,487 --> 00:27:03,159
Oh, didn't you get that?
520
00:27:03,207 --> 00:27:05,767
I thought one of your colleagues
might have taken it already.
521
00:27:05,807 --> 00:27:07,160
No.
522
00:27:07,207 --> 00:27:08,606
Oh.
523
00:27:43,207 --> 00:27:44,242
(DOOR SLAMS)
524
00:27:46,247 --> 00:27:48,886
They haven't taken
all the bathroom fittings yet.
525
00:27:51,207 --> 00:27:54,643
I could lower you
very slowly into a tub.
526
00:27:56,247 --> 00:27:59,523
Or...we could go to Chez Maurice.
527
00:27:59,567 --> 00:28:00,602
What?
528
00:28:02,447 --> 00:28:06,042
I gave her the packet
but not the badge.
529
00:28:06,087 --> 00:28:10,444
- Susan, you clever woman!
- Thank you! Chez Maurice?
530
00:28:10,487 --> 00:28:12,079
Yeah, let's celebrate!
531
00:28:12,127 --> 00:28:14,163
Oh, wow, come on, let's go...
532
00:28:16,807 --> 00:28:19,879
Oh, yes, you forgot this.
533
00:28:20,967 --> 00:28:22,195
Bye.
40533
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