All language subtitles for My Family - S09E02 - Bringing Up Janey
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1
00:00:16,798 --> 00:00:19,756
- This lasagne's delicious!
- Mm-hm. Isn't it?
2
00:00:20,958 --> 00:00:23,153
I told you I have a talent for cooking.
3
00:00:23,198 --> 00:00:25,029
Mmm-mm!
4
00:00:25,078 --> 00:00:26,477
Where did you get it?
5
00:00:28,838 --> 00:00:30,396
I made it.
6
00:00:31,238 --> 00:00:33,229
Where did you get it?
7
00:00:34,038 --> 00:00:36,188
The freezer in the garage.
8
00:00:36,238 --> 00:00:38,991
I haven't cleared it in years.
What's the expiry date on this?
9
00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:41,598
Well, it's... (Mumbles)
10
00:00:41,638 --> 00:00:43,435
- Which year, Ben?
- 1988.
11
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:45,514
- Oh my God!
- Calm down!
12
00:00:45,558 --> 00:00:48,834
Relax, Susan!
It's got a built-in safety margin.
13
00:00:48,878 --> 00:00:52,234
Not 20 years!
This lasagne is older than Michael!
14
00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:55,350
And let's be honest,
a little more fun to be with!
15
00:00:55,398 --> 00:00:58,390
Ooh, you look nice.
What's the occasion?
16
00:00:58,438 --> 00:01:00,793
- I have a date.
- What, in court?
17
00:01:00,838 --> 00:01:02,794
No, a date with a guy.
18
00:01:04,318 --> 00:01:06,388
- What?
- Oh, it's nothing. Nothing.
19
00:01:06,438 --> 00:01:08,349
Just normally when you go on a date
20
00:01:08,398 --> 00:01:11,117
your outfit's so tight
we can see your kidneys.
21
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,307
Who's the man?
22
00:01:12,358 --> 00:01:15,907
- I'd rather not talk about him.
- OK, another one on death row.
23
00:01:16,918 --> 00:01:19,432
It's only been a few weeks.
It's going really well.
24
00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:22,311
- I don't want to jinx it.
- Quite right, darling.
25
00:01:22,358 --> 00:01:24,918
Never share your dreams with your father.
26
00:01:25,958 --> 00:01:27,596
He'll only shatter them,
27
00:01:27,638 --> 00:01:30,869
leaving you an empty husk
riddled with E coli.
28
00:01:30,918 --> 00:01:33,716
You say E coli,
I say gastric cleanser.
29
00:01:34,718 --> 00:01:37,915
Great, you're all here. Listen,
I have a big announcement to make.
30
00:01:37,958 --> 00:01:40,108
You've hit puberty?
31
00:01:40,158 --> 00:01:42,592
Ml5 have approached me to apply for a job.
32
00:01:42,638 --> 00:01:45,277
Oh my God!
Darling, I'm so proud of you.
33
00:01:45,318 --> 00:01:48,993
- Mikey, you're going to be a spy?
- That's just one possibility.
34
00:01:49,038 --> 00:01:51,677
Have they not seen you ride a bicycle?
35
00:01:51,718 --> 00:01:54,551
That's the good news. The bad news is
I probably won't get the job.
36
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:55,713
- Oh.
- Why?
37
00:01:55,758 --> 00:01:59,387
I had to put the family as referees.
They'll want to interview you.
38
00:01:59,438 --> 00:02:01,349
They'll judge me
based on what you say.
39
00:02:01,398 --> 00:02:02,990
Oh, Michael, that's awful.
40
00:02:03,038 --> 00:02:06,348
No, it's not awful.
I tell you what, Mikey, don't worry.
41
00:02:06,398 --> 00:02:08,753
I'll put in a...
good word for you, mate.
42
00:02:08,798 --> 00:02:11,266
You've got nothing to worry about, Michael.
43
00:02:11,318 --> 00:02:13,786
We'll sit them down,
have an honest conversation.
44
00:02:13,838 --> 00:02:17,592
- Absolutely.
- We'll just be our normal selves.
45
00:02:20,158 --> 00:02:21,796
I'm so screwed.
46
00:02:23,998 --> 00:02:26,558
Look at you!
You look especially nice today.
47
00:02:26,598 --> 00:02:29,396
Putting on a pair of matching socks
and combing one's hair
48
00:02:29,438 --> 00:02:32,714
is something professional people do,
you might take note.
49
00:02:32,758 --> 00:02:35,431
My patients come to me
for my artistry as a dentist.
50
00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:38,754
I have no need for the use
of smoke and mirrors.
51
00:02:40,998 --> 00:02:43,273
Some mouthwash would be nice, though.
52
00:02:44,518 --> 00:02:46,713
Do you have any cash?
I need taxi money.
53
00:02:46,758 --> 00:02:50,512
- Well, why don't you go to a bank?
- I haven't time.
54
00:02:50,558 --> 00:02:53,470
James Garrett's in town.
I'm taking him out for lunch.
55
00:02:53,518 --> 00:02:56,749
James Garrett, the handsome multi-millionaire
James Garrett?
56
00:02:56,798 --> 00:03:00,427
James Garrett, my richest client,
who in two days' time
57
00:03:00,478 --> 00:03:03,470
is about to make the biggest
purchase yet, James Garrett.
58
00:03:03,518 --> 00:03:06,635
That's who you're tarting
yourself up for, is it? I see.
59
00:03:06,678 --> 00:03:09,067
Jealousy is an immature emotion, Ben.
60
00:03:09,118 --> 00:03:10,267
I'm not jealous.
61
00:03:10,318 --> 00:03:13,230
We go through this every time
James is in town.
62
00:03:13,278 --> 00:03:16,827
I mean, sure, he's handsome,
tall, charming,
63
00:03:16,878 --> 00:03:21,349
hugely wealthy, fit, great smile...
64
00:03:22,798 --> 00:03:24,948
Sorry, where was I?
65
00:03:24,998 --> 00:03:27,831
If he's so rich
why doesn't he pay for the taxi?
66
00:03:27,878 --> 00:03:31,917
Because it's my job
to wine and dine him.
67
00:03:31,958 --> 00:03:34,313
Get him in the mood to spend.
68
00:03:34,358 --> 00:03:37,395
There's nothing I wouldn't do
to make this man happy.
69
00:03:40,198 --> 00:03:41,916
What does that mean?
70
00:03:41,958 --> 00:03:44,028
Figure of speech.
71
00:03:44,078 --> 00:03:47,115
You have nothing to worry about.
I do this with all my clients.
72
00:03:47,158 --> 00:03:49,626
This is a purely professional
business relationship.
73
00:03:49,678 --> 00:03:50,997
(Mobile ringing)
74
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:54,717
(Giggles) James!
75
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:56,555
Yes, we absolutely are on.
76
00:03:56,598 --> 00:03:59,829
Susan, Susan, give me that back.
Give me the wallet, Susan!
77
00:03:59,878 --> 00:04:02,870
Really? I can't wait to hear all about it.
78
00:04:02,918 --> 00:04:04,351
Well, I can't wait for my wallet!
79
00:04:04,398 --> 00:04:06,707
Yes, I've cancelled all
my afternoon appointments.
80
00:04:06,758 --> 00:04:07,747
I'm all yours.
81
00:04:07,798 --> 00:04:10,596
- I'll be home late, don't wait up.
- Just give me the wallet.
82
00:04:10,638 --> 00:04:11,912
I'll be there in a minute.
83
00:04:11,958 --> 00:04:14,597
I'll just get a taxi and then I'll be there.
84
00:04:14,638 --> 00:04:16,117
(Shouts) Enjoy your bus ride.
85
00:04:16,158 --> 00:04:17,750
(Laughs wickedly)
86
00:04:19,118 --> 00:04:21,996
I've been mugged. I've been mugged!
87
00:04:22,038 --> 00:04:24,871
- How does she do that?
- Mum sounds happy.
88
00:04:24,918 --> 00:04:27,955
Yes, she's got a date with the Devil, Mikey.
89
00:04:29,038 --> 00:04:30,232
Isn't that Mum's bag?
90
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,752
Yeah. Yeah, I'll er...
91
00:04:33,798 --> 00:04:37,632
I'll drop it off down at the gallery.
I'm going right past there.
92
00:04:40,358 --> 00:04:42,394
You're actually going through
Mum's bag?
93
00:04:43,838 --> 00:04:46,272
You're going to make a very good spy, Michael.
94
00:04:48,838 --> 00:04:50,954
What's this?
95
00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:53,228
That looks like a hotel key card to me.
96
00:04:54,358 --> 00:04:56,155
Thank you, Bond. That'll be all.
97
00:04:59,558 --> 00:05:02,516
"Darling, see you at
the Beaumont Hotel tonight, 8pm.
98
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,349
"Room 108.
99
00:05:06,398 --> 00:05:10,755
"All my love... James."
100
00:05:13,798 --> 00:05:15,754
And I'm paying for her to get there.
101
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,630
Right, you would be Michael's
older sister, Janey.
102
00:05:21,678 --> 00:05:25,307
Wow, you boys at Ml5
really do your homework.
103
00:05:26,318 --> 00:05:28,274
It's written on his application.
104
00:05:29,598 --> 00:05:32,158
Anyway, these interviews
are fairly straightforward.
105
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,632
Just try to be as honest and frank
as possible.
106
00:05:34,678 --> 00:05:36,111
OK.
107
00:05:37,678 --> 00:05:42,069
...and there was that time
I wet myself on a roller coaster.
108
00:05:43,278 --> 00:05:45,428
Oh, and I drank a pint of Kahlua once
109
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:48,948
and projectile vomited
all over my geography teacher.
110
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,954
Very funny.
111
00:05:50,998 --> 00:05:53,876
Oh, and I got barred from
a nightclub, once, in Weymouth...
112
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:57,831
Thank you, Miss Harper.
That's all very illuminating.
113
00:05:57,878 --> 00:05:59,596
When I told you to be
honest and frank
114
00:05:59,638 --> 00:06:01,754
I was actually
asking about your brother.
115
00:06:05,718 --> 00:06:07,231
Him?
116
00:06:07,278 --> 00:06:08,677
Oh, sorry!
117
00:06:09,678 --> 00:06:12,795
You know, to tell you the truth,
I don't really know him that well.
118
00:06:28,198 --> 00:06:30,075
(Man) Yes?
119
00:06:31,118 --> 00:06:32,517
Room service.
120
00:06:34,598 --> 00:06:36,554
I'm sorry, we haven't ordered any.
121
00:06:42,518 --> 00:06:44,634
- (Man) Yes?
- (As woman) Hello, housekeeping.
122
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:47,788
I'm here to turn down the covers.
123
00:06:47,838 --> 00:06:49,396
You've already done that.
124
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:53,667
(Man) What now?
125
00:06:53,718 --> 00:06:57,950
Hotel manager, I've got complaints
that you haven't been cooperative.
126
00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:01,035
OK, OK, Garrett, where is she?
127
00:07:01,078 --> 00:07:04,195
- Ben, try not to get upset.
- I've gone through that stage!
128
00:07:04,238 --> 00:07:06,593
I wanted to tell you
but she didn't think you'd be happy.
129
00:07:06,638 --> 00:07:08,390
Oh, she got that right!
130
00:07:08,438 --> 00:07:10,156
I know you have to be protective
131
00:07:10,198 --> 00:07:12,587
but she knows what she wants
and she wants me.
132
00:07:12,638 --> 00:07:14,230
Have you no shame?
133
00:07:14,278 --> 00:07:18,032
I know I'm a bit older than her usual
but it's not like I'm her first.
134
00:07:18,078 --> 00:07:21,832
- How long has this been going on?
- We're still feeling each other out.
135
00:07:21,878 --> 00:07:23,789
Ben, don't get angry.
136
00:07:23,838 --> 00:07:27,467
I can show her the world,
introduce her to the finer things in life.
137
00:07:27,518 --> 00:07:30,191
- She'll have a great time.
- She won't, I'm going to kill you!
138
00:07:30,238 --> 00:07:33,150
- Dad.
- Just stay out of this, Janey. OK?
139
00:07:34,158 --> 00:07:37,867
- If you... What are you doing here?
- No, what are you doing here?
140
00:07:37,918 --> 00:07:39,988
Not what you're doing here,
that's for sure!
141
00:07:40,038 --> 00:07:45,829
I thought your mother was going to be doing
here what you're doing here...
142
00:07:48,638 --> 00:07:49,787
(Ben clears throat)
143
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,476
(Loud thump)
144
00:07:53,718 --> 00:07:55,436
Hi, darling, hi. Hi.
145
00:07:55,478 --> 00:07:58,072
- What are you doing home so early?
- I don't know.
146
00:07:58,118 --> 00:08:01,906
Having your father burst into your boyfriend's
hotel room is a bit of a mood killer!
147
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:04,791
It was an honest mistake.
I was hoping to find your mother there.
148
00:08:06,558 --> 00:08:08,549
I don't know what I'm angriest about.
149
00:08:08,598 --> 00:08:10,907
That you went through my bag,
barged in on us,
150
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:13,074
or that you stole the bathrobe
from the room!
151
00:08:14,318 --> 00:08:17,390
Honestly, I thought that
was complimentary.
152
00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:20,510
This is the best thing
that's happened to me for ages
153
00:08:20,558 --> 00:08:21,991
and you've ruined it!
154
00:08:22,038 --> 00:08:23,596
Sorry. I'm really sorry.
155
00:08:23,638 --> 00:08:26,072
But if you hadn't been sneaking around...
156
00:08:26,118 --> 00:08:30,270
Me, sneaking? It was you
lurking about in hotel corridors!
157
00:08:30,318 --> 00:08:32,115
I'm sorry, darling, I'm sorry.
158
00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:34,956
Look, Dad, just do me a favour, OK?
159
00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:37,273
Please, don't mention anything to Mum.
160
00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:40,515
James wanted to keep this quiet
given that they work together.
161
00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:42,628
If there's one thing your dad is good at
162
00:08:42,678 --> 00:08:45,146
it's keeping secrets
from your mother, OK?
163
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:50,630
Listen, babe, I have the nerves
of an international diamond thief.
164
00:08:50,678 --> 00:08:51,713
(Door opens)
165
00:09:03,038 --> 00:09:05,836
- What's going on?
- I found her in James' hotel room.
166
00:09:07,398 --> 00:09:08,513
What?
167
00:09:08,558 --> 00:09:10,276
Great job, Dad.
168
00:09:10,318 --> 00:09:12,513
Just wondered
how the interview went?
169
00:09:12,558 --> 00:09:15,755
- What were you doing in his room?
- Dad was there too.
170
00:09:17,358 --> 00:09:20,236
- What were you doing there?
- I was looking for you.
171
00:09:20,278 --> 00:09:23,793
- You were looking for me?
- Yeah, and then I found her.
172
00:09:23,838 --> 00:09:25,317
I'll come back later.
173
00:09:25,358 --> 00:09:27,474
Why were you looking for me?
174
00:09:27,518 --> 00:09:31,272
- The question I keep asking myself.
- Now I'm asking you!
175
00:09:31,318 --> 00:09:34,993
You know how you wanted
a new bathrobe? Well, I got you one.
176
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:43,349
So, James is the man
you've been seeing.
177
00:09:43,398 --> 00:09:46,834
I was going to tell you. I wanted
to wait until I knew it was serious.
178
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:47,913
Is it serious?
179
00:09:47,958 --> 00:09:50,836
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
180
00:09:50,878 --> 00:09:52,516
Right.
181
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:53,593
I'm sorry, Mum.
182
00:09:53,638 --> 00:09:57,074
I know it's a bit weird
given James is a client and everything
183
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,871
but we really like each other.
184
00:09:59,918 --> 00:10:03,115
Weird? There's nothing weird.
It's wonderful, darling.
185
00:10:03,158 --> 00:10:05,467
- You sure?
- Yes, I couldn't be happier.
186
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:08,397
It's going to be a disaster.
187
00:10:10,638 --> 00:10:12,390
Disaster? Are you kidding?
188
00:10:12,438 --> 00:10:14,998
Ha! The man's a multi-millionaire!
189
00:10:15,038 --> 00:10:18,747
Just think, cocktails in Monte Carlo,
golfing in Bali,
190
00:10:18,798 --> 00:10:20,993
romantic dinners aboard his yacht.
191
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,677
You do realise he's dating Janey,
not you?
192
00:10:25,238 --> 00:10:26,956
She needs our support on this
193
00:10:26,998 --> 00:10:29,956
and this may be our last chance
to get her to move out!
194
00:10:29,998 --> 00:10:31,716
I have a bad feeling about this.
195
00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:34,113
Why would someone like James
want Janey?
196
00:10:34,158 --> 00:10:37,992
Don't start pulling that thread,
we might lose him altogether.
197
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,994
Do you think he's got a biplane?
198
00:10:41,278 --> 00:10:42,393
I just don't get it.
199
00:10:42,438 --> 00:10:46,397
James is cultured, intellectual
and Janey's well...
200
00:10:47,398 --> 00:10:48,387
...Janey.
201
00:10:48,438 --> 00:10:50,554
She's got some things going for her.
202
00:10:50,598 --> 00:10:52,714
She... she...
203
00:10:52,758 --> 00:10:54,510
She repaired our DVD.
204
00:10:54,558 --> 00:10:57,834
- That was Michael.
- Was it? They all look alike to me.
205
00:10:57,878 --> 00:10:59,755
I hope he's not using her.
206
00:11:03,198 --> 00:11:04,756
You're jealous.
207
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,231
Oh, please!
208
00:11:06,278 --> 00:11:08,872
Yes, "jealousy is an immature emotion".
209
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,194
- Oh, you're talking rubbish!
- Probably. I'm quoting you.
210
00:11:13,198 --> 00:11:15,393
I'm concerned about
the happiness of our daughter.
211
00:11:15,438 --> 00:11:16,791
And you're jealous.
212
00:11:16,838 --> 00:11:18,066
No.
213
00:11:19,118 --> 00:11:21,586
I've got a meeting with James tomorrow.
214
00:11:21,638 --> 00:11:23,947
I'm going to find out
if he's really serious about her.
215
00:11:23,998 --> 00:11:25,875
Ooh, sounds like a plan.
216
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,352
A plan of a jealous woman.
217
00:11:28,398 --> 00:11:30,958
- Oh, please!
- Your eye's twitching.
218
00:11:30,998 --> 00:11:32,875
Oh, stop... Shut up.
219
00:11:40,198 --> 00:11:41,597
Stop grinning.
220
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,272
Is it?
221
00:11:46,398 --> 00:11:48,275
Faliraki?
222
00:11:48,318 --> 00:11:49,876
No, Athens.
223
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,273
Oh! Athens, Athens, Athens, Athens.
224
00:11:52,318 --> 00:11:54,115
OK, give me another one.
225
00:11:54,958 --> 00:11:56,755
What's the capital of Spain?
226
00:11:59,158 --> 00:12:00,750
Ibiza?
227
00:12:02,958 --> 00:12:05,267
Do you only know places
where you flashed a barman?
228
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,674
Michael, I need your help with this.
229
00:12:08,718 --> 00:12:12,313
James has been all over the world
and I never know where he's talking about.
230
00:12:12,358 --> 00:12:15,668
- You doing this for James?
- No, I'm doing it for me but...
231
00:12:15,718 --> 00:12:19,916
OK, maybe being with James
makes me want to expand my mind.
232
00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:21,471
Finding it would be a start.
233
00:12:23,558 --> 00:12:25,355
Dad, what are you wearing?
234
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:28,836
Your mother wanted me to dress
for her exhibition,
235
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:31,187
so I decided to drag out the old tux.
236
00:12:34,198 --> 00:12:37,634
I haven't worn this for 25 years, Mikey.
25 years.
237
00:12:37,678 --> 00:12:39,430
Fits like a glove.
238
00:12:39,478 --> 00:12:41,594
It's called keeping yourself in trim, my boy.
239
00:12:41,638 --> 00:12:43,868
That's called
living in a fantasy world, my boy.
240
00:12:43,918 --> 00:12:46,068
You can't wear that
to Mum's exhibition.
241
00:12:46,118 --> 00:12:49,952
- You'll have to hire one.
- What, at 60 quid a shot? No way.
242
00:12:49,998 --> 00:12:52,353
You've got an interview
with the Ml5 guy.
243
00:12:52,398 --> 00:12:53,592
1700 hours.
244
00:12:53,638 --> 00:12:56,789
(As Sean Connery) Location, Harper household.
Information classified.
245
00:12:56,838 --> 00:12:59,398
This agent will explode in 17 seconds.
246
00:12:59,438 --> 00:13:02,236
Less than that
if you don't loosen those trousers!
247
00:13:02,278 --> 00:13:06,157
As long as Mum's interview goes OK
it's down to you, so if you could...
248
00:13:07,478 --> 00:13:08,467
...tone it down a bit?
249
00:13:08,518 --> 00:13:12,716
Mikey, it'll be fine.
I'll be Joe Doe, nobody, Mr Anybody.
250
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:16,387
(As Sean Connery) I will not exist
because I will be Bond himself.
251
00:13:16,438 --> 00:13:18,827
(Hums James Bond theme)
252
00:13:25,518 --> 00:13:27,270
Everything's fine.
253
00:13:27,318 --> 00:13:30,754
Er, could you just... turn around now?
254
00:13:30,798 --> 00:13:32,356
I erm, I have to leave.
255
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:39,869
This agent has just exploded.
256
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,915
Mrs Harper?
257
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,357
Sorry.
258
00:13:55,358 --> 00:13:57,155
I was miles away.
259
00:13:59,158 --> 00:14:02,230
You should talk to the rest
of the family and come back to me.
260
00:14:02,278 --> 00:14:04,792
We did talk to your other son, Nick.
261
00:14:04,838 --> 00:14:06,157
There was nothing.
262
00:14:06,198 --> 00:14:09,429
He's a good kid. He wouldn't
tell tales on his brother.
263
00:14:09,478 --> 00:14:12,550
No. There was... nothing.
264
00:14:15,958 --> 00:14:20,110
Now, we do have a few reservations about
Michael's physical stamina.
265
00:14:20,158 --> 00:14:21,989
Really? You shouldn't.
266
00:14:22,038 --> 00:14:24,154
He did three years of Jazz and Tap.
267
00:14:25,158 --> 00:14:26,830
He did the Lion King at school.
268
00:14:26,878 --> 00:14:30,348
People still talk about his performance
as Pumba the Warthog.
269
00:14:31,518 --> 00:14:35,113
He could have done it professionally
but he had the weak ankles.
270
00:14:36,158 --> 00:14:37,796
I should stop, shouldn't I?
271
00:14:37,838 --> 00:14:39,669
Yes.
272
00:14:39,718 --> 00:14:41,629
Are we almost done here?
273
00:14:41,678 --> 00:14:43,475
There's just one more question.
274
00:14:43,518 --> 00:14:45,986
Would you say you have
a tight-knit family?
275
00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:49,587
Well, yes. We've always looked out
for each other.
276
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,954
Except when some of us choose
not to listen to some others of us
277
00:14:53,998 --> 00:14:57,070
and choose to accuse them of feelings
they absolutely do not have
278
00:14:57,118 --> 00:15:01,031
because they take a perfectly valid interest
in the welfare of...
279
00:15:01,078 --> 00:15:02,557
some other people.
280
00:15:03,558 --> 00:15:07,392
- Why is your eye twitching?
- You said just the one question.
281
00:15:18,438 --> 00:15:20,110
(Man) I'll show you out.
282
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:38,547
Take care.
283
00:15:44,198 --> 00:15:45,267
Susan?
284
00:15:46,838 --> 00:15:48,032
Susan!
285
00:15:48,078 --> 00:15:49,227
Hello.
286
00:15:50,278 --> 00:15:53,270
You're a bit early for our meeting, aren't you?
287
00:15:53,318 --> 00:15:54,307
Am I?
288
00:15:54,358 --> 00:15:56,428
I thought we were meeting
in the lobby.
289
00:15:56,478 --> 00:15:58,275
- Were we?
- Yeah.
290
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:04,273
I adore the sculptures you've added
to the Makasuri exhibition.
291
00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:06,149
I had no idea he was so versatile.
292
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:08,109
Actually, James, I have to go. Now.
293
00:16:08,158 --> 00:16:10,388
We were going to go through
the catalogue.
294
00:16:10,438 --> 00:16:15,068
Here. Look at pages 29 to 90.
The prices are all in Yen.
295
00:16:15,118 --> 00:16:17,154
You'll need a Japanese dictionary. Bye.
296
00:16:21,838 --> 00:16:23,157
Susan?
297
00:16:24,278 --> 00:16:25,677
This way.
298
00:16:34,038 --> 00:16:37,633
(Hums Mendelssohn's Wedding March)
299
00:16:38,678 --> 00:16:40,953
Everything going all right
with James, is it?
300
00:16:40,998 --> 00:16:43,796
- Dad, he's so fascinating.
- Mm-hm, and rich, yeah.
301
00:16:43,838 --> 00:16:45,556
- Handsome.
- And rich.
302
00:16:45,598 --> 00:16:47,953
- Just really...
- Rich!
303
00:16:49,478 --> 00:16:52,515
So er, any plans to move in with him?
304
00:16:52,558 --> 00:16:53,877
Trying to get rid of me?
305
00:16:53,918 --> 00:16:56,910
No, I don't think of it
as losing a daughter, more...
306
00:16:56,958 --> 00:16:58,869
gaining a millionaire.
307
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,237
Where's our whisk?
308
00:17:00,278 --> 00:17:03,190
James loves soufflés.
I really want to make him one.
309
00:17:05,478 --> 00:17:08,231
- Ben. Oh, God! Ben.
- What's the matter?
310
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,996
I was right. I was right.
311
00:17:10,038 --> 00:17:13,951
- James is just using Janey.
- Oh, it's just a soufflé, Susan!
312
00:17:14,958 --> 00:17:15,947
What? No.
313
00:17:15,998 --> 00:17:19,468
I'm talking about the woman I saw James
kissing outside his room.
314
00:17:19,518 --> 00:17:21,952
- No. No. No.
- God, I told you, didn't I?
315
00:17:21,998 --> 00:17:25,229
I told you.
He's just stringing her along.
316
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:28,031
Oh, poor Janey.
Of course she's too blind to see it.
317
00:17:28,078 --> 00:17:29,352
She's going to be devastated.
318
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,317
Janey, darling!
319
00:17:33,358 --> 00:17:34,791
Did you hear that?
320
00:17:35,798 --> 00:17:37,868
I'm blind, not deaf.
321
00:17:37,918 --> 00:17:40,591
I wouldn't have blurted it out
if I'd known you were here.
322
00:17:40,638 --> 00:17:42,754
- I'm sure.
- Oh, I'm... Come here.
323
00:17:42,798 --> 00:17:45,596
- You really are incredible, Mum.
- I'm sorry?
324
00:17:45,638 --> 00:17:48,675
You're so jealous
you have to make up a story.
325
00:17:48,718 --> 00:17:51,915
I saw him kissing another woman
coming out of his room.
326
00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:55,234
- What were you doing by his room?
- Yes, what were you doing?
327
00:17:55,278 --> 00:17:59,112
I had a meeting with him, which is
a perfectly valid reason to be there.
328
00:17:59,158 --> 00:18:01,513
- Unlike yours.
- I got you a bathrobe!
329
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,788
So what if he was kissing
another woman?
330
00:18:03,838 --> 00:18:05,476
It could have been his sister.
331
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:06,997
If that's how he kisses his sister
332
00:18:07,038 --> 00:18:09,677
then two-timing
is not your biggest problem!
333
00:18:09,718 --> 00:18:12,312
Mum, how did the interview go?
334
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:13,871
You know what this is about?
335
00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:17,308
You fancy my boyfriend
and can't stand I'm the one he wants.
336
00:18:17,358 --> 00:18:19,474
I'll come back later.
337
00:18:19,518 --> 00:18:22,237
You're being ridiculous,
you're acting like a child.
338
00:18:22,278 --> 00:18:24,269
No. Come on, let's be honest here.
339
00:18:24,318 --> 00:18:27,276
You can't believe James would
go for someone like me.
340
00:18:27,318 --> 00:18:30,390
Come on, that's not fair.
Listen to your mother.
341
00:18:30,438 --> 00:18:33,396
Was she jealous earlier? Yes.
342
00:18:33,438 --> 00:18:36,714
Was she jealous enough
to make up a story? Maybe.
343
00:18:36,758 --> 00:18:38,874
Are you trying to help me here?
344
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:41,910
I'm just saying, Janey,
she's watching out for you.
345
00:18:41,958 --> 00:18:42,947
Yeah?
346
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:46,468
It'd be nice if she did it further away
than right outside his room.
347
00:18:46,518 --> 00:18:49,191
Oh, Janey! Janey!
348
00:18:50,198 --> 00:18:51,267
Can you believe that?
349
00:18:51,318 --> 00:18:54,435
I'm sorry, Susan.
You can see her point of view.
350
00:18:54,478 --> 00:18:55,627
What do you mean?
351
00:18:55,678 --> 00:18:58,875
I mean, are you absolutely sure
about this whole thing?
352
00:18:58,918 --> 00:19:02,593
- You think I'm making it up?
- A jealous mind can play tricks.
353
00:19:02,638 --> 00:19:05,471
I can't believe
you're accusing me of lying.
354
00:19:05,518 --> 00:19:10,467
I didn't say lying, I said mistaken,
you know, confused maybe.
355
00:19:10,518 --> 00:19:13,316
Confused as in what? Insane?
356
00:19:13,358 --> 00:19:16,475
No, no, no.
Well, let's define insane.
357
00:19:18,078 --> 00:19:20,546
Fine. You caught him cheating,
then confront him with it.
358
00:19:20,598 --> 00:19:22,475
Confront my biggest client?
359
00:19:22,518 --> 00:19:26,147
Tonight's exhibition has taken
the best part of a year to arrange.
360
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,314
James wants to buy most of the collection.
361
00:19:28,358 --> 00:19:30,269
What am I supposed to do,
throw that all away?
362
00:19:30,318 --> 00:19:32,195
OK, OK, yeah, I see your point.
363
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,991
Yeah, tough decision,
so what do you do?
364
00:19:35,038 --> 00:19:39,793
Do what's right for your bank account
or your daughter? And I know...
365
00:19:39,838 --> 00:19:42,511
I think we both know
the answer to that.
366
00:19:44,438 --> 00:19:46,156
Right. Our daughter comes first.
367
00:19:46,198 --> 00:19:47,995
No, no, no! The other one.
368
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:53,394
Of course, I did consider
becoming a spy myself.
369
00:19:53,438 --> 00:19:58,228
It was up in the air for a while,
but then I felt my calling was teeth.
370
00:19:59,958 --> 00:20:02,472
With one you've got to keep
your mouth shut
371
00:20:02,518 --> 00:20:05,237
and the other
you've got to keep your mouth open!
372
00:20:06,718 --> 00:20:09,312
That's a good slogan.
You can use that.
373
00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:11,517
- No, we can't.
- OK.
374
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:13,310
Oh, may I? May I?
375
00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:15,474
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this?
376
00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:18,908
What is this? Don't tell me.
It's a retinal scanner, is it?
377
00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:21,472
It's a... (Whistles)
It's a deadly missile.
378
00:20:21,518 --> 00:20:22,917
No, no, no, no, no.
379
00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:27,076
It's a... sonic transmitter, is it?
380
00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:29,951
- We're supposed to keep this quiet.
- Oh, yeah.
381
00:20:32,278 --> 00:20:33,677
- It's a pen.
- Mm-hm.
382
00:20:38,398 --> 00:20:42,277
We're particularly interested
in the A-levels Michael picked.
383
00:20:42,318 --> 00:20:45,276
They're an unusual choice
for his type of degree.
384
00:20:46,358 --> 00:20:47,837
Yes.
385
00:20:48,878 --> 00:20:51,028
Yes, very unusual.
386
00:20:51,078 --> 00:20:52,955
Do you know why he chose
to do those subjects?
387
00:20:52,998 --> 00:20:56,957
Yes, I could tell you
but then I'll have to kill you.
388
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:11,756
No. No, he chose, erm, Science
because he was very fond of Science.
389
00:21:11,798 --> 00:21:14,073
Science?
Uh-huh, Science, yeah.
390
00:21:14,118 --> 00:21:15,710
And The Arts.
391
00:21:16,718 --> 00:21:18,674
Really? Such as...
392
00:21:18,718 --> 00:21:20,151
Art.
393
00:21:21,158 --> 00:21:24,548
Then why did he do
Maths, French and Law, then?
394
00:21:24,598 --> 00:21:26,350
Why, indeed.
395
00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:29,910
Now, there's one last thing, Mr Harper.
396
00:21:29,958 --> 00:21:31,107
Uh-huh.
397
00:21:31,158 --> 00:21:36,027
Here's a list of websites recently accessed
on your son's computer.
398
00:21:36,078 --> 00:21:37,477
Oh my God!
399
00:21:38,758 --> 00:21:43,274
Well, young men, they have desires
they can't control, you know, I mean.
400
00:21:44,598 --> 00:21:48,432
Yeah, OK, a few of them
are quite near the knuckle but erm...
401
00:21:48,478 --> 00:21:50,753
You know, it's a phase. He'll erm...
402
00:21:53,718 --> 00:21:55,231
He'll grow out of that.
403
00:21:56,638 --> 00:21:59,596
And we accessed the user's identity
from the webcam.
404
00:21:59,638 --> 00:22:03,028
Whoa, you guys, you are so brilliant.
405
00:22:03,078 --> 00:22:05,194
That's g... That's me!
406
00:22:19,558 --> 00:22:20,991
James. James.
407
00:22:21,038 --> 00:22:22,391
Hi, Ben.
408
00:22:25,958 --> 00:22:29,507
- What the hell are you wearing?
- I'm trying to impress you.
409
00:22:31,238 --> 00:22:33,593
- It was the only one left.
- The cheapest, wasn't it?
410
00:22:33,638 --> 00:22:34,957
It was the cheapest, yeah.
411
00:22:34,998 --> 00:22:38,229
- I've got a lot of Scottish in me.
- Glenfiddich doesn't count.
412
00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:43,307
Look at him. Swanning about.
Taking us all for fools.
413
00:22:44,718 --> 00:22:45,992
I really should confront him.
414
00:22:46,038 --> 00:22:48,677
Oh, relax. He's going to spend
an awful lot of money.
415
00:22:48,718 --> 00:22:50,913
Just sell your soul
for one more night.
416
00:22:50,958 --> 00:22:53,392
I can't let him destroy Janey like this.
417
00:22:53,438 --> 00:22:56,271
No, not when you did
such a good job earlier.
418
00:22:56,318 --> 00:22:58,388
Oh, Ben, what am I doing?
419
00:22:59,398 --> 00:23:02,037
I've lost all perspective
on what's important.
420
00:23:02,078 --> 00:23:04,433
I'm sacrificing my family for money.
421
00:23:05,878 --> 00:23:07,596
Oh my God, I'm you!
422
00:23:09,678 --> 00:23:13,591
In the 15 years I've been carrying out
these interviews for Ml5
423
00:23:13,638 --> 00:23:16,232
I have never come across
a family like yours.
424
00:23:18,758 --> 00:23:20,669
Yeah.
425
00:23:20,718 --> 00:23:22,709
They're unique.
426
00:23:22,758 --> 00:23:25,556
Anyway, I'm pleased to say a position
427
00:23:25,598 --> 00:23:28,271
in the computer and network specialist division
428
00:23:28,318 --> 00:23:32,834
will be available when you finish your studies,
should you want it.
429
00:23:33,958 --> 00:23:36,267
I don't understand.
You met my family?
430
00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:41,954
Exactly. It's a miracle
you haven't cracked up yet.
431
00:23:43,758 --> 00:23:46,397
You've clearly been under torture for years.
432
00:23:48,398 --> 00:23:50,195
Welcome to Ml5.
433
00:23:53,478 --> 00:23:56,709
Ah, look at her.
So sweet and innocent.
434
00:23:56,758 --> 00:23:58,032
Yeah.
435
00:23:59,078 --> 00:24:01,069
Who are we looking at?
436
00:24:01,118 --> 00:24:03,427
- What do you think of this one?
- Huh?
437
00:24:04,438 --> 00:24:06,668
Oh, it seems nice.
438
00:24:06,718 --> 00:24:09,152
You seem preoccupied.
Something wrong?
439
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:12,508
- It's nothing. I...
- Which usually means it's something.
440
00:24:12,558 --> 00:24:13,547
Go on.
441
00:24:13,598 --> 00:24:15,634
You'll laugh when I tell you.
442
00:24:16,638 --> 00:24:20,677
Mum says she saw some woman come out of
your room and that you kissed her.
443
00:24:20,718 --> 00:24:23,357
I mean, it's silly.
444
00:24:24,678 --> 00:24:26,873
- Why aren't you laughing?
- Janey...
445
00:24:26,918 --> 00:24:28,146
Oh God, it is true.
446
00:24:28,198 --> 00:24:30,917
Yes, I did have a visitor.
It was Lynn, my ex.
447
00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:32,596
You're getting back together?
448
00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:35,357
No, she wanted to talk
about finalising our divorce.
449
00:24:35,398 --> 00:24:38,071
Mum says is was a pretty heavy-duty kiss.
450
00:24:38,118 --> 00:24:41,554
It's a pretty heavy-duty divorce.
That kiss saved me a yacht.
451
00:24:41,598 --> 00:24:43,190
It meant nothing, I promise.
452
00:24:43,238 --> 00:24:46,116
So, we're OK?
453
00:24:46,158 --> 00:24:47,227
Of course.
454
00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:49,307
Good.
455
00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:53,348
Easy, easy, slugger, easy!
456
00:24:53,398 --> 00:24:55,593
Rise above it, rise above it.
457
00:24:55,638 --> 00:24:57,310
I can't look at him any more.
458
00:24:57,358 --> 00:24:59,349
To think I used to respect him.
459
00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:02,196
Oh God,
I'm supposed to be making a speech.
460
00:25:03,198 --> 00:25:05,109
- I'm going to get my notes.
- Great.
461
00:25:07,038 --> 00:25:08,949
(Inaudible conversation)
462
00:25:08,998 --> 00:25:11,512
So, how?
463
00:25:11,558 --> 00:25:14,026
- How's it going? OK?
- Uh-huh, fine.
464
00:25:14,078 --> 00:25:16,911
Are you cheating on my daughter?
465
00:25:16,958 --> 00:25:18,550
No, Dad, it's fine.
466
00:25:18,598 --> 00:25:22,352
The woman was James' ex-wife.
He was kissing her to save his yacht.
467
00:25:22,398 --> 00:25:24,354
Oh, thank God!
468
00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:26,434
You saved the yacht, that's great.
469
00:25:26,478 --> 00:25:28,594
So, everything's OK with you?
470
00:25:28,638 --> 00:25:30,754
More than OK.
471
00:25:30,798 --> 00:25:34,427
James is flying me out to Athens
next week, which is in Greece.
472
00:25:34,478 --> 00:25:37,709
Is he? Oh, you're so good together.
473
00:25:38,718 --> 00:25:41,186
I'll just talk to your mother.
One second.
474
00:25:41,238 --> 00:25:44,071
- Susan. Great news.
- I'm about to make my speech.
475
00:25:44,118 --> 00:25:48,873
Excuse me. Excuse me.
May I have your attention, please?
476
00:25:48,918 --> 00:25:50,237
Ladies and gentlemen,
477
00:25:50,278 --> 00:25:53,236
this is an exciting night for our gallery
478
00:25:53,278 --> 00:25:56,429
and it's wonderful to see you all here.
479
00:25:56,478 --> 00:25:59,595
(Susan thinking) Look at him, standing there,
acting so smug.
480
00:25:59,638 --> 00:26:03,313
Art lovers know that
when we see something we like
481
00:26:03,358 --> 00:26:05,269
we can make quite an exhibition of ourselves.
482
00:26:06,558 --> 00:26:08,788
He thinks we're all idiots.
483
00:26:08,838 --> 00:26:13,548
That's why I am delighted
to introduce Mr Taro Makasuri...
484
00:26:15,438 --> 00:26:20,307
...who is responsible for this
fabulously brave and beautiful exhibition.
485
00:26:20,358 --> 00:26:22,588
Pleasel It's a car crash.
486
00:26:23,878 --> 00:26:26,597
I would also like to welcome James Garrett
487
00:26:26,638 --> 00:26:29,710
who has long been an excellent friend
to this gallery.
488
00:26:31,638 --> 00:26:33,674
I can't do thisl
489
00:26:33,718 --> 00:26:36,312
(Ben thinking) Yes, you can, Susanl
Yes, you canl
490
00:26:36,358 --> 00:26:40,192
In fact, I have a very substantial cheque
from James,
491
00:26:40,238 --> 00:26:44,117
who has bought the entire collection.
492
00:26:47,038 --> 00:26:48,949
(Susan) Oh, I can't stand it any morel
493
00:26:48,998 --> 00:26:51,956
(Ben) Don't say it, Susan. Don't say itl
494
00:26:51,998 --> 00:26:56,435
It's just a shame
that he's a selfish, two-timing rat.
495
00:26:56,478 --> 00:26:59,515
OK. She said it.
496
00:26:59,558 --> 00:27:03,870
Yes, he's good at buying things,
is James, like paintings
497
00:27:03,918 --> 00:27:07,228
and also the affections of my daughter.
498
00:27:07,278 --> 00:27:09,792
But, let me tell you something.
499
00:27:09,838 --> 00:27:11,829
Janey is no oil painting.
500
00:27:11,878 --> 00:27:13,357
Thanks a bunch.
501
00:27:13,398 --> 00:27:15,787
Don't thank me, Janey,
this is what a mother does.
502
00:27:15,838 --> 00:27:20,514
And as for your cheque,
thanks but no thanks.
503
00:27:22,998 --> 00:27:26,070
If you every come anywhere
near my family again
504
00:27:26,118 --> 00:27:28,268
I will splatter you like a Jackson Pollock.
505
00:27:28,318 --> 00:27:32,106
(Whispering) Susan, they're planning
to go off to Greece together.
506
00:27:33,878 --> 00:27:35,072
(Gulps)
507
00:27:35,118 --> 00:27:36,676
James, wait.
508
00:27:36,718 --> 00:27:38,390
Hey, guys, great news.
509
00:27:38,438 --> 00:27:42,556
- There's been a misunderstanding.
- Certainly has. Your family is nuts.
510
00:27:42,598 --> 00:27:43,872
No, James.
511
00:27:43,918 --> 00:27:45,636
I'll come back later.
512
00:27:45,678 --> 00:27:47,475
Well done, Mum.
513
00:27:47,518 --> 00:27:49,509
James, it was a joke. Ha-ha!
514
00:27:49,558 --> 00:27:50,877
We take cash.
515
00:27:53,358 --> 00:27:54,950
Hey, it's fine.
516
00:27:54,998 --> 00:27:57,796
They do a very good car-boot sale
where we live.
517
00:27:59,918 --> 00:28:03,433
I'm sorry for messing things up
for you, darling, I really am.
518
00:28:05,198 --> 00:28:06,597
But you'll get over him.
519
00:28:07,718 --> 00:28:11,188
There are other men out there
who will make you very happy.
520
00:28:12,558 --> 00:28:15,709
Sure, he had a lot to offer
but sometimes...
521
00:28:16,838 --> 00:28:18,794
...it's just not meant to be.
522
00:28:21,758 --> 00:28:23,316
Do you want another tissue?
523
00:28:23,358 --> 00:28:25,155
Yeah, please.
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