All language subtitles for Reba - 2x07 - Mommy Nearest.eng

Okay, Louise. That's everything.

You're ready to take over.
Now, remember:

You don't have to be as good as I was-
just better than Reba was.

- Lookin' for anything in particular?
- No.

Just, you know-When employees
steal office supplies, we all pay.

Who pays when they steal husbands?

- Go ahead. Take a stapler.
- Here you go, Reba.

I wrote you a great letter
of recommendation.

- Basically, I lied.
- I wasn't that bad.

Really? Because the truth
would sound like...

" Reba worked here
for three days, then quit...

forcing me to hire
someone else at twice the pay.''

Hey, I might've stayed
for twice the pay.

Nah.

Hi, Brock.
Cheat at golf lately?

Hello, Eugene.

Gee, I guess a stack of malpractice suits
will make a guy hostile.

Hi, Dr. Fisher. Did you come over
to borrow a cup of novocaine?

I just found out
that my Louise is now working for you.

- Poacher!
- Don't worry. You'll find someone.

You know, there are a lot of people who
want to work for a moron with bad breath.

Yeah, I just had a job like that.

Say, I'd be perfect
to replace your Louise.

- Reba.
- So are you available?

- Eugene.
- Yes, I am.

- Reba.
- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Eugene!
- Game, set, match!

[ Sighs ]

Look, Brock, I know you and Eugene
have some problems...

and maybe my workin' over there
will make you uncomfortable.

[ Grunts ]

But you gotta understand. For me,
it's gonna be a hoot. [ Chuckles ]

[ Reba ]
Ha, hey.!

?? [ Singing ]

?? [ Ends ]

Okay.Just so
we're all clear on this:

I'll be home at 5:30
and take over from Mrs. Wolf.

And we're going
to have a grand time.

- We can bake homemade bread.
- Cool!

And maybe later, Kyra,
we could braid your hair.

Braids. I'll be the envy
of every girl in the village.

Oh, it's going to be fun.
I've got a box of sugar cubes in the car.

- We can make an igloo.
- Oh, wow.

" The car''? I wouldn't let her
operate the dishwasher.

Seriously, Mom,
anybody would be better than her.

Van would be better than her.

Can't you quit your stupid groundskeeping job
and stay home with us?

Not on my second day. Especially
since I called in sick yesterday.

Wouldn't be fair to my crew.

My man is on a crew.

Oh, this is so cool.
He's workin' at the university.

He has benefits.
Plus, you look so hot in that uniform.

Well, hey, it's not just about
makin' the grass look good...

know what I mean?

Okay, kids. I know this isn't a dream
come true for any of us...

but I got a job now, and yourjob is to
pull together and help me through it, okay?

Right, team?
Ha-ha.! That's the spirit.!

See you later!
Oh, and don't hurt the old lady.

Excuse me,
muscular gardener.

Yes, attractive young coed?

I was just wondering if you knew
where the physical education building was.

- Oh, where is that building?
- Because I wanted to take a hot, steamy shower.

Okay. We better stop now.

This is so cool, Van.

- Who's the babe?
- Hey, calm down, boy.

- This is my wife, Cheyenne. Honey, this is Oscar.
- Oh, hi, Oscar.

Oh, some friends that I met want us
to go to this concert on Saturday night.

Oh, the Van's all booked.
Tell her.

Yeah. Oscar's havin' a barbecue Saturday
at his place, and I already said we'd go.

Um, excuse me.

Could I just talk to my husband
for a second, Oscar?

We are not going
to that party with Oscar.

Oscar's cool.
Besides, this is a work thing.

All right? My boss is gonna be there.
These guys are like a big fraternity.

They call themselves the Grass Monkeys.
I wanna be a part of that.

But, Van, this job
is just temporary.

I mean, the friends that we make
in college will be our friends forever.

Sorry, but I'm goin' to the party.

Well, sorry, but I'm
gonna go to the concert.

What the hell is this?
An impasse?

- What?
- You heard me, college student.

Oh, yeah.
You're right. I did.

- Good.
- Good. Have fun hanging out
with the Grass Turkeys.

It's Grass Monkeys!

Hey, Kyra.

Man, am I beat.

Mrs. Wolf, I'm back!

Mrs. Wolf?

- You'll have to yell louder than that.
She went home.
- What did you do to her?

I didn't do anything.
She didn't feel well.

I think
she's got a bad case of" old.''

You mean you kids have been here
all afternoon alone?

I wish.

Hello there, workin' girl!

Hello there,
why-are-you-here girl!

Hang on now. Mrs. Wolf
had a little tummy trouble...

and she accidentally
hit our number on the speed dial-

somewhere between " up''
and " chuck.''

So you've been here all day...

touchin' my stuff?

You know, I don't know if I'm really comfortable
with you bein' here when I'm not.

- Where's the tea?
- Mm-mm-mm.

I moved your tea
to the canister marked "tea. '"

See, it's right here near the stove,
next to the teapot...

which I moved
from that cupboard over here.

And I consolidated your mugs
into the same area.

It creates what I like
to call a tea triangle.

Barbra Jean, it's not that I don't appreciate
what you're doin', but I really-

Oh, my gosh. What's that?

Just a little ol'
chicken casserole.

You know, I know Brock likes a hot meal on
the table when he comes home from work, so sit.

Jake, dinner!

Well, I guess since it's already cooked
and everything-

You know what? Just let me
get this served, and I'll get out of your hair.

Thank you, Barbra Jean.
[ Chuckles ]

Did you see the tea triangle?

- ? I'm a survivor?
- [ Vacuum Whirring ]

- [ Vacuum Cuts Out ]
- There's my workin' girl.

You know,
that's really growin' on me.

I gotta tell ya. The first time I heard it,
I wanted to stick my head in the oven.

There's no room,
'cause I'm making pot roast.

Whoo! I thought
I smelled a reason to keep you.

- Kids okay?
- They're upstairs doin' homework...

happy as clams.

[ Sighs ] How can you tell if a clam
is happy, anyway?

I don't know, but clam chowder
tomorrow night might make me happy.

- Hint taken.
- [ Clicks Tongue ]

Here's your paper.
Oh, and Mrs. Wolf called.

Oh, she's not doin' better, is she?

No, no. She's gonna be out
for a while longer.

- Oh-ho.
- [ Sighs ]

So, how was work?

- Eugene was in a mood.
- Oh.

- This little girl he was workin' on bit him.
- [ Gasps ]

But I took care of it.
I referred her over to Brock.

Oh, well, Brock has enough problems
with Louise.

Oh, I shouldn't gossip.
[ Singsong ] Erase, erase, erase!

No, no, no, no. If anyone deserves a laugh
at Brock, it's me. Go on.

Well, word has it...

that Louise is a little too friendly
with the laughing gas.

She put a huge scratch
in the door of Brock's Lexus.

- [ Gasps ] I'll bet he cried.
- Oh.

- Did he cry like a little girl?
- Well, not tears, really.

More like whimpers.
[ Whimpering Like Puppy ]

- Hey.
- [ Both Laughing ]

- Hey, what are you guys laughin' about?
- Nothin'.

- No.
-Just a little girl talk.

Hey, Barbra Jean,
are you ever comin' home?

Well, sure.Just as soon
as I get dinner on the table.

- Oh, perfect. I'm starvin'.
- Oh, there's not enough for you.

[ Whimpers ]

You haven't made dinner for me all week.
You've been over here slavin' for her.

You can't expect her to work all day for me
and then come home and work for you, can you?

Come on! I'm sick of takeout.

The guy at the Chinese place
thinks I'm gettin' divorced again.

All right. Relax. We'll grab some chicken
at Wimpy's drive-through.

Now, Reba, after the pot roast,
there's apple pie.

Apple pie!

And you just leave the dishes.
I'll get 'em tomorrow.

I'm startin' to see
why you left me for her.

Sure. You're happy.
You're the one with the new wife.

It's always great
at the beginning, Reba.

I'll be out in the car,
thinkin' about apple pie.

I gotta tell you.
This has been great for me and the kids.

I can't believe how well it all turned out.
Say, would you top me off there?

I'm so relieved. I was worried
I might be steppin' on your toes.

Hey, you can step on anything you want to,
as long as you're steppin' towards the oven.

- I can't believe I'm sayin' this,
but I'm glad you're here.
- Thanks, Reba.

Well, I'd better get goin'.
Bye, Kyra! Bye,Jakey.

Bye, Mommy!

He called me " Mommy.''

[ Gasps ] Pinch me, Reba.
I think I'm dreamin'.

Ow.

- What?
- What?

I thought I heard somebody say " Mommy,''
and that's why I answered.

'Cause that's who I am.
I'm the mommy. Right?

I'm done!

Mom, chill. So he called Barbra Jean " Mommy.''
What's the big deal? It's Jake.

Nobody said anything
when he called me " caca'' for two years.

Don't tell me to chill, caca.

Well, you're gonna have to deal with this,
because our other mommy...

the loud one,
is gonna be back later today.

[ Chuckle ] No, she's not. I called her
and told her I wouldn't need her anymore.

- So you lied.
- Don't worry about what I did.

Just pretend she got
sucked into the tea triangle.

- So you got someone else to watch us.
- Nope.

- Cool. I'll be at the pool hall.
- No. You'll be at your friend Marla's.

- What aboutJake?
- Don't you worry aboutJake.

I have something very special
planned for him.

Okay, Mr. Snyder. I'll see you tomorrow at 1 0:00,
and we'll start scrapin' those gums. Okay.

- [ Sighs ] Isn't this fun?
- I'm bored.

Well, let's see if
we have something to play with.

Oh, here's some dental floss,
paper clips... and a pencil.

Wait a minute.

Is this a pencil,
or is it a rocket ship?

[ Imitates Rocket Roaring ]

- Hello, Doctor.
- Who's this?

Oh, this is my son,Jake.
He's gonna stay with me for a little while.

-Jake, there might be some
fun stuff under the cushions.
- Okay!

Reba, did I show you where
I keep all the toys and crayons and paste?

- Oh, I didn't know we had any.
- We must!

If we're gonna run a day care center,
we have to have paste!

But if we're gonna run a dentist office,
we should have fewer of your kinfolk.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Wait. Why do women have
to choose between their work and their kids?

Why can't they work
and be with their kids at the same time?

- And maybe we can fight crime!
- Oh, w-wait.

Can't we just give it a try?
It'd really bug Brock.

If your son is here and you're dealing with him,
that means you'll be neglecting your work.

And that's bad. If your son is here
and you're not dealing with him...

that means you'll be
neglecting your son, and that is also bad.

This is what we refer to
as a bad situation.

Hey, Reba, Dr. Fisher.

- Barbra Jean, what are you doing here?
- To see the rocket take off?

I was just visitin' Brock.
Why is Jake here?

Look, if you need someone to watch your kid,
why don't you ask Barbra Jean?

Here. Take Apollo ! 3.

I don't need anybody.
He's gonna stay here with me.

- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is!

The only reason I'm not
going to fire you...

is because that idiot
across the hall would say " I told you so.''

Work something out!

Reba, I don't understand.

You would rather risk your job
than leaveJake with me?

Is this about
what he called me?

Barbra Jean,
I don't know what to say.

No, it's okay. I think I get it.

Barbra Jean,
wait just a second. Hang on.

Oh, brother.

[ Chuckles ]
He is a cute kid.

Do I have to call the police?

- What are you doing?
- If I don't have dirt underneath my fingernails...

the guys at the party
would make fun of me.

Real sorry
I'm missin' that party.

[ Both Faking Laughter]

- [ Fake Laughter Intensifies ]
- Cut it out!

Hey, hey, kids. Hey.
What's the problem here?

I have an important corporate event
to go to tonight, and she won't go.

Yeah? Well, I have a concert
with people who don't smell.

Look, you guys aren't
in high school anymore.

You don't have to spend every second
together. Come on now.

You have your whole marriage
to fight.

- He does have a point.
- Yeah.

I mean, why should we be joined
at the hip?

Absolutely.

Time apart is good
for a relationship.

You know, Reba and I
used to do different things all the time.

I'd go play golf,
and she would-

Well, I don't know what she'd do.
I was playin' golf.

Um, so you guys...

would spend a lot
of time apart?

[ Nervous Laugh ] You know,
I really don't wanna go to that party.

- You know, I don't even like the band that much.
- I am great at my job.

I don't need
to kiss gardener butt.

You know what, Van? I think we should go
get Elizabeth and go on a walk.

Yeah. We'll go get ice cream.

- Together.
- Okay.

What the hell did Reba do?

Brock, is it just me, or were you here less
when we were married?

We need to talk about
this Barbra Jean thing.

[ Scoffs ] Why is it so hard to understand I would
be upset thatJake would call her " Mommy''?

It's not. I totally get it.

- I mean, I am his mommy, right?
- Absolutely.

I changed his diaper.
I nursed him when he was sick.

I was the one that taught him his alphabet,
and believe me, he's no quick study.

Hey, Reba, I understand.

Would you quit agreein' with me?
I wanna argue.

Look, Barbra Jean
didn't wanna upset anyone.

I mean, she was just tryin'
to help out because she likes you.

Oh, I know. Man,
for one golden week, I had it all.

Clean house, happy kids,
great food I didn't have to cook...

on plates I didn't have to wash.

- It is nice, isn't it?
- Yeah.

Say, did she ever make you those little
red potatoes with the butter and parsley?

- Yeah.
- Oh, man. I love those.

- What about the pork chops with the pear glaze?
- No.

- Oh.
- Oh, man! I bet that was gonna be next week!

[ Murmurs ]

I didn't handle this very well, did I?

I've learned not
to answer those type of questions.

You know, this is gonna
sound kind of stupid, but I do regret...

that I didn't talk honestly
with Barbra Jean about this.

Hold that thought.

- [ Phone Beeps ]
- Red fire has cooled.

Repeat:
Red fire has cooled.

- What are you doin'?
- Nothin'.

- Hey, Reba.
- Barbra Jean has something
she really really wants to say.

About this thing that happened
with Jake, I'm of two minds.

Where in the heck
did you borrow one and a half minds?

Reba.Just hear her out.

On the one hand, I feel awful,
because I know you're so upset.

But on the other hand, I'm thrilled,
because I think you're such a wonderful mother.

You see, when Jake
called me " Mommy''...

it meant for one brief moment
he put me in the same category as you.

- My turn?
- Use your words.

Oh, Barbra Jean,
I'm not mad at you. I guess...

I was just scared that
I could be so easily replaced.

Reba, I could never replace you.

I mean with the kids.

Thank you, Barbra Jean.

Ow.

Well, okay. It's all settled.
Hey, you know what would be great?

How 'bout if Barbra Jean
makes dinner for all of us?

Oh, I've got some pork chops
in the refrigerator.

And is there some kind
of glaze that we put on top of'em?

Hint taken.

I'm just so glad
this whole crazy mess is over.

And I have
a wonderful suggestion:

- How 'bout ifJake
just started callin' me MommyJean?
- Uh, no.

Mommy Barb? Mommy Heart?
Mommy Who Can Cook?

- How 'bout Mommy With A Pork Chop-
- Whoa!

Acme.!
[ Coughing ]