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1
00:00:15,727 --> 00:00:18,480
- Isn't it nice?
- Mm.
2
00:00:19,967 --> 00:00:22,003
I mean, we're so well suited.
3
00:00:22,887 --> 00:00:26,197
You see some couples and they're poles apart.
4
00:00:26,247 --> 00:00:30,081
We like the same food, the same drinks,
5
00:00:30,127 --> 00:00:32,516
the same TV programmes.
6
00:00:34,527 --> 00:00:37,280
- I was watching that.
- But we always watch Holby City.
7
00:00:37,327 --> 00:00:42,117
- Not when I'm watching another programme.
- But you like this programme.
8
00:00:44,047 --> 00:00:45,765
Oh, it's not fair.
9
00:00:45,807 --> 00:00:48,924
Why do we always watch programmes I like?
10
00:00:50,807 --> 00:00:52,923
Let me choose something for you.
11
00:00:52,967 --> 00:00:54,958
(Doorbell)
12
00:00:56,487 --> 00:00:59,047
Saved!
13
00:00:59,087 --> 00:01:01,726
- (Susan) Roger!
- Doomed.
14
00:01:01,767 --> 00:01:04,327
- Hello.
- Would you like to stay for supper?
15
00:01:04,367 --> 00:01:06,562
(Ben) Oh, God, no!
16
00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:09,075
Holby City.
17
00:01:09,127 --> 00:01:13,120
Actually, I'm on my way to Mexican Night
at the crazy golf course.
18
00:01:13,167 --> 00:01:16,955
I believe they've turned the windmill
into a cactus.
19
00:01:17,007 --> 00:01:19,316
Well, whoopedy doo!
20
00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:26,045
That's what I thought and I was wondering
if Abi would like to golf the light fantastic.
21
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,884
That might be a bit to awkward.
22
00:01:27,927 --> 00:01:30,282
Don't worry,
I can teach her how to grip the putter.
23
00:01:30,327 --> 00:01:32,557
Roger, there is something I need to tell you.
24
00:01:32,607 --> 00:01:33,926
Oh, hello, Abi.
25
00:01:33,967 --> 00:01:36,356
- Hi, Roger. This is Steve.
- (Roger) Hello.
26
00:01:36,407 --> 00:01:41,435
I was wondering if you fancy going
to Mexican Night at the crazy golf course?
27
00:01:41,487 --> 00:01:45,002
Apparently they've turned the windmill
into a cactus!
28
00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:47,641
- Really?
- Yes! How about it?
29
00:01:47,687 --> 00:01:52,920
Oh, Roger, I'm really sorry, but I'm going to
dinner, with Steve tonight.
30
00:01:52,967 --> 00:01:54,286
Who's Steve?
31
00:01:56,887 --> 00:01:59,447
- My boyfriend.
- Hi.
32
00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:04,720
Oh... right. Your boyfriend.
33
00:02:04,767 --> 00:02:06,485
That's right.
34
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,758
I see. Well... fine.
35
00:02:10,807 --> 00:02:12,957
Roger, did you say you needed the loo?
36
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,998
No.
37
00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:18,084
Well, to the victor the spoils.
38
00:02:18,127 --> 00:02:22,598
Let me be the first to congratulate you,
she's a lovely, lovely girl,
39
00:02:22,647 --> 00:02:25,445
and I hope you be very happy
in your life together.
40
00:02:25,487 --> 00:02:29,799
I should think so, we're off to Burger King,
home of the Whopper.
41
00:02:30,927 --> 00:02:32,679
- Bye
- See ya.
42
00:02:33,767 --> 00:02:35,041
Roger, I...
43
00:02:35,087 --> 00:02:38,875
Well, I suppose that's it then,
the end of all my dreams.
44
00:02:38,927 --> 00:02:43,603
I might as well pack up my shepherd's crook
and flee the fields of Acadia.
45
00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:47,606
I'll send them Christmas cards,
I'll be an uncle to their children.
46
00:02:47,647 --> 00:02:50,844
But she will never know
how she broke my heart.
47
00:02:52,207 --> 00:02:54,198
It's only their second date.
48
00:02:54,247 --> 00:02:57,205
Perhaps I should go and run a bar in Crete
or something.
49
00:02:57,247 --> 00:02:59,841
Good idea, I could rent out your surgery for you.
50
00:02:59,887 --> 00:03:02,720
Ben! Come and sit down with us
and talk about it.
51
00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:04,439
Oh, God!
52
00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:06,682
What's the point? There's nothing to say.
53
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:10,037
He is so right, absolutely nothing.
54
00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:13,875
Nonsense. Now, do you know what
drives women wild?
55
00:03:14,807 --> 00:03:16,798
Crisps?
56
00:03:18,287 --> 00:03:23,202
Yes, but to be doubly sure,
here's how to get Abi interested in you.
57
00:03:23,247 --> 00:03:25,442
- Yes?
- Make her jealous.
58
00:03:25,487 --> 00:03:29,446
And the way to do that is show her
that you're happy with some other girl.
59
00:03:29,487 --> 00:03:31,045
Impossible.
60
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:33,203
Well, Ben will back me up, over to you, Ben.
61
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:34,999
What?
62
00:03:36,047 --> 00:03:39,722
Yes, I've been giving your problem
another careful thought, Roger,
63
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:42,076
and what about the French Foreign Legion?
64
00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:45,166
- Molly Gryce?
- No!
65
00:03:45,207 --> 00:03:47,596
Oh, but she's lovely, she's so nice.
66
00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:51,845
Nice? Men don't want nice, not on a first date.
67
00:03:51,887 --> 00:03:53,843
In fact, the nastier the better.
68
00:03:55,727 --> 00:03:57,524
What about Vicky Crabshaw?
69
00:03:57,567 --> 00:03:59,603
- Vicky?!
- What's wrong with her?
70
00:03:59,647 --> 00:04:02,559
- Well, I mean, She's not, you know...
- Attractive?
71
00:04:02,607 --> 00:04:04,438
She's got warts.
72
00:04:04,487 --> 00:04:08,366
Those aren't warts, they're laughter spots.
73
00:04:08,407 --> 00:04:13,242
She's got the worst teeth I've ever seen,
and I'm a dentist.
74
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:16,836
- I know, Beverly Urchfold.
- Oh, God! Now I'm gonna have nightmares.
75
00:04:16,887 --> 00:04:19,447
OK, who do you think is attractive?
76
00:04:23,887 --> 00:04:26,037
- You, darling.
- Apart from me.
77
00:04:26,087 --> 00:04:28,362
- We're not opening that door.
- What door?
78
00:04:28,407 --> 00:04:30,921
When I say someone's attractive
you get the hump.
79
00:04:30,967 --> 00:04:34,277
And if I don't say someone's attractive
you say who is attractive,
80
00:04:34,327 --> 00:04:36,557
and then it goes on and on, in endless loop,
81
00:04:36,607 --> 00:04:40,236
until I tell who is attractive
and then you get the hump.
82
00:04:40,287 --> 00:04:42,642
Either way you get the hump.
83
00:04:44,687 --> 00:04:46,405
Just one name?
84
00:04:46,447 --> 00:04:48,085
No.
85
00:04:48,127 --> 00:04:49,526
- Just one.
- No.
86
00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:51,398
Go on.
87
00:04:51,447 --> 00:04:53,358
All right...
88
00:04:53,407 --> 00:04:55,602
Halle Berry, but don't get the hump.
89
00:04:56,647 --> 00:05:00,242
I'm not. She's very attractive,
you have very good taste.
90
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:04,240
Now, what about people we know?
91
00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,357
Oh, God!
92
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:09,763
- Ah, Vicky Crabshaw!
- Good idea.
93
00:05:09,807 --> 00:05:11,923
I'll ring her and set up a date with Roger
94
00:05:11,967 --> 00:05:13,958
No, no, Susan, anything but that!
95
00:05:14,007 --> 00:05:17,204
Come on, it's time to draw a line
in the sand!
96
00:05:17,247 --> 00:05:21,604
Roger maybe irritating, bumptious,
too chirpy in the mornings.
97
00:05:21,647 --> 00:05:24,036
Noisy, persistent,
thick skinned,
98
00:05:24,087 --> 00:05:25,918
can't take "Get out!" for an answer,
99
00:05:25,967 --> 00:05:30,961
constantly visiting, naive, gauche, and he makes
a snorting noise when he clears his throat.
100
00:05:31,007 --> 00:05:32,599
But!
101
00:05:32,647 --> 00:05:34,638
He's a man.
102
00:05:35,607 --> 00:05:38,485
And as a fellow man,
it is my duty to protect him,
103
00:05:38,527 --> 00:05:42,236
from this female conspiracy
called matchmaking.
104
00:05:42,287 --> 00:05:44,881
But he'll never get a girlfriend
without my help.
105
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,599
Just leave to me, OK?
106
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:50,322
We'll try the man's way, and if that doesn't
work, we'll do it the wrong way.
107
00:05:53,807 --> 00:05:58,244
All Roger needs is a few pointers
from the master in the art of love.
108
00:05:58,287 --> 00:05:59,436
Good.
109
00:05:59,487 --> 00:06:02,081
And while his at it, get him to help you.
110
00:06:03,287 --> 00:06:06,836
Now look, I want you,
you know, just to imagine...
111
00:06:06,887 --> 00:06:08,957
this is a young, gorgeous woman, OK?
112
00:06:11,887 --> 00:06:15,766
First impressions are very important,
you've got to dazzle her!
113
00:06:15,807 --> 00:06:18,526
Don't give her room for second thoughts.
114
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,478
- What's her name?
- All in good time.
115
00:06:20,527 --> 00:06:22,165
Claudia.
116
00:06:22,847 --> 00:06:24,439
OK.
117
00:06:24,487 --> 00:06:26,557
You don't mind this, Mr Hargreaves?
118
00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:30,316
Oh no, no, no, no.
We used to do this in the army.
119
00:06:34,407 --> 00:06:36,398
A lot of waiting around.
120
00:06:36,447 --> 00:06:38,597
Yep, of course, yep.
121
00:06:38,647 --> 00:06:43,357
OK. So, Roger, come on man,
get in there and dazzle.
122
00:06:44,527 --> 00:06:47,724
(Clears throat) Hello.
123
00:06:47,767 --> 00:06:49,598
Hello.
124
00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:51,877
Can I buy you a drink?
125
00:06:51,927 --> 00:06:53,645
- No, thank you.
- OK, goodbye.
126
00:06:53,687 --> 00:06:56,042
No, Roger...
127
00:06:56,087 --> 00:06:58,123
- Rest.
- OK.
128
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,317
Claudia, let him at least buy you a drink.
129
00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:03,882
Well, I don't want him to think I'm fast.
130
00:07:04,807 --> 00:07:07,560
- We'll take that as read.
- Oh, good, Thank you.
131
00:07:07,607 --> 00:07:09,484
I... I'll have a Campari.
132
00:07:09,527 --> 00:07:11,597
OK. Have we got any Campari?
133
00:07:11,647 --> 00:07:15,765
Roger, it doesn't matter, it's role play.
you don't even know her name yet.
134
00:07:15,807 --> 00:07:17,604
- Claudia.
- All right. Yes, I know.
135
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:21,799
Let me show you,
look... watch... watch this, OK?
136
00:07:22,647 --> 00:07:24,239
- Hi.
- Hello.
137
00:07:24,287 --> 00:07:26,164
- I'm Ben.
- Hm.
138
00:07:26,207 --> 00:07:28,482
There must be an angel missing in heaven.
139
00:07:28,527 --> 00:07:30,006
Eh?
140
00:07:30,047 --> 00:07:36,680
The lights in this cocktail bar may be low
but somehow, it's as bright as day. Wait...
141
00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,881
It's your eyes.
142
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,760
Thank you... very much.
143
00:07:42,807 --> 00:07:47,835
You know, if I were to steal a kiss
from those perfect lips,
144
00:07:47,887 --> 00:07:49,684
would you slap my face?
145
00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:51,957
I don't know.
146
00:07:56,247 --> 00:07:58,238
I think it's worth the risk.
147
00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:01,244
Oh, my God!
148
00:08:01,287 --> 00:08:04,199
- Well, don't stop that was very good.
- I know.
149
00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:06,442
- A little too good.
- Yup!
150
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:09,559
Obviously I don't need lessons
in the art of love! Come on.
151
00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:13,236
- I'm not kissing him!
- No you're not supposed to, just talk to him.
152
00:08:13,287 --> 00:08:14,640
- I'm off.
- Where are you going?
153
00:08:14,687 --> 00:08:17,679
To the pub, all this talk about
drink's made me thirsty.
154
00:08:17,727 --> 00:08:22,164
- Me too, mind if I come with?
- All right, but you're buying, you're the man.
155
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:26,799
- Huh?
- No, Roger... Roger.
156
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,605
And of course,
these are all original features.
157
00:08:30,647 --> 00:08:34,117
Though the tiles are style of,
they're not real delft.
158
00:08:34,167 --> 00:08:35,566
I wish.
159
00:08:35,607 --> 00:08:38,360
Michael? Can I ask you a straight question?
160
00:08:38,407 --> 00:08:39,840
You can try.
161
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,845
- Are you selling the house?
- No.
162
00:08:42,887 --> 00:08:44,639
It sounds like you are.
163
00:08:44,687 --> 00:08:49,044
Oh no, Mum, it's just evaluation.
If you want to sell it in the future, it's free.
164
00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:50,679
This is not your house.
165
00:08:50,727 --> 00:08:54,402
Not yet. But now the kids are going to have
to think about these things.
166
00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:58,076
- No you don't, I do.
- I mean, anything could happen to you two.
167
00:08:58,127 --> 00:09:00,436
I mean soon or later, it's got to happen.
168
00:09:00,487 --> 00:09:04,002
I'm not saying it will happen, it's got to.
169
00:09:04,047 --> 00:09:06,038
Good evening.
170
00:09:08,607 --> 00:09:11,758
- Is Michael selling the house?
- It's just evaluation.
171
00:09:11,807 --> 00:09:16,039
So, how is Roger getting on
with his lessons, in the art of love?
172
00:09:16,087 --> 00:09:19,682
Not great, but he's seeing Mr Hargreaves again.
173
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,957
Who is Mr Hargreaves?
174
00:09:22,007 --> 00:09:23,679
You don't want to know.
175
00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:27,003
Let me show you the top floor bedroom.
It's a bit poky
176
00:09:27,047 --> 00:09:31,723
but it would suit someone about five
years younger than me.
177
00:09:33,767 --> 00:09:35,803
Sounds like he's selling the house.
178
00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:38,042
- Well, we won't be here forever.
- Huh?
179
00:09:38,087 --> 00:09:43,445
Right. Now, as your way didn't work,
it's back to plan A, Vicky Crabshaw.
180
00:09:43,487 --> 00:09:46,206
Abi isn't gonna get jealous of Vicky Crabshaw.
181
00:09:46,247 --> 00:09:50,525
- Are you saying Vicky isn't gorgeous?
- You're beginning to get the picture.
182
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:55,436
Look, Abi's seeing Steve on Tuesday,
their third date, and you know what that means.
183
00:09:55,487 --> 00:09:58,479
She gets a shake with her fries?
184
00:09:59,087 --> 00:10:00,486
Right, you asked for this.
185
00:10:00,527 --> 00:10:02,324
No! Not Vicky Crabshaw!
186
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:04,676
- No, Roger.
- No! Not Roger.
187
00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:08,037
I'm telling him to bring a girl with him
on Tuesday.
188
00:10:08,087 --> 00:10:12,558
But Roger hasn't got a girl, keep up.
But why? What's happening on Tuesday?
189
00:10:12,607 --> 00:10:15,565
Drinks here, with Abi and Steve, keep up.
190
00:10:15,607 --> 00:10:17,359
But... but why?
191
00:10:17,407 --> 00:10:19,398
Then he'll just have to get a girl.
192
00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:22,678
Let me get this straight,
you're having drinks here on Tuesday,
193
00:10:22,727 --> 00:10:26,402
with Abi, Steve, and Roger,
and a girl he hasn't got yet?
194
00:10:26,447 --> 00:10:28,563
- That's right.
- Good plan!
195
00:10:28,607 --> 00:10:30,677
See you Wednesday.
196
00:10:31,807 --> 00:10:33,160
Roger?
197
00:10:36,047 --> 00:10:37,639
Another squid ball, Steve?
198
00:10:37,687 --> 00:10:43,205
No thanks, I don't wanna spoil my appetite
for any of that meaty burger goodness.
199
00:10:43,247 --> 00:10:47,365
He's just being polite, Susan,
he spat the last one out.
200
00:10:47,407 --> 00:10:51,161
- Think we better get going.
- No. Stay here a bit longer.
201
00:10:51,207 --> 00:10:53,482
Someone else might turn up.
202
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:56,997
- Oh, you expecting someone?
- No...
203
00:10:57,047 --> 00:11:00,756
But wouldn't it be awful
if someone else did turn up...
204
00:11:00,807 --> 00:11:03,002
and you missed them?
205
00:11:07,687 --> 00:11:10,406
- What's she talking about?
- I don't know.
206
00:11:10,447 --> 00:11:14,406
I've learned it's best to go with the flow.
207
00:11:15,087 --> 00:11:17,123
Squid ball?
208
00:11:18,527 --> 00:11:19,926
No, thanks.
209
00:11:19,967 --> 00:11:23,960
- Something wrong with them?
- They are delicious, they're delicious.
210
00:11:24,007 --> 00:11:27,283
But actually, the next time you make them,
could you ease up on the gelatine?
211
00:11:27,327 --> 00:11:31,081
Of course, dear, or you can get your girlfriend
Halle Berry to make them for you.
212
00:11:31,127 --> 00:11:33,243
I knew it, I knew it!
213
00:11:34,647 --> 00:11:37,445
I didn't want to name names
but you went on and on.
214
00:11:37,487 --> 00:11:40,445
- Oh, and Halle Barry doesn't?
- I don't even know Halle Berry.
215
00:11:40,487 --> 00:11:42,523
Then how do you know she makes squid balls?
216
00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:44,239
- I didn't say that!
- What?!
217
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:47,996
And this is the kitchen. Of course,
you'd have to make cosmetic changes.
218
00:11:48,047 --> 00:11:49,241
I can see that.
219
00:11:49,287 --> 00:11:53,360
I mean, try and imagine it with none
of this people here.
220
00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:55,716
- I don't like this.
- Rip it out then.
221
00:11:55,807 --> 00:11:59,117
Sorry about the ceiling,
previous owner was a bit lax with the upkeep.
222
00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:01,920
- I've been busy.
- Don't collude.
223
00:12:01,967 --> 00:12:04,800
Michael, I thought you told me
you weren't selling the house?
224
00:12:04,847 --> 00:12:07,042
I don't have to, Mum, it sells itself.
225
00:12:07,087 --> 00:12:10,716
- Then why are you showing people around?
- I'm just testing the market.
226
00:12:10,767 --> 00:12:12,917
There's been a lot of interest.
227
00:12:12,967 --> 00:12:15,686
- Really?
- (Quietly) Sales patter, Dad.
228
00:12:15,727 --> 00:12:18,560
The neighbours are wonderful.
You need only worry about the Harpers
229
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:20,199
but they'll be long gone.
230
00:12:20,247 --> 00:12:23,398
Michael, haven't you told them about
the murder?
231
00:12:23,447 --> 00:12:27,281
Oh, God! Yeah, yeah.
Two years ago right where you're standing.
232
00:12:27,327 --> 00:12:29,636
I got the blood stains out...
233
00:12:29,687 --> 00:12:31,917
but they keep coming back.
234
00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:34,356
Let me show you the master bedroom.
235
00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:37,717
It'll make a wonderful play room for
little... David, what was it?
236
00:12:37,767 --> 00:12:38,882
(Doorbell)
237
00:12:38,927 --> 00:12:42,715
Oh, there's Roger. I hope he hasn't turned up
alone that would be so embarrassing.
238
00:12:42,767 --> 00:12:44,564
Not for me.
239
00:12:44,607 --> 00:12:47,246
Oh, he'll have found someone.
240
00:12:47,287 --> 00:12:49,278
Oh, I hope to God it's Claudia!
241
00:12:50,647 --> 00:12:55,482
Ben, Susan, I'd like you to meet Sarah.
242
00:12:55,527 --> 00:12:57,358
Hello.
243
00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:03,006
Is she with you?
244
00:13:03,047 --> 00:13:05,481
Yeah, Sarah's my date.
245
00:13:06,807 --> 00:13:09,116
Yeah, but she's... I mean, she's...
246
00:13:09,167 --> 00:13:11,476
I mean look at her, she's... Wooh...
247
00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:13,483
Well done, mate!
248
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:15,882
Hello, Sarah, do come in.
249
00:13:15,927 --> 00:13:18,600
Mind you don't trip on my husband's tongue.
250
00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:21,923
I never doubted you for second.
251
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,356
Abi, Steve, this is Sarah.
252
00:13:24,407 --> 00:13:26,637
- Hi.
- Cor!
253
00:13:26,687 --> 00:13:28,996
Yes, yes, Sarah's my date.
254
00:13:29,047 --> 00:13:31,277
Are you jealous?
255
00:13:32,887 --> 00:13:34,878
- Too much too soon.
- OK.
256
00:13:34,927 --> 00:13:37,077
Roger, you look very happy.
257
00:13:38,127 --> 00:13:40,357
Abi, doesn't Roger look happy?
258
00:13:40,407 --> 00:13:43,319
I wonder what's making him happy.
259
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,085
Are you jealous now?
260
00:13:45,127 --> 00:13:50,201
Susan, people might be happy
if we let them get on with their lives.
261
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,477
I'm helping Roger force home an advantage.
262
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:56,281
It doesn't need forcing
and he doesn't need matchmaking.
263
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:59,364
Look at him, look, you see we dentists...
264
00:13:59,407 --> 00:14:02,205
we're like catnip for chicks.
265
00:14:06,607 --> 00:14:09,485
The point is, do you think Abi's jealous?
266
00:14:09,527 --> 00:14:12,644
I don't know,
why don't you ask her for yourself?
267
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,486
- Abi!
- Hello.
268
00:14:15,527 --> 00:14:17,882
- Did you hear any of that?
- I heard all of it.
269
00:14:17,927 --> 00:14:20,521
- Well, ignore it
- OK.
270
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:24,037
So, what do you think of Roger's new girlfriend?
271
00:14:24,087 --> 00:14:27,284
Her hair's the wrong colour,
her eyelashes are too short
272
00:14:27,327 --> 00:14:29,318
and she got crinkly elbows.
273
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,323
You're not jealous, are you Abi?
274
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:33,403
No, not at all.
275
00:14:34,127 --> 00:14:36,721
She's got flappy ear lobes too.
276
00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:39,325
Excuse me, Susan.
277
00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:41,244
(Sarah) Oh, right.
278
00:14:41,287 --> 00:14:44,165
Oi, you! Stop ogling!
279
00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:47,677
I'm not ogling, I just can't believe that
he wound up with her.
280
00:14:47,727 --> 00:14:50,400
- What's wrong him?
- Look at him.
281
00:14:51,727 --> 00:14:54,958
He's all right. Roger's nice.
282
00:14:55,007 --> 00:14:58,636
Yeah? How nice?
283
00:14:58,687 --> 00:15:01,121
As nice as this?
284
00:15:25,927 --> 00:15:29,283
Hello, dear. Run out of lives to interfere with?
285
00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:31,602
Actually I've run out of olives.
286
00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:33,126
Oh, sorry.
287
00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:36,159
- Thought you were my wife.
- Sorry?
288
00:15:36,207 --> 00:15:39,040
Yes, so am I.
Um, olives? Yep, here they are.
289
00:15:39,087 --> 00:15:42,875
They must be here, somewhere.
You've got 'em, yep.
290
00:15:44,007 --> 00:15:47,636
So, how did you and Roger get together?
291
00:15:47,687 --> 00:15:49,405
Er, Yellow Pages.
292
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:54,766
Oh, right. You should have come to me.
Not that your teeth aren't perfect already.
293
00:15:54,807 --> 00:15:57,480
Oh, thank you.
294
00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:01,477
I mean, Roger's good, you know,
but he's a bit inexperienced.
295
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:05,236
Yeah, if you ever want me to give
you the once-over, just give me a call.
296
00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:07,357
Why don't you give me a call?
297
00:16:10,967 --> 00:16:15,483
I, er, think those olives might past their
sell-by date. Just get you some more, OK?
298
00:16:15,527 --> 00:16:17,643
Ah, here they are.
299
00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:24,561
Wow!
300
00:16:24,607 --> 00:16:26,325
Wow, indeed.
301
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:30,121
- Another tissue.
- No need, all dry now.
302
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,965
So, where did you find her?
303
00:16:34,007 --> 00:16:36,316
Well, after I got your phone call, I thought,
304
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:39,916
well, this is going to need a lot of
long careful planning.
305
00:16:39,967 --> 00:16:41,525
That's when I panicked.
306
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,718
Luckily, my good friend Mr Hargreaves
stepped in.
307
00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:46,917
That's Mr Hargreaves?!
308
00:16:47,647 --> 00:16:49,285
No, no.
309
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:52,797
He suggested I look in the local directories,
under escorts.
310
00:16:52,847 --> 00:16:54,644
That's how I found Sarah.
311
00:16:54,687 --> 00:16:56,484
Escorts.
312
00:16:56,527 --> 00:16:59,439
Yes, I really think I've fallen on my feet.
313
00:16:59,487 --> 00:17:01,443
Isn't she a peach?
314
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:04,479
So, you're paying Sarah to be with you tonight?
315
00:17:04,527 --> 00:17:08,281
That's right.
It's perfect, so simple so easy.
316
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:11,239
No emotional ties,
no commitment cash on the nail,
317
00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:13,642
peck on the cheek and goodbye.
318
00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:16,360
And if you're lucky, a lick on the face.
319
00:17:16,407 --> 00:17:21,845
Roger, doesn't it bother that she's a...
How can I put this?
320
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,317
A career girlfriend?
321
00:17:25,367 --> 00:17:28,439
Oh, it's only a part-time job for her.
322
00:17:28,487 --> 00:17:31,206
The rest of the time, she's a model.
323
00:17:31,247 --> 00:17:33,317
And a masseuse.
324
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:35,358
She's also done some films.
325
00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:38,564
Roger...
326
00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:40,996
Hello, lover boy.
327
00:17:42,087 --> 00:17:44,043
Did you miss me?
328
00:17:46,327 --> 00:17:47,965
- Ben, Ben
- Susan, Susan.
329
00:17:48,007 --> 00:17:49,998
(Both) I've got to tell you something.
330
00:17:50,047 --> 00:17:51,036
Sorry you first.
331
00:17:51,087 --> 00:17:55,319
- You'll never guess...
- No, me first. Look, Sarah came on to me!
332
00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:59,565
Yeah, I mean, I mean, I didn't go there.
I mean, you know, whoa!
333
00:17:59,607 --> 00:18:03,885
I was really mortified, but I mean, you know.
Eh? I told you, didn't I?
334
00:18:03,927 --> 00:18:06,725
I've still got it, you know.
335
00:18:06,767 --> 00:18:09,964
We dentists are chicks magnets, yes.
336
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,123
She gave me her card, gave me her card.
337
00:18:12,167 --> 00:18:15,364
I mean, it's amazing that a young girl like that
338
00:18:15,407 --> 00:18:19,036
would go for a mature
but attractive chap like me.
339
00:18:19,087 --> 00:18:22,523
Look at this, look - actress, model...
340
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:24,444
masseuse...
341
00:18:24,487 --> 00:18:27,320
- She's a prostitute.
- She's a prostitute.
342
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:31,526
You know whose fault this is, don't you?
Mr bloody Hargreaves.
343
00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:34,559
There's that name again.
Why does that name keep popping up?
344
00:18:34,607 --> 00:18:37,644
If I didn't know you any better,
I'd think you were having an affair with him.
345
00:18:37,687 --> 00:18:40,121
Yes, I'm having an affair with Mr Hargreaves.
346
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:43,523
He's gorgeous, I love him,
we go to clubs and snog.
347
00:18:43,567 --> 00:18:45,876
- Happy now?
- Not really.
348
00:18:46,727 --> 00:18:49,161
You know what the saddest thing is?
349
00:18:49,207 --> 00:18:51,880
Roger doesn't know she's a... you know.
350
00:18:51,927 --> 00:18:55,044
That's not the sad thing,
that's the funny thing.
351
00:18:55,087 --> 00:18:57,601
If you'd let me set him up with Vicky Crabshaw.
352
00:18:57,647 --> 00:18:59,444
He'd now have warts.
353
00:18:59,487 --> 00:19:03,366
My worry is he'll get emotionally involved.
How will he feel when he learns the truth?
354
00:19:03,407 --> 00:19:07,958
He won't feel anything
because he won't find out.
355
00:19:09,087 --> 00:19:12,079
Will he, Susan? Susan?
356
00:19:12,127 --> 00:19:14,595
We've got to tell him.
We've got to let him down gently.
357
00:19:14,647 --> 00:19:17,684
No, let's just tell him in stages,
one letter at a time.
358
00:19:17,727 --> 00:19:20,195
Or sending him a singing telegram.
359
00:19:20,247 --> 00:19:22,602
♪ You're dating a call girl ♪
360
00:19:22,927 --> 00:19:27,557
You're right, we can't tell him.
There's got to be another way.
361
00:19:27,607 --> 00:19:30,405
- I'll have to think of something else.
- It won't work.
362
00:19:30,447 --> 00:19:33,405
- I haven't thought of it yet.
- Keep it that way.
363
00:19:33,447 --> 00:19:36,359
And this is the master bedroom.
364
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:39,322
A bit small for my needs.
365
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:43,076
Cosy, certainly.
And don't forget there's the ensuite bathroom.
366
00:19:43,127 --> 00:19:46,403
Bedroom? Bathroom?
It's neither fish nor fowl.
367
00:19:46,447 --> 00:19:47,596
Michael!
368
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:49,478
I'm with a client.
369
00:19:49,527 --> 00:19:53,122
That's Hubert.
He can't afford to buy this place.
370
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:56,603
Well, not now.
When he sells his parents' house.
371
00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:02,645
Hello, Ben.
372
00:20:02,687 --> 00:20:05,076
Oh, hello, Mr Hargreaves.
373
00:20:05,127 --> 00:20:08,403
Oh, so it's Mr Hargreaves now, is it?
374
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:11,679
I, er, just popped down
to borrow some mouthwash.
375
00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:13,797
Help yourself.
376
00:20:18,887 --> 00:20:21,321
Thank you for returning it so promptly.
377
00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:22,800
Anything else?
378
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:26,123
- Well, I wouldn't mind some toilet paper.
- No! Get out! Go home!
379
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:28,158
OK, can you lend me the bus fare?
380
00:20:29,047 --> 00:20:31,641
Do I get the impression you're
a bit strapped for cash?
381
00:20:31,687 --> 00:20:34,281
A bit, I had to sell my Gollum.
382
00:20:34,327 --> 00:20:39,162
Roger, those Lord Of The Rings
figurines are your only friends.
383
00:20:39,207 --> 00:20:42,085
I don't need them,
now that I've got Sarah.
384
00:20:42,127 --> 00:20:44,595
You're not still paying for dates, Roger?
385
00:20:44,647 --> 00:20:48,765
Well it's how we started, it's become
a bit of a habit. Don't wanna jinx it.
386
00:20:49,527 --> 00:20:53,839
Roger, um... I think there is something about
Sarah you ought to know.
387
00:20:53,887 --> 00:20:58,802
I want to know everything about her,
but I've got the rest of my life to find out.
388
00:20:59,327 --> 00:21:01,204
- Roger.
- Yes, Ben?
389
00:21:03,367 --> 00:21:05,164
You know best.
390
00:21:05,207 --> 00:21:09,086
Anyway better pop down the bank,
see if they've lifted the block on my card.
391
00:21:09,807 --> 00:21:13,402
I swear that girl is cleaning me out.
392
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:18,279
She's a tart, isn't she?
393
00:21:18,327 --> 00:21:19,999
Yup.
394
00:21:20,047 --> 00:21:22,083
What a pickle.
395
00:21:24,087 --> 00:21:26,078
Claudia, it's over.
396
00:21:36,887 --> 00:21:39,242
- Hi.
- Hello.
397
00:21:39,287 --> 00:21:41,926
Sorry, are you working?
398
00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,838
Yeah, I'm unblocking the sink.
399
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,684
Oh, ha, right.
400
00:21:48,287 --> 00:21:49,800
Ben. Remember me?
401
00:21:49,847 --> 00:21:52,520
Of course, do you want to come in?
402
00:21:52,567 --> 00:21:54,080
What do you mean?
403
00:21:54,127 --> 00:21:55,799
Well, you knocked on the door.
404
00:21:55,847 --> 00:21:59,396
Oh right, yes I did, yes I did.
405
00:22:01,167 --> 00:22:05,524
Well, er, this is nice. Not what I expected.
406
00:22:06,447 --> 00:22:08,597
What did you expect?
407
00:22:09,007 --> 00:22:12,477
Look, let's not beat around the... point.
408
00:22:12,527 --> 00:22:15,360
Oh, I've got a chair just like that at home.
409
00:22:15,407 --> 00:22:18,285
- You were saying?
- Yes, um...
410
00:22:18,327 --> 00:22:19,726
It's about Roger Bailey.
411
00:22:19,767 --> 00:22:23,157
Oh, I like him, he's sweet.
412
00:22:24,567 --> 00:22:27,684
Well he's... he's a bit naive... Roger.
413
00:22:27,727 --> 00:22:32,243
And... and he... he doesn't know
exactly what you do.
414
00:22:32,287 --> 00:22:33,845
What do I do?
415
00:22:33,887 --> 00:22:37,562
Well, he thinks you're a model.
416
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:40,201
That's right, I model for a knitwear catalogue.
417
00:22:41,247 --> 00:22:43,044
Oh.
418
00:22:43,087 --> 00:22:45,965
Yes, but he also said you were a masseuse.
419
00:22:46,007 --> 00:22:49,317
Yes, I have degree in sports science
and physical therapy.
420
00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:51,323
Well done.
421
00:22:53,847 --> 00:22:57,044
Yeah, but what about those films
he said you make?
422
00:22:57,087 --> 00:22:58,839
Oh, they're nothing.
423
00:22:58,887 --> 00:23:00,286
Come on.
424
00:23:00,327 --> 00:23:03,319
OK, I was third scullery maid in Gosford Park.
425
00:23:05,007 --> 00:23:07,396
Oh, is that all?
426
00:23:09,487 --> 00:23:12,559
Well, I can see why you wanted
to keep that quiet.
427
00:23:12,607 --> 00:23:16,077
So... this point you mentioned...
428
00:23:16,127 --> 00:23:18,402
any chance of getting there?
429
00:23:18,447 --> 00:23:21,757
Well, we thought that...
My wife thought that you were
430
00:23:21,807 --> 00:23:24,082
something more than an escort.
431
00:23:24,127 --> 00:23:27,756
Yes, we thought... My wife thought that, er...
432
00:23:27,807 --> 00:23:30,002
you did other things for money.
433
00:23:30,047 --> 00:23:31,275
I do.
434
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:34,000
- You do?
- Yes.
435
00:23:34,047 --> 00:23:36,720
- So you are a...
- Yes.
436
00:23:36,767 --> 00:23:39,679
Oh... Wooh!
437
00:23:41,967 --> 00:23:43,958
Well, glad we cleared that up.
438
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:48,478
Look, I would like to spend all afternoon
clearing up your misunderstandings,
439
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:51,087
but why are you really here?
440
00:23:51,127 --> 00:23:54,802
I'm just looking out for Roger, OK?
441
00:23:54,847 --> 00:23:59,238
Oh, I get it.
Protecting him from the big bad tart?
442
00:24:00,367 --> 00:24:03,245
I never misled him, if that's what you think.
443
00:24:03,287 --> 00:24:06,836
Yeah, I know. Roger's perfectly capable
of misleading himself.
444
00:24:06,887 --> 00:24:09,355
I just think you should stop seeing him.
445
00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:11,637
At 200 quid an hour?
446
00:24:12,567 --> 00:24:14,603
And you think Roger's naive?
447
00:24:17,487 --> 00:24:19,523
OK, I did my best.
448
00:24:19,567 --> 00:24:23,162
I'm not a judgmental man
but Roger's a kind decent enough bloke
449
00:24:23,207 --> 00:24:26,836
and I don't think he should be
taken advantage of.
450
00:24:26,887 --> 00:24:28,115
So, good day.
451
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:31,364
Oh, er, good luck with the sink.
452
00:24:31,407 --> 00:24:34,046
- Ben?!
- Oh, my God!
453
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:38,399
Susan, you didn't hear what I said
about Roger, did you?
454
00:24:38,447 --> 00:24:41,439
Honey, what on earth do you think
you were doing?
455
00:24:41,487 --> 00:24:45,116
I thought I could sort out the problem
by going straight to the source.
456
00:24:45,167 --> 00:24:46,964
Why didn't you tell me you were going there?
457
00:24:47,007 --> 00:24:51,239
- It might not have worked, and I'd look stupid.
- It didn't and you do.
458
00:24:51,287 --> 00:24:53,721
That's the most bone-headed plan I ever heard.
459
00:24:53,767 --> 00:24:56,884
Hang on a minute, what were you doing there?
460
00:24:58,847 --> 00:25:00,838
Never mind that.
461
00:25:00,887 --> 00:25:04,197
The point is, it's our moral duty
to the tell Roger the truth.
462
00:25:04,247 --> 00:25:07,045
We can't be cowards or hypocrites
about this.
463
00:25:07,087 --> 00:25:09,078
I'm willing to give it a go.
464
00:25:09,127 --> 00:25:12,119
No, we've got to tell him,
the next time he comes around.
465
00:25:12,167 --> 00:25:15,239
- (Roger, distressed) Susan!
- Or maybe the time after that?
466
00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:18,322
Susan, I've got something to tell you.
467
00:25:18,367 --> 00:25:20,722
- And we have something to tell you.
- Me first.
468
00:25:20,767 --> 00:25:24,043
Sarah's a... lady of the night!
469
00:25:26,687 --> 00:25:28,757
Golly!
470
00:25:28,807 --> 00:25:31,480
Imagine! And we had no idea.
471
00:25:31,527 --> 00:25:35,998
Oh, really? I'm sure you must have had
an inkling, darling, didn't you?
472
00:25:36,047 --> 00:25:38,322
No, I did not, and neither did you.
473
00:25:38,367 --> 00:25:43,077
Otherwise we would have told Roger,
and now we don't have to.
474
00:25:43,127 --> 00:25:46,961
No, that's right. Whoof... no idea at all.
475
00:25:47,007 --> 00:25:49,123
So, how did you find this out?
476
00:25:49,167 --> 00:25:53,399
Well, I was round at her flat earlier,
when suddenly the door flew off its hinges.
477
00:25:53,447 --> 00:25:56,325
Whoo, you got your money's worth then.
478
00:25:56,367 --> 00:25:57,561
Sorry.
479
00:25:57,607 --> 00:25:59,359
No, it was a police raid.
480
00:25:59,407 --> 00:26:03,764
Sarah got taken away and
I shot off through the window.
481
00:26:08,727 --> 00:26:11,002
What else could you do?
482
00:26:12,847 --> 00:26:15,122
- I've had a terrible day, Susan.
- Ohh.
483
00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:18,716
Raided by the police, jumped out of a window,
hid in a dustbin for two hours
484
00:26:18,767 --> 00:26:20,917
and basically spent all my holiday money.
485
00:26:20,967 --> 00:26:24,755
Hey, but hey, you know, it's a relationship.
486
00:26:24,807 --> 00:26:28,117
But it's not the sort of relationship
I had in mind, Ben.
487
00:26:28,167 --> 00:26:31,716
And I was wondering if Susan wouldn't
mind awfully...
488
00:26:31,767 --> 00:26:34,156
if I broke it off with Sarah.
489
00:26:34,687 --> 00:26:37,326
Me? Why should I mind?
490
00:26:37,367 --> 00:26:39,085
Well, it was your idea.
491
00:26:39,127 --> 00:26:41,118
Get a girl, any girl.
492
00:26:41,167 --> 00:26:43,761
Yes, it was.
493
00:26:45,727 --> 00:26:49,242
She was very nice, though, wasn't she?
494
00:26:52,327 --> 00:26:54,363
Would you excuse me a moment?
495
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:04,599
- She's not coming back, is she?
- No.
496
00:27:04,647 --> 00:27:06,797
- See you.
- Yeah, bye.
497
00:27:08,487 --> 00:27:10,045
Oh, hello.
498
00:27:10,087 --> 00:27:11,566
Hello.
499
00:27:11,607 --> 00:27:13,040
How was your date?
500
00:27:13,087 --> 00:27:17,558
Terrible, my boyfriend
turned out to be a slimeball.
501
00:27:17,607 --> 00:27:21,156
My girlfriend turned out to be a call girl.
502
00:27:22,007 --> 00:27:23,645
You win.
503
00:27:23,687 --> 00:27:27,362
You know, if there's one thing
I've learned from all this,
504
00:27:27,407 --> 00:27:30,604
it's that there should only be
one woman for me.
505
00:27:30,647 --> 00:27:32,080
Yes?
506
00:27:36,327 --> 00:27:38,363
My mum.
507
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:43,318
How sweet.
508
00:27:48,487 --> 00:27:50,682
Wow...
509
00:27:51,247 --> 00:27:53,636
She is in Gosford park.
510
00:27:56,567 --> 00:28:00,401
He's awfully nice... and kind.
511
00:28:00,447 --> 00:28:02,039
Sounds good.
512
00:28:02,087 --> 00:28:06,000
- And he's on the rebound, which is a bonus.
- Oh, even better.
513
00:28:06,047 --> 00:28:09,039
It doesn't work and it's not going to work.
514
00:28:09,087 --> 00:28:11,920
- Sorry?
- Coffee grinder, needs a new head.
515
00:28:12,527 --> 00:28:14,677
Like you.
516
00:28:14,727 --> 00:28:16,319
Hallo.
517
00:28:16,367 --> 00:28:19,040
Roger, what a coincidence,
what brings you here?
518
00:28:19,087 --> 00:28:20,918
You invited me.
519
00:28:20,967 --> 00:28:25,961
And as you're here, I'd like you to meet a friend
of mine who's just dropped by coincidentally.
520
00:28:26,047 --> 00:28:28,242
Roger, this is Vicky Crabshaw.
521
00:28:28,287 --> 00:28:30,847
- Hello.
- Hello.
522
00:28:31,367 --> 00:28:33,005
He's not my type.
523
00:28:34,127 --> 00:28:36,516
Susan, Susan, word out there now.
524
00:28:36,567 --> 00:28:38,364
All right, but make it quick,
525
00:28:38,407 --> 00:28:41,717
Roger's got a 2:30 with Molly Gryce.
526
00:28:44,487 --> 00:28:47,206
Susan, I thought the last few days
might have taught you a lesson.
527
00:28:47,247 --> 00:28:52,560
I was right, and you were wrong.
You can't just match people together re...
528
00:28:55,087 --> 00:28:57,078
(Susan and Ben) Michael!
40973
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