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1
00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:19,600
Don't forget. Next weekend's
the Thomasons' dinner party.
2
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,040
Yeah,
you've been reminding me for a month.
3
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,400
I don't want you to wriggle out of it.
4
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,000
What's the point in living
if you can't wriggle?
5
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,920
Honestly, sometimes I'm surprised
you just don't slide off the sofa.
6
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,600
So, what do you want to do today?
7
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,640
I'm doing it.
8
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,320
You can't do the crossword all weekend.
9
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,960
- Though at the rate you're going...
- I'm pacing myself.
10
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,000
I know.
11
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,120
Let's see that film with the three women
who fall in love with the same man
12
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,280
only to become best friends
when he dies.
13
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,160
I feel like I've just seen it.
14
00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,680
We could always go to the Tate.
We love the Tate.
15
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,720
You love the Tate.
16
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,760
I love the sofa.
17
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,840
- There are sofas at the Tate.
- Yes, but no telly.
18
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,080
We'll compromise.
I'll let you bring the remote.
19
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,000
Look, as the kids are not home,
I thought...
20
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,920
you know, maybe you and I could just
do, like, a little something together.
21
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,960
You know, just...
22
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,240
Just the two of us.
23
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,280
- Great.
- Yeah.
24
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,920
Let's convert Nick's old bedroom
into a nursery for Janey's baby.
25
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:37,280
How did a day of TLC
suddenly turn into a weekend of DIY?
26
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,040
PMT.
27
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,160
You're always doing this to me!
28
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,320
Look, something's got to be done
about Nick's room.
29
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,800
That carpet in there turned out to be lino.
30
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,760
We shouldn't have to do up Nick's room.
We should seal it off.
31
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,160
The baby will need a place
when Janey visits.
32
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,760
What's wrong with the laundry basket?
33
00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,800
(Phone)
34
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,680
Hello?
35
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,160
Oh, hello, Mother.
You sound happy. What's wrong?
36
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,640
Well, thanks so much for sharing.
Goodbye.
37
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,800
What did Batwoman want?
38
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,120
She said you're dead.
39
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,640
She's only after my liver.
40
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,600
Apparently you've been listed
as deceased in the obituaries.
41
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,120
What? What?
42
00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,320
Ah. Here it is.
43
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,720
"Ben Harper.
Warm, generous and loving father."
44
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,320
Well, that's obviously a mistake.
45
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,720
- Hang on, what was the cause of death?
- Suicide.
46
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,760
Yup, sounds about right.
47
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,360
Just call the paper up
and tell them it's a mistake.
48
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,680
Hang on. I won't be able to go
to the Thomasons' dinner party.
49
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,000
- What?
- Well, previous engagement with death.
50
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,880
You will wear black, won't you?
51
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,080
You're taking this better than I expected.
52
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,240
I've got the perfect excuse
for doing nothing!
53
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:11,480
Hey! Think of all the things I won't
have to do now I'm dead! Ha! Oh, yes!
54
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:15,080
- I've dreamt of this day!
- Don't even joke about it.
55
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:19,400
I'm not. God, death is liberating.
Ah, yes, I've never felt this alive.
56
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,280
You claim the insurance
and we'll fly to Mauritius.
57
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,640
I'll be working on the nursery.
So will you.
58
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:29,320
Sorry, darling. You'll have to come
to terms with this. I am at peace.
59
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,880
Hey, great news, kids! You're orphans.
60
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,680
♪ Doo-be-doo-be
61
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,760
♪ Doo-be-doo-be-doo ♪
62
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,440
Hello, my good man.
Thought I'd do the shopping early.
63
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,320
Shorter checkout queues.
64
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,680
Now, let's see... Lettuce.
65
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,720
Lettuce. Lettuce...
66
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,240
Can you direct me to the fruit and veg?
67
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,400
- I'm busy.
- Service in here stinks.
68
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,640
(# Humming)
69
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,440
Ooh...
70
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,880
- Is this lasagne or fish?
- What's it smell like?
71
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,160
- Fish.
- Then it's lasagne.
72
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:44,400
If these ready meals don't improve,
I shall be taking my business elsewhere.
73
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,920
What's Dad's best quality?
74
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,800
His feet.
75
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,000
Forget I asked.
76
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,120
Have you seen his feet?
They're exquisite.
77
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,400
- What are you doing?
- I'm writing Dad's funeral speech.
78
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,600
- Why?
- You haven't heard?
79
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,480
You'd better take a seat.
I... have some bad news.
80
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,320
Oh, my God,
they've cancelled Countdown.
81
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,480
No, Dad's dead.
82
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,520
Mum finally snapped?
83
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,320
No.
84
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,360
This is so sudden.
85
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,040
There were so many things
I wanted to say to him.
86
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,280
- Like you loved him.
- That, too.
87
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,880
I suppose this means
I'm lord of the manor now.
88
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,760
- I hardly think so.
- This is no time for infighting.
89
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:41,160
We must keep the family afloat. Leave
school. Get a job. We need the income.
90
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,120
- All right?
- All right.
91
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,400
Dad, you came back...
to tell me you love me.
92
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,200
Nick? Nick! Please, get off.
93
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,240
Get off, please.
94
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,920
- He said you were dead.
- I am. Pretend I'm not here.
95
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,280
Same as always, then?
96
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,160
Right.
97
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,440
You have no idea how relieved I am.
98
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,080
- You have made a will?
- I have. It consists of two words.
99
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,120
The second word is "you".
100
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,680
- Good. I'm entitled to the lion's share.
- What?
101
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,080
Can't talk now.
Got to go upstairs to the chemist.
102
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,160
Pffuh!
103
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,840
Oh, look!
104
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,880
I've found a pizza.
105
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,720
Whoa!
106
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,560
They don't even make that topping
any more.
107
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,280
I need to microwave this.
108
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,760
Wow!
109
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,240
I love what you've done with the place.
110
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,680
Hello, dear. Do you like it?
111
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:03,280
Yeah, what's not to like? It's all so retro.
112
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:07,880
- Thought it was time for a change.
- Yeah, couldn't agree more. Wow.
113
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:10,960
Ooh.
114
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:15,600
- I was worried you'd be upset.
- You're kidding? I love farm animals.
115
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,640
Moo.
116
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,680
Baa-aa.
117
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,760
Cool.
118
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,920
Though I do think I'm a little old
for stuffed toys.
119
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,920
Well, I'll keep the giraffe.
120
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,560
Nick, dear. This isn't for you.
It's for Janey's baby.
121
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,680
But this is my room.
122
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,400
You've got your own place.
123
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,560
- Cos I moved out, I'm losing my home?
- Oh, come on.
124
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,680
You'll always be my lickle boy.
125
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:47,120
- Coochy coochy coo.
- That's supposed to make it all better?
126
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,040
It worked last week
when you broke up with that girl.
127
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,760
Oh, my God, I feel faint.
128
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,360
Oh, God, Susan,
aren't you going a bit overboard?
129
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,800
I don't even see why we need a nursery.
130
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,360
For when the baby visits Groovy Gran
and the Grouch.
131
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,080
Dad's right, man. I want my room back.
I want my room back.
132
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:12,680
It'll be great! Just like old times.
Like days of yore. What do you say?
133
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,920
- No.
- I know you need time to think it over.
134
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,600
- No.
- I'll just fetch my things.
135
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,560
No, you can't stay here because, erm...
I've set my heart on a nursery.
136
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,120
You have?
137
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,600
Yup, yup. What do you have to do
to be heard in this house?
138
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,760
Good. Then you can help me
hang the wallpaper.
139
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,760
(Chuckles)
140
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,360
You guys... You've had your fun.
Where's the camera?
141
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:37,760
Nick...
142
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,800
it was your idea to move out.
143
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,400
No, it was mine.
Credit where credit's due.
144
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,600
- So that's it? You're just kicking me out?
- Not just. I did it months ago.
145
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,160
Kick Michael out. He's the black sheep.
146
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,960
You're all black sheep!
147
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,640
- Fine, I'll just be off, then.
- OK, bye.
148
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,680
I think the cot should go here.
149
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,480
- Yup.
- Back to my cold, dark flat.
150
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,040
- Maybe a changing table here.
- Oh, yes.
151
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,080
Well, don't try and stop me.
152
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,440
Shall we go with fluffy clouds
or rainbows?
153
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,760
(Nick) My mind's made up.
154
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,800
Clouds.
155
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,480
♪ Uhhh...
156
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:32,360
♪ Uh uh-uh, uh uh-uh, uh, uh, uh-uh uh
157
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,240
♪ I'm...
158
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,440
♪ Comin' up
so you better get this party started
159
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,840
♪ She's comin' up, she's comin' up
160
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:46,640
♪ Comin' up
so you better get this party started
161
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,800
(Shouts) # Get this party started
on a Saturday night
162
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,200
♪ Everybody's waiting for me to arrive
163
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,680
♪ Sendin' out the message
to all of my friends
164
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,840
♪ We'll be gettin' flashy
in my Mercedes Benz
165
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,360
♪ I got lotsa style
with my gold diamond rings... ♪
166
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,400
(Screams)
167
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:10,920
You scared me.
168
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,960
Yeah, whatever.
169
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,000
Look, here's the deal.
170
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:20,000
I've got a plan to move back in,
but don't tell the mother or the father.
171
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,120
So, what's your plan?
172
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,120
I just told you.
173
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,080
"Asegure la base
174
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:42,720
"del colchón en la posición más alta
175
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,480
"correcta o más baja."
176
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,680
(Spanner clangs)
177
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,720
Ah.
178
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,760
Ye-sss.
179
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,800
OK.
180
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,120
"Asegure los soportes
181
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,200
"intermedios inferiores en ambos...
182
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,920
"en ambos... ambos...
183
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,120
"extremos."
184
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,160
Yeah!
185
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,760
Well, that'll keep the baby locked up.
186
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,800
Screwdriver.
187
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,560
From here...
188
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,600
Er, no, no, no.
189
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,640
- No, spanner.
- Psst.
190
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,040
Spanner? Spanner...
191
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,360
Hello? Spanner!
192
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,200
- So what do you think?
- It's a really good eulogy.
193
00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:01,200
I like the part where Ben rescues
Churchill from the Nazis.
194
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,440
Well, I had to embellish a bit.
195
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,480
Oh?
196
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,240
So he didn't streak through
Trafalgar Square?
197
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,280
No, that bit's true.
198
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,440
Mum? Erm...
199
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,160
What do you reckon
Dad's best quality is?
200
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,080
- Me.
- Other than you.
201
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,920
No. That's it.
202
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,960
(Doorbell)
203
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,320
Oh, hello, Mr Gleeson.
What brings you round?
204
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,720
I saw the news in the paper, about Ben.
205
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,760
Oh, that?
206
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,400
It's nothing, really. Don't worry about it.
207
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:43,040
- What?
- It did come as a bit of a shock.
208
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:47,120
- I can imagine.
- You should have seen Ben's face!
209
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,880
I must say, you're handling it well.
210
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,920
No, I'm fine, really.
211
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,880
Ben's upstairs.
212
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,200
Yes, well, he's moved on.
But what's important is you.
213
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:02,240
- No... I don't think you...
- These are for you.
214
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:06,600
- Oh, how lovely. Roses.
- I've always been terribly fond of you.
215
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,560
And now Ben's... moved on,
I want you to know that I'm here for you.
216
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,440
Well, that's very nice, but...
217
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,320
Any time of the day.
Or in the middle of the night.
218
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,520
- Well, that's very sweet...
- You're a charming, intelligent woman
219
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,600
and, no disrespect to Ben,
but he never deserved you.
220
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,040
Well, that is true.
221
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,920
If you need any help with chores,
I'm right next door.
222
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,760
- I was noticing your lawn needs tending.
- Really?
223
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,120
In fact, I'd be honoured
to escort you at the funeral.
224
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,440
Maybe, after, we could go
for a nice meal.
225
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,760
Well, th-that's very sweet
226
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,840
but I think I might need some time
on my own.
227
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,240
- She's a very strong woman, your mum.
- Yeah, well, it's...
228
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:53,440
- it's been hard on all of us.
- Michael, you're not helping.
229
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,520
I'll never forget his last words.
He said, "Son...
230
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,480
"if it's the last thing I do,
I'll get you that Xbox."
231
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,080
What? You got roses.
232
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,600
(Ben) Well, this takes the biscuit!
233
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,200
So much for resting in peace.
234
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:24,040
Spot the deliberate mistake!
235
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,080
Oh, I love these games.
236
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,120
I know...
237
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,120
Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
238
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,520
No-o!
239
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,360
Calm down and try to speak
without kicking anything.
240
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,720
I put this cot up and now it's unput!
241
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,560
Do you know anything about this,
Michael?
242
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,840
- Michael?
- You said to ignore you cos you're dead.
243
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,520
I suppose you've no idea
what I'm talking about.
244
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,840
I never know what you're talking about.
245
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,960
That's why we let you live here.
246
00:14:56,040 --> 00:15:00,360
- Maybe you didn't put it together right.
- I know how to put a cot together!
247
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,520
Did you follow the instructions?
248
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,640
I know how to put a cot together!
249
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,400
- What are those?
- Flowers.
250
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,480
Huh-uh!
I knew what you were talking about then!
251
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,040
Mr Gleeson heard you were dead,
so he brought them over.
252
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,360
Oh, really?
Oh, that tuppenny-ha'penny Lothario?
253
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,880
- I'm barely dead and he's moving in?
- It's not like that.
254
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:27,720
He just said he would be glad to help
with any chores now that you're gone.
255
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,920
What? You did tell him I'm alive?
256
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,240
I'm keeping my options open.
257
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,880
Does this mean
I can call Mr Gleeson Dad?
258
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:41,440
That's it! I'm gonna give that vulture
a piece of my mind.
259
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,800
OK. He's just outside mowing our lawn.
260
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,000
- (Whirr of mower)
- Maybe I'll talk to him later.
261
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,600
Ahh.
262
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,160
(Chuckles)
263
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,200
Ha.
264
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,800
(Mimics Ben) Ahh-hh.
265
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,120
(Chuckles)
266
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,200
Ha.
267
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,240
Oh, yes.
268
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,520
Nope.
269
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,680
Ooh.
270
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,000
Ow.
271
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,040
- What's that?
- Baby monitor.
272
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,080
That way, we can hear the baby.
273
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:12,520
The whole point in having a nursery
is you don't hear the baby.
274
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,200
Is the merry widow
enjoying her choccies?
275
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,240
Yum, yum.
276
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,200
Mr Gleeson, I presume.
277
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,280
No, Mr Murdoch from two streets away.
278
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,960
Oh, great. Now even people
who don't know me are glad I'm dead.
279
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:32,560
It's your own fault. I told you to call
the paper up and have it corrected.
280
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,800
- I've been too busy with your nursery.
- Our nursery.
281
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,240
- How's it coming?
- Rather brilliant.
282
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,960
Brilliant.
Michelangelo couldn't have done better.
283
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,000
lf... if he could wallpaper.
284
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:48,160
Oh, yeah, makes the Sistine Chapel
look like graffiti.
285
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,440
Wonderful. I can't wait to see it.
286
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,440
Actually,
I thought I might show you, erm...
287
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,480
something else.
288
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,000
Forget it.
289
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,040
I'm not into necrophilia.
290
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,360
Come on, come in.
291
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,560
- Come on! Keep your eyes closed.
- Why? The room's dark.
292
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,800
No, I want you to get
the full Ben Harper effect, baby.
293
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,840
Ha! The...
294
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,280
It is the Ben Harper effect.
295
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:25,240
- Absolutely nothing's been done.
- No, no, this is weird.
296
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,880
- I spent all day doing this!
- That's nothing to be proud of.
297
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,320
I did put up the wallpaper!
I did put up the cot!
298
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,240
Maybe Michelangelo took it down,
maybe he was jealous.
299
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,720
It's ghosts.
Maybe the newspaper was right. Maybe...
300
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,280
I am dead and nothing I do
affects the physical world.
301
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,120
That explains Thursday night.
302
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,800
I wasn't dead then. I was just tired.
303
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,560
Whatever.
304
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,920
It's like that Bruce Willis movie!
305
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:59,040
When he was dead and didn't know it.
Yeah, yeah. I'm Bruce Willis.
306
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:01,880
Fat chance.
307
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:07,080
No, you're right, I'm better-looking, but...
If I'm not dead, what's the explanation?
308
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,760
I've been asking myself that for years.
309
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,640
(Turns stereo off)
310
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,640
(Man) Ow-w!
311
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,520
Ow!
312
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,720
Nick?
313
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,760
(Silence)
314
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,080
(Groaning)
315
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,400
What are you doing in here?
316
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,080
I've moved back in.
317
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,720
- Under my bed.
- I'm not saying it's gonna be easy.
318
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,760
I mean...
319
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,800
Hiding out. Never seeing daylight again.
320
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:54,240
Living every second of my life
in fear that they... might find me.
321
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:04,000
- What are you doing?
- I'm putting some of my feelings down.
322
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,760
I call it The Diary Of Nick Harper.
323
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,680
I brought you some food.
324
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,080
But I ate it on the way up. Sorry.
325
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:24,000
- What was it?
- Takeaway Kung Po prawns
326
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,840
with just the slightest hint of ginger.
327
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,480
- Oh, I bet that was good.
- Delicious.
328
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,120
Later on,
I'm gonna sneak you up some pudding.
329
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,560
You're the best.
330
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,720
Look, Nick. I'm sorry.
You can't stay here.
331
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,760
Well, maybe I could just bunk in with Abi.
332
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,800
No!
333
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,520
I mean...
Yeah, you can. You can stay here.
334
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,640
- Just... for one night.
- Wicked.
335
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,840
- Oh, Michael...
- What?
336
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,760
Do you, er... still wet the bed?
337
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,720
Oh, hello. You must be Mr Freeman.
338
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,000
Yes. Where's Mr Harper?
339
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,040
Oh, erm...
340
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,080
He won't be coming in.
341
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,840
Bad news, I'm afraid. He's... passed on.
342
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,920
- Oh...
- Don't worry about it.
343
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,960
I'm sure he's up there right now
344
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,000
giving God a root canal.
345
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,040
With extra Novocaine.
346
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,080
My filling fell out.
347
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,240
Yes, right, well... Let's have a look-see.
348
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,480
I warn you, dentists make me nervous.
349
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,520
Oh, don't worry about it.
350
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,800
Sometimes I make myself nervous!
351
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,680
I mean it. The only reason I'm here
is the pain is unbearable.
352
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:06,680
Listen, I have got a little something
that is guaranteed to help you relax.
353
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:13,640
- "Hello! I'm Dennis the Dentist."
- Oh, Jesus!
354
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,000
Don't worry. Dennis the Dentist
is here to cheer you up.
355
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,600
"I'm here to help you.
356
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,360
"Now...
357
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:25,120
"O-o-open wide
and let me come inside!"
358
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,320
- I'd rather not.
- It'll be fun.
359
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,360
What the hell is going on?
360
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,960
"Ben? You are alive!"
361
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,800
- Dennis?
- Oh, thank goodness.
362
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,240
What are you doing to my surgery? Eh?
363
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,320
You've turned this
into the tooth fairy's shag pad!
364
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,360
I thought you were dead.
365
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,280
I just thought...
Well, it's such a horrible tragedy.
366
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,480
Why not make the best of it?
367
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,520
Get out.
368
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:59,680
Get out. Go on, get out!
Take your smiley tooth with you. Go on!
369
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,000
Would it help if I say, "Oh, sorry"?
370
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,840
No.
371
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,160
What about Dennis? "I'm sorry, Ben."
372
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,160
Mwah!
373
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,200
Oh!
374
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:15,880
Ahh.
375
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,760
(Chuckle)
376
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,800
Oh. Ha...
377
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,840
Brilliant work, Susan.
378
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,320
- Need some help?
- Oh, yeah, grab the other end.
379
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,560
I was just putting it back. Falling off.
380
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,960
Do you have anything
to say for yourself?
381
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,800
- Well, your work's a bit shoddy.
- Nick?
382
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,840
Mum, look, I'm sorry,
383
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,840
but I just want my room
back the way it was.
384
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,880
- With me in it.
- Nick, you've got your own place now.
385
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,040
Yeah, but it's not the same.
I'm paying for it.
386
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,080
Come on, Mum.
387
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,840
All the baby will do is eat and sleep here.
388
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,880
I need much more attention.
389
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,160
Oh, you do need me, don't you?
390
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,440
Please let me come home. Please.
Please, please, please.
391
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,480
Oh, Nick, you're so...
392
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,440
pathetic.
393
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,040
Oh, Mum...
394
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,400
Right, let me talk to your father.
395
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,320
What are you gonna say?
396
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,000
Wait until I get him into bed.
I won't have to say anything.
397
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,640
Oh, I get it. The old horse's head trick.
398
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,440
(Clearing throat)
399
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:58,440
- Can I help you?
- Yes, my name is Ben Harper.
400
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,400
Your newspaper recently listed me
as deceased.
401
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,360
And the problem is?
402
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,400
I'd like you to fix it.
403
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:11,160
Why? We said some wonderful things.
"Generous, loving..."
404
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,600
Skip to the bottom,
where it says I'm dead.
405
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,720
- Well, it is an obituary.
- I want my life back!
406
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,360
Fine, fine. Everybody wants something.
407
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,400
Ah, yes, there does seem to be
a minor typographical error.
408
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,800
- Well, the name is very similar to yours.
- Really?
409
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,120
Karim Abdul Ngolo?
410
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,360
Please don't touch my things.
411
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,400
Karim Abdul... Ben Harper.
412
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,520
- Oh! It's such an easy mistake.
- Well, there you are, then.
413
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,440
- I demand you run a retraction.
- Oh, sorry. No can do.
414
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,040
In order to request a retraction,
you have to be alive.
415
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:55,600
Unless this is hell, which it possibly is,
I am very much alive!
416
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,040
Any next of kin who could
corroborate that? Perhaps your wife?
417
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:00,240
Mfamwe?
418
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:04,520
- You're touching my things again.
- I will touch a lot more
419
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,560
if you don't fix it!
420
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,120
- Retraction done.
- Good.
421
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,760
♪ The wonderful thing about Tiggers
is I'm the only one
422
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,440
♪ I'm... the only one ♪
423
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,840
- Hello.
- Hello.
424
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:19,880
I've got a surprise for you.
425
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,920
I'm alive.
426
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,680
- Oh!
- Mmm.
427
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,880
Well,
I guess we don't need him any more.
428
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,320
(Thud)
429
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,600
I tell you what.
How about taking my new life...
430
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,720
- Oh!
...for a test spin?
431
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,760
- You really are alive.
- Mm-hm.
432
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,360
Well, I have a surprise for you.
433
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,400
Is it a good surprise
434
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,000
or a bad surprise?
435
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,600
Yes.
436
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,800
OK, now open your eyes.
437
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,000
Our little angel has moved back.
438
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,920
Isn't it wonderful?
439
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,120
Come on, then. Say something.
440
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,080
Well, I'm not changing him.
441
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,000
It's not fair.
442
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,000
I spent all my time and effort
on that nursery
443
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,080
and Nick still manages
to wriggle his way back in.
444
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,520
Only for a little while. Besides...
445
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,560
I'm glad he's back.
446
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,680
Great. What about what I want?
447
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,720
What do you want?
448
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,840
Yeah. Mm-hm.
449
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,560
- Yeah, that's good.
- Nice little chocolate.
450
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,600
Oh, boy, yeah. That's... That's...
451
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:03,840
That's good for starters, yeah.
452
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,640
(Nick) Mummy? Mummy?
453
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,680
Can I have a glass of water?
33724
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