All language subtitles for My Family - S04E04 - The Return of the Prodigal Prat

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic Download
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:19,600 Don't forget. Next weekend's the Thomasons' dinner party. 2 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,040 Yeah, you've been reminding me for a month. 3 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,400 I don't want you to wriggle out of it. 4 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,000 What's the point in living if you can't wriggle? 5 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,920 Honestly, sometimes I'm surprised you just don't slide off the sofa. 6 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,600 So, what do you want to do today? 7 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,640 I'm doing it. 8 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,320 You can't do the crossword all weekend. 9 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,960 - Though at the rate you're going... - I'm pacing myself. 10 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,000 I know. 11 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,120 Let's see that film with the three women who fall in love with the same man 12 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,280 only to become best friends when he dies. 13 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,160 I feel like I've just seen it. 14 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,680 We could always go to the Tate. We love the Tate. 15 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,720 You love the Tate. 16 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,760 I love the sofa. 17 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,840 - There are sofas at the Tate. - Yes, but no telly. 18 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,080 We'll compromise. I'll let you bring the remote. 19 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,000 Look, as the kids are not home, I thought... 20 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,920 you know, maybe you and I could just do, like, a little something together. 21 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,960 You know, just... 22 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,240 Just the two of us. 23 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,280 - Great. - Yeah. 24 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,920 Let's convert Nick's old bedroom into a nursery for Janey's baby. 25 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:37,280 How did a day of TLC suddenly turn into a weekend of DIY? 26 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,040 PMT. 27 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,160 You're always doing this to me! 28 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,320 Look, something's got to be done about Nick's room. 29 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,800 That carpet in there turned out to be lino. 30 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,760 We shouldn't have to do up Nick's room. We should seal it off. 31 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,160 The baby will need a place when Janey visits. 32 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,760 What's wrong with the laundry basket? 33 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,800 (Phone) 34 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,680 Hello? 35 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,160 Oh, hello, Mother. You sound happy. What's wrong? 36 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,640 Well, thanks so much for sharing. Goodbye. 37 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,800 What did Batwoman want? 38 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,120 She said you're dead. 39 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,640 She's only after my liver. 40 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,600 Apparently you've been listed as deceased in the obituaries. 41 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,120 What? What? 42 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,320 Ah. Here it is. 43 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,720 "Ben Harper. Warm, generous and loving father." 44 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,320 Well, that's obviously a mistake. 45 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,720 - Hang on, what was the cause of death? - Suicide. 46 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,760 Yup, sounds about right. 47 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,360 Just call the paper up and tell them it's a mistake. 48 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,680 Hang on. I won't be able to go to the Thomasons' dinner party. 49 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,000 - What? - Well, previous engagement with death. 50 00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,880 You will wear black, won't you? 51 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,080 You're taking this better than I expected. 52 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,240 I've got the perfect excuse for doing nothing! 53 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:11,480 Hey! Think of all the things I won't have to do now I'm dead! Ha! Oh, yes! 54 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:15,080 - I've dreamt of this day! - Don't even joke about it. 55 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:19,400 I'm not. God, death is liberating. Ah, yes, I've never felt this alive. 56 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,280 You claim the insurance and we'll fly to Mauritius. 57 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,640 I'll be working on the nursery. So will you. 58 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:29,320 Sorry, darling. You'll have to come to terms with this. I am at peace. 59 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,880 Hey, great news, kids! You're orphans. 60 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,680 ♪ Doo-be-doo-be 61 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,760 ♪ Doo-be-doo-be-doo ♪ 62 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,440 Hello, my good man. Thought I'd do the shopping early. 63 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,320 Shorter checkout queues. 64 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,680 Now, let's see... Lettuce. 65 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,720 Lettuce. Lettuce... 66 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,240 Can you direct me to the fruit and veg? 67 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,400 - I'm busy. - Service in here stinks. 68 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,640 (# Humming) 69 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,440 Ooh... 70 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,880 - Is this lasagne or fish? - What's it smell like? 71 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,160 - Fish. - Then it's lasagne. 72 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:44,400 If these ready meals don't improve, I shall be taking my business elsewhere. 73 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,920 What's Dad's best quality? 74 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,800 His feet. 75 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:58,000 Forget I asked. 76 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,120 Have you seen his feet? They're exquisite. 77 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,400 - What are you doing? - I'm writing Dad's funeral speech. 78 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,600 - Why? - You haven't heard? 79 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,480 You'd better take a seat. I... have some bad news. 80 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,320 Oh, my God, they've cancelled Countdown. 81 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,480 No, Dad's dead. 82 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,520 Mum finally snapped? 83 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,320 No. 84 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,360 This is so sudden. 85 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,040 There were so many things I wanted to say to him. 86 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,280 - Like you loved him. - That, too. 87 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,880 I suppose this means I'm lord of the manor now. 88 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,760 - I hardly think so. - This is no time for infighting. 89 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:41,160 We must keep the family afloat. Leave school. Get a job. We need the income. 90 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,120 - All right? - All right. 91 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,400 Dad, you came back... to tell me you love me. 92 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,200 Nick? Nick! Please, get off. 93 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,240 Get off, please. 94 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,920 - He said you were dead. - I am. Pretend I'm not here. 95 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,280 Same as always, then? 96 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,160 Right. 97 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,440 You have no idea how relieved I am. 98 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,080 - You have made a will? - I have. It consists of two words. 99 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,120 The second word is "you". 100 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,680 - Good. I'm entitled to the lion's share. - What? 101 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,080 Can't talk now. Got to go upstairs to the chemist. 102 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,160 Pffuh! 103 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,840 Oh, look! 104 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,880 I've found a pizza. 105 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,720 Whoa! 106 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,560 They don't even make that topping any more. 107 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,280 I need to microwave this. 108 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,760 Wow! 109 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,240 I love what you've done with the place. 110 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,680 Hello, dear. Do you like it? 111 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:03,280 Yeah, what's not to like? It's all so retro. 112 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:07,880 - Thought it was time for a change. - Yeah, couldn't agree more. Wow. 113 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:10,960 Ooh. 114 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:15,600 - I was worried you'd be upset. - You're kidding? I love farm animals. 115 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,640 Moo. 116 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,680 Baa-aa. 117 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,760 Cool. 118 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,920 Though I do think I'm a little old for stuffed toys. 119 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,920 Well, I'll keep the giraffe. 120 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,560 Nick, dear. This isn't for you. It's for Janey's baby. 121 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,680 But this is my room. 122 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,400 You've got your own place. 123 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,560 - Cos I moved out, I'm losing my home? - Oh, come on. 124 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,680 You'll always be my lickle boy. 125 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:47,120 - Coochy coochy coo. - That's supposed to make it all better? 126 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,040 It worked last week when you broke up with that girl. 127 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,760 Oh, my God, I feel faint. 128 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,360 Oh, God, Susan, aren't you going a bit overboard? 129 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,800 I don't even see why we need a nursery. 130 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,360 For when the baby visits Groovy Gran and the Grouch. 131 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,080 Dad's right, man. I want my room back. I want my room back. 132 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:12,680 It'll be great! Just like old times. Like days of yore. What do you say? 133 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,920 - No. - I know you need time to think it over. 134 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,600 - No. - I'll just fetch my things. 135 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,560 No, you can't stay here because, erm... I've set my heart on a nursery. 136 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,120 You have? 137 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,600 Yup, yup. What do you have to do to be heard in this house? 138 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,760 Good. Then you can help me hang the wallpaper. 139 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,760 (Chuckles) 140 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,360 You guys... You've had your fun. Where's the camera? 141 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:37,760 Nick... 142 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,800 it was your idea to move out. 143 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,400 No, it was mine. Credit where credit's due. 144 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,600 - So that's it? You're just kicking me out? - Not just. I did it months ago. 145 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,160 Kick Michael out. He's the black sheep. 146 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,960 You're all black sheep! 147 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,640 - Fine, I'll just be off, then. - OK, bye. 148 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,680 I think the cot should go here. 149 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,480 - Yup. - Back to my cold, dark flat. 150 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,040 - Maybe a changing table here. - Oh, yes. 151 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,080 Well, don't try and stop me. 152 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,440 Shall we go with fluffy clouds or rainbows? 153 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,760 (Nick) My mind's made up. 154 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,800 Clouds. 155 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,480 ♪ Uhhh... 156 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:32,360 ♪ Uh uh-uh, uh uh-uh, uh, uh, uh-uh uh 157 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,240 ♪ I'm... 158 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,440 ♪ Comin' up so you better get this party started 159 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,840 ♪ She's comin' up, she's comin' up 160 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:46,640 ♪ Comin' up so you better get this party started 161 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,800 (Shouts) # Get this party started on a Saturday night 162 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:55,200 ♪ Everybody's waiting for me to arrive 163 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,680 ♪ Sendin' out the message to all of my friends 164 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,840 ♪ We'll be gettin' flashy in my Mercedes Benz 165 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,360 ♪ I got lotsa style with my gold diamond rings... ♪ 166 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,400 (Screams) 167 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:10,920 You scared me. 168 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,960 Yeah, whatever. 169 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,000 Look, here's the deal. 170 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:20,000 I've got a plan to move back in, but don't tell the mother or the father. 171 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,120 So, what's your plan? 172 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,120 I just told you. 173 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,080 "Asegure la base 174 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:42,720 "del colchón en la posición más alta 175 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,480 "correcta o más baja." 176 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,680 (Spanner clangs) 177 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,720 Ah. 178 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,760 Ye-sss. 179 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,800 OK. 180 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,120 "Asegure los soportes 181 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,200 "intermedios inferiores en ambos... 182 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,920 "en ambos... ambos... 183 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,120 "extremos." 184 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,160 Yeah! 185 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,760 Well, that'll keep the baby locked up. 186 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,800 Screwdriver. 187 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,560 From here... 188 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,600 Er, no, no, no. 189 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,640 - No, spanner. - Psst. 190 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,040 Spanner? Spanner... 191 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,360 Hello? Spanner! 192 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,200 - So what do you think? - It's a really good eulogy. 193 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:01,200 I like the part where Ben rescues Churchill from the Nazis. 194 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,440 Well, I had to embellish a bit. 195 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,480 Oh? 196 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,240 So he didn't streak through Trafalgar Square? 197 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,280 No, that bit's true. 198 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,440 Mum? Erm... 199 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,160 What do you reckon Dad's best quality is? 200 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,080 - Me. - Other than you. 201 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,920 No. That's it. 202 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,960 (Doorbell) 203 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,320 Oh, hello, Mr Gleeson. What brings you round? 204 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,720 I saw the news in the paper, about Ben. 205 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,760 Oh, that? 206 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,400 It's nothing, really. Don't worry about it. 207 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:43,040 - What? - It did come as a bit of a shock. 208 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:47,120 - I can imagine. - You should have seen Ben's face! 209 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,880 I must say, you're handling it well. 210 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,920 No, I'm fine, really. 211 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,880 Ben's upstairs. 212 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,200 Yes, well, he's moved on. But what's important is you. 213 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:02,240 - No... I don't think you... - These are for you. 214 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:06,600 - Oh, how lovely. Roses. - I've always been terribly fond of you. 215 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,560 And now Ben's... moved on, I want you to know that I'm here for you. 216 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,440 Well, that's very nice, but... 217 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,320 Any time of the day. Or in the middle of the night. 218 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,520 - Well, that's very sweet... - You're a charming, intelligent woman 219 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,600 and, no disrespect to Ben, but he never deserved you. 220 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,040 Well, that is true. 221 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,920 If you need any help with chores, I'm right next door. 222 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,760 - I was noticing your lawn needs tending. - Really? 223 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,120 In fact, I'd be honoured to escort you at the funeral. 224 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,440 Maybe, after, we could go for a nice meal. 225 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,760 Well, th-that's very sweet 226 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,840 but I think I might need some time on my own. 227 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,240 - She's a very strong woman, your mum. - Yeah, well, it's... 228 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:53,440 - it's been hard on all of us. - Michael, you're not helping. 229 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,520 I'll never forget his last words. He said, "Son... 230 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,480 "if it's the last thing I do, I'll get you that Xbox." 231 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,080 What? You got roses. 232 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,600 (Ben) Well, this takes the biscuit! 233 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,200 So much for resting in peace. 234 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:24,040 Spot the deliberate mistake! 235 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,080 Oh, I love these games. 236 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,120 I know... 237 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,120 Your shoes are on the wrong feet. 238 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,520 No-o! 239 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,360 Calm down and try to speak without kicking anything. 240 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,720 I put this cot up and now it's unput! 241 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,560 Do you know anything about this, Michael? 242 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,840 - Michael? - You said to ignore you cos you're dead. 243 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,520 I suppose you've no idea what I'm talking about. 244 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,840 I never know what you're talking about. 245 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,960 That's why we let you live here. 246 00:14:56,040 --> 00:15:00,360 - Maybe you didn't put it together right. - I know how to put a cot together! 247 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,520 Did you follow the instructions? 248 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,640 I know how to put a cot together! 249 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,400 - What are those? - Flowers. 250 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,480 Huh-uh! I knew what you were talking about then! 251 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,040 Mr Gleeson heard you were dead, so he brought them over. 252 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,360 Oh, really? Oh, that tuppenny-ha'penny Lothario? 253 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:22,880 - I'm barely dead and he's moving in? - It's not like that. 254 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:27,720 He just said he would be glad to help with any chores now that you're gone. 255 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,920 What? You did tell him I'm alive? 256 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,240 I'm keeping my options open. 257 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,880 Does this mean I can call Mr Gleeson Dad? 258 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:41,440 That's it! I'm gonna give that vulture a piece of my mind. 259 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,800 OK. He's just outside mowing our lawn. 260 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,000 - (Whirr of mower) - Maybe I'll talk to him later. 261 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,600 Ahh. 262 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,160 (Chuckles) 263 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,200 Ha. 264 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,800 (Mimics Ben) Ahh-hh. 265 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,120 (Chuckles) 266 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,200 Ha. 267 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,240 Oh, yes. 268 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,520 Nope. 269 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,680 Ooh. 270 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,000 Ow. 271 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,040 - What's that? - Baby monitor. 272 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,080 That way, we can hear the baby. 273 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:12,520 The whole point in having a nursery is you don't hear the baby. 274 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,200 Is the merry widow enjoying her choccies? 275 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,240 Yum, yum. 276 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,200 Mr Gleeson, I presume. 277 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,280 No, Mr Murdoch from two streets away. 278 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,960 Oh, great. Now even people who don't know me are glad I'm dead. 279 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:32,560 It's your own fault. I told you to call the paper up and have it corrected. 280 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,800 - I've been too busy with your nursery. - Our nursery. 281 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,240 - How's it coming? - Rather brilliant. 282 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,960 Brilliant. Michelangelo couldn't have done better. 283 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,000 lf... if he could wallpaper. 284 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:48,160 Oh, yeah, makes the Sistine Chapel look like graffiti. 285 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,440 Wonderful. I can't wait to see it. 286 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,440 Actually, I thought I might show you, erm... 287 00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,480 something else. 288 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,000 Forget it. 289 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,040 I'm not into necrophilia. 290 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,360 Come on, come in. 291 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,560 - Come on! Keep your eyes closed. - Why? The room's dark. 292 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,800 No, I want you to get the full Ben Harper effect, baby. 293 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,840 Ha! The... 294 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,280 It is the Ben Harper effect. 295 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:25,240 - Absolutely nothing's been done. - No, no, this is weird. 296 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,880 - I spent all day doing this! - That's nothing to be proud of. 297 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,320 I did put up the wallpaper! I did put up the cot! 298 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,240 Maybe Michelangelo took it down, maybe he was jealous. 299 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,720 It's ghosts. Maybe the newspaper was right. Maybe... 300 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,280 I am dead and nothing I do affects the physical world. 301 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,120 That explains Thursday night. 302 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,800 I wasn't dead then. I was just tired. 303 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,560 Whatever. 304 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,920 It's like that Bruce Willis movie! 305 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:59,040 When he was dead and didn't know it. Yeah, yeah. I'm Bruce Willis. 306 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:01,880 Fat chance. 307 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:07,080 No, you're right, I'm better-looking, but... If I'm not dead, what's the explanation? 308 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,760 I've been asking myself that for years. 309 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,640 (Turns stereo off) 310 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,640 (Man) Ow-w! 311 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,520 Ow! 312 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,720 Nick? 313 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,760 (Silence) 314 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,080 (Groaning) 315 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,400 What are you doing in here? 316 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:39,080 I've moved back in. 317 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,720 - Under my bed. - I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. 318 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,760 I mean... 319 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,800 Hiding out. Never seeing daylight again. 320 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:54,240 Living every second of my life in fear that they... might find me. 321 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:04,000 - What are you doing? - I'm putting some of my feelings down. 322 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,760 I call it The Diary Of Nick Harper. 323 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,680 I brought you some food. 324 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,080 But I ate it on the way up. Sorry. 325 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:24,000 - What was it? - Takeaway Kung Po prawns 326 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,840 with just the slightest hint of ginger. 327 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,480 - Oh, I bet that was good. - Delicious. 328 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,120 Later on, I'm gonna sneak you up some pudding. 329 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,560 You're the best. 330 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,720 Look, Nick. I'm sorry. You can't stay here. 331 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,760 Well, maybe I could just bunk in with Abi. 332 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,800 No! 333 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,520 I mean... Yeah, you can. You can stay here. 334 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,640 - Just... for one night. - Wicked. 335 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,840 - Oh, Michael... - What? 336 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,760 Do you, er... still wet the bed? 337 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,720 Oh, hello. You must be Mr Freeman. 338 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,000 Yes. Where's Mr Harper? 339 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,040 Oh, erm... 340 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,080 He won't be coming in. 341 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,840 Bad news, I'm afraid. He's... passed on. 342 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,920 - Oh... - Don't worry about it. 343 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,960 I'm sure he's up there right now 344 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,000 giving God a root canal. 345 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,040 With extra Novocaine. 346 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,080 My filling fell out. 347 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,240 Yes, right, well... Let's have a look-see. 348 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,480 I warn you, dentists make me nervous. 349 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,520 Oh, don't worry about it. 350 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,800 Sometimes I make myself nervous! 351 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,680 I mean it. The only reason I'm here is the pain is unbearable. 352 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:06,680 Listen, I have got a little something that is guaranteed to help you relax. 353 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:13,640 - "Hello! I'm Dennis the Dentist." - Oh, Jesus! 354 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,000 Don't worry. Dennis the Dentist is here to cheer you up. 355 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,600 "I'm here to help you. 356 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,360 "Now... 357 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:25,120 "O-o-open wide and let me come inside!" 358 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,320 - I'd rather not. - It'll be fun. 359 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,360 What the hell is going on? 360 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,960 "Ben? You are alive!" 361 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,800 - Dennis? - Oh, thank goodness. 362 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,240 What are you doing to my surgery? Eh? 363 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,320 You've turned this into the tooth fairy's shag pad! 364 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,360 I thought you were dead. 365 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,280 I just thought... Well, it's such a horrible tragedy. 366 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,480 Why not make the best of it? 367 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,520 Get out. 368 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:59,680 Get out. Go on, get out! Take your smiley tooth with you. Go on! 369 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,000 Would it help if I say, "Oh, sorry"? 370 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,840 No. 371 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,160 What about Dennis? "I'm sorry, Ben." 372 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,160 Mwah! 373 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,200 Oh! 374 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:15,880 Ahh. 375 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,760 (Chuckle) 376 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,800 Oh. Ha... 377 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,840 Brilliant work, Susan. 378 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,320 - Need some help? - Oh, yeah, grab the other end. 379 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,560 I was just putting it back. Falling off. 380 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,960 Do you have anything to say for yourself? 381 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,800 - Well, your work's a bit shoddy. - Nick? 382 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,840 Mum, look, I'm sorry, 383 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,840 but I just want my room back the way it was. 384 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,880 - With me in it. - Nick, you've got your own place now. 385 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,040 Yeah, but it's not the same. I'm paying for it. 386 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,080 Come on, Mum. 387 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,840 All the baby will do is eat and sleep here. 388 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,880 I need much more attention. 389 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,160 Oh, you do need me, don't you? 390 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,440 Please let me come home. Please. Please, please, please. 391 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,480 Oh, Nick, you're so... 392 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:29,440 pathetic. 393 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,040 Oh, Mum... 394 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,400 Right, let me talk to your father. 395 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,320 What are you gonna say? 396 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,000 Wait until I get him into bed. I won't have to say anything. 397 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,640 Oh, I get it. The old horse's head trick. 398 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,440 (Clearing throat) 399 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:58,440 - Can I help you? - Yes, my name is Ben Harper. 400 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,400 Your newspaper recently listed me as deceased. 401 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,360 And the problem is? 402 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,400 I'd like you to fix it. 403 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:11,160 Why? We said some wonderful things. "Generous, loving..." 404 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,600 Skip to the bottom, where it says I'm dead. 405 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,720 - Well, it is an obituary. - I want my life back! 406 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,360 Fine, fine. Everybody wants something. 407 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,400 Ah, yes, there does seem to be a minor typographical error. 408 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,800 - Well, the name is very similar to yours. - Really? 409 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,120 Karim Abdul Ngolo? 410 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,360 Please don't touch my things. 411 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,400 Karim Abdul... Ben Harper. 412 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,520 - Oh! It's such an easy mistake. - Well, there you are, then. 413 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,440 - I demand you run a retraction. - Oh, sorry. No can do. 414 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:52,040 In order to request a retraction, you have to be alive. 415 00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:55,600 Unless this is hell, which it possibly is, I am very much alive! 416 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,040 Any next of kin who could corroborate that? Perhaps your wife? 417 00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:00,240 Mfamwe? 418 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:04,520 - You're touching my things again. - I will touch a lot more 419 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,560 if you don't fix it! 420 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,120 - Retraction done. - Good. 421 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,760 ♪ The wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one 422 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,440 ♪ I'm... the only one ♪ 423 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,840 - Hello. - Hello. 424 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:19,880 I've got a surprise for you. 425 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,920 I'm alive. 426 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,680 - Oh! - Mmm. 427 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,880 Well, I guess we don't need him any more. 428 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,320 (Thud) 429 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,600 I tell you what. How about taking my new life... 430 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:41,720 - Oh! ...for a test spin? 431 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,760 - You really are alive. - Mm-hm. 432 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,360 Well, I have a surprise for you. 433 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,400 Is it a good surprise 434 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,000 or a bad surprise? 435 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,600 Yes. 436 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,800 OK, now open your eyes. 437 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,000 Our little angel has moved back. 438 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,920 Isn't it wonderful? 439 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,120 Come on, then. Say something. 440 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,080 Well, I'm not changing him. 441 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,000 It's not fair. 442 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,000 I spent all my time and effort on that nursery 443 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,080 and Nick still manages to wriggle his way back in. 444 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,520 Only for a little while. Besides... 445 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,560 I'm glad he's back. 446 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,680 Great. What about what I want? 447 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,720 What do you want? 448 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,840 Yeah. Mm-hm. 449 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,560 - Yeah, that's good. - Nice little chocolate. 450 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,600 Oh, boy, yeah. That's... That's... 451 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:03,840 That's good for starters, yeah. 452 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,640 (Nick) Mummy? Mummy? 453 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,680 Can I have a glass of water? 33724

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.