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1
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,314
Probe.
2
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,550
Typical.
3
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:11,918
- Hand me the probe, please.
- That's just how it starts.
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,595
- "The probe."
- I'm sorry?
5
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,956
Next thing you'll want is... the mirror.
6
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,110
Yes, you're right.
7
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,395
You dentists are all the same.
8
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,109
Sorry, do you have some sort of problem
with dentists?
9
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,998
- You don't want to know.
- Yep, you're right there.
10
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,389
My ex-husband was a dentist.
11
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:36,155
I worked alongside him
faithfully for 15 years.
12
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,993
Only to be discarded like a used swab.
13
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,228
That reminds me. Swab, please.
14
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,232
You're all alike, you dentists,
15
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,312
with your fast cars and your fast women.
16
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:52,837
Which dental school
did your ex-husband actually go to?
17
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,990
You're just after one thing.
18
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,991
Yep. The swab.
19
00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:01,312
Thank you. Now, would you just
be quiet and do as you're told.
20
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,630
That's just what he said.
21
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,793
Just before he ran off with his young,
attractive dental assistant.
22
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,952
Well, there's no danger
of that happening here.
23
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,679
Are you saying
I'm not good enough for you?
24
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,069
I'm sorry what may have
happened in your past
25
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,470
but you have a job to do here and now.
26
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,552
Oh, right. Next you'll be saying
it's not me, it's you.
27
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,312
Nope, it's definitely you.
28
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,709
There are two in this relationship.
29
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,631
(Phone)
30
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,278
Yes?
31
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,836
Who is this?
32
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,750
(Laughs)
33
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,796
I don't think so.
34
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:45,230
- Who was that?
- She said she was a patient.
35
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,914
But I know she was another assistant.
36
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,231
Ah. Look, I'm sorry about this.
37
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,313
I've really tried but I'm afraid
this isn't working, is it?
38
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,960
That's what he said.
39
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:21,478
Janey! Janey, what the hell
are you doing in there?
40
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,393
(Janey) Flossing,
like you always tell us to.
41
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:28,951
Yes but recent tests prove that flossing
can be harmful to your health
42
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,429
when your father
wants to get in the bathroom!
43
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,954
- Oh, Dad.
- I've got to go to work!
44
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,270
- I've got to go to school!
- You hate school.
45
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:39,670
- You hate work. It's a draw.
- You're not being clever.
46
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,955
So how come I'm in here and you're not?
47
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,871
- Hello, Dad.
- Is it?
48
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,394
- Mind if I nip in first?
- Yes, I do mind.
49
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,836
- Oh, is there a queue?
- Yes, and this is a V.
50
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,718
Why don't you use your own loo?
51
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,793
- You know very well why.
- I'll take another look at it.
52
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:02,317
It was you taking a look at it that broke
the bloody thing in the first place.
53
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,552
Is there anything that still works
after you've looked at it?
54
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,676
The TV. Can I go in first?
55
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,990
No. You've got nothing else to do all day.
56
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,071
I have. I'm waiting in for the plumber.
57
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,799
(Janey) I'd be out quicker
if you two stopped talking.
58
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,348
What does she mean by that?
No. Don't answer.
59
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,874
- Ben?
- What?
60
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,871
May I have a word? In the bedroom?
61
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,394
- But I...
- It's private.
62
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,038
I'm...
63
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,554
Thanks, Dad.
64
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:33,438
Oh, Janey!
65
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,476
What?
66
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,516
Look. Janey's diary.
67
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:45,193
- Where did you get that?
- I found it.
68
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:49,478
You found it? In what sense, found?
69
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,791
Found as in fine-tooth comb search
of her possessions?
70
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,031
No, found in the sense
that Fleming discovered penicillin.
71
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,111
He was looking for something else.
72
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,395
What were you looking for?
73
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,233
What was Fleming looking for?
The point is I found it.
74
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:07,518
Eureka! Now put it back
before all hell breaks loose.
75
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,717
You don't want Janey to think you...
You've read it!
76
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:18,796
Yes, I did. And it's... it's horrible.
77
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,034
Why? What, erm... what's it say?
78
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,078
She says, "Mum doesn't trust me."
79
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,835
- And?
- Isn't that enough?
80
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,957
Well, you don't trust her!
You've read her diary!
81
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,996
The point is she's noticed.
82
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,072
How can we have the sort of
honest, open relationship
83
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,755
that allows confidences
between mother and daughter?
84
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,752
What the hell do you want to do that for?
85
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,956
So I know what she's up to, of course.
86
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,276
Well? What is she up to?
87
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,476
- Oh, the usual stuff.
- What?
88
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,232
What usual stuff?
89
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,118
I can't tell you that. It's private.
90
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,760
Yeah but I mean, does she...
You know, erm...
91
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,273
What?
92
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,828
- Er... you know. Nothing.
- OK.
93
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,674
- What does she say about me?
- Nothing.
94
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,637
- Nothing?
- Yes, nothing.
95
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,314
- But I'm her father!
- Look for yourself.
96
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,470
I don't want to get involved.
97
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,358
Maybe that's why Janey
doesn't mention you.
98
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:28,310
Oh, great. What a wonderful
sense of achievement. Yep.
99
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,678
Goodbye, brooding resentment.
Hello, total indifference.
100
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,312
Oh, for...
101
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,789
Nick! Nick!
102
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,077
I'd leave it for a couple of minutes
if I were you.
103
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,559
Why?
104
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,596
Because I'm next.
105
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,233
Michael!
106
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,116
- Wavy lines.
- No.
107
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,274
Wavy lines.
108
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,112
No.
109
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,556
Wavy lines?
110
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,957
No.
111
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,356
- Wavy lines.
- No.
112
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,236
- Wavy lines.
- No.
113
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,914
- Wavy lines.
- Yes!
114
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,668
Wow! Mum, I'm telepathic.
115
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,593
Then you'll know what I'm thinking.
116
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,353
Mum wants you to lay the table
while I get a beer.
117
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,193
- Hello, dear.
- Nice day at work?
118
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,590
I won't answer that
but I appreciate the question.
119
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,955
- So did the plumber turn up?
- No, he did not.
120
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,828
It's always the way. You take
a whole day off and what happens?
121
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,558
You tell me. You're the expert.
122
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,313
I had another go at fixing your toilet.
123
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,868
- Oh, God.
- No, no, no, Dad.
124
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,157
It's all right. It's just a bit cracked...
125
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,834
in half.
126
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,037
- But we're getting a new one.
- You idiot.
127
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,510
- I knew you'd say that.
- He's telepathic today.
128
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,312
Dad. Language.
129
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,277
- Hi, Mum.
- Hello, dear.
130
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,511
- Hi, Janey.
- Mum, I got an A for my French project.
131
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,989
That's wonderful! Well done!
132
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,798
- You got an A?
- Thanks, Mum.
133
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:28,350
- Are you sure?
- If she says she did, she did.
134
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:33,036
It's a matter of trust. I've always felt
one should trust one's children.
135
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,350
Where did you read this, then?
136
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,159
- I didn't read it.
- You just found it?
137
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,913
I simply engage with my children,
138
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,878
and in return, they notice me.
139
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,076
What are you doing in there?
140
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:50,233
There's a bit of old pizza
stuck to the back wall.
141
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,833
Got it.
142
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,913
That's the most revolting thing
I've ever seen.
143
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,070
That's because you're out all day.
144
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,038
Mum, can I have a party
because I got an A for French?
145
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:05,113
That's how it works, is it?
A for French, P for party.
146
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,998
- N for no.
- Course you can have a party.
147
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,071
Doesn't anyone listen to me?
148
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,912
How about next Saturday?
149
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,434
Your father and I are staying in Oxford.
150
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,637
- Are you mad?
- You'd let me have a party?
151
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,790
- While you're not here?
- Why not?
152
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:24,192
You don't want your stuffy
old parents checking up on you.
153
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,794
Hello! Do I exist?
154
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,916
What sort of party will it be?
155
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,879
I'll tell you. Ear-splitting music,
stains on the carpet,
156
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,997
peeing in the shrubbery,
groping in the bedrooms.
157
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:41,234
- Should I be taking notes?
- Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on things.
158
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,437
- Yeah, like you're invited.
- I know lots of boys.
159
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,636
Nick will keep an eye on things.
160
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,757
Great. All my fears have vanished
as the morning dew.
161
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,877
- I'll be there as well.
- You'll be staying at Colin's.
162
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,712
Colin's? I don't like Colin.
163
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,997
Start liking him or I'll tell kids
you still wet the bed.
164
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,878
- I don't still wet the bed.
- Who are they gonna believe?
165
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:03,758
Fine. I'll put your
passport photo on the Internet.
166
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,478
Michael!
167
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,596
- So that's agreed.
- No, it's not.
168
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,319
I'm sorry. No.
I'm not happy about this.
169
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,595
I've said my piece. You know how I feel.
170
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:15,478
But if you want to go ahead
with this party, go ahead.
171
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,232
Go on. It's fine.
172
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,995
Just trample over the tattered
remnants of my dignity.
173
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,674
- Thanks, Dad!
- Yay! Party!
174
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,673
No.
175
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:41,111
Stop it. We made our decision.
We've got to stick to it.
176
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,875
- You made our decision.
- And I'm happy with it.
177
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,269
Really? Good.
178
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,154
You're happy that our teenage daughter
and her airhead friends
179
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,754
are alone with a bunch of spotty herberts
180
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,877
high on testosterone. Good.
181
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,590
- Be like a monkey house.
- Oh, for God's sake.
182
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,636
Could you suffer in silence?
183
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,632
- Let it eat away inside me?
- That's what I'm doing.
184
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,871
Try lying to yourself.
Life's much easier that way.
185
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,669
So when you said you were happy,
you were lying to yourself?
186
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,194
No, I was lying to you.
187
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,795
I knew I should have kept
that manual when I married you.
188
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,394
Mrs Norton's got my mobile number.
189
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,994
If anything goes wrong, she'll call us.
190
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,629
We've done all we can.
We might as well enjoy the evening.
191
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,716
And you believe that?
192
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,870
Course not. I'm lying.
193
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:39,397
Oh, boy. It's going to be
a really long journey, this one.
194
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,552
There's an off-licence.
We'd better get a bottle.
195
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,438
Considering your mood,
we'd better get a crate.
196
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:56,116
- Is there anything else?
- There just has to be.
197
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,470
Somewhere.
198
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,438
- Whassup!
- Whassup!
199
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,476
Going to a party in London tonight.
200
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:08,235
- It's a long way to go.
- This one is gonna be wild.
201
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,039
Some girl has been given
the run of her house.
202
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,156
- Parents gone away overnight.
- Idiots!
203
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,118
They'll be left with
every drunken yob within miles.
204
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:20,876
Too right! Do you want to come, mate?
It is gonna be wall-to-wall totty.
205
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,473
(Both) Wicked!
206
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:26,155
Get there early while
there's something left to trash.
207
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,956
What will we tell the Patersons?
208
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,112
That we had to prevent
the four horsemen of the apocalypse
209
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,954
from trashing our house
and we may be a bit late.
210
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,996
You're being ridiculous.
211
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,640
There are thousands
of parties in London.
212
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,790
- It won't be our house.
- Course it is.
213
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:49,509
They said the girl's parents were idiots.
214
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,751
We'll have a quick look round, that's all.
215
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,549
- What if Janey sees us?
- We'll say we've forgotten something.
216
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,438
Oh, right. Like the fact that we trust her.
217
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:04,150
It's our house. They're our children.
Why shouldn't we go back and...
218
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,549
- Spy on them.
- Yeah. No.
219
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,756
If we're open about it.
220
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:14,311
You know. Just show them that we care.
221
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,550
See if everything's hunky-dory.
222
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,110
What else can they do
but respect our frankness?
223
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,077
Honesty.
224
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,153
- Best if we park round the corner.
- Yeah.
225
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,230
Can't hear anything. Can you?
226
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,914
- No.
- That's good.
227
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,991
- No, that's bad.
- Hm?
228
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,674
If there's no music, they're not dancing.
229
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,389
If they're not dancing,
what are they doing?
230
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,190
Conducting a satanic ritual?
231
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,316
I hadn't thought of that.
232
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,392
- Are you insane?
- Just one little look.
233
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:56,110
- Lot's wife said the same.
- Come on. Don't fight it.
234
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,760
This could be
your only chance to find out
235
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,752
what your kids get up to
when you're not there.
236
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,278
What's the harm in one little look?
237
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,474
You know you want to.
238
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,155
Strange. No Janey, no Michael, no Nick.
239
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:28,791
Under any other circumstances,
that would be my idea of paradise.
240
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:40,753
- Where is everybody?
- You remember teenage parties.
241
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,637
I know where they'll be.
242
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,029
- The pub.
- The bedrooms.
243
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,671
We've got to get out of here
before the guests arrive.
244
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,911
Come in, guys.
The drinks are in the kitchen.
245
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,436
Where's the wrinklies?
246
00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,909
Nice gaff.
247
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,436
Look what you've done. We're stuck.
248
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:10,752
Calm down! We just go down
and explain what we're doing here
249
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,592
then walk out, heads high.
250
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,592
Over my dead body.
It was a figure of speech.
251
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:19,958
- It's only Janey.
- Who already thinks I don't trust her.
252
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,555
If she catches me here,
she'll lose any respect for me she had
253
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,997
and all the responsibility of keeping her
in line will be on your head.
254
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,514
Yep, you're right. We're stuck here.
255
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,037
- Oh, God. This is awful.
- It's not that bad.
256
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,556
I can't stand the Patersons.
We're all alone, aren't we?
257
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,790
In our bedroom.
258
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,269
It's a nice bit of peace and quiet.
259
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,397
(# Drumbeat thumping)
260
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,471
- Oh, God.
- Oh, please.
261
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,473
It's all right. I've got a way out of this.
262
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,790
- Drink!
- We can't start drinking wine!
263
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,472
We haven't got a corkscrew.
264
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,597
Fear not, fair lady.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
265
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,989
- That's a pencil.
- Whatever.
266
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:05,038
- Just push the cork in like so and...
- (Phone)
267
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,595
Hello?
268
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,150
Hello, Mrs Norton. It's Mrs Norton.
269
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:20,394
I thought I better let you know
that the music is a bit loud.
270
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:24,439
- Is it?
- You can't hear it from there?
271
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,353
It would be odd
if we could hear it in Oxford.
272
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,796
- Because that's where we are.
- Yes, I know that.
273
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,474
Well, I'll tell Janey to turn it down.
274
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,835
On the phone. From Oxford.
275
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,673
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
276
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,797
It sounds pretty noisy
where you are, too.
277
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,632
Yes. A car radio.
278
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,951
(Stuttering) Ooh, I'm losing you.
We're going into a tunnel.
279
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,918
Tunnel? In Oxford?
280
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,956
You've got it.
281
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,315
Look at this. Easy as...
282
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,435
Just as you predicted -
283
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,795
ear-splitting music, stains on the carpet.
284
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:06,432
What was next on the list?
Ah, yes. Groping in the bedroom.
285
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:10,229
- I give good list.
- So I believe.
286
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,072
- Red or white?
- White.
287
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,674
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
288
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,433
(Giggles)
289
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,274
I feel like a naughty teenager!
290
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,715
I could pop downstairs and get you one.
291
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,153
(Door opens)
292
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,037
You can put your things in here.
293
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,190
Cheers. Thanks.
294
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,197
You know, if you want,
you could put your things in my room.
295
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,999
Is it true that you still wet the bed?
296
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,272
Janey!
297
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,556
(# Thumping dance music)
298
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,553
Who'd have thought a kid
would bring food to a party?
299
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,835
Kids today are ready for anything.
300
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,036
- Oh, God.
- What?
301
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,873
When you start saying "kids today"
you're getting old.
302
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,552
You are...
303
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:07,237
mistaken in mistakenly thinking
you are getting old.
304
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,993
You say the nicest things
in the most convoluted way.
305
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,310
I'm so glad to hear it.
306
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,516
I fancy a bit of dessert.
307
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,075
So, I wonder if the kid's got any fruit.
308
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,512
Oh, yeah. Strawberry-flavoured...
309
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,595
You're so right. Kids today
don't forget anything, do they?
310
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,194
That's good. They're being sensible.
311
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,272
No, that's bad. He should have
taken them with him.
312
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,271
Look out!
313
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,271
- That was close.
- This is ridiculous, Susan.
314
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,749
We're in our own bed, we're married,
315
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,751
and we're afraid of getting caught?
316
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,718
I know. Exciting, isn't it?
317
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,554
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
318
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,916
- What are you doing?
- Let's just see what turns up.
319
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,389
- Come on, Kevin.
- It's Declan.
320
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,391
Yeah, whatever.
321
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,594
Oi! This is my parents' room!
What are you doing?
322
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,875
- What does it look like?
- Get out.
323
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,709
You'll probably break the bed.
No one's had sex in it for years.
324
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,950
Bloody pigs!
325
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,993
This is awful.
326
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,833
It's you who got us back here.
And all for nothing.
327
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,354
She's being perfectly responsible.
328
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:45,036
Now we're stuck in our own bedroom
being groped by randy teenagers
329
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:48,669
and listening to jokes about
our waning sexual powers.
330
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:52,036
- Things couldn't get worse.
- Yeah, they could.
331
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,716
I want to go toilet.
332
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,153
(# Dance music)
333
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,352
So. Looks like it's just you and me, then.
334
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,111
No. Just you.
335
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,033
Ben, you cannot use that bathroom.
336
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:34,238
The water's turned off
and the toilet's got a great crack in it.
337
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,676
- You can't use that one either!
- Why not?
338
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,910
- If Janey sees you?
- She'll get over it.
339
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,672
Well, I won't!
340
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,514
It's 11:30. The party will be over by 3:00.
341
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:49,718
- It's only another four hours.
- All right, fine.
342
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,794
- So what do you do?
- I'm at school.
343
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,633
Yeah? Did that once.
344
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,800
- So what do you do?
- I'm an astronaut.
345
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,832
We don't have astronauts here.
346
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:12,074
Yeah, we do.
There's that European Space... thingy.
347
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,948
Uh-huh. So how many times
have you been into space?
348
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,317
It's kind of top secret
and I don't like to brag.
349
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,153
Too bad. That would really turn me on.
350
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,674
Seven.
351
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,149
In fact, I'm going up tomorrow.
352
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,549
Tonight is my last night on Earth.
353
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,393
This isn't some sort
of bad chat-up line, is it?
354
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,477
Time will tell.
355
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,075
So, do you really want to sleep with me?
356
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,549
Because Janey told me you were gay.
357
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,757
I just haven't met the right woman yet.
358
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,916
Maybe in space.
359
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,310
Or down here with you.
360
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,436
Was I even close?
361
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,839
I could use the basin.
Why not the basin?
362
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:15,789
No. This isn't the Young Conservatives
dinner dance.
363
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:22,035
Susan, just work with me on this, OK?
These are desperate times.
364
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,635
The water's off.
The toilet's broken. Live with it.
365
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,871
- Ben!
- I'm just looking for a vase.
366
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,871
(Phone)
367
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,868
Hello? Oh, hello, Mrs Norton.
368
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,349
Everything all right?
369
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,079
Oh, dear. Is it still too loud?
370
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,794
Well, I wouldn't know, being in Oxford.
371
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,394
Yes, that's all very well but I...
372
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,038
Oh.
373
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:54,032
That is disgraceful!
374
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,680
There's somebody upstairs.
375
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,399
He's... He's...
376
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,231
He's urinating out of the window.
377
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,872
Ben!
378
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,032
Argh!
379
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,710
There's a woman there now.
380
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:21,954
She's slammed the window on him!
He looks jolly angry.
381
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,952
And now they're having a blazing row.
382
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,634
- I can't stop me in the middle!
- You upset people.
383
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,269
- I don't care what they think.
- That's why I had to do it.
384
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:34,750
I'm going to use the other bathroom
because I have to do it.
385
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,037
- You can't!
- You just watch me!
386
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,111
Ben! No, Ben!
387
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,677
You all right, Declan?
388
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,716
(Vomits)
389
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,836
That is marvellous.
390
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,955
Just great. Soaked to the skin.
391
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,994
- (Knocking)
- (Girl) Hello!
392
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,594
Anyone in there?
393
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,552
Janey, the door's locked and I
don't think anyone's in there.
394
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,995
It's always happening. Here. Let me.
395
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,553
- That's disgusting!
- Oh, God!
396
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,397
All yours.
397
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:52,192
- (Knocking)
- Come in.
398
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,589
- All right?
- You all right? You pulled yet?
399
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,797
- Yeah. Kevin. And Declan.
- Oh. Nice.
400
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,838
Someone's twisted my bra strap.
Would you have a look?
401
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,148
Sure.
402
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,710
When will they learn?
It's not like opening a can of lager.
403
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,473
- Are there any towels in here?
- I don't know.
404
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,074
- Hello.
- Enjoying the party?
405
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,913
- Yeah, it's great.
- Except for Declan.
406
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,878
- Have you seen his piercing?
- No. Where?
407
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,793
- On his... you know.
- Oh, my God. Why?
408
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,474
So you can find it!
409
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,671
Janey, I can't find any soap.
410
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,399
There'll be some by the bath. Hang on.
411
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,794
Does anyone mind if I use the toilet?
412
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,189
It's only a number one.
413
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,998
- Hello, girls.
- Oh, in your dreams.
414
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,436
Yes!
415
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,352
Nick!
416
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,919
Oh, hi, Dad.
417
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,753
Nick, I need your help.
418
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,832
- Pardon?
- I need your help, Nick.
419
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,036
- Once more?
- Oh, for God's sake.
420
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,951
Sorry. I was enjoying that.
421
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,077
Janey has taken all my clothes
422
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,879
and then all these girls
started, you know...
423
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,315
Dad, we've all been there.
424
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,277
Nick, just get me a towel.
425
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,149
Oh, good.
Are you doing this deliberately?
426
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,674
- Yeah.
- Get me a towel, Nick.
427
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,756
Come on!
428
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:14,868
You've got to get me back
to my bedroom without Janey noticing.
429
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,236
- What's in it for me?
- Someone's life is at stake.
430
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,311
- Oh, yeah? Whose?
- Yours!
431
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,391
- (Knocking)
- Nick! Hurry up!
432
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,436
Declan's about to be sick!
433
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,431
He's a bottomless pit!
434
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,272
Won't be a second!
435
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,430
- What do I do now?
- Just a minute.
436
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:34,195
- Aren't you supposed to be in Oxford?
- (Groans)
437
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,236
All right.
438
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,955
All you do is climb out the window,
shimmy up the drainpipe,
439
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,838
keep a firm grip on the guttering above,
440
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,876
slide, swing your left leg across
441
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,838
and there you are
at your bedroom window.
442
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,275
- What?
- It always works for me.
443
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,316
- Yeah.
- (Knocking)
444
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,914
- Nick, I have to come in!
- Dad, just trust me!
445
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,911
That's it. I'm staying.
446
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,719
(Janey) Nick, I'm gonna
let him puke in your room!
447
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,758
- Just a minute!
- Come on. Let's go.
448
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,149
OK. Let's go. Let's go.
449
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:07,992
I've got it. Yep.
450
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,470
- Dad, stay there.
- You're gonna have to pull me back.
451
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,393
- Pull me back!
- OK, Dad.
452
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,516
I've got you. I've got you.
453
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,036
Oh, dear.
454
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,276
Sorry about that, Dad.
455
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,390
Hi, darling.
456
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,230
(Phone)
457
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,477
Hello, Mrs Norton.
458
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,278
Oh, hello, Janey.
459
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:49,316
How's it...
460
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,229
Your father's where?
461
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,350
He's doing what?
462
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,598
How extraordinary.
463
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,908
Yes, I can see why you're upset.
464
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:10,039
Don't worry.
I'll come and sort it out at once.
465
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,310
Except I can't.
466
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,078
Because I'm in Oxford.
467
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,913
And your father's taken the car.
468
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,912
So I'll see you in the morning.
469
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,036
Give my love to Dad.
470
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,629
(Sighs)
35302
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