Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,676
Toast. I've told you about
painting nails at the table.
2
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,433
- I wasn't listening.
- Where are my football boots?
3
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,239
- Where did you last see them?
- On my feet.
4
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,232
So wise so young,
they say, do not live long.
5
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,312
- What?
- I am not your slave.
6
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,675
Nick! Breakfast!
7
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,548
Congratulations, you've woken up
every Nick in the world.
8
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:36,236
- Except one.
- Ah, purple? That's nice.
9
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,676
Gives you that
"fingers slammed in the car door" look.
10
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,558
- Mazda or BMW?
- Off!
11
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,551
- Hi, Nick.
- Erm...
12
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,074
Hi, Janey.
13
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,957
- Dad.
- No.
14
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,474
- What?
- I expect your next question
15
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,357
begins with "Can I have?"
16
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,954
Wrong, it begins with "Can you lend?"
17
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,315
Funny, they both end with "No".
18
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,517
- I want to borrow your laptop.
- I gave you the old one.
19
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,592
- It doesn't work.
- Nor do you, you're compatible.
20
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,955
Why do you always give me
broken things?
21
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,554
- You always break them.
- I didn't break it.
22
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,358
It just got a little damp.
23
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,079
Portable does not mean submergible.
24
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,436
- It wasn't in the instructions.
- You didn't read them.
25
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,829
I didn't want to get the pages wet.
26
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,558
I'll quit while I'm ahead.
27
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,791
Shall I book the restaurant
before or after the film?
28
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,871
You didn't tell me we had plans tonight.
29
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,520
I left a note on the fridge, I told Brigitte
30
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,353
and I wrote it in lipstick
on the bathroom mirror.
31
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,078
I need more than hints, Susan.
32
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,594
I hope my next husband
has your sense of humour.
33
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,355
Mr Unsworth broke a tooth,
he can only come in this evening.
34
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,000
Why don't we go out tomorrow night?
35
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,594
All right.
36
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,717
- Excuse me?
- I said all right.
37
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,758
Stop laying the guilt trip on me, OK?
38
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,310
If I let Unsworth down again,
he'll go somewhere else.
39
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,358
- All I said was, "All right."
- There you go again,
40
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,432
it's guilt, guilt, guilt.
It's unbearable.
41
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,717
- You must be really upset.
- Ben, I understand.
42
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,075
- I'm not upset.
- Mum! Football boots!
43
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,276
Take some responsibility for yourself!
44
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,828
Why are you angry with him
and not with me?
45
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,673
Because with him there's still a point.
46
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,469
Oh, right! Good, good.
47
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,471
Good luck, Michael.
48
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,438
- Mum, you're too good for him.
- I know.
49
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,080
And you still can't borrow the laptop.
50
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,312
- Et tu, Mum?
- If you need a computer, use Michael's.
51
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,834
Cos it's sort of personal.
52
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,354
Not chatting up girls
on the internet again?
53
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,908
Again? You've done
this kind of thing before?
54
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,718
Yeah, and it worked really well.
55
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,710
Talia, her name was.
19-year-old cellist from Prague.
56
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,189
We had a rewarding e-relationship going.
57
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,750
Until Talia turned out
to be a 48-year-old gas fitter
58
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,910
called Stuart from Sunderland.
59
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,273
All right, so he was a man.
60
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,874
Meant a lot to me while it lasted.
61
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:04,037
You know parents say
they'll love you no matter what?
62
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,793
They're lying.
63
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,475
I don't think it's a good idea,
you might end up with a stalker.
64
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:13,711
I'm getting one just thinking about it.
65
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,837
Look at it this way, Mum.
Say I did meet the right girl.
66
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,708
We might get married, her dad
might offer me a job in the family firm
67
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,518
which would mean I'd move out.
68
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:26,513
(Ben) The laptop's in
the living room desk, top drawer.
69
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,915
- No school today?
- I've got the dentist.
70
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,797
Oh, great... What do you mean?
71
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,758
I'm the dentist!
I can't remember booking you in
72
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,071
unless the prospect was
so awful I screened you out.
73
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,390
I booked her into another dentist.
74
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,233
- You did what?
- She's waited for six months
75
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,390
but you keep fobbing her off.
76
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,597
I do not, I've been fobbing her forward.
77
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:54,390
If we wait that long, she'll be able to
take her teeth out and post them to you.
78
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:58,234
- Paying patients come first.
- That's right.
79
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,710
- Family always come second.
- Against TV, golf and football
80
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,631
that's not bad going.
81
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,951
Did you find this dentist
on a card in a phone box?
82
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,110
- Yellow Pages.
- Oh, Yellow Pages!
83
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,555
They don't take anyone in Yellow Pages.
84
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,791
Calm down, Dad,
one dentist is much like another.
85
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,314
They most certainly are not!
86
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,676
No, you're right.
Some dentists aren't rude, grumpy
87
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,194
and think an effective painkiller
is "Shut up!"
88
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,431
It is effective. It makes me feel better.
89
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:33,435
Another dentist! Have you ever heard
anything so disloyal?
90
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,954
- I think it's a disgrace.
- Thank you.
91
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,758
- At last someone agrees.
- No,
92
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,798
it's a disgrace you can't
make time for your children.
93
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,872
Like the story of the cobbler's children
who had no food.
94
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,430
It's the story of the cobbler's
children who had no shoes.
95
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,559
That makes no sense,
their dad was a cobbler.
96
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:55,918
Let me tell you the story of
the dental assistant who had no job.
97
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,797
OK, how does that one go?
98
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,952
The problem with chatting
to a girl on the internet
99
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,952
is they miss out on
the full Nick Harper experience.
100
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,395
The piercing blue eyes, the easy smile.
101
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,436
The smell?
102
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,193
Yeah, all the intangibles. It's tricky.
103
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:19,114
Girls are impressed when boys
take an interest in their clothes.
104
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,758
Great, thanks.
105
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:23,593
Why not ask her what colour
her knickers are?
106
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,918
- My teeth look wonderful.
- They're yellow.
107
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,991
No, they're pearlescent.
108
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,230
No, Isabelle's knickers.
109
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,993
She told you? What a slag!
110
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,957
Yeah!
111
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,749
Sure it's not Stuart from Sunderland
back for another pop?
112
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:45,391
No, she's French, she's called Isabelle,
she's a swimwear model
113
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,836
and her father is chairman
of a major electronics business.
114
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,230
Does the phrase "pull the other one"
mean anything to you?
115
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,959
Oh, you think she's got a sister?
116
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,399
Hello.
117
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,670
Hello.
118
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,796
What is that?
119
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:26,590
- It's a rabbit.
- I can see it's a rabbit but what is it?
120
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,956
Well, I wanted a rabbit
so I bought a rabbit.
121
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,156
You didn't ask our permission.
122
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,959
Well, I'm rebelling.
123
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,838
A rebel with a rabbit.
124
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,509
You told me to
take more responsibility.
125
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,318
I say a lot of things.
126
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,551
I told your father
he looked good in a tank top.
127
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,596
It's a symbol of my independence.
128
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,433
That's nice, dear.
Take it back to the shop.
129
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,557
If you make me take it back,
I'll never believe you again.
130
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:58,553
I'll become aimless and remote,
my schoolwork will suffer.
131
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,312
He'll become another Nick.
132
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,954
Welcome to your new home.
133
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,349
- Keep it away from the food.
- Yeah.
134
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,113
We don't want to kill it on its first day.
135
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,229
Stop admiring your teeth
and eat something.
136
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,278
Mel says you've got to love yourself
before others can love you.
137
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,316
Well, keep trying.
138
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,279
- What is this?
- Toad in the hole.
139
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,078
But we don't have any sausages.
140
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,228
So it's just hole?
141
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,718
It's not just hole, it's French.
142
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,950
It's toad en vacances.
143
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,435
- Hello.
- Good evening.
144
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,593
Nice to meet you. I'm Susan Harper
and these are your children.
145
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,240
- (All) Hello!
- All right, I'm late
146
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,993
but it's the only time
some people can come in.
147
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,197
And don't ask me
what sort of day I've had.
148
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,271
OK, I'll tell you anyway.
149
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,830
- In a word, bloody awful.
- That's two words.
150
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,754
And I've got another two words for you.
151
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,071
- Do I get dinner?
- That's four words.
152
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,958
- It's in the kitchen.
- Oh, it's in the kitchen.
153
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,271
- Any specific location?
- On the counter.
154
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,237
Ah.
155
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,719
I think it needs to go in for a bit longer.
156
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,109
Janey, what are you doing?
157
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,714
Mel says water should
be savoured like a fine wine.
158
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:37,759
Who is Mel? And why is she suddenly
the font of all girlie wisdom?
159
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:41,594
- Mel is a he.
- (Chuckles) Ah, a he!
160
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:45,309
How lovely. You can bring
your new friend round for tea,
161
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:49,678
and, if he's anything like the last one,
he can bring his probation officer.
162
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,070
It's not like that. It's Mel -
Mel Fraser, my dentist.
163
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:59,679
Oh, yes. Mr Dial-A-Dentist.
164
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,239
Mr Fillings In A Jiffy
165
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,118
And A Free Travel Clock
On Your Third Visit.
166
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,509
Dad, he's cool. He's got an earring.
167
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,831
Oh, an earring?
That's some marvellous qualifications.
168
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,912
In dentistry
that's the equivalent of an OBE.
169
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,878
- And he's from Australia.
- Oh, he's an Australian?
170
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,793
That completely revises
my opinion of him,
171
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,871
how could I be so blinkered?
172
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,474
- You're just jealous.
- Why should I be jealous?
173
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:27,109
Because you see dentistry
as a dark and horrible wasteland
174
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:31,830
whereas Mel sees dentistry as a calling,
filled with life, joy and hope.
175
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,388
He's obviously doing it wrong!
176
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:41,037
- Let it go.
- I... I can't.
177
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,634
What exactly is it that's bothering you?
178
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,395
- She's my little girl.
- So now she's your little girl.
179
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:53,632
Yesterday she was an
"airheaded shopping machine from hell."
180
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,280
I can't help being multilayered.
181
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,436
Aren't you overreacting?
182
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:03,229
- She's had crushes before.
- This is a dentist.
183
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:07,518
- It's still a schoolgirl crush.
- But where could it lead?
184
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,113
Oh, Ben.
185
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,988
She's brushing so hard she could
damage her epithelial cuff.
186
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,113
- Are you sure?
- I'm a professional.
187
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,715
If you feel so strongly about it,
talk to her.
188
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,995
Sit her down, father to daughter,
189
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,719
and explain how you feel.
190
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,234
You're right, I'm overreacting.
191
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,629
Things will look different in the morning.
192
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,439
Yeah. Usually worse.
193
00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:35,431
Good night.
194
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,876
I read that the older you get,
the less sleep you need.
195
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:48,756
Really? What are you supposed
to do with all that extra time?
196
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,308
I've got a few ideas.
197
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,870
- I'm always open to ideas.
- That's not true
198
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,916
but I'm not going to argue.
199
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,637
- Oh, my God.
- What's wrong?
200
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,553
- That molar, upper right five.
- What about it?
201
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,234
You've had the cracked filling repaired.
202
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,119
Have I?
203
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,512
The tongue never lies, Susan.
204
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:41,918
- Let me have a look. Open up.
- No, what are you doing?
205
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,956
What do you think I am, a horse?
206
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,911
I don't believe it!
207
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,116
That is not my handiwork!
208
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,718
Oh, my God! Oh, my God,
anything but that!
209
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,156
You've been seeing another dentist!
210
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,038
Of course I have.
I told you a dozen times
211
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,554
about that filling
and you never did anything.
212
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,359
- I was busy!
- I have needs, Ben!
213
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:13,558
I turn my back for one moment
and you sneak off to see someone else.
214
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,074
You couldn't wait, could you?
215
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,476
Oh, come on, Ben.
216
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,951
It was one time.
217
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,589
Yeah, yeah, this is where it starts,
isn't it, Susan?
218
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,198
It didn't mean anything.
219
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,829
It didn't mean anything?
220
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,836
What was he like?
221
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,589
Excuse me?
222
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,910
Was he good?
223
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,833
- He was all right.
- What, better than me?
224
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,236
Different.
225
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,438
What was different?
Was it his technique?
226
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,510
Or his equipment?
227
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,798
Well...
228
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,556
he did take a lot more time than you.
229
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,313
We are still talking dentistry, aren't we?
230
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,676
- Of course we are.
- Susan, how could you?
231
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,433
My own wife and Surfing Mel.
232
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,080
- Where are you going?
- I just...
233
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,196
can't look at you at the moment.
234
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,437
I mean, you can see why
I'm so hurt, can't you?
235
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:40,594
Sure, I'm a husband and a father
but above all, I'm a dentist.
236
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,830
A family dentist.
237
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:46,276
That's what I do. That's what I am.
238
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,438
And if my family can't respect me
as a husband or a father
239
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:57,036
then surely they can respect me
as a family dentist, otherwise...
240
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,031
what's the point of me?
241
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,680
Hm?
242
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,398
No point.
243
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,472
Chuck-a-chuck-a-chuck.
244
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,313
Hey, fancy another?
245
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:13,029
Come on, let your fur down, yeah?
246
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,871
You know, we're quite alike, me and you.
247
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,793
Yeah.
248
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,269
I mean...
249
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:27,035
No, I mean,
we're different backgrounds...
250
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,112
Me a professional man
with a family and a home,
251
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:34,557
you a bunny rabbit with long floppy ears
and a twitchy nose but...
252
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,076
we're quite alike.
253
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,156
You know why?
254
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,679
Because we both live in cages.
255
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,356
That's right.
256
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,908
Except you can't see the bars in mine.
257
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,352
Oh, yes, I think I've had enough.
258
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,556
It's funny.
259
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,598
Hannibal's looking
really tired this morning.
260
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,831
Like someone kept him up all night.
261
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,115
Really? How strange.
262
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,796
Has that rabbit been
in its cage all morning?
263
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,192
- They're just raisins.
- Oh, yeah?
264
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,191
I think.
265
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,432
Morning, Mike. Morning, Dad.
266
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,954
Just been chatting to Isabelle.
267
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,871
We've got so much in common.
268
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,428
Yeah? Well, you both stand up to pee.
269
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,878
- Look, Dad, she is not a man.
- Mm-hm?
270
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,351
Look... she emailed me this photo, yeah?
271
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,159
- Hmm.
- All right, Janey?
272
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,076
- Who is that?
- It's Isabelle.
273
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,628
It looks nothing like a gas fitter.
274
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:59,474
No, Dad - Isabelle.
French, fabulous, female.
275
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,039
- Fraud.
- Huh?
276
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,556
Look, last month's copy of Vogue,
your picture of Isabelle.
277
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,915
Notice any resemblance?
278
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,672
So?
279
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,275
She's a model who
happens to appear in Vogue.
280
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,352
Let it go, Nick. The word trust
isn't in their vocabulary.
281
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:19,115
Put that rabbit away, please.
You're giving me the creeps.
282
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,270
You look like a Bond villain.
283
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,155
Have you noticed anything
strange about that rabbit?
284
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:33,392
Yes, it's been here two days
and hasn't asked me for money yet.
285
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,433
No. No, I swear he looks at me funny.
286
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,630
You should be used to that by now.
287
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,590
- I think it's evil.
- Your father's not evil, dear.
288
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,989
A bit pig-headed perhaps.
289
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,674
Janey, are you seeing
Mel again tomorrow?
290
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:54,673
Yeah. I never thought I'd enjoy
going to the dentist so much.
291
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,797
Mel makes my gums feel so alive.
292
00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:01,475
Oh, my God, my daughter's
turning into Julie Andrews.
293
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,075
Nick, would you be so disloyal
as to see another dentist?
294
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,720
Absolutely not. I'd never visit a dentist.
295
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,475
Of course. Michael, you wouldn't
see Surfing Mel, would you?
296
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,916
- Well, he does have a website.
- Oh, he has a website?
297
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,275
I see, the dentist for the techno age
298
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,636
with his earring, his cutoff jeans
and his surfboard.
299
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:24,315
- Oh, God!
- It's all right, they're only raisins.
300
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,436
No, no, no - my filling's fallen out.
301
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,072
Oh, really?
302
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,879
- Which one?
- The new one.
303
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,633
- Oh, the new one?
- Could you have a look?
304
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,996
I could but I'm not your dentist
any more, am I?
305
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,355
Oh, this is no time to behave like...
306
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,671
- Well, like you always do.
- If Surfing Mel botched it,
307
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,671
Surfing Mel can fix it.
308
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,035
- I don't believe this.
- Where are you going?
309
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,872
Your idea - Surfing Mel can fix it.
310
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,554
Shouldn't you make an appointment?
311
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,837
Oh, don't worry, that's
the great thing about Mel.
312
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,434
- He's always got time for me.
- Oh.
313
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,549
Is that defecating rodent still here?
314
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,835
All right, I was going anyway.
315
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,679
- You knew.
- Was it a secret?
316
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,275
The idea that my wife is seeing
another dentist behind my back
317
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,794
isn't exactly something I'm proud of.
318
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,270
- How did you find out?
- The hygienists' grapevine.
319
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:24,512
- They've got a grapevine?
- They don't just clean teeth.
320
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,831
Must be embarrassing
to be the last one to know.
321
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,196
Tell me one thing he's got that I haven't.
322
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:34,590
- Charm, good looks, politeness...
- I said one thing.
323
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,468
Hey, shouldn't you be in bed?
324
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,155
Shouldn't you be in gainful employment?
Get out, go on.
325
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,310
I get it, you want to borrow it.
326
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,712
I do not want to borrow it,
you're borrowing it, it's mine, now give it.
327
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,475
Just a sec, I'm still cyberchatting
to la belle Isabelle.
328
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,074
Isn't this going to
end in another humiliation?
329
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,754
Dunno. You haven't told me
what you're up to yet.
330
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,628
Not me, you and this doomed
relationship with Isa... bloke.
331
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,599
OK, I bet you 50 quid
she's the girl from the magazine.
332
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,672
- You haven't got 50 quid.
- I will when I win the bet.
333
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,558
How are you going to prove
she is who she says she is?
334
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,596
- Cos she's coming over.
- What?
335
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,478
- Just telling her where I live.
- Are you insane?
336
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,074
You do not put my address
on the internet!
337
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,391
- I like to live dangerously.
- Move over. I must get back
338
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,836
- before your mother misses me.
- Plenty of time then.
339
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:37,037
Cybershift your cyberarse
and let me get online.
340
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,429
- You're already on.
- Oh, yeah?
341
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,512
- What are you looking for?
- I do not need your help.
342
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,068
OK? I do not need your help.
343
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,993
- (Beep)
- I might need your help.
344
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,719
OK, so how, er...
345
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,712
I'm looking for
Surfing Mel's website, right?
346
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,518
- That's a good idea.
- Mm-hm.
347
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,115
- What on earth for?
- Professional reasons.
348
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,715
- How do you find a website?
- Click on the search button,
349
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,360
- and type in a keyword.
- What's a keyword?
350
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,829
It's a word to do
with your search subject.
351
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,309
Right, OK. Let's try "oral".
352
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,712
- That might list him.
- Er...
353
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,394
- That's not a very good idea...
- Look at this!
354
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,040
33,000 matches!
355
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,512
Let's try "oral contacts",
that might list him.
356
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:30,559
- Yeah, I think that...
- Shut up, shut up!
357
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,029
I'm getting the hang of this!
358
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,273
Phew! Good Lord.
359
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,357
- Good going.
- That can't be Surfing Mel.
360
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,198
You'd better hope it's not.
361
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,396
Someone you know?
362
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:09,392
Is this how you spend your time?
363
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,436
- It's, erm...
- It's what?
364
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,911
- It's father and son bonding.
- No, those weren't two men.
365
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,276
- It's not what you think it is.
- I think it's pathetic.
366
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,875
Though Nick has the excuse
of being emotionally retarded.
367
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,598
Cheers, Mum.
368
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,233
I expect you two want to be alone.
369
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,555
It's all his fault.
370
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,189
It's all a mistake. I was just looking
for matey's website -
371
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,794
your dentist -
to see what I was up against.
372
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,714
I thought explaining a mistake
was meant to make it look better.
373
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,950
Since you're so good at explaining,
374
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,349
- explain some things to me.
- Like what?
375
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,750
How you forgot to tell me about
your little dental adventure.
376
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,593
Honestly, it's not like I'm having an affair.
377
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,989
Susan, he's an Australian!
378
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,389
He'll have anything in a dress.
379
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,072
Anything in a dress?
380
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,549
Er, perhaps if you went out
and came in again...
381
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,474
- So I'm anything in a dress?
- You'll soon forget I said this.
382
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,950
- Anything in a dress.
- I didn't think so.
383
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,190
I don't know which is more insulting -
384
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:17,353
that I'm "anything in a dress"
or that I'd fall for a dentist a second time.
385
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:21,592
That's the point -
he is a dentist. I'm THE dentist.
386
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,956
If you'd come to me,
none of this would've happened.
387
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,712
That's you all over.
388
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,588
Whatever the problem is
it's never, ever your fault.
389
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,318
- You know whose fault it is?
- Whose?
390
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,914
That bloody rabbit!
391
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,595
Ever since it moved in
there's been nothing but trouble.
392
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,428
(Susan) You can see
why I'm hurt, can't you?
393
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:59,195
I'm a high-powered career woman
and a gourmet cook
394
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,475
and, above all, I'm a realist
395
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,950
and, realistically speaking,
he's a pig-headed...
396
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,758
pig.
397
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,957
Oh, I know you'll say
that sounds judgmental.
398
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:15,033
But what am I supposed to do?
God gave me good judgment.
399
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,873
- Mum?
- Oh, hello, Michael.
400
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,793
Are you and Dad getting divorced?
401
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,189
What on earth gave you that idea?
402
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,510
I heard you arguing last night.
403
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,990
- And the night before.
- All parents argue.
404
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,878
- Why?
- Well...
405
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,111
it's a way of finding out how we both feel
406
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,839
and, once we've done that,
things are easier.
407
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,229
How do you mean, easier?
408
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,029
Well, easier for me
to prove your father wrong.
409
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,395
- So it's not serious?
- No.
410
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,233
But you were talking to a rabbit.
411
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:55,394
Sometimes it helps to talk things
through with a disinterested party.
412
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,072
Like when Neil Parry's parents
413
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,958
- went to see a counsellor?
- Yes, exactly.
414
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,110
They got divorced.
415
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,033
- We're not getting a divorce.
- His mum got the children.
416
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:07,588
We're definitely not getting a divorce.
417
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:12,071
Every time Neil sees his dad
he gets taken to Alton Towers.
418
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,720
Ben!
419
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,429
There you are, Michael.
Just so that you understand,
420
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,432
your father's going
to explain what happened.
421
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,717
- You'll only interrupt.
- I interrupt when you digress.
422
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,677
I do not digress, you digress.
423
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,548
- No, I build a framework.
- More like a bloody scaffold.
424
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,632
- Call me when you're ready.
- Michael, sit down.
425
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,836
- Ben.
- Ahem.
426
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,115
All right, Michael, the thing is,
427
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,351
your mother has been very silly.
428
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,238
She's been seeing another dentist.
429
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:48,711
What he means is he's being arrogant
and not seeing any other point of view.
430
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,395
Or, more simply,
your mother thinks she's always right
431
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,436
when, in fact, she's always wrong.
432
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,511
Although how would he know anything
433
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,239
when he spends all his time
with his patients
434
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,992
and lets his family go to pot.
435
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,436
Whereas your mother thinks
that money grows on trees
436
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,715
and new handbags sprout little legs,
437
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,519
magically leave the shop
and enter your house.
438
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,114
Whilst your father, although a dentist,
439
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,875
believes children's teeth
are repaired by the tooth fairy
440
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,191
- if he ignores them for years.
- Despite all this, she knows
441
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,635
she'll never find as big a sucker as me.
442
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,632
He knows he'll never find
anyone else who'll have him.
443
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,632
That's why we're not getting divorced.
444
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,118
Thanks, Mum. Thanks, Dad.
445
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,316
- I'll sleep easy tonight.
- Mm-hm.
446
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,551
Janey's home early from the dentist.
447
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,471
He's probably got a drive-thru.
448
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,950
"One crown, two bridgeworks,
you want fries with that?"
449
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,669
- Hello, Janey.
- How was your McCheckup?
450
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,194
- McShite.
- Why, what happened?
451
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,510
I walked out. The man's a total git.
452
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,478
Don't talk about
your mother's boyfriend like that.
453
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,233
Shut up. Janey, what happened?
454
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,437
I was sitting in the chair and he...
455
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,557
We were just talking, he seemed so nice.
456
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,358
I can't even think about it.
457
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,750
Janey, you can tell us.
458
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,437
He started telling me a story.
459
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,556
What kind of story?
460
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,838
The story about
the kitten who didn't floss.
461
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,635
- The kitten who didn't floss?
- Yeah,
462
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,553
it ends up with lots of cavities,
it's a good story.
463
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,358
Yeah, it's a children's story.
464
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,590
Mel thinks I'm a child, he's just like you.
465
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,229
- It makes me want to throw up.
- What do you mean he's like me?
466
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,356
Janey, these things happen.
467
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:40,194
But remember, we'll always be
here for you, won't we, Ben?
468
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,397
Er, yeah, yeah. It's a bit inconvenient
469
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,711
but I can fit you in,
what... three o'clock, Monday?
470
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,678
- You see, he does care.
- Lucky me.
471
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,869
- (Doorbell)
- (Sighs)
472
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,316
- (French accent) Hello.
- Yes?
473
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,311
- Nicky?
- Nicky?
474
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,756
- Yes, Nicky.
- Nick... Nick.
475
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,559
Hang on, come in.
Nick, someone to see you!
476
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,839
- Are you Isabelle?
- Yes.
477
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,753
- Nicky has talked about me?
- Yeah, endlessly.
478
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,434
Mum, Dad, this is Isabelle.
479
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,915
Nice to meet you. Ben, close your mouth.
480
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,719
Hello. Enchantee.
481
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,394
Yes, well, Sunderland's
on the up and up.
482
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,232
I'm pleased to meet you.
483
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,909
- Hello.
- Hello.
484
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,275
We meet at last.
485
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,193
I have come to see Nicky.
486
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,431
Yep, I'm Nicky.
487
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,034
You... are... Nicky?
488
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,509
I know I don't look like my picture but...
489
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,239
Ow!
490
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,436
Mais pour qui tu m'as pris!
491
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,235
Tu vas le payer, salopard!
492
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,232
- So that was, erm...
- My internet girlfriend.
493
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,995
- Bloody gorgeous, wasn't she?
- How did you do it?
494
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,039
- You pretended to be a fit guy.
- Well, not exactly.
495
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:13,238
You didn't... Yes, you did,
you pretended to be a woman!
496
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,630
- Yeah, and it nearly worked.
- It nearly worked?
497
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,756
There was no way it was gonna work!
498
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,035
- It was worth the risk.
- You're such a loser.
499
00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:23,759
Me? You're the one
who owes me 50 quid.
500
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,594
Cash, mate, no cheques.
501
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,557
Our son has just come out.
502
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,073
As a lesbian.
503
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,879
But that won't change
the way we feel about him.
504
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,509
Believe me, Susan,
nothing could ever change that.
39736
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.