All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - 06x11 - The Therapist

Bottles.

Boyle. Bullpen.

- What are you...
- Buh-buh-buh.

Bottles, Boyle, bullpen.

Bowling.

Behold, Brooklyn buddies,

Boyle bullpen bottle bowling.

- Beautiful.
- Be brave, bro.

Be brave.

Bowl!

- Bam!
- Bull's-eye!

Booyah!

Babushka!

All: Babushka!

Jakey, I've got a hot case
for you.

Ooh, hit me.

Okay, Susan Buckley
was reported missing

by her psychiatrist,
Dr. William Tate.

He thinks that her husband James

may have had a mental break

and done something terrible
to her.

Ooh, that is a hot case.

Missing woman, psycho husband,
creepy shrink.

Dr. Tate was actually
quite a nice man.

Yeah, but you know,
he's a psychiatrist,

so he's automatically a creep.
I've seen movies.

They all turn into
super sophisticated,

Chianti-loving cannibals.

Wait, have you never been
to therapy?

- No. Don't need it.
- Not even after the time

- your wife shot you?
- Nope.

What about when you were held
at gunpoint

and had to write
your own suicide note?

Oh, that was crazy.
I forgot about that.

Or when you were falsely
accused of bank robbery

and went to prison?
Was that a big deal?

You joined a gang
and tried meth!

I didn't want to be
anyone's bitch.

Look, it sounds like
these things affected you

more than they affected me.
Maybe you should go to therapy.

I do. Terry needs a safe space

to process his emotions.

I go twice a week.
Couples counseling with my dad,

and then a solo sesh
with Dr. Tyler.

Okay, unlike Kooky Charles
and Tearful Terry,

I am healthy
and don't need therapy.

I hear that.
I don't go to therapy either.

Jake and I are like
two penises in a pod.

Damn it, Hitchcock,
we talked about this.

It never helps
when you back me up.

Let's just go, Charles.

Come in, Diaz.

- How'd you know it was me?
- The restrained knock.

Everyone else in this office

plays my door
like it's a marimba.

The other day,
Jeffords gave it three taps

- and two raps.
- Was he drunk?

- One can only assume.
- Mm.

Anyway, I wanted to invite
you and Jocelyn

to dinner at my house
this weekend.

Kevin will be making
his famous rice.

Thank you for the invite,
but I'm not really

having people meet Jocelyn yet.

I'm still feeling things out
with her.

But Boyle says you brought
Jocelyn to Shaw's last week.

- That was unplanned.
- Sure, but now that the squad

has all met her,
surely you can't object

to her having some rice
with Kevin and me?

Okay, it's just that
you can be a bit... judgmental.

What a stupid thing to say.

Name one time
when I have been judgmental.

- Okay.
- What a stupid thing to say.

Oh, I see. Mere seconds ago.

Sir, Jocelyn is not like us.

- She has feelings.
- Huh.

Are you positive
this is the woman for you?

That is exactly
the type of thing

I don't want you to say
in front of her.

Sorry. It's not gonna happen.

Kevin, they're not coming.

Yes, I know you've already
started soaking the rice.

Couldn't we just eat it
ourselves?

I understand you purchased
four portions of rice.

Yes, that's a great idea.

We'll eat the extra rice
for breakfast.

I love you, as well.

Hey, Sarge,
a package was delivered

to my desk downstairs,
addressed to the 99th Precinct,

attention: Sergeant,
but it's not for me.

It's a book.

Sounds like something
you'd order.

"How to Please Your Wife:

100 Tips to Take Your Sex Life
from Blah to Ahhhh."

Yeah. That's not mine.

It also shipped with
two gallons of protein powder.

Well, I get my protein
from real food.

22 meals a day,
1 every 40 minutes.

It's not a big deal, okay?
Just take the book.

I promise I won't tell anyone.

Hey, Sarge,
I heard you need some sex tips.

Except for the people
I already told.

Here's the big one:
Just lie flat on your back.

Women love to do all the work.
Ugh.

That's very incorrect,
and I don't need sex tips!

Okay, we'll just
leave the book here,

and whoever did order it can
take it when nobody's looking.

It's not mine!

Terry doesn't order books
online.

He supports local bookstores.

They're dying, Amy!

Oh, that guy looks like
he's wearing a skin mask

over his own face,
so I'm guessing it's Dr. Tate.

He has a normal man's face,
Jake.

Yes, he does have
a normal man's face,

stretched out over his own face,

because he is a Hannibal.

Hi there. Dr. Tate, I presume.

Yes. Hi, nice to meet you.

Uh, which one of you is
in charge?

- Let the mind games begin.
- Excuse me?

Sorry, I am Detective Peralta.

This is Detective Boyle.
He's in charge.

Dr. Tate, have you heard
anything from Mrs. Buckley?

No, I haven't,
and I'm quite worried.

I received a frantic,

disturbing call
from James yesterday.

He was afraid
he'd done something horrible.

I asked him where he was,

and he said he was in the park
near the Zen garden.

I suspected he was just
experiencing delusions,

but when they didn't show up
for therapy today,

I became very concerned.

So you think he killed her

and dumped her body in the park?

Sounds like couples counseling

is going really great for them.

Sorry, my partner
doesn't believe in therapy.

Oh, that's fine.
It's hard for some people.

Title of your sex tape.

Are you normally so cavalier
around murder investigations?

Yes, we see a lot of darkness
in our line of work,

and humor is one
of our coping mechanisms.

It's self-preservation
through disassociation.

What the?

It's something
I've been working on

with my therapist.

Well, I act like this

because I'm cool and fun and
people like being around me.

I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to trigger you.

Okay, Doc,
you're not in your office.

You don't have to use words

like "triggered" or "in denial."

I didn't say "in denial."
Are you in denial?

No, I am not,
and before you say anything,

I don't want to sleep
with my mom either.

Now, why would you
bring that up unprompted?

What? You prompted it.

Jake, there's a body over here.

Oh, thank God.

I mean, "Oh, no, death."

I mean... I don't want to sleep
with my mom, okay?

I know this is the wrong
takeaway from this case board,

but I really love the new yarn
you're using.

- There are sparkles in it.
- I noticed.

Okay, so let's go over
what we got.

No witnesses, no weapon.
Bruising indicates a struggle.

No conclusive DNA found
at the scene

other than from the three of us
who found the body.

And our chief suspect,
James Buckley, has disappeared.

But he has no motive,
no criminal record,

and according
to his credit card statement,

had just purchased
two sombreros.

Kind of weird
to give someone a sombrero

when you're about to
murder them.

Well, both sombreros
could have been for him.

It's always good
to have a backup sombrero.

Please stop pronouncing it
like that.

What, pronouncing sombreros

- like sombrero?
- Yes.

Fine, if you want me

to pronounce it the wrong way.

Look, I think James
is a good suspect.

We have Dr. Tate's notebooks,

and they specifically mention
that he's been having

violent fantasies
for the last few months.

And you want us to just
blindly trust Dr. Tate?

He's a creepy therapist.
They all are.

What kind of profession
requires a couch?

Lots of them.
My cousin Pam has a couch

in his bird store.
Would you call that creepy?

Yes! Decidedly so.

You always get upset
when I bring up Pam.

Whatever. Can we please just
go check out James' apartment?

Mm-hmm.

Hello, gentlemen.
How is your day going?

Great. I just woke up
from my morning nap.

I mean, my... morning nap.

It's fine.
It's good to be rested at work.

Okay. Are you trying to prove
that you can be nonjudgmental?

Rosa, I didn't see you there.

I was just having a friendly
chat with my employees.

So, uh, boys, tell me, what are
you doing this weekend?

Well, we're going to a sauce
launch party at Wing Slutz.

Sounds like a neat
cultural event.

They're introducing
a new dairy-based sauce

called Cream Dream.

Mmm.

And everyone who comes
gets a free bucket.

You want to know
what that's called?

- Of course I do.
- No, you don't.

None of us do.
You proved your point.

If you want to meet Jocelyn
so bad, you can.

You win.

Okay, well, that's Friday night.

Now, every Saturday morning,

we go to the public baths.

I get it.
You lead colorful lives.

Let's end this, shall we?

Okay, so the neighbors say
they haven't seen or heard

any activity in
the Buckleys' apartment, and...

What is he doing here?

If we find James
and he's unstable,

Dr. Tate could talk him down.

- Hello, Peralta.
- Plus, on the ride over,

- he gave me a quickie.
- A what?

A quick therapy session.
We talked about so much.

Did you know
that I have a tendency

to be unconsciously sexual? Yes.

It's a real tough nut to bust.

Oh, you're doing it again.

Oh, okay, I think I hear it.

- You think you hear it?
- Mm-hmm.

Whatever,
let's just do this, okay?

NYPD, open up.

That's weird.

The door's unlocked.
That's too bad.

I love watching you
pound one out.

- Charles.
- What? That was sexual?

- Which part?
- All of the parts!

All right, you stay here.

Charles, we're going in.

Bedroom's clear.
The kitchen's clear.

Did you see anything suspicious?

Nothing, except for these

laughing Jesus paintings
everywhere.

Why is he in front of a tepee?
I don't know.

The one in the kitchen has him
at the last supper,

but all the apostles
are McDonald's characters.

- Which one's Judas?
Both: The Hamburglar.

Knew it as soon as I asked.
You check the bathroom?

- No, where is it?
- It's right over there.

- Clear.
- Cool.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Well, Dr. Tate,

we will meet you
back at the car.

We just want to check some
things out for one more minute.

Did you notice that?
The painting in the bathroom

of Jesus standing over a vent

with his robe blowing up
like Marilyn Monroe?

No. Dr. Tate is the killer.

- Hey, Santiago.
- Hey.

Can you help me put up
these flyers around the office?

Mm-hmm.

"Lost sex book.
Delivered by accident

to Sergeant Jeffords,
who doesn't need it."

Terry, come on.

Nobody cares
about your sex life.

Just take the book home.

Take someone else's book home?

That's stealing and mail fraud.

I can't believe
you would even suggest that.

Look, I think it's so great

that you've been married so long

and want to keep it fresh.

I hope Jake does that for me if
our sex life ever takes a dip.

Dip? Oh, there is no dip.

Just ask Sharon. Oh, no, please.

I don't want to do that.
That's not necessary.

It's okay. I believe you.
Hey, hon.

Yeah, could you tell Amy
how good I am in bed?

Because I'm a sex machine who...

Oh, on speaker?

Oh, hey, girls. How was school?

Why do you think
Dr. Tate's the murderer?

He already knew
where the bathroom was.

He's clearly been here before.

Well, he probably just
guessed, because it's obvious.

This is New York.

It's never obvious
where the bathroom is.

I once had an apartment
where the toilet

was literally
in the refrigerator.

I bet he was sleeping
with Susan.

Therapists are always having
affairs with their patients.

- That's not true.
- Oh, really?

Tell that to the ten minutes
of "Bikini Shrink"

I watched on Cinemax
when I was 13.

Dr. Juggs was insatiable.

James was ill.
We have months of notes

saying he was
increasingly unstable.

First of all,
people with mental illness

are much more likely to be the
victims than the perpetrators.

I heard that on NPR
when I was in the room

while Amy was listening to NPR.
Ah.

And second, I bet
Dr. Tate's notes are fake.

I mean, you know what was
in Dr. Juggs' notes?

- What?
- Stick figures doing it.

- What does that prove?
- I don't know, but it was hot.

All I'm saying is, something
feels suspicious to me here.

Maybe we should go
to Dr. Tate's office

and see if we can find
the missing notebooks.

Wait, you're basing this
all on the fact

that he knew
where a bathroom was?

And his DNA was at the scene
where we discovered the body.

I bet that's why

he insisted on coming with us
to the park.

You've been weird
about Dr. Tate from the start.

To me, the evidence suggests

that James killed his wife
and fled.

It's my case, and that's
the lead we're following.

Okay.

You're right. I'm sorry.

I was being unfair.
It's your case.

You call in an APB,

and I will meet you back
at the precinct.

I'm just gonna
swing by the bank.

You're not gonna go
to Dr. Tate's office

and search it behind my back,
are you?

What? Charles, no.

I wouldn't do that.
You can trust me.

- Okay, I trust you.
- Good. You should.

- Well, I do.
- Great, because you can.

- I feel good about it.
- Good, you should

I think it's the right choice.

You're making the right call
by trusting me.

Not.

"Wayne's World." Sweet.

All right, think.

Where would I hide
the real notebook

if I was a creepy therapist?

In my butt.

Focus, Jake.

Now is not the time
for being hilarious.

What have we here?

James and Susan Buckley.

So your day's been going well?

- It has, it has.
- They're blocking my way out.

A cancellation,
and so I was able

to get more work done.

Yeah. Well, that's always nice.

Same thing happened to me
yesterday.

- Is that right?
- Yeah, two cancellations.

You know?
At least it wasn't three.

Have a good afternoon.

- You too.
- Okay.

See you in the morning.

Oh, um, can I help you?

Yes.

I am...

your new patient.

- Garrett?
- Garrett...

is my name, yes.

You're an hour and a half early.

I know. I have problems
with time management.

That's the issue
I want to talk about.

On the phone,
you said you were concerned

you might have
multiple personality disorder.

Yep, that too.

Got buttloads of peeps
living in my brain,

no doubt, no doubt, no doubt,
no doubt, no doubt.

We should talk about it.

I can't believe it's taken
so long for us to meet.

You're so nice.

Oh, I don't know about that,
Jocelyn.

I'm just being myself.

Well, you're very sweet

about the cosmetology thing.

A lot of people are dismissive
of hairstylists.

It makes no sense.

If we didn't have hairstylists
to cut our hair,

our hair would be far too long.

Wow, great compliment.

Hey, you're the girl

from the diarrhea commercial,
aren't you?

You get diarrhea on the plane.

- That's not true.
- Yeah, move along.

I don't get diarrhea
on the plane.

I get diarrhea in the airport.

What's going on?

Are you... an actor?

Well, you don't have to sound
so grossed out.

I can see why you didn't want
him meeting Jocelyn.

- Excuse me?
- This isn't Jocelyn.

It's Sheena. She's an actress.

Yeah, I was in an episode
of "SVU."

I say, "We want answers."

The director
tried to replace me,

but Mariska said
it would take too much time,

and then they all agreed
I'd probably cut together fine.

Look, Diaz, I've obviously
misread our relationship.

You didn't want me to meet
the real Jocelyn

because we're not as close
as I thought we were, so...

message received.

Hey, so you don't by any chance

need any molly, do you?

- I'm a cop.
- And scene.

Now I'm out of character,
and I don't sell any drugs.

I am leaving.

So, Garrett,

where would you like to begin?

You know what,
can we crack the door a little?

I get very claustrophobic,

probably from all the different
people living in my head.

We usually keep it closed
for privacy,

but whatever makes you
comfortable.

Thank you.

Damn it, he's still here.

- Excuse me?
- Hmm?

Uh, I was just talking
to another one of the voices.

- Is it Tatiana?
- Who now?

The mischievous
seven-year-old British girl

you told me about on the phone?

May I speak with her?

Uh...

Yes?

Hello, Doctor.

I'm from Wussex.

Is that an actual place
in England?

How should I know?

I'm just a little girl,
I am, I am.

Well, it's nice to speak
with you, Tatiana.

Can I say hello to Brian,

the bookkeeper
from Central London?

Cheers, I'm Brian.

I like bookkeeping
right in the middle of London.

Did I tell you a full list
of my many personalities

when I called you
on the ol' telly, innit?

Yes, you did.

And are any of 'em, hopefully,

not from England?

There's Geoffrey.

You said he's Australian.

Aww, crikey.

Hey, Sarge. I saw the flyers.

You really put a lot of them
up, huh?

I just want to make extra sure

we find the real book-buyer.

Do you think it's
this kind of overcompensation

that's been making things
difficult in the bedroom?

Oh, I don't compensate.

I procreate. Three kids.

Okay. Weird brag.

Look, just take the book.
Nobody cares.

Hey, I just saw this.
I think you have my book.

Oh, really?

Told ya!

But you're not even married,
Scully.

I'm in a committed relationship,

and Cindy Shatz
says I'm a selfish lover.

All right, well,
what about the protein powder?

I'm trying to get ripped.

I drink, like, six shakes a day,

but nothing's happening.

- Do you also exercise?
- What?

You're supposed to exercise?

You know what, keep the powder.

I'll drink normal milkshakes.

And you thought
that was my book.

Shame on you, Amy.

Shame on you.

You got the book?

You should know,
things are good with Sharon.

I just want to make sure we're
as happy in our relationship

as we can be.
That's nice, Sarge.

Sorry you had to
embarrass yourself.

Not a big deal.

I guess I just don't care
what other people think of me.

That's actually
pretty inspiring.

I wish I was more like that.

Yeah.
Now, if you'll excuse me...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey!

You're not gonna wait for me
to leave?

Like I said, I just don't care.

Well, Garrett, our time is up.

Shall we pick up here next week?

No, I can't go.

There's still someone
left inside that wants to talk.

Do you mean Satchel,

the "gentle African-American man"

who was born in 1908"?

Oh, no, you know what?

Satchel probably shouldn't
come out right now.

Or ever, for that matter.

Garrett, I can only help you

if you open up.

And then Dufresne

escaped through the tunnels
of Shawshank Prison.

He was my friend.

Are you just doing
Morgan Freeman?

Ah, yes!

You calling me on it

just gave me
a major breakthrough.

I'm cured! Anyway, deuces, Doc!

I've got you now,
you son of a bitch.

Hello, Peralta.

You really thought you could
sneak around my office

without me noticing, huh?

How'd you know I was in there?

Your shampoo left an odor.

I could smell you.

I knew it! You're a Hannibal.

Pull over right here.
Cut the engine.

Why are you doing this?

Because you found my notebooks,

and I assume you've deduced
what I did to Susan and James.

- You killed James too?
- Oops.

I guess you only deduced
the Susan part.

But it doesn't matter.

You never would have thought
that James was a suspect.

He was such a kind
and gentle man.

So why did you kill them?

Well, because
they were gonna tell people

about my affair with Susan
and ruin my career.

- I knew it.
- I had to do it

for the sake
of my other patients.

You know,
there are a lot of people

who depend on me
for their well-being.

Yeah, except for the ones
that you murder.

- That's only happened twice.
- It's happened before?

The Rothmans.
Nobody misses them.

You really are
a terrible therapist.

Oh, wow, strong words
for someone

who is clearly scared
to talk about his own issues.

I'm not scared, okay?

For example, I had an issue

with texting while driving,
but I fixed it.

Now I just don't look
at my phone while I type.

Case in point.

Just know that you died

without saying anything real.

Okay, okay, okay! Stop.

Fine, you want something real?

I tried therapy.
It only made things worse.

Uh-huh. Go on.

When I was a kid,
I was acting out at school,

so they made me and my parents
do family counseling,

but instead of helping me
with my problems,

the stupid therapist
just brought up

all my parents' issues.

And once it was all out
in the open,

they fought all the time
and eventually got divorced,

and everything good in my life
just... went away.

Interesting. So you actually

blame yourself
for your parents' divorce?

No, I blame the therapy,

which we only had to do
because I...

Oh, my God.

I do blame myself.

Oh, here come the waterworks.

Excuse me, do you have
a less crinkly dollar

I could trade you for?
Of course I do.

None of my dollars
has a single crinkle.

When they do, I steam them.

Oh. Wow, that is crisp.

Can't wait to get this baby
home and flatten it out.

Almonds, nice choice.
Oh, thanks.

They're, uh...
They're not for me.

They're for my girlfriend,
Detective Diaz.

Oh, you must be Jocelyn.

What? No, I'm Denise.

Who's Jocelyn?
Is Rosa cheating on me?

Oh, my...

No, that was a joke.

I'm sorry,
I thought it would be funny.

I am Jocelyn.

Oh, that was actually
very funny.

I didn't know
what was happening,

and then I thought
I knew what was happening,

but what I thought
I knew was happening

wasn't what was happening.

That's very good.

- You must be Captain Holt.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Uh, can you give us a second,
babe?

Yeah, I'll wait out there.

Pleasure to meet you, Captain.

So this is Jocelyn?

I'm glad you got to meet her.
For the record,

I wasn't keeping her from you
because I was afraid

you were gonna hurt
her feelings by being judgy.

I think it's hilarious
when you're judgy.

It's because I was afraid
you weren't gonna like her.

You and I are close, and I...

I value your opinion.

Well, she seems great,

in our limited interaction.

Maybe you could
get to know her better

over Kevin's rice this weekend?

That would be great.

You might want to save
your girlfriend.

She's talking to Hitchcock.

Damn it, Hitchcock!

So I joke about my father
so much

to avoid processing
all the pain he's caused me.

Yes. You are doing
such great work here.

- I'm really feeling it.
- Yeah.

Now, I'm sorry, but our session
is coming to a close.

I guess I'll have to bill
your widow.

Wow, that is cold-blooded,

but I got to hand it to you,
it's a pretty dope kill line.

Unfortunately, no one
will be billed, though.

Isn't that right, Charles?

- Hi, Dr. Tate!
- What? How did he...

Told you I could text
without looking at my phone.

Let's go.

Oh, man, I am so glad

you got my message
with the location.

Pretty impressive, right?

Well, actually, you just texted

a bunch of crazy, weird,
random letters.

It made me concerned,
so I tracked your phone.

Well, still pretty good.
I found you in my contacts.

It went to Amy.
She forwarded it to me.

It worked.
Let's stop talking about it.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I guess you were right
about the therapist.

Yeah, well, that's nice
of you to say, Charles,

but actually,
when I was stalling Dr. Tate,

I started talking
about my parents' divorce,

and it felt really good.

I can't believe
I'm gonna say this, but...

I think I'm gonna make
an appointment with a shrink.

Jake, that is so great.

And I know a guy
who's really good.

You will love having him
inside of you.

Okay.

What?
Oh, come on, mister. Grow up.

Get your mind
out of the gutter, ya perv!

Fremulon.

- Not a doctor.
- Shh.