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1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:04,295
KEVIN: We're just looking for weird
ingredients for Mom's remedy soup, okay?
2
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:06,840
Not ripe, not ripe.
3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:08,675
Way too ripe.
4
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,513
- First, a moody lime.
- Check.
5
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,223
How is that...
6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,433
(SIGHS) Okay.
7
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:19,728
Uh, next is a hot pepper with attitude.
8
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,104
Also check.
9
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:25,233
All this trouble for some
folk treatment remedy soup
10
00:00:25,233 --> 00:00:27,652
when we could just
buy Dad VapoRub and call it a day.
11
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,779
Okay, the last item on the list
12
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,489
is one perfect onion.
13
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,825
What does a perfect onion
even look like?
14
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,410
Yeah, how would we even know?
15
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,579
GRETEL: Oh, never mind.
KEVIN: Yeah. Wow.
16
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:43,251
Ah, perfect.
Truly an onion worthy of me.
17
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,253
Excuse me, that was mine.
18
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,755
Don't you know who I am?
19
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,590
The lady who just took my onion.
20
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:50,967
Oh, how quickly they forget.
21
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,304
(SINGING) People know me from their TV
22
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:58,516
I was on the popular telenovela
23
00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,185
So melodramatic
24
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,687
My fans were ecstatic till my character
25
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,314
Got salmonella
26
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,567
They wrote me out of the show
27
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,653
There was not a thing that I could do
28
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,907
For the writers,
they all knew my only sure fault
29
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,076
Was that I just could not cry on cue
30
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,202
(GRUNTS)
31
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:20,080
I thought that maybe
32
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,582
I could get my job back if I cried
33
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,752
There are 75 or 80
34
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:29,047
Onion remedies that I have tried
35
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,092
But still no tears
36
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:35,178
It was here in my darkest hours
37
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,263
When a light from the heavens
38
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,182
Shone down on me and gave me
39
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,934
This one superpower
40
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,604
Now I talk to onions
41
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,440
Because the onions
hear me when I speak
42
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,860
I guess, to be truthful,
it's not all that useful
43
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,238
But at least I can say I'm unique
44
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,491
Call me La Cebolla
45
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:59,577
I have this power
that came from the sky
46
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:03,123
Por que no puedo llorar
I'm no longer a star
47
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,417
So the rest of the world's
going to cry for me
48
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:12,799
La Cebolla
49
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,510
Call me La Cebolla.
50
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,182
(BOTH LAUGH)
51
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,059
You talk to onions?
52
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,435
Is that even a power?
53
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,062
I mean, I can talk to onions.
54
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:28,064
Hey, Mr. Onion,
read any good books lately?
55
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,733
Oh, you haven't,
because you're an onion.
56
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,777
Hey, Kevin, look. Blah, blah, blah.
57
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,320
I'm chatting with a banana.
58
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,781
I'm lounging with the leek.
How you doing?
59
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,868
I should clarify. I talk to onions,
60
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:43,037
and they listen. Onions, vamonos.
61
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:50,044
(SINGING) Call me La Cebolla
62
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,421
Excuse me.
63
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,131
Could you pass me a kiwi?
64
00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:54,632
(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)
65
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:57,969
Here you go, ma'am.
66
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:04,517
(SINGING) La Cebolla
67
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,895
Should we go after her?
68
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,897
I'm not even sure
onion whispering is a crime.
69
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,650
Fair enough. But now we don't have
a perfect onion for Mom's remedy soup.
70
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,778
We'll have to settle
for an adequate shallot.
71
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,282
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
72
00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:21,492
I told you not to go jogging
in the rain.
73
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,161
But I like running in the rain.
74
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,829
It makes me feel dramatic.
75
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,039
(SNEEZES)
76
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,917
This is Veronica Hill,
reporting on a strange phenomenon
77
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,335
that has authorities confounded.
78
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:32,962
Stores and restaurants
have reported the mass disappearance
79
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,839
of onions from their
shelves and storerooms.
80
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,800
Without onions,
my French onion soup is just
81
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:38,885
French soup.
82
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:40,929
I don't know who I am anymore.
83
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,764
Huh, maybe we should
have gone after her.
84
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:46,017
Kevin. The woman talks to onions.
85
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,478
- Who cares?
- CAROLINA: Kids. Dinner's ready!
86
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,522
And to the viewers at home
who ask, "Why should I care?"
87
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,483
Let me just say, I agree with you.
88
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,985
I've done a lot of field pieces
and I can safely say that
89
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,695
this is the most uninteresting one yet.
90
00:03:58,863 --> 00:03:59,864
Pass the salt.
91
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,328
Kevin, it's bad luck
to spill salt at the table.
92
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,288
You have to throw it
over your left shoulder.
93
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,873
That's just a silly superstition.
94
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:09,958
I'll get it.
95
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,001
Ah, the bad luck is starting.
96
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,713
Run around the block
three times holding the garlic.
97
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,924
That should dispel the bad salt vibes.
98
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,008
(BOTH GROAN AND SIGH)
99
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,677
Aora. Now.
100
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,472
Ah, you're a miracle worker, hon.
101
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,808
That soup cleared my sinuses right up.
102
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:27,892
- (HICCUPS) - Ay.
103
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,561
Hiccups. Mi tio had an ointment
for hiccups.
104
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,276
- Three laps.
- No fair, using powers.
105
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,070
That's what guys
with no powers always say.
106
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:40,905
Cold.
107
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,365
(SIGHS) This is dumb.
108
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,658
It could be worse.
109
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,160
You could have gotten
the power to talk to onions.
110
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,245
(BOTH LAUGHING)
111
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,998
You're right. At least I'm not...
(SINGING) La Cebolla
112
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,959
- (LA CEBOLLA VOCALIZING)
- Uh-oh.
113
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,548
What do you want from us?
114
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,592
Simple. My onion amplifier allows me
to communicate
115
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,511
with every onion on Earth.
116
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,181
The thing is, it only works
by draining powers from a superhero.
117
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,183
At least, that's what
the infomercial said.
118
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,520
MAN: Can you talk to onions?
Would you like to talk to more onions?
119
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,856
Then use the Onion Amplifier.
120
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:18,109
It works by simply draining
the powers off any superhero.
121
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,611
Take over the world!
Impress your friends!
122
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,863
Superhero not included.
123
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:23,865
It drains superpowers?
124
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,701
Yes. And you will be my battery.
125
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:27,785
Okay.
126
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:28,911
What are you gonna do?
127
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,205
- Talk to onions at me?
- So to speak.
128
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,957
Onions, attack them!
129
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,338
- (GROANS) There's so many of them.
- Aah!
130
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,131
Scallions, strike!
131
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,761
My onion ring of power will bind you.
132
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,013
(GRUNTS)
133
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:49,515
Aah!
134
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,603
(GROANS)
135
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:55,855
Oh, no, she's got super onion breath.
136
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,523
- Vamonos, onion.
- Kevin!
137
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,195
Stay with me, buddy. Stay with me.
138
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,488
Cure for bad onion breath.
139
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:04,989
Come on. Come on.
140
00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:06,240
I got nothing.
141
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:07,658
- Wait.
- Okay.
142
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,910
- How do you feel?
- (HICCUPS)
143
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:09,994
Afraid.
144
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,496
Good, that means it's working.
145
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,248
Hey, Mom, I need a remedy
for bad onion breath.
146
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:15,708
Bad onion breath?
147
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,920
Ah, si. Drink some ice water
with apple slices in it,
148
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,546
then scream a secret into the cup.
149
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,881
Okay, thanks.
150
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,675
Scream a secret into the cup?
151
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,094
You heard me.
152
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,554
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Phew! No more hiccups.
153
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,265
- (CAROLINA GASPS)
- Okay, what's wrong now?
154
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,518
Everything's fine,
but you have to eat two lemons
155
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,269
while humming the alphabet backwards
156
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,604
before the moon is full.
157
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:40,191
Don't worry, my little battery,
this won't hurt...
158
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,985
me. You, I'm not sure.
159
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,530
Look, I'm sorry for
making fun of you earlier,
160
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,407
but this isn't gonna win you any fans.
161
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,450
Batteries, don't talk, dear. (GIGGLES)
162
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:54,247
Onions of the world,
La Cebolla commands you, come to me!
163
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,503
Ugh, I said no onions.
164
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,171
That's better.
165
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:10,555
Apples, ice water.
166
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,974
Come on, Hamster,
I need you to rescue Gretel.
167
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,685
Hamster, you need to scream
a secret into the cup.
168
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,103
I'm a hamster,
169
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,939
I don't have any secrets.
You need to do it.
170
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:21,065
- Me?
- Yes, Kevin.
171
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,942
Quickly, I'm fading!
172
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,779
Sometimes, I smell my socks
after taking them off,
173
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,031
and if they don't smell like soup,
I wear them again!
174
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:30,867
- Hamster?
- Okay, I'm better.
175
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,827
- It worked?
- No, I was just messing with you.
176
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,454
The water did the trick. Let's go.
177
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,541
Reports of vast migrations of onions
178
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,544
are pouring in from
all over the world, baffling scientists.
179
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:44,297
Is this the work of some
beautiful, misunderstood soul
180
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,215
whose talent has been ignored too long?
181
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,633
The answer, of course, is no.
182
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,303
Only a loser would seek validation
through such absurd methods.
183
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,431
The better question is,
what did I do to keep getting assigned
184
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,183
these awful, awful field pieces?
185
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,392
Told you.
186
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,602
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
187
00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:58,936
I'll show them all.
188
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,481
- (RUMBLING)
- You couldn't have dug a bigger hole?
189
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,399
Hamster, you're okay!
190
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,610
Oh, did you dip the apple in ice water,
191
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,236
then scream the secret into the cup?
192
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,782
Well played.
I suppose it's time for plan B,
193
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:15,495
where every onion
under my command bursts,
194
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,914
drowning the world in tears.
195
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:20,291
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
196
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:24,378
It is time!
197
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:31,594
Wait. You're gonna explode
all the onions in the world?
198
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,763
- That's terrible.
- Aren't they your friends?
199
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,057
They're my underlings, nothing more.
200
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,895
You've never asked the onions
what they think of your plans, have you?
201
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,230
Of course not.
202
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,856
Who cares what onions think?
203
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:46,359
They're stupid, brainless vegetables.
204
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:49,153
You don't really mean that, do you?
205
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:50,488
I do really mean it.
206
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,698
They literally have no brains.
207
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,409
So when I say "burst," they'll burst.
208
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,161
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
209
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:58,496
Burst!
210
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,625
I said, burst!
211
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,671
What? What's going on?
212
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,715
What, where are you going? Come back!
213
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,680
I said no onions.
214
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,098
I don't understand.
215
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,058
Why won't they do as I say?
216
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,476
You said it yourself.
217
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,353
You spoke and the onions listened.
218
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,272
They just didn't like what they heard.
219
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:28,276
Ay... What a fool I was.
220
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,612
I turned my back on my only audience.
221
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,489
The onions were sweet.
222
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,409
But La Cebolla was sour,
223
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:41,080
and now I shall never know
their pungent embrace again.
224
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,374
(CRIES) Por que?
225
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,542
(BOTH CRYING)
226
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,587
Wow.
227
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,130
I brought you to tears.
228
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,341
Maybe I am a great actress.
229
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,553
No, it's, it's just the onion stink.
230
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,263
Onion punch!
231
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,307
Copy that, over.
232
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,893
Thanks, Hamster and Gretel
and, um, random teenage boy.
233
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,395
Take these handcuffs off me.
234
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:05,730
Don't you know who I am?
235
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,982
You were on that terrible telenovela.
236
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,234
- Oh, a fan.
- Watch the onion, ma'am.
237
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:13,446
I don't know about you,
but all that onion punching
238
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,905
made me surprisingly hungry.
239
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:15,990
Let's finish dinner.
240
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,366
Huh? Oh, yeah.
241
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,910
- What's up?
- Nothing, it... It's just...
242
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,871
Something about La Cebolla's origin.
243
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,831
Power that came from the sky?
244
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,166
What did that mean?
245
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,501
Kevin, she said a lot of crazy things.
246
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,338
The woman talked to onions.
247
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,006
Good point. Let's go home.
248
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,885
MALE ALIEN:
Experiment 622H-108 complete.
249
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,011
Results?
250
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,596
- Failure.
- FEMALE ALIEN: I'll say.
251
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:42,725
So, who came up with the idea
of talking to onions as a superpower?
252
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,518
MALE ALIEN: Ah,
they can't all be winners.
253
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:48,105
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
254
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,867
Hamster and Gretel
255
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,626
It's Hamster
256
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,753
Hamster and Gretel
257
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:15,353
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