All language subtitles for Turned Out Nice Again 1941 1080p_track3_eng

(LIVELY MUSIC)

MAN: There's the article.
Examine it yourself.

It's one of a gross,
marked on your invoice 'Quality A'.

I repeat - examine it yourself.

You see? The article itself
is marked 'Quality A'.

There's been a mistake somewhere.

You're right.
There has been a mistake somewhere.

I can't sell goods like that!
I'll have to go to McKinley's.

McKinley's?! I hope there's
no question of that!

Certainly not, sir. I'll get
to the bottom of this myself.

You can rest assured
that the matter will be attended to.

My son will see to it.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

Tell Mr Pearson
to come here, please.

Seen Mr Pearson?

Mr Pearson?!

Seen Mr Pearson?
Oh, don't bother me!

Mr Pearson?! Mr Pearson?!

Oh, damn it.

Mr Pearson?! Mr Pearson?!

What's to do?

Will you come over here?
It keeps on breaking!

It's the 50th time today!

Mr Pearson, just a minute.
Now, listen.

I can't go on like this...
Mr Pearson, you must...

Well, I can't...
Mr Pearson?!

Mr Dawson wants you
in his office. You'd better hurry.

(ALL TALK AT ONCE)

Sign for these,
will you, please, sir?

I haven't much time...

(HORN HONKS)
Hey!

I must apologise for the delay, sir.
I'm a busy man, you know?!

I'll go find him myself, sir.

Oh! I'm sorry, sir.

How dare you waste
this gentleman's time?!

Me...?
And can you explain this?

Well, that's funny.

It's made of 'Grade B' yarn
and it's marked 'Grade A'.

Exactly - this garment is one of a
gross supplied to Mandell and Riggs,

one of our most important
and valued customers,

if not THE most important.

Oh, well, well...
No excuses.

I demand that you
apologise personally.

By meself?
Yes.

(SNIFFS) Oh...

Well, I'm sorry, sir,
that it happened, but...

That will do, Pearson.

I hope you'll accept
the apology, sir.

We will replace the order
immediately, of course.

In that case...
Good day, sir.

Uh, good day.
Good day.

Uh, we all make mistakes, you know?

Uh, me? No... I-I...

That's alright, Pearson.
I'll deal with you later.

Good day, sir.
Uh, good day. Good day.

Good day.

Now, the first thing is to find out
who's responsible for this.

Well, I had nothin' to do with it.
Well, nobody said you had.

Well...

Oh!
Is Mr Nelson in his office, please?

Bring those models
over here, will you?

Hello, Nelson? Come to my office
immediately, please.

Uh, you want me, sir?
Ah, Nelson.

Who checked out this last order
for Mandell and Riggs?

Oh, uh...Pearson, of course.

Ooh...
Don't interrupt.

But, surely, as overseer,
you should have done it yourself.

Well, I do, usually, sir,
but in this case, Pearson did it.

But I-I...

In fact, it was out and checked
before I knew it, Mr Gerald.

Shut up, Pearson.

Will you stop that yawning?!
It's intolerable!

Now, who supervised the markings?

This is certainly Pearson's work.

(YAWNS) If you don't stop yawning,
you'd better leave this office.

Yeah, but...
And stop talking!

Hmm, I thought so.

"Inferior yawn..."
Yarn, sir.

"..yarn has been used in this order,

"and we've been charged at
the top price, for the best grade.

"That means we've been cheated,
as well as our customers."

What have you got to say
for yourself, Pearson?

Well, sir, it could have only been
me or Mr Nelson that did it.

That's fairly obvious, isn't it?

And it couldn't have been me, sir,
because by the date of the entry,

I was away on me holidays
at Blackpool, yeah?

And, look, here's the muck
they're trying to spin now.

It's snip-snap, all day long.

There's more time wasted
mending yarn than spinning it.

So, this is the stuff
they're spinning now,

for that big Garfield order

which we particularly wanted
Grade A in every respect.

Nelson, you did issue this yarn,
didn't you?

Yes, I did.

Knowing the specifications
should be Grade A?

Yes.

And no doubt you charged us Grade A,
and pocketed the rest yourself, eh?

Alright, I guess you win.
I know I do.

Alright, you can get your hat
and go, and the quicker, the better.

I'm...sorry, Mr Nelson.

Oh, don't worry. I'm going
straight to McKinley's now.

It'll be a change to work for a live
firm, instead of a bunch of dodos.

Dodos? Dawson's, dodos?!

Chairman, please.
Uh, what is a dodo?

You'll be one yourself
if you don't stop talking.

Hello, Father?

Oh, about that
Mandell and Riggs order...

Yes, it was Nelson.

Good heavens!
He's been cheating the firm.

Yes, look.
He'll have to go, of course.

He won't be easy to replace.

Don't worry, Father. I'll take care
of the personnel. That's my job.

And I've got some ideas
on the subject too.

Yes.

Pearson?

You've been doing most of Nelson's
work lately, haven't you?

Well...

..I suppose I have, in a way.

Well, I'm gonna give you a trial.

As...overseer?

Why not? You know the work.
I think you can manage.

Overseer's wages?
But of course!

Oh, Mr Gerald...

Oh, you don't know
what this means to me.

I didn't expect this for years.

Ooh, I'm gonna faint!

Me, overseer!

I'll work for you 24 hours a day!
I'll...I'll work...

(WHISTLE BLOWS)
There's the whistle.

There's somebody
I've got to tell about this.

Goodnight, Mr Gerald.

Goodnight, love!

Lydia, let me in!
I've got some great news for you!

Lydia, hurry up! Open the door!

Alright, alright!

Lydia, I've got a big surprise!

Hold on, hold on.
Oh, beg pardon, Uncle Arnold.

Where's Lydia?
She's in t'parlour.

Lydia! Lydia!

It's happened! It's happened!
What's happened?

I'll give you two guesses,
and if you lose, a big cuddle!

Then I wouldn't try to guess.

What is it, George?

Well, at the factory,

Mr George Pearson
has been made overseer.

I don't believe it!

You can please yourself,
but it's true.

I've been made overseer,
with the rising wages.

Now we can both get married

and go to Blackpool on our
honeymoon, like we've always wanted.

Oh, George!

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

Oh, Uncle! Me and Lydia
are getting married!

Well, I'm right glad
to hear it, lad.

I'm sick of spending
all my evenings in kitchen.

Ah, well, you won't have to
in future.

We shan't be courting much longer.
Oh, shan't we?

Well, you know what I mean.

Now, go and get your things on
as quick as you can

and we'll celebrate - don't be long!

Isn't it marvellous, Uncle?
Me and Lydia, at last.

I suppose now you're
setting up together,

you'll be taking your pigeons
with you, will you?

Oh, the pigeons. Aye.

I can have 'em at me own place now.

Well, if you didn't, I'd still be
glad to look after them for you.

Well, aren't you still going to?

Well, I thought with you and Lydia,
getting married,

you wouldn't want
a third party in t'house.

Hey, that's alright, Uncle.

Lydia and me have settled that
a long time ago.

You're gonna stay with us
until you're in work again.

Are you sure?
That's right good of you, lad.

Hey, that's alright, Uncle.

Any signs of her laying yet?
No, I can't make it out.

I was thinking of writing
to 'Feathered World' on it.

I don't know how to put it.

Oh, that's easy.
I'll dictate it for you.

Oh.

I may as well get me hand in,
in case they promote me again.

Aye.

Are you ready?
Aye.

"Dear sir..."

"Dear...sir..."

"Re my two fantail pigeons..."

How do you spell 'Re'?
"R-E".

What's it mean?

Well, it means, uh...

You've seen it... They'll know!

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

(MUMBLES)
"Re my two fantail pigeons..."

"One is male and the other is..."
Uh...

"..of the corresponding persuasion."

Christmas! Couldn't we say,
"One is male and t'other female"?

Aye, well, go on. If you prefer it.

Well, I do, for reasons of spelling.

Uh... Hmm.

"I can't get them to..."

No, wait a minute. No.

Hang on.

"They...they don't
seem to...like..."

"Each other"?

No, I... No.

"They show very little
inclination..."

Very little?
The blighters show none at all.

Be quiet, Arnold. You bother me.
It's hard job, is this.

"They...they won't..."

"I can't..."

Are you sure this is not
too soon to write?

Perhaps they haven't
had long enough.

We've had her 12 month -
that's plenty.

Yeah, it ought to be.

Uh, well, what have you got now?

Uh, "Dear sir,

"Re my two fantail pigeons.

"One is male and the other female.

"I can't get them to..."

Hey! That'll almost do as it is.

How do you mean?
It doesn't make sense.

Course it does. Listen.

"I can't get 'em to..." Full stop.

Oh, aye.

George, I'm ready!

'Ere, Lydia, you look
proper champion.

I'd like to tell the whole world
we're gonna get married.

How about telling your mother first?

Oh, Mother.

Dibble's Pickles, Miss Gibbs.
Yes, Willie's looking for them.

Hurry up, Willie.

What, Miss Gibbs? Did you?

George and Lydia, last night,
at the pictures?

Oh, no! Nothing like that.

My George always says if there's
any girl he's sweet on, it's me.

Now, you go in and break the news
and I'll come in a minute.

Hello, Mother.

You're back early, George.
Yes. Uh...

Tell me, how are you
feeling today, Mother?

Very well, thank you. Why?

Well, I've a bit of news for you.

Oh?

You see, it's like this, Mother...

Tin of crab, please, two gas mantles

and three pillars of
bicarbonate of soda.

What's your news, George?

Oh, it's...nothing urgent.

That'll be 1s 6d, please.

Thank you.
Good day.

The fact is...
That reminds me, George.

I must get in some more gas mantles.
We're running out.

Uh, yes, Mother.

Well, what I was going to say was...

(SHOP BELL DINGS)

Hello, Lydia.
Hello, Mrs Pearson.

I hope you're pleased.
Pleased?

Well, we've waited so long

that now we are going to be married,
I can hardly believe it.

Married?

George, haven't you...?

Well, Mother, I was
going to tell you, see?

At the factory, I've got a raise
in wages enough to get married on.

Oh... Oh, me 'eart!
Mother!

You're alright.
No, I can't help it!

It's me 'eart!
What...what's there to do?

Get her into the back room.

(GROANS)

Mind them gas mantles.
That's all we have.

Oh, dear!

Charlie, we're shut!

Oh...
Put her down here.

(MOANS)

I'm alright, George. It's just
a shock, losing me only son.

MAN: Half an ounce
of snuff, boss.

Oh, you haven't lost a son, Mother.
You've gained a daughter.

Hasn't she, Lydia?

I'll make him a good wife,
Mrs Pearson.

And we'll always
be pleased to see you.

Well, I hope George will.

When I think, the day he was born,

I was four and a half hours
under chloroform.

Ohh!

(MOANS)
What's to do, Mother?

Oh, it's a pain round 'ere.

My mother died of 'eart failure.

It might be best that way.
No, it's not as bad as that.

The only thing that's wrong with you
is want a change.

You want to go away somewhere.

You want to be rid of me?
No, Mother, it's not that.

But we shall be going away
on our honeymoon and...

..if it'll do your 'eart good,
you can come with us.

Oh, George, can I?!

Yes. Can't she, Lydia?

Alright, George.

I'll tell you where we'll go,
George. We'll go to Morecambe.

I've never been to Morecambe.
Have you, Lydia?

(COMICAL RENDITION OF
MENDELSSOHN'S 'WEDDING MARCH' PLAYS)

(LIVELY MUSIC)

(COMICAL RENDITION OF
'HERE COMES THE BRIDE' PLAYS)

(BELL RINGS)

(COMICAL VERSION OF 'I DO LIKE
TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE' PLAYS)

('I DO LIKE TO BE
BESIDE THE SEASIDE' CONTINUES)

(COMICAL MUSIC)

(LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES)

(LIVELY MUSIC)

(PLAYS BANJO DISCORDANTLY)

(SINGS) # There's all kinds
of remedies that you can buy

# No matter what ailment you've got

# But I know a special one
you ought to try

# You'll find it the best of the lot

# It's Auntie Maggie's
homemade remedy

# Guaranteed never to fail

# That's the stuff
that will do the trick

# Sold at every chemist
for one and a kick

# Now, if you've got lumbago,
rheumatics or gout

# Or a pain in your Robert E. Lee

# Don't kick up a shindy,
you'll never get windy

# With Auntie Maggie's remedy

# If you set your alarm clock
for eight in the morning

# You're bound to wake up,
I'll agree

# But I'll bet you, by heaven,
you'll jump out at seven

# With Auntie Maggie's remedy

# In a young lady's bedroom
I went by mistake

# My intentions were honest, you see

# She shouted with laughter,
"I know what you're after

# "It's Auntie Maggie's remedy"

# Auntie Maggie's homemade remedy,

# Guaranteed never to fail

# That's the stuff
that will do the trick

# Sold at every chemist
for one and a kick

# Now I went to the doctor,
I wasn't too well

# And he made me lie on the settee

# He said, "There's trouble brewing

# "You've been overdoing
your Auntie Maggie's remedy"

# Now, I know a young lady
who's putting on weight

# In a place
where it just shouldn't be

# So I said to Nellie,
"Now you rub your...ankle

# "With Auntie Maggie's remedy"

# Now, one day at the races,
the horse that I backed

# Could have won, it was easy to see

# But the trainer said after,
it would have run faster

# With Auntie Maggie's Remedy

# Inside its nosebag

# Auntie Maggie's remedy. #

(PASSENGERS LAUGH)

(GENTLE RENDITION OF
MENDELSSOHN'S 'WEDDING MARCH' PLAYS)

('WEDDING MARCH' CONTINUES)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Mrs Pearson?
Yes?

From Upton's.

Is that from Upton's?!
Yes.

Oh, thank goodness
it's come in time!

More extravagance, I suppose.

It's a queer way
to celebrate your anniversary,

spending money you can't afford,

but it's no business of mine...

What on earth?!

It's a surprise for George.

An evening dress, complete.
I saw it advertised.

But he's not going to wear that
tonight, at the party!

Why not?
It's ridiculous!

Trying to live above your station.

It's hire purchase, I suppose,
like everything else in the house.

I paid for it myself,
out of my savings.

If I can help George get on
in the world, I'm going to.

He won't always be an overseer.

GEORGE: Lydia?! Uncle?!

What is it, George? What's happened?
It's the factory.

I've got to leave at once.
Oh, George!

You haven't got the sack?!
No, no, nothing like that.

But I've gotta get back to it quick.
Train goes in half an hour.

Uncle?
Train? Where to?

London.
London?!

Aye, it's the underwear exhibition.

You see, the chap that usually
does it has been taken ill.

I've got to take charge
of Dawson's stall.

Oh, but, George, there's the party.
It's our anniversary!

Yes, I know, love.
I told Mr Gerald that.

But he said to me that if I...

'Ere, what's this?!

Just a present for you,
but it'll keep till you come back.

What - a present from you to me?

Oh, thanks, love. It's grand.
Just the thing for London.

Come on. Help me pack it up.

Arnold, ring for a taxi.
I've only got 28 minutes.

But, George, I want to talk
to you about t'pigeon.

Nay! Don't tell me
she's started laying?

No such luck.

You know, if I wasn't going away,

I'd try her with
a different husband.

Couldn't Arnold do that?
No, Mother, it must be a pigeon.

NELSON: Now, ladies and gentlemen,
Sunset Sun,

the very latest vogue,
using elastic ruching.

Josephine, the nightgown
for tonight...

..and every night.

Thank goodness it's the last day.
Talk about flops.

Better not let Mr Pearson hear you.

Well, what can he expect, with
Dawson's selling things like these

and McKinley's over there?

Dream time - McKinley's Streamline,

the very latest
in sheer silk slumber wear.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for the beach -

Los Angeles,
the all-elastic playsuit.

Blue and white,
for fresh, cool stripes.

Blue and white.
Do you think you can manage?

Don't see why not?
I'll go and round up the girls.

Pardon me, pardon me.

How about music?
Don't worry. I'll look after that.

La jeune fille,

always dressed with taste in a
dressing-gown of pique chenille.

Gangway! Excuse me!

Come along, girls. Through the back.
Off with your clothes.

What's the big idea?
Mr Pearson's orders.

Come on, dears. Quickly.
Come on.

(ALL TALK AT ONCE)

And now, here's another of
McKinley's innovations -

the Negli-zip.

On and off in a moment.

Roll up, folks, roll up!
Don't bother about the other people.

If you want the best selection
in town, we've got it.

Now, listen to me.

Please, don't go,
ladies and gentlemen. Don't go.

I repeat, the Negli-zip
is the last word...

(SINGS) # When your boyfriend
calls on Sunday

# And you want to look your best

# Won't you wear our woollen undies?

# Then you'll know
you're properly dressed

# Hey, you can't go wrong in these

# They fit from neck to knees

# They're soft to wear,
but they're hard to tear

# So, you can't go wrong in these

# If want to have a figure
that's the envy of the town

# Then you'll find our stays
'de rigueur'

# Never let our customers down

# So, you can't go wrong in these

# They're fastened up with keys

# They'll keep you straight
like a two-inch plate

# So, you can't go wrong in these

# If a girl is young and flighty

# Silk pyjamas now she wears

# Yet a real old flannel nightie

# Is as good as 17 pairs

# So, you can't go wrong in these

# They'll stop the coldest breeze

# If you can't sleep tight
on a windy night

# Well, you can't go wrong in these

# If you want to buy a brassiere

# Won't you have a look at ours?

# Though the others may be classier

# And be covered all over
with flowers

# Still, you can't go wrong in these

# They're not made to please

# But they'll see you through
'cause they're stuck with glue

# So, you can't go wrong in these

# Now, a lot of you have aunties

# And when Christmas comes along

# You must never give 'em panties

# For they like 'em
woolly and strong

# So, you can't go wrong with these

# They'll fit without a squeeze

# They'll go round your aunt
or a gasworks plant

# So, you can't go wrong in these

# If you like a mild flirtation

# And your sex appeal is dead

# Have a look at your foundation

# And if it's beginning to spread

# Well, you can't go wrong in these

# There won't be room to sneeze

# But they'll shift the fat
from your bottom...flat

# So, you can't go wrong in these. #

(APPLAUSE)

Well, he certainly got them.
For the moment, yes.

(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen. And now...

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
having listened to my assistant,

and had your laugh
at the underwear of yesterday...

What?!

I shall be happy to take your orders
for the underwear of today.

This way, ladies and gentlemen,
to McKinley's.

Straight through the arch.
Don't take any notice of him!

He's got nothing to do with me,
ladies and gentlemen.

He belongs to another firm.
Don't go away!

Thanks, old man. Much obliged.

Hey, what do you mean by
taking away my customers?

They're looking at my goods,
not yours.

No, they weren't, old man.
They may go for that, alright.

But when it comes to undies,
McKinley's is the firm.

Come on... People...everybody...

Come back, please,
everybody... People...

WOMAN: Excuse me?

Yes, miss? What is it?

Uh, well, uh...may I come in?

Come in?! Why... Yes, come on!

Come on!

Yes!

Uh, now, what can I show you?

Well, uh...I don't know.

Don't worry. I'll find out.

Now, look, this nightie's very
tempting - I mean, at the price.

No.

No, well... Just a minute.

Now, look, these are very strong.
You can't go wrong in these.

(LAUGHS) I'm sure I couldn't.

Uh...haven't you something
a little lighter in weight?

A little lighter in weight?
Now, let me see.

I had me hands on a pair
only this morning.

I know! I've got
the very thing for you.

Now, look, I'd like to see you
in these.

I mean, well, have a look yourself.

I'm afraid not.
Don't go away. Don't go away.

Well, I don't think McKinley's
will be sorry I joined them.

Carry on, Miss Abbott.
I shan't be a minute.

Uh, Largos? Just a minute.
Hello, Nelson. I can't stop.

I have some business to do.
I daresay that can wait.

This new yarn of yours,

are you trying to swindle me
out of 300 quid?

My dear Nelson,
there's a fortune in it for you.

The sole English
manufacturing rights for £300.

I met a friend of mine
on the textile side

and he tells me
that this won't make up.

I've already had it
made up in Switzerland.

The firm said it was OK.
What firm?

Oh, I don't know.
I've dealt with so many.

I think you're
swinging one over on me.

My dear Nelson,
do I look the sort of man

to swindle a friend out of £300?

Yes.
MAN: Hello, Largos.

Hello, old man. Sorry I can't stop.
I'm in rather a hurry.

You know him?
I'll say.

Biggest crook in the business.
Gypped me out of a packet last year.

He did?
Yes.

They say there's a mug born
every minute.

Yes. Yes!

If you can find one.
Reinforced down there.

And it's reinforced down there and
it's double-reinforced down there.

Mavis?!

Oh, there you are, at last!

What are you doing here?
Oh, nothing.

But I've been waiting for hours and
I simply had to sit down somewhere.

Good afternoon.

Look. They're...they're reinforced.

Hello, Pearson. How are things?

None the better
for your monkey tricks.

Oh, not still
taking offence, are you?

Honestly, old man, you haven't
got a hope with this stuff.

Come and see the lines I'm running.

Uh, these new-fangled ideas
come and go,

but Dawson's go on forever.

Oh, by the way - going with anyone
to the exhibitors' dinner tonight?

If not, why not join me?
No, I was gonna go straight home.

What?! Nonsense!

As Dawson's representative,
you must go to the dinner.

Old Man Dawson would be livid
if you didn't.

Well, in that case...
Yes, of course.

Who will you bring with you tonight?

I don't know anybody.
Well, I'm taking Miss Abbott.

Miss Abbott, Mr Pearson.
He'd better take Miss Wood.

That's a very good idea.

Miss Wood?
Yes?

This is Mr Pearson.
How do you do, missus?

He wants to know if you'll go
to the dinner with him tonight?

I shall be too delighted,
definitely!

(JAZZ ORCHESTRA PLAYS)

You'll have champagne, Pearson?

Champagne, we'll...
Of course he'll have champagne.

Oh, but you must!

Here's hoping.
MISS ABBOTT: Get up your nose.

Bottoms up.

Ooh, well, if it comes to that...

In me mouth, round the gums.
Look out, stomach, here it comes.

(COUGHS)

Isn't it nice and gassy? Heh!

'Ere, look at them girls,
dancing in their underclothes!

Isn't he a scream?!

Well, I've never seen
anything like that.

MISS ABBOTT: He'll tell us next
that Dawson's don't make underpants.

Well, they don't.
Not like that, anyway!

I'll say they don't.
And quite right too.

(ORCHESTRA PLAYS LIVELY MUSIC)

Look at the cheeky fast cats
dancin' in their knickers!

Their what?

Well...bloomers.

He said 'bloomers'!

Well, drawers.

(WOMEN LAUGH)

What's funny about that?
That's what we call 'em.

Well, in London,
they're called 'panties'.

Or 'scanties'.
Or 'step-ins'.

Fancy! And do you...?

I mean, do everybody wear them?

Well, more or less.

There couldn't be much less.

They're very nice, though.

I wouldn't mind taking a pair home
for the wife.

Are they expensive?

Well, I'm afraid those
would come very high.

Oh, I'll wait
till they come down, then.

In...in price.

(APPLAUSE)

Look, there's Phil and Tibb.
They want us to dance!

You'll excuse us.
It's a pleasure.

I don't see them. Where?
Yes, you do, stupid.

No, I don't!
Come on, bright eyes!

Well, it's just as well
they've gone.

There's something
I'd like to show you.

Yeah?
You're a pretty good judge of yarn.

Well, I know a bit when I see it.

What do you think of that?

It's grand if it'll make up.

Make up? Pearson, I know yarn,
you know yarn.

I tell you, there's nothing
to touch it on the market.

And you know what?
The rights can be bought for £300.

300 quid?!
Yes! Just think of it.

The sole English
manufacturing rights for £300.

I wish my contract
with McKinley's was different.

I'd buy it
and be a millionaire in a year.

A millionaire?
Yes.

By the way, how's your contract
with Dawson's?

Uh...con...contract?
Yes.

Mine says I can't
branch out on my own.

If I do, they'll sue me.
Does yours say that?

Well, not ex...

Pearson, don't tell me
you haven't got a contract?

Not exactly, but...
Well, of all the luck in the world!

Pearson, you've got to
take over those rights.

Ooh, no, I...

No, no, I won't take no
for an answer.

Give me £300
and the rights are yours.

You can raise £300, can't you?

Well...yes, just about.

But I should have to
talk to me wife first.

Oh, that's a pity.

There's someone else here
after it, you see?

Still, if you decide now,
I'll take your IOU

and you can send me a cheque
when you get home.

What do you say?

Uh, has this stuff been made up?

Yes! By a firm in Switzerland.

And did they say it was OK?

Largos, the man who owns the patent,
says it's marvellous.

Ah, but have you checked up on him?

Waiter, bring me
another bottle of this.

No, I don't want
any more of that stuff.

Nonsense! Another bottle.
Very good, sir.

Here, come here.

What, uh...what did they say
in Switzerland about it?

Well...

Hey, who's had my drink?
You had it yourself.

There's some more coming.

That man you were just dancing with,

isn't he the man who handles
British Textiles?

What? Oh! Oh, yes.
He's down here on a big deal.

I'd like to have a word with him.
Wait a minute!

Will you wait
till I telephone the wife?

You'll have to make it snappy.
I don't want to miss that man.

I'll do it right now.

Have you got change
of half a crown, please?

Sure.

And have you got a peppermint?
Sure.

Thank you.

I've got to talk to the wife.

(SLURS) Gotta talk to the wife?
Hmm! Poor fellow.

Must stand by him.
Must stand by him.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello. Hello?

Is owt t'matter?

I don't know.
I can't hear very well.

Hello, Lydia. Is that you?

Yeah, well, this is me, George.

It's George! What's the matter?

No, there's nothing the matter,

but I rang up because
there's something serious.

(SLURS) He's alright, Lydia.
Sober as a judge!

Go away.
What's he say?

I can't make out.
"Something serious."

What's happened?

George, you're not in hospital?!

No, no, but I'm in
a bit of a fix, you see?

Don't believe a word he says!
He's alright!

Go away.
There's someone else on the line.

George, are you in jail?!
Oh, what's he done?

Shh-shh-shh-shh!

No, he says he's not in jail.

What have you rung up for,
at this time of night?

Well, I've got hold of
a lovely yarn.

You haven't got me out of bed
to tell me a funny story?!

Here, let me have a go, love.

Well, I can get sole rights
for £300, anyway, for England.

Hooray for England!

I don't know
what he's talking about.

He says he's gonna play for England.

I think he's tight.
Here, give that to me.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
(DRUNK MAN BURPS)

Oh, there's a noise on the line.
Hiccups, most likely.

Hey, George, I cleaned out
the pigeons this morning.

Go away, Arnold!
I want to talk to Lydia.

Lydia! Is that Lydia?

Is it Lydia?

(SLURS) He's alright, Lydia!
He's stone-cold sober!

Hello, Lydia. I'll have to be quick.
Me time's nearly up. Shall I do it?

Do what? You didn't tell me
just now! You must have told Arnold!

Where are you?
I'm having dinner.

Having dinner at one o'clock
in the morning?! Are you daft?!

You go to bed at once, and
don't you dare have another drink...

Wait a minute, Lydia!
Oh, Lydia...

Frightening the life out of me!

I'm going back to bed!

Oh, she's rung off.

Good. Then, let's phone my wife now.

Operator?! Hello! Hello!

Look at that. Look at that.

(SPEAKS INAUDIBLY)

What do you think of that for yarn?

I wouldn't know.
I'm in the motor trade.

Good bit of stuff, that.

I'll buy it! I'll buy it!

Do you mind?
Of course not. Carry on.

I'll give you £300 for your rights.
Good!

I'll just write a note of transfer
and we'll both sign it.

Phew! I thought you were gonna sell
to the other fella, then.

(CHUCKLES) Did you? Well, I might,
if you hadn't been quick.

It's champion, isn't it, eh?

Can I get some of this stuff
right away?

I'm gonna have some samples made up.

I should.
Now, if you'll sign there...

There you are. Signed and sealed.

Now, it'll be alright if I send you
a cheque when I get home?

Mm-hm. Your IOU.

Oh...

Can you sign it?
You have that and I have these.

Good. Well, good luck
and I hope you make your fortune.

Well, if this makes up
as I think it will, I'm going to.

Dash it! I'm gonna buy a drink.

Barman?
Yes, sir?

Drinks for everybody.
Certainly, sir.

The gentleman would like to know
what you're drinking.

Oh, thank you!
Thanks very much!
(ALL TALK AT ONCE)

(SINGS) # I've got a feeling
it's me lucky day

# Send me, fellas, I'm on my way

# I'm going right up
to the top of the tree

# So, come right in
and have a drink with me

# Won't be long
till I make my pile

# Then I'll live in
the grandest style

# You'll be a Cotton King?

# No, sir

# I'll be Emperor of Lancashire

# I'll have a retinue 10 mile long

# And an army 10 million strong

# Big white elephants by the score

# And a fleet at anchor
off the Wigan shore

# Don't you recognise who I am?

# You've got to give me
the big salaam

# Got to end with a vote of thanks

# To the Emperor of Lancs

# Bow down, everyone, here I come

# Bang that cymbal
and hit that drum

# Bow down, everyone
Yes, sir

# I'm the Emperor of Lancashire

# Who's this gentleman
flashing dough?

# Is he somebody we should know?

# Is he somebody?

# Well, sir,
I'm Emperor of Lancashire

# Who's this gentleman talking loud?

# Is he one of the usual crowd?

# Who's this gentleman?
Ha-ha, ha-ha!

# I'm the Emperor of Lancashire

# Don't you recognise
who you've seen?

# He's the boss of the whole chabine

# He's the fellow
who broke the banks

# That's me
I'm the Emperor of Lancs.

# Who's that fella
they're crowding round?

# Who's that sucker
the boys have found?

# "Who's that sucker?" My dear sir!

# I'm Emperor of Lancashire

# I'm going back to my native town

# With me millions,
I'll knock 'em down

# I'll have everything in my power

# And I'll build a palace
on the Blackpool Tower

# On my birthday,
the crowds will cheer

# All the fountains
will flow with beer

# Blackpool wakes will run all year

ALL: # For the Emperor of Lancashire
# Thanks

# I'll hold a banquet for 50 score

# Tripe and onions and whelks galore

# Stewed pig's trotters
and mutton shanks, ha-ha!

ALL: # For the Emperor of Lancs!

# Bow down, everyone, here I come

# Bang that cymbal
and hit that drum

# Bow down, everyone
ALL: # Yes, sir

# I'm the Emperor of Lancashire. #

What might that be
when it's finished?

Beefsteak and kidney pudding.
George's favourite.

I'm going to give him
a real 'welcome home' supper.

Hope there'll be enough to go round.

If that's the basin
you're going to use, I doubt it.

There's only him and Uncle
to eat it.

I'm on a diet.
Don't tell me you're slimmin' again!

No, I'm not slimming. I just
want to keep as I am. That's all.

You're not the girl you were
three months ago.

You haven't got the bust
of a choirboy.

I don't want the bust of a choirboy.

You can't tell me
that George likes you dieting.

George and me are alright.

Aren't we, Arnold?
Mm.

I should say
George likes 'em slender.

That's enough from you,
Arnold Stukins.

(CHUCKLES) Something new?

Yes, it's very nice, isn't it?

Nothing's nice to look at
till it's paid for.

The whole house
is furnished on tick.

No, not tick, Ma.
Just hire purchase.

Well, I call it tick.

Still, it's a very nice cooker.

Well, come to that, I saw a very
nice diamond tiara the other day.

But I haven't bought it.
Do you know why?

It isn't the right size?
No, Arnold Stukins.

'Cause I can't pay for it.

And what you can't pay for,
you didn't ought to have.

When are we expecting George back?
When we see him.

Well, you mustn't keep me
any longer.

My love to George. Goodbye.

The old cat!

"Don't tell me you're slimming!"
What business is it of hers?

And you talk of
havin' your hair dyed.

If I want to have my hair dyed,
I shall,

whether she likes it or not.

Yeah, but if she don't like it,
George won't either.

George would like anything I like,
if she'd let him.

But she won't!

Mrs Pearson?

Yes?

No answer.
Thank you.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLARES)
Hello, Mother.

Welcome back, George.

Where's Lydia?
I thought she'd be here to meet me.

Well, Mother's here anyway.
Look what I brought from London.

Oh, how nice! I haven't had
a chocolate for months!

No, they're meant for Lydia, Mother.

Oh, she'll not touch them.
She's slimmin' again.

Oh...
Why don't you stop her?!

Everybody's talkin'!
Oh, are they?!

Well, I won't have people
talkin' about my private affairs.

Taxi?!

Would you like me
to drop you at the shop?

Oh, that'd be nice.
Taxi?!

I'm expecting your Lydia
to supper tonight.

Just a little family gathering.
Just us three.

Well, Mother, I...

Oh, George,
and I've come all this way!

Well, alright.

Here it is.

I wonder George hasn't let us know
what time he's comin'.

Well, he's a very busy man.
If he could have, he would.

Yeah, I suppose you might
say the same about yon pigeon.

Eh, I don't know
what George will say

when I tell him
she still hasn't laid.

(VEHICLE APPROACHES)
Taxi?

It's stopping!

Oh, it's George!

Uncle, go and fetch George's bag
in here and pay the taxi!

Hello, George.
Lydia!

George!
Hello, Uncle.

How's the pigeons?
Well, they're not...

Here, you can talk about them later.
Now, off you go, Uncle!

Now, come on, George. Sit down.
You must be tired!

Come and tell me all about it.
Now, what of your long journey?

Aye, it was a long journey
and the train was crowded.

Do you know,
that train was so crowded,

well, finally, I said
to t'fella sitting next to me,

I said, "A bit crowded, isn't it?"

And he said, "Aye, it is."

And how was London?
London...

Well, it, uh...

Lydia, I have a confession to make.

A confession?!

What about?!
Well, it's, uh...

I don't, uh... I don't know
how to tell you about it.

What is it, George?

Well, it all started
at the party last night.

Who was with you?

Well, there was Mr Nelson.
You remember him.

And two of his girlfriends.

Girlfriends?

Yes, Lydia.
I wonder if you'll understand.

I think you'd better try me, George.

Well, it was Mr Nelson
who suggested it.

I admit, I rather liked the idea,

but I didn't know
what you'd think about it.

Oh.

So, then, I telephoned you
to ask you.

Ask me?!

And I didn't seem to get
much of an answer,

so I went back and did it quickly.

George!

It cost £300.

£300?!

I gave an IOU for it.

George, I don't know
what you're talking about!

It must be a yarn.
Yes, it is.

This is it.

Oh, that!
I bought it.

Do you know, Lydia,
it could revolution...

..it could revol...revol...

Well, it could sell like hotcakes.

Yes, it's cheap to make up and I own
the English manufacturing rights.

You do?!
Yes.

And shall you offer it to Dawson's?
When I'm ready.

But they'll have to pay me for
the privilege. I dictate the terms.

£300?

But we haven't got £300, have we?

Yes, love. That's just
what we've got in t'bank.

But we've only got it because
we furnished on the instalment plan.

Aye, I know. We really owe it.

Never mind, George.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Have you seen it made up
into garments?

No, but I'm getting samples
done in London.

I should think it'd be marvellous.
Just think of it, Lydia.

In six months' time, 5 million...
no, 50 million women

will be clamouring for underwear
made of this stuff.

And Dawson's will make it,
thanks to your initiative.

You know, Lydia,
it does me good to talk to you.

I don't know
what I'd do without you.

That's nice, George.

And to think
I was going to scold you.

Scold me?! What about?!
Never mind.

Let's not say anything about it.

Oh, tell me! I'd like to know.

No, it's nothin', really.

It's only about this 'ere dietin'.

Who told you I'd been dieting?
Maybe a little dickybird.

Aye, and maybe
it was an old vulture.

So, she got in as quick
as that, did she?

Where did you see her?
Uh...who?

Your mother, of course.
Station.

How did she know what train
you were coming on?

Well, how do I know?
I expected you to be there as well.

I sent you a telegram.

Well, I never got it, but she was
there, waiting to tell tales on me.

No, she wasn't!

She just came to ask us
to have supper with her tonight.

She asked you that?!
What did you say?

Well, I said...y-yes,

this being my first night at home.

She knew I'd got steak-and-kidney
pudding for you.

Have you?

She did it on purpose, just to show

that she can twist you
round her little finger

and to let me know
how much I matter!

Now, don't lose your temper.
Why can't she leave us alone?!

She's not content with spoiling
our first night off together,

but she's got to decide
what shape I'm going to be!

Well, she won't, see?

If I'm going to diet, I'll do it,
whether she likes it or not.

Oh, will you?
And what if I don't like it?

Now, see here, George -
I'm slim and I'm going to stay slim!

Suppose I forbid it?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, now, Lydia, there's no need
for us to disagree.

And let me tell you something else!
I'm going blonde.

You're going...? You're going daft!

I tell you, I'm going blonde!
Now, I won't have it, Lydia!

What are me friends
going to say on Sunday

when they see me going into church
to sit at choir,

with me wife sitting at third pew,
looking like a...

..like a...well, like you'd look?

Thanks very much.
Now, you're going too far, Lydia.

You're going to make
a fool of yourself.

(PHONE RINGS)
Talk about having children?

Why, you're not responsible. Blonde!

When your children got here,
they wouldn't recognise you.

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
Hello?

Yes, speaking.
Hey, Lydia, come back!

Oh, sorry, Mr Gerald. Yes.

Yes, I've just got back.

Oh. Are you and George
going out then?

I'M going out!

(DOOR SLAMS)
Very well.

I'll be there first thing
in the morning.

Thank you. Good afternoon.
Thank you for calling.

Uncle?

George...
Did you see Lydia just now?

Aye, she went out. George, we had
a letter from 'Feathered World'.

Did she say owt about
going to the hairdressers?

No. She seemed in 'urry, like.

"Dear sir,

"With reference to
your latest report..."

Do you happen to know
where she goes for her hair?

Antoine's.
It's, uh, French, I suppose.

"An application to the rectrices..."

Now, what's that mean, George?

Whereabouts is this here Antoine's

I don't know.
I always go to Charlie's.

Uh, is Mrs Pearson here?

I mean, Madame Pearson,
s'il vous plait?

Aye. She's being done now.

Well, can I go through?
I'm married to her.

Oh, certainly. Miss Ellen?

Is Mrs Pearson dry yet?

She won't be long, Mr Antoine.
It's my husband!

Leave it where it is.

Hello, Lydia. Can I come in?

How do you do?
How do you do?

What does that thing do?
It's for drying the hair.

Oh, is that all?

I'll be back in a minute.

(LAUGHS) Lydia, when I saw that
on your head, I thought...

It is only for drying your hair,
isn't it?

Yes, of course it is.
What did you think?

Oh, nothin'.

Uh, Lydia...

..I'm sorry I lost me temper.

You know, after the way you took it

when I told you
I'd spent all our money.

That's alright, George.

When you told me
you was going, blonde,

well, that upset me.

Would that matter very much, George?
Well, you know it would.

But I knew you was
only pullin' me leg.

Hey, you know, you do
look funny with that on.

Doesn't it make your head ache?

Yes, it does, rather.
Shall I take it off?

Oh, no, you mustn't do that
or you'll spoil everything!

Oh, alright.

Look, let's not go
to me mother's tonight.

Let you and me just have
a quiet night together, eh?

Oh, yes, I'd like that, George.

Champion. I'll go and ring her up
and come back again.

Oh, no, don't do that!

You go on home
and I'll come...later.

Alright, love.

Don't be long.

(GASPS)

"Application to the rectrices..."
What might that be, now?

Where's George?
Hmm?

Inside, making a cup of tea, lass.

Oh, Uncle, if only I'd waited
till I wasn't in a temper!

Well, what's to do?

I've done it.
Hmm?

I'm a blonde!
Hey, let's have a look!

Oh, no, you mustn't.
Oh, it looks simply frightful!

Hey, what'll George say?
Oh, he won't ever see it.

I'll go away somewhere,
to Manchester,

till it's grown out again.

Hey, well, don't take on so, lass.

George'll be furious!

What shall I do, Uncle?

Well, you...

I'd better stay with me pigeons.
I'm best out of t'way.

Is George in?

Where's George?

Why, in the kitchen.

Why don't you knock before you come
in, Ma. You gave me quite a fright.

Well, George always
likes me to walk in.

Well, so do I, but you might
sing out or something.

Sorry?

Oh, hello, Lydia.
I just made you a nice cup of tea...

Oh, hello, Ma. What's to do?

Since Mohammed
won't come to the mountain,

the mountain's come to Mohammed.

Mountains?

Here's the pie
I've had made for your supper.

Oh, you got my message, then?
I did get your message.

Or was it Lydia's?
No, it was mine.

It was done to please her.
No, it wasn't!

All the same, it does.

There y'are. It's alright, George.

I shan't bother you anymore.

According to Dr Wilson, I shan't be
here much longer to bother anyone.

When did Dr Wilson say that?

25 years ago.

Oh, shut up, Lydia.

Now, there's no need
to get upset, Ma.

Here's an idea.
Let's all have supper here.

What do you say to that? Huh, Lydia?

You can't ask your mother
to stay here,

where the suet pudding won't go
round and the table isn't paid for.

Now, wait a minute...
But if you do stay for supper...

And I'm to be refused supper
in the house of me own son?

No, Mother, it's not that.
No, George.

You must make up your mind
which is staying for supper.

I'd like to know.

Listen, you two can have
your supper where you want!

I'm going to Coach and Horses
for veal and ham pie and beer,

and I'm going in t'mens bar
because women are a...

Well, they'd bother anybody.

No, George.
I shan't stay another minute!

And to think that
the day you were born,

I was four and a half hours
under chloroform.

Well, I never. I thought she'd
find something to stop her going.

Anyway, now we're by ourselves, I've
got something to tell you, George.

Something I couldn't possibly
tell you in front of her.

Oh, my!

Oh...

Oh... (MOANS)

Oh, my heart! Oh!

It's alright, Mother! It's alright!

Lydia, give me a hand to get her
on the sofa, will you?

It's alright, Mother. Don't worry.

Ohh!

(GASPS)
Lydia!

George!

What'll the neighbours
say tomorrow?!

Neighbours?
What will the choir say on Sunday?!

GERALD: Hello? Can you hear?
Oh, neither can I.

Hello! Yeah... Oh, that's better.

Hello, Major.
Uh, this is Gerald. Yes.

Now, listen,
I want to make a test of a new yarn.

Right away.

Miss Fowler?
Yes, sir?

Take this to the laboratory
at once, please.

What's the matter
with you today, Pearson?

I'm sorry, Mr Gerald,
but this telegram worries me.

Oh. It is a bit peculiar, isn't it?

Yes, I can't understand it.

It says "material described
not even known here."

Well, perhaps they didn't
recognise the description.

Anyway, if the stuff's alright,
it doesn't matter.

I suppose you're right, really.

Well, supposing it's wrong.
You lose £300, but what of it?

"What of it?!"
Well, it's a mere bagatelle.

It might be a mere bagatelle
to you, Mr Gerald.

Tell me, how do you think this yarn
will make up into knickers?

Oh, champion, but...

..if you'll pardon the liberty,
Mr Gerald,

I don't think
we ought to say 'knickers'.

Well, drawers, then.
Or 'drawers'.

Well, what would you say?

Well, with my London experience,

I think we ought to say...'panties'.

'Panties'?!

Or 'scanties'. Or 'step-outs'.

Now, look here!

"Mandell and Briggs Give Entire
New Season's Order to McKinley's".

Fixed it up at the exhibition,
I expect.

Yes, right under our very noses.

That's the third customer
we've lost this month.

What's the matter with everybody?

Our product's just the same,
isn't it?

Well, perhaps that's the trouble,
Father. You see, Pearson says...

Don't tell me what he says!

If we never saw Pearson again, it
wouldn't affect Dawson's Underwear -

not one stitch!

Now, where are last month's figures?

Well, I gave orders
for them to be sent to you...

Orders?! Orders?!

The way time is wasted
in this place is disgraceful!

Well, if I only had an assistant,
as I asked you for yesterday...

Well, engage someone!
Personnel's your job!

Get a new man or promote somebody!

Thank you, sir. I will.

Now, come with me into my room!

We must get those figures
audited today.

Wait here, Pearson.
I may have some good news for you.

Good news? Well, you don't mean...

Gerald, are you coming
or are you not?!

Coming, Father.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Lydia!

What are you doing here?

I met Miss Fowler as I came in.
She told me you were in here.

But this is Mr Gerald's room

and we're just about to
have a conference.

George, can't we be on speaking
terms for just a few minutes?

No, I don't feel like discussing
our private troubles in this.

Well, the first thing I want to say
is business.

Your samples from London have come.

Me samples?! Where are they?
What are they like?

I didn't open the box
but I brought them with me.

They're in your office.
Wait a minute!

I'll be back!

Wait a minute!

Hello? Mr Pearson's office?

Miss Davis? Have you got...?

Oh, you have? Good.

Now, look, these garments
are made from

a very special yarn
that's hush-hush.

I want you to get 'em on dummies and
send 'em up to Mr Gerald's office

as quick as you can.

You will? Thanks.

Oh, Lydia, they couldn't have come
at a better time!

And now, George, I've got
something else to tell you.

I'm going away.

I'm leaving you.
What do you mean?

We can't go on after last night.

Lydia!

You're talkin' nonsense.

It's not nonsense, George.

As long as your mother's about,
we shall do no good.

Well, she's at the house now!

At our house?

Oh, George, it isn't
my fault, really.

This morning after you left,
I was cleaning up.

I had the wireless on.

In she came, walked straight to it
and turned it off,

saying I'd do better
if I'd concentrate on the housework.

And then we got angry, she felt one
of her heart attacks coming on

and before I knew where I was,
she were in bed in t'spare room.

Did you send for the doctor?

No, I did NOT call the doctor.

I packed me suitcase.

Ha! That'd help matters a lot too.

Well, since she's settlin' in,
I'm clearin' out.

Well, I can't turn her out
if she's ill.

Ill!

Well, suppose I upset her
and make her worse ill.

Alright, George, I'll say goodbye
and go for a train.

Lydia, wait...

Where are you going?

To London.
Oh? To London?

And what are you going to live on?

I'll find a job.

Ha! They don't grow on trees.

I shan't look on trees.

Well, I wouldn't give you a job,
looking like you do now.

I wouldn't want it
in a stuffy old place like this!

I'd want a job in a modern firm,
with modern things in it!

This place is like your mother!

20 years behind the times
and no-one dares say so!

Now, look here!
Don't shout.

You'll wake the directors up.

Ah, I wish we could.
Oh...M...Mr Gerald.

I beg her pardon.

She...she didn't know
what she was saying.

I'd better catch my train.

Oh, just a minute, Mrs Pearson.

It is Mrs Pearson, isn't it?
Why, yes, Mr Dawson.

M...Mr Gerald, she...she didn't
mean to come into your office...

Never mind that.
Sit down, won't you?

Well, I really ought to...
Oh, please.

Now, Mrs Pearson,
would you kindly explain

what you were saying when I came in?

Mr Gerald, Mr Gerald, she didn't
know what she was saying.

She was a bit excited.

You said this place
was 20 years behind the times.

I'm beginning to think you're right.

Now, tell me, would you wear
undies like this?

Me?

Well, I...I...
Now, Lydia...

Please, Mrs Pearson,
would you or wouldn't you?

No, Mr Dawson.

Why wouldn't you wear them,
Mrs Pearson?

I don't like them.
And why don't you like them?

I think they're stuffy.
Lydia!

Pearson, get a pen and take down
every word that's said.

Do you wear any of Dawson's stuff,
Mrs Pearson?

No, I don't.

Why not?
Because you think it's awful?

Now, Lydia...

Alright, then,
I do think it's awful.

In fact, I wouldn't be seen dead
in any of it.

Please, Mr Gerald,
it's a misunderstanding.

She doesn't mean anything against
Dawson's - really, she doesn't.

Sit down.
Yes, Mr Gerald.

And what kind of undies
do you wear, Mrs Pearson?

Well! Really!

Well, perhaps you'd like to
have a look?

Certainly. Excuse me.

Thank you.
Don't mention it.

And underneath?

Well, I'm... I...

Panties.
What kind of panties?

Mr Gerald!
Oh, it's alright, Pearson.

I don't want to see them.

They're crepe de chine,
McKinley's panties.

McKinley's stuff is...rubbish!

No, it isn't.

And McKinley's panties
are cut on the cross too,

and that's more than you'd
ever get from Dawson's.

Lydia!

Anything else, Mrs Pearson?

Yes! Take brassieres!

Your brassieres are nothing but
a couple of bags joined with tape.

Dawson's brassieres are one of the
most reliable lines in the trade!

Modern women don't want
reliable brassieres!

Eeh, Lydia Pearson!

Mr Gerald, she's not quite herself.
I'd better take her away.

And you needn't take me. I'm going.

I'm sorry if I said anything
I shouldn't have.

But it's true anyway!

Lydia?! Excuse me, Mr Gerald...

Just a minute, Pearson.
I want a few words with you.

Mr Gerald, I do hope

you haven't taken offence
at anything that's happened.

Oh, on the contrary. Pearson,
you know I don't have an assistant.

Yes, sir, I've heard about it.

Well, you seem
a sensible sort of chap.

Oh... Well, I...

And you can see it's
a marvellous chance for someone.

Yes, I can...see that.

Well, then, if you agree...
Not unless, mind you.

Oh, I'm sure I'd agree to
anything you say.

Then how about letting your wife
have a trial at it?

Yes...

Wife? Lydia?!

She's young and smart.

She's got good taste and she belongs
to the very market we're after.

What do you think?
No...

I'm afraid I can't see it,
Mr Gerald.

Oh, come on, Pearson. Wake up.

I'm not asleep. I'm stunned!

Don't you see? As your assistant,
that'd make her my boss!

Ooh! That wouldn't do at all!

You're wrong, George.
I'd like the job, please, Mr Dawson.

Splendid. Then you shall have it.

But I...I... I won't have it!

What do you mean?
I mean what I say. I forbid it.

You forbid everything!
There's a job for you at home.

And your mother doesn't want me
to have that job

any more than
you want me to have this.

And there's no need to
drag my mother into this.

You're quite right. She'll likely
come barging in herself any minute.

Please...
George, I want a divorce.

Now, now, now...
Divorce?!

What do you think I am -
a film star?

I mean it.

Anyway, this is no place
to discuss that.

Oh, please, make yourselves at home.
You mind your own interference...

I beg your pardon.

Look, there's never been a divorce
in our family yet.

Well, there's going to be one now.

(BOTH SHOUT AT ONCE)

Gerald! Gerald! What's all this?

A perfect pandemonium! What's this
young woman doing here? Who is she?

It's Mrs Pearson, Father.
Oh!

She's only just called in
to bring my samples, sir.

Samples? What samples?

It's a new yarn
Pearson discovered in London.

It's being tested now.
I was going to tell you about it.

It's wonderful stuff,
Mr Dawson...sir.

Honestly, it is.

It'll make
an absolutely new material,

quite different from
anything we've used before.

Well, who said
we wanted anything different?

The yarn we've been using
for 150 years is good enough for me.

What's all this?

Uh...my...samples.

Hmm.

They're transparent.

Uh, yes, I'll admit, if you
go close, you can see through 'em.

Has any money been spent on this?

£300.

300!

You spent £300 to enable us

to make undergarments that will
get us into the police court?!

It's unbelievable!
Spending the firm's money!

It was me own money I spent.

Your own money?!

Well, I was hoping to
acquire it for the firm.

Hoping? Well, you have no right
to acquire it for us!

Of course, if you like to go about
throwing away your own money

on atrocities of this kind...

(LAUGHS) ..well, we can't
very well stop you, can we?

Oh, what's the use? (MUTTERS)

What did you say?

I didn't say anything.

But you did say something!
What was it?!

Oh, George, stick up for yourself!
Why do you put up with it?!

What was that?!
I asked him why he puts up with it.

And if George won't stick up
for himself, I'll do it for him!

Oh, indeed?!

And I'd like you to know
he's a lot too good for this firm,

even if he did make underclothes
for Adam and Eve.

I might be more concerned
with your opinion

if I were more impressed with
your appearance.

What do you mean by that?

I mean, Mrs Pearson, I suspect
you belong to a class of people

who are not the customers
we should most like to have!

Thank you.

Hey! Now, look here, Mr Dawson.

I don't know what you mean by that,

but if you mean
what I think you mean,

I'll trouble you to take that back.

Pearson!
It's alright.

You've done all the talking.
Now it's my turn.

I've put up with a lot in this place
for the last 14 years,

but this is too much!

I know people in your position don't
have to be respectful to my wife.

But she means more to me
than any of you

and your blasted jobs and your
salaries and bits of importance.

George...
Shut up.

Now, you'll either apologise
to my wife for what you've just said

or I'll...I'll hand in
my resignation.

I shall not apologise.
She has no right to interfere!

You'll apologise.
I shall not!

Alright, I resign.
Good! Now, get out!

And take your wife with you!

Come on, Lydia.

Good day...gentlemen.

(GLASS SMASHES)
And I'm not sorry!

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

I've made you some cocoa.

Oh, thanks.

What have you got there?

Just the agreement for the stuff.

I took it with me this morning
so I could have everything ready.

Oh, never mind.
Perhaps someone else will take it.

What - after Dawson's
have turned it down?

You never know.

They're awfully pretty, aren't they?

Lydia, you can't wear them.

I wonder...

Well, I've got to get another job

or else Druid's will come
and take all our furniture.

I've spent all that money.

It was yours to spend.

It was my fault for
speaking out of turn to old Dawson.

Well, it was me
that put my foot in it.

I only got what I asked for.

But you did it on my account.

Oh, and, George, I was proud of you.

You know, Lydia...

..I don't know
what I'd do without you.

Drink your cocoa.

Mind, it's hot.

I sometimes sit and wonder...

(SINGS) # Just why I am able
to get the lucky breaks I do

# I'm luckier than Roosevelt
or Nuffield or Gable

# They've never been
in love with you

# They may have lots of money
and importance

# I know I'd fail where they succeed

# But though my worldly wealth
is only... #

(LAUGHS) Fourpence.

# What more do I need?

# They can take away the chairs,
the carpet from the stairs

# And all that they can see

# It won't mean anything,
so long as I've got you

# You're everything to me

# They can take away the plates,
the number from the gates

# And even take the key

# It won't mean anything,
so long as I've got you

# You're everything to me

# I can do without cigars
or Rolls-Royce motor cars

# And walk the way I've always done

# And although the weather's damp,
I can do without me gamp

# For you're everything
rolled into one

# I can give up all I've bought
without a single thought

# It's not so hard, you see?

# It won't mean anything,
so long as I've got you

# You're everything to me

# I can do without me fags
or the bottom to me bags

# Ba-ba-ba-boom
I'd even go T.T.

# I don't need anything,
so long as I've got you

# You're everything to me

# I can get along with nowt

# Aye, or even do without

# Me Auntie Maggie's remedy

# I don't need anything,
so long as I've got you

# You're everything to me

# I'd give up, without a shot,
me stick of Blackpool Rock

# Although it gives me lots of fun

# I can do without me pipe
or me weekly plate of tripe

# For you're everything
rolled into one

# I could do without me boots
or without me swimming suit

# I'd undress in the sea... #

Brrrrr!

# I don't need anything,
so long as I've got you

# You're everything to me

# You see?

# You're everything to... #

(WHISPERS) Me.

Hello, George.
Oh, hello, Arnold.

What did Druid's say?

Well, they said if you can't pay,
they'd have to take furniture away.

Oh. And Lydia? Has she come back?

No, George.

No message, no phone...nothing?

No, George.

It seemed funny at home last night
without her, didn't it?

Aye, it did.

Hey, look.

Here, George, why don't you
ask Dawson's to take you back?

What - me to ask Dawson's
to take me back as an ordinary hand?

Ah, but you'd feel better, lad,
if you had a job.

Well, Lydia would.

I'll go and ask 'em.

I've been waiting for you
for nine minutes!

I'm sorry, sir,
but I can't get off the telephone.

Everybody seems to have gone mad.

They keep ringing up, asking for
a line of some new material.

What new material?
I can't make it out.

And they all seem
in too much of a hurry to explain.

Oh, speak to him yourself.

Hello. No.

No, we haven't.

Now, look here, what stuff
are you talking about?!

What? What?

Oh, he's gone.

What is all this?!
Search me.

I'm sorry, Father, but all he'd say

was, "Why don't you read
your newspaper?"

I read 'The Investor's Chronicle'
this morning.

Well, so did I.
(KNOCKING)

Come in.

I've come back.
So I see.

I found this pencil this morning.
It's yours. I was bringing it back.

Of course, if you're still
short of an overlooker...

We're not!

Well, perhaps you need
some machinists.

We do not!
Oh...

Well, any hands of any description.

Of no description!

Well, I'd better be going, then.

Yes, I think you'd better.

Of course. I just like calling in...

Well, you've called in.
Good morning!

Good morning.
GERALD: Is that the morning paper?

Yes, Mr Gerald. Would you like it?

It's quite fresh. I haven't read it.

Sorry for the pencil marks
but I've been doing the crossword.

Of course, I've nothing much
to do now, you know?

No, I suppose not. Good day!

Yeah, since I've not been...
coming to the factory.

Good day!

Yes. Beg your pardon.

Good day, gentlemen.

Ah, here we are. This must be it.

What's it say?

Oh, I haven't got me glasses!

"Last night, a young woman
entered a room in a London Hotel

"reserved for the use of
the annual conference

"of manufacturers
of ladies' underwear.

"She at once removed her coat

"and stood clad
only in her underwear."

Go on, go on!

"To the astonishment
of the experts present,

"it proved to be made of

"an extremely attractive
but entirely unknown material,

"which, when identified,
will undoubtedly supplant

"all other materials used
in the manufacture of lingerie.

"The lady, having replaced her coat,

"left without explanation.

"A photograph of
the mysterious lady,

"secured by a press representative,

"appears on page five."

Page five!

Well, I'm blowed.
What's the matter?

It's Pearson's wife!

Let me see.
Look what she's got on!

No, I can't.
I haven't got me glasses.

It's the new samples we turned down.

That's what they were phoning about
and Pearson's got the rights!

Come on.
But where are we going?

Listen, Father,
this happened last night.

Mrs Pearson
will be coming back today.

We'll meet every London train
until we find her.

We're one jump ahead of the rest
because we know who she is. Hurry!

Arnold, where's George?!
Shh! Quiet, quiet!

What's the matter?
It's the birds!

You've gotta keep it quiet while
she's laying. You oughta know that.

How should I know that?

Well, you've been through it
yourself, haven't you?

What do you mean?
Well, you've had children!

I've had children,
but I didn't lay eggs.

Well, it's the same thing.

Be careful, do!

Oh, talk of a nervous father!

Oh, well, you'd be nervous

if you'd been to trouble
I have to get t'bird to lay.

Here, George, George, come here!

What's to do, Arnold?
The fantail! Look, she's laying!

How long's she been at it?
About a couple of hours.

Well, good for her.
She's done it at last!

Uh...your ma's inside.

Why bring THAT up?

Well?
"Well" what?

I told you so. Druid's have come
to take your home that's on tick.

Aye. I suppose you've come
to enjoy yourself.

I've come to comfort you.
I know my duty.

Did you go to Dawson's?
Aye.

Did you get a job?
No, I refused it.

You refused it?!
Yes, I turned it down flat.

Why?!

Because when I got there, they'd
already given it to somebody else.

See?

Well, let's see, um...

Four chairs, um...

..two easy chairs,

one settee, uh...

..one sideboard,

one small cabinet,

one writing bureau...

And one carpet.

Nowt else.

Are you Mr Pearson?
Aye.

I'm sorry. We're Druid's.

Oh, it's alright, Mr Druid.
Feel as yours.

I never was so ashamed
in all my life.

Van at door
and all neighbours watchin'.

I wonder what my poor mother would
think if she was still alive.

I know what your mother would think.

She'd think she was bloomin' lucky
to have lived to such a great age.

Here - what shall I do with these?

Oh, chuck 'em away. Wait a minute.

Income tax, income tax.

(LAUGHS) Schedule A. Here.

I said chuck 'em away.

What's the use of keepin' 'em?
I've no way of payin' it.

Only get on me nerves.

Always knew
it would lead to trouble,

buying things you can't pay for.

It's all that woman's fault.
Now, look here, Mo...

Mister? We want to be a bit private.

Would you mind taking the furniture
from upstairs first?

Nah, that's alright.

Now, look here, Mother.
Lydia's a fine girl.

Then why has she let you down
as soon as you've lost your job?

Where is she now?
Well... Well, I don't know.

But I bet she's out
looking for a job

to save us having to
come and live with you.

Oh, you're very outspoken today,
I must say!

Well, it's about time somebody
was outspoken as well as you.

Well! That you should
speak to me like that!

Have you forgotten
that the day you were born...?

You were four and a half hours
under chloroform.

Fat chance I've had
of forgetting it.

Now, look here, Mother.
I've let Lydia down very badly.

I've allowed you
to interfere with her too much.

What if she did go and dye her hair?
What if she did slim?

She looked very nice
when she'd done it.

And now you expect us
to come back and live with you?

Well, I'm not going to do it,
and I bet Lydia won't either.

Ha! Perhaps she's not intending
to live with YOU much longer.

What do you mean by that?

I can put two and two together,
if you can't.

Well, maybe I'd deserve it
if she did leave me.

Careful going out in t'front garden.

You tell your mate
to be careful out there, won't you?

He knows his job.

What are you doing?

You can't be too careful.

No, you're quite right.

Hey, leave them alone!
Here...

Hey! Hey, leave that alone!

Here, you start obstructing,
you'll get into trouble.

Never mind that -
you leave this alone.

Now, then, now, then, what's all...?
Well, he was touching coop.

Can't get stuff out
with coop in t'road.

Well, you can't
move a bird that's laying.

What kind of...? Here, fantail!
Aye, a white 'un.

Really, Joe,
you should have more sense.

How do you think she can settle
with you barging about?

How many have you got?
Two.

Hey, I've got 16.

BOTH: 16!

We're tryin' to keep her quiet.
Aye.

How long's she been on t'nest?
A couple of hours.

Yes, you'll be awful nervous
till she's laying.

Ha! Why don't you all
go and take her temperature.

Shh!

Hello, Pearson. How are you?

Oh, I'm alright, thanks, Mr Nelson.

Ha! Well, what's happening?

Moving?
No, uh, just economising.

Like everybody else, you know?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, this is Mr Largos,

from whom I bought the rights
to that yarn.

Oh, how do you do?
Won't you...come inside?

Thanks.

Will you...sit down?

Thanks.

Well, looks like you'll make
a lot of money, huh?

I'm afraid I've got
some bad news for you.

When the stuff was made up,
it was...transparent.

But, my dear boy, that's just it!

Just what?
The newspapers...

Just a minute.

DRUID: Excuse me.

(CHUCKLES) I'm sorry.

This way, please.

Will you sit down?
Thanks.

Now, look here -
I can see this whole affair

has been a great
disappointment to you.

Yes, it has, rather.

Well, uh, naturally, I want to do
all I can to put things right.

Do you think you could?

Well...

Now, uh, what do you say to me
buying back the rights?

Oh...

That'd be very nice of you.

Excuse me.

Well, what do you think?

Oh, sure, Mr Nelson. That £300...

Oh, now, come, come. Not £300.

What?

You forget the great responsibility
I'm taking off your shoulders.

Oh. Well... What do you offer?

Well, now, I want to be quite fair.

Let's say £100.
Oh, no, no.

No, I wouldn't sell for £100.

No, I wouldn't sell for less than...

..£300.

Now, look here, Nelson.
I think Pearson's quite justified.

What are you talking about?

Mr Pearson is definitely
a good businessman.

He's made up his mind
and I think he's quite right.

Aye. That's about the size of it.

Oh, well, uh,
if you're both against me,

I suppose I'll have to give in.

I'm afraid you will, Mr Nelson.
Alright, where's the agreement?

Ah, the agreement...

The agreement? Hey, you!

Hey! Stop!
This has got to go too.

Where are the papers
that were in here?

You said chuck 'em away
so I dropped 'em in kitchen.

Kitchen?

It's in kitchen!

Uncle, where's them papers
out of the bureau?

You know - the papers
that them fellas brought?

I put 'em on the stove. I burnt 'em.

You burnt 'em?
Then you've burnt the agreement.

That's the last chance I've got
of getting me 300 quid back.

I'm sorry, George. I just
set a match to 'em when you came in.

Just? Then there's time to save 'em.
Here, open that for us.

Mrs Pearson?
What's this - a hold-up?

We want to talk business.
Ah. Got your chequebook?

Income tax, letters,
bills, papers...

Everything but the agreement.

Oh, what a pity.
And for you too, Nelson.

If the contract is destroyed,
the English rights revert to me.

Damn you.

Now, what do I do?

Everything gone -
Lydia, the furniture.

No job, and now 300 quid
gone up the spout.

Uncle Arnold, look!

What is it, lad? Is it contract?

You've found it? Let me have it.

Hey! I'll trouble you
for me £300 first.

Certainly, certainly. You cancel the
transfer and I'll give you a cheque.

Yes. Come on!

Hey! Leave that there! Go and bring
all the other furniture back.

I'll give you a cheque for the lot.

Righto.
Where do I sign cancelled?

Write a cancellation clause
at the bottom and sign it.

Oh... You do it.
Certainly.

"I...George..."

Smallman.
Hmm?

George Smallman Pearson.
That's me name.

Oh, I see.
I was christened that way.

"..Smallman Pearson...

"..do hereby relinquish

"all claims to this contract."

And there's my cheque.

Will you sign that,
Mr Pearson, please?

Yes.

Uh, where do I sign?

BOTH: Just here.
Oh...

Where did you say - here or here?

BOTH: Just there!
Oh...

Ooh, this pen's as dry as a bone.
Can I borrow one of yours?

BOTH: Here!

Oh. (CHUCKLES) I can't write
with two hands at once.

Here, that's a funny nib, isn't it?

George!
Lydia!

George!

I've got some good news!
I've got some good news for you!

No, me first. Look, Nelson's
buying back the contract.

Here's our 300 quid.

Now, look, sign this first -
then we'll talk after.

Righto.
Wait a minute, George!

What are you signing?

I'm just giving him back his...
Let me see.

It's Nelson.

George, you can't sign this!
LARGOS: Sign, Pearson. Please!

I know whether I can sign it or not.
George, you mustn't!

There's your cheque.
NELSON: What are you doing?

So, you thought you'd get in first,
you swindler?

George, this agreement's
worth thousands.

But I don't want thousands.
I want me £300 back.

He wants to sell.

But the stuff's alright. It's more
than alright. It's terrific!

It's alright? How do you know?

This is how.
Mr Gerald, Mr Dawson, in our house?

Look.

Well, I...

Undressed?

And on centre page too.

Lydia, what have you been and done?

I showed your samples where
they did most good, that's all.

So I've noticed.
As Mr Dawson.

(CHUCKLES) You got here
pretty quick, didn't you, Nelson?

But not quick enough.
These rights are going to Dawson's.

Aren't they, Pearson?

Yes, for £500 down
and 10% on all sales.

Just a second! I'll give you £600.

I'll give you £700.
£800.

Well, come on. It's your turn.

£900.

I'll make it £1,000.

Hey, how do I know
you've got £1,000?

I'm making it
on behalf of McKinley's.

Oh, I see. It's McKinley's
against Dawson's

(LAUGHS)
Yes.

And now it's £1,000 and 10%.
Anything further to say, Mr Dawson?

Listen, George, I've been waiting
half an hour for you.

Excuse me, Mr Nelson.

I'll accept your offer, Mr Dawson,

because you can give me
something McKinley's can't.

DAWSON: Oh?

I'll accept your £900, 10%,
plus a job in your London office.

Why the London office?

Well, because Mrs Pearson and I...

..have got family reasons for
wanting to go and live in London.

Agreed on all points.

Right. Now, you fix this up
and I'll sign it.

(DAWSON CHUCKLES)

Come on, Nelson.

Goodbye.

That's mine.
You're welcome.

Do you mean to say
you're going to leave this town?!

Yes, Mother.
Ohh!

My heart!

Well, sofa's behind you.
George! George!

Come quick, lad!
What's to do?

Never mind.
You come and look for yourself!

Uncle, you don't mean...

Put your hand in, lad!
Put your hand in!

Easy now, easy. Remember, it's been
awfully hard with her.

Ooh! She's done it!
She's done it! See?

Lydia?! Lydia?!

What do you think it is, Uncle -
a boy or a girl?!

Let's hope it's a lad. Think of
the trouble we had with her!

Hey!

George, what is it?! What happened?!

Look! She's laid, she's laid!
Isn't it champion?

Oh, George, it's wonderful!

It's turned out nice again,
hasn't it?

(BOTH LAUGH)

Supertext Captions by
Red Bee Media Australia
www.redbeemedia.com.au