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1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,589
[rattling]
2
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,006
AIDEN:
Fuck you, Michael.
3
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,993
- Okay. Ya. ¡Vámanos!
4
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:33,779
I made the mistake of letting the kids
split a Cactus Cooler this morning,
5
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,164
so, good luck babysitting them.
6
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,451
Hey, hey, hey.
7
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,834
- Hey, you guys excited
to kick it or what?
8
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,881
- Mom, why are you punishing us?
9
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,415
Tio Julio gets tired of playing
after one minute.
10
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,760
He makes us watch movies from the past.
11
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:50,926
- Mom, please take us
to a dentist in Mexico.
12
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:51,926
ROCIO:
No.
13
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:55,097
I know your Tio Julio is lame,
but he's free, so you better behave.
14
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:57,427
AIDEN: Fine.
[doorbell dinging]
15
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,313
- 'Sup, Julio?
16
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,020
- What are you doing here?
17
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,944
- I was--
ROCIO: Hey, Maggie.
18
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,480
Ooh. You look hot.
19
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,693
- Sí, muy hot, muy hot.
20
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,993
- Buenos dias, Esperanza.
Cómo estás?
21
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,447
[Esperanza speaking Spanish]
22
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,525
- Girl, you look so cute.
23
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,293
I love this jacket.
- Oh, my God, thank you.
24
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,405
- Hey.
I don't mean to be rude,
25
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,372
but if you wouldn't mind
shutting your fucking mouths,
26
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,372
I'm trying to watch the Raiders.
27
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,039
- He's so aggro.
- Oy...
28
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:26,459
- What are you doing here, Maggie?
29
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,131
- Well, some old man died,
30
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,841
and his son is selling
his record collection on Craigslist,
31
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,892
so I was wondering
if you'd come pick it up with me.
32
00:01:35,721 --> 00:01:37,811
You know, in case he tries to murder me.
33
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,426
- I can't. I'm taking care
of Michael and Aiden.
34
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,444
ESPERANZA:
Oh, no.
35
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:50,283
LUIS:
Hey, if y'all just shut up
36
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,897
and just let me watch my game,
I'll take care of the kids.
37
00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,534
[cheering on TV]
38
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:57,200
- Mom, could Tio Luis
please watch us instead of Tio Julio?
39
00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:59,121
- Oh, you don't want me
to take care of you?
40
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,209
Alright. See how much fun
you have with your Tio Luis
41
00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:03,075
when he starts crying
because the Raiders lost.
42
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,421
Ooh, I like a horrible franchise.
43
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,747
- Bitch, I'll fuckin' kill you.
- Yeah, bitch!
44
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,593
- Hey! Watch your language.
45
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,798
Will you stop fucking cursing
in front of my kids?
46
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,878
You know what? I think it's better
for Julio to take care of them.
47
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:16,474
- Hey, come on.
I can take care of these little fools.
48
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,680
Promise I won't curse, alright?
49
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,059
We'll have a nice day together.
Don't worry about it.
50
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,266
- No, it's just that you're
probably gonna eat all their--
51
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,701
- Vámonos. Vámonos.
- Hey, bring me some Vicodin.
52
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,489
- Bye.
- Bye.
53
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:43,083
♪ theme music playing ♪
54
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:49,000
♪
55
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:53,762
♪
56
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,845
- Why couldn't your new boyfriend
Julio Tambien protect you?
57
00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:01,217
[scoffs] Or Is that fool too busy
getting his ass whooped at bowling?
58
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,393
- Shut up.
59
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,810
He's not my boyfriend.
60
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,310
You know,
women who live without men live longer?
61
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,112
- Seems like you're gonna die young then.
62
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,280
You always got a man around.
63
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,985
[laughs mockingly]
64
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,105
- [high-pitched voice]
Hope my funeral's fun, bitch.
65
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,992
And you better cry, like a lot.
66
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,120
And don't move on too fast.
67
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:23,747
Or else I'm gonna come back
and fucking haunt you The Ring style!
68
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:24,995
- Watch the fuckin' road!
69
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:30,419
Wait. Why are you taking this exit?
70
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,302
And why are you wearing exercise clothes?
71
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,842
And why did you pack a picnic basket
72
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,802
to pick up something from Craigslist?
73
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,392
Ah, fuck. There is no
record collection, is there?
74
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,099
- I planned a surprise for you!
75
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,188
I packed us a picnic,
and I thought I'd take you on a hike
76
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:51,818
where we can watch the sunset
over the stupid-ass ocean.
77
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,185
- I hate hiking!
- Damn, fool.
78
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:57,613
Unclench your ass
for one second and relax.
79
00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:00,823
All you have to do is
look pretty and have fun.
80
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,494
I planned the whole day out.
81
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,492
- Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.
82
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:05,754
- Oh, shut up.
83
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,170
- You can't do this to me.
84
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,625
I'm being kidnapped.
85
00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:12,245
My nephews are in danger
all because you wanted to have a fun day.
86
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,706
[guffaws]
87
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,013
[laughs]
88
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,965
♪ serene music ♪
89
00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:44,413
[inaudible]
90
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,409
♪
91
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,684
♪
92
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,806
Why didn't you tell me
to bring my hiking shoes?
93
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,135
- Because then you would have known
we were going on a hike. Duh.
94
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,350
And then you wouldn't have come
95
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:10,230
and seen how beautiful
this nature shit is.
96
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,147
Mira, que nice. They got trees.
97
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,186
JULIO:
The mosquitoes are gonna to devour me.
98
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,439
They fuckin' love me. I have sweet blood.
99
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:20,111
- I knew you'd complain about bugs,
so I came prepared.
100
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,782
- I can't use that brand.
That shit irritates my skin.
101
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:23,821
It has deet.
102
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,736
- [mockingly]
That shit has deet.
103
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,164
- What's in this bag, bricks of cocaine?
This shit is heavy.
104
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,543
- Then just let me carry it.
JULIO: No, I got it.
105
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,415
There's no reception here.
106
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:42,013
We're gonna get lost
and then P-22 is gonna devour us.
107
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,217
- What the fuck is P-22?
108
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,969
- You don't know what P-22 is?
109
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:48,601
It's a mountain lion
that roams this exact same area.
110
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:51,849
That fool had a bad case of mange,
so he was taken out of the wild for a bit.
111
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:55,152
But now that fool's back,
and he's hungrier and stronger than ever.
112
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:57,647
He's gonna smell this basket
and then he's gonna devour us.
113
00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,279
- Did you just learn the word "devour"?
114
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,317
Stop saying it.
115
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,237
WOMAN:
Hi.
116
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:08,161
- Hey, check out those muscular asses.
117
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:12,372
If we got lost out here with no food,
118
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,212
we could eat those asses.
119
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,463
- Muscular meat isn't good meat.
120
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,050
Those asses will be tough and gamey.
121
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,165
- Damn fool. Take a joke.
122
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,512
I thought we could have
a nice day together,
123
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:22,757
but I guess I was wrong.
124
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:23,968
You're being a bummer about everything.
125
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,547
- I just hate hiking.
And I thought you did too.
126
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,813
- I do hate hiking,
but after what went down on your birthday,
127
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,846
it seemed like we might
get back together again,
128
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:34,190
so I Googled, "Top ten things
healthy couples do together,"
129
00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,436
and hiking was number nine.
130
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,607
- What were the top eight?
- I don't know. I got paywalled!
131
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,266
But apparently you think
this was a stupid-ass idea,
132
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,534
so let's just fucking go back home.
133
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,106
- Wait. Maggie!
134
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,284
Look. Check it out.
135
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:49,787
A butterfly.
136
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,075
Look, I'm in the moment
137
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,208
and I'm appreciating
the shit out of that butterfly.
138
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,424
Wish this fuckin' butterfly knew
how much I was appreciating it right now.
139
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,424
Come on. Come on.
140
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,002
Come on.
141
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,721
- Damn. Don't appreciate it too much.
142
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:04,715
I might get jealous.
143
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,545
Fuckin' slut-ass butterfly.
144
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,103
- Don't worry,
that butterfly has nothing on you.
145
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,386
Except, it can fly.
[Maggie scoffs]
146
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,061
And has way bigger tits.
147
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,269
- Uh-unh.
148
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,532
JULIO:
Damn. Place ain't bad.
149
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,398
Good call.
150
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:25,653
Grass is nice.
151
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,784
- These are dairy free,
152
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:31,451
specifically baked by moi,
for your weak-ass body.
153
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,424
- Damn. This shit is good.
154
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:38,959
When did you learn to bake?
155
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,246
- Bitch, I bake.
156
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,052
- Look who's back.
157
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,840
Damn. Those asses are buff!
158
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,756
What if I showed up to your place
and I suddenly had a dumper that big?
159
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,314
- Hmm. I'd start you an OnlyFans,
move you to the streets.
160
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,024
We'd make millions.
161
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,769
- A prostitute? Like on Figueroa?
162
00:07:58,770 --> 00:07:59,770
- Yeah.
163
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,395
- Don't mind if I do.
164
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,857
Oh, shit. That fool's
getting down on one knee.
165
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,610
Is he about to propose?
166
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,912
- No. His legs couldn't support
the weight of his nalgas anymore.
167
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,657
♪
168
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,699
Oh, wait. Yes, dude. He's proposing.
169
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,294
JULIO:
Holy fuckin' shit.
170
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,628
The big dumpers are getting married.
171
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,285
- If you ever pull
some corny-ass shit like this with me,
172
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,503
I'd murder you so bad it'd be on Dateline.
173
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,884
- I would never.
- Oh.
174
00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:28,431
♪
175
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,505
- What you doing?
176
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,432
Maggie.
177
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,428
Margarita.
178
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,768
[camera shutters clicking]
179
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,638
What you--
180
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:43,073
♪
181
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:48,235
♪
182
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:49,607
- [mouths]
Come on. Come over here.
183
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:55,493
♪
184
00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:57,164
♪
185
00:08:57,162 --> 00:09:00,672
[Maggie moaning]
186
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,836
♪
187
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:04,335
- Oh, God, one more time.
188
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,746
- Ohh!
- You can still get hard.
189
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,014
[moaning]
190
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,090
AIDEN:
What's that scar?
191
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,345
- I got shot.
192
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,348
- Whoa. Do you think we'll ever get shot?
193
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,233
- Maybe. Life is crazy.
194
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,770
- What's that?
195
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,685
- Oh, this is from my favorite book I read
while I was in the pen.
196
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,993
It's called Harry Potter.
197
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,315
You guys know Harry Potter?
198
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,569
- Duh.
199
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,911
It's an old book.
200
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,485
- Damn, you know my boy Harry?
201
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:34,660
That's tight.
202
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:35,828
You two are cool as fuck.
203
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,366
Probably the most
popular kids at school, huh?
204
00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:40,578
- Not really.
205
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,246
- What?
206
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,751
Hey, let's get serious, alright?
207
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,421
I'm your favorite tio.
You can tell me anything.
208
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,762
Is there anybody at school
fucking with you?
209
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:53,298
- Well, there's this one boy
that kinda bullies us.
210
00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:54,432
- Fuck that!
211
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,182
What does he do to you?
212
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,677
Does he sock you in the gut
and give you a titty twister?
213
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,022
- No.
214
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:01,347
- Does he throw wet paper towels at you
while you're taking a dump?
215
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,391
- No.
216
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,694
- Does he put raw meat on your forehead
and try to get a dog to eat it?
217
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,568
BOTH: No!
- Then what does he do to you then?
218
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:13,029
[Luis chuckling]
219
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,333
- Hey, these aren't funny.
220
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,916
- Oh, yeah, right. Hey, I'm sorry, homeys.
221
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,791
Damn. Bullying has changed since my times.
222
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,417
This shit is dark.
223
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,052
- Can you go kick his ass for us?
224
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,628
- Yeah, kick his ass.
225
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:35,223
And after that, kick his dad's ass too.
226
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:36,759
- Yeah, yeah, well,
I obviously could do that.
227
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:39,390
But, you know,
Hugs Not Thugs is teaching me
228
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:40,969
that it's better to talk this shit out.
229
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,434
- No fighting? Come on.
230
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,523
- Yeah, we want violence.
231
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,610
- We thought you were cool
but it turns out you're just a loser,
232
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:48,896
you know, like Tio Julio.
233
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,279
- Hey, hey, kick back, alright?
234
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,565
I'm nothing like Julio.
235
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,028
- Then prove it.
236
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:55,318
- Alright, then, fuck it.
Let's go kick this kid's ass.
237
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,372
BOTH:
Yeah!
238
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,991
- Something's up with my stomach.
239
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,831
I just can't eat
that many nuggets anymore.
240
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,328
- One thing I love about you, Julio,
241
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,960
is you can complain
even when you're fed like a king.
242
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,045
- So which way to the ocean view?
243
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,093
- This way.
- Wait. You sure?
244
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:20,510
- I told you I planned
the whole thing out.
245
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,724
We're gonna get there right at sunset.
246
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,813
It's gonna be tight.
247
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,265
- Just seems like
it would be the other way.
248
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,403
- Do you trust me or not?
249
00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:31,067
- Okay. No, you're right. I trust you.
250
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,033
- Follow me then, slut.
JULIO: Alright.
251
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:40,408
♪
252
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,579
♪
253
00:11:42,578 --> 00:11:44,118
[dog barking in distance]
254
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,080
[knock on door]
255
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,133
- You gotta kick him
in his balls, Tio Luis.
256
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,667
- No, you gotta curb stomp him
like in American History X!
257
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:53,841
- Hey, hey, guys, chill.
258
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,049
Alright? Just trust me.
259
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,128
After this, they're gonna make memes
outta me kicking his ass.
260
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,764
- That's not how memes work.
261
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,390
- Hey, well, that's how
they're gonna work!
262
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:06,231
♪
263
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,556
Hey, big dawg.
264
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:12,107
Sorry to bother you, uh,
but these are my nephews and--
265
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,438
Yeah, they said, uh,
266
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:17,573
you know, they've been
getting bullied by your son,
267
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,237
so I'd really, really appreciate it
268
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,488
if, you know, your kid
could stop making memes of them.
269
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,703
I mean, he's a true artist.
270
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:25,753
Don't get me wrong,
little homey gets down.
271
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:28,166
But, you know, this generation,
they get real sentido
272
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,415
unlike you and me, big dawg.
273
00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:32,335
- You got it, bro.
274
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,590
I was actually just making dinner.
275
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,298
Why don't you guys come inside, huh?
276
00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:38,468
Sit down, we can talk about this,
get it all sorted out.
277
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,103
- Chicken.
JUAN: Welcome.
278
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:46,515
♪
279
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:50,267
JULIO:
My stomach fuckin' hurts.
280
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,440
I keep getting these sharp-ass cramps.
281
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,399
Are you sure there was
no dairy in those cookies?
282
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,529
MAGGIE:
Yes, Julio, I'm sure.
283
00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,857
Maybe you just finally
got your first period.
284
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,112
Felicidades.
285
00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:01,701
- It's not funny.
286
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,078
And this uneven trail isn't helping.
287
00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:06,116
I knew we should have
taken the trail I suggested.
288
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,869
- Why don't you ever just trust me?
289
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:08,911
- Oh, I don't know.
290
00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:11,124
Maybe because you cheated on me
with my boss at Domino's.
291
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,794
♪
292
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:15,000
- What the fuck, Julio?
293
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:16,879
We were teenagers.
294
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,510
You don't get to
hang that over my head for 15 years.
295
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,638
Plus, I only cheated on you
296
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,295
'cause you cheated on me
with my cousin Ofelia.
297
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,723
That's worse. That's family!
298
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:25,811
And she's fucking ugly!
299
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,216
- She wasn't that ugly.
300
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,814
You remember it wrong.
You were the first one to cheat.
301
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,140
- No, no, no. I remember it right.
302
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,774
You cheated on me freshman year,
then I cheated back that summer.
303
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,152
- No. You were the first one to cheat.
304
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:38,531
Or wait. Maybe you cheated
after I cheated first.
305
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:41,567
- Come on, Julio. Who gives a shit?
It doesn't matter anymore.
306
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,452
- Can we just keep walking while we argue?
307
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,244
It's getting fuckin' dark
and we gotta move.
308
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,253
P-22 is gonna fuckin' devour us.
309
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,164
I knew we should have taken
the other trail I suggested.
310
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,674
- You already said that!
311
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,836
God damn, you're driving me fucking crazy!
312
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:55,835
You just have to control everything,
313
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,796
our fucking relationship,
which trail we take,
314
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:58,836
even your fucking hair!
315
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,259
Look how stiff that shit is!
316
00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,927
- Oh, fuck.
- What?
317
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,592
- [gasps] Holy shit.
318
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,549
Is it really P-22?
319
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:07,684
- It's my stomach.
I definitely ate dairy.
320
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,561
What were the ingredients
in those cookies?
321
00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,228
- They were fucking dairy free.
322
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:12,976
How many times
do I have to fucking tell you?
323
00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,148
- List the ingredients!
324
00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:16,606
- Oh, my fucking God!
325
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:19,737
Sugar, flour,
lactose-free chocolate chips,
326
00:14:19,735 --> 00:14:20,775
oats, butter.
327
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,107
- Butter? Butter isn't lactose free!
328
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,493
- Yes, it is!
329
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,949
Butter comes from the butter plant!
330
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,329
- Butter plant?
Maggie, what the fuck?
331
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:29,617
- Oh, no.
JULIO: Oh, fuck.
332
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,710
I feel like I'm about to explode.
333
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,285
- It's-it's okay.
Just-just-just let it out.
334
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,370
- No, I can't.
335
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:37,999
- Yes, you can.
I believe in you.
336
00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:39,633
- What are you,
a high school basketball coach?
337
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:40,630
Get the fuck outta here!
338
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,048
- Um, I'll keep a lookout.
339
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:44,840
- This is not a fucking burglary.
340
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,303
Go! Run!
- I'm so, so, so, sorry.
341
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,853
I'll get you some leaves to wipe with.
342
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,466
- It's fuckin' happening.
Just fuckin' leave me!
343
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:54,984
♪
344
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,308
♪
345
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,153
- [echoing] I'm not leaving you.
346
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,988
- [echoing] Get the fuck away!
347
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:07,617
- Just... let... go!
348
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:10,116
♪
349
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,618
[farts]
350
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:17,170
♪
351
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:21,337
♪
352
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:24,968
[growling]
353
00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,179
- Eric.
354
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,510
Get in here.
355
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,597
Now!
356
00:15:36,562 --> 00:15:37,812
Sit down next to them, Eric.
357
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:44,902
Eric.
358
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,405
This man has come all the way over here
359
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,911
to tell me that you've been making memes
about his nephews.
360
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,909
You shouldn't be a bully, Eric.
361
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,290
And I'm gonna tell you why.
362
00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:59,713
Once upon a time, there was a little boy
363
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,380
who used to get his butt kicked.
364
00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:03,588
A lot.
365
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,966
This boy was really little,
366
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:10,050
so little, that people used to call him
367
00:16:11,889 --> 00:16:13,019
Tiny Juan.
368
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,135
♪
369
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,232
[chokes, sighs]
370
00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:18,694
So Tiny Juan had a bully,
371
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,766
who used to do really bad stuff to him
372
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:24,991
even worse than what you're doing
to these boys, mijo.
373
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,065
And that bully's name
374
00:16:30,616 --> 00:16:32,116
was Big Luis.
- Big Luis.
375
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,117
♪
376
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:38,119
♪
377
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,208
JUAN:
Big Luis bullied Tiny Juan
378
00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:41,379
really, really bad.
379
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:45,838
He'd sock him in the gut
and gave him titty twisters.
380
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:49,088
He'd throw wet paper towels at him
while he's trying to take a dump.
381
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,096
He even took raw meat
and smashed it into Tiny Juan's forehead
382
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,812
and then had a vicious dog try to eat it.
383
00:16:56,850 --> 00:17:00,440
And Big Luis and all his friends
would always call him names,
384
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:03,477
like White Boy or Miklo
385
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:07,442
or say stupid tonterías
like, "No mames, Güero,"
386
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:10,954
which made Tiny Juan feel confused
about his place in this world.
387
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:13,488
♪
388
00:17:13,492 --> 00:17:14,582
But luckily,
389
00:17:16,537 --> 00:17:19,867
Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior,
390
00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:21,996
saved Tiny Juan.
391
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,286
Giving him strength,
392
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:29,220
courage, and determination.
393
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:32,217
♪
394
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,259
Because of what happened to him in school,
395
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,770
Tiny Juan decided
to dedicate his whole life
396
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:41,556
to getting really, really, really big!
397
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:46,475
So that he would never, ever, ever, ever!
398
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:48,986
Get bullied again!
399
00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:50,986
♪
400
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:55,738
♪
401
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,162
God answered Tiny Juan's prayers.
402
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:02,923
And Tiny Juan... became Big Juan.
403
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,166
♪
404
00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:06,459
And Big Luis
405
00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:10,667
grew up to be this little bitch
sitting right here.
406
00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:12,684
♪
407
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,096
Which is why you should be careful
when you bully kids, Eric.
408
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,394
Because these little kids
that you're making memes about
409
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:20,600
can grow up to be big and strong.
410
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:26,435
And maybe one day
if they pray and they pray and they pray,
411
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:30,740
God will answer their prayers
many years later
412
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:34,407
by allowing them to get sweet revenge
413
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:36,529
on the boy that bullied them.
414
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:38,793
And, my boy,
415
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:43,866
God... has rewarded me today.
416
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:46,841
Niños...
417
00:18:48,504 --> 00:18:50,174
go to your rooms and lock the doors.
418
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,592
♪
419
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:52,670
Now!
420
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:55,724
♪
421
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:58,259
- Run!
AIDEN: Okay.
422
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,853
[whimpering]
423
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,638
- Hey, hey, listen, Tiny Juan.
424
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,982
That was in the past, homey, alright?
I'm sorry!
425
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,977
Please have mercy on me!
426
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,230
[screaming]
427
00:19:11,527 --> 00:19:12,817
What the fuck?
428
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,909
[groaning]
429
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:22,196
[screaming]
430
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,290
I'll pray for you, fool!
431
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:26,710
[screaming continues]
[door opens]
432
00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,418
Let's get the fuck outta here.
433
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,668
MICHAEL: What happened, Tio?
- Tio, Michael was scared.
434
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:32,091
He screamed like a little girl.
435
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:33,339
- You screamed like a girl!
436
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,590
- Hey!
- Hey, hey, listen, listen.
437
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,641
There's no reason
to scream like little girls, alright?
438
00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:38,925
I just beat your bully's dad's ass,
just like you asked me to,
439
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:40,809
because I always look out for my familia.
440
00:19:40,806 --> 00:19:42,926
And because I'm way cooler
than your Tio Julio.
441
00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:44,813
So let this be a lesson, alright?
442
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,600
Just because some fool's bigger than you
443
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,443
doesn't mean you
can't put hands on him, okay?
444
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,978
JUAN: [screaming]
Big Luis!
445
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:50,982
LUIS:
Hey, I'll race you fools home.
446
00:19:50,983 --> 00:19:51,983
AIDEN:
Hey!
447
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:55,403
♪ This magic moment ♪
448
00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:57,284
♪
449
00:19:57,281 --> 00:20:00,241
♪ So different and so new ♪
450
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,742
♪ Was like any other ♪
451
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:03,874
[Maggie sighs]
452
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,751
♪ Until I kiss you ♪
453
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,753
♪ And then it happened ♪
454
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:09,750
- It's okay.
455
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:13,631
♪ It took me by surprise ♪
456
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,920
♪ I knew that you felt it too ♪
457
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,264
- Dawg, what happened to you?
You look like shit.
458
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,010
♪ By the look in your eyes ♪
459
00:20:20,012 --> 00:20:21,222
You smell like shit.
460
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,681
♪ Sweeter than wine ♪
461
00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:26,018
- Me and Maggie got back together.
462
00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:27,438
♪ Softer than the summer night ♪
463
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:31,273
♪ Everything I want, I have ♪
464
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:32,573
- I'll pray for you too, my boy.
465
00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:33,646
♪ Whenever I hold you tight ♪
466
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:34,780
I'll pray for you too.
467
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,946
♪ This magic moment ♪
468
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,855
♪
469
00:20:38,864 --> 00:20:41,784
♪ While you lips are close to mine ♪
470
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:44,043
♪ Will last forever ♪
471
00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:45,696
♪
472
00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:50,424
♪ Forever, till the end of time ♪
473
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:51,627
♪ Magic ♪
474
00:20:51,627 --> 00:20:54,877
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ Magic ♪
475
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,220
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ Magic ♪
476
00:20:58,217 --> 00:21:01,387
- ♪ Mmm-mmm-mmm ♪
- ♪ Magic ♪
477
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:04,216
♪
478
00:21:15,067 --> 00:21:18,067
♪ Sweeter than wine ♪
479
00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:20,570
♪ Softer than the summer... ♪
480
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:25,170
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