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1
00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:04,947
My name is Irwin Fletcher.
2
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:07,492
I'm an investigative reporter
for a Los Angeles paper.
3
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,825
You've probably read my stuff
under the byline of Jane Doe.
4
00:02:10,896 --> 00:02:12,989
What the hey,
it's better than Irwin.
5
00:02:13,065 --> 00:02:16,057
The last three weeks,
I've been loitering around the beach
6
00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:19,434
trying to pass for an
amiable minor league junkie.
7
00:02:19,505 --> 00:02:21,803
I don't nod out or drool,
that's too obvious.
8
00:02:21,874 --> 00:02:24,434
Act like you don't give a crap
and you fit right in.
9
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:25,566
(WHISTLES)
10
00:02:25,744 --> 00:02:27,735
Business has really
picked up, huh?
11
00:02:27,813 --> 00:02:29,405
I'm still closed.
12
00:02:29,481 --> 00:02:31,176
What is it,
a Colombian national holiday?
13
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:32,816
Yeah.
14
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,752
So what do you figure, Sam?
15
00:02:38,557 --> 00:02:39,717
No idea.
16
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:41,191
No idea at all?
17
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:42,591
Some idea.
18
00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:44,125
Like when?
19
00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:45,857
When it comes, it comes.
20
00:02:47,199 --> 00:02:48,530
I got some reds.
21
00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,901
You don't mean communists,
do you, Sam?
22
00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:53,470
Is everything a joke
to you, Fletch?
23
00:02:53,539 --> 00:02:56,030
Everything, Sam.
24
00:02:57,676 --> 00:02:58,802
Hey, Gummy!
25
00:02:58,877 --> 00:03:00,435
Hey, Fletch.
Hey, Sam.
26
00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:02,139
How's the eye?
27
00:03:02,214 --> 00:03:04,239
Guess it's okay.
The cops did it.
28
00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:06,216
They always beating up on me.
29
00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:27,405
He doesn't know.
30
00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:28,701
Son of a bitch!
31
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,168
That's what he said.
32
00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:33,806
He doesn't know?
33
00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:35,243
How come he doesn't know?
34
00:03:35,948 --> 00:03:38,246
I don't know how come he doesn't know.
He just doesn't know.
35
00:03:38,317 --> 00:03:39,875
Son of a bitch!
36
00:03:41,987 --> 00:03:43,477
I wonder how he gets the stuff.
37
00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:45,147
I have no idea.
38
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:47,524
Never leaves the beach,
that Sam.
39
00:03:47,693 --> 00:03:48,682
Never leaves.
40
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,087
He sits in that chair.
He's out of shit.
41
00:03:51,163 --> 00:03:53,290
Suddenly he gets up,
he's got shit.
42
00:03:54,066 --> 00:03:56,864
So where's it coming from?
The sand?
43
00:03:57,803 --> 00:03:59,771
I think that's
highly unlikely, Crease.
44
00:04:01,273 --> 00:04:03,434
I ought to get some sleep.
45
00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:08,376
Crease, how old are you?
46
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:10,439
Nineteen.
47
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,378
You're not taking
very good care of yourself.
48
00:04:22,361 --> 00:04:23,885
FLETCH: In case you
haven't guessed yet,
49
00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:26,260
there's been a lot
of drug traffic on the beach.
50
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,664
And I'm not talking about
Robitussin and No Doz.
51
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,668
I'm talking about
the hard stuff.
52
00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:32,025
And a lot of it.
53
00:04:33,305 --> 00:04:35,830
I've been trying to find out
who's behind it.
54
00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:37,933
It hasn't been easy.
55
00:04:38,010 --> 00:04:39,500
I don't shower much.
56
00:04:49,855 --> 00:04:51,049
Excuse me.
Yeah.
57
00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:52,647
I have something I'd
like to discuss with you.
58
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:53,783
What's that?
59
00:04:53,859 --> 00:04:55,417
We can't talk about it here.
60
00:04:55,861 --> 00:04:57,556
Why not?
61
00:04:57,629 --> 00:04:58,926
Because we can't.
62
00:05:00,132 --> 00:05:03,033
Are you on a scavenger hunt,
or did I just forget to pay my dinner check?
63
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:04,262
I mean,
I'd be happy to pay it...
64
00:05:04,336 --> 00:05:06,634
I want you to come to my
house and then we'll talk.
65
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:08,172
You got the wrong gal, fella.
66
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,174
I'll give you $1,000 cash.
67
00:05:12,177 --> 00:05:13,166
What?
68
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:17,114
Just come to my house
and listen to the proposition.
69
00:05:20,185 --> 00:05:23,052
If you reject the proposition,
you keep the $1,000,
70
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,179
and your mouth shut.
71
00:05:29,361 --> 00:05:32,762
Does this proposition entail my
dressing up as Little Bo Peep?
72
00:05:33,732 --> 00:05:35,495
It's nothing of a sexual
nature, I assure you.
73
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:36,966
Yeah, I assure you.
74
00:05:37,035 --> 00:05:38,730
$1,000 just to listen?
75
00:05:39,705 --> 00:05:42,105
I don't see how you
can pass that up, Mr...
76
00:05:42,307 --> 00:05:44,104
Nugent. Ted Nugent.
77
00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:47,677
Alan Stanwyk.
78
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:49,904
Alan, charmed.
79
00:05:52,084 --> 00:05:54,279
For an extra grand,
I'll let you take me out to dinner.
80
00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:18,368
What a coincidence.
81
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,570
What?
82
00:06:20,679 --> 00:06:23,045
I came this close
to buying this place.
83
00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:25,282
Then I found out Hopalong
Cassidy killed himself here.
84
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:26,374
Blew it for me.
85
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,441
Who?
86
00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:28,543
Hopalong Cassidy.
87
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:31,383
Bow and arrow.
Very weird.
88
00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:33,892
What? Are you doped up now?
89
00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:36,826
Don't talk to me like that, ass face.
I don't work for you, yet.
90
00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:42,958
(GREETING IN SPANISH)
91
00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:44,366
Pup 'N' Taco.
92
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,096
Oh, you've remodeled the garage.
93
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,471
Must have cost you hundreds.
94
00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:55,309
That's a good idea.
I oughta frame mine.
95
00:06:55,981 --> 00:06:57,972
Will the Pope be in later?
96
00:07:15,133 --> 00:07:16,225
Here's my proposition.
97
00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:17,359
I'm all ears.
98
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,132
I want you to murder me.
99
00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:25,173
Here,
100
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,711
on Thursday.
101
00:07:28,647 --> 00:07:30,581
I'd like you to shoot me dead.
102
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:38,150
And the reason I ask you
to do me this service
103
00:07:38,223 --> 00:07:41,192
is because I'm already
facing a very long,
104
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,251
painful and most certain death.
105
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:46,661
You see, I have bone cancer.
106
00:07:47,966 --> 00:07:51,299
And I don't know if you know anything
about bone cancer, Mr. Nugent.
107
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,395
It's the worst kind you can get.
108
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,932
It just eats you up bit by bit.
109
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:04,576
You don't look sick,
Mr. Stanwyk.
110
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,584
I don't feel sick. Not yet.
111
00:08:07,219 --> 00:08:09,847
They tell me it'll start
getting bad in about a month.
112
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,652
After that,
I'd rather not be around for it.
113
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,993
Why don't you try suicide?
114
00:08:16,061 --> 00:08:17,653
Believe me,
I've thought about it.
115
00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:20,664
But my company's taken out a very
large life insurance policy on me.
116
00:08:20,732 --> 00:08:22,757
Suicide would nullify
my insurance,
117
00:08:23,235 --> 00:08:24,224
but murder does not.
118
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:32,071
Why me?
119
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:33,810
You're a drifter,
120
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,105
pardon the expression, a junkie.
121
00:08:37,816 --> 00:08:40,341
Nobody would notice
if you just disappeared.
122
00:08:41,119 --> 00:08:44,145
You see, I've been watching
you for a couple of weeks.
123
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:46,653
Maybe I'm just on vacation.
124
00:08:46,725 --> 00:08:49,125
Not with the scum
you hang out with. No.
125
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:53,122
No, I've watched
and I've thought.
126
00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,724
It's rather
an elegant little plan.
127
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,928
I even have your escape
figured out for you.
128
00:08:58,003 --> 00:08:59,368
Swell.
129
00:09:01,773 --> 00:09:05,470
Has it ever occurred to you I might
not want to murder you, Stanwyk?
130
00:09:06,278 --> 00:09:08,906
I've got $50,000 says you will.
131
00:09:10,415 --> 00:09:12,178
$50,000.
132
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:14,648
And a guarantee
you won't get caught.
133
00:09:14,953 --> 00:09:16,648
I'm still here.
134
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,787
I want it done Thursday
evening around 8:00 p.m.
135
00:09:19,858 --> 00:09:21,723
My wife will be
at her club function,
136
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:23,624
and it's the staff's night off.
137
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:25,892
These will be open.
138
00:09:25,964 --> 00:09:26,988
Wouldn't they normally
be locked?
139
00:09:27,065 --> 00:09:30,091
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
The staff usually forget.
140
00:09:30,302 --> 00:09:32,270
Oh, yeah. I have the same
trouble with my help.
141
00:09:32,337 --> 00:09:34,805
I'll be here in the room
waiting for you.
142
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:37,169
The safe will be open.
143
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:40,875
There will be $50,000 in it.
144
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,474
You'll be wearing rubber gloves.
145
00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:45,510
Do you own rubber gloves?
146
00:09:45,951 --> 00:09:49,045
I rent them.
I have a lease with an option to buy.
147
00:09:49,955 --> 00:09:51,479
Now, in this drawer...
148
00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:56,221
A.357 Magnum.
149
00:09:56,294 --> 00:09:58,592
My.357. You use it.
150
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:01,128
No one can trace it to you.
151
00:10:01,466 --> 00:10:03,627
Of course the room will be
in some disarray.
152
00:10:03,702 --> 00:10:06,262
You want it to look
like a burglary attempt?
153
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:09,870
You come in and catch me,
I'm stealing your ties and money?
154
00:10:10,108 --> 00:10:11,370
We scuffle.
155
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:15,075
And the gun gets loose,
and I shoot you right between the eyes.
156
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,409
Precisely.
157
00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:19,042
Are you a good shot?
158
00:10:19,117 --> 00:10:20,414
Yeah, I'm all right.
159
00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:23,216
Well, get me on the first
shot, if you can.
160
00:10:24,189 --> 00:10:25,383
Do you have a passport?
161
00:10:25,457 --> 00:10:26,822
I could probably dig one up.
162
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:30,359
Good.
Now, after you kill me,
163
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:31,888
take the Jaguar.
164
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:34,454
The keys will be
in the glove compartment.
165
00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:37,059
Take it where?
LAX.
166
00:10:37,135 --> 00:10:39,603
Go to the Pan Am desk.
There will be a ticket waiting for you.
167
00:10:39,671 --> 00:10:40,695
Where am I going?
168
00:10:40,772 --> 00:10:41,966
Rio.
169
00:10:42,507 --> 00:10:44,407
It departs at 11:00 p.m.
170
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:47,211
They serve dinner on the flight?
171
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:48,746
And a movie and free drinks.
172
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,783
I'd recommend staying down
there for at least a year.
173
00:10:53,418 --> 00:10:54,544
So?
174
00:10:56,621 --> 00:10:58,213
So.
175
00:11:01,693 --> 00:11:03,217
You've certainly thought
this out.
176
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:06,128
I'm not someone who leaves
a great deal to chance.
177
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,463
Those will be open?
Now don't worry about that.
178
00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:12,730
Just take care of the gloves,
the passport and the aim.
179
00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:14,328
I'll take care
of everything else.
180
00:11:14,406 --> 00:11:17,341
The gun, the money, the tickets
181
00:11:17,409 --> 00:11:18,842
and the dying.
182
00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:20,472
That's right.
183
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,215
Looks like you get
the hard part.
184
00:11:24,282 --> 00:11:25,647
What do you say?
185
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:28,949
You'll be doing me
and my family a great service.
186
00:11:31,723 --> 00:11:33,190
Will you kill me?
187
00:11:38,463 --> 00:11:39,555
Sure.
188
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:55,308
Hey! Good to see you.
189
00:11:55,914 --> 00:11:57,142
Hey, Slouch, how are you?
190
00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:58,773
Hey, check out the Beach Boy!
191
00:11:58,850 --> 00:11:59,839
Larry?
Yo.
192
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,146
Can I steal you for a minute?
193
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:02,914
Only if you promise not to return me.
It's a deal.
194
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:04,979
Magic today, huh?
Yeah, Kareem's in the wash.
195
00:12:05,056 --> 00:12:06,683
I need a favor.
Shoot.
196
00:12:06,758 --> 00:12:07,782
Fletch!
197
00:12:07,859 --> 00:12:08,917
Did you hear something?
Not me.
198
00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,586
Me neither. Let's see
what we have on a guy
199
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:12,527
named Alan Stanwyk
in Beverly Hills.
200
00:12:12,597 --> 00:12:13,791
I need this right away.
201
00:12:13,865 --> 00:12:15,662
I take it by your presence
here that the story's done.
202
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:17,759
It's W-Y-K, okay?
I'll be right down.
203
00:12:17,836 --> 00:12:19,064
Tell me I'm right.
Excuse us.
204
00:12:19,137 --> 00:12:20,900
You are right, Frank,
but you're very peaked.
205
00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:22,234
You wanna throw up?
Come on in. Vomit...
206
00:12:22,307 --> 00:12:23,672
I want an answer!
207
00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:24,766
The story's done, right?
208
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,071
Almost.
209
00:12:26,144 --> 00:12:28,112
Almost, is not an answer.
210
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,444
"Yes, Frank. The story's
all done." That's an answer.
211
00:12:30,515 --> 00:12:33,245
And a damn fine answer,
if I do say so my damn self. Thank you.
212
00:12:33,318 --> 00:12:35,718
Irwin, professional journalism time now.
Two points.
213
00:12:35,787 --> 00:12:37,049
Go back to the beach...
Don't say "Irwin."
214
00:12:37,122 --> 00:12:39,249
...and finish the damn story!
Rubber gloves.
215
00:12:39,324 --> 00:12:41,258
Hey, Frank, I will.
I swear.
216
00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:42,953
Frank, something else
came up. Okay?
217
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:45,189
No. It's not okay.
You've got a deadline tomorrow.
218
00:12:45,263 --> 00:12:46,594
Did you see the ad
we ran Sunday?
219
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:48,462
I don't read the paper.
What's the spread on the game...
220
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:50,160
What's the spread on the game tonight?
Anybody know?
221
00:12:50,235 --> 00:12:52,328
MAN: Lakers by six.
Take a look.
222
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:54,638
"Drugs on our beaches,
shame of the city."
223
00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:56,731
"Shame of the city."
That's very nice.
224
00:12:56,808 --> 00:12:58,708
Now, try to follow me on this.
225
00:12:58,777 --> 00:13:01,769
You can't run the ad
and then not run the story.
226
00:13:03,181 --> 00:13:04,705
You can't? Why not?
227
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,441
Shit. Really?
228
00:13:09,254 --> 00:13:10,516
Frank, I'm just putting you on.
229
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:12,113
You'll get the story
and be very proud of it.
230
00:13:12,524 --> 00:13:14,890
You broke it?
You know the source?
231
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,723
Practically.
Well, what's practically?
232
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,820
Is it this guy Fat Sam?
You said you had pictures of him.
233
00:13:18,897 --> 00:13:20,660
I do have pictures
of him dealing.
234
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:22,290
Well, let's go.
We'll run the pictures.
235
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:23,732
You can't do that, Frank.
236
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,463
Fat Sam isn't the story.
237
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:27,168
There's a source behind him.
238
00:13:27,372 --> 00:13:28,464
Who?
239
00:13:29,007 --> 00:13:31,100
Well, there we're in
a kind of a gray area.
240
00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:32,336
All right, how gray?
241
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:34,238
Charcoal.
242
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,340
May I help you with that?
243
00:13:39,951 --> 00:13:41,714
FLETCH: Okay. A little lighter.
Little lighter.
244
00:13:41,786 --> 00:13:43,447
Okay. Can you go higher?
245
00:13:43,521 --> 00:13:44,818
That's good.
Over to the right.
246
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,787
Higher. Higher. Perfect.
247
00:13:46,858 --> 00:13:48,723
Perfect. Nice and hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
248
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,118
Okay, that's good.
Thank you.
249
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:51,958
That it?
Perfect.
250
00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:53,725
Everything's recent.
Well.
251
00:13:53,798 --> 00:13:55,459
Let me see that.
"Alan Stanwyk,"
252
00:13:55,533 --> 00:13:58,400
"commercial airline pilot
from Provo, Utah."
253
00:13:59,804 --> 00:14:02,500
"Formerly a test pilot,
member of the Jaycees."
254
00:14:02,574 --> 00:14:03,973
Should we move on?
Yeah.
255
00:14:05,577 --> 00:14:06,976
Married Boyd Aviation.
256
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,511
He's no dummy.
That's big bucks.
257
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:11,572
"Mr. Stanwyk's parents,
Marvin and Velma, of Provo,"
258
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:13,174
"were unable to attend
the wedding."
259
00:14:13,251 --> 00:14:16,618
Those are three names I enjoy,
Marvin, Velma and Provo.
260
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,987
Hold it there.
That's good.
261
00:14:21,626 --> 00:14:24,026
Cancer.
"Cancer Society Benefit."
262
00:14:24,162 --> 00:14:27,359
"Internist
Dr. Joseph Dolan."
263
00:14:27,699 --> 00:14:29,291
"With internist
Dr. Joseph Dolan."
264
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:30,493
I wonder if that's his doctor.
265
00:14:30,969 --> 00:14:32,493
One way to find out.
266
00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:34,371
Yeah. There is one way
to find out.
267
00:14:34,606 --> 00:14:37,040
So where do you know Alan from?
268
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:39,206
We play tennis at the club.
269
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:40,938
Really?
270
00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:43,037
California Racquet Club?
Right.
271
00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:45,116
That's my club, too.
Oh.
272
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,178
I don't remember
seeing you there.
273
00:14:48,486 --> 00:14:52,252
Well, I haven't been playing for a
while because of these kidney pains.
274
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:53,313
Right.
275
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:56,723
Now, how long have you had
these pains, Mr. Barber?
276
00:14:56,795 --> 00:14:58,160
No, that's Babar.
277
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:01,123
Two "B's"?
278
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,700
One "B." B-A-B-A-R.
279
00:15:03,768 --> 00:15:04,826
That's two.
280
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:08,839
Yeah, but not right next to each other.
I thought that's what you meant.
281
00:15:10,608 --> 00:15:12,371
Arnold Babar.
282
00:15:12,944 --> 00:15:14,411
Isn't there a children's book
283
00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:16,709
about an elephant named Babar?
284
00:15:18,316 --> 00:15:19,544
I don't know.
I don't have any.
285
00:15:19,617 --> 00:15:20,914
No children?
286
00:15:21,419 --> 00:15:22,886
No elephant books.
287
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:25,387
Open wide.
288
00:15:26,324 --> 00:15:27,848
Say, "Ah."
289
00:15:29,694 --> 00:15:31,662
You know, it's an odd name.
290
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:34,897
I don't recall having seen it
on the club registry.
291
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:38,758
Well, I don't formally belong.
I'm a guest of my aunt's.
292
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:40,335
Your aunt?
293
00:15:40,839 --> 00:15:41,863
Right. Mrs. Smith.
294
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:43,305
Joan or Margaret?
295
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:44,364
Right.
296
00:15:44,876 --> 00:15:45,934
Well, which one?
297
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:48,471
Margaret.
298
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,915
Funny old bird.
Yeah.
299
00:15:51,983 --> 00:15:53,678
Is she ever.
I could tell you some stories.
300
00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:55,014
I bet.
301
00:15:57,288 --> 00:16:00,951
You know, it's a shame about Ed.
302
00:16:01,059 --> 00:16:03,550
Oh, it was.
That was really a shame.
303
00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:05,459
To go so suddenly like that.
304
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,527
He was dying for years.
305
00:16:07,832 --> 00:16:09,060
Sure.
306
00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:11,494
But the end was
very, very sudden.
307
00:16:13,271 --> 00:16:15,205
He was in intensive care
for eight weeks.
308
00:16:15,273 --> 00:16:17,070
But I mean the very end,
when he actually died.
309
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,871
That was extremely sudden.
310
00:16:21,279 --> 00:16:24,305
You know, Alan and I were
recently speaking of dying.
311
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:28,711
He told me Boyd Aviation took out
a large insurance policy on him.
312
00:16:30,021 --> 00:16:31,682
You've got to be
in some kind of perfect shape
313
00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:33,951
to get that sort of a policy,
I bet.
314
00:16:34,459 --> 00:16:36,950
Drop your shorts
and bend over, Mr. Babar.
315
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:40,191
Oh, no, really.
We don't need to. I...
316
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:43,162
We don't want to do that.
317
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,861
You know, my kidneys feel a
lot better in this position.
318
00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:48,633
Maybe it's just that I'm
not doing any calisthenics.
319
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:51,207
You know, if I did sit-ups in the
morning or bent over like this,
320
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:53,267
I'd probably feel 100%...
321
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:55,835
(SINGING)
♪ Moon river
322
00:16:55,947 --> 00:16:56,971
Phew!
323
00:16:57,048 --> 00:16:59,312
Thank you, Doc.
You ever serve time?
324
00:16:59,384 --> 00:17:00,408
DOLAN: Breathe easy.
325
00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:01,543
Breathe easy.
326
00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:06,357
You know, I was surprised that
Alan was able to get that policy.
327
00:17:06,424 --> 00:17:08,392
I know there's a history
of cancer in the family.
328
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,155
There is?
Yeah.
329
00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:12,019
As a matter of fact...
330
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,724
(GRUNTS) You using
the whole fist, Doc?
331
00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:15,599
Just relax.
332
00:17:17,235 --> 00:17:18,634
Yeah, I saw Alan the other day.
333
00:17:18,703 --> 00:17:19,965
He was looking a little peaked.
334
00:17:20,605 --> 00:17:21,867
I don't know.
I think he's lost weight.
335
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:23,134
Are you sure he's all right?
336
00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:26,467
I can't discuss another patient.
You know that.
337
00:17:26,911 --> 00:17:30,039
Well, I don't find anything
wrong with you.
338
00:17:30,882 --> 00:17:32,782
Well. I'm sure it's not
for a lack of looking.
339
00:17:35,353 --> 00:17:36,547
FLETCH: 12:00 noon.
340
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:39,287
I was anxious to get back
to my drug story.
341
00:17:39,357 --> 00:17:41,882
But since Dr. Jellyfinger
wasn't talking,
342
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,986
I just had to find out a little
more about Stanwyk's health.
343
00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:51,962
May I help you, Dr...
344
00:17:52,036 --> 00:17:53,503
Oh, it's me,
Dr. Rosenpenis.
345
00:17:53,571 --> 00:17:54,560
Doctor who?
346
00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:55,765
I'm just here to check
Alan Stanwyk's file.
347
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,102
Dr. Rosenrosen.
I'm here to...
348
00:17:57,175 --> 00:17:58,904
Could you give
that name again? I...
349
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:00,774
It's Dr. Rosenhite. I...
350
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:02,312
I want to check the records room.
Doctor who?
351
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,371
Dr. Rosen.
Where's the record room?
352
00:18:04,449 --> 00:18:05,711
Next to Pathology.
353
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,944
Would you do me a favor and
take care of these things?
354
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:10,317
I'd like to check
Alan Stanwyk's file.
355
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:12,447
What the hell's happening?
356
00:18:12,524 --> 00:18:13,513
Where the hell's
the records room?
357
00:18:13,591 --> 00:18:14,615
Next to Pathology, B1.
358
00:18:14,692 --> 00:18:16,819
I can't hear you. What?
B1.
359
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,363
Could you just collate these for me?
Where did you say that was?
360
00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:21,330
B1.
B1. Thank you very much.
361
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:22,491
You can take the elevator.
362
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:23,898
Thank you very much.
363
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:01,698
Hey, you. Give me a hand for a
second, will you, Doctor?
364
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,299
Me?
365
00:19:03,374 --> 00:19:04,534
Come on! Come on!
366
00:19:04,609 --> 00:19:05,974
(LOUD WHIRRING)
367
00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:11,710
Yeah.
368
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,981
Have you ever seen
a spleen that large?
369
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:20,422
No, not since breakfast.
370
00:19:21,092 --> 00:19:22,650
Here. Hold this.
371
00:19:23,261 --> 00:19:24,785
Listen, I'm not really
prepared for this.
372
00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:26,159
I haven't sterilized my hands.
373
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,722
You're not gonna
make this guy any sicker.
374
00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,365
(LOUD WHIRRING)
375
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,439
I'll get it.
376
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:47,683
I don't feel good.
377
00:19:47,752 --> 00:19:48,844
(EXCLAIMING)
378
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,320
Boy, you never get used
to the smell, do you?
379
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:53,379
(THUDDING)
380
00:19:58,696 --> 00:20:00,755
Oh, Doctor.
Are you all right?
381
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:03,826
Where am I?
382
00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:05,266
You're in the records room.
383
00:20:05,336 --> 00:20:06,530
The records room?
384
00:20:06,604 --> 00:20:07,628
Oh, I'm fine.
385
00:20:07,705 --> 00:20:09,070
Can I get you something?
386
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:11,608
Do you have
"The Beatles' White Album"?
387
00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:14,341
Never mind.
Just get me a glass of hot fat.
388
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:16,640
And bring me the head of Alfredo
Garcia while you're out there.
389
00:20:16,714 --> 00:20:18,978
Well, Dr. Holmes went to
get you some smelling salts.
390
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,143
He was quite surprised
that you fainted.
391
00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:22,709
He was surprised?
392
00:20:23,454 --> 00:20:24,944
I thought that body
was my dead brother.
393
00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:26,456
Oh!
394
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:29,287
It's okay. But that spleen
was a spitting image.
395
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:30,884
No, I guess I'm fine.
396
00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:33,590
(GURGLING)
397
00:20:34,532 --> 00:20:37,126
Nurse, I'm hyperventilating.
398
00:20:37,201 --> 00:20:39,066
Would you get me
a paper bag, please?
399
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,331
Yes, right away.
400
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:41,463
Thank you.
401
00:20:49,847 --> 00:20:51,109
(DOCTORS LAUGHING)
402
00:21:24,382 --> 00:21:25,872
(METAL CLATTERING)
403
00:21:30,221 --> 00:21:31,916
Here you are, Doctor.
404
00:21:31,989 --> 00:21:33,422
Oh, thank you very much.
405
00:21:33,491 --> 00:21:35,322
Is there anything particular
I can help you with?
406
00:21:35,393 --> 00:21:38,521
No. Yes, there is,
actually. My...
407
00:21:41,432 --> 00:21:44,424
One of my associates was
doing a biopsy on this man.
408
00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:46,332
Very recently, they said
he had a melanoma,
409
00:21:46,404 --> 00:21:48,531
or a carcinoma,
some kind of a noma.
410
00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:50,771
I don't know.
There's no record of it here.
411
00:21:51,676 --> 00:21:53,143
Well, if he had one,
412
00:21:53,211 --> 00:21:55,008
it would certainly be in here.
413
00:21:56,748 --> 00:21:57,874
Wait. Here it is.
414
00:21:57,949 --> 00:21:59,883
"A surgical removal
of two moles."
415
00:21:59,951 --> 00:22:01,441
"Tissue was benign."
416
00:22:03,821 --> 00:22:06,085
Benign? There's no mention of
cancer here at all? That's it?
417
00:22:06,157 --> 00:22:07,419
That's it.
418
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,952
This is one month ago.
419
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:15,728
In other words, according to this hospital,
Alan Stanwyk does not have cancer.
420
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,097
I guess not.
421
00:22:18,269 --> 00:22:19,793
He'll be so relieved.
422
00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:24,198
Thank you very much.
My pleasure.
423
00:22:24,275 --> 00:22:25,742
Have a nice day.
424
00:22:44,562 --> 00:22:45,551
(WHISTLING)
425
00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:48,989
WOMAN: That sauce?
426
00:22:53,104 --> 00:22:54,264
Have a bite.
427
00:22:54,739 --> 00:22:56,434
Just a minute.
I'm not finished yet.
428
00:22:56,507 --> 00:22:57,769
Sorry, Mr. Underhill.
429
00:22:57,842 --> 00:22:59,070
Does that look
like I'm finished?
430
00:22:59,143 --> 00:23:00,542
I guess not.
431
00:23:01,512 --> 00:23:02,774
Now I'm finished.
432
00:23:02,847 --> 00:23:04,337
Whatever you say,
Mr. Underhill.
433
00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:15,323
I imagine you're expecting
a nice gratuity, right?
434
00:23:17,395 --> 00:23:18,760
Maybe next time.
435
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:24,830
Gail Stanwyk?
436
00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:26,869
Yeah.
437
00:23:26,938 --> 00:23:28,769
I haven't seen you since the wedding.
You look great.
438
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,308
I do?
That's very sweet of you.
439
00:23:32,810 --> 00:23:34,505
You know,
I have to confess something to you,
440
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:36,672
I must've been pretty plowed
at your wedding.
441
00:23:36,747 --> 00:23:38,874
I don't have any idea
who you are.
442
00:23:39,717 --> 00:23:40,945
Not my wedding, your wedding.
443
00:23:41,018 --> 00:23:44,112
Oh, my wedding.
Thank God.
444
00:23:45,089 --> 00:23:48,149
No. Doesn't really help me.
Are you a friend of Alan's?
445
00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:50,319
Why, yes, we used to fly
together. I'm John.
446
00:23:50,394 --> 00:23:51,691
Oh, John.
447
00:23:55,132 --> 00:23:56,827
Oh, together.
448
00:23:58,636 --> 00:23:59,967
No. John who?
449
00:24:00,705 --> 00:24:02,502
John Cocktoastoy.
450
00:24:02,740 --> 00:24:03,798
It's a beautiful name.
451
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:04,864
Well, it's Scotch-Rumanian.
452
00:24:05,209 --> 00:24:06,403
That's an odd combination.
453
00:24:06,477 --> 00:24:08,172
Yeah, well, so were my parents.
454
00:24:08,579 --> 00:24:10,137
Do you mind
if I practice some more?
455
00:24:10,214 --> 00:24:11,806
I have to work
on my ground stroke.
456
00:24:12,517 --> 00:24:13,916
You bet. Go ahead.
457
00:24:21,025 --> 00:24:23,687
Excuse me, senor.
You are a member of the club?
458
00:24:23,928 --> 00:24:25,987
No, I'm not.
I'm with the Underhills.
459
00:24:26,063 --> 00:24:27,553
They are left, senor.
460
00:24:27,965 --> 00:24:29,125
That's all right.
They'll be back.
461
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:30,599
He went out for his urinalysis.
462
00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:33,032
Would you like some drinks,
senor, while you wait?
463
00:24:33,104 --> 00:24:35,299
I will put it
on the Underhills' bill.
464
00:24:37,008 --> 00:24:39,442
Yes, very good.
I'll have a Bloody Mary,
465
00:24:39,510 --> 00:24:42,308
and a steak sandwich,
and a steak sandwich, please.
466
00:24:42,380 --> 00:24:44,007
Very good, senor.
467
00:24:44,081 --> 00:24:45,639
Oh, hi.
468
00:24:47,985 --> 00:24:49,384
So, how's Alan?
469
00:24:49,453 --> 00:24:51,114
What are you asking me for?
470
00:24:51,188 --> 00:24:53,213
He's been so busy lately,
I hardly see him.
471
00:24:53,291 --> 00:24:55,122
He's been preoccupied.
472
00:24:55,192 --> 00:24:56,216
With what?
473
00:24:56,294 --> 00:24:58,922
I don't know.
Personal stuff.
474
00:24:59,063 --> 00:25:01,224
Whoa! Look, I hit one.
475
00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:04,064
Not bad. You know,
lobs are a very important part of the game.
476
00:25:04,135 --> 00:25:05,227
Sorry, sir.
477
00:25:07,438 --> 00:25:09,531
Let me show you
a couple of things.
478
00:25:09,674 --> 00:25:12,199
Here. Stand here for a sec.
Now look.
479
00:25:12,276 --> 00:25:15,439
When the ball comes,
face the ball like this, you see?
480
00:25:15,513 --> 00:25:16,537
Yeah.
481
00:25:16,614 --> 00:25:18,104
And then pivot your body,
482
00:25:18,482 --> 00:25:21,212
and step in like that. Swing.
Step in with your left foot.
483
00:25:21,285 --> 00:25:22,775
Just like this.
484
00:25:23,321 --> 00:25:24,379
Okay?
485
00:25:24,789 --> 00:25:26,188
Go ahead. Try one.
486
00:25:26,591 --> 00:25:28,889
All right. Go ahead.
Get in that ready position.
487
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:29,949
Yeah.
488
00:25:30,428 --> 00:25:32,828
And the ball's going to come now.
I want you to pivot. Ready?
489
00:25:32,897 --> 00:25:34,330
Yeah. How many did you
put in the machine?
490
00:25:34,398 --> 00:25:36,093
I thought I put a lot.
491
00:25:36,167 --> 00:25:37,566
Well, that's it.
It's finished.
492
00:25:37,735 --> 00:25:39,532
Good. Much better.
493
00:25:40,805 --> 00:25:42,397
You know,
I must be having an off day.
494
00:25:42,473 --> 00:25:44,270
I'm usually a fabulous player.
495
00:25:44,375 --> 00:25:46,309
Well, I have this effect
on a lot of women.
496
00:25:46,377 --> 00:25:47,935
I bet you do.
497
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:51,045
You know, the reason
I was asking about Alan is
498
00:25:51,115 --> 00:25:53,015
that I bumped into him
this morning and...
499
00:25:53,084 --> 00:25:54,415
You know
what I can't figure out?
500
00:25:54,485 --> 00:25:55,713
Alan's in Utah.
501
00:25:55,786 --> 00:25:59,517
I can't figure out what I was
doing in Utah this morning.
502
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,891
I'm very flattered,
503
00:26:04,328 --> 00:26:05,727
but I'm also very married.
504
00:26:07,331 --> 00:26:09,697
You are trying to hit on me,
aren't you?
505
00:26:09,767 --> 00:26:11,166
How did you guess?
506
00:26:12,703 --> 00:26:15,399
I'm such a heel.
I don't know what came over me.
507
00:26:15,473 --> 00:26:18,067
If I had a nickel for every
one of Alan's flyboy buddies
508
00:26:18,142 --> 00:26:19,700
who tried to pick me up,
509
00:26:19,777 --> 00:26:21,267
I'd be a rich woman.
510
00:26:21,412 --> 00:26:23,004
You are a rich woman.
511
00:26:23,414 --> 00:26:24,847
See what I mean?
512
00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:31,318
Who would have thought the Vice
President knew I was opening the door.
513
00:26:31,389 --> 00:26:32,879
But the Secret Service, they...
514
00:26:32,957 --> 00:26:34,424
Whack! And this blood, and...
515
00:26:37,328 --> 00:26:38,488
Washington.
516
00:26:38,562 --> 00:26:39,961
Sugar, Mr. Poon?
517
00:26:40,598 --> 00:26:42,589
No, never, never.
Thank you.
518
00:26:48,205 --> 00:26:50,730
Well, now, let me reiterate
519
00:26:50,808 --> 00:26:53,174
that this is not
a formal investigation.
520
00:26:54,245 --> 00:26:57,214
That is, if Alan Stanwyk isn't
involved in any improprieties...
521
00:26:57,281 --> 00:27:00,842
Alan Stanwyk is not involved
in any improprieties.
522
00:27:00,918 --> 00:27:04,684
I don't know where the SEC comes off
by even making such an accusation.
523
00:27:04,755 --> 00:27:07,223
Now, you know that,
and I know that
524
00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:10,420
but somebody's bucking
for a promotion.
525
00:27:10,494 --> 00:27:13,054
It's probably that Pederast Hanrahan.
I don't know...
526
00:27:13,130 --> 00:27:14,654
All I know is,
if I don't go back with something
527
00:27:14,732 --> 00:27:17,394
you and your son-in-law are going
to be the scapegoats of the week.
528
00:27:17,468 --> 00:27:19,766
Unbelievable.
This is unbelievable.
529
00:27:20,371 --> 00:27:23,101
I mean, look at this.
They even want to know what he's doing in Utah.
530
00:27:23,174 --> 00:27:26,302
Utah? Oh, Jesus H. Christ
on a popsicle stick.
531
00:27:26,677 --> 00:27:27,803
First of all,
532
00:27:27,878 --> 00:27:31,211
Alan Stanwyk does not own
one single share of stock!
533
00:27:32,483 --> 00:27:36,817
The $3 million for the ranch in Provo
was entirely provided by my daughter
534
00:27:36,887 --> 00:27:40,015
who converted some of her personal
holdings, not corporate holdings.
535
00:27:40,091 --> 00:27:41,490
Personal holdings.
536
00:27:43,260 --> 00:27:45,854
So, if any of your DC boys
537
00:27:45,930 --> 00:27:48,763
want to make something out
of that, bring them on.
538
00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:53,737
Otherwise, you tell your Commission
to get the hell out of my face.
539
00:27:57,541 --> 00:27:59,065
God, I admire you.
540
00:28:03,681 --> 00:28:04,875
Well,
541
00:28:05,449 --> 00:28:07,178
consider this case closed.
542
00:28:09,253 --> 00:28:10,652
Look at this,
543
00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:13,713
it's even stopped bleeding.
Isn't that something?
544
00:28:13,891 --> 00:28:15,051
My pleasure.
545
00:28:15,192 --> 00:28:16,819
Well, thank you and good day.
546
00:28:17,194 --> 00:28:18,627
Oh, by the way...
547
00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:19,754
Yeah.
548
00:28:20,498 --> 00:28:22,489
...what kind of a name
is Poon?
549
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,668
Comanche Indian. Goodbye.
550
00:28:27,204 --> 00:28:30,503
Oh, Madeline, Frieda lost the number
for Alan's realtor in Provo, Utah.
551
00:28:30,574 --> 00:28:32,041
Could you get me that
real quick, please?
552
00:28:32,109 --> 00:28:33,633
Jim Swarthout?
Yeah.
553
00:28:34,512 --> 00:28:35,979
(WHISTLING)
554
00:28:37,114 --> 00:28:38,706
I'm sorry, who are you again?
555
00:28:38,783 --> 00:28:40,148
I'm Frieda's boss.
556
00:28:40,851 --> 00:28:42,819
Who's Frieda?
My secretary.
557
00:28:46,056 --> 00:28:48,991
FLETCH: I knew my junkie pals were
awaiting my good cheer on the beach
558
00:28:49,059 --> 00:28:52,222
but I needed a second wind,
a beer and a wardrobe change.
559
00:28:55,933 --> 00:28:59,425
As I pulled up to my palatial
imitation apartment building,
560
00:28:59,503 --> 00:29:04,236
I observed the familiar red Oldsmobuick
of Mr. Arnold T. Pants, Esquire,
561
00:29:04,575 --> 00:29:07,135
attorney for the former
Mrs. Irwin Fletcher.
562
00:29:07,945 --> 00:29:09,810
Time to use
the service entrance.
563
00:29:45,616 --> 00:29:49,552
Refusal to pay alimony is
a jailable offense, Fletch.
564
00:29:53,457 --> 00:29:55,516
What about trespassing
and loitering?
565
00:29:55,593 --> 00:29:57,959
I am neither loitering
nor trespassing.
566
00:29:58,095 --> 00:30:00,495
I've simply chosen
an advisable location
567
00:30:00,564 --> 00:30:02,828
to await my client's
delinquent husband.
568
00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:05,994
Well, I don't like to discuss business
on the lanai. Let's go inside.
569
00:30:09,173 --> 00:30:12,301
Okay. If you're wearing rubbers,
leave them outside, would you?
570
00:30:15,813 --> 00:30:17,508
A little one-on-one?
571
00:30:20,284 --> 00:30:22,013
He draws the foul.
572
00:30:25,823 --> 00:30:27,950
You owe Wendy $918.
573
00:30:28,025 --> 00:30:29,049
She doesn't need it.
574
00:30:29,126 --> 00:30:31,094
She's been living with somebody for months.
And I know it.
575
00:30:31,161 --> 00:30:33,061
I don't know
what you're referring to.
576
00:30:33,130 --> 00:30:35,257
Wendy maintains
her own residence.
577
00:30:35,499 --> 00:30:36,932
This stinks.
578
00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:38,400
I empathize
with your plight, Fletch.
579
00:30:38,469 --> 00:30:40,266
However, you threw her out.
580
00:30:40,671 --> 00:30:42,161
She was sleeping with everybody.
581
00:30:42,239 --> 00:30:43,968
You should have proved that
in a court of law.
582
00:30:44,041 --> 00:30:45,599
My lawyer was a bum.
583
00:30:46,377 --> 00:30:47,674
I agree.
584
00:30:47,745 --> 00:30:48,939
I think she slept with him, too.
585
00:30:49,079 --> 00:30:50,444
You may be right.
586
00:30:52,116 --> 00:30:53,481
Are you serious?
587
00:30:53,651 --> 00:30:55,118
That's history, Fletch.
588
00:30:55,185 --> 00:30:57,244
You owe us $918.
589
00:30:59,924 --> 00:31:00,982
Hey!
590
00:31:01,759 --> 00:31:03,784
I think our problems
may just be solved.
591
00:31:04,795 --> 00:31:05,784
Ed McMahon.
592
00:31:06,630 --> 00:31:08,564
I think I just won
a million bucks.
593
00:31:08,966 --> 00:31:11,400
(CHUCKLING) Yeah. "Irwin M.
Fletcher, you choose."
594
00:31:12,102 --> 00:31:13,126
(HOOTING)
595
00:31:13,203 --> 00:31:15,637
Oh, boy.
I lost again. Sorry.
596
00:31:15,806 --> 00:31:17,467
This is no joke, Fletch.
597
00:31:17,741 --> 00:31:19,470
If some kind of payment
isn't made,
598
00:31:19,576 --> 00:31:21,134
I'm gonna have to
contact your paper,
599
00:31:21,211 --> 00:31:22,838
garnish you your wages.
600
00:31:23,614 --> 00:31:25,741
I can't have my wages
garnish-ied.
601
00:31:26,650 --> 00:31:27,912
Tell you what.
602
00:31:28,419 --> 00:31:30,614
Cash? I'm impressed.
603
00:31:30,688 --> 00:31:32,178
I saw my pimp today.
604
00:31:33,057 --> 00:31:34,081
(EXCLAIMS)
605
00:31:34,158 --> 00:31:35,489
Open your raincoat.
606
00:31:35,559 --> 00:31:37,959
Come on. Just once.
It's worth it.
607
00:31:38,829 --> 00:31:40,729
That's $1,000.
608
00:31:40,798 --> 00:31:42,356
You apply the difference
to next month, okay?
609
00:31:42,433 --> 00:31:44,025
Now scram.
Till then.
610
00:31:44,635 --> 00:31:47,832
Keep $10 for yourself.
Go out and get yourself a nice piece of ass.
611
00:32:05,556 --> 00:32:07,956
MAN ON TV: Ladies and gentlemen,
our guest is the Most Valuable Player
612
00:32:08,025 --> 00:32:10,823
of the National Basketball
Association, six times.
613
00:32:10,894 --> 00:32:12,156
From the Los Angeles Lakers,
614
00:32:12,229 --> 00:32:15,596
the all-time scoring champion of the
NBA, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
615
00:32:15,666 --> 00:32:18,430
And he's coming off a game that was
second to none in his brilliant career.
616
00:32:18,502 --> 00:32:19,992
You gotta be proud.
617
00:32:20,070 --> 00:32:21,901
KAREEM: Oh, definitely, Chick.
It was a great effort.
618
00:32:21,972 --> 00:32:24,031
But, you know,
I had a lot of help,
619
00:32:24,108 --> 00:32:25,268
and we're just glad to be here.
620
00:32:25,342 --> 00:32:27,173
Hey, how about Fletch?
621
00:32:27,678 --> 00:32:30,476
What can I say about Fletch?
He's been fantastic.
622
00:32:30,547 --> 00:32:33,175
He boxes out for us,
gets the tough rebounds
623
00:32:33,250 --> 00:32:35,218
and does the tough things
that we need to win.
624
00:32:35,285 --> 00:32:36,684
It's great working with him.
625
00:32:36,754 --> 00:32:38,449
I don't know
where we'd be without him.
626
00:32:40,157 --> 00:32:41,351
And let's take a look
at the play.
627
00:32:41,425 --> 00:32:43,825
He is actually 6'5".
With the Afro, 6'9".
628
00:32:43,894 --> 00:32:45,521
Pretty good dribbler.
Comes in deep.
629
00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:47,655
His club is behind
by one point at this stage.
630
00:32:47,731 --> 00:32:49,858
Fletch comes in,
puts the ball through the legs!
631
00:32:49,933 --> 00:32:51,730
What a great play!
And he puts it up and in!
632
00:32:51,802 --> 00:32:53,633
And the Lakers have the lead!
633
00:32:53,704 --> 00:32:55,365
Oh, was that some kind
of a play!
634
00:32:55,439 --> 00:32:58,636
You know, this gritty kid from the streets
of Harlem really creates excitement.
635
00:32:58,709 --> 00:33:02,167
$4 million a year, that's true.
But he earns every nickel of it.
636
00:33:02,246 --> 00:33:05,647
Look how he shakes off four
or five defenders with ease.
637
00:33:06,884 --> 00:33:10,650
Fletch, he truly defines
grace under pressure.
638
00:33:14,658 --> 00:33:15,920
Lar, it's me.
639
00:33:16,126 --> 00:33:17,684
Listen, see if you've got
anything on Stanwyk
640
00:33:17,761 --> 00:33:19,524
from the time
he used to live in Utah.
641
00:33:19,596 --> 00:33:22,030
Yeah. And also check out
a realtor in Provo.
642
00:33:22,099 --> 00:33:23,361
His name is Swarthout.
643
00:33:23,434 --> 00:33:25,299
(SIREN BLARING)
644
00:33:29,573 --> 00:33:30,733
Shit!
645
00:33:41,685 --> 00:33:43,118
FLETCH: What's going on?
646
00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:45,018
Take off, Fletch! Hey!
647
00:33:45,089 --> 00:33:46,556
CREASE:
What are you doing?
648
00:33:46,623 --> 00:33:48,352
They're after Gummy again.
Come here.
649
00:33:48,425 --> 00:33:51,553
Hey, slow down.
Fletch, this is dumb.
650
00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:56,991
(GUMMY SCREAMING)
651
00:33:57,601 --> 00:33:58,659
Come on, man!
652
00:33:58,735 --> 00:34:01,033
Hey, what are you doing, man?
He's defenseless.
653
00:34:01,105 --> 00:34:02,834
No, no, no!
Don't do that!
654
00:34:03,540 --> 00:34:05,371
Get up!
What are you doing?
655
00:34:05,509 --> 00:34:06,498
(FLETCH GRUNTING)
656
00:34:06,677 --> 00:34:07,939
Fletch!
657
00:34:12,850 --> 00:34:14,112
GUMMY:
Let me out of here!
658
00:34:22,259 --> 00:34:23,783
MAN: Beat it, cop!
659
00:34:25,062 --> 00:34:27,053
Hey, you're really nuts.
660
00:34:28,132 --> 00:34:29,258
You okay?
661
00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:31,358
Yeah. I feel like $100.
662
00:34:32,669 --> 00:34:34,193
They didn't do anything.
663
00:34:34,271 --> 00:34:35,932
What? What are you
talking about?
664
00:34:36,006 --> 00:34:37,598
I busted their window,
and they didn't do anything.
665
00:34:37,674 --> 00:34:39,403
You're lucky or something.
666
00:34:39,510 --> 00:34:41,671
It's not luck.
They didn't want me.
667
00:34:43,814 --> 00:34:45,213
They wanted Gummy.
668
00:34:47,384 --> 00:34:49,079
The cops and Gummy...
669
00:34:58,762 --> 00:35:01,458
Come on, Frank. Relax, will you?
I need a little more time.
670
00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:02,521
I could be on to something here.
671
00:35:02,599 --> 00:35:03,691
You're on to something?
672
00:35:03,767 --> 00:35:05,064
Yeah.
Good. What?
673
00:35:05,269 --> 00:35:07,134
I don't want to spoil
your surprise.
674
00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:08,497
Read about it tomorrow.
675
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,667
What? What do you want?
676
00:35:12,009 --> 00:35:13,601
Don't point. Speak!
677
00:35:14,444 --> 00:35:15,809
I need Fletch for a second.
678
00:35:15,879 --> 00:35:16,903
She needs me.
679
00:35:16,980 --> 00:35:18,675
I got nothing on Utah
or Jim Swarthout.
680
00:35:18,749 --> 00:35:21,741
I know, honey. We have to put
this on the back burner right now.
681
00:35:21,818 --> 00:35:23,945
Right here. That's good.
682
00:35:24,021 --> 00:35:26,888
You wanna give me
just a little hint?
683
00:35:27,124 --> 00:35:28,614
All right, Frank.
684
00:35:29,593 --> 00:35:31,220
There just may be some cops
involved in all of this.
685
00:35:31,295 --> 00:35:32,887
Did you say cops?
Yeah.
686
00:35:32,963 --> 00:35:34,328
'Cause that's the one thing
I did find.
687
00:35:34,398 --> 00:35:36,423
It's from last month,
so it was in the unsorted pile.
688
00:35:36,500 --> 00:35:37,728
What's this?
More cops.
689
00:35:38,936 --> 00:35:40,460
Frank, I need to go to Utah.
690
00:35:40,537 --> 00:35:41,526
Utah?
691
00:35:41,605 --> 00:35:42,867
Yeah, Utah.
692
00:35:42,940 --> 00:35:45,204
It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada.
You've seen pictures.
693
00:35:45,275 --> 00:35:46,606
What about finding the source?
694
00:35:46,677 --> 00:35:48,144
I have some ideas.
695
00:35:49,413 --> 00:35:51,210
Come on, Frank.
Say "yes."
696
00:35:51,281 --> 00:35:52,839
I'll buy you some new deodorant.
697
00:35:53,984 --> 00:35:56,145
Go to Transportation.
Get a ticket.
698
00:35:56,386 --> 00:35:58,183
My hero.
Nothing to it.
699
00:36:06,230 --> 00:36:07,925
(WOMAN ON RECORDER
PANTING)
700
00:36:09,499 --> 00:36:11,592
WOMAN: You're not
recording this, are you?
701
00:36:11,668 --> 00:36:13,158
FLETCH: No. Never. Never.
702
00:36:16,139 --> 00:36:17,470
Question.
703
00:36:25,349 --> 00:36:26,509
Question.
704
00:36:29,286 --> 00:36:31,379
Why does a man
ask me to kill him
705
00:36:32,122 --> 00:36:34,420
and lie about dying
when he isn't dying?
706
00:36:34,658 --> 00:36:35,818
He asked me to kill him.
707
00:36:37,828 --> 00:36:41,628
Question. Gail Stanwyk converts
$3 million of her stocks
708
00:36:42,065 --> 00:36:43,191
to buy the ranch house.
709
00:36:43,267 --> 00:36:44,564
Why pay in cash?
710
00:36:59,316 --> 00:37:02,149
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
711
00:37:14,898 --> 00:37:16,456
Mr. Jim Swarthout?
712
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,331
My name is Igor Stravinsky.
713
00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:21,030
And I'm calling about some
ranch property I'd like to buy.
714
00:37:21,104 --> 00:37:23,834
Good, Mr. Stravinsky,
what did you have in mind?
715
00:37:24,975 --> 00:37:26,340
Mmm-hmm.
716
00:37:26,910 --> 00:37:28,844
Oh, are you a friend of Alan's?
717
00:37:28,945 --> 00:37:30,537
Well, no, not exactly.
I was at the club,
718
00:37:30,614 --> 00:37:33,276
and I overheard some people talking
about the property you sold him.
719
00:37:33,350 --> 00:37:36,046
And $3 million sounded
like a good price to me.
720
00:37:38,255 --> 00:37:40,621
Oh, is that right?
721
00:37:41,224 --> 00:37:44,022
Oh, well, in that case,
I have been very misinformed.
722
00:37:44,227 --> 00:37:46,286
Excuse you? Yes.
723
00:37:46,363 --> 00:37:49,264
Well, listen.
Say, I'd like to come out and see you anyway.
724
00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:50,322
Is that all right?
725
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:51,897
What's good for you?
726
00:37:51,968 --> 00:37:55,460
Well, I'm about to close up
shop and go out for the evening.
727
00:37:56,106 --> 00:37:57,698
How about first thing
in the morning?
728
00:37:57,774 --> 00:38:00,504
First thing in the morning.
Tomorrow. Bye.
729
00:38:36,747 --> 00:38:39,307
Hello. Anybody home?
730
00:38:41,618 --> 00:38:45,110
Hey there, fella, what's your name?
Fluff? Fifi?
731
00:38:46,323 --> 00:38:47,483
All right.
732
00:38:48,925 --> 00:38:50,119
Bad dog.
733
00:39:24,194 --> 00:39:26,219
(DOG GROWLING)
734
00:40:13,910 --> 00:40:15,002
Sit.
735
00:40:38,001 --> 00:40:39,832
(GROWLING)
736
00:40:43,707 --> 00:40:44,696
(BARKING)
737
00:40:44,975 --> 00:40:45,999
Stay.
738
00:40:53,350 --> 00:40:54,715
Watch your dogs.
739
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,111
Boy, oh, shut it.
740
00:41:17,140 --> 00:41:19,074
Come on. Smile.
Say, "Flesh."
741
00:41:23,113 --> 00:41:24,842
Look, defenseless babies.
742
00:41:30,153 --> 00:41:31,814
Fell for the oldest trick
in the book.
743
00:41:54,110 --> 00:41:55,907
(SINGING)
♪ Strangers in the night
744
00:41:56,313 --> 00:41:57,940
♪ Exchanging clothing
745
00:41:58,615 --> 00:42:01,049
♪ Strangers in my pants
746
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,010
MAN: Surprise!
747
00:42:05,088 --> 00:42:06,817
What the hell's...
Move!
748
00:42:06,990 --> 00:42:08,457
Police. Spread 'em!
749
00:42:09,593 --> 00:42:10,582
Got a gun, creep?
750
00:42:10,660 --> 00:42:12,355
Shamu's got one.
Borrow his.
751
00:42:13,530 --> 00:42:15,327
What have we here?
That's my dick.
752
00:42:15,398 --> 00:42:16,888
Oh, funny boy.
753
00:42:17,434 --> 00:42:18,833
What have we here?
754
00:42:19,336 --> 00:42:21,031
Looks like heroin, Gene.
755
00:42:21,104 --> 00:42:23,095
Hey. You just planted that.
756
00:42:23,173 --> 00:42:24,538
What'd you say?
757
00:42:24,608 --> 00:42:26,132
You fellows wanna
read me my rights?
758
00:42:26,209 --> 00:42:27,233
You have the right
to remain silent.
759
00:42:27,310 --> 00:42:28,402
Okay.
760
00:42:28,511 --> 00:42:30,536
You have the right to have
your face kicked in by me.
761
00:42:30,614 --> 00:42:31,638
Nice.
762
00:42:31,715 --> 00:42:34,650
You have the right to have
your balls stomped by him.
763
00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:35,810
I'll waive my rights.
764
00:42:45,395 --> 00:42:47,192
OFFICER: All right, Gramps,
move it along.
765
00:42:47,263 --> 00:42:48,730
What's the booking, gentlemen?
766
00:42:48,798 --> 00:42:51,528
Possession of narcotics.
And the chief wants to talk to him.
767
00:42:51,601 --> 00:42:54,593
Oh, yeah? You'll like Chief Karlin.
He's a nice man.
768
00:42:55,572 --> 00:42:58,200
Yeah, I hear he's mellowed out a
lot since he came out of the closet.
769
00:42:58,274 --> 00:43:00,538
You better take his picture
while he still has a face.
770
00:43:00,610 --> 00:43:02,635
That hurts.
You've been hurting me.
771
00:43:04,447 --> 00:43:05,880
Give him a buzz.
772
00:43:05,949 --> 00:43:07,177
KARLIN: Come in.
773
00:43:08,218 --> 00:43:09,617
Here he is, Chief.
774
00:43:12,455 --> 00:43:14,787
Easy, fellas.
I'll be with you in a moment.
775
00:43:25,335 --> 00:43:27,030
(SIGHING)
776
00:43:28,571 --> 00:43:32,063
You decorate this place yourself, or did Mrs.
Chief of Police help out?
777
00:43:34,144 --> 00:43:36,544
So, what's your name?
778
00:43:37,247 --> 00:43:38,305
Fletch.
779
00:43:38,381 --> 00:43:39,541
Full name.
780
00:43:39,616 --> 00:43:41,379
Fletch. F. Fletch.
781
00:43:42,385 --> 00:43:43,977
I see.
782
00:43:44,054 --> 00:43:46,386
And what do you do
for a living, Mr. Fletch?
783
00:43:46,456 --> 00:43:47,753
I'm a shepherd.
784
00:43:49,159 --> 00:43:52,356
Officers, could you excuse us
for a few moments?
785
00:43:53,963 --> 00:43:57,490
Yeah. Why don't you guys go down
to the gym and pump each other?
786
00:44:00,537 --> 00:44:02,698
Why are you doing this,
Mr. Fletch?
787
00:44:03,540 --> 00:44:04,734
I like men.
788
00:44:05,075 --> 00:44:06,770
I like to be manhandled.
789
00:44:08,611 --> 00:44:09,771
I like you.
790
00:44:11,381 --> 00:44:14,077
For a gentleman who was just found
holding a bagful of heroin...
791
00:44:14,150 --> 00:44:15,276
That was planted on me.
792
00:44:15,351 --> 00:44:17,751
We're looking at
five years here, maybe 10.
793
00:44:17,821 --> 00:44:20,085
Now, is that what you want,
Jane Doe?
794
00:44:20,156 --> 00:44:21,282
(CHUCKLING)
795
00:44:21,357 --> 00:44:23,154
Your editor phoned me
796
00:44:23,226 --> 00:44:25,717
to respond to allegations
you're about to print
797
00:44:25,795 --> 00:44:28,662
concerning police involvement
in narcotics dealings.
798
00:44:28,732 --> 00:44:29,926
Uh-uh.
799
00:44:30,100 --> 00:44:32,466
I'm about to bust
that beach wide open.
800
00:44:32,769 --> 00:44:35,033
And I don't need some penny
ante Woodward and Bernstein
801
00:44:35,105 --> 00:44:37,596
to come along
and get in the way of my men.
802
00:44:37,841 --> 00:44:39,468
Well, your men may just be
involved in all of this.
803
00:44:39,542 --> 00:44:41,772
I would think
that might interest you.
804
00:44:41,845 --> 00:44:43,107
Idiot!
805
00:44:45,515 --> 00:44:47,949
All right.
Strictly off the record, okay?
806
00:44:48,017 --> 00:44:49,177
Yeah, okay.
807
00:44:49,819 --> 00:44:52,515
I got that beach crawling
with undercover cops.
808
00:44:52,856 --> 00:44:54,153
But if you come along
nosing around,
809
00:44:54,224 --> 00:44:56,784
you're gonna make the bad
guys there more cautious.
810
00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:58,384
Makes my job harder.
811
00:44:59,195 --> 00:45:01,925
And listen, if you print
your story this week,
812
00:45:02,866 --> 00:45:05,027
it might get some
of my men killed.
813
00:45:05,769 --> 00:45:07,669
And I can't have that,
Mr. Fletch.
814
00:45:08,705 --> 00:45:10,002
You understand?
815
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:11,229
Yeah.
816
00:45:11,307 --> 00:45:12,535
I understand.
817
00:45:14,944 --> 00:45:16,741
Well, I got a deadline.
818
00:45:17,781 --> 00:45:19,544
So the name's Karlin
with a "K," right?
819
00:45:19,616 --> 00:45:21,174
Dipshit!
820
00:45:22,619 --> 00:45:24,143
You go back
to that goddamn beach,
821
00:45:24,220 --> 00:45:25,881
and you won't live to regret it!
822
00:45:26,256 --> 00:45:27,348
All right?
823
00:45:28,958 --> 00:45:30,425
Hey, you and Tommy Lasorda.
824
00:45:30,493 --> 00:45:31,517
Yeah.
825
00:45:31,594 --> 00:45:32,618
I hate Tommy Lasorda.
826
00:45:40,670 --> 00:45:41,796
FLETCH: Hey!
827
00:45:44,507 --> 00:45:46,236
KARLIN: It's all right.
I'll take care of it now.
828
00:45:46,576 --> 00:45:49,044
(SINGING)
♪ Swing low, sweet chariot
829
00:45:49,112 --> 00:45:51,103
I'll handle it from here.
830
00:45:52,282 --> 00:45:55,115
♪ Coming for to carry me home
831
00:45:55,785 --> 00:45:57,275
Can't keep me here, Chief.
832
00:45:57,353 --> 00:45:59,480
Maybe I'm not gonna
keep you in here.
833
00:45:59,823 --> 00:46:02,087
Maybe I'm gonna blow
your brains out.
834
00:46:04,527 --> 00:46:05,892
Well, now, I'm no lawyer
835
00:46:05,962 --> 00:46:07,725
but I do believe that's
a violation of my rights.
836
00:46:08,631 --> 00:46:11,725
After I shoot you,
I stick myself in the arm with this knife
837
00:46:11,801 --> 00:46:13,792
then I'll place the knife
in your dead hand.
838
00:46:14,103 --> 00:46:15,365
(CHUCKLING)
Self-defense.
839
00:46:16,306 --> 00:46:19,901
We don't do it much anymore,
but back in the old days...
840
00:46:22,545 --> 00:46:23,773
You're serious.
841
00:46:23,847 --> 00:46:25,109
Ask anybody.
842
00:46:27,250 --> 00:46:28,842
Can I ask anybody now?
843
00:46:29,686 --> 00:46:32,280
How about, can I call my mom,
tell her how much I love her?
844
00:46:32,355 --> 00:46:33,845
I guess not.
845
00:46:45,802 --> 00:46:48,703
I'm a newspaper reporter.
You don't just blow away newspaper reporters.
846
00:46:48,771 --> 00:46:50,500
It's kind of stupid, isn't it?
847
00:46:50,607 --> 00:46:52,302
What'll it be, Fletch?
848
00:46:58,348 --> 00:47:01,715
Hey, I hate the beach
anyway, man.
849
00:47:01,784 --> 00:47:03,513
This isn't even my story.
850
00:47:04,954 --> 00:47:08,890
I've got a deadline on my series on
that off-track betting in the Himalayas.
851
00:47:08,958 --> 00:47:11,825
Smaller story, but I know
you've been following it.
852
00:47:13,930 --> 00:47:17,093
I can tell you have things
under control down there.
853
00:47:17,233 --> 00:47:18,632
Your beach.
854
00:47:26,476 --> 00:47:28,307
Come on out. Come on.
855
00:47:28,511 --> 00:47:29,637
May I? Thank you.
856
00:47:30,246 --> 00:47:31,770
FLETCH: How could you call him?
What's the matter with you?
857
00:47:31,848 --> 00:47:33,110
Fletch, I'm sorry.
858
00:47:33,182 --> 00:47:35,150
Do you have any idea know
how close to death I came?
859
00:47:35,218 --> 00:47:36,651
Yeah, it's awful.
860
00:47:37,921 --> 00:47:39,286
I mean, the guy had me
alone in a cell
861
00:47:39,355 --> 00:47:41,482
with a gun at my head
and a knife in his hand!
862
00:47:41,557 --> 00:47:43,582
He threatened to kill me, Frank.
863
00:47:43,993 --> 00:47:45,620
Jesus, that's a shame.
864
00:47:46,195 --> 00:47:47,594
He would've blown me away.
865
00:47:47,664 --> 00:47:48,892
Unbelievable.
866
00:47:54,437 --> 00:47:56,337
You don't believe me, do you?
867
00:47:56,406 --> 00:47:57,498
Nope.
868
00:47:58,474 --> 00:47:59,634
He thinks I made it up.
869
00:47:59,709 --> 00:48:00,733
Unbelievable.
870
00:48:00,810 --> 00:48:03,301
Fletch, I need an article
from you by tomorrow.
871
00:48:03,379 --> 00:48:05,040
You believe me, don't you?
Yes, I do.
872
00:48:05,114 --> 00:48:08,015
I don't want any of these unsubstantiated
charges about dope-dealing cops
873
00:48:08,084 --> 00:48:12,487
or any of your horseshit paranoid
fantasies about homicidal police chiefs.
874
00:48:12,555 --> 00:48:14,648
Give me something I can print!
875
00:48:16,426 --> 00:48:17,518
Print this.
876
00:48:20,430 --> 00:48:21,556
Me, too.
877
00:48:22,498 --> 00:48:24,898
Hey, watch it.
You're on thin ice, Larry.
878
00:48:33,409 --> 00:48:35,741
FLETCH: The time had come
to hang out at Boyd Aviation
879
00:48:35,812 --> 00:48:36,870
to meet some of the guys
880
00:48:36,946 --> 00:48:39,847
and to find out what Stanwyk
was doing with that plane.
881
00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:41,243
I splurged.
882
00:48:41,584 --> 00:48:44,382
I invested 49 cents
in a set of novelty teeth.
883
00:48:54,797 --> 00:48:55,889
Hey!
884
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,092
You the guy from Ajax?
885
00:48:58,167 --> 00:48:59,327
Yeah, you bet.
886
00:49:00,036 --> 00:49:01,094
All right.
887
00:49:01,170 --> 00:49:02,467
I thought you were bringing
the eighth.
888
00:49:02,538 --> 00:49:04,733
Yeah. They're on their way.
I'm the supervisor.
889
00:49:04,807 --> 00:49:06,502
I don't carry the stuff.
890
00:49:07,143 --> 00:49:08,838
Who's bringing them, Freddie?
891
00:49:08,911 --> 00:49:10,173
Yeah. Freddie.
892
00:49:10,913 --> 00:49:13,780
MECHANIC: You were supposed to have
been here over an hour ago, boy.
893
00:49:13,916 --> 00:49:16,407
Well, traffic was murder.
894
00:49:16,486 --> 00:49:20,183
You know, one of those manure
spreaders jackknifed on the Santa Ana.
895
00:49:20,423 --> 00:49:21,720
God awful mess.
896
00:49:22,525 --> 00:49:24,220
You should see my shoes.
897
00:49:25,795 --> 00:49:26,887
(EXCLAIMS)
898
00:49:29,732 --> 00:49:31,165
Stanwyk's baby, huh?
899
00:49:31,234 --> 00:49:32,292
Yeah.
900
00:49:33,169 --> 00:49:34,158
Uh-huh.
901
00:49:40,309 --> 00:49:41,674
Looks well-used.
902
00:49:41,744 --> 00:49:43,575
He's back and forth
to Utah every weekend.
903
00:49:43,646 --> 00:49:44,908
Oh, is that right?
904
00:49:45,715 --> 00:49:47,239
What is he, a Mormon?
905
00:49:48,518 --> 00:49:49,985
(LAUGHING)
906
00:49:50,153 --> 00:49:53,782
I don't think he's doing a whole lot
of singing with the Tabernacle Choir.
907
00:49:53,856 --> 00:49:54,880
(MECHANIC CHUCKLING)
908
00:49:54,957 --> 00:49:57,357
These executives, they live high.
Know what I mean?
909
00:49:57,427 --> 00:49:58,655
I sure do.
910
00:50:07,770 --> 00:50:10,603
That's a terrific wing.
I love this shape.
911
00:50:13,476 --> 00:50:15,171
Hey, do us a favor, pal.
912
00:50:15,244 --> 00:50:17,041
Name's Liddy.
Gordon Liddy.
913
00:50:17,780 --> 00:50:20,476
Gord, take a look at the
seventh Fetzer valve, will you?
914
00:50:20,550 --> 00:50:22,347
I think it's been sticking.
915
00:50:23,419 --> 00:50:25,011
Probably the humidity.
916
00:50:26,122 --> 00:50:27,521
That's funny.
917
00:50:27,590 --> 00:50:31,048
No, what I think it is
myself is the bypass line.
918
00:50:32,228 --> 00:50:33,695
It could be
the bypass line. Yeah.
919
00:50:33,763 --> 00:50:35,196
Maybe I should take
a look at it.
920
00:50:40,803 --> 00:50:41,929
Gordo?
921
00:50:42,872 --> 00:50:43,998
Back here?
922
00:50:45,508 --> 00:50:47,533
Don't tell me my business, boy!
923
00:50:48,144 --> 00:50:49,873
Just checking the luggage.
924
00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:51,840
Somebody ought to
clean these windows.
925
00:50:51,914 --> 00:50:55,509
There's a tremendous build-up of
gook all over them. Look at that.
926
00:50:57,153 --> 00:50:58,984
You use a lot of fuel
to go to Utah?
927
00:50:59,055 --> 00:51:00,784
That's what I always ask him.
928
00:51:01,457 --> 00:51:03,584
Burns enough to go to
South America and back.
929
00:51:03,659 --> 00:51:05,286
South America and back.
930
00:51:07,463 --> 00:51:09,021
Is that right?
Yeah.
931
00:51:09,098 --> 00:51:11,157
But I always kid him about it.
I say,
932
00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:15,330
"What are you doing up there?
You doing some stunt flying or something?"
933
00:51:16,405 --> 00:51:17,565
What's he say?
934
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:19,540
Well, you know,
he don't say nothing.
935
00:51:19,609 --> 00:51:21,099
He just gives me that look.
936
00:51:21,177 --> 00:51:22,974
You know, he's got that look.
937
00:51:23,045 --> 00:51:25,536
Yeah, he don't say nothing.
He just gives him that look.
938
00:51:25,615 --> 00:51:27,344
Well, sure.
He's the boss.
939
00:51:27,683 --> 00:51:30,914
Here, let me take a crack
at this Fetzer here.
940
00:51:33,589 --> 00:51:35,056
Gord.
941
00:51:35,124 --> 00:51:38,787
Yeah, I know where it is.
I'm just getting a bird's-eye view here and...
942
00:51:40,796 --> 00:51:43,526
What do you think?
It's the bypass line, right?
943
00:51:43,833 --> 00:51:45,164
I think it's the bypass line.
Yeah.
944
00:51:45,234 --> 00:51:46,531
I told you.
945
00:51:47,303 --> 00:51:49,464
I'm gonna need some pliers
946
00:51:50,006 --> 00:51:52,099
and a set of 30-weight
ball bearings.
947
00:51:52,175 --> 00:51:53,164
What?
948
00:51:53,242 --> 00:51:54,368
Yeah.
949
00:51:54,911 --> 00:51:56,936
Tell you what.
I gotta go to my truck.
950
00:51:57,013 --> 00:51:58,503
If Fred gets here
before I'm back,
951
00:51:58,581 --> 00:51:59,980
you can tell him
to start without me.
952
00:52:00,049 --> 00:52:02,483
What the hell do you need
ball bearings for?
953
00:52:02,552 --> 00:52:04,315
Oh, come on, guys.
954
00:52:04,754 --> 00:52:07,188
It's so simple.
Maybe you need a refresher course.
955
00:52:07,256 --> 00:52:10,248
Hey, it's all ball bearings
nowadays.
956
00:52:13,663 --> 00:52:15,096
Now, you prepare
that Fetzer valve
957
00:52:15,164 --> 00:52:17,564
with some 3-in-one oil
and some gauze pads.
958
00:52:18,401 --> 00:52:20,494
And I'm gonna need
about 10 quarts of antifreeze,
959
00:52:20,570 --> 00:52:22,037
preferably Prestone.
960
00:52:22,905 --> 00:52:25,874
No, make that Quaker State.
961
00:52:27,009 --> 00:52:29,443
And wash those windows.
They've got filth and muck on them.
962
00:52:29,879 --> 00:52:31,107
(GREETING IN SPANISH)
963
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,043
Oh, hi.
Where's Mrs. Stanwyk?
964
00:52:33,115 --> 00:52:34,514
In her cabana, senor.
965
00:52:34,584 --> 00:52:36,848
Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to meet
her in the cabana 6, right?
966
00:52:36,919 --> 00:52:38,386
Cabana 1.
One. Right.
967
00:52:38,454 --> 00:52:39,944
You would like something
to eat or drink, senor?
968
00:52:40,022 --> 00:52:41,284
Actually, I would.
969
00:52:41,357 --> 00:52:42,619
Charge it
to the Underhills, senor?
970
00:52:42,692 --> 00:52:44,683
Yeah. That's right.
971
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:45,920
Do you have any caviar?
972
00:52:45,995 --> 00:52:48,486
Si, senor. Beluga.
But it is $80 a portion.
973
00:52:49,565 --> 00:52:51,430
Well, I better just take
two portions of that.
974
00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:52,899
How's the Lobster Thermidor?
975
00:52:52,969 --> 00:52:54,061
I recommend it, senor.
976
00:52:54,136 --> 00:52:55,296
Good. That'll be fine.
977
00:52:55,371 --> 00:52:57,931
Bring two bottles of Dom
Perignon to Cabana 1.
978
00:52:58,007 --> 00:52:59,031
Very good, senor.
979
00:52:59,108 --> 00:53:00,871
And put down $30
for yourself, huh?
980
00:53:00,943 --> 00:53:01,967
(THANKING IN SPANISH)
981
00:53:02,044 --> 00:53:04,035
This is the nicest place.
982
00:53:13,289 --> 00:53:14,586
Who is it?
983
00:53:14,657 --> 00:53:15,919
FLETCH: It's John.
984
00:53:16,626 --> 00:53:18,093
John who?
985
00:53:18,294 --> 00:53:21,161
It's John. John Levin...
I don't remember.
986
00:53:21,230 --> 00:53:22,527
John Cocktoastin?
987
00:53:22,598 --> 00:53:23,622
Yeah.
988
00:53:24,300 --> 00:53:25,494
Hi.
989
00:53:27,603 --> 00:53:28,695
Hi.
990
00:53:30,439 --> 00:53:32,270
I was hoping you'd say that.
991
00:53:33,276 --> 00:53:35,437
I just got out of the shower.
992
00:53:35,511 --> 00:53:38,105
Yeah. Can I borrow your towel
for a sec?
993
00:53:38,180 --> 00:53:40,011
My car just hit a water buffalo.
994
00:53:41,350 --> 00:53:43,079
Nice place you have here.
995
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:47,414
I'm surprised to see you.
What are you doing here?
996
00:53:47,490 --> 00:53:49,390
I ordered some lunch.
997
00:53:49,458 --> 00:53:50,652
You ordered it here?
998
00:53:50,726 --> 00:53:53,286
Well, I knew this is where
my mouth would be.
999
00:53:55,498 --> 00:53:56,965
I really should change.
1000
00:53:57,033 --> 00:54:00,196
No, I think you should stay the
same wonderful person you are today.
1001
00:54:00,269 --> 00:54:01,861
I mean put clothes on.
1002
00:54:01,937 --> 00:54:04,531
No, really,
make yourself comfortable.
1003
00:54:04,607 --> 00:54:06,404
Are you always this forward?
1004
00:54:06,475 --> 00:54:08,340
Only with wet, married women.
1005
00:54:09,278 --> 00:54:10,267
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1006
00:54:10,713 --> 00:54:12,374
Your turn at the door!
1007
00:54:18,788 --> 00:54:21,313
Okay. Very good, gentlemen.
Come right in.
1008
00:54:21,824 --> 00:54:23,416
There you go.
Right in this way.
1009
00:54:25,428 --> 00:54:28,659
Right in here. That's good.
That's very nice.
1010
00:54:29,398 --> 00:54:30,626
Want I set up?
1011
00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,395
No, thank you.
I'll take care of it.
1012
00:54:32,468 --> 00:54:33,935
Give each other $20, okay?
1013
00:54:34,003 --> 00:54:35,493
Put it on Underhill.
1014
00:54:35,604 --> 00:54:36,901
(THANKING IN SPANISH)
1015
00:54:36,972 --> 00:54:38,599
(FLETCH SPEAKING
NONSENSICAL SPANISH)
1016
00:54:41,510 --> 00:54:43,410
Oh, this is beautiful.
1017
00:54:44,213 --> 00:54:45,908
(EXCLAIMS)
There we have it.
1018
00:54:47,817 --> 00:54:49,614
All this goes
on the Underhills' bill?
1019
00:54:49,685 --> 00:54:51,949
Yeah, well, I saved his life
during the war.
1020
00:54:52,021 --> 00:54:53,511
You were in the war?
1021
00:54:53,589 --> 00:54:54,817
No, he was.
I got him out.
1022
00:54:57,827 --> 00:55:00,523
Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this.
This is great.
1023
00:55:01,063 --> 00:55:02,621
Let's eat.
Let's eat.
1024
00:55:03,733 --> 00:55:05,826
Your bill, senor.
Oh, thank you.
1025
00:55:06,936 --> 00:55:08,870
$400 for lunch?
1026
00:55:08,971 --> 00:55:09,960
Your guest, senor.
1027
00:55:10,072 --> 00:55:12,870
What guest?
We didn't have any guests here today.
1028
00:55:13,342 --> 00:55:14,775
Two bottles of Dom Perignon?
1029
00:55:14,844 --> 00:55:16,368
$100 a pop!
1030
00:55:16,445 --> 00:55:18,140
Jesus H. Christ!
Where is he?
1031
00:55:18,214 --> 00:55:19,476
He is with Ms. Stanwyk.
1032
00:55:19,548 --> 00:55:21,379
Where's she?
Cabana 1.
1033
00:55:21,517 --> 00:55:23,246
Do you mind if I ask you
a question?
1034
00:55:23,452 --> 00:55:24,441
Depends on the question.
1035
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:25,612
Want some more champagne?
1036
00:55:25,688 --> 00:55:26,746
Yes.
1037
00:55:26,822 --> 00:55:28,016
Are you still in love with Alan?
1038
00:55:28,090 --> 00:55:29,250
No.
1039
00:55:29,892 --> 00:55:31,723
I mean, no,
you can't ask me that question.
1040
00:55:31,994 --> 00:55:33,222
Ask me another one.
1041
00:55:33,763 --> 00:55:35,424
Why'd you let me in?
1042
00:55:37,133 --> 00:55:38,657
Because I'm bored.
1043
00:55:39,902 --> 00:55:42,564
If you're so bored,
why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?
1044
00:55:42,638 --> 00:55:45,106
Well, Utah's not exactly
a cure for boredom.
1045
00:55:46,175 --> 00:55:47,472
That's a good point.
1046
00:55:47,610 --> 00:55:50,408
I mean, I've never even been there.
I shouldn't say that.
1047
00:55:50,479 --> 00:55:52,071
What about his parents?
They live there.
1048
00:55:52,148 --> 00:55:54,878
He hasn't seen them for years
so I've never met them.
1049
00:55:54,950 --> 00:55:56,440
They don't get along well?
1050
00:55:56,519 --> 00:55:57,986
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1051
00:55:59,321 --> 00:56:00,345
Mrs. Stanwyk.
1052
00:56:00,423 --> 00:56:01,617
Yes?
1053
00:56:01,857 --> 00:56:04,883
I'm sorry to disturb you.
It's Ted Underhill here.
1054
00:56:06,228 --> 00:56:09,220
Thanks for a great time.
I gotta get out of here.
1055
00:56:09,532 --> 00:56:11,500
Wait a minute.
What is this?
1056
00:56:11,567 --> 00:56:13,398
Someone of your acquaintance
1057
00:56:13,469 --> 00:56:15,835
has charged a $400 lunch
to my account.
1058
00:56:15,905 --> 00:56:17,873
John, you don't know
the Underhills?
1059
00:56:17,940 --> 00:56:21,068
I'd appreciate the opportunity of
discussing this matter with you.
1060
00:56:21,143 --> 00:56:22,838
(IN HIGH-PITCH VOICE)
I'm just out of the shower.
1061
00:56:22,912 --> 00:56:24,971
Can you wait a minute?
I just have to wee-wee.
1062
00:56:25,047 --> 00:56:26,605
Yes, of course.
1063
00:56:28,918 --> 00:56:30,385
Why did you do it?
1064
00:56:30,453 --> 00:56:32,512
Well, I don't think it would be
fair for you to pay the bill.
1065
00:56:32,588 --> 00:56:34,556
A $400 lunch tab?
1066
00:56:34,623 --> 00:56:36,989
That's what I mean. It's outrageous, isn't it?
It's way over the line.
1067
00:56:37,059 --> 00:56:38,219
I'll cover it.
1068
00:56:38,561 --> 00:56:39,823
Wait, you can't go out
looking that.
1069
00:56:39,895 --> 00:56:41,760
He might spot you.
Hold on.
1070
00:56:42,064 --> 00:56:44,089
You look like
you're the same size as Alan.
1071
00:56:44,834 --> 00:56:45,858
Put this on.
1072
00:56:45,935 --> 00:56:47,960
Nice suit.
Just return it.
1073
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:52,735
Any other surprises?
1074
00:56:53,309 --> 00:56:54,469
Yeah.
1075
00:56:54,844 --> 00:56:57,438
My name is not John Cocktoastin.
1076
00:56:58,914 --> 00:57:00,814
And I wasn't at your wedding.
1077
00:57:01,584 --> 00:57:02,608
Who are you?
1078
00:57:02,685 --> 00:57:03,947
I'm Irwin Fletcher.
1079
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:07,421
And I write a newspaper column
under the name of Jane Doe.
1080
00:57:07,490 --> 00:57:08,787
And it's not
the food section, Gail.
1081
00:57:08,858 --> 00:57:09,847
So?
1082
00:57:09,925 --> 00:57:11,358
So...
1083
00:57:13,929 --> 00:57:16,056
Your husband hired me
to kill him.
1084
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:19,165
UNDERHILL: Mrs. Stanwyk!
1085
00:57:20,402 --> 00:57:22,233
Mrs. Stanwyk!
In a minute!
1086
00:57:23,939 --> 00:57:26,567
Enough surprises.
What the hell are you talking about?
1087
00:57:26,642 --> 00:57:27,836
Sit down.
1088
00:57:30,546 --> 00:57:33,777
Your husband told me he was dying of cancer.
Is that true?
1089
00:57:34,283 --> 00:57:35,648
No. It's not true.
1090
00:57:36,519 --> 00:57:39,147
That ranch property you thought
you were buying in Utah?
1091
00:57:39,622 --> 00:57:40,611
Not true.
1092
00:57:42,224 --> 00:57:43,748
He's a bad guy, Gail.
1093
00:57:44,159 --> 00:57:46,491
He's involved in something
very big and very bad.
1094
00:57:46,562 --> 00:57:48,257
Do you know a guy
named Jim Swarthout?
1095
00:57:48,330 --> 00:57:50,730
Yeah. Swarthout's the man
who sold us the ranch.
1096
00:57:50,799 --> 00:57:52,096
Wrong.
1097
00:57:52,234 --> 00:57:54,794
He sold you $3,000
worth of scrub brush.
1098
00:57:55,204 --> 00:57:56,728
No. I saw the deed.
1099
00:57:56,805 --> 00:57:58,204
You saw a forgery.
1100
00:58:00,976 --> 00:58:02,568
This is the real deed.
1101
00:58:03,212 --> 00:58:04,941
See, there's Swarthout's name.
1102
00:58:05,281 --> 00:58:07,681
Now, if this were at all
legible, you'd see what I meant.
1103
00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:10,241
Look, here's the dog
that tried to bite me.
1104
00:58:11,353 --> 00:58:13,344
Here's the motel I stayed in,
there's my car.
1105
00:58:13,422 --> 00:58:14,616
The dog tried to bite that.
1106
00:58:14,690 --> 00:58:15,918
Here's the Mormon Tabernacle.
1107
00:58:15,991 --> 00:58:17,322
Stop it. Stop.
1108
00:58:17,993 --> 00:58:19,483
He's told me a lot of things.
1109
00:58:19,562 --> 00:58:21,530
So far, not one of them
has been true.
1110
00:58:23,032 --> 00:58:24,795
I'm sorry to have to tell you
these things.
1111
00:58:24,867 --> 00:58:25,891
UNDERHILL: Mrs. Stanwyk!
1112
00:58:25,968 --> 00:58:27,299
Wait! Just wait a minute!
1113
00:58:28,103 --> 00:58:29,695
I'm gonna call my father.
He'll know...
1114
00:58:29,772 --> 00:58:31,171
No, you can't.
1115
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:34,004
Gail, please. Look, I know you don't
know me from a hole in the wall
1116
00:58:34,076 --> 00:58:35,805
but you've gotta trust me.
1117
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:39,809
Just give me 24 hours.
1118
00:58:39,915 --> 00:58:40,904
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1119
00:58:40,983 --> 00:58:42,473
UNDERHILL:
Mrs. Stanwyk!
1120
00:58:44,453 --> 00:58:45,818
You a Laker fan?
1121
00:58:47,156 --> 00:58:48,453
No.
1122
00:58:49,091 --> 00:58:50,319
Yeah, I'm coming.
1123
00:58:50,392 --> 00:58:51,381
Just a minute!
1124
00:58:51,460 --> 00:58:52,484
I'll take you to a game.
1125
00:58:52,661 --> 00:58:54,561
Mrs. Stanwyk!
1126
00:58:57,132 --> 00:58:59,430
Sorry. Thanks. Bye.
1127
00:58:59,501 --> 00:59:01,025
Wait. What are you
talking about?
1128
00:59:01,103 --> 00:59:03,833
I'm talking about how much I'd
like to take you to a Laker game.
1129
00:59:03,906 --> 00:59:05,066
If you need me, call the paper.
1130
00:59:05,140 --> 00:59:07,506
What am I supposed to do
for the next 24 hours?
1131
00:59:07,576 --> 00:59:08,600
Act natural.
1132
00:59:08,677 --> 00:59:10,508
I was afraid you'd say that.
1133
01:00:47,376 --> 01:00:48,673
Oh, Jesus.
1134
01:00:49,712 --> 01:00:51,373
What's he doing with the Chief?
1135
01:00:51,447 --> 01:00:56,214
FLETCH: Seeing Bone Cancer and Chief Karlin
together might lead to a Page 1 item.
1136
01:00:56,285 --> 01:00:57,377
But without any real evidence,
1137
01:00:57,453 --> 01:00:59,819
Frank wouldn't even print it
in the want ads.
1138
01:00:59,888 --> 01:01:02,721
I had to keep digging,
without a shovel.
1139
01:01:26,281 --> 01:01:28,181
(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)
1140
01:01:41,430 --> 01:01:43,728
Afternoon, Smog Patrol.
Had your emissions checked?
1141
01:01:43,799 --> 01:01:45,426
No, sir.
Fluorocarbons? Ozone?
1142
01:01:45,501 --> 01:01:47,298
No, sir.
Well, let's check it out.
1143
01:01:47,369 --> 01:01:49,394
What do you say?
Giddyup.
1144
01:01:50,472 --> 01:01:51,939
Smells pretty good.
1145
01:01:54,877 --> 01:01:56,742
(WOMAN CHATTERING
ON POLICE RADIO)
1146
01:01:58,781 --> 01:02:00,214
That's him.
1147
01:02:02,451 --> 01:02:03,941
Unit 12, in pursuit.
1148
01:02:10,993 --> 01:02:14,224
Why don't you catch some shuteye?
Just lay back and enjoy.
1149
01:02:14,363 --> 01:02:15,489
(SCREAMING)
1150
01:02:15,564 --> 01:02:17,623
Try to breathe
through your nose.
1151
01:02:28,677 --> 01:02:30,542
(SIREN WAILING)
1152
01:02:33,615 --> 01:02:35,549
I always use a little
chewing gum on these rides.
1153
01:02:35,617 --> 01:02:37,050
It filters out the pollutants.
1154
01:02:37,119 --> 01:02:38,279
Oh, shit!
1155
01:02:38,353 --> 01:02:40,821
Of course you've got some good grillwork there.
Keep out the ozone.
1156
01:02:40,889 --> 01:02:42,754
I gotta get this thing up to 95,
1157
01:02:42,858 --> 01:02:44,826
check out
the fluorocarbon output.
1158
01:02:47,396 --> 01:02:49,455
Don't worry about
the speed limit here.
1159
01:02:49,531 --> 01:02:51,328
That's why we've got
the police escort.
1160
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,459
You a cop?
As far as you know.
1161
01:02:54,469 --> 01:02:56,835
Are you gonna take me
to jail for car theft?
1162
01:02:56,905 --> 01:02:57,894
Why, did you steal the car?
1163
01:02:57,973 --> 01:02:59,406
I sure did!
1164
01:02:59,474 --> 01:03:01,271
Well, I'm not even sure
that's a crime anymore.
1165
01:03:01,343 --> 01:03:02,674
There've been a lot of changes
in the law.
1166
01:03:02,744 --> 01:03:06,510
OFFICER ON LOUDSPEAKER: Pull to
the right and stop. Pull over.
1167
01:03:06,815 --> 01:03:08,749
Hey, look out for that truck!
1168
01:03:08,851 --> 01:03:10,443
(SHOUTING)
1169
01:03:13,021 --> 01:03:15,251
Nothing, it's just a little
game I play with my buddies.
1170
01:03:15,324 --> 01:03:18,225
Kind of a hide-and-seek kind of a thing.
They love it.
1171
01:03:20,796 --> 01:03:22,354
What a day!
1172
01:03:22,431 --> 01:03:24,695
Must be a stage two right
about here.
1173
01:03:24,766 --> 01:03:26,461
Do a little slipstreaming and...
1174
01:03:26,535 --> 01:03:29,231
Whoa! There's Fred!
Won't he be surprised!
1175
01:03:39,815 --> 01:03:40,804
KID: Shit!
1176
01:03:43,085 --> 01:03:46,452
OFFICER: Can't you hear me?
I said pull over...
1177
01:03:47,222 --> 01:03:49,554
(OFFICER SHOUTING)
1178
01:03:49,625 --> 01:03:51,286
Uh-oh.
1179
01:03:55,063 --> 01:03:56,758
You got a license?
1180
01:03:56,832 --> 01:03:58,459
I didn't bring it with me.
Do you have one?
1181
01:03:58,533 --> 01:03:59,591
No.
1182
01:03:59,668 --> 01:04:01,101
Pull over, buddy!
1183
01:04:01,169 --> 01:04:03,034
FLETCH: Hey, Freddie,
how's the herpes? It hurt?
1184
01:04:03,105 --> 01:04:04,902
Pull over!
1185
01:04:04,973 --> 01:04:07,305
I did pull over before.
I'll pull over later.
1186
01:04:07,376 --> 01:04:09,606
Pull over!
1187
01:04:09,678 --> 01:04:12,340
All right, that's it.
You can turn your bike in at the next depot.
1188
01:04:12,414 --> 01:04:14,405
You're a disgrace to the force!
1189
01:04:14,483 --> 01:04:16,451
(KID SCREAMING)
1190
01:04:34,836 --> 01:04:36,633
Get going. Get the door.
1191
01:04:45,881 --> 01:04:48,406
Congratulations.
You passed the test.
1192
01:04:48,483 --> 01:04:52,146
Raise your left hand, please.
My men will be right with you.
1193
01:05:07,769 --> 01:05:09,669
(HUMMING)
1194
01:05:15,844 --> 01:05:17,937
(SPEAKING NONSENSICAL SPANISH)
1195
01:05:23,919 --> 01:05:27,480
MAN: Thelma Noble,
Ellis Lee Hereford,
1196
01:05:28,256 --> 01:05:31,521
Lee Weaver and Harold Ausley.
1197
01:05:33,428 --> 01:05:36,295
I would like you to meet our
friends here on the dais.
1198
01:05:36,365 --> 01:05:38,424
So please hold your applause
until I'm finished.
1199
01:05:38,567 --> 01:05:39,556
To my left is Kitty Domaine...
1200
01:05:39,668 --> 01:05:41,226
More coffee? There you go.
1201
01:05:41,303 --> 01:05:43,100
...Selby Desner,
1202
01:05:43,171 --> 01:05:46,902
Barbara Wattell, Walter Smith,
1203
01:05:47,776 --> 01:05:50,870
Martha Sterling
and Paul Fleming.
1204
01:05:50,946 --> 01:05:53,710
And to my right, Michael Kenyon,
1205
01:05:54,883 --> 01:05:58,341
Olivia D. Williams,
Otto Bailey,
1206
01:05:58,420 --> 01:05:59,887
Bea Dorfman.
1207
01:06:00,222 --> 01:06:05,285
And now, the Father
of Internal Bushings,
1208
01:06:06,028 --> 01:06:08,622
our very own and beloved leader.
1209
01:06:08,697 --> 01:06:11,165
A man who needs no introduction!
1210
01:06:11,233 --> 01:06:13,224
Thank you very much, Sammy.
Thank you!
1211
01:06:13,301 --> 01:06:14,893
I couldn't wait.
1212
01:06:14,970 --> 01:06:16,301
That was
a very nice introduction,
1213
01:06:16,371 --> 01:06:19,397
and I am very thrilled
and proud to be here today.
1214
01:06:19,474 --> 01:06:21,305
It's been a wonderful
ceremony so far.
1215
01:06:21,376 --> 01:06:25,369
Here on behalf of our own
Fred "The Dorf" Dorfman!
1216
01:06:27,215 --> 01:06:28,273
Who is he?
1217
01:06:28,350 --> 01:06:32,013
Many of you don't know that Fred
was darn near death recently.
1218
01:06:32,087 --> 01:06:35,921
And he wasn't ashamed to admit
to me that he'd had syphilis.
1219
01:06:35,991 --> 01:06:38,619
Thank God he stopped it
in its tracks.
1220
01:06:40,062 --> 01:06:42,997
I must tell you that it
takes a lot for a man
1221
01:06:44,199 --> 01:06:47,327
to admit where he got it
from and how he got it.
1222
01:06:47,402 --> 01:06:50,269
I must say, look at him today.
Fred, you look just wonderful.
1223
01:06:50,338 --> 01:06:53,535
The nose looks normal again.
The face has come back into shape.
1224
01:06:53,608 --> 01:06:56,270
And he's not drooling anymore,
it's a good sign.
1225
01:06:56,344 --> 01:06:58,209
And hats off to Marge, his wife,
1226
01:06:58,280 --> 01:07:00,111
because that
whole experience there,
1227
01:07:00,182 --> 01:07:03,481
the two or three weeks that she stayed
at Trembling Hills has paid off.
1228
01:07:03,552 --> 01:07:06,783
No more alcohol
or sedatives in her life.
1229
01:07:06,855 --> 01:07:09,415
There's so many other things
that I wanna tell you about Fred,
1230
01:07:09,491 --> 01:07:12,016
things that maybe many of you
already know.
1231
01:07:13,295 --> 01:07:16,025
Sammy, you're not going
to sing for us, are you?
1232
01:07:16,665 --> 01:07:20,658
Did you know that Fred spent
a good deal of his life
1233
01:07:20,735 --> 01:07:25,399
honoring a profession that has
gone largely unsung around here?
1234
01:07:25,474 --> 01:07:26,907
Some of those boys
are here tonight.
1235
01:07:26,975 --> 01:07:28,670
The profession, of course,
is law enforcement.
1236
01:07:28,743 --> 01:07:30,574
I know Fred feels this way,
1237
01:07:31,113 --> 01:07:33,445
that too often our feelings
are locked in
1238
01:07:33,515 --> 01:07:35,676
and we feel restrained
and perhaps even embarrassed
1239
01:07:35,750 --> 01:07:38,378
to actually reach out and
touch an officer of the law.
1240
01:07:38,453 --> 01:07:40,250
After all, they are people,
aren't they?
1241
01:07:40,322 --> 01:07:43,951
So why not stand up and pat them on the back?
Go ahead, reach out.
1242
01:07:44,025 --> 01:07:45,014
Go ahead!
1243
01:07:45,093 --> 01:07:48,290
Shake hands with any one of the guys
you see here, these men in blue.
1244
01:07:48,363 --> 01:07:50,888
Hug a cop! Yeah, go ahead.
I said it.
1245
01:07:50,966 --> 01:07:52,695
Yeah!
That's a wonderful feeling!
1246
01:07:52,767 --> 01:07:54,792
I am so proud tonight!
1247
01:07:54,870 --> 01:07:59,603
(SINGING)
♪ Oh, say, can you see
1248
01:07:59,674 --> 01:08:04,702
♪ By the dawn's early light
1249
01:08:04,779 --> 01:08:09,614
♪ What so proudly we hail'd
1250
01:08:09,684 --> 01:08:12,448
♪ At the twilight's
last gleaming
1251
01:08:12,521 --> 01:08:14,148
Hip, hip, hooray!
1252
01:08:14,222 --> 01:08:16,087
Hip, hip, hooray!
ALL: Hooray!
1253
01:08:16,158 --> 01:08:17,489
Hooray! Hooray!
1254
01:08:19,494 --> 01:08:21,621
(CROWD CHEERING)
1255
01:08:25,467 --> 01:08:28,493
Mr. Stanwyk,
you are confirmed on Pan Am Flight 441
1256
01:08:28,570 --> 01:08:32,097
to Rio de Janeiro tomorrow
evening, 11:00 p.m., first class.
1257
01:08:32,174 --> 01:08:33,801
That's terrific.
Thank you.
1258
01:08:33,875 --> 01:08:35,308
You reconfirmed this morning.
1259
01:08:35,377 --> 01:08:36,469
You bet I did.
1260
01:08:36,545 --> 01:08:38,376
I'm a bear for detail.
1261
01:08:38,747 --> 01:08:40,908
I hope there's nobody
next to me.
1262
01:08:40,982 --> 01:08:42,609
You see,
I always travel first class
1263
01:08:42,684 --> 01:08:44,549
and I take both seats up.
1264
01:08:45,120 --> 01:08:48,021
I'm in bridge work.
Bridge construction.
1265
01:08:48,089 --> 01:08:51,388
These fold-outs take a tremendous
amount of space up and I need the space.
1266
01:08:51,459 --> 01:08:53,290
I'm afraid there is someone
sitting next to you.
1267
01:08:53,361 --> 01:08:58,060
Oh, for God don don!
Who is it? Mr. Sinilindon?
1268
01:08:59,334 --> 01:09:01,199
No. The name is Cavanaugh.
1269
01:09:01,703 --> 01:09:02,795
Cavanaugh?
1270
01:09:02,871 --> 01:09:04,532
Oh. Is that Morris or Pierre?
1271
01:09:05,874 --> 01:09:07,865
Sally Ann Cavanaugh.
1272
01:09:07,943 --> 01:09:10,070
Sally Ann? Well, terrific.
1273
01:09:10,612 --> 01:09:13,046
In fact, you purchased the
ticket for Miss Cavanaugh.
1274
01:09:13,114 --> 01:09:16,015
Doesn't mean I want her
sitting next to me, does it?
1275
01:09:17,285 --> 01:09:18,775
I'm sorry, the flight's full.
1276
01:09:18,853 --> 01:09:20,343
She's connecting out of Provo.
1277
01:09:21,690 --> 01:09:23,555
Oh. All right, fine.
1278
01:09:24,292 --> 01:09:26,089
Provo, Spain?
1279
01:09:26,161 --> 01:09:27,219
Utah.
1280
01:09:27,829 --> 01:09:28,853
Utah!
1281
01:09:29,297 --> 01:09:32,858
FLETCH: Listen, Frank,
don't give me any crap about the beach story.
1282
01:09:32,934 --> 01:09:34,333
I'm at the airport.
1283
01:09:34,402 --> 01:09:35,528
FRANK ON PHONE:
The airport?
1284
01:09:35,604 --> 01:09:38,038
Listen, there are at least
two dozen cops after my ass.
1285
01:09:38,106 --> 01:09:40,199
I can't go to my house,
I can't go to the office.
1286
01:09:40,275 --> 01:09:41,708
I'm a man
without a country, Frank.
1287
01:09:41,776 --> 01:09:44,438
Fletch, if these cops are really after
you, come in here.
1288
01:09:44,512 --> 01:09:45,536
You'll be okay.
1289
01:09:45,614 --> 01:09:48,447
I couldn't even get through
the front door.
1290
01:09:48,516 --> 01:09:50,245
Listen, I'm going to Utah.
1291
01:09:50,418 --> 01:09:52,716
You go to Utah,
you stay in Utah.
1292
01:09:52,787 --> 01:09:55,620
I'm turning the story over
to a professional reporter.
1293
01:09:55,690 --> 01:09:59,182
Frank, The story is Utah.
Trust me.
1294
01:09:59,261 --> 01:10:02,094
You're going to Utah?
Fine, fine, fine.
1295
01:10:02,163 --> 01:10:04,996
If your story is not on my desk by
11:30, you're out of a job.
1296
01:10:46,174 --> 01:10:48,108
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1297
01:11:34,823 --> 01:11:35,983
Cujo?
1298
01:12:50,365 --> 01:12:52,424
Who the hell are you?
1299
01:12:52,500 --> 01:12:53,762
Get up!
1300
01:12:54,669 --> 01:12:55,931
I'm up.
1301
01:12:57,305 --> 01:12:58,397
Door was unlocked.
1302
01:12:58,473 --> 01:12:59,804
Lock's busted.
1303
01:12:59,874 --> 01:13:01,569
Well, there you have it.
1304
01:13:02,677 --> 01:13:05,111
I work for the landlord.
1305
01:13:05,180 --> 01:13:07,910
He told me to watch out
for the place.
1306
01:13:08,016 --> 01:13:09,074
Well, I commend him
on his choice.
1307
01:13:09,784 --> 01:13:10,808
What?
1308
01:13:10,885 --> 01:13:12,876
I commend him on his choice.
1309
01:13:15,390 --> 01:13:17,654
I was supposed to meet
Mrs. Cavanaugh here.
1310
01:13:17,725 --> 01:13:18,885
Who are you?
1311
01:13:18,960 --> 01:13:21,861
I'm Don Corleone,
Mrs. Cavanaugh's cousin.
1312
01:13:23,298 --> 01:13:24,595
You know where she is?
1313
01:13:24,666 --> 01:13:25,860
Moved out.
1314
01:13:26,267 --> 01:13:27,598
Moved out?
1315
01:13:27,669 --> 01:13:28,966
(SCOFFING)
1316
01:13:29,404 --> 01:13:30,530
Isn't that something?
1317
01:13:30,605 --> 01:13:33,199
I just talked to her last week.
She didn't say a thing about it.
1318
01:13:33,274 --> 01:13:34,502
She moved out.
1319
01:13:34,576 --> 01:13:36,009
So you're saying she moved out.
1320
01:13:36,478 --> 01:13:37,536
This morning.
1321
01:13:37,612 --> 01:13:38,670
This morning?
1322
01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:39,938
God!
1323
01:13:41,015 --> 01:13:42,414
We had so much to talk about.
1324
01:13:43,785 --> 01:13:45,685
You know, Mo Green is
out of the Tropicana now.
1325
01:13:45,753 --> 01:13:48,244
My sons, Mike and Fredo,
are taking over.
1326
01:13:48,323 --> 01:13:50,757
What did you want under the bed?
1327
01:13:55,063 --> 01:13:56,894
I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to pull rank on you.
1328
01:13:56,965 --> 01:13:58,296
I didn't want to
have to do this.
1329
01:13:58,466 --> 01:14:00,024
I'm with the mattress police.
1330
01:14:00,101 --> 01:14:02,126
There are no tags
on these mattresses.
1331
01:14:04,873 --> 01:14:06,534
I have to take you downtown.
Now, give me the weapon.
1332
01:14:06,608 --> 01:14:07,597
(COCKS GUN)
1333
01:14:08,009 --> 01:14:09,977
I'm calling the cops.
1334
01:14:10,044 --> 01:14:11,909
This is for the cops.
1335
01:14:11,980 --> 01:14:13,675
Come on, man, will you?
I'm her cousin.
1336
01:14:13,748 --> 01:14:15,238
Tell the cops.
1337
01:14:19,020 --> 01:14:22,478
Okay, you wanna call the cops?
Call the cops.
1338
01:14:23,691 --> 01:14:25,989
Better tie your shoelaces first.
1339
01:14:27,228 --> 01:14:29,594
(GRUNTS)
1340
01:14:43,645 --> 01:14:45,613
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1341
01:14:48,349 --> 01:14:49,577
Thanks a lot!
1342
01:14:58,593 --> 01:14:59,821
Hey, Stretch, what's happening?
1343
01:14:59,894 --> 01:15:01,418
I got an unbelievable
story here.
1344
01:15:01,496 --> 01:15:02,793
Yeah? Great.
1345
01:15:02,864 --> 01:15:03,922
What can I do?
1346
01:15:03,998 --> 01:15:05,295
Write this down.
Sally Ann Cavanaugh.
1347
01:15:05,366 --> 01:15:07,163
Sally Ann Cavanaugh.
1348
01:15:07,235 --> 01:15:08,759
Check every hotel in LA.
1349
01:15:08,937 --> 01:15:10,302
Start with the ones
near the airport.
1350
01:15:10,371 --> 01:15:12,464
He's supposed to leave the
country with her tomorrow night.
1351
01:15:12,540 --> 01:15:14,030
Got that, honey?
1352
01:15:14,108 --> 01:15:15,803
I love your body, Larry.
1353
01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:33,354
(WHOOPS)
1354
01:15:33,795 --> 01:15:35,194
Good afternoon.
1355
01:15:35,830 --> 01:15:37,024
Howdy.
1356
01:15:38,299 --> 01:15:39,732
You know, they ought
to recall these things.
1357
01:15:39,801 --> 01:15:41,564
You hit one good bump
out here and, boom,
1358
01:15:41,903 --> 01:15:43,427
the whole rear window explodes.
1359
01:15:43,504 --> 01:15:45,597
Are you Mr. Marvin Stanwyk?
Yeah.
1360
01:15:45,673 --> 01:15:49,109
Hi there. I'm Harry S.
Truman from Casewell Insurance Underwriters.
1361
01:15:49,177 --> 01:15:50,542
Harry S. Truman?
1362
01:15:50,612 --> 01:15:53,877
Yeah, well, my were big fans
of the former president.
1363
01:15:53,948 --> 01:15:56,940
Isn't that nice?
He was a good man.
1364
01:15:57,018 --> 01:15:58,918
He sure was.
He showed the Japs a thing or two.
1365
01:15:58,987 --> 01:16:00,454
Oh, yeah, he dropped
the big one, huh?
1366
01:16:00,555 --> 01:16:02,420
He dropped two big ones on them.
1367
01:16:02,490 --> 01:16:04,424
He was a real fighter.
Yeah.
1368
01:16:04,492 --> 01:16:07,086
You in the insurance line,
Harry?
1369
01:16:07,161 --> 01:16:08,924
That's right.
1370
01:16:08,997 --> 01:16:10,464
Well, I'm fully covered.
1371
01:16:10,531 --> 01:16:12,522
Oh, I don't doubt it,
Mr. Stanwyk.
1372
01:16:12,600 --> 01:16:14,261
FLETCH: Actually,
my company is the sub-insurers
1373
01:16:14,335 --> 01:16:16,803
of the subsidiary carriers
of a policy
1374
01:16:16,871 --> 01:16:19,533
held by Alan Stanwyk,
who I believe is your son.
1375
01:16:19,607 --> 01:16:20,767
Yeah, he is.
1376
01:16:20,842 --> 01:16:21,831
(CHUCKLING)
1377
01:16:21,909 --> 01:16:23,570
Mr. Truman,
I want you to meet my wife, Velma.
1378
01:16:23,645 --> 01:16:24,669
Oh, my pleasure.
1379
01:16:24,746 --> 01:16:25,804
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
1380
01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:28,576
Come on up here and sit down,
have a glass of lemonade.
1381
01:16:28,650 --> 01:16:29,810
Thank you.
1382
01:16:29,884 --> 01:16:31,749
Velma makes
the most unusual lemonade.
1383
01:16:31,819 --> 01:16:32,877
Is that right?
1384
01:16:32,954 --> 01:16:36,253
It's kind of hard to keep
it cold on a day like this.
1385
01:16:37,325 --> 01:16:39,293
Where you from, Harry?
1386
01:16:39,827 --> 01:16:41,692
I'm from California.
1387
01:16:42,497 --> 01:16:43,930
San Berdoo.
1388
01:16:44,499 --> 01:16:47,366
Yeah. Utah is part
of my route.
1389
01:16:48,903 --> 01:16:53,033
Say, you folks don't mind if I ask
you a couple of questions, do you?
1390
01:16:53,107 --> 01:16:54,233
Shoot.
1391
01:16:54,308 --> 01:16:55,741
Thank you very much.
1392
01:16:55,810 --> 01:16:58,472
We'll just start with a
couple of the routine things.
1393
01:16:59,781 --> 01:17:02,944
You and your wife are currently
alive, I take it?
1394
01:17:04,152 --> 01:17:05,915
Harry, if there's...
1395
01:17:05,987 --> 01:17:07,284
It's just regulations.
1396
01:17:08,356 --> 01:17:09,345
Now,
1397
01:17:10,291 --> 01:17:12,350
you, Marvin,
and your wife named Velma...
1398
01:17:12,427 --> 01:17:13,451
Velma.
1399
01:17:13,528 --> 01:17:17,487
...are the parents of one
Alan Stanwyk of Beverly Hills,
1400
01:17:17,565 --> 01:17:19,226
Executive Vice President
of Boyd Aviation.
1401
01:17:19,300 --> 01:17:20,824
Check.
Check.
1402
01:17:21,636 --> 01:17:24,002
And when was the last time
you saw Alan?
1403
01:17:25,239 --> 01:17:28,572
Oh, about ten days ago.
1404
01:17:29,277 --> 01:17:30,767
Ten days ago?
1405
01:17:31,012 --> 01:17:34,209
Yeah, he comes and visits us
about every three weeks.
1406
01:17:35,650 --> 01:17:36,776
Isn't that nice?
1407
01:17:37,585 --> 01:17:39,075
How long has he been doing that?
1408
01:17:39,153 --> 01:17:41,018
Since he moved to LA.
1409
01:17:45,126 --> 01:17:49,028
Now, you'll pardon me
if I seem a bit personal here,
1410
01:17:49,097 --> 01:17:51,065
but I don't know how to put it.
1411
01:17:51,132 --> 01:17:56,297
We understand that there's a
young lady friend here in Provo
1412
01:17:56,370 --> 01:17:57,928
that Alan's been seeing.
1413
01:17:58,005 --> 01:18:00,371
What's this got to do
with insurance?
1414
01:18:00,441 --> 01:18:02,841
Oh, trust me, Marvin,
this is a comprehensive policy.
1415
01:18:02,910 --> 01:18:05,276
Well, you can forget about
that lady friend business.
1416
01:18:05,346 --> 01:18:08,247
Alan is the most loving
husband a girl could have.
1417
01:18:08,316 --> 01:18:10,910
He dotes on that bride of his.
1418
01:18:10,985 --> 01:18:11,974
Who?
1419
01:18:12,053 --> 01:18:13,384
His wife.
1420
01:18:14,789 --> 01:18:16,381
You've met her?
1421
01:18:17,191 --> 01:18:20,285
Well, of course we have.
He brings her with him.
1422
01:18:23,898 --> 01:18:27,265
Has Alan ever mentioned the
name Sally Ann Cavanaugh to you?
1423
01:18:27,969 --> 01:18:29,266
Has he?
1424
01:18:32,707 --> 01:18:36,040
Boy, what in the hell's
the matter with you?
1425
01:18:36,110 --> 01:18:37,134
He has, then?
1426
01:18:37,211 --> 01:18:38,508
Of course he has.
1427
01:18:38,579 --> 01:18:40,069
That's his wife.
1428
01:18:41,516 --> 01:18:42,608
Of course.
1429
01:18:42,984 --> 01:18:45,646
His wife's name is Sally
Ann Cavanaugh then. I...
1430
01:18:45,853 --> 01:18:47,514
Cute as a button.
1431
01:18:48,856 --> 01:18:50,756
You wouldn't happen to have a
picture of Alan and his bride,
1432
01:18:50,825 --> 01:18:51,917
would you, handy?
1433
01:18:51,993 --> 01:18:54,154
Oh, sure,
we've got lots of pictures.
1434
01:18:54,228 --> 01:18:56,355
Let me get you some.
Great.
1435
01:18:58,332 --> 01:19:00,095
Still married are they,
Alan and Sally Ann?
1436
01:19:00,168 --> 01:19:01,829
Yes, they are.
1437
01:19:01,903 --> 01:19:04,030
How long have they been
married, Marvin?
1438
01:19:04,105 --> 01:19:07,734
It was before he moved to LA.
1439
01:19:08,042 --> 01:19:09,270
Eight years April.
1440
01:19:09,544 --> 01:19:12,206
This keeps getting heavier
each year.
1441
01:19:13,214 --> 01:19:16,115
There we are.
There, there it is.
1442
01:19:16,184 --> 01:19:18,277
That's the one.
Oh, my goodness.
1443
01:19:18,352 --> 01:19:19,683
She is a button, isn't she?
1444
01:19:19,754 --> 01:19:21,654
Isn't she cute?
1445
01:19:22,123 --> 01:19:24,591
Say, could I borrow
this picture for a while?
1446
01:19:24,692 --> 01:19:25,989
I promise to send it back.
1447
01:19:26,060 --> 01:19:27,618
It's routine.
The actuarial people...
1448
01:19:27,695 --> 01:19:29,822
Oh, that's all right.
We have lots more.
1449
01:19:29,897 --> 01:19:31,091
Want to see the reception?
1450
01:19:31,165 --> 01:19:32,792
No, no, thank you.
I'm trying to quit.
1451
01:19:32,867 --> 01:19:35,199
Well, how about Marvin's
65th birthday party?
1452
01:19:35,269 --> 01:19:36,133
How about that, Marvin?
1453
01:19:36,804 --> 01:19:38,135
MARVIN: They got a picture
of me in here.
1454
01:19:38,206 --> 01:19:39,639
But they...
Remember how much you drank that day?
1455
01:19:39,941 --> 01:19:43,274
This is Alan? Son of a bitch!
I can't believe this!
1456
01:19:43,344 --> 01:19:45,608
It's really Alan,
and it's really bigamy.
1457
01:19:45,680 --> 01:19:47,238
How long have they been married?
1458
01:19:47,315 --> 01:19:48,714
About eight years.
1459
01:19:48,783 --> 01:19:50,341
Who is this woman?
1460
01:19:50,418 --> 01:19:54,047
I don't know, Gail,
I think it's Alan's high school sweetheart.
1461
01:19:54,622 --> 01:19:57,090
Her name is Sally Ann
something or other.
1462
01:19:57,291 --> 01:20:00,488
Alan's been keeping
a lot of things secret lately.
1463
01:20:00,928 --> 01:20:02,725
I'm gonna call the police.
No, no.
1464
01:20:02,797 --> 01:20:04,094
No, Gail, you can't do that.
Yes, I am.
1465
01:20:04,165 --> 01:20:05,291
And I'm calling my father.
1466
01:20:05,366 --> 01:20:07,493
Just give me one more day, okay?
Just one more day.
1467
01:20:07,568 --> 01:20:09,035
Why, what for?
1468
01:20:09,103 --> 01:20:11,264
Do you have any idea
how humiliating this is?
1469
01:20:11,339 --> 01:20:13,466
Yes, I do.
I really do.
1470
01:20:16,277 --> 01:20:17,608
Remember what I told you?
1471
01:20:17,745 --> 01:20:19,474
Tomorrow night you have
a club meeting.
1472
01:20:19,547 --> 01:20:22,812
You stay away from the house, all right?
I'll take care of him.
1473
01:20:22,884 --> 01:20:24,010
Don't worry about it.
1474
01:20:24,085 --> 01:20:25,211
She looks like a hooker.
Look at her.
1475
01:20:25,286 --> 01:20:28,153
Look at her. Could you love
someone who looked like that?
1476
01:20:28,222 --> 01:20:30,713
What are you talking about?
Of course not.
1477
01:20:31,559 --> 01:20:34,050
Five, ten minutes tops, maybe.
1478
01:20:35,429 --> 01:20:36,862
That's funny.
1479
01:20:39,133 --> 01:20:40,657
I know. Listen.
1480
01:20:41,869 --> 01:20:44,269
Why don't we both relax
and go in there and lie down
1481
01:20:44,639 --> 01:20:46,197
and I'll fill you in?
1482
01:20:49,076 --> 01:20:52,307
This is a really good time
to make a pass at me.
1483
01:21:21,842 --> 01:21:23,002
Gum?
1484
01:21:23,077 --> 01:21:25,307
Who? Go somewhere else.
1485
01:21:25,379 --> 01:21:26,903
Gum, it's me.
1486
01:21:28,950 --> 01:21:30,975
Fletch. Really, is that you?
1487
01:21:31,052 --> 01:21:32,076
Don't say "Fletch."
Don't say my name.
1488
01:21:32,153 --> 01:21:33,347
Shut up.
Okay.
1489
01:21:33,421 --> 01:21:35,480
Don't look at me, lay back.
I gotta talk to you, all right?
1490
01:21:35,556 --> 01:21:37,615
All right, all right.
About what?
1491
01:21:39,460 --> 01:21:41,690
There're cops all around here,
and they're after me.
1492
01:21:41,762 --> 01:21:43,787
What? You mean those surfers
over there?
1493
01:21:43,864 --> 01:21:45,024
Just lay back down.
1494
01:21:45,099 --> 01:21:46,361
Don't point.
Just lay back, all right?
1495
01:21:46,434 --> 01:21:47,765
Okay, okay.
1496
01:21:47,835 --> 01:21:49,200
Fletch, why they after you?
1497
01:21:49,270 --> 01:21:51,295
They're after me because
I'm a newspaper reporter.
1498
01:21:51,372 --> 01:21:55,069
And I'm nailing Chief Karlin as the
major drug source on this beach.
1499
01:21:56,644 --> 01:21:57,906
Sit back.
1500
01:21:59,880 --> 01:22:02,906
Fat Sam's turning
state's evidence.
1501
01:22:02,984 --> 01:22:04,474
What's that?
1502
01:22:05,686 --> 01:22:07,119
He wrote me
a very nice deposition.
1503
01:22:07,188 --> 01:22:09,850
He says he just received the
drugs and you did all the selling.
1504
01:22:09,924 --> 01:22:13,291
He said what?
Fletch, he's lying.
1505
01:22:13,361 --> 01:22:15,454
Man, honest, Fletch.
I didn't sell nothing, man.
1506
01:22:15,529 --> 01:22:17,156
You gotta believe me.
I didn't sell anything.
1507
01:22:17,231 --> 01:22:19,563
I just carried the drugs from
the Chief to Sam. That's it.
1508
01:22:19,633 --> 01:22:21,157
Sure you did.
Sure you did, Gum.
1509
01:22:21,235 --> 01:22:22,998
Fletch, Fletch, honest, man.
That's all I did.
1510
01:22:23,070 --> 01:22:25,766
Twenty years, Gum,
twenty years in prison.
1511
01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:27,034
Unless you want to play ball.
1512
01:22:31,779 --> 01:22:34,407
You don't leave me much
of a choice, I guess.
1513
01:22:38,152 --> 01:22:39,915
Fletch, you all right?
Yeah, I'm all right.
1514
01:22:39,987 --> 01:22:41,386
These robes...
1515
01:22:41,956 --> 01:22:43,355
I got another question for you.
1516
01:22:43,591 --> 01:22:45,218
Where does the Chief
get his drugs from?
1517
01:22:46,694 --> 01:22:47,991
I don't know.
1518
01:22:49,430 --> 01:22:51,990
Have fun. Don't bend over
for the soap.
1519
01:22:52,066 --> 01:22:53,931
Fletch. Fletch, okay, okay.
1520
01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:58,367
It's somewhere in South America.
1521
01:23:03,544 --> 01:23:05,409
Mind if I sit here?
1522
01:23:05,479 --> 01:23:07,140
Fletch? Man.
1523
01:23:08,182 --> 01:23:09,444
You don't know me, Sam.
1524
01:23:09,517 --> 01:23:11,144
My pleasure, brother.
1525
01:23:11,218 --> 01:23:13,015
I'm a reporter, Sam.
1526
01:23:13,087 --> 01:23:16,648
I'm breaking the story on
the drug traffic around here.
1527
01:23:16,724 --> 01:23:18,988
Gummy's turning
state's evidence.
1528
01:23:19,060 --> 01:23:21,085
I got good proof it's the Chief.
1529
01:23:21,162 --> 01:23:22,823
You gonna bust the Chief?
1530
01:23:22,897 --> 01:23:24,421
I'm gonna bust the Chief.
1531
01:23:27,001 --> 01:23:28,935
I could use your help.
1532
01:23:31,806 --> 01:23:34,707
I'm a slave
to that son of a bitch.
1533
01:23:34,775 --> 01:23:36,970
He busted me, third offense.
1534
01:23:37,044 --> 01:23:39,535
Gave me my choice,
push for him or do 15 long.
1535
01:23:39,613 --> 01:23:41,672
Now, all I get out of this
is free junk.
1536
01:23:41,749 --> 01:23:43,080
You don't have a piece
of the action?
1537
01:23:43,150 --> 01:23:44,777
No. Free junk, that's it.
1538
01:23:50,324 --> 01:23:52,349
Hey, how you doing?
1539
01:23:52,426 --> 01:23:55,395
Albert Einstein's forehead.
You like it? I won it in a raffle.
1540
01:23:55,463 --> 01:23:57,954
Excuse me.
Fellows, stay with me, will you?
1541
01:23:58,265 --> 01:23:59,527
Fletch?
1542
01:24:01,302 --> 01:24:02,360
What's up? What's up?
1543
01:24:02,436 --> 01:24:03,562
I'm quitting
as of midnight tonight.
1544
01:24:03,637 --> 01:24:04,695
Who are these guys?
1545
01:24:04,772 --> 01:24:07,434
This is Fat Sam and this is Gummy.
Fellows, come with me.
1546
01:24:07,508 --> 01:24:09,635
These are their statements
naming Chief Karlin
1547
01:24:09,710 --> 01:24:12,178
as the number-one drug pusher
from here to Oxnard.
1548
01:24:12,246 --> 01:24:14,544
I want them to have federal
protection sponsored by the paper.
1549
01:24:14,615 --> 01:24:15,707
Is that okay, Frank?
1550
01:24:15,783 --> 01:24:17,148
FLETCH: Sit down in there,
anywhere you...
1551
01:24:17,218 --> 01:24:19,311
That's good.
Make yourselves comfortable.
1552
01:24:19,720 --> 01:24:20,880
This is wonderful.
This is...
1553
01:24:20,955 --> 01:24:21,979
I'm out, Frank.
1554
01:24:22,056 --> 01:24:23,455
You lost faith in me.
1555
01:24:23,524 --> 01:24:25,048
Fletch, I got nervous.
Come on.
1556
01:24:25,126 --> 01:24:27,458
Forget it.
I'm writing the story.
1557
01:24:27,528 --> 01:24:29,792
Just hold the last two
paragraphs till 10:00, okay?
1558
01:24:30,331 --> 01:24:32,231
You want an apology?
1559
01:24:32,533 --> 01:24:34,057
You were going to can me, right?
1560
01:24:34,135 --> 01:24:35,193
No, not really.
1561
01:24:35,269 --> 01:24:36,634
Not really?
1562
01:24:36,704 --> 01:24:38,399
I was upset. You know.
1563
01:24:41,442 --> 01:24:42,431
Okay.
1564
01:24:42,877 --> 01:24:45,345
Jesus, I'm sick
of this place. Ow.
1565
01:24:46,480 --> 01:24:49,813
I'm gonna try out for the Lakers.
They need a good power forward.
1566
01:24:49,884 --> 01:24:52,079
Fletch, this is
a hell of a story.
1567
01:24:52,153 --> 01:24:53,211
Thanks.
1568
01:24:53,287 --> 01:24:54,345
Now, about these guys...
1569
01:24:54,421 --> 01:24:55,888
Don't worry about them.
They're just fine.
1570
01:24:55,956 --> 01:24:58,823
You don't have any valuables in
there, Vicki Morgan tapes or anything?
1571
01:25:52,079 --> 01:25:53,410
(EXCLAIMING)
1572
01:27:15,729 --> 01:27:17,253
ALAN: Good evening.
1573
01:27:24,004 --> 01:27:25,767
I like your outfit.
1574
01:27:26,707 --> 01:27:28,334
Did you bring the 50 grand
and the tickets?
1575
01:27:28,409 --> 01:27:29,876
Of course.
1576
01:27:30,577 --> 01:27:33,705
Oh, oh, oh.
You forgot your rubber gloves.
1577
01:27:34,481 --> 01:27:36,972
You're planning on killing me,
aren't you?
1578
01:27:38,585 --> 01:27:41,053
You catch on real quick,
Mr. Nugent.
1579
01:27:41,121 --> 01:27:43,316
That's a pretty hostile thing
to do, don't you think?
1580
01:27:43,390 --> 01:27:47,520
Well, you were gonna kill me.
I look at this simply as self-defense.
1581
01:27:47,594 --> 01:27:51,621
Now, if you would be so kind as
to put your passport on my desk.
1582
01:27:55,836 --> 01:27:58,862
You're wearing my suit.
Where did you get that?
1583
01:27:59,873 --> 01:28:02,899
I said, where did you get my
suit, Mr. Nugent?
1584
01:28:02,976 --> 01:28:05,945
The name's Fletcher.
I'm a newspaper reporter.
1585
01:28:06,013 --> 01:28:07,981
I write a column
under the name of Jane Doe.
1586
01:28:08,048 --> 01:28:09,572
What the hell is this?
1587
01:28:10,217 --> 01:28:11,411
Read this.
1588
01:28:11,485 --> 01:28:12,713
Look, I don't have time
for your nonsense.
1589
01:28:12,786 --> 01:28:14,151
Cut the crap.
1590
01:28:14,221 --> 01:28:17,247
Come downstairs and read this.
I'm not going anywhere.
1591
01:28:29,570 --> 01:28:33,267
Unless my people hear differently,
that letter goes out at midnight.
1592
01:28:41,448 --> 01:28:45,077
"Dear Mr. Boyd,
Alan Stanwyk murdered me tonight."
1593
01:28:48,589 --> 01:28:52,616
"Charred remains found by the police
in the Jaguar are mine, not his."
1594
01:28:52,693 --> 01:28:56,629
"Mr. Stanwyk, using my name and
passport, boarded Pan Am Flight 306."
1595
01:28:56,697 --> 01:28:57,959
"On arrival, he intends
to establish..."
1596
01:28:58,031 --> 01:28:59,862
Pretty hefty.
1597
01:29:01,201 --> 01:29:02,691
Keep reading.
1598
01:29:03,504 --> 01:29:07,167
"...with his legal wife,
the former Sally Ann Cavanaugh..."
1599
01:29:07,875 --> 01:29:09,536
Don't stop, Alan.
1600
01:29:14,481 --> 01:29:16,073
Uh-oh, the missus.
1601
01:29:16,150 --> 01:29:17,208
What are you doing here?
1602
01:29:17,284 --> 01:29:20,845
I already know most of it.
I just want to hear the rest from you.
1603
01:29:21,121 --> 01:29:24,488
He doesn't read my stuff very well.
Let me take a crack at it.
1604
01:29:25,058 --> 01:29:28,255
"Sally Ann and Alan were
married eight years ago,"
1605
01:29:30,431 --> 01:29:33,923
"never divorced, making Stanwyk a
bigamist, even in Utah."
1606
01:29:34,468 --> 01:29:37,164
"Stanwyk is also traveling
with $3 million in cash,"
1607
01:29:37,237 --> 01:29:41,230
"the result of Gail Stanwyk's
conversion of Boyd Aviation stock."
1608
01:29:45,646 --> 01:29:47,477
It's true, isn't it?
1609
01:29:48,182 --> 01:29:49,774
"Sally Ann can confirm all this"
1610
01:29:49,850 --> 01:29:51,681
"when the police pick her up
at the Airport Marriott."
1611
01:29:51,752 --> 01:29:53,686
That's where she is, isn't it?
1612
01:29:55,289 --> 01:29:58,554
"By the way,
Alan is a very big drug smuggler."
1613
01:29:58,625 --> 01:30:02,254
"But you can read all about
that in tomorrow's paper."
1614
01:30:02,329 --> 01:30:05,059
"Sincerely, I.M. Fletcher.
PS, Have a nice day."
1615
01:30:05,632 --> 01:30:08,157
Bravo, Mr. Fletcher. Bravo.
1616
01:30:08,235 --> 01:30:10,169
You know, what tipped it for
me was something your wife said
1617
01:30:10,237 --> 01:30:11,898
while we were in bed together.
1618
01:30:16,076 --> 01:30:19,512
Oh? And what was that?
1619
01:30:19,580 --> 01:30:22,845
Curiously, she said
we had roughly the same build.
1620
01:30:22,916 --> 01:30:24,941
From the waist up, I imagine.
1621
01:30:27,287 --> 01:30:29,152
Then I figured it.
1622
01:30:29,223 --> 01:30:32,784
You bump me off,
plop me in the car and burn me up.
1623
01:30:35,829 --> 01:30:37,490
What the heck,
same bone structure.
1624
01:30:37,564 --> 01:30:39,361
You son of a bitch.
1625
01:30:39,433 --> 01:30:41,230
But I'm not a stupid
son of a bitch.
1626
01:30:42,002 --> 01:30:44,800
I was already prepared to
commit one murder, ass face.
1627
01:30:44,872 --> 01:30:48,137
What makes you think
I won't commit two, huh?
1628
01:30:48,208 --> 01:30:49,266
Whoops.
1629
01:30:49,343 --> 01:30:51,277
"Whoops." What do you mean, "Whoops"?
Don't say "Whoops."
1630
01:30:51,345 --> 01:30:54,109
I mean, by the time your story's
published, I'll be on the beach.
1631
01:30:54,181 --> 01:30:57,617
And I understand extradition from
South America is very complicated.
1632
01:30:57,684 --> 01:31:00,209
I'll bet for two murders,
it's even more so.
1633
01:31:00,787 --> 01:31:02,516
That thing loaded?
1634
01:31:03,357 --> 01:31:07,054
If you shoot me, you're liable to lose
a lot of those humanitarian awards.
1635
01:31:07,127 --> 01:31:08,685
Tough shit, Hopalong.
1636
01:31:08,762 --> 01:31:10,457
KARLIN: Greetings, everyone.
1637
01:31:11,798 --> 01:31:13,663
Thank God, the police.
1638
01:31:14,301 --> 01:31:16,292
Jesus, what in the hell
are you doing here?
1639
01:31:16,370 --> 01:31:18,998
Put the gun down, Alan.
I can take care of them.
1640
01:31:19,072 --> 01:31:22,200
I thought you had this all figured out.
Nice going, Irwin.
1641
01:31:22,509 --> 01:31:24,409
Don't ever call me Irwin, okay?
1642
01:31:24,478 --> 01:31:27,345
Fat Sam left the beach today.
So had Gummy.
1643
01:31:27,714 --> 01:31:28,772
It began to occur to me
1644
01:31:28,849 --> 01:31:32,376
that maybe there's some things happening
here that I should become aware of.
1645
01:31:32,452 --> 01:31:34,716
Look, I said I'll take care of this.
Now, it doesn't involve you.
1646
01:31:34,788 --> 01:31:35,846
Now, go on home.
1647
01:31:35,923 --> 01:31:37,823
I'll call you tomorrow.
What? Long distance?
1648
01:31:37,891 --> 01:31:39,381
Couldn't help but overhear
you say something
1649
01:31:39,459 --> 01:31:40,687
about South American
extradition.
1650
01:31:40,761 --> 01:31:41,785
Jerry.
1651
01:31:41,862 --> 01:31:44,023
Alan, you're not planning
on taking that $800,000
1652
01:31:44,097 --> 01:31:46,065
I staked you with
for the next load, are you?
1653
01:31:46,133 --> 01:31:47,930
Looks like you two
have a lot to talk over.
1654
01:31:48,001 --> 01:31:50,299
We'll just catch the last
ten minutes of Dynasty.
1655
01:31:51,471 --> 01:31:53,302
Jerry, come on, now.
You're gonna have to trust me!
1656
01:31:53,373 --> 01:31:55,204
I got a foolproof way
to get rid of this asshole,
1657
01:31:55,275 --> 01:31:56,674
and you're jeopardizing
everything!
1658
01:31:56,743 --> 01:31:59,007
Your foolproof way is gonna
land my butt on the front page
1659
01:31:59,079 --> 01:32:00,671
while you're basking in the sun!
1660
01:32:00,747 --> 01:32:01,941
With your money.
1661
01:32:02,049 --> 01:32:04,108
(GAIL SCREAMING)
1662
01:32:18,065 --> 01:32:20,363
The second one's gonna be
even more fun.
1663
01:32:20,434 --> 01:32:22,459
Go ahead, make my day.
1664
01:32:25,772 --> 01:32:26,761
(GAIL SCREAMS)
1665
01:32:47,995 --> 01:32:49,189
Thanks.
1666
01:32:50,597 --> 01:32:52,292
FRANK:
No, this is getting absurd.
1667
01:32:52,366 --> 01:32:54,664
"One Bob Haldeman wig,
a gorilla suit."
1668
01:32:54,735 --> 01:32:56,032
That's a gibbon suit.
1669
01:32:56,103 --> 01:32:58,663
"Tennis shorts, leather
sneakers, wrist bands."
1670
01:32:58,739 --> 01:33:00,536
It's business, Frank.
Believe me, I hate tennis.
1671
01:33:00,607 --> 01:33:01,733
What's novelty teeth?
1672
01:33:01,808 --> 01:33:04,709
Frank, it's all business.
Frank, it's all business!
1673
01:33:04,978 --> 01:33:07,139
"A nun's habit.
Six tubes of Crazy Glue."
1674
01:33:07,214 --> 01:33:08,806
Oh, that's personal.
1675
01:33:08,882 --> 01:33:10,110
Right, take it out of my raise.
1676
01:33:10,183 --> 01:33:12,413
You're not getting a raise.
Did I say... Come on.
1677
01:33:12,486 --> 01:33:15,887
I would think the DA would need
these tickets for evidence.
1678
01:33:15,956 --> 01:33:17,617
Not necessarily.
1679
01:33:17,691 --> 01:33:19,659
Not necessarily?
Larry!
1680
01:33:21,428 --> 01:33:23,828
In the court ruling
US vs. Fishbein,
1681
01:33:23,897 --> 01:33:26,388
a man subjected
to potential incineration
1682
01:33:26,500 --> 01:33:27,797
while wearing another man's suit
1683
01:33:28,268 --> 01:33:31,328
is entitled to $10,000
worth of airline tickets.
1684
01:33:31,405 --> 01:33:34,670
It's an obscure ruling but
a very important one to me.
1685
01:33:34,741 --> 01:33:38,233
Why don't you just say that you
want to take me to Rio with you?
1686
01:33:38,311 --> 01:33:41,644
There's a different slant.
1687
01:33:43,583 --> 01:33:45,983
The thing is, see,
we haven't really dated formally.
1688
01:33:46,053 --> 01:33:48,317
I always take my first dates
to a Laker game.
1689
01:33:48,388 --> 01:33:49,980
I don't want to go
to a Laker game.
1690
01:33:50,057 --> 01:33:51,046
(INAUDIBLE)
1691
01:33:51,324 --> 01:33:53,053
I don't like basketball.
1692
01:33:53,126 --> 01:33:55,617
Maybe that's because you
don't understand basketball.
1693
01:33:55,696 --> 01:33:58,426
You haven't been schooled in
the fundamentals. Pick and roll.
1694
01:33:58,498 --> 01:34:00,056
Sounds like a fast-food chain.
1695
01:34:00,133 --> 01:34:01,998
Reverse stuff.
That I've done.
1696
01:34:02,069 --> 01:34:04,299
I'll bet you have,
you little vixen.
1697
01:34:04,371 --> 01:34:08,808
FLETCH: The coroner had certified
Stanwyk dead or extremely sleepy.
1698
01:34:08,875 --> 01:34:12,538
And Chief Karlin was facing
20 years in the fun house.
1699
01:34:12,612 --> 01:34:14,603
I decided to accompany
Gail to Rio
1700
01:34:14,681 --> 01:34:17,411
and personally assist her
in her grief therapy.
1701
01:34:17,484 --> 01:34:19,281
On the beach,
I explained basketball to her,
1702
01:34:19,352 --> 01:34:21,115
but she didn't seem to grasp it.
1703
01:34:21,188 --> 01:34:23,315
Fletch?
Call me Irwin.
1704
01:34:26,660 --> 01:34:28,753
Why do they have to bounce
the ball the whole time?
1705
01:34:28,829 --> 01:34:31,525
I mean, doesn't it seem
a little childish to you?
1706
01:34:31,598 --> 01:34:34,032
Well, it may seem that,
but that's called dribbling.
1707
01:34:34,101 --> 01:34:35,534
Dribbling?
1708
01:34:35,602 --> 01:34:36,762
If they don't keep
bouncing the ball,
1709
01:34:36,837 --> 01:34:38,270
they get called for traveling.
1710
01:34:38,338 --> 01:34:40,499
Traveling. Oh.
1711
01:34:40,574 --> 01:34:42,838
Yeah, that's what they call it
when you don't bounce the ball.
1712
01:34:42,909 --> 01:34:45,673
FLETCH: When it came to
basketball, Gail was a loss.
1713
01:34:45,746 --> 01:34:47,407
But we had our own version
of one-on-one,
1714
01:34:47,481 --> 01:34:49,278
and she thought I was
the bravest man in the world,
1715
01:34:49,349 --> 01:34:51,112
which, of course, I am.
1716
01:34:51,451 --> 01:34:53,351
By the way, I charged
the entire vacation
1717
01:34:53,420 --> 01:34:55,183
to Mr. Underhill's
American Express card.
1718
01:34:55,255 --> 01:34:56,620
Want the number?
129115
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