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1
00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:40,602
Now I shall reveal.
2
00:01:42,631 --> 00:01:44,259
Listen.
3
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:49,824
In a solitary place
like air or light.
4
00:01:51,874 --> 00:01:54,341
There is something
I cannot grasp.
5
00:01:56,806 --> 00:01:57,951
Kisses...
6
00:01:59,409 --> 00:02:01,358
Knives...
7
00:02:02,876 --> 00:02:06,402
Like a scorpion
motionless in the sand,
8
00:02:06,676 --> 00:02:08,784
weary, without flesh.
9
00:02:11,419 --> 00:02:13,964
Two women holding each other.
10
00:02:15,299 --> 00:02:17,788
You're under one's dress.
11
00:02:20,796 --> 00:02:23,489
You have to get out.
12
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:28,240
You can't see a thing.
13
00:02:30,823 --> 00:02:32,010
In the scorpion's tail,
14
00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:36,054
there's a child's face
breathing through the stinger.
15
00:02:38,339 --> 00:02:40,345
You listen to his slow breathing,
16
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,242
talking to you like silence.
17
00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:48,077
I see the rain fall
drop by drop, in your ear.
18
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,747
Listen. There's no mistake.
19
00:02:55,689 --> 00:02:58,358
I see a woman coming closer.
20
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,425
She comes from the East,
21
00:03:01,656 --> 00:03:05,450
where people are small
and the territories vast
22
00:03:06,809 --> 00:03:09,280
To teach you confused words,
23
00:03:11,505 --> 00:03:14,071
and her teeth bite the shadows -
24
00:03:17,524 --> 00:03:19,139
a thing you must master
25
00:03:19,229 --> 00:03:21,765
before the dissolution
of your body;
26
00:03:23,145 --> 00:03:26,665
this body you give to others,
each time, always more.
27
00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:32,638
They take your flesh, dismember
it and nourish themselves.
28
00:03:46,049 --> 00:03:48,565
But you're still there,
29
00:03:52,728 --> 00:03:57,509
seeing without being seen
and without wanting to see.
30
00:04:01,058 --> 00:04:02,980
Do you remember?
31
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:02,917
It's dusk.
32
00:05:04,276 --> 00:05:07,024
They're all in the twilight,
33
00:05:09,485 --> 00:05:14,492
desperate and already ugly,
34
00:05:20,550 --> 00:05:23,209
but all seeking pleasure,
35
00:05:24,730 --> 00:05:29,567
some kind of satisfaction
and integrity.
36
00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:39,362
They seek to fill in the void
inside themselves.
37
00:05:43,472 --> 00:05:44,537
It's unbearable,
38
00:05:44,737 --> 00:05:47,868
to remain face to face
with yourself.
39
00:05:51,103 --> 00:05:53,871
This, too, is a form of solitude.
40
00:05:57,861 --> 00:05:59,885
We don't understand
41
00:06:00,831 --> 00:06:05,250
that it exists in us
as in the other.
42
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,015
Fear is always there,
43
00:06:32,134 --> 00:06:35,316
the fear of becoming unsuitable.
44
00:06:41,355 --> 00:06:43,249
Disease and death...
45
00:06:44,042 --> 00:06:45,943
It's painful.
46
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:56,025
There is a sense of an ending,
47
00:06:58,941 --> 00:07:02,124
but it remains vague.
48
00:07:09,292 --> 00:07:12,880
Everywhere there are swindles,
wounds,
49
00:07:12,908 --> 00:07:14,769
betrayals.
50
00:07:16,564 --> 00:07:20,120
People don't see,
they don't realize.
51
00:07:22,248 --> 00:07:25,619
Their judgements are superficial.
52
00:07:29,962 --> 00:07:33,439
It's a one-way trip.
53
00:07:40,173 --> 00:07:42,458
They live off a night.
54
00:07:42,845 --> 00:07:45,261
They live off a dose.
55
00:07:47,108 --> 00:07:49,337
They live off a client.
56
00:07:53,952 --> 00:07:56,507
Tomorrow, there will be
another client,
57
00:08:00,006 --> 00:08:04,148
and the previous one
will be forgotten.
58
00:08:08,973 --> 00:08:13,115
His name, his appearance
will not be remembered.
59
00:08:14,633 --> 00:08:17,590
Sex can bring pleasure,
60
00:08:17,661 --> 00:08:22,054
but the girls don't want
this pleasure.
61
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:30,573
They like neither the sun
nor the light of day.
62
00:08:31,666 --> 00:08:35,622
I don't judge them,
I can't.
63
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,751
We lack physical and moral
strength.
64
00:08:49,908 --> 00:08:52,440
We don't feel pleasure,
65
00:08:53,664 --> 00:08:56,698
just like marionettes in a theater.
66
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:04,492
You dream about the end
of all this.
67
00:10:19,632 --> 00:10:23,182
Each point has its coordinates.
68
00:10:26,483 --> 00:10:29,633
We only have to accept
that chaos exists.
69
00:10:30,486 --> 00:10:35,330
An unconscious sensation
without memory.
70
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:45,461
The woman ends up
being self-sufficient,
71
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:51,486
able to lead
instead of being submissive.
72
00:10:53,306 --> 00:10:58,070
She chooses her prey.
73
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:08,008
But she also happens
to be weak,
74
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:14,642
and this weakness
is precious to her.
75
00:11:17,308 --> 00:11:21,781
It leaves possibilities open.
76
00:11:28,066 --> 00:11:31,572
We're driven
by fear and love.
77
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:43,720
One has to sacrifice one's self.
One's character,
78
00:11:44,839 --> 00:11:48,056
one's desires... disappear.
79
00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:53,832
It's both happiness
and suffering.
80
00:11:57,302 --> 00:11:59,807
My eyes and my heart are closed.
81
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:11,309
I don't want
to witness pain.
82
00:12:16,798 --> 00:12:19,540
I don't like
to look at corpses.
83
00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:23,343
They're frightening.
84
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:31,920
Imagining is like seeing.
85
00:12:33,209 --> 00:12:34,588
Even in my dreams,
86
00:12:34,589 --> 00:12:39,370
I never see anything
that really hurts me.
87
00:12:46,501 --> 00:12:51,297
I have no principles.
88
00:12:52,178 --> 00:12:54,542
My hands don't shake.
89
00:12:58,161 --> 00:13:01,851
I took the side
of fearless acceptance.
90
00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:07,814
I know I may die.
91
00:13:10,298 --> 00:13:16,618
I know pleasure doesn't last.
92
00:13:19,414 --> 00:13:23,256
But I can't renounce passion yet.
93
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:31,938
I'm too full of life to die.
94
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:41,476
I want to believe
I haven't gone mad.
95
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,460
I try to maintain
96
00:13:47,022 --> 00:13:52,837
a semblance of normality,
of adequacy,
97
00:13:57,388 --> 00:14:00,985
to get as close as I can
to this state of mind
98
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:06,787
in which I can receive
everything more directly.
99
00:14:10,357 --> 00:14:12,195
Without tensions.
100
00:14:15,112 --> 00:14:17,645
Without obligations.
101
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:35,524
My heart has been broken.
102
00:16:37,837 --> 00:16:40,689
Pay, fuck,
leave, hit the road!
103
00:16:42,482 --> 00:16:44,820
I don't like love.
104
00:16:46,186 --> 00:16:50,378
Fuck, pay, and leave!
105
00:16:51,973 --> 00:16:54,485
No love, no way.
106
00:16:58,113 --> 00:17:02,898
Right now,
I don't want to love anyone.
107
00:17:06,518 --> 00:17:08,995
No love.
108
00:17:09,843 --> 00:17:12,857
I'm not interested in
loving anyone.
109
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:18,859
No love or anything like that.
110
00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:26,057
Fuck, pay, and get out!
111
00:17:29,384 --> 00:17:31,742
I hate love
and all those things.
112
00:17:33,279 --> 00:17:35,469
I don't like it.
113
00:17:36,209 --> 00:17:37,675
I loathe it.
114
00:17:37,784 --> 00:17:39,745
I don't love anyone.
115
00:24:44,380 --> 00:24:46,765
The air, outside, seems different.
116
00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:55,145
Things happen beyond my will.
117
00:24:56,722 --> 00:24:58,951
I'm not on guard.
What happens happens.
118
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,441
What will happen will happen.
119
00:25:04,498 --> 00:25:07,872
When nobody takes me,
I feel destroyed.
120
00:25:12,456 --> 00:25:16,436
Here, we bury the dead
and we fuck the living.
121
00:25:36,290 --> 00:25:38,638
I don't know where I am.
122
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:44,982
When I woke up,
I no longer felt anything.
123
00:25:47,004 --> 00:25:50,544
I was an empty body,
with no soul.
124
00:25:55,533 --> 00:25:57,589
I no longer had desires.
125
00:25:58,799 --> 00:26:01,141
I no longer had needs.
126
00:26:02,799 --> 00:26:05,077
I was free.
127
00:26:09,404 --> 00:26:12,409
Just a piece of cold meat
unable to move.
128
00:26:15,499 --> 00:26:19,139
I was no longer breathing
and it felt good...
129
00:26:19,303 --> 00:26:21,364
better than ever before.
130
00:26:23,959 --> 00:26:27,827
But this fear,
this fear of the unknown...
131
00:26:31,838 --> 00:26:34,496
I thought I wouldn't come back.
132
00:26:45,924 --> 00:26:50,673
I felt the substance
spreading slowly.
133
00:26:52,431 --> 00:26:54,266
It flowed through my veins,
134
00:26:54,466 --> 00:26:57,130
and then
my body became hot.
135
00:27:03,134 --> 00:27:05,379
I was lying down,
eyes wide open.
136
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,046
I started to see.
137
00:27:09,089 --> 00:27:11,919
I wanted to feel more.
138
00:27:20,279 --> 00:27:23,223
I'm afraid of myself
and of you.
139
00:27:25,511 --> 00:27:29,064
When I was lying next to you,
after we fucked,
140
00:27:29,611 --> 00:27:33,552
for a moment,
I wasn't afraid anymore.
141
00:27:37,916 --> 00:27:40,993
I don't have the right
to delude myself about men,
142
00:27:41,808 --> 00:27:44,567
or to fear them.
143
00:27:48,011 --> 00:27:50,846
All they want of me is my body.
144
00:27:52,173 --> 00:27:54,154
Then they become like animals.
145
00:27:56,230 --> 00:27:59,100
Sometimes I reject them,
146
00:27:59,731 --> 00:28:03,915
sometimes I give them
more than they expect.
147
00:28:09,498 --> 00:28:14,504
I control their desire,
but I don't desire them.
148
00:28:15,327 --> 00:28:17,279
There's no place for feelings.
149
00:28:17,423 --> 00:28:19,143
I have to be strong,
150
00:28:21,178 --> 00:28:24,389
to stay alive one more day...
151
00:28:26,565 --> 00:28:29,580
But there's something missing.
152
00:28:32,739 --> 00:28:34,949
Fear boxes me in.
153
00:28:36,905 --> 00:28:40,281
My body's getting weaker.
154
00:28:41,032 --> 00:28:44,222
I want to disappear.
155
00:28:49,764 --> 00:28:53,792
When I cum,
there's no more pain.
156
00:28:57,714 --> 00:29:00,400
If you want me to be quiet,
I'll be quiet.
157
00:29:03,757 --> 00:29:05,590
I'll remain silent.
158
00:30:51,504 --> 00:30:57,265
I sense that your desire
and hunger have their limits.
159
00:30:58,387 --> 00:31:01,322
But that night
they were infinite.
160
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:08,624
I was like some food
being served to you,
161
00:31:08,883 --> 00:31:11,802
I had to let you eat me,
until you become satiated.
162
00:31:12,921 --> 00:31:14,592
I was afraid
163
00:31:14,802 --> 00:31:16,910
because I didn't know you,
164
00:31:17,061 --> 00:31:19,079
and you didn't know me.
165
00:31:20,894 --> 00:31:23,561
You looked hungry.
166
00:31:34,199 --> 00:31:38,956
Sometimes I understand
your desire.
167
00:31:39,989 --> 00:31:44,021
The pursuit of pleasure
is full of sadness.
168
00:31:49,739 --> 00:31:51,850
Some people ask me:
169
00:31:52,555 --> 00:31:54,882
'you want to fuck me?'
170
00:31:58,230 --> 00:32:01,507
And I reply:
171
00:32:01,915 --> 00:32:05,690
'If I sleep with you,
will love you me in return?'
172
00:32:24,209 --> 00:32:26,829
This hurts me.
173
00:32:26,949 --> 00:32:28,504
I cry laughing.
174
00:32:36,559 --> 00:32:42,470
They pay with their money,
I pay with my body.
175
00:32:58,428 --> 00:33:00,390
You don't say a word.
176
00:33:02,969 --> 00:33:07,012
You and me, we're getting
closer to each other.
177
00:33:09,138 --> 00:33:11,269
I take care of you.
178
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,946
But why don't you
take care of me?
179
00:33:26,352 --> 00:33:29,513
Actions are more coherent
than words.
180
00:33:34,243 --> 00:33:37,032
I also have lust, desire,
181
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,006
the fire of passion in me.
182
00:33:41,637 --> 00:33:45,323
Our relationship isn't real.
183
00:33:52,374 --> 00:33:55,146
Once the pleasure is consumed,
we're free to leave.
184
00:34:00,296 --> 00:34:03,276
But if we wanted it that way,
185
00:34:03,351 --> 00:34:06,035
our relationship could be real.
186
00:34:13,508 --> 00:34:16,980
I don't have any power over you.
187
00:34:20,484 --> 00:34:25,414
I know you want me.
188
00:34:33,361 --> 00:34:37,307
I'm like a precious stone
in the dark,
189
00:34:37,681 --> 00:34:39,798
that no-one has found.
190
00:34:45,671 --> 00:34:48,758
Night burns up my life.
191
00:34:50,161 --> 00:34:53,371
I have to get what I want.
192
00:34:53,803 --> 00:34:57,315
But in the end,
I'm left alone with my shadow.
193
00:35:11,121 --> 00:35:13,462
When I'm on ice,
194
00:35:13,667 --> 00:35:16,445
I don't feel lust or desire...
195
00:35:16,758 --> 00:35:21,192
I myself become desire.
196
00:35:22,982 --> 00:35:25,770
I exist in this world.
197
00:35:31,382 --> 00:35:35,551
Just like you, I feel
sadness, solitude.
198
00:35:37,258 --> 00:35:38,686
I want.
199
00:35:39,804 --> 00:35:41,784
I need.
200
00:35:42,218 --> 00:35:45,792
I have no-one.
201
00:35:49,443 --> 00:35:52,505
I'm alone and still looking.
202
00:35:54,519 --> 00:35:56,387
But when the effects
of the ice wear off,
203
00:35:56,487 --> 00:35:58,588
it's like dying.
204
00:37:37,497 --> 00:37:39,093
You know that what's concealed
205
00:37:39,182 --> 00:37:42,061
is more powerful
than what's said.
206
00:37:46,119 --> 00:37:48,165
You ask me why I'm here,
207
00:37:48,365 --> 00:37:50,243
waiting for an answer,
208
00:37:50,986 --> 00:37:52,453
and you don't realize
that I might also
209
00:37:52,553 --> 00:37:55,057
be in the process of
making up a story,
210
00:37:57,489 --> 00:37:59,808
that answers are useless.
211
00:38:02,862 --> 00:38:05,060
That's why we met:
212
00:38:07,142 --> 00:38:09,264
because you wanted it that way,
213
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,447
because you could
remember my name.
214
00:38:16,704 --> 00:38:20,478
It's like being
on the edge of the abyss,
215
00:38:20,749 --> 00:38:22,671
without knowing why.
216
00:38:24,344 --> 00:38:26,907
But we let ourselves fall,
217
00:38:28,310 --> 00:38:31,394
without knowing
how far to the bottom.
218
00:38:36,150 --> 00:38:38,814
We share only a space.
219
00:38:41,696 --> 00:38:44,638
While you repeat again and again
220
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,910
that you don't have enough
strength for anyone else.
221
00:38:55,357 --> 00:38:58,997
We forget that the blood
is diseased -
222
00:39:00,608 --> 00:39:03,956
the death of the body
at the hands of the body...
223
00:39:06,371 --> 00:39:08,995
We no longer pay attention
to dreams.
224
00:39:09,693 --> 00:39:12,271
They mean nothing.
225
00:39:16,269 --> 00:39:21,124
Breath, unconsciousness,
226
00:39:21,252 --> 00:39:25,106
despair at not being able
to go any further.
227
00:39:25,328 --> 00:39:30,077
The acceleration of the blood,
the abandonment...
228
00:39:34,052 --> 00:39:36,580
If you prefer dogs,
229
00:39:36,743 --> 00:39:38,891
it's because they don't
ask questions.
230
00:39:38,910 --> 00:39:40,769
They assume nothing.
231
00:39:42,124 --> 00:39:45,538
Instinct barks because
of the body's needs,
232
00:39:45,978 --> 00:39:47,603
nothing more.
233
00:39:56,845 --> 00:39:59,909
You and me, we hide.
234
00:40:01,464 --> 00:40:04,565
You tell me
not to talk about love...
235
00:40:04,817 --> 00:40:06,098
I reply that I can't discuss
236
00:40:06,199 --> 00:40:08,378
what I know nothing about.
237
00:40:09,198 --> 00:40:12,061
But I'm not a dog.
I don't bark.
238
00:40:13,375 --> 00:40:16,412
I'm the little girl
who speaks in low voice,
239
00:40:16,451 --> 00:40:19,509
who knows she'll get no answer.
240
00:40:25,598 --> 00:40:29,595
Nothing can be built on ashes.
241
00:40:31,597 --> 00:40:34,884
I watch you mixing
the nicotine pellets
242
00:40:35,450 --> 00:40:37,669
with the rest of the crack...
243
00:40:43,258 --> 00:40:45,169
One body embraces the other,
244
00:40:45,975 --> 00:40:48,730
a body that can't be saved,
245
00:40:49,656 --> 00:40:51,520
that seeks squalor.
246
00:40:53,085 --> 00:40:58,137
When all that remains is the echo
of a useless confession.
247
00:41:03,449 --> 00:41:06,852
I'm sick and I don't want to die -
248
00:41:07,569 --> 00:41:10,097
not yet...
249
00:41:13,099 --> 00:41:15,791
We keep trying to find ourselves
and fighting with each other.
250
00:41:18,381 --> 00:41:21,236
We hit each other
with heavy caresses,
251
00:41:22,157 --> 00:41:24,780
until it hurts...
252
00:41:30,182 --> 00:41:31,917
as if it was the only thing
253
00:41:32,117 --> 00:41:34,316
we could give to each other.
254
00:41:38,312 --> 00:41:40,113
We haven't planned anything.
255
00:41:42,855 --> 00:41:45,186
Words are scarce,
256
00:41:46,404 --> 00:41:49,378
there's not enough room.
257
00:41:58,185 --> 00:42:01,870
Then, the hidden becomes tangible:
258
00:42:04,627 --> 00:42:10,524
the blood, the dark eyes,
the taut veins...
259
00:42:15,605 --> 00:42:17,699
I tell you not to
hurt yourself
260
00:42:18,208 --> 00:42:20,715
and you leave.
261
00:42:21,969 --> 00:42:25,478
The water in the sink
overflows on the floor...
262
00:42:28,558 --> 00:42:31,953
Everything happens
in front of the mirror.
263
00:42:37,237 --> 00:42:38,899
We don't know each other,
264
00:42:39,709 --> 00:42:43,102
words have no meaning.
265
00:42:45,804 --> 00:42:47,501
You want answers,
266
00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:49,805
but you never give them.
267
00:42:55,627 --> 00:42:57,490
Because this is your story,
268
00:42:58,009 --> 00:43:03,119
yours to pervert, to soil,
to devour it.
269
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:10,379
I don't have much to lose either.
270
00:43:23,767 --> 00:43:25,030
All this time,
271
00:43:25,068 --> 00:43:27,319
we've been standing
on the edge of the abyss.
272
00:43:29,291 --> 00:43:32,964
It's time we let ourselves fall.
273
00:43:36,670 --> 00:43:41,705
When man flees mankind,
does he encounter the animal?
274
00:45:37,944 --> 00:45:41,269
We don't speak the same language,
275
00:45:41,392 --> 00:45:45,381
we don't utter the same words.
276
00:45:46,542 --> 00:45:51,468
You lose everything because
you proceed with no destination.
277
00:45:52,996 --> 00:45:56,246
There's no other way for you.
278
00:45:59,757 --> 00:46:05,960
Fear triumphs over you
and reaches your brain.
279
00:46:08,603 --> 00:46:14,890
Don't stay on your own.
Ahead of you
280
00:46:15,020 --> 00:46:21,295
it waits patiently.
281
00:46:23,014 --> 00:46:26,016
When Yama enters the body,
282
00:46:26,252 --> 00:46:30,400
the drug shows the way.
283
00:46:30,841 --> 00:46:37,020
Because we're thinking about sex
284
00:46:39,283 --> 00:46:43,351
there's no other path we can take.
285
00:46:44,810 --> 00:46:47,380
It's an obscure journey...
286
00:46:47,565 --> 00:46:51,308
because Yama gives
the strength to move forward.
287
00:46:55,752 --> 00:47:01,981
But this strength escapes control.
288
00:47:02,186 --> 00:47:07,369
It leads us to chaos.
289
00:47:13,716 --> 00:47:20,346
A mixture of joy and fear...
290
00:47:25,486 --> 00:47:31,056
The joy and fear wear off...
291
00:47:31,986 --> 00:47:38,476
and the unbearable void
will remain.
292
00:47:43,950 --> 00:47:48,023
Many people cut their wrists.
293
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,903
They smoke Yama
294
00:47:52,470 --> 00:47:58,868
and their body becomes
dark and fetid.
295
00:47:59,686 --> 00:48:02,718
They smoke ice
296
00:48:03,037 --> 00:48:09,434
and their body becomes
pale and odorless.
297
00:48:10,947 --> 00:48:19,742
The smoke of ice is
strong and devious.
298
00:48:20,233 --> 00:48:23,023
It insinuates its way
into everything,
299
00:48:23,776 --> 00:48:27,126
into the blood,
into the brain.
300
00:48:28,631 --> 00:48:30,828
Those who don't smoke
301
00:48:31,045 --> 00:48:33,235
can only obey...
302
00:48:33,622 --> 00:48:35,786
work for money.
303
00:48:37,077 --> 00:48:40,775
Society and law detest us
304
00:48:42,392 --> 00:48:45,634
because we're not afraid anymore.
305
00:48:45,645 --> 00:48:49,146
We can fuck, or play.
306
00:48:51,359 --> 00:48:55,206
Play is the last possible choice.
307
00:49:00,429 --> 00:49:04,378
You don't manage to sleep,
by night or day.
308
00:49:04,578 --> 00:49:10,531
You haven't told anyone
where you live.
309
00:49:11,804 --> 00:49:14,675
The police are looking for you.
310
00:49:15,686 --> 00:49:22,035
The dealers are after you,
to do you harm.
311
00:49:22,980 --> 00:49:25,809
Madness awaits you
312
00:49:26,662 --> 00:49:32,115
but your thirst and passion
are endless.
313
00:49:34,776 --> 00:49:40,928
I don't know how many men
I've slept with.
314
00:49:41,398 --> 00:49:43,230
You don't remember
315
00:49:43,430 --> 00:49:46,791
how many girls
you've slept with.
316
00:49:47,478 --> 00:49:48,560
Often,
317
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:53,770
I tell myself that you
must be sick too.
318
00:49:54,688 --> 00:49:57,500
Then I leave,
319
00:49:58,257 --> 00:50:00,715
and I'm afraid for you.
320
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,778
My body is fragile.
321
00:50:07,150 --> 00:50:10,104
My body is burned.
322
00:50:10,749 --> 00:50:15,045
I don't know if I'm sick.
323
00:50:16,478 --> 00:50:20,211
I never wanted to know.
324
00:50:21,445 --> 00:50:26,592
Because of extreme excitement
and boundless pleasure,
325
00:50:26,976 --> 00:50:33,170
We smoked and we fucked
without a rubber,
326
00:50:33,370 --> 00:50:37,508
again and again.
327
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:42,952
You still think too much.
328
00:50:44,343 --> 00:50:50,683
You don't have to,
because you're on your own.
329
00:50:54,398 --> 00:51:00,932
Fear burns you from the inside.
330
00:51:01,794 --> 00:51:05,333
You have to make one more step,
331
00:51:05,364 --> 00:51:10,334
live without these last fears.
332
00:51:15,315 --> 00:51:17,032
Any gesture,
333
00:51:17,232 --> 00:51:21,875
any action
is better than thought.
334
00:51:22,339 --> 00:51:25,455
You want me one more time.
335
00:51:26,193 --> 00:51:27,789
I know
336
00:51:28,364 --> 00:51:30,225
that I feel,
337
00:51:30,661 --> 00:51:32,434
and that I'm alive.
338
00:51:38,856 --> 00:51:43,497
I can neither advance
nor retreat.
339
00:51:45,101 --> 00:51:47,499
I have a secret
340
00:51:47,699 --> 00:51:50,678
that can't be revealed
through words.
341
00:51:51,519 --> 00:51:55,189
I'm a shadow in your heart
342
00:51:55,824 --> 00:51:59,919
and a lie in your mind.
343
00:52:00,817 --> 00:52:04,953
Nothing can stop me.
344
00:52:10,556 --> 00:52:13,357
I was there, that first night,
345
00:52:13,833 --> 00:52:16,394
With Srei Leah and you.
346
00:52:18,884 --> 00:52:22,089
I couldn't tell you
347
00:52:22,189 --> 00:52:24,382
that she was sick
348
00:52:24,582 --> 00:52:27,830
because she was my friend.
349
00:52:28,892 --> 00:52:31,912
You fucked her.
350
00:52:38,012 --> 00:52:43,434
She was the one who told you
she was sick.
351
00:52:43,789 --> 00:52:47,751
You didn't want any protection.
352
00:52:48,639 --> 00:52:52,433
She didn't want
to do you any harm.
353
00:52:53,085 --> 00:52:57,310
She's gone now.
354
00:53:00,993 --> 00:53:04,261
My patience knew no boundaries.
355
00:53:06,371 --> 00:53:10,097
I only thought of pleasure
356
00:53:10,451 --> 00:53:14,741
and I needed you
to come and look for me.
357
00:53:15,199 --> 00:53:20,522
I was like a mindless beast.
358
00:53:21,079 --> 00:53:23,034
I forgot everything.
359
00:53:33,499 --> 00:53:39,995
I've destroyed and created
with equal strength.
360
00:53:40,221 --> 00:53:44,421
I call you when night falls.
361
00:53:44,645 --> 00:53:46,617
I take you,
362
00:53:47,006 --> 00:53:50,877
and you follow me
down a dead end.
363
00:53:58,428 --> 00:54:01,230
I'm dust.
364
00:54:01,883 --> 00:54:04,888
I'm a burning flame
365
00:54:05,326 --> 00:54:08,248
and a cold flame.
366
00:54:09,630 --> 00:54:14,094
I'm your darkness.
367
00:54:15,135 --> 00:54:19,872
I exist through your gaze.
368
00:54:44,772 --> 00:54:49,849
I'm like an open wound
in this universe.
369
00:54:50,551 --> 00:54:53,211
I introduce you to death
370
00:54:55,167 --> 00:54:57,913
and when you hear me
371
00:54:58,323 --> 00:55:04,347
it's as if I dictate
your thoughts.
372
00:55:05,465 --> 00:55:08,973
You hesitate, but you comply.
373
00:55:11,069 --> 00:55:16,163
Learn to live without fear
374
00:55:16,226 --> 00:55:19,877
and nothing will stop you.
375
00:55:20,451 --> 00:55:23,856
Pleasure won't leave room
376
00:55:24,108 --> 00:55:26,529
for anything else.
377
00:55:29,177 --> 00:55:35,825
Even if there's nothing
you can do about death
378
00:55:38,523 --> 00:55:41,487
don't forget...
379
00:55:42,436 --> 00:55:46,680
we live in the memory
380
00:55:47,194 --> 00:55:50,304
of those who are gone,
381
00:55:50,971 --> 00:55:54,902
of those taken away by disease.
382
00:55:57,499 --> 00:56:02,107
We still have joy.
383
00:56:03,099 --> 00:56:09,062
We still have madness.
384
00:56:11,421 --> 00:56:15,772
I'll forget you
and you'll forget me too...
385
00:56:17,073 --> 00:56:21,207
I'm just
another one of those girls.
386
00:56:22,319 --> 00:56:26,076
A girl whose name
you've forgotten...
387
00:56:27,767 --> 00:56:30,749
a girl who has forgotten
her own name.
388
00:57:12,497 --> 00:57:14,858
There's nothing left.
389
00:57:18,581 --> 00:57:20,926
I'm very, very sick,
390
00:57:21,045 --> 00:57:24,431
with a thousand diagnoses
sewn under the skin.
391
00:57:29,006 --> 00:57:30,316
The white powder
392
00:57:30,444 --> 00:57:32,971
is the only breathable thing.
393
00:57:33,171 --> 00:57:36,439
I'm looking for it
wherever I go.
394
00:57:38,850 --> 00:57:41,040
Small bags,
small round pills
395
00:57:41,140 --> 00:57:43,077
to be swallowed
with a bright liquid.
396
00:57:43,177 --> 00:57:44,871
It's not water.
397
00:57:45,806 --> 00:57:48,661
Everything that matters is white.
398
00:57:48,990 --> 00:57:50,137
If paradise exists,
399
00:57:50,237 --> 00:57:53,372
then it is also white
and powdered.
400
00:57:55,731 --> 00:57:57,391
We fucked for the first time
401
00:57:57,473 --> 00:58:00,339
on my first day as a hooker.
402
00:58:00,863 --> 00:58:04,828
I wanted to tear your face
to shreds.
403
00:58:07,845 --> 00:58:11,567
The skin that slowly sticks
to your body,
404
00:58:11,667 --> 00:58:14,764
viscous, wrinkling...
405
00:58:15,743 --> 00:58:21,695
I'm on the sidewalk
waiting to be crushed.
406
00:58:22,555 --> 00:58:24,512
I don't want to get in the car
407
00:58:24,812 --> 00:58:25,949
with this disgusting guy.
408
00:58:26,064 --> 00:58:28,236
But I do it, anyway,
I sit,
409
00:58:28,361 --> 00:58:30,376
legs spread
and mouth open,
410
00:58:30,491 --> 00:58:33,354
waiting for the worst...
411
00:58:34,822 --> 00:58:40,000
The mouth,
the mouth full of flies.
412
00:58:43,048 --> 00:58:45,438
I live in a men's world.
413
00:58:46,496 --> 00:58:48,527
Men don't have faces.
414
00:58:48,682 --> 00:58:51,546
The bodies I lie upon,
415
00:58:53,410 --> 00:58:57,925
they enter my body like thieves.
416
00:58:58,325 --> 00:59:00,617
They are never real.
417
00:59:03,294 --> 00:59:05,132
And you're there.
418
00:59:05,239 --> 00:59:09,422
you're not a man,
you're me. You're a paradox.
419
00:59:10,537 --> 00:59:12,826
You walk, you're there, erect,
420
00:59:12,861 --> 00:59:16,059
you embrace me
and die in my hands.
421
00:59:18,368 --> 00:59:22,584
You block my view
with your shadow.
422
00:59:25,199 --> 00:59:30,149
Each day slowly turns into night.
423
00:59:32,136 --> 00:59:35,030
I watch you and I feel
this lust deep down inside me.
424
00:59:35,126 --> 00:59:37,688
I know it shouldn't be like this,
425
00:59:37,823 --> 00:59:39,653
that air is reflected
in the mirror
426
00:59:39,704 --> 00:59:41,400
whenever you look at me.
427
00:59:41,525 --> 00:59:44,319
Be that as it may,
flesh drives me crazy.
428
00:59:47,034 --> 00:59:48,480
When I sleep with you
429
00:59:48,580 --> 00:59:50,810
and you gently lay your hand,
430
00:59:50,907 --> 00:59:53,485
barely moving, on my sex,
431
00:59:53,780 --> 00:59:57,024
it's more intense
than blows and cuts,
432
00:59:57,124 --> 01:00:01,739
disguises and abuse.
433
01:00:02,324 --> 01:00:05,196
I approach you.
You don't want to know me.
434
01:00:05,296 --> 01:00:07,483
You don't want
to hear my trembling.
435
01:00:07,501 --> 01:00:09,564
You just want to hear me talk
436
01:00:09,656 --> 01:00:12,243
and to capture my face
on your camera.
437
01:00:12,491 --> 01:00:14,485
Two forms of destruction...
438
01:00:14,585 --> 01:00:20,188
I talk while slowly
tearing my skin...
439
01:00:21,304 --> 01:00:24,567
Aside from my own death,
my biggest fantasy
440
01:00:24,667 --> 01:00:26,643
is to cut you into pieces
441
01:00:26,667 --> 01:00:31,416
or flay you and eat you,
to your soul.
442
01:00:34,469 --> 01:00:35,904
I can't sleep
443
01:00:36,025 --> 01:00:39,174
under the weight
of your diseased body.
444
01:00:46,850 --> 01:00:49,636
The step I have to get over,
in order to feel something, is rough,
445
01:00:49,733 --> 01:00:51,942
stony, narcotic.
446
01:00:54,468 --> 01:00:58,683
After sex, the entire world
becomes pornographic.
447
01:01:00,704 --> 01:01:03,916
A switch we turn on and off.
448
01:01:05,529 --> 01:01:08,543
As I talk to you,
I turn inward
449
01:01:08,703 --> 01:01:11,349
into impossible positions.
450
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,875
I wait
451
01:01:16,204 --> 01:01:18,472
for the blows
in the back of my head
452
01:01:18,501 --> 01:01:23,797
to cease before they tap
against my eyes.
453
01:01:24,940 --> 01:01:28,688
In this world of sweaty hands
and embraces,
454
01:01:28,756 --> 01:01:30,922
the sweat settles on the soul
455
01:01:30,970 --> 01:01:33,587
like a membrane of ice.
456
01:01:37,199 --> 01:01:39,740
I want my skin to come alive.
457
01:01:39,821 --> 01:01:41,939
I don't even know
458
01:01:41,946 --> 01:01:44,404
if there is blood
right under the skin.
459
01:01:44,522 --> 01:01:48,861
I cut it, burn it,
hit it against various objects.
460
01:01:48,942 --> 01:01:52,019
I can't get out what's inside.
461
01:01:52,190 --> 01:01:56,375
The world, the houses,
the asphalt and your face
462
01:01:56,484 --> 01:01:58,162
remain invisible.
463
01:02:00,199 --> 01:02:02,692
I walk with the moon in my eyes,
464
01:02:02,831 --> 01:02:06,705
I try to shed light on something
that is already too well-lit.
465
01:02:07,645 --> 01:02:11,744
Light is like a virus in my eyes,
466
01:02:12,636 --> 01:02:16,004
eyes firm but swollen.
467
01:02:21,757 --> 01:02:24,992
When I'm stoned,
I devour the world.
468
01:02:26,339 --> 01:02:30,496
It's the only kind of eating
I can stand.
469
01:02:31,780 --> 01:02:33,788
When I chew what I eat,
470
01:02:33,888 --> 01:02:37,981
and find holes inside the food,
I get aggressive
471
01:02:38,267 --> 01:02:41,509
and I can't help
vomiting it all out.
472
01:02:42,052 --> 01:02:44,506
Void takes up all the room.
473
01:02:44,671 --> 01:02:47,483
This gives me nausea,
stuffing food
474
01:02:48,091 --> 01:02:50,559
in a body that isn't a body.
475
01:02:54,897 --> 01:02:58,803
My body never belonged to me.
476
01:02:59,658 --> 01:03:01,881
This is why I sell it.
477
01:03:06,930 --> 01:03:09,465
I read biology books,
478
01:03:09,565 --> 01:03:12,280
I dream of dissecting bodies.
479
01:03:12,790 --> 01:03:17,128
I try to imagine
the different parts,
480
01:03:17,964 --> 01:03:19,643
the spine, the skull,
481
01:03:19,843 --> 01:03:22,598
the blood, the veins,
the skin, and you,
482
01:03:22,698 --> 01:03:25,173
like a real being.
483
01:03:28,119 --> 01:03:32,929
Fear invades
everything I see and hear.
484
01:03:39,321 --> 01:03:42,460
Fear is there,
like some living creature,
485
01:03:42,469 --> 01:03:45,672
in the space between the eyes,
the temples and the ears.
486
01:03:47,918 --> 01:03:49,856
I'm afraid, I'm very afraid
487
01:03:49,890 --> 01:03:54,115
of being unable to keep in there
the image your face, instead.
488
01:03:57,423 --> 01:03:59,724
Being inside you...
489
01:04:03,329 --> 01:04:08,812
Sometimes I see nothing but
a reflection in your eyes.
490
01:04:08,836 --> 01:04:11,746
Other times,
I see nothing.
491
01:04:11,839 --> 01:04:15,237
Like a massive void,
a tearing.
492
01:04:15,718 --> 01:04:18,660
What am I going to do
with all these bodies?
493
01:04:18,918 --> 01:04:19,988
Tell me,
494
01:04:20,188 --> 01:04:23,795
what am I going to do
with all these fucking bodies?
495
01:04:24,917 --> 01:04:26,554
They are there,
before my eyes,
496
01:04:26,754 --> 01:04:29,214
like air bubbles in the water.
497
01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:34,209
So I try to escape you.
498
01:04:34,268 --> 01:04:38,339
I try to put on all your faces,
499
01:04:38,583 --> 01:04:43,790
all your masks, your eyes.
500
01:04:44,860 --> 01:04:47,437
All I want is to suck...
501
01:04:51,084 --> 01:04:53,776
I wipe, I put in a tampon
502
01:04:53,865 --> 01:04:58,289
and I stagger towards a life
of shit and piss.
503
01:04:58,328 --> 01:05:03,523
The eyes glide across the street
as if it were a screen.
504
01:05:03,815 --> 01:05:08,173
People move
with strange spasms.
505
01:05:09,170 --> 01:05:13,153
There's something grotesque
in their bodies.
506
01:05:14,509 --> 01:05:16,027
They walk, erect,
507
01:05:16,127 --> 01:05:19,176
stretching upwards,
spittle on their lips.
508
01:05:20,822 --> 01:05:23,521
In the mirrors,
I see my own body.
509
01:05:23,721 --> 01:05:26,727
A gross skin covers my face.
510
01:05:27,987 --> 01:05:31,519
A succession of discharges
and excretions...
511
01:05:32,657 --> 01:05:35,091
There are so many
inside my head.
512
01:05:35,196 --> 01:05:38,604
I have the impression
that it breaks from within.
513
01:05:39,043 --> 01:05:43,217
I can't stand being locked
inside my head any longer.
514
01:05:46,687 --> 01:05:48,687
At night, you can't trust
515
01:05:48,787 --> 01:05:50,501
the hands of the watch -
516
01:05:51,092 --> 01:05:56,218
a movement that
paralyzes the body.
517
01:05:58,143 --> 01:06:01,864
Whatever I see twists my guts
518
01:06:02,017 --> 01:06:04,147
wherever I go.
519
01:06:07,005 --> 01:06:09,740
The speed devours an empty core
520
01:06:09,940 --> 01:06:11,650
and that core is me.
521
01:07:14,609 --> 01:07:17,019
To survive, we must flee.
522
01:07:21,689 --> 01:07:23,932
I am an illusion
523
01:07:26,552 --> 01:07:28,605
and you followed me.
524
01:07:30,901 --> 01:07:34,987
You told me
you had your reasons...
525
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:41,301
but you're just a useless
witness.
526
01:07:42,787 --> 01:07:46,134
You tried to get away from me.
527
01:07:48,548 --> 01:07:51,892
You fed my pleasure
with my pain.
528
01:07:53,928 --> 01:07:56,914
To reach me,
you destroy yourself.
529
01:08:00,409 --> 01:08:01,970
We don't eat,
530
01:08:02,070 --> 01:08:04,255
we have no more strength.
531
01:08:05,476 --> 01:08:08,067
Addiction eats you
from inside.
532
01:08:09,751 --> 01:08:12,739
My demons live under my skin.
533
01:08:13,766 --> 01:08:15,945
They are at home.
534
01:08:18,948 --> 01:08:22,542
Your silence takes me
in a place where I get lost.
535
01:08:23,914 --> 01:08:26,815
My time is more valuable
than my body.
536
01:08:28,995 --> 01:08:31,124
We live with the choices we make
537
01:08:31,218 --> 01:08:34,105
and the pain
becomes a powerful ally.
538
01:08:38,655 --> 01:08:41,407
I prepare the ground
for all of my grief.
539
01:08:45,022 --> 01:08:48,218
Everything suddenly becomes
vital and confused.
540
01:08:50,566 --> 01:08:53,606
But the solitude
makes me stronger.
541
01:08:55,875 --> 01:08:57,764
I want to feel...
542
01:09:01,311 --> 01:09:04,399
I just want to be the whore
that you fuck one night...
543
01:09:04,804 --> 01:09:06,520
I can't escape.
544
01:09:06,720 --> 01:09:08,329
I blame you.
545
01:09:08,446 --> 01:09:12,398
I have no regrets.
Just lust or chaos...
546
01:09:13,215 --> 01:09:16,382
I left so many times before
547
01:09:18,095 --> 01:09:22,416
because hustling starts
to feel more like begging.
548
01:09:24,268 --> 01:09:28,126
Because I'm never sure
if I will come out unharmed.
549
01:09:29,274 --> 01:09:30,415
But I look in the mirror
550
01:09:30,556 --> 01:09:34,664
and I know for myself
that this body is mine.
551
01:09:37,605 --> 01:09:40,760
Maybe it's the Xanax
that I have to pop
552
01:09:40,864 --> 01:09:44,784
or the liquor I have to down
to get through this.
553
01:09:46,987 --> 01:09:49,241
I don't remember
many of their faces,
554
01:09:49,341 --> 01:09:51,589
just a few, here and there.
555
01:09:51,641 --> 01:09:54,167
Maybe a bit of a room.
556
01:09:54,821 --> 01:09:56,356
It's all a blur.
557
01:09:58,885 --> 01:10:01,205
Looking around the space,
558
01:10:01,211 --> 01:10:03,854
making sure there's a pathway
to the door...
559
01:10:04,826 --> 01:10:06,991
to make sure I can get out...
560
01:10:09,478 --> 01:10:11,859
Always expecting the worst.
561
01:10:17,945 --> 01:10:21,621
Hoping that they think
I'm crazier than they are.
562
01:10:23,320 --> 01:10:27,350
Looking around for anything
that could be a weapon.
563
01:10:29,791 --> 01:10:32,846
It never crossed their minds
to cross that line,
564
01:10:33,146 --> 01:10:35,584
to go too far.
565
01:10:37,130 --> 01:10:40,882
I had to step back
and enter the night.
566
01:10:41,645 --> 01:10:42,792
Looking back,
567
01:10:42,992 --> 01:10:45,416
it seems like it never happened.
568
01:10:49,031 --> 01:10:51,887
Hours of dark rooms, shadows,
569
01:10:51,953 --> 01:10:53,171
men screaming
570
01:10:53,271 --> 01:10:55,390
and looking up inside you,
571
01:10:57,531 --> 01:10:59,589
Men wanting my body
572
01:11:02,638 --> 01:11:04,377
It's never enough.
573
01:11:07,810 --> 01:11:09,772
We're just there.
574
01:11:11,515 --> 01:11:15,551
Bleached blonde
on coke and diet pills.
575
01:11:17,871 --> 01:11:20,093
Such a short time.
576
01:11:22,897 --> 01:11:24,526
You made me cry.
577
01:11:26,622 --> 01:11:29,118
You said my tears were a lie.
578
01:11:30,648 --> 01:11:32,284
They were true.
579
01:11:35,381 --> 01:11:37,141
I don't cry on purpose.
580
01:11:39,499 --> 01:11:42,680
It then becomes a lie
for both of us.
581
01:11:46,213 --> 01:11:47,719
We are looking at each other,
582
01:11:47,813 --> 01:11:50,580
seeing what we don't wanna see.
583
01:11:51,561 --> 01:11:53,800
This place is small.
584
01:11:57,187 --> 01:11:59,767
You never really held me.
585
01:12:01,857 --> 01:12:04,731
We could meet up in hell
and be dead again.
586
01:12:08,181 --> 01:12:10,954
I gave my flesh
to your suffering.
587
01:12:14,229 --> 01:12:17,632
When you're not there
my anger goes away.
588
01:12:21,931 --> 01:12:25,035
The sadness drains the anger away.
589
01:12:25,173 --> 01:12:28,995
and I dream that
others do not exist.
590
01:12:30,563 --> 01:12:33,472
Skin is just skin, in the dark.
591
01:12:36,491 --> 01:12:38,417
You can't judge me.
592
01:12:40,365 --> 01:12:44,223
It's not fucking,
it's more like just lying there.
593
01:12:48,014 --> 01:12:50,044
It's not about saying yes,
594
01:12:51,053 --> 01:12:53,164
it's about not saying no.
595
01:12:57,146 --> 01:12:59,575
I don't feel used by men,
596
01:13:00,904 --> 01:13:03,166
but by myself.
597
01:13:04,445 --> 01:13:06,251
I am your flesh,
598
01:13:07,068 --> 01:13:09,390
the echo of your tears.
599
01:13:11,785 --> 01:13:15,697
I'm inaccessible to those who
dig the entrance of my womb.
600
01:13:19,428 --> 01:13:22,964
You fall in me,
each time a little more.
601
01:13:25,927 --> 01:13:28,953
I live in the ignorance of myself.
602
01:13:31,480 --> 01:13:33,745
I play a hundred characters.
603
01:13:36,166 --> 01:13:38,029
I am the void.
604
01:13:44,081 --> 01:13:45,738
I wait for you.
605
01:13:45,741 --> 01:13:47,937
I need you to come to me.
606
01:13:49,564 --> 01:13:51,926
My patience is infinite.
607
01:13:59,259 --> 01:14:03,230
There's no more words,
no more emotions.
608
01:14:08,613 --> 01:14:10,740
Men pass through me.
609
01:14:10,940 --> 01:14:15,550
I feel through their desire,
it comes and goes.
610
01:14:17,476 --> 01:14:22,007
It doesn't help me
more than a moment of ecstasy.
611
01:14:28,212 --> 01:14:31,834
It's so light, here.
612
01:14:36,606 --> 01:14:41,257
What to do with all this light?
43135
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