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00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:08,836
Narrator: Previously on weeds:
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00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,600
She said your check didn't clear.
3
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,681
You don't have any money
in your account.
4
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:14,137
You no pay me last week.
5
00:00:14,307 --> 00:00:16,307
I'm broke.
Been working on setting up
6
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:17,805
a front to launder money.
7
00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:20,477
Could my cover business
become my real business?
8
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:23,146
Good luck. Small business is fucked.
9
00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,526
You want weed on credit,
leave some collateral.
10
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:26,993
How about I hold that rock?
11
00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:28,533
Nancy: I need more inventory.
12
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:32,033
Leave your car instead.
My car? I'm leasing it.
13
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,330
Then you really gonna
want to get it back.
14
00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:36,789
Nancy: I am so screwed.
15
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,843
This is Janet Yamamoto,
live from west hills.
16
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:34,801
The past few days,
wildlife officials have been swamped
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00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:37,521
with hundreds of calls
from agrestic residents
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00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:40,942
who have reported seeing
a large tan mountain lion.
19
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:45,772
[Haven't seen Chester... oh, that's
my cat... in two days. Um...
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00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:49,030
I don't know, though,
would a big cat eat a smaller cat?
21
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,403
I mean, isn't that cat cannibalism?
22
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:54,280
Department of fish and game
officials have been called,
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00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,988
but they've had no success
in capturing the animal.
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00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,499
In the meantime,
a dangerous predator roams free.
25
00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:03,249
Agrestic, a community
living in fear.
26
00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:06,036
Back to you in the studio, joanie.
Joanie: Thank you, Janet.
27
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,550
I'm going to the market.
Any requests for dinner?
28
00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:10,213
Steak.
29
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:11,421
[M1
30
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,220
Celia:
You've been sneaking food.
31
00:02:14,093 --> 00:02:15,853
I haven't.
32
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,890
I swear.
33
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:20,272
Well, then congratulations.
34
00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:22,393
You must be pregnant.
35
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,266
I have to go get dressed for school.
36
00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:30,065
We can't cut into the art program.
Kids need drawing and shit.
37
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,614
Hell, no.
We're not cutting into football for it.
38
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:36,158
Screw the pansy art tags. Let them
paint banners for the football team.
39
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,374
Kill two birds with—-
40
00:02:38,743 --> 00:02:41,013
Hey, I got somebody here.
We'll finish this at the meeting.
41
00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:44,747
Your turn to bring the vodka.
Okay, you too.
42
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,035
Yes, yes, I fucked your wife.
43
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:51,129
Yes, I fucked your mother.
Okay, bye.
44
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,257
Nancy. Oh.
45
00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:56,216
I'm such a fazehead,
I totally forgot you were coming.
46
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:59,055
Don't smoke it all at once.
47
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,015
What? What's wrong?
48
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:03,272
I'm flush.
What do you mean, you're flush?
49
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:06,274
I'm cool. I'm stocked fat.
No needy more weedy.
50
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:10,107
I only sold you a quarter last week.
You can't have any left, way you smoke.
51
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:13,944
I burned through that days ago.
Check this out.
52
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,736
What is this?
My medical-marijuana card.
53
00:03:17,907 --> 00:03:20,027
I got a note from a clinic doc
for 100 bucks.
54
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:23,541
Went down to the pot store
and, mama,
55
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:27,498
I was home!
56
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:32,211
It's a weed wonderland, Nancy.
It's like Amsterdam, only better.
57
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:36,550
You don't have to visit the Anne
frank house and pretend to be all sad.
58
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,587
See this lollipop? It isn't...?
59
00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:42,221
Yes, I'm getting high right now.
You can't even tell.
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00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:46,060
How is this possible?
The genius of prop 215:
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00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:49,647
Medical marijuana for sick people.
Seriously, who couldn't use
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00:03:49,814 --> 00:03:53,154
a little medicating, right?
My friend's friend's friend gave me
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00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:55,817
the address, and I went
down there and loaded up.
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00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,446
God, I love California.
65
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:02,079
I can't wait to tell the poker guys
about it. The one buzz-kill is
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00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,793
you can only buy 8 ounces a visit.
That's half a pound!
67
00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:08,115
Well, they allow you to make
two visits a day.
68
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:11,630
But with all the traffic on the 110,
that's practically impossible.
69
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,458
Are you fucking with me?
70
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:17,260
Mm-mm. No, no. It's all true.
I don't kid about my weed.
71
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,755
I need the address.
Nance, you're a pot dealer.
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00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:23,137
Why take advantage of a medical
provider when you have connections?
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00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:26,015
Douglas! Okay, fine.
74
00:04:26,559 --> 00:04:30,479
As long as you're braving traffic,
would you pick up more iollipots for me?
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00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:32,573
Wild cherry.
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00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,774
Hi, there. Welcome. I'm Craig x.
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00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,984
And you are at
the Bodhi sativa caregivers club.
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00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,356
How can we care for you?
Hi. Uh...
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00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,493
I'm kind of new at this.
80
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,861
A virgin? Don't worry, I'll be gentle
on you. Come on, this way.
81
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:23,780
First thing you do
is check out the big board.
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00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:27,449
On the board, we have all the prices
and strains. They do change daily.
83
00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:30,290
Hey, Billy, how's the anxiety?
All right. Cool.
84
00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:32,826
What was I saying? The big board.
The big board.
85
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,920
I got spaced. On this big board,
we got two specials today.
86
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,626
You wanna check out
the grand daddy perp. It's purple.
87
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,717
It's a indica-sativa blend.
The flavour's bellissima.
88
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,604
Second, we got the here's Johnny,
the king of late night.
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00:05:44,929 --> 00:05:48,139
Don't mess with this before the sun
goes down. It'll knock you out.
90
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:51,937
In the other room, we got clones.
How's it going? Arthritis is better.
91
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,602
Yeah, you know it, man. Cool.
92
00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,311
Uh, what was I saying? Clones.
93
00:05:55,481 --> 00:06:00,151
Oh, yeah! You hear that dial tone? My
clones are off the hook. Check it out.
94
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,946
We have the most beautiful clones.
95
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,913
They're $10 apiece,
and ours are guaranteed female.
96
00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:09,155
This'll get you started.
Over here we've got the food section.
97
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:12,038
Hey, Mrs. Rappaport, nice to
see you. You look beautiful.
98
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:15,126
We got your sponge cake in back.
Okay, go ahead and get that.
99
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,672
Thanks. She's got diabetes.
100
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,795
We make it with splenda
instead of sugar.
101
00:06:18,963 --> 00:06:20,633
What was I saying again?
Edibles.
102
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:23,758
Edibles! Look at all this
great stuff. We have infusions,
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00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:26,256
goos, kifs, kif oils,
hash oils, hemp oils.
104
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:30,638
You look a little ovennhelmed.
Where does all this come from?
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00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:34,188
A combination of our patients
and very compassionate farmers.
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00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:36,523
Doing god's work.
And it's all legal?
107
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:40,899
Well, we operate under the guidelines
of health and safety code 113625.
108
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,188
Douglas!
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00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:44,821
I just couldn't stay away.
110
00:06:44,989 --> 00:06:48,529
That's the beauty of this place. You
don't have to, man. Welcome back.
111
00:06:50,995 --> 00:06:55,165
I love it here so much.
He's suffering from depression.
112
00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:58,381
Hey, Nance.
Hey, any more Stephen Hawking?
113
00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,634
I wanna be wheeled out.
I'll hook you up.
114
00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:03,586
Come on, let's go.
What'd I tell you, Nance?
115
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,603
You sold me shit!
I ain't here to sell you flowers.
116
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:12,181
Let me rephrase.
You sold me bullshit.
117
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:17,768
Skank weed. And I can't move it,
and I want a refund.
118
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:22,987
And I want an ass like Beyoncé's.
Neither of us getting what we want.
119
00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:28,452
I just went to this place, this store,
it was like the whole foods of pot!
120
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:31,986
Listen to her. Barbie thinks
she discovered the cannabis club.
121
00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:35,411
Welcome to the party, baby.
It isn't a party, it's a nightmare.
122
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,001
How can I compete with that?
123
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:39,336
Well, when you figure it out,
you let me know.
124
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,551
Fucking weed boutique sent
my business off. How much off again?
125
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:44,763
Seventeen percent.
Seventeen percent!
126
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:48,553
What's the world coming to when they
legalize weed? Ain't no morals left.
127
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:51,759
So don't come crying to me,
because I got my own troubles.
128
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:57,771
Anything else you want from me?
I want everything on this list.
129
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:05,068
Yeah, we got the blue mist
and the white widow.
130
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:09,195
But, um, you gonna have to wait on
the og cush. That shit sold out quick.
131
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:13,285
I can't believe you've been selling me
schoolyard crap this whole time.
132
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,695
Mm-hm. You get what you ask for.
133
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,371
And you never knew enough
to ask for the call brand.
134
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,330
Well, those days are over.
135
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:24,421
Ha-ha! We got ourselves a regular
Pablo Escobar up in here.
136
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:34,679
What...? What's wrong?
Serious shit calls for serious cash.
137
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:37,020
And your cash
got a sense of humour.
138
00:08:38,811 --> 00:08:40,561
But that's all I got.
139
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,609
Then that's all you get.
140
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,862
You could use that skank
to cook...
141
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,488
With. Then it is skank.
142
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:00,459
[M1
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00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,672
Ugh.
144
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,924
Here, kitty, kitty.
145
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,853
Boy:
How's your beer, almost out?
146
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,807
I'm gonna get another.
Be right back.
147
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,738
So Julie googled
how to give a blowjob
148
00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:16,905
and she came across this website
that teaches girls to deep throat.
149
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:20,325
Oh, yeah. Deaf Megan can do that.
150
00:10:20,496 --> 00:10:26,206
Dennis kling says her mouth
is like a dirt devil.
151
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,378
Daredevil? No, he's blind, not deaf.
152
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:35,298
I don't think he sucks dick at all.
He is a superhero.
153
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,721
You're done.
154
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:46,058
Hey, Megan. Can you hear me?
155
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,608
Megan.
156
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,605
Hey, come on.
157
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:54,739
Hello?
158
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:58,914
Megan. Megan.
159
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,411
That's funny.
160
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:06,881
Hey, hey, hey. Come on.
161
00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:34,277
Oh!
162
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,784
Shit! What the fuck are you doing?!
163
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:38,619
Man!
164
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,794
What kind of crazy bitch are you?
165
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:45,325
I don't think I put enough
in the popcorn balls.
166
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:48,457
You got enough thc in them balls
to keep Stevie wondering.
167
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:51,593
Thanks for talking me through this.
Know what?
168
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,463
Gives me a sense of
accomplishment,
169
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,220
working with
overprivileged white women.
170
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,467
You entering a whole new level.
171
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:02,755
We talking about bigger buys.
That means bigger risks, right?
172
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:06,893
Uh—huh. Thing is, I like you.
173
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,061
I don't wanna see you end up dead,
know what I mean?
174
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,320
Dead?
Relax, I'm just fucking with you.
175
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,902
Adorable.
No, seriously, how you doing?
176
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,488
The popcorn's taking forever...
No, no, no, fuck the popcorn.
177
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,525
How you doing?
178
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:24,159
If this doesn't work out, I could
end up the oldest gap employee
179
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:27,658
in southern California, but...
You a hustler, you'll do just fine.
180
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,713
I wish I shared your confidence.
181
00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:32,915
God! That smells amazing!
182
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,916
That means it's ready. Take it out.
183
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,418
Now? Take it out right now!
184
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,760
You don't take it out, it's gonna burn.
Bye!
185
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,637
Yo.
186
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:43,509
[M1
187
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,347
ow! Aah...
188
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,395
Shit!
189
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,782
Mom, mom, mom! I did it!
I shot the mountain lion!
190
00:12:56,944 --> 00:13:01,034
That's great! Go get ready for bed.
191
00:13:08,372 --> 00:13:10,042
Fuck!
192
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:13,876
God! Shit.
193
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:19,258
Now, begin your cut-and-paste
collage. And remember, no dirty words.
194
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,060
Mrs. Hineler?
195
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,562
Yes, Isabel.
I have to go to the bathroom.
196
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,821
Well, when Billy comes back
from the bathroom, you can go.
197
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,158
Mrs. Hineler? Yes.
198
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:48,703
I have to go to the bathroom now.
Well, you know the rules, Isabel.
199
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,326
But please!
200
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:54,917
Very well. Go. Go. Go.
201
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,049
[M1
202
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,188
I try.
203
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,448
It's cool. It's all cool.
204
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,789
Honey, you couldn't help it.
205
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,952
These things happen.
206
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:56,791
Hopefully not too often,
but they happen.
207
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:03,958
One day, you are gonna
look back on this, and...
208
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:07,091
Well, it'll still be
painfully embarrassing,
209
00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:10,349
but it will make
for a terrific story.
210
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:15,560
I had to throw my underpants
into the woods.
211
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,980
They call me shit girl now.
212
00:16:20,438 --> 00:16:23,358
And that's part of the story.
213
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:26,948
Good night, sweetie.
214
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,027
Night, dad.
215
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:36,711
I'm worried about Isabel. Maybe
we should take her to the doctor,
216
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:39,042
make sure she doesn't
have a stomach flu.
217
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,247
Please, she's perfectly fine.
218
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,458
She shit herself in school.
How is that perfectly fine?
219
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:47,759
She shit herself
because she's a little piggy.
220
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:52,304
The truth is, I found a chocolate
stash in her room the other day.
221
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,520
So I just switched it out
with laxatives.
222
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:59,938
What? It was a good plan. I mean,
maybe next time she'll think twice
223
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,903
about scarfing down
an entire bag of chocolates.
224
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,856
Come on. I eat the same laxatives
every day in reasonable amounts
225
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,027
and I don't shit all over myself.
226
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,409
I mean, I didn't mean
for this to happen.
227
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:14,623
I was just hoping for some
nice, loose doodles.
228
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,156
Clean the girl out a bit, you know.
229
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:21,119
Are you out of your fucking mind?
What? Calm down.
230
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,711
That is absolutely child abuse!
You should be arrested!
231
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,838
I should call child protective
services and have you arrested!
232
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:31,466
Don't be such a drama queen.
They called her shit girl.
233
00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,255
Well, it's better than fat girl.
234
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,598
How could you even imagine
doing such a thing?
235
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:38,024
You know, excuse me.
Excuse me for wanting
236
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,523
my daughter to be thin,
attractive
237
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,345
so that the world is her oyster.
238
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,820
I know that you think she's beautiful,
Dean. But this is america.
239
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,492
It is cold and cruel out there
for fat girls.
240
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:53,696
Nope, nope. Nope.
241
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:57,576
I hope our children survive you.
242
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:01,250
That which doesn't kill us
makes us stronger.
243
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,245
[M1
244
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:21,352
Celia: Isabel, breakfast!
Uh... coming!
245
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,074
Feeling better, sweetie?
246
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,946
I am now, daddy.
247
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:51,213
You really should
lock your front door.
248
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:55,471
I do lock it, but lupita leaves it open
so she doesn't have to dig for her keys.
249
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,135
Drives me insane.
250
00:18:57,304 --> 00:19:00,184
Their subtle revenge
for having to clean our toilets.
251
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,558
I still say we got
the better end of that deal.
252
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:06,686
Mm. Here. I'm posting these
in the neighbourhood.
253
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:09,685
Tell you, I have a good mind
to stay in a hotel
254
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,818
until they catch that cougar.
255
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,605
Although a part of me is hoping
that it will maul Dean.
256
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,279
And I wouldn't wanna miss that.
257
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,577
"What to do if you meet
a mountain lion"?
258
00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:21,703
"Give the mountain lion some room.
259
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:26,210
Don't make eye contact.
Talk to the lion softly."
260
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:29,504
You sure this isn't "what to do
if you date a mountain lion"?
261
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,086
Well, I have a lot to do, Celia. So...
262
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:34,165
Have you ever had sex
with a woman?
263
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:37,474
Excuse me?
I think I'd like to try it.
264
00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:40,755
With who? Anyone. I don't care.
265
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:44,270
I'm sick of men.
Maybe I missed my calling.
266
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,644
I mean, what if I was supposed
to be a dyke
267
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,861
but just made a wrong turn
by mistake?
268
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,732
It would explain a hell of a lot.
269
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,941
Here's the thing.
I really wanna fuck around on Dean.
270
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:58,911
But the thought of having to put
one more cock into my mouth
271
00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:00,374
is just too depressing.
272
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,373
I'm not sure a vagina would be
any kind of improvement.
273
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:08,458
Well, maybe you're right. Truth is,
pussy really skeeves me out.
274
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:12,085
That whole mirror-investigation thing
we did when we were young,
275
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:15,223
truly a rude awakening.
276
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:19,933
Speaking of pussy, somebody killed
the aldermans' cat,
277
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,505
and it was not the mountain lion.
278
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,472
Alison is losing her mind.
279
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:28,271
She thinks that someone's trying to
send her messages or something.
280
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:30,226
It's probably just the kids, though.
281
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,821
How did the...?
282
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,864
How did the cat die?
I'm not sure, why?
283
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,410
I think I might know the kid
who did it.
284
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,293
Friend of Silas'.
285
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:48,253
You know, I read somewhere
that killing small animals
286
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:52,455
is the first sign of psychotic
behaviour. Tell the parents
287
00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:55,377
so they can rush that little
sociopath into therapy
288
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,717
before he starts
tooling around agrestic
289
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,682
in a Van
with blacked-out windows.
290
00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:01,933
I have to get going on this.
You have to go.
291
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,715
Have you had sex with a woman?
None of your business.
292
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:07,519
Come on, tell me.
I slept with a woman in college.
293
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,604
How was it? Bonng.
294
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,019
Well, maybe you didn't do it right.
295
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,768
She said I was the best
she'd ever had.
296
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,401
What are you doing Friday night?
297
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,162
[M1
298
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,781
these will satisfy your munchies
299
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:26,038
and give you a long-lasting,
all-body high at the same time.
300
00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:28,412
Not to mention that
you're saving your lungs
301
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:31,250
and there's no residual odour
for your wives to smell.
302
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,340
So everything in there is loaded with...
It sure is. That's not all I'm offering.
303
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:39,264
For all you old-school smokers
in the room,
304
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:44,264
I've also brought some wild
and wonderful indica-sativa blends.
305
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:46,512
Organic or hydroponic.
306
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:50,981
Hairy, sticky, delicious to smoke.
307
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:53,734
Here, help yourselves
to some samples.
308
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:06,410
Mm. Fuck me! That is awesome!
309
00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:09,786
I think I could exist off nothing
but this for the rest of my life.
310
00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:11,084
Glad you like it.
311
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,884
So here's my final pitch, guys.
312
00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,712
The clubs are fun and all,
but with me,
313
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:20,298
you get great shit right here
in town. I know what you like.
314
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:24,255
Make sure it's there when you want it.
You don't have to go to the city.
315
00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:27,307
But most of all,
I don't xerox your driver's license
316
00:22:27,472 --> 00:22:30,062
and put your name
in a state-controlled data bank.
317
00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:32,135
What?
318
00:22:32,310 --> 00:22:34,440
I'm in a data bank?
You sure are.
319
00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:37,024
So when your wives
find out and divorce you,
320
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:40,400
they'll get custody of your children
because their attorneys
321
00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:44,608
will be able to prove you're nothing
but a bunch of irresponsible potheads.
322
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:48,201
I'm in a data bank?
Celia would have a field day with that.
323
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:51,831
I'm in a data bank?
I'm up for council re-election.
324
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,456
I cannot be linked to any pot clubs.
325
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:57,338
Any of you guys
know any good hackers?
326
00:22:57,502 --> 00:22:59,962
Maybe you should have
thought of that sooner. Ahem.
327
00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:03,589
I'm ready to take your orders.
Fuck it. I'll take it all.
328
00:23:43,047 --> 00:23:46,547
Yourbuflerdontlooknght itssage.
329
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,051
Don't smell like sage.
330
00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:53,181
Obviously menopause has
affected your sense of smell.
331
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:56,099
Ha. I don't smell with my coochie.
332
00:24:01,232 --> 00:24:03,862
No! It's got raw eggs in it.
333
00:24:04,027 --> 00:24:07,737
So?
So salmonella is on the rise, so no.
334
00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:10,739
Listen, there's something
I wanna talk to you about.
335
00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:12,578
Am I in trouble?
336
00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:14,954
The mountain lion you shot...
337
00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:20,128
Did it have a collar
around its neck?
338
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:22,343
No.
339
00:24:22,503 --> 00:24:26,223
Did it make
kind of a meowing sound?
340
00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:29,756
It kind of yelped when I shot it.
341
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:33,387
But mountain lions don't meow, mom.
They kind of sound like:
342
00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:42,108
Shane, did you shoot
the aldermans' cat?
343
00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:45,403
What? No. I shot the mountain lion.
344
00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:48,778
Right in the eye. Why?
345
00:24:48,946 --> 00:24:51,316
Because that's what dad
would have done.
346
00:24:58,915 --> 00:25:00,665
Come here.
347
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,843
[M1
348
00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:09,760
I'm very fond of you.
349
00:25:09,926 --> 00:25:13,096
I'm very fond of you too.
350
00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:18,135
I want the bb gun.
351
00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:21,599
But I need it for protection.
No.
352
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:24,734
I think I'm gonna take over
that role for a while.
353
00:25:24,899 --> 00:25:27,989
But if you play your cards right,
354
00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:31,862
you might get it back by the time
you graduate law school.
355
00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:34,281
This sucks.
356
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:35,792
Yeah.
357
00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:40,463
But imagine
how the mountain lion feels.
358
00:25:41,749 --> 00:25:44,419
Go watch telemundo with lupita.
359
00:25:59,142 --> 00:26:02,482
What the hell are you doing?
I'm a little backed up.
360
00:26:02,645 --> 00:26:04,685
A lot backed up.
361
00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:07,356
I haven't shit in three days.
362
00:26:07,525 --> 00:26:11,735
I'm like a bloated
African famine baby.
363
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:15,028
Wow. Could it be?
Newton's third law of motion,
364
00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:19,249
or lack of motion in your case,
illustrated right here in our bathroom.
365
00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:23,542
For every action, there is
an equal and opposite reaction.
366
00:26:24,667 --> 00:26:27,707
What are you talking about?
Karma, baby.
367
00:26:28,212 --> 00:26:30,842
Fuck you and your Karma.
368
00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:34,257
Fine. Shit on my theory.
Oh, but wait! You can't.
369
00:26:34,427 --> 00:26:37,307
So I guess
that makes me right, huh? Ha-ha.
370
00:26:38,473 --> 00:26:43,443
That takes care of last week's buy,
this week's buy, my ring, my rover.
371
00:26:43,936 --> 00:26:45,646
Vaneeta:
You surprise the shit out of me.
372
00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:49,113
I thought you was gonna
end up broke, living in a trailer park,
373
00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:52,525
having to score sag cards for
your kids to put food on the table.
374
00:26:52,695 --> 00:26:56,945
So I see somebody got their bling
back. That mean we doing all right?
375
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:00,621
Car keys, please.
376
00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:06,165
What? I said please. Yes.
377
00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:08,254
You are very polite, snowflake.
378
00:27:08,419 --> 00:27:11,459
But your scratch only covers
last week's buy and the rings.
379
00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:14,681
You still short for all the shit
you gonna wanna take this week.
380
00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:17,512
Looks like you got yourself
a business decision to make:
381
00:27:18,095 --> 00:27:21,425
The strange or the range.
382
00:27:25,019 --> 00:27:27,229
I'll be back.
383
00:27:30,024 --> 00:27:32,994
Don't let the door hit your
cute little ass on the way out.
384
00:27:33,778 --> 00:27:35,318
Thanks for everything, Conrad.
385
00:27:35,488 --> 00:27:40,158
That cornbread recipe you gave me
really saved my cute little ass.
386
00:27:44,705 --> 00:27:48,285
You gave away
my cornbread recipe?
387
00:27:48,459 --> 00:27:51,419
And she put weed in it?!
Oh, hell, no.
388
00:27:51,587 --> 00:27:55,337
You don't put weed in my cornbread!
Now, heylia. Hold up.
389
00:27:55,508 --> 00:27:57,218
Get your ass here,
take your whupping.
390
00:27:57,426 --> 00:28:00,426
You know nobody scared of you.
You a dumb-ass motherfucker
391
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:02,386
if you ain't scared of me!
392
00:28:40,678 --> 00:28:42,308
Bitch.
30107
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