All language subtitles for Family Ties.S07E14.My Best Friend_s Girl.eng

♪♪

♪ I bet we've been
together for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be
together for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I
started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪

♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do,
baby, without us? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪

Hi.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Jennifer.

Notice anything
different about me?

- Not a thing.
- Hair's a little different?

I'll give you a clue: it
happens when you're 16,

and once it happens,
you're never the same again.

- Jennifer! -What?!
- No!

Yes, yes.

I got my learner's permit.

Okay.

That's a relief, and I
don't even know why.

Jen, you must be so excited!

Getting your learner's
permit is a big event.

And you've got something
else to get excited about:

driving lessons with
your good old dad.

Boy, "excited" is
such a subjective term.

You know, Dad,
I really appreciate

that you want to teach me to
drive, and it means a lot to me,

but I've been
thinking of the lessons

you gave Alex and Mallory.

Oh! Yeah, yeah.

Those were great lessons.

They could drive
through hell if they had to.

And in a sense, we did.

Dad, I want Mom
to teach me to drive.

Whoa.

Oh, well, no, that's, uh...

that's fine, Jen.

Just, uh, just fine.

No, your mother will be
a... a wonderful teacher.

If you want to learn
to drive that way.

What way is that?

Well...

You know.

You mean like a woman?

Well...

yeah, you have to admit that...

you rarely see a-a man,
uh, stopped at a light

fumbling through
his little purse or...

brushing his hair in the mirror.

Uh, putting on eyeliner
during a lane change.

Okay, boys.

Steven, I know I
can teach Jen to drive

better than you ever could.

Oh, really, Elyse?

Oh, really, Steven.

Not if I hide the
keys, you can't.

Steven!

This is gonna be hard...
The learner's permit says

there has to be at least
one adult in the car.

Hey.

Hi. You ready to go?

Yes, I am, my little
psychoanalytical cupcake.

We're going to the movies,
Mal. You want to come?

Oh, you guys,
don't leave me now.

Skippy's on his way over.

He has a new girlfriend; he
wants to introduce her to us.

That's great! When
did this happen?

How did this happen?

I don't know, but this could
be just what Skippy needs.

I mean, he hasn't dated
since Amy transferred to Yale.

Didn't they decide
to see other people?

Well, yeah, but...

Skippy didn't know
what that meant.

So, for months, he just walked
around looking at other people.

Hi!

Hey, Skip, buddy, come on in.

Uh, I'd like you all to
meet someone special.

This is Darlene.

Darlene, this is Alex,
Lauren and Mallory.

Hi, Darlene.

- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.

Hey, why don't we sit down
and get better acquainted.

Okay, uh...

Well...

Um, so, have you two
known each other long?

- Yes.
- No.

Um, we just met this morning.

So this is your first date?

Oh, no.

This isn't a date;
we're lab partners.

As soon as I met him, he
asked me to come home

and meet his neighbors,
which is weird enough.

Thank you.

Oh, but I said yes
because he begged me,

and I have real
trouble saying no.

Will you marry me?

Not that much trouble.

Um, look, I hope you won't
mind if I see myself out.

I won't.

Uh, I-I don't suppose
this engagement ring

is gonna change your mind?

Oh, there must be
something we can do.

I mean, he's such a
sweet, lovable guy.

There's got to be
someone out there for him.

There's not; I looked.

That little vixen.

She's playing hard-to-get.

No, she's not.

Who am I kidding?

She hates me. They all hate me.

Skippy, come on.
That's... not true.

Then how come last
week I asked Lisa Tobin

if she wanted to go
to the movies with me,

and her head spun
around a full 360 degrees?

Well, she's had the flu, Skippy.

Skippy, look, the
odds are always huge

against meeting the right
person, but somehow it happens.

Yeah, look. Look at Lauren.

She wanted the best and,
you know, darn it, she got it.

Well, sure, Alex, you've never
had problems with women, but...

all the women I meet reject me.

Even the women I
don't meet reject me.

Listen, Skippy, I think
maybe I can help you.

Why don't you come
to my lab at school,

and I'll assess your
psychological profile.

I mean, maybe we can find out

what type of female
you're compatible with.

I don't care if
she's compatible,

as long as she's human.

All right, pal, one time
around the maze, then lunch.

Come on, it's
easy. You can do it.

That's it. That's it.

Just a little further.

Okay, now find the cheese.

I don't know where to start.

Hi, Skippy. I'll be
done in just a second.

We're trying to find the cheese.

It's right here.

Very good.

Skippy, are you
a little nervous?

Uh, uh, well, yes,
just a little though.

Um, I'm not too good
with these things.

Uh, when I was a kid, my
parents sent me to a psychologist,

and then a week later, he
was spotted roller-skating naked

through a Woolworth's.

Well, Skippy, I don't skate,
and I'm sure this is gonna go fine.

Just relax.

Tell me a little
bit about yourself.

Oh, I-I think you're asking
the wrong guy. Um...

See, I-I'm pretty
much a mystery to me.

Okay, then we'll both
discover you at the same time.

So, Skippy, why don't
you tell me a little bit about

your past relationships
with women.

Okay, um, well,
you know about Amy.

Mm-hmm.

And before that, there
was... Ooh, let's see, uh...

nobody.

Mm, unless of course
you count Mallory.

What exactly was the nature of
your relationship with Mallory?

Somewhere in between
close personal friend and dog.

You know, I've got to admit,

I was a little nervous
about doing this,

I mean, because we're friends,

and sometimes it's hard to work
with people you know real well.

But I have to tell you, I feel
very comfortable talking to you.

I-I feel very comfortable
talking to you, too.

I just wish I could be like
this around other women.

Well, maybe you're
scared of women.

Maybe-maybe you're
scared of relationships.

Does the word "love" scare you?

Well, maybe.

I-I guess it depends on
how it's used in a sentence.

How so?

Well, "I love my
mother" is fine.

Um, "We'd love to beat you up
and take your bike" worries me.

Okay, let me
rephrase the question.

Uh, does the concept of
being in love scare you?

Not if I could find
the right person.

Well, who's the right person?

Uh, someone who listens.

Someone who cares.

Someone who makes
you feel funny, you know?

Like, uh, little sparklers are
going off in your stomach.

Go on. I'm listening.

I guess that's it.

What do you look for in a guy?

I-I guess it's just the little
things that affect me, you know.

Someone who's not
afraid to show affection.

You know, a gentle pat
or a squeeze of the arm.

Ooh.

That is delightful.

Well, enough about
me. Let's get back to you.

What do you look for in a woman?

Well, I suppose she's pretty.

What does she look like?

Well, she's got long,
dark brown, lustrous hair;

beautiful pale blue eyes;

pink, shell-like ears;

and-and cute little
orange freckles

across the bridge of her nose.

Wow.

She sounds like a knockout.

She is.

So, you ladies prepared for
your adventure on wheels?

Steven, don't start.

Elyse, I'm not. I
just want to help.

I happened upon this
Ohio driver's handbook,

and I thought I might
give you a little quiz.

Dad, I think we'll
be fine on our own.

Come on.

This will be fun.

Here's one.

"When parking on a hill, which
way do you turn your wheels?"

Oh, well, okay, that's easy.

Um, towards the curb if
the car is pointing downhill,

away from the curb if
the car is pointing uphill.

Very good, Elyse.

That's great, Mom.

You really know your stuff.

Yeah, I'll say.

Let's try another one, shall we?

"When making a left
turn from a two-lane street

"onto a three-lane highway,
does the car turning left

"onto the street or the car
turning right onto the highway

have the right of way?"

Let-let me think just a minute.

Quickly, Elyse, there's no time.

Here comes the tractor-trailer.

But if-if I were
actually on the street...

- Too late, Elyse.
- Oh, Steven.

All right, all right.

Let's, uh, let's
try an easy one.

"At what speed do you
require a Class 3 license

to tow anhydrous ammonia?"

That's impossible.
I don't know that.

And you call yourself a driver.

Do you think you
could do better?

Yes, I do.

Okay, big boy, you got it.

Oh, no, Mom, please don't leave.

No, honey, I'm sorry.

I-I cannot take the risk

of what might happen
on some wild night when

you and your girlfriends decide
to go out and tow ammonia.

Okay, Jen, out to the garage for
a few words about tire pressure.

Oh, help. Dad's taking
me to the garage.

I really need to talk, Mal.

Okay, I'll get out of your way.

I-I meant to you.

Oh! Oh, okay. What?

Mallory,

I'm having uncontrollable
romantic feelings.

Oh, I knew it.

Skippy, stop!

You've got to
stop pining for me.

I mean, sure, you're lonely.

Yes, I'm desirable.

But it's got to stop.

It's not you.

Oh, okay.

That was really embarrassing.

Well, sure, I-I felt that
way about you, once,

but now you're more
like a sister to me.

Or even a brother.

No, no, more like a third
cousin on my mom's side...

Uncle Nestor's boy.

It's all right,
Skippy, I'm over it.

What's up?

I think I'm in love with Lauren.

Well, that's great. Lauren who?

Lauren... of Alex and Lauren.

That Lauren?!

Skippy, you crazy?

I know. I feel so guilty.

- I feel horrible.
- You should.

- How can you do this to Alex?
- I know.

I know. There's
nothing you can say

that I haven't said
to myself already.

Have you said this?

"I'm a jerk!"

I was much tougher on myself.

It even got physical;
twice I had to separate me.

But she's just the
only thing on my mind.

She's the only thing
I can think about.

All day and all night,
all I say is, "Lauren,

Lauren..."

L-Lord, I'm thirsty.

Lauren?

Skippy, perfect.

You know, we got some great
news for you. Tell him, hon.

All right, I hope
you don't mind,

but I matched up your profile

with some other
women I know at school,

- and I got you a date.
- Oh.

Alex and I are gonna
double with you.

Isn't this exciting?

Skippy!

- Hi, guys.
- Mm.

Sorry we're late.

I guess I'm in charge
of the introductions.

Alex, this is Pippi.

- Hi, Pippi. Hi.
- Hi.

Pippi, this is Skippy.

My folks love Pippi
Longstocking, so...

Oh, my folks love
peanut butter, so...

Well, Pippi and Skippy.

Well, you two ever get married,

your kids could be, uh,
Flippy, Snippy and Dippy.

You look beautiful, Lauren.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Don't you think
Pippi looks terrific?

Pippi who?

Pippi Longstocking.

Oh, yes, that Pippi!
Of course, yes.

You look very nice,
very peppy, Pippi.

- Uh, bread, anybody?
- Sure, I...

Hey, now, don't hog it.

Lauren?

No, thank you.

- No?
- No.

Are we ready to
hear the specials?

Sure.

Well, will you wait
just a minute, please?

Lauren, are you ready
to hear the specials?

I think so.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I-I don't think I'm ready yet.

All right, I'm ready.

Tonight I have a
lovely veal scallopini,

a delightful little chicken
in a mustard sauce,

and, of course, a
number of selections

from our brand-new
fresh seafood cart.

Mm.

We have lobster, crab,

roughy and scrod on
ice, and you can select

the exact one that you'd like.

All right, I'll
have the lobster.

I think I'll have
the lobster, too.

Ooh, I'm sorry; we only
have one lobster left.

- Oh, you go ahead, Pippi.
- No, that's all right, Lauren.

Uh, Lauren, you get the lobster.

Pippi, you get the scrod.

- Oh! Come on!
- Skippy!

Alex?

Flip me a flounder, Skip!

- I've got to go.
- Oh, you can't go.

It's flying fish
night at Guido's.

That's okay.

I've lost my appetite.

- Alex, would you drive her?
- Yeah, absolutely.

I feel kind of responsible.

I was the designated
driver anyway.

It's funny, I thought I'd
be driving someone home

'cause they drank like
a fish, not got hit by one.

All right, honey, save
me that lobster, all right?

See you in a while.

I had a very nice time, Pippi.

I hope we can do this again.

I'll bring my snorkel.

All right, I don't want
you to blame yourself.

Everything was going fine
until you started throwing fish.

It's all my fault.

I'm a stupid, clumsy oaf!

You're also sweet,
sensitive and caring.

I know what your problem is.

You just tend to get overly
excited around women.

Your senses overload.

That only happens
around certain women.

Well, then maybe
Pippi's still a good bet.

Pippi wasn't the only
woman here tonight, Lauren.

That's very sweet, Skippy,
but what I meant was that...

- Not that!
- I'm sorry.

I couldn't help myself.

Sure felt like you
helped yourself.

I'd better go.

The Keaton driving
school is now in session.

So are some therapy
groups I'd like you to visit.

Dad, would you mind if
we didn't go out in the car

for the first time at night?

I mean, it's gonna be
hard enough in the daytime.

Well, who said
anything about a car?

We are going to
simulate a driving lesson

right here in the kitchen.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Two more chairs, and
we have a backseat.

I can't do this; I get carsick.

Okay, everybody in the car.

Don't slam the door.

Everybody buckled up?

Okay, here.

There you go.

Start the car.

Okay.

Now pull carefully
into the street,

checking both ways for traffic.

Stop!

What?!

You almost hit that bicycle.

Jennifer!

If you can't drive
more carefully,

I'm gonna have to get out!

Drop me off at the mall!

Okay...

Please, everybody,
everybody calm down.

We're in traffic now.

Jennifer, watch the road.

Take a left at the light.

Where's the light? What light?

It's right... there!

You just ran a red
light, young lady.

Oh, uh-oh, there's
a cop behind us.

Where?

Right there.

I'm gonna try to lose him.

Jennifer, no!

Floor it, Jen!

- Jen!
- Hold on!

Jen...

Jen...

Oh, no, the drawbridge is up!

I can't look!

Give me those keys.

I've had it.

You teach her.

She's too much of
a daredevil for me.

I quit.

You can't take the
heat, get off the highway.

- This is all my fault.
- No.

I did his profile; I
should've seen this coming.

What-what-what? What happened?

Aw, Skippy flipped
out at the restaurant.

He tossed a scrod and
kissed Lauren on the mouth.

Well, good thing it wasn't
the other way around.

Oh, that's Skippy. Do you
mind if I talk to him alone?

He'd be crushed if
he thought you knew.

Yeah, that's all right.

Hello, Skippy.

Hello, Lauren.

I'm glad you came over.

I-I think we should talk.

Yeah, I think so, too.

And, uh, since I have to catch
a plane for the Arctic Circle,

I'll go first.

I just want you to know

that wasn't me who kissed
you in that restaurant tonight.

That was my evil
twin, Bad Irwin.

Skippy, I think we should
talk about what happened

at the restaurant tonight.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I-I really am.

It's just that, uh...

well, you were so
close, and, um...

I started to have
these feelings.

What feelings?

That I loved you.

Oh, Skippy, you
don't really love me.

You just have this need
to be loved by someone,

and you transferred
that need to me.

What's wrong with me?

I make a complete
fool out of myself

every time a girl is nice to me.

Fortunately, it doesn't
happen that often.

Skippy, when we
were alone at the lab,

you were charming and
relaxed and funny, and I liked you.

And someone else will, too.

If you can be that
way around me,

you can be that
way around anyone.

Do you think so?

All you got to
do is be yourself.

All right, I'll give
it one more year,

but then I'm gonna
be someone else.

Well, now there's just
one more thing I have to do,

which is, um... talk to Alex.

Alex?

Yes?

I think I'll leave
you two guys alone.

Thank you.

Alex, there's something
I have to tell you.

I, uh, fell in love with Lauren.

But, uh, we talked it over,
and I'm getting over it,

and this will in no way affect
you two or your happiness.

You fell in love with Lauren?

Whoa.

Whoa, Skippy, this is, uh...

this is a shocker.

I mean, uh...

I'm not sure
exactly what to say.

I mean, it's a pretty painful...

It's a pretty painful
thing to spring on a fella.

And I'm just gonna
need some time...

to absorb it...

and get over it.

All right, I'm over it.

Oh, Skip, hey, don't worry,

'cause somewhere out there
is a wonderful girl for you.

Everyone keeps telling me this!

Where the hell is she?

Hi...

Oh, no!

Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.